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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the Bassman Yard. Frank, how's it going, buddy? That's the guitar. I can see that. That's the guitar. That's not how you play it, though, right? Besides piano, any instruments you want to learn? Guitar would be fun. Yeah, but then you'd be one of those typical douchebag white guys who just play Wonderwall and Free Fallin'.
Probably. What would be the difference between you and John Mayer? Not much. Probably a couple bucks, I would say. A couple bucks? He can't be that big. What? He's just John Mayer. The song Daughters? What other songs? Frankie, I went to his concert at MSG. It was sold out. Bro. 19,000 people. Okay. What does that mean? That he did a whole weekend there and sold out all the shows. He's got a couple bucks. I don't like his stupid face when he sings, though.
He sounds like Jennifer Coolidge. Kind of. That would be his mom. She'd be like, hey, John, where's the dog? And he's like, it's with my daughter. I'm taking the dog. Yeah, I kind of want to like, I was going to say in my downtime, learn piano, but I have no downtime right now. Oh, Frank, you have time though.
Fucking do I bitch Joey I can't oh my god. You do I can't wait until you have kids I really don't you can make some time I'm sure I can make time but like right now my fucking I want to bash my head against the wall because my daughter won't sleep I know lots of people have kids and don't sleep. Oh, and they were picking up and learning piano at age 31 Fucking come on. Take some lessons. Bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing. Will you teach me?
I don't, I can't. Joey in his apartment, I went for the first time a couple weeks ago, he has a keyboard, which you spent money on, that facing... I've had that for years. Okay, but you did spend money on it. Yeah. Facing this, like the Manhattan skyline, and it's not plugged in. It's just there. Well, I don't know where the plug is. It's just there. So, can I ask you a question? Why have it? So, here's... Why have it if you don't know where the plug is? Going to explain. Okay.
I have had that for like seven years. And the plug, guess it got lost in the move because I was like, oh, whatever. So I look in the back and I look at what the fucking plug is. So I go, okay. And I ordered one off of Amazon. It doesn't work. I go, so I get a different plug and now I get a bunch of adapters. Oh, you're doing the adapting game. None of them fit.
And then I did it again because I was like, maybe it's me. It is you. And then I bought another one and it didn't work. And I'm like, what the fuck? So here, when was that? Two months ago. Okay. Throw that thing in the fucking trash, Joey. No one's throwing a whole keyboard in the trash, you psycho. You don't have the adapter for it. You don't have the cord for it. I will figure it out. It's sitting there collecting dust. Maybe if you had a single fucking... You have time. You have time. You have time. You have time. I never said I didn't have time. You have time.
Joey, it's time! Joey, Joey, Joey! It's time, time, time! Don't even start. Fucking asshole. Sorry. I'm hungry. Fucking piece of shit. Daddy's a tunders. Yeah, I bet you are. How are you? I'm good. Yeah? Are you hungry? No. I'll tell you who's thirsty, though. Kid Rock. He was seen drinking a Bud Light. What does that mean? What is going on? Kid right. Kid right. Kid no. Kid wrong here. You asked the right people. Kid!
Kid Rock was seen drinking a Bud Light this weekend in Nashville, and it was a tall boy. First of all— Which makes it extra gay. Well, hold on. Extra long, extra girthy. Exactly. Extra Bud Lighty. Does this mean that Kid Rock supports the trans LGBTQ plus community, or is he still gay?
What is the word? Stupid? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, the obvious answer is he never cared about that movement. He did something and shot up a bunch of Bud Light cans just to get attention. That's the obvious answer there. But the question is... How are you going to drink that gay juice, Mr. Rock? Oh, what's going on now, Kid Rock? Are you becoming now Fab Rock? Maybe he's trans. Maybe... What are Kid Rock's pronouns?
We don't know. He's never confirmed. I think it's yee-haw. I think he did say it was yee-haw. If he actually said his pronouns are yee-haw. I'm not sure. But it's not yee-haw because he's from Detroit. He's from Detroit, Michigan. Oh, Detroit. Yeah. I didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, that's Detroit. It's called Detroit. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not French. I know. Frank, I know that. This is really a conundrum here because now what do the...
Pieces of shit in this country that were like live and die by Kid Rock, ba-wit-da-ba. Yeah. What do they do now? I don't know. Now you gotta go back to drinking Bud Light, I guess. Is Bud Light back? I had a fat Bud Light at the Yankee game. I'm always about Bud Light. It's a beer. I only like them... I don't really like them in the Tallboy cans. Well, there's a special amount of douchiness that comes with drinking a Tallboy. Because it's like...
Like you're kind of admitting that you're a little little baby piece of shit. You know what I mean? I guess like what? All right, let's rank the best like vessels for drinking a glass bottle glass bottle is number one easy easy Done it tastes the freshest. It's the most fun It's fun. And then it's those metal bottles. Oh
Oh yeah, I like those. Miller Lite has those. Those are pretty good. Yep, yep, with twist-offs. And they crack when you twist it. They crack hard, yeah, like an old person's knuckles. Oh my god, yeah, like a fucking chiropractor just went to town on its back. Or like someone with osteoporosis or something. Yes, I love that. That's the bone thing, right? Who cares? I would say least favorite is Tallboy Can for me. Yeah, easily. I would take, honestly, number three. You know I don't fuck with koozies.
I don't need this. Well, people that put it in koozies, yeah. I don't like that. I don't drink a beer. It doesn't take me long enough to drink it that it gets warm. Yeah, the shit is going down. The shit is going down real quick, real smooth. Yeah. Can we go back to Kid Rock being possibly... I mean, listen, if you look at Kid Rock, the hair, the eyes, he doesn't not look like a lesbian. He looks like a well... No, he doesn't. He looks like a well-groomed old dog. If you were to ask me what kind of shirts he often wears in his spare time, flannels.
Of course. You know? Maybe he's a lumber sexual. What's that? I think I made that up. I hope you didn't because that sounds pretty cool. I saw him with lumberjacks and being sexually attractive. Well, he doesn't look like a lumberjack. No, but... He has like fucking... His hair is thin like tissue paper. It really is. Lumberjacks are very full and fleshed out. He looks like the doll from Rugrats. What's that? Cynthia. That's the one. That's it, yeah. He looks like that. Maybe that is his drag name.
Cynthia. Maybe. Hear me out. I was going to say kid. I believe. Kid cock, I thought. It's an easy transition. That's a really good one. Kid rock to kid cock. Or skid rock. Like a butt poop stuff. Yeah, why would that? I don't know. Skid rock? Slit rock. What's that one? Sli-mo? No, like you know how that's a term that people use for vagina.
These are all questions we don't know. We need to speak with Mr. or Mrs. or the rock. Well, not the rock. Well, not the rock is a completely different thing. Completely different. I don't know if I've ever seen the rock drinking a Bud Light. They rock, yeah.
They rock, yeah. We don't know. Kid, and when is he going to become a man, you know? Yeah, why are people still like, he's got to be in his 50s, right? You're not a kid. And he does rock. He rocks. He plays rock. Does he, though? It's like a rock-rap fusion. It is kind of a hybrid. Listen to Bob with the Ball. It's like...
Denim in Denison, K-B-Bang! I do- yo, one of the most electric intros to a song ever, I will say that. Which one? Where it's just like, "My name is!" It's like, "Buh, buh, buh." Yeah. Honestly, listen, say what you want about his political alignments. The ball with the ball intro? Crazy. And summer- what was it? Summer of 69- Oh, all summer long? All summer long, that's it. I said summer of sweat.
Summer of 69? That's Bryan Adams. What's wrong with you? Summer of 69? That's a good song. It is. I got my first real six string. Played it till my fingers bled. Was the summer of 69. Fuck yeah. That's a really good song. That song makes me want to just like be a kid again, you know? Not that we were ever alive during 1969. By the way, in that song he says, Jimmy quit. Did he say Joey? Jody.
Joey didn't get married. No, he didn't. I was just a child. In 69? You weren't a child. No, when I heard this song for the first time. You were a fucking, you were a masturbation. But do you know that was the first song that I ever knew all the words to? Did I tell you? So let me tell you the reason why. Okay, go ahead. You're a little overexcited. Make this happen. Come on.
You're a little too excited. By the way, welcome back to Mace Media. Bing. I don't know why I said that. In like a box of cereal, there was a CD that came in it. They used to do that cereals. They used to be like, oh, here, take a spoon and a cereal. Yeah, it was weird. But there was a CD on it. There was two songs on it. It was Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams. That's a good one. And Make It Something Stupid by The Remedy by Jason Mraz. Message in a Bottle. Good song. It is a good song. It was just those two songs. Just love.
Yeah, Sting? The police. Isn't that Sting? He was the police. Sting was the police. He was Sting, yeah. But the police were not Sting. No, I know. He stung eventually. Eventually. But I listened to that song mad times because of that. That's a really good song, though, Joey. You know what else is funny about that? None of that was funny. Oh, it's just an interesting fact about my life. Barely interesting. Well, it just passes. It was just something for someone to know. Hold on. I got a part that's funny.
So the other thing that I got one time, I think it was either, no, because I used to play it in this, this stereo. And in order to, I remember I would switch out this CD and it was, uh, Bill Cosby's, uh, standup special. And that one I used to listen to a lot. Now that's funny. Yeah.
That's the funny part, Joey. I'm glad. Bill Cosby himself. That was the one. Yeah. Well, you know. I don't know. Yeah. I'm not going to. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Keep away from it. Leave it alone. Give it a drink. Walk away. Okay. Well, that's all we're going to say. Come back in an hour. Yeah. That's a little tough. But shout out to Kid Rock, man. We appreciate all the support. Well, I am. I am.
I am just kinda interested in why Kid Rock's not supporting us. Yeah, I was, yeah. I am, I'm like, will this be the comeback for Bud Light now? Maybe he's pro-gay. Maybe they. Don't assume Kid Rock's gender, okay? He's probably so pissed now. Are there gay people in Detroit?
Yeah, Frank, I think they're all over. I think there are, right? Yeah, even in the animal kingdom. There's probably gay mosquitoes when you think about it. Oh, I get sucked off my skitties all the time. Bro, I should show you. I got double sucked.
I got fucking I felt bad I killed I killed one as it was mid suck what a way to go right first of all I I killed the fuck out of one like fucking end of Sopranos cut to black this thing is just fucking sucking away at me and then it's gone yeah and honestly there was one that like I gave it a second but he was there for way too long I do I do that sometimes too he was so mid suck that when I hit him there was a streak of
Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, yo, you really didn't see that coming. No, 100% not. But, you know, let him go out, like, think about it. If you were to die drinking a mimosa, just cut to black, that's a pretty nice little last memory, right?
Yeah, I would say. I'm just going to be afraid to drink them. You'll be okay, Joey. I mean, if you drink them in the quantity and quality that you normally do, you might be dead in a couple years from something else. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news there. Yeah. But this is a really big story for Bud Light because if Bud Light's going to make a comeback, what else can Kid Rock do? Does Kid Rock have the power to cancel? Who's he canceling? Well, if he brings back Bud Light, can he bring back Kevin Spacey?
Did he bring back Bud Light? I mean, he's trying. He forgave Bud Light. Clearly. Bro, you don't put fucking...
A minute into Bud Light Yeah And not have it falling out Yeah You know Also you're in Nashville I'm sure there's tons of beer there Dude what? Not just Bud Light 100% If any place would have cancelled Bud Light It would have been Nashville If I'm one of those people One of those hard working Americans Who are completely sane And went to the store And bought all their Bud Light Just to pour it out I'd be upset at Mr. Rock I'd be like hey sir I just spent all this money Supporting you
And I'm so smart and perfectly sane. And so I went to the store. Perfectly. There's nothing about you that's even slightly off. Yeah. Not even one bit. If Kid Rock says that Bud Light is gay, obviously I'm going to go to the store, I'm going to buy all the Bud Light, and then I'm going to pour it out. Yes. That's the most sensible thing to do. To show that you don't support them. Go buy them and throw them out. What else am I supposed to do? Kid Rock said it. That it's gay. It's gay. It's got to be gay. 100%. But then he's drinking the gay juice.
No, I don't know what to think. This is a lot. This is a lot. There are people, I would say, around the Bible Belt part of the United States that are really, really uncomfortable and not knowing what to do right now. I can't believe he did this. I mean, think about it. Their world has been turned upside down. Bottom up. Ba with the ba. Ba with the ba. He's a cowboy, baby. He is a cowboy, baby. Yeah. That's a good song, too, though. Is it? Cowboy? Yeah, it is. I honestly don't even remember. Ba with the ba is fine.
Yeah, that's like one of his early hits like 99 when he was like 40. How old is Kid Rock? Give me an accurate age. I would say he's probably 58. I'm going to be wrong. 58? I'm going to say 54. So we might be Kid Rock birthday. You could just put age. You want to know his birthday? You're right. It normally comes up. Ah, I was right. 52. What's his astrology sign?
Well, now I'll figure it out. No, no, just type it in. Well, I don't know when they are. Like, what's the cutoff? Hey, man, type in his astrology sign. It'll just fucking pop up. Kid Rock astrology. What is he? He is a... It's giving me all this sun sign, all this shit. No, you're the main one, the main meeting. It's not telling me. It's saying sun sign. Hold on, hold on. It literally is not giving me a straight answer. All these fucking freaks. Is he a Capricorn?
Making him a Capricorn. Yes. January 17th, 1971 is his birthday. January 17th, uh, Zodiac. I just said Capricorn. Yeah, he's a Capricorn. Just said it. Typical Capricorn behavior. Oh my God. Such a Capricorn. Going back on what they say. Let's just say. Going back on what they say. Very Capricorny. I'm going to say, I'm going to go Capricorn qualities and we'll see if these kind of like line up to what. Given what we know, which is a lot about Kid Rock. What are the qualities? Give me. Uh,
Okay, this is now I'm being cosmopolitan. You're really not doing a good job. Come on. You have one job cosmopolitan Cosmopolitan have a cool hotel in Vegas and have stuff about you know astrology Those born under this sign are logical. Oh, no people no kid rock to be logical a very logical move to buy a bunch of Bud Light and then shoot it it gay beer shoot gay beer. Yeah competitive
Well, of course. Of course. You know, it's a dog-eat-dog world for the dog. And obedient because he does listen to the government. A lot of things about dogs here. He's not anti-establishment. He's not. He pretty much gives in. But they may be stern.
Well, listen to his music. He tells you his name is Kid. Yes. And he could be gloomy at times. Which is fair. We all get a little gloomy. Everyone gets the blues every now and then. Everyone gets the blues, yeah. All summer long, it's a kind of sad song. Capricorns are one of the Zodiac's most serious and hard-working signs. Well, who works harder than Detroit Cowboy, Kid Rock? When it...
He's going to kill us, dude. We're so dead. We're fucking murdered. I can't go to Nashville ever again. I love Nashville. Yeah, wait. Guess what? You'll never be able to go on a luxurious vacation in Detroit. No, I think he's a Nashville guy now. But anyway, yeah, I don't know. Once you've been in Nashville, Vegas once, you've been to Nashville, Vegas enough. Anyway, Kid Rock is trans. Tell your friends. Well, I mean, you can't say stuff like that because you can get in trouble for that. We're questioning, is he now? Like, is he...
Allegedly. Allegedly. Well, that's what I'm going to assume. That's what he assumed, right? Like, if you're going to drink that beer, you're, like, gay. Well, I think— So, like— So, is Kid Rock— Where does it stop for Kid Rock? I don't know. Where does it stop? Also, how many did he have that night? We don't know, dude. We just don't know. I mean, if he had one, crazy. If he had more than one— If he had a couple, yeah, that's like— If he had a couple tall boys of Bud Light— Yeah. Do you think, like, it was handed to him and he, like, did, like, a— Yeah. Yeah.
And he grabbed it? Or was it like a, all right, I guess I'm doing it. He doesn't sound like that. He doesn't at all. Nope. And he doesn't like literally sound like that even in the slightest. No. I'll be honest with you. All jokes aside, I think it is kind of shocking that he did drink that. Legitimately. Like if you're going to drink it at this point, I'd be like, all right, I'm just going to drink this at my house because I can't. I'm not, bro. It was a legit movement that like people stopped drinking Bud Light. Yeah. Like how could you go back on that? That's so weird.
I'm sure he's either going to say fake news or he's going to say like it was the only one they had and I dumped it out and I put a vodka soda in it. Yeah. But is that through my cigarette in it? Yeah. Is that just I drank a cigarette smoothie. It's whiskey, Marlboro Reds and a fucking tinge of hot sauce. I wonder if he tweeted anything. This is a really good. First of all, it's not it's not called tweeting anymore, Joey. It's called X-ing. Is that what it's called? Has he has he X'd?
I wonder if he's responded. All right, look it up. What has Kid Rock said? Any statements from Kid Rock? No, it just says Kid Rock spotted drinking a Bud Light after leading the Anheuser-Busch LGBTQ pride boycott. Like I said, it's not that he did all that for attention and didn't really care about it and only did that because he doesn't care about any of us or movements or anything. He wanted simply the attention. It's not that. It's something more logical.
There's a bigger conspiracy at play here, Joey. Do you think this has anything to do with the deep state? Kid Rock? Do you think that was planted in his hand? Here's what I think. I don't think that's Kid Rock. It can't be, dude. I think that's Hillary Clinton. Dude, it's one of those lizard people that Hillary Clinton, that Q, is always talking about. Shapeshifting. God. Pieces of garbage shit. It's gotta be. That's the only logical thing here is that Kid Rock was...
Mind controlled by Hillary Clinton and her lizard people to force him to pick up and take a picture at Nashville country place drinking a Bud Light. That's what happened. That's the only logical answer here. And it's sad, dude. And somehow Jeffrey Epstein is involved. Yeah, I don't know how. I agree. But yeah, there you go. So fucked up. All we have left is Hunter Biden.
Bro, I saw DeStefano did like a riff on Hunter Biden. Did he? Yeah. I think he was just doing some crowd work and he was like, jokes aside, this guy's fucking awesome. 180 down the highway smoking that crack. Dude, insane. Just a wild thing to be doing. Just an absolute like, just where are you going that fast? Oh my God, dude. I just remembered this. Fucking, I have to look up the story, but did you see the story about the girl who was catfished?
And gave fucking... Oh, whatever that guy's name is. Dacre Montgomery from Stranger Things? That's a dumb name. And also... He's a hot guy, though. Good-looking guy. Also, he played the Red Power Ranger in the 2016 reboot. Maybe 17. Did he? Yeah. Okay. Where's the story? Okay. Heartbroken Stranger Things fan loses $10,000 because she got scammed by a catfish. This woman...
Thought she was dating the dude from stranger things Billy Billy for those you guys that don't know who were referencing $10,000 in like gift cards, which is like come on scammers Give me a break here the red alarm what he said was that his girlfriend or what? I don't know if he's married or something. I don't know either He is Australian though do an accent. No pretty good. Sorry um
But they said that his wife or whoever the fuck has control over his money, so he couldn't get his money. So the store was like, I'll give you the money. Of course. Well, I mean, if anyone's going to, if he's going to reach out to anyone, it's this random super fan. Where did they meet, by the way? Instagram. Wrong. It was like on an art forum. Well, guys, guys, why are we playing coy here? Where are celebrities going to ask for help? In the comment section on an art website. That's what I believe that it was. Guys.
Why? It's really sad. It makes me sad. Listen, I will say this. This girl is clearly a victim and I'm sure she's being talked about. But, but, what are you, like, a little bit of logic implemented here would have fixed it. He, like, wrote on this thing on the forum. He said, I'm actually a celebrity that you might have heard of. Okay, who? Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt.
And then he said, I'm trying to ask you out. I want you to be my girlfriend with a heart. This is... Oh, no. What? Bro, she had a husband. Yeah, she left her husband for him. Oh, my God. That's so sad. It's sad...
But... But? But? Fuck, dude. Holy shit. Dude. That's so sad, though. I don't mean to sound insensitive here. It's sad. First. First. First. All right. You're in a car. What's the first stop you're going to? Sad. Second stop. Hilarious. It's fucked up, dude. But come on. That's so fucked.
I just, she said after you have online communications with the scam. Oh my God, this is a year, a year bro. That all the scammer did this. Oh, this is horrible. What the scammer like gave her an ultimatum. Like you need to make a decision between your husband or me. And Michaela told the scammer that there's no competition. You treat, treat me better. So I told my ex. Okay. There were some things there clearly big time. Yeah. So I told my ex-husband, it's not working out. You're not letting me be me. You're not letting me be free. I think. So I think you need to leave. Wait, why does that rhyme?
You got guys. You're those of you guys that don't know. You can't break up with a poem with a poem guys. You can't, you can't let me be me. You can't let me be free. I need you to see that you're not the one for me. That doesn't work. Yeah. I made you break up a joke. Yeah. Like you can't, you can't, you're not letting me be me. You're not letting me be free. So I think you need to leave within two months. He was gone and she had Dacre.
That's his name. One of the reasons that made her genuinely believe that she was speaking to Montgomery was he knew details about the new episode of Stranger Things that would turn out to be true. The show has been out. The day season four came out, the day before, he texted me and he said, hey, you need to watch episode four. And when it came out the next day, he showed up in that episode. And I was like, well, who else would know that?
If you look at the cast listing on the episodes on IMDb, not hard. But before it came out, you could do that? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, that's kind of... Because they... Oh, man. Listen. Michaela also shared another instance that he convinced her after she bought a copy of his book, DKMH Poems by Daycare Montgomery, the scammer would send her additional...
Poems that she believes match Montgomery's writing style. Wait a sec. Hold on. So she did break up with her husband with poems because he was big poem. Oh, maybe. She used a poem...
This is so fucked up. I feel bad now. If I was him, I mean, no. Me being myself? If someone catfished your likeness, I'd be like, damn. I would be very upset if I was... Like, if I'm him, I'd be, like, super, like, heartbroken about this. Well, it's sad. It is sad. I mean, someone was taken advantage of. But at the same time, like... Have a little... Also says, I might need a little help with money. My queen, Liv, I guess, is a girlfriend, has control of all the accounts and I don't have access. Why the fuck would your girlfriend have... You're the...
It's you. You're the person. I mean, I can't speak for... There's some weird situations out there, but stuff like that. But like this... $10,000. Bro, that's a lot of money. Bro, it fucking... No, oh no. I have to say in general, I'm busy right now. I was making lasagna. That was one of them that they put in here. I don't know why. Like if you applied the smallest bit of logic, if anyone asked me for money...
Through a gift card, bro. When I worked at Target, that was a legit scam. We would have bro It was really sad We would have old people come in and they would be trying to buy like ten gift cards for like $5,000 and and I would get called over and I would say okay what's going on and they're like I can't talk to you and I'm like just tell me like what these are for and they're like, oh well someone called me that my grandson was in an accident and
And if I didn't give him the money, they were going to let him die on the side of the road. And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, bro. What kind of evil pieces of shit? But then I also said, I was like, did you call your grandson? She's like, no, he's on the side of the road. I was like, I'm going to bet he ain't. I think he's not. Yeah, no, he ain't. But this is when he said the lasagna thing. The team found that the picture he sent of the lasagna was from Martha Stewart cookbook. Oh, yeah, 100%. I mean, dude.
The scammer also sent a check to Michaela that the team found a fake signature commonly used by online scammers.
What? How much time do people have on their hands to do this? I feel so bad, though. I'm going to be honest with you. This is like... This is... I feel bad, too. It is heartbroken, but... Heartbroken. Heartbreaking. Yeah. But I am laughing a little. A little bit because, listen, two things could be true at the same time. You could feel bad for this woman who's clearly going through it and went through it for the last year, left her husband. Clearly, there was some stuff there, but it didn't take much for her to leave him.
But at the same time, it's also fucking hysterical. Yeah, I'm sorry. I hope she's not watching. You feel bad now? I do. Let me laugh. Let me laugh. Listen, Joey will give you your money back and then some. He probably won't. Someone posing as Joey will message you soon on a web forum. Go to Quora. I'll meet you there. Go to Quora, cat. Someone used your likeness for catfishing once, right?
Yeah, big time. No one has fucking done that for me. Not... God, uh-oh. You haven't really been, like, on the internet that long, though. Yeah, I guess someone's gonna do it now. I hope not. If anyone says it's me, I promise you it's not. I promise you it's fucking absolutely not. Unless there's an account hitting you up for Megazords, it ain't Frank. No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. If someone's like, yo, Megazord! Now they're gonna catfish it just being like, hey, it's me, Frank. Megazords? Yeah.
How you feeling about that? Do you have any Megazords? Let me see your Megazords. Yeah. You know, then that's how you're giving people the fucking, the, the, the stuff here, Joey, you're giving people the, the, the tools they need to catfish. You'll be fine. Uh, we do have some sponsors for today. The first one we have better help, better help. Uh, you know, this, this episode is sponsored by better help. Better help is online counseling, um, and therapy, I should say. Uh, it is great. Um,
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So on and so forth. Frankie has it in his house. You open up one of the doors, it beeps. You open up a window or something, it'll beep so that you know you're keeping your stuff safe. And it's also very affordable. Also, you can install it very easily. You can do it yourself in about 30 minutes. Or you can have a Sibley Safe Expert set up for you. Either way, easy to protect your home.
But yeah, they have a new smart alarm indoor camera. It's the only indoor security camera that can trigger the alarm and instantly deter intruders with a built-in siren. Huge. But yeah, so for a limited time, get 20% off your new system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. Visit simplisafe.com slash basement. That is simplisafe.com slash basement. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. Spelled S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E. Okay, folks? There you go.
Hi, I'm gonna talk to you guys about something you want to come in come in closer a little close Okay, a little close right here right here patreon baby patreon.com/basepineyard folks every single week every single week every single week I tell you at least once maybe twice who knows maybe even three times if I'm feeling dirty naughty and spicy You can get more of us, baby. That's right.
These boys right here abandoned as pups. We were found by Muriel. And then that Patreon account, it lived in the middle of nowhere with its husband, Eustace. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing. So you can go find more of us at patreon.com slash the basement yard where you sign up for that first tier. These weekly episodes one week in advance, one week before everybody, baby. And that second tier, the kissy tears, like I call it.
You get exclusive episodes every Friday morning. So you could start and end your week with the basement yard. And those are pretty insane, those episodes. They're all over the place. They're a little nuts. They're a little kooky, a little crazy, a little raunchy, a little raw. And they're really good for you. So go check it out. We really, really, really appreciate getting to 25,000. We're working on getting some footage from when Joe and I were about 13, 14, 15 digitized for you guys, which will be on there for our tier two patrons. And, you know,
Thank you again. We want to keep moving in the right direction number seven for patreon podcast, baby We want to be number one. I don't give a fuck What's gonna take to get there? Joey said he's gonna do a bunch of stuff He's gonna get a tattoo of me on his back. He said it you can't say anything now patient.com slash the basement yard Why not? Would you get a basement yard tattoo? Probably not. I have no tattoos though. You have two tattoos three. Yeah, are you getting more?
I keep saying this every single time I go away. I'm like, I'm gonna get a tattoo. Oh, like when you're in a place? Yeah. Like in like Greece? You'd be like, oh, give me a Greek tattoo? No, not a Greek tattoo. Just get a tattoo. Saying what? I don't know. Just, I don't know. Saying, I don't know. If I come up with an idea, like I'll do it. That's dumb. Yeah. Whatever. No, not whatever. Figure it out. Oh my God. Are you going to get like, are you going to be like sleeved out? Are you going to be like all tattooed up and down? No. No.
I probably will never get another tattoo on this arm. But I would get more here. Why? Why? Yeah. Oh, is it like, this is my holy arm? No, I just like the way that my arm looks with just this on it. Because of this. Don't. The rizzing. Don't start this again. Because you did rizz. Nope, that's not. I am going to say you did get that where you do the rizz thing. What, this? Yeah. I guess. Yeah, well, no tattoos for daddy over here. I was at a, when I was at my aunt's house yesterday, one of my uncles was like,
He was looking at me and I was like, and he goes, 2004. Got it. And I was just like, correct? Nailed it. I wasn't testing anyone. Nailed it, yeah. I was like, yes. And he goes, know it.
Congrats dude. I was like, this is my family. That's the family you come from. Congratulations my guy. You got it. You came from the same blood. Yeah. Hope you feel good. Anyway, I have this story pulled up. I'm going to give you a guess though. Just a quick guess. All right. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Woman takes Mountain Dew shower in attempt to scrub dead roommate's DNA. Frankie, where's this woman from? I got two places on the top of my head here. Say only one. Okay. Florida. Bingo, bingo, bingo. Whoa, really? Guess the other place I was going to say.
I don't know. Philly. Oh. Yeah. Well, that makes sense, too. Yeah, well. But no, it was a Florida woman. She takes a Mountain Dew shower in an attempt to scrub dead roommate's DNA. Well, I will say this. I'm not going to blast her here. I don't want to blast all over her yet. Yeah, don't blast her with your fingers. Joey. What? But did she kill her roommate? Oh, the roommate who was 79 years old.
Listen, Ren's tough nowadays, my guy. Yeah, what the fuck? You know. He was found bludgeoned and stabbed to death on their floor. Real happy, happy story here. Bludgeoned. Bludgeoned with a bludger. With a bludger. With a bludger. Yeah. And stabbed.
That's just regular stab. Stab, yeah. Yeah. Who stabbed? But taking a Mountain Dew shower. I think that stuff is radioactive too, so I don't see why this wouldn't work. Well, she would come out like fucking glowing, like, you know, the Toxic Avenger. Yeah. I know we're going to joke around here because this is a podcast, Joey. Do you know what our podcast is about? Mm-hmm. Sometimes jokes. Yeah. Sometimes fun. You're right. Sometimes you put those two things together. You have jokey fun. Yep.
This is not bad logic because you ever have like a tickle in your throat and you drink Mountain Dew or not Mountain Dew like a seltzer or a ginger ale and you're like, oh the bubbles will wash it away. That's kind of like the... No? Not at all. I have a tickle in my throat and I drink a... In my head, the acidity of that drink is like cleansing my palate. You mean the carbonation? Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Dumb? No, like, yeah, probably. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. But I get where you're going, and that's kind of why I think this isn't the worst idea in the world. What is Mountain Dew? It's just not anything. Like, is it, like, what flavor is it? I don't know. Is it, like, a flavor? You know how, like, Sprite is lemon-lime. Dr. Pepper is, like, cinnamon-cola. Orange soda is obviously...
Flavored orange. What is Mountain Dew? It was a desperation move. It wasn't like her first choice to do that. Oh, what was her first choice? I don't know. So it says that she was nowhere to be found. Police caught up to her at a restaurant.
And then she dropped a hammer and a knife, which she was carrying. Well, probably don't carry those things. Those things might have given you away. Not the blood. Yeah. You could, you could probably get away with saying, Hey, why? You know, my roommate's DNA on me because you live together. The hammer and the knife might've given it away. That one is toughy. Um, when police started questioning her, it was at that point she requested an attorney and the police have informed her that they would be taking a DNA sample and a desperation move.
She then asked for a drink. As officers were escorting her to a squad's car, they handed her a can of Diet Mountain Dew. Oh, it was Diet, dude. That's why it didn't work. That's why. If it was regular, it would have worked. If it was full-strength Mountain Dew. A drink which she began pouring all over her body in order to wash away evidence. Did she say that? Wash away is in, like, quotes. Let's start here. The stunt was unsuccessful. Blood on her clothes ended up matching blood from another knife found at the back of the house.
Let's start here. Can't wash out blood, Mountain Dew. Definitely not diet, Mountain Dew. I mean, if you're going to wash out blood, it's got to be with a better, more, you know, cleaning like soda. You ever see people clean with like Coca-Cola? They'll do like car batteries and stuff with Coca-Cola. Oh, yes, yes. That's real. That's disgusting. That's real shit. It works. Why? I don't know. Carbonation, the acidity, the sugar, I guess. I'm not. I honestly, watch this. Don't know. Okay. I kind of suppose.
I don't hate this logic. Am I stupid? I mean, I get trying to like wash it away. Like, oh, get rid of a fingerprint or something. But you have blood on you. On your knife. I don't know if they... Why are you carrying around a bloody knife? I don't think they're able to pull fingerprints off of skin, Joey.
I don't think you can pull a fingerprint off of skin. Really? It's very porous, your skin. I don't know skin. Well, learn about skin, Joey. I did take a whole semester's worth of courses on fingerprints. And it's harder to pull fingerprints off of super porous things because it absorbs the oils that are, you know, left behind by your fingerprints. So like when you look at like a glass or a doorknob, metal, you know, or wood, even wood is tough because it's pretty porous.
But you are able to pull fingerprints off those things easier. Could you pull it off of skin? I guess it's entirely possible. I know that there have been instances where people have been able to get fingerprints, you know, fairly good latent prints off of cloth. Are you going to respond at all? Are you going to talk? Come on, talk with me. I'm so bored, dude. What kind of, you got cool fingerprints? I got double. I don't know. I got double loop whirls, baby. What does that mean? Wait, there's names? Of course there are. Arches, whirls.
I don't know. Can you diagnose me? I can diagnose you. I need to see it. I can't see from here. I'll tell you after. You would need like a Monopoly guy. No, I can just look with my eyes. My eyes work. Do yours? Yeah. Okay. I thought it would be easier if you had a magnifying glass. And then there's different types of loops. There's an ulnar loop, a radial loop. Radio? Radial. Radial. Depending on which way the loop opens. No, I don't. It's funny. I say so much dumb stuff on this show that people forget that I'm educated. Right. Yeah.
I have the... I would like to know my loops. Well, I have double loop whorls on my thumbs, which are pretty unique. Cool. I can't see yours right now. Yeah, I don't know. But... What does that look like, though? It looks like an S. Oh, you're like this? I got S's on my thumbs. Mine don't look like S. Oh, wait. And then I got some loops. I got all loops. You do the loopy loop. And I got a couple... I got one whorl. Two whorls.
Mine looks like the center of a tree. So that sounds like a whirl. Cool. This one looks like it's a little wishy-washy. Ew, my thumb is disgusting. Yeah, your thumb looks like shit. Why am I grossed out by it? Because you have gross thumbs. I like looking at this part of my thumb, but looking at it like this without the nail, it's like, ew, this thing is gross. Yeah, that sucks. It sucks a lot. I don't like it. Look at it. Look at your thumb. Yeah, it looks great. Really? Good looking thumbs. This one's not bad. This one's horrible.
Ew, it looks like raw meat. Ew.
You chew your thumbs or something? What's wrong with you? No, it's just like, it looks like not a finger. So, where did she mess up here? Using, well, the murder. The murder was probably the big mess up. The big oopsie was the murder. I think that. Killing an 80-year-old man. 79, Joey. Well, whatever. We're not going to round up. He wasn't 80 yet. But, guy's on his way out. He didn't make it to 80. Yeah, all he had to do was wait it out a couple years, you know? I mean, why did she kill him, though? Is there any info on that? He's probably just old and boring, you know?
I mean, it's Florida. He probably wasn't cool. Who knows what's in the water down there? He probably just wasn't cool. She was a DeSantis fan. He was not. Something like that going on. Who knows? There's a lot that we don't know. Next question. If you were to clean your body with a soda, what do you think would do the trick? Oh, the Mountain Dew Code Red. That would make it look... Oh, blend in with the blood. Can't find blood if it's all blood.
That's true. Can't. If you put too much blood, it just becomes one blood. It's all blood. Yeah, but like a... What's the word? Like a androgynous blood? Androgynous? Is that it? I don't know what you're trying to say, so I can't comment. I meant like you can't... You don't know the blood...
That would be one. Androgynous. What does androgynous mean? Androgynous is like questionable sexuality. It's an androgynous blood, technically. People don't know if someone's gay by their blood. People refer to fucking David Bowie as androgynous. The way he looks. Looked. He's gone. He's dead, yeah. Yeah. How do you spell androgynous? A-N-D-R. Partly male and partly female in appearance. So not blood. Not blood. What?
You got cool blood? That blood looks female. I see the tits on that blood over there. That blood's got some big fucking tits. Whoa, whoa, look at those fucking low-hanging bloods. It's balls. Oh. I was like, what?
So you're using what soda? Code Red? Code Red, Mountain Dew, Code Red. That's a good one. I do think I'm going to stick with a good old classic, like an extra spicy, like a McDonald's Coca-Cola. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Because that's got like a little more bubbles and carbonation and it'll pick up whatever the germ is and carry it away. Maybe like a root beer though. I think getting in a bath of soda would feel nice. I did that.
But not soda. So I went to a spa in North Jersey called Sojo. You need to fucking go. Oh, you told me. Dude, it is awesome. It was carbonated water? Awesome. They have one floor that's all like, what are they called? Not bubbles. Escorts. What? What? What are you talking about? I was asking. Not escorts. Oh. Jacuzzis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And it's like one was like an ancient Japanese wood one, and one was filled with carbonated water. Oh, that's fire. Dude, if- Bubbles all over your shit is fucking sick. We sat in there for like 10 minutes, and our arms were like- Bubbly. Bubbled out. I love that. It was pretty cool. Apparently, it's really good. And then you go like this, and it knocks all the bubbles off. Yeah, yeah, and they float up to the top, and then you just have a streak of no bubbles. Yeah. And then they grow again. Yep. Yeah. You should go. It's really, really, really great. The carbonation tub would be worth it. Bro.
But then they have a floor of saunas and it's like a red clay sauna a fucking charcoal sauna a cold room Where it's zero degrees zero degrees and they have an infinite they have multiple infinity pools with jets. I don't think it's zero degrees Watch this it's zero degrees. Do they give you something to wear? No, you go in naked Yeah into zero degree people could die You're not supposed to stand in there for that long. You just go in there and it's like
That's very cold, Frank. It is. Was. Probably will be if I do it again. Yeah. Oh, you went into the thing? Yeah, of course I went. Did you dump out? You dumped it out? No, I was clothed. No dumping out. I was fully dumped in. You were dumped in. I was dumped in. You were tucked in. Yeah. Well, nope. Didn't tuck. No, I meant like tucked into your pants. I was in a robe. Yeah. Naked underneath. Like that. No, not naked. Bathing suit underneath. You're not allowed to wear shoes in this place. They have a... Can you naked? If you...
In certain spots, they had giant steam room. Big. Real big. Big. I would recommend it. Hey, anyone that works at Sojo, want to give the boys a free pass? Oh, give me that carbonated tub. Yeah, it was really cool. But yeah, what else we got? I don't know. We got more ads, actually. You know, guys, listen. You want to look good this summer in a nice pair of shorts? Bird dogs. Okay? They make you look good. And I have a little bit of a thick thigh up here.
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Get yourself some HelloFresh. Enjoy. You're good at that. Do you? You're very brown today. What? Not you. Jesus. Not you. The clothes that you've decided to wear. First of all, I said you're very good at that, and then you said, do you? And then you said I'm very brown today. You are. You're brown. I'm a little, yeah, I mean, this was for one of our Patreon episodes. I wore this shirt specifically. Fun fact, I told Joey to wear a specific shirt, and he didn't.
We don't have proof. No, we do. I can show them your phone number and your email, your address. I'll send it all out. I don't give a fart. You don't give a fart? One big fart. When was the last time you farted? I mean, I fart every day, Joey, multiple times a day. I just don't fucking scream it from the rooftops like you do. Do you fart, though? Like, you push it? No, like, farts just happen. You, like, let it come out? Yeah. You're pushing things out your ass? Farts. Farts.
That's how you fart. Start with farts, then what? Yeah, because you like to fucking show it off. For who? For who you showing your farts off to. No one's showing off. I'm just having fun. You're having fun with farts, Joey? What's fun about farts? The sound. Is it?
Okay. It's funny to me. Yeah, and then it stinks in here. No, I don't have stinky... Joey, don't do that. I have some beers. That's not good. I've smelled your farts, and I've said to you, I was like, you smell like fucking dirt. I have farted, and it smelled like a doctor's office before, like a rubber glove. I remember there was one time you farted, and it smelled like hot fish.
I don't know if that's true. It definitely did. It smelled like the hot bay. That's like hot bay. You know? That's like how my dog's breath smells. Well, I mean, why does your dog's breath smell exactly the way your ass does? What are you and Charlie doing? Don't you dare insinuate that. Have you ever heard of or known someone that actually did that whole peanut butter on their dick thing? What do you think?
I'm not saying have you done it, Joey. I know, but you're saying, do you think I know someone who has put peanut butter on their head and let a dog... No. Sure? Yes. But I did see it...
I did see a video once. It was a woman. She was letting a dog. So I years and years and years ago, just not in agreement. Yes. I years and years and years ago worked with someone who told us a story that when they were in their teenage years, a girl like they were all partying and a girl was like, I'll get this dog to fucking eat me out. Oh my God. And like she had
You know, pate'd her fucking pouté with peanut butter. Probably talk like a person. Probably, yeah. She had smeared peanut butter around her pelvis, Joey. Is that what you want me to say? Yeah. Clear as day? Just say pussy. No. It's offensive to cats. You're worried about the cats. I'm worried about the dog. But...
And apparently At a party? Apparently First of all Fanning out your puss at a party Is just insanity I mean I think at a certain point You gotta realize Like what are you doing? Yeah Step one That's the part Pulling out your puss at a party Crazy thing to do Then being like I bet I can get that Who's All these people should be Lined up
Shot one by one. One in the head, huh? Yes. No, no, no. In the legs. Oh, you don't want to kill them. No, I do. I want them to be writhing in pain. Oh, so you want them to bleed out slowly.
Oh, yes. That would be nice. Okay, all right. Shooting them in the, like, whatever the one in the leg is. If you hit that. The femoral artery? Bing. Yeah. Is that the one? Yes, it is. That's the one, then. I promise you it's the one. I am not disputing that. You often look at me and think that I'm stupid, and I don't want you to do that here. Maybe someone's insecure. I am. Could you imagine people, like, actually doing it? There's got to be people out there that have done that. That story came from somewhere. If I was... Listen.
Let's start here. That's abuse, by the way. One. You want to talk about abuse? Because that's just what I was about to talk about. If I'm at this party, someone's getting abused, and her name is whoever this is. Do me a favor. Just going to say that. Don't say that. I will go to jail protecting a dog from something like that. I will drop an elbow on a woman. Did you realize what you just said? What? You went, if I'm at a party and this happens, someone's getting abused, and she's a woman. What?
No, I'm like, it's the... I'm saying... I know what you're referencing, but like out of context. Jesus Christ. I was saying I was going to beat this woman up. I know. I know what you're saying, Joey. Frankie, domestic violence is what I was talking about. Not the other one? Yeah. Well, not domestic violence. I'm just hitting a woman in this situation. And it didn't happen, but I would probably. Josh...
If a woman's like I'm gonna have this dog eat me out At a party I'd be like No How about this How about this Call the cops Let them hit her The cops are gonna take too long Oh yeah The NYPD's really gonna come And be super calm And could You know Not fucking wanna start Swinging on sight Oh my god I'm also just I'm joking But Jesus I would not be able To stand around without If you were to put any Oh dude Spreadable Food on your dick For an animal to eat it off Um
Did we not just, you did not just hear me threaten to beat up a woman who did this? Like I said this multiple times, Frank. So if a woman is trying to abuse an animal, peanut butter, no Nutella. No, I can kill the dog. Double whammy. What? Wait, is that, is chalk? I think there's chocolate. I don't know. I think it's like chocolate. No, they're different. They're not frogs and toads here. Okay. They're not, they're, they're alpacas and llamas, different species.
Yeah, but when you look at them, you go. I think there's some cocoa something, like some chocolate something in Nutella. It's not just hazelnut spread. I think there's chocolate in there somewhere. What else? Cream cheese. I'm not answering this fucking question that you have because the answer is nothing.
Nothing! Nothing! I just put my whole likelihood on the line for a dog. That didn't even happen. Yeah, well, no, apparently it did to the person that told me the story. All those people at the party. And I think the person told the story for everyone to be like, whoa, that was crazy! And the response was like, fucking what? Like, what's wrong with you people? Yeah, that's not cool. I would let the dogs out of the house, close the door, and then in glorious bastard style...
Burn it to the ground. Burn it to the ground. Gotcha. Okay. Like Shoshanna. Yeah, Shoshanna did do that. All of you guys will burn. Yikes. That's what she said. Something like that. Does Charlie like peanut butter? He does. Would he like it more if... No. You bastard. He's also very particular about his treats. Really? Sometimes I'm like, ooh, these look really good. He does love you though. So if you were to take some, you know, some... Frankie? Creamy Jiffy. Hello. Shut up.
Do you eat Jiffy? It's Jif and Skippy. I combine them into one. Oh, no. Jiffy's gas? Jiffy Lube. That's the place that does your tires and oil. Yeah. What a name. Name. I think we're... Are we okay here? Yeah, I think we are. I think we're okay. I think we are, but I was just about to say something and I can't remember.
Oh, sometimes I spend a lot of money on these like super organic blah, blah, blah dog treats. He won't eat them. And he's like, fuck that. Yeah, because he's a dog. He'll eat his own shit. What you just said doesn't apply to what I just said. Because like I said, I buy these treats because they're like. Yeah, but I'm saying it's like. And he doesn't eat them. We're trying to like reinvent the wheel here with like dog treats. Like they will eat literal dirt if you let them.
How can that be true if I just said that he doesn't eat it? Because you want to give him like fucking like, you know, like homegrown salmon toes and like fucking like, oh, there's like fucking really good like, you know, arugula in it. Oh, it's a dog. Give it what it wants. Give it a fucking steak. Give it some wings. Give it a fucking... Give it some wings. Give it some wings.
What are you talking about? Dog will eat wings. A chicken wing. Yeah, why not? Yeah, let your dog eat a chicken wing and let that pierce their fucking esophagus. Esophagus. Dogs are made to fucking swallow sharp things. Who told you that? Dogs are made to swallow sharp things. You told me that when you were feeding Charlie Keys. That was what you went with. Keys. Can you imagine? My dog one time ate two sticks of butter and also ate like...
11 muffins. Yikes. Yeah, like... Bro, dogs... All this shit about dogs not being like... They can't have chocolate. They can't have grapes or avocado. I... My old dog had multiple of each of those things and like lived until she died. I forget who it was, but someone told me that like...
Their dog ate like a whole chocolate cake and was fine. Well, our rogue had eaten a whole pumpkin pie. Not that there's chocolate in there, but like a whole thing of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't eat a pumpkin pie if I hadn't eaten in three years. I gotta be honest. I didn't care. I didn't care one bit. My whole family was like, oh, what the fuck? And I was just like, disgusting pie. Literally looks like diarrhea. Yeah. Pumpkin pie is probably, everything pumpkin sucks. Joey. No, that's not true. I like pumpkin spice stuff.
Like a pump like a good pumpkin beer is good. Fuck you. Just just let me have this. That's not good Just let me have it. Oh, I'm sorry. What do you fucking have? Here we go. Joey You know why because Joey only drinks beers that are made with fucking you know Guadalajara and chili roots and like oh this mezcal is so smoky Have a fucking pumpkin beer live a little it's okay to feel something every now and then preferences now over here. No, you're
Because your preferences are fucking big millionaire Joe preferences. I said that I don't like... Oh, my God. This beer. It's so tart. I love this sour beer that tastes like kiwi. Just eat a fucking... Just have a fucking good old, you know, pumpkin traveler's beer. I don't like the taste of the pumpkin. Oh, my God. With a little cinnamon in it? Put it in a glass and have the glass rimmed with honey and cinnamon? Put me down for rest. Lay my soul to sleep. And if I die before I wake...
Pray my whole soul to take. I think you were saying something at first, and then you're praying for your whole to be taken. I don't know about that, dude. I hate that you do that.
You I said pray for no no no I hate that you do this like elitist like oh, I don't like I don't like pumpkin beer Oh, I don't like these like typical things that like normal people have I need to have fucking beer that was brewed in the gondola of like a Nepali fucking Illiterate bastard, you know, it's like all this beer This was brewed in the basement of someone that lost their legs and fucking Iraq. It's like cool, dude. Stop giving examples things
You can't. Listen, I already talked about how I was going to hit a one. You can't now. Just start being offensive. You're a snob. I'm not a snob. You are a snob. All right, we're ending this thing right here, folks. Yeah, we're tired. We're tired and hot and hot and tired. That's where we're going to end it. Frank, where can I find you? Falvers8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez and all other forms of social media. Go check out The Basement Yard on Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Go check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media as well. And you can also go check out our friend Joe here.
At Joe Santagato on all forms of social media. Santagato Studios, we got a lot going on. It's real fun here. Go check that out. OPL, go check that out. Anything else? Okay. I was doing a good job. Yeah, you were doing great. You can go follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. We'll see you guys next time.
