WTF Is Confidence? (ft. Ashtin)
51:58 Share

Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. Ashton is joining me today. Don't forget to like and subscribe to this podcast, right Ashton? Tell them. Like and subscribe. Tell them that it's cool. It's really cool. Tell them like that's like that's what like all the cool girls are doing these days. They're liking and subscribing to Hot Mess because it's like really cool. Yeah. So do that. And our old girls are just like hot. Yeah and they're messy. They're hot and messy. Okay cool. I'm living

This episode is presented by Sephora. Nourish yourself with hair care that really works whatever your hair type from brands like Amika, Kerastase, Moroccan Oil, and K18. Click or tap the banner or visit sephora.com to shop now.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

I apologize if this is gonna be a little hectic for the first few minutes here because not only am I joined by Ashton but also my little sisters Isabel and Penelope. We're not hectic. Hi. Say hi. Hi. Hi. We're podcasting at my dad's house right now because I took a little break from the Hamptons this weekend. I came home and you know we just have all four sisters here. All four girls. We've been on a bender. A little bit.

Ashton's been the bender queen recently, and she's going out again tonight. I finally am officially off the first day of my three-week bender that I've been on, and I'm so excited. Health and Wellness Alex is starting now. Besides Saturday and Friday, I'll let myself out of the house, but I cannot. I think my body is about to dissipate. Dissipate. Is that the word? Disintegrate. Disintegrate.

I was like, I don't know. I don't know if I know that word. And Ashton's been the bender queen and she's going out again tonight. Uh-huh. We're going to see Fisher in Brooklyn. Ashton needs to get off my For You page at this point. I need to get off my For You page. What are you doing? I'm just having fun. Is there anything you want to tell the class? No, I'm just having fun.

Isn't it weird? Like being videotaped? Yes. Isn't it weird? I know. Cause then I feel like is dealing with for the first time now. Like, I don't know. I always try to say, I'm just like, well, I'm just like going out or having fun or just, you don't like think that much about things. Like things aren't that like premeditated, but people like videotape them like they are, or like, I don't know. It's just so crazy. And I feel so, I feel for you right now. Yeah. I don't feel bad because you're having fun.

This is just a new experience for me to be recorded every time I'm out. Yeah, and then you see like an angle of yourself and you're like, oh god. But isn't it creepy? It is a little creepy because I like don't realize when I'm out and then I'm like, who, when did this happen? I don't even remember doing that. Isabel, do you have anything? Is Ashton on your free page? Yes. Really? Isabel, you're 11 now, right? Okay, yeah. Okay. Okay.

I'm just saying for anyone listening. She's going into middle school. She's going into middle school. Are you excited for sixth grade? No, I don't like school. I had the worst year of my life in sixth grade, actually. I got really bullied. Did you know that? By mean girls. Don't laugh. Oh, by the way, Ashton, you know how you didn't get your first boyfriend until like junior year of high school? Yeah. Now me and Penelope and Thomas aren't allowed to date anyone until we're in junior year.

good because you don't need a boyfriend. Dating someone like freshman year it's always just weird. Don't do it. I regret doing that. Hold out. Are you going to tell us when you get like a boyfriend or something? I feel like she's not but I really want her to. I don't think she is either. But you're too young and pure. I feel like

You're too perfect. Yeah, don't let any of those gross boys come near you. They all suck. I'll beat them up. If anyone bullies you, I'll beat them up, actually. Wait, I'll actually, like, step on those little kids. Why do I feel like I used to, like, beat people up for Ashton? Verbally, yeah. I feel like a few times in my life. Well, yeah, not actually. I don't know. You like to punch people. No, that's not true. I've only ever punched someone once.

Which is like one time too many. Yeah, well, I know. But you know what? That's because I dated someone in my freshman or sophomore year of high school. They make you crazy. They make you crazy. And then you get punched. Because they're just bad relationships all around. The theme of this episode, which is funny that we're talking about middle school right now, because I wanted to talk about middle school and the lack of confidence that I had, even in high school too. And I've been wanting to talk about confidence for so long on Hot Mess, but it's so hard because like,

confidence is such like a big subject, like confidence about looks, confidence in dating, confidence in friendships, confidence in like how you feel about yourself, talking to other people. So like I've been like, I don't, I didn't really know how to like dive into it, but I have like a sector, I think of confidence that we can talk about today. I just watched Inside Out 2 and that's the one. It's so good. I love it. I highly recommend. Is that like the movie with all the characters? Yeah. I actually watched it and didn't like it.

Well, your friend is wrong. I also like watched it with all my friends. We're all 21 and we cried. It's like they added like anxiety and like envy and all this. I don't know. Really? They added anxiety. In me?

Oh, on Wii. Yeah. Are those, like, the characters? Yeah. So I was like, that's, like, it was just, like, really important because it talks about anxiety and how it, like, makes it, like, makes you act different. You should really watch it. You would cry. Oh, my God. Speaking of, well, Thomas. Thomas, come here. We have a question for you. Version of Happy. Okay. So it was, like.

This is what happens when we try podcasting at home is now there's children running around everywhere. Say hi, Thomas. So Thomas, this is my seven-year-old brother. Thomas, if you had to say like if someone, how could they be their most confident self? What would you say to them? Do you know what confidence means? No. Yeah. Yeah.

By helping others, it'll make you more confident because... No! No! Yeah, this is a tough one, isn't it? What advice do we give to the Earl girls? Be hot. No, but what I was going to say about the anxiety thing is I was like, Isabel, have you ever felt anxiety before? And she was like, no. I don't know. And I was like... Oh, I have! Yeah. Oh, you have? Yeah.

And I was just like, yeah, like you don't really get anxiety until like you're older in these scary situations. So it's like you kind of just have like blind confidence and you don't even realize it. So this past week, hence I've been on my bender for the past three weeks. I had a panic attack when we all went on our family boat together. I like disappeared for a second.

I'm not going to lie. I think you might have like triggered it too because like not all the way, but I was. What? No, no, no. I gave you a panic attack? Wait, listen. No, because I was feeling really like anxious.

Anxious already and I don't know my body just didn't feel good because I had been going out every night for like three weeks Obviously, that's like not great. So I think it was just like dehydrated wasn't feeling great I've been run down I've been tired and then my friends came to visit me so I knew that like I felt like I had to take them out to to like host everyone and if I didn't take them out like they would have went out with you and then I would have had FOMO so I mean it's just kind of like a bad cycle that I've been in but anyways, I was like I don't feel good like I'm scared and I think you were like Maybe you're dying

Did I say that? Sorry, sometimes I'm just super... Maybe that was the other person we were with. Stop doing that. Someone said something to me like, oh, look, maybe you're dying or something. And I just started spiraling in my head. So I went to the front of the boat. And I have not had a panic attack like this. I kid you not since high school. I have maybe...

a few panic attacks a year, but, like, that's, like, not a lot. They're just the worst. And I was, like, so Braxton came over to get me. I couldn't speak to him, and, like, Braxton...

bless him but doesn't feel anxiety ever so like he doesn't really like get it and he got being like just talk to me like tell me what's wrong and i was like you can't like i can't talk right now because i'm choking on my own breath and like i don't know how to explain that to anyone so then i was getting so anxious for like 20 or 30 minutes that i felt like i was spinning so then i was like oh my gosh i'm gonna get sick i was like running to the side of the boat um

I was getting sick because I was making myself so anxious. Then I was coming back and then I was like anxious that like I just got sick and then I needed water and I drank like, I think I drank a liquid IV, not sponsored, but I did drink a liquid IV because I needed some like hydration and electrolytes. And then I put these like nausea bands on me. And I always say, so like my tips to getting out of a panic attack

which is crazy because I think I re-ran the anxiety episode like two episodes ago and then I had a massive panic attack so I was like I need to listen again so if anyone deals with anxiety I re-ran the episode two episodes ago if you want to listen but basically my tips for getting out of a panic attack are obviously like the breathing technique where it's like breathe in for seven seconds hold it for five breathe out for seven and

Eat like sour candy. I like to put my feet above my head because like it helps the blood rush to your heart and your head. So that helps with like my lightheadedness. And then I also like to like count things because it distracts your mind. So like we were on the boat and I was counting like the houses that I could see. It was like one, two, three, four, whatever, just to get your mind off of it. And it would like help. And the panic attack was so bad that like...

I just kept slipping back into it. And it was so scary because I would, like, get out of it for a second. And then it would just, like, go right back in. And, like, my body was shaking and convulsing. And I couldn't control it. Like, I don't know if anyone that gets panic attacks feels like this. But my leg was literally like this. And I couldn't stop it. And I was just, like, I literally don't know what to do right now. It was just, like, that. And I was also freezing cold. And we were sitting in, like, the 90-degree sun, which also probably wasn't helping me. But I was...

I had blankets on and we were out in that hot, hot sun. That's why I got so burnt that day. That's so horrible. Hot, hot sun. But yeah. I just like, I really feel for people that have panic attacks because it's genuinely the worst feeling in the entire world. No, it is. And like, you don't, you literally feel like you're dying. You do. And...

Last night I was at a wedding. I was like talking to one of these girls I'm friends with and we stuck ourselves in the corner for like 40 minutes talking about anxiety. And she was telling me about social anxiety, which is so interesting to me because that's not something I really deal with. Like, have you ever felt social anxiety? Are you kidding me? Yeah.

Have you met me? Like, I don't get that. I'm overthinking like things you say to people and stuff. I think that could tie in with confidence. I think so too. That is something I've struggled with more than like you have more of like that internalized like anxiety, but I have a lot of social anxiety or at least like,

I actually know I still do like pulling up to the white party. I was shaking. Really? Yeah. Wait, but we're forgetting that as well. Ashton came to the white party with me this year, which was so cool. And I'm so happy we're there. I felt so out of place, but everyone was really, really nice. But like leave it to Ashton to get invited to the white party like two hours before. Pull it together. Look insane. I was like, only you. Like I would have been so stressed that I probably just wouldn't have gone. Actually, that's a lie.

I was like, yeah. No, we had to go. No, it was really cool. I was so nervous, though, because I was just like, up until we pulled up, I was just like, whatever, I have to get ready. I have no time to think, whatever. And then I got ready, and we pulled up, and I was like, I'm going to die.

I'm here right now. I was like getting out of the car. I was like, Oh my God. But that's something I've learned to help me overcome with my social anxiety is just kind of fake it till you make it. Cause if you're standing there meeting people being like, yeah, like, I don't know, like that's not doing anything for you. If you just pretend to be like, yeah, like I do this, like talk about random things, just go.

kind of pretend you're fine even if you're not it helps because it just like gets the flow of things better if you kind of like let the social anxiety get to you and you kind of like clam up and like awkwardly like don't say anything or like stand in the corner it's not gonna improve you kind of just have to force yourself into it a little bit which is like easier said than done but I've been working on that a lot lately and a lot of people have actually told me they're like you're so confident like you're so outgoing and I'm like me I'm

But I don't know, I guess I've kind of been able to shift just by kind of forcing myself to be in new situations and meet new people and do things that I never could have imagined myself doing, even if the thought of it scares me. Just doing it anyway has helped a lot. Well, I think with fake it till you make it, I always say that with confidence. But then it's also like, well, that's not actually like really solving the problem. But I do think that over time it like kind of becomes yourself. Yeah. And like just being confident and like,

I don't know. And it could be literally about anything. Your looks, like how you talk to people, how you are in social settings. And I think one thing I do sometimes with like confidence is I'll pretend, wait, this is going to sound really crazy. And you guys are going to think I'm weird, but like, I'll pretend like I'm like a character in a movie. So like, I'll pick like, like if I ever like, just don't feel like good or like,

and I'm like insecure or like in a scary setting. I'm like, okay, I'm Margot Robbie in Wolf of Wall Street. How did I know you were going to say that? Wait, did you know she's pregnant? I just saw today. What? I just got an article on my phone earlier. Amara is pererego? She's a pererego. Wait, I didn't even know she had a husband. She's a husband. T. You heard it here first.

So you pretend you're, what's her name? So this is what I'll do. Naomi. So I'll pretend just like walking in the room. And I mean, this is like getting crazy. I don't pull out like a Long Island accent or anything, but like you just feel like she would have like such a good presence in the room. Like when you walk in the room, I'm like, okay, like stand up straight, like shoulders back, like have confidence like that. And I'll just like pretend I'm that character. And it helps me a little bit feel like, oh, okay, like,

I don't know. I honestly don't know what it helps me with, but it helps me. And that was something I did, um,

during when i was doing the music video for the kid leroy because first of all yeah i would have like freaked out no one tells you how awkward and scary it is to film a music video and i it made me like have so much respect for artists because i was like you full and have to be like acting and i don't know like what i thought i'm just thinking of like video stars stuff

And you were literally standing there with like 30 people and a camera It's like silent in the room and then they'll just like like play the song a little bit and they're like, okay Now do it and like my role was just to like be the love interest. So I felt like I had to look like poised and cool and like whatever and like I literally was like shaking and I was like

in like half the clips and I was like can we just redo this and I'll just like smile because I can't like try and look sexy right now but I was literally like okay Margot Robbie and Wolf of Wall Street like pull it together and that's what I do so maybe pick a character from a movie that you like or you would want to like portray yourself as and like just pretend because in social settings that's what I do sometimes and it helped but I do think it's also important to

be yourself well yeah because i feel like there's been so many new experiences for me this year like i tried like so hard to be something that i wasn't and it would kind of just backfire on me a little bit like i would try to like act like i was like this kind of girl like doing cool shit and you know you know when i did that really bad when this gives me the when i went to college

I think I kind of like all the confidence that I gained in high school kind of went out the window because you're in a new setting with all these new people. You want to impress them. Like you want to make friends, you want to fit in. And so you, I kind of went from like, okay, like knowing my place, feeling confident in myself, feeling confident in my friends to like them being like, okay, like now I have to like try and morph into someone else to get people to like me. And yeah,

I think where I lost a lot of my confidence in college is when I went through sorority recruitment because I got dropped by like all the sororities that I wanted and that was just like a big obviously like facing rejection for me and I just was like oh shit like I'm a loser like what's wrong with me like everything was going in my head like oh I suck and basically I was not that confident and then I started figuring it out and then I kind of like almost like I

I was like, okay, fake it till you make it confidence. Yeah, but then you lose yourself. And then I overdid it. Like, I was, I think this was, like, my sophomore year, maybe beginning of junior year of college. I was, like, overly trying to be confident that I was, like, so fucking annoying. Didn't do much, yeah.

Sorry, Isabel. But like I was like truly like I would like be snappy or be bitchy and like because I was just trying to be like that girl and it like really, oh my God, I can't think about her. No, but that's also just like part of life and learning and growing. You have to kind of go through all these different phases and experiences to really like find out who you are. But just I've learned with confidence like

just really being myself and it's kind of like take it or leave it you know I'm not gonna like really try to be someone or something that I'm not to impress other people you don't want to be around people who like you for something that really isn't you yeah and that's another thing is like I feel like acceptance is confidence because obviously I personally think that looks are

not looks but the way that you feel that you look like the way you feel about yourself plays into confidence and i hate when people say that like oh well looks don't play into confidence or whatever but like when you look good you feel good yeah and like i think it's important for girls like i don't know do whatever you like if you want to dye your hair purple if that makes you feel good do that if you want to dye your hair blonde do that you know like that's why i'm always like pro like do what makes you feel good because when you feel good you'll be confident you'll be better like

I don't know. I always hate when people are so judgy about like, oh, like, oh, she got something done to herself. Well, it's like, well, if she wants to, whatever. But that's the thing is that you need to do it for yourself and not for other people. Yeah, for other people. And you have to...

be aware of that yeah not everyone is gonna agree with everything everyone does but if you're happy with yourself that's all that matters like when i plumped up my lips to the world i was so confident i looked terrible but i was so confident because i thought my lips look so good like having confidence is just so admirable like someone could just it's like you just don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks yeah it's like part of it

You know, I think confidence is really the way that you talk to yourself internally. Also, wait, this is so sweet that you're just sitting here listening to us. I'm going to cry. You're so cute. And I think with the way you talk to yourself about like looks and such, like obviously there's little things that you can do to like make yourself feel better. Like you want to wear, I don't know, you like to wear baggy clothes or you like to wear tight clothes. Like whatever makes you feel good makes you feel good. But there's also a point where you just have to like accept yourself.

who you are and you have to like live with that like you're only gonna make yourself more miserable and guess what i always say this if you're confident you'll be hotter and look better because like you just wear it better like you wear yourself better i swear to god like on days it's just about being like comfortable with yourself and like owning yourself kind of but have you ever gone to a party and like

say like in like a big baggy t-shirt or something where you just feel like so so comfortable yeah and you like almost see pictures of yourself in your face and your smile and you're like wow like i look so like cute and happy because you feel so confident it literally like makes you shine from the inside out so i feel like you really have to like accept who you are and like do

do things to make you feel good but at the same time like you have to just accept who you are and what you are and your personality and the things you like and like live like that and I swear to god it comes through and it makes you prettier. Yeah.

I agree with that 100% because I feel like I like went through a lot of that this year and learned a lot of that this year and so many people now are like like people will just say to me they're like you're shining you're whatever that you're this you're that like you see it you look so happy like I'm more comfortable like showing my personality online more now and I was never comfortable with that before but it was just because I was like well this is like who I am and I'm just gonna do it and I feel like it's been only positive responses and I

I feel so great. Like, I'm so happy with my life right now. I've just been having the best time. And I feel like a lot of, like, people in my comments and everything have been like, you're doing so great. Like, I love, like, seeing what you're doing in your life and, like, your personality. And, yeah, I feel like that's just all this newfound confidence that I've had. ♪

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts

every three seconds on the app. In the time it takes you to get a drink, you could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions.

Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. No, but I think a lot of what, like, obviously, I started posting on TikTok and stuff, and Ashton was also, like, having fun with it and posting on there, but I feel like you were, like,

so worked up and like being similar to me yeah and like we're just like a little bit different like we are we are and you were like well I can't like do these same exact things and I was like yes you can like you can do whatever you want to do and like I feel like it took you a minute to like get the hang of it and now I literally just like post whatever I have fun with so I would say for anyone who's struggling with confidence one be yourself

Yes, be yourself and fake it till you make it and pretend like you're a character if you need to and you feel weird in certain situations and you need a little bit of a push. But the second part is just like accept yourself and love yourself and remind yourself that like you're doing good, you're doing okay. And I'll say I like, like you said, you lost it. Like I really truly like lost myself this past year. And it's so weird because I feel like I never really talk about this or say this.

But this is something I like came to the realization recently kind of is like, obviously my senior year of college, whatever, I got followers and it became a big thing, right? Where it's like, okay, you have managers reaching out to you, agents, lawyers, brands want to work with you. Like all these different people, you've publicists. So basically for the first time in my life, I'm like thrown into these big scenarios where you're going to big events and there's celebrities there. And I had people telling me like, okay,

wear this or do your hair like this or do your makeup like this or this is cool this isn't cool and like I feel like for the first time I was like dealing with people just like

I don't know, telling me what to do and kind of, like, trying to shape me and, like, what they thought would be best for me. And I feel like I lost myself. Yeah, I mean, I feel like in this world, like, you're so new and, like, scared. You're like, yes, like, I'll do anything, like, whatever. I would say yes to everything. Like, I would, even when, like, working with, like, stylists and clothing, if I even hated an outfit, I was like, oh, my God, I love it. Because, like, I just, like, didn't have, like, my own personal opinion because I thought...

That because everyone else was, like, professional or had been in this industry for a while, like, I thought that they knew better. And maybe they do know better. But they don't know you. But maybe they don't know what, like, makes me feel good. So, like, I don't know. I feel like I went through the phase of, like, I cut my hair. I dyed it shorter. I, like, stopped tanning. I was, like... I was, like, trying to do all these things. I, like...

I don't know. I feel like I had like a weird like fashion spell where I like didn't know what I wanted to wear or like what I thought was cool. And then I like realized I was like, wait, just do whatever you want. Yeah. I was like, actually like for right now I want bleach blonde hair and my tan orange skin. And I want to wear like clothes that make me feel hot and good. Sorry. I'm young and having fun. And I'm not like,

afraid of that anymore and I feel like I like lost myself for a little bit there and just like taking other people's opinions into consideration so much but now you like appreciate more like your sense of self I feel like because you went through that phase and I feel like you know how like especially in like college and everything every time you go out everyone's like what are you wearing what are you wearing what are you wearing yes that is something I like don't do anymore because I'm just like I'm just gonna wear whatever I want like I know where I'm going I'm just gonna do whatever and

I just feel like it's so much more fun to not be like, oh, all my friends are wearing jeans and a cute top. So I'm going to wear jeans and a cute top. Instead, just being like, I have this really cool outfit that I want to wear. And then you wear it and it's just, it's more fun. Yeah. I noticed like I did that in high school, like towards the end of high school, I would wear like whatever I wanted to a party in the beginning. I was like so worried about like fitting in with everyone else.

And I feel like the same thing kind of happened in college where you just like get confident. And I feel like I'm like going through that now, but like in the real world where I'm like, okay, like I just need to wear whatever I want to wear and like feel good in. You don't want to be wearing the same thing as everyone else anyway. Yeah. As long as like you like the outfit and you think you look good in it and you feel good in it, that's all that matters. But I feel like, which I kind of forgot to talk about in the beginning of this. So we're going a little bit backwards here.

But when I was in middle school, so I had a really, really, really hard time making friends. Like, it was, like, to the point where, like, I couldn't even, like, have a friend for more than a month or they were mean to me or would talk about me behind my back. And I always struggled with that because Ashton was, like, the opposite. Like, Ashton had her friends from kindergarten who were still her best friends to this day, her friends from kindergarten. So, like, obviously, like, being compared to that, like, I feel like dad would always be like, oh, Alex, like, you can't keep a friend around. And it, like...

It was like a joke, but it like really like dawned on me because I was like, well, what's wrong with me? And like everyone in middle school was so mean to me. Like I remember they would talk about me and now I'm like,

fine with it but like in the moment i was like these are the coolest girls in the world like you think it's like everything yeah no i was like they are everything like i need to impress them and they would talk about this girl called like amanda to me and they're like amanda's so annoying like amanda did blah blah blah and they would talk shit about this girl to me but they were talking about me you were amanda i was amanda that's so mean yeah and it's not funny

And my whole class, for some reason, we went to like a pretty small school. So I'd say there was like 40 people a grade.

The whole grade, it was like a bullying movement. For some reason, the whole grade would comment this whale emoji. And when they would comment it on my post or other people's posts, and I never knew what it meant. Everyone else was doing the whale emoji. And I was like, what the hell is up with this whale emoji? Why is everyone commenting this? It meant I hate Alex, which sounds so stupid because we were 12. But at the time, there was a movement against me with this whale emoji. Yeah.

That's horrible. I know. But... Oh, my God. Besides the kids in school bullying me because I feel like that, like, it happens, whatever, the teachers in middle school...

hate did they not hate me they i was they were also on the i hate alex movement i don't know like what vibe i was giving off in middle school that like everyone hated me but like i was in the principal's office like every other day first of all they yelled at me the times like mom would cover my acne with makeup and i would get in trouble for that one time i wore like earrings like too many earrings or had nail polish on because we went to a catholic school they would like yell at us and tell us that like i don't know that we hated god because we had nail polish on our nails like

And I would get in trouble for that. But the one time that like really stuck out to me, like, oh,

I would wear a button to class and I would get in trouble because the tea and every other girl would wear a bun. But because I had so much hair because it was so long and thick and luscious, which it's not now. Now I'm balding. But in the moment, it was long and thick and luscious. And I had like a big bun and they told me it was too distracting in class and that I couldn't wear a bun. And I was like, but the other girls have buns. And they were like, well, you have too much hair. And they made me feel bad about having too much hair.

So, you know what? To that I say, I think she was balding and she was jealous of my hair. You better be taking in a lot of this information right now. You're about to go to middle school. It's like an hour long. Have you been listening? She's like, this is too much. The one time that stood out to me that was so god-awful...

And was probably like one of the most scarring moments of my childhood, which you remember this night. It was, I think it was in seventh or eighth grade and it was our Christmas play. So we was the spring concert. Spring concert. No, it was a Christmas play. No, because I was wearing that floral skirt or maybe it was. I don't know. Doesn't matter. Whatever.

We're doing a play at school where everyone comes, all the parents come, we put on a show. In my grade, I must have been in eighth grade because we were doing the play. So we were doing, I was doing the narration for it. So like when the curtains open, the first person you would see on the stage is me and I was narrating the play because I didn't get a role in the play.

But anyways, the theme was red, white, and blue. And I specifically remember because me and mom were out shopping and we were like, we have to find like a red, white, or blue outfit. And we were shopping at like, I don't know, Nordstrom or something. We found this like navy romper. It was perfect. It was cute. It was like floral. And I showed up. I wore this navy romper with Converse, right? I go downstairs and we're in eighth grade at the time. These other girls had on like bodycon dresses and heels and like,

I would say, like, they looked, like, a tiny bit inappropriate. Or, like, mini pencil skirts, because pencil skirts were the moment when I was in middle school. And...

the teachers called me over and the one teacher that didn't like me pulled me over with the principal and she was like um we can't let you on stage you have to go change and i was like why and she was like your romper's too short which by the way it was like not too short but like for catholic school like maybe it was but like it wasn't appropriate and i was like oh look my mom just bought this for me like for this because i tried to get something conservative because they always yelled at me for everything and i knew this was going to happen

So she was like, we have to put a tablecloth on you. And I was like, if she was like, if you want to go on and do this play, like we have to put a tablecloth on you. So now not only do I get ripped out in front of my whole class for being inappropriate in this romper that my mom bought me, she pins a tablecloth to my skirt. And I remember crying and being like, I look like a pilgrim right now. And I, I had to open the middle school play with,

after bawling my eyes out, I had like mascara run down my face. Like I was so upset with a tablecloth, a white tablecloth pinned to me as a skirt. And I looked so stupid and all the boys and all the girls were laughing at me. And that moment, I just like never forget. Like I was so scarred by that. And I was like, why are you telling me that I look inappropriate? Like I'm,

A 13 year old girl. I'm wearing something my mom bought me. Like I actually don't look inappropriate. Like you're inappropriate for thinking I look inappropriate. Because this school hated me so much. I was like for the eighth grade graduation, I cannot do anything to piss them off. Like I cannot look inappropriate because I don't want to get kicked out of my graduation. I was so scared of my teachers and my principal. And they were such fucking bitches. Sorry.

hate you all for graduation I got a dress and I was like dress must be like long let's have it appropriate just so I don't get in trouble and I didn't want to wear heels I remember being like mom I can't wear heels because they're gonna tell me I look too inappropriate like I was so scared and so afraid so mom got me sandals and they were nice sandals they were gold but they were like those gladiators sandals so they like came up to my knee they had all the straps that went all the way down and I if I remember they were like

a nice brand or something. Like they were pretty nice. And my mom was like, here you go. Like, let's get these sandals so you don't get in trouble. I show up to eighth grade graduation. They pull, they pull me to the side. They say, Hey Alex, you don't look nice enough. You can't wear these sandals. I was like,

what do you mean my mom just bought me these sandals they're a nice brand of sandals i was like there i was not wearing heels because i was too scared and they were like no like you can't wear sandals like that's like not nice enough or like they were like shitting on me that i was wearing these sandals i was like there is nothing i could have done for these people not to pick on me and like why do teachers do that like they bully little kids because i find it so weird they hate their lives and they're mad and they need to take their anger out on someone and

But they hated me. Do you remember this? I felt so bad. That was really, really rough. So yeah, I hated middle school and I had the worst time ever. And yeah, I got in trouble for wearing my gladiator sandals to graduation.

Well, they can all suck it now. The same teacher that used to get you in trouble all the time one time made me go to the bathroom to scrub off my mascara and I didn't have any on. I just have like black eyelashes. I want to remember this. And she gave me, she tried giving me a detention for it and I went home. She was like, go scrub your

this off in the bathroom and I was like, I don't have anything on. She's like, I see it, go scrub it off. So I like went in the bathroom and like put water on my face and I was like, there's nothing on, but she tried to give me a detention, but then mom like emailed them and she was like, it's not my fault that my daughter has beautiful long black lashes and you're just a jealous old lady.

And then I think actually I got out of the detention, but that was funny. But yeah, they were just the worst. Yeah, no, they like really hated us. But I think it's them from them hating me. And I don't know what I did to make them hate me so much because I was like a...

12 year old girl I had zero confidence at the time because I just thought I was always doing something wrong or inappropriate or I don't know no one liked me and like I really had the worst time in middle school and then I feel like high school I got a little bit better I used to be when I went into high school I was so scarred after middle school that I was like really quiet like in my friend groups I like wouldn't talk really yeah like I specifically remember with

being with like Sally and Isabella and Ornan and Gracie and everyone and they would all talk and I like literally would just be mute and like I would like never speak up because I was so scared and I just wanted like girls to like me like I was like I'm not even gonna open my mouth at this point like I'm just gonna stand here and like be a good friend and like do whatever I have to do but like I can't speak or have an opinion on anything because like then these girls won't like me and then I like in

in high school learned. I was like, okay, like, I can, like, speak up more and more. But I literally remember the first time I said something, like, we were at Isabella's house and I, like, replied or I said something and, like, people laughed and I was like, I was like, I've made it. When I got to high school and you were a junior, that helped me a lot because I was so scared and I only had Catherine and Ava and we didn't know anyone. And then we had, like, you and your friend group and you were, like, you helped me make, like,

like friends and yeah you would bring me out which you still do so grateful for now we bring each other out yeah treat treat um well i feel like with that being said we should get into some what would alex do ashton has to run off right now to catch the train because she's going to see fisher right now so should i wear my bikini shirt i think you should actually take it off

I think it could be cool. Yeah. But okay, let's do some What Would Alex Do? and let's get Ashton on the train in her rave girl era. I'm not taking the train. I don't know where you got that from. Oh, I just assumed you. Okay. Love you, hot mess. Okay, What Would Alex Do? What Would Alex Do?

This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you're a fan of bubble tea, then you guys have to try this range from Joiba. I've seen this all over my TikTok and personally, my little siblings are obsessed with this Joiba Bubble Tea. They show me videos all the time. So Joiba Bubble Tea, it comes in several delicious flavors.

fruity flavor tea combinations and popping boba. Joyba has fun flavors like strawberry lemonade, green tea, and mango passion fruit green tea. Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joyba bubble tea. Follow Joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. This episode is brought to you by Joyba bubble tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...

Now you can have it in the comfort of your own home. I have seen it all over my TikTok page. Ooh, bubble tea. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, okay, what is this? I need to try it. All of my friends are now drinking it. Joiba bubble tea comes in several delicious fruity flavored tea combinations with poppy

Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joiba Bubble Tea. Follow Joiba on Instagram and TikTok at joiba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you.

What would Alex do? Okay, this is my favorite segment always because you guys write in your stories or your questions and I tell you what I would do in these scenarios. I mean, I don't know. I feel like a bigger sister for you guys in this moment, hopefully, even though some of you guys are probably older than me.

But I don't know if this is like the correct advice. This is just what Alex would do. Alex help. My boyfriend of two weeks said, I love you. And in the heat of the moment, I freaked out and said it back, but I don't feel that way. Now I'm so icked out by him. I really do like him, but I definitely don't love him. What do I do? Okay. Two weeks is definitely like, I just, I personally don't think you can

Love someone in two weeks or like actually be in love with someone in two weeks for me I just I don't know. I think that is a little early. I agree with you Um, and I would also probably be icked out and it's like is he love bombing you like what's going on here? What would I do? I mean, I feel like that's definitely like an awkward position Like I also probably would like freak out and be like, oh, I love you, too And then run away. Oh my gosh. I want to say like have a conversation but it's like what like

what are you gonna have a conversation about? Like, oh, I don't love you. Or like, we can't, like, you can't teach him that.

Oh god, I would honestly maybe have a conversation maybe not about those exact words, but maybe be like hey um that this has like been a lot for me like I feel like things are going really fast like I really enjoy hanging out with you But I want to make sure like we're taking our time with this and we're not rushing into anything and like Maybe like, you know Give him the hint that like that's what you're getting at and then I would just like Look out for certain signs like that because sometimes I think it's like a little bit

like immature when guys do that or like they don't really know like I think they just like like a girl and they're like oh I love you and it's like no you don't like you don't even barely know my middle name so I would just say like have a conversation about like maybe just like taking your time with things but like let him know that you really like him and like see how things go from there but I would say if he like keeps progressing and keeps being like super pushy and crazy like you

two weeks you've been dating someone, I don't know. I'd probably run away if that continues. So good luck with that and let us know how it goes. Hey Alex, I always get really down on myself and overthink every little thing I do or say because I don't want to make people mad or think I'm annoying. I always anxious that people are upset with me or don't like me. What would Alex do? Wait, this is something I deal with a lot. I always think everyone hates me and it's more so in terms of like my friends. I feel like...

I get so stressed out. I'm like, wait, does everyone hate everything I'm saying? And that was something I dealt with a lot in high school because if you guys listen to the other part of this episode, I wasn't that confident in making friends and I would just get in my head about stuff a lot. But I feel like you need to just like let that go. Like there's really no other advice for that than like you need to just like be sure of yourself and like stop overthinking that because it's

it's not gonna like lead anywhere good but i do even now find myself like tending to think that way i'm like wait a minute i'm like does everyone hate me or am i annoying and i always usually ask ashton she's like alex shut up but i think like truly the only way is like okay if they're hanging out with you and they're your friends and they're around you

they probably like you so I wouldn't overthink it too much or try not to um and then I think in like a social setting when you're meeting people I always meet people and then I'm always like oh my god wait they hate me or oh they think I'm a bitch and even when I meet you guys I'm out and I'll like turn to Braxton I'm like wait was I just like a bitch like does everyone think I'm so mean he's like you literally were so nice and like I always get in my head and overthinking interactions but like

There's nothing really you can do about that and you just have to like literally stop but honestly, I still do it So I don't know. I don't know i'm not the best giving the best advice for this right now but like really try to just like Be okay and like know yourself and as long as you're like being a good person There's nothing to be anxious about that's what I always say I'm, like, okay as long as we're like being a good friend being a good girlfriend being nice to people Doing the right things like we can't get anxious about that much if they don't like us for who we are then

That's their fault. Help a girl out, please. What shoes are guys wearing with shorts these days? I hate the shoes my boyfriend's wear. I mean, my boyfriend wears. I feel like I will subtly just buy him a new pair as a gift or does that make me a bitch? I don't think that's making you a bitch at all. I think that's so nice. You're getting him a gift and it's not going to be a problem to look at. I mean, shoes with shorts, I feel like

There's not that many options for guys. Like I think just like a plain pair of sneakers. I usually like what is Braxton wear? He has this pair of like golden goose sneakers that are just like all white that I think is fine that he wears or like I don't know. I don't really like when guys wear like sandals or flip-flops, but that's like my personal preference. Maybe you guys like that but like something about like a thong in between a guy's toes just doesn't settle right with me. So, um,

Um, I also am just like kind of scared of feet in general. So maybe that's why but shoes with shorts Yeah, I think just like a low top pair of sneakers So I would buy him one as a gift and then make him wear it because you're like, oh I got you this gift Do you not like it? Like you must wear it and then I think i'm kidding, but Don't be mean but I think the way to go about it is like get him a new pair of sneakers He's gonna put him on

And then just compliment the shit out of him. Be like, oh my God, these look so good on you. Like, baby, you look so good today. Like, I love the way these look. Like, oh my gosh. And you complimenting him, he'll like get the hint of like, wow, like I really look good in these. Like maybe I like these sneakers better than the other ones that you don't like that he's wearing. That's what I would do. Hey Alex, I was talking to a guy for the past month and we've been on three dates.

Last week, he just stopped responding to me out of the blue mid-convo. Today, he unfollowed me on Instagram. He's completely ghosting me. Should I call him out? What would Alex do? Don't call him out. Let him run. Let him go. Like, there's nothing you can do about that. And I think the worst thing that you could do, if you ever want to change this guy's mind, I think the worst thing you could do is literally, like, go harass him and make him think that you, like, really care.

Just like you've been on three dates. I don't know. This is seeming like he unfollowed you. Like, I don't know. That's seeming like something bigger happened than like a ghost. Like he's like really running away. So I don't know. Maybe he's like getting back with like an ex-girlfriend or something or something scary. But who cares? That's not we don't have to worry about what he's thinking.

he's not the one if he's running away from you probably not the guy we want to be with i think the only thing you can really do is like or personally what i would do what alex would do i just would

Like, I don't know. You just got to move on. There's nothing you can do about that. Never chase a guy. Never hunt him down. Never let him know that you're upset. And it's summer. Go have a hot girl summer and go have fun. Hey Alex, I know this is wrong, but I figured out the password to my boyfriend's phone and I'm thinking about going through it. We've recently moved in together and I feel like the vibes have shifted and he's way less affectionate towards me lately. Do I go through his phone just to see if something fishy is happening?

Um, what would Alex do? I think, yeah, I mean, if you're feeling off, I think you need to just double check. And if he's being a good boyfriend and you're living together, then there should be nothing wrong and should be nothing for you to find. This is probably awful advice right now, but if it's going to give you some peace of mind, then maybe just take a little snoopy-doop while he's in the shower, while he's sleeping. Find a time, get in there,

Take a little snoop even though you should trust each other, but it's seeming like you're already having these hesitations So like you have to either if you're gonna go through his phone Is that gonna like be the end of it though? Are you still gonna feel like fishy and weird because that's my other part of this is i'm like That might not be the end i'll be all of you feeling like weird if he's not being affectionate towards you So maybe i'm like retracting what i'm saying right now. The thing is here. I'm not always giving the best advice I'm, just saying what I would do personally. I would go through his phone

And just check and I just need to check and then we can move on from there If he's still being weird and fishy then like maybe something's off and maybe it's something completely other than him like Talking to some other girl on his phone or doing something sketchy on his phone But I would definitely also try to like get to the root of the issue But at the same time I would probably also go through his phone. Sorry Alex be real with me. Do I need to tell my new boyfriend that my last relationship ended because I cheated on my ex? Hmm well

I think if it ever came up, I want to give like two different answers right now. And that's the problem. I would say like me a few years ago probably would have been like, no, you never need to tell him like that's fine. But now since I've been in a healthy relationship, I have talked to Braxton about like stuff in the past or maybe stuff I'm not like

proud of and I think that those are things I probably would have like hit him before because I'm like oh I want this guy to like me and whatever but now I'm like actually I really just want us to have like trust with each other so I tell Braxton everything so I'm thinking if you're entering this relationship and you want it to be like a long-term healthy relationship I would probably tell him the truth but if this is like a random guy that's just like flinging around like I probably wouldn't tell him um because there's just like no need for that but if this is someone that you want to like

really have as a partner and have trust in the relationship I think you should tell him and tell him how it made you feel and why you would never do that again I mean it's not great he's not gonna be like happy that you did that but I think being honest with your partner is always gonna make for a healthier relationship unless you see this as a relationship that you're like we're dating for like

two months or three months then I don't know if I would tell him but I think if this seems like you want a healthy open honest relationship I would tell him and be honest with him because think about if he found out another way someday some way down the line then you're gonna have zero trust because he's gonna be like oh she cheated on her ex-boyfriend and she's lying to me so she's probably cheating on me like that's just never gonna go well so I would say be honest and just tell him

Sorry. Hi, Alex. Please give me advice for talking to and flirting with guys at parties. What are your tricks and tips? I feel like this is always a tricky one because I don't know. Like, I don't say I have like a...

maybe I have a few lines but like I don't know I usually like when a guy comes up to me first so I wouldn't say I'm like the best with this answer but I'm thinking like usually if I'm out I feel like it's usually you know you make eye contact with someone like eye contact can be a big thing right like you can be across the room eye contact you're kind of looking at each other then maybe he comes up to you or maybe you go up to him and I feel like an easy thing is like do you want to go to the bar and get a drink right

because then automatically you're put in a situation where the two of you are going off to the side you're talking and I don't know gives you like at least because usually the bar is like you're waiting in line for the bartender to get you got to make the drink so you usually have at least minimum like maybe two minutes you could be there even for like 10 or 15 minutes and then you're sitting there talking to this guy and then I would just start talking to him and be like oh yeah I would just like my friends are in the bathroom like I don't know where they went so like

How are you? I don't know. I would just make something up and start talking to him. Like, oh, where are you from? Oh, cool. I would really say personally, my go-to move is at the bar. That's where I'm at, Braxton, at the bar. And getting a drink together because then you're just like forced to talk to each other. And then I think when you're talking to them, giving them like a flirty type of like...

you know, your eye contact is so big, like eye contact, maybe look them up and down a little bit. What did I say? It's like a triangle. You're supposed to like look like left,

Up down right right up down left or something like that. It like makes them I don't know It's like a triangle of like flirty eye contact and just be chill and cool and flirty and fun and see where it goes All right, that's all for this week's episode of hot mess with alex earl. I will see you guys next thursday Don't forget to subscribe Or like or follow this podcast wherever you're watching listening means so much. I love you guys. I'll see you next week. Bye

Listen up, you naughty little pelicans. It's Harry Jowsey here, host of the new video podcast, Boyfriend Material. Dating, sex, and relationships in your 20s?

It's messy, confusing, and sometimes you just want the male perspective. That's where Boy For Material with Harry Jowsey comes in. Every Tuesday, I'll let you in on what the male brain is thinking, breaking down all of your relationship questions and situations and giving you honest advice on them all.

Watch Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy every Tuesday here on Spotify. You know, you might potentially land the guy of your dreams or the red flag, but there's no judgment here. Follow Boyfriend Material with Harry Jarzy on Spotify.