Super Social but Super Shy
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Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. Hey, Ashton. Hey, Alex. How are you? I'm feeling pretty tired today. I haven't been getting much sleep because I've been helping Braxton in the middle of the night because I'm being a nurse right now. So like making sure he's taking his medicine, changing his ice machine. And I'm like, I don't even know what sleep schedule I'm on, but it's a terrible one. ♪♪

Wait, did I just turn that off? How do I get that back on? I'm a hot mess. I'm gonna tell you guys a story really quick and this is about one of my first jobs I ever had. I was working at a boutique and we started using Shopify to move this boutique to online sales. I was so scared in the beginning. I didn't know how to run an online website and Shopify just made it so so easy. Shopify is a

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Guys, cuffing season is back, but have no fear. Tinder is the perfect way to meet someone this fall. I mean, when all of your friends are getting cozy around the fire, maybe you don't want to be a fifth wheel, maybe you want to go out there and meet someone for yourself. I mean, why try and go meet someone in the wild when Tinder can show you the best potential connections? You could add prompts to your profile to lose any icebreaker awkwardness and get right to the good stuff and try out Tinder vibes to see if your new match will be a good fit for you.

What's been going on with you? Well, I am deteriorating. I have been going out a lot just for Halloweekend. A lot. Do you need to clear yourself? Maybe. Is that better? Maybe.

Yeah, I used to never clear my throat when it would get like mucusy because I thought it sounded sexy and it was It was in high school Like for some reason I just thought I had like a raspy voice and my friends were like it was like isabella and sally They're like alex. What are you doing? And I was like wait, I thought it sounded sexy And then they always made fun of me and they're like, I think I sound sexy So I never used to clear it and now I realize that it's not cute so continue on

Anyway, so Wednesday night we had a mixer with a frat and it was at a haunted house. So we like that was so fun. So we had like a pregame and then a party bus to the haunted house. And then we went through the whole haunted house, which, you know, usually I feel like a haunted house is like maybe five minutes. You know, you're always like that was too short. Mm hmm.

I swear to god we were in there for 30 minutes and I towards the end I every time I turned a corner I thought we were gonna be like it was gonna be the end and then it kept going I wasn't paying attention were you were you walking through or were you on like a hayride no we were walking through it oh you know that's a long walk house yeah and no and we were all like we had all been like drinking and everyone was like fucking around we were what if you have to people

Yeah, I did. And it just kept going and going. And it was kind of underwhelming just because there were so many of us. You would see the people jump out and go back and hide in front of you. Yeah, you have to go in groups.

I got got twice. I got so scared I ran straight into a wall. Like I've never full force like ran into a wall like I did and I have a huge bruise on my knee now. I'm also covered in bruises from this weekend. I have one in the middle of my butt cheek which I don't even know how you get a bruise directly in the middle of your butt cheek but it's like really dark. How

Have you, do you ever get like random bruises? I feel like all the time, all the time. And I always get them in cryptic places. Yeah. And Brock's always be like, how did you get that bruise? And I'm like, I just don't know. Like they just appeared, but I don't bruise as easily as you. You like wake up every night with a bruise. I bruise like a peach. Yeah. You wake up every night with a bruise, but I usually. I just found one on like the inside of my arm. I'm like, how did that get there? I don't know. I feel like when you are going out like that, there's always bruises involved somehow. And,

And then that was just a long night for me because we ended up going out after the haunted house too. And Thursday I was so dead, but Thursday was actual Halloween. So I was like, I have to go out now. And we went to Frenchman street, which is like pretty much like bourbon street, but there's more like live bands. It's a little less chaotic. Um,

So we went to Frenchman first and we saw this awesome band, me and my friend Joe. We're like, we stayed. Everyone else went to Bourbon. We stayed for like an extra 30 minutes just because this band was so good. And she put she sang like Halo by Beyonce. We were like, hey, it was great, but it was also raining. So my hair by the end of the night was like wet and puffy. And then we went to Bourbon and stayed there for way too long.

And Friday I slept all day because I actually have never felt worse in my life. Like I have been kind of going nonstop this entire month. Like I still feel like I haven't recovered from Vegas. So Friday I slept all day and then Saturday was my friend's.

birthday extravaganza i don't know why i said extravaganza but she had we were doing like a birthday booze cruise and we had to be at her house by like 10 a.m we took a party bus it was called like the twerking tiki wait is there boats in new orleans oh it's funny because it's on like the bayou and they just take you around on these little tiki boats and it's kind of like a pond was it like a tiki bar

no no they have those in miami it's like a floating i know those look really fun i want to do it so bad can we do it yes i actually was on a boat this weekend and we saw one but it kind of like loki a wave came and like crashed over them and i was like i might get a little scared of drowning on that thing because i'm like what's the motor power but there's just floating tiki those look so fun though yeah i've seen those okay we have to do that

Okay, continue on. So these are on like the bayou and we always get to a point where I've been on one of these like twice now and both times there's like alligators come and they give you marshmallows to like feed the alligators. And we're all like drunk and I'm like, this is going to end very badly. Wait, that's so dangerous. No, I know.

If I saw an alligator within like 10 feet of me. They let you like pet them too. But they look, have you seen alligators in person? They look fake. Like their heads look like ceramic. Yeah, I went to the, what's it called in Florida? The Everglades.

Should we go on a swamp tour when you're here? Not like a party one, but like one where you sit on the boat. Oh my god, I'm coming to visit you this weekend. I'm so excited. So your bender is back on because when do I come? I know, that's what I was saying. Oh my god. Yeah, you come Thursday, right? I have to pack. Wait, so what are our plans this weekend when I come to visit you? Okay, so you get here Thursday, right?

Yes. I think Thursday morning. We're laughing because we actually just recorded this two times and then I, Ashton's Zoom recorder, like the thing that she records on broke and then I forgot to hit record on mine. So this is our third time recording this exact part. Just pretending.

One more time for good measure. Ashton, walk us through what our plans are this weekend when I come to visit you. So Thursday, I was thinking we go to the Audubon Zoo because they're having a little dinosaur exhibit right now, which Thomas would love. And then we can walk around, maybe walk around campus. We have an early dinner. Thomas is going to freak out. I've also never walked around Duke campus. Girl, don't.

I've only seen the bars. That makes sense. So we can walk around campus and then we'll have an early dinner, which dinner is kind of near Bourbon. So we can maybe take like walk through Bourbon after dinner if we want. Get the kids some funny t-shirts or something. Wait, I have a question. Yeah. Is Bourbon Street as scary...

As it is during Mardi Gras? Like all the time? Or is it extra scary during Mardi Gras? It's extra scary during Mardi Gras. But like, for example, it's like any excuse or any time there's an excuse to party, it's kind of scary. Like Halloween was crazy. I love it. Actually, remember when you first came after getting your boobs done and you got the biggest beads in the world? Yes. And I had to chuck someone's phone. Yes. But that's... Yeah. Yeah.

I got, well, I went to Mardi Gras right after getting my boob job. And obviously, like, your thing is, like, you flash for beads. And I was so excited. Alex was so excited by her new boobs. I was. Which is just not the time. Like, I shouldn't have done that. And that was at the point, too, where they were still, like, hard rocks. Like, I remember, like, in my bikini. They, like, literally couldn't move. They were, like, chafing.

it was two cinder blocks on my chest but i was so happy getting my beads i feel like thursday night we'll have like a chill night we don't need to go crazy unless you and i want to do something and then friday i think we should do the yoga sculpt class because it's my favorite workout class it's like a heated yoga it's a hot yoga with like little weights so it's like my favorite workout and then i like yeah it's

I can't really do yoga if it's not heated or if there's not weights involved because then I'm just like, what are we doing? Like, I might as well just go in my room and touch my toes. Yeah, Alex is a yoga hater because she's always like, I feel like I did nothing. She doesn't get it. But I do usually prefer to do hot yoga. I found my inner, like, peace, though, more this year because I did start to like it. It's very just, like, centering. Just for my mental. Yeah, that's why I like it so much. I started to like it for my mental. But at first I went and, you know, and they do, like, the exhales. Yeah. And everyone's like, hey.

No, now I do it and I'm like, I'm so into it now. I'm like...

It really, it helps me a lot. I know, but at first I used to like look at the people around me breathing so heavy and I was like, this is weird. But then I got into it myself. Then we'll like get some coffee, shower, get some cutesy little brunch on Friday. And then I was thinking potentially if we want, we could do the swamp tours and see all the little alligators, which is so fun on the swampies. And then all my friends are going to like

this bar place but i'm pretty sure it's like strictly 21 plus so i booked a few lanes at this we can't bring the kids no i'm actually so excited for them to come the last time they came was so fun isabel slept over with me literally ashton i wasn't there the last time that all the kids went to visit ashton at college and they were at like a frat party penelope's like dancing on a table and i was like where am i where was i yeah i don't know alex where were you

I'm never there when everyone comes to visit you. Yeah, I guess you just really don't like me.

Shut up. Whatever. So yeah, we're going to go to this bowling alley that has like a live band. It's a really fun place. I love going and a bunch of my friends are going to come there. And then I told dad because he really wants to go out. He's dying to go out. He's like, I want to go to the boot. I want to go here. I'm like, all right, dad. So I was like, if you can get like a baby. Parents are always dying to go out. Yeah, honestly, more than we are. Yeah. I'm like, let's go to bed. And they're like, we're in Miami. We have to go out. I was like, OK. All right.

But yeah. And so I was like, dad, if you can get a babysitter, maybe we'll go to Bourbon or Frenchman after bowling and meet up with all the other people. So Saturday morning, we'll tailgate either at the frats or the boot and then we'll go to the game, which I'm totally fine not staying that long unless we're doing well. We haven't done so well this year, though. And then we'll go out to dinner Saturday. I know you really want to go to the boot and redeem yourself from the last time you were there.

I really want to go to the boot. I love the boot. It's this bar on campus and they have these big drinks that are like one feet tall. And I don't think that was the craziest thing she's ever seen. Like a triple well for like five dollars. She like like her mind exploded. I don't even know what a triple well means. It's like a triple. This big drink and it's like three drinks in one. And it's like how much? It's like five dollars. I don't know.

That's crazy. Like at Miami, there was one little tiny little drink was like $30. So we have like the $8 pitchers. You've seen the pitchers, right? Yeah, that's crazy. I remember because it's like super, super cheap alcohol. It's disgusting. Yeah, but it's great. Like, who cares when you're in college? I'll drink anything. I literally would drink so true sewer liquor out of these trash bins. Yeah.

Oh my god, the vat. I'm gonna make you try vat. What is a vat? The drinks they put in the trash can that you dip your cup in. Oh wait, I think I've had that. Maybe no. You play the game, chug the vat. I don't think actually I have had that. Whenever I visited you, they were hanging...

Oh, the ice tea bags. Twee bags. Yeah. And then there also was another time when I walked into a tailgate was or not a tailgate, but like a Mardi Gras frat party, which the frat houses in New Orleans are so much fun. They're so good. There was someone who had like a big beer bong from like the top, the top of the roof. And it like swung down throughout the whole party across the lawn to the other side. And

and i went and they were like it was like from like someone else's house and you like yeah they like flung it to me and i was like i'm probably gonna get a disease from this funnel right now but it was just that's what it's all about it's yeah that's what mardi gras is all about getting the diseases so you have to come this year you have to go back to college you have to come i feel like i'm too old to go to mardi gras but like you're not alex we're literally best friends we do these little bitches

We do everything together. Like, you can come to Mardi Gras. It's okay. I know, but I don't want to be, like, the 10th year creeper. No, you're not. But honestly, I don't care. But honestly, it might be a little much. Like, people might be, like, too freaking out over you. Because remember the last time you came for Mardi Gras?

Well, I did get a little violated at that time I went to Mardi Gras, but I think the girls in New Orleans are just ravenous. Oh, yeah. There's something in the air here. It's really scary. Like you should see me when I go out here. And it's okay because I was Mardi Gras, but I think it was at the boo and then also at a frat house twice. I ended up crying only once, but the same thing happened twice where I just was like, what is going on here? This has never happened to me.

We were at the boot and I went to the bathroom and there was these girls like sticking their phones over the bathroom stall and under the bathroom stall videotaping me while I was peeing and

You know, and you're like naked. I had to take off my bodysuit and whatever to pee. And these girls were like screaming and had their phones over the bathroom stall. And I started crying because I got overwhelmed. And I usually never cry. It was insane. Like how many people were just... The entire...

boo it just seemed like everyone in there was like crawling in on you i remember seeing you standing in the middle and you were just like so overwhelmed with their arms it was insane girls were army crawling under them and i was like i'm not that cool people had no chill but this was like right when you kind of like a few months after you like really blew up and i feel like that was like one of the first times that like you were in such like a

big crowd like that. I remember like everywhere we went, like in the frats, like people were just like screaming and like crawling and it's like already so packed and like a shit show already because it's Mardi Gras. And then everyone was freaking out over you. I got so mad because I remember just like walking down the street and all these girls that have never even given me like a second thought, like never even considered saying hello to me at a party. We're like, oh my God, Ashton, is that your sister? I didn't know you had a sister. And I would be like,

fuck you I didn't actually say that but I wanted to really bad because I was just like you're so fake but

yeah that was crazy but i feel like if you came this year it would be super chill no i do think so too i think we can make it fun or i'll just hide out on bourbon street or we can just get you like a a full like morph suit and no one will know it's you anything else going on in your life that i'm missing out on i burnt my forehead with my curling iron

Why do you keep doing that? I don't know. I think I have like a problem. It's not that hard. I know. I've been curling my hair my entire life. And for some reason this year, I keep burning my face. And it's really embarrassing, honestly. But you have to stop because you're going to have bad scars on your face. I know. It's really bad. And I'm already trying to fix my skin as it is. And I just have this huge scar on my forehead now. And everyone's like, I went out the other night. They're like, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? And I was like,

Oh, okay. I was like, I don't know, but something is wrong with me. But I don't know. I'm banning myself. I'm throwing out all my curling irons. I can't do it anymore. Yeah, it's getting dangerous. You have to take care of yourself. It's scary out there. So should we get into our hot topic of the week? I think we shall. All right, moving on to the hot topic.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp, and before we get into this, I just want to take a moment to thank my mom. Mom, if you're listening, I love you, and thank you for everything you do for me. You know, this month is all about gratitude, and along with thanking other people like

my mom, maybe it's your family, maybe it's your friends, maybe it's your therapist. There's another person that we don't get to thank enough and that is ourselves. And, you know, sometimes it's hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything and in this crazy world, it's not always easy. And, you know, this is just a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself and

a great way to thank yourself is to go to therapy and work on yourself and get your mental health in the best place it can be if you're thinking of starting therapy give better help a try it's entirely online designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge let the gratitude flow with

BetterHelp, visit betterhelp.com slash hot mess today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash hot mess.

Guys, cuffing season is back, but have no fear. Tinder is the perfect way to meet someone this fall. I mean, when all of your friends are getting cozy around the fire, maybe you don't want to be a fifth wheel, maybe you want to go out there and meet someone for yourself. I mean, why try and go meet someone in the wild when Tinder can show you the best potential connections? You can add prompts to your profile to lose any icebreaker awkwardness and get right to the good stuff and try out Tinder vibes to see if your new match

passes the vibe check. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Our hot topic of the week is going to be talking about being introverted or extroverted. I don't, I guess I would say I'm an extrovert, but maybe not when I first meet people. Honestly, this idea came from Ashton.

Yeah, when I had a little mentee bee the other week, I was like, why do I like have such weird interactions and I always overthink everything and I like, I'm not like fully myself when I talk to people and then I was like, I totally forgot that I'm like such a shy person and I've always been that way and like, we

We've just been in so many like big social interactions and I'm always out with like big groups of people all the time that I'm kind of just like forced to be more social and outgoing than I normally would be like on my lonesome. And then I was like, wait, I totally forgot. I'm such a little shy introvert girl, which is so funny. You overthink after talking with someone about like what you said? Yes. Because I...

half of the time I'll say things and I'm like that is so just not how I am as an actual person and I don't know it's hard to explain I feel like the only time I overthink or like could relate to this is when I unless I say something like stupid or I'm like why did I say that but I feel like when I have like anxiety and you're just like anxious about everything that you said yes or like what I didn't say like I'll be so quiet talking to people and I'm like why weren't you just being normal

It's like hard. It takes me a minute to really be my full self around someone. I don't know why. I feel like I don't really agree with you because every time I bring you around new groups of people, I think especially like this past year or so, like I've just literally brought Ashton with me in my back pocket everywhere. And everyone I bring Ashton to me, everyone's like, oh, my God, she's amazing. And they like you better than me.

Thank you. But I feel like you do a good job at like having conversations with random people. I don't know. I think it's just that I overthink it. I am definitely a shy person. And if you put me in a room like I'm I'm good at being myself when I'm with you and friends and people I'm comfortable with. And then we meet people like as a group. But if I were to just one on one be introduced to someone, I'm like the most shyest, awkwardest, quietest person ever.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I'm definitely not. I would say I'm an extrovert in the sense of like, I like being with people. I always like being with people and I can be very outgoing and...

I'm not like overthinking everything I say, but the first times that I meet people, I, it takes me so long to warm up to someone and people don't expect that from me at first, especially when I meet girls like Earl girls out in person and they're all like, wait, you're so much quieter than I expected you to be. And so many people say that I think just because I have such like a loud, outgoing personality online and I am loud and outgoing, but only when I'm like comfortable with someone.

I also think that is a weird dynamic that sometimes like messes with my head a little bit because posting online, I feel like you can just post whatever and you're posting to so many people, but, or at least I don't like actively think about how many people I'm posting to when I post, I'm just like comfortable by myself in my room posting my weird little thoughts. And then it's like so many people see it and they feel like they know you and like they expect you to be like that, like in an,

a social setting or out in public. And that's just, I get scared. I don't know. I really like meeting people. And I do feel like when they tell me that they're like, they're like, Oh, I'm a neural girl. And I'm like, Oh my God. Okay, great. Like I can be myself around her sometimes though, when I meet people and I don't,

know if they know me i don't know i get really stressed out about opening up to someone i like to like match the other person's energy a little bit more but like you said with posting online and like not realizing how many people you're posting for i i've seen some tiktok or something and it was like oh there's like a hundred thousand people in this stadium and the stadium was like massive and huge and she was like i have like two million followers and i was like oh my god and i was like

I also you like forget like how many people see the things that you post and I'm like wait should I not be posting these things no I know it's like scary that's why I always freak out because then I'm like I keep to myself mostly I'm kind of private you know I don't share even you yell at me all the time you're like why don't you tell me things why are you so secretive like blah blah blah and I'm like I'm not secretive I just like don't run around telling my

shit to people all the time. - That is something you do differently than me though, that kind of annoys me, is you keep things to yourself. Say you go on a date with a guy, right? I'd be the type to go back and tell my friends step by step every detail, like the way he moved his fingers, where he looked, and Ashton, and a lot of, like Kristen's this way too, won't say anything that goes good. And I'm like, "Uh, hello?"

like where's all the details and some people just don't like to share but I like to share and I like to know so it really pisses me off that you don't share with me yeah I think you're also just nosy in my life you're always like what are you doing what was this what was that and I'm like oh like why don't you like to tell well it's not that I don't like to I don't know it's just you don't need to know every single little detail of everything some things can be

No. Yes, I do. I don't like to keep things private, though. I guess that's another thing about me is maybe I don't really keep much private.

at all. I mean, definitely not online and like definitely not with the people in my life. Like I just don't, I don't know if I'm going through something, like I like to go through it and like explain it to someone else or tell someone else. Like even like, I just, I don't really love being alone if I'm, I do like peace and quiet though. But if I'm being alone, I like to be alone, like with someone, you know? So like someone could be like sitting in the same room as me. We don't have to talk, but I like another bodily presence.

See, that's where we differ as well. I...

always like self-isolate and like to be alone you scare the shit out of me when you do this because i'll hang out with ashton and she will go into like the bathroom or the bedroom or somewhere and like sit for like 45 minutes to like four hours and not come out and like we'll all be just hanging out having a great time and all of a sudden she goes away and she's in my room and i'm like knocking on the door like hey you're so concerned all the time you're like are you okay i'm like

I'm fine. - Well, 'cause I just don't understand. I'm like, where are you going? And she's just like, I just wanna sit here alone. And I'm like, you just flew all the way to Florida to hang out with me and now you're just sitting in my room alone. - But that's why I need people like you in my life to be like, no, like my roommate who just knocked on my door and was just coming to lay with me because we were out last night. But that's the thing, I will just stay alone forever unless there's someone else who comes in with me. I just, I don't know, I like to be alone. Sleeping alone too.

Even if my friends like all night. Oh, I do like to sleep alone. Yeah. Like, I feel like at the end of the day, doing so much with being around people all the time, I just like to come home to my room alone and have some me time. No, I like to be alone too. But like you like to have your me time, like sometimes like too much, like all the time. I'm like, you're not having any, like anything else but your me time. She literally locks herself in my room and I'm like, what? I scream. I'm like, get out.

Yeah, you get mad at me. I just don't understand what you're doing. It's a little bit of a problem. I can self-isolate a little too much. But that's also where all the overthinking happens when I'm alone. I'm just like...

But when you're self-isolating, do you want to be taken out of your self-isolation or no? No, I like being alone and having my alone time. But sometimes I'm like, oh, I should stop being a weirdo and like interact with people. But when you first meet people, at least for me, I kind of got sidetracked. It takes me a minute to open up to people. And I'm always astonished by people that can be themselves alone.

right away so loudly like not that I'm not myself but I'm just not my full self right away like I like to see like if this person's gonna share something about themselves or let their guard down a little bit like I feel like I keep my guard up until I see that someone else's guard goes down a little bit and then I'm like oh okay this is like a safe environment for me I'm always like in awe of those people that can just walk into a room and not know anyone and just fully be like

coming so strong with their personality and just not even care those are the type of people that when I hang out with someone and they're automatically right away like so fun and so friendly I'm automatically so fun and friendly but if the other person is like yeah but if the other person's really quiet then I then tend to stay more on the quiet side it's crickets

So I'm like, maybe these other people are fun and loud too, but like I need to be the first to bring it out. And I, some, I just kind of depends the environment, but I would say like a lot of people meet me and they're like, you're so much more shy when I first meet you than like after getting to know you. That is definitely a thing for me too. Also, a lot of people are always like,

I thought you would be a bitch before I met you because I'm just like kind of quiet and reserved and not like super talking a bunch to people. So I get that a lot, too. It's just like my RBF. And I'm like, I'm having a like a great time talking to you. But like, I'm not all the time smiling ear to ear while talking to you like this. Like, I don't know why this is just like I would just rather talk like this.

and before I talk to people, they're like, I thought you were going to be the biggest bitch, and I really hate that I give off that vibe, and then the second that I talk to you, though, I'm like, you'll see that I'm very nice, but I don't know. I don't want to give off that vibe, and I've been trying to, like, work on my RDF. Me too. Because it's sad. It's sad. I don't want people to think that I'm mean. I don't want people to think I'm a bitch. Yeah. It expends a lot of energy for me to fully, like,

try to show my personality I almost think sometimes like the people that you meet that are like hi how are you nice to meet you like yes like whatever like I'm like I don't trust you for some reason I'm like why are you so happy right now it's like you're putting on a show yeah yeah I'm like and everyone's like oh they're so nice and I'm like are they though

Because I've met some people that are like that, that actually aren't the best people, but they're just really good at being really friendly. But I'm like, are you that happy all the time? I don't think so. I feel like for someone to really like genuinely like me as a person, you have to like, we have to have multiple interactions and multiple conversations and hang out. I feel like to actually like know my real personality, you have to spend hours.

real time with me and like actually hang out with me and get to know me because it's not it's not something that I can like to warm up to yeah because I don't know but I'm I don't know I'm not as bad as you I don't think and I will say one thing that has happened over the past year year and a half with being in like the public eye is media training yeah

And I... So basically, you know, when you...

have some type of social presence and you're going to be doing interviews and press and I don't know, maybe going on other podcasts or whatever. You're just talking online in general. You usually do some type of media training in the beginning. And it's weird because I'm like, what even I was in college. I was like, what am I even being media trained for? Like, I don't even know what I'm doing. And you're just kind of like plopped into these scenarios like, oh, all of a sudden you're on a carpet answering these questions. All of a sudden you're like doing an interview with this magazine. Yeah.

I hate interviews so much. They're so scary. But the thing is, I used to be so scared by interviews because I did all this media training because I really wanted to be...

perfect in my responses and I think for me where I would get my wires sort of crossed is like we have been brought up to have like a business professional background at least like that's the way like dad raised us in work and when you're in a work environment you are to be professional and you know we learned a lot of that in school as well and how to be in an interview and then

the thing that would trip me up is i wanted to be that like professional buttoned up corporate type of girl in a work setting and i want people to take me seriously but at the same time when you're just someone who's like an online presence that's not really what they're looking for they're looking for personality so like i got so worried about saying everything like buttoned up per

perfection and I'm like that's that's not even who I am online and what I'm posting and the reason that people enjoy me so I feel like I've done all these interviews and I've

press and I just wasn't even being myself I was like so afraid to say anything that could maybe be just not perfectly in line and I think I did too much media training so now I'm literally untraining myself from the media training untraining the media training no and that's like the opposite for me I've not been media trained and then I get scared and just start blabbing

because i good no but i'm also i still struggle to like get my actual personality across in interviews i like see videos of myself and i'm being such like a weirdo and i'm like who is that but i don't recognize her like it's so hard it's not that it's hard work it's hard to it's just difficult what just the second that someone's like interviewing you it feels so professional

And I'm like, why can't like this happened to me actually last year at as a Paris Fashion Week. And I was doing an interview after the Miu Miu show with someone. And I was with this girl the whole day. We were having a great conversation, great banter. And the second that she sat down, she's like, OK, let's start the interview. And she hit record on her phone. And then you just I clam up, clammed up. And I literally couldn't speak. I didn't know who I was. I was like, wait, wait.

No. So that one interview I did with Nylon Magazine, we were driving from my hotel to the coach show and the interviewer was in the car with me and

We were just talking and she was just like, oh, like, how was your day? I was like, oh, I had a photo shoot this morning. Like, it's been crazy. I just had like five minutes to change, blah, blah, blah. And then she just kind of like was talking to me like normal about my day. And then all of a sudden I look over on her lap and her phone is recording. And I was like, oh, I was like, and then immediately I started like stuttering and it was really bad. You have to trick yourself into not knowing that it's happening. And that was the interview, too, where I was like I was it was such a busy day for me. I was like so stressed. I'm like, what?

not a single clear thought crossed my brain. And that was the interview with the headline where it was like, my sister gives me the egg. And I was like, oh my God, this is why I can't do interviews. No, because you haven't had any media training. Your interviews have been so good and so funny. Like the headlines being like,

if I don't see any famous people here, I'm leaving. Or when you were like, my sister gives me the ick. Like that stuff is so, that's what makes something interesting. And now I'm trying to be more like you. And I have been doing a good job recently. And I'm just like, what the hell am I so scared about? And I'm like, I am so boring and I come across so boring

just not myself in these interviews because I'm just trying to say like the pitch perfect answer and I'm like I'm not running for president I'm just being myself so I have to let loose a little it's just still so scary in general to be interviewed I always in my mind I'm like I need the right answer that's like kind of shows my personality and maybe it's a little witty there's no right answer and that's the problem I struggle with a lot when I'm like there's no right answer I'm like what do I do um yeah I just kind of

Coming to this new headspace where I'm a little bit more like I don't really care what people think of me. And I think I was so stuck on just having all these eyes on me and having or wanting everyone to

to like me. So I would try to like mold myself into something that everyone would like. And I was like, I'm not even being myself. And I was like, if people don't like me, that's fine. But I need to just like stay true to who I am. I think I actually have been a lot better about just like I went to the CFDA awards and granted like they were good. That was I feel like the first time that I just was like,

letting loose a little bit and not that it was anything crazy but I was much more comfortable like usually before I do those interviews like I'm choked up and just so scared and then I was like what am I so scared of like I'm just talking about myself so it's definitely taken a while to get adjusted to but I feel like I'm finally coming into a space where I'm sure of myself and I

also used to these things where there's a camera being shoved in your face with a microphone and I've just been a little bit more comfortable with it. Yeah. For me, I'm so bad at talking about myself.

Because I'm just like, oh, like, I don't know. Like, I'm just me. Like, I don't know. Like, my mind goes blank when people ask me questions about myself. I'm like, because I just, I'm like, I don't know. Because I feel like half of me wants to be perceived a certain way. And then I get nervous. And then I, like, end up losing all sense of self. And that's, like, the anxious, scared. I'm just always scared a little bit of everything. Like, you know? Yeah, I think, um...

What I've realized though is the more that I'm just myself, the better it goes. And I always get stressed about when I'm in big groups of people that when I leave, you know when someone, you hang out with someone for the first time and then they leave and everyone's just like, wow, like they're so nice. Like they're so great. I was like, I feel like no one has ever said that about me. And then- I think that all the time. I always think I'm just like, like there, like I'm an NPC. Like I feel like that's how I am. Yeah.

And I hung out with Jake and all his friends at a dinner in LA. And I was like, you know what? Because I consciously was like, you know what? I just need to be myself because it was people I didn't really know at first. And usually I just...

I think when you're in a group of people where there's multiple people that know each other and you don't know anyone for the first time, it's a lot easier to just be quiet because you're like, you're not part of the group or part of their things. But this dinner in my head, I literally was like, let's just like be really friendly. Just talk like normal, act like you know everyone. And then I left and Jake texted me and was like, everyone, when you left and got in your car said that you were so nice. And I was like, I'm literally framing this text. It was the

was the coolest thing ever. Especially like with Jake's friends like they're just so funny. They're so funny. I'm like one of those people who's like my whole life I've been like I won't speak unless spoken to kind of like I'm not gonna be the one to go up to you and be like hi let's be best friends like blah blah blah. All my roommates said I was really weird for this like in a class if I don't know any friends in my class I will just go and sit and not interact with anyone not talk to anyone and leave like I don't

You don't have class friends? No, all my friends are always like, yeah, I was like with my class friend and I was like telling them about like this crazy like weekend we had and like blah, blah, blah. I was telling them all this and that. We were talking, we were texting. And I'm like, you just like make class friends. Like you look to someone sitting next to you and you're like, hey, like let's be friends. Like that is so scary to me. That's really, it's scary to me. A class friend is the best type of friend. It's like a work friend. Like you just get each other on a different type of level and it's like, yeah.

there's never any drama obviously because like you just see them like going to class and like I think my class friends are like some of the best friends in my life no but like I'm sure like I wish I could make class friends but I'm just so scared to just be like hey you know like I can't go up to anyone if someone were like I feel like the only class friends I've ever made were people that have come up to me but even then I'm still like so awkward and I'm like yeah like like I'm such a freak for some reason I

I'm trying to remember. I don't know. I'm not overly the person to like go up to someone and be like, hey, whatever. But usually I feel like my class friends formed from me.

Being like, what is the test? I wasn't paying attention. And then you just start talking. That's why I dig myself into a hole because I'm like, I'm so scared to interact with anyone. If I miss work or notes or like a deadline or something, I just won't. I won't text anyone. Even if I have a question, like I missed a note because I ran to the bathroom. I'll just be like, oh, damn it. Better luck next time. Yes.

I like it's really weird and I'm aware that it's weird but I'm just like so so scared. And you know that Natalie's one of my friends that was a class friend. Really? Yeah.

This was actually psycho of me. What? Tell me. I found out... So Natalie was in my class and I found out this was freshman year that we had been getting with the same guy. And I was like, wait a minute. I need to know what's going on here. So I...

went up to her after class and was like hey do you want to like go to starbucks together like let's get a coffee and she was like yeah and we were just talking about i don't know it was like a law class or something we were talking about our homework or final coming up and i was like so like are you getting with

blah, blah, blah. And she was like, yeah, I know. I can't believe I did this. And I was like, yeah, me too. I was like, doesn't he kind of suck? And then she was like, oh my God, he's the worst. And then we started like shitting on him together. And then we became best friends. Oh my God,

I love Natalie. I know. I know, but isn't that, like, crazy? That's so funny. She was just a girl in my class that, like, I found out was getting with the same guy as me, and I was like, let's discuss this, because I was like, I don't know if she knows, and I was like, if I was her, I would want to know, too, and I didn't have beef with her, but I just was like, I also didn't like the guy, so I wanted to, like, let her know that I didn't like him, but I guess I did kind of, I don't know what was going on, but anywho, we're best friends now. That's so girls girl of you.

I love that. I had no idea. Yeah. And one time I went into his room and there was another girl's dress on the bed. And I remember being like, oh, like that's not my dress. And it was like so awkward. He like swept it to the side. I remember our junior year of college. Natalie was like, oh, my God. I had this like cheetah print dress I would wear all the time freshman year and I lost it. And I was like, wait.

I found that cheetah print dress when I went into his room to get with him and I was so upset and it was her dress and we literally were each other's mistresses and we didn't put it together until like junior year that the dress I found that I was so upset by was her dress that's so funny yeah so that's how we became best friends but it was all thanks to class yeah see that's very extroverted coded of you

I don't know. I guess I am extroverted, but it just takes me a while to warm up to people. But I used to be... I used to not be this way at all. I used to be so shy. I remember when...

We were in maybe like fifth grade. Remember when mom took us to... What modeling agency was that? Oh, Ford. I think it was Ford. Yeah. The like open casting calls in New York City for Ford models. We literally waited like five blocks down for this model casting. And I got a call back for this...

some type of I don't remember obviously the shoot at the time but when you like walked in and then it was to see if you would get picked for the shoot and it was me and like a bunch of these other girls and you wait in this long line finally got up and the question they were like hi nice to meet you I was like hey I'm Alex like that's literally how shy I was and he was like what do you like to this day I remember his question was what do you like to do on a Saturday and I stood in silence for I kid you not

Four minutes straight, literally just looking at this man like,

That's literally me right now. And mom was like tapping me and she was like, Alex, like you like to ride horses. Like say you like to ride horses. I'm like, I like to ride horses. Wait, no, that's literally me. When I was doing like the little video clips for the nylon and elite daily interviews I did, they did like fun little social media clips where they asked me like stupid little questions, like superlatives. I literally, Alex, I'm like really embarrassed by this. They asked me a question and I was like, uh,

like a whole minute and i was looking around the room i was like ashton no one's gonna fucking tell you the answer just say something i know sometimes you just have to not care but i will say you've always been really shy in ordering food at restaurants like now you're better but i would like it was maybe until you went to college that like you wouldn't order at a restaurant she would say i remember and you would get so mad at me when we were little the waitress would come over and be like what does everyone want to eat we would go around the table it would get to ashton she would say

And I was like, Ashton, use your words. No, it's so funny because my ex-boyfriend from high school, when I first would meet his family and do family dinners with him, they would all fuck with me and be like, Ashton, stop being so loud. Stop talking so much. And they would always shit on me for it. And they had a joke where, because I think I said something and they were all like, what? And I remember his brother...

would have this joke with me. You would talk like Marcel Bachel. I literally was. His brother would do the same thing that you just did. He'd be like, hey Ashton. And I was like,

It was like so embarrassing, but at least they were like a fun outgoing group to where they like made fun of me for it. If if his family was like super like uptight and like strict and like scary, I probably would never speak to them ever because I'd just be too scared. Yeah, I mean, meeting boyfriends, family, scary. It's so scary to me.

But and like you're trying to be on your best behavior. Like you want them to like you, but you also want to like show your personality, but you're not sure. Yeah, it's like you're just boring if you're not showing your personality, but it's so scary. And you're like, what if they don't like laugh? And yeah, it was actually funny. Last year I met Braxton's grandpa. He's Puerto Rican. So he...

He kind of speaks like broken English or he has like a very thick accent. So he doesn't get his words out correctly all the time. And oh my gosh, what did he say? So the first time I met him, we were going to a Dolphins game and I was like dressed up. I had my hair done, makeup on. And then the second time I met him, I just came over to like hang out with his family and I was in sweatpants. My hair was up. I had no makeup on. And he was like, you looked better before. Oh!

And I was like, I would literally start crying. But he said that he meant to say, you look better than you did before. But I think that was his family just trying to make me feel better. They were just trying to make you feel better. I don't think that's what he meant. But like meeting the family and like, you know, when you're just like, it was Braxton's mom, Braxton's aunt, Braxton's dad, all these people, his cousins, people I just didn't know. And like he, the grandpa literally roasted me in front of everyone. And I was like, I'm going to go home now.

That's so funny. I remember being like purple. Yeah, that's like me my whole life. Don't miss the epic return of Yellowstone premiering Sunday at 8/7 Central only on Paramount Network. Legacy. You build something worth having, someone's gonna try and take it. What I'm doing isn't for the ranch, it's for us. America's number one show returns. I spent my whole life here. Me too. You destroy me, you destroy yourself.

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It sounds like I've been talking very negatively about being introverted, but I like it. I like to keep to myself and be private and I don't have to rely on anyone else to kind of bring me up in a way. No, it's definitely a great skill. It's definitely a great skill. I like it. I think it's kind of cute. I'm giving mysterious. I am someone who I don't really like to be alone. And I think being able to be introverted in a way is like you're comfortable with yourself is

is great like I'm almost like uncomfortable with myself at times like I don't want to be alone or in my own thoughts like I always need to be in the presence of someone else like if I'm alone I'm alone together meaning like someone else is in the room yeah I feel like you view being alone as like a negative thing and I view it as a great thing like I love my alone time so I'm definitely have to get better at that and it definitely doesn't help also having like a boyfriend

Because then you're also, like, codependent on them and just, like, want to be with them. And I feel myself, you know me, it's hard for me to feel emotions. And I feel myself, like, missing Braxton a lot and, like, being upset when I'm not with him. And I'm like, oh, no. Like, I don't want to be that way, but I am that way now. Yeah. Do you ever feel, yeah. I was going to say, do you ever feel, like, after you're doing a lot of, like,

social interaction that you like need to like decompress and like come back like you need to take a break like I always do I always have to take a break at some point I feel more alive

I feel better if I'm doing social stuff, social stuff, social stuff. Like I feel not good when I'm like alone, alone, alone, alone, having health and wellness. I like to like be social and go out obviously, but it gets to a point where I'm always like, okay, I need to like regroup and like be alone for a minute and like come back. It like, it's like coming back to reality for me almost.

which is like no I don't I don't feel that way I don't know I feel pretty like alive and grounded when I'm with other people I think like I thrive off of being with like my friends and those interactions and well I don't yes I do too but I don't know I always like need to come back to me at some point I don't know it's a weird I don't really know how to explain it I feel like people will

will get what I'm saying. Yeah, no, there's definitely a group of people that feel that way. And that's honestly like, I wonder if that's healthier. I hosted an event with a clothing brand in LA this summer and they were like, I wasn't really given any details until the day of when I got there. And I was like terrified. I was like, what do you mean I'm hosting an event? Like that is one of my biggest fears.

But it was honestly pretty chill. It was just like a group of girls. We did a Pilates class and then a lunch. And then they were like, you're going to have a little session after where all the girls are going to like, we're going to sit around the couch and like play games and they're going to ask you questions about yourself and all this stuff. And I was like, what? That's terrifying. But then.

I was like, okay, yeah, sure. Because I wasn't in a place to, like, say no. I was like, yeah, that sounds great. I'm not scared at all. And then the event went on and we did the Pilates class and then we had the lunch after. And then everyone was kind of just, like, socializing and talking after because they were doing... There was, like, a little tattoo station and, like, a little permanent jewelry station. So everyone was kind of just, like, walking around socializing. And the...

The woman that was running the event kept coming up to me. She was like, are you okay? Are you upset that you're not getting enough attention? I was like, oh no. I was like, I'm doing great. But I was being... I was actively aware of how weird I was being. I was trying to talk to girls, but I'd be like, hi, nice to meet you. And no one was really coming up to me because I don't know if...

they thought I was now I'm like, I'm so scared that I left and everyone thought I was a bitch. I was so shy to just like, I really wanted to meet everyone there and be like, Hey, like what's going on? But like, I was just so nervous and I like ended up, I think I met like three girls and the interactions were so awkward and I left and I was like, what is wrong with me? Like I really need to work on that. Oh, I feel like once I meet people, I'm fine, but I definitely would feel like,

Like a sense, I don't have confidence in the sense that people ever want to like meet or talk to me. That's what I was thinking. I was like, why would anyone want to talk to me? And then I was like, actually, I'm literally hosting this event. That happened really hard to me at the summer at the Hot Mess Boat Party, which was like an event that I threw, sold tickets for, girls bought. There was literally like 60,000 people trying to buy it in the first like minute and it sold out.

And I walked in and was like, head down, head down. Like, oh my God. Like I should have been like, Hey, like thanks for coming. Welcome. But I was like, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I don't know. So that I lack a little confidence in and like people are like, oh, you should do like a podcast tour or you should like throw parties like for, you know, Earl girls to come. And I just like,

Never want to because I have no faith that anyone would show up because i'm like what like I just don't think so Like I really just don't have faith that anyone would come Which is so funny because at that party. I remember I was talking to girls the entire night. I get very talkative and

way more outgoing when i have a few drinks in me i was best friends with everyone at that party i was like down at the bar with all of them just talking the whole time and dad kept being like where have you been i'm like i'm with my best friends like what are you talking about these girls i met five minutes ago i don't know i think it's like i'm so used to being so shy that when i have like one drink i'm like oh i don't care anymore i'm like we sometimes i think like that's the way i have to go about it or like for these interviews i'm like i need to pretend as if i just took like

a shot or so and was a shot yeah maybe i should no i i'm done with drinking i yeah i hate it so much i don't want this to sound bad but i think i'm like a good drinker what do you mean you're a good drinker i don't know i just like haven't been going out so i was scared that like i wouldn't be able to do it anymore like you can't handle your alcohol

Yeah, because I think I got remember like a few episodes ago and I was like, wait, I'm so hungover. I can't like move.

I think I just like wasn't used to going out because now like I'm completely fine. Like I can go out and be functioning the next day. I think if anything, it almost like sparks more ideas for me. I think you just like that in your little like diluted hungover state where you're still a little drunk. I get very creative. I'm so much. I'm so much better. I was the wait. So this Instagram I posted the other day when it was like pictures of me out with like the martini glass and then at the deli with the sandwich, um,

I was like still drunk, I think, the next morning because I just like threw that up on Instagram and it was like not curated. It took me like two seconds and it did so well. And I was like, maybe I need to just like lose a little bit. Have a little dirty martini and start posting my Instagrams. We love the martinis. But it is bad because like I do think things...

things are so much better when i'm drinking like i have this tiktok of me and sally because we were out and someone said like dun dun like you know the law and order sound yeah and i and we were like that's really funny like that's gonna be our new thing like i could so see sally doing that like yeah no we thought it was the best thing ever so i made this tiktok or 10 and

to the sound law and order. Dun dun. And Sally was like, you should post it right now. And I was like, I don't post things when I'm like having a drink. That's so smart of you because I do and it's bad. I just don't. I was like, you know what? Because we're not in the right head space. Let's just not. And it's something that I've learned to not do.

and I didn't post it and Sally was like you should post it I was like I'm just gonna wait till the morning and I woke up in the morning and I watched these TikToks and I was like this like it literally like couldn't be less funny and in the moment we thought it was so good and we were like dun dun and I was like we it's just like not funny in the slightest and we thought it was the best TikTok of all time and I was like that's why you don't post when you're out no when I drink I think I am the funniest person

ever and I want to post everything and I do sometimes and then I wake up and I'm like Ashton what did you do you're just being weird the second that Ashton starts drinking I forgot that you do this you don't stop talking oh no I you actually like sometimes like I talk too much she like is I say this I tell everyone I'm like I need a muzzle on my face when I drink it's the second that Ashton has a drink like she has

she's i completely switch she doesn't stop talking like i don't even think you're breathing that is what i get all of my anxiety from is just how much i just all i remember every night after going out is just me talking and talking i'm like what was i saying i don't even know and i'm really scared and i always get in situations like this and my friends are like drunk is because like she is she's talking i'll just start talking i don't talk when i'm sober just when i'm drunk

I mean I think everyone like drunk talks a little bit when you like say something to someone and you're like wait why did I say that? But I think it's such a harsh difference for me because I'm mute normally. Yeah I don't really get anxiety though about things like that like things that I would say. I do because I'm just like what did I say? Because you know when someone's talking to you a lot and they just keep talking and you're out and you're like okay yeah sure yeah that's me I'm that person. Yeah.

And I'm aware of it. I need. Yeah, we're quitting alcohol. I hate her. Love her though. It's a love hate relationship. I don't know. That's the other thing is I think it took a while for me to realize. I don't I don't mean this to sound bad, but.

It may sound bad, but when you're going out in college, it's like everyone's going out and like to like black. So, yes, like you're getting so drunk and so it's not fun. And it's like you don't even remember. And I'm like, you can go out and have fun and have a drink or two and just like be able to let loose a little. But you don't need to be drunk.

like like blacked out not remembering anything yeah yeah you don't want to be like that another thing i found about going out i just really want to dance like i was like what is the fun in going out recently and i went through a phase where i was like going out it's not fun anymore and then i was like wait i want to do something and i was like what is it that i enjoy about going out and it's really just being around my friends and dancing i just want to dance you don't understand last night we went out like i don't really want to talk to people i just want to dance no

That's the thing I don't really get about the whole like, you know what, for example, like Leggits at home. They have the same soundtrack of like oldies that they play every day. And then it's so packed and it's everyone just like standing around the bar talking and drinking. And I'm like, OK, yeah, like it's nice to like I like to go.

When it's like you're catching up with people and talking. But when I want to go out, I'm like, I want to dance. And I dance like a freak. Yeah. Like I don't want people to look at me. That's what's fun about going out is just like letting loose and dancing. Last night after the event we were at, we were going to go to this other bar after because the event ended. And instead we went to my friend's house and there was like five of us and we were just playing music on the TV and we danced for like

three hours and I was like, this is really embarrassing. But we were just like having fun and like dancing. When I lived with my friends, we did this one night where we all were like supposed to go out and then we just came back. But we were already like a little tipsy and we played music and we just danced like freaks for like, like we all were like taking our clothes off and just dancing and like laughing and having fun. And like, that's all that

I want to do when I'm going out. I just want to dance. I do too. Girls just want to dance. Girls just want to dance. Girls just want to dance. I don't like the way that I dance. And...

When I'm going out and it's just not good, but I always, my go-to when I get excited when I'm out is I'll turn around and put my hands on something and put my face down and I just go like, boom, boom, boom. Like, start, like, shaking your ass. But, like, it's not, like, shaking it. It's just, like, lift up and down, lift up and down, lift up. You know, it's worse. It's fine. But, like, that's, like, if someone's, like, if I get excited for something, I'm just, like. You're just, like. It's my happy dance. I love that.

No, my new dance move that I keep doing now and I'm like fully aware because I see people look at me and I'm like, oh, this is weird, but I can't stop doing it. I do the snanky leg. I like I go like this. I like twist my knee in and out and like I go I take it all the way to the floor and back up. And I'm like, what am I doing?

I'm like, I look so weird. You know Sarah's? Sarah's dance is this. Yeah. She just goes like this, like, really intensely. I love people's dance moves so much. I've been literally, like, pangering this panda. I'm, like, ripping its legs off. I really want to snuggle with him right now. I know. Isn't he cute? Yeah. How's BB? BB's gooch. Miss him. Panda. I've seen BB always.

Always, honestly. Yeah. Well, I should probably do What Would Alex Do? Yeah, you probably should. It's time to kick you out. Okay. Love you. Okay. Love you. All right. So instead of What Would Alex Do? at the end of this episode, because I know we've missed What Would Alex Do? the past few episodes, and that is, you guys know, my favorite part of each episode. I have decided that next week's episode, we are going to do a full What Would Alex Do? episode, but...

even better because it's going to be actual voicemails that you guys leave into the podcast. So I'm going to be able to hear your voice and we've never done that before. I'm really, really excited for it. I was going to sit down and do what would Alex do, but I was like, I don't want it to be rushed. I really want to hear what you guys have to say. And I actually want to hear your voices and, um,

speak with the Earl girls and I know we haven't done this in a few episodes so I'm really excited for that so I will see you guys next Thursday thanks for tuning in don't forget to subscribe follow this podcast wherever you're listening watching I love you guys and Earl girls I will see you next Thursday bye wait did I just turn that off how do I get that back on I'm a hot mess

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