#429 - Joe's No Good Really Bad Day
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- Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, what's going on, bud? - Nope. I was chewing on like a chewy mint before, so I wanted to, I thought it'd be a fun way to open the show. Really fun. - Mints, you having fun? - Really fun. - Hey, we're all off to a hot fun start. - Yeah, yeah. - So thanks for bringing the mints. - Yeah, so I thought it'd be a fun, cute, cuddly, cozy way to open up the show with people, you know, just reacting to the sound of my mouth clapping back and forth. - I didn't think- - What's wrong with you? You're all over the place.

What would you call that? What would you- Eating. I don't know disgusting. What do cows chew on like they have like permanent gum in their mouth. No, but they have like permanent gum in their mouth. Hey, hey Joey. I'm not asking what they eat. What do they chew on?

That's just sloppy food in like an Oliver Twist movie. Yeah. I'm talking like. That's just poor people's soup, isn't it? Yeah. A hundred percent. Gruel is just poor people's soup. That's the, that's. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's the poors get gruel. Yeah. The regulars get soup. Right. And the rich get. Risotto. Bingo. I love a fucking risotto. I've had, dude, Becca once made a pumpkin risotto and I almost fucking came. Damn. Jesus. God damn. Fuck, that's.

A good risotto. Yeah, it was really good, but... I like any risotto. Stop doing that. People don't like that. Risotto makes you do that if it's a little mushy. I like it because it's rich. I had a truffle risotto recently. Ooh, with fresh shaved truffle on top? Yeah. Ask me how much it was. Too much. Guess how much it was. 80 bucks. 70 bucks. Yeah, so too much. Too much with fresh shaved black truffle on top? It was on it. It was shaved. I've never had real black...

Truffle or white truffle for that matter. I hear once you have black you don't go back I heard that as well You know only about truffle once you go black you break your mother's back. Yeah, that's if you step on a crack That's true If you now if you step on a crack while eating black truffle, you won't go back to your mother Who's now got her back broken right exactly? Yeah, if you step on a black crack forget your mother's back you got she's gonna have no hole. Yeah, I

I think that's about it. How you doing? You know, I believed that so much when I was younger, too. Like, don't step on the crack, you break your mother's back. I know that my mom's back wasn't going to break, but I was like, I'm not going to step on this thing on the off chance that maybe her shit breaks. Damn. And then I broke her rib because I hugged her too hard. Yes, because Joey's strong Joey. Strong Joey boy. No, it's because I had a couple hundred beers.

Bud Light. Yeah. I was like, oh, mom, give me a hug. And I broke her rib. That's funny because a lot of people after like what happened this year with Bud Light would say that it does the opposite to you because they supported, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, trans. Drinking Bud Light, it makes you super gay. Yeah. Back in the day, it made you hug your mom and break her rib. But apparently now. Now it just makes you grab hold of a cock or something. I don't know. What does it do? I don't mind a Bud Light, by the way. Dude, I love a Bud Light. In a glass bottle, though. It needs to be in glass.

I gotta be honest with you. I went through a phase of being like, oh my god, IPAs. Oh my god, this fucking sour. Oh, I can't wait to have a triple. Like, I've realized about myself, like, yes, I will indulge in like a craft beer, but like... You're a white trash drinker. Fuck you. You are. Fuck you. Don't say white trash drinker. I'm saying it as a compliment. Oh, thanks. I'm saying like you drink like a white trash step.

But that's not a compliment. I hear what you're- what you're- that's like saying like, "You're- you're- it's a compliment, you're a fucking fat idiot." It's a compliment! You're as down to earth as just- just a fucking real dumbass. I'm saying-

I'm just saying you like a Miller Lite. You like a... I do like a Miller Lite, a Coors Lite, Bud Light. I'm fine with them. Give me a Natty. A Bud Heavy. A Natty Lite. Natty Lite. It brings me right back to my college days. Exactly. Bro, bring a pack of Natty Lites in here. You can't drink Natty Lite in the house you own. Like, that's crazy. Yeah, no. When you have a mortgage... Come on. There are certain beers you can't drink anymore. That's one of them. You got to give it up. You can't have everything. Bush Lite...

Dude, you know what I'd do for a bush latte right now? Bush. Man. I'm telling you. That's gross. Fuck you. Okay.

Okay. What's the other one? Keystone. Keystone, yeah. The college beers. There's not beer in Keystone. Natty, Bush, Keystone were like the college beers. And there's like Milwaukee's Best and like Bud Ice. Oh, Milwaukee. Yeah, just like shit that you will never drink in the real world. But when you're at a college and you have $10 to your name and you can get 30 beers, you get one of those, you put them in a backpack where they stay warm, and you drink warm beer and have the time of your life.

Let me ask you a question. No. Actually, it's not really a question. Is it a question? I don't know. Do you know? Do you understand grammar? Hold on. If I say a statement at you, but it requires an answer, what is that?

Is it a question? It's an attack. That's what it sounds like. No, no, no. I'm not attacking you. I want to say a statement. Well, you're pointing with all four fingers, and I don't quite understand it. He's in a pointy mood today. I'll say that. He came in here talking with Greg and I, and he was just like, yo, yo, yo. Greg goes, he's in a pointy mood. Because I've had a long fucking day. He has. It's only 1 o'clock, but I've had a long day already. Okay.

It's 247, by the way. I woke up, my garage guy texts me, he goes, your car is a flat. I'm like, hmm? So I go, it's definitely a flat. And then I'm like, great. But you were going to ask me a question. We'll get to the question. Okay. But anyway, so I find out that I have a flat tire. Then I call to have a guy come fucking do whatever.

Yeah, yeah. I was not going to change that. Listen, guys. Listen. If there are people out there that were like swooning over Joey and they're like, oh my God, his fucking super like ironic interest in sports is so cool and turns me on. It's all out the window now because you have just proved that you are beta cuck soy boy loser. Yeah. I can't change the tire. You can't change the tire. Well, it's not that I can't. You failed. Dude, don't let your dad find out. Don't. Don't let your dad. Yeah, yeah. He's going to call me up and call me gay. Your dad's going to call you.

Your dad's gonna call you and be like, I changed four this morning. Yeah. You know? What is wrong with you? No, I failed as a parent. That's what he would say. That's what he would say. Yeah. That's the, like, litmus test for what our parents' generation does to, like, see if they've, like... Change the tire. Yeah, if they've succeeded. Can we change a tire? Can we balance a checkbook? Which, don't need to do that anymore. It's 2023. Balance? The fuck? Uh...

Frank, I know what you meant by bounce. Relax. But I wasn't going to change it. I think that if I was just stuck in the wilderness, I could change it. Why would you have a flat tire? Why would you be driving in the wilderness, Joey? I'm just saying in the off chance that I was like, oh, I have no cell service. I have to fix this or I'm going to die. Like, I'll fix it. Like, I know how to fix it. But so anyway...

I called a guy. You just got your manicure, you didn't want to get it dirty. I never got a manicure, but I would love to get one. Actually, I would love to get a pedicure even more than that. But I got ticklish toes, so I don't want to kick a woman in the face. You know what I mean? Bro, I would pay 40 bucks for you to kick a woman. Like, when you're getting a pedicure. Fan it out, dude. Pick the woman. I'll let you pick the woman. Let me kick your head off. I'll tell you who I was going to kick the fucking head off, a woman today. Yeah? Yeah.

So anyway, I'll get to the woman who's going back to you being physically unable to change your tire. Right. So I call the guy to come fix the tire. He shows up and he's like, you got the wheel lock. And I was like, what is that? And he's like, it's a thing that they give you. And, uh, it's so I can take off one of the like lug nuts or whatever the fuck. Cause the rest of them you can take off, but one of them has a specific pattern. So like, then they could take it off. I was like, I've never even heard of this or seen it before. Um,

So we looked through my entire car. I can't find it. He's like, I can't help you. So he leaves. So now I'm like the fuck. So then I call a tow truck, but I have to come here to record. So I'm like, all right, I'm just going to call it. Cause they're like, we can pick it up like unattended, just like whatever. So I go back downstairs and I talked to the garage guy and I go, they're going to show up. And then, uh, you know, can you just give him my keys?

And then they're going to take the car. And he's like, yeah, he's like, dude, call me on this phone. He's like, here's the number. Call me on this phone. I always have it on me. I was like, all right, they should be here in like an hour. I get in the Uber on the way here. It's 15 minutes to get here. And it's all in Brooklyn, by the way. I live in Brooklyn. This is in Brooklyn. And it's like a straight shot. It's not like it's one road. It's one road. And they call me immediately. So I'm like four blocks from my apartment. And they're like, yeah, I'm outside.

they said they were coming in and out yeah what the hell so i was like all right so i started calling the number of the garage guy not picking up attached to my hip i always have it don't pick up i'm like great but then eventually uh the toe guy called me and he's like like because the company called me i was like your guy's gonna be there like he's like right outside i was like all right i was like i was calling this guy wasn't answering so then the guy who's in the truck calls me and he's like hey i'm here i was like yeah i'm trying to get in touch with the garage guy it's like right next to the building like just go in and talk to the guy and he'll give you my keys

That ends up happening. As soon as I figure that out, I look up, I'm on a bridge going to Manhattan. And like, there's no reason to go to Manhattan. Like this is in Brooklyn. My apartment's in Brooklyn. Manhattan is the opposite way. It's literally, there's no reason to do that. And the woman didn't really speak a lot of English.

Which made you hate her more. I get it. Go ahead. Shut up. But I lift my head up and I'm like, we're going, we're on a bridge. I'm over, I'm suspended in the air above water on a bridge, on a structure. What am I doing? So I go, are we going to Manhattan? And she just goes, yep. I was like, what the fuck? Like,

Like the most confidence, like, yes-siree, Bob, right to Manhattan. She didn't know how to say anything in English except for yes, absolutely. I wanted to be like, why? And she just kept pointing to the map and like she's following the thing. Oh, so there was probably congestion in the way that you normally get here. So she took what she thought was a little loop-de-loop, a little trickily trick, you know, like a little slippery. Yeah. So go into Manhattan, which there is traffic, and take two bridges, both have traffic.

Yeah. Instead of just going on one road. Yeah, it's all right. I mean, hey. So was it Brooklyn or Manhattan where you stole that outfit off of the homeless man? This is a nice shacket. Are you telling me or trying to convince me? No, this is a great shacket. And you want to know something? Wait, what the fuck is a shacket? It's a shirt jacket, you dumb bitch. Figure it out. Wait, what? Why did I do that? Yeah, I don't know why we're touching tips. Is that one piece?

Yeah. That's all one piece, dude? One piece. Oh, that sucks even more. Oh, you stupid bitch. Have different articles of clothing, Joey. You're not a child. You can put them on differently. I'm gonna say this. You can function putting different stuff on at different times. What are you talking about? Wait, what are you talking about? Is the sweater? Oh, no. Those are separate. Oh, okay. All right. Thank God. The sweater's separate. I was about to keep going off on you, Joey. No, it's not a shirt, hoodie, jacket, shirt. You said jacket, Joey. Jacket, shirt jacket. It looks like a shirt, but it's a jacket. No, that looks like a jacket.

That doesn't look like a shirt. That just looks like a jacket. You gotta be further away. It looks like an over shirt. No! Whatever. No, it's not whatever. So listen. You also, you look like a fruit roll-up. Yeah, but this looks like it tastes really good. It does. And so I wear cool colors sometimes. Not everyone just wears Yankees fucking hoodies all the time. Say it. Say it. Mr. Yankee hat that you're wearing at this very moment in time. Is it up there? Yeah. Is this a Yankee? Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Shit.

I didn't realize You know why I got this though? Don't care I don't care I know you have to but I don't care about it It's a podcast so I gotta say it I don't have to Listen I got this because There's a kid out there His name's Connor Wood You guys know him Oh free plugs What are we doing? I mentioned beard club And you're like oh And you're fucking sitting here And Connor fucking Oh you just said it again? Yeah No no no He's a He's a social He's a social media And uh He posted a picture

And he was wearing this. And I commented, I'm going to need a link to that shacket. And he never answered me. So first of all, somebody clipped this, sent it to him. Fuck you, Connor. You piece of shit. His name is Connor. He automatically sucks. Let me guess, white? Nah, dude, he's West African. I don't know who you follow, you freak. Yeah, he's a white man. But he didn't answer. And then Ryan Engler hit me up and they're like, we saw your comment. We're going to send you the jacket. I was like.

So you're wearing Wrangler? So you're basically just like a super hardcore Trump lover right now? Yeehaw. No, first of all, don't do that. Tell me about how many pairs of Brett Favre jeans you have at the moment, Joey. Frank, you look like you live in the Bronx and hate your own kind. So stop.

You got a bit of a point there. That's what's going down. You got a bit of a point, but Joey, you're inside. You're in your own space. Take your fucking jacket and sweatshirt off. Stay a while. I wanted to show off the outfit. That's what it is. He wants Wrangler to see, hey, Wrangler, fucking all of your Jeeps and all of your fucking do-do-do-do-do. Wait. Send me some more stuff. Wait. Wait. Wrangler isn't Jeep. Jeep Wrangler, dude. Yeah, but that's not this. Is it? I don't know. No, I don't know.

You can't make cars in shackets. Why not? I don't know. I had... Like, they make, like, car-branded clothes. I know they make Janes. They make, like, Ferrari shoes and, like... Who? You've never seen Ferrari shoes, dude? They're, like, the skinny, like, fucking shoes that all, like, the guidos that went to, like, teen nights. Oh, like Pumas? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones that would put the fucking glow stick in between their hands and they'd fucking...

What do they call that? Frolicking? You remember that shit? I don't even know, dude. Oh, my God. You don't remember that? I do remember frolicking, obviously. Oh, my God. It was like these...

2006, 7, 8. Maybe even a little tinge of 9. The Greeks loved it. The Greeks, Italians, Albanians, you know, Montenegrins. Just getting in a circle with your boys and skipping and shit. They'd be like, yo, we're going out and we're finding all of the fucking titties, bro. And then they'd get there and they'd put fucking glow sticks in their fingers and dance to Cascada. Like...

Which is great. Writing was on the wall, dude. Yeah. You know, Cascada is really great though. Really good. Really good stuff there. I still hear you. We're not going to sing it though, right? We're not going to sing it though, right? Oh man. You're fucking, you just punched your ticket to fucking shit's town. I'm going to get you, bitch. By the way, name a woman. Rebecca. Name a woman. Rebecca. Like a woman's name or? No, name a woman.

Name a woman. Name any woman. Okay. Literally any woman. Name a woman. Tanya Harding. What? Bull. Yeah. Yo. I don't know why that's so funny to me. Why is Tanya Harding funny? I haven't thought about her in 10 years. Like, that's crazy. Ah, Tanya Harding. Dude, isn't that question so funny? So, like, it started going viral on TikTok, but before that. Because it was Billy Eichner.

Yes. He's like, name a woman. It's so hard. No, it's not. But like, and I've been asking multiple people to do that. And they usually freeze up, but they have questions. They're like, what? In what context? I'm like, in what context? Three fucking words. Name a woman. That's it. What, they think you're going to put a gun to their head and fucking murder them? A lot of people just go Michelle Obama. Damn, Michelle Obama's a good one.

Tanya Harding, no one has said. So, like, that was awesome. I guess, I mean, that's the first... Literally, I said Rebecca because I thought you were doing, like, the, like, name... Just say a girl's name. Oh, no. Because I've seen that TikTok trend. Is it? I think. Maybe I'm off. I don't remember. But the name of a woman, that's easy. I can give me... I can name thousands of women right now. I'm sure...

Tanya Harding. Alex Borstein. Who the fuck is that? She was on MADtv. She does Lois Griffin's voice. Oh. You don't know her? How is that number two? Who do you think the most famous person ever is? There's an answer. Like, Jesus?

That's my guy right there. That's why this show, you think we're dumb and you think we're not educational, but the most famous person is Jesus Christo. I would say, like, but are we talking like Hollywood famous or just like everyone knows who they are? Jesus is up there. Game's over, by the way. Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse. Super Mario. You think Mickey Mouse is more famous than Walt Disney? Yes. Yes.

Do you think a child right now knows who Disney... No, that's the point. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the point. Like, if you ask a kid who's this, they'll say Mickey Mouse. But, like, Mickey Mouse is kind of on the outs, dude. No, he's still kicking. He's living it up. They're releasing, like, cute little specials and stuff. I feel like, why are they still pushing him? Probably not pushing him at all. I mean, he's not really in, like, movies anymore. He's, like, the face of, like, everything. Like, he can do impressions, guys. Everyone clap.

I'm in such a bad mood. You really are. You're a pointy, bitchy mood. I am a pointy fuck. You came in here just like serving cunt. Frankie, please. Now I have to say something. You came in here serving cunt. Also, do you know what that even means, Frank? You came in here serving cunt. I heard it. Do you think serving cunt is a bad thing? I think it's just like you just got like an attitude. Like, I'm fucking here, bitch. Like, don't fucking double cross me because I'll fucking double cross. This isn't Survivor. What's going on?

Don't double cross me. Damn, this kid's giving a speech at a tribal council. I was double crossed. Tonya Harding. Don't double cross me, bitch. Oh my God. Yeah, I guess that's kind of right. But it's supposed to be a positive thing, I think. I would say. I think it's just like when people serve

You know, like when they say, like, yes, slay. Serve and slay. Serve it and slay. Slay it, then serve it. Because you've got to kill it in order to put it on a plate and give it to someone. What rhymes with CNX Tuesday? Can we say that on YouTube? Are they going to, like, is that what it is? Dude, you said it. Oh, okay. What rhymes with it? Bunt. Runt. Front. Yeah. Blunt. Blunt. Dude, a gay marijuana shop called Serving Blunt.

I'm serving blunt. Serving blunt. And people walk in and it's like, what is this? And it's like... Blunts. Here, bitch. Yeah. It's blunts. It's just blunts. Just blunts and weeds. Just blunts. You're in your weed era right now. No, I haven't smoked in a long time. Well, you have. And I'll never forgive you for it. Am I? Bro, I'm going to tell... If we ever come up with time machines, I'm going to tell sixth grade you that you smoked weed. Do you know what I would do? What? I'd probably put a pencil through my own neck and stop it from ever happening in the future. What? What?

What? I'm saying if you told younger me, like, oh. That you smoked weed? Yeah, I'd be like, no, I won't. A pencil also, what? Yeah, I don't know where you would go. You could kill someone with a pencil. Of course you can. I don't know about of course. I mean, I think you can, but not of course. You sharpen a pencil, Joey. I can kill you. It'll break. I mean, no. I shove it in your eye socket repeatedly. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. Up your nose. You're dead, dude. Are eyes hard?

It's just a socket, dude. No, I mean, like, my actual eyeball. Like, would you be able to just go like that? No, apparently... So I... Apparently, squeezing an eyeball is like squeezing a frozen grape. It's pretty hard. Really? Yeah. So I wouldn't be able to, like, stab the shit out of it? I mean, you can. Oh, yeah. You can. But, like, you won't be able to hold it in your finger and squish it. It'll probably be very difficult. I imagine it's like a...

Like a fried egg. Not a fried egg. Yeah, like a fried egg, kind of. Like a hard-boiled egg? No. I guess, yeah. Kind of like that, too. Because a fried egg is cracked and put in a pan and fried. I don't really know eggs. You don't, to be honest. I don't know. What's over easy? Over easy is you cook it and you turn it over and for like...

10 15 seconds and then you're done. Yeah, turn it over and you leave it running. I don't know eggs I don't know eggs. That's a good what that is one of my favorite quotes you've ever had from this show I don't know eggs. I really don't I don't know eggs. I don't know over easy over What's the difference between over easy and sunny side up? I have no idea Well one is facing up the the oak is facing upwards. Yeah, so you don't flip a sunny side up. Oh, see I wouldn't have said that like I have no idea

You don't know anything. A fried egg? Is it deep fried? I don't know. It could be. I mean... Yeah, see? I don't know. You're dumb. That's what we're finding out here. I just always scrambled my shit. That's it. Yeah. Oh, let me guess. You're egg whites? You fucking hard-o fucking... No.

No. No. I don't like the fucking bee. No, I just... We're going to end up by the end of this episode killing each other. Probably, yeah. Fist fighting. If we both have pencils, it could get real dangerous in here. Do you think seriously in a fist fight you could beat me up? I don't think that would ever happen. I know it won't ever happen. Um...

I think so. Wow. I think that we're pretty evenly matched. No, I got height, weight, and arm reach on you. I'm six feet. You're fucking 5'5". Yeah, if you go by the book. 5'5". I've got seven inches of arm length, you know, wingspan on you. No. Gotta get inside. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Hit me in my fucking gut? I'm good. I don't know about that, dude. I could hit a fucking, you're a little liver shot. Liver, dude.

Your liver shot would be bad. You're fucking drinking all the time. You're why no you're drunk. That's the ads who the ads who the ads Why no you're drunk. We do have some ads though. We do have some ads the first one being Squarespace Squarespace, that's where you're gonna go if you're gonna set. Sorry That's where you're gonna go to set up your new

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And then I'm going to talk about patreon.com slash thebasemanyard. Folks, every week you see me, my beautiful face, my incredibly supple, soft mouth, talking to you about Patreon. And listen, Patreon is the best, most direct way that you can continue to support us. In addition to telling your friends and family about us, we love it that you can go over to patreon.com and just get more of us. That's right. More of Joey Lodes. Lodes and loads and loads of Joey. So go to patreon.com slash thebasemanyard.

And you sign up for that first year. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second year you get a

additional additional perks where you get weekly episodes every single Friday morning. You can start and end your week with the basement yard. And listen, there's more tiers on there. I don't want to tell you about it. I want to be a little surprised, a little go in there and, you know, just fucking open up the pinata of Patreon and find out what you're going to get. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you to getting us over 27,000. Let's keep on climbing, bopping to the top, reaching for that brass ring. All right, go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. And folks,

While we're here, we might as well tell you, if you didn't hear the news, do me a favor. Let me know what the weather's like under that rock you've been living under. We're doing live shows. I despise you, I think. Right? Right? Right? We're doing live shows. That's right. You guys asked for it.

I didn't listen. Joey barely listened and we're doing live shows. So we have three live shows at the moment that tickets are on sale for now. I don't know if they're sold out. I really don't. We have no idea what's going on. We record in advance. We haven't, as of today, we haven't even announced that. Yeah. So you guys technically, technically are the first person to hear about it.

That's not true. This will be going on Patreon on Monday at the exact same time that the announcement goes. So if you watch this one for, whatever. Listen, whatever. But Montclair, New Jersey at the Wellmont Theater. January 19th. January 19th.

New Haven, Connecticut. Daddy's coming home at College Street Music and Bar. What is it? College Street Music something. Okay. And then Medford, Massachusetts, right outside of Boston. Let's get no dates. January 26th in New Haven. What are you fucking doing? You yelled at me for no reason. Do your job. February 1st at...

in Boston or Medford, Massachusetts at uh, the Chevrolet. So we are so fucking- Chevrolet! And Greg is just like, these fucking kids don't know that enough. These kids just don't know. I also, by the way, I don't eat cheese. I don't eat cheese! I don't eat cheese. What did he say to you before? I go, yo, I'm getting food downstairs. You want anything? And he's like, uh, yeah. I was like, do you know, like, what do you want? He's like, oh, anything, anything. I was like, do you not eat anything? I don't really eat cheese. I'm like, okay, Greg.

Well, we're so fucking excited to bring you guys out for these shows and to show you what it's gonna be insane. It's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be nuts. No, we're really excited.

We bought t-shirt guns. Do I? We bought t-shirt guns. We did. We don't know if we can use them. And Joey bet me that I can't throw it further than the t-shirt gun, but I guarantee you I can. No. But here's the thing. We don't know if we can use the guns, but we're gonna bring them anyway. Just in case we can. Maybe there's a fine, but that's all right. Yeah. That's why you get a show check. Yeah.

And then it pays for it. That's right. That's right. What if the fine is the exact amount of what we make? Had fun. Well, okay. Had fun. So thank you guys. We wouldn't have been able to do this without everyone, realistically. So we're really excited. And if these three shows do well, maybe we'll add some additional... I mean, we're definitely adding more shows. Okay, there you go. All right. So then, yeah. Yeah, but go to TheBasementYard.com and you'll see. You can get tickets to those shows. Also...

We want you guys to be involved in the shows. You know, we're setting out this thing. We're setting it up right now. Like I said, we haven't even announced technically, but we're going to be sending out this thing and it's basically, we want there to be a lot of crowd work within the shows. So, there's going to be like a form. Tell us what show you're going to be at and then if you want to, you know, kind of fill out this form so you can kind of

be a part of the show. Maybe we'll pull you on stage. Maybe we'll hand you a microphone and we can talk to you. I don't know. We're going to have like a whole thing going at these shows. It's going to be a lot of fun. We have no idea how it's going to be. I'm just going to have, you know, maybe espresso, martini, and a couple beers beforehand and we're going to go crazy on stage. That's it. And if he wears that jacket, maybe he'll even, you know, jerk off another homeless man. You never know with Joey. It really can, anything can happen. We really hope that you got, are you wearing a scarf, buddy? Are you fucking, what do you want, babushka? I'm just on page two of the preseason.

If you're watching this... Great. Dad's here. If you're watching this on Patreon on December 11th, use the pre-sale code BASEMENT, okay? Otherwise, you're not going to be able to buy tickets. Yeah, you'll need the code. Code is basement. Code's always basement, guys. Yeah, if you're watching this on past the 12th, you're fine. But if you're watching this on December 11th, use the code BASEMENT. But yeah.

We got yelled at. He was not. I think he heard you talking about his cheese thing. And he got mad. And then he brought out his Ziploc bag of lunch. You saw that? I opened the fridge and there's just a sloppy, wet Ziploc bag with just food in it. And I'm like, dude, is this how you bring your lunch? And he was like, yeah, by the way, I don't eat cheese. What?

because Greg doesn't sound like that at all. I know, but it's all right. I don't need you. So, yeah, we're really, really excited. Like we said, Montclair, New Jersey, New Haven, Connecticut, Boston, Medford, Massachusetts. You got to stop by Trillium on the way up and get a lot of beers. Oh, okay. Just saying. But yeah, that's that on that. Anyway, can we talk about the guy who was naked at Disney? Speaking of Disney, you spoke about Disney back there. It's a Disney day. Yeah. Yeah.

fuck was that yes we can so a couple weeks ago there was a gentleman who got arrested at Walt Disney why are you saying Walt Disney Disney well it's not world what's the other one land Disneyland in California for going drinking and going swimming basically through the it's a small world ride yeah um

Also, by the way, guy ripped to fucking shreds. Oh, so a ripped dude got naked and ran through the It's a Small World ride? Yeah, it was like sitting with the animatronics and shit like that. Yeah. Obviously, you got to get arrested. I mean, you're naked in a child's theme park. You're a psychopath. But I will say this. That ride sucks. Really? I haven't been on that ride in 20 years. It's a small world? Trash bags. Really? You're in a little boat.

But it's a fake boat. It goes on its own. You don't even get to row it. That sucks. Or is that what makes it bad? No, but it's all just like a bunch of puppets like singing in unison. It's kind of my hell, to be honest. Oh, that's... Why is that your hell? Are you like afraid? Are you like one of those freaks that are just like, oh, like... Like kids, like... You know this, bro. I don't like little children and like...

They freak you out. That's right. Well, no. Children don't freak me out. Children that are like at the end of hallways of places they're not supposed to be scare me. Let me ask you a serious question. Yes. You ready? Yes. How many times has that happened in your life? None, but in my head it's happened. Gotcha. Okay. So in your head you've looked down the hall. Actually, one time I was driving around. No, I'm serious. I was with the Patropoulos's.

We were driving around. I think if there's two of them, it's Petropoli. Petropoli, probably, yeah. It's like octopus. But we were driving around, and it was super foggy. And then there was this little girl in, like, a white dress, like, just by herself. And I was like, hit her. Because, like, I don't like that. So instead of just driving away, you decided you would rather commit vehicular manslaughter. Yeah, she could have been, you know.

But we were like, fuck that. Gotcha. So yeah. Hey, kids out there. No kids in the fog. If you happen to get lost in the fog, Joey ain't going to help you. I'll do one better. I'm not going to help you. I'm going to hurt you because I get scared. He does get scared. He's a little jumpy bitch. I don't like that. But also like dolls too. I got to say.

If I'm going to go shrieking through anywhere, the last place it's going to be is the place that just keeps repeating, it's a small world at me while my dick is hanging out. That's true too. I don't, that's not like, I don't want that. It's a big world or it's like, it's like a good, it's like an honestly, I would go to the ride. That's just like, it's like a, like honestly, average world where like, it's a world that fits. It's a sensible world that is like perfect.

Perfectly fine It's not a crazy world Yeah It's like It's actually If anything I would rather it not be a big world Exactly Because You know This is something I can use world You know It's a world that doesn't hurt This is a world that I can work with Exactly That's a good ride That I would run through too You know Um

But... And then, have you ever seen the thing that, like, people, like, drink the water in these, like, Disney parks? Yeah. Are they alive? Because, apparently, they put, like, chemicals in them that make such a unique smell. And it's, like, when... Like, it's only the smell in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride or something like that. And, like, the water in, like, It's a Small World is different. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. But...

Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? You've never seen it. I've seen on TikTok. So people will drink it? They'll take, literally, I saw one the other day where someone took a straw and leaned over the boat and drank some of the water. Wild. Are we? Although, although. Are you going to defend this? I'm kind of going to defend it. No one's swimming in it. I'm sure Disney pumps enough chemicals in it to make it not kill. Frank, let me ask you a question. Okay. Are you fucking stupid? Yeah.

There's roller coasters. Okay, Joey. So like they're in the water. And what are roller coasters made of? Metal. Yeah. What do we need in order to, you know, allow our blood to get carried and, you know, through our veins to our heart? Iron.

Maybe you're just getting like nutrient rich fucking water. Maybe it's like, okay. By that logic, even aluminum bat. Okay. Do that because that's not helpful. Okay. Eat a handful of screws. What if like these, like, you know, like daily drink supplement companies that are just like, oh, we have like, you know, it's a mixture of like 11 different superfoods. What if it's really just like the water on it's a small world and like they just powderize it and they, you know, you can put it in your cup. Yeah. What if it isn't though? Yeah.

Drinking the water at a theme park is psychotic. Yeah, I mean... And also, what were you saying? Like, the water... They put something in the water that smells like pirates? Like, what are you talking about? So, like, you know how when you go to...

I guess, I don't know how else to explain it, but like if you go to an indoor pool, let's say at like a hotel or a resort or something. It smells like chlorine. Yeah. You instantly smell it and you're just like, oh shit. And because your olfactory bulb has a direct line through your hippocampus, which is the part of your brain that has the strong, it basically controls memory. They say that smell has the most strongest effect on bringing out very vivid memories. Bro, I honestly, I'll be honest with you. I stopped back there at hippopotamus. Yeah.

Whatever you said. It's true. Smells can elicit. The hippocampus? The hippocampus. Smells can elicit the strongest memories. I can't wait until a fucking solemn sign. Another Instagram sign. I believe you. Oh, thank you. I'm just trying. All right. So. If I smell something, I go, oh my God, grandma. All right. So seriously. Yeah. I'm going to walk you through this here at the most basic elementary level with a slight chance that I could be wrong, but it's all right.

Your senses. Okay. What are your five senses? Give them to me. Taste. Yes. Touch. Yes. Smell. Yes. Are you kidding me? Hearing. Yes. Sight. There it is. So each of those. Bruce Willis. No, that was him. His sixth sense is technically Haley Jo Osmond. He has the sixth sense. Right. Got it. Spoiler for a 25 year old movie. Yeah. But each of those have a place in your brain that like when they go off is like where they work.

What an explanation, folks. Already off to a hot start. The one that's tied to your scent is it goes to your olfactory bulb or like something olfactory. Okay? Yeah. And it goes through your hippocampus.

It goes through your hippocampus. What is a hippocampus? It's a part of your brain that controls... Memory? Yes. There are different parts of the brain that do different things. I know. Amygdala, prefrontal cortex. Adulabum gata. Yeah, yeah, sure. Frontal lobe. Yes. Bactal lobe. Yeah, sure. Stem, you know, all that stuff. Stem. Yeah. Cerebellum. Yes. What do they do? Stuff. We got you. Okay.

Stuff, definitely stuff. Maybe there'll be a Patriot episode. I quiz you on the brain. A short episode. Yeah. The olfactory sense goes through where your memories are basically stored. So they say that smell elicits the strongest. Because let's be honest, you can see something or someone and just be like, oh shit, where are they from? You can hear something and go, oh my God, I know this. Where is this from? You could touch something and say, this feels familiar. But your smell, once you smell it, you instantly remember what it is.

Huh. Crazy, right? Yeah. Sometimes, like, I'll get a whiff of an old person. And then you're just like, that's my... I'm like, that smells like the inside of an empty thermos. Oh. You ever smell the inside of an empty... I've smelled old people, so I guess by your logic, I have. Or like leather couches. Old people stink, by the way. Why do they all smell the same? Dude, they... Old people just smell the same. I guess it's decaying skin all smells the same. I guess. But it's like, why do you guys all smell like a lunchbox?

Dude, they literally smell like a brand new lunchbox that you just shoved paper bags into. You know what they smell like? Like an empty room with like nothing in it. Yes. Not even the rug. Yes, correct. When you smell like the floor, like the hardwood floor and you're just like... Like you're at an open house. You're going to see apartments and you walk in and you're like...

Oh, why does it smell like- It smells empty. And then you wonder, like, wait, did a dead person die here? Yeah. Well, dead people don't die. Old people die. An old person. You know what I mean. Like, did an old person die here? Yeah. Or do they just smell like a freshly painted wooden floor? What is that? Don't get it. Don't know. But-

I think what Disney does is they put different chemicals in the water to make them smell a specific... Bro, Disney is just... It's the most insane social experiment. Are you going to finish this thing? I asked 40 minutes ago what the fuck weird it was and you keep talking about other shit. Disney is the most insane social experiment. But they make the water smell like pirates. Not like pirates, but they make it smell like something. So when you smell it, you're like, oh, it reminds me of Disney. It reminds me of this ride. It reminds me of that ride. Oh.

I got there. I got there. I like the Disney stuff. Like, you ever see the YouTube videos where it's like they do like crazy shit? Like the green paint that's like on their garbage cans or whatever. It's like attracts. Yeah, it's a big social experiment. No, it's the opposite. It's like you're. It blends in. It blends in so you don't see the garbage. Yeah. No, dude. Disney is legitimately just a giant social experiment.

Yeah, they're really experimenting with the price of beers at that place. Let me tell you. I haven't been. What the fuck? Is this a playoff Yankee game? Is it that bad? The fuck? Yeah. Well, they don't want, they're not encouraging people to drink at Disney, Joey, so that's how you do it. I'll tell you what, they're not deterring me. Double it. Double it. See what happens. I'll be hammered on that fucking Sephora. Small world.

Yeah, so this guy just got fucking cocking balls out. Yeah, it's kind of crazy to do at a child's theme park. You got to put that guy down, though. You got to tase him at least. Oh, you got to shoot him, yeah, if you expose yourself to children. Like a leg shot. No, no, no, you can kill him. Can you? Why not? Well, if he runs out of a group of people, then you got to have him. Yeah, he's got to tranq him at least. You said he was ripped up? That was pretty jacked, dude. Was he like crackhead ripped up? I didn't see. I mean, he didn't look all there, clearly. I mean, I didn't get a chance to see his...

But, like, I imagine there's a level of confidence if you're whipping it out at Disney, dude. Yeah, that's a little crazy to me. That's a little crazy. Criminal as well. Criminal. Major criminal stuff. Yeah, I hope he gets everything he deserves. Which is probably not a ton. Yeah, because, you know, you know, you know. That's a fast pass, though. Take your clothes off, you'll skip the line, I guarantee it.

Oh yeah, you will. You'll skip the line right into prison. Yeah, probably. That's definitely a felony, right? 100%. Being naked at a child's theme park? Yeah. I love how you keep specifying child's theme park when three minutes ago you were talking about how they don't encourage you to drink beers there. No, I'm saying they're trying to determine what the price is. I'm rebelling against the system. If you and I were to go and drink 10 beers and ride as many rides as we could, who would throw up first?

I won't throw up. I won't throw up either. Neither of us then. Oh, all right. There's the answer. 20 beers. What? 20 beers. Dude, can you imagine getting blackout in Disney World?

I would feel horrible. I would too. I would not. This is not the place. This is not fun. Even though I did it, I didn't black out though, but it also wasn't my fault. A bartender outside of the safari recognized you and was just like heavy handed it. Me and Keith left our family cause we were waiting on the line. It was like an hour and a half and we're like, we're going to go get drunk and come back. And I'm like, all right. So me and Keith went to a bar like that was right outside and

And we were talking to the bartender and he was originally from New York, but he's down there in Orlando now. So we're like, oh yeah, we're following that. He's like, you guys want a double or a single? We're like, double. And he's like, triple. And he put like three different fucking... Oh, shit. And it was like a slushy drink. I was blasted, dude. There was a whole like dance number behind me. I was like... I would have gotten into it, dude. I was. I was hammered. Bro, imagine being hammered and seeing a giraffe right there. No, I wouldn't. It's hype. I wouldn't be able to. And a hippopotama.

A hippocampus. There you go. It was a campus of hippos. It was a campus of hippos. It was a campus of hippos. Anyway, we do have some more ads for today. The first one being Babbel. You want to learn a new language?

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You love poop, dude. I don't love poop. You do love poop. Well, there's a story that came out where an influencer, I believe by the name of Jess Jacobson, revealed that she... Jess Jacobson? Jess Jacobson revealed that she broke up with her boyfriend because he abandoned her on the toilet. Now, we'll get into the nitty gritty of the story. I don't even know what that means. We'll get into the nitty gritty of the story. Have you ever walked in on a woman in the... Have I walked in on a woman taking a shy? Yimp. I don't think so.

Well, so I don't know if they're taking shies or pies here. Oh, so... They're both sitting. Yeah, but pies I would also assume is poom. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying like I haven't walked in. Like, I'm sure... I don't want to say I'm sure because I don't know that I'm sure. But I've probably walked in on someone going to the bathroom before. Yeah, but like... But I don't know if they're shitting or pissing. You're not like the person that's like, you know, someone's using the toilet and you walk in and you're just like, I'm just going to like hang here, brush my teeth.

What do you mean? Bro, there are people that like sit with their partners in the bathroom. Oh, no, no, no. That's weird, right? I don't love that. Unless it's like a shower thing. No, it's a private. But it's like a shower thing. I think I'm okay with that just because, but not if I'm shitting. I don't want you in there. Whatever I'm doing in the bathroom, I kind of want to. If I'm showering, it's fine. Oh, if I'm showering and someone comes in, sure. But like, at least I'm in a current situation where I have multiple bathrooms. Yeah. So like.

go to another bathroom to pee or something. You got three bathrooms. I do have three full bathrooms. Very lucky. Hashtag blessed. This guy needs a raise. He's got three full bathrooms. Get the fuck out of here. But, um, so the story was that, uh, she went to her boyfriend's house and, uh, he told her like, Hey, listen, there's no toilet paper in this bathroom. So don't use it. And she had to go and use it. And she went in to use it and she was taking a flift and, and, uh,

She was like, hey, there's no toilet paper. He was like, I fucking told you there wasn't, so figure it out. And just like dipped on her. Weird. All of it's weird. Why is that weird? One, I mean, I don't know. Like, why would he say that? Well, clearly he's an asshole, but... Well, like, I'll figure it out. Like, yo, what's the alternative here? You get one of your towels ruined? The cat runs in and then all of a sudden... Bro, if that were to happen to me and someone say, figure it out, I'd say, okay, fine.

Challenge accepted. I would wash my ass in the sink. I would fucking rub my asshole on everything in that room. Every single thing in that room. Really? Well, maybe not everything. What about the knobs to the medicine cabinet? I'd have to get up there. Oh, I meant like below the sink. Whatever that is. No. Have you done that? No. Have you shoved one of those knobs in your butt? No.

The fuck no. So why are you asking me? I thought that maybe you would. What about me gives off, yeah, I'll shove a fucking knob to a cabinet in my asshole. I'll tell you, I will shove my ass all over everything in that place. Do you have a bit of a point? There you go. But I was more saying like, I'll rub it all over everything. Yeah. Have you ever had to wipe your ass with something that wasn't what it's supposed to be? Yes. What was it? A receipt. A what? Yeah, a receipt. Where'd you get it? My wallet.

You keep receipts in your wallet when you're doing your taxes? So tax write-off? No, when I would buy certain things that I might need to return for whatever reason. You would keep the receipts. I'd keep the receipts in my wallet. And then I would keep them for so long that the ink would wear out. And then it became toilet paper? And then it just became toilet paper.

Whatever. What are you going to do? We know my answer. Leaves. No, no, no. I mean, I told this story on a podcast so long ago before I did guests or anything or like co-hosts or anything. Before you were cool. I get it. Yeah. But you were there for it. Oh, in the woods. Yeah. No, no, no. It was at the Catskills. Nope. Oh, well that. Yeah. I just shit in the woods. But I didn't wipe my ass with anything. I just ran home and took a shower. Somehow worse.

Not somehow. It is. No, it's not worse actually. It's way worse. But we were by like 81st Street and I had to shit so bad and then I shit between this tree line and then I was like, what do I do? And then I saw an abandoned umbrella and I used that.

Dude, you could have gotten butt aids, dude. Yeah, I know, but I didn't. That's crazy. I didn't, yeah. The umbrella was like turned inside out. Yeah, well, yeah. So it was like fucked up. Those are the ones that you abandoned. Yeah, and I like to think that the umbrella, you know, if Toy Story is real, right? The umbrella is like, damn, my guy left me just because I turned inside out one time. And then he's probably sad and he's like, no one ever uses me anymore. And then I used him. So Toy Story is not inanimate objects that come to life, just toys. And I could...

No one plays with an umbrella unless you're fucking Mary Poppins. Dude, I've played with umbrellas before. As swords. Dude, Batman Returns. I was a big umbrella gun guy, dude. Yeah, I was a big umbrella gun guy. I also would like walk with it like a cane and I would put it, kick it. You know what I'm talking about? I do. Like dancing in the rain. Yes, exactly. I do because I do that still. But I kind of, I can hear both sides of the argument here. Which one? Oh, okay. Okay.

Because that was an asshole thing to do, to leave your fucking girlfriend, I guess. I was going to say high and dry, but she was low and squishy. Yeah, she was down and brown. She wasn't high and dry. She was down and brown, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. But also him, like, you know, I told you, like...

Yeah, but come on, bro. Come on, what? People forget. Bro. How do you not have toilet paper in the whole house? Yeah, that's another... I mean, there definitely was toilet paper in there. Like, not in there, but like in the house somewhere. I've had to use a paper towel before. That not fun, dude. Really? Because I literally... If anything, that would get the job done well, I assume, right? Yeah, but it beats the hell out of your... Oh, I've had to use like... You know like that like cardboard paper towels and like bathrooms? Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about? It's like the brown ones. Oh, the brown ones. That like fold or like. The school ones. Yes, yes, yes. I've had to use. School napkins. I've had to use those before, which are, it's basically wiping your butt with just plastic. Construction paper. Yeah, like there's no, it's, there's no like assistance you're getting there. Yeah. Yeah, that's bad. I just smelled something that smelled like shit. No, it wasn't me. It's gotta be you. It wasn't me. How could it have been me? What did I say?

How mamimi? I don't know. Your shirt's a little open there. Maybe it traveled up and stung you in the nose. I'm not wearing a shirt under this. You're not raw dogging that. Are you serious? No, just a... Oh, oh. Just a... A wife beater? We can't call it that anymore, right? You could beat your wife. You'd just go to jail. Okay. Okay.

You can technically, right? God. People do. What a tough, like the tank top industry. Just like, guys, call us anything else. I love how that like went under the radar. It's like insane. Yeah. What the hell was that? I'm getting really excited for this announcement, by the way. Like I said, we haven't even announced yet. It is, what day is it? Thursday? Today is Thursday. Thursday. Monday is when we made a video. Yeah.

We made a video. We shot this thing. I put the fucking pictures on Instagram. Yeah, you still never sent me the link so I could watch this stuff. What stuff? The 48 Street Five. Oh, yeah. But I... Just going to gloss over it. Yeah. Fuck. Because I was making a point. I posted the pictures and people have been like trying to guess what it is. Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, is this slam poetry? Yeah. Everyone is saying slam poetry in mind too. Or like a music video.

Yeah, what would suggest that we're doing a music video in any situation? Although, where we shot yesterday, 100% could do a music video. Yeah, definitely. That was sick, dude. The guy there was so horny. Dude, this guy wanted to fuck Greg so bad, dude. Yo, this guy. This is not an exaggeration either. This is a real story. We get there, and Greg is talking to the guy. We rented a random studio. And the guy is just like super friendly with Greg, but like,

Flirtatious. Flirty. Flirtatious friend. Flirty. And he goes like, all right, I'll be right back. I have an exam. And he leaves. And we were joking. We were like, oh, Greg, like this guy was feeling you. And Greg was like, I don't need cheap. And then he. Don't make me laugh. I don't need cheap. No, but. And I showed up late. I showed up late. And I even noticed it. I was like, this is flirting with Greg, man. Yeah, so hard, dude. And Greg loves it, dude. He said something like, and don't mess up because I'd have to come back.

Like threatening Greg with a good time. So we were just joking around like, yo, that guy wanted to nail you. And then... Immediately after. We were leaving. Like not even an hour later. Greg was like, hey man, we're leaving. Thanks. Like whatever. And then the guy just goes...

All right. He said, Oh yeah, I want to, I want to pull out the screenshot. I was just, I mean, you could, you could just fucking paraphrase it. He said something along the lines of like, cause Greg said like, Oh, this is, we're doing a first show. They're doing these, blah, blah, blah. So we're shooting a promo. Here's what he says. He said, uh, thanks guys. And then he just wrote, I work in a kinky shop. If you want to donate show there, let me know. I can get you the space for free. There was a little bit of language barrier.

But even then the flirting was coming across. Yeah. You don't need to listen. Love is the universal language. Exactly. Kinky shop. Everyone knows that that is, but I wanted to double down. So I took his phone and I wrote, what's a kinky shop? Oh, that was you? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was. No, we were out at lunch. I was like, give me. And I wrote, what's a kinky shop? And then he said like BDSM shop, like kinky.

Greg would be tied up with his fucking ankles right by his ears getting reamed. Yeah, and fucking brie cheese on his shoulder. Don't eat this. Don't make me eat it, please. No, no, no.

So, yeah, we're really, really excited. I mean, like I said, by the time you guys are seeing this, it all should be out and available. Yeah. And if you want to look at the pre-sale stuff for the shows, you have to make sure you use the pre-sale code BASEMENT if you're watching this on Monday, December 11th. If you're not, you're good. Just go check them out. Yeah, man, we really want to sell these shows out.

And if we do well at these shows, we'll do more places. Yeah. But yeah, TheBasementYard.com to go get tickets. Come out. Let's have fun. Let's get drunk. Let's go crazy.

We're in the middle of a whole thing. Oh, now we're being professional? Not professional, but you're screaming. You literally told me how you wiped your ass with an umbrella, Joey. That was in confidence, and also- In confidence with whom? I know, but I'm saying, like, I was- Okay, all right. Do me a- It was a last resort. Yeah, all right. Go ahead. Keep fucking going. You wiped your ass with fucking- What was the thing you said? Other paper. Another form of paper. You wiped your ass with fucking a nylon synthetic blend.

Blend. I did. And it didn't do a good job. You see there are companies that sell reusable toilet paper? How do you clean? You wash them in the washing machine. Yeah, I do. Let me ask you a question. Because I'm sure, like, Miles has shit his pants before. Of course. Other kids shit their pants. Kids shit their pants all the time. What do you do? Clean it up. No.

But like you take shit pant Oh Miles has never shit his pants No no no but like even baby shit Yeah so like Maeve has like pooped and it's like blown out her diaper Yeah Yeah that's what babies do Blowouts Everyone knows blowouts Okay You got a kid you know a blowout baby trust me Blowouts is very funny But so there's shit covered on like pants Yeah

What do you do? What's the process? In our laundry room, we have a slop sink. Oh, so you wash it. So I put it in there and I like use it to like rinse itself. You know what I mean? Yeah, it sucks. Oh, it's so bad. And then you clean it. And then I throw it in the wash. You don't just throw dump in there. I would... No, no. That's like people that put like plates with food on into their like dishwasher. No sense. Drives me crazy. No sense. Because then I...

Sorry. That scared the fucking shit out of me. But then you open up the fucking dishwasher and it's like there's a whole cucumber. I'm like, eh. Yeah, I don't like that. Yo, you know what I hate? What? What do you hate? When you use like a spatula to make eggs and it's like the eggs get on it and then you try to like wash it off and it doesn't come out and then you put it through the washer. And it's still there? And the eggs are still on it. It's still on the spatula after you put it in the dishwasher. I hate that.

I don't like it. That's why I throw stuff out. Yeah, well, that's also a problem. That's why it was good to ask you because I didn't know the protocol. I know so many people have so many baby clothes and whatever, but it's like, if this one gets a little too dumpy, I might just toss the bitch. You want to hear something crazy? I know people that when they were children used cloth diapers.

That's a thing still, I think. Yeah, it's still a thing. What does that mean? Imagine tying a fucking tablecloth around your baby. You ever seen the fucking Looney Tunes? Like Tarzan? Sure, dude. You ever seen Looney Tunes where they put safety pins on the side? Yes. That. Weird. Very weird. Like readily available- Is that like Amish? Like disposable diapers is like a relatively new thing of like the last like 40, 35, 40 years.

I think. I'm pretty sure. You think the diaper will ever get like a change? Like it's been a diaper for so long, but like... I mean, they just make it more absorbent. So like they can just piss and shit in it more, I guess. You know what's shocking to me? What? That like, and maybe I just don't. You're dumb? Maybe. Yeah. But like... I'll do you one better. You are. Okay. But diapers around the legs of a baby.

are like not that tight. - They're pretty tight. So it's funny that like I brought it up before, but like a lot of companies now will like-- - Blowout proof. - Yeah, they will like market theirs as like, you know, with a new blowout barrier.

There's- Is blowout an actual term or are you being funny? I'm not being funny, dude. It's- they put blowout on a fucking box. Dude, on one of the diapers that we got. It says blowout barrier. It says blowout barrier. It's incredible. Blowout barrier pampers, yeah. Ah, she had a fucking blowout. Yeah, dude, like it says- and it'll say on there like, super absorbent with a brand new blowout barrier protection. Oh. Yeah. So your baby can just be walking around with a fucking ass of shit.

January 19th. January 19th. Montclair, New Jersey. Wellmont Theater. February 26th. New Haven, Connecticut. February 1st. Medford, Massachusetts. That's it for now. Go check it out. Basemayor.com. If you're watching this on December 1st, use the pre-sale code. Nope, definitely not. December 11th. If you're watching this on December 1st, use the pre-sale code. No, again. If you're watching this on December 11th. There you go. Not to be confused with September 11th. December 11th. If you're watching this on December 11th.

Use the pre-sale code basement. Get your tickets. We'll see you guys there.