Hot Mess Hotline
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I posted something on my Instagram story that you guys could leave some voicemails and I have not heard any of them yet. So we have a few and I'm just going to do what would Alex do like I normally do, give you my takes on things, what I would do. I always say maybe it's not the best advice, but it's just what I would personally do. And I have a bunch of voicemails from you guys and I'm kind of nervous for this. I'm not going to lie because I'm

I'm scared to hear your voices. I'm like, this is just making it more real. I feel like I'm gonna be interviewing you guys and I don't know. I'm just like, what are you guys gonna say in here? I don't know. I'm filming this right now in New Orleans. We just got here. So I'm in my hotel room.

on a little couch. I just had some lunch with Ashton and we're gonna be without Ashton for this episode. It's just gonna be me and you guys because we haven't done What Would Alex Do in a few episodes and it's always my favorite and I wanted to do a full What Would Alex Do episode, but I was like, how do we take it to the next level? I really want to hear from you guys and I'm wondering like did you go into more details? I actually have no idea what these voicemails are about to...

unfold I'm going to turn up the volume on my phone so you guys can hear it let's I don't even know how to hit play hey Alex so I'm hosting a party next week and I invited a lot of my close friends including the two guys I've been casually hooking up with I'm worried that they're both going to try to be all touchy-feely with me so do you have any advice on how to dodge them while still being friendly without ruining my relationship with either of them

- Oh my gosh, okay, first voicemail. Wait, you kind of sound like you're from the Midwest. I don't know if you are, but my mom is from Wisconsin and I feel like she has that same type of accent or a lot of her friends and my family in Wisconsin have that same type of accent. I don't know if you're from the Midwest, but that was my first initial thought.

So, okay, you're having a party and the two guys that you're getting with are both going to be there and you don't, I'm sure you don't want either one to know about the either one. I'm trying to think. I feel like you have to just like play it cool, but you can't be too...

you can't be too telling. Like, if you're too stressed out, then they're gonna, like, catch a vibe. And, you know, just because one is flirting with you doesn't mean that there's anything that had been going on. You know what I mean? So, I think I would just go into it like a regular party and then if one of them tries to take it too far or they're getting too touchy and you don't want the other one to see, then I would kind of just, like,

back off but like make an excuse because if you just are like oh stop like don't do that right now then they're gonna like their signals are gonna go off and they're gonna be like wait why are you being so weird and then they could potentially like start trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together so I feel like if I were you I would just try and play cool and chill and blame a

that you don't want to be like overly affectionate on the stress that like, I mean, on the fact that you're having a party and maybe you're a little bit stressed and you're like, I just want to make sure everything's going good right now. Like, I just want to go check on everything. I want to go see my friends and bounce around like that and have fun. But that's definitely like a stressful thing

um situation and I'm trying to think if I've ever been in that situation before I feel like I most definitely probably have but I don't know if any story is coming to the top of my mind oh my gosh wait I'm completely lying there's a story that is a top of my mind and it's actually a crazy story so there's this one guy that I was kind of talking to this was when I was in school in college and

I was talking to him kind of the whole year and then we it was like summer break and we didn't live in the same place so we just kind of like cut off communication and then there was another guy that I started talking to during the summer and both of these guys had mutual friends so we went back to school and I think like late August or early September this was and

and we all were at the club together. So it was me, the guy I used to get with, and the guy that I was having like a little summer fling with.

And I just knew going into the night that like it was going to be kind of awkward and they actually went together. So we went to a pregame and both of the guys were there because both of them were friends with the same guy. And I was just stressed out that like one or the other was going to figure something out or like put their arm around me. And I was just literally trying to like bounce and hop around and act normal and cool and like nothing was going on. And then we got to the club and it

Obviously, I think the one that I hadn't seen all summer, he was just like, oh my god, I'm so happy to see you again. I actually ended up dating this guy. So basically, the two of them started talking at the table and they figured out that I had been getting with the both of them. And then they started to get mad or the one, my summer fling, started to get mad at the guy who was around for the school year.

and he was like you have to pick like right now you have to pick you have to decide and I chose the other one and I left with the other one and then we started dating so yeah and the one that was a summer fling was a disaster anywho so that's for another time but I have been in that situation before and they did end up figuring it out so maybe try to keep them further away from

from each other and don't let them sit next to each other because that's what happened to me. All right, let's go on to number two. Hey, Alex. First time caller, long time not caller. So I started hanging out with this girl who's like pretty mean to me, but like in a fun way, but I'm just like sort of scared that it's going to not stop. How do I ask her to be nicer to me without coming across like a wimp? Thanks.

have a boy! I'm so excited! Oh my god, why did I not know we would have boys? I thought this would be all girls. Okay, or a boy. All right, so there's a girl that's being kind of cold to you. I'm gonna tell you from a girl's perspective, because I'm kind of this way at first too. I'm a little bit mean, and sometimes it's in like a flirty, jokey way, and sometimes...

It's not. And I feel like it's a self-defense mechanism because she's...

protecting herself and she doesn't want to get hurt so she's kind of like closing herself off like if this girl's hanging out with you she likes you you know what I mean like if you're hanging out with a guy especially in like the beginning stages like if she doesn't like you she just like wouldn't hang out with you but if she's hanging out with you and kind of being like a little bit of an asshole because I've definitely been there before it's because she is worried about getting hurt so honestly I think without you being overbearing but the more that you can like reassure her that

you like her, you want to hang out with just her, you know, because maybe if you're not at that stage yet where you're like exclusive, because that's the thing I would do especially too, is like when you haven't really set the boundaries yet, if you're exclusive or not exclusive, she doesn't want to look like an idiot if you go and hang out with another girl. So she's definitely just really stressed out and I think you can talk to her, but don't

don't call her mean because if she's anything like me and she's like a little hot-headed then that might like you don't want to fight fire with fire um but I think the more you can kind of just respectfully let her know that you are there for her that you like her and I mean you can make a comment and be like you don't have to be so cold or like

whatever. Honestly, I think if you could be joking back, I think like Braxton would do this to me a lot in the beginning too and be like, he would joke with me and be like, you know, it's okay to like show some emotion or whatever. But if she's being like mean mean and that's another scenario, if she's like picking you apart, then I feel like there's no problem with saying

like, hey, that's, like, that's making me upset. Can you not say stuff like that? Because there is also parts where girls will, like, try to tear a guy down because they're just feeling maybe a little bit insecure. Same goes with vice versa in a guy and a girl. So I think it depends the level of mean she's being to you. Like, if she's literally, like,

you're ugly or you're this or you're that or whatever, making jokes like that, I would just be like, that stuff pisses me off a little, kind of hurts my feelings. Can you not do that?

or why are you doing that or why are you hanging out with me if you think that way but I think it's probably more so the first one where she's just a little unsure of you guys so she's trying to like play it cool and she doesn't want to get hurt so I think the more that you can reassure her she'll probably be a little bit more open to opening up wow I can't believe we just had a boy call in all right on to number three

Hey, Alex. Just want to say first that I love you and your show so, so much. You are amazing, and I'm dying to meet you one day. But now for the reason why I'm here. I'm about 80% sure that my brother is cheating on his wife. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I interfere? Do I keep it to myself?

I just, and I have such a good relationship with my brother's wife. So then it also feels like I'm lying to her. The reason I do think that he is, is because me and my sister made him share his location with us on find friends. Cause we complained about him being the only person we never know where he is. And he travels a lot for his job. And we are starting to see his location more.

This girl's house who he works with. So it's just, it's fishy. And like I said, not sure if I should intervene because it's not really my business, but also it is my business at the same time because I'm a part of this family and it's affecting me. So I would love to hear your advice on what you would do or what you definitely wouldn't do.

um thanks alex love you oh my god love you too i'm stressed out for you in this situation listening to that i just went through so many different emotions um oh my god this is so fun hearing your guys voices okay so i think first of all what you need to do because you were saying like you're not 100 sure if he is cheating or not even though it kind of seems like he is i think first things first

talk to your brother. That's what I would do personally. Like, if this was going on with, like, Ashton and the guy, and I would sit her down and be like, hey, what's going on here? Are you not happy? Are you telling me the truth? And I think I would encourage them to tell the significant other, because otherwise that would eat me alive. And if they aren't admitting to anything, and if they're not going to tell the other person, oh my gosh. Sure.

Oh my god. I feel like... I don't know. Why do I feel like you should tell her? But I feel like that's so terrible to do to your brother, but also at the same time, just like, I'm so sorry, but he shouldn't be doing that. If he is, I don't know. And like, maybe it's something where like, they can work it out, but she needs to know. But I feel like...

Oh my gosh, can you like write her a note like in the Jersey Shore where it's just like unanimous or like can you set it up in a way where like she can find out that it like doesn't come from you? Oh my god, I'm really stressed out about this for you. Not the more that I think about it, but I feel like you have to tell her. I think personally it would eat me alive if I knew that and I was close with her, but I would definitely talk to your brother first and like sit him down and have a real conversation and be like,

this is what I know. Here's the facts. I'm going to tell her if you don't and like kind of pressure him into doing it and put him in that corner. I'm wishing you the best of luck. I don't even know if I have any more advice for this one. I'm trying to think if I have a story that can relate to this at all or I can try and help you. But I think any time that I've

done a situation like this, at least with, like, a friend, and I know something about the other one cheating on the other one, and I tell the friend I always feel a little better, and there's been times, too, where I've told my friends, like, or there's been an instance where I've been like, hey, uh, he's been apparently cheating on you, and then she just decides to, like, take him back anyway, but it's, like, at least she knew, and it was her choice, so...

i feel like if you can find a way to have him tell her or confront her or let her know or literally write her a note like the jersey's short oh my gosh

Hi, Alex. So my boyfriend of three years just cheated on me with my younger sister. I mean, that was upsetting, but I'm kind of over it. The problem I have now is he kidnapped our dog that we have joint custody over. I need the dog back. That dog is my heart and soul. What do I do? Oh, my God.

I don't even know what to say to that right now. Okay, I love how she's just so nonchalant. Like, my boyfriend of three years cheated on me with my sister, but like, that's not the problem anymore. We're moving on to the dog. I really like that you have this attitude. Oh my god. Oh my god. First of all, oh my god, so many things are going through my head. All right, we're not even going to talk about the cheating on with the sister because I just couldn't imagine that. Like,

i just couldn't imagine someone ashen was dating getting with them like i feel like that's disgusting like i feel like then i would be that's like incest i don't know that's really up and then the dog i mean can you call the police over that am i going crazy is this like an obvious answer can you call the police if you could call the police i would call the police um or

I mean, I'm thinking of if let's get a little bit more crafty with it if we're not going to call the police. He kidnapped a dog. Is there a way for you to get into his place or to literally stalk him? And if he's taking this dog out on a walk or something and like bring some big guy friends with you and like kidnap the dog back?

And you said you have joint custody. Is this like a... I have so many more questions for a follow-up for this. Is this like a real written...

you guys have custody? Probably not. It's probably just, like, a verbal agreement, but, like, if he's acting that way, then you really, you need to save this dog, and you need to get it away from this terrible man. I think you need to kidnap the dog back, but I would probably go the route of, like, trying to call the police first, but I don't really know if the police would do anything. I mean, if he's gonna play dirty, then you have to play dirty back, and you have to get this dog back, because I just, ugh, thinking about leaving, like,

A poor, innocent little dog with a disgusting, filthy man makes me so sick to my stomach. And like, what if he's not taking good care of the dog? He better. But like, if I were you, I would get together the biggest men I know and put together a plan and go kidnap that dog.

hi alex love you so much love you too love to know your thoughts on how to make friends when you're no longer a freshman in college i've been really struggling with this thanks so much love you okay this is a good one um

Making friends when you're no longer a freshman in college, I feel like can feel very isolating because a lot of people do make their friends. Or I guess just like when you go into the freshman year of college and a lot of people don't know each other, everyone's kind of out trying to make friends. And then it seems like people kind of settle into their friend groups.

after freshman year, but I'm telling you that this is so not true. Like I made friends all the way through until, you know, the month before I was graduating, meeting new girls and new people. I would say my biggest piece of advice for meeting and making friends in college is join either like a club that you like, or I don't know, maybe it's yoga classes or maybe it's the surf club. And I've had a lot of people who,

I don't know. I feel like sometimes people are like, do I want to join a club? Is that fun? Is that weird? Like, do I really want to do this? But when you actually go for what you're passionate for and what you have interest in, like I had...

So when I was in a sorority for a little bit of time, and I would also say rushing a sorority is a good way to meet girls and friends. And even if you don't make it into a sorority or you don't even go through with it, but like along the way and people in your rush group, that's also just a really, really great way to make friends. And I...

what was I saying? Oh, and I had a little in the sorority. I had a little for the few months that I was in a sorority and she was literally just the best person ever. She actually dropped at the same time as me. We both were kind of like, let's not do this anymore. But she joined the surf club and or was it? Yeah, it was the surf club. And she was like, I really don't know anyone in this, but I kind of want to do this. And she changed her whole lifestyle around in college. Like

I think in the beginning she was a little scared to go with her gut and she was more so like going out and going to parties and she just realized that that wasn't for her and that wasn't what made her happy. It didn't make her feel good. She joined the surf club. She met all these great people. She met people now to like who she's dating now, like four years later, she travels the world now and

It really, she was inspiring to me with the fact of going out and doing what you're interested in. And even if you don't know anyone else doing these type of things, like you're going to meet people, um,

that have the same interest as you and will probably be a good candidate for friends. And then, yeah, I would say in your classes, I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself of like, oh my God, freshman year is over, everyone's set in their friend groups because that's just, that's not true at all. And if people aren't open to having new friends because they have a friend group,

then those aren't people that you want to be friends with anyway. Like if someone's like, here's our friend group, like we're so closed off, then that's just really not the kind of girls you want to be friends with anyway. So then don't worry about that. But I would say in your classes, literally ask people for if you want to study together. Oh, like, do you want to go do work on campus somewhere over here together? Want to go grab lunch together? Want to grab a coffee before and after class? Like, I think there's so many ways to

in college to make friends and I think you're actually at so much more of an advantage than you are when say like you graduate college and you're a little bit more on your own or you have to go through work to kind of make friends but maybe it's more of like a professional environment so it's a little bit more scary but I would say just don't be afraid to reach out to girls and

It's literally like dating but you have to be like, oh my god, let's go Would you want to go to dinner want to go grab a coffee? and I think if it's the right people that you will be meant to be friends with then That I would say it's a good option I feel like honestly which might be contrary to what people think but I feel like going out is kind of a terrible way to make friends because

It's just it's so hard to get to know someone when they're out and then they're also drinking and then it's like a mess and I don't know. I mean, I think it could be fun of like if you have a new friend and you want to go out together, but it's not the same as like getting to know each other if you're going to sit to a dinner and you're like, oh, where are you from?

Where did you grow up? When did you like decide to come to this school? What are your interests? Like when you just talk about stuff like that, I think it's a little bit easier. And I'm trying to think if I have another piece of advice for making friends after freshman year. I feel like a lot of my friends that didn't come from just like neighboring dorms of where I lived would all be through my classes and who I would study with and do work with. Just have confidence in

asking people to do something and don't be afraid to be like hey want to go to lunch want to go here and there whatever and you know you don't need to be like do you want to be my friend but if you just start hanging out with someone and you guys naturally like each other then you just will become friends that makes sense but good luck and I love you too

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Hey Alex, a few weeks ago my aunt texted me that her best friend has a son who is my age. I ended up meeting him at a party two days ago and I had a lot of fun with him. He's really nice and I wish that I had left with his number or his Instagram or something but that didn't happen. But it's okay because he followed me the day after. We still haven't talked yet but I feel like there's a lot of potential here. Is it worth sending him a DM or should I wait for him?

I don't know. I'm kind of obsessed with him. I don't know what to do.

Ooh, okay, this is a fun one. I definitely think that you should go ahead and slide in the DMs. I mean, if he already followed you, then he kind of like gave you the cue that he's into you. So I feel like you could just say like, I don't know. I mean, I feel like because you've already met and you've already talked, you could kind of think of something clever from your conversation that you talked about. Like, for example, after I met Braxton the first time at the party,

I think I followed him on Instagram after and he never DM'd me or anything back and it drove me crazy and I was like, hello, where are you? Why don't you like me? And

He told me that he did that on purpose because he knew it would drive me crazy and it did and then like two weeks later or something he got my number and I got a text from like a random number and he was like you left without saying bye and that's because I did what I always do when I go to parties and I just Irish exited and did not say bye to anyone. So I think if you're in a situation like that like you have something that you guys talked about that you could say to him or maybe like

I don't know if you followed him back or not yet, but follow him back and maybe he posts a story and you say something like cheeky on the story, but I would definitely go for it. I think that's so fun. And...

I'm excited for you and I'm excited to see where this goes, but don't feel weird for DMing him because I think he's kind of giving you the green light and it's all so better that you know each other. Hey Alex, here's Joyce all the way from Germany. I'm a huge fan of your podcast and I love you and I wanted to ask you a hot topic. What would you do if one of your friends would start to copy your style or your branding or your personality in general?

I just recently had something like this and I would really love to know your answer to this. I hope you have a great rest of your week. Keep smashing it and I love you. Bye. Oh my God, love you too. All the way from Germany. That is insane and I cannot believe people are listening to Hot Mess over there. Okay, so you have someone who's copying you, copying your style, maybe your lingo, whatever

your personality. I've definitely been in this situation before and I think, I mean it depends, if you're really close with someone I think imitation is a form of flattery, right? And I think you can take it as a compliment and I think me and my friends like I know for a fact like we all start to just talk the same or if I'm around someone and they have a certain type of humor and like I'll start to emulate that humor back to them

but it is a little bit different when you have like a serial copier. And I've had this situation before where I feel like this person was just like, the things were so minute that I was like, I don't even think anyone else would realize it besides me because like I know and I'm Alex and I'm like, you are...

copying everything that I do and it would drive me up a fucking wall. It really would. And it was not someone that I was like, I would say like my best, best friend by my side. So, you know, if it's more of just like a friend and they start copying you, I mean, there's nothing really that you can do besides just it's a form of flattery. You know what I mean? But I don't I don't know. It's like it's a little weird. I will say when someone

I think more than like style. I think when someone copies your personality, that's when I find that it's weird when you know, because like for me and my example is like I knew this person and knew their personality. And then I would see them like switch or say things to other people that just like

they didn't enjoy or they didn't like and it was because I said those things or I like those things and it would drive me crazy because I'm like, why don't we just be ourselves here? And I think if it's a thing like that, like a really big personality thing where this person's like going off the walls and like that was for me what drove me crazy was seeing this person be fake to other people because they were copying my personality, if that makes sense. Not because they...

were just copying my style or picked up a little like lingo that I would say like I would see this person fully switch characters to like fool other people and that drove me crazy. So I think that's a situation where it's like I don't know if you really want to be friends with someone who like can't be the same person in front of every single person that they're with but if it's something like they got the same boots as you or the same shoes as you or the same skirt or whatever

it's annoying sometimes. I'm personally someone who doesn't get too annoyed by that type of stuff. I like to share, but it is, I guess, a little bit harder if maybe you have, like, a more unique, fun style and someone starts to copy everything, but really it's just a form of flattery, and I would say unless they're being a bad person, it's just, it is what it is, and, like, you're just an Earl girl and you're killing it, and you have great style and a great personality, and everyone's gonna want to copy it.

Hi, Alex. I love you so much. Love you too. I'm calling because my parents are in the process of getting a divorce. It's been ongoing since March of last year. And so obviously last year was the first time that we had to do all the holidays separately and that sucked. It was really, really hard. I know that you know that. And obviously this year, again, we have to navigate that. And I

I don't really know what to do because I want to see both of my parents, but my dad really has made a new life for himself and he has a new girlfriend that he's living with and she has kids and it's a whole, whole thing. Um, and I'm still living at home with my mom. So I guess my question is, how do I figure out how to split time and how do I split time without feeling like I'm abandoning my mom? Um,

And how can I make the holidays happy again through all this? Because I miss that. Let me know. Love you. I love you. And I'm tearing up under here. That breaks my heart because it is really fresh for you. And I think figuring out the holidays. I mean, there's so many emotions when it comes to holidays in general. And just like when your parents are divorced, it's kind of this

icky situation at times, but we've found a way to make it very positive and fun. But it never feels good when your family feels like it's ripped apart or in two different places, especially during the holidays, because that's when you want everything to feel good and comforting. I would say the biggest thing is

So your dad got a new girlfriend, has kids, probably moving on a little bit better than your mom maybe. And I think the big thing is you want to be there for your mom, right? And you don't want her to feel abandoned and left alone. And I think that's something that's hard as well to navigate, or at least that Ashton and I have had to navigate with our mom, just because there are those times where it's like she's sitting at the house alone and...

we're all off together and it does make me feel really guilty and really sad. But I would say the biggest thing is just be open with your mom about it. Like talk to her and let her know. And she's going to want you to see your dad. She's going to want you to be happy and have a great holiday as well. But don't be afraid to just talk to her about how you're feeling and say like, hey, I want to see dad during the holidays.

What should we do? What do you really want to do? And like, let's make a schedule and make it fun. And I think having a little bit more of a set schedule makes...

It just makes everyone feel a little bit better because say if you're just like randomly hopping from one house to the other, they might feel like, oh my gosh, when is she going to come back? When is she going to see me? But she's over there so much. So personally, what we do during the holidays is we have a pretty set schedule of like, okay, this night I'm with my mom until this time, then I'm going to my dad's.

And Christmas morning, my dad's side wakes up way earlier. My mom is not even up by the time we're doing Christmas presents at 6:00 AM at my dad's house. So it's like we do that whole chunk of the morning. My mom wakes up at 10:00 AM. By that time, we're on route to my mom's house. And I think having a set schedule makes everyone feel a little bit more comfortable

with not feeling alone and I think your mom is going to understand because she's going to want you to see your dad and be with both sides of the family and I think really making those times with your mom really special and I think that's really important just because the holidays can feel kind of lonely so I think the more that you can

Do something special for her or maybe really sentimental I think would be nice for her um when you are spending time with her and I I wouldn't be afraid to tell her that you want to see your dad I mean she's gonna know that and she wants you i'm sure to see your dad and be with all of your family And the adjustment period's weird But I think it's like with anything in life It just takes a little bit getting used to because it's not gonna look like what your holidays maybe looked like in the past but

It is okay. And it's going to start to feel more normal in the upcoming years. And I think the more that you can just be openly open

communicative with everyone in the family, it will feel and go over better and you will feel better and that way you don't have to have any like sense of guilt if you have a conversation with your mom or maybe you have a conversation with her and she was like, that would really piss me off and it's like, if you didn't have that conversation, you wouldn't know and I know everyone's families look different during the holidays, everyone's traditions look different during the holidays, so maybe you know that like, for example, Christmas Eve, my mom has taken us to this Christmas Eve party every single year and that's something that like,

That's in our schedule. We're not giving up. We're not ever going to not be with my mom on the Christmas Eve party. So I think finding whatever is special for your mom during the holidays or your dad for the holidays and then like literally making a set schedule and letting them know that way everyone's clear and she's like, okay, she's gone, but she's coming back at this time. And I think she will appreciate the transparency and the effort and I love you and you're going to have success.

Such a fun amazing holidays and it's gonna get better even if it doesn't feel that way right now but

I'm wishing you the best and I promise it gets easier even if it doesn't feel like it and family drama is normal. If any family drama comes about, then, you know, you can listen to me and Ashton's family drama episode and you can feel better and more normal. But I love you. What would you do if you were dating a guy for about two years? You live in the Midwest and he lives on the East Coast, so it's long distance.

and you have a year and a half left of nursing school, and he's constantly asking you to just move there, and you explain that you can't, what school's done, and he just keeps asking you to either drop out or to move to a school down there, but your credits won't transfer. And it's to the point, it just starts an argument every single time he brings it up, and nobody's getting anywhere. Hmm, that's frustrating, and I think...

what I would do in that situation and this is just because I'm a little bit stubborn okay this is just what Alex would do I'm not saying this is the best advice ever but that would I would be like do you support me or do you not support me here because this is what I'm doing this is my dream I'm working hard towards this like I'm not just going to give up on this I'm not

I don't think you need to just up and leave your life and your dreams for a guy. I think that's really, really important. And it's something that I personally wouldn't do. And it's like, even, you know, you want to stay in school. You want to do this. I'm sure you've been working so hard at this for so long. And I just feel like it's a little rude if he knows that you can't leave. That would really bother me. And I would honestly...

say like this isn't changing stop saying this or we're not going to be together if this is so much of a problem for you and that's just what I would do I don't know if that's the best thing to do but that would really piss me off you don't need to change around your dreams and aspirations for a guy and I think that's a really big thing that I've learned dating Braxton because we both have such busy schedules and especially me I'm

bopping around all over the place and He could be such a dickhead and be like I don't want you to do this I don't want you to do that. Don't don't go here. Don't go there and he doesn't do that and he knows that he wants me to be as successful as I can be and He doesn't want to hold me back from doing what I want to do and what I'm passionate about and I think that's really important in a partner is you want to push each other to

follow your dreams and be the best versions of yourself. And I think if he's not going to be cooperative with that, I don't know, maybe if maybe he is trying to I don't want to like be a negative Nelly, but I'm wondering if he's trying to hint at like maybe you should break up or maybe you should end things if he is being so if he knows that you're not going to move and he keeps like bringing it up. I would just have I

a conversation and say listen like this isn't changing what's your problem you can always get back together but a year and a half even though it seems so long it's really not that long and it's going to go by so fast so if he's not willing to like put in the time and the effort and make that work then that's not someone that you want to be with and

That's personally what I would do. Hi, Alex. So first of all, I am such a big fan of you and Hot Mess and Ashton. I listen to you guys every single week. I literally look forward to the day it comes out. Oh, my God. We love you. But here's my question is I feel like I've just been in such a rut lately, like physically, mentally, physically.

I've gone out a couple too many times this past month. I have such bad anxiety. I haven't gone to Pilates. I work from home, so I'm just like sitting on my couch, like not even showering. It's so gross all day, every day. So if you were me, what would you do to kind of get yourself out of this weird negative headspace and get back to being motivated and productive and all those things? So yeah, let me know because I need some help. And love ya. Bye.

Oh my gosh, love you. Well, I had my experience and I would say not my first experience with like a rut and a really like depressed state, but I went through a bad point this year where I've never felt unmotivated in the way that I felt unmotivated and Ashton and I were actually talking about making this a whole podcast episode, but I

I didn't want to do anything and I'm a very motivated person and I get antsy if I sit around too long, but like I couldn't bring myself to care about anything. I was like, I don't care to get up and do anything. I don't care to post. I don't care to do any of this. I don't care to work out. I don't care to eat healthy. And then I started to get worried because I was like, wait, I don't care, but I usually care. And it put me into such a weird headspace. And I was in this rut for like,

about a month I was so anxious I could barely have any coffee I just didn't feel good and I was canceling my plans I was really trying to give myself time off to just lay and take like a mental health break hiatus but I will say with that when you're in that sort of state is marinating in it and letting yourself marinate in it isn't going to help yourself like for me being

Putting my schedule back together and making myself busy and getting myself to get out of the house and work out was so important and getting me back into a good headspace. And it took a minute, but it's definitely you can't you can't give into it because you

obviously you want to just give into it and just keep sitting there and you feel gross and it's like you want to do something but like you don't really want to and you want to get out of it you almost have to like trick yourself and to be like okay this isn't happening right now we need to get out of the house and do something and I think working from home I feel you on that is like there's days where I will not leave my apartment and I don't I don't have fresh air I don't go outside because I

my work is from my kitchen table and that can also be really draining. And it's like, I don't know, you know, when you go to work and then you come back and it's just like every day kind of feels like this big cycle on repeat.

It's even 10 times worse. I would say at points when you're working from home because you're not even like getting out of the house It's like you didn't even leave and I there's some days where it's like two days in a row and i'm like Holy shit, like I need some air So big thing for me is I like to go on walks and like something about a good walk for me Gets me in such a better headspace and i'll walk like four miles I don't know where you're living right now or if it's really cold or not, but I would say

If you could get yourself outside and just get yourself moving and go on a walk or walk

go to the gym. Another thing that I think is really good is like a nice sauna, a nice sweat, go to yoga, just get yourself out of the house in any way, shape or form, whatever it is you like to do, sign yourself up for something. And the more that you can get out and get active, your body will start to acclimate. But when

When you're in those type of ruts and you really don't want to do anything and you're like a couch potato, it's hard. Ashton's actually, she would have a much better answer for this because Ashton gets in these ruts a lot. And I just only really had like one big experience with this. But don't give into...

the rut and the funk even though you want to you need to like fake it till you make it and I would just say get up make yourself feel good I always feel better when it's like either I

I don't know, get my eyebrows done or I get my nails done or I pluck my eyebrows. I do my skincare. I do a full face mask or maybe you do some self-tanner, take a nice bath, like anything you can do to make yourself feel and look a little bit more presentable. Because when I look a little bit more presentable, I feel better. And if you're wearing like sweats and pajamas all day, like get changed into jeans, wear better clothes. That's what I would do. And I think

Yeah, get out of the house for sure. If you can, go out, walk anywhere, do anything, go touch the grass, and hopefully that will make you feel a little bit better because that helped for me. And I love you. Alex, what would you do if you feel like your partner was taking you for granted? For context, I've been married for a little over five years, and I feel like my husband loves his job more than he loves me.

I feel like I don't get to see him very often. He gets home really late. He leaves really early. And like he has the opportunity to leave his job early, but he just chooses not to. And I'm not taking it personally. Like I'm not thinking, oh, he doesn't like me. He doesn't love me. No, I know he loves me. I just feel like he doesn't know how to put his job away. What would you do in this scenario?

Hmm, okay, this is a good one. And obviously, I always say whenever you guys write in about being married or anything, and I'm like, I don't have experience with this yet, but I'm just gonna take a little stab at it. Okay, I think, I'm assuming maybe you've had a conversation about this, maybe you haven't, but I would say first step, I would just talk about that. And there are some people who are just workaholics, and...

I think for me, if this is feeling like he's putting his job first or you're just not having those like sentimental moments that you need in a relationship and things are just kind of feeling like very routine and very complacent, I would say setting up maybe a night where you

maybe put together like a date night a week. Like I remember growing up, I think, I don't know what date night my parents had. Maybe it was like Friday or Thursday, but there was like a set day of the week that they had a date night. They did something special. And I think maybe you could propose this idea and be like, okay, every Thursday night,

you come home at this time, we're going to put our phones down. We're going to forget about work for a second. We're going to light some candles. We're going to cook some dinner. And I think any of those moments that you can get together and like maybe set a set time a week, I think will help. And I think there's always those moments, right? When we're getting like so caught up in life and we forget to like slow down and

sometimes when you're with someone for so long, you forget to still date them. Like you should never stop dating the person that you're with and having those intimate moments with them. Like just because you've gotten to a point where you're so close and you're each other's partner and you're married and you're each other's partner for life, sometimes people forget that it's a relationship always needs work and something that you're always gonna have to put time and effort into and into growing and loving. So I think just...

seeing if he's open to doing that once a week and having those little fun sentimental moments and I think hopefully from there that'll spark some excitement and some growth and make things a little spicier and it's not a bad thing that he is passionate about work but I definitely hear you in the sense of like you don't want to just feel like you're a background character in his life maybe this is where you take time to ask him about what's going on at work or like do you know all the details of

what he's doing and what he's doing all day there and why he loves it so much. And if it is something that he's really passionate about, I think, you know, being able to have those conversations with him about,

his work and when I was first started dating Braxton honestly for a while he would just go to football practice every day and not tell me anything about it and I was like hey what's going on over there like uh what are you doing like what does your day-to-day look like I want to know what frustrated you today at work I want to know what made you happy I want to know if something went wrong and I want to know I want to know everything about your day so I think

remembering as well to ask him and make him feel special and important. And I think the more that you know, and he's able to feel comfortable telling you everything that's going on at work and his day to day, I think is only going to grow your relationship.

Not me giving marriage advice over here. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know much about marriage, but this is just me taking a stab at it and what's worked for me. And yeah, I think just having a conversation about it. And if he doesn't want to spend more time with you, then maybe that's something else we need to talk about. Or maybe you guys need to go to therapy. My boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago, but we still talk sometimes. And I found out that he has a girlfriend who's

but he keeps asking me to come visit me in my college and, like, stay in my dorm and everything. And I, like, want him to, but I also want to be a girl's girl, but it's not my relationship, so I shouldn't be worrying about it. So I don't know what to do and if I should let him come visit me. What would Alex do? Please help me out. Okay, you're not letting him come visit you. I'm telling you that right now. This is just...

this is not the guy for you. If he is in a relationship with someone else and he's hitting you up, it's just this is not the guy that you want. He's not going to be the one and if you just want someone to hook up with and maybe it's because you guys were comfortable together, there's other fish in the sea. There may not be a lot, especially in college, and it may not feel like that, but

It's not worth doing what you're going to do to that girl. And it's not going to make you feel good. I think maybe temporarily it might be tempting and you might think that it'll feel good. And I understand that it's not your relationship, but you wouldn't want someone to do that to you, I assume. And I also think I'm a little stressed that she doesn't know that he's talking to you while they're dating. Like, not that that's your responsibility to tell her, but...

I feel like someone should tell her. I had a point where my ex-boyfriend reached out to me when we went home for Christmas break and he fully had a girlfriend at college. And I never told the girlfriend or anything because I didn't know her at all. And I was just like, am I going to DM this girl and whatever? So I just stayed out of it. But I did not hang out with him and I did not entertain it. I really feel like.

this is... We've got to get over this guy because he's not seeming like the one. I know you don't want to hear that. That was not the answer that you wanted, but...

He's not the one. We've got to move on and we've got to do better. And I know that you can do better. And I know probably he's tempting because he's comfortable to you and you guys have dated and you always want what you can't have. But he's not seeming that great. And I just, I just know you're better. I just know you're hotter than this. I know you're better than him. I know you have a better personality. I know you have better options out there. So we need to, I think, cut ties and we need to move on. I'm so sorry.

Hi, Alex. Okay, I'm going to jump right into it. Basically, I went on a date with a four-year-old this past weekend. For context, I'm 23. It's the first time I've ever done something like that. I don't know. I just kind of did it for fun and just, yeah, just for the plot, right? But turns out we just really headed off and I actually really like him.

um so is it crazy if i start dating a four-year-old like i just the guys my age are the absolute fucking worst they're so immature and it's like talking to a wall and with this four-year-old we just like we had like a three-hour date and we originally went to go get coffee like we just kept talking talking talking i really like him um

But tell me if I'm being crazy. I don't think you're crazy. I really don't think you're crazy. I think there's a few things to take into consideration here. I mean, an older guy is always great. And I think you're always going to have a better date with them. They've been through the cycle. They know how to do this. They know how to woo a girl. They know how to talk. They know how to have a conversation.

Much better than a 23 year old man. And I would say that there's he's probably 40 years old. He's probably just about at the same maturity level that we are at 23. So I don't think it's that crazy. But I do want to know what what's his history going on here? Has he been married before?

Like, why is he dating a 23 year old? That's what I always think about. I'm like, what's going on with you? Not that you're not great. I'm sure you're great. And I have been on a date with someone, too, that's older. But I always stop to think and I'm like, is this weird? Like, it's a little it's a big age gap.

I don't know. I mean, some people just maybe haven't found love yet, and maybe this is, like, your guy, and I don't know. I wouldn't cancel him out just because he's older. I would just take into consideration his past or what his problem has been that...

he's going after 23-year-olds. Or my other thing is, did you meet him and hit it off? And then he's like, oh, you're 23? Or did he like actively seek you out? Has he also been taking out other 23-year-old girls? Because then that's when I start to get a little fishy. I'm like, okay, this is getting a little weird. Or this was like, I don't know. I want to know your guys' origin story here. Was this a dating app? Did you meet in person? Because I do think when there's guys that are older that are like seeking...

Not that that's anything wrong, but I'm just like, I don't know. Personally, I think maybe, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I really don't. And I think dating an older guy is always better and preferred because they're going to be

more mature than anyone our age because I'm also 23 and I just couldn't imagine dating someone my own age. So I feel you. But I would say keep it up. Let us know how it goes right back into what would Alex do and we'll come back and follow this one up. But I would do a little bit of deep diving into his history and that's what I'll say. Hi, Alex. So I wanted to say

What would you do when your closest friend wants to talk to one of your exes who you're completely over, but you're still kind of uncomfortable thinking about the fact that your close friend would be trying to talk to your ex? I don't know. I think that's weird, but I'm not sure because she is one of my closest friends, and I don't want to lose the friendship. So what would you do? Oh.

This is not your friend. This just is not your close friend. This is... I'm so sorry, but this girl's gotta go. She's not a good friend. That's...

I can't even imagine if one of my close friends, even with an ex that I dated when I was five years old, I don't care. If this girl wanted to go after my ex and talk to him, I just would not sit well with me. I just, I don't, unless you're literally like, wow, I see them together. Like I ship this, I'm here for that. I just don't see a world in which that is any way possible.

normal. Like, I feel like your best friend dating someone is, like, your sibling. I'm like, this is, like, incest. That's, like, a no-go zone. Like, that guy should be, like, her brother. Even if you did date a while ago, I just, I really don't like that. That's gonna be a no for me. Um, so sorry. That is, like, a, that, what would I do with that friend? I, I think I would honestly probably stop being friends with this person.

I mean, that's just, you're not crazy for feeling like that's crazy because I think that's crazy. Love you.

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Hey Alex, Bridget here. I want to know what you would do or any suggestions or advice you have on ways to shoot your shot to guys on Instagram. What are some things that you would...

maybe slide into their dms and say or would you at all just for fun but like you know just trying to shoot my shot okay like i said with this and sliding into guys dms or messaging them i don't know why it always made me so nervous and i'm not like the most clever with it but i would say i mean there's always like a high right or uh

I like personally my route of things because I like to know if they're interested in me or whatever. But I mean, you do kind of have to maybe send a DM. But I like to go back and like a few of like their old pictures, maybe. So like maybe like a few ones that you think are cute. Or you could also DM him, I think, one of his pictures, like his posts and be like cute or...

I don't know. Would I do that, though? I don't know. Would I do that? I might be lying. I feel like I'm, like, a high with the two eyes type of girl. Hi. Unless I have something clever to say. Like, if you can think of something clever that pertains to this person, um...

I think that may be good. Like something that can make them laugh is always great. Maybe you're clever. I'm not always the most clever with that type of things. Like my friends are better. So my friends would always like make up stuff for me if I had to, but I definitely think shoot your shot, have fun. But I don't know if I have any like one liners or tricks, but I'm always like a, I'm going to like a few of their photos and see if they will DM me.

that is what I would go for. Oh my God, so triggering. I just was going on my phone to switch the wifi and you know when, why does it do this? Your photos like puts those like automatic photos when you swipe left on your home screen and they're like the automatic photos from your camera roll. And it's always like a triggering ex-boyfriend. Like why? That's just not what I wanted to see right now. - So basically my ex-boyfriend, I found out that he had been like texting other guys

the whole time we were together, um, and like commenting on a bunch of other guys' Instagram pictures and stuff. So I was just like curious, what would Alex do? Like, would she text me and be like, yo, what the fuck? Like, what are you doing? Or would she just be like, you know what? You're a bad bitch. Don't, don't give in because obviously if I text him, that's embarrassing.

but like holy it's bothering me you know uh i mean the better answer is to be like oh i'm the bigger person i'm not with them i'm gonna move on but i've so been in that situation before where i actually found out that so i was dating this guy we broke up we were friends like it wasn't a bad breakup at all we just broke up

And I found out that he had cheated on me after or like when we were together, obviously. And I just like for the life of me could not keep that inside. Like there's some people that have a little bit more restraint. I'm someone I'm so fiery. I'm like, you have to hold me back from sending this text right now. So I sent him a text and was just like, hope you know. I don't know what I said, actually. But I said something of like, I just found out that at a.

like go fuck yourself and then I never answered again and that just for me like there's there's different type of people out there if you're gonna be able to sleep at night I would say hold off just know you're better f him but like me I'm crazy and I needed him to know that I knew so that's what I did and I think if you want to do that who cares I mean you're not together anymore you're never gonna be fucking send it

My question for what would Alex do is I've been dating my boyfriend for six months now and I want to tell him that I love him and I don't know how to do it in a way that's not like super big and crazy and wild. I want to do it in a more like, I love you, you know, like a more casual and chill way. So yeah, what would Alex do? Okay, what would I do? I think I would...

If you want it to be casual and chill and like not this big deal, which I think is obviously, I mean, I don't know why I said obviously, but I think is probably the better option. I would say just let it come up naturally. Like the more you try to plan it, then it's going to stress you out. Then you're probably going to deliver it weird and you're going to be all funky. You're going to be sweating. You're going to be like, I love you. And like it might just not come out right or like personally, that's for me. I would stress myself out. So I feel like, you know, when you're like working

wanting to say I love you to someone but you haven't said it yet and it's like you almost always say it. I think for me one time I was

dating someone and I think I just accidentally said it before like hanging up the phone I was like I love you and then they were like and then it was like you know cute and whatever but I think like the next time that you're with him and you just have that little urge to like it's like at the tip of your tongue and you're just like but I love you I think just just let it go just let it go if you want it to be chill and casual and cool I think that's the best way and then it's authentic to you it's how you feel in the moment you don't even have to think about it it just comes out

And that's what I would do. One thing that I admire the most about you is that you stay so motivated with everything you do in your life and you do it with 100% effort. How do you stay so motivated to, you know, keep posting, to keep growing your personal brand? And I know that we all have our off days and I'm sure you have your lazy days where you don't want to do anything. But how do you stay so motivated to keep growing and expand expanding your personal brand?

Oh my god, that was so sweet and love you. Thank you. I think for me, partially, it's just that I'm doing what I love and I've always really loved like creating and posting content and I think

Just I don't take it for granted ever like I think there's moments where I'll meet other people who maybe do the same thing as me and I'm out at like the corner because I like to post in real time for you guys because it just stresses me out if I don't and I'll be in the corner literally of the restaurant and I was I can like confidently say almost every time I go out after like doing my hair and makeup and going to any type of event I spend the whole car ride just editing my videos captioning them getting them ready to go and

It's just exciting for me. Like I like to do that and I always want to keep growing and expanding. And I mean, I think there's definitely times right when it's like you want to be lazy, but I feel like I'm just

pretty naturally a motivated person and I also recognize that it's the coolest thing ever that I'm able to do this you know what I mean like I would never sit back and be like oh damn I gotta edit these videos today and I have to think of some videos to do like what a hard life like I just I'm so grateful for what I do and

And I don't know, I really, really love doing it. So that's the other thing I would say is do something that you're passionate about or if you want to do content creation, get into something that you like. And when I say get into something, I mean a niche, find a niche that you like and stick to it and really, really go for it. And don't be afraid to give up. I was actually just talking about this last night at dinner with my friends.

I was posting for so long, like three and a half years, every day, multiple videos a day.

Some crazy videos of me dancing, cosplaying all these characters. Like I don't even know what I was doing online, but I just was so... I was in love with the app and I wanted to find my way in it and find my space and my voice and all these things and all these different trial and errors that I was going through led me to where I am now. So I think if you're really passionate about something and you really...

want to work on something, then just keep going for it and don't give up. Just being motivated in general has always been instilled as a part of me and I like working and

I would say I'm a hard worker and I always want to do better. I'm a very like competitive person so I feel like I'm competitive with myself and I'm like, all right, how can we do better? And another thing that I think is really, really great for anyone who's trying to just push themselves beyond where they are right now is get a little journal that's like a goal journal and I'll go in there every...

three to six months and write down like my goals of things that I want to accomplish and it's so great especially if you're someone who gets a little bit ahead of themselves because when you realize how much you've accomplished

you feel so good about yourself. And sometimes we don't give ourself enough credit for how much we have accomplished because we're so focused on just like getting to the next step or accelerating and whatever we're doing. So getting a journal and kind of being able to look back and check things off is really, really motivational for me. And I also like to just think of new ideas and how can we take things to the next level? Alex, I need your help.

My boyfriend gets so mad when I wear tops out to the bar that show my tits. And if we're being real, all of them do because my tits are massive and there's literally nothing I can do about them. So, and I really just don't know what to do. He's like, you don't understand, you don't understand. I don't want other guys looking at your tits. I understand that, but I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do with that information. Do I just wear baby tees out to the bar every day? No, because then he gets mad that I'm wearing something tight. I can't call him insecure because...

He just doesn't want other guys to get my tits. Can't break up with him. Please don't mention that. I would really appreciate it if you could help.

Love you. Love you. Oh my god, this was the best one to end on. Also, you guys know my favorite thing is when the first part of What Would Alex Do starts with help. And I just, I love this girl's attitude. Whoever you are, you are funny and hilarious and I love you. And I like how she's like, don't say to break up with him. I think, listen, for me, like you guys know, and I've said before, I'm stubborn, biacho, it

It just wouldn't, it really wouldn't work out for me if someone, if a guy was telling me what to wear. So listen, you have great knockers you want to show off.

You should be allowed to wear what you want to wear. And if you want to look hot for yourself, I think that's fine. And I think that's great. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You just have to talk to him and tell him like, hey, bud, this is a non-negotiable for me. Like I'm wearing my little crop tops out to the bar and that this is just who I am. And it's a take it or leave it situation. I'm not saying you need to break up with him, but I'm saying you need to stand your ground because I hate, I mean, I think there can be a sense of compromise, but not really when it comes to this.

But like it depends like if you were wearing something that was like maybe like a little thong over your nipples I don't know because i'm always for like girls should be whatever to wear be able to wear whatever we want to wear So this is a tough one for me. I think you need to lay your foot down and say like listen You're dating me I'm hot i'm gonna wear what I want if this is too much for you, then You're gonna have to find someone else find someone else who wants to wear something

a big baggy sweatshirt every day and not a tiny little top and that would be probably what i would say and i'm wishing you the best with that and i love you guys that completes our voicemail episode for what would alex do that was so much fun and i feel like that just flew by i could keep doing this all day unfortunately i have to stop recording otherwise i would keep going and listen to all of your guys voicemails and i definitely think we should do this again because this was so much fun

and I'm excited for everyone to hear this episode I will see you guys next Thursday for another episode of hot mess with Alex Earl don't forget to subscribe or to write into the actual what would Alex do that is linked in the hot mess bio it's also in the Alex Earl bio I love you guys bye wait did I just turn that off how do I get that back on I'm a hot mess

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