Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome back to the Bay-
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going, buddy? I'm fucking pumped, and I'm wearing a shirt that's tight around my muscles. And I thought, I thought coming in- You're not supposed to pronounce the C in muscles. Yeah, whatever. I came in today thinking like, I look good, I feel good, and then you just fucking blew me out the water. You're just sitting there blowing me just completely out the water. No one's blowing you. Out the water, Joey. Yeah, but you gotta say that as part of the blowing. You can't say you're blowing me-
Just completely? If you would let me finish for once. I'm not going to completely blow you. I'm not saying let me finish after the blowing. I'm saying let me finish. I'm not going to let you finish. I'm not going to let you finish on me. Let me finish what I was going to say. Your whole aura is just your horror.
i'm a horror horror yeah this is my horror yeah do you remember there was a girl in our neighborhood that we called laura the horror i remember you called her that i did not yes you did we did who is she laura laura who is that i know who she was and i i remember her i'm not gonna is she our age no she was like a couple years older she hung out with like i'm not i don't want to oh laura the horror yeah yeah yeah yeah don't know if she was ever a horror but the name was passed down
Not her parents, but other people. Not to be confused with, Laura, the Torah, which is a Hebrew book. Well, Laura is not anything to do with Jews. Right. Torah is like their sacred text. I think it's a scroll. Don't Jews read backwards? I don't know. I think they read backwards. I don't know if that's... No, I think everyone reads left to right, except the Chinese read like down...
No, that's the matrix. I don't know. Well, you know, I don't, I'm not quite sure. Yeah, I don't know. But I'm not really in tune with how the, you know, Hebrew men and women are reading. Yeah. Are you?
No, I just like, I feel like I know that for some reason. Gotcha, gotcha. For some reason, I feel like I know that. So this is Portuguese Joe. Yes, it is. Follow Portuguese. Welcome back. I just got back from a trip to Europe, Portugal, and I had a couple of bottles of wine. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Did you like...
Yeah. Just adopt that you're now Portuguese, like you're part Portuguese now? Through a lot of obrigados, which means... Obrigados. Do they have that stupid fucking accent that I hate so much? I'll be honest with you. When I am hearing people speak Portuguese,
Portuguese. Yeah. How many times did you almost say pork and cheese when you were drunk, by the way? Pork and cheese? Yeah, that's what... Oh, my God. Us Americans, they're like, oh, what are you doing over there speaking that stupid pork and cheese? I've never heard that, but it sounds like a joke my dad would make. Yeah, probably has. Was she pork and cheese? Yeah. All right, relax. Take it easy.
Big guy. Um, my face is sweating. Yeah, it's hot. It's 97 degrees in New York. Yeah. Um, no, I, I, uh, but I, when I was listening to people speak Portuguese, I was like, this sounds like Spanish in rewind. Yeah. I, you know, famously I've told this story through high school. I dated a Brazilian girl. Yep. And Brazilians also speak Portuguese. Yeah. Uh,
But Brazil I learned Brazilians And like I don't want to say Legit Portuguese But like People from Portugal Don't like each other No They are like It's like You know Bloods and crips
I would say. Yeah, maybe. Although they come together for good causes sometimes. Sometimes they tie their bandanas together and hold them up in solidarity. And that makes me feel safe, to be honest. I have to be honest with you. I see that. I'm very happy. No matter what happens in this country, when the Bloods and Crips tie their bandanas together, I'm like, we'll be fine. Listen, if you get both the Bloods and the Crips together mad at you, you fucked up. Yeah, like Russia? Or no, what was that? Al-Qaeda? I don't think they were...
No, not that they were going to fight them. I don't think the Bloods and the Crips were just like, yo, this fucking Al-Qaeda shit is fucked up. I think it was for police brutality. Yo, I'm an idiot. You are. Guy spends fucking two weeks in Portugal. You know what it was? Forgets the cops beat people. First of all, no one forgot about that. You think about it quite often. By the way, I have a story to tell you. Okay. So on the way back, because we went to Portugal.
I went to Comporta, then I went to Lisbon, and then flew to... Flew to Chuchupanji. No, the Azores Islands. Oh, by the way, you completely forgot the story. I was going to tell your turn. You were going to tell me? I was going to say why I hate the Portuguese language, but go on. Oh. Yeah. Honestly... Do we care, though? No, I don't. Do we care? Does anyone care? No, no, no. Joey, I'll be very honest with you. Yeah. Your story, not only does it hold more weight because your name is on all this shit, it's probably just a better story.
No, but I want to get, I want to see if, how you feel about this. Cause you're a courteous guy. I'd like to think so. You're a courteous man. So I was on a plane.
Coming home from the Azores, right? So this is like after the trip. I'm burnt out the Azores by the way I don't know. I don't sounds like it's like a level in Legend of Zelda. I'll tell you what it looked like the Jurassic Park Oh, okay. It was beautiful. There no dinosaurs that you saw though No, I wish but there was so many opportunities for dinosaurs to rear their ugly heads Oh, well, there was fog and I'm like just stand up How bad do you wish you'd be just like looking and then you would just see like a fucking like? Velociraptor head and you do the clever girl thing you And then you die. Yeah
All the time. But anyway, so I was getting so burnt out on this trip that I was like, you know what? I'm going to pay for an upgrade. Like I want to sit. On the way home. Yeah. I was like, I want to sit like in a nice seat. So for this airline, you like bid, whatever. Long story short, I ended up getting the upgrade and I'm getting on the plane.
And there's a guy sitting in the seat. I was like, oh, I'm sitting right there. Oh, no, actually, no, there was no one sitting there. So I get in my seat and I have a bag. I put it down, put it on the overhead. I always take everything out of my pockets and put it in the seat in front of me so I don't lose anything. So I'm fully settled. And then this dude comes over.
With his wife and he's like do you mind if you switch seats with my wife so she can sit next to me? She's in the seat right in front of you. I picked the window. So this is in the first class cabin There's only two seats. I picked the window for that reason cuz I want to I like the window like windows I like to look well she was in front of you So she had the window in the row in front of you. So I was like, oh yeah, of course No problem. No brainer. So I go to switch right? Oh, so now I'm switching and as I'm getting into my new seat there's a guy sitting there with what I thought was wooden teeth and
And his daughter is, yeah, they were like, that's not, you can't brush over the wooden teeth part, Joey. It's 2023. Picture someone that instead of teeth, they have brown rice. Hmm. I hate that mouth. It's not a good one. Fuck that mouth. Well, no, no, no. Jesus Christ, dude. Trying to get people horny out here. Fuck that mouth. You show up looking like this. You don't expect someone to get horny, Joey. I hope so.
So anyway, I see this guy has his daughter who was like 11 or 12 years old. Real, real asshole. The kid. I'll get to that. Oh, okay. So she's turned around in the seat and they're talking, but then they both look at me and I was like, he goes, Oh, you're sitting there. I was like, yeah. So I go in and sit down, put my bag down, take everything out again. I'm sitting there, blah, blah, blah.
And I can kind of sense that there's another, hey, can you switch thing going on? Coming back? Huh? Another switch request is coming over? Yeah. So I just, I put my hat down, headphones in, pretend to be asleep. Do you know what happens? They wake you up. Yeah, of course. He taps my leg. I feel like, I got to be honest with you, if you're going to wake anyone up, it's on an airplane. I mean, that's the only appropriate place. Yeah, but only if you have to piss or shit.
Maybe that person had to pinch him. No, we did not take off yet. Oh, you were still on the ground. People were still boarding. Boots on the ground. Yeah. We were at the gate. Gotcha. So I pretend to wake up. Right. So I wake up. One more time. You're asleep? Oh, wow. Okay. So I do that. And then the dude goes, hey.
And now I'm looking at that face. It looks like termites. That's teeth. And he goes, would you mind if you switched with my daughter? She's like 11, 12, right? And she's sitting in an aisle and I go, I just switched. Oh, so I said one switch is enough. Too many. Now I have a serious question for you. Yeah.
If he had nicer teeth, would you have done it? I would be more inclined, but I still would have said no. Oh. Because at this point, I was like, bro, what am I going to do? Just bounce around this fucking first class until everyone else is comfy here? Some fucking termite tooth Portuguese prick wanted you to fucking switch a seat with him? He was an American. That makes it worse. It makes it way worse. Way worse. I'll be honest with you. Dude, when I'm in Europe and I hear someone speaking American, I'm like, ugh. Fuck.
Fucking pig. American scum. That's what you think. I literally, I'm like, ew, there's Americans here. The trick is, and I know I said this on the Patreon episode, I think that way. Right here, baby. Comfort of my own home. Wow. Yeah. So then I was like, oh, I just switched with them. And he goes, oh, you just switched? Okay.
And then his daughter was looking at me. Then she looks at him. How old was it? You said about 10 or 12? I said it three times, I think. Okay, sorry. Well, Totten here, I've honestly forgotten my own name. So she looks at him and she goes, so no to him, right? And I was like, this bitch better not say that shit to me. She's pressuring the dad. And he goes, Emma, just sit down.
Wait, where was she sitting? She was like... She was turned around, so her knees were like on the seat, like looking over. Oh, the row in front of you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The row in front of me aisle. Well, fucking... I would... First of all, if I was that dad, I would have been like to you, I'd be like, listen... I'm not waking this guy up. Not only that, I'd be like, just fucking say no. My daughter has to leave me the fuck alone for this flight, you know? But I also don't know why people need to sit next to each other. We're not gonna talk. No, it's... I've never talked to anyone on a flight. It's... No, no, no. It's different for...
I would say, I imagine it'd be different for a child and a parent. I can tell you this right now. Right now, I can tell you this. Do me a favor. Tell me that. That guy is delighted that I said no. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's like, Emma, just sit down. And she goes, I'm not doing that. I'll just switch with mommy then. Damn. And he didn't say anything. Did he drink on the plane a couple times? No, he read a book that had holographic pictures.
Pages. Oh, like the ones where you could scratch and it's like... No, the ones that like... You ever close a book and like this is shiny? Like the pages are all shiny? Oh, like a fucking... Yeah, you know what used to be like that? Those old fucking, you know, Goosebumps books. Yeah, like... Like choose your own ending where it's like you can either go to page 50 or 102. Yeah, I was like, is this guy reading a fucking spell book? What is this shit? Like it was just like shiny pages. But he wasn't... Bro, would you have switched with him?
With her? I'm a sucker. I am a fucking little sucker. Okay, but what if you switch again? Then someone asks you again. No, I would say two- One switch is more than enough. But the added fact that his daughter-
Like that's, I'm a sucker for that. I'm a sucker for the kid. I will say this though. The minute I heard her get snippy, I would have been like, you know what? I'll fucking report you for having a bomb in your bag or some shit. Like I would have, I would have made sure she got sent off the plane. Yeah. She also then was sitting in the first row and we were like the fifth row. She got out of her seat, walked to the back, went up to her dad and was like, can you get me a Red Bull and a blah, blah, blah.
12 years old drinking a Red Bull? Yep, that's what she said. And also this guy got up, walked to the front of the plane and got her a Red Bull. I'd be like, I'm going to throw you out of the tiny window. Well, no. I mean, that's doing something for your child. I'm not going to... She's old. Yeah, 12 is too old. I will say that. She's not four, dude. She's 12. If she was four having a Red Bull, I would have fucking called CPS on these people. Yeah. That is...
I have to say. I wouldn't, but I was like, am I fucked up for not moving? No, I think in that situation you were okay, but you are a little bit of a piece of shit for other reasons. I moved once. That's enough times. And I will say, if his mouth didn't look like he was chewing on fucking dirt, maybe you would have done something. It did look like that. You can't have a shitty mouth and expect things to be done for you. It looked like an old wood shed. I imagine that it looked like he just had a mouth full of just like...
Just fucking worms. I'm thinking about it and it's getting browner. You ever see, and I'm sure you hate that. You ever see someone that like, like in like a video, it looks like they have like a bunch of ticks on their skin. It's like those like bumps. That's what I imagined his teeth were. Ah, dude, what the fuck are you talking about? You've never seen that, dude? A video of a bumpy person? No, it'd be like someone takes a shirt off and it's like they have like six ticks in a, like in like a, like con,
Fucking find space On their arm or leg Or something I'm not really taking Too much ticket content These days Neither am I I don't see it Because I want to It just pops up And then I have to Say that I don't want To see it anymore Yeah but it But then That actually plays Into the algorithm I know It's all a fucking Vicious circle It's a vicious circle Yeah exactly I'm really glad You had a good time though You had a lot of wine Had a ton of wine Had four bottles The first day
Not me alone. Just me and my buddy. No, no, no. Not you alone. You and one other person. Yeah. Me and one person. I had four bottles of wine and we had some cocktails too, which were nice. So basically five bottles of wine. I wasn't okay. Yeah. Also the place that I stayed at in Comporta was basically, anyone could have robbed that
It's very easy. Yeah, I'm sure. Our door opened up with string. Oh, hold on. The exact same story we told on the Patreon episode. Did I say that? The exact same thing. You opened and pulled the string and it opened and the windows were just screens. Not everyone's on Patreon, you fucking selfish fucking piece of shit. Well, maybe they should be over at patreon.com slash the basement yard so they can double hear this story because it's a good one. A double hear? I will say I was able to tell that you were having a good time. Yeah. And it looked like you were having a good time and I was happy for you. I know that's true.
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen my favorite segment in yours called keeping it frank where we tackle the Stories of today in order to make sure that they are brought to the surface like a disgusting big old fat whitehead pimple Joey How you doing?
Good. You had a good time. Yeah. I'm so glad. The wine was flowing and I could tell. How could you tell? How could I tell? Joey, there's something, exhibit A, that I want to bring up to you. Now... Mind you guys, I already know what it is. Shut up. Now, I'm so excited that you had a good time. I really am. I enjoy seeing you do these things. I live vicariously through you. And it's heartwarming to see that you're living your best life. So...
Could it happen over there? I'll be honest with you guys. What's the time difference, too? This one's probably the most embarrassing, keeping it frank. What's the time difference, huh? Five hours. Five hours. So hypothetically, if something were to be tweeted at 9, 12 p.m. Oh, wow. That's late. On August 25th.
That's 2 a.m.? Well, let's see. 3 hours. Yeah, so 2 a.m. 2.15 in the morning. Yeah. When was that? August 25th. So you were there for a day. I think I was in Lisbon. Yeah, wherever you were, doesn't matter. Oh, brutal. So you tweeted, Joey. Yeah, I did. Now, anytime you do something, I get word of it.
Because people like oh my god wait till Frank gets the hold of it. Yeah, that's driving me a little insane Oh tough shit bitch. Um, there's a tweet from you here that I wanted to make sure we talked about because It's just too good to ignore and I quote I've been drunk in Portugal for three days parentheses of By the way, you had the amount of characters to spell obviously and
Yeah, but I didn't have the capacity. Yeah, I figured that. You had the capacity for the rest of this tweet, though. And, by the way, you used an ampersand. I always use those. Oh, I can honestly say nothing is better than traveling with your friends and doing weird shit.
I deleted that in the morning. That's how bad that is. Not quick enough for fucking good old Frankie Fingers over here. Yeah, what do you got me on? Notifications? No, but I saw that and I said, oh boy. Yeah, not good. Oh fucking boy. Not good, not good. Here's my one question. Go ahead. Um...
Was this written by you or the fucking 22-year-old white sorority girl that is inside your body? Yeah, that's the issue. I'm actually going to look up pictures so I know what I was doing that night. I can tell you exactly what you were doing because I had messaged you a couple hours earlier. Did you? Yeah. And you were... It was the 25th. It was when you were wearing that shirt. You had a glass of wine in hand and a little baby cigar. Oh, that was the night? That was the night. Oh, I just went to a dinner. Yeah. Yeah.
That was gonna be my next fucking question as I keep it frank. What weird shit did you do? What kind of kooky fucking crazy weird shit, Joey? Yeah, I mean... Tell me about all the silly shit you did. I didn't do anything silly that night, honestly. What weird shit are you referencing? Did you... I don't know. Have sex? With your friend? With Gio? Well, you know. No, I did not. Are you sure? No, we were at this dinner called the Food Circle. Okay, okay.
I don't care for details. I do, but I don't want to hear them right here. Got it. Right here. Yeah, tell me offline.
What about that night was weird? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, dude. We both did get double cucked at one point by the waiter. You told me this story. Yep. We ordered a drink and he goes, no. He literally was like, no. And we're like, oh, no, we want to try it. It sounds good. He's like, you don't want to do that before dinner. Don't get it. Why? Because it would have fucked you up. Well, we ordered it after. So where that picture is where I'm wearing this and the cigar or whatever.
We got them. They're whack. It's so heavy. Oh, it's like not a good drink. Yeah, he was like, don't get this. He's like, get this like spritz with gin and whatever. Oh, something light for the meal. And it was actually paired amazingly. But it was funny because we ordered a drink and he was just like, I'm not going to get this. I saw this and I wanted to put my head through a fucking wall. Yeah, that was pretty bad. What weird shit? Nothing, dude. Nothing weird. I think I was just referring to like the idea of like,
Yeah, but you're not doing the weird shit. No, but I mean like just do random shit. Weird is the wrong word. Weird was dumb. Yeah. But you were very drunk. Yes, I was blasted. There was a wine pairing. I think the... One of the wine pairings, by the way? An IPA. I thought that was interesting. Yeah, don't care. I think the obvious thing here is yes. What the?
Wait, the obvious thing is what? The obvious thing is yes, of course that stuff is fun. That's great. It ain't weird though. It ain't weird at all. You know what you were doing? Yeah. You were going and drinking and eating food. Dinner, yeah. Yeah. I had dinner. And you had a cigar. What weird shit is that? Nothing, honestly. The worst part of it though was been drunk for three days. Obv.
Yeah, that's pretty... Wow, that's so bad. That's like freshman in college type of shit. That's literally, I swear to God, I've seen girls tweet that in 2010. Yeah. That got rejected from a sorority. The tweet before, they were saying like, Mommy hungry for om-noms. What does that mean? You remember when people in 2010, 2011 called food om-noms? Greg just walked by with a t-shirt made out of my face. Yeah, did he? Greg, come in! Why does he have that? I don't know. But...
There was actually a fun- That is the- PANTS TOO?! Alright. You gotta show- you gotta- Yeah. Show 'em the butt. What is this? I think it's nice. Can you get on camera so we can show people? Come on over! This is my line dropping soon. This looks great. Show the pants, show the butt. Oh yeah, there you go. That's what people wanted. Wow. Right in there. Damn dude. That's right in there. I almost saw your pussy hole. What about the groin? Damn dude. Those seem stretchy too. I don't wanna touch your legs.
So was this something that was on the company card or is this like something that he said? Oh, that means yes. Oh, boohoo. Someone gets to do something fun. Don't worry about it. I got you. What's he going to do? Fire both of us? Yeah, he will. Yes, he absolutely will. I think it looks great. Thank you. Available on shop.sanghaustudios.com. Joe doesn't know, but it's up there right now. That? Also these new hats. No, it's not. It can be. You want it?
Joey's not that much of a narcissist. He'll have his name not his face. Okay. I think it looks really good. Yeah. That's a very breathable shirt. Boy, oh boy. Yeah. I kind of like that. I appreciate the thank you. Are those leggings?
Got it. Yeah. Well, you thought they were jeans. I didn't know what it was. You thought they were jeans. You thought it was jeans. You think those is... Well, you think it was jeans. You think I'm putting plaster in your nob on my knickers. I don't even know what that means. Knickers.
Those are pants. They're pants, Joey! Chill, chill, chill! Annunciate, Frank. I did. There was a very obvious CK in there. Yeah. Oh, boy, hold on. I have a funny story. Your second favorite CK behind Louis. I would say that... Hold on, hold on. There was a funny story about that night. Joey, there's nothing funny about that night. Let me be very clear. There's nothing weird, wacky, kooky. You went with your fucking...
other big billionaire friends and had food and drank wine. Nothing weird happened. No, I know that. You're not fucking quirky because you went to Lisbon or the Azeroskis or whatever the fuck they're called. I don't know what that is, but it sounds really cool. It kind of does. Like, you're going to like fucking, oh, what did we do? We went and we had foamed up fish in a dish as big as my hand in a cave in Portugal. Fucking weird, dude.
Wild and wacky. First of all, that sounds fire and you're jealous, you bitch. Not jealous. You're jealous. I am a little... Sorry. Sorry I had dinner in a cool place. Whoa!
Don't apologize to me! Apologize to your fucking tweet! The tweet was bad! But I stand by the sentiment. The sentiment is okay. But I have to keep it frank here, bitch. You can't do something like that and not expect a fucking cavalcade of shit to come raining down on you. A cattleclade. Caval, bitch. Caval. Honestly, I didn't know that word. Yeah, well, maybe, you know, maybe they didn't teach that in fucking... If it was in Portuguese, I bet you'd know. Probably. You stupid Portuguese fuck. First of all, racist. Not racist. They're white.
Yeah, are they? Yeah. All right. Look at them. I don't know. Yeah. But that, so that dinner, when you like show up, like the chef comes out and they have like a garden. Oh, yeah. You, again, told me this story. Frankie, this is a different show, you stupid whore.
Now I'm not telling it. Now I'm not telling it. I'll tell the story as Joey. I'll tell the story as Joey. Here I go. Here I go. Watch this. Frankie. Frankie. You know what? Here's something I want to tell you. Here I go. Here I go. I went and like they pick stuff for herbs and shit from the garden and I fucking they kept giving me stuff to try like mint and blah blah blah.
So I put it in my pocket and when I went to pay I forgot I had all the mint leaves in my pocket and all they fucking went all over everywhere and we laughed hysterically at the fucking people who were getting paid you know basically nothing in order to service dinner. Haha. Hahaha. Hysterical. I'm actually glad I opened my shirt because it's hot in here. You're a fucking whore. No, that tweet Joey knocked you down so many pegs.
So many days. It didn't though, Frank. Joey, that tweet is the worst. But it didn't. That's the worst tweet I've ever seen. Really? Up there. I'm going to go find a bunch of tweets. From me? From world leaders. Oh, yeah. Those are bad too. But like, I'm not saying like this isn't going to incite a riot. Yeah. But it was pretty, it was pretty tough. Oh, I could definitely find shit that you've written, by the way. Oh!
That was the most sexual reaction to what I was going to say. Like what? I don't think I've ever written it. I think one thing that I did tweet like in like 2012 was like hot rain is horny. What? Yeah, something like that. What's hot rain? Like being the rain is sexy or some shit like that. It's coming off of me. Are you going to look up? Take the shirt off, dude.
But I have to say, and putting a cap on Keevan and Frank, listen, Joey, I am so happy you had all this fun, but you need to be very realistic. You didn't do anything weird, wacky, kooky. You were out there eating food, drinking. Real quick. Now we're going to get into something real quick. Oh, okay. Here we go. You just...
You didn't let me tell a story that I told on a completely different thing which most of the people who watch this can't see but you've just repeated 1000 times that I've that you didn't do anything weird. I know I said that I'm on your team I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. You know, you're gonna do shut the fuck up anyway Squarespace Fuck that I will say hot in here
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It's amazing. Stitchfix.com slash basement. And also, if you want to hear all those stories I wouldn't let Joe tell, you can go over to Patreon.com, baby. Portugal stories, Joe and I screaming at each other more, maybe some cute little hugs and kisses that we give each other. I don't know. I'm not going to tell you for sure if those things are there, but you'll find out if you go to Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Folks, because of you guys, all of our supporters, patrons and non-patrons, you've propelled us to
We'll be right back.
For your sweet virgin eyes. And then that second tier, well, that's where you get not only those weeklies in advance, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start and end your week with The Basement Yard. Summer's over. It doesn't mean that the fucking life is over. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Sign up today. Let's fucking rock to 27. Rock.
Let's rock to 27. Let's rock. All right, hold on. I got to tell you a dream I had. Dreams, Portugal. What else is going on? This is a Joe episode. It is, it is. But this is a big one. All right. Did you write it down? Of course, yes. So you know, I was just going to say that. You know how sometimes I have dreams and I wake up and I go, this is weird, so I start writing notes? Yes. Like, for instance, one of them you told, just to lead people into what these could potentially be, Joey was eating his own dick like a chicken wing.
- I forgot about that. - Literally like, yeah. And it was so tender. - Yeah, well, it's a dick. - It is. But you would think. - I would think it'd be chewy. - Yeah.
But anyway, so I have notes, but like this isn't the funny part. The funny part is the whole thing. Can I ask you a question before you get into that? Big time. What does gamey mean? Gamey? When people were like, oh, that meat is so gamey. People say it all the time and I'm like, yeah, no fucking clue. I think like it's like, like, uh. What's that? Like strings? Like stringy? I don't think, but that's not meat. I don't know. Meat's not stringy. Then it's not meat. Wait, it could be. No.
Should I look it up? No. Yeah. Yeah. Gay meat. Well, I'm just going to keep using it without knowing what it means. Maybe they mean gay meat. Oh, like, oh, don't eat that deer. It's fucking gay meat. It's gay. It's gay meat. It's gay shit deer. It's gay meat. It's gay meat. Oh, that, what, that, a buck? Don't do it. Don't do it. It's fucking. Eat the dough. Don't be gay. Yeah.
Eating that's a really good question if you think about it most animals that we eat are the female animals Is it gay to eat male animals one? No, two what yeah think about it wait. We only eat females think about the animals we eat They're all the female versions chickens cows. That's all I got Cool, he's basing the whole thing off of two animals okay, so this dream right?
This mind you this is way off the wine. So i'm having weird dreams every night basically You're going through your fucking how's your liver feel by the way a better i'm detoxing. Okay, good Is that why you're sweating this much? No, it's just because it's hot. It does smelling alcohol in here. It doesn't shut up um, but anyway, uh I had so I had a dream greg was actually in it. So I forget who I was with I was with somebody a really good friend. Who could it be? A really good friend. It could be anybody anybody in the world anybody. So you want to be in it?
I'm not going to commit to saying yes yet. Tell me what the story was. Oh, it's not... It has nothing to do with that. Okay, so then, yeah, it was me. Okay. So, me and you, we're, like, walking, and we're going to Greg's parents' house. Okay. And I was trying to, like, warn you of being like, oh, Greg's parents, like, they're one of the copper people. What? Yeah, yeah. Copper? That seems pretty racist, Joe. Especially because copper is brown. Hold on. So, I said...
Okay. So I was like, yeah, you're their parents are the copper people. And you knew what I was talking about. Of course. So in this world, like people knew who the copper people was. Yeah. And it was like a religious thing. Okay. So like, have you ever seen the fucking statues of like Joseph where he has like a protractor and he's got like a lamb with him?
Not a protractor. Whatever that is. Like a right angle thing. Like a right angle. It's got to do it all. It could herd sheep and fucking tell me the angle of an isosceles. Yeah. Cool. It was something like that. So you know how like that color? Mm-hmm. So that's copper. Yeah. I know exactly what you're referencing. It's not really copper. It's more brown. Copper is like a lighter. Bronze. Bronze is the right word. So anyway.
We come up to the house and Greg's dad comes out. And he's not really walking. He's just gliding. You know how the copper people be, babe. And he's dressed like Joseph, the father of God. Oh, no, the father of Jesus. Don't ask me. I'll take anything you say here as being true.
And he's covered head to toe in paint, like copper paint. Well, Joey. And it's shiny. It's the copper guy. Picture, like, you remember in Spaceballs where Mel Brooks was, I forget his name. Yeah, Yogurt. Remember when he was painted like that? Yeah, he was painted sort of. Yes, I remember. It looked like that. Okay. So, uh...
I was like, yeah, he's one of the copper people. Of course he is. And there was like this thing that we all knew that like people don't do this anymore because the pain is dangerous. So is this like meant to be like a cult? Is it like a religious sect? It's just like a super religious thing. It would be like in a...
I'm assuming it would, I mean, it's my dream. I don't know, but I feel like it, I assume it's kind of like if someone had Hasidic parents, you'd be like, oh, they're going to be wearing a certain type of thing. And that's why, because yeah. Hey, this wine fucked you up. It did. And I'm not even at the best part. They talked weird. God, how did they talk?
Please, please, please tell me. Like, do an impression. Give me a sentence to say. Short, though. Not crazy. Short sentence. I need to go pick up some milk. Okay. You know what's weird? Every time I've told this story to someone...
They mention groceries. Well, isn't that weird? Well, the copper people love to buy food. Yeah. So, his dad comes out and they talk like... Yeah, go. Just do it. I'm going to close my eyes. They go like this. They go... What? Are you kidding me? It was like... Have you ever seen Galaxy Quest?
No. That's kind of like how they talk in that. Dude, so everything he would say, it sounded like that. It was like, oh, that sucks. Like a bird? And I was like, dude, what is this dream? Like Greg's dad is one of the copper people. It reminds me of like in SpongeBob where he's like, I can't under stand you. Yeah. But they were just like, oh, hi. I was like, what is this? I hate that so much. But you know what's crazy? The craziest part about that is like,
It felt familiar. Like I had dreamed of the copper people before. Yeah. And I was like, so let me get this straight. Yeah. So you had a dream about a shade of Brown type of people that wear clothes that you don't necessarily wear that talk a funny way and you ridicule them.
No one ridiculed them. You're not doing yourself any favors here. No one ridiculed them. Okay, so how did you feel about the way that Greg's dumbass dad spoke? You said dumbass. In your dream, he's dumb. Why is he dumb? You talk like that, you're an idiot. I guess. No, I don't know. It was just like a known thing. I was like, oh yeah, that's normal. They're copper people. What the fuck is going on? Is that the whole dream? Yeah. That's very... I would almost prefer the dream of you eating your dick.
Yeah. Cause like that, you could at least be like, you know, I could put on my, you know, therapist shirt and just be like, Oh, like he's doing like something where he feels like his masculinity is being consumed by media, you know, or attacked. The fuck does that mean? What in God's name can I pull from this? I don't know. But speaking of masculinity, actually, I saw a video. Oh boy. I'm just going to fucking say it. But like, you know, those dudes who do the, that one podcast. Um,
Are they white? No. Oh. Okay, the arrow's down to three. Yeah, no. I forget the name of it, honestly. But it's like he's one of the main dudes who's like, he's not Andrew Tate, but everyone hates him because of the shit that he says. Jordan Peterson? No, no, no. It's not like, he's white! Yeah, I know. No. But anyway, it's like him and his boy. I forget the, whatever. But anyway, he's on a different show.
He's talking to a woman and and uh, she asked him if he goes down on women. He's like no I don't I don't do that. Oh boy And then and then and then he goes I just thought this was really funny He's like no, I haven't done that since 2014 like he's talking about like the last time you threw up Basically, he's like I haven't done this since december 6 2014 But he uh, he's like i've done this in 2014 and she's like what why and he goes because the female vagina is disgusting What a fucking prude what a loser
Female vaginas Well yeah Compared to the male vaginas Obviously Which are cocks Bro Honestly Are butts Is that our vagina No I think Where our vagina is It's like sewed up You know That's why there's That little line in our gooch You know what I'm talking about And dicks are clits Did you know that Yes I do They're just big ol' fat ol' Some of us a lot Big ol' fat ol' Yeah Bigger ol' and fatter ol' And also clits Bigger than you think
Yeah, we did an episode on Standing Out of Studios, check it out on YouTube, where it was like, it's like four inches. It was like fucking, what? Where is this thing? It's so funny that you actually bring up a video. I actually found a video. So do you remember the video? Religious...
Media is never really like doing itself any favors online You know like they never like produced like you're gonna talk about the Dalai Lama kissing that boy No, we did a couple a while ago, but like I was gonna bring up remember that song It was like in like a 2006 the video came out in like 2011 1213 But it was from like a 2006 recording and it was Jesus Christ is my n-word. Yeah n-word. Yeah, and I
religious people not do themselves any favors with, you know, the music choice that they're doing. I found... Shit was a slap. I found a religious song that I wanted to show you. And I want you to tell me what you think of it. Some religious songs are bangers. Like what? Anything by Creed. And you... I'm talking about in the church. Fuck no! Yeah, dude. What's cool in a church? My grandma used to sing this song and it was fucking heat.
No, they're too preachy. I don't want that. I want to hear like fucking... Like I want some bass. Also, You Deserve It by J.J. Harrison. That's a banger. You Deserve It. I actually... Yeah. What song is that? I don't know. I mean, you wouldn't know it. But like I was in Orlando...
With my family and I was driving and I accidentally put on the gospel channel and this song was on and I was like, hold on Yeah, that shit was hard. Yeah, then I listened to it Like I thought it was like in my spotify wrapped like it was like one of the top I was so hurt when I found out about creed being like gospel rock But then I listened to them again and I was like it's creed like they can do it They're allowed to but all right, listen to this and I want your honest opinion. Okay, the artist So it's a bop but i'm a jerk off You
So it's by Wavy Matt. Wavy Matt. Wavy Matt. That's what he calls himself. Gotta say, Pete's pretty sick. Yeah, I know. It's got a good message. Stop jerking off. Well, he's saying put your hand on the Bible and then stop jerking off. Why is it like... Can you answer something for me? You're a former church guy. I didn't leave the church. It's not like Scientology. You definitely left the church, Joey. Well, I just haven't been back. You had to run away from it. No one did. You got out of there as quick as you could. Nope.
What is the whole idea with like jerking off as a sin? Explain that to me honestly. You're asking me, dude? I'm just one of the guys. You ask God. But he fucking speaks through you. So like tell me what he said. I mean, if I had to guess, like... It's like your come is sacred? Like save it for the fucking... I feel like a lot of religions is like, for the most part, it's only for procreation.
So like that's why premarital sex you're not supposed to have. But what if premarital sex is for procreation? You still are supposed to be married. Why? Because people got married in churches back then and not just like in Hawaii. Yeah, on a beach surrounded by screaming seagulls. Yeah. Yeah, there is no God there. In Hawaii? It looks like there's pretty much God over there. All right, we got more. What did he say? He said, I thought you knew, huh? Jesus Christ can see what you do.
Yeah, they say he's always with you unless you're taking a big shit. I mean, why wouldn't he be there? Sometimes that's where you need him the most. Yeah, it's true. Please, God, just get me through this shit. And he goes, it's like, my son, you got this. Yeah, right. Let me put my finger in your ass, loosen it up a little bit. Okay. That's what they do with babies. Not fingers, like Q-tips and stuff. What? Yeah, some babies that get like constipated, like people have to put like Q-tips in their butt. Call on me. Anyone got any questions here?
Okay, all right, Joe. Have you put a Q-tip in your child's ass? No, I've not had to do it for them. Oh, thank God. But I know of people that have had to do it for their children. That is intense. Could you imagine? I've heard some, like, fucking bad stories of, like... It's tough for me because I don't have a kid, and I assume when I have a kid, it's like, yeah, of course, I would do anything for my child. Yeah, dude, of course. But from an outside perspective, it's like, ooh, you're shoving a Q-tip in there.
That's not the part that is the shooting of diarrhea. Or I've heard of people that have had to like shovel poop out of a butt. Out of a butt? Yeah. How do you do that? Like a turkey? Like it's so badly constipated that like it's like half in, half out. And then you need to like. Have you ever been constipated? Me? Yeah. No. I'm like fucking. I'm like fucking Fountains of Wayne. You don't need to worry about me. Is that a band? I'm like Fountains of Wayne, Stacy's mom. That's what I'm like.
Wait, that's a bad. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, I've never been constipated. Have you? Yeah, and literally that sounds like at that point, that's what I was getting close to doing. Pulling poop out of your own butt? I was trying to figure out a way to stretch my arms long enough that I could actually grab into my ass and shovel out. What do you mean stretch your arms long enough? You just fucking get in boy missionary position and you can just pull poop out, can't you? Boy missionary? Yeah, when boys are on their back and pull their legs up so they can get fucked in the butt. Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, I just, I wanted to get it all out. It was a tough day. Oh, you've only been constipated once? Yeah, that I can remember. Well, I'll tell you, I don't know if you saw this, Joey. There is someone that is very much so not constipated. You heard about that Delta flight? We're going to get to that in a little bit. Do me a favor. Before we talk about someone having a massive amount of excrement on a plane...
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Greece and Portugal. Technically, I've been to France. Okay, well, there you go. Five, Joey. We're going to get that up into the 20s. You're a world traveler here, babe. What's the next trip? What's the next country? I have no idea. Yeah, take some time here. Enjoy here. Live a little here. Maybe Dublin.
Dublin, you got diary. Go to Ireland. Oh, that's Ireland. That's right. That's not, you know. But yeah, so I don't know if you saw. There's the Delta flight. Did see. Atlanta to... What was it? Spain? Barcelona. Barcelona. Barcelona. Barcelona. So Atlanta to Barcelona. Yep. And they had to emergency... Turn around. Turn around. Because someone got explosive diarrhea all through the cabin. So when I originally saw the story...
I thought it was funny. I was like, someone got diarrhea so bad that they had to turn the plane around. Did you see the plane? That's when it got scary. It looked like it was a shining fucking set. If you guys look up the pictures to this thing, it looks like the lady ran down the aisle spreading her ass. Cause it was a lady, by the way, spreading. That makes it worse. Lady poop sucks. It's true. If it was a guy, people would be like, Oh fuck. That would be way worse. No, if it was a way worse for a woman.
You think women shit worse than men? Are you insane? No, but they're women, so their shit sucks more. You know what I'm saying? No, I don't. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I feel like a man...
Like with like a dirty hairy ass No because women They just you know They got more complicated hormones and shit You don't know what's in What's it have to do with shit You never know You don't know is what I'm saying I know Yeah do ya Yeah No you don't But anyway It looked like this woman was running down the fucking plane With her asshole open Shitting all over the floor Because it literally was tracking What now I They have to How many planes Like how many bathrooms are there on planes normally Two or three
There's usually two, but on international flights, there's definitely more. Really? Yeah. Because they're bigger planes? Yeah. Bro, one of the planes, when I went to France, which is right next to fucking Spain, basically...
The plane had six. So there was two on each side. Yeah, but there are more people. More people. The ratio for bathroom for person. There's more people on those international flights, right? There are bigger planes and stuff like that. Sure, but do you know how much of a fucking nightmare this is? I would lose it, dude. Dude, anyone on that flight...
Whether you're the shit-ee, the shit-er, or whatever. Everyone suffered, man. Everyone suffered. They brought the plane back. They turned around. They brought the plane back. They cleaned it for five hours, ripped up the carpet. Get the fuck out of here. And put a new carpet in. How do you not just TNT dynamite the thing? Just get a new plane. Dude, just fucking get... You gotta get rid of that thing. Who wants to go back on the poop plane? That's what I'm saying. Also, and the only reason why I know this is because right before we got here, KFC from
The woman got... So they cleaned the plane and then everyone got back on the plane. She got back on the plane and went to Barcelona. Bro, I'm not going outside for a month. Get the fuck out of here, Joey. Can you imagine the woman next to you is the one who shittled over the plane and then she comes and sits back down? I'd be like... She sits down. Are you guys no shame? She sits down. She's like...
I feel so much better. It's like, I just hope you do, bitch. Oh my God. Do you think they had to have given her a free flight? Like refunded her or charged her for the- I would have charged, refunded. Nah, dude, it's not this woman's fault. She clearly is the fucking, she's a victim here, Joey. Of Diadoodle? Diadoodle, cha-cha-cha, whatever your fucking family calls it. Yeah. This is the biggest nightmare because guess what? No matter where they were, they had to turn back around and they had to sit.
In a cabin of fucking shit. Poop. Everywhere, dude. And you know people got sick. You know. Dude, you know that people got sick. What are you? What was that? What? You know. I was just kidding. Jesus, that pissed me off.
You know, you know. You know people got sick. I would have thrown. No one has that powerful of a stomach to not get fucking just absolutely not like, dude, sitting in a basically like a tin can. Yeah. For let's say they were halfway there. They weren't. They were still over the US. Okay. An hour. Terrible. Also, give this woman the fucking bathroom. What are you doing in there that you can't? If someone knocks on the door and is like, open the fuck up.
Oh, she had pooped on the way, so she was already fucking shit out of luck. Maybe she shit at the front of the thing, and then as the plane's going, it dribbled? Well, we can get forensic frank on the case. We can look at the fucking spatter. The spatter, yeah. We can look at the spatter and see where the satellites are coming from. It's actually splatter. We're both dumb. Yeah, well, it doesn't matter.
Blood spatter. Is it spatter? I think it's... Honestly, I know both words can be used, but they mean different things. We're talking about poop. It doesn't matter. True. Get Forensic Frank on the case, and I'll tell you exactly where she was running. Yeah, that's fucked, man. Oh, my God. I've almost shit myself on planes. Definitely almost pissed myself on multiple planes. Fucking on the way to Puerto Rico. I almost peed so hard on myself.
That's not as bad. Like, peeing yourself... Yeah, but you would have pissed mimosa all over yourself. Oh, no. I would have smelled great. I would have smelled like champagne and orange juice. Yeah, that was... Man, what a... That was quite a flight. But yeah, if I shit my pants on an airplane, I'm not going outside. I'm not going to Barcelona. I'm just going to stay put. And you know what sucks is that, like...
Plain like the first and last name of that person not their first name But like the first and last initial is like available So people can just use like simple like deductive like reasoning and figure out exactly who this person is I mean, why does anyone care that much? You think people aren't gonna care who pooped themselves on a plane like this. This is a major fucking story Joey, by the way I'm just gonna say this if this had been you for instance, you'd never if I was with you, right? Yeah, and you shit
Yourself on a plane so bad that it made the news and it was whatever we had to turn around whatever I would hand you a briefcase of fifty thousand dollars
Oh, really? Yeah, I would. Oh, I thought you were going to say like you'd never talk to me ever again. No, I would be like, thank you so much for this experience. Really? Frankie, that's the funniest thing in the whole world. Joey, no way. You would hate my fucking guts. At the time, but afterwards, I'm like, dude, you're famous. You shit all over. You know how, and you know what I would do with that briefcase? I'd buy a fucking pistol and some ammunition. That would be, for me, that would be fucking embarrassing. That's...
For anybody apparently not this woman though. She was like I'm gonna get back I gotta go to fucking She walks on like a celebrity she's like hey guys I really want to know what she looks like for some reason I'm gonna judge her you all right like I want to judge her by her shit like how bad her shit was of course 100% let's let's Imagine here. Yes her race
Oh, I hope she's white. Yeah, she's gotta be. I mean, the whites are down bad and they need to stay down there, you know what I'm saying? No, but maybe it was like a... It definitely wasn't an Asian woman, I know that. Bro, I don't think any Asian woman has ever pooped in the history of existence. I don't think they ever pooped their pants. I don't think they're allowed. And if they do, it's like a little squirt, a little fart squirt. And they're like... They do that little Asian laugh. Yeah, that's racist, but... Is it? I don't know.
No, it's about, we're talking about cartoons. Yeah. It can't be racist against cartoons. And well, of course, yeah. No Asian woman has ever pooped in their entire life because they would be like disowned by their family. No Russians. Russians don't poop. Poop Russians. You know what I'm saying? Like that makes no negative sense. Maybe it could have been, it could have been. It's gotta be, I mean, if we're thinking it's, it's gotta be white. White. They had like airplane, airport food. Could be, could be Latino though.
Could be. Well, Latina, Joey. Come on. Or Latinx. Latinx. Latinx. Yeah. Maybe Mexican. I don't know. The tacos and burritos. You really going that route, Joey? You said that. I did. I can say it, though. Do you know why? Yeah. All right. As long as we know. Yeah. Imagine it was like your dad. Bro, if I found out that it was my mom, I'd be like, Ma, listen, I love you, but we can't talk for a couple months. I would feel so bad for my mom.
Yeah, your mom doesn't poop, dude. Yeah, like I'd be like, oh my God, she's never going to leave the house again. Yeah, my mom. I can't imagine if it was me. Bro. Can you imagine that? You have to get like new clothes because you imagine that everything is ruined that you're wearing. I would also like, if I knew like I'm going to, now I'm going to shit all over myself, all over this plane. Even if I was wearing shorts, I would like grip all of it.
Or I would like take my shirt off and make a moat. I think the point is it was liquid. She couldn't have contained it. I know, but I'd be like, I just like get it all over me. I wouldn't let it go throughout the plane. This is the fucking... The...
cross you are willing to bear. I also would have broke that motherfucking door. Bro, I don't care if someone's sitting on that toilet. I'm getting into that room and I'm going on that toilet. Either everyone's going to get shit on or just you. I will say there have been instances where I've been in a bathroom waiting to use a stall and they've all been booked. Oh no. And I've been like, oh, worst case scenario, one of these urinals is getting it. Never happened though. Have you ever had to be like, man, I'm really struggling to a stranger? No, no, I never have. Have you?
I don't think so. No, that would be... If you got to voice it at that point in time, then it's like there's trouble a-brewing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's rough. Yikes. There has been times where I'm like, if there's someone in this bathroom, it's going down. Oh, like you're just getting them out of the bathroom? Yeah, like this is a Hail Mary. Like someone better not be in there, otherwise it's going down. And thank God it's worked out. You have to practice breathing, like just chill. And you start praying. Yeah.
You're just like, God, get me through this. So you believe in God only when you have to shit your pants? Or when I'm throwing up. Gotcha. Yeah, when I'm throwing up and I'm like, I'll be a better person. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Who's the patron saint of shitting your pants? That I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question. St. Anthony or St. Francis. We know that. It's got to be like fucking like St. Bart. Yeah, I was thinking Bartholomew as well. Look at us. Because of barf. Bart reminds me of a butt sound. Like a pre-poop fart. Bart. Yeah. Bart. Bart.
How you pooping over there? What was that? I'm saying pre. I'm feeling good. Very hot in here, Joey. I know, I know, I know. We can leave. Frank, thanks so much for showing up today. I appreciate you, man. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, where else would I? By the way, you guys need to go get those hats. Shop.SandagotStudios. There's also a mint green one. There's a mint green one. Shop.SandagotStudios.com. These nice pastel hats. They're beautiful. Nice and summery for the end of the summer. This is going to be on the picture right here on the website. Like, that's like...
It's not, but... Oh, come on. Let me have one. Shop.SandingHouseStudios.com. Frank, where can I find you? FAlvers885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvers on Instagram, and then go check out the Basement Yard on all forms of social media, as well as Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You sign up today. You get these weekly episodes a week in advance. That second tier, you get those exclusive episodes every single Friday. And thank you for getting us to 26,000. We're going to be really, really, really quickly approaching 27,000. We want to thank every single person. We want to thank every single person that's going to be signing up at another point in time. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Joey, back to you.
That's my last bit of energy that I have. Yeah. I'm going to crumble. I feel like you could be one of those horse racer guys. And then here comes... Real quick, if you had a horse, what would you name it? Flint McIntosh. What's that from? I don't know. It's literally the very first thing that came to my mind. What about you? Filthy Betsy. Like that. Yeah. I do. Flint McIntosh.
Flint McIntosh. Yeah. Who's the dude from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? Flint...
Wait a sec. Is that Macintosh? His name is Flint something. Is it Flint Macintosh? Now I got to look this up. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. That first movie, fire. The second one's good too. Not as good. The first one is... Flint Lockwood. Flint Lockwood. Close, close, close, close. Okay. Well, anyway, you guys can follow me at JoeSandigan. I'll go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard. And that is all. See you guys next time. I could have went longer, but I stopped. Thank God.