Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the Basement Yard, I'm here with my guest Jimmy Buffett. Goddamn, come on. I was gonna- my plan was to start sad and then talk about the Jets, but now you made me start even more sad because we lost our icon Jimmy Buffett. That was like a month ago, I feel like. It was like two weeks ago. Was it? I think it was when you were in Portugal.
So you definitely didn't know it was happening. Yeah. You were on another plane of existence. Things happen. I saw something recently that like there's a, you know, like an influencer online. Make myself sound more like a fucking boomer. Yeah. Who's like people are mad at her because she took just like a provocative picture. And she was like thinking of Jimmy Buffett today. And it was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like, what do you like? R.I.P. Jimmy Buffett. You know, the way that people always just like.
Do something to make themselves sound more important and involved. Like people should reach out to them when someone dies like that. Yeah. But man, I love that one song. Uh, I know I, I have his, uh, uh, changes in latitude changes in attitudes album and it's, it's good. It's, I don't know, dude. Yeah. I just like the drink.
Margaritas. I don't think... Did he make up Margaritaville? Like the margarita drink? Definitely not, right? I believe that was the Hispanics? The Mexicans? Could be. Go ahead, say it. I don't know that it's the Mexicans. Say it with the contempt that I know you have. Mexicans! No, I don't know. He did make that giant margarita machine, though. What? You never seen his margarita machine? They're like margarita makers. It's called like the Jimmy Buffett Margarita Maker.
I would love a margarita maker. That's what I'm saying all the time, dude. I love margaritas. I gotta say, I used to be such a big slut for frozen margs. Me too. But then I had one on the rocks. Better, in my opinion.
What? Frozen is rocks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like liquid. Like frozen is like a slushy. On the rocks is like they make the drink and they pour it over ice. Yeah, yeah. I usually have that. I don't only get frozen margs. Oh, I thought that was like until I turned like 23, I had only had frozen margs. No, I get frozen margs when it's a hot, hot day. It is because it melts.
Well, because it's cold. One of my favorite margarita stories was... You have margarita stories? Of course I have margarita stories. He's got a vault of margarita stories. The first time we went as friends to Miami...
When I had gotten, because remember all those places. The way you worded that was weird. Like we've been there before. But as not friends. As not friends or as lovers. No, because I had been to Miami prior to when we all went. But like the first time we went and on Ocean Drive, you know, they have all those food places and it's always buy one, get one free on the drinks. It's like 20 bucks and the drinks are fucking. You get some fat marks there. You get like a fucking Lizzo size drink. You know what I'm saying? No one likes her anymore. I can say it.
Just a bigger size drink. What was that? They can't hear him. Joey's been holding me ransom. He can't say anything right now, honestly. I can hear you, but I wonder how long that was out. I think you knocked it out. There's no way I did that at one foul swoop. Foul swoop? Is that it? Fail swoop? One foul swoop? One fail swoop. It's not fail. I think it's fail. You also like almost saying soup. It's swoop.
Whatever it is. One fail soup. I meant that it's just a larger drink when I said it's Lizzo sized. I know what you meant. What'd you think? Of course I know that's what you meant. Well, right now is the time to make the jokes because not everyone's mad at Lizzo. When people get mad at people, that's when you can make the most jokes about them. Okay. You know.
But it was the Corona ones that had two full Coronas in it. Yeah. And a fucking giant margarita. I got, remember I got a mango one and it came for two, it came with two. So I finished two of those and I couldn't fucking see straight. I was fucking drunk, dude. Yeah. Very, very, very drunk. And then we went back to an Airbnb or whatever, a rental that had no air conditioning. Yeah. Yeah. And we had to use, remember we had met like, like,
Bunch of girls from Texas. They were from Atlanta. Were they Atlanta? Are you sure? I thought it was from Houston. No, I'm pretty sure it was Atlanta. Oh, either way. And we like went in and like raided their... Huge butts. Oh, I wasn't going with... I said raided their and you said huge butts. Oh, oh. We raided their asses.
We dug all the shit out. No, we didn't. Ew, dude. That's what you said! No one mentioned poop! You just, what else are you a rated ass for, Joey? What else does it contain? It could be an innuendo. But I wasn't, I didn't even mean to say that. But you went with taking shit out of their ass. I don't think there was anything innuendous about what you said. I think you, there was. Is that a word? It is now. I like the way it sounds. I have no qualms with it.
How badly did you want to say qualms today? Oh, it sounds like you like just tried to fit that in a little bit, a little bit, but, uh, yes. So now I'm double sad because of the jets and because of Jimmy Buffett. Thank you for making me double sad. It's okay. No, it's not. This is, this is what people don't understand about being a jet fan. This is the, like, you can't be disappointed by something if you live in disappointment.
I think you could. Well, you can, but this is the most Jets thing to come out of this scenario. You know what I mean? How many guys won? We did win, yes. Great. Let's be honest, great game. Incredible game. Incredible game. But fucking Aaron Rodgers, he lasted, what, three more plays than Abraham Lincoln. It's just such a Jet thing to happen.
I heard that. I didn't make that up. If you came up with that, we'll just cut these cameras off and we'll just give you a Netflix special because that is an incredible joke. I don't know what else to say. I can't take credit for it. That's so funny. But like, you know, like, what the fuck here, man? Yeah, that's a rough one. But you can't beat the Jets on 9-11, not in New York. Come on. The Bills...
We played another New York team. I agree. It's a Canadian team at best. Yeah, it is. You might as well move them to Vermont or New Hampshire or somewhere stupid. Also not Canada, but you know. Yeah, I know that. Also closer. Closer to... Buffalo is further than Vermont. No, it's not. Yeah, you can be in Vermont quicker than you can be in Buffalo. Buffalo is another country. Really? It's on the fucking cusp of Canada. On the...
On the tip. I don't know why that's tip. It isn't. That's the thing, though. It isn't, though. You know? Yeah, no. I've never been up to Buffalo. Me neither. Like, further north I've been is, like, the Catskills. When we went and you got, you pooped in the woods. Remember that? Yeah.
No, and that little asshole threw up gummy bears all in our tent. Oh, that's right. Yeah I did shit in the woods like a Charmin bear you did and you did wipe your you told us and everyone here He wiped his ass with his hand. I never said yes. He did now. It's now it's history now the world believe cut the clip right now No, right now Joey why does that actually didn't wipe my ass with anything and I just kind of like went Oh, you had just like just poop cheeks. It wasn't poop cheeks. Oh
I just, I mean, I'm sure there was some sort of residue. I went home and showered. Yeah, fucking whatever. It's still gross. That walk home was probably just awful. What do you want me to do? Grab a fucking bundle of poison ivy and go to town? Come on, you know what poison ivy looks like. You could have wiped your ass. I honestly don't because they say like, oh, it's the red stem. Red stem, three leaves. Mad shit has red stems. Red stem, three leaves. That's it. Nope. Yes.
I don't have time to count. Joey, very simple. One, two, three. Frank. You got it. You got it, man. You can do it. Yeah, but then the red. And what's red, you know? Red. Is it? No, yeah, it is. Red is red. I feel like... Watch this. Colors are a spectrum, Frank. Not for you. Maybe for people that are colorblind, which I can guarantee you are not. Red is red. You could have figured it out. Hold on. Have you ever had someone have this conversation with you of being like...
This color, right, is blue. Mm-hmm. I see it as blue, but maybe you see it as red. Nope, I see blue. You don't understand it. I hate conversations like this because they're like, the universe is all a subjective fucking goo. I...
I hate this conversation. But you get what I mean? I get what you're saying. Like, the blue that I see might be the red in your eyes and stuff like that. Stupid. Isn't that... No. Do you believe it? Kinda, but I hate it. Wait, so you think that's possible? Of course I think it's possible. I don't. I think it's horse. So it's either one way or the other for you? No. Don't try to make this about something.
It's either just spitting out. It's either black or white for you, Joey. That's not what I meant. Nothing in the middle. I think that colors make you feel something. Yeah, I agree. Like when you look at red and you get hot and hungry, you know?
Nope. Yes. Yes. You see the color red and you go, I want to eat. Yes. Really? Yeah. That's why a lot of, if you look at a lot of like chain restaurants, they are, the color red is prominent. Yeah. But I don't think it's because it makes the people hungry. No, I'm telling you it does. There have been studies that, that suggests that like colors elicit certain like brain activity. I know that. Oh, well then, then listen to what I'm saying. You're not listening to me. I,
I agree. I'm the one who said that I think colors make you feel stuff. You said hungry. I said, whoa, not hungry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it makes you feel like that. So let me ask you a question. And I don't know if this would be a good Patreon episode. So if you think it would be, let's just cut it off here. But if I were to say, because there are people out there that I believe, it's called like tardive dyskinesia or something like that. Who? God bless. Who? I believe it's called tardive or tardive dyskinesia.
I'm going to look it up to confirm, but the idea is that they can hear colors and they can smell numbers and stuff like that. What do you think the smelliest number would be? A condition affecting the nervous system often caused by long-term use of psychiatric drugs. Wait a sec. Maybe I'm wrong here. Sounds like it.
Okay, maybe are you talking about like synesthesia? Maybe it's synesthesia I could be wrong tardive dyskinesia could be something else and forgive me if you are out there and you're fucking sniffing blue but yeah if if numbers had a Stench which one would smell like shit? I know my three no way sounds like but dude look at it. It's a big, but I was gonna say eight eight Yeah, well yeah, eight two eight looks like tits. Oh
Yeah, but tits don't smell bad. Yeah, that's why I didn't say eight. You said eight. But they don't... But I... Like, in your head, you have a color associated with a number. What's the best smelling number? Seven. Or nine. Nine's pretty sweet. I would sniff a fucking two, though. Really? Yeah. Again, that's weird because that's what people use as poop. When they say, like, gotta...
Drop a deuce. That's nothing to do with the way that a number smells though. Yeah, I would like two smells probably like one probably smells like two vanilla You know what I'm saying? Like zero is like a brown smell like an earthy dirt. Yeah, and we know how much you hate the brown I would say that like three four. I hate five probably pretty good, too Yeah If I were to like give you a number could you tell me the color that comes to your mind? Like if I were to say like nine
Orange Wow, I was gonna say red. We're there. We're in the same book. Okay, I would say I'll throw a number at you. Okay for blue. Where's blue for me? Yeah, well, you know, we're we're kind of in the same boat again Well because guess what Joey guess what's made to my green blue and yellow this one eight it's like yellow Oh, no, I went purple babe. Oh, I like don't say it with disgust cuz you know purple is my favorite color I'm not I like purple you better
Or what? I don't like the colors that you like. Six is also a red. You also don't wear a lot of purple. Well, I kind of do. Also, the other day I was just here, I wore a pair of purple shoes. And you go, wow, those shoes are purple. And I go, yeah. And you go, okay. Like you didn't say that you liked them or you disliked them. You said, oh, purple shoes, huh? And you know how I knew it was a thing? Because Greg said the exact same thing as I was walking out. You don't see purple shoes all the time. I wear purple shoes. Purple is my favorite color. I like purple.
Okay. What's your favorite color? Oh, green. It is green. Of course it is. Right now it's green. Right now? Yeah. It switches? Yeah. Depending on... I don't know. I go through changes sometimes.
What has sparked another color being your favorite color? I don't know what sparks that. What has green done to you? I just start liking a color a lot. Like, oh, I... And I, like, start, like... Something tells me you're, like, a summer yellow guy. Like, the moment, like, yellow starts to pop in the sun, you're like, yeah. I'm not really into yellow too much as the main color. I do like it when it's, like, you know, a secondary color like that.
Yellow on darker skinned men just doesn't work for me. You know what I mean? That's why I like like kind of like darker colors like purple blacks You know stuff like that really works well with me. What's funny about that? What is funny about what I said? I have a question for you since we're talking Since we're talking I have a question for you. A scheduled podcast. I saw this online and I need to know your opinion.
Do you think it's creepy to watch your boys have an orgy? When you say your boys, my friends?
Your unborn sons? Yes, Joey. I don't know. I'm not saying you're unborn. Yes, it would be weird to watch your children have sex in any capacity. Period. We could put the nail in that coffin right now. Okay, good. Because I was unsure where you were going. Well, I hope you knew me enough to know that I would never ask that fucking question. I don't like to assume because you make an ass out of you and me. You and me. Yeah, okay. Welcome back to third grade. My dad used to say that. Yeah. And then... And then he would beat you. Punch me in the... Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Is it weird to like your friends like is it weird to watch your boys? What is watch like sit down? I'm there. What does watch mean Joey video? Oh either way. Let's start with if you're there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes Why am I watching? Well, what if they want you to watch who your boys? What if they're like, all right, what if I'm like Joey I need to talk to you really quick. I need your help with something. I
I can't get going Unless I'm there? Unless you're watching me And I know- Oh dude, you're in love with me and you're gay I'm not- woah I'm not gay! I know- Then I- You're the gay one! Fucking- ever You just said I can't get going unless you're there No! Maybe this is a time to look in the mirror a little bit Maybe No, but alright I was using myself as a hypothetical there But like what if- what if one of your boys like asks you like "Yo like they- they- as a group we want you to watch" Who's they? Oh the- who? True
All the people involved. Everyone in the orgy. Oh, I thought you meant a single they. No, it's not a singular pronoun I'm going with here, Joey. I'm going with a collective they. Okay. A group of they thems. Yeah. Okay. Honestly, I've now talked myself out of understanding. Gotcha. Who is in this room? All right. Yeah. I'm going to name a couple of your friends. Let me just wipe the slate. Wipe the slate. Go ahead, Sina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Myself. Yep. Pete. Okay. Gio.
You've now put all of equal looks. Okay? We could throw Espo in there. Okay. And... This is a lot of people, Frankie. Okay. Four boys. Yeah. Men, I should say. And then four women. Yeah. You know. And we're like, watch. So you guys came to me like, yo, it'd be dope if you just sat there and watched. Yeah. I'd be like, it's cooler if I also had a girl. Oh, you want to be a part of the orgy?
That's way better than sitting in the corner like a fucking vampire. I just want to be clear. I do think it's creepy, but for the sake of the comedy. Did you just break down the third, fifth? I broke it down. I have to break it down because sometimes people think that I'm just a fucking crazy person on these shows. So what if people approach you and were like, yo, just watch me. No. Watch me. Watch me. What? Watch me whip.
That's what you were doing? Oh my god, I could cry right now. I can't believe you did that. Oh god, that's so bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Cut that out. Josh, come back. It's just a kid. You're fine. Oh yeah, Josh had a kid. Congrats, Josh. Congrats, buddy. That's awesome. Josh is the most Josh thing in the world. They had the baby and everything was fine.
And then there was like a period of time where I guess he wasn't really active in the chat or something. And then he comes out of nowhere and just goes, this shit is fire. That's all he said. He said, this shit is fire, dude. Yeah.
So, okay. Weird. Watching. You're saying. Yeah. Would you watch... I'd be more inclined to watch strangers, though, than people I knew. Yeah, because I can walk away from them and never know them or see them again. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, if I need to look... If I watch you have sex, every time I see you, I'm thinking of you having sex. Yeah. You're thinking of my bare butt. And I don't want that. You're thinking of my bare butt. Your bare butt and balls. Your bare butt and balls. Big old bread ball. Big old bread...
Like that's just like that's it. That's all I could think of now. Yeah, not all I can think of but like when I would see you Yeah, no, it's all you can think of no, no what I would see you when you blow your fucking candles is all I can think of Well, yeah, I'd be thinking of that whore mouth of yours just blowing fucking Spit all over my cake because you were in the orgy joey. Why would I be blowing out your candles? We do it together as a group On your birthday. We're all blowing out candles. Everyone blows out candles on birthdays like everyone. It's like come on. Oh
No, they don't. Oh, I have kids, so. Like, I don't blow out. So on your birthday, the whole family gets together and forms a whirlwind. Well, the kids do. So the kids are all blowing out the candles at the same time? Yeah. Do you blow them out? Yeah, a little. But I let them do the most of it, you know? Wow. So they take your wishes. Bro, kids love blowing out candles. Do you make birthday wishes? I haven't made one since my dad left. Your dad never left.
He just went on vacation to Columbia. And that was like two years ago. For half the year, every year, forever. No, but I didn't really make birthday wishes. Also, over the years, there's just so many different things that you can wish now. Yeah, and I love that people were just... First of all, I learned... Smear the name. I learned from the... Well, our family, they would tell the... My mom would be like, do the cross with the blade of the knife.
I guess it was a Greek thing. Yeah, I'm serious that my mom would... And anytime she would do it, she would say like in her head, like a Greek prayer. Not in her hair, like in her head, like a load. She was saying a prayer in her hair. No, but she'd be like...
Like, just cut the fucking cake. Was she really? Yeah, to this day, she does it. Some people have the weirdest birthday, like, fucking traditions, and it, like, drives me nuts. One of my favorite TikToks I've seen is the girl that's like, you go to the family, and they have, like, a weird, like, second verse of the birthday song.
You've never seen that tick tock. No. Oh my god. It's so fucking funny. And it's like may your wishes be granted Let the good lord sing. Yeah, it's like there are people that do that There are people where it's like, all right cut it do the first cut and then smear your name The only thing that I will smash your head in the cake and i'm like bro I learned against that because i've seen people get like steaks in their eyes and shit like that stinks Steaks steaks joey steaks. I heard stinks. No steaks
Steaks? Why is there steaks? Not fucking prime rib, Joey. I don't think it's prime rib. There are some bakery... Why are we yelling at each other? Steaks. I'm thinking vampire steaks. There are some bakeries that like fucking make their cakes in order to have them not topple over. They put wooden steaks in them. Steaks in the cakes? Yes. It's not a wedding cake. It's a birthday cake. Some people get pretty elaborate cakes, Joey. Two cakes. That's all. Two layers of cakes. Some people go bigger. Some people go badder. Some people go smaller. Some people go fatter.
Dr. Seuss shut up! But I've seen like people saying like this is why you shouldn't smash heads in cakes because it's like the steak right in people's eyes and shit like that. Or because it's a cake and we'd like to eat it. Yeah, I'm pretty upset when people have done that in the past. I will say the only thing that my family like sticks to with like the- Is the cross? The cross and the first piece goes to the birthday boy and or girl. Whoever the birthday person is. Yeah. They get the first piece and then they can give everyone else whatever they want. Ours is like my mom was like, oh you make the first cut.
Oh, like you're cutting the ribbon to a fucking new business or something? Yeah, like a new hair salon. No, that's the only one. Yeah, I don't know. Now, let me ask you a third question. If your boys ask you to watch them have an orgy, but there's a red velvet birthday cake there. I know how much of a slut you are for some red velvet. Isn't red velvet just like something? It's just like red. Yeah, it's like there's nothing. It's cake, but red.
I'm sure there's some fucking hyper baker out there that's gonna be like, actually, it's the application of fucking sodium bicarbonate. No, I haven't had a Red Valley cake in a long time. Really? Yeah. What's like your birthday cake? Funfetti vanilla ice cream. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm a car. Vanilla ice cream. What am I saying? You know, I know what you meant. I know what you meant. I'm a Carvel ice cream cake boy to the day I die. You ever have a fudgy the whale? Hum? A fudgy the whale. That sounds. What is that?
It sounds like something you would call a fat kid in fifth grade. But no, it's a big fat... Hey, fudgy! Fudgy the whale! Fudgy the whale! Get over here, piece of shit! Fat fuck! Fudgy the whale. But it's a big cake from Carvel, and it's in the shape of a... It's a fudge cake in the shape of a whale. I'm going to put this out there. Fudgesicles, fudge cake, fudge ice cream...
It's fucking disgusting. No. First of all. It's fucking gross. I'm cool with not having a... I don't... It's the worst form of chocolate, dude. Fudgesicles are incredible. No, they're not. They're overrated at best. And don't even get me started on how fucking disgusting creamsicles are. Creamsicles are pretty bad. But I'll eat one on a hot day. But fudgesicles are great. No, they're not. So what's your best fudge pop-cuscle? What? I tried to say all that at the same time.
What's your favorite popsicle? Like an orange popsicle. Like a regular juice orange popsicle. Why do we got to go like, here's iced chocolate milk. No, it's good. No, it's not. It's disgusting. It's good. It's disgusting. I feel like a fucking, a poor orphan when I had one, you know? They don't get fudgicles. Well, no, they definitely get fudgicles. Why? It's just where I imagine that they're consumed the most. They get fudgicles.
You know, I've never seen an orphanage. Yeah, I don't think they like are like big anymore. Like I've never seen like walked by like, oh, that's the orphanage and the orphans are outside playing basketball. Yeah, you know, that's a great question. That's a great point. I don't think I've seen one too. Where are the orphanages? I think they're meant to like hide in plain sight. They like don't have like signs on the front of the building. They're not like Scientology. They don't want people to join. Come through to the orphanage. Leave your parents. We have the world's most renowned orphanage. Do you think orphanages...
When I think of orphanage, I think of a bunch of cots. I think of, like, Mike. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, so, but, like, even they had... Oh, I think, like, Annie. Like, they all get, like, it's one giant room that has, like, just, like...
Like 15 twin beds in it. Yeah, like Madeline. Remember that book? Yes, I do remember Madeline. Yeah, so it's like that. That's what I imagine. That's what I would imagine too. And I imagine like all the dinners are like served like with a ladle. Yeah, well, yeah, it's a big pot ladle. They mostly have gruel. Just bowls. And soup, yeah. Yeah. And porridge. The easiest things and cheapest things that you could make. Yeah, I don't know what porridge is, but it's oatmeal? No.
You know what's funny? A couple episodes ago, I brought up porridge, and you told me it was oatmeal. Hot oatmeal. Or cold oatmeal. Yeah, I'm not, like, confident, though. I don't know. I'll never have it because of the name alone, you know? No, I don't know. Porridge. That doesn't sound delicious. You can't say porridge without poor. There it is. Get to those ads. I know that's exactly what you were teeing up right there. Get to those fucking ads right now. Listen, guys.
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Back to you? Yeah, I think we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about the... We found alien bodies in Mexico. We? We didn't. We didn't. I mean, we as in the Earth. The Earth of us. Mexico. Can I... Alright. Real question, though. Yeah. Do you believe it's real? Fucking absolutely not. Dude, I hope it's not. What? First of all, the aliens were like this big. Hard for me to be afraid of something this big. That's why.
And it had like three eggs in them? Yeah, that's... And I was like, bro, what's going on here? Fucking, I don't want this shit. You know what that means? That means that alien got raw dick. Of course they... Of course they do, but they're carrying around three eggs in them? Maybe they gave birth in threes? That's miserable. That's scary, dude. For the vaginas. Yeah, for the alien vaginas. Imagine giving birth to triplets. Vagina, bro. I mean, most of the time...
My understanding from stories I've heard, multiple births outside of twins are C-section because that's a lot. I have a question, and I don't know if you know the answer, and it might be dumb. But guess what? Guess what? Watch this. I'm going to know even if I don't. Go. I'm confused by that. I'm going to pretend to know. Again, this might be a stupid question, but— Most likely is. Shut up! All right, Joey, hit me with the dumbest question you got. It's not the dumbest question I have, but it is a question.
If you have twins, let's just say twins, make it easy. Okay. Is there two separate umbilical cords or is there just like, it goes one and then it just, oh wait. Go ahead. I thought they were like on a string and like continued and like the next ones get the same thing. You know what I mean? Well, they, it's not like you eat one and one gets one. But is there two cords? I mean, it, so it depends. To my understanding, it depends.
I believe, no, I believe it's one because there's one placenta. It's just a big old bitch. What's a placenta? It's a bag of food. It's a bag of food, yeah. It's a bag of bloody food. It's the whole thing. It's the whole thing. What's the whole thing? The placenta. But what's in the whole thing? You know, and then... No? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And then I think it's like one attaches to the mom.
And then it fucking like breaks off. Attaches to the mom. Like one cord. To the placenta. Yeah. Yeah. And then like the nutrients go in there and they're like, all right, we're going to bring half a french fry to this guy, half one to that guy. So there's two separate cords, but it's the belly button. Well, the babies don't share a cord. Like it's not like it goes up and it's like a T-shaped between the two of them. So there's two separate cords. You get two different belly buttons. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah, you can't. Also, why isn't this our mouth? If we started eating here, why do we eat here?
Well, it closes off. Through time, we've figured out how to eat with our mouths. Yeah, I know. I'd much rather not eat with my mouth. I'll be honest with you. I would rather just sit at the table. And just shove fucking hamburgers into my belly, dude. Let's go like this. 100%. That's it. It's so dumb. We eat here, but not here. No, opposite, opposite. We eat there, but not here. Yeah, I would much rather just be like, oh, fucking hot dog. Just shove it in my fucking belly button.
That would be so, you know how, because when you eat, you have to stop talking, and you know how much I love to talk. Oh, I don't. I don't. Yeah. I don't like, I also hate how you eat. You always put food to the side of your mouth like a fucking chipmunk, and you talk. And I what? You talk. I don't do that anymore. Anymore, but you grew up doing that a lot, and that's all I care about. You did it when you were younger, so you'll do it forever in my eyes. Okay. Yeah. Frankie believes in second chances. I do. I do.
But yeah, so I'm... So then there's two umbilical cords. I think there's two umbilical cords, but it's like, there's like one placenta. Yeah. One big bag of food. One old big old bag. You know, I think of it like... Do you have to eat double?
I would have, honestly, from someone that's not been pregnant, I can't imagine to know, but I'm going to pretend like I do. You never talked to your mom about this? Your brothers were twins. Did she be like, yo, I eat turkeys to feed these kids? I think she was probably very hungry because of the energy that it takes to fucking carry around two children inside of you. Yeah, it's a toughie. Yeah. It's a little tough, yeah. It's...
It's kind of hard. Yeah, two is tough. Two is tough. One is a breeze. Come on. Figure it out, ladies. Jess, it's a kid. I'm kidding. They can't even read. Someone that shared a house with someone while they were pregnant, wild stuff. Yeah. I think they're insatiable because of the energy it takes to grow a child. Same with breastfeeding.
Your sister will know a bunch about that Ask your sister I know about breastfeeding I feel like I'm basically a lactation consultant at this point She is So now I just know everything But I never I feel like Shannon would probably punch me in the face If I asked her about the umbilical cords Should I google it right now? How many cords are there for twins? How many umbilical cords for twins? Maybe there's one main road But there's two exits Wait no that doesn't make sense
Oh, man, I had it. It's probably two separate cords. How many umbilical cords for twins? Does each twin have an umbilical cord? It doesn't matter if they're identical or fraternal. All twins, triplets, etc. have their own umbilical cords. That means no matter what, there will be a cord blood and cord tissue that could be...
So then your dad that day, he had to make two cuts. He was like Edward Scissors. Yeah, he was definitely 100% out there like Edward Scissors. But I think you don't do them at the same time. They probably go like, here's the first one cut. Oh, the next one's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brothers were only a minute apart. Yeah, isn't that nuts? My mom ain't got no downtime, dude. They were just like... Chris came out and then it was like immediately like, oh, Nick's right behind him. Damn, dude. What the hell does that feel like?
I don't... I can't... I have no idea. It must have felt like... You know what's crazy? Back in the day when you didn't know that you were having twins, you're like, am I having a giant baby? If they were, like, close? Well, they say that... And they, by they, I mean...
Not us. Like, they need to... Like, women that are giving birth need to experience birth twice because they have to birth the placenta after. The bag of food. The bag. And then, you know, so it's like, basically, if you give birth to twins and then you got this fucking Santa sack coming out. Three... Yeah, you got...
You know what I'm saying? Three births. That's crazy, dude. Didn't that one bitch have eight? People having like eight fucking kids at the same time. What do you look like? Bro, not only that, but back in the day, people used to die because they gave birth to a child like during Game of Thrones times and shit. I mean, it's... Bro, this bitch gave eight. Joey, Game of... Survive the one. Come on, Joey. Game of Thrones times. It's like fucking 12. It's the year 12, you know? Like, of course that shit. First of all, it's hard and scary, period. You know, that's like basically major surgery. Ugh.
Crazy. You know, especially if it's like cesarean. Then it's literally they have to take your organs out and like put them on your fucking chest. I don't know about that. No, that's what they do. They take the organs out and they like rest them on the girl. That's why the hood is like up here. Hold on. Time. T out. Time. Yeah. What organs? Whatever the fuck is in front of the baby sack. Intestines? Like whatever organs they need to remove. If I saw my own intestines...
I'd kind of be hype. I'd be honest. I'd be like, those are good looking intestines. Hype. For what? What intestines move... What? What are you Googling right now? I'm looking up what intestines... During a C-section, your organs are usually just moved aside so the doctor can see your uterus better. Yeah, dude, they don't put them on the fucking table. In rare cases, the intestines may be temporarily lifted out for better visualization and space to operate.
Just fucking take this. Fucking lasso your small intestine across the room. I want to touch intestines. I want to touch organs. I have touched organs. Have you? Yeah. The giant is...
- Wrap it up. Way, way to go. No, put those down. Put those down. - Yeah. - One of my forensic classes, they had bought in parts from a cadaver. And it was like, this is a healthy liver, this is an alcoholic liver. - How was that? - Wild, dude. - Was it wild? - Healthy liver looked really fun. Like, cool. - The liver looks gross to me. - But bro, the alcoholic liver was like hard as rock and white. - Oh, ew. - Yeah, dude. It was crazy.
I don't like that. And they always do the one where it's like smoker's lungs, non-smoker's lungs. Yeah. That shit is crazy. Yeah. That was enough to keep me off the cigarettes. Yeah. Well, so Mexico found aliens. Yeah. And they were dusty looking.
Why do those aliens look so dusty? Well, they were mummified remains, I believe. Who mummified them? The Mexicans. The Mexicans mummed the fucking aliens? Apparently. And then they unearthed them and then were like, look, we got these mummified aliens. I just got to say, not a good look for humans. If we are terrified of these things and they are that much smarter than us and they're like, and they're that big, not a good look for us. No. We got people like Shaq walking around and we can't figure out how to get past the moon. I can definitely kill an alien. Yeah.
Yeah, it makes me less afraid of them, which is not a good thing. Well, I believe that's bullshit. I just think that it's a... It's a hoax. It's a classic Mexican hoax. A classic... It's a classic Mexican hoax. That's what it is. It's the Mexicans pulling one on us again. Yeah. You guys don't get to have the best food and then have the aliens too. It's not going to happen. Yeah, no. No way. Absolutely not. I'm not about it. And I think that you guys are... You're fucking with us here. You know what you're doing here. Mexican Congress, really? Never heard of that before. Yeah.
You made Congress to say you had aliens? Don't think so. I don't know. They're all paid actors. Yeah. Joe Biden is probably behind this. Joe Biden is definitely behind this. You know who told me that? Those fucking aliens kind of look like Joe Biden, honestly. What would you do if the aliens sat up and was like, oh, my son Hunter. Your son did crack. That was really good right there. Was it? Yeah, it was a really good one. I am. Obviously, I don't believe it.
I'm going to be the guy that doesn't believe it until I shake hands with an alien. You know what I mean? Yeah, I need an alien to spit at me or something. Not like that. Why do you say it? I don't know why I said that. But I was thinking their spit would be radioactive. He would spit on the wall and it would make a hole in the wall. So you're only thinking in terms of alien and aliens and alien versus predator. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Which I've seen none of, though, by the way. Oh, you just know that they have acid spit. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. It's cool to imagine.
Those aliens are scary. Those are very scary, yeah. They got the mouth and then the little mouth that comes out. The little fucking... I don't like that. Yeah. I don't like double mouths. Freaks you out a little bit? Also, things with big teeth. I really hope aliens don't have big teeth. If aliens have big teeth, I'll be pissed because I've made fun of enough people with giant teeth in my life to not... Oh, I'm talking about like sharp teeth. Oh, okay. All right. Not big teeth. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if they can hear us making fun of each other. They have like big veneers or something? No.
No, I'm talking about like big, sharp teeth. Tony Robbins is an alien. He's got giant fucking teeth, dude. And he's a big fuck. Yeah, he's like 6'6", right? I think he's like 6'9", honestly. Get the fuck... Yeah. Bro, he's gotta be an alien. You see those sunken in eyes, those giant teeth? There's no way he's real. And he like sat... He looks like...
What I imagine a Neanderthal would look like. Uh-oh. Which is way more hair, though. Gotcha. Okay. Well. Uh-oh. That seemed like it was. Also, is it Neanderthal? I believe it is. Because people say Neanderthal. Who the fuck says that? People. Whom? Just people. If you ever come across one of those people, shoot them in the face. They say Neanderthal. No one says that, Joey. You're making stuff up. Also, Ibiza and Ibiza.
Ibiza Two tacos birria
You know, like, it would be way worse. Beer and tacos are fucking great. Very good. But... You know how I love dunking shit. Bro, with a good little fucking fresh consomme on the side, and you just fucking whap it? Yeah, I just, I'll just fucking sink it. Have you ever had one of those tacos, like, they're like cooked tacos? You know what I'm talking about? They're all cooked. No. Listen to me. Like, they like, they put it in, like, they put the, they fill the taco, and they put it on the stove, and like, cook it in like a sauce. No? You're not gonna answer her.
They... What'd they do? Sink it into... No, like they put... Like they fill the taco and then they put it back on the thing and like cover it in cheese. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Those are really good. Becca gave me some. She got some last week and I had them. Yeah, bananas. I'd like anything that I could... That comes with a little pool that I could dunk it in. What's your favorite dunkable food? I can't... I can't pick something. Hmm.
It's gotta be tacos for me now that I'm thinking about it. But that's not traditionally a dunkable. All right. So what are you thinking? Like a donut? Are you a donut? I've never dunked a donut. I was going to say, are you a donut dunker? Like the cops and all those fucking shows where they're like, eh, we got a fucking double homicide on our hands. Oh, we got to answer. We got to get to it. We talk too much. Uh,
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We're getting warmer, yeah. Yeah, we're getting there, right? That's your favorite, though? What's my favorite? Mozzarella sticks. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I won't eat it. Oh, fries, probably. I have to. I'm not a big... Do you raw dog fries? I don't. I'm not a big fry guy. If I am having fries, though, there's got to be ketchup involved. There's got to be, yes. Or some dippable substance. Something wet. Yes. I need to just shove it into something wet. I can't eat it dry. Yeah. For a lot of things. Those two things.
Shove it in it wet. What the fuck? And you can't eat it dry. Fuck you. You know what? I'm talking about French. Fuck you. I'm talking about French fries here, Joey. I'm talking about sex with a woman. Oh, okay. I thought you were meaning like, like, like wiener sucking. Oh, no. I thought you were insinuating that I, that I've sucked wiener. You're like, I got to shove it in wet, something wet. And I'm like, yeah, nice. Shove it in something wet. It's nice. You know?
That's two vagina references. Joey's fucking pussied out today. I got two pussies just now. Right on this show. Boom. I was never a dunker of donuts. You know what I mean? I don't drink coffee. I don't drink coffee. Yeah, but I don't even... I drink coffee and I love donuts. I can't imagine why that would taste like that. I know it's coming. So next year when European Joe comes back or whenever you end up going on a fucking three-town tour of Italy...
You're going to start dunking fucking biscotti in coffee. I know you. And I know you're going to sit in like Rome and watch the fucking pigeons eat crumbs and then just dunk biscotti into a coffee. I know European Joe is going to do it. Probably. And it'll be an espresso too. Oh, you're not doing like the American iced coffee where it's like us Americans love it as dessert. Basically. I don't think there was any coffee in Portugal. Honestly, it was just espresso and wine.
There was wine, let me tell ya. Did you see what happened in Portugal? I did, everyone has tagged me in that. You were two weeks too late, Joey. I wasn't- we drove, I think, through there on the way to Porto. But, like, we never were in that town, so we've never seen it. For those of you guys who don't know what we're referencing, there was a, um...
Wine makers steal like drum. It's like 2.2 million liters of red wine ruptured and flooded the streets of Portugal. Yeah, people's like houses are flooded with wine. Oh, no. There are some alcoholics that are just like, this is a sign. I mean, if I was there, I'd be like this with a cup. Would you swim in it?
Would you... I don't know, like, how long that would take to come off of my body. Because, like, wine, like, stains. No, I think I've seen something that there are, like, people that do, like, wine baths in, like, high-end spas. Didn't Amari Stoudemire do that once when he was on the Knicks? Maybe. I'm not up to date on my Amari Stoudemire news. So maybe... He, like, converted. He was, like, Jewish out of nowhere. Then he took a wine bath. And I was like, uh...
I don't know if those two things line up, do they? No, those are the only things I really remember about his time in the Knicks. Gotcha. Okay. Nothing else? Yeah. It was that one year he went off. I remember that. I used to be a big Amari fan. You remember that? I remember you were a big Suns fan. I was. Him, Steve Nash. Who else was on that team? Rajah Bell, Leandro Barbosa. Okay. Grant Hill. Okay.
Those are all great players. My baseball, look at me. My basketball knowledge stops at like the 2006 76ers. This was probably back then. Yeah, it was. But like, you know, I was a big fan of like Chris Weber, Kyle Korver, Andre Iguodala's rookie season, Allen Iverson, you know. Eric Snow. That was a great year for the Sixers. I was about to say Kerry Kittles. That's the Nets. You're talking another language to me. Basketball, again, I said baseball. Basketball is the one sport you could sit here and make up names and I'd say, yeah.
Like there are people now where it's like Wemby and Joker. You don't know who Jokic is? No. Frankie, you do. I swear to God I don't. I watch zero basketball. You want to know current basketball players that I know? Who won the finals? You want to know current basketball players I know? Seriously. LeBron James. Yeah. Steph Curry. Of course. You can't name other people on the Warriors? At least that. Well, when he was there, Kevin Durant.
Okay. In my head, I swear to God, I thought Drew Hill, but that's a singer. Drew Hill? Isn't that a singer? I'm pretty sure there was a Drew Hill that played on LeBron's high school team. Okay. Yeah, that's who I'm pulling out of left field. You've named four. Who's the other shooting guard on the Warriors? The Splash Brothers, Steph Curry and... Oh, um...
Klay Thompson. Yes. Yes. Okay. All right. I got that one. Then who's the other one that always got into fights? On the Warriors. Yes. Yes. Yes. Give me a first initial. D. Draymond Green. Yeah. I remember that. Honestly? That's crazy. Wouldn't be able to tell you. Who's the white dude on the Mavericks?
He's like, he's foreign. Honestly, the only name that comes to mind is Dirk Nowitzki. I'm not even kidding you. A white foreign. Okay. Wouldn't be able to tell you anything. What about the guy on the Bucks? Oh, the Greek freak. What's his name? You don't have to say his last name. Giannis. Yeah. Antetokounmpo. Yeah. I know that one. And you also know, how do I? I remember the Ball Brothers. Who used to? The Ball.
That's what their names were, right? What are their names? LaMelo. Yeah. Lorenzo. Yeah. No? No. Lorenzo. LaMelo. LaMelo. Lorenzo's not one. No. Close. Lawrence? How is that close? Lorenzo. Lawrence. Take out some letters from Lorenzo. Some people have... Say it. I was going to say Lauren. Lauren Ball. I don't know. Joey? I don't know. Lonzo. Lonzo.
Lonzo, okay. Yeah. And then the third one, you probably wouldn't know. What was the first one I named? Lamello? Lamello. Lonzo. And then... Jello. Hmm? Jello. Jello? I think his name is D'Angelo. Oh, stupid. But yeah, the NBA is so far... You could honestly make up fake names and tell me that they're real players. I can't believe you didn't know Joe Kitsch. They won the finals. Nuggets. Joe Kitsch? Yes. J-O-K-I-C.
Don't know Serbian. Oh his name. He's like one name like seal. I don't know I thought his name was like first name Joe last name kitsch. It's Yoko Okay, but like what's his real name Yoko? That's it. No, like there's no like yeah, it's like seal Yoko. Oh, okay Wouldn't be able to tell you any Irie Irving. Come on. Oh, he's still in the league. Oh
Yeah, I didn't know. Oh, um... Anyone on Boston? These are famous players. One starts with a J. It's actually like the first half of his first name. J. J. Oh, um... Actually, I do know this one, and I know it because of Barstool. Jason... Yep. Totten? No? Okay, obviously not. Tatum. Tatum, okay. I was close. Wow, that's kind of crazy. Like, I don't really know basketball. But I can name, like, I can name, like...
Fucking video game stuff that you've never heard of yeah, I assume yeah exactly But and also probably baseball I I don't that's like this is from baseball for me I mean, I probably know more visual players than you know basketball players Yeah, probably but like I can't like there's so many players that I would not I'd be like never heard that in for my life Yeah, no, no, that's basketballs I'm I've been out the game for a while. Yeah, someone argue. I've never been in the game Some some would argue that
Joe Kitsch. I don't know, Joey. Fucking, how am I supposed to know basketball? I'm not playing it. I'm not living it. Maybe that's what my homework will be. I'll fucking just start like getting super into basketball this season. Really? Yeah. And I'll just like hit you up and just be like, damn, because I have been getting super into F1. What a big day for Verstappen.
What a huge day a couple weeks ago. What's Verstappen's first name? Max, Joey. Oh, okay. Come on, Joey. How stupid do you think I am? Can you name two other drivers? Yes, I can. Can you? Yeah. All right, name them.
Go ahead. You name them. Go ahead. Or can you name one other one? Of course I can. So? I'm going to do it after you do it. I'm going to tell you if you're making one up. So I'll name one and then you name one. Yeah, go ahead. Lewis Hamilton. That's the one I was going to name, Joey. Okay. That's the one I was going to come up with. Can you name any other one? Of course I can, but I'm not going to give you any answers because I know you're a fake fan. I love how fast they drive. I'm so impressed with them.
by just like that's the way to win yeah in the f1 grand prix wait you can name another one you remember you said someone's name i'm like how the fuck do you know that yeah i already forgot it it starts with a the last name starts with a g yeah julio i i'm just i'm so impressed by gasly the way that they like all they have to do is just stick true drive fast and
And the game is theirs, you know? Each race is really up in the air until they figure out who's going to drive the fastest. All you got to do is pedal to the metal, baby. What does that expression even mean, pedal to the metal? There's pedal. Behind it is normally metal. You hit it. There's not metal in my car. Behind the carpet there is. I think we need to update that. No, I think it's okay. Pedal to the metal? Yeah. Pedal to the carpet.
Oh, sure. Go ahead. And you also can't put it on the floor, right? I think you can. I've never done it. I used to do it all the time in my dad's van. Oh, well, probably because your dad's van wasn't moving very quickly. I used to just go... It had a pretty good kick, actually. Did it? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've never done that. I've always dreamt in my head. What's the fastest you've ever driven? Like 100 miles an hour. Oh, okay. But like... I was driving 100 miles an hour...
In portugal because I didn't know I was driving that. Yeah, that's what i'm saying though Like I I did it and would like I like looked at the speedometer. I was like, oh my god And I like slowed down. Well, i'm looking at the speedometer and it says i'm going 160 kilometers I'm, like I don't know what that means. Yeah, I don't know. That's that's scary. Those kilometers will get you They don't have the thing on there where it has like here No, no, I mean maybe I was looking at it and I was like, well i'm going I don't know how fast i'm going was this before after during the wine this was
This is in the middle. You should know that you weren't drinking wine when you were driving. No, no, no. I'm saying I was drinking wine. Then I wasn't and was driving. Not the same day. Gotcha. Oh, that's why I asked, Joey. No, I had to drive like fucking two and a half hours. I wasn't drinking and driving. In a foreign country? That's the worst place to do it. I mean, I wouldn't do it here either. Over there? Yeah. Not there. Here. Where it's celebrated. Yeah, I just love F1. Shut up.
I did get my wines, by the way. Oh, you did? Yeah, I'll show you a picture. All I care about, did they come in a crate? In a wooden crate you had to open with like a crowbar? No. God damn it. That's all I want. That's all I want. I want wine in a wooden crate that I open and it has like the hair underneath. You know, and I have to like fucking like. No, it just came in like these two boxes. Oh. Look at this. Look how beautiful this is. When did you get it?
Yesterday, last night. How many have you drank so far? None. What is going on with my stupid phone? Come on, Joey. Phone. Whoa, dude. That's what, like 20 bottles? 24. Wow. They're not all mine. I only got six. Oh, oh. It was like everyone. They'd be all sent to my place. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But... Damn, that looks sick. Looks good. They're really good. Good for you. All reds? No. There's... I had three reds. No. Yeah, two whites and four reds.
So more whites. Less whites. Yeah. I'm on board. Yeah. And then Pete got two ports. You like port? I don't know what that is. It's like a dessert wine. Oh, okay. No, I wouldn't be able to... I'm not crazy about him. I've had him in restaurants. I don't really like him that much. Pete's a freak. He always has to get something and just be fucking based. But you...
Did I? I don't know. Did I? But there, I had one, and I was like, oh, this one's actually good. Because it's not as like, because they're like really sweet. Ah, I can't do that. And they're like high in alcohol, too. Really? Yeah. Fuck your balls. Well. You don't want balls fucked. I don't want my balls fucked. Yeah. You want your balls fucked? What does that mean? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. Hold them like this. Who? Wiener in between them. Oh, I don't want a wiener on my balls? Yeah. Well, that's why I asked if you wanted your balls fucked. Oh, no, no, no. What if someone asked you to put your balls in them?
I would love to do that. Really? I would love to do like stuff like that. More ball stuff, huh? No, not more ball stuff. I'd just be like, and it would be like funny. I'd be like, oh, let's try to get my balls in here. Oh, there's no humor in my sex. It's all fucking business, baby. Jesus, you wear a suit and bring a briefcase? Let's do this. Yeah. No, it's all fun. I gotta be out in three. Everything's playful.
Three? That's what you give me, Joe? Yeah. You said that. No, I didn't. Did you say like three to eight minutes or something? Maybe something like that. I may have said that. It's really hard to remember most of the things I've said on this show. It's tough. But anyway, that's all we can do for today, Frank.
What are you doing? I just want a hug. With your hand? Well, after the show, just come over here and hug me. Got it. All right? Yeah. Where can I find you? FAlvarez885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media. Then you can check out the Patreon. Patreon.com, sizeofbasepanyard. Thanks for getting us to 26. We want to keep climbing to 27. We got some stuff cooking for you. We actually found out today we might be doing a collab with someone. That might be pretty cool. I'm not going to say who because I'm a dirty little bitch. And then go check out the show everywhere you like the show at thebasepanyard.com.
Yeah. That is all. Go follow the show. Oh, check him. Check him out. Yeah. Go check him out. As if you need my endorsement. At Joe Santagato on all forms of social media and go find the shows on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard and that is all. See you guys next time.