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Hey guys, what's up? Welcome back to the Dumb Blonde Podcast. This is Cam. So, um, so much has been happening in my life right now. I honestly don't even know what the fuck is going on, to be honest. But last time I talked to you guys, it was, uh, it was a shit show, to be quite honest. I, uh, I dropped out of college. Um, now I don't work two jobs anymore. I...
Started working for the marina, which I think I talked about last time. But it's become a lot more than I thought it would be. For sure, I'm social media manager now. Who would have even thought? I started a bank job in the past week and I already quit. So that's, it's always something around here, you know? But I also have friends now and they're here to talk shit and
Have a good time. So that's what this podcast episode is going to be. We're just going to be talking our shit and it's going to be a good time. All right. So today I have another dumb blonde. Say hi, Kylie. Hi, I'm Kylie. And then I have a not so blonde, but definitely still dumb guest as well. This is Luke. Okay. Introduce yourself. Well, we're...
you already introduced us yeah well okay i mean that'll work yeah basically i mean they'll get to know us yeah um so that's what we're gonna do here is i'm gonna ask them a couple questions to start off kind of break the ice here and um oh shit i used to like throw ice at
Kids. Okay. He's breaking the ice. That's the worst thing I've ever heard of somebody. Well, what does that mean? I threw scissors at this girl. Throwing ass? She called me a name. She called me a name in third grade. I still remember her name. I won't say it, but she called me a name in third grade. What'd she call you?
I don't remember. It was probably fat. I was big back then. And so I just picked up whatever was closest and threw it and it just happened to be scissors. Damn. This one time I choked on an earring, but... Like a stud or a hoop? Do you remember those little gummy ones from Justice that were like, they were like plastic? No, what do I eat?
Is it gummy or plastic? No, it's like plastic, but they're like, they look like little spiky balls. No.
rubber bands like you put in like pigtail braids yeah it's a little good i ended up like swallowing half them and when i had braces i did that too all the time like if you just pop it it just like dude choked me that's unfortunate um okay so i have a couple questions i'm gonna ask them the first one is you only get three words to describe yourself what would they be kylie oh
Um, Luke should go first on this one. Okay, then Luke, you go first. It's very fucking disappointing. I agree. Ow! Ow! It's okay, that's what my parents say about me. Um... Anyway. Okay. A dude. I'm a dude. That's three words, that'll work. I'm a dude. That's it right there, I'm a dude. Great progress. Yeah, that's awesome. Um, Kylie, you got anything?
What would you just... I don't know. I need somebody else to describe me. Like, I can't, like, describe myself. Blonde-ass bitch. That'll work. Bitch. Don't fucking blonde. That's mine. I was gonna say that, but, like, I realized how mean that would sound. You know what? That's the reason why I called this podcast what it's called. It's because... Because everybody, like, I...
I've been underestimated many a times. Oh, and hey, by the way, I mean, yeah, I understand like dropping out of college is, you know, but I mean, I still haven't finished college either. Oh my God. Well, yeah, because I got my high school diploma and I was like, what's a job that I can get that will pay me really, really, really good that I only need a high school degree? It was sales. Yeah. So the theater really helped.
And so I just started talking to people. Luke would be a theater kid, sorry. I was a theater kid. Oh, I know. He was awesome. He was awesome at it. He was awesome. I've never heard somebody describe theater as awesome, but that would be who I'm saying is awesome. Okay, well, Chris Pratt, all of those guys. Okay, Chris Pratt. They were in theater at one time, and making movies is still in the arts. It's still drama. So get rekt.
Get wrecked, Kylie. I'm just kidding. Maybe it's not my thing, but I would respect it. Here is our next question. All right, what is your favorite joke? I cannot say that on the podcast. Okay, Kylie.
It's about a tragedy. Oh. It's at 9-11. Uh, maybe. How did you know? Oh, no. Oh, God. I don't want to be canceled. Yeah, we're not going to say anything like that. Anyway. Oh, could it be, like, my life as, well, um. Your life? Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's a fucking hilarious joke. I know. Love it. Anyway. Yeah, literally. God.
The Wobbly School Store. It's right always next to the Rope Store. So, I mean, that's how you know where to find it. Anyway, so, like, I have some stories that are, like, funny, but a joke. I don't know. Kylie, do you know a good joke? A joke?
I couldn't tell you like honestly, I'm not like a person who like comes up with jokes I'm just naturally, blondely funny. Yeah, just stupid funny. Like I end up doing something stupid and everybody just laughs at me so I don't even have to try to come up with jokes. That's yeah. It's so sad. Okay, here is um, here's our next question. If your life were a movie, what would it be called?
I'll answer this one first. Dumb blonde. Or I would make it, it would be confessions of a dumb blonde. Wait, those are movie names? Movie names. If your life were a movie, what would it be called? I was going to say like, I don't know, like Forrest Gump. That sounds really familiar. Yeah.
You've never heard... Have you never seen Force Beasts? No, I'm fucking with you. Oh. I'm joking. That sounds really familiar to me. That sounds so familiar. I've never heard that before in my life. I think he like just broke his heart. Yeah. No, I know you literally had this shirt on yesterday. And I was quoting it without even knowing that I had the Luton and Dagon shirt on. No, my mom was so funny. Anyway, what would it actually be? What?
Sometimes I stutter. I don't know. Something along the Wolf of Wall Street type shit. I don't know. The Wolf of My Neighborhood. The Dog of My Neighborhood. The Dog of My Boulevard. Fantastic. Yeah. That's a great movie name. I'm going to use that actually. Let me write that down.
The dog of my... Kylie. Legally Blonde Part 500. Oh my god, no, okay. Do you know that I have another... What do you call it? I have another private story called... The pooch of my road. I have another private story, which this podcast is actually based off of one of my private stories that I...
used to have when I was alone all the time and I had nobody else to talk to so I just talked to my snapchat and then I created the podcast because people loved it so much but it was called Illegally Blonde The coyote of my cul-de-sac It's continuing It's still going Yep Kylie, it's Illegally Blonde Part 500 Yeah
Fantastic. That's ass. 501. Let's make it 501. Just for the fun. That is so bad. That's a fantastic- The pooch of my- The coyote of my court. Don't come at- Don't come at Kylie. Yeah, don't. Hey. Yeah. Hers was fire. Thomas the trunk. Sorry.
So growing up, my mom used to tell me the craziest stories about her being younger. And I always looked at her and I was like, "Dude, I can't wait to be that cool one day. Like, I'm gonna have the coolest, craziest stories ever." Well, until just about six months ago, I didn't think I'd ever be as cool as my mom. But you know what? Screw you, mom, 'cause I'm cooler now.
So, yeah, screw you, Mom. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Anyway, so that's what we're going to be talking about is some good old stories from our college time. Oh, God. Yeah, I mean, college, whatever we're doing now from the past six months, that's what we got for you. So who wants to start with a good old story? Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, you were gonna start. I was gonna start? I guess, yeah. It's... I'm intrigued. I can't... I need you to start this one off for me. Okay. Well, so what am I supposed to talk about? Like, how I'm cool? Oh, how you're cool? No way. Just like a dumb story you got from... I know a specific story that... Well...
Okay. Everybody mentions, it's so funny, in our friend group, it's always the same thing. The thighs story. Okay, I will explain the thighs story. The thighs story. I will explain the thighs story, but I also have another story. So my dad was general manager of...
Pelche Nissan, right? And so I got into the car business because of him. And I was like, what can I do to make myself different? So I put an ad out there that said anybody who buys a car from me gets a free Toyota. And I worked at Classic Toyota. So what I did was I went to Walmart and I bought a whole bunch of Star Wars members.
And so anytime they'd buy a car for me and they'd ask what about the free toyota? I'd give them a little baby yoda a little baby yoda doll and they got so pissed but they couldn't get out of the deal toyota little toyota But yeah the thigh story Okay, that's a dumb story Yeah, I know right but anyway, um
Good lord, Kylie, you're gonna have to go first. I don't... This is more of an ending type thing. This is like people, they don't know what they want to hear after this. What kind of story are we in the mood for? Oh, God. You know what? How about I go first? Because one just popped into my mind that I'm thinking about. I don't know that it's necessarily funny, but it's just stupid that it happened. Go ahead. So there was a couple of months in a row where I did absolutely nothing but go out.
What? Go out. Oh, I thought you were just going to say... Absolutely nothing. Breathing was out the window. That too, though. That too. I mean, you know, depression and shit. It happens. It happens, yeah. I was in my room choking myself and stuff. Oh, that sounds... Next. Next. Anyway, so just like one random night out, I...
This is okay. This is a this is a multiple-parter here. I don't know that i've ever told this story on here, but yeah So I had a series of three weeks That absolutely sucked balls. It was so bad. It was so so bad I The first week my friends invite me they're like, hey, let's go out tonight like shit, okay, like, you know
I was going to go anyway. There's no questions about it. Obviously, I'm going to go. But we go to the club. We're all hanging out. And then this guy walks up to us. Somebody that we all kind of mutually know. Am I a part of this story? No, this was before we were all friends. But we know them? Not him? I don't know. Do you know Shadberg? Shad. Like, what is the...
A shat. Yeah, like when she was giving birth, she shit herself. She shat all over herself. She's like, what do you want to name the baby? I don't know. She just looked down at the first thing that she saw and she thought she just, she didn't know it was a baby. She thought it was just a couple of shits. So she's like, wow. You shat yourself. That's shat right there. Well, I mean, it's S-H-A-D-D. Shad? Shad. Like the fish. Shad.
Ew. That's a lot of words. I agree. Sorry, Chad. I know you're probably listening. Because he does.
Chad. Fucking Chad. Dude, that's almost worse than Chad. Like, regular Chad. The worst part about it is he's also a frat guy. Oh. Like, you're not... He's not just the regular Chad. See, like... He's Chad. If I met him, I'd probably be like, dude, that's the fucking coolest name ever. But just...
It's like your parents hated you didn't they He's like We absolutely dogged on him The first night we met him It wasn't this night We met him on my birthday But moving on from that Because I know he's listening right now Sorry Chad We dogged on him that night But no So we're going out to the club We meet this guy He's like hey come back and party with us
Okay, shit. I'm already fucked up because yeah, you know, I can't go to the club sober. So... Holy shad. Holy shad. So we go back to his place. There ends up being like a solid 50 people in his tiny little house. And, you know, I'm just hanging out. I'm just hanging out. And I take a drink of my drink. And all of a sudden, I'm in the back of some random dude's car.
with my best friend and I have to throw up and he hands me a Gatorade bottle and tells me to throw up in the Gatorade bottle. So I did. And then once I was done with the Gatorade bottle, I was like, dude, I still got to throw up. And he's like, oh shit. So he stops on the side of the road. We stopped four times in a five minute drive because I had to throw up. And then when we got to his house, they're like, hey, let's smoke. And I'm like,
No, that's, like, fine. I'm, like, good. And mind you, this is in the middle of January. So it's so cold outside. And I have to throw up again. I have, like, no clothes on. Like, I have clothes on. But, like, you know, club clothes. Oh, yeah. So he's, like, he's, like, you can't throw up in my bathroom. My parents are home.
And so he's like, just go outside. So I'm on my hands and knees on the frozen ass ground throwing up in this man's backyard. It was awful. But I, yeah, I, I, I did not smoke. I did not smoke that night. I was just turned out, turned out some guy, random dude at that party roofied me.
Well, I figured as soon as you said, took a drink. Took a drink, or I didn't remember anything. You got Bill Cosby'd. I most definitely did. That was the first week. The next week, we're hanging out with the same people again. The guy that roofied me, I knew for a fact was not there, because I figured out who it was. Because I kind of remember what happened before that.
And I'm a dumb bitch. I went out to this man's car for him to give me a drink. I was like, I know I'm stupid. Kylie, you know this. I mean, I have some loans, but like. Yeah, I was like, I was already drinking and he was like, you need another drink? And I was like, yeah, let's go get a drink. And he's like, follow me. Goes out to the back of his car, opens the trunk of his car.
hands me a bottle, would not drink it with me. So, I mean, should have caught that red flag there. But anyway, so the next week, we're all hanging out, and my best friend at the time is like, hey, let's go to this after party. So we go, and she leaves for some reason. She needs to go out to my car, so I give her my keys. I'm like, okay. Yeah, she takes my keys, and
and comes back three minutes later, I'm like, "Liv, where are my keys, dude?" She's like, "What are you talking about?" Could not find my keys for the life of me. We ended up leaving that night with somebody else, left my car there, could not find my keys.
Spent the entire next day trying to find my keys. If you know anything about me, you know that my keys are a fat wad. You know, there's like, there's a fat wad. I mean, you said it. There's all of my cards on there. There's my house key, my car keys, my apartment mailbox keys.
Everything is on that key ring. It's stupid. But, um... Oh, no. Why do you have the taser? I'm serious. So, there's this taser. What are you going to... What are you going to do with the taser? I like the sound of it. Stop. Put it down. Nah. Luke! We're done. Alright, so, fat wad. Fat... It's a fat wad. How do you lose that much of keys? That just...
I have a key story too. I don't understand how you lose that much of Keith. I think it's a plot thing. There's so much there. It wasn't even me. It wasn't even me that lost him either. That's the worst part. Well, we had been searching for him all day. I had just called a key person. I don't know. Locksmith. Yeah. I called a locksmith.
And I was like about to have him come out and like unlock my apartment door. And I had posted all over social media. I was like, has anyone seen these keys? Has anyone seen these keys? Everybody else was posting it. We had gone back to Shad's house and...
Like, everybody was passed out. Olivia is crazy. She just walked up in that bitch because they left the doors unlocked. So we just walked inside. And she was, like, walking around, like, pushing people off the couches, trying to get into the cushions, trying to find these keys. And, yeah. So it turned out one of my friends is, like, he texts me. He's, like, dude, guess what? I'm, like, what, dude? He's, like...
Your keys were in the backseat of my car this whole time. Let me go from 7 a.m. that morning to 10 p.m. at night. No keys. I was so screwed. I was literally losing my mind. And then the next day, this was the most unfortunate series of events of my life. The next day, it was icy outside. And if anybody knows anything about my apartments, they're shitty. Um...
There was ice on the stairs and I flew down. Did you bust your ass? Dude, I fell down every single stair and I was hungover from the day before.
I swear to God, I mean, you know, the top of my stairs, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, onto the platform. It was like a slide, but I hit my head on every single one. Did I count? One, two, three. No, it was more like, oh shit, I probably have a concussion now. And then I was supposed to go into work that day. I don't get how people roll their cars. They're like, I rolled 27 times, like,
Were you in the air counting? Dude, I- I- when I got into my car accident, when I was like two weeks into getting my driver's license- Were you like just staring at the ground? You're like, "Well that's one rotation, two rotations." No, I was listening to "Faint" by Linkin Park in the back of my mind, sitting there. And I'm like, "Oh fuck, I don't know what's happening right now." I'm spinning around, I thought I only spun around once. They're like, "No, you- you spun around like six times." I was like,
What are you talking about? That was... Did your mom know about that? My mom? Dude, I totaled my car. Oh. I totaled it. Nice. It was really bad. Really bad.
Mom still doesn't know to this day. Yeah, she has no idea. Bought the same exact car. No, I actually got sued by a multimillionaire. Not by the person that hit me, but when they hit, because I was going through an intersection and going across, it was really like stormy that day. I couldn't really see. They did not have their headlights on. They were coming over the hill, hit the back of my car, spun me around five or six times into this truck and
And I hit the truck and apparently like a piece of debris hit his windshield, shattered his windshield, did almost nothing to his truck except for shatter the windshield. He sued me for emotional distress and for all of his medical bills from previous back injuries just because he could. Just because he could.
I- I- Oh my gosh. I don't even know. I know for a fact he got- I think he got two million dollars out of that lawsuit. Yeah. Not from an insurance company. I didn't get that much. Dude, I wish I would have been hit. The fact that- You were hit. I knew, but I- I know- I know that, but like-
I wish I would have been hit twice. I wish that, I wish it wouldn't have been my fault. Yeah, exactly. Because he sued me. Even though, like, it really wasn't my fault because the guy didn't have on his headlights when he was coming over the hill, so I really didn't see shit. But, like, you know. Yeah, I'm more like your, um, yeah, I did sue somebody. It must be nice. For emotional and medical bills.
Dude, I just wish somebody would hit me sometimes so I could sue them. I could go back to college. See, I fell down the stairs one time. I used to lock myself in a box and throw myself down the stairs.
Did you ever get in those little like tubs and just like... Yes. That's what I'm talking about. Do you ever... That was my childhood. It was toppling. Did you... I was like, have you ever seen a milkshake? I'll let you go, but you know a milkshake? Yeah. Yeah, I got out and I felt like that. Oh.
There's not a solid bone in my body right now. Did you ever have one of those, um, those turtle sandboxes when you were younger? Yes. Yes. Okay, so the lid for those... I thought they were Lincoln Logs in them. I thought they all came with Lincoln Logs until I found out those weren't fucking Lincoln Logs. No, your brother probably shit in there. Oh, no. It was small turds. Oh, were they yours?
No. I think they were dog turds. Regardless, I play them. Okay, Luke, that's right, I'm sure. We all know what is yours. Dude, what? What? It's little turds. Anyway. You think I'm just dropping little ass shits? Maybe. We don't know. Like Skittles coming out my ass? Hey, no judgment. Pellets? What kind of dog shits pellets? They shit the little turds about that thick, about that long.
That's- what kind of dog are you looking at? He's like- he's got like six inches. You think that's six inches? This is a little bit longer than six inches. How would you know that? Moving on, anyways, so you know the um, the um, the lids to those.
Perfect for snowboarding, right? Or like... Actually, no, you're right. That's... That's what I use. Exactly six inches. No, I'm pretty good at, you know, I know what I'm looking at. Hey, yo. No, those are perfect for snowboarding. Like, we ever have snow days and you go into the backyard of your grandpa's pasture? Yeah, but there's like actually like no snow.
ground. No, but there, Texas, there was this, you're fucking kidding me, dude. Did you remember snow we got in? The best time of my life, swear to God. Like dude on everything. My boyfriend was stuck at my house. It was awesome. So much fun. I would honestly make the Colorado
don't hit my favorite note no I told you about this the other day we had this I put a whole jar of hot sauce in my ass no because we were talking about it we play this truth or dare game it's sitting right in front of me it says our naughtiest sex game ever oh god the question was have you ever done it in a public bathroom and my answer was yes and I'm so sorry mom if you're listening to this
But, um, you remember that time we went to shower at the KOA when our pipes busted? Yeah. So, anyway. Yeah. I will tell my story. You got it. Alright. You know what? You alright? I gotta be totally honest. We gotta take a little break here, because I gotta piss. Alright. So, we'll be right back. Sounds great. Alright, so we're back. Do you like...
god this is such a weird question like pain like like a good pain what um yeah sometimes i don't know because i was hitting my leg and i was like um i did i'm trying to think because there's like i don't know this is a weird question it is a weird question that's why do you like pain yeah sometimes i do depends on the situation but i have a really high pain do you know what i mean
No, because I like tattoos. I like the pain of tattoos. It's like, it's like nothing else. I mean, anyway, Kylie, your key story. Okay, so it was after a football game I was cheering at and all our friends, we go to the marina at our lake. What, where I work? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, so I'm just chilling. So my keys...
I sent them in his name is Tristan Tidwell I sent it in his truck because it has my like my wallet like it has everything on my keys because I guess every other girl has everything on their keys yeah it's the most convenient thing ever I don't do that anymore but I did yeah I don't do that what are you talking about it's so stupid I got Kale a little keychain for his keys though that says daddy's girl oh
Anyways, um, so I put it in the back of his, like, back seat. And he just goes to Michael McKelvey's house. And if you know where Michael McKelvey's house is, it's like an hour away from the marina, pretty much. I don't know where it's at, but... It's not that far from the marina, from Tyler's.
It's like 30 minutes from the marina. It's like 45 minutes from Tollway. Yeah. Except for I couldn't get in my car. I couldn't just drive because he has my keys. Right. So I had to figure out how to get to Michael McKelvey's house with no car. Do you walk? No money. Uber. Oh. Uber. Uber. No. No. No. No. I will never get in an Uber. Uber.
I've taken one home from Bricks once only because a guy bought it for me. Every Uber I've been in they- *mimics Uber* I'm like, "Oh..." What is that supposed to mean, Luke? Yeah. Anyways... I don't know what they're saying! I'm like, "Are we driving into a building?" If I hear an olive walk bar, I'm leaving. Luke! I'm sorry. You can't say that. I just did. New York is terrible. Oh, keys. Oh, no. Keys. How'd you get there?
Honestly, got in the car with a random stranger. Kylie. I met that night. You called me dumb. To be fair, we met earlier that night. Yeah. And I was at the marina without keys, not even knowing, for at least two hours. Yeah. Do you know him now? Or her? Yes, I do know him now.
Well, I mean, you're safe, so. Is that his name? Easton? Yeah, I think that's his name. Easton. Oh, Easton. Is he from Troop? Yeah. He had a cast on just recently. Yeah. I don't know if he still has it on. Oh, yeah, Easton. I've met him once. I know him because I went to Slim Chickens once and his best friend, his name is Clayton, I think. Yeah, Clayton.
We're just name dropping the fuck out of this. It doesn't even matter. No, I mean, I met him. It was while me and Camden were still dating and I never like added him back on Snapchat. And then after me and Camden broke up, I did add him on Snapchat. And then we hung out that night and Easton was with him. That was a good night. Yeah. Anyways, he took me there.
That's his guy. I mean, honestly, I would have not done that. Like, I would, honestly. But we ended up staying at Michael McKellie's house for, like, another four hours. Just, they're drinking. I'm just, like, ready to go home. But I can't go home because my car's at the marina. So, we finally...
They're ready to leave and I'm like great. Let's go and it's like 10 o'clock in the morning at that point. Oh no. Yeah, so we ended up going through Tyler to go back to White House. The longest way possible. Children who don't know how to drive. I didn't get home till like 12 in the afternoon. That's a... Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. But like props to him. Oh, I have a good one. All of my stories start with bricks.
All of them. You should probably stop going to prison. Shouldn't I? I... It was one night... I had already known all these guys, but they're the Panola Baseball Boys. Oh, God. Panola Baseball Boys. You know, I know you're listening. Brock. Just kidding. Anyway. There's a story about that one, but I cannot share that here. He'll sue me for defamation. Anyway. For real. Um...
But I got left at Bricks one night. This was the swimsuit contest night where I was extremely, extremely messed up. You were not there. That was another time because I was part of the contest. I was part of the contest. And I didn't know that that would involve twerking because I was honestly just trying to win the prize money. Because I, were you really? Because did you see me?
Because I was up on the thing. Kale was messed up. I was honestly, I have videos. But no, yeah, there are videos of me. I probably have one. Yeah, probably. But that's like, that's like the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my life. Because if you, if you know me, you know, dead ass ain't shaking. There ain't nothing to shake.
That was also very messed up. But one of the Panola baseball boys were like, yeah, we're just all going to go back to our dorms and hang out for a little while. And I was like, let's go. Oh, and you trusted it. I pile up into a car of...
five of these baseball boys and we drive an hour away all the way to Panola or to their college. I don't even remember where the place is to be honest but we all pile up in the car and we go and I stayed in their dorm room that night and I woke up the next morning in his boxers and a Superman t-shirt.
But, yeah. And then I had to work at 8 o'clock that morning. So we got up and drove all the way back. They were really nice. They were really sweet. They're good dudes. Except for Brock. I'm going to have to tell you guys that story later because it's hilarious. It's horrible. I used to tell my teachers I had Down syndrome until I realized that's not the...
illness that means you can't read and they were like because they they'd be like man you're not doing too well and I'm like it's because I have down syndrome and they're like no you don't I'm like I think I know what I have and it's it's definitely down syndrome okay you don't know what I got yeah exactly like you don't know me
And they were like, "Do you mean dyslexia?" And I was like, "What is that?" They're like, "It's when your words get jumbled up and you can't read." I'm like, "Oh, yeah. No, that's..." That's what I have. "That's it. That's it. Is it not Down syndrome?" And they were like, "No. No." So... So basically... Up until about sixth grade, I told people I had Down syndrome.
Luke. The messed up thing is nobody corrected me. They just went along with it. Okay. They believed it. Must be pretty mild. Okay. How do you have mild Down syndrome? I don't know. Apparently they... Is that a... I'm sorry. No, I'm pretty sure if you had Down syndrome, you had Down syndrome. Or else you're just like... I mean...
I mean, because, you know, they have the... Return to help yourself in your situation right now. It's like a missing chromosome. I don't think that you could... Well, I mean, like... It could be mild. Some of them... Isn't it like extra chromosomes? Or is it missing chromosomes? No, I think it's extra. It's extra. A few extra chromosomes? It's one. It is one. Like a double X chromosome?
Honestly, I'm not a science gal. Did they throw a Z in there? I don't know. They threw a Z in that bitch. XYZ, baby. Well, anyway. I used to tell my teachers I had Down syndrome. None of them... It took me until I got to 6th grade for my teachers to tell me that I didn't. My 3rd grade teacher just let me. So... So...
That's Luke! He has Down Syndrome! And the parents were like, oh. That's messed up. Yeah, no, I do indeed not have Down Syndrome. Are you sure? But I had some Down Syndrome friends in high school. I walked in on one of them in the bathroom doing 360s with his pants down to his ankles. And I'm not even joking, I forgot the guy's name.
But it is the biggest I've ever seen. I'm kidding you not. Soft. Literally like my arm. Soft. And so I go back to my history class after he just stops. So he's doing 360s, doing his little thing with his pants down to his ankles and then stops. And that thing continues swinging and does not smack this thigh. Goes around and smacks the other thigh. And just stares at me. And I'm like...
What the fuck do I do here? Dude, there's something about a public school bathroom. I don't know. So I went back to my teacher, Mr. Stevens, and I was like, yo, you gotta come. You gotta come look at this. You gotta what? He's like, what? I don't know if it was Mr. Stevens.
I can't remember exactly what teacher it was, but I went back in there, and I was like, hey, you gotta come look at this. He was like, what? You're disrupting class. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, you need to come with me. He's like, is there something wrong in the bathroom? He's like, is there something... He's like, is there something wrong in the bathroom? I'm like...
I don't think they have words in English designed to explain what I just saw. It was a pretty big deal going on in the room. Oh, it was a big deal. Trust me. Big deal. Oh, it was big. Anyway, we get back in there. And I walk in the door. And he has resumed the spinning. And he walks in behind me. And he looks and he goes...
Yeah, I see the problem now. And I was like, yeah, the fucking problem. That's a pretty big deal. He was like, you can go back to class now. I was like, thank fuck. So I get back in class and my friends are like, what happened, man? What happened? And I just stood up in front of the whole entire class. I just went like this. I went, biggest dick I've ever seen. Sat back down. Nobody asked me any other questions. And I was... So that was...
That's the time that I saw that. It scared me. I aspired to have that before. Because I was like, dude, I want like 13, 14, you know, like to where people are like scared. Why would you want that? I don't know. But then I saw it in real life and I was like, oh, that looks painful. I know this is an awkward conversation to have, but you know, like. No, go ahead. Koda, right? Yeah.
Koda. I don't know Koda. Is he the one that got to jail for... For what? That is not what you said earlier. I don't know. Somebody said that earlier. I'm definitely gonna have to cut this part out. Anyway. No, he was at my apartment the other night. The one that... You don't need to cut it out. No. I mean, we're all just... Did you see his pecker?
Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, it was in a picture. Oh. But they were also talking about it because they all know. Like, if Luke Mitchell were in here, he'd know what I was talking about because, like, they were talking about...
How it ruins his relationships because his pee pee is too big. Oh, well. Like, 13, 14. Dude, I wish. That's crazy. Ew. I wish. Why would you want that? Why would I want that? He said people always want that. Punishment. But you wouldn't, you don't really want that. Punishment. What do you mean? If I can do something wrong, trust me. It's getting a little spicy, you know? Jack Hammer, baby.
I'm gonna have to make this R-rated. Slay. I want it, I want to whip it out and you can hear the air whoosh. Okay. And then a thump when it hits the ground. Okay. My mom listens to this. I don't care. I want like... Mom's like, okay, you can give me Luke's number. Yeah, I want to tuck it in my sock. Anyway. Oh my god. So... Woo! Woo! So yeah, that was my experience with the biggest, um...
Wait, I've never seen- and what's so scary is it wasn't even hard. Maybe it's just a shower, not a grower. Grower? Shower, not a grower, yeah. No, 'cause whether you're a shower or a grower, You gotta grow a little. it still gets a little bit long, yeah. And if it was already like that, I'm like, "Good God, bro." It's already almost to his fucking kneecaps. Jeez Louise!
Put that back in your pants. Exactly. Well, he didn't know. I wasn't supposed to be like, hey, bro, I don't know if you've noticed, but your penis is out. Dude. Like. That would be some shit you would say, though. I know. Sorry to ruin your day, but your cock's hanging out. You know what? I have to take off my sponsored segments for this episode. Are they going to kick me off? It's okay. Today's sponsor is SeatGeek. Autumn. Autumn. Hi.
Anyway, but yeah. How do you tell a special kid that his cock is hanging out? I'm pretty sure he knew. I don't think he cared. He's like... No, if he's whipping it around like that, I'm pretty sure there was a little... He smacked the wall. It thumped. He smacked the wall. Okay, so that's why Mr. Stevens was like, oh, I see your problem. No.
I really think it was just- He was bruising that shit up. No, dude. He wasn't bruising that shit up. He was cracking the wall. That thing would hit and like, there's a thud that it makes. There's a thud. Yeah, it's crazy. Damn. Anyway, so. Should that be my story? Sorry, anger. No thighs? No thighs? Maybe no thighs today. You know, you know, next, maybe next time we'll- Next time. We'll get to the thighs next time. He has to tune in to the thighs story. Yeah.
We got anything else to talk about? I mean, I don't know that I've met my time quotia here. Well, we could... I don't want to know that, actually. Never mind. What is it? No. What is it? You have to say it. No, you have to say it now. Yes, say it. I think I already know the answer for you. What is it? A coda. I don't want to know your answer. What is it? What is the biggest... You know...
Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to. No, because I want to know what you have to say. He's gonna ask you who has the biggest- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Probably. Oh my god. Let's, yeah. How did you see it? Well, actually, it's a funny story. We had just broken up and then his best friend took a video of him jerking that shit and sent it to me on Snapchat. I remember the first EP I've ever seen. Yeah, literally. God. Wait, wait, wait. What?
You want to know my story of the first peepee i've ever seen in my life? No, I don't want to know this fucking story. Tell the story. I want to know. Um, I was in like pre-k slash kindergarten. So much. Yeah, so much better. Yeah, you can continue. I told you. And um, I went to Green Acres after school. Yeah, at a church. Can you imagine that? You're in like
You're like Bible study daycare. We were in the tubes in a playground. Like the tube. Yeah. Little Johnny was like, you want to see my tube? We just sat in the tube and he just showed me his junk. Touch it. You can't say anything about anything about church because you'd be screwing in church parking lots. Yeah. That is a sin. That is gross. I didn't mean... Okay, I don't want to talk about this because it like...
actually very disappointed that's okay um i would never you know well where else was i gonna go it was dark well i didn't even you could have at least gone to walmart well no it was like it was like i pulled into the parking lot because it was dark and i looked over and i saw the church and i was like oh no i don't think you understand when a guy is is is horny nothing is going to stop him
In... you know, I think you underestimate women. Girl doesn't want to. Girl doesn't want to. Oh, well, I mean, uh, I think we're on different sides of the spectrum here, Kylie, but, um, yeah. Not in that way. Not in that way. I'm not calling you... okay. So... No, what? What?
Are we talking about... Okay, we're not talking about... We're talking about one-on-one. I mean, I would... That's the only sex that I've ever had, so yeah. Well, that's not what I meant. One-on-one. That's not what I meant. I meant, like, with yo self. What? With yourself. Oh, with myself? Yeah. Yeah, I'd be, like, using toes and shit. Oh. Oh.
You'd be like, bending yourself into a pretzel. I'd be putting my big toe on my booty hole. Um, on that note. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well that's, um... Is that a wrap? I don't know, I kind of... Do I have any more funny stories? Luke, I know for a fact your ass does. Do you? Do I have any more stories? Do you want to make a funny story? Do I want to make a funny story? Do you know what my porn name is? What is it? Simply Adequate. Well...
On that note... On that note... On that note... Tune in next time for... Dumb Blind. Dumb Blind. Okay, no. Piper Perry. We can't... Oh my god. We're not ending on that. If you went to church camp with me or literally sophomore year of high school, you get the joke.
Dude, Piper Gets Piped? What are you talking about? No, Piper Perry was my nickname. That nickname originated from... Piper Gets Piped. No, that nickname originated from church camp.
That is beyond. Yeah. I like, like... No, because there was a whole other... There was a whole other church group there, and I was, like, talking to one of the guys in another church group, and he was... They used to call me Piper. I was like, who is Piper? They're like, yeah, you look just like this girl we know. Her name is Piper. Piper Perry. And I was like...
Who are you talking about? Is she here now? I had no idea who they were talking about. But then one of my friends was like, oh my god, they're talking about Piper Perry. And I was like, shut the fuck up. Who is that? Showed you the video of the seven black guys? Yes. My friend got in trouble for bringing condoms to church camp. And everybody else was mad at him, but...
I talked to him differently. I looked him dead in the eyes and I was like, you use condoms? And he was like, dude. What a pussy. Yeah, what a fucking pussy, bro. We were watching Frozen in the pool. It was in the middle of summer. So why we were watching Frozen, I have no clue.
I don't judge somebody watching Frozen. We should have watched Nemo or something. Finding Nemo. Dude, I used to watch that movie 25 times a day when I was a baby. Dude, I watched it 26. You know what? No, my shit was Cars. Cars? You shit Cars? Bro, you might need to see a doctor. Kylie shits Cars. I shit Volkswagen. Volkswagen? Volkswagen?
Ansem Camaro? Nah, Kylie would shit G-wagons. Lightning McQueen? You right, you right. I used to call that- She bougie. I used to call him Lightning McQueen. She got mad, she got mad. What? I used to call him Lightning McQueen. We both stopped our conversation. Lightning McQueen. Like that, you know? Oh my god. Because he's speed. He's like speed. I am speed.
You are queef. Yeah, I am queef. Very nice. It's like Groot, but it's just... My patellos hurt. Your patellos? Yeah. Chiropractic?
It's your knees. Why don't you just call them... You hug your knees. Your knees. I call them actually my knee balls. But most people don't understand that. So the actual term is patellas. Patellas. Okay, well, I don't remember wanting an educational explanation. Science lesson. Dude, I used to be able to name every bone in the body.
Oh I can. Egg yo. You know men have an extra bone? Yep. Or two, depending on the time of the day. On that note, that's gonna be a wrap for us. We're, I definitely want to do this again. I find out too. I have two right now. Dude, what? Yeah, I was looking into your eyes the whole time. I was like,
Special kid bathroom penis. I'm sorry. Yeah. Again, I say on that note, I really want to do this again. I think our conversations are ridiculous. I really want to do this with Seabass. Your podcast listeners will lose brain cells. Oh, absolutely. I would lose brain cells.
brain cells that's the point that is the point of this that's the point making americans or whatever your country of origin is lose brain cells i actually have some people from australia listening i think honestly that's that's trisha uh paitis paitis paitis deacon if you're listening i love you what's up deacon luke says hello
And Mark. I love you guys. So sorry I did what I did. Anyway, that's a story for another day. For real though, we're gonna get off of here. But we're definitely gonna do this again, that's for sure. Especially if... Last time I went to go get a checkup, my doctor looked at me. We'll end on this. He goes, well...
You're definitely above average. With his hand on my fucking penis. You know what? And I'm like, why are you tugging it? So, alright, anyway. Um, um, um. Um. Um.
Adios. On that note, yeah, definitely ask some questions in the Spotify question area. For next time, I really want to start doing an advice segment on here because I think that would be an awesome thing to do for sure. So if you guys have any questions or want anything talked about,
Between me or me and my friend group, we would love to answer. Should we start our own podcast? Like, you can have the dumb blondes and, like, we have, like, a trio podcast? Dude, we absolutely should. Yeah. Like, that would be so fun. But, yeah. This has been dumb blonde plus another dumb blonde and a not-so-blonde dumb. All right. See you guys next time. Peace.
hey guys okay hey guys just by the way um just wanted to let y'all know we actually are gonna start our own podcast with the friend group it's gonna be called idfk podass podass podcast no idfk like i don't fucking know um but if you are interested in that stay tuned