#2634 Below Deck Sailing Yacht S05E08: The Greatest Night in Lollipop
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Hello and welcome to Watch Where Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, broadcasting from my lovely childhood bedroom here in cold New York, hence why there's a little bonnet on the air conditioner behind me. This is a very glamorous set. I've been spending all week long looking at how to make a nice backdrop for

on YouTube. And instead, what I'm serving is air conditioner bonnet, but that's just life. Joining me today without a bonnet, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? I could use a bonnet. I'd take a bonnet. Yeah. You don't need a bonnet. I do. I'm in my freshly Uncle Fester glory, and I would love a bonnet, actually. Why not?

Well, guess what? We'll probably have a beat in our collective bonnet soon enough because we're talking below deck sailing yacht. I've got some Dunkin' Coffee fueling me at the moment, so I'm probably going to be full of

I don't know, either rage or just wild hot takes. Who knows? Are you raging? Are you raging about below deck sailing? I'm actually not raging, but you never, you never know. It's always when I'm the most placid at the beginning of the podcast where you have to watch out because I'm like, everything's fine. Everything's fine. I feel relaxed. I feel so relaxed. I'm just going to be a little bit more unfiltered and say all the rageful things. So you never know.

But the point is that we have Below Deck Sailing today. And join us on Patreon for bonus episodes, crap is on demand. We did, for our bonus episode this week, we did a trailer trash of the Southern Hospitality trailer. So we're really excited for that to come back. And also, of course, this is a big Thanksgiving weekend here in America. So everyone's got all their holiday stuff.

fun stuff gearing up. But let me tell you something, everyone. Have fun right now and get ready for next week because we've got something fun to announce next week. So gird your loins for that. Just going to say that. That's all I'm going to say about that. Okay? Yeah, save up those dollars so you can give them to us because we're going to be getting on a plane soon. Okay? That's all we're going to say. Except it rhymes with four. It rhymes with four. We're going to go on four. Right?

I'm like, let me be coy. Ronnie's like, we are going on four things. Yeah, so when you're doing your Black Friday shopping... This will be taking place in a theater. Theater. Theater.

When you're doing your Black Friday shopping, save a little bit in that budget for another holiday gift. Okay, everybody. Today is below deck failing yacht. It is lots of fails going on. Little boats failing, big boats failing, workers failing, thoughts failing, big below deck sailing thought. Yeah.

You know who's not failing? All the thoughts are failing. Gary is failing. Danny's failing. Diana's not failing. Who else isn't failing? Lollipops. Lollipops are actually, they are actually rising to the challenge. A lollipop said, you know what? I'm going to show America what I can really do. Okay? You all think I'm just some sweet little thing. Yeah, lollipops did make it in today. Yeah. Who was having a lollipop? Danny?

Or Gary. Well, no, Captain Glenn had a lollipop, which was foreshadowing for our big lollipop-inflicted-wound cliffhanger. But I almost... You know what's funny? I almost named this episode Lollipop Eye, the Sailor Man, because it's like there's lollipops, there was an eye issue, and it happened to someone who's a sailor. But it just sounded awkward. Lollipop Eye. But that being said, as I went...

Lollipop-Eye, when I am in the process of coming up with this name, I discovered that Popeye is now a public domain figure. And as a result, there's like a slew of horror movies coming out using Popeye. And there's a Popeye movie coming out. It's called Popeye the Slayer Man.

What does that mean? You can't just start using Popeye. Didn't someone re-up the trademark or something? Can't do that. No, Popeye. So instead of Popeye the Sailor Man, there's Popeye the Slayer Man. And it's about a group of people who go into a spinach canning factory where they are hunted down by this maniacal version of Popeye. And this is a true story. This is a movie that has been made and it's going to be coming out next year.

Okay. Well, people are really jumping on that green train, I guess. Wicked. So, okay. Well, I'm not up for that. I don't think that that's fair that you can just start using Popeye. So things that are out long enough, you can just start using. But what about Mickey Mouse? People can't just use Mickey Mouse. He's been out longer. How come? Yeah. Yeah.

You can, actually. Believe it or not. Actually, Ryan, it's funny that you mention Mickey Mouse. The very first iteration of Mickey Mouse very famously became public domain at the start of this year. So people have been using and abusing that. Oh, wow. Our new sponsor, Mickey Mouse. Well, not all versions of Mickey Mouse, but I think the initial Steamboat Willie version. Someone could data check this. Oh, wow. The least problematic one. Lucky us. Yeah.

Okay, well, let's get on to Below Deck Sailing. This is Season 5, Episode 8. And we open with Gemma because the boat is drifting into another boat or the other boat drifting into this boat. Either way, the boats are about to crash in this game. It's...

sailing yacht. It's the middle of the night. Something's about to crash. So what's going to happen this time? So yeah, basically, uh,

Last week, we were a little confused. We got more clarity, which is that the smaller boat looked like it was dragging anchor and was going to crash right into the jaws of the monster, aka Parzival 2. And so his big drama is like, wake up, everyone! And so Glenn is racing up out of his bed. And I'm surprised he didn't, like, I was just imagining Glenn springing up in the middle of the night and, like, bonking his head on Davide's dick and dangling down from up above.

up above like oh i'm so sorry yeah i was trying to get into bed still no it's his butthole because that's what davide is always sticking out he like gets up there and then he does like the down dog or whatever is that what you call it the down dog and he just like flaps open his butt and it's just like what are you open for business but naturally market but it would be the dick that would be dangling down for glenn like that would not be like standing up and then reaching around and hitting the butt from like behind you know probably stand up and be like like a tassel

So he gets up. Everybody's getting up. And then Emma's just standing there on the deck, of course, going, oh, my God, this boat's about to crash into that boat. This is crazy. I'm exhausted from watching this. It's like the best television show I've watched in a long time. Do you mind if I just lie down while I watch this? Is that all right with you? He goes, hey, can you put on your uniform, please? So I'm like, well, uniform, sure.

I guess I can't do anything right. Hold on one second. Let me go have a cigarette first before... Hold on, I'm going to put on my polo shirt. That was a lot of effort. I'm going to go out to the bow, have a cigarette before I put on my skirt. Now, of course, Emma turns into Total Emma and does just what you said and disappears and is like playing a game board downstairs. What?

While the boat's about to crash. I know. Now that said, is getting a uniform on the most important thing when the boats are about to crash? Throw Emma over and let her be the fender. I mean, Jesus Christ, make her do something. But telling your employee when the boat's about to crash and the other employee is asleep, I don't think I would be saying, go get your uniform on. I want you to be proper right now. Also, I think this is the time, the only time in history we've ever heard Gary ask a woman to put clothes on.

I know. It's shocking. So, meanwhile, Keith is getting the guests. And Brandon, the more I look at this gay Brandon, who just seems so lovely, by the way. I embrace this man. But he really, he's Lisa Rinna. Have you noticed? He looks like Lisa Rinna. He has Lisa Rinna's traits and quirks and body movements. I'm like, I hope someone else has noticed how Lisa Rinna he is. Which, by the way, a compliment. A compliment to this lovely man.

I wouldn't take that as a compliment. Someone was like, well, no, it's like, I'm not saying you remind me of Lisa Rinna from real housewives of Beverly Hills. It's just like Lisa Rinna in the best way that we know her, you know, which is just sort of like, how are you? You know, the boat's crashing. Yeah.

So Gary's like, oh, here comes the bell again. Give me that way. Give me that way. Meanwhile, the parents from Minnesota or whatever are coming back from clubbing in Ibiza. And they're just watching it like, oh, my God. And Brandon's like, have you ever met a group of people that came back more calm from a nightclub? Garza! Garza!

They all are kind of like Lisa Rinna now that I really say it. So then Emma's downstairs. So she's been sent down to put on her uniform. So that means putting on the shorts and the polo and then going back upstairs. But instead we see her and she's like telling Daisy, well, I've been sent back down to put on a uniform. So apparently I need to put on my uniform. And then she starts doing all the slow things like wiping her face and...

Have a drink and waking up and being slow. So it's like they had that one moment of like urgency from her. But then once Gary was like, no, no, no, slow down your urgency. Then it was lost. Then she went back down to like doing finding random things to do to make sure she didn't have to go up on the deck, like wiping down her elbows or scratching the back of her neck. I really need to moisturize my weenus. That's the that's the skin.

On the elbow, it looks like ball skin. You know, I've always loved my weenus. Of course, my sister's got a bigger weenus than me. You know, she's very popular for it. God damn it, I'm never going to succeed in this life with such a small weenus. I was told I would never make it in real estate because my weenus was unmoisturized. So here I am. I thought I could see it just naturally get wet. But apparently not even that. I can't even do that properly. I'm the only person here with a salty weenus.

Apparently, I've got to get into a uniform before a boat crash because my salty weenus can't be seen in civilian clothes. So I guess that's the priority right now is a polo shirt instead of saving the boat. That's fine. It's fine. And these boats are just... She does make it sound like she's... I was just going to say that she does make it sound like... She makes it into an affront on her, right? Because she comes back and she's like...

I try to be urgent.

But they said I got to have a uniform on, so I suppose having a uniform on is the most important thing. She acts like, it was not a criticism, it was just saying put on your uniform, but she turns it into a thing like, well, I did my best, and that's apparently not good enough. Well, I suppose my street clothes don't work for this crew, unfortunately. My taste has gotten the better of me again. It's not the first time I've been sent downstairs because I just don't look as good as everyone else. Well...

Here's me, the hunchback of Notre Dame, getting on my uniform. Will this make you happy or must I crawl up to the tower and sob?

For Christ's sake, put on your shirt and get your ass up. It's like brushing her teeth, putting Noxzema on her face, popping some zits, putting on a new bra. Get your ass up there. Meanwhile, Gary is like, oh my God, we're going to crash. Now, these are the slowest. You know, boat crashes are the most frustrating crashes in the world because they just happen in such slow motion that you're like,

Well, change it. Like, it's almost like you get to stop time in a way because like this one, the boat's like about to crash. We see like literally the wiener of the boat is about to touch the wiener of the other boat or maybe like the belly button of the other boat. And then they just are like, oh, oh, but now let's float apart a little. This is the fight, the high action fight. And they're like, oh, no, no, no. They're coming back together. There they come back. Oh, no.

no, no, no, just kidding. It's like this slow, what is this, cotillion? It's a very slow, polite dance. I just die already. Just hit the boat. They're so slow, but so powerful. And that's the thing. It's like when you're, it's like if you're trying to carry a big, heavy chair through a narrow hallway and you're walking very slowly and very gingerly and you make one subtle move and like a chair leg hits the wall and then all of a sudden you have a dent there and you're like,

I wasn't even applying that much force. It was so light, but it's like, sorry, this is like a boat crash. Like the moment you make impact, it's like everything breaks and like sinks and dies, but it happens so slowly. You just couldn't imagine that it would be so dangerous, but it is very dangerous. Um,

So the boats are careening towards each other in slow motion. And Emma, now Gary's like, where the fuck is Emma? What's taking so long? And it's like, cut to her, like making a stew down in the galley. Well, I guess they want me to put on my uniform. So they'll just have to wait until the stew is ready. They want a stew. They want a, they want a decky, but they're going to get a stew. Sorry. It's just what it is.

Now they're even requesting stew. Well, I guess I'll go make a mediocre tomato then. Oh, Jesus Christ. So then Danny's like, wait a minute. Is that the tinder? The tinder that's there? And he's like, it's the tinder. Fuck me. So now everybody's running around and the parents are just like, oh, my God, is that our boat? That looks like our boat. I don't think that. It's our boat. They're all excited. Yeah, it's our boat. It's our boat. It's our boat.

And he goes, hey, Keith, can you knock on the guy's hole? They're drifting almost into us. They almost drifted into us. And so Keith has to go do that. And like, he can't even drop off the guests because there's like time is of the essence, which is why it was important for Gary to send Emma downstairs to put on a polo shirt.

And so then Keith is like knocking and like he's like knocking on the window and everything. And Sherry's like, OK, you know what? Send Brandon to swim on board. OK, let's wake this guy up and be like, surprise, Lisa Rinna's here. And they'll get all excited and then they'll realize it's actually a stranger and then they'll move the boat. It'll be great. Listen, you know where we're from. You can't just start knocking on doors and not get shot.

I'm just assuming that this is a little bit like Texas. So I'm going to go with that. I don't know how they do it in Minnesota, Wisconsin. Where are they from? Where are we from, honey? Where are we from? No, they're from Minnesota. It's actually really fortunate because when we were at the beach club, I actually made a hot dish. So we can just give this to the guy, you know. We don't knock on people's doors without a hot dish in Minnesota. Listen, you can't just go over there and knock on a stranger's door without a hot dish. They might shoot you. So send the gay. Send the gay over there. Okay. Frontline's gay. Okay.

So we call them all Frontline's Brandon, you know? Listen, if we don't have a hot dish, we send Brandon out there. Okay, Brandon, you hold this hot dish. Just let them know it's tater tots on top of some tapas we got at the local cafe. I would never. Just give it. Just say enjoy. I'll go. It's me, Brandon, your neighborhood gay. Let me make a joke. Garcin.

Hey, is this your front door? Normally I come in the back doors. So then this guy appears. He's like, hello. And he just tells them that the anchors are dragging. And the guy's like, okay. And then they're all like, it smelled sort of like marijuana in there. Yeah, I smelled pot. Guys, did you smell all the marijuana that was coming out of that boat? I think he's stoned. Are people doing marijuana on your boat? Ha ha.

It's old Gary up there who answers. It's like some hairy guy. He's like, what do you want? Your boat's about to crash. Oh, thank you for that. I guess I'll move the boat then. What am I going to do? Somebody want to help me? No, you just want to knock and complain. Fine. I'll move the boat. It's like, Gary, your future is moving its tiny little boat up there. You just saw the ghost of Christmas future. And past and present, to be honest.

It was a very efficient Christmas story. So, um, uh, the guy moves the boat away and, uh, everything is safe. Everything is fine. And then the guests come back on, on, on boat on board. And then it's, uh, everyone's going to sleep and Keith and Danny are up late and,

And Keith is like, so how's the interiors? There a little tension? And she's like, I mean, there's tension. Like the chart I had was, you know, last chart, it was quite a whinge, you know? And then with Daisy, I just don't feel like there's much organizational planning going on. It's like my fault. And I'm just like over the bed vibes, if I'm honest. I'm like, okay, so now Daisy sucks because she told you, you had a shit attitude about Keith. That's all this is about. Yeah.

Yeah, she is such a baby. And she keeps reminding us how young she is and stuff. It's like, we know. We can tell, you know. And Keith is like, well, tell us how you really feel then. She goes, no, it's true. And he's like, well, listen, it's a team environment. And when things go wrong, it's really easy sometimes to point a finger. And she's like, I'm not saying it's a blame game. I'm not asking you to take one side. How dare you? Everyone's against me. I'm like, oh, my God. It's like both you and Emma, just put them both on a separate boat. Yeah.

Put them on the other tender and let that crash into the hairy guy's boat. I know. Or just have them on the same tender, but have Emma drive it and you'll probably have the same effect. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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So, Dani is like, I thought this was going to be a much more enjoyable experience, but it's been a dark and stressful and dry time on this boat, and I just want to act my age and have fun. A.K.A. she's mad that the guys are not, like, falling all over her, and it's, like...

Taking her to a dark place before she was in a college stadium with 10,000 men staring at her. You know how when... This doesn't happen as much because I'm like middle-aged now. But when I was younger...

You would lose five pounds and you could tell a noticeable difference in a grocery store, how people treated you and like your hot level would go up. I mean you could eat a fingernail and you'd be an ounce thinner and in West Hollywood, people would suddenly see you. You're like, oh my god, I'm not invisible anymore. I think she's feeling that on a massive scale because she feels like I lost weight and I'm still invisible. Yeah.

Because that's her whole thing. Yeah. Is that she lost a lot of weight. And so she's like, I should be more fuckable than this. I mean, what's the point? And then that leads to ice cream. I'm just telling you, this attitude leads to ice cream. I've done it five times. I mean, I haven't eaten ice cream five times. I just mean, I've gained like hundreds of pounds five times. Yeah, for sure. She's definitely like, wait, but I did all the things. What's wrong? What's wrong with me?

So, but she is, her process of dealing with these emotions is in a very like spoiled and bratty way. So then now it's the next day. Listen, you're either going to fuck your emotions or you're going to eat them. I suggest eating them. It's safer. Okay. And it tastes better. Yeah. And it's more accessible at all times. You can always find jelly bellies. You know what I mean? Dick becomes harder as the years go on. So I just suggest learning to eat your feelings like a normal person. Okay.

It's going to happen at some point, so start now. Because you're just missing out on... As long as your metabolism is pretty fast. For what? For dick? You're missing all that for dick. I mean, trust me, food is better. I've had them both. Food's better.

So Daisy's like, oh, I'm glad we're dropping off today. And Emma's like, I'm ecstatic. It's very easy to feel deflated. Like I'm trying my best and that's not good enough. It's like, oh yeah, when I said we're dropping off today, I actually meant you. So we can all see you're going to get fired.

You know, I'm trying my best and that's just not good enough. That's not something you should be bragging about. You should just do better than your best. And she's like, oh, me, I do my best. Yes, your best sucks. So do better with your best. And Daisy's like, don't let your insecurity push you out like that. Ask questions. I know in my department, that's what I want. Jump up. Help. Do something. And I was like, oh, okay.

Oh, that's exhausting. I can't believe I've just been told to jump up. So I suppose I'm not even jumping correctly. Is that what you're saying? God, I can't even jump properly. Let me rub my cheeks for five minutes. By the way, if you find yourself...

on a job or doing anything and you say the sentence, I'm trying my best, but apparently that's not good enough or some iteration of that. If you find yourself saying that, just know that you are a shitty worker because this is what shitty workers say about

to somehow bend their mind around the fact that they are a shitty worker, because no one wants to ever actually acknowledge that they are a bad worker. You always want to believe that you're a good worker, because it's devastating to know that you're shitty, or you're lazy. So instead of acknowledging, oh, God, I'm just really bad at this. And I am pretty lazy, usually say, well, I'm doing the best I'm doing the best that I can. But apparently, it's not good enough

When you say that, you're sort of making it seem like you're the victim of your boss's fickle attitude. It's like, no, chances are...

You just suck at what you're doing and you have to acknowledge it. Well, and it's just so sad to be, it's almost like bragging about it, right? Like I've done my best. Really? That's your best? You can't even do this. This is a pretty low level job. Like you're the rope on tire. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you shouldn't be bragging about this being your best. You should be like, you know, they all suck. I mean, come up with something better to say, but it's really sad when you're like, this is my best because you know, a lot of people are watching this and if they're like, well, that's her best. Yeah.

Yikes. Yeah. And then don't be surprised later on when you get fired and they're like, yeah, well, you're just not ready yet. If you've just said, I'm trying my best, but apparently it's not good enough, you've inherently just said that.

you don't have the qualifications to be doing the job that you're doing. You're like literally in HR. Because it's not good enough. You're HR's dream to say that. It's like, okay, well, we're going to wrap this up with no unemployment. Okay. Admitted she was not good enough for this job. Okay, enjoy those hash browns with fish heads on them, melted under some cheese. Okay. If you're going to shoot someone, shoot the gay. Okay. Straight over there.

That being said, I do want to say that I understand why Gary is frustrated by Emma, but I also feel like I've seen this situation, and I've probably been the Emma in a situation where like,

You are not performing up to snuff. So your boss gets frustrated at you. Because I had a terror of a boss back 20 years ago. And so then I was always fumbling around because I was so nervous. And then that would get him more annoyed. And so he would come down harder on me. And then I would fumble more. So you wind up in this terrible downward spiral. So Gary is frustrated by Emma. And it's very justified. But the way he deals with it, he's so like...

He's so mean to her that of course she's going to continue fumbling. You know, like she is lazy. I don't think he's mean to her. I think he's very nice to her. I mean, anybody else, he'd be like, what the fuck, man? With her, he's like, okay, you did the thing wrong again. Let me show you how to do it. Maybe you should kind of wake. I mean, I think he's being pretty nice, especially for below deck because, man, people can get nasty on this show.

I think he's being passive aggressive a lot of it. A lot of the times. Do you need me to show you again? It's like that kind of passive aggression. You just can see she's totally rattled by it. Now, it's not like, oh, if he were nicer, she suddenly becomes a better employee. But I do have to think when he later on is like, I wonder if I could have been a better leader. Yeah.

Like in some ways, probably yes. Because like you mentioned in the previous episodes, if it was, if it was a girl that he could probably see, saw a way to like bang, he would be much friendlier with his notes. He is. But you know what? Like, look, there's like a lot that Gary gets blamed for because he's just such a shitty person. And normally I'm on, I've been on that bandwagon kind of the whole season. I'm not going to give him that on this one. I think that,

You know, because last week I was saying he would be a lot nicer if he wanted to fuck her. And maybe he would be, you know. But then I was thinking about it this week and I'm like, no, this girl sucks. And he's being actually pretty nice to this girl. And I'm not going to use all of Gary's villainous ways against him in this situation. Because I think this is like one of the only seasons where I'm like, wow, Gary's actually...

and kind of handling this in a decent way. So I'm going to stay off his ass for this thing, for this one particular thing. But that's literally the only grace he's getting from me this year. I think both things can be correct. I think that Emma is not a good deckie and she does lack initiative. Like it's not, it's not Gary's fault that she's taking cigarette breaks. She even had to take a cigarette break while she was getting fired. Okay. But, but,

The fact that like, I do think that. I'm finding right in the middle of it. I've got to, I'm sorry. I've got to have a cigarette. That's why you're getting fired. But,

But like, so that like she is she and she clearly does not listen. And she's but I also see her as someone who like when faced with someone who's being passive aggressive and is like, totally like losing their patience with her that she crumbles as well. And I think that's where Gary could be better. But then again, like it is like five charters through. So I understand why he's frustrated. I'm just saying that like, I see it all happening in slow motion, like a boat wreck.

And it's just sort of like, yeah, this is not going to work out well for either of them. Well, really for Emma.

But then, you know, here's a perfect example, because he's like, oh, Emma, this flag isn't correct. She goes, oh, God, what's wrong with the flag? I mean, of course it is. Did you name the flag Emma and just call it stupid? Why don't we just call it, don't even call it a flag anymore, just call it roly-poly and flick it on the forehead like Daddy used to do. And he's like, oh, no, I'm just saying, you know, I mean, look, it's down there. You want the flag to be at the top? No one's dead, right? Not yet. Right?

All right, Emma. Well, this is how you do it. She goes, all right, sorry. And that's the other thing. The constant sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Her attitude is pretty shitty. She's definitely developed an attitude of like, well, it's not my fault. Sorry, it's not my fault. I mean, Emma...

I mean, you hung a flag at half-mast. What were you thinking? Oh, that's because my spirit has been crushed and killed and ground to a pope. That's why I hanged this flag at half-mast. This is for the kid in One Direction. Oh, God. Sorry, everyone. That was dark. What the hell?

Yeah. So then Glenn and Gary are in the bridge and Glenn's like, we had a lot of close calls last night. It's a real struggle with the people. We have to stay properly manned and all that. And Gary's like, I know, but she doesn't really seem keen to be here. And this is the problem. Your boat's crashing and you've got someone doing like a 20 minute costume change down there. It's official. You got to go, you know?

And Glenn's like, well, we need initiative. You know, you can't really teach that. You can't teach Cain to be here. You know? Yeah. As much as I really enjoy her dedication to rubbing her cheeks in her bedroom, it's just we need someone who has a little bit more go-get-em attitude. Yeah.

And he's like, well, I mean, Gary says, what's going to happen if she's what's going to happen if something like that happens and she stays on nights? And he's like, oh, gosh, forget it. We can't do that. So he's like, well, she still can't drive the tender. I've tried to teach her that. And he's like, you tried. She just doesn't get it right. So let's see what he can do. Dun, dun, dun. So now, I mean, listen, she's got to go.

You know what? I realized I have a clarification on my stance. I realized what it is. She definitely has to go. She is totally inept. She has bad motivation. She's not picking up skills. It's more like along the way, I think Gary could have... His demeanor with her has always been pretty brusque over the past few charters. And I don't think that has helped. But for sure...

Emma's got to go. And in case anyone thought I was actually saying like, no, like treat her more nicely and she'd be better. I don't think that she'd be better. I just want to clarify for anyone who got the wrong impression of what I had to say about her. No, I didn't get the wrong impression. I just, I've just like, she's just so bad. I can't anymore. I just can't. And I actually really like her, but bye.

This is our favorite. So Danny and Emma are talking, and Danny's like, how's it going? And Emma's like, oh, Gary's just literally sold it off for a while. He doesn't even say anything to me. He's just gone forever.

He did say something to you. You did this wrong again. Please fix it. Oh, wait. And you also did this thing wrong again. Did you fix that too? And also you fucked this thing up over here. And also we almost crashed the boat while you were changing your clothes for 20 minutes and you still got noxzema on your face. And are you still smoking noxzema? Are you smoking the noxzema now? I just don't understand. He's just ignoring me, completely ignoring me.

This was a big episode, by the way, for below deck archivists on the post department, because every time that Emma did something wrong, they would have to pull up five different clips of how she was taught how to do it correctly. It's like with the flag. She's like, Oh, it's half a mess. But I didn't, I didn't really understand that. And they show Keith showing her how to like hang a flag. And she like drops the flag on the ground. He's like, no,

Oh, well, you know, gravity is all of a sudden it's my fault that there's gravity in the world. Sorry. Sorry, this isn't Wicked. We're not all defying gravity. All right. Listen, you've got time to mope. You've got time to rope. Tie that flag up properly. God damn it. Oh, at least. Can you believe it? With Wicked, someone actually would rather fuck a witch than me. They still kill me, even though there's an actual witch in this movie.

So Emma's basically like, I can feel Gary's patience wearing thin. I'm sort of stuck in no man's land. It's a real head fuck. Part of me feels like I'm fighting a losing battle, except I'm not really fighting it. I'm more just...

In the battle, smoking a cigarette off to the side, waiting to be killed by an axe or a sword or whatever else they want to throw at me. And as Emma talks, as she gets more and more depressed about the situation, have you noticed her lower lip just is starting to curl out more and more and more? She's like tucking her upper lip into her mouth and her lower lip out down to her chin. Literal bout. Honestly, I think he's going to try and get rid of me, just like any man who's ever, ever come close to me.

And Danny's like, I think you're in your head. Although, of course, she's not. And she's like, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. If you think that's what's happening, it's Glyn's decision. And she's like, oh, God, I can just...

I'm fighting a losing battle. So Glenn texts an agent for a deckhand. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And Danny's refreshing cabins. And Cloyce is kind of behaving today. He's just doing an eggs benny and some pancakes and muffins and banana bread. And he's actually listening to Daisy, which is something that we very rarely see on these shows. Cloyce is putting out...

kind of base level things that you should be putting out on a super yacht. And then he's patting himself on the back for it. He's like, yeah, I'm really hitting my stride now. Yeah. Moving forward. I'm excited to grow and push the boundaries of my own culinary capabilities. Congratulations. You didn't put out five boxes of, of rice crispies in a bowl and a jug of milk. You made eggs Benedict, which is what you should be doing anyway. This isn't the highest place anymore. It's the highest area.

Okay. Yeah. But he's listening, which for him is good because he does have kind of the Emma thing where when you give him criticism, he's like, nah, and I'll kind of argue with it. But then he at least is delivering, you know, he's at least changing. So listen, this season,

No one's really delivering. I mean, if you're H.R. watching this season, it's got to be very frustrating, you know? So when someone at least tries, I'm like, look at them. Look at him go. He bought some storm. I bought muffins and put them out on a plate. Give him an Oscar award. Give him an Oscar award. Are we erasing him? Let's not erase twice. What was that? So then that was my dad walking in the room. Oh, I know. Did he come on the camera? I had my dad's car keys.

No, well, I had my dad's car keys, so he asked if he could come in to get them. So he opened the door, I gave him the car keys, and he was being very quiet. But then the door betrayed him because the door was like... But that's such a dad thing, too. That's how my dad is, too. He's like, can I just come in and be quiet? And it's like... And they'll be like, are these the right keys? Do I have the correct keys? These are the right ones. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, okay? Tell the internet. No, my dad...

He texted ahead of time. He's like, can I come in? I was like, yes. So it was very sweet. He was as quiet as he could be. But that door was creaky. This is, you know, old house in the woods. Betrayed by a door. The Mr. Mandelknecht story. Oh, well, I was trying to be as quiet as I possibly could. But apparently that's not good enough. So...

The crew is having breakfast now. And Keith, there's a pile of pancakes in the crew mess. And there's a small one. And Keith has a profound question for the ages. Do you call that a pancake or a pikelet? What?

And no one answers because no one cares. He goes, you never heard like a mini pancakes are called pikelets? Maybe that's an Aussie thing. And Danny goes, it's not. I've never heard of it. He goes, well, in the three months that you've lived there, he's like, hashtag, I'm Australian. Hashtag, Waltzing Matilda. Hashtag, Wallaby. Yeah.

She's lived there three months and she's an expert. This is so her. And then so she's like, you know what? I don't like you in uniform. You're mean. Every time you're in uniform, you're mean. I'm sorry. He's just...

A guy who doesn't want to bang you. And so he's turned awful in your mind. You know, you've taken off the penis colored sunglasses. Listen, that's happened to me too, where I'm like, oh my God, that guy is so cute. I totally want to hook up. And he's like, no, Ronnie. I'm like, what a monster. Thanks a lot, Hitler. Enjoy your fucking pancake.

And he also is someone who happens to have maybe a broader cultural context for what goes on in Australia. So given that he is, I think he's from there. I think while he was born in America, raised in Australia, masturbated in Italy or something. I don't know. So Danny is like, it is the classic thing in New York. And you, we've talked about it a million times, but the thing about guys on the street in New York where they're like, Hey baby,

You want, what's your number? And they're like, they just ignore him. Like, well, you're fat anyway. You ugly bitch. Can't even smile when I give you a compliment. No, it was hot two seconds ago. What, what happened? Yeah. What changed? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Why get all your holiday decorations delivered through Instacart? Because it's time for a commercial.

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So Danny's like, I don't know if I can trust you when you've got your belt on. I don't think I like your uniform. And he's like, well, I don't think I was being mean, just sort of bland. He's just like, no, as soon as you've got your belt on, you're like the rudest person I've ever met. Make insulting me for my knowledge of what a pancake is versus a pikelet. Ew, gross, disgusting. I hate you, you stupid.

It's like, well, God, Danny kind of acts like this with everyone, doesn't she? She can dish it out, but she really can't take it. You know, it's got to all be on her terms. Well, fuck this. I'm over it. Yeah. I wish you could run. You know, that is the thing on a boat. You just can't run. You're just stuck. Yeah.

you are just, yeah, God, it sounds like a nightmare. So, uh, Keith is like, okay, let's not start the day like this. She's like, well, I'm just telling you how I feel. He's like, I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just trying to be Australian and you were just being a tourist acting like you're Australian. She goes, well, no, you know what? I,

guess what? I, you know what you were mean. He goes, well, okay, sorry. I didn't think I was. And she goes, since Keith and I have broken up from doing absolutely nothing, he's been a real dick and I'm not even trying anymore and I'm still getting rejected. And I think it's better if Keith and I just stay away from each other for the rest of our lives. Yeah.

So now Deck is radioing Glenn. Glenn is radioing the Deck. And he's like, okay, guys, let's get the tinder ready. And Emma's like, oh, gosh, these ropes are horrible. It's like an octopus trying to drag me under. Emma, are you okay? I mean, God, the stone's still attached. Do I look okay? Or I've tried my best. I've tried my best.

This is really like Emma's really going out in a blaze of like helpless glory. This charter, because there was also a scene earlier where Gary was showing people how to do the rope swing. And so he does the rope swing, swings out into the water, jumps off, and then the rope comes back. But when the rope comes back, they have to use this like,

It's like a harpoon or something to bring it back in, which admittedly looks very difficult because Glenn throws the rope. And then like with this little pointer, this like fireplace poker, you're supposed to like snag it.

No, you don't even have to snag it, though, because that's what I thought, too. I thought it was like one of those grabby things. Like if your light bulbs are really high, you have to use a grabby thing to get the light bulb, right? That's what I thought it was. But it wasn't. It's just like a toothpick, like a long tooth or joust, whatever. It's the long stick. And so you hold it out, and all you have to do is direct the rope to one side, right? But she couldn't even do that. I mean, that's bad. She couldn't. Like it's...

because at first I was like, well, I was like, at first I was like, to be fair, this looks like it actually involves some precision of trying to poke the thing. But then as the scene, like as the scene went on, we realized, oh, all you have to do is get it on one side of the stick and then put it to the left. And she's like,

Oh, I have it on. I can't do it. Maybe someone should fly in my sister to do it for me. You know this girl hits herself when she's trying to get a pinata. You know that's the only girl at the birthday party who hit herself with a bat trying to hit the pinata. You know, you just know that that's her.

I suppose I'd be more likely to explain her performance. If candy dropped out of me instead of blood for all of you, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? Wouldn't you just love it if sweet tarts just fell out of me as I bled? How many coffees did she mess up when she was a barista at Starbucks? Because I'm pretty sure she was a barista at Starbucks at some point. Like, ma'am, I asked for some creamer.

Well, it's black, like my heart at the moment. I don't know what you want me to do. I tried my best. I reached for the creamer. It was across the way. Couldn't get to it. There's your coffee. If you want creamer, just go to the supermarket. Get yourself a little thing of milk, pour it in there, and then you're set. But as far as me doing it for you, I'm afraid I've done my best. You know that she's the only reason that some people have ever tried a pumpkin spice latte, you know? I didn't order this.

But it's what you got. So just, you know what I'm saying, Richard? My name's Ronnie. Whatever. I'm exhausted. Please go. Actually, do you want to come back here for a moment and make your own? I'm really tired. I've got to go sit down. There's a chair over there. I mean, they did just tell me if I've got time to weep, I've got time to sweep. So I'm not going to cry over this, but I will go sit. All right.

Ma'am, I've been waiting for my cold brew for ten minutes. Could you pour it for me? I've noticed you've been rubbing your cheeks in the corner there for seven of the minutes I've been waiting. Sorry, it's just a lot right now, pouring out of that jug of cold brew. It's just a lot of effort. I'm just trying to do my best, but apparently it's not good enough for you.

So she's doing terrible, basically. And Glenn's like, or Gary's like, ooh, please, chick, before you do things, like, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Well, it shouldn't require people. Oh, sorry, then. Go ahead with it. No, it's okay. It's...

It's a multiverse version of me. One version of me fires Emma, another doesn't fire Emma, but the same, but we both say it shouldn't require two people, but unfortunately at the moment, this is taking all my time, that I'm not being able to, I'm not going to be able, I'm not going to be there for the guests, or if Glenn needs help with anything, because I'm showing my deckhand how to do everything on this boat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And he said, well, if you're going to get these heaving lines ready, because they're not doing any good, like, dear. And she's like, what do you mean, getting ready? Well, have you ever used a heaving line before? She goes, no. I mean, heaving, no. You and Keith always do it, you know. I mean, I've just got so much going on here, you know. You need to know how to do this, Emma. I'm extremely busy. Do my poles look big? Do they feel big? I feel like my poles could be...

Just potters for plants. Just put some plants. Just watch a ficus grow out of my cheekbones. You know what I mean? What are we talking about? Heaving line. I mean, what is this? You're introducing new types of ropes. We've never had a heaving line on this boat. Don't try to gaslight me. No, Emma, we literally throw it out. Look, here, you coil it up like this. You take it in a circle. You take the heavy part here. You go in a circle. Oh, you know what? Yes, you did show me this rope. I looked at it and I said...

This is a rope that could tie me up because I'm probably more useful as a little bundle down in the bed than I am free roaming on the deck. I would like to take that. Anyway, go on. Listen, if you've got time to leave, you've got time to heave. All right, you've really got to stop rhyming things at me. It's exhausting, really. I'm getting frustrated at myself because I know I can do this. This is something that I've done before and for some bizarre reason I'm overthinking. Hold on one second. I'm just going to have a ciggy.

Everything. Sorry. You just have a secret break before I finish this sentence. I know that that's something people say to each other and to themselves. And I know that people have told you this a million times on this, but you are not overthinking anything. You are massively underthinking. Okay? People need to stop lying. You're underthinking literally everything. Think more. What's needed in this situation is not less of you thinking. Okay? Okay.

Yeah.

Give us something that could be on your side. So Emma is now crying. She's in the fridge crying. And Davide Caesar is like, are you good? What is wrong with you? Are you having a bad day? Why are you crying? Don't cry. Pretty girls shouldn't cry. Do you want to braid my hair? People like it. Sometimes I'm with women. Sometimes I'm with women. Do you want to marry this ice cream? I'm actually a preacher.

By the way, for the record, she's actually in the bridge, not the fridge. But I like the idea that she put her head into the fridge to cry. Oh, I'm very sorry about that.

I've cried in the walk-in. Shit, I've had many times crying in the walk-in. It's the only place people can't hear you. I've gone into the walk-in to cry, to sing. God, I've had some abusive chef bosses. I've hidden in that walk-in. The problem is they're always in there getting vegetables and shit, and then they see you, you know, tears frozen on your face. I don't think they have a walk-in on this boat. I think it's just a standard fridge because the boat's too small for a walk-in. So I just like the idea she just opens up the fridge and she just nestles her

face next to the purple stuff in the Sunny D. And cry right here if you don't mind. Oh god, I just keep fucking up. I'll be fine, I'll be fine. Do I have a grape stem on my forehead? Listen, I just don't mention this. I don't want to make a thing out of this, alright? Do not make a thing out of this. If you've got the time to make a thing, you've got time to sing. Stop rhyming things at me. No!

If you have time to burn coal, you have time to show butthole. Sorry, I'm workshopping. Your face is wet. Oh, God, I'm sorry for having tears. You've got time to cry. You've got time to dry. God damn it!

So now that it's time for the guests to leave, which means that Philip and Sherry give a little speech. And Philip's like, you know, you guys delivered on everything. You treated us all like family. You gave us a metaphorical hot dish, and we ate that metaphorical hot dish. And you treated us so well. You know what? You became our family and we'll always be appreciative. This is our way of saying thank you. Lisa Rinna here has some dusters she wants to give you on the house, as well as some Harry's tomato sauce.

Anybody want to hit her before we leave? Lisa? Anybody? Okay. We're out of here. Hold on. I'm going to do something great. They're going to love this. Hold on. Wait till they're walking down. I'm going to honk the boat. Oh, God. Is he honking? That's rude. You know, just for all the people trying to take a nap in that slip, fuck off, dude. Stop honking and thinking that's fun for everybody. It's not fun for everybody, okay? Some of us need to sleep. Also...

When they were about to crash boats, why didn't he honk the horn then? I guess because the teenage girls were still on board. Because I was going to say, there were no guests on board. You could just honk. Why not? That's true, but who cares if the teenage guests are on board? It's an emergency. Honk the damn horn. It's better than the horn that we got, which was... Honk the horn. Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!

It's like the gates of hell opening.

So, yeah, that wasn't great. So then they have the meeting. And so Daisy's like, all right, charter five comments, feedback, things we can approve, ladies. And they just kind of stare at her and have no comment. So Daisy's like, okay, well, I'll go first.

I think it was my favorite charter. Wasn't it fun? I think it's important just trying to be quicker, like with decorations. You? I just feel like sometimes we're taking too long with that. And, oh, well, I'm so sorry that my art is something that you have to wait on. I'm so sorry.

Yeah, the New York Times actually posted something today about that there is now competitive tablescaping for people that they have competitions and they set up tablescapes. And I was like, this is my life that the first thing I thought of was Danny. And then the second thing I thought of was Bugsy. Bugsy and her like, quote unquote, high end tablescapes that always look chaotic and crazy to me. Yeah.

Yeah, I would love to see a tablescape competition. Why not? Yeah. Maybe Sandra Lee could judge it. She's like, ooh, who's got the best tablescape? I made jello pie today. So...

I don't know where that came from. I do not have a standard. Okay. Apparently. So we go to Daisy's giving her speech and she's like, all right, if we get stuff done quicker, we can have time to chill. And I think it's just less stressful for everybody involved. We're just trying to be better always. Right. Thank you, girls.

And they just stare at her. So she's like, yeah, they're saying a lot without using any words. And Danny's like, oh, let's get my work done. Always work hard. Everyone's everything always looks great. So I don't understand why I'm like number one on Daisy's target list. Because when everyone was working, you were the one, you know, like goofing around with Gary. So you're number one on Daisy's target list. You got time to work. That's why. Because you're always giggling and laughing and twerking around.

No more rhyming. I beg of you, please. I'm sorry, but it's your last episode. I've got to get them all in there, even if they're not directed at you. So Danny, yeah, Danny is, yeah, Danny is very upset. And so Daisy's like, Daisy goes into her room where Emma is and Daisy's like, Danny is slowly starting to hate me. And Emma's like,

Really? Wait, hold on. I need to have a cigarette before I hear the rest of the story. It's just so much work listening to stories. No, you know how I feel, except multiply that by the entire boat hating me, plus half the fish in the ocean. You know, I saw a dolphin come up to me while I was smoking today, and I think it flipped me off with its eyes. It was the rudest dolphin I'd ever seen. I haven't stopped crying, really. Why am I crying right now? God, something's exhausting me.

Well, she's developing more and more of an attitude with me. Like, you know, and she just is like, she's just like, stop annoying me.

So then Danny is like complaining. She's like, number one, you aren't like the only one that's like stressed. Number two, we never cheer because as soon as we're done, it's like you make us do something else. I'm like, yeah, that's because it's your job. You are astute. It's called working. You're not entitled to, yeah, you're not entitled to go play Wordle as soon as you're done making the table. Okay. When you're done with the table, you got to do the laundry. It's called, you're on a tiny boat that's about to sink any moment. So you might as well make things clean while you're there. We never get to chill. Uh,

Uh, so Danny's like, I'm not trying to be chief stew. And if you're intimidated by me, no one is intimidated by you. What the, this girl, I swear to God, she lost 10 pounds and she acts like she's a supermodel. No one is intimidated. No one is scared. No one is being mean to you because you're just too hot for the rest of us. Okay. You fucking twit. What is wrong with this person? I can't. Settle down, Carrie Fisher. So Daisy is like,

She's like, well, I clearly have an issue with me, but they don't want to talk and they don't want to resolve it. So, okay, go back to work.

Oh, my gosh. OK, so let's see. So now Glenn is like, well, I know it's that point of the season and, you know, the midseason blues can kick in or as we call them, the Amas. But let's keep rising above. Chloe, she knocked it out of the park with those muffins you bought from the store. Wow. We and, you know, we're really surviving for that superior standard. Good job, buddy.

And Cloyce says, yeah, never underestimate the absolute power that Cloyce Martin possesses across the board. Hey, yo, I made some basic pastries. Then Glenn's like,

Dick team, I'm not sure if we were firing on all cylinders this charter, but we'll talk more about that later after Emma gets fired. Oops, spoiler alert, Emma. Don't worry, she was on smoke breaks. She didn't even hear it. Anyway, thank you again for how you all handled last night. It's so important to stay vigilant. And so then they get their tip, which is like $18,000. And then tomorrow they get to have

their day off it's their their day of fun and they're going to be going to some caves and captain glenn is going to be joining because i love caves i was just reading up on him last night as davide was winking his butthole at me it's the only way i can get to sleep sometimes

Anyway, you guys finish cleaning up the boat. I'm going to go back to watching 10 different YouTube videos about caves. Okay. Bye, guys. And they're also going to be going to the O Beach Club. And so Danny's like, oh, my God. I'm fucking stoked. I'm going back to the beach and hopefully bump into Anthony because me and Anthony are texting almost every day. His text banter is just as good as his real life banter.

Let me read this one. I think we have unfinished business, so I want to see you again on your next day off. Is there a way I can slide into your plans? Let me know. Fuck that's hot. Fuck that's hot. God.

Wow. That is, that is hot banter right there. Read this one. It's like 50 Shades of Grey. How you doing? Your morning going okay? Just kind. Just kind. So hot. Rhythm and weep, Keith. Fucking loser. Hey, I've got a good sexy text. It's, here's mine. It goes like this. I can't wait to come inside of you. That was me texting a cave. Cause I'm literally going to go inside a cave. I can't wait. I love caves.

I can't wait to be in your windy, twisty tunnel, thrusting and thrusting until we both come out alive. Love you, cave. God, I love a cave. By the way.

you know what I don't like caves. These are scary. I'm down for like a big, I'm down for a big cave that they can even put lighting into. But like when people go in those tiny caves, go spelunking, good luck to you. Congrats on dying. Because that sounds, that's like the scariest shit in the world. Yeah. It's not, it's not good. Did you see that movie where all those girls went into the cave? The,

Oh, I was scared. Where there's like zombies around the bottom. Hell no. I don't watch horror movies. The Descent. I hear that movie is so scary. The Descent. Yeah, The Descent. Oh, God. Now are we talking about my job performance again? No, Emma. God, it's not about you. Jesus Christ. Oh, geez. So, um...

Yeah, I heard that movie is so, so scary. So Gary is now talking to Glenn. He's like, so I think you know the problem at hand. Do you know the problem at hand? Oh, well, is it that you always are being, you're always sexually harassing people on the boat? No. Oh, is it a...

Is it about the fact that we've gone this many seasons without visiting a cave? That is a problem. No, it's Emma. In my opinion, just a lack of initiative. Just not showing the willingness to work. Oh, bleh, bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.

So, dun-dun-dun. Okay, I'm gonna talk to her. Here we go. We've given her ample opportunities and she hasn't taken them. So, Emma, come on over here. Have a seat. I just want to have a word, okay? First word of the day, caves. Okay, second word of the day. I don't know how to put this really, but I love caves. And right now, you're not a cave. Okay.

Right now, you're just a big open space man underground. Okay? It's not working. You're not delivering what we need in Gary's department, which is either somebody to sexually harass or somebody that can do their job. Preferably both. Emma, let me tent all my fingers together to try to explain this to you.

Sometimes there are caves and sometimes there are cave-ins, okay? And while most times in life we like the things that are in, not the things that are out, when a cave caves in, it's terrible and that's not fun. You usually die. And you are kind of like a cave-in. Am I saying this right, Emma? Are you understanding what I'm saying? Yeah.

I can't give you raves because you're not a caves. Why are you rhyming at me? Okay, let me put it this way. If you've got time to flop, you've got time to mop. Oh God, I can't with rhyming. Please don't do this to me. Okay, listen. If you've got time to relax, you've got time to wax. Okay? If you've got time to spelunk, you've got time to pick up junk. All right. No, I don't want to spelunk. Okay.

You're rhyming about situations I'm not involved in. You don't have initiative, okay? And that's what I expect. And we really need initiative to do this job. You know, people have to pick up the slack. They don't have time to pick up the slacker. Okay, well, at least that wasn't a rhyme, actually. So I do appreciate that wordplay.

Unfortunately, we need someone in your position that has more skills than what you're showing. So I'm going to have to let you go. Oh, I promise. This isn't an easy thing for me to do. This is as hard for me to do as it is for you to tie a knot. Very difficult. Very, very difficult. And I mean that both literally and figuratively. Wow, that was a low blow there, Gary. Just because I'm 36 doesn't mean I'm...

an old maid. Well, well, things have to be explained to you over and over again. It's kind of funny because like... What were you going to say? I was going to say that like, credit to Captain Sandy. If Captain Sandy were doing this, she'd be like, hey, you know, I think you're great. You're just not, you're just not where we need you to be. So we're just going to have to let you go. But these guys, they're speaking in a very nice tone, but Glenn is like, yeah, so basically...

You don't really have initiative and you're not good at what you do. You just don't have the skills that what you need. And Gary's like, yeah, I mean, I hate to say it, but we have to explain things over and over and over to you. You're kind of like an idiot. You're just not a very smart person. It's sort of shocking you ever had a job in the first place. Yeah, we played Mary Fuck Kill that night. We should have actually all killed you. You know, it would have made this much, much easier. At least there would have been hopefully some life insurance for your sister.

You did all kill me at that. That was the moment that I lost my motivation, was when I realized that no one wants to fuck me on this infernal vessel that I'm trapped on. Okay, well, so, you know, it's just like you're pretty bad at your job. She's like, I can't. I'm not going to embarrass myself even more than I already have. And you've obviously made your mind up. So, well, if you've got time to make your mind up, you've got time to make...

You've got time to rope a wind-up. Come on, do it. Now listen, I just want you to know it's not you, it's you. You're terrible at your job. You don't have to cry. Well, I am going to cry, all right? If I've got time to cry, then you've got time to lie, which you're probably doing. It makes me very good at making a video. This is like...

Everybody's nightmare and firing somebody. This goes so fucking wrong. Everybody is just praying. When you're firing somebody, you just want somebody to be like, okay, thank you for the opportunity. This sucks, but I wish you the best. But no, she gets fired and she's like, what?

How dare you? Nothing will ever be the same. You might as well have killed me right now. Am I a ghost? I will be soon, thanks to you. I'll never recover. My parents will never recover. My ancestors, the future Emmas, will never recover. She's like on the floor, sobbing mascara.

She is being so overdramatic, but then they, honestly, they are just like kind of twisting the knife in too. Glenn's like, hey, Emma, we knew this might be a tough conversation, so we FaceTimed in your sister so she could watch. If things get tough, just look at her smiling. Emma, Emma, I realize you're getting fired. Can we wrap this up? I'm in the middle of three different conference calls in my very successful career.

Why was I even born? Well, look, to be fair, if you've got time to be sired, you've got time to be fired. Am I right? Oh, God, another rhyme. Please not with a rhyme. In the nicest way possible, I really don't want to carry on this conversation. He goes like, no, wait, Emma, we have to tell you more reasons why you got fired. She's like, no. So she storms off. I need a cigarette. She's like, I really appreciate it.

I need to go. Wait, Emma, but we haven't told you about the time that you fucked up the flag yet. We want to talk about that again. No, I must go. I can't have this conversation right now. I've got to have a cigarette. I've got to have a cigarette. Well, you can't just leave. You know, come on. We really need to finish. I just want to beat her to a pulp. I feel like...

I feel like actually she is allowed to just leave. I think after you've been fired, I think like the smarter thing is to be professional and to say thank you for your opportunity for the opportunity and you leave on a high note and you hope to get a recommendation for the future. But I also think that when you're on TV, I know you've been a flop. Yeah. When you've, well, not if Emma's been on it.

But I think if you've, I think if you've been a flop and you're being fired on TV and you have a successful sister and you are like, you're always fucking up and you're the one that parents are like, why can't you get your shit together, Emma? And here you are failing on in public. You have a right to say, I'm sorry. I just want to go hide off in my room right now. Thank you very much. No, you have to stay and listen to all the reasons why you're shitty. Yeah.

You have a right to do whatever you want. But I think he's just like, oh, my God, you already look so bad. Just stay and be professional. You know, he's like, oh, my God. At least in this one in this one instance, act professional for Christ's sake, lady. And she just it just completely. She can't. She can't do it at all. I mean, she just looks worse than ever. Bless her heart.

And so she goes off and then, but no, she has actually given the greatest gift of all, which is the gift of being able to go into every room and say, well, I've been fired. So she goes and tells Daisy and Daisy knows this is coming, but she has to pretend like she's surprised. So she like puts down her book very slowly. She goes, what? Oh, oh dear. Oh, goodness. Now listen,

I know you're all, you're thinking all the worst things right now, but sometimes you just need to be a stronger person in a situation. Oh, the stronger person. How can I be the stronger person when I've been torn apart limb by limb by the captain and Gary? Yeah.

I know, but sometimes we have to hear these things, you know. Sometimes you're right for things, and sometimes you're just not. You're just not. I can sort of see why Gary's not been able to look me in the eye for the past couple of days. I think he's just a fucking coward. What is he afraid of? He just fired you.

Yeah, I don't, he fired you. I don't think he's a coward. He's literally been, also he's been like correcting you over and over and over again. Like the coward thing would be if he just avoided you. He is, I will say he's not a coward in this situation. So I love Emma saying that she's the scapegoat. Well, you're the scapegoat of what? You're the scapegoat of your own like ineptitude. Yes.

But I guess you're not really going to know until you speak to Glenn. You've got to know. It's like, I guess in production, it's like, make her go back and talk to Glenn. We need more sobbing with Glenn. So Glenn's like, well, her reaction tells me she doesn't really see her shortcomings. And God, I'm glad we did this before we had to go into a cave with her. I love caves. So she's like, go talk to Glenn. What? What did you say, man? I don't know.

I just said I don't want anyone to ruin Cave Day. Yeah. I don't want to speak to Glenn. I just keep thinking about my mom and my dad. Dan is like, no, your mom and dad are going to be super proud. You don't know my mother and father.

You don't know. Emma, you haven't done anything to embarrass yourself. You've only done things to embarrass your parents. So I would not be standing here if I thought anything less than that. Okay. And I would just leave on your own and be like, if I thought you were, if you were embarrassing yourself, I'd be like, okay, I'm just gonna be like, bye bitch. You're crazy. So Danny is like, yeah, you know, like just say goodbye. Just say good fucking riddance. And I was like, I love you guys so much.

All right, I'm going to talk with Glenn. So she, uh, she goes up to Glenn and she's like, she's like, she's like, well, first she's like, Glenn, do you mind if I have a cigarette to calm down? And then I will talk to you. He's like, yeah, sure. Whatever. I'm right in the high of caves tomorrow. Go ahead. Have a great time with your cigarette.

Do you mind if I keep my sunglasses on because I'm very bloody right now? It's like, no, not at all. Okay, so look, this is not something... I feel just terrible, so I just want you to know...

This wasn't something rash. We've been wanting to do this for a long time. I mean, you are really, really terrible. You're like a piece of fish that's just been marinating for so long. You should have been thrown out weeks ago. I mean, just a marinade. You're not marinating any juices that anybody would like, though. You're just marinating an awful, awful, awful. Basically...

What were we talking about? All I can think about is caves. Why are you back here? Oh, God. You know what, Emma? There's an expectation of experience. And it's something you have to get on your own. And you already had some good experience. I saw it on your CV. Oh, another thing. Stop lying on your CV. Okay. No, I was hopeful that your experience would be enough. But apparently, you don't have enough experience.

And that's okay. You're going to go off somewhere and you're going to get it. You know, maybe you could be a deckie on a canoe somewhere, learn how to paddle. And then from there you go to a rowboat. And then from there to one of those, like those sunboat things, whatever the sails on the surfboard, you know, you work your way up and eventually you get to a junk. And then from there, I

I don't know. Like, oh, one of those paddle boats, you know, one of those, you get on, go on a lake and you go around on a nice date and, oh, you don't have any dates coming up, do you? Oh, Glenn, insult to injury. The point is there are so many boats for you to get experience on before you come onto a yacht.

Listen, if you've got time to lose, there's always Carnival Cruise. Oh, God, you're sending me out with a rhyme about Carnival Cruise. It was good enough for Gifford. Okay, see you later, alligator. Stop sucking. Keep trucking. If you've got time to achieve, you've got time to leave. Okay, see you next time. What?

Hey, we've called a shuttle. It's time to scuttle. All right, that's enough. Please don't do this to me. I know it's scary, but you've basically been buried. If you've got time to embarrass your parents, you've got time to...

You've got you just got time to do things. I'm out of rhymes. Please go. So she goes and Glenn's like, well, I want to explain exactly what's going on, everybody. Let's have a meeting now just with Emma everywhere. She's gone. And he's like, what the fuck? I made the decision to let her go. I mean, I liked her, but God damn, what an idiot. Am I right? She talked about someone unworthy for a cave.

Keith is like, wow, I slipped right through that. Okay, well, okay. It's like, I did not see that coming. So now everyone's, now it's time to go out. God, it really sucks to get fired right before party times. So she gets fired and now everyone's getting dressed and Glenn gets a taxi. You don't even get to go to the O-Club. You're going to the No-Club.

but does anyone really want Emma and Ibiza? Like, I feel like Ibiza is not Emma's vibe. She'll just be depressive in the corner. Yeah. They're going to get so much replacement. Yeah, that's exactly. So there's going to be a new deck hand, uh, coming in two days. And, um,

Meanwhile, Gary is moping because now Gary's going to do the thing. He's going to do the Gina Kirshenheider thing where he goes, I feel bad. So he feels bad. He's like, maybe I could have been a better leader. Maybe I could have done something different. Maybe I could have saved more person. It's like, you know what? Relax. I know. Why is Gary? Gary has so much more remorse.

about this situation than all the people he has been totally gross to over the past, over all the years. So we know that this is, we know that this is insincere because we know he doesn't truly care about other people's emotions given by how many emotions he fucks with all the time.

Well, it's like the typical – it's kind of the typical fuckboy thing even though this isn't a fuckboy situation. But it's the typical fuckboy demeanor where he's worried that he's going to be perceived as being mean to a woman even though he usually is mean to a woman. But in this situation, he's like worried that he's going to be perceived that way. So he's coming out in full victim cloak. Like, ew, it just feels terrible. That's what I did to that poor, poor helpless woman.

And trying to garner a little sympathy and stuff. And Daisy's like, well, sad and hard day, but that's not to take away from our compliments. I mean, look over here. Danny did a table mediocrely. The other one cleaned the toilet mediocrely. I mean, just going up from here, right, girls? Yeah. And then Gary is just sad at the table because they're now at dinner. Gary's at the table. So he slinks off to go to a bartender and

Cause he's like, uh, he's literally going to self-medicate. He's going to get drunk enough where he doesn't have to feel the feelings and he can have a good time again. So he's like, Oh, I'm just going to have some, I'm going to have some shots and I'm going to get fucked up and then I'll be the life of the party. I'm like, this man is so sad. This is the saddest man. And you know, he even spoke to his mom on the phone and she's like, I hear you're sad. Like try not to get too drunk. Cause I know that you're sad. Um,

Oh, yeah, we skipped the mom part. He did talk to his mom. We got to meet his mom. Oh, mother, I'm feeling terrible because there was a girl saying, hello, Gary. I'm feeling terrible. Gary, don't drink tonight. Your mother loves you, Gary. Don't drink too much, Gary. He's like, I won't, mother. I won't. And the second he gets out, he's like. He's like, let me have secret shots.

I see that you're sad. You want to get a cigarette, Gara? So she's like, how are you? She's like, I'm a bit down, blah, blah. It's like, oh, I know you are. I feel like I could have been a better teacher or a better leader or a better person who yells at a yacht, hello.

Hello. But I wasn't. She's like, oh, Gary, you know, what did we learn today? This is the lesson with Daisy and Gary. Here's what I learned. You could do better, Gary. And also I learned girls love to communicate. Are we done here? She's like punching out.

You know what would make you feel better? Respecting me more, goddammit! So then she's like, are you okay, Gary? The most important thing is that you're trying, okay? Please, say you're okay, Gary. Okay.

And then Danny, meanwhile, is at the table. He's like, who's talking me in tonight? Who's talking me in, boys? And Keith is like, too much tequila. And then David A goes, I mean, I know I'm Italian, but I did understand what you were trying to say. And then Danny is like, you're Italian? Fuck, no way, this whole fucking time? Okay, tell me you are self-involved without telling me you're self-involved. She was kidding, right? Like, I...

Please say she was. Oh, she was? I'm assuming. I think she was sincere. I think she sincerely did not realize he was Italian. Because girls like this, or even guys like this too, but I've just known a fair share of girls who are just... All they care about really is themselves. And they just prattle on about like, oh my God, this guy's interested in me. And this guy's interested in me. And oh my God, I got a text from this guy. And oh my God, I'm flirting with this guy. They're so self-involved that she doesn't even realize...

She doesn't realize that this guy is Italian. She doesn't even think about it. Hasn't even had a conversation with him to know. But watch, it'll be like, no, Ben, she was joking. Yeah, I'm praying that she's joking. Oh, my gosh. What a numbskull. So he's like, well, it'd be better because I'm drunk now. Hey, guys, you got hard nipples. And he pinches his nipples open.

And he's like, are you a part of the CNA or not? That is the Cripple Nibble Association.

Actually, I don't know if you know this, but CNA has rebranded and now it's CNA Fusion and it's into wellness. So Daisy's like, we started out on a lull, but we're ending on a high. So then she goes off to have a private conversation with Keith and she's like, I don't get along with the girls. And he's like, yeah, they're very immature. I hate to say that. She goes, yeah, like, well, I'm just like, what am I going to say that's going to set them off?

Yeah, and Keith is like, especially with Danny, I mean, she was like, you're kind of an asshole in uniform. And I'm like, okay, that's very confronting to me. I've never been told that. Daisy's like, from my perspective, you've been nothing but polite. And I hope you don't take it hard. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't be yourself and that you can't speak to me at least. Oh, jeez. Just make out already. I don't know why I'm laughing. I just...

I know. By the way, I don't know why it's worth mentioning, but I do want to mention that Daisy is so hammered. She lifted up her drink at dinner to cheers everyone, and then she dropped it on the table and smashed everywhere. So she's wasted right now, but like, check it out, it's back to me. And Keith is like, well, I always feel like I can speak to you. You are the one person on this boat that I feel like I can be myself around. I'll tell you that straight up right now.

The crusty sock. That's me. You're the only person that doesn't mind. That's right. I love a crusty sock. So then Gary is wasted and he's taking shots with Davide and running around and stuff. And now they're in a sucker fight. And he's making that...

Yeah, they're, well, he's, he's being, he first, he interrupts Keith and Daisy during their burgeoning romance here. And he's like, we're talking, Gary. And he's, he gets, you know, he's really drunk because he's doing that like disgusting laugh. He's like, he's like doing those gross inhales. And so he and Davide are like, are horsing around in the cabin and you know, shit's about to go down.

Because the credits start rolling, but we know the scene is like... The music goes away, but the credits are rolling. Whenever that happens, you know some shit is about to go down. And then the credits... Because if they want to get the credits out of the way, that means, oh, something's going to happen. So they're being silly. So Gary throws a lollipop at Davide.

casually, and Davide throws it back. And Gary's like, no, you got to throw it better than that. So he throws it again, and Davide throws it back. And Gary's like, no! And so Gary takes this lollipop and just like

rails it at Davide and it like hits Davide in the face and Davide cracks up and he like flops over on the white sofa with his hands over his face and they're cracking up and guys like that one will leave it Mark. But then when Davide stands up again, his face is covered in blood, like blood. Yeah. He's bleeding really bad.

Really bad. And the blood is all over the sofa. It's all over the floor. They hit it on the sofa. It's everywhere. And all of a sudden, he's like, dun, dun, dun. I'm not fast. I looked up sailing. Bleeding eyes. A violent lollipop injury to take us into the factory. You got lollipopped.

Bro, that was major. That was the episode, everyone. That was mage, guys. All right. Well, that does us for Below Deck today. Super fun times. Everybody have a great holiday. We have some more recaps this week, but some of you only listen to Below Deck, which I'm fine by me. Who needs you? Happy holiday. We love you guys. We're so glad you're here. And we'll talk to you next week, eh?

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