#2578 RHONY S15E01 Part Two: Since U Brynn Gone
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Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So then we see a flashback of Cy yelling at Jessel, being like, no one gives a fuck, Jessel! And Jessel replying, don't yell at me, please! It's just my ears. My ears have heard Tom Cruise's poor children needing education before. They just, they can't take this.

So Sari has done something that we always want these people to do, which is that she saw herself on TV and was ashamed and now is trying to change her behavior. And you know what? I cannot be mad at that. That is ultimately what we want people to do. To say like, oh, I was a monster. I was terrible. I really should stop acting like that.

No, I don't want to see people try and get better for the audience. I think that's what kills these shows are when people try to adjust for the audience. But then, of course, it's better for the show because they can never do it. And it becomes more of a disaster than the season before, you know? So we'll see. We'll see where it goes. I'm not mad at it. I'm just like, oh, God, I'm just rolling my eyes. I'm like, OK, you're doing the Jax Taylor. You're doing the Jax Taylor plot. Really? We don't want them to pander to us, but we want them to realize where they're being awful. Yeah.

And so I was like, well, you know, seeing myself on TV, you know, I, you know, I thought it hit differently. You know what? And I thought,

I look so cute. And I was like, oh my God, I'm like so chic. And like, no, no, no. I mean, like I'm trying to grow. And like, I think it was very important for me to fix my friendship with Jessel. So then Jessel's like, I think that Sai made a snap judgment about me. Just how I made a snap judgment in thinking that Parvatt would be a good husband. And I think she thought I was spoiled and entitled British brat, which, you know, I am to some degree. But Sai had a lot of self-awareness about her mistakes. And I mean, who would want to be friends with me?

And after the cold plunge, she's like, I don't feel thin, by the way. I didn't lose any weight. So now they go to the sauna. So now they're talking about spring break and all that. And Sai's pretending that she likes Jessel. She's like, vacation was good. I've been on like this whole Zen journey. I don't know. After therapy, I just kind of been like on this vibe of accepting things, accepting people for how they are. I mean, look at you. I've been wanting to shove your face right into the grate of the steamer, but I haven't done it.

Yeah, you know, you know, listen, I'm not usually a therapy guy, but you go. But like, it's not my jam. But like, I wanted everyone, you know, I wanted to understand where everyone was coming from last year. So why was I so easily upset with everything? You know, and I realized, you know, you know, every every Sagittarius cuts people off. But I realized after speaking to my therapist that that's not OK. I'm still going to do it. But now I can feel a little bit bad when I do it.

So they're talking about Brynn's party and Sy's like, "Yeah, I haven't talked to that bitch." And she's like, "Yeah, I miss Brynn, but do you remember last year, her birthday party?" And then we see the flashback to the season finale of Sy fighting with Brynn over Jenna stuff. Like, that is her business. That's her story to tell, Brynn. Fuck you, Brynn, for repeating that. Fuck you, Brynn. Yeah.

And we see, you know, their friendship was really in a bad place at the reunion. And Sai was basically apologizing to Brynn. And Brynn's like, you know, I have a thousand friends. So, like, I'm good. So Sai's like, no, I put everything out there. And she expected, she rejected my apology. I'm not, I'm not coming to meet her. She thinks she needs to meet me. I really feel like, you know, I really took her in as a sister. A sister that I yelled at. And that's why I think it hurts.

She's like, but I like a brother. I mean, you know, so I'll go. I'm going to go to the party. So they're going to go do this. And Cy tells a story. She's like, well, I saw her at Fashion Week, but, you know, I was—we were at Jenna's house, and she hosted. And did you hear the part where she came up to me, and she's like, I don't understand why you keep telling people you hate me. I said, well, first of all, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I never use the word hate. Okay. Now—

If you said, why are you going around telling people you can't stand me? I don't hate you. I just can't stand you. How's that better? I just don't like being in the same room with you.

um so basically she's like she's saying like you know what when i'm angry i talk shit about everybody you know i don't recall jenna ever making me angry wishing my favorite person was you know but like you know what we passed that stage and she's basically saying like she's doing this whole thing of like look i was i was judging people too quickly and i'm moving past it and yada yada yada and jessel's like what's all things weird between you and jenna are things are things good and she's like yeah well you know i would say i never told

talked about it. You know, I think like one night we just kind of threw it in the grave and buried it, you know? And my therapist says, just burying things in the grave and not addressing it is the healthiest way to move forward. And

And Jessel's like, you're very calm. You're giving Zen Buddha vibes, right? Don't do that. I just took a cold plunge and he was fat. Okay. Are you really going to compare me to a fat person right after I got out? You know what, Jessel? Fuck you, Jessel. Okay. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of this team. You know what, Jessel? I'm so sorry. I've been to therapy. It's a lot different now. I'm sorry. I see what I did wrong there. Dumb bitch.

Get out of here. So now we go to Jenna's apartment in Soho and she's in her shoe closet weeding through shoes and her girlfriend's mom, Nancy, is sitting in a chair nearby. And Jenna's like, so are you excited for the purge of 2024? She goes, oh, I'm excited.

Okay, well, this is Karl Lagerfeld. She has a valve voice. She's like, you know what? I am excited. Is this the part where I get to murder you, chop off your head, and I can't be arrested? No, that's a movie. We're just going to throw away shoes. Ah, Cass lied to me. That's how she gets me to do things. This is Karl Lagerfeld. Yeah, so yay or nay? Oh, yeah, no, they're done. They're done.

And she's genociding how like, she's just saying. This lady just sitting there like, No, yes, keep them. Get rid of them. Oh, I love those. I love those. I never warned them. Get rid of them. I love them, but get rid of them. That's what I said to all the men in my life.

So Jenna's like, Nancy is my girlfriend Cass's mother. And this is like, you know, the first time she's visited and she's funny and she's sharing stories about Cass. And that's been really fun. Cass isn't going to come on the show, but Nancy's a real good substitute. Hey, Nancy, want to sit on my lap? No? Okay. Just stay there. So, Nancy, I know this is your first time visiting me, but guess what?

we're going to take this very precious moment and turn it into a scene to introduce someone else. So my good friend Raquel is going to come over and she has like a much cooler sense of style than I do. And she's just gorgeous. You're going to love her. What about her shoes? Do we need to throw out her shoes too? I think we don't have to worry about that. See.

Well, look, I think these shoes you're holding right now are fabulous. Oh, you know what? I can't, you know, because the person I'm dating that you created with your jeans, you know, I'm assuming. Well, I mean, she's dating, you know, I'm dating like the most person on the planet. So, yeah.

This is how I just take a minute. I'm just like really cool. So I have to like a lot of ellipses. If I don't put ellipses, you won't see the numbers spinning around my head and I won't seem as intelligent. Oh, my God. There was an X and a two. OK, bring it in. Bring it in, honey. You can do it. You can land the plane.

Yeah. Well, when I wear these shoes, I'm seven foot seven. So, you know, Raquel and I, we've known each other for years. We've been in each other's orbit and she's in the fashion industry. And it's now been over a year that we've, we've known each other. I guess maybe I'm talking about Cass, talking about Cass right now, not Raquel. Sorry about that, everyone. So anyway, the doorbell buzzes and in comes Raquel.

And she's like, oh, hey, wait, what the fuck is going on in here? Because the apartment has some paper down on the floors and everything and some plastic. And she's like, oh, yeah, sorry. My air conditioning broke. It's just the romance in here was so hot that we had to turn on the AC and it all just broke right then and there. But that's what the house looks like that. And this is the point. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I was just saying that's why the house is under construction.

I'm getting, I'm starting to get Sonia Morgan vibes. Are you? There's just, there are some similarities here. She's not at all like her, but they're not paying for the Uber, the broken down Bentley thing, the no, not having air conditioning and shit being in disarray. Seems weird. It's starting to, I'm starting to, I don't know if their eyelashes are selling. What is it?

She can't be poor, though, right? It's like worth a zillion dollars. Definitely not poor. I'm sure she still has. But see, here's the thing. When you call people poor, then the audience is like they're poor now. You know what I mean? Because they've said poor so many times. I'm like, but her air conditioning is broken and her car broke down. It's a lot of things to be going wrong. There is no way. I'm sure she got some sort of stock incentives or something from J. Crew. I mean, like, there's just I just I don't believe that she's poor at all.

Darn it. I was hoping so. I just want to see the dilapidation begin. I can see her being lazy about bills, though. Like, I just don't want to do bills today. It's just too stressful. I'm just not going to do it. So I can see that. So Raquel comes in and Jenna's saying how she's loved her from the moment she met her. She's like, real deal. She's like a real deal in an industry that does not favor women at all. And Raquel tells us that she's a curator, a

And an advisor in the art world. And then we see a flashback of Raquel at work. And she's like, this one feels to me like the most like into an abstraction. So then she tells us that she's put her... She's worked with shows like Empire and Severance and just like that. She's basically put artwork onto those shows. And she's also a model. And she goes, do you ever see that? Here's where she...

Here's where she lost me, Ben. She said, did you ever watch In Living Color? You know that character that had like eight jobs? That's me. That was a whole family of Jamaicans. That wasn't just one character. So I'm like, did she really watch In Living Color? I don't know. I did watch In Living Color, but I didn't remember that. So I needed her to be more specific. You don't? It's a whole family. They're like, how many jobs you got? I don't remember that. Lazy. You lazy. What?

Like you are so lazy. We have 10 jobs. It's like the whole sketch. Like everybody had like 10 or more jobs. And if you had any less, you were a lazy piece of shit. Yeah. I love Raquel being like, yeah, I'm an art curator. Yeah.

And I also model. I'm like that lady with eight jobs. I'm like, oh, okay. What don't I do? I pick out art for TV shows and sometimes I model. I go to fabulous cocktail parties. I go to museum openings. I model. I just look impossibly cool and beautiful. It's like I'm like that lady with eight jobs. God, life is hard.

So then they're talking about shoes and blah, blah, blah. And Jenna keeps talking about, so they're talking to Nancy, right? And she's like, oh, we're both so different, but we both, God, we've had such a crazy story. I mean, we'd both been seeing men, penis, dangly balls. It's gross. It was terrible. It was terrible, actually. Right?

And Raquel's like, seeing men, we were married to men. Can you imagine? Talk about seeing too much. We were feeling the men. It's like putting your hand in a mystery box and finding out there's nothing good that's in there. Nothing. What is this, a box of hair? God, hair and poop? Get me out of here. Am I right? Get me on the lady train. When does that arrive? Boop, boop.

I met Jenna in 2012 just as she was like in the middle of a divorce and coming out and I was like doing the same. It just like almost validated what I was going through. I mean, I don't know what I would have done if I had not met someone else who was incredibly wealthy and going through the exact same thing.

I might have been like a poor lesbian. Can you imagine? I wouldn't have been on a Harley. I would have been on a tiny little scooter, an off-brand vest. She makes it seem like Jenna was the only lesbian in Manhattan. If I had not found the only other lesbian coming out at that time, I don't know what I would have done.

I think she meant like a straight lady leaving the family or whatever to be a lesbian. I felt like there were many more of them than just Jenna. But Jenna was the only one who was also wealthy and in the world of fabulous. It's like, we're both two fabulous people making a fabulous life change. Yeah. I

I mean, listen, whether we're straight or whether we're gay, we're both leaving people that were way more fabulous then. So let's just bond over that. So Jenna's like, yeah, neither one of us had ever been around anyone who was really gay. Like, we didn't have any gay friends. Very important! Says Nancy. Very important. Gay friends are very, very important. Had you had some gay friends, they might have stopped you from buying half of these shoes, let's be honest. How did Jenna work in fashion and not have any gay friends? I don't know. I'm sure she had gay friends.

So, um, uh, so then anyway, then the dog starts whining. Yeah, that's, that's true. That is true. I was thinking about that. I was like, well, wait a minute. I mean, there are plenty. There aren't, there really aren't. There are not plenty of people who weren't gay in fashion. I'm sorry. Okay. You just, that's not something you can say. Maybe she didn't have a lot of lesbian friends.

Maybe that's what it was. I think that's the thing. I think it's different being in fashion and being a gay guy because everybody's a gay guy. It seems like everybody's a gay guy. But yeah, maybe it's a lot harder for a lesbian. So we don't know. We'll just have to circle back to that someday when we do a hard line investigation. So we're going to really study lesbians this season, guys. We're going on a deep dive.

So then the dog's, like, whimpering and wants to have Raquel's tea because it thinks it's coffee. And then... Stupid, stupid dog. And then...

Raquel's like, it's tea, baby. See, when there's tag, that's a tea bag, okay? By the way, when I was getting a divorce, my mother was very much like, are you sure you want to do this? I don't think it's a good idea. Then she started telling me, you know, women are very jealous. Like, are you speaking from experience? And Nancy's like, oh, so your mother's still not on board with this, you know? Oh, fuck.

Ronda, you're on mute. You're on mute right now. She moved to Puerto Rico, actually. Yeah, sorry about that. She moved to Puerto Rico, actually, so I don't think she was so happy about it. And it hasn't been great ever since. But, you know, see, it wouldn't want to be you. You know what I mean? And Jenna's like, well, she met Mel at...

She met Mel, and Raquel's like, she has, but, you know, when we were just friends, because we were friends for a long time. So then they talk about how, you know, they were friends, but then they became lovers later, which I think is another thing. It's exclusive to lesbians as opposed to gays, because I feel like lesbians can be friends with people for 10 years, and then they're like, oh, we should be lovers after a decade. I can't do that. I mean—

If I see you, I can have sex with you at first, but then after I've known you for more than 20 minutes, I'm like, ooh, I know you now. That's disgusting. Like, why would I want to touch you with my penis? So it seems like opposite. I thought the stereotype with lesbians is that, like, they go on a first date and then they're, like, moving in together and, like,

setting up a life. So the being friends for 12 years was actually more surprising to me. Uh, but then again, stereotypes are just stereotypes and you know, there's so many different relationships. I mean, clearly Raquel was won over by Mel's enormous personality and, um, you know, I, who could blame her? Yeah.

So then, let's see. So Jenna's like, well, has Mel been with Ben? She's like, oh, no. No, no. She goes, what do they call that? They call that a golden ticket or something. Willy Wonka. Just wait in bed. Wait for a penis to come along. Open the candy bar. Found a penis. So I love that movie. That would be terrifying, wouldn't it? I don't think I would have finished that movie. Jenna's like, you know, yes, the gay boys who I all met.

after J.Crew, they all have terminologies for men who've never been with a girl. Like if a boy has a C-section, then they've literally never even touched a vagina. It's like the golden ticket or something because you've just never touched a vagina. And Nancy goes, I ought to find a gay man and ask him about that. It's like, oh, it's true. It's true. I have access to many, so we can definitely clarify. I've never been friends with any of them, but I can call them.

So now we go over to Erin and her family walking into the famous dessert place Serendipity, which is probably not what the workers felt when they saw them walking in. Oh, what's the opposite of Serendipity? Erin walking into this store right now. Well, she does have the Dippity.

Or the pity. So she's like, you want ice cream? Are you not eating it? Do you want French fries? And her son's like, I don't want any. I just want a new house because my house sucks. My house is too small. It's like, oh, my God, I've got the bougiest kid ever. I mean, he wants a bigger house. Our new gorgeous apartment on the Upper West Side, which we moved to solely for convenience. He doesn't want that. Like, are you kidding me?

abe and abe and i were both born and raised on the upper west side so it's like really home for us and like we were downtown for a long time and like things just became like really challenging with the kids like after school activities like you know our parents being uptown you just want to like simplify our lives it was like taking 45 minutes to go to school it was like coming in from connecticut connecticut god we all love connecticut we all love connecticut

So then, what does that mean? She was making a reference to the fact that Uba's guy was Mr. Connecticut, and they mentioned he was from Connecticut, and Uba had flipped out at the end of the season. Basically, it was a very long paragraph to get to a joke about Connecticut. And I was a real groaner, and I can empathize, because if there's anyone who's taken a long paragraph to get to a groaner of a joke, it's this guy right here, okay? Oh, gosh. It's time for a commercial.

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So, yeah, so they start talking about that. Erin wants to get a new place. She's been looking already to move to a new place. And Abe wants to, but it's just, like, so much work. And she's like, yeah, but I really need a proper home office. Like, where's Gwyneth going to sit when she comes over to do paperwork? Like, on my lap? Yeah. So we're just sort of getting an update on their lives. And the kids, like... So normally whenever there's, like, scenes like this...

Like when cast members go to like a store, usually at the clerk who shows them around in the beginning of the scene is like, I'm going to let you guys stay here for a moment and just like figure things out. Or like the person who's Jim it is, is like, I'm going to walk to the corner store while you guys talk. Like everyone always like vacates their business to let the cast members have a proper scene. And this is the first time I think I've ever seen this where like the little kid is like,

I'm gonna go I'm gonna go take the kids somewhere else in the restaurant so you guys can talk I was like really they're having the kids do that bit now I'm just gonna walk around with my other small children siblings around the streets of New York have fun

He was like, okay. You should stay here with dad. I'm going to take the kids somewhere. I'm like, I've never seen like someone younger than 35. Say that line. It's like the 10 year old being like, bye. You guys have to shoot your scene. Have fun. Yeah. Production's like, get the fuck out of here. And he was like, I guess the one person we can trust our kids with is TV production. So, uh,

And Aaron's like, all right, well, you should come see the new apartment because there's a mural with cherubs on the ceiling. And he goes, whoa, you could eat some mushrooms and stare at that for hours. You can't say that. What? You can't say that. What? Why would you say that? He's like, what? She goes, why do you have to go there? He goes, you don't say things like that? She's like, no. And then we'd see a flashback of the editor's hands.

hating Erin of last year, Erin joking about her house. Like, oh, I love this house. I always joke that like you can like trip out in this room and it would be badass. Tripping, mushrooms, heroin. You know what would be great in this room? A little H-bomb of like a K-chaser. Know what I mean? Invite your friend Molly over next time. Let's rub each other's backs.

Abe is like, okay, cool. And she goes, why are you being rude to me right now, like tackling mushrooms? And he's like, because I don't like when my words are being controlled. That's how it feels. What? Criticize the words that I'm using. Well, you shouldn't be talking about doing the M word. Okay, what's wrong with you? Are you dumb? Yikes. So they showed this in the preview, and I thought it was going to take all season to get here.

But nope, here we are. The marriage sucks. Like right at the beginning. Right. Right. That's serendipity. Yeah, that's, you know, I think so. She's like, by the way, when you go to serendipity, it's the perfect place to have an argument about mushrooms and how your marriage is falling apart. I know over ice cream, like a giant sundae you're not even eating. Like she can just watch it melt right in front of her face as her marriage deteriorates.

So she's like, I mean, talking about drugs on camera, that's like stupid. He's like, I'm going to get the kids. I'm very upset.

And then he tells us, I don't think she's irritated about my mushroom joke. There's other stuff underlying. Mostly that everybody calls me Abe the Babe now and comes into my DMs and sends me porn with, who's the guy you were saying he looked like last year? It's coming into my DM asking for Daniel Webster pics. Everyone who has a Daniel Webster kink is really turned on by Abe right now. She goes...

I'm not going to go there. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about all this stuff between Abe and I. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Here's the thing. Literally no one has ever been that mean to me before. Maybe she got mad at him for wearing yet another tech bro vest. Now we go to Brynn's apartment and she's with Darius and they're just talking about who's going to be there at the party, this party she's doing. And she goes, you know, the regular suspects. Like Aaron texted me. She's bringing um...

Rebecca Minkoff? Rebecca Minkoff? You know Rebecca Minkoff? Like, if you're just at Nordstrom Rack, you probably saw her stuff. Oh, this. So it's supposed to be a disc because she's at Nordstrom Rack? That's a very nice rack. I would love to be in Nordstrom's rack. I don't know what I would sell there, but like, what an honor.

Well, you could. You're something now. You could have a Benjamin. If anyone wants a strangely shaped jacket, he can find it at Nordstrom Rack. The Benjamin Mandelkirk collection. Yeah, there could be Benjamin in a Nordsy's soon. So, that's...

That's shitty, especially when you're mad that everybody speculates on what you do for a living. To be like, oh, I'm dissing her job. She just said, don't come for my money and don't come for my... Oh, really? So you're immediately coming after someone. It is typical. I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. I appreciated the shade of it all. I just didn't understand the why of it all. Why is she coming for Rebecca Minkoff all of a sudden? Like...

Like you haven't even been squinted at yet. Like at least like come after her after you've been squinted at, but like pre squint shade. I didn't understand it. Yeah. She does not like her. Cause we see later, we've seen the previews for the upcoming season that she's coming for like about the Scientology stuff. Um,

So, let's see. Cut to Jenna's Soho apartment. So, Jenna's like, oh, my God. Raquel, you're going to come with me tonight? I'm so excited. I'm going to squish you. I'm going to squish you. Squish you. And Raquel's like, oh, my God.

We're going to twirl around together. She goes, are you on Ozempic? Because if you are, maybe I'll pick you up then. Because Ozempic makes people lighter. It's an Ozempic joke. Did it work? I'm not really sure. I'm trying out new Ozempic material because it's like season two. I have to like up my game. God, I hope that worked. Is that offensive? Do people still get offended about Ozempic?

Raquel's like, bitch, please. On Ozempic, I would weigh like what? Like 20 pounds if I was on it? I would disappear. I'm so naturally skinny and beautiful that Ozempic would actually cause me to materialize into gas. That's all I would be.

so then raquel uh they're talking about what she's raquel's talking to mel we meet mel her girlfriend and she's like um hey hey honey i'm in here she's like have you figured out what to wear she's like no but you know me i've got to decide silver or gold mel's like leather well it might not be your typical thing i know but like this is my engagement ring and she has this big gold really really enormous ring that's like a

or leaves or whatever. It's something, it's like a shape. It's a shape of something. And she's talking about how like, she didn't want something basic and she co-parents her kids with her ex-husband and the kids love Mel. And,

And, you know, like, they're always like, where's Mel? Where's Mel? She's like, am I, like, not enough? What? Do you not even see me here? Did I take Ozempic or something? Huh? And she's like, we belong together. We have three motorcycles. We love adventure. We drive fast. We get adrenaline rush. Yeah. It's great. Going fast on things. We're going to be together forever. Yeah.

And then Raquel's like, so what about this outfit? Because I'm in my... Mel goes, what are you, in your menopausal era? And she goes, yeah, let's go. You know what? You're not that much younger than me, madam. So then we go over to Brynn and Darius. Everybody's just getting ready for this party, right? And Brynn's like, oh my God, what if nobody shows up to my party? It's not like I don't know what to do if I'm all alone in my apartment with big balls.

She's like, right now, am I close with Psy? No, but we're like, cool. And like, I'm excited to see her. And like, I think that there's like a part of me that every time I do see her, I'm like, okay, maybe this time it's going to be like, we're going to have that breakthrough, you know? Like, she seems happy. She seems cute. Maybe it's going to work out.

So Aaron's like, I'm scared of seeing Brynn because she made a light, fun comment into something sinister. I mean, look, me, light, fun. Storyteller. I'm a light, fun storyteller. They almost gave me the late night spot after Colbert. Missed it by just Colbert. Another storyteller. Uh,

So Aaron's like, yeah, I'm just frustrated. So we see earlier in the episode. So Bryn's like, so yeah, tell them what Cass said about the dress. And Bryn's like, she told me, guys, Cass, she told me I look like a vagina with this period. Now I can't see it. I've got a bloody string even. It's not hilarious. I'm not wearing glasses.

Season two, Jenna. And by the way, they're all arriving at the, they're all arriving at Fleur. This is where this happens. And just, yeah, Fleur.

And they arrive and Jessel's like, oh, by the way, did you get a text from Erin last night? And Brynn's like, no, why? Just because at 10 p.m. I'm about to pass out because I've spent all my energy all day being absolutely disgusted by a povot and the way he eats his food. And I, you know, I get a text that says, I'm so disappointed. And we see this text.

This is such an Aaron text. It's like, ma'am, you have signed up for Bed Bath & Beyond text messages and 15% off. Reply with yes. I'm so disappointed. Like, ma'am, I don't know what to do with this text. Do you want the 15% off or not? Super disappointed. I think that Aaron is the one writing all these campaign fundraising text messages. I don't know if you receive them at all, but I get them. And they're always like, we are devastated. Kamala has only raised...

45% of what she wanted to raise. So I can imagine Aaron being like, devastated. There's not enough money that's been raised. You've got to do something for you. I'm like, please stop, please stop, please stop.

So then now Jethro's like, oh my God, I'm 99.9% sure Aaron's so disappointed text is something to do with our conversation at the furniture store. Well, guess what? I was disappointed by having to go on a subway. I was disappointed on having to eat a Carol's bun.

I was disappointed. Listen, I'm sitting across from a bloody vagina, literally, right now. It's work. All right? We do what we do. Save your text. Did you know there's an entire part of the city called Queens? Here I thought we were going back to London to pay homage to the one who brought us all here, spiritually. And instead, we're in some awful, disgusting part of New York City with tiny pigeons on top of doorways. I hated it. What are we talking about again? Mm-hmm.

So then they're speculating. So Brynn's like, I'm disappointed in you. That's cryptic. And Joss is like, oh, my God, I'm so disappointed. Like, ooh, who talks like that? Of course, Aaron would send a text that's just like, so disappointed. And then, like, didn't say anything. Yeah, so disappointed. She's like a Facebook poster, like, so disappointed. And everyone's like, oh, my God, Aaron, what's wrong? She's an A-booker. So then...

Raquel is now talking to Jessel about being an art dealer. She's like, do you collect at all? And Jessel's like, oh, only my kids' art, which is scribbled on crayon, mostly on the walls. And then I collect cleaning people to clean the crayons off. And then I collect rolling pins to throw at the head while they do it. Because you know what? Who doesn't love sports? Am I right? I'm a well-rounded person. What was your name again? I also collect some of Parviz's art, which he uses a very interesting mixed media. It's crumbs and mayonnaise on napkins.

So then Si's like, so we were at your party, all right, Jenna, the awkward party. You said that you heard that I've been going around saying that I hate you at your awkward little party. Do you remember that, Jenna? Do you? And she's like, I just, why do you hate me? Is it my outfit? You hated me before this. Like, I hate me in this outfit. Like, actually, I'm getting where you're coming from now. You know what? I hate me too. Let's go out back and beat the shit out of me.

Okay. First of all, Judith, I never even said that. Who told you that I even said that? And then she goes, well, this one over here. And she like gestures to Brynn. And Sai's like, I never said that to her. And Rebecca Minkoff is like, what?

Do I even want to know what they're talking about? Squint. So whatever you're talking about, is it a story that John Travolta could star in? Then otherwise, I really don't know.

So then Aaron says, I'm like so low on Scientology references. I've got to study up. Listen, you start at the top. That's it. That's all you're getting from me. Like, you know, that's it. A couple of Leah remedies thrown in there. So Sai's basically saying, I never said that. And then Aaron's like, you did. I went through our chat today. And she's like, what, that I can't stand it? And she goes, well, you know, what's weird is that this human being's trying to ruin people's actual bonds and

And she's, I think, talking about Brynn. And she goes, Psy did not say I hate Jenna. Brynn has said things about everybody in this group that I haven't even told people. Like, I wouldn't do that because, like, what's the point to, like, hurt a friendship? I'm like a storyteller, not a friendship ruiner.

So, like, she is being terrible. And so, I was like, I come to this party thinking that Brynn's extending the olive branch. And I thought that we were smooth sailing moving forward. And this just took me all the way back. What are you talking about? You knew the same info. You have the same info as when you came in. Nothing's changed. So, Brynn. Oh, she just didn't know it was Brynn that came over. So, Saya now has a new angle. She goes, what?

you know what? It's like, she's unwell. Like something is seriously unwell. She's unwell up there. Something's a little cuckoo cucka up there. You know what I'm saying? And Aaron's like, well, she knows now. Cause that's what happens when you go to therapy. You're like, oh my God, that girl has borderline personality disorder. There I've been to therapy. So he's more than on. Well, and Jenna's like, come on. Oh, come on, come on, come, come on, come closer. And she goes,

Uh, and then Si's like, well, you know what? Well, I don't, I don't want to come close to you because I don't like you apparently. And she goes, you know, I apologize. I didn't say that I didn't like you. I never said that I hated you. I said when I first met you, I felt like you were never yourself. And like, I think that like, that's what irritated me. And like, I didn't get to know you for who you were, which is a very rich, uninteresting person. That's all.

I mean, no, it's not. You said you can't stand her. I mean, said it. It's in the text. So, I mean, if you're going to own up to it, just say I couldn't stand you. She does. She does say. Jenna's like, look, you know, a lot of people told me you were talking shit about me because, you know, I was wrong. She goes, I was wrong. I judged the book by its cover. Yeah. And Jenna's like, it's a cute cover, right? And she doesn't answer. So it's just like, hmm.

So then, so I was like, you know, I've been to therapy, I've come a long way, and Brynn's doing what she does, you know, she can't stand this one getting close to that one and that one getting close to this one, so she comes in, she fococked us it all up, you know, it's just how she is. But at the end of the day, Jenna, you get nothing for nothing, and that's all I can say for the life of the poor. It's a struggle, it's a war, I've been to therapy, okay, I just, I just, I'm sorry.

Is that Les Miserables? I've never met a queen before, but I think that's a show tune. And I just, that doesn't compute. I just want to say something. I think that last year I forgot the pecking order of New York City, which is that I'm an influencer and you're actually working at a high level in fashion. So I just want to say I'm sorry and you are better than me. And I just want to rearrange the puzzle pieces here. Okay. Okay. We all set. We all good.

So I was like, oh my God, thank you. You know what? Thank you so much for apologizing. And I just, I hear you're going to therapy. That's hilarious.

- That is funny. - All right, you're a bitch. I hate your guts. So then there's not a bartender there. So Jenna's like, "Could you guys just be the bartender?" And Abe's like, "Sure, I'll be the bartender." - I hated this, by the way. I'm like, "What are you doing? We're getting behind the bar?" I mean, I'm sure it was just all for TV, you know? So he like makes a drink from behind the bar and everything and Sai's giving him orders on how to do it, et cetera. And then we go over to Raquel and she's talking to Rebecca

And to Mel and Raquel's talking about like her relationship, et cetera. And she's like, Mel, you know,

Mel was single for a minute and I wasn't single, but then Mel ended up in a relationship, but then I was single. And Rebecca's like, oh my God, this is such a lot of uninteresting. I just don't know what to avoid in this conversation. It's just like twisters. A lot of cows flying at my face. And Mel goes, basically it's lesbian talk. Okay. Oh God. It's constant long-term relationships. She's like, oh, okay. So,

So the bartender comes back and I asked for more olive juice. And it turns out that they were using the juice from the cherries, not the olives. It's funny. So I get being so rich that you think you're going to bartend and not be good at it. I don't get being so rich that you don't understand the difference between a cherry and an olive. Yeah. I'm a bartender.

That's just stupid. The whole thing is that she was like a bartender for like 15 years or something. Like she should know the difference. Right. Like when your dirty martini comes out looking pink, as we see on camera, you should think that maybe you dipped from the cherries. Yeah. So now Raquel is...

is talking about so aaron's like trying about uh just was like oh my god is that an espresso martini with tequila that's that's aaron's thing it's her new personality let's all try everybody and aaron's like um i would let you try if you weren't so mean to me you're just so mean like literally no one has ever been as mean to me as you are it's like what are you talking about i mean you're talking to me in cryptic text let's talk about that aaron have you ever tried a carol's bud

It wasn't a cryptic text. It was a very, very, very short story as told by a storyteller. It's like, okay, so

So then, uh, Povet and Daerys are talking and, uh, Povet's like, "Oh, uh, my kids are batshit crazy." And Daerys is like, "Yeah, I remember getting a call from Brynn and she was like, after she visited you guys, she was like, 'I can't have kids.'" He's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, they're like, uh, instant contraception." And they're like, "Yeah, your kids are terrible." She's like, "Yeah, yeah, no, they're, my kids are totally unhinged. I even tried to slice up their chicken nuggets and it still doesn't calm them down." I thought it might work.

Stanley contraception in human form.

So then we go back to Erin and Jessel. And she's like, I was just so bummed because, like, you said that Erin said that you're poor and you didn't have money to get the Uber. And Jessel's like, I did not say that. My God. I mean, the only people I called poor were on the people on that subway thing. And they literally were poor. And it was more an apologetic way. Like, hello, I'm so sorry you're poor. I'm so sorry you're poor. This is the door I leave from or the one that leads to the other subway. And furthermore, where are the sandwiches? Yeah.

I think that's a different subway. So Jessel's like, she's like, I generally don't think that you had any mal intent. Mal's like, what? Hello? So Aaron's like, yeah, but there's a manipulator in this group who manipulates things and she's lying about the story. She's lying. I didn't say she was poor. That's insane that I would say that.

and now aaron tells us that she's a new yorker she's a very honest straight shooter as we saw all last season when how do you say you're a straight shooter and a storyteller at the same time i only tell shooting straight story my stories are no one ever misses funny story i was also a shooter and then i met jenna and i was like i cannot be a straight shooter anymore here comes one right now

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So then we see the cheese drama from last year. And Erin's saying she literally makes shit up. So she's like, the cheese caused a fight between Sai and I. And now I'm worried it's happened again with me and Jenna. Dun, dun, dun. So Jess was like, I just thought you were trying to be funny. And she's like, yeah, so how did she get that? This has literally ruined my life. So they called Jenna over now. Jenna's like, oh, God.

Here we go. It's like, I'm being called to the principal's office and it's not even between periods. Did anybody get that? It's a season two, Jenna. I'm wearing a vagina dress. It's like, okay. So honestly, like, you know, Erin was trying to tell a funny story, Jenna. And like, that did not come across. Did that not come across the other day? She goes, well, what was said that I had an issue with is that both you and Bryn both confirmed that Erin had said that I was having money troubles. Yeah.

Jenna's basically like, I called Aaron and gave her the heads up that this, basically, Jenna called Aaron to say that they talked about this at the furniture store because it was clearly coming up. Yeah, she's like, okay, it's on camera now, so it's gonna be coming up again. And Jenna's just like, this is so stupid. Like,

I cannot believe I'm getting paid to be here. This is absolutely ridiculous, you know? And so Jessel's like, oh my God, I'm not taking sides. I mean, listen, because they're like, did she or did she not? And Jessel just goes, I don't remember. I don't know. Whenever I can't remember, whenever I don't want to talk about anything, I've just got mom brain.

You know? I don't remember what I did yesterday. I've just got children. It's so hard. You know, I really don't even want a daughter. I just want more excuses to get out of these stupid fights with these women for more years to come. Oh God, I actually do remember what I did yesterday and it involved Carol's boon. Ugh.

So then Aaron is like, well, for me, I have integrity and I'm a mother of three children, which I'm like, being the mother of three children has nothing to do with anything in this situation. But that's always the argument, right? You hurt me and I'm a mother. How could you? Because Brynn's not a mother. So it's almost like because Aaron has given birth, she therefore has more integrity than Brynn. Yeah.

She's like, "I don't lie." I've dropped human pollution out of my wood. I don't make things up. I was telling a funny story. So Brynn walks over and everyone goes, "Ugh." Brynn's like, "Excuse me? Ugh?" She goes, "Yeah, ugh. I'm not doing it."

what are you not doing? And she goes, you know what? Go perpetuate some other story. I'm not interested in it. That's why I've been talking about it this entire episode, this entire party to anybody who listened and why I'm getting up and storming off now. I'm so over it. Hold on. Let me walk right here. Oh, I'm back. I'm back again. Still not interested though. What are you talking about? She goes, actually, like I care about other people. You know why?

I'm a mother. Sorry, I think gay people have to tell you that. I'm sorry, I don't know any of those. Stay out of this, Jenna. I'm so confused. Who here has had gastrointestinal issues for the past 48 hours? Only me? I have integrity, and you don't. And Jessel just confirmed it. I don't think Jessel did. I don't want to be involved.

This is these two making shit up and throwing it at each other. At the end of the day, Aaron still put Jenna on blast for the fact that Jenna did not pay her back. So Bryn's like, friends, ball, chill, bro. And Aaron's like, I get hurt because I actually cared about you. You're like a bad friend. But you're hurt. Like, you don't have integrity. I'm like a bad friend. Just stop. You're saying stuff that's not true about me and my character. And I just have to stop.

And she's like, uh-uh, I told the truth. She's like, you told Jeff Lewis that I sleep with men for their money. Uh-uh. And she's like, oh, no, I didn't. And she goes, uh-huh. And then you left and said, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe, maybe. I mean, you did a horrible, horrible, fucked up thing. Yes, I will accept this drink. Who is he? Thank you, honey.

She goes, I love my friends and you're upset. That's why I said sorry. And she goes, yeah, but now you're saying it wasn't that big of an issue? She's like, no, I think I could have shut it down earlier. If someone told me I had a sugar daddy, I'd be like, where the fuck is he? I need some money because I just paid for Jenna's expensive Uber. Oops, did I say that? Storyteller.

So it cuts to all the women saying, like, I'd love a sugar daddy. There's no shame in a sugar daddy. As if, like, if someone said they had sugar daddies, they wouldn't be all mortified, you know?

And then Jus was like, I would love that. In fact, I got an email the other day from a billionaire wanting me to go on a private jet with him to Miami and my attire would be a white t-shirt and a G-string. If I didn't have a husband, I would have done... What the fuck kind of email is this? Who sent you that? What are you talking about? If I didn't have a husband and two socially inept children, I would be on that plane immediately. I bet there's no Carol's Bun in Miami. Yeah.

So, who, what billionaire is like, hey, you know, I don't have anything to do this weekend. You know, call that lady from the Housewives of New York. Yeah. The one with nine children coloring on the walls. Yeah, get her in a bikini and have her on my plane. See if we can do that. Well, you didn't say sugar daddy. You said that I fuck Ben for money. And by the way, Aaron never said that.

No, she didn't.

And Brynn is like, why are you talking? Why are you in this? Because Sai was getting, Sai's getting mad because Sai's like, she never said that. And Sai's like, what are you talking about? Because you're lying. And Brynn's like, but I told Jenna that shitty thing that you said and like be mad at me for that. But like, not that I'm like a liar.

So is the therapy in the room with us right now? So Scythe's like, you are so toxic. I mean, you know what? You're unwell here. You're unwell. There's like a literal crazy town going on in your head. You're nuts. Okay. And then you can't send girls getting close because I got close with her. She got close with her. Then you had to come in here and you had to fuck it up with all of this bullshit. Okay. You're a toxic bitch.

And then all of a sudden the night was weird. Was the night not weird at Jenna's awkward house? I mean, we're at Jenna's awkward house. It's already awkward. Jenna's awkward. She's got an awkward house. She's an awkward person. It's the most awkward person I've ever been. And you made it even more awkward. Okay? If there was a sandwich to order right now, I would order an awkward. I would just swallow the fucking awkward. All right? That's how hungry I am for this awkward bullshit. You toxic bitch. I'm out of your fucking diet. It's free. And Brynn's like, no, the night was weird because you called Jessel's husband a name. And then Brynn reads a text from Zod that says,

Fuck you, Jessel, and your Dory from finding him a lookalike husband, too. You know, that was like a compliment for Jessel. Jessel's like, I agree. And at least Dory doesn't have to drag me to Carol's Boon in some outer borough of the city. This is an Ellen DeGeneres character. They're just going to keep bringing Povet in with cancelled people.

So then Brynn's like, yeah, it wasn't weird. So Sly basically talks shit about everybody and just keeps getting caught. So now she's getting mad about it. But at the same time, you should be allowed to vent to your friends and not have them go tell everybody your shit, you know? So like we said earlier, I'm oddly Team Sly on this. Yeah, I am too. So Sly's like, you fucking gaslighting narcissist fucking asshole. Yeah.

I love the way you switch this. She goes, I'm a nice person. I'm talking about you and I'm talking about you and you're talking about what I said to Jessel. And Sai says, me and Jessel have moved on. Okay, we're in a good place. We got into cold weather together. Okay, and why are we deflecting and making this about Jessel? And Jessel's like, fuck me. Sorry, it has nothing to do with this situation. I just got a text from Pop that he wants to go to the Bronx or someplace that serves pork feet on.

on a tire. Rebecca and Raquel are just watching like, ew, this is so, why are they fighting like this? Crazy. Women fighting? Raquel's like, that's a lot. I just don't know if I can even deal with this. What are these women? Who cast you? I know. You're a housewife. You're actually supposed to be in the fight. Okay. Throw yourself in. Did you make any effort to get on this show? Like who, what are you doing? So then, um,

So I just keeps going off. She said, not today, Satan. Not today, Satan. Not today, Satan. Rebecca's like, they are very angry. So then the husbands are, meanwhile, the husbands are having a really important conversation about how long they can hold their breath. I was like, I could do it for 10 minutes, 10 seconds. Such a guy has such a husband conversation.

Okay, so then now Psy walks away. She's all pissed off. So now she's telling the new girls. She's like, oh, yeah, Brent said some shit to Jenna about me, and she told Jenna some shit about Aaron. Now that we're calling her out about it, she reverses the entire thing. No accountability. On air.

So, Bran's all upset.

And she's like, this is trash. She storms off and Aaron's like, wait a minute. I don't agree with what just happened. I know I hate you, but now Psy's more of a villain than me. So let's just stick with you spreading things about Psy and leave me out of it. She's like, no, I'm mad now. So she gets her brother and she's near tears. Meanwhile, she started all of this, which is hilarious. This is so Brynn to start everything and then be like, eh.

Everyone's mean to me. She's like, I'm a narcissist. I'm Satan. I'm Satan's fourth wife.

wife you just got mad that people called you a sugar daddy and now you're satan's fourth wife or sugar baby now you're satan's fourth wife come on man get your get your stuff straight you know what as soon as you yell even though your message could be correct the delivery is completely wrong that wasn't that wasn't respectful of me and all my all the money i spent in therapy just went out the window

On the streets in Brooklyn, where people are looking into my townhouse and saying, wow, I love the way that she lives. You know, because Zen Sai is completely gone. Was Zen Sai ever here in the first place? Maybe not. But anyway, I'm trying. I'm trying. God, Sai, you're supposed to at least wait for an episode to go by before you totally regret what you just did. She's like, you bitch! You narcissist! I didn't mean it. That was terrible. That was, you know what? That was a wrong thing to do. And then Uba walks in like, yeah, big scene! They're like, you missed it, Uba. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, but the to be continued. No, it's not a to be continued. The scene's over. Yeah. And that's the end of the show, everybody. And then we see the coming soon on Real Housewives of New York. We did a whole trailer trash on the trailer. If you want to hear that, it's a good hour of talking about the season of New York. It's been a fun one. Yeah, that was a fun recap. Again, like going through the recap,

Like you could see they did not need to make this a supersized episode, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it was a generally pretty good premiere. So, hey, I'm happy. Fun times, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you next time. Bye. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickless. Jamie. She has no last namey. Ava Nagila Webber.

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Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Criminal Attorney early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her, and she wasn't the only target.

Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those whose lives were in danger. And it turns out, convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy.

Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C True Crime shows like Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery+. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening.