cover of episode #2591  RHOSLC S05E05:  Der, She Wrote

#2591 RHOSLC S05E05: Der, She Wrote

2024/10/17
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Watch What Crappens

Chapters

Whitney Rose takes center stage to investigate the missing jewelry, leading to a confrontation with Lisa Barlow.
  • Whitney investigates the missing Prism necklace gifted to Lisa.
  • Lisa's involvement in spreading rumors about Prism's jewelry is questioned.
  • The episode highlights the ongoing tension between Whitney and Lisa.

Shownotes Transcript

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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

This is a podcast about all the crap that we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broths. My name is Rondall Carom, and I'm with my friend Benuni Bondaluni, Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. How's it going over there?

Oh, it's going so well. Really just having a wonderful Thursday. I'm so excited because after this podcast is done, I'm going to go get myself a bagel for Bagel Thursday. Bagel Thursday. I just basically live to get to Thursday so I can have my weekly bagel. And...

It's an exciting day. I'm going to have a bagel. I'm going to have some blue bottle coffee. It's just going to be a thrill today. Well, let me tell you one thing. I'm not even drinking coffee right now, so that way I can have coffee later. One thing that's amazing about being a gluttonous heathen is that every day is bagel day over at my house, man. Or lately, Starburst. For some reason, I've been a Starburst addict lately and just scarfing down Starburst. Like, yeah.

By the gallon. They're not gallons. What would you call them? By the ounce? That doesn't sound like much. By the truckload? By the sharing size bag. Let's just say that. Okay. I will scarf down a sharing size bag of Starburst. Why? I don't know. Never liked the shit before. Love it now. Yeah.

Anyway, the point is, today is a huge day here in the Krappens universe because finally, Whitney Rose solves a mystery. A very, very intricate mystery. The other day we were talking about, well I was talking to Ben, about the TV show Elsbeth on CBS.

And how it's this lady who just solves every murder mystery possible. But it's not as exciting because we see the murder solved at the very beginning of the episode. And so we watch this lady kind of work out something that we already know. And that's Whitney. That's Whitney solving a crime. Like, Whitney, we already knew this, Whitney. Okay. Lisa literally told her.

I was the one who told Heather that I know. I know about the Alibaba stuff. I was talking about it with them. She's like, wait a minute. I'm not talking to you, Lisa. But wait a minute. I know about the Alibaba stuff. No, Lisa, I'm not talking to you. And then today, wait a minute. Lisa knows about the Alibaba stuff?

Another Whitney Rose mystery is solved. I also love that. I love that this is our second season in a row with intrigue surrounding Lisa Barlow and missing jewelry. Oh yeah. Uh, what? Missing jewelry? Well, that her jewelry went missing, but this time on purpose, AKA her Whitney Rose prism. Oh,

Oh, you're right. Yes, yes, you're right. Oh, I wonder, this wasn't the story that they were all talking about where Lisa lost another $60,000 ring. I think that happens later, I think, in the season. Lisa's bony-ass fingers. For someone who's talking about drinking Frosties all the time, the woman cannot keep a ring on her finger.

You know? No, no. Yeah. It's, it's, it's difficult. And all the frosty drinkers know that she's full of shit because people who really drink frosties like water know that rings cannot get off of your finger. Okay. No, make sure that we get enough calories in there to keep that shit tight.

Man, is today going to be a frosty day as well? I have not had a frosty in decades. God damn it, Ben. Just go crazy, Ben. Just commit murder. It's the purge. Just go out and just kill whoever you want to on the street. You're not ever going to get in trouble for it. It's just a fucking purge over at your house today. What's going on? You're just giving up all rules, all regulations. I have to say, I feel like a lunatic right now because all I can think about is getting to my bagel. I'm like, I can't believe I have to sit.

Talk about the real house was a Salt Lake City right now and all I want is a bagel I'm gonna be like this is gonna be the recap for me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, anyway, next scene All I can think about are all the world issues Whitney Rose could solve if we just said her journey, you know I now have a vision of a bagel that I want to eat very badly. No, it'll be all the sweeter But I will say this by the way This was a great episode of Salt Lake City and I really enjoyed it and it was so funny because I sat down and

to watch it. And, you know, like after last night's or the previous night's, uh, New York real house was in New York. I was like, Oh God, this show tries to be so chic and so cool. I was like, Oh good. I'm so glad, glad to sit down with Salt Lake city, which is like currently the Bravo silly show. It's, this is the silliest. They're like, Hey, let's pull over to the shoulder of the road and shoot a scene guys. How about that? Yeah. We have permits for anywhere today. Yeah. I'll meet you in the shoulder. Okay. Sounds good. Yeah.

This is the preeminent show on Bravo that shoots scenes in parking lots. Like every multiple times a season, every season. Was it in a parking lot or on the side of the road?

so i was like okay great so um but of course it actually opened up you know we'll get to it but like it actually starts with actually a very serious scene i was like oh my god oh it was henry's playing video games it was like so intense i was like look at henry henry persists like no matter what here he is he's just going through and he's playing fucking call of duty man i mean that is someone who's really there to serve his country and i just want to say

Henry, thank you for serving your country. Okay? Thank you. Hi, Henry. Hey, are you playing Cartagena? No, Mom, it's called Call of Duty. Like I said, Cartagena. Call of Baby Gorgeous? Is it Call of Baby Gorgeous? Hey, you better watch out. Right around that corner, there's a hug waiting. Get over here. Oh, my God, I lost my ring. I lost that. Is your game called Let's Go to Wendy's? Because that's my Call of Duty.

So it does. He's, you know, typical kid or adult. We're adults who play games. And we just started to scream. Weeks, months can go by. I lost...

a good chunk of my twenties to weed and video games. I remember none of it. I remember a lady named Laura Croft with a really long ponytail who figured shit out. Um, but you know, that's it. A lot of them are just gone and he's doing that right now and she's trying to talk to him, but she also raised people to just ignore her because that's how she is. I remembered the scene. This recalled back to the scene where she was just texting and John's talking to her and she just stays texting. He keeps trying to talk to her and then he eventually just leaves the room and she just keeps texting.

Yeah. Yeah, Henry is like, I'm in my video game phase. I'm not going to listen to you. So then we go over to Meredith. I think this was our only Meredith scene of the entire episode, which is a little wild, if I remember correctly. I think this was her only moment. She's practicing for her bat mitzvah. So she's singing. She's like... And the rabbi is wild. Yeah.

The rabbi's like, maybe we call in someone to do the singing for you and then you just read it in Hebrew afterwards. I was like, whoa, Meredith. The rabbi's like, well, you know, I appreciate what you're doing. This is very significant. But maybe when you sing it, use your internal voice. Yeah, inside voice. Let me just tell you this. What does that mean? Inside voice, please.

Also, I know that you were trying to sing a prayer, but it sounds like what you said was Whitney's jewelry comes from Alibaba. What does that mean? There's a very specific Jewish prayer that's about putting people on blasts.

No, that was not it. But the rabbi is like, well, awesome. Well done. You know, so what I'll do is I'll send you all of the prayers with the translation and the transliteration. And then when you sing them, just sing them into your cuff.

Or maybe go to a vocal coach before our next lesson. That's what I'm saying. Your voice is very intense for me right now, Meredith. I have to say, my best friend growing up was Jewish, so I went to Hebrew school and all that stuff with him after school. And his part of me is, let me tell you one thing this boy could not do, sing. I mean, not even close. And I ended up, because I became friends with the Jews, became one of the tribe honorary because I was at Hebrew school all the time, so I became friends with all the Jewish kids.

And so I went to quite a few bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs in my day, and not a goddamn one of them could sing. I don't know if God chose you for everything else and just left singing out of it, because I know Barbara can sing, so there's some of you out there who can do it. But in El Paso, the Jewish population is lacking in the vocal department. I will tell you one thing. Growing up, I would go to synagogue every Saturday with my dad, especially leading up to the bar mitzvah. So...

You sit through a lot of bar mitzvahs, and when you get a kid who actually sings and cares about singing, it's like, oh, thank God. It sounds so much better. No, because there are some kids, like the drama club kids, who are also getting bat mitzvahed. It's like, I don't know, love. You're like, oh, yes. But then you have the majority of the kids are just like, but what about Job? Yeah.

Is it? Pink would do an amazing bat mitzvah. She would just, well, first of all, she would be holding that, she would be up there in the rafters twirling around above the Torah. They're like, wow. She's like, you're not only going to get to hear the Haftorah, you're going to see a show. That would be my dream.

Okay. But anyway, yeah. So Meredith is doing this very, very ambitious and it's a lot of work. So it's very impressive that she's doing this. So she's like, well, I don't sing in public. So this is going to be very interesting. And the rabbi's like, well, maybe don't sing in private either, honey. No kidding. You know, showers seem inanimate, but they can hear as well. You know, stop torturing our showers.

So Meredith is like, yeah, guide me on the voice. And scene. I'm done for the week, everyone. Does your shower seem to have more grime on it, more soap grime than usual? It's trying to cover its ears. Okay, stop singing in the shower. So then we go to somewhere called Fika Spa, which, what is this salt? Is this salt?

spot this is get blowing people all over salt lake city why is this salt spot in every utah show all the time this is like the third time they've gone to a fucking salt spa well they went there on secret lives of mormon wives if you remember i think whitney and layla went there and then layla's kid was like just climbing all over the salt and touching all the switches so if there's like this show

Yeah, I think they did. And but if it looks like the levels of salt are lower in this episode, it's probably because half the salt dissolved in that kid's snot as it was climbing all around. I know that scene kind of ruined the fucking spa for the Fika spa for me because I'm like, you know, yeah, gross. I don't want to walk around in your child's not salt. Yeah. And going into a room where you just feel peaceful because there's like a mineral. I want my own. Like, I don't want to sit in yours. It's just weird. Like meditate at home. That's what I say.

it's mother mcdonald's you know what here's what you do you get a box of morton's kosher salt you sit next to it and you think about things yeah the ions get the fuck out of here the ions guys what's gonna help your positivity really i haven't worked on this cast because you guys have been doing this for years and everyone's still the same so uh lisa and bronwyn are at the fika spa

Which is funny because we have now learned what Safika is. We did? Yeah, that was the Swedish thing where at like four o'clock you stop and have like a little snack. No, it's like cookie time.

Yeah, it's cookie time. It is not plunge yourself into a room of salt time. What kind of gay am I? I can't even believe I just said that. I didn't mean to say it's cookie time. I meant to say, it's cookie time. Beverly, true Beverly Hills. You can't just say it's cookie time. You have to sing it. I thought that was Pink getting ready for... What about cookie time? What about cookies? What about all the chocolate chips we could have baked into them? Yeah.

So Lisa and Bronwyn are there. She's like, oh my God, I've been thinking about you all weekend. When you held up the phone and I saw Blank's picture, I could never have imagined that his family is Gwen's family. Crazy. Already I was like, wait, what? I was like, I couldn't remember who Gwen was. I was like, Gwen, did we meet Gwen? Is she a friend of, what's happening? So Bronwyn's like, Lisa and I are sitting in the airport.

And we had some connecting flight back from Milwaukee. And she said something to me and I made a face, which to be fair, I also make this face all the time. Like for instance, I went into the Hudson news and I bought a Kit Kat and the lady said, why are you making that face? I said, cause I'm getting a Kit Kat and I'm really happy. They're like, why are you frowning? I said, I'm not frowning. This is just my resting frown face. Like, okay. So I made them, I made my resting frown face. Then I bought the Kit Kat shop and fired her.

And then I said, yeah, I want a cat. And yeah, my husband is 36 older than me. What else do you want to know, lady? So Lisa in the airport was like, oh, my God, you look just like Gwen. And she said, no, I don't. She looks just like her dad. And then she opened her phone to show her Gwen's dad.

And Lisa was like, I know that guy. Well, Lisa takes it over. She's like, yeah. She pulls out a picture and I was like, hold on. I'm finishing up my chocolate frosty TM. And then I said, I literally like know him like, and she's like, you know, Gwen's dad. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I know his parents. Wow. I know his parents. Well, big frosty people.

Yeah. So I'm like, oh, wow. Here comes some tea. But actually, the scene becomes I felt I found it to be a very emotional. I was actually emotionally caught up in the scene. So Bronwyn tells us that she got pregnant with Gwen when she was 19, turning 20. Her biological father was not involved. And then he passed away when she was turning two.

And Lisa's like, I didn't ever connect the dots. I mean, I wouldn't call Lisa Barlow a big dot connector in the first place. So it's like, it's okay, Lisa. Don't put that on yourself.

And so she's like, you know, when we went to I was only 18 when I found out I was pregnant. And so we went to his parents house to tell them. And Lisa's like, I literally can't imagine. And she's like, yeah, it wasn't pleasant. Basically, he's from a small town and they basically were like, you're a stupid slut. This is all your fault. You ruined our son, you know.

Fuck off, Freggie Peggy. And basically shunned her for being pregnant. Yeah, they're like, why don't you go abroad, have the baby, give it away, and then come back. It's like 18... It was basically like a Downton Abbey storyline, but they were considering it in real life. Oh, I think that shit still happens all the time. It probably does, which is very sad. But it was like, it's horrifying. And you can see Bronwyn is like...

I think seeing the emotions on her face is really where you're so impacted because you really see her trying to... I feel like she's just... She is so rageful about... Rightfully so about this incident. And I think she also is like... I think this is like... It torments her, you know, the way she was treated about this and how it affected her daughter. So they basically were like, fuck off. And she realized that she was going to do this on her own. And then she had to go home to her dad who was like...

a high member in the, in like the temple in Oakland. And it was like embarrassing for her whole family, et cetera. And, you know, it affected her relationship with her mom. It strained her relationship with her mom. And, uh, she says something very poignant, which is like, it's a total mind fuck to think that this is the best thing I've ever done. And so many people think it's the worst thing I've ever done. Yeah. She was like, everybody else was, um, embarrassed about this except me. I wasn't embarrassed at all. Um, wow.

Yeah. And then she's saying, I thought there was like no way that this person can know I have a child somewhere and like someday and not come for her, which I feel like probably the fact that this guy died is also probably hard because there's no way to close that loop. Like, like, Oh, well hopefully maybe someday he will like grow up and want to like have be there for his daughter. But like now he's passed and everything. And, um, she basically said that, um,

Her dad, I think she reached out to them or sent an email or something like that. And she's still waiting for a phone call from Gwen's grandparents. What a piece of shit. Well, that whole family are pieces of shit. Fuck those people. Oh, my God. This was really, really rough.

And like these sweet little grandparents who now want a chance. Fuck you. Your chance is gone. Okay. I hope. I hope their chance is gone. People like that don't fucking deserve it. And your son's dead. Wah, wah. So now you want to try to get a little piece of your son back. Fuck you. Your son was an asshole. So I hope they get a little piece of asshole back. And.

And Gwen gives them some asshole right back. I don't believe this is a time for forgiveness. And I don't believe this is a time for grace. I believe this is a time for go fuck yourself, grandma. I hope they go with that. I don't think Gwen is ever interested in forgiving them. I think she just wants her daughter to have the ability to ask questions about her dad. Well, yeah, Gwen's the daughter. Yeah.

Right, Gwen does. Yeah, sorry. I meant Bronwyn. Bronwyn will not forgive, and I don't think she should, but these people are a piece of shit. I mean, you have a granddaughter out there, and you don't want to, like...

You don't even want to associate with the granddaughter because of some sort of moral code that you allegedly live by. That your son also completely violated, by the way. That's what kills me. It's like the men. It's always the girl's fault. You know, the girls aren't the one with the boner poking up against their jeans, begging them to do something day in day out. It's the men. It's the men. I'm not saying women don't get horny, but that thing leads the men. That penis leads more people into temptation than any woman ever did.

I don't understand who wrote the Bible. A man. Who else? A fucking man wrote it. You know, of course. Yeah. And so Lisa basically says that she met with the grandparents the other day and she said something and the grandparents were like, it's time. It's time. And Bronwyn is essentially like, I want this for Gwen, but it's going to physically pain me to watch her grow close with them. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty gut-wrenching. I felt like

I feel like watching Bronwyn in that place, and I'm sure she's not alone in this world. There are probably a lot of people who are in this situation. And it's like, you see her trying to reconcile different emotions and wanting to do what's best for your kid and wanting to suppress your own emotions. And then feeling like it's probably so unfair that you have to suppress your emotions when you're not the one who did anything wrong. It was very compelling for me to watch. It's time for a commercial.

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So then we go to Woodward, Utah, and Whitney's meeting up with Heather and Brittany to go skiing. I'm going to snowboard, though. So they do that, and they make a cute little video. And then Heather's like, speaking of videos, what was that video? Has she seen the video, Brittany? Has she seen it? Oh, my God. She sent me a video the night she got back from Milwaukee. You won't believe it, Whitney. You won't believe it.

And we see the video. And Brittany's coming home from Milwaukee to four dozen roses, gifts, and a card from Jared. Oh, little Jared.

He went to Jared. So Brittany's like, he wants to meet up with me. I mean, obviously he's sending me flowers and he's sending me love notes. And when he's like, so are you considering meeting up with him? Yeah, I'm thinking about it. I do feel like he deserves closure. I'm like, he deserves nothing. Why does he deserve closure? What is this bullshit? You just want to be an Osmond. You want to live on Osmond land. You don't care about closure. You want him to say,

please come back to me, baby. I'll be better. I'll hold your hand in public. This guy doesn't want closure either. He just wants to string her along more, which we see. So I was, you know, scrolling through the internet as, as one does. And I came up on Bravo and blaze, you know, we love on the show. Bravo plays lots of good info over there. Go follow her. Jenny blaze. Hi, Jenny.

So she actually transcribed this whole note, which was very helpful. She took screenshots and wrote that shit down. So thank you. I love this. Here it is. You are a unicorn dot dot dot. Hence the unicorn gift.

I love you. Thought four dozen roses would be nice to come home to. I presume there was a wink in there. I understand from a credible source that your new friends, quote-unquote, on the show helped come to the decision to dump me. How sad. I've been with you and loved you through all the, quote-unquote, hard times. You and I have been through so much together. We have both blank out, and we are both human. Heart unbounded.

I guess that's the price I pay for loving a quote-unquote real housewife, quote-unquote, quote-unquote, quote-unquote. And our private life isn't private anymore. You told me you and I could get through anything. I thought that was true. But I'm sorry. You don't see me. I'm a good man, Brit. Hashtag real housewives of Salt Lake City. Oh, that wasn't in his note. That was Jenny's. I was like, why is he hashtagging? Why is he hashtagging a handwritten note?

He's like, well, yes, our private life isn't public, even though I am from a public life family that I would like to use where I can. But now our life, our semi-public life that's mainly private is now more semi-public, even though I'd like it to be private. So in the spirit of privacy...

I demand that we continue privately by having a scene publicly on your TV show. Exactly. And I'm sending you these flowers with a huge gift and as many flowers as I can so they look bigger for the camera, which I'm sure they're going to be on. Hashtag quote unquote. Thank you, Jared. The lesser Osment, but still, at the end of the day, an Osment. You're welcome. You're a soldier of love, Jared.

What a noose. I mean, God, even before we meet the guy, just listening to this, quote unquote, how dare I think I would ever have a private life with a quote unquote real housewife? What, has she been shooting this show two weeks? Come on. I'm like, are you running for office somewhere? Okay, I'm sure the Moab town council will...

We'll still be a race that you can win. So Brittany is like, yeah, but he's also totally manipulating her, right? With this whole thing. Like, wow, I can't believe we're putting everything out in public, which is what manipulators do. We've seen it with Jax and other people. Like, why are you telling everyone everything? Like they don't, people who are acting poorly don't like their shit all out there.

And that's what we see here. So anyway, so Brittany is, you know, feeling she's like she wants to give him closure, wants to hear him out. And when he's like, I know that you won't love this, but it's getting a little complicated.

Like tinfoil, you know? How do they do that? Because like one minute we're all pro-Jared and then another minute we're putting metal on Tupperware but it's metal you can move? I don't know. I don't get it. Why can't you microwave it but microwaves are made of metal? Huh. Yeah. Press and seal?

Is that made of seals? Because that's not right. Who's Saran? And why are they... Has anyone ever... Okay, here's a question. Saran raps. Everyone knows about Saran, but no one's heard him rapping. Why? Fucking idiot.

So Brittany's like, oh, well, not everyone was pro-Jared. I'll tell you that. Lisa was so anti-Jared. It really affected what I did. And maybe it was for the best girls. She's just way too invested in my personal life. I feel a bit bothered by that. Oh, please. You're like the cast of Oklahoma yelling at the audience for showing up. You're doing a show. You're

constantly out here fucking singing about Jared, okay? You're lucky anyone's even listening to your desperate ass. Shut up, Brittany. I don't even feel bad for Brittany. She is so lame. I'm sick of Brittany's shit. I've known this person in boy and girl form my entire life, and guess what? I'm sick of my soul getting sucked by you. Go do something else. I'm going to read a book.

fucking user. You sit around and use everybody around you to listen to your drama, and then the second someone does something snarky or stands for you on your side, then you turn it around to get that pathetic man back. Go get some fucking self-confidence somewhere else, you loser. Stop wasting my time. Yeah, she's a failure of casting, and I think a failure of the show at the moment, because...

They're really only presenting her as this girl who comes on screen and talks about a guy that we don't care about. And then it's just like on and on and on and on. And I think like if she were a full-time cast member...

They would flesh out her life a little bit more so this would matter. But she's like a friend of... There's no fleshing out this life. That's all she does. She's broken up with him 18 times, Ben. She's got as much death as a fleshed out. She's fleshed out. But what I'm saying is that ultimately they've done a really bad job of making us care about this. So as a friend of, you are able to...

to have a whole storyline that way we carry about, care about things. But I think they just started off with her like out the gates, like, Oh, I have this boyfriend we're on and off. And then we are like, just knee deep in the on and off drama without like, they didn't earn our enjoyment of the storyline. Right. Like, and this is the fault of the producers. They, they, they needed to set her up properly. So that way I would actually care about this. But yeah,

I don't think it's the fault of the producers. It's just that it's this endless storyline. I can't believe the producers on that one. I think it is. I think it's just, they're horrible people. They're both users. He's using her, leading her on, stringing her along, using her for sex or whatever. God knows what else. Any kind of support or whatever. Manipulating her. He's a total user shitbag. And she's using him for his name and whatever pathetic love she needs. And then she's using everybody around her just to be her audience for her drama that she's so desperate for. They're both fucking users.

get out of here and now no i don't agree on every single point but i think it's the producer's job to like find a way in for us to get invested in her stupidity because lord knows we have gotten invested in all sorts of other stupid ass things like the prison jewelry line so you know like i'm invested in that

We're more invested than you may realize. You're just saying that because Whitney's wearing the hat right now. You're like, wait a minute. Why do I keep... I stop thinking about... Look at my head. Stare at my head. What do you think? Saran wrap. What does it rhyme with? Nothing. You can't rhyme with anything. You can't rhyme saran with anything. So how is it wrapped? Huh?

I stand by that. I agree a hundred percent with everything you're saying. And I also feel like it was on the producers to give us a way in so that we would care. Not caring. It's like, we don't care about the outcome, but that it just doesn't feel like we, we, it feels like we walked in midway through a story arc. Well, I don't want to wait. And that's where I feel like they went. I don't want a way in with this girl. I want to wait out. Okay. Yeah.

I don't need a weigh-in with her. Get me out. I just need them to send a life raft because this girl is exhausting. Oh, my God. Please just bring in Maylee at this point. Seriously. Maylee's in the trunk. She's like, I was dating Jared first. Hey, wait a second.

Guys, I'm really upset and hurt by Lisa right now. She gave me the biggest F you ever. After we got home from our trip, Charles from the Kin Hotel called me. Flashback. Whitney, why are you waving your arms and turning around in circles? I'm not.

I'm being absorbed by a flashback.

Charles from the kin, Charles from the kin, kin from the Charles, kin from the Charles, Charles from the kin, kin from the Charles. So we see a flashback of Whitney getting the call from Charles from the kin. And just like that, she kept going, Charles from the kin, Charles from the kin, Charles from the kin, Charles from the kin. He's in charge. So he's like, hey, Whitney, hi. It sounds suspiciously like girl, um,

The guy that she talks to later. We know him. What's his name? We'll get to him later. Was that Up and Adam? Yes. Up and Adam. It's Adam. He's like, girl, let me tell you. I'm over here at Charles from the Kin. And they were cleaning. And they found a Prism necklace left behind in the guest house. It said Prism. And she's like, wait a minute. Whose room was it? Girl, do you want me to make it a mystery? Yeah. Yeah.

Did it cling to things? Was it press? Was it seal? Did it try to rhyme? No, none of those things. Was it saran wrap? No, girl, no. It was not saran wrap. Why are you doing the murder she wrote theme? I'm not.

Wait a second, I just had a breakthrough. All this time, we were calling it Saran, but what if her name is Sarah Ann? We're on to you, Sarah Ann. We know you're a rapper. What if it's not a Sarah at all? What if it's a ma'am? Ma'am rap.

Have you ever noticed that the Sahara Desert has most of the letters of Saran Wrap? I think that's not a coincidence. It also has hair. What if you wrap... Wait a second. If you wrap in the Sahara, are you Saharan wrapping? I think I'm getting somewhere, guys.

So it was Lisa. It was in Lisa's room. Oh, who wants to say it to fucking Ken now? I don't think you get to call guests. Well, I guess he wasn't tattletale. No, no, no. He was saying someone thought he was doing the right thing. He was like, hey, I'm sorry, Charles. I almost attacked him. I was like, how dare you?

Yeah, stay off of Charles from the Kins back. Okay, sorry. He didn't actually say what he did, which was that he called up and said, hey, it looks like someone left their prism necklace behind. So, you know, like someone left their necklace behind. I did say that. Was this someone, this belonged to someone, someone missing their necklace. And then she's like, I have a question.

Which room was the necklace in? He's like, it was in Lisa's room. Oh, my God. Lisa left her prism necklace back in her room. Charles from the Kin told me that's $25 she basically left on the table. And here's the thing, you know,

I was going hard for Meredith that night. Why are you talking about my business? And Heather's like, but Lisa was the one who told Meredith about it. She goes, what? She said, Lisa, Lisa's the one who told Meredith about it. Lisa told Meredith? I just wish they had another flashback to Lisa going, but wait, yeah, I was talking about it, so. I was talking about it with her. Alibaba? Yeah, I was talking about that. Hold on, Lisa, I'm not talking to you. Anyway, Meredith. I was being bad.

Heather goes, Lisa told Meredith. Meredith told me. I told you. Okay, Brittany, hold on one second. We have to give her about 30 seconds to process that line of logic. Lisa told Meredith. Meredith told me. Carry the one. Do I have to grid this math? It's not math. It's not math, Whitney. It's just a chain of events. Okay, it's from the top. The square root of Meredith is Lisa. Lisa.

And Lisa divided by Heather is Whitney. I don't get it. Hmm.

Well, it's more than the business, Whitney. What you're really upset at is it's something personal, right, Whitney? Heather's just here basically just lighting shit on fire the whole episode. And Whitney's like, yeah, I am taking it personal because it is personal because this is my business. This is my brand. And it's not just something that popped up. I felt like this was planned.

I was like, by who? By Lisa? And Whitney's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because after I got that call from Charles at the kin, I started thinking...

Lisa's vindictive. She must still be mad at me over that podcast. Cut to Nick Vile's podcast. Lisa's always been the villain. So then Whitney's like, because why else would she toss the necklace I gifted her into the trash? And now hearing that Lisa started this rumor and not Meredith, I have this wrong. You need to get to the bottom of that. That's your job in this episode, Whitney. We've come up with it.

Yeah, I need to get to the bottom of it. But what if there's a wall of saran wrap in the way? Oh, God, please don't start this again. You can't rhyme, Whitney. You can't rhyme.

Now, this is so Whitney, too, by the way. She threw it in the trash. They did not say it was in the trash. Charles from the kid did not say we found it in the trash can. At least I hope Charles is not going through the trash cans of the people. He said they found it in the room. Whitney's like, you threw it away. Why did you make my necklace into a cake and then have a dog poo-poo it out and then clean it up and then put it on a nurse's uniform? Like, what? What?

She left it in her room. It's bad enough, Whitney. I can't believe that when you left that necklace in the hotel room trash, you then called the Better Business Bureau and complained about my business. It's like, what? That did not happen. So then we go to Mary's house. Oosh, this scene is...

So she's calling for Robert Jr. and he's got those wooden letters from the Hobby Lobby painted red over his door, huge, that say Robert Jr. And she's like, I'm ready to go to dance class. You there? And he's like, you think I could get a little money? She's like, for what? Just for food. She's like, um...

It's used for good purposes, right? Because you know your body is like a plant. And if you don't water a plant, if you don't feed a plant, if you put a plant in the hospital, what does it get? Hospital smell. And then what happens with hospital smell? You die. Yeah. And we don't want that. When she said, what happens to a plant when you don't water it and feed it? The amount of time it took for him to come up with

It dies. Get him to a hospital. I mean, at this point, like, I'm not even making jokes, right? This is so sad. I don't like this. We know what ended up happening to him. You know, he got caught. Well, for people who don't know, the larger context of, for people who just don't know, they're like, it was just a guy, like a stoner kid, but there was, he had an issue with pills and,

And like he was doing hills. And codeine, getting fucked up all day and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And it was on, he did it on social media and people were very concerned. And so that's like the larger context that is sort of being implied through this scene. Yeah. And she was like, well, I support him, but I want him to get a job and be responsible, you know? But he just can't do it right now. And I know it has a lot to do with his lifestyle. And he's like, okay, I'm going to go lay down.

Yeah, there's a lot that needs to happen over there. I don't know. That's sad. It's sad. Seems like a sweet kid, so I hope they figure that shit out. Well, don't worry, because here comes Angie Kay coming up to drive the Greekmobile up to Mary's house. Hello, Mary. So they hop in there, and they're going to hip-hop class. So they're driving, and they get to Millennium Dance Studios, and Heather's daughter is there. I mean, because honestly, when I think of Heather's kids, I think,

Future of hip hop. So Angie is like, well, this really shows Mary and I's level of expertise on the dance department. We are in a dance class with Georgia Gay, who is a non-Greek teenager. I think I like to think I'm a younger version of Jennifer Grey. But I guess when I'm making a Jennifer Grey reference as a current cool dancer, I guess that shows that I'm maybe not the younger version of Jennifer Grey after all. I don't even think these kids are old enough to watch Dirty Dancing.

But if they did, they would know that I am the OG, Jennifer Greek. I am Greek. Nobody puts spanakopita in the corner. It already is a corner. It's actually perfect for a corner. It fits right in.

I rethink my entire life view. Please put the spanakopita in the corner. Movie is different in Greek. Movie hits different. Spanakopita. I had the tabbouleh of my life.

Hungry tzatziki. One look at you, I'm dipping, Peter.

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They also offer 12-hour protection against leaks, which is a game changer. Get your baby's butt into the best-fitting diaper. Huggy's Little Movers. We got you, baby. Then we cut to Heather going into her meeting at the salt caves. And Lisa arrives, and they're hugging. And Lisa's like, oh, my God, what is this? It's salt caves? She's like, yeah, it's made out of 16 tons of Himalayan salt. She's like, oh, my God, how many French fries would that cover?

So we were wrong, by the way. At the first scene, they were actually, in retrospect, they were just getting pedicures at a place called Fika. And we're like, how could they call it Fika? That's cookie time. And they're just sitting in salt. That's wrong. They were actually getting pedicures. Now they're in salt. Yeah.

So, yeah, it's salt, guys. Yeah, they talk about salt and stuff. And then that's when the employee's like, yeah, when you're surrounded by this much salt, there's a negative ion healing effect that happens in your body. So it's super grounding and relaxing just to sit amongst the salt. Jesus, just go to Walmart. Do you know how much sodium is walking around those aisles? Jesus Christ. Why is everybody there so stressed out then?

And Lisa's like, um, may I got some tea? And you can tell that the employee was like, we don't offer tea and I'm uncomfortable with this request, but we're on camera right now. So I have to say yes to everything. You know that tea melts salt, right? Just please don't spill because that will actually dissolve our entire business model.

And now there's like, wow, this is so much different than the, wait for it, the Costco Himalayan sea salt that I have in my house. Lisa, don't talk yet. The audience is laughing. You guys are adding that in? So good. Okay, Lisa, go ahead. Okay.

Anyway, so they get their teas and we cut back to Angie and Mary at dance class. And Angie's like, well, I feel like we haven't talked since the trip. I don't know if you had fun. I had fun. Did you have fun? I had fun. Did you have fun? I had fun. It's like, okay, okay, Angie. So you did have a little blowout a little bit. She goes, yeah, my exchange with Lisa was so bad.

Saying that like, oh, I say I've got to take care of my daughter. Well, that's when the conversation at lunch, that's when the conversation starts at lunch and then it's dinner time. And I'm like, I have to go give Elektra dinner. I think that's a normal thing to ask for from a Greek mother.

So she's like, that was low. And she's like, you know, this girl's had a problem with every one of her friends. She had a problem with Jen, Heather, Meredith, Whitney, Angie, H, Monica, Mary, and now me. There's a reason no one can keep Lisa happy. She's like impossible. Mary, we were like sisters. We talked multiple times a day.

And now I don't hear from her anymore. And Heather's telling me it's because of me. I love her way. She's so funny, like waving her finger around like, and we were sisters and now we don't talk anymore. Cool. I also like, I love also the slight lean in that Angie does when she's mad. She sort of like pivots forward just slightly. It's like...

It's like those carnival rides where they sort of send you forward. So she's like, Heather's blaming me that I pulled away or I'm not calling Lisa as much. She is totally siding with Lisa. So then we go back to the salt cave and Lisa's like, oh my God, that Harley museum was so weird. That was what a weird place.

And Heather's like, yeah, well, here's why you're upset. Okay. Yeah. I feel like Angie is changing the terms of your friendship. Like she's challenging you unnecessarily. And she's like, oh my God, I do feel like that. Yeah. I feel like that too. Yeah. And I feel bad because here's why else you're mad. I don't like the way she's treating you. And some of the things she's saying, you're mad, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it feels really shut-eye. Like, I'll tell you that much, because, yeah, I feel like it's shitty, too. She was upset after Harley Davidson. We talked the next morning, and she threw out some jabs. By the way, let's not forget, Heather is now telling Lisa why she should be mad at Angie when...

and like acting like she's a good friend to Lisa when the scene before she was telling Whitney how Lisa was the one who started everything with the Alibaba thing. That's what she does. I mean, she used to at least try to hide it, but this season she's like, let's keep the show on the air. And I'm just going to start fights with people for no reason. It's just fun. I,

My daughter takes hip hop. That's my storyline. So go ahead, guys. Fight with each other. And it's actually pretty funny because they're such dummies. They fall for it every time. Like Heather Gay has been doing this for years. And she also partners up with Whitney to do it normally. And that's why it's so funny that Whitney acts like she didn't have this plan the whole time, like to have this big, huge drama. Anyway, it's really funny because she's taking such joy in it. And these dummies fall for it every time. So Lisa's like, wait a minute.

Oh, because Heather goes, yeah, she was being mean. She said, my daughter needs me. Like, she's not in the room playing video games. Ooh, she made a Call of Duty burn. And Lisa's like, how dare she make a Call of Baby Gorgeous? That was a very expensive game.

So we see a flashback to Angie telling Heather, venting to Heather saying, I feel like I need my daughter. You know, I am a present mother and you know, my daughter needs me all the time. She's not up playing video games until two in the morning. And, um, which to be fair, that actually could be something, a general thing you say about kids, but was most likely pointed at, um, you

you know, Henry. I think that was a much worse dig than Lisa's, your daughter, you always getting off the phone with me to go talk to your daughter. Cause I don't even feel like that was a dig from Lisa. I mean, she brought up the daughter, but which I guess is a mortal sin, but she didn't say like your daughter, your slut daughter. She's always getting off to talk to her. And Angie is like, yeah, that fucking loser plays video games all day and stuff. So,

She goes lower, but... Wow. Wow. Oh, she's talking about my parenting. Oh, I'm like a great mom. Like, you know, when she gets really upset, she becomes Chicago. I'm like a great mom. Okay. What is she talking about?

And Heather's like, well, you know what? It felt like a dig. Like Elektra requires more than Henry. And you don't understand that. She can't take time away from Elektra to be your friend. You know what it felt like? It felt like she was saying Elektra's the best child in the world and Henry's the worst child in the world. How do you feel about that, Lisa? Now, she didn't literally say this, but I think what she meant is that Henry smells like poo-poo and Elektra smells like roses. So what are you going to do about it, Lisa? I think you're very upset about that.

She's like, I'm upset. And you know what? If I'm such a shitty mom, my kids are doing pretty good for having such a shitty mom. I mean, look at what if I found all of the Michelin stars in Cartagena. You know what? Heather tells us, I think I could have gone my whole life and never told Lisa what Angie said, but I also could have gone my whole life and not being on TV. So I have an obligation. And I thought what Angie said was mean.

And it should be, it was very mean and hurtful. And it should be brought to Lisa's attention so that way Lisa could be hurt. And it's not indicative of the way I've known Andrew to feel about Lisa. And I just felt like something Lisa should know. Oh, you go. So Lisa's like, oh, well, she could take the mother of the year award. That's a fucking low blow. Like, I'm actually really fucking mad right now. I can't even drink this frosty. Just kidding. I can. Cause delicious.

They're like, "Ma'am, excuse me, sorry, there's no crying allowed in the salt room because it will dissolve the salt." "But it's made – tears are made of salt!" "Yeah, I know, but tear salt is different than negative ion salt, so just – can you just, like – here's a little cup to catch your tears." "Okay!"

So Lisa's like, I am constantly criticized by people that don't even know me about how I am as a mother because I am a public figure. So to have someone you consider a close friend judge you for how you are as a mom is like the worst cut.

I'm like, you guys are the judgest people of all. Like, I would expect nothing less than for you guys to all judge each other for being moms. You need to get to the root of this because it's not just a personality issue. She's coming for you. She's coming for your children. What's next? Murdering your children? She's going to murder your children. Go get her, Lisa. I'm going to get her.

So now Whitney, Justin, and Bobby are in the car and Whitney's like, "Hey, has anyone noticed that I gained about seven new piercings in my earlobe? Anyone?" And Justin's like, "Babe, what are you doing with your ear?" "Oh my god, you noticed!"

I want my second... Oh, Bobby's like... I want my second piercing. Can you take me to get my second piercing? And afterwards, I want Sunkissed and I want Fanta and I'll put them in a cup together and I'm gonna drink them and add Diet Coke and regular Coke and Coke Zero and vanilla Coke. It's like...

Bobby, Bobby, I need you to come back here now, Bobby. Come on, focus, Bobby. Bobby, I don't want to call you a drunk, but you're acting like one. So now let's set a goal, and if you meet your goal, you can get a second piercing. Oh yeah, I already said I could get a second piercing already. Did you drink Mountain Dew with Santa again? Why are you talking like that? I ain't talking like anything, you fucking idiot. I ain't gonna get as many piercings as you.

I don't need as many piercings as I want. Did you steal my Dr. Pepper out of my big gun? I didn't steal shit, woman. I don't need to talk to you or anyone else because I got my own golf cart, mother. So next time you want to sass me, you can check me on the highway going 25 miles an hour to the soda shop. I'm 14 years old now, so you can talk to my attorney. That's what you can do.

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, darling. Um, so Whitney's like, I get that she's 14 and she's growing up and all of her friends have piercings. I'm sorry. This is Whitney talking. And I get that all of her friends have piercings. Um,

But it's like the wholesomeness and the virtue of being a little kid. I think I'm just trying to hold on to that for as long as I can. Get your hands off me, woman. You don't have to hold on to me that tight. Back go of the mountain to you. No, I'm an adult. So Whitney's like, I still can't believe we moved into a home where every window has a view of the temple.

And then all of a sudden, hold on. I'm getting a phone call from a podcaster named Adam. I wonder what he is up to. So Adam's like, how about up him?

His first name is Uppen. It's his traditional name. His last name is Adam. So Adam's like, oh my God. So I was calling you because I didn't realize that it was somebody that you're close to who was putting this information out. Yeah, I did it, mother, and I'll do it again. Bobby, this isn't about you. God damn it.

So Whitney's like, Adam is a casual friend of mine. Oh, really? For someone who's so mad about Lisa going to the press, you're friends with one of the biggest Bravo gossips on the internet. Come on, girl. Really? What point are you trying to make by bringing up an Adam on TV that you don't talk to the fucking press? Come on now.

He is a casual friend of mine who is also a podcaster, and he is friends with the person who runs the account that said that Prism's jewelry is from Alibaba. So I asked Adam to reach out to the account to see if he could find out who fed the story, and because I have my suspicions. But I need more proof. Did it say what account this was? Did it show on the screen?

It did not. Damn it. I'm such a loser for not taking a screenshot and finding out what that account was. I need to know. I want to know who it is. I'll tell you this much. They're not winning any Barbara Walters awards this year. They just gave up their source right away. I was like, Jesus, can we deep throat this a little bit, people? What the hell? They're like, here's my source. Tell me. I'm not going to tell you who it is, but tell me. I'll tell you who it rhymes with.

Adam's like, okay. So I was trying to do my best to figure it out. And I was like, can you tell me what it is? And they're like, I can't tell you what it is, but I can answer questions. I was like, okay.

Does this person have a jewelry brand? They said no. I said, does this person have a beauty brand? They said no. Does this person have an iconic gay son who also makes sweat tracksuits? They said no. I said, is this person someone who looks like they may be inbred? They said no. It went on for about 30 minutes until I finally asked, does this person have a liquor brand? And they said yes. And I was like, oh my God. Wait a minute, but...

No one in my friend group has a liquor brand except for Lisa Barlow. Wait, the person who leaked it has a liquor brand? I knew it. I knew it was Kathy Hilton. Wait a minute.

I don't even know Kathy Hilton. I'm going to stick with my first answer. It's Lisa Barlow. It's George Clooney.

I keep changing my mind on my revelation. So she's like, catching Lisa in this, especially after the outrage on Reality Von Triss. One hand is validating, but on the same hand, it's... Wait a minute. Why are you on the same hand? It's validating. Get on to the other hand. Ah, ah, there's too many things on this hand. Bobby, help me. Stop waving your goddamn hand at my face, woman, and hand me the Dr. Pepper. I'm starving back here.

It means I have a friendship that potentially was never real in the first place. So then, so Whitney trying to figure it out. Lisa was literally telling you, I mean, she didn't tell you she called the Bravo account. Okay, so do you believe that Lisa called the Bravo account?

Yes, I think everyone on this cast is reaching out to different accounts and being like, well, this is what I heard. This is a messy ass cast. And God bless them. Keep doing it. I believe it, too.

I actually do believe it. But I'm wondering if the news was already out. You know what I mean? Because this has been going around for a long time. And I know that I'm just defending Lisa because I like her. And she doesn't need defense because I don't care if she did it. But I'm wondering if this news was already out there and Lisa was like, oh, yeah, she did do it. I Googled it. So, I mean, I don't know. But even if she did do it, still answer the question, ma'am.

How are all the pictures from Alibaba? It's Obama. He's like, thank you. Thank you for donating to my next campaign. All the way to the top. How did the pictures from Alibaba look exactly like your pictures on your website? You still haven't answered that question. So do that first.

Yeah, that would be very helpful. So then we go to Brittany entering Block Restaurant to meet her own block, Jared. So Jared sits down. He's like, so do I make you nervous? She goes, no, no, I'm just nervous. I'm like, so...

Maybe the answer is yes, Brittany. So Brittany's like, you know, I know that when I get in front of Jared, he's very convincing. And I would say even manipulative. We'll have a charcuterie board. Go ahead, Toots. Go ahead. I think I want a charcuterie board. God, he's so manipulative. And I have a really hard time standing my ground and staying broken up. It's been my pattern over and over again. But he's been asking and asking to have some closure. And I feel like I owe him that based on, you know, daddy issues. Well, let me just say.

You look as beautiful as a piece of rolled ham. Thank you, Jared. No, I'm talking to the piece of rolled ham. God, I love charcuterie. It's delicious. He goes, I've missed you. And I've missed you too. No, I'm actually talking to the palm frond over there. It's very popular in these restaurants. Linda was over here earlier.

She's like, I've missed you too, Jared. Yeah, it's been a tough transition, to be honest. I didn't see it coming. She goes, well, what makes this different than every other breakup? Jared, he's like, well...

You went to Milwaukee and when you left, hold on, let me tuck in my shirt a little bit. Jared, you're tucking in your shirt because it's a child's shirt. Jared, okay? You're a 50-something-year-old man who doesn't work out enough to pull that shirt off. Please pull the shirt off and put on the large size, Jared. You've earned the large size, sir. You're in your 50s. You're an Osmond. Look at all the nothing you've accomplished. Now go to the Costco and get you a normal shirt. You look ridiculous, okay?

Well, when you left, since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time and I'm breathing in toxicity because I'm sad, baby. I thought it was all sunshine and roses when you left for Milwaukee. And then right before the game, you sent me a little video and you said, hey, I'll call you when the game's over, babe. And then the next day rolls around.

No video. He just ghosted me. And then the second, that second night when you're in Milwaukee, I get a FaceTime call. It was from Charles from the kin. I was like, oh, hi, Charles from the kin. How are you? And he said, he said, you don't even want to know. And I said, I don't want to even know what he goes. Honestly, I can't tell you. And then he hung up on me. It was real weird. He sounded suspiciously like a podcaster that Whitney hangs out with.

So he's like, oh, God, finally. Good. I have a chance to resolve it. And then it's Lisa Barlow, not you, FaceTiming from your phone. And she's been reading my text messages. What the hell, Brit? What the hell?

Brittany says, on the way back from the drag bar, Lisa grabs my phone and starts messaging Jared some really mean things. And she FaceTimed him and started singing to him some kind of song about besties and yada, yada, yada. Because Jared calls me his best friend and she thought that was hilarious. You know, things like that happen. And so Jared tells us, here's what I have a problem with. Private conversations between people that love each other in a private way where they don't admit that they love each other, but they know they love each other because one's an Osmond and one's a desperate person.

That being put out there, it's not right, man. Yeah, he's so gross as he does it on TV. Also, the reason that she ghosted you, quote unquote, you never messaged her back. You never said a thing back to her in all that time she was messaging you. He's like, oh, all that time you said you would call me. She stopped calling you because she kept calling you. I can't believe I'm sticking up for this twit now, too. Oh, you both, you're both infuriating people. I'm going to stop now.

So she's like, yeah. I mean, in that moment. So basically Lisa was like, oh, really? It's your boyfriend. And she was calling to taunt him to be like, ha ha, you suck. Look what you lost. Loser who won't even commit to your girlfriend, which I mean, personally, I liked it. I've done it. I did that for my best friend once and I still kind of regret it. I called her boy, her ex who cheated on her. And I just told him off. I told off his voicemail for a good solid reason.

three minutes when we were wasted at her apartment she's like you should call him and i'm like i will and i called him and i was just like fuck you we never liked you in the first place and i i unloaded and he told her later i thought he was nice guy he was a german guy he's like i thought he was nice guy she's like well you didn't know him that well then um and i kind of regret it now but not that much i was still there for my girl okay and i'm not apologizing to you 40 or jared

Yeah. Brittany's like, you know, in the moment, I feel appreciative of, I felt appreciative of Lisa because I felt like, you know, she's got good intentions and like, I feel like she's looking out for me. But in hindsight, it was terrible to let Lisa do that because he's an Osmond. You don't do that to Osmonds. I've been blocked from going down Osmond's lane.

Do you know how hard it is seeing Christmas decorations when you're blocked from Osmond Lane? They have all the best wines. I've been banned from Nutrisystem. It's terrible. What about Nutrisystem? I like that Maurice is a vindictive bitch. She's like, get that girl banned from Nutrisystem. She's out. So Jared's like, our life should be private.

Unless we are leaning into the public side of our lives. And it's okay to have a public persona. She goes, you like it private, but I don't necessarily want it to be private. I just want to be how we are to everybody. And he's like, well, when we're out, I hold your hand. And when we're together, I have kissed you in public. Yeah.

Like he's saying it in a way like there was a time last Thursday I held your hand. I remember last month I gave you your your your quarterly kiss. So I don't know what the problem is. I'm making concessions. Yeah. I just make you lie about being with me to everybody because I'm humiliated by you. And except when I was looking and I can hold your hand when it's in secret.

And so she's like, well, why is it even an issue, though? Do you take accountability for me not feeling safe? And he goes, not feeling safe? Really? Now you don't feel safe.

With these, I understand that these big guns that I've got, I know they make you feel a little scared, a little threatened. It's hard when you see these muscles, right? It's like, um, why I see that you've stuffed a dinner roll into your arm sleeve. So she's basically says, that's really all I'm waiting for is a man just to come with the physique of a dinner roll.

Like a doughy bicep. Yeah. So like a, like a literally doughy bicep, like an actual, like Parker bun. Yeah. Parker bun in his arm. Yeah. Parker roll. So Brittany is, Brittany says like, he doesn't ever post about me on social media, which is like, that's fine. You know, I get that. That's okay. Sometimes people aren't like that, but then he, but then she goes, he won't get off the dating apps.

Yeah, you don't even have to continue the rest of the list. Yeah, what are you doing? You can keep it there. And then she goes, yeah, and then when they walk by cute girls, he drops her hand. Uh-uh. Why are you trying to get this man closure? Why are you letting him make you feel bad about your very solid choice? That man won't even closure his zipper, okay? He's not about to closure with you. That's for damn sure.

Until he closures his lips around your lips and his hand around your hand, he does not need any emotional closure. Yeah, and I get this whole, you know, the Mormon culture and how women are raised to think that men are the end-all be-all and that there's like a certain desperation there that like, you know, is kind of bred or raised into her. And it's, you know, at the end of the day, it is all like the patriarchy, etc.,

Thank God for mom talk. I think, yeah, I know. I get all that. I really do. And I'm trying to feel for her in a way through that. But at some point, I have to stop feeling. I did feel for her at the beginning. And this is just fucking pathetic. At this point, I'm just like, I can't. You know, it's like you just can't. Leave this. It's like when someone just refuses to help themselves at some point, you just have to back off. It's like with addiction. When you have a friend who's deeply hurt.

into it and they're they change and they don't change because they're a bad person they change because drugs literally change you they you become that you become the drug you know and there becomes a certain point you have to back away and you have to be like this isn't even me this is like a you thing and i'll be here to help you on the other side so britney will be here to help you on the other side but for now get the fuck out of here you're i can't so she goes you're unhelpful she goes

she goes, and by the way, and Jared, please throw yourself down a flight of stairs. So bring your, like, Oh God, what a,

a monster. He's like the next Ryan show on Netflix. Ryan what's his buns? Murphy. So Brittany says, she's like, Jared, Jared, you are my best friend. I based that off of the two months that we've been dating and the fact that you're an Osmond. Are you willing to make me feel safe and do the things that are uncomfortable for you, like kissing me, to make me feel safe? It's not being safe. It's not dating other people. What the fuck, Britt? So she's basically saying, like,

I need you to actually treat me like a girlfriend until you treat. I don't, I do not feel safe in this relationship. I do not feel safe that we are actually in, you know, in a stable relationship until you do things like not being afraid to kiss me in public or not being afraid to hold my hand in public. And she's like, will you base? Will you do those things for me? And he goes, I've shown up every day for you, Brittany, and it's not enough. I've given you everything I can.

Except, of course, intimacy and access to my dating apps. So he's basically like, no, I don't want to kiss you in public. As she says, so that's a no. And he's like, okay, well, look, I'm a really good guy, Brittany.

I'm sure that you know that every guy who's a good guy says, I'm a good guy. It's just what we do. And I don't want to lose a relationship, but I just, we don't understand each other. So, you know what? Let's put a pin in it. I'll deal with you later off camera. And I don't have to keep this facade up. Okay. She's like, great. Yeah. Yeah. He's trying to cast himself as the martyr here. Like, I've given everything I can. It's still not enough. You're just an unreasonable woman. Just, you know,

bashing me down and I'm an Osmond, how could you do this to me? Uh, no, he sucks. I hope we never see him again. So now we go to Bronwyn's house and now Bronwyn has a serious talk with Gwen

and basically she sits down with Gwen and they talk about the father and everything. And basically, you know, it's another emotional scene. And, um, and Gwen has really turned off because the, the grandparents reached out and were like, we will, we would love to meet Gwen, but only if she's in a place in her life where she's, she's ready to accept us. It's like, it's not for her to be ready. Like you were the ones that were shunned. Oh,

If she can't accept us, you were the ones who didn't accept her, you absolute...

They're basically like, they're like, we'll meet her, but we don't want her to yell at us. Yeah. We don't want her to judge us for the terrible fucking decisions we made. We just want her to, to be like, Oh, look at these cute old people. No, you can, you two can go fuck yourselves. And I'm like that Gwen is smart enough to be like, uh, yeah, that was a huge turnoff. You know, I didn't like how they phrased that, you know? And they said they didn't know if I'm ready or not. Like I've always been ready. Yeah.

It was never me that wasn't ready. You know, it was kind of on their side. And then they didn't seem excited to meet. It was just kind of like, well, I guess we'll meet you. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It's really sad. And then, you know, she ends the scene on this, again, another poignant note where she's like, I don't like, she says, I'm so conflicted because I don't like the way that this happening, but I also don't want to be disappointed in myself that I didn't take the opportunity later on. Like she, she wants to,

gwen wants to be like i have some self-respect and why why should i put myself in a place of hurt for these assholes but at the same time she knows like down the down the line she doesn't want to miss an opportunity to learn about her father because at some point the grandparents will be gone and she'll know zilch all right she's only got one picture of her dad i mean that's crazy yeah and it's like and this is what's up like she should not have to be she should not have to be in a position where she has to

make that choice you know that moral choice that that that profound choice between self-respect and learning about her past it should be something that is made available to her by those shitty shitty grandparents yeah um and it's it's an interesting contrast that this scene comes right after the britney scene because you see here like a young woman who is so full of a sense of self

That she she's like, well, I feel like they had 18 years to reach out. They woke up every day and chose not to for 18 years. And I feel like they've made how they feel pretty clear. I mean, to have that kind of sense of self at her age is.

When you've got someone like Brittany, like not getting it, just being so desperate and not having any sense of self. It's crazy to see someone at this age with so much. And it gives you hope in the world, you know, seeing people like this. I'm like, thank God, you know, there's still some hope.

fucking people in the world and i was so relieved to see this because you know as many times as you can be like fuck them don't give them a chance fuck those people don't just forgive them because you've got feelings to see someone actually like no fuck those people good for you girl like this girl i'm a fan of this girl for life i love her yeah she's my hero i'm getting a poster of her in my room she's icon she's mother she's mother

So now we go to Heather, Lisa, Brittany, and Mary meeting up at a zipline thing. And Heather's like, I have lived in Utah for a very long time. And I feel like I've done every single recreational activity that is available. Skiing, snowboarding, ratting out one friend to another. I've done it all, but I've never gone ziplining until today.

I thought, who are the best people to come ziplining? So I picked them, and here I am. I've even got the great outdoorsman, Mary Cosby, ladies and gentlemen. We know you love her. Here she is. And I was like, Mary Cosby is doing that? And Mary Cosby's like, I love ziplining.

Every time I got a chance to do it, I do it. I ziplined in Jamaica. I ziplined in the Disney Cruise. I ziplined over that woman who drove off the cliff. Just ziplined right over her as her car went flying into a neighborhood. And they have to go up this muddy hill and the golf cart is covered in mud and there's no covering. So they go up there wooing the whole time and screaming while they all get splattered with mud. And Mary is like, why? Why did I wear white? At least I don't have mud all over my face.

Teeth. Like Heather. Just go for Heather. Heather.

Heather has a splotch of mud on her lip that remains the rest of the episode. No one says to her, hey, Heather, while you're eating that sandwich, before you bite into that sandwich, there's dirt caked onto your lip. It's there the whole scene. But how does she not feel like, do you have that much Restylane that you don't even feel that there's a big cake of mud right on your lip? How are you eating? It's crazy. These people have numbed their lips to the point they don't even know. That's why they're always licking them like,

So, after being splattered with mud and going down the zipline, they pull out their Costco folding chairs in the parking lot of the zipline place and set up a little table. This time they have a tablecloth and there is a charcuterie board because what else would you have? And...

It's like, this is such a Salt Lake City scene. It really is. This is almost as bad as the time they set up outside the pile of dirty snow that was still like a snow mountain, even though it was like warm and it was May. And they just add drinks. And you can tell that Mary has avoided filming on this cast for five years because she goes, why are they pulling everything out of a trunk? The producer's like, hey, Mary, how often do you tailgate? She's like, tailgate?

What does that mean? She goes, is that when you cook food with like ribs and like barbecue and stuff? So Heather has brought Brittany a gift. It's a tiny ceramic unicorn. Oh my God. Can you just stop stirring shit for one scene? Like you don't need to cue her. She's going to go on about Jared anyway.

She's like, oh my God, I'm going to name it Jared. It's like, no, Brittany. She goes, it's a unicorn. She goes, yeah, it's for you to remember that you're a strong, magical unicorn, or at least you're a friend of, because if you're a real unicorn, you'd be on the cast full time. Anyway, I know you love unicorn gifts.

Is it an ashtray? No, no, it's a jewelry thing. Okay, guys, let me tell you why I'm doing this. I just was worried that Brittany wasn't going to have a scene and she's my friend. So when we got back from Milwaukee, Jared sent her like four dozen roses and a giant unicorn stuffed animal. So I got her a unicorn to remind her to talk about Jared because he's an Osmond, which is going to bring a huge rating. Huge. Go ahead, Britt. Go ahead. Take it from here. Do it, Brittany. Jared, unicorns. Go, Brittany. How do you feel?

Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Did you actually break up officially? And she's like, well, yeah, and I really don't want to talk about it because I'm kind of upset about it, actually. About what? You're upset about it? Yeah, I'm upset. I'm upset with you, Lisa. Why? Yeah, because you grabbed my phone and you talked to Jared and you texted and FaceTimed him and it caused this huge rift. You know, not his, like, awful personality that caused the rift. It was you who caused the rift. Wait. What caused the huge rift?

Well, you know, I don't understand why you're so invested in me and my relationship. It's not like I sit here and only talk about it exclusively week in and week out. Wait, so I'm invested in your relationship? I don't understand why you would be mad at me because Jared's upset with you because we called him out for his bad behavior. I mean, listen, come on. But you were acting on my behalf. No, I mean, look, come on, he deserved that. He deserved that. He deserved that.

How do you know? He was manipulating you. He literally was like writing over and over again, Besty, you're not even his girlfriend. Why is he saying Besty? I was his girlfriend. A girlfriend that he called his best friend, who he would kiss silently and not on the lips or with his lips and from across the room and not even looking at me. It was our way of kissing and that's not for you to judge. He just likes to be private about it. He's not private. You need to run from him. I would run from him.

And so Mary's like, and then Lisa... Mary's cracking up, by the way. Mary is just laughing like she's at a comedy show. She's like... Yeah. Because Mary hates Britney. Britney's like, Lisa, I just want to be in a good space with him. The sort of space where I could say...

Brittany Osmond in Big Lights, you know, that kind of space. That way I can at least be friends with him. You know, he's got such a sparkling personality, it'd be a shame to lose it for my life. So Lisa's like, "What the fuck, this girl, like, she doesn't shut up about it, I stick up for her to have a—she has a backbone and now I'm the bad guy." Which, you know, is always the case with people like this. Always the case.

You never say break up with that fool because the second you do it, they get back together and then they ice you out because you had the nerve to say break up with the love of their life, you know? Yes. So Brittany's like, stay out of it. It's none of your business. Fine, I'll stay out of it. And Mary's like, yeah, leave us out of it too. She goes, gladly, gladly, Mary. And Mary's like, yeah, because you're wasting a lot of time about this. I will 100% leave you out of it, Mary. And she goes, good. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And Heather's like, oh, you can leave me out too, the one that brought the unicorn and made this whole thing happen right now? Yeah. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Leave me out three, even though I already declared that I'd be leaving out. But I just want to come back in and say I still want to be left out. And Maria's like, ain't nobody got time for this.

So funny. She is so good right now. What happened to her? And please keep her like this forever. Yeah, she's great. So Brittany's like, done. And you know what? Let's just enjoy this day. Let's just enjoy these meats that came from Albertsons here in this beautiful parking lot. Okay, moving on. I love charcuterie. I'm glad we have charcuterie because I love it. I don't know why, but I just love it. I'm obsessed with it.

Oh, God. When Jared ordered it the other day. Oh, sorry, guys. Heather, how are your girls? And Heather's like, they're good. Oh, Mary, you saw Georgia. And Mary's like, I did. She said it was so much fun. And they're like, what? How'd you meet Georgia? And Mary's like, oh. Mary goes, oh, the wind blew her to me. And I blew it back. They're like, oh, that's sweet, Mary. But how did you meet her, though? How'd you see her? She goes, I said it. Through the wind. It blew us together. What?

Oh, well, what Mary's trying to say is George isn't a professional dance group and Mary was there at the class. Right, Mary? Is that what it was, Mary? And she's like, hashtag, it was wind. It was wind. So how did you end up at George's dance class then?

I was just there for the sake of it, trying to get a workout, you know? Trying to get a workout? What style is it? Is it like hip-hop, classic, classic hip-hop, ballet hip-hop, frosty hip-hop? It's hip-hop. It's just hip-hop.

And Brittany's like, oh my God, so many secrets going on right now. Yeah. Is this like a secret, Mari? Is it secret wind that brought you together? And Brittany's like, yeah, this is like some clandestine dance class. She goes, well, I was with Angie. And Lisa goes, oh, fine. I haven't talked to Angie. Not since Milwaukee. By the way, I love how many times this episode's like, not since Milwaukee. The fact that Milwaukee has become this place of intrigue. We'll always have Milwaukee. I haven't talked to her.

Not since Milwaukee. So she's like, oh, you haven't talked to her? I don't know why I haven't talked to her. You're upset because you were calling her the B word last I saw. And she's like, well, back in Milwaukee, she wasn't being a good friend. You know, and I said, you know what I said to her? I said, you're not being a good friend. Yeah.

Mary's like, but why though? She goes, I can talk to Angie about it. And Heather's like, you know what? She's being snarky about Lisa behind her back. Unlike me, who's just telling everyone else's business about each other behind their backs. Yeah. I love that Heather's like, Lisa's like, I'll talk to her personally. I don't want to fight about it right now. Heather's like, you will fight about it right now because you're very mad at Mary right now, right? Do it. Fight with Mary. This is going crazy. You know what?

She called me a bad man. And like, that's like the lowest blow ever. And you want to talk about not coming back from anything? That's where you go when you don't want to come back. And Brittany's like, yeah, 100%. That hurts the most. The stakes are so high when you're a mom. God, when you're a mom. It's like, Brittany, calm down. What are you? Brittany's over there yelling at the mom. Hollering. Shut the fuck up.

So Lisa's like, when Heather told me, I cried. So Mary's like, well, why didn't you contact her and then ask her if she said it? She goes, well, she can call me and tell me her new issue with me. She goes, but if you cried about something that someone said, you addressed them.

Oh, well, I don't know why you cried. I think it took you by surprise, right? Is that why? Is that why it took you by surprise, Lisa? It took her by surprise. That's why she cried. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It took me by surprise. I just remembered. It took me by surprise. And Mary's like, yeah, but you also champion Lisa. And she goes, I do champion Lisa. She goes,

But you've known Angie since high school. So she goes, yeah, well, I champion Angie, too. But in this situation, I'm on Lisa's side because I'm creating Lisa's side. So I'm coming up with a story for Lisa's side. So I have to be on it long enough for Lisa to be on it. And then once Lisa's fully against Whitney, then I'm going to jump back on Whitney's side and fight Lisa for Whitney to prove what a good friend I am. Do you understand?

Mary tells us, I noticed that Heather says things that are very hurtful. She's always in the middle of something, but yet she hides her head, her hands. She'll say stuff and then she's standing there like she's the innocent one. Exactly. You know, which is very true. And Heather's like, you know, yes, I've known Angie longer than anyone. It doesn't mean that I don't love and support Angie as a person. It just means that

I think it'll be fun to throw her under the bus as my friend and I just feel like she's kind of taken Lisa for granted And she's kind of in this mode where she feels like she wants to change the terms of their friendship Remember, that's what we said. That's our talking point She wants to change the terms of their friendship and she hasn't really informed Lisa how that's gonna happen And she's just critical and snarky I don't understand by the way how Angie has changed the terms of the rule of the relationship Angie like

Angie stood up for Whitney, right? Wasn't that what happened? Angie stood up for Whitney in that first party and Lisa did not like that. And now they're in a huge fight. And also because Angie is not as on the, she's friends with more of the girls now. So she's not always constantly three hours on the phone, listening to Lisa go on and on and on and on. And so Lisa's like, Oh, you only spent one hour on the phone with me going on. So that's nothing. You're not, why are you pulling back? And she's like, uh, cause I know other people now, like leave me alone. Yeah.

So Mary basically calls out Heather for being two-faced. And Heather's like, I don't think it is. I would see everything I'm saying right now, all the horrible things she's saying right now in front of Angie's face. And she goes, so then Mary's like, my thing is with you. I feel like you leave a trail of lies, like the black eye. And then Mary just starts going in. She's like, here's how I feel, you know, with you.

You just leave such a trail of lies. She's like, what? It's like, yeah. Like the black eye. And then the fact that you championed body positivity and now that's a lie too. I was like, what? That was a real, like she really went there. I was like, whoa, I did not see her going that deep with the black eyes. Like, whoa, she went to the black eye and then she went even further with like, and then your body positivity is a lie too. I was like,

Damn. Oh my God. Wait, she didn't say she's, wait, why are we saying she's a liar? Because she said body positivity is a lie. She didn't say I was lying about it. And Heather's like, and it wasn't even about me. I was saying the fact that people really champion people with different bodies. But the truth is they champion people with beautiful bodies. And the truth is they just really all want you to be skinny.

And Heather is saying, you know, everybody's criticizing how I lose weight, but they criticize me if I don't lose weight. And they're all talking about what I look like. And I don't need it from Mary, too. You know, I'm just trying to have it not be about my body for once. And Mary is like, well, I'm not trying to hurt you. And she's like, I know you're not. I just I just feel like we need to figure this out. And right now we're at an impasse because I'm trying to teach Lisa why she's mad.

So I'll go come up with a reason that I'm really mad at you later. She's like, okay. Brittany's like, you know what else is a lie? Osmond positivity. It just doesn't work out. What about Bosmond? What about body Osmond-tivity? Is that something we can get going? Is Angel Osmond an Osmond? Yeah.

So that's interesting, this body positivity thing right at the very end. Yeah. And it's also a bold thing to say. Like, body positivity is a lie and people only champion thin bodies. And I'm thin, so I suck. This is basically her thing. It's an interesting path to go down. But interesting. I mean, I can't wait to see where that one goes. Absolutely. That's going to be an interesting conversation, that's for sure.

Yeah. Uh, really good episode, really good mix of silly and serious. And, uh, I really am enjoying Bronwyn quite a bit. Just adding that in there. Cause why not? But anyway, the point is this, it's time for me to get a bagel. We made it to the end of the episode. It's bagel Thursday. I need to be unleashed on this world. So thank you everyone for being here today. It was so fun tomorrow. We've got orange County, um, which I'm sure will be a great disaster. So we, uh,

I don't know. Have a great day. Bye. Have a good one. Bye. See you later. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney. We're fanning out for Bethany Fanon. Put your hands together for Carly Clap. Dana C. Dana Dude. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickless. Jamie. She has no less namey. Hava Nagila Weber.

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