Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to- I was about to say welcome back to Santagato Studios. It's not- I mean, technically they are back at Santagato Studios, but it's a different- it's a different room in there. Right. Welcome back to the basement yard. It is the basement yard. You got it. You figured it out. Nice shirt. Thank you, bitch. And shi-
Oh, you're really just leaning into being a giant fan this week, huh? You've given you what the Arizona you can't you can't you can't no because you will come in here and you're dressed to the nines with all baseball gear all the time And now I like your shirt, thank you so much. You were asking me glasses on glasses off. I don't know what to do Let's see glasses on glasses on okay, you look like Michael Douglas in one of those movies where he killed someone Oh like the game or something like that You don't know enough movies
Or glasses Watch it Let's see Hold on I saw it coming off I gotta close my eyes Okay Let me know when they're down No they're on now Look Okay Glasses off Yeah What do you think? Leave them on Alright bitch Yeah You look eloquent Is that right? Yeah yeah yeah Like that Thank you I'm getting compliments today What else? Tell me I look good Please Don't Haircut I know Haircut Frank People love when you get a haircut I know I don't know why Well it's Well hair looks better when it's cut right? Does it? I don't know
Joey? Oh, also I wanted to tell you on the way over. This is the thing I was hiding from you. I got into a car accident this morning. Well, obviously you're okay. Yeah, I'm okay. Like that? Fendy bendy? They bend your fend? Yeah, I got into an accident with a seemingly Jewish man. Oh, I got hit by a Jew not long ago too. Did you? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What's going on out there? Was it the same one? His last name was Gold. Well, gotta sue. Oh, what?
No, but he was a nice guy. But he hit the fuck out of me. 100% his fault. Was he like an Orthodox Jew? Oh, he worked in real estate. He wasn't like a Hasidic. Oh, he wasn't like... He was like... Okay. I got hit by a Hasidic. Oh. On the Manhattan Bridge. You got hit on a bridge? Yeah. I got railed from the back by a Jew on a bridge.
I mean, that's what it is. That's what happened. Yeah, it is what happened. Words can be words. Words can be words. What happened? Are you okay? Yeah, like, just like my...
Like, the damage to the car is not bad. It felt and sounded worse than it looks. From the back? From the back. Okay, guy didn't stop in time. Well, I was not even moving, really. And I have a little bit of whiplash, I guess, like my neck. Oh, that bad? My neck and my back, yeah. Really? My pussy and my crack, totally fine. That's what I was going to hope about. Yeah. But, yeah, no, it wasn't bad. It's just I wasn't expecting it. I mean, bad enough that you got a little whiplash.
I've never been hit hard enough, I guess, knock on wood, that I've had fucking like, did you get out the car doing this? Because you knew he was sweating the moment you did that. He popped out pretty significantly. I mean, quickly, I think he was looking at his phone because I was trying to get in somewhere. Well, you can't say it now. Now it's the legal record. You're going to fucking get this guy all locked up. I think I said...
I could think anything. I think the moon is cheese. How's that? A lot of people do, so you might be starting something there. But I was going in, I was like coming into a lane there. You're so focused on my hands. I don't know why I'm so intrigued here. I am like legitimately. But I was just, I had my arm out the window like I was cool. And then he hit me. He really humbled you real quick. Don't be fooling your car. First thing I did, I went like this.
Yeah, that's the first... Listen, this is the first... When I got hit, I got out of the car and the first thing I did was, yeah, this is the universal, like, what's going on? This is bullshit. Like, I don't understand this. I feel bad for the dude who hit me because I didn't want him... Like, I was almost like...
It's okay, dude. Oh. The whole time. Like, I wasn't mad at him at all. Yeah, that's good. I am mad that, like, now I won't have a car because I have to, like, send it in and... How bad is the dammy? It's not bad, but, like, you don't want to... I don't know if the light works. The back light. Joey, this sounds like he hit you pretty hard. No, if you go see the car, it's not bad. I will. Normally on my way out, as I told you before, I drag my balls across your door handle. Oh, did you say ass last time? Now it's balls? Oh. Now you're going front? Oh.
It's a surprise. I try to mix it up a little bit. Thank you. Paprika one day and cayenne the next. It's all a matter of taste. Not an expression? I've never been hit to the point where it's like, oh, something might not work. I've gotten little taps, little beep beeps. They felt way worse. And then I go and look and I'm like, oh, there's nothing there. But this sounds like you actually, like you might have a case on your hand. On my hand? One hand. What?
You might have a case on your hand. And you know what, Joe? Trust... Let me get rid of that paper there. Trust me, I'm a lawyer. No, what did the paper say? The paper said cowboy. I'll show you. Trust me, I'm a cowboy? That's what it said. Look, where is the paper? I already threw it in the garbage. It's over there. He made a sign that said... What did it say, Frank? It was... First of all, I didn't... I made this sign. This is the one I made. Joey had a sign for... That he was going to hang up in his office that said...
You really want to do this, huh? It said, trust me, I'm a racist. Well, I just want to make sure Joey lives it. And then you bailed out of that joke, huh? Good for you.
But yeah, so I've been struck by a vehicle this morning. Did you do like the name, insurance card, driver's license? You know what's funny about that? I've never done this before. Like this has never happened to me. So I got his information. He was kind of leading the charge because I didn't know what to do. Well, normally the people from the back tend to, you know, control the situation. And yes, he did. Yeah. And he gave me...
I took a picture of his license. I took a picture of his registration and he gave me his business card. Didn't do the insurance card. So I got to call this guy. I mean, as long as you got that stuff, that's fine. They can always look it up. But also, did you take a picture of the damage on your car? Yes. Okay. While you were there? Yeah. Okay, good. Now you're getting it. Let daddy teach you here. Yeah, yeah. Oh, insurance guy over there too. I was a former insurance guy. Yeah. And you know what I did? I drove away and then I called my mom and I said, hey, ma, I was just in a car accident.
The only reason why I'm calling you is because I don't know what's next. Yeah, no. I don't know what to do. You call your insurance. So who do you have? Geico? I think. Okay. You don't know? I have Geico. Okay. You call Geico. Oh, you don't want them to know you have Geico. Why does that matter? Makes sense. You call Geico and you let them know like, hey, get the Geico on the phone. I've got some issues. Big.
Big T, one sec. Yeah. Do I have to do that like immediately or like I have stuff to do today? You should do it today. But what happens if I don't? It could be used against you in terms of like stuff like that. It can. You want to get as quick in front of it as quick as possible. Just say, hey, just letting you know, my bendy got fendied. My fendy got bendied. Whatever. And it was by a Jewish man.
I'm going to leave that part out. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. You probably should. Because I don't want this to feel like a target. That's a smart idea. And he was a nice man. Yeah, I'm sure he was. And he actually said, he's like, I appreciate you not getting so excited over this. I think he meant excited of like angry and like. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, because I was like, dude, don't worry about it. I don't understand why people get so worked up when you like. Yeah. I mean, I guess I get it. Unless you blow a light. Also, I had my dog in the car. Accident's an accident. Yeah.
You know, wait, where is that bitch? Well, I was robbing him at the groomer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So not only you groom hoomans now, you groom dogs. Hoomans. Yeah. You said hoomans. Yeah. You couldn't even get that one out. I'm sorry. My tongue is a little... First of all, why the fuck is your tongue orange? Oh, I had Twizzlers on the way here. Same question. Those are red. The fuck? Why are they orange? I don't know. That's a good question. Wait. Can you take a look at it? Yeah.
Orange really orange. It looks like orange soda. What did I have that was orange today? Did you have an orange? No, I did the Twizzlers couldn't have done it because those are a completely different color I'm a little worried now, but it's alright. I'll be okay. It was just Twizzlers Oh, and I had a mu replacement shake this morning. So maybe that has something to do with it. I
Was it orange? It wasn't. But maybe, I don't know. More stuff that isn't orange. You never know. Did you find like a Skittle on the floor in your car and eat it or something? No. Would you? Yes. I would. If I...
The rule is, the rule is, here's the rule. Here's the rule about candy. I'm not going to go out and buy a pack of Skittles because I'm not a huge Skittle guy. They're good. They're good. I'm not downplaying them. But personally, I'm not a big Skittle guy. Okay. All right? But if I find one on the floor, I'm eating it. That's a weird rule, dude. No, but that's the way it is. You're like, I won't go buy clean ones. I won't go. But if I see dirty ones, I'll pick those up. I won't buy a pack of Swedish fish. But if I look on the floor and there's a Swedish fish in my car, I'm eating it. Right?
Frankie, why is that your rule? Because it's just like, it's the convenience and like the, oh, the happenstance. It's a dirty piece of candy, dude. I mean, dirty. Let's use that term loosely. Let's use it directly. It's a car floor. It's where the feet go. Yeah. I know.
And where do feet go usually? On the street, in the world. Yes, yes they do. The dirty world. Yes they do. But listen, Joey, it's candy. Germs don't affect candy the way that they do other food because of bacteria and stuff like that. You try to make that scientific. No, no, no. I believe it is true. You believe it's true? Yes, yes. If you were to put an apple on the floor or a piece of candy, one of those is going to rot way quicker. The apple. If it's half-eaten.
No, it'll go pretty quick. Well, yeah, candy is not... Candy is like, there's no bacteria that's just like, let me get some of that good old fucking red dye number five. I think they are, though. I don't know. Same thing with like fruit roll-ups. I remember as clear as day, first grade... Do not say what you're about to say. Okay. You ate a fruit roll-up off the ground? I'll do you one better, not even off the ground. In a bathroom? I'll do you one better. Better than a bathroom? What did you do? Basically a bathroom. It was in the closet of our first grade class. What?
Yeah Yeah, it's D. Philippi's class D. Philippi's class. RIP. I don't know. No, she's like really I have no idea cranking out fuck She's gotta be in her 90s dude gotta be anyway
You went into the closet. Yeah, you remember those old wooden closets at the back of the room where you'd hang up your jacket in the beginning of the day? They had big fucking hooks. Big old fat hooks. They did. I remember going in there toward the end of the day and there were like jackets on the floor and on top of someone's jacket was an open, removed from paper, fruit by the foot. What the fuck?
And I was like, oh. Frankie, Frankie, is this a real story? Yes, I swear to God. I swear on my children's lives. You ate it? Of course I did. But why? Because it was there. I know, but like...
It was clearly discarded. You know, like, removed from the package, removed from the paper. Hey, bitch, look at me now. I'm doing all right, okay? I'm doing all right. You're cheating death, though. You can't just go eating food off the ground, Frank. I do have stomach issues, and I'm not going to confirm nor deny that maybe that had something to do with it. Yeah, because you're eating like a raccoon. Oh.
You're eating garbage. Do you understand that I saw a fruit by the foot on the floor at seven years old? You know how excited I was? I get that. But Frankie, food, when it's in the air, it's food. As soon as it hits the ground, garbage. Well, it was on top. My defense, it was on top of a jacket. So maybe... On a strange jacket. Yeah, well...
Who's jacket could it have been? Who was real dirty in our first grade class? I'm sure there were some dirty children. They're okay. We were all kids. We're all dirty. It was the 90s. No one gave a shit. All right. We were fucking living it up. You know, we had bigger fish to fry.
Like what? Who's going to trade me a fucking Alakazam? You know what I'm saying? That's a good Pokemon. I know it's a good Pokemon. Give me your fucking... Is that the one with the spoons? Kadabra is the one with the spoons. Oh. Alakazam, does he have spoons? I don't think so. I think they all had spoons. No, Abra didn't have spoons. Kadabra... What is that? Was that like a magician fox?
Yeah, it was actually funny that I know this because it's absolutely useless for the rest of the world. Yeah. But Kadabra was based off of, I believe it was like a popular English or he was basically based off of a popular magician. So Kadabra as a Pokemon card was not allowed in Pokemon TCG competitive play or the card game for years and years and years. And it's recently come back.
Why wasn't it allowed? Because it was copywriting. Like they were having fights with like the magician. Like, yo, those are my spoons. Oh, so the spoon wielding magician was pissed off about Pokemon. Well, wouldn't you be if they were stealing your likeness? If there was a Pokemon that was called like, you know, I barely pay my workers enough of them on, you know?
Wouldn't you be like, oh shit, that sounds a little targeted at me. I don't like it. I deserve some residuals from this multi-billion dollar company. Oh, okay. That makes sense. I'm sure that's what it was. Yeah. He's like, yo, dude, give me some of those Pokemon. But yeah, of course I was going to eat that, Joey. You're going to tell me, you're going to tell me you've never come across as a stray, just forgotten piece of candy in your house. And you just go, wait a sec. No, actually, no.
Oh, sorry, Mr. fucking health guru over here. Why can't we live all like you? Frankie, everyone knows you don't eat food off the ground. That's not exclusive to me. I'm not... Listen, if it was on the street, Joey, big difference. It was on a fucking first grade school closet floor. Frankie, schools are literally epicenters of disease. They have become that. But when we were kids, we were fucking...
You know, licking poles at recess. Like, we were living it up, baby. Who was licking poles at recess? I was playing handball and kickball, and you were licking poles? First of all, you weren't playing handball. You were playing ASS. Call it what it was, bitch. It was ASS. You were never good enough to play handball. You had little baby palms. You had baby palms. Don't talk about my palms. Your palms are not cool. Shut up. Yeah. I got rad palms. Yeah. The cool kid over here, he's over there with his big palms, and...
Eating food off the floor. Oh my god, Joey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We're all want to be Mr. Fucking, you know, gym teacher fucking, you know, jerk off material. That's what you were. That's exactly what you were. I was a cool kid. I was playing coongies, playing Pokemon and eating fucking stray candy. What sounds cooler than that?
I can't believe that story. Yeah, it's very, very, very true. Let me ask you a question, and I swear to God if you lie, I'm going to be pissed off. Okay. But I hope that I know the answer. Okay. Have you ever, and don't you fucking lie. I will be very honest with you. I never lie to you on these shows. Okay, okay. Have you ever taken gum off the bottom of a desk and ate it?
Uh, yeah. Not... But listen, listen. Not... No, no, no, no, no. Not as like a on purpose. When my... My dad, my parents... You accidentally took... Listen to me. Death gum. Listen to me. My parents...
told this story to us like when we were like toddlers like fucking like two and my brothers where I was like three and my brothers were one or whatever the age bracket they couldn't take us to restaurants for years because we were such fucking nightmares as kids and my dad actively and my mom too tells the story of remembering us being at a restaurant and looking under the table and we were down there picking the gum off the bottom of the table and eating it I hate that yeah well what's up
It's alright. It's okay. Here we are. Gum. They don't have gum on the bottom of tables anymore. That's like a thing of the past. No one does that anymore. Cigarettes and gum. They're kind of like a thing of the past. Yeah. No one... Life was better. All I'm going to say. Yeah. I'm not a smoker. Yeah. And I'm not a litterer. But life collectively was better... When there was more gum. When there was more gum on the bottom of desks and when cigarettes were just like being...
Targeted to kids. We can blow some cigarette smoke into a baby's face. That was fun. Really cool. Yeah. You know?
I mean, neither of your parents smoked, right? No. Holy. My dad smoked enough for all of our parents. And I'm saying the collective all, like everyone that watches this. Yeah. I think that when, I know my dad has never smoked cigarettes, but I think my mom, when they were younger, may have. Or weed, maybe. I'm sure your mom smoked weed. She was a child of the 70s, right? Yeah, yeah. But no, my dad never did anything. Well, your dad was fucking like Mr. Athlete. Yeah, I guess. Um.
I recently, you know what's so funny is I recently saw my uncle and my uncle that knows. That's hilarious, dude. Guy saw his uncle. Let's lose our minds. No, no, no. It's my uncle that is good childhood friends with your uncle. Which uncle?
We're gonna start naming names. I'll throw him out there. I don't know my uncle your uncle with the twins Okay, and he they were good childhood friends and every time I see him He always asks about you and you're and it's like oh you still working with the Shannon got it And I'm like yes I am and he last time I saw him he like skipped the like pleasantries and like small talk of like hey How you doing? How the kids he goes? Did you know how much of an athlete Joe senior was? Yeah, and I was like
I've heard he was like no like I'm telling you like the best Not really, but for the sake of the story he does you're doing well. Thank you, and I was just like oh Yeah, no, I've heard did he say hi to you at least or he just afterward He was just like so how's it going you know like really start let in with the talk about your dad That's crazy, which can't escape that man anywhere. Yeah, no It's hilarious
Anyway, moving on. Let's switch some gears. Can we switch gears? Yeah, we can switch some gears. How do you switch gears? Not like that. I've never driven a... Do you know how to drive stick? No. I tell you what, I did once.
didn't know. Oh, I tried once and it was bad for the person's car. Let me drive his car. And I, it's dude, I don't know what I did. I hate it. But he's like, all you gotta do is like the clutch and the thing. And I was like, okay, cool. And then we were on Ditmars Boulevard on a very congested Boulevard. It was like 70 something street. Oh, okay. So like, but it was like, yeah, it's basically an highway. Yeah. Yeah. And the light turns green. There's mad cars behind us. And I did something. It sounded like the bottom of the car just hit
the ground yeah and i was like i don't know and then he just like did something and then we started i hate how like driving stick is like a like it like puts you in like a tier of like intellect above other people it's also european it is really european i don't like it yeah automatic transmission or what is it automatic gear switch or just automatic transmission i think
Watch this. That's how much I know. Automatic. Automatic. Way better than manual. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be sitting there and just fucking jerking my car off as I'm trying to drive. That's what I'm saying. I got to slow down, jerk it off too? I think I've been, there was a friend of mine in college who had a, you know, like a stick car. And we were driving and he's just like, oh, I'm going to take this exit.
And he went from 70 to 10 miles per hour and like fucking burned 150 calories while doing it. Yeah, I don't like that shit. I mean, you got to be careful if you go to Europe and you're like renting a car. Oh, like you need to make sure. If they give you a car that's sick, it's like, well, now I'm done. Oh, no. I mean, that's YouTube, baby. You just pop that YouTube up and you figure it out. It's just annoying. I wouldn't want to do it. There's like three pedals.
Clutch break gas and there's no parking. That's the other thing I love Yeah, you have to fucking the emergency brake park fucking stupid. Why were old people so dumb story about When you know Pete from the neighborhood now, there's like three Pete's no little Pete PD. Yeah Yeah, he was driving Ralph's car one time Oh boy, and it was like four by forty issue park and he like let the emergency break down or I think Rob was like you just before he's like, yeah, I
Bro, he like undid the emergency brake and the car rolled and hit the car in front of him. And then that car rolled and hit another car. And I think it just kept happening. How fucked up is that? Jesus, I'd be so mad. I've done that. Oh, hit and run. You've committed a felony. Careful because I don't know. I didn't hit a human. I don't know what this, it doesn't matter, Joey. I didn't hit a car. I tapped a car and was like, well, this isn't a parking spot anymore. Joey, you instantly just turned this into a felony. Yeah.
Frank, it's all hearsay here. Do not. Do not say what you're going to say next. Just say it's a joke. This is a comedy podcast. I've killed a man. Okay, well, or it could be that the statute of limitations is over. I just watched a movie. Have you? Congratulations, you fucking dunce. Yeah, okay. Walk me through it, big guy. How was it, champ? That's not what I meant. I was trying to finish it.
Trying to finish the movie? Very simple. Just leave it on. I watched a movie. It just reminded me of the lawyer thing. Have you seen it? It's called Primal Fear. It's old. Oh, with Ed Norton. Yeah, I've seen that movie. I just watched it for the first time. It was a good movie. Yeah, very good. Who's the guy? Who's the hot guy? Richard Gere? The one that had the gerbil up his ass. He had gerbils at his ass? Wait, pretty woman? Richard Gere. He had a gerbil in his ass? Rumor was that he liked gerbil play.
That's terrifying. How do you even go about that? How does that not kill you too, bro? Little gerbils scratching at your inside of holes. Dude, gerbils. Yep. I mean, I'm not a big stuff in my ass guy. I'm not even a big. I would say I'm not at all a stuff in my ass guy. But...
The idea of like a little muscly character that's like fuzzy, just kind of burrowing in and out of your butt. I could see why that would be sweet for people. What? You know? No, I don't know. I mean, you know. You think that sounds good? If I were to be a butt guy...
Like if I were to be like, so you would just be like top of the food chain because I think that like bottom of the food chain. No, but I mean like you come into like the butt play, you know, whatever you're like, I'm going to skip thumbs and dildos. I'm going right to animals. Is that what you're saying? I don't know if that's technically why,
Why would we consider that a food chain thing? Who said food chain? You said food chain. I said food chain? You said you're top of the food chain. Oh, I meant like, you know. You're going right for the fucking. The proverbial food chain. You're swinging for the fences. You don't want to start off hitting a couple singles. There are people who are into getting their butt kicked.
Touched and stuffed. Formed. Yeah. Yeah. But they're like, I'm not putting a gerbil in here. But you would put a gerbil in here. No. I didn't say that. I'm not. Listen. That's what it felt like. I'm sure you can call it whatever you see. I am saying. I am saying. Another universe. You know, let's Doctor Strange this shit and we open up a parallel universe. There's a version of you that loves getting. I'm sure in another universe. Well, I don't know why that needs to be behind it. Maybe.
I don't know why that needs to be behind it. I'm sure there's a version of us in the world that like butt play. But in this one, in this universe, not a butt guy. Right. Okay. But, you know, kind of dreamwalking into that version, I can see why people would like the idea of a gerbil. Okay. It's a small, muscly rodent that is really soft and furry, just kind of, you know, cleaning your pipes.
I don't know about it cleaning anything. I think that it's like scratching. Yeah, that part. Well, you're not worried about the, what if the gerbil just goes, you know what? I'm going this way. Yeah. Well, then you got a problem going up. Yeah. You got a problem. You have a fat problem. You got a problem. Or you can just take a couple of accidents. That thing will be out in a couple hours. Are you supposed to poop it out? I assume you like, maybe like it's like in like those like horror movies where like, you know, they tie a rope to it and then you can like pull it out. You can kind of give it like a nudge.
Oh, like they do with astronauts? Yeah, or the person's like, I'm going to go into the dark abyss and I'm tying this rope to me. If you feel a tug... Two tugs pull me up. Yeah, exactly. There's never a tug. There's never a tug because they get cut and they get dyed. Exactly, they get dyed.
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And folks, not only am I going to talk to you, I'm going to talk to you about something that is...
Just the best. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Every week we tell you about it, and we are so grateful, thankful, just jellied because you got us to over 26,000. And we want to keep crushing, keep moving, right on over to 27, 28, 29, 30, hey, maybe even 50 one day. You never know. It's crazy. It's raunchy. It's raw. That's where you're going to get more of us, more of TheBasementBoys. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You signed up for that first tier? Well, these weekly episodes are...
Giving you one week, six days, maybe even seven before everybody else. And then that next tier, that's where you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Now, listen, if you want something that's a little chaos, you want something that's a little order, you want something that's a little crazy, just blood and guts, maybe you'll get that on Patreon. I can't confirm nor deny. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you to our friends and...
We're looking forward to you guys coming back over. Why do you keep looking at me like that? What am I doing? You're looking at me like... You kind of judge me on how I do that little plug there for Patreon. First of all, I was looking at the time because there's a glare from this thing. I just wanted to know how much time. You want me to move it a little bit? No. Okay, bitch. I was just checking. Joey, I don't know if you know this. Yeah. But pretty much the biggest story in the world right now is the new It Couple.
Of Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. Yeah. The world is collectively losing its minds. Bro. You have the Swifties. You have the Kelsey...
What do we call the Kelsey fans? Chief Kingdom. Chief Kingdom. But it's not just the Chief King. It's all... It's really kind of like NFL fans are kind of reveling in this a little bit. Yeah. I mean, dude, it's the biggest thing in the world. I never understood. I did not get how famous she actually was. And also, did this come out of fucking nowhere? Bro, that's my point exactly. Listen, I've always... First of all, Taylor Swift's been around for like 15 years. Also, I...
Pretty sure that this year, I'm being serious when I say this, when I get my Spotify wrapped, I'm pretty sure she's going to be my most listened to artist. Good for you. I'll be honest with you. I really know maybe like three, four songs from Taylor Swift. I know fucking all of them. Good. Been around forever. Obviously been a consistent star. Yeah. Bro, as of like May, she was the fucking Beatles. She was Michael Jackson. She was the biggest star on the planet. And-
All due respect, I'm not saying that she shouldn't be, but it just seemed like it came out of nowhere. Am I wrong? Yeah, I mean, I think that, like...
I don't know, bro. Yeah, I agree. I think that she's always been a huge star, but then I was like, wait, what the fuck? And the Swifties as a collective group have become the second most powerful group of people on the internet behind people like Anonymous or something. Like Anonymous, yeah. I was going to say like the Pentagram. Pentagram? Pentagon, dude. The Pentavrit, you mean? No, who's the Pentavrit? Oh, I'm not going to get into that. Go ask Mike Myers about that.
What is that? Is that like the elites who are like... Yeah, there's like a conspiracy that like the Pentavrit are like five leaders of like every major like sector of the world that come together and they're like lizard people and all that stuff. Yeah. That'd be fire, dude. Anyone out there who's a lizard or Illuminati, I want to be a part of this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, chill, dude. You got friends and family you don't want dead. Why do they have to die? Because they're like, oh, you want in? Okay. Pick one of these five people you need to murder right now.
You cool with that? No. What if I'm on that? More importantly. Yeah. What if I'm all of it? What does that mean? What if I'm on it? Like, I would be honored. But what if they're like, you have to kill Frankie to be rich and famous? Oh, no. Thank you. Okay. I just want to like know a lizard. That would be pretty cool. I can teach you. You know, there's some lizard people in Mortal Kombat if you want to learn. Oh, yeah. What's his name? Reptile. But his real name is Sizoff of the Zatarans. Okay. Okay.
Sizoff? Yeah. Beautiful name. Really cool guy. Actually, they made him, like, I'll show you a picture after. It's really sick in the new one. Oh, it's okay. But Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. I tweeted this. I was like, I can't, or X'd it or whatever now. Tweeted it. It's all right. Yeah, it's fine. Freedom of speech. What, bitch?
That was for Elon. But I was like, it's crazy how Taylor Swift going to that game just flipped the world upside down and the NFL. Like, they only talked about that. And this is like two days after the fucking Dolphins scored 70. No, it was the same night. Oh, it was that night. It was that night. Yeah. It's like that came and went. Like a historic thing. Yeah, exactly. We literally forgot about the Dolphins game and everyone just immediately. And I have to say. She's going to be at the Jets game.
This Sunday? Yeah. Uh-oh. Boy, I might have to go up. Dude, go. Maybe. I don't know. But watch the Jets get beat by 400 points. Yeah, it's not going to be good. Because that's what's going to happen. I mean, our defense put it... He kept us in the game last week. Don't even fucking sit there. It's just because Zach Wilson is fucking his dick for hands. Yeah, yeah. He's not yet. I feel bad. He seems like a nice boy. But the guy... Maybe. Also, frat star, possibly. Could be. But I just...
It like literally turned the world on its head. Like his jerseys went up by like 300%. 400, yeah. Wild. Crazy. Everyone now, and I don't know if you saw, there's like things coming out that's like they wrote a cheat sheet for Taylor Swift to understand football. Yeah. I believe that. I mean, yeah, okay. If you don't get it, you want to learn it. Okay, good. That's the way it, I don't know why people are like, well, she should learn. Like, no, that's how you learn. Fuck. Yeah. I just, what are we calling the name of this couple?
swelcy kelz lift gift gift i don't know gift taylor taylor taylor tayloris tayloris kelz 50s this tavis davis avis i don't like that that was a rental car but we did have ben and j-lo were benjamin no they weren't they were they bailo what were they called who j-lo and ben ben affleck they were ben
Jay Ben... What were they? They were like a very famous one. Ben... Benjo. Benjo? A banjo? Who are they? J-Lo and Ben... I said Benjo. Benjamin. Baf... Bafleck? No, that's him. Af Lopez? No. What the hell? Don't look it up. We're gonna get to this. We're not, dude. You know, you kind of look like Travis Kelsey a little bit. When you do like your squinty smile. Yeah, look at the camera.
Well, don't do that. Taylor, throw a couple bucks my way. Or no, just tickets. They're both doing very well financially. I think they're okay. No, I said throw a couple bucks my way. Bennifer. Got it. That was it. Found it. Good job. That would have killed me. That literally would have killed me. That one just flew out of my mouth. Also, Bennifer? Not good. That's not that bad. Who was... What was...
Brad Pitt. Oh, Brangelina. Brangelina. Not as cool. Brangelina? Bennifer is way cooler. Bennifer? So what is this one going to be? So Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey. So it's Trailer. The Trailers are here. Trailer Swiftly. Trailer Swiftly. Kelsey? I think it's just first name. Yeah, I think we can just call them by individuals. Their identity is not tied to who they're dating. It's okay. Beautiful, Frank. You like that, right? Yeah, good job. Way to be like...
Inclusive. I like to make sure that people remember that I'm not a piece of shit. Well, I don't think that's inclusive. I think that it's like, you know. Oh, I think something like that is very inclusive because people sometimes feel that once they date someone, their entire, you know, fucking personality and identity is tied to who that individual was and who that individual is and the joint effort in which they put into the relationship. And it's not. They are still individuals. I agree with you. All right. Um.
Remember when you said you didn't support women's suffrage because you didn't know what it was? Stop that. Stop what you're doing. I was confused, and I said I was confused by the name of the word. Because you say, do you think it's a gray area? It's confusing. No, no, no, no. I obviously support women's suffrage, Joey. It's too close to suffering for me. Yeah. So if someone were to be like, do you support women's suffering? I'd be like, oh, of course. And they'd be like, gotcha. And I didn't want that to happen. You want them to suffer. I didn't want, no, I don't. But you do want them to hurt. No. Why would I?
Where is that coming from? I don't know. It's fun. But speaking of women possibly getting hurt, Britney Spears put on a performance. I was like, where the fuck is this going? Yeah, no. Frankie just made me watch the video before we started the podcast. But Britney Spears, she's known to boogie. I mean, you could put it like that. She's known to boogie in her own house.
And I'll say, like, listen, love Britney Spears. Oops, I did it again. One of the greatest songs probably ever. Pop songs, rather. What music catalog you'd taken? Britney Spears, Taylor Swift.
Bro, I'm taking Taylor Swift. Really? Yeah, there's so many more songs. Bro, fucking Spears ran so Swift could walk, you know? Yeah, I'm not saying that. I just want to make that very clear. Yeah, of course. She's the OG. But Taylor Swift's got a wild catalog. I mean, you could say Madonna's the OG, but we're not going to get here or there. Yeah, and I don't know. Or even Stevie Nicks. You can go back farther than that if you choose. Was that pop? Stevie Nicks? I mean, no, but she was just kind of like a bigger, larger-than-life female music icon. Sure. Yeah.
You want to trace it all the way back to Cleopatra? Like, what do you want to do? Okay. So you're taking Taylor Swift's music catalog over Britney Spears? Yeah, definitely. I don't know enough about Taylor Swift, but Britney Spears, dude. I know, it's Britney Spears. What are Spears' like, what's her fandom? We have the Swifties and what is the Spears? Oh, dude, don't get me started on this. I don't know. I think it's just like probably the Spearheads. Is that like? Yeah. Not. Not.
Good to say? There's another... I'm going to stop you before you say it. Spear? Stop. Because there's another insensitive terminology that's used with the word spear that let's just not even play around with. Don't. I don't know it. Okay, good. I'll tell you about it after. Is it like Native American stuff? I believe it's a derogatory term used for people of color, specifically black people. Oh. Yeah. I don't know. Good. Good.
But I, but yeah, so fucking Britney Spears was in her house doing a little dance for Instagram or whatever. She does quite frequently. But this time she grabbed two big old knives. Big old fat fucking kitchen knives. Yeah. She's got, yeah. And she was, she was just kind of like. She was going, she was doing like, she was going all over. And I think it was like blades in. Yeah. A little scary. It wasn't safe. I'll say this though.
Time of the year to do it is right now. We are in prime spoopy season. It is scary. Halloween is upon us. Halloween season. Halloweesen, as we would say. We wouldn't. We would. And if there's a time to invoke, you know, the like scary, spooky dancing. Right. It's now. Right. I was a little worried watching that. Yeah, she could have cut her whole head off. I mean, she's a trained dancer. So maybe we're just overreacting. Yeah, but she's not a knife dancer. I don't know.
How do we know? We don't. You've been to every Britney Spears show? I've never been to a Britney Spears show. Oh, there you go. So how do you know she doesn't dance with knives up there? I don't. I know she dances with snakes. What's more dangerous, a knife or a snake? I know the answer. What is it? Snake. It's gotta be, right? Throw a knife in that corner, throw a snake in that corner. What are you more afraid of? Yeah. Know what I'm saying? What are you gonna, you know...
You had nothing to add? Nope. What do you mean? You know? No, that's it. This is alarming. And I want to say this. I love Britney Spears, but I don't know what's going on. There's a whole... Bro, there's a whole conspiracy that I have not even... I know. It was like she was dead. Dipped my foot in the water. I've seen so many of those. Bro, and it's like... She's been photoshopped by her ex-boyfriend and stuff. She has a fake hand. And he uses voice recordings of her and shit like that. I just...
I just want to make sure she's okay. Yeah, we want to know that she's good. Maybe the video was her saying like... Oh, some sort of knife Morse code. I will fucking cut. Yeah, like I will fucking cut. Like maybe she was spelling stuff out. Yeah, like I'm... Come help me.
Well, maybe, or just saying like, come closer. Maybe like her boyfriend was behind the camera and she was just like, excuse me. And she was like, just like telling him like, like don't, yeah. She's trying to like land him out.
Out of her life. Are they still together? I don't think so. Oh. I think there's a whole lot going on. I'm not quite sure, but that knife, you're going to tell me. Yeah. First of all, she could work at like a Hibachi. Still got it. What's that shit called? Yeah, Hibachi, absolutely. Hibachi? No, but isn't there another name for the, what's the place called?
Is it called hibachi? When they like cook on the stove? Yeah, what's that shit called? Hibachi, Joey. It's just hibachi. No, wasn't there? There's another name. Welcome back down to earth, Joey. The normal people. It's called hibachi. You fucking elitist pig. Is it? Yeah. But the place? Hibachi. I believe it's named after the cooking style of hibachi. I don't, that doesn't feel right. I don't care. Because it is right, Joey. I have to look this up. When's the last time you went to hibachi?
Look, I went, I've only been one time. I went last year. I used to hibachi it up, boy. In college, there was a spot by us. As you're looking something up, there's a spot by us that would always, like, I think I told the story recently. Like, they would give us, like, half off. It was like half price. Benihana, you dumb bitch. That's a chain. That's what I was saying. And Benihana, I don't even think is hibachi, is it? Oh, no, it is. Yes, yes, yes. I would confuse them with PF Changs.
Oh, I have not. Yeah. Hibachi is great. Go to it. Benihana. Let's go to Hibachi. Let's have a studio outing to Hibachi and I can show you. I can cook. I can cook back there. Oh, you're going to put the hat on? I did. You would do that. I did. Hold on. We're going to get to that. Oh,
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Love it. What were we just talking about? Oh, hibachi. The times I used to get so drunk at hibachi in college and we would ask... Which is a sake and he blows sake in your mouth? Dude, I would drink, I swear to God, bottles. You would be sucking all the sake? Dude, a lot. Like we would get blacked out drunk. I've told the story many times when my grandma died and I had to get found by my friends.
Had to get found. It's true. But one time we were really, really drunk behind at a hibachi. Was it Benihana? No, it was just like a local name one. And the guy was like, who wants to? And I was like, I do. And he would always do the thing where he would put oil down, light it on fire, do the volcano. And what he would do is he would take two fingers real quick, go like that, and light the volcano. Hot oil? Hot oil. On your fingers? On your fingers. Dangerous? Very. Very.
And I was like, oh, I can do that. And he was like, okay, come on. And I was like... I feel like that's not legal. Oh, definitely not. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. 2012. No laws back in 2012. It's true. And I was like, all right. And I was already blacked out. We would pregame hibachi. That's how much fun we would have. And I went and I went, okay.
With your full hand? Full hand. Burnt my whole hand. No. Bad, yeah. Like, I wasn't able to, like, I had no, like, fucking, like, ridge or fingerprints. Did you scream? No, because I was so drunk. But it hurt for the rest of the day bad. So you went like this, and then did you do the thing? Yeah, it didn't even work. Perfect. It just fucked up my whole hand, yeah. And then did you eat after that? Oh, of course. I was still drunk, and I felt it as I started coming down, you know? So everyone got their food cooked?
Cooked on top of your burnt skin. Pretty much, yeah. Actually, you know what? Didn't even think about that. They definitely did. Yeah. The burnt skin in which you used to pick up dirty candy all over the ground. Listen, man. If I'm nothing else, I'm consistent. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I don't know how that makes you consistent. It definitely makes me consistent. Both of those things make you seem...
Oh, oh! Tell me about how fucking high and mighty you are, bitch. You talk to me in these ways that are so fucking demeaning, disrespectful, and I get so incredulous at the way that you fucking speak to me. Use bigger words. That'll help you. I don't need to use bigger words. You eat garbage off the ground like a raccoon, and you've burnt your hand at Benihana. Because you... Did you wear the hat, by the way? I did. Did you try to flick it into the hat? I did, I did. Did it get in the hat? No, it didn't. It didn't.
No, it did not. I feel like that's not that hard. I'm getting a phone call. Oh, you're all his wrist is getting a phone call Oh, what is your my fucking I can take phone calls on my wrist. What can yours do nothing you fucking? Peaceless piece of shit. Yeah, where's your peace? You don't got no peace on Where's your watch? Where's my peace? Yeah, isn't that a gun? Well, yeah, what's more dangerous? What's more dangerous a gun or a Rolex?
Why did you say it like that? That was me being like a super like, you know. Philosophical. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Did I do good? No. Gotta say, I don't know if you saw this morning. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. We lost a real one today. Who? Fucking Michael Gambon. Michael Gambon. Who's that? Dumbledore.
Hold on. Dumbledore's name is fucking Michael Gambon? I believe so, yeah. Bro, Michael Gambon. That guy sounds like a mafia guy. Well, he was Dumbledore. He was the head of the fucking Hogwarts. He was. You know, we lost him. Damn, dude. Guy's gone, dude. By the way, I'm going to be fully honest with you. I thought that dude Ben did. Oh, well, the original one was dead. Richard Harris. Yeah, he died immediately.
I think Richard Gere's first movie. He died halfway into the first movie. Into the second movie. Got it. He saw that basilisk and he thought it was real and he was like, I'm out. Yeah, he was like, chill. He couldn't deal with this shit. Yeah. I do like the second Dumbledore more than the first. He's like, I can't handle all the sexual tension between Ron and... And the second one was like, all right, motherfucker, here I am. Let's fucking square up. Yeah. He was ready to like fucking like, you know, like... Isn't that crazy? I loved the second one. The first Dumbledore...
Was bit there's dust coming out of his mouth. He's like, oh damn party. It's like Get this guy out of bed, bro. He literally was like Oh
10 points. That's really good. And the second one, extreme bravery. The second one, Potter, was, no, I guess that's more of Snape. You're Snaping right there. But he was more like, he had power behind him. You knew not to fuck with him. That first one, that old senile bastard, I would have fucking tripped him up if I was a student at Hogwarts. He could barely lift his wand. He was like, oh.
Yeah, and then fucking thug Dumbledore, Gambon. Yeah, Michael Gambon. He was out there, and he was just like, fucking whoop. You know, like he was firing them off. He was a limber old dude. He was. Also gay. Remember that? Remember what? Dumbledore's gay. Oh. Afterward, J.K. Rowling. I thought you meant Gambon was gay. Oh, I don't know. He could be, but the Dumbledore character. Afterward, J.K. Rowling was just like, oh, he's gay, by the way. Son's gay.
My opinion? Make some cooler. Why? Because. I don't want some fucking... Straighty? Yeah. I don't want a fucking... Wizardry is probably a little gay, right? I mean, you see how they flick those wrists? Yeah, it's like... You see those...
Absolutely, you need a little flair also. Let's straights. We got nothing. It was like we'd be like this we'd be like um Avada Kedavra Fucking here we go. You know too nervous. Oh when guardian Leviosa, I guess yeah, it's like oh, you know the fucking Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, so he did that one too. I know I know they whip it around do it He fucked that which is gay and think about this right the straightest person in that entire series is
Was Robert Pattinson in that one movie and he fucking died. And they killed him off quick. Yeah. All the girls liked him and they were like, oh yeah, fucking bang. Yeah, all the girls were like, oh my god, he's so hot. And they were like, dude, fucking fuck that guy. And he was killed by the littlest little fucking, you know, like... Who killed him? Wormtail, I believe.
Who's that? Oh, the little rat dude? The little rat bitch. Oh, the fuck? Peter Pettigrew. The Peter Pettigrew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Peter Pettigrew. And he did it like, no, so now he's just like, kill him. He's like, pow. Yeah. And he's gone. Sorry, spoiler. I don't know. Kill him. It's 20-year-old movies. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you guys. You know, go watch it anyway. All nine? Eight? Nine? First of all, I'm doing that this year without a doubt. Oh, you have to. Every year you gotta, especially now. We gotta light our fucking... Our wands. Light our wands in the sky for our boy. Oh.
That movie is so good. I love Hogwarts shit. I love Harry Potter shit. Dude, it's so good. But like, you're right. The heroes wouldn't be good wizards because we'd just be like, um, fucking Alohomora. What's up? Yeah, right. And like, you need a little like, you need some flair. Some flair, some flagrancy. Yeah, that's why you're right, man. The fucking pow. Like, that comes better. And like, also, bro, fucking Voldemort, the way he holds his fucking wand.
The best. I know you said you didn't like it. I love that shit. This is how you hold a champagne, like a wine glass. A wine, a champagne flute. Yeah, he's like, hmm. Yeah, look at the legs on this. Like, I'd hold it like... You would hold it like that because you're a fucking loser. Yeah. I would hold it like fucking sick. You know, like I would be like...
Would do some shit where I'd be like that you know where I'd be like fucking like yeah, you just drop You'll drop your wand drop my wand look at this look at how tight that is look at that try to pull that out You know ain't going nowhere. You would be like this. Oh, oh, I can't see the dog Lumos oh It's a good spell that is a pretty good spell good spell But this or even like a like a I'd hold my like a cigarette Smoking all those good a little more up
Just ash my fucking Lumos over at you. If a girl walks by with big tits, you're like, Revealia. Oh, shit. Fucking Lumos, bitch. So stupid. We're idiots. We're also best friends, though. And these are the memories we're going to have forever. I would love to ride a hippogriff. Yeah. Oh, my God. That looks like the best animal ever made ever. Very scary, though.
Again, that wasn't bad. The wings, I mean. Big wings. Big fat wings. Did you get to the part in the game where you can ride it?
Bro, I beat the game. Oh, okay. I haven't beaten it yet. I still have like side missions and shit to do, but I beat the game. That shit is sick, dude. Bro, the last mission took me a while. Yeah? All right. I might have to go back. I had to go back. You learn any death spells? I've learned all of them because I'm fucking... Yeah, me too. You mean the curse spells? Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Cruciar. Yeah, yeah. Fuck that. It's like, yo, if we do this, it's dangerous. I was like, yeah, fuck that. Oh, yeah? Really? Watch this. Fucking curse. Yeah. You know? It's fun. I would like a hippogriff. Dude, I wish I was a wizard so bad.
You know how bad I wish I could fly in a broom too? Dude, I think about that constantly. Just fucking kick off the ground and just take my Nimbus and just go right home. Dude, I think about that fucking constantly. Where I'm like, bro, if I just had a fucking broom, I could literally just like, I wouldn't, I mean, obviously you wouldn't need a car. Definitely wouldn't. But like, I could just walk outside my window with a broom. I wouldn't even walk, I'd jump off the windowsill and fucking you're there. Yeah, that'd be so sick. Or you jump off when you're not on a broom and then you land on the broom and go.
When he does that and it just fucking slides in under you? That's gotta hurt though. Yeah, it's gotta hurt your- That's gotta hurt your Bing Bangles. Yeah, it does. I don't know if that would be a good idea. Well, you do a little spell, like make hardened balls or whatever, you know? There was that spell. Or I could do Polyjuice Potion so I could look like you and have tiny balls. And then that thing wouldn't fucking- That wouldn't hurt me at all.
That's all I gotta do. Little bald Joe. A lot of people don't know this about him. Medium dick, balls, tiny. First of all, untrue. No, it's not. And who says that? Show your balls then. Oh, that's how I'm gonna prove. Prove me wrong. Exactly. I'm gonna put my balls out? Exactly.
I have fantastic balls. No, you're sounding a little defensive of your balls. I'm being accused at. I have to defend. Oh, yeah. Accusations. You sound a little flustered here, Joey. Are you okay? No, no, no. I got hit by a car, Frank. Give me a second. You did get hit by a car. You did. Give me a fucking break. Full circle. That wouldn't have happened if you were on a hippogriff. Or if I was on a fucking broom. If you were on a broom, you wouldn't have got hit. Damn. But you are susceptible to spells.
Remember the one that uh... Oh, he was cursing him in the first one. And it was shaking him. He was hanging off of it like this. And then it fucking used to be Snape like... Hermione's fucking Igneo. Is that what she did? I think it was. The Igneo was a fire one. Now, Inflamare. Is that what it is? Inflamare? Now I have to look this shit up. I think it's Inflamare, bro. Now I have to look it up. Someone just responded, because I tweeted, you know, sad. And someone just responded with a picture of him.
Just like, yeah, I know who he was. That's him? Yeah. Oh, dude, he looks way cooler. Harry Potter spells. It's Inflamare. Oh, there's 77? Why is this bringing me to Oprah Daily? Whatever. What's the lock one? Alohomora. Alohomora. All right, so there's...
Oh, but there's also a Berto. That's also open lock doors. Doesn't make sense. Akio. Akio. That's come here. Yeah, bitch. Okay. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Alohomora. Alohomora. Aguamenti. Something watery. There's a bunch in here. Apparate. Apparel spritzes. You can make an apparel spritz. No. I don't know. Apparate when they go fucking...
Oh, that's fire, dude. Yeah, super sick. Ascendio. Oh my god, teleporting. Dude, I know. Flu powder? You know how cool it would be to just stand in a fireplace and just fucking bang and you're somewhere else? Dude, you know you've seen ninjas and magicians do that thing? So bad. I want to do it so bad. When I was younger, I would just daydream about being able to throw some smoke down and disappear. Oh my god, so bad. It's the coolest thing in the world. Why is disappearing so cool? I'm pretty...
It's cool. I don't know how else to explain it. It's so cool. Yeah, I can't find the fire one here. I think it's incendio. In the game it is. In the movie she says... Conjures flames. Yeah, incendio. Yeah. In the game it's like that, but in the movie she says inflamare or inflamaro. I don't know. Fucking teacher's pet. What's the thing that she pulls out of the pot and screams?
Oh, the little... The little... Screamy bitch. Boggart? No, that's something else. The little... Yeah, you know who didn't get enough air time? The captain of the team. Whatever happened to that guy? Oh, don't know. Don't care. You don't remember him? I do. These are Seekers. Potter. Potter? All right, Potter. These little... What is he called? Blooders. These little... Yeah, there's... He's a nasty one. Yeah, and he like... Oh!
Puts it in the thing? Also kind of fire. Why are you so good at pantomiming and doing impressions of this whole movie? I love Harry Potter, dude. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding! This has become a Harry Potter stand face. Yeah, I don't know how long we've been doing Harry Potter. I'm totally cool with that. I don't care. We're just gonna do the movie. I do think we're onto something, though, about the wizards being better as gay.
Yeah, of course. Yeah, because straight wizards would not be fun. Everyone needs a little flair in their life. You know what I'm saying? Ron was straight. Yeah, but like he was redheaded, so he had something else going for him. He also was like, you know, a coward. No, he came around. He did come around. Actually, he also came around in the first movie. That's actually... You want to stop staying for getting that stone and not...
You're so good at this! Not me. Not me. Not a money. You. Yeah. You remember when Keith- No, you can't! Jesus Christ. That's what she says. When we were younger, Keith resembled Harry Potter so much. He did. The glasses, the hair. And anytime we would be like playing football, playing basketball, anything. If Keith did anything even remotely athletic, I would stop in the middle of- Or someone would stop. Mostly me. Let's be honest. Yeah. In the middle of what we were doing, we would go-
Points for Gryffindor! Just boys being boys. Just boys being boys. Boys being boys. I don't know if you remember this part specifically, but for some reason it always sticks out in my mind. During that first Quidditch match, when the dude who's keeping score, when he presses the button to like...
You know? Like when they score and he presses the button, I'm like, I love that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why. Like the, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so cool. There are a lot of movies like that where it's like, the movie I like, but it's also because of like the sound of like the props. The little things. Yeah, like the, you've seen The Mask with Jim Carrey, right? Yes, and I like when he stabs the book. Oh, yeah.
Oh, and it's fucking... And then it's like wet. It's like wet. It gets wet. Oh, I love that shit. Such good... Guys, do me a favor. If you've never watched them, watch the Harry Potter. Perfect Halloween slash Christmas movies. Right. Literally perfect. Happy Christmas. No. No, no, no. I don't like that. They're British. Happy Christmas, Ron. What were you going to say about the man? Happy Christmas, Harry.
What was I going to say? Oh, and the mask. For some reason, at the beginning of the movie, when the diver finds the mask in a chest underwater, it is such a comfort. It's ultimate ASMR for me, and it makes me feel like a kid again. It's like the sound of the pebbles underwater, kind of like choc-choc-choc-ing in a way. Like in a fish tank.
Almost, but they're like rounded river rocks. And it's just such a comforting sound. I like that sound too. Oh God, it's so good. I also liked how in that movie, the mask shines real quick. You know what I would be interested? There's a show, I'm pretty sure it's on, it was either on Hulu, it might be on Max now, but it's a trivia game, a Harry Potter trivia game. And I would be interested to see how you do, because I think you would do well in that.
I think I would do well, but there's also some psychotic stuff. No, no, no, but it's, I'm not talking like, I don't think it gets into like, what was the color of Ari's socks in season four? I think it's just like, you know, like, oh, who's the character that said this? Yeah, yeah. I think you would do okay in it. I think so, dude. I fucking love those movies. Yeah, me too. Ari, boy! I just love the absolute dripping fucking insensitive racism that Draco Malfoy says his name with.
Damn dude. Oh a fatty again pota. Yeah, it feels like the mud blood. Oh, that's like the that's that's the end word. Yeah, you know crazy. He was and he was letting it fly. He was dropping it. Him and his dad. His dad was saying it. Dude, the straightest hair I've ever seen on a human being. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Dude, that by the way, that's drag.
That's drag, bro. Don't try to act tough, bro. Jason Isaacs, we know what you were doing there, dude. We know what was going on. I love how now everyone is talking about how insensitive J.K. Rowling has been with some of her comments, which absolutely, they absolutely have been. But go look at those movies all over the place. Yeah, yeah. She didn't know what she was doing. You know what I mean? You got fucking Lucius coming through with the longest, just straightest hair I've ever seen on a human that's not in drag. Yeah, I've seen that wig before. Oh, yeah. And it's fucking...
Plowing you in the back of your fucking car. I know what you're talking about. Mr. Gold was wearing it. No, it was a bald Jewish man. Yeah. I mean, he had a bald Jewish man in his pants, maybe, but... I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. Mr. Gold. It just so happens to be that name. Yeah. Anyway, before we go, which house do you think you would get in? Man, I'd like to be in Gryffindor. Wouldn't you? I...
I would. We can't have you. I would. We can't have you? Yeah, you know I'm Gryffindor. Oh, you're Gryffindor. I have to be. Why are you Gryffindor? The game said I was Gryffindor. No, no, no, no. Fuck the game. Fuck the game at all. I picked Gryffindor in the game. They originally gave me something stupid like Hufflepuff. I didn't pick. I was so mad, dude. I let them pick for me. I was so mad. Yeah. But I think I would be a Slytherin. Really? Because I'm resourceful. I'm cunning. I'm...
That's incredible. I'm like sly and slick. You know what I mean? Like I can kind of talk my way in and out of situations maybe sometimes. Yeah. I think I would be a Slytherin. I would like to be Gryffindor though. Who doesn't want to be Gryffindor? Would you roll with Draco? Hell no. Goyle and Barf? What's his name? Crab. Crab. Barf.
Gargoyle, though. Goyle. I wouldn't hang out with anyone named Goyle. I don't care if they were like best friends with Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Goyle. It was like, hey, this is Goyle. Like, oh, that sucks. I'm instantly gone. It's Sharford Gargoyle, I think. If his name was Gargoyle, though. That's kind of cool. Big difference. Yeah.
I would, no, I wouldn't hang with them. I'd be like with like the, like, you know, the kids that were like drinking polyjuice potion and getting drunk, you know, next and like hanging out with Moaning Myrtle and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, no, no, I'd definitely hang out in that scary ass bathroom. It's a cool bathroom. It's really cool bathroom. And you can sink and that, that sink, that parts big sink. I'd hang out there. A hundred percent. I wonder what the water bill is there. It's all magic water. They're on a lake, Joey. They probably have pumps.
That makes sense. That's gotta also be the scariest place to go to school. You're just walking down the hall and there's a giant snake. Yeah. And it's like, oh, by the way, just don't look at the giant snake. Headless ghosts. Yeah. It's like, oh, by the way, what's up? It's like, that's decapitation. Yeah. Don't want that. I like it though. Anyway. Can I ask you another question? Seriously. Yeah.
No. McGonagall. McGonagall. Tearing it down. Kind of hot. Yeah, I'm tearing it down, dude. Dame Maggie Smith still got it, bro. Yeah, she does. Dame Maggie Smith. I'm tearing it down, dude. Like, ho. I heard one ho. She's sort of clipped through. I was like, nah, bro. Take me to church. And in one of the last movies where she's just like, we have taken back Hogwarts. I'm just like, yo, give her some of my fucking broomstick. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. I'll show her a Nimbus three inches. Yeah.
My god, I'm just getting it bro. Also. I wouldn't be able to kill Bellatrix I'd be trying to fuck her the whole time. Damn you about that. Hell. Yeah, those teeth fuck me up. I can't I know those are not great Those are not great at all dude. But there's something about her. No fucking I'd be like you I can save you. Nah you fix your teeth. Nah you remember Draco's mom dude? Hell yeah. Hell yeah dude. If you put Draco's dad's hair on Draco's mom. What about Tonks? What was her name? Who? The one that was with Lupin? She was like a cat? Yeah
Tear that down too. It was good. I'll tell you who I wouldn't. That bitch. Uh-oh. That fucking little bitch. Uh-oh. With the pink. Who was that? Umbridge. Yeah. Fuck that bitch. Oh, I hated her so much, dude. I hate that bitch, yo. But maybe she just needed some, you know? Yeah. Ain't getting it from me, though. Just fucking. You're getting an avocadava. Oh, damn. You're murdering her. I'll kill that bitch. That's what you'll do. You'll flat out murder. Yeah, I'll kill her. Cool. All right. Anyway. F Alvarez885 on Twitter.
The Frank Alvarez and all other forms of social media. And then go check out the show on all forms of social media at The Basement Yard. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, everywhere. Apple Podcasts. And then patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Joey, sign it off for the people in the back. You can follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. That is all. See you guys next time.