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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard! The red boys today, reddin' it up. And well, it's maroon. It's like a- no, that's- that's more like a mauve. It's a maroon. No, maroon is deeper and bloodier. That's a mauve, I would say. What do you know about blood? I don't-
I would say I know way more about blood than you do. You recently didn't know that. You know more about placenta. I know more about blood. Because of babies? Yeah. I would say, but even that, bare minimum right there. Did you ever touch the sack of placenta? No. Can you? Maybe if you ask, but I don't think so because I think they need it sterile so they can do whatever they do with it. What?
Because they take it. It's like theirs. Unless you sign like, hey, welcome back to the basement yard. Wait, hold on.
They rob your placenta? Unless you like, you have to like sign like paperwork and stuff for you. The fuck? It's my placenta. I got to sign? You got to sign. Not yours. Physically not yours. I'm saying you, me. Oh yeah. I think it's a big topic of contention that it's like kind of nuts that the hospital will take ownership or whatever facility you give birth in of your fucking placenta. I'll beat the shit out of a dog. Your baby sack.
Yeah, I don't call it that. I know there are people and I might know someone that has done this. I don't want to speak out of line because I'm starting to not do that today. Today is the day I stop speaking out of line. You never speak out of line. You're always in line. You can freeze dry it and put it in like encapsulize it in pills. I wish you didn't say, I wish you didn't start this. Yeah. And you could like pop, you can pop them like fucking like.
Ultra nutrient rich fucking like multivitamins. Is it, but is there science behind that? Like, is it good? Or am I just eating some blood? No, the placenta is not just blood, Joey. It's like a nutrient healthy. It's like nutrient dense, basically organ your vitamin blood. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Kinda. But like, it's like, no, kinda, no, no, no, kinda, no full, kinda, kind of.
And what you can do is you can re-ingest it. I know someone that ate the placenta. Ew. Yeah, they like fucking chopped it up and like made like tacos with it. All right. That's not a joke. A white person? Yeah, very white. Wow. Very white. I know them? You've met them. Definitely. Oh. You've definitely met them. But I wouldn't say know them. I have a guess. Go ahead. I'm not gonna. Oh. Whisper it.
Into the- what are you saying? Into these ultra powerful- Into the amplified- Into the ultra powerful microphones. Alright, the ultra powerful. This isn't one of your comic books. Uh, today and- Fucking kid. Why did you have to do that? Why'd you have to fucking shoot that, huh? Why did you do that? Alright, look, before we get into other stuff, I had posed a question for you before the episode started to record. As we were talking, being bros, boys being boys, and talking about boy butts.
Our boy butt. Our butts. I gotta specify. Frankie, you're not good at this, are you? Like, trying to explain something, clearly. Ah-ha-ha. That's not good. Alright, serious question. Because the world needs to see your answer. Yeah. If you were asked by a romantic partner, someone that you were romanticling with... That's... That's...
If they said, I want you to use one of these ultra high power. They're back, bitch. Ultra mega on another level power camera that you have. Because you have some like 4K fucking like DVR, PPR. There's a bunch of different letters that I don't understand on these cameras. And they said, sit spread eagle. How do you sit spread eagle? You sit on your butt and you spread your legs.
Oh. Yeah. And show, like spread your butt cheeks. Show your hole. Show your bum cum. Yeah. Would you do it? No. No pictures? No pictures. None at all? No, I would not have video or photographic evidence. It would be like, you know...
What's that movie where like they take a picture of someone and they die in a week? It would be like a cursed image. Wasn't it like the ring? That was when they watched it. Yeah, that was the ring. The videotape. That's when they watch a videotape. Yeah, but in the photos, their faces were all smushed. No, there's other... Yes, yes. But there's other ones regardless. But that would be a cursed image of your asshole. Yeah, it wouldn't be like the coolest picture I've ever taken. Have you ever, honestly, have you ever taken a picture of your asshole? No. Never? No. I've only really seen it like three times in my life. Oh, okay. Have you seen yours?
Yeah. I forced you to look at it once. You forced me in an episode of The Basement Yard where I was a guest for you and Danny. Yeah. I will clarify, definitely very forceful. It's hard to look at your own hole. No, you just get a mirror and you just bend over and there you go. I know, but like, the fuck? Like how, you need like a big mirror. Well, women do that when they have to see their flim...
Yeah, but you just need a hand mirror for that. Or you can sit in front of a big mirror, too. You can use a hand mirror for seeing your own asshole. Can I? I guess so, yeah. I don't want to. I don't want to either. Yeah. But then the next question... The next part of the question was, if this person you were romanticling, if they asked... They said, like, listen...
Yeah. I don't want to touch it. Yeah. I don't want anything to do with it. Right. I just want to see you spread your butt cheeks for me. Yeah. And you said, and I said that it would depend. I mean, no, no, no. That's not what you said. You jumped right in. You fucking dove head first. Yeah. I'd be because I, you said, yeah. Well, I don't know if that, no, you, you high pitched it. You went. Yeah. Did I? Yeah. Yeah.
Alright, well I was just feeling it in the moment then. But I would want to know, like, what is it about this? So you would have questions before or after they stared into Sauron? But like, if they enjoyed it... Yeah, like clearly they're enjoying it. It's like sexy time. Yeah, right. But I wouldn't be able to like do it for too long. What's too... Give me... Honestly, show me your hands on what's too long.
It's more of like a feeling, like however long it takes you to kill an ant with a magnifying glass is probably too long. I've never done that. Have you? I have. Yeah. Murder. I've also killed slugs with salt. Double murder. Yeah. I would definitely say no across the board. Like there's no like acceptable amount of like time. No? No. No way. What if you really gave it a good scrub?
It doesn't matter, dude. Good scrub. When a boat's in the ocean and it comes out, you could scrub the barnacles off it all you want. Still looks like shit. Oh, you could re... What's that called? Revitalize it. Yeah, you need to paint it and bleach it and power wash it and shit. I don't got the mechanics or the equipment. Power wash it. No, you can, dude. I don't have the mechanics or the equipment to get my asshole up. It's power washing. Would you nare your ass? Have. Won't do it again. Have you? No.
On video, Joey, on the Patreon. Oh, no. Nair. Nair. It's wax, right? No. Oh, what is it? I think it's like a cream. You never... I'm not worried about the hair. I'm worried about just like the badlands. You know what I'm saying? So then get all that out. You know, like when in like Lion King, when they go into like... Have you washed your butt? Oh, every day. Yeah, so... Every day, multiple times. Yeah, multiple times. I wash my butt twice in the shower. What do you mean? I use once. The first time I use a dial bar of soap.
Really get it clean. Oh you hold a bar and you go like that. Yeah, well I do I it's a transfer technique because it's a shared bar I don't want to wipe my asshole with a bar and then have my wife wipe hers, right? Um
I lather here very hard. Your stomach? Very, very hard. So you're a tummy lather guy. I'm a tummy lather guy. And then I use the other hand to take the lather. To take the soap. And then I get back there. And you give the old credit card. And I give it the credit card. Yeah. And then I come up the front. Whoa! And I go back and I fucking start the engine. Oh, you do like a Marilyn Monroe. I pull the lawnmower. Got it. You know what I'm saying? Oh, so you're pulling it all out from the front. And the back. I get in the back.
Yeah. You know, it's mowing the lawn twice. You go in a different pattern. You get in the back and then you go in the front and you fucking... Yeah, are you doing it that vigorously? Pretty hard, dude. I gotta admit. I gotta admit, that actually just hurt my balls right there. And you're wearing jeans. Doesn't matter though because they are, guess what? Useless now. Right. Physectomy. But...
Yeah, dude. I mean, I don't have the ability to clean my asshole to the point where I'm like, yeah, now the world can see this. I think you can, though. No, but listen to me. You use your hand, though, right? I do use my hand regardless. You don't use like a rag? No. Then I have to wash this rag every single time I shower. You guys got rags on display and fucking readily available? What about like a loofah? You know that's a vegetable?
Luffa? That's a plant, dude. What's a plant? A luffa is a plant. Like a separate name? It is a plant. What you use with the stick on it, the thing that looks like it would be like the devil's butthole, that is a plant. Is it? Yes. I thought it was just like... Made? Some of them. But no, it's like a legit plant. And I've seen, you can cut the ends off, you dump the seeds out, and it's a plant. And you've got a luffa.
Isn't that weird? I don't know that you're right. Watch me be right all over this studio today. I'm very right. Like maybe someone's made a loofah. No, they like, I believe it is a loofah plant. And now we're back to, I believe. So you say things with such conviction and then you go to a right to, I believe. Loofah is a vegetable. Yeah.
Is it? Yes, dude. Luffa, spelled L-U-F-F-A, is a genus of tropical and subtropical vines in the pumpkin, squash, and gourd family. I hate that family, by the way. I love that family, dude. Really? Very fun family. Okay. Gourds, dude? Gourds are the ugliest thing on the planet. Yes, but they're cool. They're decorative. They have cool colors. They have cool shapes. I do have a gourd. I have a couple. But they look like a witch's nose. I do like that when they're all bumpy and gross and diseased. I want to cut off the...
Bumps. Bro, one time, it's funny that you brought that up. I was talking to my father-in-law yesterday and he was like, yeah, I cut open a Gord once and they're so hard to cut open. I had to use a crowbar.
How do you cut something open with a crowbar? Well, he had to cut it and then to open it. Oh, he had to crank it open? Crowbar it out, yeah. He's also in his 70s, so it could be. Yeah, it could be a lot easier for anyone else. Could be that osteoporosis. Could be that, yeah. His bones are brittle. Yeah, well. It's like Swiss cheese. He's a strong man. Right. Actually grew up literally on this block. Strange, huh? What does that mean? Right here. Like grew up right here. He grew up.
Really? Oh, yeah. Right. Literally. Literally? Right here. Weird. Here. But so to come full circle, to come again, like, yeah. Come again. Full circle. When did you come the first time? I'm not telling you. So I don't want to touch it. Yeah. I'm the girl that you're canoodling, you know. Oh, we're back to that. Yes. I don't want to touch it. I just want to see it. Right. You're doing it? Eventually. Oh, you shouldn't.
Why? You have a responsibility to like hide the world from certain horrors. And I can almost guarantee from someone that has seen your ass. I don't think that it's like that crazy. But did you ever hear this? It's just a little BH. You ever hear the saying, give an inch, take a mile? Yeah. You give your inch to this poor woman. And what do you think is going to happen? She's going to see it. She's going to be like, oh, the next time it's okay.
She gets a little closer. The next time it's like, I'm going to blow air on it. And then it's, I'm going to blow air on it. I'm going to spit on it. And then it's like, I'm going to, and then eventually it becomes her just like full on finger fucking you in the butthole. You're cool with that? I don't know. I'm not, I don't want to be finger banged. But you, you're cool with her just staring at it. She's window shopping your asshole. Well, I'm not saying that like,
I'm like I said, I'm not cool with it being a staring contest who blinks first. Well, you know, I think she'd lose that one unless you're a puckery boy. Well, I could get shy and be like, no, imagine you farted. What does a butthole look like if it farts? I think it's I think it's just like good. That was the whole thing. Yeah, that was the whole awesome. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I don't know this. I would I'd like if you want to look at it real quick. I don't know. And then you're cool.
Yeah, I mean, I'd be like, is that it? How was that? And then it's like, well...
No. Like what else you are? Look, you're not going to, you know, suddenly put on a big boy with balls and like go. No, no, no. Listen, you got to work yourself up to an eight inch big boy with balls. I'm not working up to that. It's not happening. I'm saying like that. That is a possibility. It's not a possibility. No, it's definitely. Yes. But you're in a very compromised state. If you if this if you already spread your cheeks for this person. Right.
Maybe, maybe you let them, you know, you, they just got to be quick and get out of there before someone tries to, you know, really make it happen. What are we talking about? Buttholes. Got it. But big buttholes. But big buttholes, dude. You're talking about big buttholes. You know what's funny is speaking of buttholes, you see that our boy, speaking of buttholes, go ahead. You see our boy bad baboonie is in the news again.
For what? The internet is tearing this boy apart. Why? This bunny apart. Really? Yeah. Benito is under fire. Don't call him that. I'm going to call him Benito. Okay. You remember that, Puerto Rico? Good time. Was that a question? I thought it was rhetorical. I thought you were going to keep going. Why is bad bunny in the news? So...
He has a song, which I'm going to have to pull it up because you know me. I don't know any bambuni songs except for... I remember that one. Yeah. But so there is a song of his where it's on his latest album, which I'm not going to read it. I want you to read it. Read what? The name of the album. See that word right there? No. Yes. And then there's...
Come on, give it to me. Que va a pasar mañana? There you go. All right, Joey. And he has a song called Vaticano. Okay. And in the song, he talks about having sex with his current boo thang. Kendall Jenner. Which we believe to be Kendall Jenner. Right. Why is that a big deal? Fucking Kendall Jenner is awesome.
Is it? Yeah, she's a pretty girl. Oh, I mean, you said that as if it's something you've done before. No, I'm saying, like, it's cool. Like, you have sex with your hot girlfriend. Cool. Well, he has some lyrics in there. And the lyrics go... Wait, hold on. Did he put his pinky in her asshole? Let me... I'm gonna get you there, babe. Don't worry, okay? Okay.
Una nalga y la dejo como pe-po-e. Le doy por donde hace pipi y por donde hace pupu. Pipi, pupu? I caught a pipi, pupu in there. I'm not sure. Listen, use your information. Use your Spanish classes that you failed. I think he said that he put his pinky in her asshole. Trace Deo en el toto en el culo el pinky. Three days I fucked her ass with my pinky. Okay, close. Three fingers in her...
Three fingers in her ass? No, dude. In her puss? Wait, he said three fingers in her puss? In her butt. This is way different than I thought it was going to be. He made a song where he talks about putting three fingers in Kendall Jenner's shade. Can you listen? It's all you have to do here. So this is a podcast and people commentate and we go back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So three in the front. In her butt, the pinky.
Oh, two and three in the pink. They must do a different shit in Puerto Rico because we do two in the pink, one in the stinks. I mean, that makes sense. There's four. No, you got to brace with this one. Well, you know Puerto Rico. You ever put your pink? Never mind. Don't. The buds are purple like Tinky Winky. Huh? What, she got hemorrhoids? Kendall Jenner's got hemorrhoids?
They're purple? The buds are purple? Like Tinky Winky. Who's Tinky Winky? You don't remember the fucking Teletubbies, my guy? Oh, I never watched an episode of that. No? It was a little after our time. So she's got purple hemorrhoids, and he's like, that's crazy, dude. According to Balboony. Yeah. Good for him. A slap on her butt, and I leave her like Poe. Who's Poe? Another one of the...
Teletubbies. The red one. Nice. Kind of cool wordplay here. Yeah, slap her ass. Hey, I give it to her where she pees and she poops. He said that? Yeah, dude. The translated version of it. He's fucking catching her bunghole. Well, no, the pinky. I don't know if he... No, he just said where she poops, dude. Where she poop. He's giving it to her. He's giving her the pinky, dude. No, I think he's giving her... I don't know about all that. Where she pees. Either way, strange that you're talking about your girlfriend...
That's kind of wild. This is wild. I thought you were just going to say like I was hitting it on a vacation or something. Like, yeah, obviously, like people have sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, sex on a yacht. Cool. We get it. Yeah. But like he's sitting here telling her like, yo, tres en el pinky, uno en el pinky. Yeah, like that's fucking crazy, dude. You know? And he's like, yo, I fuck her where she shits. That's such a weird way to say that. You know, like. The internet is torturing him because he's like, oh, Bad Bunny thinks that she pees out of her vagina. Well, technically. Yeah.
No, she doesn't. Well, I mean, it's like... No, no, no, no, no, no. Watch. No, she doesn't. Where does she pee? Out of the other hole. Out of the pee hole. But I know, but that's part of the whole...
No, it's not, Joey. The vagina... It's a part of the... It's like... It's a different building on campus. You know what I'm saying? But the vagina... One's the rec center. One is a residence hall. One's an academic hall. And the vagina is the campus. But no, the vagina is the dining hall. No. Yes, dude. The trash compactor is where the pee is coming from. No. Yes. I'm telling you. No. The whole thing is called like the pubic area. I know that. Well...
I don't know why that was my reaction. But I... This is kind of crazy that, like, to my understanding, the Kardashians are very, like, on top of their image and, like, how they're portrayed by their...
Significant others in the media. Yeah now you're getting fucking now bad bunny is just like he's like if you poop out of it I'm plugging it. Yeah. Well, that's a weird way to put that what he said. It's just like I'm surprised that like They're okay. Oh, maybe they're not okay with it. I'm not sure like Chris is normally on top of this stuff Like yeah, I wouldn't want that's crazy. That weird like would you serious question? You don't have any children. You're alone. I
Sad, cold. No, say you have a daughter and you find out her boyfriend is on a fucking rap album that is viewed by millions of... The entire world. Millions of people. Basically the whole Spanish speaking world. Right. And even more than that because of people that listen to it in English. Yeah. And you hear that like this guy is like, oh, I full on put my digits in your daughter's widget. Like...
I mean, like, you can safely assume that, but I don't want to, like... Well, listen, as a parent, I'm sure there is a safe... There's an assumption and a hope that your child is being... That is in a consensual, sexual, healthy relationship. Look at this...
This is white Frank talking here. He's talking the way he's talking. White Frank talking. Well, sometimes. No, I'm saying like you hope that like they're in a relationship where it's like healthy for them. But like at this point in time. Some people love getting slammed in the poop shoot. Yeah, but you don't need to be talking about it. I agree. Like I don't want to know if you get poop shooted. You know, shot in your poop. You're next, dude. What? You're next.
I'm not getting shot in the poop. You're letting them view the Mona Lisa. It's only a matter of time before they spaghetti all over your butthole. You know, they're throwing fucking cans of spaghetti on your asshole. I thought it was cake. Cake, spaghetti, whatever. No, those are not whatever. Those are different things. They're ingestible foods, Joey. What would you rather? What would you rather? What would you rather? Yeah. What would you rather get pelted at your asshole?
A cake. Oh, really? I kind of like spaghetti, dude. Why? Cake is like give or take. You know, like a good cake is like few and far between. But it's hard to fuck up spaghetti. We have ads. It's hard to fuck up spaghetti. How do we still have ads? I couldn't tell you. But anyway, BetterHelp is...
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So go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and help us continue to grow. We really appreciate it. We're very appreciative, grateful, thankful for all the growth and success we've had on there, but we want to keep going to the top, baby. So we're going to continue to try to give you guys more stuff to entice you to drag your little feet over to patreon.com slash the basement yard. And that first tier, well, listen,
You get some stuff. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. So you get to view all the nastiness, goodness, tinky-winky, pinky-po, whatever, one week before everybody else. And then that next week, and I mean next year. Yeah. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday and exclusive content that nobody else gets to view except for your sweet little cute innocent eyes that now have to view every
Joe and I, more often. Mondays, Basement Yard. Fridays, exclusive Patreon episodes. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Keep your eyes peeled, folks. You're not going to want to miss what we got coming out. Joey, back to you. Don't do that. Didn't like it, right? I hated it. It honestly hurt. It hurt my shoulder. It hurt your body? It did, a little bit, yeah. Shoulder, elbow, pretty much everything from here down. I know what an arm is. Just say arm. Okay, but there's more. Do you consider your fingers a part of your arm?
That's a great question, actually. Isn't it? No, I don't. I don't either. The arm stops at the wrist. The arm stops at the wrist. Then you have your hand, which is its own entity. Is it an arm? Fingers are part of the hand. Hand is not part of the arm. Like, if you lost your hand, no one would go, you lost your arm. They lost part of their arm. No, no one would say that. They'd say you lost your hand. Yeah, I would say that. But then if you lost, like...
here like half of your forearm but you lost your arm yeah part of your arm yeah if you had to get rid of three digits right now fingers or toes which ones you're getting rid of oh can i mix and match yeah of course uh you could also take like half from one half from another oh hmm i'd probably get rid of like probably one of my ring fingers because like i mean hopefully not the one that would house a ring one day whatever the other one then i'll cut this one off because like
I don't think you really need that. I could do without that. Yeah, you could do without. Toes, like all of the middle ones. Honestly, take all except for the outside two that are good with balance. Right, yeah, exactly. I'm good. Yeah, I don't care much about my toes. Yeah, not really. Before we get into another story that I know that we have lined up, have you saw that flag football is coming to the Olympics? Yes.
Is it really? Yeah. So flag football is coming to the Olympics. I have a serious, serious question for you. Do you think this is... No. Oh, what, what? What? I thought you were going to ask me if I was going to like try out or something. No. That leads into my question. Do you think this is a good idea or awful idea? Why wouldn't they just make it football? Probably because of the violence and the aggression and the risk for injury. I mean, I guess. I think... Listen...
I think it's cool. I want to see some Italian guys out there running around catching balls. First of all, is anyone beating a good old United Sheik? I don't think so, dude. No shot, dude. Yeah. No shot. Second of all, like Tyreek Hill joins the Olympics for flag football. Like, what's going to happen, bro? He can barely tackle. Are you going to grab a little flag off his waist? It's not happening. Honestly, like, forget even, like, offensive key players. Like, if you just put, like, you know, like Tyreek Hill, Sauce Gardner,
you know, like just defensive players in there, like just D backs who have decent hands. There's no way that anyone is going to win ever. There's no like fucking German. Yeah. That's going to like, Oh yeah. Who's going to get open against sauce. What the fuck? It's going to beat us. Yeah. Put Jalen Ramsey out there. I just, some fucking like Scandinavian guy. I, yeah. Right. Exactly. What do you think? The whites are going to beat anyone from our country.
Come on. Finland? You think you have a chance? No way. Who is Finnish, you know? No way. I actually have read a lot about Finland, about it being like a great country. Yeah, I mean, I think like that. Scandinavia also is like the healthiest people in the world, I think. Probably. And I think like- A lot of saunas. They do love their saunas, their bathhouses. Apparently that's a thing that's like, yeah. Big sauna guy. You know how I feel about saunas and steam rooms. I like saunas too. In my forever home one day, I want a sauna. I would say get both sauna and steam room.
I don't really like the steam room. Oh, dude. It's the best. Why? It's way better. It opens you up more. It clears you out a lot quicker. It literally pulls out all the shit in your skin and blood. I mean, I'd rather get a cold plunge tub in the garage and then a sauna somewhere. Are you going to buy a house or are you going to build a house?
I don't know. That's a good one, right? It is. Buy the land, build it up. I've thought about it. Probably. I don't really like houses. I've looked at houses in areas where I think I would maybe want to live. Where? And a lot of them are like...
Not old. Old is the word. Not because they're old and decrepit, but they're outdated. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think there's a charm to certain... Yeah, but I don't want to live in a little Harry Potter house or some shit. Like the little miss who lived in a shoe. What was that? Little old lady who lived in a boot?
There was a dumbass woman that lived in some form of footwear. Yeah, like she lived in a hat or a shoe or something. Yeah, I think she was like a dwarf. Whoa, dude. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Got the heartbeat. Like a fairy tale. Yeah, like a fairy or pixie or something like that. Yeah, like a small little fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's Little Miss Tuffet? Who's that? She sat on a Muffet.
What's a Muffet? No, little miss Tuffet sat on a Muffet and ate her dog's old stew or something like that. Ate her dog's old stew. Don't quote me on that. Little miss Tuffet fell in a bucket? Little miss Muffet. Oh, sat on a Tuffet? Yes. What's a Tuffet? Um...
What's a tuffet? Her butt? It's gotta be her butt, right? Tuffet. Damn, that's a fat tuffet. There's a bar in Brooklyn called Tuffet.
A tuft or a clump of something. What the... A clump of butt meat? Or a footstool or low seat. Oh, shit. Not her ass then. That's why. Got it. But I think the whole flag football thing is an awful idea. Why? I have such... Like, I don't know why, but there is something so hysterical about me about grown men and women being so into, like, rec sports. Frank, are you familiar with all of the Olympics? But, like...
Like I, the reason it came up was my brother, like I joke about it a lot is because my brothers once posted a picture and it was their grown adult men softball team. And it said hashtag more than softball.
And I said to them, I was like, the joke is, the obvious joke is that it's just softball. It's not hashtag more than anything. Okay. It's just the hashtag just softball. Right. And like the idea of like grown ass men, like hitting a softball 300 feet and just like flexing is so cringeworthy to me. So like the idea that like now, like people are going to go insanely hard for flag football is hysterical.
You don't like when people like stuff, do you? DON'T! That's what you're doing. DON'T! Some people like softball, bitch! YOU DON'T! You... I... I... Let me tell you something. Don't though. Hold on. Don't though. Because if anyone here... Hold on, hold on. If anyone here hates when people like something, it's fucking you, bitch. Different. I hate when people like believe in things. That I hate. Okay.
You know people have beliefs I don't like that you also hate when people like something cuz you don't like yes it is No, it's I had a conversation this weekend with someone and we agreed you if you know someone else like something and you don't like it You hate it. Wait what? Yeah, bitch. It was about we were talking about Extra dirty martinis. Oh disgusting. No, they're not. Okay fine, but that's how opinions work No, fuck your opinion. Your opinion sucks. Yeah, but think about this. I
Think about Sunday mornings, right? Sunday morning, rain is falling. Yeah, I had to. I'm sorry. You can't say that. I know. It's tough. Go ahead. But just saying Sunday morning and like, you know, football is going to be on. Yes. Right. But in the morning you wake up.
And you don't travel too far, nothing crazy. Yeah. But then you get to a softball field and you and your boys, you have a couple beers and you hit a couple balls. Yeah, I think that's fine. That's great. As long as you are, as long as you have the awareness of,
To know that like, oh, it's a fun game. The people that are just like, I'm fucking two-time softball league MVP. I'm good. I can do it. Like, you're playing slow pitch softball with a ball that's basically a rubber sponge. You know I've never played softball?
What did you say the other day that you've also never done? Oh, you've never had something from Starbucks. Never had Starbucks before. You've never played softball. We can make that happen in one quick day. Get Starbucks and go play softball? Yeah. That sounds like a normal day for a lot of people. I play softball, and it's fun when you're taking it. It is a good, fun game. It's fun when you're taking it? Joey. But the people that are like, this is my fucking everything to me. Well, I mean, dude.
I'm pissing off a ton of people right now. Probably, yeah. Probably. A lot of people who play Sunday morning sports. Josh was editing this. Yeah, Josh is pissed. But Josh is a meathead and he's bigger than me and will beat me up. So he's allowed to be. I'm not offending him, you know. Yeah.
I think the last time I saw him, I like gave him a hug and he was like, when he hugged me, he was like, I can fucking put you in a Camaro right now. And I was just like, just, just say hi. Yeah. Just don't do that. Don't do that. Um, also I wanted to talk about the other thing that you brought up, which I want to know more about. I don't know if you know more about it. I probably don't. But the one with the woman who wants to fuck a rollercoaster. Yes. So no, not just fuck a rollercoaster because we've talked about that before. It was a dude.
And a dude was fucking his car. I don't... Honestly, there was a guy fucking his car. People have been fucking roller coasters since... Yeah, a woman was kissing roller coasters. Yeah, she was like... Yeah. But apparently this one was on... She's on a quest to fuck all... She's on a mission. She's on a mission. Not like the missions you went on as a kid where you would go, you know, with your church and, like, those weird priests would undress you. I've never... I...
There is an anonymous Redditor who is on a countrywide mission to have sex with every roller coaster. And it's not what you think. What do you mean? Clickbait. Roll credits. Cold open. It's not what you think. It's over. Welcome back. I think that here's what I think.
She rubs her vagina all over them. No. So... She gets in it and masturbates. No. So... She spits on it. Let me... Literally, all you have to do is stop for a split second and I'll finish. She looms up a part of it and just jerks it. Dude, can you imagine jerking... But then what is she jerking off? Like, that's gonna... That's scary for everybody. Imagine jerking off the Hulk. Here's a real question. Yeah.
Yeah. That is a real question. Yeah, it is. Mine is a little more real. Okay. If you want to have sex at a roller coaster, are you having sex with the structural base of this thing or the cars?
are the cars like a rollercoaster? No. It's the structure, right? It's the structure. Because the cars are like sunglasses for us. It's an accessory. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. Jewelry, if you will. Glass. Well, think of it like glasses. Right. You can't see without the glasses. Put the glasses on, you can see. Rollercoaster, nothing without its carts. Yeah. But it's still technically a rollercoaster. Think about it. Yeah, exactly. Like if you put a rollercoaster that had no cars...
It's still a roller coaster. It's just missing some cars. It's just missing. It's not going to operate and function nearly as well. A car without a roller coaster, it's not a roller coaster. So it's the coast. It's the car that makes the coaster, not the coaster that makes the car. Yeah. Wait, no. Well, no, hold on backwards. Yeah, yeah. The coaster that makes the car. Well, now I'm confused. It gives it meaning. It's frogs and toads. Don't even. I did. Okay. And there's physically nothing you can do about it. Frankie, how does she do this?
So, well, stop asking like you were waiting for me to answer. You asked 30 questions in the... No, I was guessing of how she had sex with the roller coasters. She just gets on the roller coasters and the thrill of the roller coaster brings her to climax and full fucking orgasm. So like... She just rides it. She just rides it. And she gets... And she comes? And she... Yeah. Yeah.
And she's on a mission, but she wants to stay anonymous because she doesn't want to make other people feel uncomfortable. Imagine if they're going to feel uncomfortable when you're. Oh, yeah. But like people make weird noises on roller coasters all the time, dude. No one fucking orgasms. Some people might. Some people go, whoa. You don't get that feeling in your stomach. Like it feels like you're you're peep. You know, like butterflies. What was the peep? What was peep? The reason I say. All right. So there was. Am I going to care about this?
Probably not. Okay. It's a quick story. When we were kids and we would drive to the lake house, my dad would take a back road. And when we'd be on the drive, my dad would say like, guys, which way you want me to go? My brothers and I would say the peepee way. What was the peepee way? What's up and down? That's not peepee. Why is that the peepee way? It was rude. You were about to say like peepee.
He's about to say that like out loud like the fuck wait so why was it pee pee? It was a root that like was like so like bendy swervy swervy and double swervies and hilly that there was always one hill that when you went over you got like that butterfly in your stomach but we always said like you feel it in your pee pee my brothers and I I don't feel any of that in my pee pee I feel all of it like here yeah well we didn't understand
Like, oh my god, I felt that in my pee-pee. This is before there was like, you know, we were kids, dude. Your dad's in the front seat going, oh, we're going the pee-pee way. Hold your pee-pees. You want to go the orgasm way? Who wants to come? Back there. As we're listening to fucking Puddle of Mud. Creed.
I can't control you. Yeah You know yeah, and you went to peepee and we went the peepee way, but that's how she gets off on these roller coasters That's crazy, so I have some questions for you. Yeah, you've been a six flags. No Okay, all right well episode over. Thanks for coming by For now, but wait you've never been this you we used to go as kids. No. I never went what yeah, and everyone's at six like really no I
Okay, I've been to splish splash. All right. Have you been to any place that has a roller? Yeah, like Universal. Okay. Yeah, you've been on roller coasters Yeah, have there ever been any that have never came frame? No, not not once never came never not even just like a little calm Not like a little like you like this could get you there. No, I just have fun. I yell. Yeah What do you yell on roller coaster? Whoa? Oh
Which I guess... What's the difference? Yeah, I guess. What's the difference? Well, the difference is I'm not going to be drinking this. The difference, a big difference. You know, that's the one. Yeah, no, never came on a roller coaster before.
Have there been any that you think would actually do it? I remember you were telling me that the Velocicoaster, the new Jurassic Park one, it's pretty like... Yeah, I'm not coming on that, though. My idea, if anything, is inverted. Yeah, because it's a lot. Uh-huh. And there was a part where it was swinging back and forth on my neck. I was like, eh. You're such a fucking old bitch. Have fun. Frankie, you said back to you and pulled your shoulder.
Like are you kidding me? I'm on a fucking coaster going a thousand listen as someone that has been on uh many roller coasters in two parks three Four I guess Yeah, el toro can get you there el toro. You're gonna like kingda ka I could see why someone would feel like you're getting that kingda cock. You know what i'm saying? Okay nitro
These are all Six Flags ones. Right. Boulder Dash at Lake Compounce in Connecticut. You haven't been there? No. Boy, that'll have you feeling a certain way. The Wildcat, but it's a little rickety. That's like the old boomer. I don't like rickety shit. Yeah, it's a little scary. I don't know if it's there anymore. I haven't been in a long time. Are you afraid of things?
Yes, I am. I meant like, would you get on those rides that like they put you in like a little ball and they just shoot it? Without a doubt, I would do it. I've done the sky coaster or bungee jumping thing where they put you in a harness and they bring you up like that. And then you let go and you fall and it catches you and you swing. Yeah, I don't know that I would do that. I've done that at... I could be convinced. The one at Lake Compounce was tall and I went on with Steven and Patty.
And I was the one that had to pull. Because you have to pull your own thing. Uh-huh. And I'd be like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? And I'd fuck with them. And it's just fucking fun. Yeah. I've seen that. But like, and I also saw that thing. I don't know what it's called. But when they're just in the ball and they shoot you in the air. Yeah. All the videos of the people like passing out on that. Yeah.
What they do now, and I don't know how you feel about this. I would get a kick out of it, but they do like, they like fuck with them now. So they'll be like, oh, you're not strapped in. If you don't strap, like go tighter, you're going to fall out. And they'll be like, what? And as they look down to be like, huh? They fucking send them flying. That shit is crazy. Every time I see one of those videos now, it's either someone passing out or a girl with huge tits.
I don't think I've seen the tit ones. I've seen the passing out ones quite a bit I've said yeah, those are always fun because they come to and they're like I'm in this guy Well, it's a girl with like they're getting launched up. So it's like normal and then all sudden she's on her way down Just tears drop out. Yeah. Well, I don't know that they're out. They're just like holy to hell. That's the whole video Yeah, that's yeah, and then and then you come and then you're done watching the video. Oh
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And yeah, go get yourself a nice little doctor, folks. All right. Why'd you look at me like a proud father? I'm very proud of you. Are you? Yes. Okay. What else did we have today? I forget. Oh.
There's a TikToker who doesn't wipe her ass? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to say her name, but I feel bad. But, yeah, so... Clearly she doesn't. She fucking posted about it on TikTok. Yeah, well, you know, we're not going to post... We're not going to promote her because this isn't free. We just read ads. Come on. But, yes, correct. So there is a TikToker who... She is a comedian, but she says she actually doesn't wipe her ass because she believes that God did not give us...
Ass worth wiping, you know, basically saying like no animal no other human no other animal wipes their butt So why should we interesting though? No, no interesting No, but but every other no other no other animal has an ass quite like mine, bro. I
But think about this, right? My dog. Yes. Fluffy. Yeah, but it's assholes in the wind, dude. But not all the time. It doesn't need... Yes, it is. No, sometimes he's... Your dog doesn't have cheeks, dude. Your dog has no cheeks. None. Your dog is built like a fucking plank of wood.
His asshole, he walks in this room right now. I can make eye contact with his asshole. Yeah, because he just got groomed. This is a big asshole episode. Yeah, the whole thing is butts. She should be called the butthole show. This is why you don't title the episodes. He is right. He is very right about that. No, but it is interesting because I'm like...
There's only been a few times where I'm like, all right, I got to like pull a poop out of Charlie's butt. Pull? Pull. Oh, you've told this. This sucks. But like for the most part, he's taking dumps and like there's no residue. There's nothing.
Isn't that kind of crazy? Yeah, but that's because his butt is made like that. Like, our... Think, what other animal... We have the same butt. No, we don't, dude. Our butthole is behind a fucking castle wall of cheeks. But, Frank, when you sit down to... Yeah. It opens. Yeah, because you sit on something and your asshole goes lower than the seat and it...
Moves your cheeks out of the way. Yeah, so then it's so then at that moment. It's the same No, it's not though because there's still there's still like the moment you like there's more There's more to navigate through there dude. You know I wish I had a dog's butt. Are you kidding me? You wish you had a dog's butt Just like it would be way easier. What about nipples? Hmm. Give me gorilla nipples. You want long gorilla nipples?
I've seen a gorilla, like, pull their nipple, like, hard, dude. Actually, no. Yeah, you're right. I don't want any nipples. Fucking take... Can't be nipple-less. Take them off. Yeah. What do I need them for? Like, visual reasons? Visual what? If you were walking around, like, on vacation or at the beach or something, and, like, there's a dude with no nipples walking around. If I was just, like, Kyle XY-ing it, and I had, like, no belly button, no nipples, I'd be fine with that. Don't need either of those things. Really? Yeah. Why? I don't know. You like it because you like your nipples. You like nipple play. Yeah.
I like nipple play. Dude, we've gotten enough packages of fucking like nipple clamps and nipple electrocutors that like... Electrocutors? Yeah. I've never seen that. You definitely have. I know, like, it's not a... I don't like my nipples being like pulled. Just because they have been before. Yeah, oh, there it is, folks. But just because they have been doesn't mean that I like... You've done things that you don't necessarily do all the time. Yeah, but if I don't do them, it's because I don't like them.
Right. I'm saying. If they've happened multiple times, it's because there's a smidge. Who said multiple times? How many times? How many times what? How many times have your nipples been pulled and played with? Honestly? Honestly?
Yeah, see exactly. Yeah, my point exactly. But not your big nipple playboy. No, not in a real manner, like a joking manner. Who joking? Oh, these are the same people that sucked on your nipples jokingly. Joey, we rediscovered in an episode recently that Joey likes when his nipples get sucked. That's not true. And now played with. That's not what I said. You said it was a playful thing where someone sucked on your nipples. No. Mouth suction around your nipples. Frankie, first of all.
I don't know what to say. I got him, folks. No, you don't have him. I got him. You don't have him. I am free from you. Gotcha. You don't. Gotcha. I'm over here, though. No. You don't have me. No. I figured out how to stump you, and it's by revealing to the world that you're a big fucking nipple playboy. I'm not, though. You've had someone suck on him, play with him. What's next? Most people have, Frank.
Oh, I thought you meant to you. I was going to say, why not me? Wait, most people have what? I thought you meant like most people play with my nipples. And I was going to say, oh, I haven't. What the fuck am I not in this cool party? No. No, I'm saying like most people have had their nipples touched before. Touched, yes. People have touched my nipples. Someone's pulled your nipples before. Yes, not pumped about it. Who said I was pumped? You did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I said it has happened. You're like, you love it. Yeah, you do because you also had someone suck on them.
No one's ever. Yes, I got him. Look at his face. He's blushing. No. Yeah. I have to fart. Do it. No. Please. Oh, speaking of farting. That's so funny that we brought that up. I got a DM the other day and I screenshot it because it was funny. It said, I'm going to shoot my shot. I just saw a clip of the basement yard and you farted. My kind of guy. What? If you ever find yourself in Chicago, let me know.
For what? Farts? A big fart time. A big fart time? Yeah, like what are we talking about here? You want me to blow farts on you? What's going on? A big fart time. Yeah. Well, you just fart. She's like, you farted. My kind of guy. My kind of guy. That's the standard. That's the standard, yeah. I like a guy who farts. I'm a big fart guy, dude. Yeah. Oh, then I guess I am very much not this person's kind of guy. Yeah, you don't fart. Imagine being like, so like you're like. You fart when no one's around?
Of course everyone farts, Joey. Yeah, but you like- But I'm not like making like a show of it like you do. I know you do. I know you do. You do make a show of it. I'm not- Listen, the fact that my body makes gas, it's not my fault. I know it's not your fault, but what you do with it is definitely your fault. What would you have me do? I can't- Just let it- Just make it be normal. If it's loud or something, you apologize to the room. If it stinks, you deny it.
A picture of Frankie farting by himself and going, apologize. I'm sorry, guys. Apologies. He fucking says sorry to his action figures. Sorry. Sorry, fucking Superman. This is, first of all, all right, now this is getting out of hand. Oh, I didn't know you were there, He-Man. Fuck out of here. First of all, a little before our time, He-Man. You have He-Man. I don't have any He-Man.
No? No. None. I swore the last time I was there I saw a He-Man. I promise you I have none. No, I believe you. I know that you have an inventory. Zero. You might be confusing my small soldiers. No, I know them. You know exactly. Those are cool. Those I wouldn't fart in front of. No. Thank God. Who's the one with the eye and like the crazy hair? He spins. Oh, Insaniac.
That's it. You know what's funny? Yeah. I pitched a Patreon episode for you and I recently where I said I have to ask you questions. One of those questions was, what's this guy? And it was going to be him. Really? I swear to God. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, pick a different one because I don't know anyone's name. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No. Fuck you. I don't. Wait, what? Why do you immediately have to take shots at my fucking toy collecting? It's all I got.
It is. At least you're aware of it. It isn't, but it's the fun one. At least you're aware of it. Yeah. So now you're just, you read a DM here. You're opening yourself to more crazy DMs. Well, I don't want to be far. I don't, don't send me DMs. Hey, what would you do if that, if you actually took that person up? Like, all right, yeah, I'll be in Chicago this week. Let's, what do you want to do? I'll save up a big fart for you. I'll fucking, let's, let's fart together. Together. Let's meet up and just set it off. Fart meet up.
Good while it lasted, folks. It was a fun, fun, fun, fun time while it lasted. That just reminded me of one time. I almost crashed my car. I was in the car with Keith.
We're driving and he's just like in one of these moods where he's like making giants like whatever nothing's landing and we're out. It's just like I'm just not laughing, but he's like laughing at the fact that I'm not laughing. And then we pull up on the street and there's like four buses in a row just like on the sidewalk, like parked for some reason. And Keith just goes, hmm, bus party. Lost my fucking mind, dude.
He just went, hmm, bus party? And I was, dude, I fucking threw my head back. I was like, ah, these jokes suck. Yeah. I've been bus party all the time. But they work. Yeah. Hmm, bus party? It's like, the fuck? But it's crazy that I actually got that question that I like, you know.
You picked that one out of all of them. Yeah, yeah, that is crazy. Small Soldiers, good movie. Great movie. I wish my toys would come alive, even though I don't really have any anymore. Yeah, first of all, your toys now are like fucking your Rolex and stuff, and I can only imagine what it would say. First of all, watches don't talk in any movie. Oh, Beauty and the Beast. That's a clock. I was going to say, that's not a watch. True. I don't think watches were invented at that point in time.
Really? Yeah. That sounded like I farted. Why did your elbow just fart so loud? No. I think you just wanted to flex your arm, dude. No, if I wanted to flex, I wouldn't. You're the big flexer. Do it, do it, do it. Oh, you're shy now? Flex your arm. That was just you twirling your wrists. Something like that?
Ew, why did you say that like that? I don't like that. Did you just call me dad? I said, do you like that? No. No, not one bit. Not one bit, dude. All right, come on. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah, let's get out of here, Frank. FAlvers885 on Twitter, DFrankAlvers on all the forms of social media. Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard.
Thank you for getting us over 26. We got some fun stuff coming your way exclusively for our patrons. So get us to 27 and maybe you'll see Joey naked. Probably not. Maybe, probably, definitely will. And then you can follow The Basement Yard at all forms of social media. Go check it out. Appreciate it. Joey? Oh, that was not... Okay. Yeah, go follow me at Joe Santagato and go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. I already said that. And...
If you want some merch, we have some Halloween exclusive merch. And if you're a patron, you also get a promo code for the first seven days. I believe it's 15% off, 15 or 20% off, something like that. But yeah, so another reason to sign up for the Patreon. But yeah, go to shop.santagottastudios.com for that. And that is all. Show us your nipples.
We're not showing anyone nipples. Show your nipples. Why would I ever do that? You've showed your nipples. Have I? I think so. Sorry. They're not sweet. If they were cooler, you'd show them. 100%, dude. 100%. There's nothing wrong with your nipples. They suck. Bye, guys. All right.
