#442 - The Saddest Songs In The World
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you doing? I'm tipping my cap totem, yeah. Okay. I have to- I'm running out of ways to open the shows. I open them. Oh, but I kind of- I think people look forward to me more than you. Probably, I'm not gonna lie. I hope so, I hope so. Please, please, please, please, please. I'd be like, let's see what Frank's wearing today or something. Well, normal clothes. What are you- are you okay?

Blue head to toe? What's going on? No, I'm just, yeah. Gray pants though, but blue background, blue hat. You're really liking that hat. That's like a third day that you wore it in the last two weeks. Really? I don't know. I just grabbed it because it's like the light blue and the light blue. Just wear more hats. Just get more hats. I have other hats. Then just wear other ones. Okay. It's not that hard. Matched. Too much. Too matchy though. Yeah. Would you agree?

Maybe I saw your eyes dart toward my shirt. You were ready to start making fun of what I'm wearing I was just gonna say that you're not matching It's a loose match. No, it's not This whole outfit Frank it's all over the place. I highly disagree. I'm wearing a navy blue shirt. I

I can see that. A green hat. Correct. Greens and blues go together. What's with the bracelet, by the way? Is your daughter making that or something? Yes. Yes, actually. Well, actually, this one was made by my wife, but my daughter also made me one. And you left that one at home. I'm such a little like, you know, like... Oh, I have a question for you. Okay. Your turn. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I started that. I'm canceling that turn. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. There was a question on TikTok. It was like...

Wife, daughter, mom. In what order? What's the order of importance? Overall importance? Yeah, just like if you had to rank them. You're asking me to up-settle. No, no, no. I think that they're... Personally, because you have one of those things right now. Yeah. You have one that we know of.

Maybe there's some little... There isn't. Yeah, you never know. A little Josephine's running around. Just going around. You know? Okay. You've upset me. I mean, importance? That's such a weird... No one's saying importance. It's just like... Rank them. No, no, no. Like... Fuck, marry, kill. No, no, no. Ew, someone... It's a joke, Joey. Yeah. It is a full joke. Okay. Let's say...

Like rank burning house down. Who's in first? Am I throwing people into that? That's not what I mean. Who's in first? You gotta feed the fire. Someone's gotta go in. No, but it was like, I forgot how they proposed the question, but it was something like. I get what you're saying. It's like when you have all three as a man. Where do they fall? Where do they fall? I think. I love my mother. My mom is last.

Of course she's last. My mom is last. Of course. I love her so much. Unless you're Italian and you live in her basement. They would say one. Italians would be like, my mother. That's out of fear. That's out of fear because their mother at the fucking age of 32 will still beat the dog shit out of them. Props, props, props. Mom is last. I would say...

I would say daughter first and wife second. That's my answer. Because, I mean, that's not discrediting Becca in any capacity. First of all, take your actual family out of this. We're talking about hypotheticals here. I don't want to actually have this conversation. Do you want me to murder my wife? That's not what I'm saying. No, no, no. I know. It's just like...

I've asked Becca this too. Who do you love more, me or the kids? And it's a different type of love, but obviously the answer is the kids. And that's okay. Well, I don't think it's about love. I think it's like your fucking child. It's a character I do, if I'm being honest. I play like hyper alpha male, bro. Oh, yeah. It's like if you fucking like anyone other than me, I swear to God, you will never send a text message ever again.

I've seen some people who say, like, their mother first. Their mother over their wife. I'm like, that's bananas. I think if I did that... That's super bananas. If I did that, my mom would be like, you're a fucking idiot. I would hope so, yeah. And also, your wife would be like, you're a fucking idiot. I mean, yeah, definitely her. You know, I think, like...

It's as your family gets, so I've learned, like as your family, your immediate family gets bigger, it also gets smaller. You know what I mean? Like as your core, like you get married, whether it be to man, woman, however you identify, and then you have children,

It's like the walls close in. The most important thing is what's in those fucking four walls of your home. And then, you know, I'll save... Not save you, but I'll save this. Save me? No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is I think that it's your child. Actually, I don't know if I mean what I'm about to say. I would say your child is first. Yeah. Not even just daughter, child. Until they're like...

30 and then you're switching back to your wife I'm not there. I'm not there yet. Obviously. Yeah, but like I

I feel like you can't ever, like, the love for a child is so specific and so, like, fucking compact and, like, just, like, so dense and rich that, like, you can't. It's true. Like, I don't know how else to explain it. It's describing bread, basically. Loving a child is like a really fucking moist brownie.

It's dancing. Rich. You can't... Like, I love the kids in ways I'll never be able to love Becca. Obviously, vice versa. God, I would hope so. Ew. But like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's too much. I know. I thought it was an interesting question, though, because there is a wrong answer, and it is putting mom first. I said Becca. I was watching Weird Transition. I was watching Deadpool 2 the other day. And have you seen it? Yeah. It's good. You should watch them. The third one comes out in the summer. But...

Working on the film Ryan Reynolds is currently on board to possibly be a big brand investor and Hugh mr. Jackman Hugh mr. Jack look at that. See listen, give us your workout plan. It's online. It's ridiculous It's like boiled chicken five times a day and it's like 60 grams of protein per it's stupid 60 grams of protein is not that much per meal. That's a lot. Yeah, I

Like six times a day. Yeah, no. Oh my God. What are you? Big poops. Poops. His ass smells so shitty. Yeah. He's got the shittiest smelling ass. But I'm watching Deadpool 2 and without spoiling anything, there is a scene where someone talks to someone that is in the afterlife. And like, I'm sitting there and I'm getting emotional. I've been a big emotion, Frank, lately. Me too. I don't know what's in the water. I don't know either. I don't know either.

I think this is how like Russia and trying to get us. You know what I think? I think it's the cuck lip soy boys. It is that they've infected us. And now we're too much veganism. That's what it is. And now not enough red meat, not enough drop shipping or stocks. Joe Biden is so invested in soy. And now we're all getting like super emotional for it. That's how they do. They come for the men first. I cried a lot this year. Bro, I cried. I told you I cried with the pacifier thing with Ruby. Well, that's a cryable offense. It was pretty cryable.

But watching Deadpool 2, he's talking about, you know, meeting his... Someone is talking about meeting someone in the afterlife. And I'm getting emotional. And I said, I was like, it's hard for me to say this, but like, I'm struggling with the idea that like...

If we die like we might never see each other again, I'm saying this to Becca mm-hmm and I'm imagining she's gonna be like Sincere and sweet shit on you. I'm not gonna be sincere and sweet like at first She's like yeah, well like you don't you know, what do you believe in? I was like, honestly, I don't know I think I'm finding out I'm more agnostic and she goes I was like, yeah, like I don't even know where we're gonna be and she goes I know well I'll be and I was like

to hell? Is that what the big guy told you? Oh. She's like, I know where I'll be. Wow. And I was like, God fucking damn. Jeez. So I guess now I need to get my soul saved. Oh my God. Go to the South and get dunked in a river. If we do basement yard experience shows, which...

I don't know. Honestly, they might be out. But if we do a show and it happens to be within the southern Bible Belt part of the United States, can we go to like a... You can't just do a walk-in baptism. No, you can, dude. No, you can't. Walk into a church and say, save me. They're going to fucking roll out the white carpet, whatever the carpets are for Jesus. I actually don't know. Bro, and then they're going to like fucking like... And you're going to be like... Yo, I would commit to the bit so hard. Have you ever seen the video of the girl going...

She's in like one of those big churches and she goes, I haven't had no sex! And then everyone starts clapping and she's just like, and then she just starts running. Really? And running down the aisle. My favorite, my favorite clip that has ever come out of any of those churches is the, I'm not gay no more. Clearly gay man be like, I'm not gay no more. I'm delivered.

don't like man's no more i like women sorry i keep saying it might be true baby and then there was like an interview with him 10 years after he's like i am happily married to a man gay as hell yeah but uh yeah she fucking like told me i might go to hell nice you need that do i yeah it's like she keeps you honest you know what you know she's like hey get better you know or like have a start getting a relationship well you know what maybe after that line maybe she's

Yeah. Maybe she's below. Speaking of gay, the whales are gay. That's right! Something that we just found out recently on Twitter. I was scrolling and all of a sudden they're like, by the way, humpback whales, gay. And I was like, what? Finally. I told you it's in the water. Wait. Oh. Wait, do they have...

Apparently, they were fucking gay fucking. Yeah. Or let's just call it sex. Well, it's gay sex. Right. They were like humpback whales for the first time in recorded history. Gay whaleness. Were just fucking each other's butts. I'm going to look this up. So like this is... I love this. Humpback whales caught enjoying gay sex romp. Got them. We got them.

You were trying to do it in private, but we had a diver there. Yeah, we got you. And he caught you two gay balls. I just love, like, now. Yo. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? And it looks like a little... Look at that. A little interracial? It looks like two different shades of whale, dude. Gay inter... I don't think whales have races. They just have species. I'm being comedy funny. I know, I know.

Being comedy, funny. Fuck. But yeah, it does look like we're knocking down walls. Barriers. Multiple here. Love this. Interracial gay shit. Let's be honest. Sounds like some of the cooler animals we have on this planet are gay. Honestly, if I had to pick one of the species of whale to be gay, humpback. Yeah. Sounds like brokebacks. It's in the name. Fucking gay. It's in the name. Are you kidding me? It's fucking gay. But now we have confirmed cases of whales.

Dogs. Dogs. Penguins. Weird. Yeah. But weird. I was getting on the elevator this morning when I had Charlie and there was a guy, he had a dog and he was like, I was like, oh, is he like friendly? And he's like, yeah, he's friendly. Too friendly. He might be gay. I was like, what the fuck? He said, I don't even know you. Yeah. I was like, what? Outing his dog. His dog probably looked up and he was like, bitch. He's like, yo, what the fuck?

He's like, yeah, real friendly. Could be gay. I was like, what did that even begin to mean? Don't you hate when people try to be like hyper? They look at you and they think like now is the time to be like hyper bro. And they just think like, that drives me up a wall when they try to do like hyper stereotypical like bro code, you know, fucking like, oh, tips. And it's like, dude, what are you doing? New development here. I'm sorry. This is breaking news here. Breaking news. Breaking news with the gay whales.

A healthy adult male... This is what the caption is, dude. Okay. A healthy adult... Adult? What the fuck am I saying? A healthy adult male humpback was observed penetrating a weak and injured male humpback.

No. I don't know if this is love. Oh, no, this doesn't sound. It doesn't sound like love. This doesn't sound. I mean, hey. It could be love. There are humans that engage in sexual activities with injured other humans. Yeah. But when you define them as injured and weak, that doesn't sound. Yeah, also weak and injured. Now you're writing a porn title. You know what I mean? Little weak injured whale gets blowhole blown to bits. Little weak injured humpback gets blown to bits.

"Big hung humpback goes after innocent little tight blowhole" You might as well, who wrote this? The fucking... "Big hunky humpback with large dung-dong penetrates the blowhole of a little tight white barely legal humpback whale injured" Gone wrong. Insane, dude. "POV humpback cock"

Humpback cock destroys little innocent teeny tiny blowhole of an injured weak helpless bitch

This is journalism? This is New York Post. 2024 New York Post. There you go. Scientists believe that the healthy male may have penetrated the ailing male in a show of dominance. Damn. So this wasn't... This is a full-on not love. So male dominating male. Feels like a... It said don't, don't, don't. Don't even say it. But it feels like...

Something else. What is wine made of? Right. You know, just throw that out there. Fermented that. Take away. One, one. Yeah. You know, that's what it feels like. And that's fucked up because I thought this was love. I don't, I, you know what? I was going to be so happy for like gay love.

And like, you know, like equality when it's like, see, like it's in nature too. Like it's in nature. All these people that are just like, it's not natural. It's fucking bing and bong. Yeah. No, it's in the real world. But now this is not. Now, once the Bible Belt gets a hold of this, it's going to be like, see, I told you what Biden's putting in that fucking water. Him and the Clintons.

They conspired to make sure that humpback whales and the frogs, Alex Jones, the minute he gets a hold of this, it's over. Yeah. The frogs are gay! Scientists do not know if similar sexual behavior would or has occurred between two healthy male humpbacks, but sexual encounters between same-sex pairs have been documented in a wide range of species, including other marine mammals like walruses, common bottlenose dolphins, killer whales, and gray seals. So...

That's crazy. I just... Walruses kind of look a little like... A little hunky. Like a bear. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you little scruffy with big teeth. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother. You know what I mean? Just like... Walruses are fucking wild. Have you ever seen them fight? They fucking just tusk each other. What are those for? You can't chew with that. They have to like hunt.

But how do they use it? They're also probably for defense. Because they're big, chunky babes. Yeah, they are. So you know there are some polar bears or someone out there like, damn, if I get a walrus, I'll eat for a week. Yeah, well, probably longer. Well, no, they eat a lot. They eat like 600 pounds of food a day or some shit. Holy fuck. Just so you know, just so you know,

threw that number out there with zero scientific backing. 600. It's probably insanely wrong. Just what animal were you saying? A polar bear. Polar bear. How much do polar bears eat a day? Yeah. I know that laugh. I am off, baby. Oh, FF. You said 600. What is it? Four and a half. There it is. Half pounds of fat in a day. All right.

Listen, sometimes you miss the shots if you're not dribbling and taking them. You know what I'm saying? That's not, that doesn't apply to you making shit up. I could have been right and you would have been astonished with me knowing that. 600 pounds is an insane amount. It's a lot of food. I don't know that you could, anything could eat that. I mean, if you're like a blue whale, 600 pounds of krill. I get, they got huge mouths. They do. Dude, I went down a rabbit hole one day. Yeah, you just look at the big mouth's.

No Big humpback gaping mouth filled by little innocent tiki tweeny krill Crawfish stands no chance of bits big whale mouth No

what was i saying oh i i saw a rabbit hole of mouths well no i didn't but i saw a video uh which i appreciated but i was also like why does this exist it was explaining and like it was like a cartoon showing what would happen if you found yourself in the mouth of a whale like what would happen you'd get swallowed yeah and like but like along the way and then i could describe can you grab on anything

I guess you could try, but like... I'm scratching the whole way down. Yeah, I mean, do whales throw up? Probably not. Everything throws up. You gotta imagine it. If you got a throat...

Yeah, if you got a throat, you throw. They were describing the tongue or whatever and then getting to the stomach and this acid would burn your bones. I don't know, some shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you'd be like... I watched it though and I was like, not me. I'll get out. No, you would not. Those videos of people getting swallowed by fucking whales. I'm gonna crawl.

For whom? This is why people that go kayaking on the open ocean... Oh, that's insane. You deserve every, every bit of murder coming your way. Bro, there's some, I believe, very hot guy who's in Australia or New Zealand or something, and he goes out in a canoe, I guess, or a kayak that's see-through. Nope. And he sees all kinds of shit, bro. No, no, no, no. And he sees like...

Sea snakes, which why are you there? Yeah. Like be a snake. If you're going to be a snake, don't do this. Don't, don't. Yeah. Don't do this out in the fucking water with the shit. Um, but then also whales and like other animals and shit. Like it's, and he's just like out there with them. I saw, I saw someone the other day. I saw someone the other day posting a thing. We actually brought the kids to the aquarium last week and I saw someone posting a

And it was like them in a kayak. And they're like, oh my God, this is so cool. And it's a family of orcas surrounding them. Fuck that. Bro, not cool. Not cool. Not cool. Because you are then, guess what? A treat. You're a little fucking dangly little beep, beep, beep. You're a little hanging in front of their dome. You're that carrot on the stick in front. You know what I'm saying? Like you are dead. I don't know that expression. Never heard this expression like dangling a carrot in front of someone.

Who's chasing carrots? I love carrots. Wouldn't be hard to kidnap Frank, just leave fucking carrots all over the sidewalk. I was on Xbox last night, and I was out there with someone, and they were like, you still on your holistic journey? If you are, I got a great granola bar for you. I was like, fucking no, I'll stick to eggs. And they were like, so what do you eat to snack? And I was like, carrots. And someone just comes in, and they were like, are you a fucking rabbit?

I love carrots, dude. Someone asked you if you were on your holistic journey? Yeah, because last time I had spoken to them on Xbox, we were just kind of sharing, like, you know, like, healthy foods back and forth. Okay. Doesn't holistic not mean that? Yeah. No. Well, I think, you know, just, like, healthy shit, you know? We're going back to the internet, baby. Holistic, babe. Holistic. Relating to or concerned with holes? No. Like, holes. Holes.

Um, or with complete systems rather than with the individual parts. I know further now, like, I don't know what that means. It's not, there's nothing to do with what I'm saying. Holistic meaning simple terms. It means encompassing the whole of a thing. That doesn't make sense. And not just a part. Holistic medicine looks at the whole person for answers. Oh, a whole with an W. Yeah. I'm thinking holistic with an H.

Yeah, I'm saying whole. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Wait. What? I'm saying holistic is with the H. Yeah. But whole, when I say whole, it's W, like the whole thing. Yeah. So it's saying like holistic means encompassing of the whole of the thing. Did I say holistic? I meant like health-

yeah but that's what i'm saying i don't think it's like health what's the health word i thought holistic was like spiritual healing or something oh i just thought it was just like just pure like pure and healthy i don't maybe you might have heard of holistic medicine which tries to treat someone as mind body instead of treating only the part of the patient that is most sick

Okay. So maybe that could mean what you're saying. Maybe. I don't know. It's like if you... I got to be honest. We've gotten to a point in this conversation where I don't care. I honestly don't care. I'm trying to have an understanding of what it means because I thought it meant like fucking like, you know, monks and shit. I don't care. But like, you know what I mean? I have some questions for you now. Roger. I don't know if there is evidence of this stuff, but if you're going to pick three more animals to record being gay to like help, like be like, yeah, see being gay is natural. Yeah. Which ones are you picking? Yeah.

They gotta be cool ones too. I don't want to hear about like an antelope. Elephants. Love that. Love a big gay elephant. Tigers, tigers. I think cats have been known to be gay. Okay. Like lions. Are they? I think they're gay lions. Gorillas.

I believe there's also gay monkeys. Well, I don't have a Rolodex of which ones have done. I'm just naming animals. All right. So what was the first one you said? Elephants. That's a good one. Yeah. Sharks. Give me a gay great white. It's a wrap for a straight. Yeah. A gate like we do have sponsors for today as well. We have Babel. Okay. Babel is the best way to learn a language. Okay. I've used Babel all the time. All right. For Spanish, because I'm trying to brush up on that.

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I feel like I have said that. I don't think so. I think I'd remember something like that. Oh, yeah, because it means so much. You're not supposed to tell me what means a lot to me. I'm not saying that. Yeah. What did you just say? Yeah. Yeah.

That was it. By the way, you know, I would like to talk about, I don't know if you have seen it. I'm pulling it up. Uh-oh, uh-oh. But the video of the girl crying outside of the Taylor Swift concert. You know, I have, I've seen, I think. I hope you're nice about it because I feel like I'm not. You're not going to be nice? Oh, boy. I said that I'm not nice. I heard this was a topic of conversation. I heard, like, I saw, like, a reaction to it, but I didn't see the thing itself.

Are you pulling it up? Here's what's happening. Okay. What background do I need to know? Give me background info. Give me the back. Give me back of it. Can I? It's a girl who is like sitting outside. I think this was in like Australia or something. Oh, okay. Um,

What the fuck was that? Oh, okay. You know what it is. In certain places, like if I were to say it was in Alabama, you'd go, oh, all right. It comes with some baggage. I don't know how to interpret that. But it was in, I think, Australia or something like that. And the girl was sitting outside with her two friends, I think outside of the stadium because she couldn't go to it. Because, you know, I heard that people do this. They can't get into the stadium, so they tailgate and they just listen to the music because it's so loud.

Which is like honestly good way smarter than going to the show, dude When you go out to jones beach and if you're at the beach and there's like a day Or I think maybe when they do soundcheck or something you can hear perfectly from the beach. I haven't been to jones beach in 15 years, maybe honestly, well learn something new She did cry pretty fucking hard and i'm just gonna i'm just gonna play. Okay, but no context Oh, there was a song that came on that like meant a lot to her. Okay, and uh

She got emotional. But she got emotional. Okay, all right. Let me hear this. Hold on. Let me just play it. Oh, my volume's off, so forgive me. Look at this. Podcasting 101. There's the song. She doesn't know yet. You'll know when she knows. Sounds like Creed. Ready? I'm not done. Bro, I'm, like, getting emotional. That's an insane... I'm getting emotional.

That's a wild reaction and look I'm not can't do that you set it up to be funny bitch What do you mean the song means a lot to her you that's all you know I looked up because I was like me I hope that I'm not gonna you're gonna you're gonna get this girl and so no I was I want to offend too much if it like there's something connected to it But I also think that like that's a wild reaction for like anything connection. You know what I mean? I have you know, I swear to God when I heard that that

That, like, in my heart is like if you find, like, a loved one dead on the floor, like after getting hit by a truck. Yeah, I was going to say if you watched with your eyes one of your relatives get steamrolled.

And just flat. Oh, like literally steamrolled. By a steamroller. By a legit steamroller. Like that's like a reaction that I would have. That is a hard cry. That sounds like... You ever see the sound bit on TikTok? And it's like... It looks like a somewhere in Europe cop. And he's like... You've never seen that shit? No. What? What? United States. That was when Trump got elected. No, not the woman that was crying. It's like... It's an...

It's like a white guy. Oh, it's a reenactment. That guy. Is it that guy? It's like a white guy and his eyes are like fucking popping out of his head. No, yeah. No, that guy does reenactments where he like pretends that his child has drowned in a pool and he has his kid like pretend he's drowning. Don't leave me. You know what? That's good that you said that because I thought I saw that and I was just like, who recorded this poor man in the most like... From a tree. Yeah, from a tree.

Like the most emotionally charged moment of his life. No, he makes these wild reenactments where it's like, oh, you just found your child drowning in a pool. And it's like, who's this for? Who's this content for? I don't even want to put myself in the brain capacity to think of something like that. One thing I will say about this girl, I think that she's very nice.

Right. Oh, here we go. She's clearly this is this is the lead-in. She's I'm sure she's really nice. No, no, no torture No, I'm not torturing anybody not torturing torch. Oh, no. No, I'm not gonna do that either Why do you go torture first? I heard you said torture. I said torture. I thought you said torture Uh, but I thought I I I hear songs and the shit makes me cry. It definitely happens I don't know if i've ever cried like that. That's a that's a wild. Have you ever cried like that?

And listen, Tisha's on. Maybe when I was a toddler and I was throwing a fucking fit. And I'm a sensitive bitch. I am right there. I am a full, I'm being honest. Finger on the emotional pulse here. I am a bitch. Full stop. Well, I mean, don't say that because then that is okaying people equating feeling emotions to acting like, you know, feeling lesser than. So stop that. How about you're in touch with your emotions, bitch? First of all, she's called me a bitch.

I'm not in touch. I'm in bed cuddling. Yeah, you're my face fucking your emotions. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay Your finger in your reaming them dude. Oh Big white can a big white big white baseball cap boy face fuck such hardship But my my ideas I watch that video and I'm like, yeah Here's the thing and you know how I I've said this about other things in the past. It's staged. I

It's staged. I don't... It's staged. She claimed that it's not. Okay. They were filming, though. But you staged that for a very specific reason. You had to have known. You had to have known. Mm-hmm. And, like...

It's staged. Staged. It is staged. That's the part that gets me is like, listen, you want to react that way? You feel so passionate about something. Regardless of whatever the reason is, feel it. But then if you're going to record it and put it out there, that's where the cynic in me takes over. And I'm just like, that's where I think it's a little bit of bullshit. Now, listen.

If this person wants to say, like, I want to, you know, allow people to feel comfortable feeling their emotions, fine. That was a show. If that's why they put it out there. She claims it's not a show. I read her Rolling Stone interview. Rolling Stone interview? Yeah, they did. Rolling Stone? She went insanely viral because everyone's like, look at this fucking idiot. Adam Levine. The Rolling Stones. Yeah. Kim Kardashian. And this person. This girl, she's crying, yes. But they interviewed her and...

She just said because I was like looking it up to be like alright if this is like connected to something like really serious then like Maybe I won't like but I mean, I think I was bringing it up regardless But like I think you know, whatever at least I would know that going in like, okay Let's cut her some slack here, but this is like but in the interview she just says like it's a song that means a lot to her and like It like helps distract her or whatever. I

And to be fair, she did say in that interview that she like also thinks like it's funny, you know, like she's a good sport about it. That like, look at me, I'm being a psycho. Good, good. I mean, I'm sure she just had to have, I don't even know what fucking song it was. I've had to have, I'm sure she's had to have thick skin because people probably saw that and immediately started cyberbullying her, which is wrong. Don't do that. Unless you're Joey, he could take it. I'm not. Loves taking it. I will just say this. First of all, I just said I'm very sensitive. I,

I am full on in agreement. If something means that much to you, have a connection with it. That's fine. That's wild. - You're close. - I have very strong connections to songs. None that would elicit that response. - What would you do? I'll be honest with you. If you had that reaction to something other than like the death of someone very close, 'cause even one of your aunts and uncles, I'd be like, chill.

What the? What the fuck? It would have to be a very, very, very close relative. Or if you had some sort of Peter Parker, Aunt May, like, relationship with your aunt, then like- Spoiler, brother. What? Spoiler alert. Spider-Man came out in 1901, probably. We know the story. I believe it's 16- Here's another spoiler. He's a photographer. It's Peter Parker. Yeah, yeah. Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair.

Yeah, I would be a little, I'd get a little secondhand. I'd do like the rub on your back and just be like, chill, chill. Yeah. Like you'd get like a, you'd get a moment of just like, are you all right? And then it would immediately turn into like fucking stop. I'd be like, but just, just this, right? You're making a scene. You're making a scene. You know, it's what I've, I've heard. I hate scenes. I've heard toddlers react like that. Yeah. One of, uh, Becca and I were still, uh, were we engaged at the time?

No, I think we were just still dating at the time. And we took, uh, we went to a restaurant with miles. I think it was for like her dad's engagement engagement, uh, her retirement party. And, uh, on the way, he was such a nightmare at this restaurant miles. Yeah. But like, he was also old enough to know not to do stuff. Like you give kids a bit of a break cause they're kids, but like, he was just like really, really tough. So we were on the drive home and he was just throwing the fucking fit to end all fits.

Like just going nuts. And I'm driving the car and he had this pack of Tic Tacs that his grandmother got him. Oh, please tell me what you're about to tell me. And he wanted them so bad. And she's crying. So Becca is... I can see in her face because I'm sure you'll...

If you don't already know this, you will learn this. Children screaming does something differently for men and women. Yeah. Children screaming for men, it's like an instant. It's like an instant of like, I can help. And then it's immediately like, you're fucking annoying. Yeah, yeah. For women, it's all the time like nurture. I want to help. Yeah, yeah. And it's like nails on a chalkboard for them.

And he's like screaming, crying, just throwing like that. Because he wants Tic Tacs. No, because we told him we were going to go to his grandmother's after the restaurant. And then we said we're not because of how bad he was. What flavor Tic Tacs, by the way? It was a multi-pack. Green, red, yellow, orange. Orange is the one. The best one. And he's just, and I see Becca out of the corner of my eye. She's starting to fume. And she goes, Miles. And then it gets quiet. And she grabs the Tic Tacs. And she looks at him, shakes them.

Rolls down the window launches it out the window. That's so so gay fire, bro I I tell I always tell this story She's a great mom But I tell this story and I'm like I felt so much harder in love with you that day because that was some thug shit and he's a full pack though full he screamed Like that because she threw them out there

Like what like just fucking unloaded or tic-tacs unloaded it was fucking it was great But that's that like that as a toddler. Yeah, that's an appropriate response. This is a full. That's a grown woman. It's fully Well, I don't know how old this person is 20 I believe okay, then kind of grown full out to close to full I mean 90% full women women mature at different rates than men do would you wait her? Well, yeah way quicker, but also would you have called yourself fully mature by 25? I

Yeah, I would have said that. I would be tundry. It would be tundry. What happened to you? You go. I tried to say totally. I would be...

Bro, and you like say yourself you're like bro. I would be a tundra I said it twice I think What is wrong with me man? No, I'd be totally wrong. Yeah, exactly at fucking 15. I was probably like I don't know what I'm doing Yeah, yeah, yeah, is there any song? What's the closest a song would have to having you react that way chain hang low by jibs? No, maybe you bud. No, no, not if you buck freestyle rap from lil wayne

Don't say it's a rap from Lil Wayne and sound 400 years old. Seriously, what is a song that if you throw it on right now, it'll get you teary-eyed? Give me a minute to think about that. But we do have some more sponsors for today. Bingo! We have...

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Is the one that would get you the closest to having an emotional reaction like that. If any song. Because that's a big task. The song from Toy Story. Oh, the fucking Sarah McLachlan? When somebody loves you.

Everything was beautiful That shit gets you But like if I just hear the song, that's one thing But to watch the video of the doll being like you're growing up And then she gets so excited, I kid you not I'm getting goosebumps She's getting so excited because she puts her hand down to look for it You ever heard the conspiracy that that girl was Andy's mom? Because at the end of the movie Why do you start with your nipples there?

Did I? I went like this. You say you're like my whole body. First of all, my nipples aren't there. Mine are. Oh, your thumbs. I would go like this, if anything. Well, you just brought your fingertips to your thumbs. Well, I wasn't doing that. But the conspiracy is that...

At the end of the movie, because she has like a, like the girl has like similar attributes, like, you know, I mean, granted, they all kind of look the same in Toy Story, the human characters at least. But she has similar attributes to the girl like that had Jesse. And then at the end of the movie, when Jesse's like super happy, her mom was just like, hey, I had one of those growing up. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got two songs I could think of. That shit makes me mad sad though. Like Dogs.

Not dogs. What am I saying? Like the toys when they're like, oh, you don't want to play with me anymore? Nah. And remember we talked about the Toys R Us thing? Like, oh, I guess there's no more Toys R Us kids. They're all grown up. Bro, I almost cried. I kid you not. I almost cried about like two weeks ago because I was, Maeve was sleeping, which I was very happy about. And then Ruby and Miles were sitting on the floor playing with Megazords.

And I just look over and I was just like, God damn. Yeah. And then on the TV was a Spider-Man show that Ruby loves to watch. And I was just like, fuck yes. But two songs, two songs that get me there. Okay. Well, all right. Two songs and apart from a movie, because yours was kind of more about apart from a movie. But like the opening to Up. Son. Stab, turn, turn, up, down, this way, that way. It guts me completely. Yeah. There's nothing left. My insides are on the floor. Old people.

Fucking kills me. I could stare at an old person and cry. Really? For some reason. That's kind of fucked up. No, like when old... Oh, this poor fucking old bastard. No, but like, especially when they're upset about something. Like, old people being upset, like, murders me. Like, that's like in my top three. Yeah. Like an old person being like, oh, I just don't know why. You know, I look at a lot of them. I look at a lot of them and just go, oh.

Where were they during the civil rights movement? You know what I say? You know, I don't want to be sad for a fucking racist. Yeah, well you do songs that get me there You ready one Vienna by Billy Joel? It's a great song gets me You know what gets me even more about that song and I'm gonna like seriously like try not to get choked up talking about it is I looked up what the song means and

And Billy Joel said that like his dad always envisioned retiring and going and living in Vienna because apparently in Vienna it's like as an old person you just like sweep your lawn and you just live a happy life and like the story the whole song is about like just like enjoy like your youth like slow down like Vienna is gonna wait like your your happiness your retirement will wait for you and oh my god gets me every time. Two. Recent edition. It's a good song. Not really it's been out for a number of years but um uh fuck what's the name of it? Uh

It's the it's from the new a star is born not shallow. It's the one i'll always remember us this way. I don't know that song. Oh The arizona sky burning in your eyes

Look at me And babe I wanna get on fire Let Her Go Used to make me cry Let Her Go Which one is that? Well you only need the light When it's burning low Get the fuck out of here It hits me sometimes Tell me what Daughtry song Made you cry You fucking dweeb Also Fix You by Coldplay That shit used to get me too Fix You Lights will get

You don't remember that? No, I don't remember that one. It was like in like the 9-11 movie. I got... Jesus, Joey. What? I saw a TikTok the other day. You see this TikTok trend where people would just be like, describe the ultimate, you just had to be there to get it. And someone said 9-11? It was a swipe and it was just 9-11. And I was like, that's so fucked up. But...

I love when people say, like, oh, the song Imagine by John Lennon. I'm like, that song sucks. No, that song is great. But I will say this, Gal Gadot ruined that song. Yeah, of course. But, like, yo, Imagine was, like, I guess this is a hot take. That's a good song. It's not a bad song, but it's, like, the way that it's revered. I'm like, it's not that crazy to me. I don't agree. I think John Lennon wrote a better song. I mean...

Name another John Lennon song he wrote that's better, Joey. Frank, I have other things to do right now. I just feel like you wrote another one. Which one?

Yeah, exactly. No, I just think that when Gal Gadot and Kristen Wiig and other celebrities try to put out this heartfelt thing on social media during COVID, when people are fucking losing their family members, and the first thing, the first thing, I understand what the song is about. The first thing that Gal Gadot looks in the camera and says is like, imagine there's no heaven. And it's like, come on, Gal. Come on. Come on, Gal. What's your name? It's not Gal. Gal. Can't be Gal. Gal. Short fur. Short fur.

Gallant. Gallant. Her name is Gallant? I was looking up, like, songs. Look it up. Look it up. What's Gal's first name? I'll say Gal Gadot. Come on. It's Gal, all right. It's just Gal, huh? It's just Gal. She's Israeli. She's Israeli. She was Miss Israel. She was, yeah. And she was also, like, a special forces. There's some stuff about her political affiliation. Maybe we shouldn't get into it, but, you know. But they all, if you're an Israeli woman, you have to serve in the IDF. I know, I know, I know. But she, like, made her way through the ranks. Sneakily? Sneakily?

You know, I'm not going to sit here and pontificate on it. Oh, you're throwing one of those words out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked up songs that make you cry, and none of them are really that good. Dude, but that song from Stars Born, listen to it when you get the chance.

Because it's just like right now like where we are in our life I'm gonna remember this like I'm gonna remember us like just as we are right now and there's a part of the song where she's like Fuck I can't remember it, but it was I've cried to a lot of noah khan songs, which I know you don't know who he is I don't I don't I'm sorry. I'm not discrediting him. I just think you're an idiot. He's incredible But like and I'm all choked up and I can't find the words every time you say goodbye, baby It hurts and it's just like ooh and there's one part where she's like

a part of me that's you will never die and I'm just like Crisscross applesauce shoot me in the fucking asshole Just kill me right there. You know, there's another song by John Mayer called you're gonna live forever me that also made me cry Oh, I need to hear that too. Good one cuz you know, like I I want to I have music that reminds me of Mike my family, you know and and I'm trying to put together like a playlist of all the songs and

I'm still trying to find one for Maeve because she's been a hard one-year-old. I mean, give it some time. When she goes away to college, you'll cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you know, got my song for Miles, Ruby, my mom, Becca. You know what's going to happen? You're going to cry the most for Maeve because she's the hardest. Like, you're going to have this thing where it's like she's put you through hell or whatever the fuck, and then eventually you're going to be like,

You're gonna look back on it, like, way more fondly than now. And I think it's gonna make you cry all the time. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But it's gonna... You know, I'm very excited for you to have children because...

I'll just be crying. The love, like, there's physically, I know there's a Greek word for it, but, like, you cannot, the word love just doesn't fit. Agapimo? But, like, no, there's, like, philophilia and stuff like that. Like, there's different words of love in the Greek language. They mean different things. Like, one is, like, romantic love. One is brotherly love. One is, like, familiar love. One is, like, children love. I am, like, well, where do you think the word pedophilia comes from?

lover of children. You don't remember that in Sacha Baron Cohen's show, We Are America? And he's like, we want to take this word back. And he's just like, I am not fucking doing that. That is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. That show? Yeah, it's pretty nuts. That was wild. Also, I mean, this isn't really funny, but I just kind of want to bring it up because you just... Uh-oh. You said the word pedophile, but...

I saw this video and it's so fucking disturbing and I kind of just want to say it just so I guess people kind of keep this in mind. I don't know. There was a TikTok account that it's like this little girl. Uh-oh. Do I want to hear this? No, there's nothing crazy that's happening. Nothing happened to her. You can't go from talking about...

Well, it kind of goes with that. So like there's a TikTok account where it's like this girl and her mother and she's like this cute little girl and she's probably like four or something like that. And there's all these like videos that she posts about her and they have mad followers and shit. And there are certain videos where there's something like

just a little off you know like there's a video like if you go on the page in your scroll there was a video of her holding two apples like this the little girl and that one has like a bunch of like saves and then like the comments are like dudes so it's like

You know what I mean? Like, you know what I'm saying here? There's a lot of that going on. Let me explain to you. I will go to prison for dismemberment on live TV. Literally, I will cut your head off. And I don't care, you know? I get so, like...

There's like those TikTok accounts that are like the people that pose as 13-year-olds and they go and they find these people and they're all like, please don't ruin my life. And it's like, you deserve right now to just get the worst thing to happen to you. I don't know if this girl's like four. Murder. And it's like, you're like, ew. And there's like these random comments and shit and like whatever. Not like that. Like there was a comment from a guy. I don't know. I remember some guy like wrote something and then someone said, why are you here? And then-

That was a guy who said that and then that dude replied same reason as you and I'm like, he'll all right We can't we can't end on this we can't I know this all right. I'm a good week We can I got a question for you If you can have your dick and balls taste like one candy in the world, what would it be? Skittles, ooh What color skittle you can't have him taste like all the skittles. Hmm. You know what? No, I would have them taste like a lemon ice That probably tastes like sweat

It's like sweaty and gross. No, lemony. It's like... You want a lemony fresh dick? Yeah, like it's refreshing. No, no, no, no. You know when you drink like a really cold glass of water? Yeah. And it's like infused maybe with some fruit. Okay, okay, okay. And it's like, ooh. Or like a seltzer that's like, you know? Okay, yeah. So like that. So that's why I'm saying like a lemon ice. It would be like refreshing. I'm saying watermelon big league chew. Gum? Hell yeah. You want your dick to taste like gum. It wouldn't be that bad of an idea.

Okay. All right, guys. So how did you dig that out of your... Well, you had to dig us out of the pedophilia hole. Yeah, well, there it is. You brought the word back up. Love that this episode got demonetized. Euphelia. There are people named Ophelia. Ophelia. What does it mean? Just love?

Ophelia? Oh shit, you know? What does the word Ophelia mean? What is the word? Also, I don't really love when people know what their name means to be honest. I'm not really crazy on that. It's like, oh my name's this and it means like king of gods and it's like you work at a store. Oh wow. Ophelia is a Greek girl's name meaning help. It says help, aid, or advantage.

Interesting. Best known for the tragic heroine in William Shakespeare's Hamlet. Although Ophelia's story is heartbreaking and poignant, the name also represents beauty and selflessness. I guess. I like to think it means help. It's a good Lumineer song too. I'm sure there's a song up there. Noah Kahan fucking Lumineers Coldplay. I like that. Just give in. I like it. Just give in, brother. To what? Where's that puka shell necklace that you took

It's not Puka Show. It means I'm going to go live in the woods and wear wooden shoes. Bon Iver, I'm sure you listen to also. Not really. Yeah, I bet you do, you sleepy bastard. Sleepy? Yeah. I do like music, though, like that that makes me feel like in front of a fireplace. Oh, yeah. You know what I like to listen to in front of a fireplace? Bow Wow? Don't. Crackling Fire. Love that. Love it? When it just randomly just...

like it that was incredible that the second one sucked the first one was amazing don't try to recreate it go out on top okay um i remember when i was on that trip in in washington there was one fire that went through the wood was so dry cracky

This thing wouldn't shut up. The wood was on fire. I love a talky fire. Dude, I was like, this thing's popping. Oh, I love that. I have a video. I don't care to the level of watching a video. I apologize. I just want you to know. I believe and trust your story. I don't need validation, Joey. I got it, yeah. Just don't say it again. Okay.

But a crackly fire. I do one that spits at you every now and then. I like that. Just like, pew! And then you get a fucking... You can see it. And you can see it, like, fucking fire off like an old, like, fucking, like, a Lord of the Rings, like... Like a flare. Flaming, like, boulder. Like someone stuck in a fire and trying to get out shooting a flare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you ignore it and you let it burn. Well, what the fuck? You know what I mean? No, that's what I mean. No, that was kind of dark. I know. But it's not real. But it's imagined to be real in your head.

I don't know, but like... No, you know. I don't. Oh, all right. And staring at fires. Dude, a level of like... You experience a level of clarity staring at fires that you just can't find anywhere else. Also, the heat from a fire is unlike any other heat. It's not hot, but it's...

It's hugging me. It is. Like, I could feel... Like, if I'm looking at a fire like this, I could feel it, like, tickling my back. Like, it's like a little, like, back tickle. Or it feels like someone's just like... Yes, yes, yes. You know what I mean? But, like, a heater is, like... Heaters are just like...

Yeah, it's like someone's blowing hot. A fire is just like, and it comes around you. Yeah, and it comes around. It's like a big fat guy just like laying on you. Well, you had to give it a gender, Joe. I don't want to be hugged by some just random big man. If he's fire, I'll take it. I don't know. I've been hugged by like a fire before, so. All right. I like that feeling though. And bonfires being outside. It's like, oh, I'm cold. My feet are hot. Oh, I like that. Yeah. When was the last time you roasted a marshmallow? A week ago.

On a fire? Hell yeah, brother. Where? Backyard. Oh, you got a fire pit. Hell yeah, brother. Fucking did I. How many did you eat? Four. Minimum. And they were the fucking big- Hershey's, Hershey's, Hershey's. Hershey's. They were the big assholes. The big, like- Big fat mamas. Big fat, big dumps. Yeah. Big dump of a marshmallow. You got the- Okay, yeah. You can't do the little ones. People that do just the singular ones? No, I want the big dump ones.

I can't really eat that much marshmallow though. Oh, I love marshmallows. I'm like over it. Especially like I want one that's like like coming out like looking like fucking burnt to it crisp. Yeah, yeah. I want that too. I want it to be like melting all over my hands. Yes. Burning my fingertips. I want to take the like first layer of skin off and then there's just that ooey gooey. Let me. Ooey gooey. Do you put it on a stick or do you put it on a like a pike?

I like putting it on a stick because it's like I'm eating the earth. Because I'm earthing it. Yeah, exactly. Like, I feel like there's a level of... It's a little dirty. It is. It is a little dirty, but also like...

Maybe that's why I don't get colds as often as everyone else that I know. Probably not. But yeah. Anyway, thank you guys so much for sticking around for this episode of The Basement Yard. Frank, we're going to find you. If Alvarez8085 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media, then go check out the page. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. TheBasementYard on all forms of social media. TheBasementYard.com. So much. So much goodies for you. Bitch.

You can follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show on TikTok at TheBestMeYard. TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time. Yeah! Don't do that. All right.