#2617 Below Deck Sailing Yacht S05E06: The Plate’s The Thing
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today on this beautiful Tuesday morning, it's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hi.

Hi, well, that's what kind of day we're having. You know, you're welcome. What's going on with you, baby? Not much, just enjoying a lovely morning here. Shout out to the podcast, Sisters Who Watch. I was a guest on their show a second time, so go listen to them. We talked about all sorts of Bravo shows. We talked literally about every single Bravo show, it feels like.

And we talked about the upcoming Beverly Hills and et cetera, et cetera. So go give them a listen. Give them a subscribe. They're a new podcast. They're just starting out, you know. And, you know, we love to support all the podcasts because, you know what? We were once a little baby podcast too. Not saying they were a little baby podcast. I'm just saying we all had to start somewhere. So everyone go give them a follow.

Yeah, do it. Okay, well, today we are doing Below Deck Sailing Yacht. It's titled Loose Lips Sink Trists, which, you know, we could work on that. Let's get back to some title work, Rob, okay? This is my first new pick of the show. Yeah, you know, I feel like, you know what, we will correct it with our episode name itself. We're going to raise the bar. I don't know what it's going to be. Maybe something like, um,

a lot on my plate. No, that's not good. Plating. That's also not true. Better plate than never. It doesn't really make sense. Yeah, it does because he was late with dessert. That's true. Better plate than never. Okay, so basically, let me just put this in a nutshell. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for a very important plate. There you go. Um,

This episode, basically, is this just like modern work where everybody's just exhausted and can't do it? Because I feel like, I don't feel like that's our, I feel like everyone I know is like still working really hard of all ages. But I feel like on this show, it's very normal to just be like, yeah,

I'm tired. I don't want to. Or like, you don't inspire me to work. There's a lot of that going. I feel like if this was on land, people just wouldn't show up. This would be the, where people are like ghosting their work, you know? Yeah. There's a bit of, especially from Emma, uh,

I am being lazy at my job, but I'm mad because you're making me feel like a piece of shit about it. And it's like, but you're lazy at your job. Like, like the, the feeling like shit about it is the consequence because you got, you know, when you get yelled at for not doing your job well, then what happens is you feel bad. And then that's supposed to motivate you to not get yelled at and not feel bad anymore. Peanut butter cannot get mad at me for,

No, no, no. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm saying, Oh, like bracing for where peanut butter, peanut butter cannot get mad at me. I'm just bracing for where this is going to go. Well, Peter peanut butter can't get mad at me for being labeled high fat. Like it's on the label. Cause you're high fat. You know what I mean? Like that's your fault. If Peter peanut butter suddenly wants to be like, I'm sick of people calling me high fat. That is body shaming. And I don't want to be called that anymore. Well, guess what?

Stop it then and have less fat in you, okay? Because I need labels so I know what I'm going to eat, Emma, okay? Otherwise, how am I going to know whether or not I can eat you, Emma? Like –

I understand. I obviously am a big proponent of the school of positive reinforcement and saying like, hey, you know, you're doing a great job, but you know what? You've got to fix this and that. But like, if you're really, if you know, if you're being like lazy, it's hard. That's really hard. Positive reinforcement creates wussies. And if this country ever goes down, it's going to be because of positive goddamn reinforcement. Not everybody gets a trophy, all right? Now get back.

out there and run your mouth so uh the point is yeah people are tired and people are being lazy and let's not you know what and honestly by the way danny is really on my last nerve i think danny is the one i think i'm mad at right i still don't know their names danny and diana the man the female gary or the russian oligarch hiding as a maid hiding from the law yeah

Danny is really on my last nerve. I'm going to just say that right now. I cannot stand... I think she is really toxic, and she actually gives... She's like a less awful version of...

whatever that girl's name was a few seasons ago who was going after Gary and then when she couldn't get Gary she like binged on french fries but like how that girl was really toxic about Gabriella that season I feel like Danny is really toxic I think she was binging on noodles is that the girl who still has noodles you're right it was noodles it was

Yeah. And she like, she has like an only fans and I've always wondered like, does she eat noodles on her only fans? Cause that's like her claim to fame. That one that she had really big boobs and that she like, you know, eight noodles. That was her claim to fame. So I'm wondering if she's like one of those self feeders or something.

This girl, she's just so, I'm a male Gary and all I want to do is fuck people. And that's great, but you can't also be a soul-sucking crybaby about every little thing, too. My favorite thing about her is she's like, I just don't understand. Why is everybody being mean to me?

being mean to me. Cause you suck. You're totally mean to everybody. You disregard everybody's feelings and shit all over them because of your needs to be flirted with. You're fucking disgusting. Gross. You're a gross person. You're a, you're a soul sucking vampire. That's why. Okay. More importantly, when Diana was like actually doing a task, working on something and then I guess needs something to be like a stain to be taken out. And Diana,

Danny is down in the galley or wherever she was crew mess flirting with Gary and joking and giggling. And then Diana's like, Hey, can you take care of this? She's like, no, I'm about to go set the table. And then she still doesn't set the table. And then she's just up there and she's just giggling some more. And then she goes up to the deck and then it's like, Oh, let's do photos. I'm like, you know what? How about you throw yourself off this boat? Because right now I don't like what you're doing to Diana. Yeah.

She'd probably say it's too hard. I tried to throw myself off the boat. It was just so hard and busy.

Yeah, that girl's terrible. But yeah, you know, overall, I think they're just all very tired and it's too soon in the season. And they're also getting tipped way above what they're worth, frankly. Like that Tiffany Moon tip was way, way above what they're worth. This is like the cast of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland waiting on you. You know what I mean? I mean, I expect cannonballs to be going off and wenches to be pulled by their hair in and out of saloons, like in the ride, because that's basically what they are.

By the way, the last place I want a lazy staff is on a yacht that's on its side. Okay? Like, if my yacht is, like, about to, like, teeter over into the ocean, I want my staff to be, like, you know, a little sharper. Yeah. Or, like, you finally get to go on a spaceship, and then someone's like, I'm just, like, too tired to stay up for anchor watch. Yeah.

fuck this. I'm going to take a nap. No, we're in space. We could be swallowed by peanut butter. Okay, so let's start at the very beginning. Danny and Gary are jumping off the boat and they're making out. They're disgusting and that water is as dirty as those two. They probably left that water with some STDs. That water is probably like, we're filthy and we still got STDs. What the fuck?

Yeah, that's a Beezer runoff at that point. That's like all the shit that goes down the gutter in all those clubs that sort of makes its way out to the sea amongst all the yacht propeller juices. That's right in there. And Danny and Gary are not alone swimming around. And like pee that's got like MDMA and stuff in it. I was about to say, there's like ketamine. There's like...

There's Molly. There's traces of Molly. I mean, there's so much cocaine in that water. I'm surprised they weren't up all night. Yeah, we're making it sound more fun than it is because there's also poop. Because you're making the water sound fun. I'm like, oh my God, I want to swim in that water. Yeah, for sure. So Gary is like, oh no. Because this is typical Gary. He finally gets what he wants and then he's like, oh, here's a reason they have this disgusting. I can no longer be with them.

And they did this to me. So I was just taking advantage of poor, poor Gary. Gary doesn't know what's happening when he's drinking. Don't get me wrong. She's gorgeous. She's an amazing person. But I see her a little like a sister kind of way. Why did I kiss her? Sometimes when you get drunk, you don't really know. Gary, I'd like to say that, you know, you know,

I'd like to change, but here is Gary. I told you years ago, and I'm going to tell you again, you are too old to pull this shit off. Before, it's like, oh, here's cute little Gary. Now you're old, rapey Gary. Okay? And enjoy the fruits that you've just hoed.

Yeah, I think the whole like, well, like boys will be boys. Gary's just Gary. You know, when he was too old for that when he was one years old. Okay, like, sorry, that just does not fly with me anymore. Like I you have to take accountability for your actions, no matter what.

Right, but I'm just saying society-wise, there's a lot we put up with when it's like you're cute and you're young and you're this and you're that. Yeah, when you're 22. The minute you're not cute anymore, it's just perverted. You know what I mean? But also it's like when you're cute, it's like, oh, he's so sexy. Oh, he's just going. But then when you're old and leathery, it's like, oh, no, he's a pervert in a white van and you're not going to be able to live near a school and you're going to be in a lot of trouble, stupid. Yeah.

I think that it's just that he says the same thing every season. So at first it's kind of like, oh, he's kind of funny. He's like a rap scallion. And now it's just kind of like, really? This is just getting sadder and sadder. I'm like an onion, but I'm long. I'm an onion, but I'm long. I'm a scallion. Who raps? A rap scallion. So...

That was a really great example of a rap, too. Thank you. We'll tell Scallion Jack. I'm an onion who is wrapping from the windows to the wall to the sweat shop. Like an onion I can smell, but I'm shaped just like a tail. I'm a scallion, a wrapped scallion. Bring him out, bring him out. It's hard to yell when the scallion is in your face.

It's not a good rap.

So the point is that Gary – and also I love how he just like flirts with the idea of self-improvement and reflection. He sort of takes buzzwords and phrases that have been thrown at him by his cast members through blogs, through podcasts, magazine articles, maybe Bravo investigations. And he doesn't – he's sort of like – he has a – he's aware enough to say them so

So that way it sort of gets the heat off of him, but he's not aware enough. He doesn't actually take the steps to actually be reflective about it. So when he's like, well, I think that alcohol plays a big factor, to be honest. Anyway, who wants to have a six pack of bees? It's like, it's like, don't, don't tell us that. Oh, you know what? God, I keep doing this season after season. It's probably the alcohol. Anyway, going to get drunk and make out with someone now. Yeah. Um,

And of course, it's also just so degrading because he does this to women every single time. He gets them and then he acts like they're trash. Like, okay, I tasted it and it's like me standing in the center of a Costco. Everything goes in my mouth and then I'm the judgiest bitch about it. You're obviously not judgmental. You literally just put the entire store in your mouth.

But then I'm like, look how much taste I have. I'm going to sit here and judge the gelatinous chicken I just tasted at the cost. It's all disgusting, Ronnie. Okay. Stop acting like you're Frazier Crane. And that's what I say to you, sir. And then it cuts to her, which, and I actually felt bad for her at this moment because, you know, here this girl is, she's just wanted something. She's just wanted, she's like a dog chasing a car. She finally found a pickup truck that's, you know, on its last legs that she can chase down on the street. And now the pickup truck,

truck doesn't need the water and she doesn't know yet and they're like well what do you think and she's like oh yeah I definitely kissed Gary again she's like rerun at the end of the what's what's happening opening credits just chasing just chasing that pickup truck and never getting ever in tune in every episode rerun never catches the truck

That's her with male validation, unfortunately. Yeah. That's actually sad. No, I feel bad about laughing about that. I told you. That visual was like a little too real for me. That was a little bit too much. And I started laughing and then I just started feeling incredibly sad for this girl. I told you. It's so sad. So...

It really is. But it's not as sad if you listen to the What's Happening theme song while she's running for the male attention. Play that theme song on your head next time she tries to flirt with someone.

She's running for that truck like I'm running from her fuck. A rapscallion. Rapscallion. Rapscallion. Drop it like a scallion. Drop it like a scallion.

So she, they're like, but what about Keith? And she's like, Kim, he's like, you know, the hairy detective from every BBC show where there's like a young, already hairy detective. And she's like, oh, but I'm lonely. And I've made him, I've made moves from the moment I met him until now. And I'm retiring. You've made moves on literally everything that moves right in front of him. What's he supposed to think? You know, so then,

Now, oh, I'm too mad. We're like one paragraph into these notes. Okay, so then they go to bed. Everybody goes to bed. And now it's time to wake up. And Keith sees Danny and he's like, oh, morning. How was your night? And trying to be all sexy. He's like, oh, look at me just waking up. I've got practice all night. I can't wait to see Danny. I'm going to really work on this one. How was your night?

She's like, it was good. How was yours? He's like, yeah, it was all right. I got a little too shit-faced. How many of you stayed up last night? She's like, it was Emma, Davide, me and Gary. Fun night. Now I'm bummed I went to bed. Wow, the sexual chemistry between these two is really off the charts, I have to say. Like, I'm getting a little hot just reciting this dialogue. And she's like, mm-hmm, because she knows she's a bad, bad girl.

So then Emma and Keith are on the deck now. And he's like, oh, my God, this hot tub is green, isn't it? It's actually quite disgusting. It is disgusting. They put bubbles in it. Normally I love bubbles. Really, I do. But these ones are just so active. You know what I mean? They just flatten the bubbles. You know, it's quite depressing, really, when you look at them. Yeah.

My favorite song is Tiny Bubbles because that's the exact size of bubbles that I enjoy. But this is, I don't know, these are big American bubbles or at least non-British ones. I'm sick of it. I'm bored of it. Someone should clean this up, but it won't be me because I'm going to have a ciggy over by the boat and watch it clank into the side of the yacht.

He's like, well, you know, Danny and I had a chat and it kind of threw me off a bit, you know, because she thinks that, you know, she's the one always making the effort. And Emma's like, oh, it's just disgusting. People making an effort is really, really awful. You're going to clean this, aren't you? This isn't going to un-green itself, you know. I mean, you're the effort maker. You've already got the reputation. You might as well pick up a rag. Here, let me help you clean this hot tub. Okay.

There, I hoped. So she's like, so do you feel like you should start making an effort? Because I don't. And he's like, oh, well, then maybe I won't make an effort. No, you should make an effort. I'm just saying I don't feel like making one. I mean, yeah.

Few efforts is disgusting, isn't it really? It's a lot of effort, really pick me sort of a situation. And my girl's, well, you know, work is work, but it's also nice to steal moments. That's why I just go down for coffee and then for tea and then more coffee and then a cigarette and then a cigarette with coffee and a cigarette with tea and then tea with coffee. And then I just have all three together. And the next thing you know, it's already 5 p.m.

And Keith is like, normally in the past, I've just shut people down. You know, the streams and streams of women who are coming on to me on boats. It's this.

It's insane, really. They really never stop. It's an election season in a busy city area. Just knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Just kidding. It's the face of the time the man's standing at my door with a full bowl of candy that no one ever knocks. Every year I end up with Tootsie Rolls just kind of stuck together in there. Still, maybe this one will work. It won't, Keith. It will not, okay? You have as much personality as a half-baked Yorkie pudding, okay? Ain't nobody...

I would love Keith and Padgett from season one to compete in like a Blandoff and see who would win, you know? Because let's not forget, Sailing Yacht was built on the shoulders of Blandness. Padgett, C.R. God. Oh,

They were the worst. The engineer guy. The other day they were rerunning that on Bravo because, of course, they were. What else would they do? And by the way, that poor cast, because they're one of the most hated casts of all times, and they still have to live with this shit because Bravo will not stop airing that season over and over again. So you know, they're still walking around the streets and people are like, your voice sucks. That poor girl who's like, all I want to do is sing with the guitar. So she'd be like, I love it.

singing like with her little apple you know her apple commercial voice like it's her little singer songwriter lilt hi we're gonna go for a ride and we're gonna have a nice day whipping out her little what was she her little ukulele a little guitar that she'd bring out and she was like she was like she had a fake british accent because her mom had a fake british accent or some crazy shit like that

It was a terrible cast. Although, honestly, I loved the disaster that was Jenna, or Jenna, the chief stew. She was such a chaotic disaster. I feel like we deserve more of her. She was a mess, yeah. She was wonderful. She was passive-aggressive, but she was also in love with Adam, and she was sobbing, and also really mean. She was wonderful. They should bring her back, actually. I think Daisy needs some time off. I think everybody needs some time off. Let's freshen it up.

Just bring Jenna back. At least let's plug her in. Let's swap her in for Katie Flood, because Bravo is on some weird Katie Flood agenda. And let's get Jenna at least back into the mix, because she's the true disaster. She's like the Kristen Doughty of Chief Seuss. She even looks like her, sort of. Yeah, bring her back. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.

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So then, okay, so they're talking about this girl at work, and Keith is like, you know, but now that she's told me she's always making the effort, I've decided that I'm really into her. So now...

Now I'm going to go for it. I'm going to do just what she wants. We're going to get married for sure. Let's take a risk. Throw yourself into the unknown every once in a while and just see what happens. Look, today, instead of parting my hair like this, I'm still going to part it like this, but I'm also going to go like this and kind of move it behind one of my ears. Total change. Throw cotton to the wind. Too late. You're too late, sucker.

So then Daisy is talking to the stews and she's like, Donna, do you want to set up the bar with lemons and limes? And Diana's like, please, because I cannot, I cannot see that fucking bar again. And I'm like,

You're the one who has spent a few episodes complaining about how you never get to do service and you're always stuck in the beds. And that when you do service, you're so annoyed by it. And now you don't even want to look at the bar. You wouldn't even do your bar training. I sort of don't understand Diana on this front.

They're constantly complaining. And I think the first problem that Daisy has is that she's saying shit like this. Hey, Donnie, do you want to do the bar? Don't know. Not do you want to. The fuck is this? What are we voting? It's still voting season. It's over. Just say, hey, Danny, you're on bar today. Don't forget the lemons and the limes.

Well, guess what? I don't fucking want to either. Okay, who does? You think I woke up today thinking, God, I can't wait to have my head down the toilet. Getting a little flex of stranger's poop off of it. No, I don't. But it's our fucking job. So get to it, sister. I don't get it. Sometimes the girls have a bad attitude. I feel like I'm dealing with teenagers. So then, yes, the girls go and divide up their labor and everything. And then Glenn's like, okay, everyone, time for a preference sheet meeting.

Okay, we got a lot of faces. It's an eight-person charter. It's a short charter. Andrew is the CEO of a popular dental group. He's gathered his friends to bask in the sun and sailing around Ibiza. And they all have names that start with C. So for instance, there's Cecilia, there's Conchetta, there's Kookaburra, there's Callista, there's Callisto, and there's Selena. Ha ha!

But actually, what was funny was that he got stuck in that thing where two doesn't make a pattern. Because he's like, Andrew's wife, Cecilia, is a dentist. Uh-oh. And the first one was a CEO. So, I see a trend. But it wasn't C's. The trend was that there were dentists. Yeah. I just felt like I'm...

And Angela's a realtor, but she's a loser. No one likes Angela. But her sister Conchita is a dentist, which is the only reason people speak to Angela in the first place. Yeah, she brought Conchita. So Daisy's like, the stick-ass would like a seafood dinner. Bash! Followed by a blue and white party. So everyone wants a Caesar salad. So there will be a Caesar salad.

And Cloyce, meanwhile, is struggling because he has a hangover. And he's like, I'm a young single man. So, you know, as they say, YOLO. You know, luckily the preference sheet doesn't seem to be too alarming. I mean, I think everyone would be as smooth and sexy as I wanted to be. So... I would argue that young people don't say YOLO. Do they? I don't think anyone says YOLO. I would argue that.

Like, you only live once, but you also only have, like, a moment of pop culture once. And that moment has passed. So YOLO is now, I think, maybe Rapscallion does it, but, like, I don't think anyone else does at this point. Yeah, I don't think so.

So Gary is like, Emma, can you give the transom a wash, please? Blah, blah, blah. And Emma's like, well, would it be better for Keith to give the transom a wash? Because he has got a longer reach than me. And plus, I've got three coffees I've got to drink downstairs. And he's like, well, just extend the pulse. Well, I still can't reach the bottom. But you're taller than me and I can reach the bottom. Well, I don't know what you want. I don't know what to tell you. I can't reach it. You know, it's, what is it? One foot away from me. That's just too far. I'm sorry. Someone else will have to do it.

You do. I believe in you. Listen, whenever I doubt myself, this is the advice I give myself. You may feel doubt. You may want to pout. But you're a rapscallion. A rapscallion. Now extend the pole. Extend the pole.

And so he just walks off, assuming she's going to listen to him. And she doesn't. And Keith is like, well, I'm happy to do it. And she goes, good. You do that. Because I'm quite clumsy, really. Do I trust myself not to fall into this shitty marina water? Absolutely not. Not some slender man who can reach seven feet below me there. He can do it. Yeah, why not?

So now the guests are arriving and they line up and Emma's like, everyone give your best Colgate smile for the dentist. Unfortunately, my teeth are all brown on account of all the coffee I've been drinking during this charters. So then the guests come on, they all have big white teeth and everything. And-

And Davido, we find things about Davido. He's like, my sister, my dentist is my sister's boyfriend. Unfortunately, so 100 percent, I would take one of the other dentist if they could work on my teeth. I have teeth. Where did they find him? Go back into your hole, sir. We're trying to do a charter here.

So then Daisy gives the guests a tour, and then there's some chatter. There's a chatter in the... Basically, Danny is flirting with Gary. She's like, ooh, I like your chin strips, fuckboy vibes. He's like, no, no, no, fuckboy-ish. And then Emma's like, I wish I met a fuckboy, Gary. They're like, oh, Emma, okay. And then they're like, oh, yes, me too. What do you mean? Should we go to times? There's just like...

This like banter is a random scene. I remember watching me like, why is this scene in the show? They're all just kind of sitting talking for no good reason. It's a good old fashioned, you know, sexual scene. They're like, Oh God, I wish I'd met fuck boy, Gary. I could be railed right now. It's like, what are you talking about? Oh, shooting good time. I just rail me. And Danny's like, yeah, we'd have been rooted by now. Just thinking about the showerhead at this point. God, we can use that on each other if you'd like to Emma. She's like, Oh God, is that Gary King blushing? That's insane. Um,

I'm exhausted from seeing it, actually. I'm going on break. Actually, it's not me blushing. It's just the intense skin damage that I'm dealing with right now. Sun damage. I don't know what's going to get me first, the lung or the skin cancer, but something's going to get me, sure enough, at this point. His voice is sounding worse and worse. His skin is looking, like, seriously, like, in danger. I am actually quite literally very concerned for his health at this point.

I'm not. So Gary is like, oh, I need you, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. Listen, I'm getting too much approval from the women right now. I've got to change that because I'm Gary. I'm not really Gary unless women hate me. So Daisy, let me tell you something hateful about me or something hateable. Let me tell you about me and Danny. She's like, oh, gold. What about you and Danny? Thanks.

Well, you know, I've got Gary fuck boy, Gary vibes, you know, has it ever been like that? Yeah. Well, okay. We did have a little sneaky kiss. We did. We did. We did.

oh, Jesus, Gary, I can't do it. But honestly, I didn't want it to happen, you know? And she's like, oh, fuck, Gary, this is fucking fucked up. I think if you understood why this behavior is so toxic to the team and to yourself, I think it would be easy for you in the moment to be like, this isn't a good idea, but it's like you keep on doing this because, ooh, when you're pissed, you know what you're doing? You know, the thing is, when you're pissed drunk, you know, you can't walk straight. She's like, Gary!

She's 11 years younger than ya. And with these fucking shittiest excuses, once maybe, what is this, six, seven, 24 times, you're looking for validation, hook it up with Donnie.

I wasn't looking. I was Danny. Fucking hell. You're crazy, aren't you? You're crazy. I've enraged a woman. My work here is done. He doesn't even seem to get off on the sex, right? Because he doesn't have that much sex. That's always a funny thing about Gary. He acts like he's going to have all this sex, but then when he gets it, he finds a way to back out of it, or he doesn't get it up, or he falls asleep. We've seen this multiple times. I'm thinking that Gary is just into the whole being in trouble thing.

I predict that one day he's going to be in trouble for jerking off in public or waving his dick at somebody in public. He just needs to be in trouble for it. There's a sickness there with him. Yeah, it's not great. I'm surprised, honestly, after everything that came out, all the allegations that came out about him, I'm surprised that he hasn't done the old classic...

You know what? I've gone into rehab because it looks like I have an addiction to sex and I have to work on the things that are causing me to behave this way. So I'm hoping to be a better person and learning and growing every single day. Like you think you just do that, but I wonder if that's just sort of like the American way of handling things and that like people outside of America are like, what? That's ridiculous. And then they just move on. I don't know. Keep fighting the fight. Yeah. I don't know about that.

Um, so he leaves and he's like, I was just so embarrassed about kissing Danny. And I tell Daisy because she's so honest with me and I appreciate that. I appreciate it. But it backfired miserably. It didn't do anything. What did you think was going to happen? Of course you wanted Daisy to yell at you and you got yelled at. Now go jerk off in the bathroom. It's like all you've been needing your life. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to get anything, any other response from Daisy except,

Aside from her yelling at you, you could have literally said to Daisy, Daisy, I brought you a brownie. Why do you think I need a brownie right now? What sort of gift is this? You know I don't eat brownies. And even if I did eat brownies, I've got things to do. How do you only think about yourself? You're just trying to get to my good graces again. I see right through you, Gary.

If you really cared about me, you'd wait at the table once in a while, Gary. So now Daisy is offering champagne to people. Daisy? Oh, Daisy. Yeah, now Daisy's... I was like, who's Daisy? She was just in the other scene. It's still the same person. So she's offering champagne to people, and Andrew's like, oh, I actually wanted to grab you really quickly. Daisy!

Then just smile. Okay. So MC and Chris are recently engaged, and we just wanted to do dessert shots or something and just, I don't know, make a little message, something like, you're never too old, or you may feel worn out, but someone will take you. Or, gosh, you're like an old ratty sweater at the old Salvation Army that smells like mothballs from 10 years ago, but God damn it, there's somebody out there without a sense of smell. Congrats, you two. You found each other. Can we do that? Put that on the cake, something like that.

I think it could be arranged. At what time would you like to eat? Like 10 o'clock? At least, at least. So Daisy goes into the galley and she's like, well, I've got a bit of bad news. Turns out you're not qualified to be on this yacht, but here's some more bad news. Dinner's going to be at 10 p.m. tonight. He's like, oh man, that sounds like it's going to be a little bit of an afternoon nap for me. Eh.

And she's like, well, also Chris and Mara Catherine were just recently engaged, so they want something to signify it. He's like, oh, how about a luxury super yacht that'll fucking signify her? It's like, no, you need to do a nice little dessert, sir.

learns nothing this guy learns fucking nothing um she's like well you know something written with happy anniversary or something like that that could signify it and he's like uh yeah yeah i'm gonna go chill for a second too see you later so he's out of there and then um mc whispers to her husband that another guest has had her boobs done since they saw her and he's like yeah nice work yeah i like that i like those two together that's that's a real relationship right there where she's like

I think she's got her boobs done. He's like, oh, yeah. Like being able to talk shit together as a couple. That's good. That's relationship goals. Isn't that just how relationships, what they're built on? I'm sorry. There are a lot of relationships built on other things. There are relationships where someone tries to talk shit and the other one says, stop that. That's not nice to say. No, divorce. Yeah, there are people that are like that. It's wild. You never met people who were like that? It's so sad.

You should both be able to. Well, I never know how people are in private. You know what I mean? I know people who act like that in public who are like, don't say that, honey. But I'm like, oh, really? You married them. So I imagine that they're just doing that to be public-facing good people. But then they get home and they're like, you were right about her kids. They're crazy. What are they, filled with teeth because she got them for free? That's what they look like. Jesus, talk about a jagged little pill. Jesus, am I right? Yeah.

So Cloyce gives us this insight into how he works. He says, when I don't sleep, my mentality is at an all-time low. Yeah, I think that's actually a fairly universal fact. That's why there's a phrase, sleepy. But a way to avoid that, if you know it's going to get in the way of your work, I don't know, don't get wasted the night before. Just saying it. I say this as someone who enjoys getting wasted. But I'm going to say, if you've got work the next day and you've got to make a nice dessert for strangers, don't get wasted. Yeah.

So Gary tells Emma to start the swim platform and she goes down for a break. And then Danny is talking to Diana and she's like, I do have something funny to tell you, but you can't tell anyone because it's not a big deal. That's why I haven't told anybody. But I'm telling you, just don't tell anybody. It's not a big deal. Am I giggling? Am I smiling? Oh, my God. It's hilarious. Oh, my God. Why do I have a trash tire around my foot?

finger it's crazy it's my ring finger i did that to myself didn't i i'm just kidding i'm not i'm not taking anything back i made that with gary what do you think about that i'm probably pregnant and if i'm not i will be in the future i can't wait to be his wife god damn it i'm gonna fuck i'm gonna ride that man like a flag right up a pole let's say up and down so um yeah what was that music that was um what's happening and i don't know why it stopped itself because it would have been really funny if it had kept on playing

But it stopped. It's very sad. If you think I don't have the What's Happening theme song in my iTunes, I listen to that shit. It's a great theme song. That's funny. It's just her running after that truck. Just running after that truck. So I love... This is also... Here's another thing. This... Okay. We've all met people like this. We've all met girls like this too. And where it's like...

what she's doing is she's kind of bragging to Diana, but she's also so needy. Like she doesn't just need attention. She needs attention from everyone. And she needs Diana to say, Oh my God, really tell me everything about it. Was it amazing? Was it fun? Are you guys like a thing now? And Diana's like, okay, I don't care. Whatever. I'll just weaponize us against you later. Yeah. Diana's like, Oh, so you're, you have reason to be even more lazy now. Well, great. Great. Yeah.

So Diana, of course, Diana's kind of like, well, I thought you liked Keith. And she's like, oh, I like everybody. I don't care. She goes, oh, that's cool. So she's telling us, I would love to be like Dami, where she goes and does whatever she fucking wants. She doesn't care what people think. She talks to guys. I mean, I don't do that. I'm shy. I wish I was like that. Just kidding. I don't. Who does? It's pathetic. Look at her face.

you know she's saying it like i'm so jealous that she's just so open but all i hear is slut slut slut slut slut and diana's and danny's like tells us bro i have like sexual tension with like everybody on this boat at this point it is wild i mean captain glenn stop staring at me oh my god so much sexual tension oh my god i'm just like

I guess I react to this because it was a girl I used to know who I used to be friends with. And this was like her vibe all the time. She'd like walk into your apartment. She'd be like, oh my God. Like, I just got a text from this guy. And like, he was like, what do I text back? Like, what do I text back? I was like, wait guys, no, seriously. I know we're talking about the fact that your cousin just died, but like literally I just got a text. So like, what should I text him now? I think he's like really into me. I'm like, oh my God, like shut up.

Yeah, and then she just goes home and cries all night, waits for somebody to call. So then Daisy goes to check on Cloyce, and she's like, so what are you doing, Pardesart? And he's like, oh, good question, Toots. She's like, oh, well, I was wondering if there's a way you can incorporate maybe blood white, like a trifle or something like that. Well, that's not the highest class.

either from Daisy, but at least she's trying to get the team colors in there, you know? And he's like, well, ice cream's white, so I guess that's good. Am I right? Yeah.

So you're going to go for a vanilla ice cream. Okay, great. We're not asking for your personality on the plate here. It's an engagement thing. Make an effort, bro. Just do something nice. Don't you have anything in your arsenal, some sort of cute dessert that feels special and elevated? So now we know the desserts are not his forte, given that he already bought one from the shore and then nuked it and destroyed it.

So now Daisy is... Asks Diana to make margaritas that look blue and everything. And this is where all this shit happens. And so Diana is... She's making these margaritas. And the guest comes up and is like, oh, by the way, there's a stain. So Diana brings it downstairs to Danny and...

And Danny's like, well, I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm decorating the table. Even though she is literally not anywhere close to decorating the table. She is downstairs flirting with Gary, talking and joking, not upstairs where the table is decorating it.

Yeah, and Garrett's like, hey, laundry, don't you? And Dan's like, no, it's like I have things to do as well. Stupid fucking bitch. He doesn't like taking out stains. How about I take out the stain and the stain's name is Danny. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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So then Daisy's like, let me know when the blue macarons are gone. And she's like, Oh God, now she has to get a stain out. She has to make blue margaritas. And, and then we just hear giggly, giggly, giggly from, you know, what's her buns. Yeah. Now Danny and Keith are on like the, uh,

upstairs on one of the decks. And Danny's like, oh, let's take a, come on, take a piccy. Take a piccy. Let's do a piccy of a sunset picture. So now Keith is like, Diana, come on. Do you want to come take a picture? They basically call Diana and they're like, come take a photo of us for sunset photo. I don't know why Diana went up there and did it. If I were her, I'd be like, fuck you. I'm doing some shit right now. But she goes up. I think actually, no, I do know why she went up there. Cause it gave her a chance to like go be,

like just just to stomp up there to show that she was in a bad mood because like what's the point of being in a bad mood if you can't show people you're in a bad mood right so she gets to go up there and be like oh fine i can do this but i'm really busy right now oh

So she's like, listen, it was, she's, Diana's like, well, I asked for help when I was hearing it, the crew mess laughing. And I was like, for fuck's sake. And she's like, I was literally about work. That's what we're laughing at. I was busy setting this up because I'm the one that does this most of the time. That's me. My art form is tables. We all know that.

All right. I'm sorry I can't run up and down, but I'm a table artist. And she's like, well, for fuck's sake. She's like, for fuck's sake, we are a team. Like, you're doing this. I'm downstairs doing stuff. Just, oh, which I've never disregarded. I've never disregarded the stuff that you do while I'm up here creating. I'm basically the Al Pacino of tables. Don't look me in the eye. That's right. I just J-load you. I just J-load the table artist you.

Well, we are all busy, though. She's like, well, I was busy, bro. I was busy, you know, flirting is a job, too. I've got, okay, shut up. So, okay, I want to hear, hey, Cloyce.

I think the girls are arguing upstairs. I want to hear what this menu is, please. He's like, okay, well, it's gonna be a seafood bash. So that's gonna be a bunch of seafood. It's gonna be family style. Well, I don't like that. You don't see it from a service perspective. I think plates would be nice, you know, because you can show off a bit of a presentation some more, Cloyce. Now, of course, it's funny me asking for a good presentation from you, the guy who combs his hair like Tucker Carlson. But that's fine. That's fine. The irony is thick with me.

And she's like, for an engagement dinner, it should be 1,000% to be plagued. As another HOD, I can't give Gloyce my opinion, but if he doesn't go and listen, that's on him. I can lead a horse to water, but I can't make it drink. And trust me, I've gone up to many a horse and said, drink it, you goddamn imbecile. Drink the goddamn water. And he doesn't drink. Guess what happened to the horse? It was made to glue.

Guess what? And the reason why the horse didn't drink the water? Because the water was family style. You got to plate the water for the horse. They wouldn't drink it because Gary had been swimming in there with some whore. The horse is like, no, I'm too tasteful for that water. Thank you. So Cloyce is like, okay, we'll plate the Caesar salad, but

But the rest will be family style. She's like, but that feels a little weird. Well, that's probably what we're going to do, ideally. So, meanwhile, upstairs, the girls are still fighting. And Dani's like, Diana, are we going to fight the whole night? She's like, I'm not fighting. I'm just showing general disapproval of you, my slutty friend. She's like, you know, I would say yes. I'm a bit of a grudge holder if you're a bitch. So, baby, I'm going to be a bitch as well. Ha.

Dun, dun, dun. And her proof of that is just polishing a glass silently. Yeah, that's kind of her thing. Anger polish. So everybody sits for dinner and they're like, oh my god, we're so excited for the engaged people. This is amazing. I'm like, yeah. So then Caesar salads come up and...

They're like, wow. He goes, so everyone, this is a play on a Caesar salad. And it's just a Caesar salad. Like it's literally just a Caesar salad and a sad one at that. And they're all like looking at it like, what's the play? Isn't this just a bland Caesar salad here? What's going on?

Yeah. They're like, this is a Caesar salad. Why is it a play on a Caesar salad? They're like, this is boring. So then downstairs, Kois is talking about his cake or whatever. And he's like, so what do I do? Just write congratulations on the plate, something like that. And Keith is like, no, you should write good luck. But I guess that would be kind of facetious. And Danny's like, facetious? What word is that? It's not a word. He's like, well, I looked it up in the dictionary the other day. It's actually a word. She goes, you're quirky. Yeah.

I'm glad I didn't make out with that one. That's disgusting. That one actually comes up with words, long and understandable words. You know, so Cloyce is sitting here. He's got like chocolate and like a piping bag. He's trying to write out like congratulations or something. This is something that he, by the way, could have done hours ago and put it in the freezer. I don't know what he was thinking. So then meanwhile, Cecilia says,

Cecilia has a lot of opinions and honestly, they're not wrong, but she has a lot of opinions. So she tells, she tells Daisy, she goes, I hate to say this, but like, you know, we like family style.

But you wanted it like that for dinner, did you? Is that what you wanted? Are you a horse standing in front of goddamn water? You'd probably drink it if I told you, wouldn't you? Well, let me tell you, Cloyce wouldn't. Goddamn imbecile. I'll say it to the chef for sure. Like, I'm sorry. I know it's very annoying. Which is funny because Daisy's totally throwing the chef under the bus right in front of the guests. Like, I know. I know. It's terrible food what you're eating. I understand. I'll go tell the chef that he's a piece of shit. Okay, I'll be right back. By the way, he doesn't floss.

So she tells Danny to go downstairs and help. She goes, well, I'm afraid to go help Diana. She goes, why? Because she heard me laughing for three minutes in a galley with Gary, and she's also shit and got angry with me. She did not lose her shit. See, this is why she's so toxic. Yeah, Daisy goes, well, just keep trying. Be a bigger person. And Danny's like, why does it just mean I have to be the bigger person? Because you're the one fucking crying about it.

Okay? You're the one going to your boss and crying that someone's being mean to you, and they're telling you to be a bigger person. Be a bigger fucking person, okay? For Christ's sake, you child. But this is what that other girl did, too. Was her name Sarah? I don't know. But like...

She was like, she does that thing where she kind of like laughs, like does like a throw someone under the bus with a laugh to be like, I'm the sane one here. But like, whoa, she was crazy. She like came down. She was like rageful. She was so mad. She was like screaming at me. It's like, whoa, chillax girl. Like she's kooky for Cocoa Puffs. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah.

It's so fucked up. And also Kyle did this on Blow Deck Med all the time to Natalia. And it's like that kind of like, hey, we're pals. I'm going to like reassert the fact that like that we are friends and that she's a crazy one and we should exclude her. And I just am like you. You're leaving out the part of the story where you where she was doing a task and she asked you for help and you said no. And you were downstairs giggling instead. So I'm just like, I'm done with this girl.

Well, she actually did add the part where she was giggling, and that's, I think, why Daisy will never be on her side. She's like, you fucking idiot. I know you made out with Gary, and now you're sitting there giggling and you're mad that people are getting annoyed with you. Fuck off. Daisy smells that bullshit. So then Gary is talking to Daisy now, and he's like, Daisy, come with me. I think it's better if we don't fight, Daisy. I just want to apologize to you. I mean, it completely changed... Actually, I'm

So I made out with Norma just a few seconds ago. After that, after that, after that, never drinking again, never touching another lady again. Daisy, is that okay with you? Daisy me rolling. I'm hooking up with Norma. Rapscallion. Oh man.

Um, she said, I wasn't trying to lay into you, Gary, but I don't know how else to communicate to you. You know, your behavior is self-destructive and it's destructive to other people. I'm glad you took the time to reflect and you don't treat other people like that. And especially you don't treat people who's in your fucking corner like that. So thank you for allowing me to speak. I thank you for the apology.

She was like rage thanking. I was like a hug. Yeah. Daisy's way of accepting an apology, like, that means a lot to me. I'm so glad you finally apologized because the way you talked to me was shit. You know, and you are shit. And look at your hair. Your hair is shitty. Your skin is shitty. You got, your eyes are shitty. Everything about you is shitty. So thank you for apologizing because I deserved it. Okay, great.

It's like, oh, are you happy right now, Daisy? I just want Daisy to like, I just want Daisy to read just basic things in life to me. Like, I want to hire Daisy and just have her read, you know, the back of boxes like this HubBot. USA Hub Pro is compatible with almost all operating systems. Please download and install the driver correctly according to the manual or the product details. Jesus Christ, sorry. Sorry.

I think that I would like her to read headlines from the New York Times cooking section. Six no Thanksgiving pies that will impress everyone you know, Gara. Why is this pie instruction yelling at me? Chicken ala arrabbiata. This recipe uses both crushed red peppers and chopped Calabrian chilies or hot cherry peppers in the spices. It's all scarer.

Speaking of, I keep ordering USB hubs and they keep sending me USB-A instead of USB-C. I keep ordering USB-C. I can prove it on my Amazon, okay? Stop gaslighting me. Okay, let's get back to the scheduled program.

Okay, so now Cloyce is trying to write on the cake plate, but it's already been 15 minutes and he can't figure out how to get the chocolate piped at the right temperature because he's five years old. Let's face it. Okay. And he also did not use frozen plates to help out the process. Or melt the chocolate enough to come out of the thing in the first place. I mean, this guy...

So now they want to go to bed and they're like, you can't go to bed. And they're like, I do want to go to bed. That's like the main lady MC saying, hey, babe, I want to go to bed. No, you can't go to bed. So Daisy's in the kitchen and Chris goes, oh, so you're fully cleared, right? She goes, are you joking? Yeah.

That's 23 minutes since cleared. Why is he so slow? Why is it taking so long? Instead of taking a full-blown ass nap, you could have said, am I an USB-A or a USB-C? They don't plug into the same plugs, you goddamn moron. Here comes Thanksgiving this year. There are no rules. Just cook what you love and we'll help you make it delicious.

So she wants to kill him. And he's like, well, I would count tonight as not my best work. Yeah, that's every fucking night with you, bro. Like, are you going to have one good night? I just wish the bully would come back and just walk up to you and go, you suck.

You suck. You suck at this point. It's not just that you're bad at your job. It's that you're so fucking up your own ass about it, too. You're so arrogant for no reason. It's annoying. Do your job. Somewhere in the middle of this, one of my favorite moments of the episode was Cecilia. She is still continuing to say, I mean, it's just like family style is fine. It should have just been pleaded. You agree with me, right? And then her friend is like,

You know what? I totally agree with you. It's just that you've said it a lot right now. It's just like, we're on TV, okay? We don't want to look like assholes. You made your point and we agree with you, but you've made it several times, Cecilia.

But she's purposely trying to do that to have her moment, right? Like, oh my god, I really want a pleated thing because we're all like a yard. I just want a man.

No, there's also... She has bad boys and she just draws them everywhere they go. She's like, you know, this wasn't my dream, but when we suck this team all by a bathroom, but we really don't appreciate it. Team all by my mother. Oh my God. If you slowly talk like a very slowly deflating balloon animal, do you get your way more? Shut the fuck up over there. I'm on Cloyster's side after listening to you for two seconds.

Yeah.

And then there's also some sort of low wattage feud that was brewing with Conchetta. I wasn't actually able to follow what it was, but one girl was talking to Conchetta, and Conchetta seemed very unhappy, and I carried through to breakfast the next day. It was this girl. It was this annoying girl. What did she say? She just kept making little comments, and Conchetta's like, okay, she needs to stop. When they showed Conchetta got her room, she's like, okay, she really needs to stop now.

Conchetta's mad because there was already someone on the season named Contessa. She's like, I was going to be the only multi-syllabic con-named person. How can there be a Contessa when they knew Conchetta was coming on? I'm so resentful of the con't. Excuse me, we cannot say that word anymore. First of all, we can, because now it's gay and fun again.

And second of all, I was saying C-O-N-T. Contessa. Contessa. Okay. You get to pass then. So then Daisy goes up to Cloyce very happily and she's like, so I think the guests were a bit disappointed that the food tonight wasn't plated. And he's like, well, part of it was plated. She's like, well, I'm just passing on the feedback. She's like, no, yeah, that's good. That's good. And then Emma, meanwhile, she's...

She's been getting a lot of, you know, terse comments from the guys. So she's like, well, I don't know if I pissed off the guys, but they both seem like they're both a little bit off with me. And I also feel like they're just shit talking me like I'm a fucking idiot. So maybe I'm being oversensitive or maybe I'm a fucking idiot. Who knows? Oops, I just spilled my coffee off the side of the boat. So I guess I'll put that one in the idiot bucket. That's just me.

I don't think they're treating you like an idiot. I think they're treating you like you're fucking lazy and you are fucking lazy. They're treating you like a lazy loafing complainer. And now you're walking around lazily, loafully complaining. And that's kind of, you know, peanut butter, your peanut butter stuff. Yeah.

So then Emma goes to talk to Keith. Sorry, it's a dentist episode. So she's like, what's the time, Keith? And he's like, it's 7.27 a.m. She's like, oh, sorry, I'm not quite done with this. You see, I've been trying to do the deck part.

But, you know, I have done these scrubbers a number of times now. But then each time I walk back around, this bit has reaccumulated. Like, has it rained? Are you leaking? Is the boat crying? It's like, Emma, don't go. Don't go. Emma's gone. Emma's gone. And it just cries all over itself, you know. And I come back around and it stops crying. But I say, listen, you've left your tears all over everything. All right, then I'll just dehydrate like that. Please stop crying every time I leave. I've got to take a break. Take a break.

It's exhausting, really. Emma was on anchor watch, and she was just sitting there all night long. And then at like 7 a.m., she's like, oh, I lost track of time. And she starts washing the deck. You lost track of time? The sun came up. They show her working, too. It's so funny, the montage of her working throughout the night. She's just laying there sighing. And then she walks out and smokes a cigarette, sighing. She's exhaling like...

She's like, what is that smoking? And then she hoses a table and then goes back down and sits down for it. Yeah. And so she like, I, at one point, I guess she like hoses down one of the decks and it's like full of water. And then she's like,

trying to clean some chrome and Heath is doing it. And she's like, well, I was trying to do this, but like it just reaccumulates so quickly. It's like I clean it, I wipe it down and then I walk away and then it's reaccumulated that quickly. And he's like, yeah, because you've got like standing water. And so the water is just going to slosh over it. So as long as you have the standing water there, it doesn't make sense to clean this until that water is dried up. It's just like,

God, there he is again, treating me like an idiot. It's like you literally left the deck wet, and then you're wondering why things are wet. Yeah. And then she says her favorite phrase, which is, I don't know what to tell you, mate. Well, that's the physics, Emma. It's not a mystery. He literally just told you why it happened. It's not like an I don't know what to tell you. He just told you.

And so he's like, well, I'm just telling you that's why you're redoing it. I'm just trying to give you some advice. And she goes, well, I guess I can help you with the slowing platform, if you'd like, or swimming, I guess, whatever it is. And so he's like, okay.

So then she's just watching him and he's hauling it. It's really hard work and she doesn't lift a finger to help him. She's just watching him. And then she's acting like he's blocking her in into the little thing they're pulling in. She's like, I can't even walk over to get to the other side. I mean, God, it's exhausting. He's like, well, you can go to bed if you'd like. And she goes, well, I mean, I am tired. I would like to go to bed. He's like...

He's like, Emma's the one who offered to help me, and now she's standing here doing nothing. I mean, just pick something up. It takes quite a lot to get me worked up, but it's almost cruel to stand there and watch me struggle. She's literally just standing there. She's doing little motions to make it seem like she might be busy doing something.

But he's literally pulling the thing in and she's like not even attempting. But then she says, this is honestly some passive aggressive bullshit, but I'm just over being made to feel like a small fucking person. I'm like, what was passive aggressive? Was it that he was like, he took it all himself? Like, no, I'll just do it on my own. And she was like, fine, you're going to do it on your own. I don't understand why she was so upset here.

I mean, I guess that's what it is. But then if he had said, are you going to help me? She'd have been like, oh my God, the absolute disdain he treats me with. I don't know what to say, mate. I mean, I'm down here standing here. I don't know what else you want me to do. It's too tall. It's too far away for me to reach. I can't bring in the swim platform. I can't reach it from over here. She's...

We'll see something. So now it's the last day of charter and the guests are waking up. Oh, sorry, never mind. Gary's like, oh, Danny, why are you giggling? Well, there's something on your mind. She goes, I've got a lot of things on my mind. Do you want to share them with me? And she's like, oh, I think you want to know. And he's like, sure. This is about work.

And she's like, oh, just thinking about having a little cuddle. And he's like, the bed's too small. She goes, oh, God, you are so funny. And he's like, okay, so I was thinking about that kiss. She's like, marriage, marriage, babies, which first? I really don't need to be married to have babies. I'll do it right now. I'll be the first pregnant wall fucking wall kisser.

doing table art lady that you've ever seen which like to see some cheerleading routines they're very popular with tens and thousands of men say listen i love you and i think that you're an absolute superstar but i don't want it to happen again at least not while i'm sober she's like well if that's what you're thinking then sure it's cool i'm totally i'm totally cool with that like no problem for me i'm just easygoing danny you know like what could go wrong

I don't know why I keep cutting off my What's Happening music every time I want to play it. Thanks a lot, iTunes. I'm not doing it again. That's so funny. So, yeah, she's like, okay, well, everything's great then. He goes, oh, sorry, sorry about that. She's like, why are you apologizing? They need to apologize. And she walks off. She's like, fucker. Motherfucker.

So not Gary. And it was just a lick because she does look like she's going to cry. And I felt slightly bad. I mean, that's really sad when the town bike is like, I'm broken. Sorry. But you've got full tires. No, I'm broken. But you won't take the app. Not yours. So sorry. Your software is not updated. But it is. It's not.

It's like trying to get a Lime scooter to go when it's out of its battery charge. So Gary is like, it's like, so Keith, how was the boat this morning? He's like, oh, well, Emma and I had a bit of a tiff this morning. He's like, oh, really? Well, how was she when you woke up this morning? She's like, oh, you know, it's hard, frustrated. She was pissed. Sometimes if I try to give her advice, she's like, I don't know what to tell you, mate. That was a direct quote, by the way. There was another quote was, that was the sound of her drinking coffee. So,

I'm just trying to help. Let me have a chat with you, Dave. I have a chance. We're going to chat. But she hasn't answered for everything. Oh, you know what? I know. I've got to tread all next shows there. It's a shame, man. It's a real, real shame. Don't worry. Instead of chatting with her, perhaps I will rap with her. California. California. Dallas.

You're out. You run out there. It's too much for me to think of rap lyrics on the fly. I can do them if I'm in my car alone. But it turns out Rapscallion can't quite do them in isolation in the middle of talking about something else entirely. Let's see. I literally can't think of anything. Wait, no, I can think of one.

I can think of one. B-I-G-B-O-E-B-A. No info for the DEA. Federal agent's mad because I'm flagrant. Tap myself in the phone in the basement. Well, actually, if you're going to go on the rap scallion tour, I think a perfect one to describe Emma this morning would be no scrubs. So...

Have learned that near. So then Emma's talking to Daisy. She's like, oh, God, Keith is awake. And I sort of had a pop at him. Well, you know, I'm just tired of his passive aggressive fucking bullshit. That's all. Well, personally, I just write down your issues and bring it up in a really calm manner like I would do it. Here's how I'd do it. I'd write it down and then I'd pull out what I wrote and I'd say this.

Lighting facts per bulb. Brightness 300 lumens. Estimated yearly energy cost 48 cents based on three hours a day, 11 cents kilowatt. Cost depends on ratings and use. God damn it. This is a chowder at its simplest. Corn, onion, potatoes, milk, with a couple of chopped tomatoes and a handful of parsley to add flavor and color.

I was like, well, I guess I do get a bit jealous of Keith. He's had more time to pick stuff up. I'm just irritated that this is becoming a thing. This whole camera doesn't do anything. It's becoming a thing. I'll be back. I'm taking a nap. This is exhausting. This monologue was exhausting.

So they're setting up breakfast and Cloyce is very proud. He's telling us what he likes to serve for breakfast. He's like, usually for breakfast, I like to have some kind of egg, some kind of breakfast meat, pastry of some sort, usually yogurt, parfait elements. If you have those things, everybody's usually happy. He's saying this as if he's like inside the actor's studio. Like this is the great insight to how to serve breakfast. Wow, you serve an egg and a meat and there may even be a pastry. Like call me gobsmacked. You should write a book.

Seriously, write a fucking book. How to do breakfast. And Daisy basically sings a song I sing every morning when I get out of bed and look around my house. Where's the banana bread? Where's the chocolate chip muffins? Where's the quiche? Jesus Christ, anything. Yeah, but seriously, though, she's like, it's, you know, the breakfast, you know, the breakfast that Cloyce is putting out. It's screaming budget hotel, airport hotel.

continental breakfast it is it is very high at place um it is so glenn's like uh so what was last night dc did everything go well i just learned that deer one time a deer saw his child trapped under a car and it somehow grew opposable thumbs and got the car off of the kid even deer feel adrenaline what do you think about that

And she's like, okay, well, listen, I'll talk to you upstairs. Now, listen, it could be better. I don't think the guests are too happy. His lunches are fine. Let's go right here. Let's go. I don't want to be a little children of deers. She's acting like she's in a DC's crime thriller. She's like, okay, we're not safe here. We have to go to the bathroom. Children can hear you. Listen, children will listen. It's like a Sondheim musical, all right? Those little fuckers can hear everything. They've got ears, all right?

Yeah, there's a lot of commotion. What's that noise back there? You used to call me on my cell phone late night when you need my love. Is that Gary doing Drake? Yeah, he's on a whole rapscallion thing right now. So she's basically like, yeah, I'm pretty sure the guests weren't happy last night. No, you know, she's beating around the bush here.

I told him to do plated. He didn't do plated. The guests complained that it wasn't plated. I told him not to take a nap. He took a nap. Then the dessert was 30 minutes late because he had no idea. So he just put some whipped cream into a fucking glass. This guy is terrible. He's not doing his job. Yeah. I don't care if he's flirting with me and he's 20. Yes, it's flattering. He still needs to be fired. Now fucking do something already. Okay.

It's fun to think about what the different chief stews would have done in this situation. Like Kate definitely would have walked in and said, well, chef, they all hated it because it wasn't plated and it was served family style. And they said, this is probably one of the worst meals they've ever had. Anyway, what are you going to serve for dinner, for dessert? Hannah would have been like, honey?

This was shit. And you've got to improve it, honey. Because no one wanted it. They would have been like, you know what would have really improved this meal? If you suited with lipstick and had your hair done. That can really change a customer's perception of things, dear. And Asia would have been like, oh, this was lovely. But unfortunately, no one liked it. So maybe next time, you do it as pleated, mate.

Because Family Star is just a bit not good. Okay, so he's like, okay, well, let's the three of us sit down and talk. No, time for talking is done, sir. We don't need to have another talk with Cloyce. Cloyce needs to get fired. It's episode five. He's already gone on vacation with the guests. He's already fucked up multiple times. Do something, Glenn. Okay, stop being a wuss. Especially...

Okay, this is two seasons in a row where a big anniversary or special dessert has been fucked up. Because speaking of Asia, last season was not just mere weeks ago that Jono was serving cake on top of ice cream. Which honestly, at this point, made the dessert that Cloyce served look like... I mean, Cloyce's dessert made Jono's look like it was Michelin star. We didn't even talk about what Cloyce made. Cloyce, they waited 25 minutes to...

And then what came out was like some sort of shoddily scooped out ice cream in like some glasses. Like could you imagine waiting 25 minutes for that amount? It wasn't even a large amount of ice cream. It was just like a little bit at the bottom. I would be livid if I waited 25 minutes for that ice cream. Yeah, really ridiculous. Really ridiculous. He needs to go.

So then Danny is flirting with Keith and she's like, so what's your prediction for tonight, Keith? And he's like, I think it's going to be a good night. She goes, oh, so we can cut it on days off then, right? Oh, you are so pathetic. You're immediately running back to the one that you just ditched. Oh, this is so sad. It is sad. It would have been a wonderful time for me to play the What's Happening theme song, but of course I can't do it because iTunes is everything for me. Oh, this is just sad.

Diana then is – I loved this. This was so petty. This was so petty. But you know what? I think it was earned. So Diana is like, so, Keith –

Are you excited for night out? He's like, I am actually. We're almost halfway through. Yeah, no, you don't have to keep talking because it's my turn. So what happened? You know that she's up to no good too, by the way, because she's just got this huge smile on her face, which she literally never has. She's like, I love you. Oh, no, girl. When that girl comes to you with a smile, you're in danger. Yeah.

Yeah. So she's like, so what happened to you and Danny? And he's like, yeah, I think we're good. I mean, we had a chat and she's just one of those people that likes to flirt all the time. And I kind of think that like, we're just like, we're just like working and like, if there's a connection, you go through it, but it's just like, I'm just not too sure if there's a connection. It's just fun and flirty and light heart, you know, that kind of thing. She's like, well, I told you that I thought it was different with you, like the flirting with you, like she really is into you, but now I don't think it is. He's like,

Really? Why? Oh, sorry. And why are you smiling so much? Did something happen? Did you win a prize? Yes. So I think it's the same with everyone with her because I'm pretty sure that Dani kissed Gary right there. She was like, let me go kiss in dirty oil water right down there. You see? You see that little pool of dead fish? That's what they kiss in that.

He's like, oh God, what the heck? Well, I guess that's annoying, isn't it? She's like, well, I'm going to see if I can go to work now. Just remember if you kiss Danny, you're basically kissing dead starfish. Okay. Bye. So he's like, oh God, so much for meeting halfway. You know, we had a heart to heart. So it feels like it's almost a deliberate thing. God, no gut punch. Isn't it? Now,

Now, that being said, Danny is very sad. But Keith, I don't want to hear this. You cannot play the tortured soul. You are not a member of the tortured poet's department or whatever. She would express her interest in you, and you were like, no, I like to take it slow. It's too much. You cannot do this, okay? No, I think you totally can. He just said, I don't want to flirt in front of guests. Well, yes, there was that. But also other times, she was expressing interest, and he was like,

No, no. It's like the more you do it, the more I pull away. And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, well, I can't believe it now. It's like you do – it goes both ways. It's like you do snooze, you do lose. No, because she's – if he just – if she moved on to him, that would be one thing. But the fact that she went out and made out with him and it didn't work out with him, so now she's running back to Keith because he's like the B option and she's out of other options is offensive, I think. I think it's gross. Yeah.

Well, I think – I'm grossed out by that chick. I would be totally grossed out too. But at the same time, I think the only reason he's interested is because that's the only interest he's getting. There's not any real connection there, I don't think. Yeah. Well, I think the guys do that on the show too, and I think it's also gross. This has nothing to do with Danny. I'm just saying that Keith is like –

he's like woe is me all of a sudden it's like well you also had your window and you chose not to take it so well but he thinks that someone likes him i mean not everybody's so fast moving like that you know like if you think somebody likes you and then you find out that no they were just fucking with you and they're off really you know riding a town bike or whatever instead that's i don't know it's gross i mean he's at least he gets over it really quickly he's like gross i'm

You know, he's pretty non-dramatic about it. He gets over it quickly because there's literally nothing to lose. Like, that was a relationship that just never got off the ground. And honestly, like, the negative, the amount of chemistry that they have, what's the opposite of chemistry? Like, what is caveman, like, beating a rock against a twig? Like, the opposite of chemistry. Like, that is what they have. Yeah.

Yeah, agreed. So now Daisy is having her talk with Kois. And it's like, well, obviously I'm not a chef. And you know, I don't know, but I've been in the industry for quite a while. And I think things with you are last minute. And dinners need to be more. And I genuinely think that's what the guests are expecting. And I don't want it to affect the tip. And he's like, more as in elaborate?

Daisy, tell him what the guests are saying. Why is she not telling him that the guests are complaining and saying they want it plated and they want it? It's like she's beating around the bush with him and I don't get it.

You know, it's just something like, it's just like, you know, I just, I want people to say this is the most beautiful plate I've ever seen. And if you've ever worked on big boats like that, then you should know. He goes, yeah, but I just think that like some things are like inherently rustic, like ice cream and Caesar salads. You know, I think that's, that's a nice rustic feeling. Yes, and I know there's a reason for everything, like your haircut. And all I can do is just give me, give you my advice from my experience. And whether you choose to take it or not, that is up to you. But you should probably take it.

Well, everyone does things different. It's okay. We all got different styles. All right. And she's like, this isn't my first road, y'all. I'm trying to help you. He goes, well, you know, it's definitely easy to say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Wow.

Well, I do think you're struggling with your time management a bit. He's like, yeah, well, there's a lot of fucking variables, you know? She's like, okay, well, I'm trying to help you for my 11 years of yachting. Let me just, like, say that again. 11? It's like if you're drunk and you looked at a wine, it looks like an 11. That's how many years I've been doing it. 11 years? But maybe in the two years you've been yachting, you've been doing, you know, better. He's like, well, yeah, basically. So he's like, well, I've never in the history of my charter experience...

Dude, you're 22. Shut up. Two years of torture experience. Has anyone questioned my capabilities in the galley? And I don't have anything to prove to you. Yes, you do. And you're about to be fired, you fucking douchebag. Okay? Have fun, you arrogant idiot. They better fire him. Yeah, he's going to be gone. There's no way he's going to last.

So that's basically the end of the episode. Chloe's fucking up again. We'll see how it goes. Boo, boo, Chloe. Boo, Emma. Boo all of these. Like, boo 90% of these people. My God, do something. Well, next week, the boat crashes into another boat. So that's just another episode of Below Deck Sailing. Another typical episode of sailing, for sure. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us. This was great times. We will talk to you next time, okay? Bye.

Bye.

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