Shownotes Transcript
There's more to imagine when you listen and...
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hello and welcome to watch for crap it's a podcast about all that crap on bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker and joining me today is uh the sad and grieving ronnie carom hi ronnie how are you good just great anything you've any you'd like to drop on my head before we right before i press record i said oh i said r.i.p mag day maggie smith and ronnie didn't know yet he goes what i'm like okay i'm starting
but truly i'm not laughing i just tell you whenever somebody famous dies ben does that or waits until we're like five minutes into the show and we just get warmed up we're like oh my god yes we're feeling energetic let's start this recap and he's like
Date Maggie Smith died. To be fair, I've improved and that I don't announce it mid show, which is something that I used to do. And you'd be like, Ben, stop that. We're trying to be funny and talk about Tamara's face. But now I thought because I woke up and there was such a, there was such a to do about it deservedly. So, because she was an icon, I just assumed you'd already known since you are a gay man living in America,
the globe well i'm an old baby so the rest of the gays have cut off all communication with me i don't get the telegrams anymore okay they're like that that bitch is tacky okay don't tell them well anyway um we actually are excited because it's the weekend and so today we are recording a real house just all friday is a work day
That's from the New York trailer, if anybody didn't watch it. That sigh is scintillating. I'm so excited for the weekend. It's Friday, Jessel. But Friday's the weekend.
Friday's a workday, Jessel. I was like, wow, Cy came back really. Cy is the worst. It's like we all know it's a workday because we're working. So like the point is it helps you get through the workday. The fact that Cy does not even know these basic tools of understanding how one talks about Friday just shows how bad she is as a housewife. Well, influencing, you know what I mean?
But you can't have a name like Psy, I mean, and expect to not be exhausting. You know what I mean? So go ahead. I'm sorry I keep interrupting you. Literally, why? No, it's you got your revenge. You got your revenge. I made you sad by mentioning Maggie Smith, and then you got me mad by bringing up this stupid Psy point about Friday. God, are we fighting?
I think we're having a fight. Also, I haven't eaten breakfast by the way. So I'm going to be really on one today. Well, I haven't either, but that's called making an effort. Okay. I am going to be hangry. I'm going to be hangry talking about orange counties. So I'm really excited. We have no announcements to make except the usual stuff. Go check us out on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch where crap ends to watch our videos, et cetera. Um,
I was on the Real Moms of Bravo podcast, and that's coming up, I think, launching today or maybe next week. I didn't mean that in a condescending way. That's cool that you did that. No, it was. It was actually, it was really fun.
And so everyone check that out. I think there actually was something I was meant to like mention to help, like to one of our friends was doing something that I wanted to mention and you guys should go listen, but I forget what it is. So. Well, we talked to the countess Luann. So go listen to that. That's a free bonus episode. That would normally be like a Patreon type thing, but that is a normal bonus episode for free for all. So take a little sample and then come on over to Patreon. That was super fun.
And that's up right now. And there's also the tagline review for Real Housewives of New York City. That's up now. So go check that out. But for today, it's Real Housewives of Owens County. Yeah.
Yes. It probably would help for me to actually open up my notes before we start recording, which I did not do. But one thing I can say is that the episode does open with a new thing they're doing on Bravo, which is not like previously on The Real Housewives of Orange County. Now it's like, oh, the housewives have gathered to have coffee and be like, wasn't it crazy what happened last night? And then we get flashbacks. This is not unlike...
uh top chef top chef pivoted to this format um a while ago and i've actually never really loved it i want my previous leads to be like a proper montage i want it to be one big montage get me excited to jump into the show don't give me like little flashbacks that feels like um a bottle episode of the golden girls i'm i'm okay with that i mean i liked it so i like this whole episode so i have no notes
Oh, the episode was good. I'm just saying. Victimizing the whole world and being like, how could you do this to me? But my children, but my children. Shut up. Shut up. You don't get a gold medal for having, everyone has children. You attack everybody with children. Shut up about that. It's my children. Everyone gets to ride the bull. I know.
Especially when it comes to Ryan. Okay. Now I understand, I understand getting upset about the other kids. Like what did Sophia do to anybody? You know what I mean? Or like why attack the one that doesn't talk to me? You know, that's, I get this. I get that stuff. Why you would get sensitive over that. But a, no one really talks about your son. And then B it's Ryan. Ryan's done enough damage that people should be allowed to have a free for all on Ryan. Okay. He's also like 46 years old.
I want to get my dissed in the presidential debates. I feel like Ryan deserves... When I get an electricity bill, I want it to say you owe $200. Also, Ryan still sucks. I feel like everybody should have a go at Ryan at all times. But no, listen. Children are Off Limits is a mechanical bull, and I
And a housewife is always going to be like, you know what? I think it's my turn. And they hop right on that thing and they shake around on it. And children are off limits. And then they get flung off. And then it's someone else's turn to do it. So Tamara just got on the bull. Listen, if we're going to live in a world where we're allowing children to make our iPhones, then we live in a world where we can talk shit about children. You know what I mean? If they're mature enough to make my phone, you know, my phone is my everything. I date that thing. That's my sex life. Okay.
That is my work life. That is my food. It's my kitchen. So if we're entrusting children to do stuff like create my whole life, then we can talk shit about them. Okay?
How about children are on limits and TV is off limits? How about, I think the whole issue is that like, don't talk about my kids. Cause this could get back to them and I could like seriously affect them. Aside from the fact that I don't want you talking about my kids anyway, cause I'm a parent, but how about like kids are not allowed to watch TV. Kids are not allowed to watch what adults are saying about them. What's wrong with that? Did you even have a childhood? Did you even have a childhood? Yeah.
The stuff you say that kids should endure, I'm like, what did you live through as a child? No, I'm just saying, I think kids should be able to watch TV, but how about don't let your kids watch your show? Yeah, true. I guess it gets back to them. How about this? Parents, don't let the kids watch Real Housewives, and that way our adults can then talk shit about all the kids. Yeah.
Okay, I like it. I'm in. Okay, so Orange County, they're gathered around. Gina, Emily, and Tamara go to the coffee shop. And Tamara's like, oh my God, my throat hurts a little bit. And... What do you think? I just diagnosed her with COVID. Ben's like, does my throat hurt? Do I have a test? Guys, it's going around. The flirt variant. It's back. It's back, you guys. Remember the other day when I was like, oh my God.
fucking kobe drink it's back jesus i just had a second hearing about kovid okay i need a new disease let's new kovid is like things up it's the starbucks fall menu it's basically like guess what it's kovid season again so over season's new flavors no kovid i'm tired of it i want a new disease okay kovid's old so it's like that word chugi where'd that word go remember how that word was popped
i'll tell you where it went it went to it went to secret lives of mormon lives because that's where i thought of it again demi mentioned it on the episode we'll be recapping next yeah that's why i thought of it i was like oh my god they're they're still using chugi i haven't heard that word in a while hey wait where did that word come from you know be very demure it's very demure very mindful speaking i think that one's over too now right yeah
Oh, yeah. It was a quick flash. Also, mother. I really don't like calling people mother. It just creeps me out. It's weird. And you know what else I don't like? Calling people we hate now weird. Weird is a good word. Keep Austin weird. Like, I've always been a weirdo. I've been proud. So why are we making the whole...
Trump train or whatever. Not to get political, but what's that? That everybody we don't like is just, we just think you're weird. Because they get triggered by it, I guess. We can have two weirds. No, we can't have two weirds. They change words. No, no, no. Words can have different contexts. And we can have weird like, this is weird.
Like we're allowed to have that weird. And we're also allowed to be like, I love you. You're so weird. I like, like I, I think there's like ownership weird. And then there's like, but honestly, that's a weird situation. That's like, so I feel like now if you call someone weird, they're going to take it as like being attacked, you know, like you've just assaulted them with the word weird, you know, that's kind of a prop.
God damn it, man. All right, we're never going to start this recap because... Well, actually, no, I'm glad you brought this up. This actually segues really well. Well, once we get into the first scene, which we first have to get through this recap scene. So Emily's like, so when we were talking about the fashion show, I was like, this is the perfect opportunity to bring it up. And we see a flashback of...
of Emily airing her grievances about her dress, et cetera. And she's like, honestly, it could have been a very heart-to-heart moment. You know, me screaming at Heather, Heather just having to hear me scream at her. It could have been a great heart-to-heart moment. You know, we could have cried. I could have cried and screamed at her and called her a fat shamer. You know, we could have hugged after. I don't understand what's going on.
Tamara's like, well, I apologize, Kevin, for jumping on the bandwagon because I thought it was something totally different, bitch. You know, it didn't help that Alexis was screaming. Get John's dick out of your mouth. We can understand you better, you pinball. All she said was, you put me in the same dress as Alexis. And then we see a flashback of Emily and Alexis fighting. And Emily's being like, she's a lunatic.
Emily is screaming and crying at a party because of a dress size. And I get this sensitivity. We talked about this a little more sensitively last week than I am this week, just because it's like the word chuggy. I'm over it already. You know what I mean? Stop crying. But she's screaming and yelling in the middle of a party, and now she's like, that girl's a lunatic. You're a lunatic. You're literally a lunatic.
Well, you know what? She was saying yesterday multiple times, like, so much is going to come out tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I love you, John Jansen. You're always a block away. Oh, God. Of course, Gina would pick the poorest musical theater character to emulate in this scene. It's a hard knock life for us.
So, yeah, something big is coming out today. And then we see a flashback of Alexis crying on the floor. She's like, I feel bad for Shannon. And her like weird cartoonish crazy lady voice that she's just suddenly Midwestern. Yeah. Premiered this week or last week. Yes. Sam was like, oh, you know, he's retaliating. Oh, my God. It's going to be like a dog fight. So.
So then we see eight hours later, which, by the way, that is the theme of this week's episode is timestamps to show how much time has progressed or how much time has what we want back in time. There's a lot of like two hours later, one hour later. So this is eight hours later. And it's just wish that after every timestamp, they would just flash Tamara's face and like a different version. I just want timestamps with Shannon crying like that.
I'm fine. Eight hours later, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Five seasons later. I'm fine. I just can't take anymore. I can't take. I was cracking up. I was thinking, when is Shannon going to start crying? And the second they showed Shannon, she's like, hi, hi, hi. So we see eight hours later, Tamara's on the phone with Shannon. She's like, my emotion level right now is fucking panicking. Oh.
what the are you doing archie that was a pillow not a not a tennis ball you ate my pillow what are you doing i'm panicking so uh eight hours later we're with heather and terry at the doctors he's like i should have a water before this test because lately i'm just dehydrated i have palpitations on the treadmill well stop here's the here's the way to solve that stop doing the things that are getting you into trouble get off the treadmill
Stop working out, people. It makes your heart beat fast. And then you guys are like, oh, my heart. It's because you're on the treadmill. Back to present. Whatever's coming out, it's not going to go smoothly. And Tamara's like, she's fucked. So now, yes. I'm sorry. We are here now at the doctor's office with Heather and Terry. And Heather says, I didn't realize you had to do that. I'm sorry. I was in the wrong eight hour. I was in the wrong eight hour. No, no. I thought.
I thought you were making a joke, but it actually was the next scene. So, um, Terry's gonna, he is needs, he needs to get his heart and everything checked out before he has a surgery. And, uh, Terry is saying that he has, might have electrolyte abnormality and yada, yada, yada. And Heather's like a couple months ago, Terry was snoring so badly. I couldn't even play back the rerun of me on Malibu country. It was just like watching Reba McIntyre saying, Oh,
And that's just no way to watch your work. So they're going to get his nose fixed to, you know, deviated septum. We all know we've all done it. Listen, we were all that girl in junior high. Don't deny it. Don't deny it out there. And she he's getting it, but he's afraid that Paul is going to be mad at him because, you know, he's friends with Paul. They do that show botched together. And so he doesn't he doesn't want Paul doing it.
And he's like, it's my fucking face. I can do whatever I want. So she's like, wow. I mean, after all these years, Terry with the news nose, a new nose. Well, he could have a news nose. They could say, guess what? We're as broken out again. Terry, shut your nose up. Jeez. But anyway, it's kind of funny. By the way, my nose has a bump in it. It's right here. It's my little imperfection. And guess what? I'm not changing it. And then she does like this very slow blink, like.
she's like look at my nose observe it and you're so welcome so then um heather uh he's like getting his blood drawn and heather sitting i'm sorry terry's getting her blood drawn and heather's next to him and he's like isn't blood the most beautiful amazing liquid you're so rude i'm tired man i'm really tired all that music from drake's house next door kept me up so late at night
So he's like, I could die soon. She's like, great, let me talk about how everybody still hates me. Let me talk about how I can't get respect from any of these girls. So she starts talking about last night at the party, or this weekend at the fashion thing.
Yeah, and she's saying, you know, I have to say it was a very full experience, mainly because Emily was there, if you know what I'm saying. And there was a lot of fun and laughter and silliness. Was that insensitive of me? Was that insensitive of me? Oh, I guess I'll just have to wait for Emily to corner me and throw Jenga blocks at my head again. What's wrong with you? Um...
No, obviously it's not me. It's me as Heather saying that. So Heather is like, oh God, there was tears and there was arguing and there was just so much on interesting poor people stuff. You know, after last year, I really have been figuring out who my true friends are and I've decided it's Drake. Drake and Julia Roberts. Yeah.
So she's like, you know, I feel like with Gina and Emily, it's always two steps forward and one step back. And I just tell Emily, all you need to do is take more steps. Did that sound mean? I don't understand why she has a problem with me. You know, there's a piece of the puzzle that I don't know. And maybe Emily ate it. I'm not sure.
So Heather's like, she's like, you know, I've been wanting to talk to Gina about the whole Katie situation, but it's really hard to assimilate all the information because right when I think everything's fine, then it's something else. And then we see flashbacks to their whole situation. And Heather's like, you know, I just, I don't know. I don't know what I need, Terry. I don't know what I, you know what? I think I, I think I do know what I need to get past this whole Gina situation.
another mansion. And how about we build it right next to Gina's house? I think that would make me feel really great.
You know, I got so hurt about helping a poor person that turned on me that I've just been driving past freeway underpasses, throwing Diet Cokes at homeless people's heads. It's actually felt good. And by the way, I might take up softball. Got a very good arm. And he's like, well, you've got a process that you need to go through, you know, when you've had a challenge with poor people. You need to hash it out once. We see a flashback of Gina and Heather. Twice.
Twice. Then another one of Gina and Heather hashing it out again. Three times. Gina and Heather. Gina just apologizing over and over again. And Heather's like, by the way, that is such an overstatement. We didn't. I do not have to hash things out three times. Like fourth time. Gina and Heather. Fifth time. Gina and Heather. Gina's future gravestone. Never forgiven by Heather Dubrow. Oh,
All right. You're very light. Pleasant criticism is just too much. You're just being mean now. Oh, so, oh, so you stopped talking. Yes. Okay. I'm not going to talk anymore. I'm going to look at my phone and see if Drake has texted. Not yet. Okay.
I'm still seeing three dots. He's like, okay. She's like, no, I do not want to talk. And she's mad. So then he's like, okay, you guys are done with the blood. He's like, good. Can I get up? He's like miserable, you know, because they're like showing their true colors, you know. Here's how they really are, everybody. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.
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So then they think they're off camera, but of course the mics are still on. They're in like some closet. She's like,
Terry's like, you started talking over me. I don't want to have a conversation like that. And she goes, done with you. And then she's like, you can't say that, Terry. You can't say that. He's like, say what? Don't admonish me on camera. Do not do that. I don't like that, Terry. Do not. It's like, oh, God, you're growing. Honey, stop. Honey, your eyes are becoming big black buttons. Honey, please. Oh, God, you're turning into a marionette. Please, honey, please.
I would like to adjudicate this about your admonishment. So they are like really prickly about this. She does not like being admonished by Terry and he does not like being talked over. And as far as I can tell, neither thing really happened too significantly, but they are hypersensitive about it. God, it's got to suck to just look around and see how much money that you've made. And then just at the end of the day, look across the table and be like, wow, I'm still married to you. I'm everything in the world.
And you, I know you ever heard of earwax. I mean, like literally an ear waxing kit. Like, what are you Rapunzel? Is there someone on the ground trying to climb up to your ear that you're trying to help by growing your ear out like that? So a couple, listen to how upset I am. I'm like bitter after all of my years of non-marriage. I'm visible husband. I'm like, shave your back. So, um,
Now he gets into like a gown and everything. They're doing like a test and everything. And Terry's like, I'm fat. And Heather's like, no, you're not. I'll tell you. You know what? I'm not going to mention this on camera. You're not fat, which is why I bought you. You brought your own jeans, right? Yeah.
By the way, I also gave a similar hospital gown to Alexis Bellino. It's smaller, though. So... Why is her size handwritten in? It's a negative six, Terry! Don't admonish me!
So she just talks about his stroke and everything near death, yada, yada, yada. And they're looking at the echocardiogram and Terry's like, seeing that gives me a heart on. She's like, stop it. Now is not the time for humor. To be fair, anytime you're around me is not the time for humor. Listen, Terry, it's been a hard enough scene without you getting me chewed by the cardiovascular movement.
They're only laughing at you because they think you're Vladimir Putin. So then we go to Jen and Ryan and they're in a store called The Vault Men or The Vault Men. I don't know. Vault is such a charged word when it comes to the Real Housewives, especially on this show. Last season was all about The Vault. Heather's Vault, in fact. I've got a lot in my vaults.
I've put all the worst shirts that I've ever encountered in my vault. And now I'm selling it to saps. I've got piles of old Alfredo bones in my vault. Every time an Alfredo goes out of service, she just throws them in the vault. It goes out of service. Um, when there's a new model of Alfredo's, um,
So we see Ryan and Jen walking down the sidewalk. And before we know, they're going to the vault men. I was like, Oh, Ryan is wearing as close to a normal shirt as he can wear, which is a orange and black, um, large gingham print shirt. And compared to his normal shirt,
hideous fashion i was like this is semi tolerable but then we see that he's walking they're walking into a into the vault men and i was like oh no he's gonna pick some we're gonna see inside his process we're gonna be like this is how the sausage is made like what does ryan do when he picks out these horrific shirts that he has tortured us with for two years now
He really is the face of Mr. Furley and the taste of Larry. It's like a Three's Company. And sorry for the old references for you kids out there, but that's from Three's Company. Just look up Mr. Furley, Three's Company. Look at his face. And then look up Larry from Three's Company and look at his outfits. That is Ryan, 100%. You know that Ryan probably has invested in some sort of like
legal Eagle bar that he wanted to build in Newport. Legal Eagle. Legal Eagle. Legal Eagles was that movie with Hannah What's-Her-Buns and Deborah What's-Her-Buns. Deborah Winger? Yeah, Deborah Winger. And Hannah? Daryl Hannah? Daryl Hannah, yeah. Wasn't she in Legal Eagles? I never saw it. I remember that movie. What? Oh my gosh. Well, I can't say that was a classic, but I liked it when it came out.
it's been a long time i won't that's i'm not gonna put it on the shelf with like uh steel magnolias or something like that but yeah i mean it was fun but as part of the daryl hannah oeuvre and you know i remember right the poster at the video store which is actually it was actually at the drug it was our local pharmacy which would rent videos and back and they've always put the video posters up and i remember seeing it was always so exciting when there was new video poster up
i'm not exciting enough to watch the movie apparently i don't know why i'm offended for deborah winger i know like i feel like and i well you know what's so funny is that dom brought up demprah winger yesterday like it's a real big deborah winger week for me like what are the odds that deborah winger gets brought up twice she never gets brought up someone brought up three's company maybe on that mormon show and then
My sister, my best friend brought it up on the phone as well. And then I brought it up for the third time. So there you go. And I was thinking about Three's Company because I was watching Matlock, which stars Jason Ritter, who is the son of John Ritter.
Oh, well, there you go. I was thinking about the Reese company then during Matlock. Well, there you go. I am. Well, let me show you what a party animal I am. It's Friday. Guess what I'm doing tonight? I'm watching Matlock in bed with a salad from Herbain Cafe. But I'm so excited. I did not love Matlock.
I've heard that. I've heard that from you and then you and then right now again you. So all the reviews are in.
I love Kathy Bates. The scene, I want to watch like, you know, a cute old lady go and then like charm people and then surprise people. And honestly, I was 45 minutes in and I was like, I can't watch this anymore. I stopped. I didn't even see how it, how it was all fixed. Well, I, you know, you sometimes you got to give things time to grow. Not that they really do on CBS, just the same, but you know, I'm going to, I have hope. Okay. So anyway, the point is Ryan can't dress and he has Mr. Furly face. So, um,
But oddly enough, a really good body, which is the worst part of it. To have a furly face but a great body, it's really hard to deal with. That's the most important outfit you can have. The outfit that God gave you. It's called your birthday suit. Take care of it. Take care of it. Available at the vault, man. There's no gift receipt in that one. You can't take that back. Okay, take care of it.
So the scene begins with a metaphor, which is Ryan saying, watch out, honey, to prevent Jen from stepping in shit, which is her lot in life, unfortunately. Yeah. She's like, I'm not going to get engaged to it. So then they go to the store. She picks out horrible clothes for him. And she's telling us, Ryan's fashion is...
his choice and I support that I support that and um you know it's typically a jean jacket with splatter paint on it and really tight jeans that he tailors even his t-shirts have to go to the tailor board shorts tailored underwear they get tailored they get tailored too I'm so proud of him he does such a great job you know to all the tailors out there thank you for all you do thank you so much
He's just bringing them to Taylor Armstrong. That's what she means. Taylor Armstrong's like, oh, great, another garment? Thanks. Taylor's like, your pants don't fit. But guess what? I know billionaires with pants that fit. Billionaires. Billionaires.
First of all, I don't see any problem with taking everything to the tailor. I feel like that's actually what you're supposed to do. I don't do it, but I'm like, I always aspire to. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to start taking everything I bring, everything I buy to the tailor. I don't do that. I am opposed, however, to the splatter paint aesthetic that Ryan adopts. Like he is definitely someone who kept Ed Hardy and Affliction Alive way past their, you know.
All of it. All of it. It's just terrible. Yeah. So he's keeping that stuff going and she's trying to pick stuff out for him. And then basically the lady, they start talking about
The lady from Chip Crazy, who was also working at the store. The lady from Chip Crazy? She's like, hey, hi. You know Tonka, right? Who? Tonka B. I really miss Tonka. I was never going to kill him. I was never going to kill him. I just love him too much. He had so much freedom. He would walk around the whole store. That's why I'm missing an arm. Anyway.
That's neither here nor there. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. You know that real, that dweeb Jared from PETA, he was in here before. He didn't want any of the shirts. Tonky B loved all these shirts. My kid would just walk around here and just take shirt after shirt after shirt. I loved it. They wanted to take Tonky B out of the vault. I said, you can't take Tonky B. He's my kid, but they took him out. Anyway, Eddie and Cameron were here and they bought this shirt.
that bought that jacket. Yeah, she's... First of all, don't we have retail... What do you call it? Code of conduct. Yeah, you can't just go being like, oh, guess what? Someone you know bought this jacket. That's... Like, can I buy clothes without worrying that you're going to fucking revenge, you know, jacket me with some money? Yeah, there's like a... There's attorney-client privilege. That's what it is, yes. And...
And you cannot, you cannot just tell people, especially, I mean, look, Eddie and Tamara are like Orange County celebrities. And so like, you cannot just be outing what your celebrities are doing in your store. It's discretion. You got to do discretion. Or what you do is if you really want to brag that they came in, you do what every proper tailor and nursery does, which is get a,
get a black and white headshot, get them to sign it and frame it and put it up on the... Oh, God. A black and white headshot. It's just my favorite. I'm like... Oh, my goodness. The fabric shop that I go to, I love it because they have so many of those headshots. It's like Maureen Stapleton. It's like everyone from the 80s. It's like Ed Asner, Maureen Stapleton, like...
Really just those. I think Alex Trebek is in there or something like that. It's the best. So let's see now. So now we go to Tamara and Eddie. And she's just bitching. She's like, oh my God, this sucks.
Why is it so cold? Why is it cold in here? Why is the stove dirty? How can nobody clean up after the dog? Why are bones all over the floor? It's like, oh, honey, actually, that one is yours. It's from when you just got your rib cage redone to have your belly button reinserted. Oh, yeah. Get over here, rib. Stupid rib. Anyway, the stove is still dirty. I need to check on you, dumb bitch.
And everything that she says, he's like, that's called cooking, babe. She's like, yeah, but why is the teapot messy? It's called making tea, babe. What about the sink? It's called cooking, babe. I'm like, how about it's called having a personality, babe? How about it's called fucking divorce? Do something. Oh, my God, you lump of nothing. You don't even have a job. You can't clean the stove. If I said the stove is dirty and they said it's called cooking, it's just from yesterday.
So are you. Bye. You're going where this yesterday grease is to the trash. Get out. Yeah. The appropriate answer is, oh, so I was going to do that this morning. At least lie. You know, don't don't like shame the person who is actively cleaning up your mess. Yeah.
And that's the last time you will hear us standing up for Tamara today. So Tamara's like, yeah, yeah, pick up after your dog, Eddie. And he's like, it wasn't me. It's never you. So then they start, you know, small talking about how Eddie doesn't clean the house. But his motorcycle, you could eat a meal off his motorcycle. I should just have him put Harley all over everything if I ever want to clean. So then we start talking about last night at
ryan's house yeah and um and then and then we actually start cutting back and forth so now we go back to jen and ryan and ryan's like so uh tamra and eddie say act your age uh is this a little bit more uh me acting my age in this outfit and jen's like well we're trying i mean um you know i don't know if paint splatter is really acting your age it's just more just what age is sad what's the saddest age because that's what you're wearing right now
Also, why are they saying act your age? Tamara just got her like 10th facelift. And Eddie is like obsessed with Harley's like a fucking young chap. So quiet. I'm not going to act my age. I feel like when you act your age, you start dying. You just die. You just give up.
Yeah, act your age, not your shoe size. So Ryan says, yeah, well, because they say I'm a blinking red light, which I don't understand what a blinking red light is. Is that supposed to be like a warning sign? Is that supposed to be like a warning sign? Yeah, the comedy. I don't know what blinking...
Is it a stop sign? Is it like the railroad tracks are coming down? It's where you have to stop before you go. In the red light world, it's a red light to where you have to stop, but then you can keep going. Yeah, in the red light world. In the red light community, we like to say that the blinking red light means stop and then walk.
um so um he's like am i blinking red light now she's like i don't really know what that means but i think you're moving in the right direction it's so beautiful i love you thank you so much so guess what tamra and i are moving in such a better direction you know from all that crap sorry chainsawing something upstairs yeah oh i was like i was like suddenly you got very quiet
And he's like, well, as you should. And we see a flashback to Jen and Tamara making up. And he's like, you know what? I love that for you guys. And she's like, you know, I do too. Thank you so much for loving that for us. It's just much easier to have fun with her and get along with her. And then we go back to Tamara and Eddie. And she's like, Jen is very happy where we are in our friendship. And, you know, she loves you and you love her. And he goes, Jen is a very kind woman. And I really respect that about her. Yeah, bitch. But then we go back to Jen and Ryan.
And she's like, oh, yeah, Eddie matters to me so much, so much. I spent so much time training with them, you know, and if I'm going to move forward with Tamara, you know, you and Eddie, you need to have that conversation. You need to have it. He's like, but every time I try to say something, he just says, but that's conversation, babe. I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
So we see a flashback of Ryan was on the All About the Real Housewives podcast. And he said, I never heard about Tamara and Eddie. And when I did hear about Tamara and Eddie, when I got to the gym, it was nothing positive. So Tamara tells us, Ryan was trying to paint this picture that Eddie's a horrible guy. That nobody at Cup Fitness liked him, which is so laughable, bitch. Really? Because nobody went there.
We should be so happy that there's been a picture of people being at the gym. Yeah, and also, that's not really a bad thing to say about Eddie. She's acting like he was spreading terrible rumors about Eddie. Compared to what you guys were saying about him last year, which, whether it was true or not, it doesn't matter. You were spreading that shit on national TV. He's allowed to say, people probably don't even like Eddie. That is the tamest...
It was so tame. I agree. It was an entire season of Tamara saying that Ryan sent dick pics around and that he was hooking up with Heather Amin or something like that. And there was other people. And he goes after married people and yada, yada, yada. Married women. And then he's like, yeah, anything I heard about Tamara and Eddie was not good. How could you? I'm like, you hurt my children.
And he's like, well, you know, he showed his true colors. So then Ryan's like, I don't have a problem with either of them. Eddie's just not a dude that I would spend any time with because he's just not a dude. He's just not a dude. Like, is he part of any sort of criminal ring? I don't think so. It's just not a dude. I love it. It's just not a dude. It's like such a diss, you know? And he's like, you know, I don't care what people think of me, but, you know, after sitting back and watching a whole year of Tamra coming for me,
you know, fuck her basically. And it's like, I thought you can only take so much, you know, but I think it's time for truth versus Tamara's sad reality. Okay. Well, right or wrong. Good luck to you, sir, because she will ruin your fucking life. I don't, I don't know if, I don't know if you've watched this show, but yeah, good luck. Well, also you should stay out of this one because you also are a, you're,
you're up to shady business and when you're in shady when you're doing shady business you've got to be on your best behavior and you don't start fights with people because when you start fights with people especially someone like tamra who is going to do her digging and she is going to she's going to find the shit on you like you don't on orange county if you've got a secret to hide you don't don't start fights because they do dig it up yeah you know no one has got all these no one no one's secrets on orange county has been have been able to stay secret
Yeah. There are a lot of investigators. Tamara will go to a psychic if she needs to, to get the proof she needs to open your case file.
Yeah. So, John's like, well, you know, if someone was just firing on me like she did the whole time, I mean, you're allowed to be pissed off for me, you know, and I could understand all the sides. But we're getting along, so you guys have to have the conversation. And he's like, great. I'd love to. Of course we're going to have the conversation. Love, love, love them. Great. Whatever I can do. And he's like looking around the room all by himself. This guy is so fucking shifty. He's always just looking around, you know. He's always looking for the exit in case he has to do that.
And then it cuts right to Eddie going, no, not a chance, babe. Not going to have a conversation. And Tamara's like, but I don't want us to go backwards. And she's saying, you know, I want to go backwards. It's my face, bitch. He wants to be a little bitch and try to act like it. Like you came for me. So I'm going to come for you. Okay. But my hope is if Ryan apologizes to Eddie and make that effort, because Jen and I were in a good place when he decided to go do this bitch. And Eddie's like, you know, he's always got those very serious eyebrows. He's like,
you know, tell Jen I love her, but I want nothing to do with that guy, frown smile. And all you got to do is Google his name, babe. You know, I said, I should have Googled his name when I met him. That guy is a scumbag, babe. He's a scumbag. Oh, really? So you didn't like him saying that people didn't like you at your gym, but now you're going to Google him and out his shit on TV. You guys are such hypocrites, but have fun with that. Commercials. Here comes one right now.
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So then Ryan's like, you know what I say? Fuck them all. I'm always going to do me. I'm like, yes, we know you're the one who's keeping this vault men in business. So now we go to Shannon's and
Shannon's sad corner of the world. So Shannon is like, who wants a carrot, Archie, huh? Let's get you a carrot. Unfortunately, carrots turned out to be high in carbohydrates. They're bad for you, Archie, so you can't have a carrot, I'm sorry. Alexis Blina took that from us. So she FaceTimes Adeline and she's like, oh, you're blurry. Stop, Adeline, stop moving. Well, look at you. You're not blurry anymore. Did you stop moving? Oh, God. Oh,
You moved. You look, I like your fresh-faced look with not a lot of makeup. Is that something that those New York City liberals have taught you? And she's like, yeah, thanks. Just got back from class. Oh, okay.
Well, my kids are all in school. Well, two of them are in school. One's in Paris. And I love that the girls are branching out and finding other people that they can replace me with. Because I've done my job on this world. And you can just discard me to the side. I'll just be here with Archie and putting my hand out, begging for quarters to pay lawsuits to John Jansen and Alexis Bellino. And, you know, my daughters are totally self-sufficient. I miss them. But it's very quiet around here.
She's like, so what's the status of men over there? Has anybody blackmailed you? And Adeline's like, oh, the men in New York, they're disgusting. What do you think? Yes, Adeline. I love a girl with her eyes open right when she gets to the city. Like everyone here fucking is a pig. Okay. I'm not touching any of you. Yes, Adeline. You're my little hero.
So you haven't been asked out on a date? Have you gone to any cotillions out there? No, mother, they don't do cotillions in Manhattan. I just don't go. I have been asked out, but I just don't go. The only date I will accept is a date to Carbone. Okay, well, let's live in reality. No badora ever goes any place that has carb in the title, and especially not a place that's exclusive with carbs.
Well, wait a minute. Now that I think about it, it's carb one is how you spell it. So, okay, just one carb is fine. It's actually very moderate. Yes. She goes, well, don't underestimate me, mother. So, how are you? She goes, well, I'm okay. We did our tour and it was really fun. I went to St. Louis with Victoria Gumbelson and we had a lovely time. Honestly, Adeline, I have never been happier in my life. Never. Never.
Never been happier. I'm having 40 to 50 happy thoughts right now. I'm just so happy. I was laughing for three days straight and I needed that because... Uh-oh. Mom? Yeah, I'm not going to cry. Mom, please don't. Because John is threatening lawsuits and it's freaking spiraled. That's what's happened. And I offered to pay him all the money he wanted, but he wouldn't sign a settlement agreement where he wouldn't say bad things about me. And Adeline's like, that's weird.
See?
You can't fight it, Ronnie. The youth of America has taken over weird as an insult again. They've taken back weird and gross. I feel like she used weird properly, you know? Yes, she did. And I loved also her use of gross, her repeated use of gross, because she goes, I know, and I'm working really hard at a line. Okay, I'm stuffing more cream cheese into more salmon, and you just don't even understand what I'm doing here. And I don't need him to bring me down. I mean, get off my back.
She goes, yeah, it's gross. That's how he is. Duh. I literally told you that after your first date with him. He's gross. It's like, oh, God, I feel like I've hit rock bottom, but it seems like John wants to get me down there further, and I don't think I can go any lower. Three hours later. Yeah!
Holy shit, John Jansen sees Shanna Badura for $75,000. It's like it's out there. It's a story, bitch. We all knew about the lawsuit, but now putting it in the press, that takes it to a whole nother level.
And then we see Tamara saying, People Magazine's a big outlet, and it's also a very reputable outlet. So if it's out there, it's 99% true. I love that Tamara talks about People Magazine like it's The Economist. She's like, it's in People Magazine. To some of us, it is. I mean, that's how I grew up. There's always a People Magazine in my mom's front seat of her car. Don't ask why. I guess that's what she does at Stoplights. And she would swear by that.
You can't argue with it. It's in People Magazine. People Magazine is way, way more authoritative than the tabloids. I just feel like Tamara talks about it with such a reverence. This here is the pinnacle of journalism. And Shannon, it's in there. This is locked in. This is written by Deep Throat. Oh, wow. Deep Throat came back to write this. No, Dave Quinn.
Good game, Dave. Dave Quinn gets a stray. Say what you will about People Magazine. I'm still working on all their CrossFit puzzles. Haven't finished one yet. So...
Now we go flashback to Alexis and she's being like, this is so hard for me. I don't want to come after Shannon Bedore, but I have to. So then Tamara's like, oh, snap. This is going to send Shannon into a fetal position somewhere. Does anyone have a camera? Can someone get that on camera, please? I just want to see it on camera. Hey, can anybody read my aura right now? Because I want to see if it's fireworks going off around my body.
Then Tamara says, you know, you just don't want your dirty laundry ad like that. You want it at a dinner party with me shouting at people and strangers across the table. So Tamara, she's just called Shannon, right? So Shannon looks at her phone and obviously butt dials Tamara on accident. And of course, Tamara's like, oh, it's a butt dial. I'm going to listen to it and get it all recorded on camera.
She's such a monster. So we just hear Shanna going, I need to talk and strategize this and figure it out. I know you can help me, cream cheese. I know you can. Okay, Archie, what's our legal plan? Woof? Okay. All right, we can woof. All right, what else do we do? Okay, we're going to chase the tennis ball. That's the plan. Okay. You know what? Alexis is... I don't know. I'm at rock bottom. I'm taking legal advice from Archie. Oh, God, I just jumped in the pool. Why did I do this?
I do this. I didn't need to do this. Wait a minute, cream cheese. Alexis is paying for her publicist. Oh, God. My emotion level right now, it's panicking. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so lucky. Died. I was like, this makes it all the better that she's just dressed like a first lady in every confessional.
I know. And then she's ranting. She's ranting and raving to whoever's in there. And then all of a sudden she realizes her phone's on. She's like, this is absolutely ridiculous. I don't even know. Oh, hello? Hello? And Tamara's like, oh, shit. And she just hangs up. Real smooth on both of your parts. So then Tamara immediately calls Heather. And she's like, and we hear her saying, hey, Shanna, why didn't you just agree to pay him?
Because it's called blackmail, okay? And I hope when they're taken in for that shit, if they ever are, that you are taken along with them, man. Yeah, it's... I think that, like, Shannon... I think Shannon is entitled to have some principles. It may cost her more. I don't think that it's...
I think that Shannon, it's like, yes, it'll cost her more to pay the legal fees. But I think that's like the legal, she can afford all of it. The legal fees, she like that. I don't think on principle is going to bother her. It's just that he wants the $75,000, regardless of what legal fees are on top of that. That's what's going to bother her. And she's entitled to say, you know what? No, you're not allowed to fucking do this. And you're going to have to pay some legal fees too. So Tamara is like, Heather!
Heather, did you see the news? Oh, I know. Drake had a birthday party. We saw the bouncy castle from the dining room. It was amazing. He found the lawsuit. People magazine did an article. Was it Deep Throat? He still owes me a call. Yeah. Oh, my God. What is John doing? Oh, shit. I don't know. I tried calling her to see if she was okay so I could make it not okay. And then she butt-dialed me. And she was crying so hysterically. She was saying, Alexis, how the publicist to get this out there.
All kinds of stuff. It was hilarious. It was basically like watching a sitcom on my cell phone with my ears. What's Monday Malik in it, that bitch? So then Tamara's like, we always go up for the same roles and she always gets them. It's just not fair.
So Tamara says, I don't think Alexis had anything to do with the article being released. Once you file a lawsuit, it just comes out, especially if a publicist calls. So Heather says, John has historically said he doesn't like to be in the spotlight. And this would be counterintuitive to that. That's like, I don't know, giving a role to Gretchen Rossi for a sitcom. She's not even an actress. I don't understand what John and Alexis, for that matter, are doing to accomplish. I mean, was there no way to try to settle this?
And she's like, I feel so bad for her. Shannon? No, I'm watching one of the cleaning ladies try to climb over the gate. It's hilarious. I have the remote right next to me. But you know what? She needs a workout. You can do it, Alfredette. So...
Tim is like, yeah, it's so bad. Okay, bye, bitch. So then we... Now, all of a sudden, it's back to California living. Is this the moment where... We always talk about how the post-production department on Orange County really seems to be having a field day. And during one of these interstitial scenes...
They lost their minds. They had footage of a dog just running around in a park, and they put these white squiggle lines around the dog. Did you notice this? No, I didn't see that one. Whoever is supplying the post department with plugins from Adobe, they need to settle down. This is getting out of control. They have to make Katie look like she's moving, you know?
So we go to Katie and Matt's house and they're like, wow, I like drinks. He's like, yeah, I like drinks too. Wow, this is great. Let's talk about our party tonight. I'm going to introduce you to all the husbands. It's going to be fun. Hey, audience, get this. I'm having people over and you're supposed to cook, but I didn't. I ordered food and then I put it on fancy dishes. Hopefully they'll think I did it. Isn't that original and hilarious? I'm going to be on this show for 10 years. I know.
For some reason, I woke up this morning and sometimes you wake up and you have a random pressing thought in your mind. And what I woke up with was, well, A, was why do I feel like I have acid reflux right now or indigestion? But B, I was like, do you think they'll give Jen another season? I was like, yeah, no, she's done enough to get another season. Katie, though...
Katie's a one, she's one and done. And you know what? I think this is it. I think Katie, I think we're too far into the season. I think he is officially a dud. Yeah, I think so. And you know, I, I really do want to like her and I don't know what it is about her. She's got something, but I feel like there's promise there. I can see why she was cast. Like sometimes people, you're like, why were they even cast? I can see why she was cast, but I,
I don't know. I like that she has like a snobby vibe. I feel like she is someone who could take on Heather, yada, yada, yada. But, but, you know, we, sometimes we just get that feeling where like, I just, I'm like, you know what? I like Katie.
But I'm starting to realize there's so much going on with this cast that if it feels like when we get to a Katie scene, we're slamming the brakes, then that's not a good time. Well, speaking of slamming brakes, I mean, there are promising things with Katie because the story about the road rage incident where she chased the guy and then stuff like that. She's got a temper on her. So
I think she's just maybe too guarded or she's just not. Maybe. I don't know. You know, she's just too practiced at, like, keeping her emotions in. You need to be, like, more insane to be here. You need to have less control over your emotions, you know? Yeah. That was a very deep dive on not a very deep moment. But she's basically they're getting ready for this party. And then we go to Emily and Shane's. And Shane's like, is Heather going to be there in Keeney's?
Heather will not be there because Heather refuses to talk to Katie or acknowledge that she exists, which is very awkward. And, you know, Ryan went on all those podcasts and just trashed Tamara. So is there going to be a boxing match? I don't know. Do we have a gift? Are we supposed to take a gift? Hey, child in my arms, what should I take someone as a gift if I'm going to dinner at their house? Pot!
So then we go to Terry's exam room and he's like, okay, okay. I'm going to sign the paperwork. I can kill you and get away with it. Heather, why aren't you happy? He's like, don't do that. I'm not amused with this, Terry. I do not like you talking about death on camera. Stop it, Terry. Terry's also doing that thing like, you know what, a professional...
to see another professional does the same work as the initial professional and then they have to always like mention it. I don't know if you've ever been on a plane where a flight attendant is a passenger but they're a flight attendant from like another airlines or they're retired or whatever and they spend the entire time talking to the flight attendant who's working about their
their experiences as a flight attendant. Oh my God, you guys give your peanuts out way later than we do. I mean, we just carpet. We just throw them out there. And it's nonstop because when the flight attendant is done handing out drinks or whatever, they tend to stand over the person who's the passenger and it's like, oh yeah, I was based out of Chicago. I'm always flying out of O'Hare. We would take off. We would be peanuts at
45 after cocktails, 15 minutes after that trash bag. We didn't have trash bags back then. We just had a bucket. I don't know what it was. And you're like, Oh my God, like we get it. You're a flight attendant. You don't have to try to like prove your stripes to the other flight attendants. So funny watching you knock on the captain's door. We used to just be able to walk into the main cabin. I'm telling you the day that changed everything. Am I right? Things are just so different now. He's on a big screen in the center. Yeah. Yeah.
So remember when you'd have to put your credit card in to watch TV? Know why? Because there were no TVs on the back. Remember actually, remember the air phone? Remember the air phone stopping?
remember that the headphones were like stethoscopes god that was the time that was the day and i'm like so that's what terry's basically doing with this doctor like well everyone this is the part it's like i know this part because i'm a doctor so i know what this form is this is this form i'm like okay just relax just get your nose done in peace yeah i just ate it and he's like so if i if i die don't worry it's gonna be fine you know grieve for six months and then find someone else find someone with a better nose to date
Heather goes, I did ask Jay to make him look, Jay-Z that is, of course, my other friend, to make him look like George Clooney, but I'm not sure that was achieved. But more importantly, I do want to get my beauty sleep, my cognitive sleep, all my sleeps, and my actress sleep, of course. Heather is so funny because she does shoot this like she just thinks she has final edit and she can go through and edit everything. Because she says like three times in the episode, did you make him look like George Clooney? I asked him to make him look like George Clooney.
Terry, I think I'm going to have them make you look like George Clooney. One of those, use that, because it's going to be gold. Whichever one you like, use it. We're going to use all three of them and make you look stupid. Also, is George Clooney our high watermark still of...
I think that ship has sailed. I'm not really sure. Not to be shady. I just think, yeah, I agree. I think the ship has sailed as well. I just don't see him on the cover of like the sexiest man. I don't even know what he looks like these days. I haven't checked out George Clooney for a while. But he's no longer like George Clooney ever will get Fugo, right? No, but it just feels like it's time to update our references. I don't think there's more modern references. And this is coming from people who mentioned park overall at least five times a year.
I just brought up Three's Company in this episode. Okay. Mr. Furley, I'm Larry. Can you just make him look like Herb from KRP in Cincinnati? Or actually Herbie, the car. It was slick. It was little. It was fun. Everyone loved Herbie. Went to Monte Carlo. It was very international.
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In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the internet is the Kill List. A cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses, and specific instructions for people's murders.
This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more Exhibit C True Crime shows like Morbid early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in the Wondery app for all your true crime listening.
Are you in trouble with the law? Need a lawyer who will fight like hell to keep you out of jail? We defend and we fight just like you'd want your own children defended. Whether you're facing a drug charge, caught up on a murder rap, accused of committing war crimes, look no further than Paul Bergeron. All the big guys go to Bergeron because he gets everybody off. You name it, Paul can do it. Need to launder some money? Broker a deal with a drug cartel? Take out a witness?
From Wondery, the makers of Dr. Death and Over My Dead Body, comes a new series about a lawyer who broke all the rules. Isn't it funny how witnesses disappear or how evidence doesn't show up or somebody doesn't testify correctly? In order to win at all costs. If Paul asked you to do something, it wasn't a request. It was an order. I'm your host, Brandon James Jenkins.
Follow Criminal Attorney on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Criminal Attorney early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
