Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? I'm doing well. You okay? Are you going for a fucking arctic plunge after this? Fucking big ass. It's nice. I won't- I'm not gonna talk shit. Also, we are dressed for completely different salsises. These are completely different salsises. Yeah, Joey over here is fucking full-on ready for like, you know, living in like a hut in Alaska.
It's just, you know, it's a whole scheme. I do like it. I'm not going to lie. I do like it. It's warm as fuck. This is not lasting. I'm ready for like, you know, like retired cop Florida Boca Raton. Right. You know, but hey man, that's our thing is that we have to remain like...
Kind of like in love with each other, but like there's like where I was like friend love friend love Yeah, I was gonna say like like a contrast, you know I'm saying yes like you like opposites a little bit a little bit because it's opposites attract because then people look at us and they go I'm such a Joey or I'm such a Frankie right and it's like are you such a Joey like you're and then are you such a Frankie, you know? Yeah Because you said like a Joey well, no like like are you such a Joey I
Or like a Frankie. Yeah. See, that's the issue. There's no issue there. There's no issue there. I think people would relate more to me than they would to you. Why and why? Why? Because I am a down-to-earth, hardworking man. Um,
No, okay. No, I'm just laughing. Laughing at what? As you sit there in your big fucking Rolex jacket. Fuck you. It's not a Rolex jacket. It's just a very comfy sweater. Rolex makes shirts and pants and shoes and stuff? Or just watches? No. There's no Rolex shirts? I mean, I'm sure there is, but like who the fuck would wear that? I don't know. There's Ferrari shirts. I imagine there's fucking Rolex shirts. You can't drive pants. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. I don't think so. I guess you can drive pants. I've seen like a hat before, but like... I feel like that's such a golf thing. You know what I mean? Like just like brands that are not meant to have clothing, but then they make clothing. It's such like a golf dad thing. You know what I mean? I guess so. Like, oh, tell me that's a really nice Timberland hat that you have on. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Didn't you have that? I had Timberland sneakers. Yeah, that... And Timberland boots. Right. Which they don't... No one had those. I think I was one of the
Did you buy that under a train? First of all, don't worry about where the fuck I buy shit, okay? Just ask. Second of all, they were purchased for me.
Oh, by a third party. By my mom. Second party, actually. I don't know why I say third. Yeah, I don't know. I'm pretty sure my mom got them for me. But like Timberland boots I had. And you want to know what's funny? Is anytime we would play kickball, I would purposefully wear my Timberland boots because I convinced myself that I kicked better with boots on than I did sneakers. Well, boots are more thick. Maybe that did help. Were they steel toe?
That's a great question. I don't know. Honestly, as a young child wearing steel toes, insane. Well, I went through using them for work, and then the Mythbusters told us steel toe no good. Why no? No good for steel toe. Oh, because if it breaks, you're fucked. If something falls on it, the steel will sever your toes. So you want a composite toe or something like that. It's the shoe guy over there. You know. It's the Boop Frank. You guys used to make fun of me for my Timberland sneakers. I do remember that. As you were wearing fucking like...
All black Starberries you fucking loser. Don't you dare come for me. Yeah, my shoes were like 13 bucks. Yeah, Joey had a whole outfit by Mitchell and Ness. Don't even fucking... Yo, what was that store? Oh, we went over this. Barry's? Barry's, yeah. Barry's was the store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I went and I bought like three pairs of Starberries. Yeah, because they were like 30 bucks. Not even. I think it was like 13 bucks, I think. Some shit like that. Honestly? Yeah. I'd kind of do it again. Yeah. Anyway... Damn, should we get our basement yard our own shoes?
No. Take it step by step here. You want to start a shoe empire. How sick would that be? Oh, you're going to tell me Secret Handshake Food Co. can't be like the handshakes not just about food. The handshakes are about shoes. Secret Handshake Shoe Co. Shoe Co. I don't know about that. I think you can make it work. Let's not beat around the bush here. Drake's fucking cock just fell out on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? And also when I saw it for the first time, I thought it was a Hot Wheels loop-de-doop because it was like...
So, first of all, your prayers have been answered. We finally saw his dick. Second of all... What the hell was that? I'm just saying. Now, I haven't seen... You haven't seen his wiener? I haven't seen his wiener. Bro. I haven't seen a wiener. Just go outside and look up. It's probably there. Really? He had a long one. Really? Yeah, and he was kind of like...
Flopping it around. Brandishing it? Just like a... Yeah. He was brandishing his own thing. Wait, so... Alright, so I saw that... And he was kind of sitting like a frog. Oh, no, no. He was frog sitting. Alright. Walk me through this. Tell me about his cock. He was laying... Tell me. He was laying in his bed in like a robe. Wait. It was open. Alright. Yeah. How did he send this video? He was recording like a mirror. So it was looking back at him.
All right. There's some trickery there. There's some fucking trickery there. There's some camera tricks. Listen. Even with some tricks. I've talked to- The guy's got a lot- It could be thicker. What was the angle? Was he going down, up, up top, down, down? So he was laying on his bed, right? And there was like, I'm assuming like a mirror like this that he was filming. Okay. And he was sitting like a frog.
No way. And then he was just kind of waving it around. Could you see his fucking asshole? You know what it looks like? Like a cat's tail when they're like trying to figure out if you're an enemy or not. Oh, like they like whip it around your leg? Or like they're just kind of like moving like this. Like he was kind of doing like a cat's tail thing with it. So this guy's just got like a long skinny pee-pee. I wouldn't say skinny. I mean, what I'm thinking... I would say maybe for the length, maybe it could have a little more...
Oh, yeah? But I'm not, I mean, he's doing better than... Give me this. Are we talking like Kevin Durant or are we talking Shaq? We're not talking Shaq, dude. That's dangerous. But like, I'm talking like girth comparisons. I know what you're talking about. Yeah? Yeah. So we're talking Kevin Durant. I mean, you're talking about two opposite ends of a spectrum. How about Kevin Durant or Joel Embiid? Embiid. Really? Yeah.
Oh, no. I don't know. I honestly haven't looked at it. Compare Drake's dick to famous NBA players, Joey. I can't because I already kind of forgot. I have like an idea in my head, but I didn't stick around. This dick is staying in your head for a while, huh? No, I didn't, but that was the thing. I'm trying to get it out. This dick ain't leaving you. No, relax. But I'm trying to get it out of my head because I don't need that.
You don't need Drake's dick. Yeah, I don't need that. You don't need Drake's dick. No. I will say, and I'm going to get on my soapbox for a quick minute, incredible how man's penis is out there, and people are like, oh, good fucking Drake. A girl gets fucking her naked pictures and is like, this fucking whore never should have done this. How dare her? That's America, folks. Who did that happen to?
Take a fucking pick. Anytime any, like, celebrity, female celebrities, like, naked pictures have been leaked online, everyone's just like, well, she shouldn't have sent them, or, you know, she's a whore. You know, it's like, fuck
you. Well, they're virgins and incels. They are virgins. They are. Not the celebrities. Like, what are you upset that people are dumping their tits out to the people that they like? It's the people that don't get tits dumped out for them. That's what it is. It's like, oh, she's a whore. Oh, she's just a regular woman dumping her fucking things out for the guy that she's fucked. Fuck. Which is a nice gesture. Here's a question for you. Yes. Was that like a good...
Jerk-off video? Like, was it a good- 'Cause full transparency, what are you talking about? I've never sent a jerk-off video. I've never sent a- What are you- Who wasn't jerking off? I've never sent a dick pic. He wasn't jerking off! He was- What was he doing? Just fucking, you know, brain-mishing this thing? Like, it was a fucking- I don't know! He was wiggling it around for some reason! Okay.
Would you take that position frog- I don't got the fucking equipment for that! No? So you're taking just head-on shots, like you're taking full frontal just like- No, I'm not even- Here's my hole. I'm not doing that. No, okay. Here's my hole. Yeah. My ass? Penis hole, Joey. No, I've never taken a picture of my ass in my life. You sure about that? Have I taken a picture of my ass? Ladies and gentlemen- You've taken a picture of my ass! Alright, slow down! Yeah. Of your ass- yes, correct. You were in the shower and I was in the bathroom.
For unrelated reasons. We weren't showering. We were in Vegas. There was a hundred people in a fucking hotel room. It actually was in Miami when I did it. Was it? Yeah. Why were you in a hotel in Miami? Somehow worse. Do you remember when we went for Danny's and like the night before we stayed at like a random hotel?
No? Yeah. Oh, yes, I do. With the giant chessboard? Yeah. Yeah, I do remember that. And Joey pressed his ass hilariously up against the glass shower door. Which people, what's that, what friends are for? That's what friends are for. In good times and bad times, let's see that smushy butt.
I honestly thought you were reading like a poem or something at first. In good times, in bad times, I'll be on your side. Oh, I don't know the words then. You fucked that up. Because I don't know the words. You butchered this. I don't know the words. I'll be on your side forevermore. That's what friends are for. Oh. I thought it was I'll be there besides you evermore.
Evermore is mad dramatic by the way. Yeah, a little dramatic It also reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe who I just found out like married his cousin like chill Oh, but is it what are you Frankie's uncle relax? Don't Joey don't don't don't okay careful slander my uncle's great uncle or whatever cousin Mm-hmm. So I was wait a sec. So my cousin married another cousin, but they didn't even ask to marry me Should I be offended?
I would count your lucky stars. That's what I would do. Count your lucky stars. That's kind of crazy. If you find out, seriously. No. No? That I'm dating my cousin? No, no, no, no, no. If you find out that two of your cousins got married, no party was just like, I'm a better looking cousin.
No. No, really? No, no, no. I'm not doing that. Not like you're seeing yourself and you're jealous, but you just kind of like... Oh, it sounds like full jealousy over there. It doesn't sound like jealousy, but you're just thinking rationally, like, oh, I'm a better looking cousin than that cousin. Yeah, I don't think that you're thinking rationally right now. I'm just saying. I have some cousins that I know are halfway decent looking people. I think I'm better looking than some of them. Okay. Okay.
You think that if anyone's going to marry their cousin, it should be you. Let's call it how it is. If you're a cousin, fucker. I love how Frankie's upset that he's not his cousin's type. His ancestral cousin, he's not his type. Also, have you met this person? Oh, yes. Oh, my God. I thought it was someone who would see them at family functions. I was going to say when you get married.
No, they were not invited to my wedding. Okay, so not like that. Okay. So I believe they are... But like some random person dies in your family, like they'll probably be there? Yes. Oh, yeah. Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, the last couple times I've seen them have been at funerals and wakes. So yeah. Crazy, right? Wait, then they're first? I don't know if they're first, but they're...
They're cousins, bro. They're last, but it's not good. They're cousins. They are cousins. Actually, I shouldn't tell this story. I'll tell you offline. Okay. But we've already gotten to the bad part, which is they're married. No, there's another part. I just don't want to say something that can kind of help people figure out who they are. Oh, I mean, yeah, I don't know. I'll tell you offline. I'll tell you offline. Okay. But I'm not jealous or offended, but like...
If you're going for cousins, go for like a specific cousin and like the better looking cousin. Do you think you're in the top 1% of cousins?
I don't know about 1%, but you know. Oh, you got a lot of cousins? I got a lot of cousins. On my dad's side, thousands. Oh, well, they're Colombian, so. What the fuck does that mean? I was hoping that you didn't address that. I was hoping that we were like all under the assumption. We were just going to roll over the vaguely racist comment. Yeah, okay. All right, all right, all right. Like Colombians, they fuck a lot, right? They do, actually. My grandmother was one of 21 or 22 kids. So then I'm correct. What are we upset about? I.
One of 21, is her mom okay? She's dead. Now she is. I think she was not okay. It was like, you know, the time where it was just like, you know, sexism was like running rampant. Frank, that's a Neville. Neville. Never Longbottom. Never Longbottom? Nevermore. Neverending battle. Yeah, it really is. No, but like back then when it was just like the woman, you just stay home. I'm going to go work at the printing press, make $6 a minute. Mm-hmm.
No, that's a lot. That's actually a lot of money. That's a ton of money, Frank. $6 a minute. A penny. $360 an hour. I don't know if that checks out. $6 a day is what I meant. Yeah. And then it'd be like, you just stay home. And like, you think about it. Her mom must have been pregnant for 20 years straight. That is bananas. Wild, right? But you can't like have babies at that point in time. They just kind of just fall out.
Do the doctors ever say anything? Like, what are you doing here? Back then, the doctors were just like, fucking put a cigarette in it and it's good. You know, they didn't care. Put a cigarette in it. It's just, it's wild. And then, like, honestly, how do you not run out of names that you like? You know what I mean? Yeah, the 21st name is just kind of like, dude, whatever. Like, you're A, you're B, you're C. Like, you need to just kind of just come up with shit at that point in time. Yeah, I'd be like, you name it, Doc. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Exactly. I wouldn't, I'd run out of it. All right, back to Drake's pee-pee. Um...
Back to Drake's pee-pee. Are you like impressed? Let's be honest. I'm not a big Drake fan of his music, but can't deny the talent. Is this just another, like, is this just an embarrassment of riches for him? Now he's just got... Uh, yeah, it feels a little unfair to the earth, to be honest with you. You're jealous of his cock? I mean, not really. I don't know that I would need all that. All that?
Yeah. Like that much. I feel like I got to pull it up. I kind of don't care to see it. Oh, you do though. I don't. I'll take your word for it. Take it. And also take this little visual. Has like. I went to YouTube. Am I? Like, what am I doing? You're not, you're not there. Am I okay? You're not there, Joey. Honestly, you might be a little hot in that fucking. Twitter? Half a llama that you're wearing on your chest. Half a llama, dude. Oh my God. You know what I would pay to have someone throw a bucket of red paint at you right now?
This is made from normal. Like it's not like I'm not wearing an animal. How do you know that? Huh? How do you know that? How do I know this isn't an animal? Yeah, how do you know it's not like Sherpa? What's Sherpa? Sherpa is a sheep? No, that's... I know what Sherpa is like as a thing. Like this is a Sherpa. I think Sherpa is originally like real Sherpa. You know? No. No. No.
And I'm not going to find this video. All right, good. Can you look up real Sherpa while you're at it? What is real Sherpa? What is real Sherpa? Sherper. Sherbert? Sherpa. What is Sherpa made out of? Cotton polyester or acrylic fabrics? Acrylic fibers, I should say. I wish someone would see you and just throw a bucket of red paint. Sometimes it could be made out of wool or bamboo. Wool, dude. Bamboo? Bamboo fibers? Is wool sheep?
Yeah. Sheep's wool. Sheep's wool. Yeah. Yeah. But you're supposed to shave those things. Yeah. Bro, I went down our TikTok rabbit hole one day. Of shearing sheep. Of shearing sheep. And it was the most incredible, like, satisfying thing to watch. Ew, I think it's disgusting. What? First of all, their wool is gross when it's coming off. Yeah, because if it gets, like, matted and all fucked up, it'll kill them. But, like, that and, like, the guys that, like, clean hooves...
Oh, and they like chop their fucking hands off. They like fucking like slice it off. Yeah, yeah. And they're just like, there's a nail in there somewhere. Yeah. What? You never seen that shit? Yeah, dude. It's like they like fucking like shave away. I forgot the name of them. And then there's just like a nail under and they pull it out. Ew. Yeah. I saw one where it's like, we found this horse and he was running by himself for a couple years. And the fucking hooves of this thing were like bent. Oh, no. Because the fucking hoof grew so much. I didn't know it was like a fingernail. A fingernail?
Apparently, yeah, they're made with like keratin and stuff that like our fingernails are made of. Yeah, I don't know what that word is. Keratin. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Look it up. K-E-R-A- Is that what this is? I think it's like a mixture of stuff in our fingernails, but like keratin is in there. I know kerosene. That's gas. Correct. Yeah. That's all I know. Damn, I can't believe Drake's cock is out there now. Yeah, good for him. He was having a good time. I mean, I would be embarrassed.
Yeah, I mean, it's an invasion of privacy for sure. It is, right? Yeah, and now we're talking about it, which is kind of fucked too. Yeah, we're kind of bad people, but... Yeah, sad. Yeah, I'm sure it's gone, right? You couldn't find it on the internet. I bet you could. And you're a big porn guy. Yeah. Did you, is that technically porn? You're watching Drake be porn? You're watching Drake be porn. Yeah? Um, I, maybe, I don't know. Well, you've, have you ever watched like jerk-off videos before for porn?
Trying to get them. Trying to see. Trying to figure them out. No. There is a whole genre of porn, though, where it's called J-O-I. Jerk off interface. Interface? What do you think? We're doing software? Jerk off. I was going to say experience, but that's E. Yep. J-O-I. Jerk off imagination. Well, kind of.
Jerk off illustration. No. Jerk off... You think they're drawing things right now? No, it's like... So, there's a woman. I'm trying to figure out the I. I know, I know. I'm saying, like, there's a woman in the... I'm trying to give you clues here. Context clues. I don't like giving away this thing. But there's a woman in the video. It's just her in the video. And then it's called a J-O-I. So, what is she doing? Jerk off... Yeah. In... Doors. I checked. Hopefully, because outdoors would be illegal. Criminal. Yeah. Jerk off...
Illicitly. No, that's the illegal part. Yeah? What is it? I don't know. Instruction? Instructor? Instructor! She, like, tells you how to jerk off. What? Weird. That's weird? Not for me. That's like teaching a horse how to run. Men know how to jerk off. You know? Yeah, kind of, yeah. You don't need to teach a man, like, who the hell are you? Literally, she just sits there and she's like, stroke it. Frank would be like, I know. I know what I'm doing here.
I know better than you! Yeah, what the hell would that be? Yeah. I don't like that. Would you give Drake any pointers in the way he was playing with his floppy way? I'm not going to do anything. You're not going to hit up Drake? No, that's it. I'm going to hit up Drake. I don't know. Let's get Drake on the show. Yeah, you know what? Let's do that. He's been begging to come on. Let's have Drake on. Yeah, I don't think he's going to come on, though, Joey. It would be funny if Drake sat here.
At this table. Can you imagine that? Talking about... I mean, after we're just talking, we're doing 30 minutes on his wiener here. He's probably never going to come on. No, he wouldn't. I would also probably ask him for a couple bucks, too. Really? Just like something. A couple dollars. Just like, you know, like five grand. That's it? Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to get crazy. I would just ask him, you know, who do you like five bands? I would say it so he feels like... Is a band a grand? That's a good question. You just said five bands. Is a band a grand?
Is a band a grand? Is that what that is? Yeah. So one band equals one grand. Yeah. 100 bands is 100 grand? Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm following now. One band, one sound. What? Drumline. What's a sound?
It's from Drumline. Oh. Get the hell out of here with Drumline. That's a good movie, you fucking asshole. Get the hell out of here. No, that's a good movie. I get- I- Petey Pablo's in that movie, bro! Petey Pablo is in it, so it does give it a bit of a bump, and the guy that was in the Sprite commercials is in it. But also Nick Cannon. Who? The guy that was in the Sprite commercials. Orlando... Hut- Hudson? Orlando Jones? Orlando Hudson I think was a baseball player. I don't even know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Orlando Jones. He was just like, "Fucking go! Go! Go!" I don't know who that is. No?
No, but that's a good movie. Oh, oh, oh. He's the instructor. Yeah. Yeah. Is he an instructor or he's a constructor? No, he's a... Conductor. Conductor. Constructor? You fucking idiot. You got it wrong too, dumbass. Instructor is a little bit better than constructor. You threw me off the scent. You know what it is? That fucking jacket is making you stupid. No, it's not, okay? I was there. You're saying instructor because you're thinking of J-O-I.
You know what? You're actually not wrong about that. I'm still trying to figure out. It's really hard to believe that conductors are doing anything, honestly. Dude, I had learned when I was in middle school plays, yeah, that's all shit. It's like one, two, three, four. Yeah, I don't believe. And it's like, I don't think it's real either. Not that I don't believe it's real. I think that they're doing something and that this means shit, but like-
I think they can like speed it up if they go faster. You know? Yeah. I don't, I don't, all that, all that music shit is just like not real to me. Like, don't tell me you look at a sheet and you're just like, oh, I know exactly. I can hear this in my head. No, you can't. Yes, you can. It dots on lines. Nope. You're an idiot. I am. Now what? I can hear, I used to be able to read music and that would happen. Shut the fuck up. I could read music. Reading music. You can.
Are you? This is one of the. I'm so mad. I know. I know you can. Open a book. I know. I know you can. And listen, Joey, for the sake of comedy, I'm fucking talking about this shit. I know. I know people could do it, but it doesn't make fucking sense to me. Because you can't do it. Exactly. But some people have an ear. How American of me that I can't do it, so I don't care about it. And I look down upon people that can. Yeah. But some people can hear a sound and know what note it is.
That's crazy. Yeah, like what's his name? Charlie Poop. Charlie Poop? Charlie Poop. Charlie Pooth. Pooth. Pooth. Yeah, you could do like, you could be like, boom, and he'll go, D minus. D flat. And it's kind of dope. Honestly, that's a cool skill. It's called perfect pitch. Pitch, that's it. Yeah, perfect pitch. Pitch perfect. Is that why pitch perfect is called pitch perfect? They just flipped it.
Is that seriously it? I don't know, I've never seen the movies. Oh, I've seen Pitch Perfect. I thought it was... Oh, I'm thinking of Fever Pitch. It's a baseball movie with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore. Why were you thinking... What the fuck was that about? The Red Sox also? The Red Sox, you're falling in love. Like, listen, who's your most important guy for me? The fucking Sharks. You know, it's like, get over yourself. Yeah, I don't know. Have a bit more to your personality than fucking the Red Sox. Anyway, we do have some sponsors for today. We do.
We have some sponsors for today that's it. Hello. What am I doing? No, we don't how are you? We absolutely don't yes We have a sponsor for today. The first one being rocket money rocket money is an all-in-one personal finance app That's going to help put money back in your pocket You can find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. It can help you budget. There's a budgeting feature in the app and it can also help lower your bill so
Put money back in your pocket and you're not, you know, perfect. There are mistakes that you could have made along the way and you're accidentally paying for things. On average, people are saving $720 a year. Okay, so...
That's just the average. There are people who are saving more than that or less than that, but people are getting money put back in their pocket because of Rocket Money. So you should go on Rocket Money and check it out. It has over 5 million users and has helped save members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Okay, so stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash basement. Okay, that is rocketmoney.com slash basement.
All right. Even if you think you have it all figured out, just go on rocket money.com slash basement and see if you're correct. All right. So go enjoy that. Uh, also this podcast is sponsored by better help. Better help is online therapy. Okay. Uh, it's a company you log onto their site. Uh,
And you can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. So if you want to jump into the world of therapy, I advise that you do. I've been in therapy for a couple of years now, and it is amazing having someone with who you don't really know that you could just dump all your shit on or just talk about and like get things out. And even just talking to someone just helps you kind of organize your life. So even if there's nothing like
depressing or traumatic or whatever. It doesn't matter. It's just nice to have someone to talk to in that way. So I definitely recommend, um, you know, everyone getting into therapy and better help is awesome because it's also super affordable.
And it's more affordable than in-person therapy, I should say. And we're going to save you a little bit extra money here. If you go to betterhelp.com slash basemanyard today, you will get 10% off of your first month. Okay, that is betterhelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basemanyard and you'll get 10% off of that first month. Okay, so go enjoy some therapy, folks. All right, there you go. And what you can do is you can go to
P-A-T-R-E-O-N, man. Patreon.com.
I'll be really honest with you. I wasn't entirely done eating my Pop-Tart when Joey was reading it when he threw it to me. So I had to come up with one on the fly, baby. And speaking of flies, why don't you fly on over to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You can fly first class if you like. And you can check out this Patreon account for Joey and I, for TheBasementYard, for TheBasementBoys. All right? And you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. One whole week. Seven whole days. You know how time works. Come
Come on! And then, that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. I want to make sure I'm kinder when I'm saying that to you because I cannot even begin to express how incredibly ridiculous they are. So go check them out. Basement Yard on Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you so much, everyone. We're continuing to break records. Number seven in the world overall. Number ten overall on podcasts or whatever. I might have that backwards, but guess what? I don't care. Okay? So...
Now, listen, if for some reason your fingies can't type patreon.com slash thebasemanyard, you know what it can type? Thebasemanyard.com. Because guess what? You go there, that's where you're at home with us. We're by the fire. We're having some hot cocoa. And maybe we're talking of old stories from middle school, okay? And you can find links to our Patreon and links to our incredible merch and... Too loud.
You can sign up for a newsletter. You can sign up to get an email from Joe, that email account. And you know what? While you're at it, maybe I'll throw his phone number in there for you. You never know. Go check it out. Fuck. I'm not. I'm not going to give you his phone number. Maybe I'll give you his flip phone number when he talks to me. Maybe his own home address. Yeah, maybe that too. You're on social. Why not? But you can sign up for the newsletter. He said maybe his flip phone number. Yeah.
You can sign up for a newsletter so you can get updates on, you know, more announcements on shows when we announce them. So go check it out. TheBasementMirror.com, Patreon.com, slash TheBasementMirror. We love it all. We love it all. We love it all. Also, I wanted to say that Frankie is eating an expired Pop-Tart. He's eating an expired Pop-Tart over there. It said Best Buy. That means, and it was Best Buy a month ago, but I'm hungry.
Exceeding an expired Wildberry Pop-Tarts. First of all, Pop-Tarts never die, okay? They're like Twinkies. They'll survive into the apocalypse. Second of all, I'm a little mad at Pop-Tarts, okay? I'm a little upset, and I'm going to air out my fucking dirty laundry right now. Okay. Is that a word? It's a series of words. Is that a saying? Yeah, airing out dirty laundry. I'm going to air out my fucking grievances with Pop-Tarts. So they have the Pop-Tarts Bowl. Hey, Pop-Tarts.
pop-tart boys yeah what happened to us that would have been cool you like us when we're talking about you and then when we're not you don't like us that is how things work but for sure come on as a business it makes sense we should we're sad we should have been where was that don't care okay if it was somewhere we should have been there right you would have gone to indiana or something no hell no well it could have possibly been why the hell would i go to indiana
What's a famous city in Indiana? Indianapolis. That's a good one. Yeah. Pop tart bowl. Where? Oh, it's in Orlando. Hell yeah, dude. It definitely went. Went to Epcot. Get fucked up. Get fucked up.
I was just a little taken aback. A little hurt because we've done... A little taken aback? Yeah. You're taken back. You're not a little taken aback. You're taken aback. Taken aback. Taken aback. Taken aback. No. Yes, Joey. Not taken back. I was taken back. I was taken aback. It's aback. You're not taking aback. Joey. You say I'm taken back. Joey. I was taken back. Taken aback. No. What are you? A fucking... You're not a leprechaun. Taken aback. To surprise or shock someone. Yeah, maybe if you're Irish...
Taken aback. It's in Merriam-Webster. Both Merriam and Webster agree. Oh, you're the wrong one here. It's taken aback. I was so taken aback. Taken aback? Yeah, that's what it is. I was taken aback. And it's wrong? Taken aback. Can I be taken aback? I guess it could work. Let me take aback. But like the saying is taken aback. Taken aback. It's too much. Mario and Luigi came up with it. Oh, I was taken aback. Literally, that's what it sounds like. You can't say I was taken aback.
I got a thumbs up. I don't like the way- I didn't know that you could type- Google just gave you a thumbs up? Legitimately. It just wrote "grammar check" and then it said "yeah". No way! Swear to God, look. Now, right, I was taken aback. Is that also a grammar check? Take a back. What? Taken aback. No, yeah. What? No, yeah. Um, yeah, I guess both are right. I'd never heard taken aback. You have, you just always thought it was taken back. Well, I'm not wrong either. Maybe I've heard more backs than abacks.
I think it's a back. I think you've probably just heard it as taken back, and you're just like, oh, it's just taken back. Okay. Yeah, he's taking it back, and he's eating unexpired popcorn. All right. Now, here, it didn't say expired. It said best by, which means it's no longer as fresh as it had been prior. Also, didn't it say best if used by? Yeah. Yeah.
I don't use food products like that. You eat them, man. Yeah. Yeah, it was... So I wasn't really ready to talk, but you just kind of threw it over to me, and I had to just... I needed to spit something out there, you know? Well, no one... In the middle of a podcast, you don't go, now's a good time to eat a fucking Pop-Tart.
Listen, always... An expired Pop-Tart. Not expired. A slightly aged... It's not its best. It's aged. If anything, Mr. Big Wine Bitch, you should be like, yeah, that's a fucking...
I can taste there's a little Rocky Mountain-ness in there, you know, I can definitely taste the minerality. I'll tell you what, I'll do something for you. Okay. I'm gonna go get a 1990 Pop-Tart that's beautifully aged. Yeah. And then you can eat that one. No, you... Then we'll see what happens. We will eat it together. No, we won't. Yes, because... Wrong. You don't know how science works, clearly. Let me science you here. Please, Bill Nye.
You need to have multiple test subjects because what if it could be as a result of something I ate earlier in the day, something I ate after the Pop-Tart? What if it's as a result of the way that the Pop-Tart reacts with my stomach individually and it might be different for yours? It's going to be the 35-year-old Pop-Tart. That's what it's going to be. You need control groups and you need variables. There are different things that we need to eliminate as many variables as you can in order to isolate the result that you want. All right, stop listening. But...
But you ever see those videos? Like, you know, like, in Practical Jokers or something, they, like, go to those things, and it's, like, people sit at a table and, like, try, like, new products or something. What is that called again? Test group? Yeah, like, test group. How do you get in there? Because I would like to do that. I would like to be in a test group. Like, I want to, like, eat some, like, cereals. Bro, I saw that they're in, like, California. I think Conan did a thing on it. There's, like, a job where you could be a tester for, like, Taco Bell.
I don't know. I would do. I'd do Taco Bell. I don't know if I want to do that. I'd do Taco Bell. Listen up. But like Skittles? Oh, but Skittles is Skittles. Like Skittles aren't trying to reinvent the wheel on Skittles. Maybe they make a new Flav. But they're Skittles though. You know what I mean? Like they don't live and die off of variety. They live and die off of being Skittles. No, there's variety. They have sour Skittles, which I kind of fuck with hard. There's three Skittles. Skittles.
Tropical Skittles, Sour Skittles. No, there's the purple bag. What's purple? What the hell is purple? Whoa, whoa, whoa! You've never had a purple Skittle bag? No. Oh, it's like maroon. Or mauve or something. Oh, come on. No, there's a bunch of... How many Skittles? Remember Skittles gum? I swallowed so many of those bad boys. They're still in there probably. Skittles packs. So there's red, which is Skittles. Which those are great. Green, Sour Skittles. Oh, it's Wild Berry.
fuck out of here you've had that you idiot i probably have but i don't remember it yeah i remember tropical yeah oh what the fuck what's yellow no banana smoothies oh my god these fucking listen don't talk bad about skill you just lost your deal listen taco bell shit pop tarts out because they they slighted us okay if you want to just send me boxes of like things to try
I'm all about it. Just add a little more meat in there. Be a little more gracious with your meat. Smoothie Skittles. Pink? Pink. No, no, no. But I want to know what kind of fucking... Here we go. Here's the picture. I can't read it. It's too blurry. What are the flavors in this fucking piece of shit slug? It doesn't have it on the bag? It's on the back, but the picture I saw was blurry. Flavors. Welcome back to Skittle Talk, folks. Here we go.
Blueberry smoothie. So blueberry. Okay, gotcha. Blueberry mango peach guava. Peach. Blueberry mango? Or just mango? No one said that. Oh, no. It's blueberry smoothie. Then there's mango smoothie. Love the mango. Raspberry smoothie. Strawberry banana smoothie. That's a classic. That's a classic smoothie. It is a classic. Classic. What happened to me, dude? And then a peach guava smoothie. That might be worth having. Peach guava smoothie.
I don't really know what guava is. Do you remember when we went to Key West, they were falling from the trees in the backyard of the Airbnb we stayed at? That was guava? Those were guavas. What is that, like a sugar thing? It's a fruit. Well, you know. It's a fruit. It is a full fruit. I think it's like red in the middle bit. What am I thinking of? I don't know. Agave. Agave is a plant. Like a sugar. Yeah. Yeah. You can make like nectar and syrup from. And tequila. Oh my God. This fucking lush. He's back, folks.
He's fucking back. Most alcohols are made from fruit, aren't they? What's vodka made of? Potatoes. Is that real? That's a vegetable, yeah. Vodka is made from potatoes, Joey. Dude, I would have never guessed that in a billion years. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's not that crazy. You're a ridiculous drunk, and you don't even know where this stuff is coming from. I'm not a ridiculous drunk. One. Two. Tequila, agave. I've had vodka like eight times in my life. Rum is sugar and fruit.
You know, fruit juices. Yeah. Distilled fruit. Wine. You know that one. Grapes. Brandy is just burnt wine. Is it? Yeah. Brandy originally was called brandwein, which means it translates to burnt wine. In what language? One of them. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you know that? Because I took that mixology class. Oh, what's it called? Brandwein? Brandwein.
Oh, that's... I'm getting Russian. Or German? It might be like Finnish or Swedish or something like that. Okay. One of those. One of those scary language. One of those, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gin, juniper berries. I don't even know what that is. They're little berries, dude. I assume. You said berry. I can see a berry. I've just never seen a juniper berry in my life. Mead, honey.
I've never had mead. Neither have I, but there's like, you're in Brooklyn now. There's meaderies all over the place. You can definitely go. One of the fucking- I've never seen one. One of the Suite Life of Cody bros. What are their names? Suite Life is the Sprouse twins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a meadery in Brooklyn. They're just making mead. They make mead? Yeah. Have you had mead? No. Me neither. I don't even know what it is. You gotta mead it up. I'll mead. Mead? Hey, Taco Bell, if you drop the ball at mead, you're up next.
I don't want to. We've never had meat. I don't know if I like it enough to have a sponsorship. Yeah. Well, Joey, there's another story actually that came out recently involving a TikTok influencer, which is your favorite type of influencer, right? Do you have a favorite? A favorite type? Yeah. Yeah.
Not really. Well, so I'm going to get you her name here. TikTok influencer by the name of Hannah Clare. Don't know her. Told a story about her first date. It's a classic all-American white name. Hannah Clare. Yeah, absolutely. Joey, you've been on some first dates in your life. Yes. Any of them go terribly wrong?
Honestly, no. Not like terribly. No, nothing like embarrassing or anything? No, just like maybe like uncomfortable conversation, but nothing like, you know, I don't know, like a bird shit on my face or something. Okay, well, guess what? So first date here with her actually current boyfriend, the person that she's with, they were getting food. And at the last minute, she was like, you know what? Let's go get some pizza. After food? Like it was like they both wanted different types of food.
She wanted pizza. I thought you meant they went to a restaurant, then went and got pizza. No, no, no. They were like, you know what? Let's get food and go back to hang out at your place. You know, first date. Horny, horny. That's horny. Horny? You're at a first date and you're like going to go to a restaurant. It's like, let's just grab pizza and go back to my place. Hey man, I don't judge. Whatever you want to do. No one's judging. I'm talking about shit is horny. It is pretty horny on both accounts. Of course. Double horny. So she goes naturally where you would get your pizza from, Little Caesars. And he goes and gets- Oh, big, big, big.
Big props. Big prop? Big props. You ever had Little Caesars? I have. Really? I have. Where? It's on where the Westway Motel is. There's one over there. It's like right next to a Popeye's. I don't know if it's still there. The Westway Motel has a Popeye's now? No, no, no. It's like on that. What is that? Astoria Boulevard? Yeah. Yeah. It's there. Like down. You know, there's like a little strip mall next to that to the left.
A strip... There's like... Not a strip mall, but it's like cars drive up and then you can like... There's like stores. There's a Popeye's over there. I don't remember the last time I've been there. The fucking... What's it called? Is there... The diner. Jackson Hole. Where are you, bro? You're completely wrong. You're at the Westway. No, you're thinking of the... Wait, is that the Westway? Yes, you idiot.
That's not right. That's not what I was thinking. What are you thinking? I'm thinking like when you go past Memorial Field and that's Astoria Boulevard, there's like a hotel right there. Gotcha. Yeah, that's definitely not the Westway, you fucking idiot. But like, what is that, Airway or some shit? Airways, yeah, something like that. But it's like over there. Oh. So I had a little Caesar slice and I was like, that's grease. It literally is like they made a flat pizza in a microwave and then just had a bun.
fucking vat of oil and we're like, we're going to dunk this in there. Really? Yeah. So if I, of the chain pizza places, what was your favorite? Papa John's. Really? Before the N words and everything else. The casual racism. Yeah. Probably during, you just didn't realize it. Yeah. I don't know if I don't know. We can't track. I will say it's good before and after too, but it was better before. Gotcha. Because of the, because of the, like when you take, when you eat it now, you know, you're eating a little bit of, you know, just like rich.
Racism. Yeah, they ousted him, so it's okay to eat it now, right? I mean, his name is still all over the place. How much did they oust the guy? Yo, you got some balls creating a company and calling it Papa John's? Are you fucking joking me? I mean, I think that was his name, his pizza name. He was like, I'm Papa John. No one has a pizza name. You just have names, bro. No. A pizza name. He's not a rapper. There's pizza names. There's pizza names, absolutely. Papa John's, bro. I was a Domino's boy.
I like Domino's too. I'll fuck on Domino's. I will definitely fuck on Domino's. Domino's, Taco Bell, and Skittles. Drop the ball. You're up third, all right? You're in the hole, babe. Oh, I will definitely have Domino's hop both of those. Really? I like Domino's. I don't know. Taco Bell and Domino's might have to fist fight for our love. Dude, like Cinnastix and Cheesy Bread. That Cheesy Bread? I swear to God, if I didn't have a wife... Never mind. You're talking about Cheesy Bread. If I didn't have a fucking wife... I just drooled.
Get it together. So she had a little Caesar's pizza. Yeah. Took it home. Big mistake. They're hanging out, eating pizza, living it up. They go to sleep. She spends the night. Horny. I can't speak. It's the jacket. Shut up. It's the jacket. Okay. So he's a little Caesar. She wakes up in the middle of the night. Food poisoning.
That's the worst. She rolls to get out of bed, looks over. She already shit the bed. Yo. Boyfriend's sleeping. Well, now boyfriend. I got that at the time. First friend. Date friend. Yo. Shitting on a man. Shitting a bed. Like. Unknowingly. Unknowingly shitting the bed. Shitting. Shitting the bed unknowingly. I can't even. So naturally what she does is she gets up and puts his dog in the bed. Frankie. I swear to God. You're making this up. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Are you going to say what I'm going to say? Wakes him up and says, your dog shit the bed. Oh, I thought you were going to say she made the dog eat it. No, you freak. What's wrong with you? I'm the freak. She's shitting beds and putting dogs in there. No more. Though at first, the pair's outing was going amazing. The spark was there. The chemistry was there. Things take a turn for the well crappy after it came time to grab dinner.
Dude, that's intense. I look around me in the bed and there is, you know...
Shit everywhere. My whole life flashed before my eyes. While she was ultimately able to take care of herself heading to the bathroom and ultimately to Walmart where she landed some medicine, she ultimately came up with a plan to save herself from an automatic breakup. Blame it on her friend's dog. I honestly, right now. So here's the thing. I picked the little dog up, put him in the bed in the middle where the scene has happened. I get back in bed, pretend to wake up groggily and go, I'm so sorry, but I think Roscoe got sick while we were asleep.
Genius, first of all, genius. But also little dog with big poison shit. Poison? Like you have a poisoned shit. Yeah, poison shit. This is also not the smartest people in the world, okay? We have Little Caesars and Walmart in the same story. This is getting crazy here. Second of all, if someone craps in bed that I'm in, I'm knowing immediately. Yeah, I have a sixth sense. I don't care how fast asleep I am. If I smell crap, I fucking...
If a bird shit against my window, I'd be awake. Wire. I'm saying like- You're gonna shit on my back? Dude. I'm up. And like, realistically, how big is this bed? How big is the dog and how big is the crap? Because let's just do a fucking- How's he doing that? So you'd break out? Like fucking like poop analysis? Yeah. And the fact that she got up?
Left the house, got herself some medicine and shit, and figured out the plan and came back and this guy still didn't know? Yeah, I would think he's dead. What's going on? I'd check on him. Make sure he's not fucking food poisoned. Yeah. Like, yo, there's so much shit in your bed, you had no idea the whole night? What's wrong with you? Let me explain something real quick. Be aware of the world. Let me explain something real quick. I do not care. About what? The minute I find out it was her. Oh, yeah. She's fucking gone, dude. Because I know you. It must be good sex. Yeah.
It better be. Post Little Caesars, sex must have been electric. And how do you like crap the bed in your sleep? That I don't understand. Yeah. Your body really isn't your friend. Like you need to like, if anything is coming out of my ass, I know about it immediately. Like as it's happening, I could be deep asleep. It doesn't matter. I know what's going on. Maybe they did anal. So it was already open a little bit.
I don't think when you do anal, it stays open, Joey. It's not a door. It closes up. It takes time to close, right? No, you pull out and it'll close. No, no, no. No, but you could get it. You could... It's a muscle. So it's got to like adjust...
And then it takes a little time for it to kind of... How fucking stupid are you right now? First of all, I'm correct. No, you're not. I am nailing this. If they hold it open, it'll stay open. But like if you go to tighten it back up, it starts the process. You're right. That's what I'm saying. But maybe like it made it a little loose. So when you take fucking massive giant dumps...
Your asshole's open the whole time? It takes a while for it to close? Bro, taking a dump, it takes a few seconds. Like, having full... This was ours, dude. They fell asleep. This guy was clearly in some stage of REM that he didn't know that there was shit in the bed with him. There's drool on the table. It's just a fucking working theory. We gotta cross it off the list if we're gonna solve the fucking murder. Relax. I don't care to solve this.
It's a scary thing. And you know what? Good for them. I hope that they made it. Apparently, they're still dating. Yeah. I'm telling you right now. I shouldn't have. That's crazy. You're gone. Yeah, Frankie's not about that poop life. You're so gone, dude. Frankie's not about that poop life. And you would, too. And you know why I know you would? Because I know that when Charlie does something, you scold him to the point of, like, basically emotional abuse. That sounds so much worse than it actually is. But he did...
He threw up on my rug the other day. Again? What's wrong with this dog? I don't know, man. Throwing up, shitting, pissing all over your place. He's just very anxious. But he like threw up on the rug and I was like... And now, like I was just so mad. What did you say to him? Nothing. I literally... It's like a child because I just do this. And then he knows he's done something wrong. So he tries to get close to me and I just go, no, no. I would be...
But then I'm devastated later and I have to hug him all night. Yeah, because you're- that's what I'm saying. You would feel so bad at how you treated Charlie. Yeah. That you would be like, I scolded my dog because of you. Oh, oh, yeah, no, you're not making me- You're gone, right? She's gone. You put- if someone else throws up on my fucking rug and they blame it on my dog and I yell at my dog and my dog gets upset, you're dead. You're gone. I'm not- you're not making me get upset at my- We have some sponsors for today.
Got any more pop-tarts? Guys, listen. Yeah, we have a bunch of expired pop-tarts if you'd like. But we also have some stitch fix. Okay, folks, if you want to look nice for the rest of the year, get some stitch fix. Okay? It's like having a personal stylist out there. You know, you go onto their site, you fill out a little style quiz, you tell them what you like, what kind of fits, you know, your sizes and, you know, whatever the case may be. And then they just start pulling items for you. All right? So they let you know.
You know, it's also a bunch of brands that you know and love. Over a thousand brands that you know and love. So it's great. It's not just like, you know, someone just randomly is making this stuff. It's like brands you know. And they just like pick all these stuff so it has your perfect fit. They also are size inclusive. They have...
extra small to 3XL, which is great. But yeah, they find the perfect fit for you and they send it to you and you just pay for what you keep. So you get it in a box, you go, oh, I like this, I like this, I like this, but I don't like this one. You send it back, you're good, you don't pay for that one, it's all set. Shipping, returns, and exchanges are always free.
Okay, so it's a lot of fun and it's cool way to keep your wardrobe up to date and fashionable and you get a little present all the time, which is very nice. But yeah, thanks Stitch Fix. They just get me. Okay, Stitch Fix is amazing. That's what I'm honestly, that's the best part about having it is that sometimes I don't even realize that it's coming and then it shows up at my door and I'm like, oh, I got a present and it's Stitch Fix. It's amazing.
Uh, so, uh, try today at stitchfix.com slash basement. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That is stitchfix.com slash basement. Okay. Get that 25% off when you keep everything in the box. Okay. Which you probably will because they're really good at pulling items that are good for you. Uh, so that is stitchfix.com slash basement. Uh, enjoy. Um,
And lastly here, we have PrizePix. PrizePix is America's number one fantasy sports app with over 3 million members. All of my friends play it now. I like playing it. It's a lot of fun. And it's easy to understand also. You're not playing against anybody else. You're just playing against the PrizePix projections. So they will project, you know, Pat Mahomes is going to have more or less than...
210 passing yards or something. So you just have to pick more or less. And you do that from anywhere from two to six players. And you can win up to 25 times your money.
And they have promotions all the time. And it's for all sports. It's not just for the NFL. You have NBA. You have NHL. You have women's sports. You have anything. Anything that's a sport really is on there. It's incredible. So it's easy to understand. It's a lot of fun. And you can win a lot of money as well. And right now, you can go to prizepix.com slash basement. And you will use the code basement for a first deposit match up to $100. Meaning whatever you put in up to $100, they will match. If you put in $50, they'll put in $50. You'll have $100 to play with.
You know, and so on. Up to $100. So go to prizepix.com slash basement and use the code basement for that first deposit match up to $100. Enjoy. That's that on that. That's that on that. Also, I need to bring this up because you said this the other day and I almost fell out of my chair. Oh, I know. But again, this is another thing. This is how me and Frankie do the show is we like just start talking about these like headlines that we've seen and then Frankie's just running through them and then just goes...
Wedding DJ pisses on 72-year-old man. And I don't know why. That's so funny. I mean, that's a hysterical image. A wedding... I'm picturing a wedding DJ. Like during their set? Flo Rida's playing. Flo Rida. What song? Tell me. I'll sing it. Was that Flo Rida? Boots Winterfall.
Why are you saying it in that voice? It's in the background. That's why. Oh, oh. I'm picturing that. And then a 72-year-old man is over here, and the guy's peeing on his face. I'm not going to say what you sound like, but stop doing it. No. Yeah, so he pissed on his face.
Yeah, so the guy... He pissed on his face? No. Can you? Can you? Can you? You keep saying yes. Can you? Can you? The Guardian reported that this individual... I'm not going to say his name. I will. Wedding DJ Lee Brookfield was taking a leak when he decided to start filming for Snapchat. So he was in a bathroom at a urinal. Got it. Gotcha. After a few moments, he decided to start pissing all over the person next to him, a person who just happened to be a 72-year-old.
Cancer patient. What's the wor- what's worse is that- Was he? Is it funny now? You're like, "What are they, me?" No, it's- it's fucked up. What's wrong with these fuckers? What's worse is that Brookfield seemed to be aware of the man's cancer diagnosis. At the time of recording the man, uh, of the video, the man was explaining that he wasn't feeling well. Uh, hearing this, Brookfield decided to drain the lizard all down the man's spine. His spine? Back, dude. Back. Even though- I know what the spine is!
Brookfield said that his actions were simply something me and the boys do when we are drunk. Dude, sick. You and your boys are fired. Let me tell you something. No. This is a 40-year-old man. A 40-year-old man, you and your boys pee on people? Yeah, you're not 40 years old and you have boys. That's not how that works. That's definitely not how it works. Okay, you don't have 40 years old like,
though, like, I have me and my boys. He's a wedding DJ, so he's probably single and lonely and sad. Yeah. And clearly an asshole. Clearly a fucking piece of shit. Clearly a real piece of shit. Me and the boys, we go out, we're 40 years old, we go to bars with us college kids and we piss on their backs. That's me and the boys, though. Yeah. Oh, it's just something we do. It's funny. It's not funny. It's
You got cancer, you're gonna die soon, you should laugh! If I was related to the man that he pissed on, I'd find him, I'd book him for my wedding. Shit on his face. I'd book him for my wedding. Where's the wedding? Fucking Guantanamo Bay. He shows up, boom, shotgun straight to his fucking cock. Yeah. Killing this man. Try to piss on someone now. I wouldn't. Bang! Yeah, exactly. Pee when you can't. What happens when you have no more dick? Catheter. In what? Urethra.
But the urethra gets blown off. Can it? No, it can't. I mean, maybe. Maybe like a... These are just questions. I think they got to create... They got to do something. Wait, if you don't have a bladder, how do you pee pee? Well, I don't think... I think you need a bladder to live. But what if you get like cut? Hmm. Because there's some people who like... Yeah. But... Yeah. But how do they... I don't know.
There are people, yeah, there are people that have like no limbs. They have like no legs and maybe they have arms, but they have no legs and they're just like waist up. They're like chilling, which by the way, that is incredible that that can happen. Yes, it is wild. And then they just- Well, think about most of the organs that you need to live are from like here up. But how do you peep? I'm sure there's some issues there. But like if you don't have a bladder- Someone just has to like hold you like a- Oh, maybe they have to, but don't.
I don't know what you're about to say, but your hand scared me. But maybe they have to create a bladder and put it in. So maybe they need to drill a couple holes to make where pee is. What the hell are we saying? I feel like I'm asking questions and you are coming up with stupid theories. I would be so angry if I was... First of all, if you're in the bathroom and you see someone getting pissed on, come to their aid. There might be a little splash zone, but help them.
Unless it's two boys just peeing on each other having a good time like we usually do. Yeah, like if the person is asking for the pee, like yeah, yeah. Like if they're being like, give me more of that sweet nectar. Who's doing that? I mean, why are you looking at me? I'm not saying you. I'm just saying like people like you. You a pee-pee guy? What does that mean? You letting pee-pee pee-pee on you? No. Pee-pee like a thousand times a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't do pee-pee.
You wouldn't pee pee? No, no pee pee, no poo poo. Would you receive pee pee? Hell no. On a toe? Hell no. Why are you scared of piss? I'm not scared of it, but it's such like a shift in power balance. Bro, you think if someone pees on me, they'll ever look at me like a human being? Not if you're laughing. No, that makes it way worse. Like if you're laughing, it's like, ah. If you're peeing on someone, you're not looking at that person as a human being. You're looking at them as a toilet.
Some people are into that. Yeah. But like, then you got to live the rest of your life knowing like, oh, he doesn't view me or she doesn't view me as a person. They view me as a toilet, as a fucking receptacle. No. I've seen how people treat like porta potties. I don't want to be that. Porta potties are a very bad invention.
And I think they need to be fixed. Yeah, how have we not advanced in the porta potty game? I don't- I don't get it. It doesn't make sense, right? I don't know, let me flush. And I've used some bad porta potties. And it's also like you're peeing into a bunch of people's piss. I'm not worried about piss as much. I'm worried about all the other stuff. I don't even like going- Why are you pointing to me? I'll let you know. It's honestly triggering me. I don't even like pissing on piss when we're at the lake.
Like on the ground? No, you don't flush piss there. Yeah, yeah, it gets a little... So sometimes you pee on piss and you're like, this is disgusting. Yeah, it'll be like a full night of everyone drinking. You look at the toilet and it's just fucking iced tea in there. Frankie, I didn't need that. It's disgusting. You didn't need it, but guess what, Joey? You got it. I got it. And you took it well, too. Thank you, I guess. You took it like a man. You took the piss like a man. Yeah. Seriously, though. No. If you turn around and you feel someone peeing on you in the urinal...
Yeah. You turn... What are you doing? It's a full-on brawl. It's a full-on fight? Yeah. You kill them? No, but I would beat them until I started to feel bad. Well, there's piss on the floor at this point. Sweep the legs. They'll trip. Right. They'll fall back. Do you reciprocate? Yeah. You reciprocate the pee? I would shit on somebody. I probably wouldn't shit on somebody. That's a lot, dude. Pulling out my ass during a fight is kind of insane. But I would piss all over this place. Yeah, imagine. It's like, I'm going to get you.
Yeah. And you have to like do that little shimmy to get your pants down. Just do like a wall sit and like, just give it a second. Oh my God. Bro, I would be so fucking irrationally angry. But the worst part of it is just like, oh, it's just some of the boys and I do. What are you expecting the response to be? Yeah, that isn't a bananas thing. All right, all right, all right. So it's not that bad. Way worse. Yeah, like also this is a 72-year-old cancer patient man. He's not your boy. Yeah. Yeah.
The fuck? Oh my god. The anger and rage that I feel for this person. Yeah, I think this guy needs to be like...
Put down. Kicked in the head. Oh. Something bad. Something bad. Like he. You ever see a video of someone getting kicked in the head and you're like, geez. No. What the hell? What the fucking. Joey in these videos. What's going on? I've, I've gone, I've watched like knockout compilations. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen like UFC. No, no, no. I'm talking about like on the street. Like people like getting knocked out on the street and they just hit the concrete and then people like kick him in the face. And I'm like, how's this person alive? Yeah.
No, no, no. I don't get that. Like, I have way too much, like, even someone who I'm, like, fighting, right? If I knocked them out and they landed on the fucking concrete, I am no longer mad. I am terrified. You're, like, scared that you're going to be charged with murder or something. I'm not even thinking about that, but I'm like, holy shit, this person's probably fucking really hurt.
Yeah. That's scary. Yeah, a lot of people don't think like that, though. I think you need to realize you're a kind person. You're going to go out of your way to avoid fights. There are people out there that just fucking get off on that shit. I would literally call 911 immediately. I recently rewatched The Sopranos and the scene that always gets me. Don't. Okay.
I'm watching it now too. But is it you're talking about? Oh wait, have you ever seen it? Yeah. Oh, the scene where the guy goes up to Tony's daughter? Yeah, bro. Oh my God. And then he fucking, he's like, listen, you're Tony Soprano's daughter. Ah, some cream on you. And he fucking, go watch it. If you haven't seen it. That is, have you seen the original one before that? American History X? Dude. Yeah. What a wild thing to do. Like, how do you not kill that person? I'd rather be shot than do that.
I don't want to like that's, yo, that is like, it's terrifying. We're talking about biting the curb. If you guys don't realize what we're referencing, they make you bite the edge of a curb and then they step on the back of your head and it just knocks out all your fucking teeth. Knocks them out. It turns them into fucking dust. Yeah. You're fucking knocking them out. They're gone forever, dog. Yeah. You'll be out there looking like the fucking grandma, you know, that's the best thing I could come up with.
Looking like a grandma. Never one's grandma had shit teeth like yours, dude, apparently. God damn it. She did, though. Yeah, she had really bad teeth. My grandma had one tooth, and I was like, that ain't a tooth. Time to go, right? Yeah, you gotta get that out of here. My grandfather had dentures, and to scare me, like at the dinner table, he'd look over to me and go, and drop his teeth down. It would scare the shit out of me. What the fuck? Yeah, fucking freak. Sorry, I should probably back up a little bit. Jesus, take it easy on your grandpa. Yeah.
Whatever. Anyway, guys, that's all for this week's episode. I hope you guys had a lot of fun because we did. Frank, where can they find you? Well, you can find me here. Again, having fun. And if you want more of us having fun, go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. Also, I have Alvarez885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forums and social media. Go check it out. The basement yard on all forms of social media. You can also check out Joe at JoeSanagato on all forms of social media. Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com. I ran out of air. Yeah. Yeah, go follow me at JoeSanagato on all platforms. And that is all. See you guys next time. Don't do that.