Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Welcome back to the Basement Yard. We're very excited to have you here today. It's episode... I don't know, I don't know. What number is it? Two something? No, we're in threes or fours. No, we're not. Are we? We're in at least threes. Oh yeah, I'm bugging. Where are you? All over the place. We have a lot of really good stuff to talk about. Hopefully you stick around, hang out with us, and you know, get some laughs today. Oh wow, really good intro, Frank. I can't.
I get a little, like when you give me too much, I can't take it all. You know what I'm saying? So like I kind of, that sounded wildly homosexual, dude. That sounded insanely. That is insane. That sounded too much. All right. All right. By the way, you threw your hat over there and I swear to God, for some reason, like my contact was like a little blurry for a second and I thought it was a helmet.
How big is your fucking head? It's a hat, brother. Take it easy. I know, but like how big is your... Take it the fuck easy. What size hat? What size hat? 7'3", 8", I think. It's not that big. I don't know about that. I honestly don't know off the top of my head. Top of my head. Oh, very good. Top of my head. Frank's in rare form right now. Listen, you know, I'm living it up live, large, in public, doing it up, hanging out with...
I can't rap today. I know. I can't rap today. Frank's just singing and rapping. It's like your whole life is a musical. I watched, speaking of musicals, I just watched Wonka with our boy Timothy Chow. Oh my god. Timotei. He's our boy now? First of all, I'm going to say something right now. After watching that fucking movie, I fuck with Timmy. Really? Yeah, I like him, bro. He's kind of too sharp. He's a sharp looking man. He looks like you hang out with him if he hits you with your elbow. Like you're going to get a gash. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Like it is true. But you kiss him at the wrong angle. It'll, it'll slit your throat. There's, there's dangers. There's risks of course. But I do think that he, he's a really cool guy and I like his singing voice a lot. Are we, it's here. You said he's our boy. Like we're like, he said, I'm just talking here. I've never met him. I would like to meet him. Maybe give him a dat, go to a Knicks game, drink a beer or something. Is that what he does? He's like New York. He's like, but he's like too cool now. First of all, no, Timotei. Timotei. I don't like that. I also like that he's, uh,
Fluent in French That's Awesome Kinda yeah I was gonna say it sucks But it's honestly more No it's fire More jealousy He's like Timotei Chalame Yeah You know Be a guy Be a New Yorker You know Like yo I'm Tim Timmy C's Tim Cham I'm Tim Tim Cham is here Yeah
You watched it? I liked it. I thought that he has a decent singing voice, too. It's good. I didn't like it. There's something soothing about it, too. I didn't like it. First of all, why are the Oompa Loompas so small, dude? Yeah. I didn't like that. They weren't that small in the old one. They weren't that small in the movie. In the movie, they were just... A little bigger. Well... I also heard it was one dude. It was one fucking guy, and they just recreated him all the time. I didn't think it was a whole band of little people. Well, no, no, no. I think in the original...
Gene Wilder. Gene Wilder. It was several little people actors. Again, I don't know what to say. I think, yeah. And then when they had done the remake or whatever it was with Johnny Depp, your other boy. I mean, I like Johnny Depp.
I'm not supposed to. Where are we on Johnny Depp? Are we good with him still? He got reinstated back in the movies. He's back in? Yeah, she crapped on his bed and they were like, yeah, get the movie back. That's crazy. I didn't know. But that was one actor that they had filmed like hundreds of different times. So then that's the one. And redid it. And then now it's just Hugh Grant. Yeah. Like, all right, I got a question here. Serious question. Serious, serious, serious question. I am seeking the advice of the little people community. Okay.
Are they not, like, do they not want the roles of little people or do they want roles of little people? That's a fair question. Because I legitimately don't know. If they're like, yo, we're casting Oompa Loompas, are little people like, yes, this is what we need to do? Or are they just like, no, I don't like that because it's kind of like a typecast. Oh, no, no. I don't think it's like that. But I do think that. Well, Hollywood's evil, Joey. You know big Hollywood, big evil. I know, but I don't think that Hugh Grant should be taking jobs away from little people.
Yeah, and of all people, Hugh Grant. Isn't he like 6'2"? He's a big fucker. He's a big British boy. Yeah. And he's up there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So is it like, how do they feel about that? I don't know. I don't know. And I don't want to assume I know here. Right. But you're doing that, and I feel like... I know, I know, I know.
You're just saying that you don't want to. But I will say that I did like the movie. I thought it was good. I thought Timmy did a good job. And then I think he could sing too. I didn't like it. I will say, pure imagination. I don't know what it is about that song. Come with me and you'll be your imagination. I don't know the rest of it. Kind of. Kind of crushed that. We kind of did. When you hear the...
love that shit dude yeah I love it but like it's it's that song for some reason tugs at my heart strings bro I wanna cry when I hear that shit I wanna cry that song because it's like god damn do I wanna live in a world of pure imagination so bad if you want to view
That's good advice. That's good advice. But like it's also kind of like simple. It's like, oh you want this? It's there. Just look for it. That's what I'm saying, but that's how simple it is. I wasn't a big fan of it. And I'll tell you what. I liked it. Gene Wilder was kind of a freak, dude.
Oh he was a little weird It was kind of funny too Bro He was just all over the place This guy Like you knew Like he had like Three Oompa Loompas in the back That he was just fucking Dogging out Yeah yeah He was dogging them out But like I didn't get that With Timmy's Like Timmy Schall's Yeah yeah I mean that's not his fault He's not writing a fucking movie
But, you know, there's a little bit of wiggle room. Like, the realized character, I feel like we didn't get the realized Willy Wonka. I know it's a prequel and it's like how he gets to be where he wants. The whole thing with the mom, cute, whatever. But, like, Gene Wilder was just kind of like a horny little bitch. He was like, The whole world's spinning and we don't know where we're going.
Yeah And it's like This dude is pretty much Jerking off on his own words Right now Right right right You know I didn't get that From Timmy Shells I mean no I mean And he didn't write the movie Again I think that he I think he did a good job And I did like it And also I really I would like
Chocolate now I kind of want chocolate now too Because there's There's a scene where like He has You remember the scene Oh you saw it obviously Where it's like you eat the chocolate And then you can fly and shit I'm like bro I'm trying to get up in the air You know what I'm saying Yeah Let me eat a chocolate And then start flying There's some chocolates That if you eat them You'll be flying high Yeah but you can only get them In Amsterdam Yeah Or Denver Yeah oh
Or that. Yeah. But yeah, I watched it. I liked it. I thought it was good. I wasn't a big fan. Yo, Timmy, Timotei, if you're watching this, bro, let's go have a beer in fucking Manhattan, dog. I know you're busy with some shit. I'm just going to say this. Although I wasn't a big fan of your movie. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I've liked any of your movies. Really? I mean, call me by your name. I haven't seen it in its entirety. What I've seen, very good. I didn't watch Dune.
I watched Dune. Why do you get horny at me like that? What? You were like, I watched Dune. No, no, no. I didn't do that at all. You did. No, I've seen Dune. I respect him as living his dream, doing his art. I think he's a great actor. This guy is arting it out there. Yeah, he's very artistic. I swear to God, if he hits you up and I don't get at least a fucking courtesy invite. I hope he tells you to go fuck yourself. You're dead to me. I hope he tells you to go fuck yourself. That's somehow cooler than having a beer with him. I did it.
Somehow it'd be way cooler if Timothee Chalamet is just like bro. Fuck you.
That would be hilarious. You know what? Not only did I deserve that, I kind of like it. I would tell him, too. I'd be like, yo, just tell this dude to suck your dick. It'd be hilarious. No way, dude. And he'd probably do a good job. You'd believe him because you know why? He's a good actor. Oh, yeah. You'd probably believe him. Yeah, well, he's probably actually maybe. Are they good lies? Like, if you're a great actor, are you like a great liar? Bro, did I ever tell you when I was in middle school? Oh, God, yes. I love when stories come out about how fucking much of an idiot I was in middle school. Okay.
There was a part after I think like High School Musical 2 came out or something like that. I was like full into like, I want to be a fucking actor. Okay. And there was a point in time where like someone was like, why do you want to be an actor? And I was just like, actors are like the best at imagination. And like they are. And then I said, and they were like, what do you mean? And I was just like, actors are the best liars.
And that- You're a sick person. You're mentally sick. But like, not that I want to be a liar, but like- You just said- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Someone said, why do you want to be an actor? You're like, because they're good at lying. No, no, no, no, no. But like, I just like use it to just be like, actors are so like the best liars because they're pretending all the time. And it's just like such a stupid fucking like- It is stupid. Such a stupid- But it's not true. Bare bones-
Kind of. It's not not true though. Like if you're a great actor, then you could lie. Put on a performance. Go crazy. But you could also like fucking like pro poker players that won't make good actors. You know what I mean? They're not lying. They're just not moving their face. Bro, do you ever see what was the big poker player that did like sports science and like beat the lie detector test? Neganu? No. What was his name? I have no idea. Negreno?
Oh, I know who you're talking about. But I don't know his name. But it's definitely not Ngannou because that guy's a UFC fighter. I know Francis Ngannou. I know him. But like, yeah, I remember at the time, Timmy Chalamet might tell me. But I wouldn't know if he's being honest. You know what I mean? It's true. He's also like 22. No, he's not. Bro, he's down there. He's down there. He's down there. I think he's like 25. Really? I don't know, bro. I hope he's not 22 because that's weird. Timmy's. Look it up. Timmy Chal's. Timmy Chal's.
But he's 28, you dumb fucking idiot! Alright, alright, I lost that one. 28! Alright. They also picked a horrible picture of him for Wikipedia here. He's also, isn't he dating, um... Kylie Jenner. There you go. Yeah, he's probably sending her to space all the time. Crazy. You think... That's code word for sex. Oh, I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think... What? He's... He, like...
I don't know you, Mr. Challenger. I'm ruining your chances here. Yeah, you're not helping here. I'm trying to be nice to the guy and you're over here fucking trying to like... You know when you can look at certain people and you just go like, God damn, they've got the motion of the ocean. You know what I'm saying? I feel like he's so like thin that he might just have a fat, fat, fat bonger. He might have like a full sausage. He's got like an everlasting gobstopper down there. He's just wonka-barn it out.
Bro, by the way, I know we're getting off topic once again, but in the original Gene Wilder, when that fucking kid opens up the chocolate, I'm like, this looks so fucking good. This chocolate looks so fucking good. Fuck the ticket. I'm trying to eat some of that fucking chocolate bar. Dude, this chocolate's so good, it makes your fucking grandpa walk. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. Yo, don't even get me started on that old piece of shit. Oh, yeah, that fucking old bastard. I think it was depression, though. That's what I think it was.
You know what I think? I think he's a fucking lazy fuck. I love- The dude was dancing. The original one, there's a scene. I forgot exactly which one it is. One of the kids are doing something. He's like, no, stop, please. Oh, no. Like- Oh, yeah. It's just fucking- Like, Gene Wilder is just so fucking good in that. And to, like- He died, I think, in, like, 2017, 2018. He lived up in Connecticut. There was a drive-in theater that would play it every year, and he would go and do, like, a Q&A afterward just for fucking shitsy gigs. Damn, that's fucking cool.
Yeah. Gene Wilder, man. Young Frankenstein. Young Frankenstein. That's a great movie. You know, obviously Willy Wonka. The guy was just fucking... It's Gene. It's just Gene. Just good old Genie. It's Gene. Good old Genie. Wasn't he in The Producers? The original Producers as well? Of what? The Producers. Oh, I don't... Oh, I think so. Was it? I don't know. I don't remember either, but it's all right. It felt like if I agreed with you, it would go away. Speaking of Dune... Yeah? Did you see the popcorn bucket?
The popcorn bucket? Here we go! What are you doing? Sorry, I had to sneeze. So inappropriate. I'm sorry. And like, incorrect way to sneeze. It wasn't incorrect. You did... Okay, well... I felt that one in my chest, honestly. I guess I'll just... Because you sneezed with your whole body like a psycho! Fucking piece of shit. You see the dune popcorn bucket? Dune popcorn bucket? This thing is gonna suck your cock better than anything you've ever had.
Look it up. Dune popcorn bucket. So you know how like for like... Oh, for Batman, it was like Batman's head. Yes, it was the cowl. And then like for like the Super Mario Brothers movie, it was a question block. They made one for Dune and it's of the sandworms. Okay. For Dune 2? Yes. This is a fleshlight. Dude. What the fuck? A little bit of butter? You're going to tell me... Look at this. You're going to tell me you're not fucking going to town on that thing? Bro, I can tell you this.
100% of the men who bought this went home and railed it. Fuck. Railed the shit out of it. They're bringing this back home and they're full on porno railing these porn movies. How does this get like approved? Like there's no one thinking. I legitimately ask that all the time when there's like stupid marketing campaigns and I'm just like either the people that are doing this have no sense of what is real or what's real.
What happened? There's a picture here where Jimmy Fallon had it and Timmy's throwing his fucking fist in it. Oh, yeah. I think it's Kimmel. I think they were on Kimmel. Yeah, and he was fisting it? On TV? He put his whole hand in that bad boy. Listen, man. Timmy. Do we need to get one?
For science, I think. Go see Dune 2. Go to like a movie and get it. But you know these things are going to be collectibles. Of course. I mean, they're probably, you can't find them anywhere. Just put this thing on like a fucking... A little bit of butter? Freaky bitch! I'm only saying what I believe other people have already said and probably done. Yeah, they're banging it for 100%. 100% bringing this thing home. Or even fuck home. They're peewee hermiting this bad boy. Oh my God, illegal stuff.
They're bringing this right to... Bro. No? Speaking of Pee Wee Herman. He's dead. I know he's super dead. Rip. Rip. The fact that there's whole movie theaters dedicated to porn is insane to me. Here's my serious, serious, serious question. Why would you want to watch it like that? But not only why would you want to watch it. It was like a thing of the 70s and 80s before you can get it readily available at home.
What the fuck did you think was gonna happen? Yeah, you don't think people are jerking off in there? I think it's fucked up to have that and not let them jerk off. Bro, you are legitimately telling me you have a movie theater with comfy seats. Dark. Dark. Porn. And porn on the TV and people are not gonna jerk off in there? How could you do that? What is wrong with you? That's fucked up. There was a porn theater by us.
Me and you? Yeah, growing up. Oh, on a fucking... A story boulevard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've never been there. I never went there either. It was close to the Cozy Cabin, though, and that place I have been. You can't go because it's been condemned. Yeah, and it was cozy at the time. If you were by cozy, you were all about just like women that cough and show their boobs. Yeah. Yeah.
Coughing? Have you wanted coughing strippers? Naked coughing strippers. You got it, man. You gotta hit the cozy cabin, dude. There's naked coughing strippers. Oh, man. The croup on her was just so...
Naked coughing strippers. Bro. It's like, oh, wait. It's so true, though. Wait till you hear the fucking. The ventilation in there wasn't great. It was a lot of black mold. I hear they just got a new one with a fucking, with a swollen larynx. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. But what do you expect, dude? Yeah. Of course. It's crazy. But at the time, Pee Wee Herman got caught for this.
He probably had money to get some porn at home. Yeah, that's a little confusing. But I think there's some people that are probably into like, well, I'm being sneaky. Nobody knows I'm in here doing this. Gross.
Yeah, very weird. I would also be like, I'm Pee Wee Herman. I'm worried about walking out of this place and someone would be like, hey, Pee Wee! And I was like, wait, what the fuck, Pee Wee? I mean, it might have been a dark time for Mr. Paul Rubens. I'm not quite sure what was going on in his life at the time. But, I mean, he's hamming it up in a fucking movie theater. I mean, there's definitely stuff going on. Also, you have to get ready for that. You know what I mean? You can't just show up ready to jerk. You need to wear certain clothes.
A duster coat. Yeah. You're jerking off into a jacket at least, right? I mean, you have to. You can't go there in shorts. You need a jerk-off jacket. It's also like a premeditated horniness. Like you're like, I'm going to be horny at 2 p.m. tomorrow, that May. That's why. You know what I mean? It's the mens rea. It's the criminal mind here. That's what's the worst part of it is that you need to premeditation. Premeditate. Premeditate your cum shot. Right. Right.
It's just wild. Yeah, it's kind of bananas, dude, that that exists. And I'm sure it exists in other states. Like, there's more of them. I think for the show, we need to start getting, like, collector's items in here to, like, be more like when people come and be like, that's the fucking jerk off bucket. Oh, this is the fist that, you know, Joey got, you know, that remember the fist that popped out of the drawer? I do remember that. You know, like, we need to have more collector's items. Yeah. And I think we need the dune popcorn bucket.
Just so you can hump it. I don't want to hump it. Just so you can hump it. I don't want to hump it. I don't. I would like a lot of popcorn, though. Actually, yeah. Keep the pussy. Give me the popcorn. I just want some popcorn, dude. Keep the sandworm butthole. Give me some fucking good old... What's your favorite popcorn? White cheddar. Really? Smartfoods white cheddar. Insane popcorn. God, I'm going to punch you as fucking hard as I can. That's mad good popcorn. Smartfoods.
Smartfood. That's the company that makes it. Smartfood. It's not like a healthy version. It's just that's what the company's called. It's called Smartfood for a reason. They're trying to be smart about their food. It's white cheddar popcorn. It's not good. I'm talking like Pop Secret.
Or are you like an Orville Redenbacher? I've had Orville Redenbacher like maybe twice in my life. By the way, fuck your name, dude. Yeah. The worst. You sound like a circus. Legitimately, yes. Yeah. I don't want that. I want, you ready? Yeah. Pop secret. Yep. Homestyle. What does that mean? It's just more salt. Okay. And there's a little bit of butter. Uh-huh. And then I make my own brown butter at home. What's brown butter?
You've never had brown butter? Is that just like burnt butter? Yes. Okay. And you put it on the popcorn? Mm-hmm. Legitimate. Yeah. Hand job in a bowl. Oh, I like that. You know? I think that if you don't put butter on your popcorn, you don't deserve the popcorn. I don't do movie theater butter.
Because that's not butter. That's oil. I don't know what that is. It's not butter. I don't go for extra butter at that. But, like, the people that, like, go and, like, press the button and, like, that shit comes down, I don't do that. I just get regular popcorn. Yeah. Yeah, me too. You know what popcorn was mad good? Do you remember, like, the Frito-Lay popcorn bags when we were growing up? It was mad yellow? The yellow, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit was fucking... It was, like, yellow and orange, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that shit was good. Who makes that? I think it was Frito-Lay. Okay. Okay.
You know what's funny? I just had this conversation with Danny and his brother when I went out for Danny's birthday. We were talking about popcorn. I don't know how it came up. That's kind of crazy. I'm not a kettle corn guy. Keep that shit. I hate kettle corn. Keep that shit. Also, Cracker Jacks? I like them. I like caramel. I do too, but like, no. I just don't understand why they're like an American treasure, Cracker Jacks. I don't know. Don't do that. They're trash is what they are. I don't fuck with them. I wouldn't go with trash. They're trash. They're trash.
I wouldn't go that far. This is also where the conversation went, too, because then we started talking about caramel apples. And I'm like, this is stupid. You ever had one? No. Well, there you go. But, like, why would I eat an apple on a stick? That's ridiculous. But it's just with, like, a little bit of caramel on the outside. Also, candy apples. But it's, like, hard. Love them. You have teeth. I don't want to bite a fucking apple in a hard casing of sugar. Well, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, you dumb bitch.
The fucking caramel is soft. Like, it's not like you're going to bite it and crack your teeth. Yeah, I'm not saying... The candied ones, the red ones, you need a little oomph. But you have working teeth and a fucking jaw that doesn't suck. You can do it. So then maybe I'm thinking of candied apples? If you... One second, listen to what I just said. I just said candied apples. I know. I'm fucking acknowledging that. You fucking... Relax. Relax.
I used to get candy apples all the time. They're mad good. Where? Where do you even get them? I used to get them at Lake Compounds and we would go. Oh, okay. So you can only get that in like a Halloween town or something. No, no, no. There's a candy store by us that has them. I think that if you're... I'll bring you
I don't want to eat it. I'm not going to eat it. You're fucking getting one. I'm not going to eat it. I'll throw it. No, if I cut you off a little piece. All right, if you cut it off a little piece, I'll have some. All right. But I'm not, like, I think that if you're going to buy them, like, I'm not, like, this is a serious thought. And I know it's going to come off as a joke, but this is something I actually feel. When I think of buying, like, a candied apple, I always think that a woman dressed as a witch is handing it over to me. Like, it doesn't feel like. Like she fucking, code.
Yeah, she's got like a prosthetic nose and she's got the whole thing on. Well, the witch is, it's a real nose. Yeah. Oh, you're playing like it's an imaginary thing. No, this is, what are you, what? Big candy episode here. Wonka. Yeah. Candied apples. I love Wonka though. I just, I think that everything, imagine going to a store where the entire thing is fucking candy. Dude, I will say that. When they're in that shop in the first movie and she like bites the little teacup.
I love that. Yes. And they bid a teacup in that movie. I don't know if you saw that. At the end, at the very end, yeah. I was like, yo, fuck yes. Yes, I would like an edible teacup. Edible things that aren't supposed to be edible are cool to me. When we were kids, there was, remember how like the Scholastic book fairs and like the holiday shops that they would set up at our elementary school? Yeah, and I'm buying matter racers. I remember Joey used to buy a ton of those, like the.
The pencil, like, what were they called? Pencil grips? Yeah, like, it was like a little monster on the top of your pencil. Well, no, that was the pencil toppers. I'm talking about the grips that you'd put, like, about where you... Oh, and then it... Yo, I did like that. Wow, you could put, like, a little foam thing on your pencil so it, like, makes your finger feel nice. Oh, the Asian kids had them a lot. Yeah, they did. And they had, like, ones that would, like, help them write better. Yeah. Also... And it helped. And they were all excelling. They were all better than us. Yeah. And by the way, this isn't...
What? Appropriate. They were just better than we were. Yeah, I'm not. Okay, I just want to make sure I say that. No, no, no. The Asian kids, they had comfortable pencils and they did really well. Who was it that had a bit where they were just like, is that racist? We're saying that they're better than us. I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to take their bit. It's their bit, not mine. But at one of those holiday shops, they had sold edible paper.
And it was like a pen and it was like a spy thing. So you could like pass notes and it was like food, food safe, like marker. So like you can like write it and give it to someone and they can eat it. And it tasted like the fucking Eucharist. I remember it very clearly. When have you had Eucharist? I've had Eucharist. Have you? I used to lie about being Catholic. I, okay. So you came to church with me?
There's other times I could have gone to church, not with you, Joey. But I'm asking, have you ever been to church with me? I don't know if I've been to church with you, maybe for like wakes and funerals and stuff like that. But like when we were younger, my sister used to take me and her and we would go Sunday nights for a blip. Yeah. And I would always just say like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like,
That's why I was hungry, man. Yeah, the Eucharist tasted like nothing. Literally nothing. I've had a good one, though. I was at a church one time in Long Island, and I think it was like a christening or something, and I got some host. It may not have been a christening. I don't know. And I got some of the Eucharist, and I was like, that's a good Eucharist. Really? I mean, Jesus, is it going to kill you to just put a little rosemary and oil in there? A little seasoning on it or something. You know what I mean? A little garlic in your body.
A garlic, I like that. We're not, we're very, well, first of all, we, not me. Yeah. It's a very easy thing, you know? A little spread, you know what I'm saying? Put a little fucking, like a... I'm just saying, if I was giving my body...
And say like the body of Christ or the body of Frank. I want it to be kind of delicious. Garlic and herb or something. Yes. Like a little bit of a spread, you know? Like, you know how you do the Ash Wednesday with the thumb? Do that to the things, but just a little bit on the crack. Nothing crazy. Like, we don't need anything nuts. You know, sour cream and onion. Right. Cool with that. Cheddar and sour cream. Some dust. Yes. That I like. Listen, Jesus.
Who's making the decisions on that, too? You should be upset at the person that made your fucking body bland-ass crackers. There's gotta be...
And also, isn't he like Middle Eastern, dude? Let's get some spices in this thing. Tahini. Yeah. You know, there's definitely some fucking... This is not meant to be plain bread. Yeah. This has got to have some spices. Listen, a little smoked paprika and tahini goes a long way. Thank you, paprika. Now we're talking about stuff. That's all I'm saying. You just need something in there. If I'm ingesting the body of Christ, I want it to be memorable...
From a taste. I want it to be so good that I'm dying to come back next week to get a little bit more of Christ. Listen up, church. Your marketing is all fucking wrong here. Or just have some dips. Like, maybe some people like a plain thing, but like, have a little dip next to when you give me the thing, the body of Christ. I'm like, amen. Ping, ping, pow, ping. You know what I mean? Like, oh, oh.
Oh, like what if the blood of Christ is not just wine, but it's like a jus, you know, like a French dip style jus. Oh, and then it's just like fucking bang. Yeah, you could do that. That would be sick, dude. Yeah. And I don't, is it white wine? I don't remember. No, the body, the blood of Christ is red wine. Yeah, but I don't, I don't know. I think they were getting when I was white back then. Oh, then that's, that's, they were just trying to get you drunk and fucking. I'm just trying to get a. Finger your ass, dude. Dude.
They were just trying to figure your butt, man. I also wonder what kind of wine they were drinking. Like, it was like good wine. Oh, here comes wine Joe. He goes back to church. He's like, yeah, that's a Mont Chambre, Rene. Who makes the wine? Is it holy people? Like our priests out there? The holy vineyard? Are there any vineyard tours that go there? Is it like Napa Valley, but like there's like a holy section of it? Yeah. Like for Christmas, you get us a nice little like, you know, like a Caymus or something. Yeah.
Yeah. Like a nice one. The blood of Christ. And you're just like, that's Chianti, bitch. Yeah, right? Like, I want to like know. Yeah, I want to taste, you know, I want to see the legs on this bastard too. Also kind of crazy that we're all drinking from the same cup. Germs. I mean, I think COVID got rid of that. Yeah. And also the guy wasn't really doing anything. People would drink from it and then he would take a thing and just go, hmm.
I'm like, yeah, you're just spreading around. You're just spreading it. Yeah, if anything, you're making it more seasoned. Maybe that's what it was. No, it wasn't. You're tasting the seasoning. It's like a cast iron skillet, you know? Like, you're tasting the food from, like, ten fucking cooks ago. Oh, so you want to, like, get... So, like, you're getting the holy... Yeah, but then you're eating all the ladies' lipstick. You're getting the holy lips of, like, a fucking 90-year-old woman and then, like, you know, a 20-year-old kid. Yeah, that's just bananas to me. That's kind of wild. Also...
I was able to, that was the first time I've ever sipped wine was in third grade at my communion. Damn. And I was like, yo, this is about to be fire. I'm about to be hammered. And then I took a sip and I was like, this is disgusting. You know what story I was telling the other day? Becca was like, we were just kind of- Hold on, hold on. Yep, yep, yep.
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And you know, I gotta piggyback off of Joey right here. I'm gonna get right off of his back and right back onto this horse to tell you guys about patreon.com slash thebasepanyard. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't think you realize what you have helped us do. We, as of today, as of recording, okay, are number 7th in the world.
on uh patreon yeah period that's everything on patreon number seven baby lucky that's ten we're seven for podcast ten ten seven for podcast i'm sorry joey's gonna go outside and he's gonna give me a couple spankings so whether you like that or not i still need to tell you about patreon.com so that's the basement where you can get more of us you can get more of us sooner
Okay? You can get these weekly episodes one week in advance if you sign up for that first tier. And then that second tier, well, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday where there's a little more of us, a little hotter, a little dirtier, a little sweatier, sexier. You never know what's going to happen on Fridays at 7 a.m. So that's right.
That's right, folks. Monday, 7 a.m., weekly episode, a week in advance if you're a patron, and then Friday, 7 a.m., exclusive episodes on Patreon. And now listen, if you have trouble going to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, go to that new goddamn website we got, baby, thebasementyard.com, where not only do we have links to the Patreon, not only do we have links to our incredible merchandise, but we also have a little thing at the bottom where you could sign up to get a newsletter, an email from Daddy Joe. That's right. BigButts.com.
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Yeah. Well, maybe we'll surprise you in there. You never know. So check it out. Thank you to our patrons. Thank you to all you guys for supporting and loving us. And for those that you don't, well, guess what? You're going to get bed bugs. So your, your call. You're going to get bed bugs. So, but the story that Becca and I, the other day we're talking about, like, like the, the households that we grew up and how like different they were. And Becca was like,
She's like, "As a kid, I had anxiety when I knew people around me were having alcohol." I'm like, "Really?" She's like, "Yeah, it would really, really bother me." And I was like, "Not us." And I remembered when we would be in second or third grade and we would do pizza parties. Do you remember we would sit there with a cup of soda and a pretzel rod?
And pretend we were smoking cigars and the soda was beer and we'd be like, oh, it's a junk. I don't think I've ever eaten a pretzel rod and not pretended it was a cigar. It's gotta be. Like, to this day, if you give me a pretzel rod, it's a... I'm sucking the pretzel dust through the end of the fucking pretzel. Well, that's because Joey has a weird thing about sucking things through things that don't need to be sucked through. No, I like with foods, like doing that. You're a freak with sucking. No...
You are. He's like, oh, honeycombs. I suck the milk through it. I'm not the only fucking person in the world who does that. It's like an oral fixation thing, maybe. What's the phobia of little small dots or something like that? Oh, it's a... I don't know. Joey doesn't have a phobia. It's like a sexy thing for you. It's like a kink. I don't like that. You see it and you want to suck things through it. Don't even lie. No. Don't even lie. No, no, no. When it comes to a bunch of little things, I definitely want to put my hand in it.
Oh, you're like a bowl of M&Ms. Yeah, absolutely. Or like you ever see, you ever get a cough? Well, you don't drink coffee, but you ever see someone get a coffee and it's like, it's like a bunch of bubbles on top. If it wasn't scalding hot, a part of me is just like, yeah, I don't know what it is. Oh, you know what I do sometimes?
When I meant like for instance like if I have a liquid IV or whatever like I'll throw it in and I'll start mixing it up and then there's like bubbles and stuff and I'll take the spoon and I'll scoop out the bubbles and throw it in the sink. What the hell is wrong with you? I don't know. This is weird. You have a weird thing about You don't do that? No.
You don't have little things like that, though, that are probably stupid? I do. I have a lot of things that are really stupid. I scoop out the bubbles and I throw them down. I wait until they come up naturally because then they're funny to talk about. If I give them to you all at once, I'm shooting my wad prematurely all over you, and I don't want to do that. Okay, me neither. I don't want that. I definitely don't want that. Ew. Joey, I don't know if you saw, but our boy is back in the news.
Good old Benny Shaps. We talked about Timmy Shaps. Benny Shaps. Yeah. Benny Shaps. Ben Shapiro. He's a rapper now. He is now a rapper. Yeah. People were tagging us in it and we saw it. We listened to it. He has a song. Now, listen. We're not going to get into the political messaging of the song because...
I also didn't listen to the song. There's some stuff in there that's not really kind. To whom? A lot of people. I mean, you could just read it yourself. But again, we're not going to get into it because I think you guys know who we are, where we stand on certain things. But when we hear Ben Shapiro releases a rap song, you know we need to break that down.
Ben Shapiro rap song lyrics. And I think one of the last times you spoke about him was just... Who the fuck is Tom McDonald? That's the other guy that made the song. But like, one of the last times you spoke about him... Tom McDonald? Yeah, right? My rap name, Tom McDonald. Old McDonald. Last time, one of the last times you spoke about him was when he... Or the original time you spoke about him is when he... Yeah? First of all...
What the fuck is happening here? He said, so can we just, can I? Are you doing the Shapiro verse or are we doing? Yeah, but this also says Shapiro and Tom McDonald. So I don't know when he comes in. Well, Shapiro's on it. So, but again, Ben Shapiro rapping. Yeah. The first time we spoke was with the WAP controversy. And that's in here. This wet ass pussy.
There might be something wrong if your pussy is that wet. Yeah. My wife told me, she's a doctor, her pussy's never been wet. Yeah. It's like, we knew that. We knew that, brother. He says in this rap song, the first thing is, let's look at the stats. I've got the facts. My money like Lizzo, my pockets are fat. What?
Listen, just like picture him saying that though. Look at the stats. I've got the facts. My money, like Lizzo, my pockets are fat. Yeah. And he was probably like, uh, fucking bars. But this, this, this flow reminded me so much of like when the rock hopped on. What was that song he hopped on? Where he's like, it's about drive. It's about power. It's about hunger. It's about power. It was just like, it's so like motivational rap. It was a Tech N9ne song. Okay. Respect to Mr. N9ne.
And The Rock, because I love The Rock. Yeah. But like...
Yeah, I don't know about all that. That shit was like a Fort Minor song. 10%, look, 20%. He's like, it's about motivation. It's about motivation and getting after it and being the best and working hard. Waking up early, then earlier. Yeah, and then he's just like Iron Lion. And it's just like, dude, chill out. But okay, Lizzo just catching a stray here. Yeah, it's crazy. My money like Lizzo in my pockets are... I have to admit. It's funny. Kind of a bar. Then he says, homie, I'm epic. Don't be a wap. Don't be a wet ass pussy.
Or is he saying like WAP? Yikes. Is that? I don't think. I think that's W-O-P. Oh. What does it spell? W-A-P? Yep. WAP. Okay, because I was like, is he going after Italians right now? Damn. Everyone's catching a stray. This is the most hood shit he's ever done. He's just dissing every possible person he can. He said, homie, I'm epic. Don't be a WAP. Oh, don't be a WAP. Dog, it's a yarmulke. Homie, no cap.
Wait, what? Dog, it's a yarmulke? Homie, no cap? Yeah. I heard the song, didn't hear it to the point where I would remember that he's... That's kind of fire, dude. Because he wears his yarmulke all the time. Yeah. You know, sometimes... His hair's so black that sometimes I don't think he's wearing it. Bro, I swear to God, I can't tell all the time. I see it sometimes and I'm like, oh, I forget that he's wearing that thing. Well, it's hard for you to tell being 5'4". That's enough.
Look at the graphs. Look at my charts. You're blowing money on strippers and cars. You're... Well... He just... I mean, yeah. You're going to prison. I'm on television. Dog, no one knows who you are. Who is this about? Yeah, who's this diss track to? It sounds like... So Lizzo is getting the first diss. Yeah, she got shot at. And then Don't Be a Wop, so that's a diss too. Yeah, my grandfather, I think. Jesus Christ, Joe B.
That's a district Cardi B and Megan. Yeah. The Stallion. Meg the Stallion. Yeah. He's just, he's going after dog. It's a Yamaka homie. No cap. That's fire. I got to admit, I can't even front. Listen, Benny Shaps. This guy is kind of spitting here. Uh,
Keep hating on me on the internet. My comics, comic, my comment sections, all woke Karen's and I'm gonna make racks. I make racks off a compound interest. Now we're all right now. Hold on. Now we're not, first of all, don't,
flaunt that you have woke errands just like pumped for you. I make racks off of compound interest is the nerdiest thing you could possibly say in a restaurant. I mean, what did he say before? Like, you're doing strippers and money on cars and strippers. You're blowing money on strippers and cars. You're going to prison. I'm on television. Is he? Is he?
I don't think he's on television. Wait a sec. Is he on television? Like Newsmax maybe? Or like the Holy Channel? No, there's the Holy Channel. There's like Holy Channels. Oh, I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. Is he on television? I think that he has his own network or whatever. But I don't know that it's television. What's Ben Shapiro's network called again? Fuck. I don't know. Something. Ben Shapiro Network. Ben Shapiro Network. It's like the... Not the Wire. That's a great show though. You guys should go watch the Wire.
Yeah, that is a really network. It's something like that. The daily wire. Daily wire. Dude, look at me. I guess, man. I don't see anything. I see YouTube. Yeah. I see... I mean, you guys are an entrepreneur. You gotta kind of... Who is this about? Uh-oh.
Who's catching it? Oh, bro, Nicki Minaj. He went after her. He went directly after Nicki? He said, keep on hating me on the internet. My comment section is all while Karen's and I make racks off of compound interest. Y'all live with your parents. Well, because they probably bought a house for their parents and then they can live with them, but never mind. Nicki, take some notes. I just did this for fun. All my people who download this, let's get a billboard number one.
What after fucking, yo, Nicki Minaj better come out with some crazy shit. Well, she's got some stuff going on right now. Yeah, she was like. She's like beefing with Megan Thee Stallion. Really? Yeah, they were getting at each other. What were they doing? I don't know. But apparently Nicki Minaj's husband is like a, he was like, it was like a. Careful. He got arrested for some stuff. For some things, yeah. For some things that like are not cool. Yeah. So then Megan Thee Stallion was like bringing that up. Yeah, well, okay. Which is like fair, I guess.
Here I'm gonna ask a serious question right here. Yeah, I need you to be a thousand percent Okay, let's put on our rap hats for a sec. Okay, okay one two Is it worse if she does or doesn't respond to him? You got to throw him a line. You got to throw what do you say?
I don't know. It's Ben Shapiro. He can say literally anything. There's so much to make fun of. I mean, you could talk about his wife's dry-up vagina. Could. You could talk about... He already took care of that. Yeah. He fucking didn't even realize how bad he set himself up for that one. I got the facts. This is the chorus of the song. This ain't rap. Literally is. I think actually it is. Literally is. This ain't rap. This ain't money, cars, and clothes. We ain't selling drugs. We ain't gonna overdose. Yeah.
Yikes, but okay. We ain't pushing guns and promoting stripper polls. We won't turn your sons into thugs or your daughters into hoes. Uh-oh. This is a little problematic, but okay. We won't turn your sons into thugs or your daughters into hoes. Something about this is hilarious to me. Yeah, because they're white people. But also, I just like, the dude Tom McDonald is just like a tatted up white dude.
Tom McDonald, it doesn't get more white than that. Like, look at him. He's a very tatted up white dude. Yep.
Weird looking fella. He's only 35. Dude, don't sh- Wait, he's Canadian? That makes this even funnier. Whoa, wait a sec. Is he Canadian? Bro, apparently Canada is like down for Trump, dude. They are. We were talking to our videographer, Mikey. Yeah, he's a Canadian. He's from British Columbia. See- Why is he- What is this? This is not your country. This is not- I'm not allowing this to happen. Absolutely not. If you're going to be a piece of shit-
I don't know if this guy's a piece of shit. His rap doesn't make him, doesn't do him any justice. Be an American piece of shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, you know, have some skin in the game here, but you're Canadian. I think too highly of Canadians now after working so closely with Mikey and like, yeah, he's the best. I can't, I can't allow this to go on. It's pretty funny though. I mean, but yeah, all of his songs are about like, these are the names, fake woke, the system, your America, American flags, race war, war,
Like these are all names. And it's like, bro, you're from Canada though. What? I was asking Mikey one day, I was like, is there like, how bad does it get up there? He's like, oh, there are people in Canada that fly Trump 2024 flags. And I'm like, they realize that does nothing. Yeah. That's like me putting up like, I couldn't name a little another world leader. I don't know why I even started that sentence. Yeah. That's like if I stood ground on like an Australian prime minister, like. Yeah. What is that? How?
You know what I mean? Also, why do we have a president and they have a prime minister? I kind of want a prime minister. That sounds cool. I have to admit that does sound way cooler than president. Yeah. And everyone else has like a prime minister, right? I don't know. Probably not. But like immediately I think. I think Brazil has a president. Brazil? I'm pretty sure they have a president. What do they got down there?
Brazilian food. Butts. They got butts, okay. They got butts. They have carnival. Yes. Yeah, they do. Carnival. Yes. They have birds. They have birds? Yeah, it's like the tropical rainforest down there. Oh, oh. They got butts. Coffee. Coffee. The biggest exporter of coffee in the world. Bigger than Colombia? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's how you trick everyone. That's a little fucking trivia question for you.
Everyone says Columbo. Now I'm better off, Joey. Fucking thank you. Yeah, it'll come in handy one day, bitch. So is it worse if you respond to Ben Shapiro or if you don't respond? Do you let him just kind of do his thing? Like he didn't go after like, he didn't go after too hard. You know what I mean? He went after Lizzo and Nikki, bro. You guys got to say something. Lizzo, she's done, dude. Yo, Lizzo would beat the shit out of him.
With such ease dude Yeah yeah She bit the shit out of me Probably honestly Oh 100% She got that flute Just Knocked my head off She just might just You ever see her play the flute? Yeah she was Tearing up She was tearing it up With James Madison's flute Remember that? People were all pissed about that And they were just like Don't you dare That's an American flute I don't get why people care about like It's a wind instrument dude That's what I mean like It's like oh yo You see this? This is George Washington's teeth And you're like
Why would I care about that? I don't... Can I... I think it's interesting to see really old stuff, but we're keeping his teeth. I think that's the only thing we have. No, we have a ton of shit. We have the shit that he wore. I think it's just crazy because it was in his mouth. Yeah, and it was disgusting. If you guys haven't watched...
What's his name? The Shane Gillis bit online on Netflix. Yeah. Go watch it. He fucking, the stuff he does in George Washington is incredible. It's crazy. But hold on, let's get to these ads and then we'll finish. We have Babbel folks. Babbel is going to help you learn a new language. Okay. If you don't want to be just a boy,
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I, you thought we were going to jump over this, but we're not fucking jumping over this because before we started, Frank just starts reading some headlines and then he finds one. He's like, oh, there's this place. It's called a diaper spa in New Hampshire. And I was like, and then he tried to go to the next thing. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What is that? What's the diaper spa? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I should probably pull it up before I completely butcher this. I'll butcher it. It's a place, because we talked about it briefly. It's a place in New Hampshire that you can go to. And the place is like, it's like a fucking child's room. So it's in New Hampshire. It's called the diaper spa. And they pride themselves on being a place where you can laugh, love, and play.
Attention back... I don't know. Adult diapy?
Adult baby slash diaper lover, nursery spa care, therapeutic support, and life coaching, and a 24-hour stay called the Diaper B&B. All clients are required to wear adult diapers. Required? Yeah. Why required? The owner of the spa, Colleen Ann Murphy, is a licensed medical doctor, not for long, who is starting the business with the best intentions. The intent is to shit your pants, dude. Yeah, I feel like... So here's the thing.
If you have a kink or a... I don't want to say that. But if you have something in your head that's like, you know, sometimes I just want to take, you know, an early lunch, go home and act like a baby and wear a diaper and suck on a pacifier.
Do it. I think you should do it. Go crazy. But it helps people process whatever trauma it was, Murphy said, of ABDL and her spa website. A lot of times it's childhood trauma when they were in diapers or just getting out of diapers and they want to feel the safety that they had before that.
But are they crap in the diapers, though? What safety? Let me be very clear about something. I just want to say. Believe it or not, we're not doctors. I just want to say, sympathetic towards if something happened and there's trauma. But the thing that I can't get past. Is how is shitting your pants helping you get over trauma? Oh, no. Oh, I feel like a baby again. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like.
Why is it required? Yeah. Like, you should be... Like, if you want to, like, go and be like, oh, I just would like to, you know... Because whatever. I'd like to sleep in a crib for a night. Weird, but you know what? Fine. Okay. You know, some white people like to hollow out a school bus and live in it. Okay? It's not that crazy to be like... You guys are nuts for that, by the way. Yeah, actually, that does sound interesting to me. But, like... Oh, here comes School Bus Joe 2028.
So like whatever there's people do whatever you want to do the fact though that it's required that you wear a diaper makes me believe that a lot of people have started shitting absolutely insane absolutely just because like they're saying like it's a sense of like comfort no way it is by definition the opposite of comfy because kids cry they don't like it well for many reasons one
A lot of bacteria. You'll get fucking rashes. Two, do you think, first of all, don't want to shit my pants. As humans, we actively avoid doing that every single day. I would do it. Stop. I would do it just for like, because I could say it and I did it.
Like I went to this place, I slept in a crib, and I absolutely ripped one in my diaper. Dude, I don't think you'd be able to. I think your body would tense up. Your body would tense up. And does it have a blowout back door? What's that called? Oh, like those like flaps? No, no, no. What's it called? Like the back, the blowout? The blowout support. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The blowout preventer or something like that. It's called a blowout? It's literally what they call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, does it have that? I hope. Yeah. I mean, what are you doing in your pants, dude? Taking a big crap. I don't know. What are you doing in your pants?
Like I would save a big crap. I would send you there. I would feed you like. Should we go? Should we go take a crap in New Hampshire? We is a strong thing. We should not go. You are more than welcome. Let's go to New Hampshire. We'll stay in a crib. I don't want to revert back to when I was a fucking infant and I was crapping my pants. Would you piss in one?
Bro, I piss in my pants sometimes. I'll fucking, I don't care. I'll piss, like, you know, I will say. Didn't you pee on an episode of the Patreon? Didn't you pee in a diaper? That's neither here nor there. I think you did. So listen, I don't know if I could physically crap in a diaper. It was when we were at your old place. I do remember that. And I think. I wore a diaper for a day. You wore a diaper and I think you diddled in it. I didn't shit in it. Pee pee. I pissed in it.
Crazy it was for the experience. I was trying to experience. Can I seriously? Yes, because I hope you're not like these type of people where it's like you need to experience everything at least once Why in you like what? Unfulfillment. Yeah, do you have that you need to fill it with piss peeing your pants? Uh, it's not about that. It's I think the reason why we did that. Why did we do that? I think it was like
We had talked to someone on opl About that like that does the baby thing And then it just became like funny of like oh you should wear a diaper for a day and let me know how it is And it's not it could be worse. Like i'm not gonna lie. Where did you you didn't shit it though? Absolutely not. Yeah. Well, that's the thing It's like I don't know if I could actually piss uh actually shit in a diaper like my body might not let me but I could definitely piss in one like immediately
Yeah, no pee I could let it fly wherever whenever you know like Shakira wherever whenever we're meant to be together right? We I mean piss and a diaper. Yeah, exactly. Well, how many pisses do you think a diaper can hold though? I mean, well, I have kids in diapers So if they fill up but like do they ever like my piss? No, bro. I'm saying like baby piss. No, what are we saying here? Who's piss?
Have you ever pulled a diaper off one of your kids and been like, you pissed in this 100 times? Bro, yes. There are some mornings where Maeve wakes up and it's like I'm holding like a wet paper towel in my hand. That's so not cool. It's so wet, dude. It's not chill at all. It's not chill. Baby, be more chill. Stop doing piss. Stop doing so much piss. Do a little bit of piss. But that's the thing is like when I piss, I piss a lot. You take big pisses? At least a pint.
That's not a lot. Is it? But I'm saying at least... Alright, two pints. Wow. Three? That's a lot. No, no, no. I don't know. I don't know how much I piss. But what I'm saying is like... We should test this out. Who takes bigger pisses? Who takes bigger pisses? I gotta pee. As I said the word piss, I gotta pee. I can convince myself to piss. Yeah. Like that. Yeah, yeah. If I stand in front of a...
A urinal. I'll just pee. Really? Yeah, there's been times where I just go to the bathroom. For comfort. Because I don't even have to piss. I just don't want to sit out there by myself. I can't see myself understanding why people would go to this place.
I mean, there's some trauma there and they have like an attachment to these things. I fully, fully, fully... I agree though. Crapping in a diaper, I don't know if that's helping anything. I fully support people, you know, whatever they feel they need to do to, you know, solve their trauma. Without poop though. But, dude, but, but, if you find that the only thing that helps your trauma is crapping in your pants...
World of questions on my end. And it's not just exclusive to those who want to crap their own pants because there are people out there that were like, I am not going to be fulfilled unless you crap on me. I'd like to be crapped upon. Can't bring that up right now. People have been crapped upon. I know, but it's in the news about crapping on people right now. Oh yeah, Vince McMahon shit on a woman's head. Don't, don't, we can't, we should not talk about that, especially in a weekly episode. I'm just saying...
That's a crazy thing. I'm not like on his side. What do you mean? I'm just saying, you know, this is crazy. I know. He fucking. Absolutely. That was the first thing I saw. I was like, I think I'm good on reading all of this because guys are sick. Fuck. Yeah. Well, don't get me started. But I just I think for science, I think you should go.
You want me to go there? I think you should. I think you should spend a night, you know, make sure you load up on crap like foods. You know, you cheeses, anything your body ingests, you'll crap your pants. That's how eating works, Frank. Well, no, but like you're, you're always texting us saying like my body just turned that into water quick. I said that one time, like 10 years ago. And Frankie hasn't let me live it down. It's unbelievable. I mean, it's what happened. No. So I'm thinking have a gyro.
Bottle of wine what the hell have a gyro and a bottle of wine and then go Spend a night in the crap in the crap spa. What is it called the diaper spa? I like that it's required actually no I don't I'm confused that it's required, but I think that's cool that like you would walk in this who changes you oh Oh, maybe you change yourself
Way worse, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Because at least if you're giving it the space to fall out, it's not like getting smushed around your butt. Now you have a smushed butt poop. A poop smush butt. A butt of poop. Stop. Fucking stop. Fuck. This kid. Every combination of the words he wants to fucking use. Butt smush. Butt smush. At least say a butt smooch.
Smooching butts I mean it's crazy man It's in New Hampshire That's way worse dude Shout out to New Hampshire man I don't know what's going on over there I've never even like been I've been I've been there Once or twice For whom? I had a friend that lived in New Hampshire Briefly We went to like party At his house one weekend In college I've been to Vermont That just feels like New Hampshire
Have you been anywhere with trees? Vermont. There you go. You've been in New Hampshire. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I imagine all those states kind of look at it. And the stupidest shapes also, like, don't be shaped like that. What's the worst shaped state? I don't like shapes. No. I don't like states that have, like,
I guess like Colorado is like just a square also Oklahoma what is that little thing the little the little it's so you know that's so petty of them who lives there I don't like like fucking like Michigan being like here and here here we are
Oh, yeah, it's kind of like that. But like, yeah, Oklahoma, like that's actually kind of cool. If you live in like the little skinny part of Oklahoma, you'd be like, yeah, I live right there in a little fucking. I don't like that. This thing. Oh, then the gun. Yeah. Wiener of Oklahoma. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't know. It's weird. How the hell did they draw the lines for states? It's it makes no sense. And then how do they take those lines and put them on a map? What does that mean? Like, how do they know the lines they drew are actually what's on a map?
Maps are crazy, dude. Maps are fucking wild. I can't get into maps today. I'm not ready for maps. It is interesting, actually, to be like, I guess it's all... Who made the first map? Like, that's crazy. How did you do that? To make the first map? I can't do maps. I'm not ready. How did you see the whole United States, dude? I'm not... Like, the first person who made a map? I don't have the physical...
Today to do maps. I can't I can't because the more I think about maps I get freaked out bro You want to hear something crazy about maps Lewis and Clark dude? Yeah, those guys are bananas get the fuck out of here. Uh, you know, it's crazy treasure maps because treasure maps are like it's literally just dashes and then like a picture of a look at interesting tree that you know, you're on the and then people find the treasure and
Like, how does that happen? I don't know, dude. I don't know. I don't- Maps are fucking insane to me. I can get where it's just like, "Go due south!" They're British, the pirates, in my head, by the way. Of course, I mean- "Go due south, and if you see a red barn, you've gone too far." And then it's like, okay, I can kind of get that, 'cause you're using landmarks, but like, back with pirates, they had, guess what? Water. Bro. It's kinda crazy. No, like, nothing else.
Also, how do you bury something and then find it? Yeah, nah. See, I told you. Or someone else finds it. I can't do maps today. I don't have the capacity for maps today. He's done with maps. I can't. He can't do it. Too much for Frank. And globes, dude. Globes. Don't. Globes. Don't. Yeah, that's just. When they're like ribbed and shit. Ribbed. When they're like. Oh, it's got like. It's got like mountains on it. You know. I don't. I can't. Not right. Not today. At least not today. Another episode.
But I can't today. I just realized that you were talking about Ben Shapiro and you have your fucking nails painted. Yeah, he's going to be pissed when he sees that. He's going to be like, who the fuck is that? He's going to be really angry. I got a young daughter. That's what I got, bitch. What are you going to say? If Benny Schaafs disses me, I'm calling 50 Cent and Eminem and I'm saying, I don't give a fuck. I'll pay the whole fee out of pocket. Get me in the studio.
Oh, you want to make a song? He's getting the hardest diss track I'll ever come up with. Yo, Shaps. Yo. If the Shaps comes for me. That would be so funny, dude. And Ben Shapiro's like, who are these two fucking cucks? Let me guess. Hard-O-Lib-Tards. Hard-O-Libs. Fingers painted. That checks out. That checks out. All right.
That would be so sick. He kind of looks like the dummy from Goosebumps. He looks like a puppet. Right? Like a ventriloquist. Yes. Yes, he does. Okay. At least we're back to shaming him for his physical looks. He knows that. He knows that. All right. Good, good, good. Yeah. Anyway. He's also very rich, by the way. He's what? Very rich. He's got a couple bucks. Yeah. A couple dollars. Yeah. Because his pockets are fat like Lizzo. Do you know what would be hilarious? What? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
His pocket's all lizzo fat. You know what's crazy? I think that if we debated him...
There's no way he could win because we'd be so stupid. Yeah, that he would not know how to answer. His yonka would catch on fire from the capacity at which his brain would need to operate to deal with our stupidity. I don't even think two people could be this stupid. Yeah. It would be, you know, that's how we're going to, that's how you start up the engine right there. Yeah, listen, listen, we weren't able to get on New Heights.
Right. We may reach out again. We may figure out. We're going to reach out to them again. Yeah, may figure out a way to get Benny Shaps. Benny Shaps. Anyway, that's all for this week's episode. Frank, where can they find you? You could find me in the booth spitting a couple. Yeah. A couple rounds. A couple bars. A couple 16s, yeah.
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