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Hi guys, welcome back to the dumb blonde podcast. Wow, thank you guys for all of the support on the first episode. I'm actually almost already eligible to put ads on my podcast so that I can start making money off of that, which is not what this is about, but like that's kind of cool.
If you don't mind sitting through a short little ad. I'm gonna do it because I'm just trying to make my bag. But anyway, today's topic is like definitely really deep. And it's kind of like I don't even know. I'm so sorry. This is just what I want to talk about. But I...
can't get over it. I can't not talk about it. What we're going to talk about is subjective reality and what is life and what does it mean and how to make life your bitch. So let's go ahead and get into that. Okay, so you're probably asking what does subjective reality mean? Subjective, if you don't know what that means, it just means basically whatever you make it.
It can change depending on whatever the circumstances are. And reality for us, you and me, whoever's listening to this, is what's happening right now around us. Reality is the present, what we have created here for ourselves. Reality is a completely different thing for us.
say somebody a hundred years ago or even somebody living now in present time that isn't so connected to the outside world. Say like jungle tribes in the middle of the Amazon. Their reality is completely different from ours. So I say that to kind of show you how
reality is literally whatever you want it to be. Which obviously this has factors, a lot of factors that go into it. Like where you're born, where you're from, the places that you go, your parents, outside sources, anything like that obviously is going to affect the reality that you are born into. But
Reality is literally whatever you make of it. Just because you're born into a certain social class or born into a certain place or beliefs or anything like that, that doesn't necessarily mean that that is your reality. You can change it to whatever you want it to be. So yeah,
That sounds like crazy, insane deep, and that's kind of what this episode is gonna be. And I'm sorry if I give you an existential crisis. You'll be in my boat because I've literally been this way for a couple of months now. But honestly, while it is slightly unhealthy, the amount that I think about how nothing really means anything and, like...
I can just do whatever I want and it really doesn't matter. That's probably definitely unhealthy how much I think about it. But at the same time, it has given me a completely different outlook on life because now I know how to react when things come my way or when people say things about me or...
When I think about somebody saying or talking shit about me, it really does not matter. Honestly, nothing really matters. Honestly, what other people think about you doesn't really matter because they don't matter. You don't really matter. This whole thing we call life doesn't really matter unless you want it to.
This is kind of fucked up. What am I doing? I don't know. I'm just talking. But what is life, honestly? Where did we even come from in the first place? Some people may argue that we came from the Big Bang, or we've just always been here and evolved, or, you know...
Religion is a good way to explain where we came from, but where did religion come from? But yeah, I don't even honestly know what I'm saying right now. But all I know about what I'm saying right now, what is life, is, I mean, this is life. This is like a huge gift that we were given. Whether or not it means anything or not,
why not just appreciate it while it's here? And who cares if it means anything or if it doesn't? While the world that we live in can suck a lot, sometimes it doesn't have to suck, really. It really isn't that big of a deal. That's why when people take things so seriously, I'm like, yo, chill out, dude. Like,
It really doesn't matter. We're just here. So why not appreciate it? So, I mean, I really can't ignore the fact that this outlook can get toxic because it kind of did for me for a second because I was just sitting there like, wow, what even is life? And now I'm kind of like, wow, what is life? What can we do today to make things interesting?
Because, I mean, I believe that no matter what this is, I'm grateful for it. Because this is awesome. Like, I don't even, I don't know, how do I, this is a really hard thing to talk about. Because I feel like nobody really does talk about it. And it's, it's like scary to think about. But at the same time, I'm really appreciative no matter what.
that I got this opportunity to exist in this world and in this reality. I mean, I was given a lot of amazing things and a lot of amazing things went into creating the person that I am today. This is so hard for me to talk about without getting like completely all over the place because I will get out on a tangent and forget what I'm even talking about.
Like I literally just did. But no, it can get toxic because it has. But you just kind of have to forget the fact that things... You have to forget that idea that maybe this isn't worth anything. Because what is the point of that idea? I mean, you're here already.
So why not just have fun with it? I mean things can get shitty and they can get tough, but eventually they always get better. They always do, eventually. Even though sometimes I do say like nothing means anything and blah blah blah, the reality is subjective, whatever. But I also do believe that everything happens for a reason.
I mean, because everything that's ever happened goes into creating the person that you are now. So, I mean, that's also another topic that we could get onto that is, like, even harder to explain. But the way I've used this idea is to just create the life that I want. And while that may be hard for some people, um...
I get that. It's hard to remember that all the time when things get tough, when you get too sucked into the worldly things and what other people are saying and what's going on outside of yourself. It's hard to forget that this is just life, whatever that may mean. But I think this all started with me...
Thinking about how huge the universe is and how it just goes and goes and goes and goes and goes and what that means to me. I mean, I think about it this way. In respect to an atom on this planet...
We are literally nothing. We are not even the size of an atom compared to the rest of this universe. Because it just keeps on going and keeps on going and we're just little tiny humans on this earth that we don't even know if we're the only ones with real life on it. Living life, having emotions, worrying about why he's not texting me back. Um...
Or worried about politics. Or what you're going to eat for lunch. Or how much your next paycheck is going to be. Or even how we're going to take over the Ukraine for literally no reason. But that's a whole other topic for a whole other day. But yeah. I really can't talk about this without getting into...
the topic of religion because religion is a huge, huge part of my life. And I don't, I don't want anybody listening to this to think that I am not still a Christian. Does that make sense? I hope it does because like, this is just what's going up on in, in my brain, but I'm
I definitely want to get into talking about Christianity and where this all falls into that for me. So we'll talk about that. So I'm not going to sit here and preach because I know that when...
somebody does that to me, I get a little shut down. Um, I'm just going to talk about my current experience and current struggles with Christianity and my faith, uh, because it's, it's a constant ongoing battle that I have every single day. Um, and, uh, there's a lot that has gone into that for me too. Uh, it,
This has been like most of my life too. As soon as I could start putting stuff together and trying to make stuff make sense for me, all I've thought about is like, what does this all really mean? So I grew up in the church. My parents did an amazing job of making sure that I had a home in a church and
And for a long time, that was like the biggest part of my life. And I loved it. Church was amazing. My church growing up gave me amazing opportunities. And I was able to learn through the church how much I loved music and how much I loved to sing and was even given the opportunity to learn how to play the guitar and sing.
Even learning how to put together music as well, which is amazing. I think that when I look back on my time in the church, that was a huge, huge... One of the things that had the biggest impact on me. But something about the Baptist church kind of rubs me the wrong way. And I don't blame...
I don't blame my mom for putting me in that church, I guess. I really don't know what I'm trying to say right now, but I find that the Baptist church is like no other when it comes to being judgmental of other people. And I say that, but I really just mean small town church.
southern baptist churches one thing about christianity that i love so much is the the fact that i mean this is a whole faith based off of love and the love that the big guy upstairs has for us so much that he gave his son to die for us to have eternal life in the afterlife and
I mean, that's incredible. I love that our religion is based off love. But I think sometimes people forget that that's what we are and that we're supposed to be people that love one another, love thy brother. You know, we're not supposed to judge. And everyone is equal. Everyone is equal in God's eyes and love.
I think a lot of the time Christians forget that that's how we're supposed to live our lives. Which I'm not trying to say if you're a Christian you should be perfect. All I'm saying is you should just be a good person in general. No matter what faith you're a part of. But specifically Christianity because if that's what you're preaching then I don't know why...
you have any right for judging somebody based on the color of their skin, um, or the social class that they come from, or even if they come to church on Sunday and they don't exactly look so clean. Um, so yeah, that, that's one thing that has rubbed me wrong about
the baptist church and so i've had to find times and ways for myself to practice my faith um outside of a church because thus far i have not found a church that i've felt a hundred percent um what is accepted in i guess um
And not just me. I mean, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a church that loves everybody. Which, obviously, there's churches for, like, the LGBTQ and that say that they are inclusive and whatever. But at the same time, I don't know where my thoughts lie on that either. Because...
I don't know. I don't want to get into the conversation, what the Bible teaches about that. I guess LGBTQ, I'm not getting into that one. All I know is that that's not my problem. You love who you love, and I'm not going to judge you for it because that's amazing. You're doing something that I could probably never mentally sustain, if that makes any sense.
Okay, so I just wanted to cut in here really, really quick because I wanted to explain what I just said. I'm not saying that by any means I am against the LGBTQ community because, like, I am as much of an ally as anybody else. What...
I was trying to say as far as that quotation marks that is churches that um base their whole thing I don't know what do you call that like message or whatever their whole goal or whatever around uh LGBTQ um
I don't know where I stand on that because I almost feel like it's a bit of like... It's like almost capitalizing on something to try and get people to spend money. I have an idea about those churches, and I'm not saying it's all of them, but I do feel like it's some that...
use that openness and welcomingness of that church to kind of capitalize on it, if that makes any sense. That's just what I wanted to say about that because I didn't want anybody to think that by any means am I against people that
are in that community. Because, like, I love you. I really, really do. You guys are great. And I am not here to judge you, baby. You do your thing. Anyway, that's all. I'm saying all of this to say that I am still a Christian, but I struggle with my faith.
Because of all of this external knowledge that I've learned quite recently. I mean, but I already had these struggles even before this was put right in front of me. Because I already had these ideas that, like, what does this even mean, honestly? Who came up with these ideas? Where did this come from? But you have to have faith in...
And that this is what this is. That's the whole thing. Faith is the whole thing. And, you know, you can either not do it and risk the chance of leaving this earth and maybe possibly going to hell. Or you can believe it and live your life in the way that a Christian would.
and believe in God and Jesus and potentially have eternal life forever. But at the same time, it's so confusing to me because there's a ton of other religions out there that preach the same things. So how do we know which one is the right one, if there even is a right one?
if that makes any sense at all. I don't even know where all these ideas came from for me because nobody told me, like, "Hey, think about this. Life don't mean shit, dude. You were just here one day and now you're working a 9-to-5 job to pay for your shitty little apartment."
that you don't even like, but that's, that's a whole nother topic. But yeah, uh, I say all this, I say this to, to make others feel better about what they're going through too, because I don't really know anybody that really talks about how much they struggle with their faith. Also, another thing that happened, um,
That kind of really pushed me away from everything. Is a comment that was made during some fights and arguments that I had with a person that I won't really get into. But we were having an argument. And I was not in the wrong. And they said... They brought...
got into it and it was because we had had a conversation weeks before of me telling them, hey, I'm really struggling with my faith and this is how I feel about it and I don't know where my mind is on it anymore, but this is how I feel about it. And they took that and publicly humiliated me
Using a Bible verse. And here's what it said. I think it was Proverbs 30, 20. She eats and wipes her mouth and says, I have done nothing wrong. And then after that, underneath it, they put, don't lean on someone you don't 100% believe in. Sweetheart, he's on my side. Because I had said,
I'm gonna let God fix this because if you fix it, because if I fix it, I'm going to jail. But like everybody knows that saying that's a joke. When they came back to me with that, it just totally shattered my heart because I was like, why would you what gave you the idea that this was the right thing to say?
right now, in front of everyone that we know. Why would you, why do you feel the need to say something like that? That is, not only is it hurtful to me and my faith, but it's also hurtful to the whole, like, every Christian ever, because, like,
That just makes Christians look bad. When you use something like that against someone, it just looks really bad. And I mean, it just totally drew me away from Christianity for a second because I was like, if this is something, like if somebody can be a part of this that is so completely hypocritical and bad,
acts like they're high and mighty and tries to use this as something to hurt another person, I don't want anything to do. I don't want anything to do with it. Um, but then I started thinking about it and I was like, that wasn't a Christian thing. That was a him thing. And, um, that's where I kind of got over that. And I started getting into, um,
doing devotionals alone and really spending my time working on how I can use God's word in creating a better me as well. Because that's, that is important in faith because that's what it's here for. And I mean, you should, you should practice that faith regularly.
And that's, I mean, that's what I love about Christianity is that overall it encourages you to have certain moral standpoints, whatever the heck moral standpoints means. I mean, that's even subjective. But no, I just, I enjoy the fact that it encourages you to be a better person.
I say all of this not to like freak anyone out. I just feel like sometimes people take life way too seriously. Whether you're a Christian or whether you're not or whether you believe in something else or you believe in absolutely nothing at all. I just, I want everybody to realize that life is
It's just not that serious. I mean, obviously there are things that can bring us down pretty bad and hurt us in ways that nobody can really understand. But this life, whatever it means to you, is so precious because you only get one of these things and nothing
And while that's also really scary to think about, why not just live it up? Live it to the absolute fullest. Because this is like, I mean, this is all we get after this. I mean, if there is afterlife and you believe in that, then there's that. And if that's something that you feel like you need more,
to work towards and work towards other people or getting other people there too. You do that and you love doing that. If not, do whatever your little heart desires and you just, you pop off queen. I don't know. I don't know what to say. But like, if you want to be loud and, you know, take up space and,
Anything that makes you you, you better be that, dude. And I know it's easier said than done because I've been there. But now I am here where I know these things and I practice these things and I live my life differently.
Exactly the way I want to. And nobody can really. Nobody can really mess that up for me anymore. Because this is. This is my life. And I get to live it the way that I want to. Whatever that may mean. But yeah. I also say this all. To remind you. To love yourself.
And to love others and to love yourself. Because while you also only get this life to live, you only get one you, too. And you only get one mom and you only get one dad and only one family. And only one person that you're close to. I mean, maybe you have many, but you only have one of each of those people. There's not multiple of them.
Sometimes I don't even understand how my own brain works. So I'm sorry if none of this really makes any sense. It's kind of late. So, but when is it not when I'm going to be doing this? But no, I just, I want to say all this to help other people feel normal or feel sane. And remember that this...
This life thing is just not that serious. And that's something that I will keep on preaching until the very end. Because I have used that to my advantage. And I love that outlook. It's amazing. But there's so much I want to say about this that I can't quite get my brain to put all of the pieces together. So I think...
I might just end it here. But again, I really, really, really want to thank everybody for all of the support. Like, it's been insane. You guys are incredible. And I absolutely love that. And this one episode I've already posted has already changed multiple relationships in my life. And...
Just everybody is being so kind about this. And a lot of people have been like, wow, you're really brave for doing this. Like, I could never do this. This is kind of why I posted this episode. Because I want to encourage other people to not even care about that. And if you give a shit about somebody else...
Creating a podcast and talking about things that they're passionate about and that they care about so much. First of all, why do you care so much? Because it's not you. It's not affecting you. Like, just don't pay any attention to it and go on being sad about your own life and leave everybody else alone.
And I hope you get happy. And I hope you find something that you're passionate about. But anyway, I just want to say thank you again. And if you have something that you want to do, do it. Just do it. Because it will be worth it in the end. I promise. Because I've wanted to do this so long. As long as I can even remember.
Before I even, I mean, as long as I've known what a podcast was, I was like, damn, I gotta do that shit because a bitch likes to talk. I love to talk. And I'm sure you can already gather that. But anyway, for real, I'm gonna end it now. Thanks again. And this has been Dumb Blonde. Thanks.
