#2623 RHOP 0907: Short, Stop!
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Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappin'! It's a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on EOBROVS. I'm Ronnie. That's the hotness of my life. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. I need to get our heads even here on the video. I know. Sorry. I rose up. Now it's two bald heads, very even with each other. Well, you're the bald head.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. It is Potomac Day. God bless us all. And it's also Crappy Hour Day. That is our biweekly. Do not question its sexuality. Kyle Richards will be very upset with you. Don't do that. But it's our biweekly Bravo Gossip and News Show on YouTube Live. Also streamed on Instagram Live if you'd prefer. And guess what? You'll always find it for free to the public on

on Patreon, which is also where you get all these videos right when they come out, and our bonus episodes. So it's fun times over there. This week's bonus episode was just bitching like grumpy old fuckers. We just bitched about everything that old people need to get off of our chest, our very saggy chest. So we did that. So go listen to that. And tonight on Crappy Hour, we have a very special guest, YouTube's own Kempaya, from the Kempaya channel. Yes.

A wonderful guy. We're excited to meet him. We've been enamored with him for a long time on the internet, but we're going to finally meet tonight. So join us for that 5.30 Pacific time. What say you, Ben? How's everything going? How was your weekend? Weekend was so fun. I did very exciting things. Like, for instance, I signed myself up on Blue Sky. You know, I cannot resist a trend. And so I hopped on there. So go find me on there, everyone. Ben Mandelkerf.

And other than that, I made a cake, I watched football, I played board games. I did all the really fun things. You know, it was just a really great weekend for me. Well, that's good. Yeah. And I ate a squash.

So, you know, it was good. I'm really excited. I am going to do a small plug for my Substack because it's Thanksgiving time here in the States. Thanksgiving is next week, and I know if you're like me, you enjoy putting together a Thanksgiving spread. So go check out my Substack, nbdfancy.substack.com, because I have...

or you know posts on there about thanksgiving and some ideas and i'll probably write one this week so go check it out all right go do it blue skies and sub stack there you go all the time

All the fun stuff. So today is Potomac Day. It is called Hard Launch, Soft Landing. Not a good episode for short people, for short guys specifically. Short women are okay, but short men die. Just die already. Don't put yourself into a wood chipper, because let me tell you who hates you. Literally every woman on earth. They hate you, and you don't deserve to live. These short guys can't catch a break, or anything that's thrown too high. But these poor guys.

I know our sweet short kings, they finally had an episode that was really, they really got to, I won't say stand tall, but they got to just be there on screen. And just when they're like, you know, feeling, you know, feeling a little pop cock in their walk or pop into whatever, you know, then comes this like tall Adonis football player. And it's like, wah, wah, wah, back to the back to under the bridge. You go, you little trolls.

Poor Short Kings. They deserve better. They should not be put on the same episode as the tall Super Bowl winning football player. And you know what? Short Kings rise above. You know what I mean? Not literally. Because that's just not going to happen. But yeah, seriously, stop the short. Hey, what's wrong with short guys? They have hearts. Their hearts are just the same size, but maybe a little smaller.

Not as tall. But they're still the same size hearts. Be nice to short people, you jerks. Okay, so let's go on. On the screen. Seven days until Karen's court date. So, Karen is watering plants. And she's talking to them. And I think this is kind of like Karen's version of Munchausen by proxy. Just, like, forcing her plants to drink. So, like, she can put the shift somewhere else, you know? Right. She's like, I'm coming, children. Oh!

Mommy is going to give you some water. Yes, mommy is giving you water. It's like turpentine. She's like, oh, no. I'm sick again. We don't know what it is. It's mysterious. My plants have been walking sideways all day. Now who's driving drunk, you little ficus bitch? I can't talk about it. I can't talk about my ficus. There's a court case. I cannot talk about this. So then we go see how busy, busy, busy Kieran is.

And she's, you know, she's like, guys, we are going to start organizing a marketing plan for July. So that's our next area of focus. Wow. July. So in July, we need to tell people, it's July, get your face done. There's one. It's like a step above organizing brochures. I have one word.

Hashtag boss bitch. Hello. They're going to start organizing a maybe marketing plan. I'm so excited for her. Boss bitch brochure marketing plan. She's like, possibly happy hour immediately after. Got you. So that's great. We go from Karen trying to pretend her plants are the drunk, from Kierna trying to turn all of her employees into alcoholics. So that's fun.

Exactly. And then we go to Mia and Jacqueline at lunch. And Mia's like, well, Inc. is here this weekend, of course. So there's going to be a little bit more on and bopping. And Jacqueline's like, and I'll be the first one in line to pop because I am here to stay. I'm the number one sidekick. I'm not a sidekick at all. What are you talking about? I'm number one. Thank you.

And Jacqueline is doing this whole, like, I was the one who told you to get more D, honey. Yeah. I'm like, who are you even being right now? This is, you've never been like this. Why are you being like this? Like, she's like, look at my personality. It's on a 12 out of 10. Yeah. And also, like, do you think you actually win a trophy for telling someone who's divorcing, you need to get some more D? Like, I'm sorry. Yeah.

That was not innovative advice. She was getting more D long before she was divorced. Mia was probably getting that D like on her wedding night from this kid, you know? Yeah, let me tell you something. The letter D comes before G. What?

I was being sassy. I said the letter G comes before D. I mean, sorry, I said the letter D comes before G. See, now I've ruined up my own sass. I was like, girl, the letter D happens before G, meaning that she was getting dicked way before she even met G. I get it. I just didn't hear it.

I'm not dumb. I'm just deaf, okay? So she's like, yeah, I was the one who told you. You better get that deep, babe. I was like, oh my gosh, stop auditioning for whatever you think you're auditioning for because you're still failing. How are you doing your third season of this show? I mean, Potomac's just like, but she's so nice. Did she bring gummy worms to the staff? I mean, what does Jacqueline do for you guys exactly? Maybe. Maybe.

So then we sort of land at Stacy's apartment for a big Stacy and TJ scene. By the way, I have a hot take about TJ. I don't think you're going to see this one coming. You know who I think TJ looks like in the face? If you really look at his face, especially when he's not doing his big fake smile. It's mainly when he's not doing his big fake smile. Potato. No, he looks like Dorothy. Yeah.

No, Candace's mother, Dorothy. Just look at his face. I'm telling you, just look at it when he's not smiling and I think you will see it. Just trust me on this, everyone. You know what's so weird? I can't think of Dorothy's face, but I can think of her voice.

hear her voice but not her face which is weird um it's traumatized by people getting beat with verses so yeah just black it out

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's my hot take. I would love to see if anyone else sees it. No, I have to look it up. Hold on, Ben. God damn it, Ben. If he's smiling, you're not going to see it if he's smiling. But there were some moments where he was – when he's not smiling and he forgets to smile, he actually goes into a scowl, which I think is very telling. He's like, hmm. And so when he's in his scowl face, that's when he becomes Dorothy.

I can see it. You see it? Yeah, hold on. Let me pull it up so everybody can see. We're going to share it with Crappas on Demand. Yeah, hold on. Oh, gosh. Of course, we've got a million ads now that I have to pop off here. But yeah, let me share it too. Why would you do this to me? Now I'm going to be thinking of this the whole day. Like, why would you do this to this poor man? You know, he doesn't deserve that. That's Dorothy.

That's Dorothy. Okay, so you want me to look him up now too? Okay, so what's his name? TJ. That's all we know. Trader Joe's. It's a Trader Joe's sign. So you don't want him smiling? Okay, so you want him like a serious face. Yeah, serious. So do you see him? I don't know if this is totally supporting my theory, this image right here that you brought up. Really? It's scowling.

I know. I will find a side by side. She's very despondent in that photo. She just found out Candace left the show. I feel like these are similar vibes that they're showing off. Okay. They're vibey twins. I will come back with better evidence.

when the time is right i will come back that's just funny okay so stacy is like um he's like so i have to say i really love this place because you know we haven't talked about it you know and um that's very cool that i appreciate yeah it's um i think you did a great job picking it i

You really don't know how to talk to anybody. Like, are you just this bad around women? Because you're not nervous around women.

He's just someone who has been doing the on-air thing so long that they can't talk like a normal person. I don't know if you've ever met someone like that. But people who are just constantly in morning show voice, and they can't talk normally. They can't say like, oh, this place looks really cool. It's like, your place looks wonderful. I love what you've done here. We're going to have all the details on how you can get this look for cheaper tomorrow at 7 a.m.

Yeah, I'm friends with a school teacher. She's one of my best friends and she teaches young kids, you know, really young kids. And she talks like this all the time. So she'll be like, are we going out tonight? I can't wait. Where are we going to go? I'm like, okay, get your kindergarten voice off. Okay. You turn the adult and her adult voice. It's not like she suddenly turns into like, well, hello, where are we going for drinks? Like she doesn't do that, but at least like,

I feel like she's going to change my diaper every time I hang out with her. I'm like, girl, drop the kid voice. Okay, I'm 50. I'm almost 50 years old. Are you going to eat all that? Good for you. That looks delicious. God, girl. Oh, God, that would drive me absolutely nuts. Sweet, though.

And it was really fun to talk to her about serious things. She'll be like, you had sex with who? That's amazing. What was his penis like? Be quiet. We're in a restaurant. Please write it out right here on this triple lined loose leaf paper. That's.

That's like my memory of kindergarten. Oh, gosh. Upstairs, downstairs letters. Yeah, so anyway, I've never met anybody who talks like this, though. Because this isn't even Morning Show. I just want to repeat his sentence because I think it's extremely important. Because...

Someone needs to study this guy. Because some people are like, he's gay. And then some people are like, no, he's not. He's just really Christian. And then some people are like, leave him alone. He didn't do nothing but not have sex. No, there's like a weird vibe all over this guy. So I'm going to repeat the sentence so you guys can let it sink in with no inflection, okay? I have to say I love, love this place because we haven't talked about it. This is something that's very cool that I appreciate. I think you did a great job choosing it.

Are you from AI? I know. Who talks like this? It sounds very, very chat GPT. So Stacey's like, I love my crash pad. My new space away from the complications of my divorce. It's a place where I can go when my husband's at home with Arabella. It's like my little sanctuary away from Arabella.

Arabella. And Stacey then says, so we're here in my new crash pad. So we're going to do something to mark this occasion. And I'm going to paint you and you're going to paint me. And then maybe I'll give you a blow job. Just try to sneak it in there, TJ. I see you running for the door. Okay. It was just a joke. Just a joke, TJ. I meant blow on your soup. Have a seat. The name Arabella sounds like a casino in a small town, doesn't it?

Like Mariah Carey's coming and she'll be playing it the Arabella. Or Mariah. I'm sure there's a casino in Idaho called the Arabella. There's also, there was someone on Love Island UK named Arabella and she came back for All Stars and she just kept on getting dumped. And every time she got dumped, she's like, I just don't understand like what is wrong. I'm like a 10 out of 10. Why are people doing this to me? It's like, are you kidding me?

I wish I could be there so I could be the host and I could be like, ciao, Arbella. Or I could be like, bye-bye, Arbella. How about Errorbella? Era, you made an era.

And now it's Ciao Bella. We'll have to, we'll reach out to Ariana, see if she can hook that up for you with her Love Island Connects. She's too famous now. I know, she's so famous now. She's like, she's so famous. She's president. She got elected. She actually won a state.

so anyway uh where were we again oh yeah stacy so she's like arabella i'm gonna gamble in her later i just love the way stacy says arabella too she really like leans into every single syllable arabella

So she's like, so since we're in my new crash pad, oh yeah, so we're going to paint, okay? And then we will reveal our portraits and then the winner gets something good. Season passes to the zoo? Yes, season passes to the zoo. That's exactly what I was going to say, TJ. Because everything is a childhood, everything is a childish thing, right? We're going to paint and whoever does the best gets a prize, right?

Then they talk about going to the zoo all the time. It's so weird. It's like, do you want a juice box or my box? Juice. What do you want? Jesus, get an adult, please. So then he's like, I just want to go to the track and work out. Let me guess, you shower there. And she's like, wait, is that what you want to win? And he goes, yeah, what do you want? She's like, a dick. What do you think I want? A dick. I don't even care what the dick would look like at this point. You could have a pinky dick. I don't care. Just give it to me. Give me some dick. He's like,

the track. She's like, no, I'm sorry. I just, I want to give you a spa day. Spa day. I want to give you a spa day. He's like,

Okay, so one of those spas, you go to the women's side, I go to the men's spa. Sounds great. No, no. Oh my gosh. Okay, I'm flirting with you. Accept this flirtation. He's like, hey, I am. I am. Hey, look, I can flirt right back with you. I'm going to open up some paint. Look at me twisting off the top. And I'm going to show you that if you really want to get a dab of paint, you stick this thing in it. And that was flirtation.

He's like, now some people like putting this thing in the hole to punch it until stuff comes out of the hole. Personally, I like getting another tube and slapping them together until something happens. Like, wait a minute. Here's how we're going to paint. We call it sword fighting. TJ, what are you doing with those tubes? Oh, I'm sending them to Tube Zoo.

Do you have a paper towel? The tubes really like to work out and then go to the zoo. I'm flirting with you back. Yeah, you know, really mature sexuality jokes aside, there's just no sexuality here. So just give it, you know, and that's okay. Some people just don't have very high set. You know, everybody, there's so many different things that get you one that does. You know what I mean? Get the right thing. Don't keep waiting for something that's never going to come. You ordered your food.

An hour ago. It still hasn't come. Go to McDonald's. You know what I mean? Stop waiting for your food. It's going to be inferior by the time it gets here anyway. It's going to be stale. It's going to be sitting under that heat lamp for an hour. You're going to want it. Get a better plate.

It's also, I think it's in combination with his cheesiness. He's like really cheesy, which is why everyone's like, something is like off with this guy. And like, it's one thing to be like, okay, I'm devout or whatever, but it's like the devout and the super cheesy vibes that are happening. Everyone's like, no, everyone, everyone believes this is a front.

So Stacey's like, TJ has been very clear that he is a devout Christian. So that means we are practicing celibacy. In case you didn't know, I just have to bring it up one more time in case you're wondering why I'm hanging out with a creepy-ass guy right now with a giant smile that looks like he wants to kill someone when he's not on camera. So now that I've been celibate for over a year now, it's been a challenge. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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And so she was like, oh, this is what people do when they're on dates. And he's like, and they don't, and don't they have wine? She goes, you would like a glass of wine? He's like, no. She goes, oh, right. Cause you don't drink. You don't smoke. He's like, I don't sleep with you. I'll say it there. That's what I thought you were going to ask for, but I'm not going to do it. Good luck to you. Am I right? You're not getting anything.

She's like, this isn't fun. Like he can be Christian. It doesn't mean you have to let him pray. You know, it's freedom of religion, but it's your freedom to not practice. Oh, let him practice celibacy. You practice fucking. Yeah, exactly. So then she's like, well, could I ask for that for you to sleep with me? And he goes, listen, you can ask Santa Claus for a new car, but that doesn't mean you're going to get it. And she's like, okay, well, that went, that went downhill quick.

He's like, sorry. Santa Claus would fuck you faster than this guy. I'll bet you if you asked Santa Claus to fuck you, he'd do it. I mean, you'd have to kind of wade through the fupa a little bit. You know that that person is older than Barbara. But still, he'd do it.

By the way, I do believe that Santa Claus does deliver new cars because, hello, there's a whole series of Lexus December to Remember sales events that happen with beautiful red bows on top of Lexuses every single year on TV. So where do those come from? A car dealership? I don't think so. Those are from the North Pole. North Pole? I'll take it. Not bad. Not bad.

So isn't there a whole thing? Who told me? Did you tell me about this or did someone else? And I don't know if this is verified. This is, I think, just something that someone told me that like in the Mormon community, isn't there like some sort of thing where like,

The, like, for people who are practicing celibacy or abstinence, they, like, lie naked on top of each other on a bed, but the bed, the special bed that, like, vibrate back and forth. So it's like they're not having sex. It's just the vibrations are causing friction. Does this sound familiar to you? No, I've never heard of that. That's so exciting. This feels like something I would have learned from you.

So it's weird that I'm telling you. I don't think so. I hope I got that right. I don't think I've ever known about a moving bed that makes you climax. I'll take it. I'm just saying that could be something for TJ because it's like, he's not, he's just lying there. He's not having sex. He's just lying there. And it just so happens that the furniture is moving. I love that you're like tricking God. God's like, wow, look at them just enjoying their time. Okay. I'll just move on to, you know, all the hurricanes. Yeah.

God's like, no, I know I made that vibrating bed and I know I made these two celibate people, but I guess they're just lying there. Okay, moving on.

So they're joking about how he's not going to bang her. And she goes, well, I guess that went downhill quick. So let's just have the next conversation. I'm going to catch her. Everything beautiful about you. Oh, those muscles. Yeah, I'm going to get those muscles. It's like, you're not going to get those muscles, but you can have fun painting them. So then they show each other their paintings and they're cute. It's like two five-year-olds did paintings of each other.

And hers is basically a big penis. And his is of like a no sign, like that goes over no smoking, but with a little stick figure of a lady in the middle. Those are cute. Yeah.

And then he burned it up. It was so weird when he lit it on fire and threw it out the window. He said it was too sexy. I called it a witch and that was done. Yeah, yeah, it was awkward. By the way, I did look it up and the the Mormon thing. It's called soaking.

But I don't know if it's actually verified or if it's just an urban legend that it goes around. But for people who are like, Ben, it's called soaking. That's what it's called, soaking. Well, I don't know. I suggest no one look that up on Pornhub because I don't think that's what's going to come out. Yeah, I think...

I think we don't want to see any sort of visual of two people just lying on each other while the bed shakes. No. Okay, so this was really sad. And then she's like, well, I have to tell you,

On our girls trip, they asked me about you in our relationship. They don't believe that you could, you know, be a man of God. They think, you know, that you're running game on me. What do you think of that? Please be running game on me. Please. Running game on me right now. Please.

Oh, running game? Is that like going to the track where we're going to run and then work out? God, I'm so glad they were talking about me. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for bringing me up on your girls' trip. Now I know why there are cameras here. This is really working out well. She's like – so we see flashbacks of Giselle asking questions about TJ and everything and the woman being like, okay.

So TJ goes, listen, I'm okay with them saying whatever they want to say until they meet me. And she says, but you're going to meet them on Friday because Jassy is having an event for her Super Bowl winning boyfriend who she has sex with lots and lots of sex with him all the time. Wow. Hold on one second. Let me just imagine what that is like. All right. I repressed it. What were we talking about?

We're going to celebrate him because he just won Super Bowls. Oh, God. Big Super Bowls. Probably just ready to rip. Super Bowl? Sorry? Okay. It's a small get-together. You're going to meet everybody. But when I say laugh, I mean, they're like, oh, wow. They're going to really laugh. And it's like, well, guess what? They're not making fun of us, okay? Because I'm trying to follow God. So they're not making fun of us. They're making fun of God.

And he says it so excitedly. He's like, they're making fun of God. They're making fun of God. And she's like, okay, all right. Still horny. Still don't want to go to the zoo. Don't care who they're making fun of because I have needs that need to be met. Okay, great.

So then we go to Ashley's house and she's hosting tonight. And it's really cute. I don't know if she uses like a Siri or if she uses an Alexa, but I just, the song that plays now every time,

Ashley comes on and says, Lock those kids up. You're shooting. You're at work. Put those kids in a crate. I don't care what you need to do, but every time she comes on the screen now, it's not only children, it's child terrorists. Okay? Protesting something with Ryan...

with iron arms, iron bars, hitting up against things. Put those kids away. Give them a Benadryl. I can't take anymore. It is wild. These are the loudest kids on Bravo. But also, these are kids who are adamant about spending as little time

walking on a floor as possible. Last week, we saw one kid on top of this SUV. And then this time, both kids are just flopping around on the kitchen island. Now, I don't know. Is that normal for toddlers? Because my instinct was to say,

They should not be on that kitchen island just sitting there flopping around. If they're going to sit and eat their apple slices, do it on a chair or the floor, but not the kitchen island. Am I naive? Is this like a place where parents put their kids these days? Yeah, yeah. Kids love kitchen islands. Okay, well, that's fine. If that's the way it is, that's the way it is. I can be flexible.

My first memory in my whole life was sitting on an ironing board while my mom was walking around the kitchen with curlers in her hair on the wired phone, the big curly phone, in our avocado and orange kitchen. And I was sitting on the ironing board.

probably while there was an iron heating up to do iron isn't it ironic don't you think there was a kid in my there was a kid in my elementary school who had like a big sort of like orange sort of like oval kind of like scarred or dark patch because he once uh thought the iron was a telling telephone and he picked it up against his cheek

That could have been you, Ronnie. That's what I'm trying to say. No, I didn't answer the phone. I was like an adult even then. It's like I'm now. I don't answer the phone. I don't need it. You're like, uh-huh. And back then I was like, send me a telegram. I didn't answer the fucking phone.

I'm not getting off of this ironing board. I'm busy. So then, anyway, Ashley's having Giselle and Karen over, and she's making buckets of bevs. And Giselle's there first, and they're talking about how they need to talk to Karen because, you know, Karen has to do some court time. And then we see five days until Karen's court date, and a screenshot that says, but the plants are the real alcoholics. Don't think, don't think, don't think.

So, yeah. So, Ashley's offering some drinks and everything like that and some beverages. And they're sort of settling down. And she's talking about... Ashley starts talking about how... Oh, Ashley is saying... She offers up... She goes, do you want some olive oil and lemon? This olive oil and lemon drink. And Giselle's like, olive oil and lemon? And she's like, yeah, it's supposed to be good for her skin. I'm like, girl...

That is not a drink. You're drinking salad dressing. Olive oil and lemon juice is salad dressing. But does it work differently when you just drink it? I don't think it works at all, I'm going to say. Really? Olive oil and lemon juice, I mean, I think they're both healthy ingredients. But I don't... She's like, yeah, it's this new thing where you take lemon juice and mix it with olive oil. I'm like, yeah.

I do that every single night when I make a salad.

Literally. Add some dill and some pistachios. It's delicious. God, you're so fancy. God, listen to that salad. Dill. Add some dill and some pistachios. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. First rule. First rule. Anytime I go to the supermarket, no matter what, even if I don't have a plan for it, you always pick up a little thing of dill. And you always have dill ready to go. And you throw it in that salad. That's a little Alice in Roman dill. It's an Alice in Roman salad. I'm telling you. I've been making it for like four years straight. It never gets old. Dill, pistachios, garlic.

And this new magnificent health drink called olive oil and lemon juice. But I think this olive oil and lemon is something that the people who don't eat a lot of calories do because they don't get any calories. So it's like a way of getting your calories and your fats while also just not having to eat. And it's like what really thin people do. It's like when thin people are like, oh, yeah, I eat all the time. And you're like, oh, really? What do you eat? They're like, oh, gosh, nuts.

peanut butter. So I tried that and I just kept gaining even more weight. And I was like, this is bullshit, you know? And then they're like, well, what else are you eating? And I would tell them, no, they only eat nuts. They'll eat like a handful of nuts and that's it. They're like, oh no, you eat nuts because they're packed densely with calories. You only have to have a few and then you don't have to eat anything else. Like who lives like this? They'll like purposely eat things, densing calories. So they only have to eat a little bit. That's no way to live. Jesus.

Yeah. You know, it's funny. It's like if olive oil and lemon juice is like, if that's the thing you drink because you don't really eat very much, what does this say about the people who have just lettuce with olive oil and lemon juice? It's like, whoa, whoa. That's pretty intense that you're taking on the lettuce there.

Yeah, it's disgusting, you sloth. This is Glenn adding lettuce with the olive oil and lemon juice. Oh yeah, it's like when people are like, oh my god, you eat fruit? What kind though? Grapes? The worst kind. Well, watermelon. Watermelon? That is the worst fruit. Bananas?

Oh, bananas. Oh, let me guess. For vegetables, you eat carrots. I'm like, yeah. They're like that. You eat the Snickers bars of vegetables. That's actually what a Weight Watchers lady named Janelle wants. Oh, Janelle. You know what? I think you need to revisit the things that Janelle has said to you because you've carried them with you for a very long time. Well,

Well, that's part of my 13.

I don't think she's right either. And I'll bet she's chubby too. I'll bet she's, she's chubby now all these years later and fucking judgy, judgy ass Janelle. I'll bet she was like, screw that. I'm not listening to anything. I think she was probably like forcing us to do it. And then she was going home and eating M&Ms because guess who didn't have to weigh in? Janelle. The rest of us had to get on there and cry every week, but not Janelle. She's like, well, my nails might cost more weight anyway, because she had these really big long nails.

And, you know, I don't know. I never saw proof that Janelle was even following the program, honestly. She's probably at home right now eating a meatloaf and listening to Bruno Mars. Like, surely he's not talking about me. It's a different Janelle. It's you, Janelle. It's fucking you. Okay?

You traumatized my poor Ronnie with all your bad misinformation, Janelle. She's like, this wouldn't even be me. He's not even talking about El Paso, Texas. Yes, I am. I'm talking about El Paso. Well, there's a lot of Weight Watchers meetings in El Paso. Surely he's not talking about the one that took place on Saturdays at Zach White Elementary on Love Road. Yes, I am. Yes, I am talking about it.

Janelle's like, I mean, he was obviously a gay child. I was just putting on a campy performance for him. Did he really take what I said seriously? I didn't even like Dick until you told me Snickers are only for gay people. She's like, I was just trying to be a gay icon for him. You are. You are a gay icon. That you went with. I love you, Janelle. I'll never make me hate you.

So let's see. So now they're talking about Ashley's mom and she's like, oh, I put my mom on olive oil and lemon because she has heart problems. Don't give your mom olive oil to drink because she has heart problems. Listen, people, you're not your own doctors. Ashley, that especially pertains to you. You don't give someone with heart problems, you don't have them chugging fucking oil, girl. She's like, no, she's on a strict vinaigrette only diet. We cut the fat out.

We got all that fatty iceberg lettuce. So then she's talking about, yeah, she's just trying to get her mom to be healthier and all that sort of stuff. So now Karen shows up.

And they're all eating outside. And Giselle's like, oh, Ashley, well, I haven't seen popcorn with croissants before, so this is actually a little different, but I'm here for it. Which is her way of saying, what the hell did you put out for us? Popcorn and croissants. Yeah, Matthew's like, yeah, my kids love it.

So, let's see. She has to get an omni-something, some sort of a test, right? So then Giselle, I mean, yeah, the mom. So then Karen comes, and Karen's like, oh, God, look at all this food. I'm just so glad I came. Oh, we're so glad. Do you have anything I can put in my purse that's liquid for my plants? We're really going through it right now. They haven't grieved. They haven't grieved.

Well, Karen, it's been so good. I'm so happy to see you. Finally, I haven't seen you since Lake Norman. Well, that was a lot, that Lake Norman beats. I thought, you know, to be honest, I was really disappointed in Mia and Jacqueline, who are saying that I came to them for alcohol rehabilitation.

And now she's like, well, they said you needed help. Well, that's what Mia said. She's a liar. She's an opioid addict. Oh, did I say that part? But anyway, she has a problem with opioids. Anyway, I do hear that they're breaking bad off of her. So I don't know. Read what you want to read. It's all on YouTube. Karen was stalking Mia's YouTube to find evidence of her wrongdoing. Because then we see the YouTube clip and it's from 2019.

And Mia's, oh, God, it was 2019. What does it look like 10 years ago? Mia looks so different, right? She's like, I had an opioid adult overdose at a very young age, and I was hospitalized for weeks. And then I decided to search for a more holistic form of medicine, and I was introduced to chiropractic care. Listen, that's a sweet story, and I do not believe two seconds of that. Do not break opioid addiction with chiropractor. No.

I'm sorry, but this is absolute crap, and please don't people believe that, okay? Go get some real help. Mia is like a known liar, and I just always laugh when her lies surface. Okay, she says she had an opioid overdose at a very young age. So right now she's what, like 37, 38? She was like...

I don't know. She makes it sound like she was 12 years old when she had it. You know, I'm not even going to debate it because it's a little tacky to debate when she had her overdose. Well, I believe that she had issues and stuff. I'm just saying I don't believe that. I think it's kind of dangerous to tell people, like, you healed that with chiropractor. I just thought it was such a – yeah, I agree. I sort of chuckled because, you know, she's like, I had an opioid overdose, which is, like, such a scary thing to say. Like, you're like, oh, yeah, I had an opioid overdose. Yeah.

But luckily, because of the joint chiropractic, I found a new way forward. It's like, really? Okay. Yeah. It's like her own cult type thing. So Karen's like, go ahead. Look at the YouTube. Look at the YouTube channel. Fascinating stuff. Fascinating. And Giselle's like, well, Karen's deflecting. It's so funny. Giselle, this whole scene was really funny. Everything Karen said, she'd be like, deflection. And Giselle's

deflection. Yeah, she's like, I just hope she doesn't lash out. And Carrie goes, well, you know what? I'm proud of Mia that she beat it. She beat the opioid addiction, you know? But of course, if you strike at me, I'm like an opioid that doesn't miss, okay? Because I'm going to strike at you and I will finish it. I mean, bottom line is, let me be very real right now. Let me be, normally I would like to say, let me be very clear, but I want to be very real too. So let me be very real right now.

I have to protect my peace. Maybe not so much traffic medians, but I will protect my peace. And she was like, we know you have a big week next week. Huge. Clink, clink. And Karen's like, yes, yes, yes, it's true. And she's like, so how are you feeling? And she's like, well, let's be very real. Let me be very real right now. Completely transparent and real as real can be. I did nothing.

And I'm in the show. I'm sorry, I can no longer speak about this. Well, do you want some lemon juice now? I'm sorry, I cannot discuss beverages right now. There is a court case, so we'll just have to put that on the back burner for right now. I just can't sleep. I wake up at three in the morning and I take Ray's balls off of my forehead and I say, Ray, please, please put your balls on the ground.

I cannot wake up another night at three in the morning being suffocated by your balls. Funny thing is he's across the entire room. Let me tell you, those things never stop growing. Men stop growing. But there are balls in their ears. Never. Is he tripping me with his balls or his ears? It's horrible. This scene is so funny because Giselle is just relishing with this fake...

What do you call this, Ronnie? You always say the fake concern trolling. What's it called? Oh, concern trolling. Which is like, so you have a court case coming up. Driving court case. Your court case, which I'll mention again on camera. She keeps mentioning it just so gleefully because she just knows how uncomfortable it makes Karen. So then Karen, of course, you know, this is what they all do to each other. So I'm just like, you know,

Just cracking up watching it. And she's like, well, you know, it's really hard when you want to open up. Legally, you can't. You are legally not allowed to open up. Unfortunately, I have to keep all my emotions and thoughts and feelings repressed inside me because it's against the law to be open. So I can't say anything more. I'm sure you all understand America. But I've paid my lawyer and I've talked to Jesus. We good. We good.

We good, ladies. Well, I just want, you know, I just, everyone has expressed how much we want the best for you, and if you do need to go to a rehab facility, we can do that too, and we can hold up our cameras and watch you go in, and we'll clap and then laugh afterwards, so, you know, anything you need from us. Oh, I know, and you know what? I really, really appreciate that, and you know, I'm here for you too, Giselle, because I know that Jamal was engaged. How are you feeling about that? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, Karen is very happy. It's like a car starting out in the snow at that moment. So, I guess I'm going through a hardship. How about you, Giselle? Looks like your man found someone before you. How do you feel about that? God, you're so lonely and sad. How does it feel to know that you're going to die alone? How does that feel, Giselle?

I've always got a shot in my purse in case you just need to be put down, Giselle, out of your misery. Like a broken horse that no one's ever going to ride again. How do you feel about that, Giselle? You know, soldiers have little cyanide pills, and when things get too tough, they just can eat that and just go down quietly. Maybe you would like that someday. But next time you try to go out to e-hominate, you get no responses.

take the pill Giselle take the pill go towards the light Giselle you're useless on earth how does that make you feel Giselle and Giselle's just like reflection and she goes well I knew it was coming and I'm happy for him like I told him to get married because you know who needs to get married pastors and politicians which are basically the same thing I love that she has that in her head it's like pastors and politicians that's who needs to be married

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Yeah. A lot of cheating going on there. So then Giselle says that basically Jamal took the girls to dinner and said, by the way, I'm going to get engaged. And the girls were shocked because they didn't even know he had a girlfriend. So it just went from like, I have a friend to we're going to get married. And she goes, you know, different strokes for different folks. Ha ha ha.

So she's like, why didn't you tell me, Giselle? Why wouldn't you tell me? I have to get this ammunition from a newspaper. And Giselle's like, well, I don't even think about it. Like, that's Jamal's life. I want the best for him. I want him to be happy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Drunk. Are you drunk right now? And Jaron's like, well, the bottom is...

The bottom line is I want you to be happy. This is your time. You're like a plum. It's just about to turn. So juicy. Tomorrow you're going to be just a bruise. You're going to be one bruised, leaky plum, Giselle. Keep enjoying life where you can, Giselle. Leaky plum.

I had a leaky plum in my fridge the other day. Can you tell? Plums get really nasty. People can always tell what's going on with our lives based off the random references that we make. It's never an accident, people. Leaky plums. You're like a turkey that hasn't thawed yet for Friendsgiving.

So now we go to Wendy and her family. They're going to lunch because graduation. Some of her kids have graduated out of kindergarten or preschool to kindergarten. And one of the kids is now going to go into middle school. So the whole family's gotten together.

They're all coming in. It's Wendy, Eddie, her mom. There's another guy there. I'm assuming that's Wendy's brother. I feel like he didn't talk, nor did he ever receive a chyron, right? Or maybe he received a chyron and I missed it. I don't think he ever spoke. He never said one thing. And I was waiting, too. I was like, oh, sure. And they would show him, and it looks like he's going to open his mouth, but then nothing happens. And they put him right in the middle, too. It's like the mom was off to the side, but it was all about the mom, this scene. But they put the brother just in the middle. I was like, oh.

oh no oh no no talking no so yeah the kids are graduating from stuff and um they order their food and the daughter's like how long is that gonna take yeah the i was very impressed that cameron the daughter cameron is like obsessed with escargot which i think is hilarious she's like give me the snail you know she loves those slimy snails

And so then they start talking about this white party that they're going to have. And the mom's like, well, I may show up in a different color. And she's like, mom, please do not come here with anything else but white. And she's like, I love a theme and I love celebrating Dr. Wendy. And then we get a montage of how many times Wendy celebrated her birthday. It was a lot. Over and over.

And over. And it culminates with her saying, not only am I in my 40s, I got four degrees too. And everyone's like...

Okay. Grumbles. Just like grumble, mumble, and out. So Eddie's like, well, you know, this was, the party started as an idea and now it's turned into a second wedding. And Susan's like, is that why I'm not getting my allowance this month? And she's like, well, mom, since that's all you care about, I will then mow you $500 right now. So she does. Four days late. Four days late. Oh my gosh. You know what? You know what those stickers that say stop elder abuse are?

That's where these come from. It's probably Susan made that because her allowance was late for a few days. You better stop the elder abuse. I won't take it. So now Wendy tells us that in Nigerian culture, the parents raise you, but then when they get older, you're supposed to take care of them. And her mom does not care about any of Wendy's expenses. Her mom is basically always there. At the start of the month with her hand up, be like, okay, time for allowance. Come on, where's my $500? Yeah.

You know what? I think you probably deserve it. Once you get to a certain age, after the hell that your kids put you through, I think you deserve a few dollars back. Oh, hell no. No way. I knew you were going to say that. No way, man. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew you'd be like, absolutely not. Yeah, I remember when you kicked me out when I was 15. Screw you. You're not getting shit. You're lucky I buy you M&Ms occasionally. Yeah.

I'm just kidding, guys. If you ever need it, call Ben. He's very giving. I will. I'll take care of your parents. So Wendy starts talking about how for this white party that they're doing, that they invited Eddie's side of the family. And there's all these issues with Eddie's side of the family because, well, I don't know. It's just stuff that goes on. It's between both halves of the family. They hate each other.

Yeah, they hate each other and it goes back to their village and like them calling each other evil or something. I mean, there was something back there. I forgot the whole story. Like there was one of...

I forget the whole story. I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to bungle it. So sometimes it's okay to just be quiet because I don't really remember the story, but it was something back to their village and it, it carried over to here and it's not good. So they've never come to anything, the wedding, they don't know the kids, any of that, but now they're mysteriously going to show up. And so she was like, are they coming in peace?

Because you don't really know because they could be coming to be like, you've been talking shit about us on TV for five years. So we're just coming here to tell you, fuck you on camera. Okay? Stand up for ourselves. So I'm kind of hoping it's the latter just because that'll be more fun for us. Yeah. I'm really excited about that. Yeah. But they basically have not been showing up to anything. So they are intrigued to know whether they're going to be coming. And so then they're talking to the kids.

And he's like, well, by the way, congrats to the graduates. We're very proud of you guys. You've achieved a lot. And this is just the beginning. And Wendy's like, and you guys can do whatever your heart desires. My only requirement is a master's degree. And then if you don't get your master's degree, please understand it is written in your trust fund and you will not get your money. So you decide, do you want the money, the trust fund?

that's up to you, which is kind of funny. And like, my first thought was like, that's, I like that. She's just, she's like laying down the law, but then Susan's like, why are you being so soft? An option? You're giving an option? Yeah. I was like, oh damn, Susan's like, Susan's taking it to the next level.

Yeah. And she goes, this is not how to raise children. This is the option. This is my seed. I press success on their lives. And I say, Holy Ghost, fire. Holy Ghost, fire. Yes. She's like, it's not like if you choose not to do this, you're not going to get money. It's like, there is no choice. You are doing this. She's like,

uh holy ghost fire if you succeed i succeed and you'll be sending me my monthly allowance so thank you and he goes thank you that was a beautiful prayer so now we go back to ash's house

And now the kid, this is when her mom comes over and the kids are like crawling all over everything. And she's like, okay, mom. Well, you know, we're on this healthy journey together, right? So I made you something. It's called balsamic and balsamic and grapeseed oil. Enjoy. And she's like, mom, I just, we're together on this health journey. So any resource you need for me, well, besides that,

I really only got olive oil and a lemon. Can I get some romaine? You can't borrow money, Mom. But you can have some olive oil. You want some more? Mom, drink this olive oil. She's like, do you have any arugula? No, just olive oil. That's it. So they're talking about how her mom's like had link heart disease and everything. And she wants her mom to be healthier. And she's talking about her divorce. That's the thing. What did you say?

Her mom's not really battling heart disease, though. She may have it. She's not battling it. I think battling it is when you're like, damn, this heart disease, I'm going to fix this. Sheila's coasting heart disease. She's like, eh, I've got it. It's there. That's kind of what I'm like when the doctor, you know, whenever the doctor tells me something, I'm like, well...

What are you going to do about it? They're like, well, you need to make some lifestyle choices. I'm like, LOL. Okay, well, see you soon. I'll be sure to get my will in order. What kind of joker are you? Lifestyle changes. The doctor takes off his mask. It's Janelle. Oh, my God. She's like, got you. I've been tracking you. Here's what you need to do. Here's what fixes almost everything. More than prescriptions, even. Lower calories. Peanut M&M's.

So what did they put inside of you? Nothing. So Ashley's talking about her divorce, signing papers soon. It's going to be happening soon, finally. And she basically... Do not believe her. Do not believe her. And Sheila's like, well, you deserve to move on and have someone in your life. So then, of course, Ashley turns it around and she's like, well, I love hearing you say this because that's exactly how I feel about you. And she's basically like...

You deserve to be with someone better than that garbage boyfriend that you're still with. And when we see a flashback of Sheila and, you know, the issue with Sheila and her man, that was from 2018 when we started talking about this. It has been six years that Sheila, I mean, and prior to that, it had been like 10 years. But like, I can't believe it's been six years since we first heard about this guy. And she is still with him. It's very sad.

It's sad, but it's like watching someone sit crisscross applesauce in the middle of a crosswalk. Like, what do you want from me? Get up or I'm running you over. I have to get to the home goods. OK, like you're making the dumbest choices I've ever seen in my life. And I like that Ashley actually said, like, listen, I'm a single mom now and I cannot take care of her ass, too. Like she gives her man all of this money. She works 12 hours a day and now I'm supposed to take care of her.

Hell no. I like how they planted this right above the Wendy scene, you know, right after the Wendy scene where Wendy's scene is all about how you have to take care of your mother. And then we get to this one and Ashley's like, you better find a man who can take care of you because this is not Dr. Wendy's house. She's like, I don't want to take care of you.

And so she's like, so is he helping you financially? And she's like, um, he has recently started. The answer is no. And he has also not recently started. We know he's still doing whatever he's doing.

He's done nothing. Yeah, you can tell. And her mom's just smiling plastically like, okay, I think I'll get this over with now. Because Ashley loves to have people over and then throw them under the bus. That is her thing. And her mom's just like, oh, Ashley, you told me you wouldn't do this to me today. So then we go over to the Willard, the famous the Willard. Yes.

The hotel named after a prominent weatherman. But yeah, this is the big reception for Darius that Jassy is throwing. And I think this is hilarious because Jassy is very funny to me because it's clear that she really enjoys...

the role of being like a football wife even though she's not a wife but like she becomes very prim and proper when like discussing darius and this event and she goes i am so extremely proud of darius and being honored at the white house was

really a moment to celebrate him so i'm excited to see these ladies and you can just see she's like she gets a little she sort of puffs up a little bit and she's like we must act proper right now it's it's hilarious i love when the real housewives do this kind of stuff i am dating a famous person yes that's what she's basically doing she's like an accepting an award from all of us for dating darius

You know, not only did he get to go to the White House for the second time, he also impregnated about three women while he was there. And I just couldn't be prouder. I just couldn't be prouder. But that all happened before, during, and after, but mainly before I met him.

So to answer your question, we were on a break. We were together. We got in an argument and it happened about lunchtime. Then we got back together at dinnertime. But I didn't know about those children. So I only found out after the fact, even though they are still baking at the moment. Yeah.

So, yeah, this is kind of sad because she's acting like the First Lady when she's most likely. I mean, I don't know, but I mean, timeline-wise, it looks like she stole some man. Well, you shouldn't say steal, right? Like, you're not supposed to say, she stole a man. She helped a man escape.

What would you say? She drove the getaway car for the man who impregnated somebody twice? Or was she having an affair with this guy and then he finally left the lady after the second child? I don't know. It's hard to figure out from the timeline what she did, but it's not above board. We know that much. And so she's having a fancy party at the Willard acting like the First Lady and it's kind of...

embarrassing. She's like the last lady. The only reason she's not being called that is because he's rich and gorgeous. Yes. Yeah, no, she's definitely doing first lady when her position is third or fourth. So everyone's showing up. So Ink walks in. This is like Ink's first like

This is Ink's first scene, I think, with the other women. So Giselle's like, oh, look, you had him. Because he is short. He's our short king. And Giselle's like, well, Karen said he was DJ Applebox. And yep, she's right. She just starts cracking up. DJ Applebox is so rude. So rude. So great. Ray's not tall either. Isn't Ray like a little shorty too? That's funny.

so then um giselle is telling ink she's like so i hear things are going well between you and gordon and he's like uh-huh and me is like oh let me tell you when we're together there's nothing but love you'll see in a scene coming up it's amazing it's like truly truly the greatest love of all whitney's gonna come back just to say i mean it is amazing

And he's like, yeah, I mean, if we're operating with love and he truly loves his kids, you know, he'll understand that. And that's what we're all trying to do. You know, make the kids' happiness the priority. Make, well, specifically my kids' happiness, not Gordon's kid, because it's not Gordon's. So then I love when he's like, you know, what we're really here to do is make the kids a priority. You were fucking the kids' mom in front of them. Like the daughter said to you, why is mommy sleeping with ink?

Give me a break. You're making the kids a priority. You fucking liar. You guys are terrible. You are so shady and gross. And then Mia, the ultimate gaslighter. Gordon, you're so sick. Gordon, look at you, Gordon. So then Ash, at one point, takes off. He's wearing sunglasses the entire time, even though they're inside, and he's not famous like that. And so then he finally takes them off. So Ashley...

She's like, oh, I don't think I've ever seen you without your shades, which was totally passive aggressive. And he's like, yeah, it's kind of my thing. And Mia's like, nah, because, you know, he's like incognito. Who's recognizing ink? Isn't he on the radio?

I'm just like, this is... You're not like Diane Keaton showing up in a shirt and tie. Okay, like, relax. You're also not very in-touch, you know? You don't have a fashion, you know?

You're not like Michael Kors in his black blazer and black t-shirt, okay? You're so incognito that no one knows about you. So let's relax on this front first. Yeah. So Kieran and Greg arrive. And then Jesse is like, well, I don't want to hype shame people, but it's another one who's shorter than I would have been. That's not fair when you're dating a seven foot tall person, okay? Your man took...

All of the height for all the other people, you know? Yeah. He's like the top 1% and you're like sitting here making fun of the 99. You know, that's not fair. Also, Greg is taller than Kierna, I'd like to point out. So they're like... It doesn't matter for girls. It's only bad if you're a boy.

No, but what I'm saying is that like, like, Jassy is like height shaming Greg, but like Greg is proportional to Kierna. You know, normally the issue is when the woman is taller than the man. That is like traditionally something that women seem to like that the common feedback is that women don't love that. And in this case, I'm saying Kierna and Greg is not an issue. So I was like, Jassy, shush. You

Like you said, listen, you already are dating a very tall, muscular person. Don't make fun of the shorter social worker. Why? It's like Heather Dubrow making fun of a poor person. You know what I mean? You're worth millions of dollars. You can do that. And he's worth millions of inches. That's not cool.

So then Karen and Vivian arrive. Vivian. I love that Vivian came on the show and then was like, no, this is trash. I love Vivian. Vivian shows up. I feel like Vivian is very elegant. I just love, she just shows up. She just seems great. And she's just, like you said, she's like, no, I'm not going to ruin my reputation over this bullshit, but I will show up at the Willard. This is more my style.

So Kay goes up to Mia and she's like, well, Mia, I want to clear up a few things because I realized some things were said in North Carolina saying that my man was a drug dealer. And Mia's like, okay. Go ahead. Hold on. I'm going to shuffle some imaginary pamphlets and make sure they're straight while you're talking because I hope I'm a chiropractor. Yeah.

I have to shuffle imaginary brochures anytime I get a craving for an opioid. So Kieran is like, well, I was very disrespectful to him because he's not a drug dealer. And then Mia's like, well, are you talking about your ex-man or your new man? Because I said one of them. And she's like, no, you said my boyfriend's a drug dealer and that's what you said. And Giselle's like, okay, so that man over there, you can't say that about him because he's like a social worker and that's detrimental to put it out there if he's not a drug dealer.

I think it's detrimental for most people if you say that anyone's a drug dealer, but that's okay. I think it's even detrimental for drug dealers.

It's actually the most detrimental because it's actually true. You could send them to jail. And Mia's like, well, okay. He's not the drug dealer. The last boyfriend was the drug dealer. We know that he's a social worker. Yes, very much so. A social worker. You can just tell. Look at him. She goes, yeah, you can look.

Look at the way he just comes up to Darius's belly button right there. That's classic social worker. Also, Mia totally, she totally is gaslighting here because, or just lying, because in the flashback we see that Mia's like, how about you talk about your drug dealer boyfriend? And now she's like, no, I never said, I was like, no, he's obviously the social worker. No, no. The other one.

And I'm sorry to disagree, but actually, when that, I remember this happening. She said, what about your drug dealer boyfriend? And she said, my drug dealer's not a boyfriend. And she goes, what about the last one? Mia said, yeah, well, what about the last one? So Mia was just using some old gossip. And Kay, I think, knows, but she's like, still though, fuck you. And Mia doesn't care. She's like, hello, maybe I will swat you away and not care about what you're saying. Yeah.

You are not getting a fight from me. Because Kiernan tells her and she goes, okay, I'm sorry. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. He's clearly a social worker. You can tell by his Van Heusen shirt. I never should have implied otherwise. Now, does he have a wardrobe gimmick as well? Or is that just my boyfriend? Oh, no.

So then TJ is like, wow, your legs look so good, lady that I know. And she's like, thank you. Oh my God, I hope our chyron says Stacy and her piece of man meat. It's like Stacy and her friend. She's like, darn it. So he comes in and he's like, hey. And he does this thing that when he shakes someone's hand, he comes in really high at first and comes down. His hand goes like a roller coaster. He does the swoop down. Like the...

Oh, it's coming. What's going on? I was like, whoa. So then he's like, so Wendy goes, oh, this is Stacy. I'm sorry. So Stacy's like, everyone. No, I'm sorry. Wendy's like, everyone, this is Stacy's man. And he's like, that's right. Go to the zoo. What's going on? Zoo and then the track and then the showers. So then Wendy's like, oh my God, you said it for the first time ever. You admitted to being her man. He's like, oh yeah. And Wendy's like, TJ is everything I thought that he would be.

There's nothing sexual going on there. The moment I met TJ, I knew immediately that man is not sexually active.

it is funny because he does have like youth pastor energy you know he's like whoa taking a van ride we're all taking the van ride to white sand sir hill's made out of sand that's white so um ash is like so stacy's sure that you guys are friends that you guys have like a really good friendship he's like yeah nothing no funny business ever we just got closer she

She's like, oh. And Eddie's like, well, you know, a lot of times great relationships often start with a great friendship. And he's like, right. You have to, right? Because after that, it's just physical. Boring. Who cares about physical? What I'm talking about is going to the zoo. Am I right, everyone? High five. Who wants a high five? No five? Any five? Come on, zoo people.

And now she's like, Mayday, Mayday. She does say, what do you guys do together? He goes, well, how about this? We just went to the zoo yesterday. What do you think of that? My God, listen, man. I know that you're not having sex, but you don't have to kill my boner. Jesus. Listen, I know you're holding a lot of stuff in right now, but why are you going to a place where you've got to hold the animals in too? Go to places where things roam free.

I guarantee you that man is holding nothing in. That man is fucking somebody. There is no way. I don't believe for one second that this man is celibate. He just wants to be fame-horny and take Stacey's fame. He's fucking somebody. He is fame. He is definitely trying to do some coattails action here, fame-wise, for sure. Yeah. He definitely looks like someone who's getting laid. He's very happy. He's not like...

I mean, he's very... I think the scene, he looks like he's just been laid like 50 times. It's like, hey, never felt better. Not fucking that one. Zoo time. All right. So Jazzy's like, well... Oh, so now Darius arrives and he's got his teammate Prince with him. Who's a prince. Look at that.

Who knew? And they're all, Jassy's asking the prince if he's single. And she's like, well, I do have a couple of friends that are single, so I wanted to make sure. We've got Ashley. If you date her, you've got Gollum basically visiting you every day and threatening you in a funny accent. So that's super fun. Who else we got?

Giselle's like, wow, that arm, whoosh, yes, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then Wendy's like, oh, Davias, how was your visit to the White House? How did that go? And he's like, yeah, it was good. He talks about how we talked to President Biden and everything. And he's like, yeah, the food was better than last year, I can say that. They're like, oh, cool. We didn't need to know that much. So then Jassie's like, okay, everyone, let me do a toast.

I would like to thank you all for showing up from my amazing three-time Super Bowl over 5'8 champion, Darius. Darius, can you tell the shorter men what it's like to be as tall as you? Because I think everyone would love that insight. Okay, anyone?

Darius has never not been able to ride a ride. Everybody, let's give him a round of applause. Darius has had to go through so much in life. I mean, so many bruises on his forehead when he accidentally walked into ceiling fans and door jams. It's something that very few of us will ever be able to understand. Not only has Darius made it through all of this, but he was the first toddler to ever be able to ride the Matterhorn. Guys, let's give him a round of applause.

Worth two Gregs. His name is Darius. Darius. You know, people may not know this about Darius, but he has incredible knee flexibility from all the times he's had to fold himself up just to get into a standard-sized car.

So everybody's like, wow. And she's like, you know what? I just like to say in this life, you guys, what's for you is for you. And no one can take it away. I'll bet the mother of his children doesn't feel like that. Yeah. But nice speech, lady. Yeah, nice. And then she goes, so cheers to my man. I was like, oh, there she is laying the claim. I'm surprised she didn't do the old. She was laying it on thick, huh? Yeah. She's like, he's mine.

I'm surprised she didn't do the whole, like, ladies, please no drama. Today is about Darius, my man, who won a Super Bowl, who's famous, who makes me adjacent to Taylor Swift. No fighting, please. So everybody's cheers-ing. And so Mia goes over to say hello to Karen. She's like, oh, Karen, you look so nice. It must not be raining because you actually look dry for once. And Karen's like, hmm.

Well, hello. So, Giselle told me you were coming after me, and you are in no position to be coming after anybody, baby. Okay. Okay.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. If we're going to have this argument, let us stage this a little bit better. Come on over to this table so we can sit down. And all right, ladies, I just want to make pizza. So I did share, Karen, what you said about Mia. I did not add any hot sauce. I just laughed a lot and said, go fight with Karen at Jassy's event with this information.

And Giselle, you know, we see a flashback of Giselle saying, Karen said you had to go to rehab for opioids. And he is saying, I didn't go to rehab. I ended up in the hospital because I overdosed. A big deal. And then we come back. And Karen's like, well, honestly, you've been on me like white on rice. She's like, I have not been coming for you. Well, I'm telling you how I feel. And that is how I feel. I thought we were friends. We are friends. She's like,

Like, well, yeah, but now I hear you're saying that I went through rehab. Yeah, you started it. You've been very much. I can't believe you would accuse me of going to rehab when you're the one who obviously most needs to have rehab. It's like a rehab accusation fight. So she's like, and if I did go to rehab, I'm warm enough to say I went to rehab. But I did not go to rehab. I went to the joint. I overdosed. And then I went to the joint chiropractic.

Okay, well, you went to the hospital then. She's like, yeah. And that's when I got introduced to chiropractic care.

And they asked her about her opioid addiction. And she's like, oh, gosh. It was right after Josh. She was born because of the cesarean. And so I got addicted to the pills. And then, you know, I went to holistic room. And that's why chiropractic came into play. Because when you get your routine chiropractic adjustments, it removes the pain that's inside of your body. And you never need to take medication. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

All right. I love this. Robo's really trying to sell us a lot of bridges lately. We've got the chiropractor bridge. We've got the Scientology bridge. What else are you guys cooking up over there? I know, right? So Karen's like, well, so it's not too far-fetched for me to think that you're in rehab. And Giselle's like, well, you were being messy. She's like, well, I was returning. I was returning to serve. Giselle's like, well, can we just get past it? Well, if you don't start shit with me, there won't be no shit. It's like Andy Burr said.

I mean, it's like, I'm not coming for you, Karen. I love you. And if I do come for you, it'll be with an ambulance because I really love you and probably a straitjacket, you know, because you need that, too. She's like, well, your love is very strange, girl. She goes, oh, it's real. It's real. I have so much respect for you, Karen. I know what you're going through. It's really hard. I really, really knew. I mean...

I just wish you could find chiropractor for yourself. Fucking addict. I just wish that when we were in Lake Norman, I could have put you down on that bench and had someone snap your neck around in half at my first ever joint chiropractic. But unfortunately, they had no idea who I was, so we had to leave there right away. So she said, as a friend, sometimes your friends will always tell you everything that you want to hear. And like, I'm not a yes friend. I'm a liar friend. Okay. And you know that.

Um, yeah, Karen. And Karen's like, you are messy and you're not supportive. And now that can change? Well, probably. Well, there's hope. I'm going to say that you're wrong and I'm wrong for now for going low. So everybody there, I said it, I'm wrong. Everybody, where's the applause? Where's the applause? I've been wrong before. Not often, but I was wrong for about five seconds there. I'm very sorry for going low and I just want to promise, make a promise to every woman here at this table. I will go low again.

I will do it. I will do it. I will do it quickly and I will do it lower every single time. Because when you go low, I return the serve. And Mia's like, well, I'll go lower. She's like, oh, we know how low you go. We just met him. And Ashley's like, can I be on ground zero? Just be on ground zero. And I was like, we're on ground zero and she's where the balls hang low up.

All right. I mean, he goes, well, I like balls. She goes, oh, well, you know all about balls, don't you? Oh, God. She's at ball level. That's where she is. And you know all about low balls. It's like, well, no. Okay, well, I'm not the one. You know about, well, you've been on a lot of public balls. How about that? So it doesn't matter. You may have normal-heighted balls, but they are public. Public for everyone. You might as well be on the MTA.

ball line right now. Big bubble balls. Professional ball person. And she's like, yeah, then yeah. And so Ashley's like, because now it's just devolving into gibberish. So Ashley's like, I think we made progress. She's like, yes, they actually did. This ball discussion is actually a good sign right now.

So now Mia's talking about how Karen's court date's coming. So she's just going to give her a pass on that one. And so Mia goes over to Ink and they're like, what happened? And he says, what happened? And she's like, oh, nothing. It's not even worth it. I'm completely unbothered. So then we go to lunch with Karen and her cousin David.

Yeah, so this is the scene where Karen is going to make a case for herself that she was drunk driving because she hadn't really mourned yet. So Karen's like, well...

Yeah. The tax press conference scene is beyond me. That was sorely missing from this. Shame on you, editors. Shame on you. But I do appreciate the deer in the opening of this episode. So thank you for that. Lots of deer.

So she's like, oh, cousin David, I haven't seen you since the morning of my accident. Actually, when she first walks in, she's like, hello, handsome, sexy man. Who are you? Are you single? Just kidding. I'm actually your cousin. That was a disgusting joke if you think about it. She's like hitting on him as a joke.

So she basically tells him, apparently he was on the phone with her when she got into the accident. So he starts crying because that was traumatic. Because you know that Karen was like, oh my God, there's three deer standing in the street right now. Which one should I hit? He's like, Karen, don't hit any of them. She's like, fuck all of you. And then just plows into all three, which turned out to be just one. And he's crying because he's very upset. And she starts her load of crap, basically. Like, it's been so stressful and I've never mourned.

Karen, we've seen you mourning for three years. I mean, that's not to take away the pain. And I don't think that kind of pain ever goes away. I'm not saying that. Deflection, though. Come on. I agree. And so, yeah, she's like, oh, well, stress. I have so much stress. The silent killer. You're the silent killer. You are the silent killer. You don't get to call things a silent killer when you ran over a deer. Yeah.

I am so sorry, David, that you heard the crash that Giselle probably caused by adding more stress to my life. Let's be honest. It wasn't my fault. It was all those girls, all those evil, evil girls. I'm so sorry, David. I know this was difficult for you. Yeah. So he cries and she hugs him. She's like, we're blessed. We're blessed. We're blessed.

So then we go to Mia and Ink. And Ink is just winning children over. How do you win them over? He's like, guys, you want a surprise? It's sugar. And they're like, ah! They go fucking crazy. They go crazy. Mia's kids are so sweet and so lovely. It really is heartbreaking to know that this is going to eventually really affect them. And right now, they're just innocent. And they're just

they're just very loving you can see they just they just are full of like so much joy and so they're like hugging ink and everything what'd you say almond joy yeah it's like everyone sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't am i right kids which one do you want today so so they're like you know jeremiah's hugging him and everything and it's just so sweet so then gordon comes in

And Mia's like, co-parenting to me is a top priority, just behind Gaslight and Gordon, but we're getting a divorce, and sometimes, you know, there's just like no boundaries. It can be a little uncomfortable, and it's something that we need to discuss with Gordon, so there we have it.

You were fucking this man while you were married to Gordon and you're sitting here complaining about boundaries? What are you talking about? You are so nuts. You've been carrying on an affair with this man for years and now you're going to talk about boundaries? You are something else, ma'am. Although, it sounds like Gordon signed off on it. It sounds like Gordon was like, look, go get banged somewhere else. It's fine. This is our arrangement. So, I don't know. Like, it may not be quite as cut and dry as that.

That's still cut and dry because she ditched the arrangement the second Gordon lost his money, which I guess would be him cutting the arrangement first. That's not bad. That would be part of his arrangement. Either way, it makes for some compelling garbage TV. It's just funny listening to Mia, and all this is totally normal, and she's moralizing every two seconds. Like, oh my God, he's really futzing with the boundaries here. No, Mia, you don't get to say shit like that, lady. Gosh.

So she's like, Gordon, can we have a conversation about telling the kids about what? And he's like, no, no. I've said many times, I'm not going on camera to discuss this. And Ink's like, hey, I feel I missed something. Gordon's like, did someone say something? Is someone in here? Oh, yeah. And come around from the kitchen island so Gordon can see you. Yeah.

He's like, oh my God, is that the phone book? I've been looking for that thing. Give that to me. He's like, sorry. So Gordon's like, this is between us, not you. And I told Mia, I'm not filming with you when you and I are together with the kids. I'm going to be cordial, but I'm not going to...

Basically, he's like, I'm not going to act like this is all cool with me and normalize your fucking relationship on TV. Because that's totally what she's trying to get him to do. Look at us. We're just a happy little family. Gordon's here. Crazy Gordon. We're taking care of Gordon and the kids. Isn't that crazy? Gordon, you want a cookie? Gordon, you want some sugar? Gordon? Gordon.

She's like putting a shock collar on him. Ink's like, well, look, I'm not trying to push to do anything. What I'm doing is supporting my lady, who I guess was your lady, but it's my lady now. And what I'm doing, okay, like, is I am here for co-parenting reasons. But even outside that, you know, we get along, Gordon. I don't have an issue with you. And Gordon's, I mean, it's like, yeah, we have a lot of work things. We have a lot. We have to work things out because we have to figure out what's best for our kids. Maybe not.

hashing us all out on tv mia yeah so gordon's like i won't do it i'm not gonna make this okay i'm not okay with it and ink's like well i don't need your promotion which you know bless ink doesn't really understand words and gordon's like well i didn't ask you to i'm not about enriching enriching this situation i mean it's like there are children involved

I don't care. But he is around children, so you should know what sort of man is around your kids. Technically, one of them is my kids. So Gordon's like, well, when I look at him, I see a person that has had adultery with my wife. I also see a person who's trying to separate my family. And that's what I see when I look at him. I was like, this is so dark. This entire scene is wild.

Yeah, and Ink's like, oh, that's crap, that's crap. And he goes, oh, that's not what she said. And he goes, oh, wait, wait, time out. You guys were already in an expired situation. Oh, it was expired, wasn't it? Just the time ran out on it? He had his time with a library book and now it's up. What the fuck are you talking about, man? And Gordon's like, well, what about you having an affair with my wife? And shortly after we got married, she got pregnant and had an abortion because of you. Okay, you know what?

i was like this is wild so wild and so ink's like well that's my first time hearing about that and he's like stop and by the way it's not affected at all gordon's like he's like yeah you know you had an affair with my wife then she had an abortion because of you so um he's like ink's like yeah i did not know about this so gordon's like and did you have two affairs with my wife at least i'm like

Is it two affairs or has it just been kind of one long continuous affair? Because let's be honest, this thing never stopped. She was having an affair when she married you. I think it's pretty apparent now that she's always been with Inc. You were the affair. She just got married to you. Yeah. And Gordon was having an affair also, wasn't he? Wasn't he? With Mia? Yeah.

Or when he was married? Wasn't he married when he met? I don't remember. There's so much messiness between the two. I mean, I assume so. Which is terrible, but I just assume, you know, older guys, that's what they're doing. Generally. Trade him in for the younger model. The younger show woman.

So, Gordon was like, so Mia's like, well, understand the circumstances, Gordon, because you were going through something. You were so, poor Gordon. Does anybody have something Gordon can suck on? He's losing it again, everybody. She's like, well, was there adultery committed? She goes, well, I was willing to make it work and stand by your side. It's just not fair. You know what you put me through? What you put me through was not normal. And she's like, okay, you know what?

I'm done here. So he's going to leave. So he leaves. And Mia's talking about how she's been in this relationship that she's wanted to leave year after year after year, which I believe actually. And, and she said that because of his illness, she would stay in the marriage. I'm sorry, is his illness money? Is that what it's called? You might want to rethink that sentence. Yeah.

But he has to get to a point where there has to be some level of self-accountability, you know? So now she's like, I don't know. My God, my mind is blown. I need, like, a moment. I need a moment. And Ink's like, look...

just there's kids in the room i you know we don't want the kids to hear all that and she's like yeah i know we don't want the kids to hear that profanity you were fucking their mom while they were in the house you don't what are you talking about this is making me crazy this moralizing like they're like oh my god we must protect the children you two are the ones that fucking wrecked all of this for the children what the fuck are you talking about it's taking crazy pills

Do you think anybody, I haven't read a whole lot of comments and stuff this season. Do you think people are falling for this horseshit of Mia's or do you think they're just like, oh, Mia's gross?

I don't know. It's so funny because this is quite the scandal, but I don't feel like anyone's really invested in it. Everyone's just sort of fascinated and amused. But I personally have not noticed a lot of people whipping themselves into a frenzy about it. They're like, oh, okay. Well, let's see what it is. We're at a Teddy Mellon camp, so let's do this. Yeah, I know. This is what we have to do.

It's interesting that in other, I feel like in any other show, this would be huge. This would be a huge scandal. But I just feel like with Mia and in particular, it's just like, oh, but it's Mia. So like, of course, you know, like nobody's surprised. It's just like, oh, there's a Mia storyline, you know?

Yeah, and she's, yeah, she just is like, I guess the issue that I have is because the shelter, you know, I've sheltered the kids and I don't want the children to be privy to us figuring it out. Although I'm pretty sure that she said preview to us, which was funny to me.

She's like, the kids don't even know that you and I are like an item. Yes, they do. And she's like, they just think you're my best friend. And that's what I wanted to talk to Gordon about while the kids are here. Like, if you didn't want the kids being previewed this information, you could have done this at a restaurant.

Yeah. So she's basically like, she's saying that she's lived 11 years of this craziness and you know, like, you know what, Gorn, you can't influence me any longer. I'm not a 22-year-old girl. I deserve happiness. I am gone. And that's where the episode ends for the week. Dun, dun, dun.

Well, that brings us to the end of The Real Housewives of Potomac. We will be live with Kempire tonight over on our 5.30 Pacific Time YouTube live show and Instagram live. So check it out there. And if you missed it, the audio will be up later this week. Just join us live every other week. Also, that's it. If you want to watch us, go to Patreon. If you want bonuses, go over there. And we'll see you next time. Guys, you know what? We love you guys, okay?

Bye. Bye, guys.

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