#863 - Matthew McConaughey - The Hidden Art Of Reinventing Yourself
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What does don't half asset mean to you?

If you're gonna .

do IT .

do IT say what you can do, do to say you can do IT don't say you can do IT don't over levels yourself. Don't over leverage your decision and jump in. And debater, I think i'll try IT out now.

Think if you're onna, try IT up before him. But when is time to go? Dive, finish IT, find out, come out the other side. Don't leave IT and go if I just for IT um that keeps me up at night.

I think that keeps a lot of us up at night have ask something you just don't know whether you're failed or succeeded, got what you wanted, didn't get what you want finding out and look at in the mirror and go on. I didn't have asked. I went all the way I found out in that end for me, or I found out.

And you dam right that is for me. That's a great place to get to. But the limbo of not knowing, if you have ask some, the limbo of going, I hedge my bed.

What could have happened.

you don't know.

Were you surprised when your dad said that to you yeah, when you were going to take a vote in yeah, life trajectory .

wouldn't be in the top one hundred things I thought he was said I was fully stabilizing in that moment. I just said I called tuesday night, seven o'clock hill, i've had a beer. He already had dinner, not monday, because as the first first day of the work week, he'll be a little more stressed catching on tuesday when I can unload this, that I would not want to go to ask you want to go to film school? And I really thought he was gonna.

You won't do what? again? The family I grew up in, the idea of good, me thinking, the idea of gona film. So like very saturday idea, hobby idea, not a job. And when I shared that with him.

The pause that he took, you know, another beat sweat started on my back of my neck before he goes, well, don't have acted now we will say this, though I do know now, and I didn't know IT in realized that in last ten years, the way that I asked him is part of the reason he gave me in the answer I really want and asking him. I called him as to dad, what you got my command said, I don't want to go to last school and more. I want to go to film school.

I didn't go. I don't, I don't, i'm not. Feel not, i'm sure about law cow. I I think I want and I think I may wanna. If I had started into that, I think he would have again heard me half asking what I wanted and gone in .

the process of being told to not half asset. You didn't half IT .

the way I asked, the asked, and he heard my own conviction. And I think what he had in that moment was what I think every parent wants to talk to have their kids, is that now we raise our kids to go in a structured form, follow this, and you can get most what you want to like, but what? And that can work.

But what do we really want our kids to do? We are going to follow that and then blast out of one day and not even ask our permission. And that's when we're going. That's my boy, that's my girl, that's my child who wanted to break out. And I think what he heard in was I was breaking out without really asked in his permission, and I was clear, spoke up, but instead my voice was out of my throat a little bit. And I think that was part of why in that moment he gave me, don't have.

Do you think that sentiment Carried forward into how you got the role for days? And confused that i'm gonna continue to lean in. I'm on the front foot and ten toes down.

yes. Now how much that direct system from that night when he told me, don't have asked how to do with that? I mean, yeah, did have something.

Do IT look. When he said don't have asset, he was, and I talk raising, but he won't only give me permission. He was give me a responsibility.

He was going, I knew, I knew I was at his word with me. In my future decision, I was making them for more than myself. I had, I wanted to fail less because I didn't want embarrass him.

And that was extra motivation, extra strength, extra courage, extra subway, extra like, well, let's find out, go forward, man, go forward Carried on and other stories of other jobs time to kill joe shoemaker er go and I want to lead single and I want to find out in in that don't me not to have ask IT back there few years ago, you know? So I don't go forward. If I embarrass myself, i'm embarrassing him. So that was also some into some some weight behind those moves that I made some of, are you a brave .

person in that way? Do you think?

I don't. Know people say that I I don't think I take enough rist i'm told the people that whose opinion admire so think that that's my greate asset that I take the risk outtake and the brave .

real take and you still have a hunger for more.

I think i'm IT to chicken ship. I mean, not overall, but I think there's many things that not fully asking. I I think there's many things that i'm still could take further that there's still many things that. More risk that I could take in, more brave I could have a.

could you tell that story, that days and confused story of of leaning in of taking that risk?

yes. So I mean, the initial when started when I went to on a thursday night, went to my favor bar at the top of the height, because I knew the bar tender. He was a film school of me.

He give me vocant onic. So went there. I get there that night.

He brings me, my girlfriend and vocant onic till behaviors a guy into bar producer movie that introduce to a walk I introduced you to four hours later, that man, dawn phillips, legende director, who was actually produced on days to confuse. We get kicked out at that bar. I've had a minivan tonics is he had since I SAT down.

So i'm not live in easily either and i'm standing up for my new friend who we had been anything they kicked out a bar really had, and we were just to stand on top of the tables, imitated some golf shots. We'd played on similar courses in the best. So we get not so, not so politely escorted out and he's in a cab or win a cab is ride with me to my apartment and drop me off for he head back to hotel me pulls out a joint.

I pulled out a june start smoking in because you ever done thing and I said, man, I was in that you just a year wood video for seconds come more of a modeling job, as in the middle light commercial for about come to this address tomorrow morning, nine thirty. You might be right for this part as character called water soon this movie days confused. I think you might be right for the part.

This is three something in the morning. So nine thirty came really quickly. I was on time, probably five minutes early, and we were already pretty tuned this time.

Remind you, I get I walk in ago, Matthew, yes, go down. Let the scrip for you. I open up its signed my m hay.

Here's the part water. And I got three scenes in there, three lines. They are all mark, check amat.

I think you might be right for a good luck limo in from the dish. I go away. I go look at this. The three line. One of them was what I like to call. This is a launch pad line, which is a line that sometimes having script, where if that character means that line and that characters not playing that line is an attitude and a winger joke.

If that character means that line, until you could write a book on a, you could write a book based on that reality and that line, and days confused from the character waterson was a line when he's leaning against the wall outside the pool hall, high school girls walk by. He checks one of back size and go back and his, but he says, what should you got? Cut that out.

Man, you can end up in jail. And what is now? Man, that's a lot about those high school girls. Man, I get older. They say the same age.

That line I went, who is that? There's a book on somebody, if that's not trying to be cute, if that guys not trying to say something coin clever, he believes i've got life figured out. Man, this is my nor star.

So that line informed who the character was. I go, I read for IT. I remember the first time I got called back. As I said, the sound was bad, and now I came back.

I don't know the sam is bad or the fact that I just needed to come back was used SE to come back to reform ichard linker of the director who I did read for, and I got the part. Now the role was also based on as a road to that in the book, who I thought my brother was when I was eleven. My seventeen year old brother was already my hero.

He was cooler than James dean. And we had one day where his car was broke. Band a mom, mom, when I was supposed to pick up from school, and he wasn't.

Where is supposed to be? We're looking for m, i'm looking at the backward station wagon. And there I see this siller wet of this guy leaning against a brick wall, left book heel, against a brick wall, leaning back, lazy, in the right hand smoking.

And he was my brother. And in that silly wet, he was thirteen feet tall. Cool is stood in the world.

And just as I went to go, right, there's pat. I remembered that I was gonna big trouble for smoking. And so, but that image in my eleven year year old eyes, that was waterson.

So we get to the set one night, and I just go in for what used to be a makeup or drug test, meaning put on make up, put on wardrobe. When the director link letter can leave the set and get to minute, he comes check, yet eye balls gives a few notes, and you say goodby. E i'll see you when I come back for work along this night, I come out of the trailer.

Linkletter shows up, has a look as he walk up his hands. God, yes. What like peach pink? Is that a nude? teach? Oh, like that.

What SAT over there? That tat has a black panthers tattoo? Yeah, look the hair to come over.

I like IT. I like IT. Is IT cool that say goodby? E, I think you could say when he goes, you think you know what is in his spin with the typical hot chicks in school, the cheerleaders and staff my gag, because you think what son would be interested in, the red headed in, I get. And what is some loves all types chicks.

And because how will listen? The actual mra obese is overhearing a car? She's got a nerve.

Friends in the baskets the last day of school, you think, maybe wants to pull up and try picker up like, yeah. He goes, okay, when do you? Now, I IT give me thirty minutes.

I took a walk now about to be in my first thing. There's nothing written. I have not done this before, but i'm going over scenario where we last at school.

I got sand, change my pocket and work with the city. Sure, red. And next i'm going to go out. I'd probably speak a little spend up, up, up. Next thing I know, i'm in the car in a lovelier might put on me i'm going to like, he's, i'm gone.

Who is my man? Who is waterson? What do I love? What do I love? What I love as this mike skip put on me and like, I love my car, said ban, I mean, my seven civil right now there's one thing I got going for me.

I said, I I love rock and roll, man. I said, shit man, I got ted news is strangling a whole rock. And in the attract there's two.

I said, love getting high as a woman. Slater tried and shot gun. He's always gotta be rolled up there. Three, that's when I hurt action. And as I looked up, dropped into drive, thought of the three things I had while I was going to get the fourth.

And I said to myself, and I love picking up chicks, enjoy, pull out three affirmations of the three things I did have on the way to get the fourth. All right, all right, all right. Pull in. Have the scene.

Try and pick her up dish the geeks in the back gonna be in the making, whatever the spoke space babb and also IT is over and let people laugh in and rics are goes, it's great, great, great. Will try every time to this that did the scene to maybe two times, three times, I don't remember and finish IT I get out, people laughing. I just had phone hint we're cocking in the seats in the roy cocker, the actor plates later and the shot got to see is gigli like, is like, I was a good man that was good.

I like, cool and all the sun, and I must leave and read inviting back the next night got put in some other scene. Anyway, he invited me back every night for three weeks and work three weeks. Now, what I found that two years ago was rick also asked me that not on the side bar. Hey, you would think he d be interested that red an electric girl is because rick at test, he had just noticed that night that they had a story hole.

I didn't know what car they were going to go, I think pick up the area Smith tickets in and and who else had a car pick for had a car and I was only had a car and had a little a guy who had a job and he was trying to start to fill a story's le. He didn't tell me this to like a year ago, and that's why I invited me into that first scene at the top note provoque, where I said those three words, which were the first words I sell on screen, which were the three affirmation of the three things my god did have. And I think they came from, not intentionally, but leading up to that role, I was listen to a lot of uh, a doors and there's a live track of a more than at some doors concert.

I don't aware, I think is in europe somewhere where he barks out, right? Alright, alright, alright, very aggressively, not water and style, but like four, five or right, right, right, right. And somehow that pop, I had no plans, but I pop in my head in that moment as been, let me take that version. Just give three of them for the three things i've got for myself. But in a more laid back, cool way, how did you feel to have .

that positive reinforcement so quickly out of nowhere, both privately and then publicly after?

Well, I mean, IT felt fun in the moment. I felt good. And IT became public right there with the crew in the cast.

那 publicly， he became a year and half later. I mean, look privately on that I remember going that was so much fun. I think, I think, I think I was good at IT.

People tell me i'm good at get invited back. And then the other thing was i'm getting scale. I'm getting three hundred thirty bucks a day and i'm working a job at captain weight tables and the most i've made there in one night to three dollars.

And now i'm getting three, forty or whatever IT was for doing this. I was, honestly, I going, is this really? Yes, i'll come back for the pay and because i'm and because it's so much fun um and then he he never known the story.

Five days in, my dad moved on. Rick, I would just talk about this other day because his his father just moved on few days ago which of my yesterday um I went home, came back to work. Still had going to morning with my dad, but had that, had that surprise, that comes when you lose a loved one to death, you top up.

So burn up in courage of the world even more than my dad tell me, don't have him passing. Gave me some real courage, man, I mean, of looking at the world straight IT, straight in the eyes and not being an intimidated by model shit anymore. And so that really helped me stay and focus on the all.

Had a great time, probably little quieter than I was in the first five days. More to myself, a little bit. Rick ini b. rica. I kind of became more friends than just director, actor at that time, because he was, he was the cut person I was talking to about how was feeling and how to deal madest. A i've finished that.

I go back to university, texas graduate film school on the way out order, packed up with the u ha, get the texas change our master job like five weeks, super fun. Another, under the table cash should play that part, unload the air. U hall.

And drove out to hollywood. And a year after that, I would say IT went time to kills when I noticed, oh wow, i'm famous life. I've cash a new check that I didn't know about, where I say the world become a mirror. There was no more anonymity that that was a whole new drug.

I think one of the themes of your world view that I become familiar with is alchemy. zing. Bad times into good ones are reminded that things that seem bad can end up being good. And in retrospect, CT, I think it's a obvious and and almost romantic to think about that alchemy in that way. But in the moment, it's basically impossible.

How can .

people well, how do you have more of that perspective .

during a hard time? Yeah well, a couple things. First off. No, I probably start off in electrized, something that I know I probably should believe in, but don't believe in IT and convinced ed myself, even to extend, to trick myself that you sitting and go or you just tell yourself this to show pass. Okay, great.

What the hell at me? Even if it's true in the moment, you're like putting for a talk about, man, i'm in the debt section. I am in a warning section. I'm this sucks. I I think that how much i'm conscious about or not.

My underived optimism and faith that this is not IT is and if IT is so what if that that's okay with really so what you know I mean, what's the big deal to IT minimizes? I don't I seem like tiny not to make a bigger deal out of things that other people make a bigger deal. dramas.

I don't like to create false drama. When IT comes in the tar, I am affected. I, I, I, I get the blues.

I get sad. I get mad. I'm a shit to bear around. I can't get to sleep. I got demand amount, had trying to trying to work through out why did this? That's the other thing is tough for me as I think that any bad thing has me my initial actions.

Or what do you do wrong to lead to this? Like in a relationship command, I get an argument, my mind immediately goes what you do in the last two weeks to let this get to a point where you just had a raise voice or SHE had a razer voice at her voice here ever did using there are some place cues that were not handled to get to that point. So I like IT when things learn like this.

The chAllenge when things are running great is we all need to think, aha, this is IT. I've found IT bottle. Let if I, if if I realize this, I can maintain this forever, in the truth is bullshit. Now we can, but we can minimize IT. There are a habits that I notice of things I take care of in my life, health wise, faith wise, father husband wise, that I know if i'm doing that consistently, there's less valleys, there's less stress, there's left warning science, there's lefts problematic shit had we get in this. So there's consistently behaviors that I know I can act upon that i've worked in the past.

We'll get back to talking to Matthew in one minute. But first I need to tell you about marie newly. Not all meet is credit equally. And that is why I pon IT with mary newly.

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but there is a cohort of people that .

is a look at home. I if only, yeah, I could have stepped in. Yeah.

you make a self center. The first said on the reason that I step in ship, which is also an asset, even if some ago you why you give yourself so much credit for throw that up. Yeah.

beautiful. yeah.

I mean, look, I think part of this for me comes from we didn't get in trouble with my family for the bad deed. We got to trouble for get caught. So times where I can screw up and get away with IT, I feel Better than times that maybe I didn't group as bad, but but got busted because I got caught, because I got butted, because I ve got myself in the pickle, because things didn't go. How I wanted IT to go, or how believe I could go.

Is there something that you try to remember about the upside of a crisis during a crisis? Or do we just need to write that out? So I think that I like version yeah, right.

Zoom ing out would be so beautiful. And in retrospect, CT, if only you could give yourself the gift of distance of time. Yeah, yeah. And yet, you know, something hard is going to come again and you're going to be swept away by the wave.

I mean, for me, it's an obvious dances to both because you can't jump to the objective right away and go in china. Oh, fatal hit this to show past i'm all i'm fat no because then you don't deal with the the crisis.

Um I do have a good I do have a pretty quick threshold for being able to laugh like honestly start giggling when i'm in the shit because i've found that I able to handle the shit Better if I just art the cross start going on are you kidding me? And I and I also my outlook objective and remind myself things like. You go on that, ma hay, which gives me that, uh, so what? This is not bigger deals.

I thought I also quickly somehow comes in my head now right now. But one day this could be a great focus story. I quickly go to that project forward into those places that ease me a little bit at least. May we look at IT with a good eye?

You're almost imagining being that future. You laughing back at .

this and I goes back to the the faith and belief that, you know, again, i'm nervous for i'm gonna go speak or something I got ta think in my a what you going to die when they mean I and I that relax me if i'm going in you complacent I got another note until myself what you're about to say and do will that leave you so you Better you can do that well, you know, to give me more on age.

This baLance is so fascinating, you know, being able to thread that needed, being able to find the golden mean ZARA start talking about. But you've heard you say that you should make a sense of humor, your default .

motion link later. I came up with an a conversation about twelve years ago, Richard, Linda, and who just talked about how mad and angry and upset and offended people get if they don't know how to react, if they don't have an opinion on something. I mean, like what if I would be in the world in their place? We should get along there.

But if the defauts emotion, if you're not sure how to respond, 我是。 okay. Now most people think they go well, that's insensitive, but that's it's not insensitive. These you think that means you're not given the crisis credit, if you can laugh at IT and I whole hardly .

disagree or that is some sort of a tribute in celebrity yeah that .

that you're not core enough about IT man, whatever you I mean is like you're not taking things. You're actually put me down just because you're saying you're not you don't feel victimize and you laugh this this way.

You're killing me front of maybe you because especially we will talk about the if it's inevitable too that I left a lot quicker when I know i'm an an inevitable people I have no other resource to get out of IT that I know of so I will start giggling the little quicker. I keep mice open and figure my way, maybe IT, because sometimes the hard work in the endurance and elbow greece, the work harder, we will talk about that. Houses is not the way out.

Sometimes I need to back up, left, have a sip of my favorite whatever, and dance my way through the rain drops out of this thumb. Sh, maybe it's not being in your head on the wall, may be it's back and up. Oh, I ve got a key in my pocket that I locked the door and try. I have been bloody, must go on over bagging and banging .

into I do wonder why I like being serious. I'm serious about the things I do. I'm serious about this podcasts you might be able to tell by the fact we've renovated in taiwan ah but there is something that you can take that too far.

The seriousness can become a kind of rigidity, as opposed to being dynamically persistent, you know, taking things too seriously, not swing in the breeze, right? Presuming that you like the things you do and you want to keep doing them, the less robust and flexible you are, the more likely you are to break in those ways. And I think that humor is a lovely bit of baLance that helps to baLance that out.

I ve frame at this way, be very serious about, since humour, be very serious about comedy. I'm extremely serious about comedy. And I, I, I, I, you know, do I take myself here? Yes, but also take two series.

This, should I don't do I wanted know everything, yeah. But I also take charges, should I? That I don't know, go be serious about that.

You don't know that. Be serious about that. This is frickin funny, or at least it's gonna be.

So I try to take the comedy serious is I think we can take since of humor seriously. We don't have to create a new category. You have gone, oh, I need to be light hearted or are more careless and carefree.

Just care more maybe about the validate good since humor yeah you know, instead of IT be enough a relief up. Let me, let me let go. The pressure here, not me.

It's not. It's song most like it's not. It's not another bucket. It's in the same bucket of commitment and persistence and endurance.

talking about that baLance between good times, bad times in the lessons that we take from each. Heard a quote recently, ader said, every man knows reflection and introspection when he's at at his lowest bad times. You can't do anything other than wallow in retrospective assessment yet. But one of my favourite things i've learned from you is when things are going well, given that that presumably what you want to have more of maybe with deep constructing that?

Yes, I, I, I, I, I, I wish I could more, and I I think more of this could all take a structure asset. There's there's we happiness. You can't guarantee IT, but there is a science to satisfaction there.

You can look at habits that engineered less pain in your life, maybe more pleasure, but at least let's pain. And that's that's a win. I I tried to deconstruct elke.

I don't do I write IT did I use to write as much? Look at anybody else ever capture diary when what's the old sort of nostalgic idea of a diary? You go there when you're in pain, you share thought to you to want to share with anyone else of those reflection. And I did used for some reason, I don't know why, but we would force myself to write every day no matter how happy I .

was happier come on.

i'm doing IT is living in is happening. But and in writing Green that when I went back, that's a lot of the consistencies that I found, that I wrote when things were going well, that I was taken for some reason, taking time ago.

Can I buy, can I try and bottle some science here to White things to go on well? And I did find consistently who I was hang out with the night, what I was drinking, what bar was at, what food I was drinking, um how exercise, uh preparation for work for school um and I found things I was like, you're really happy in this segment your life. Let's go back and look at what you're doing oh, I I had had augmentation grows.

I was on em every day. I had some discipline where I was checking out my so, oh, you were going to charge hn, sunday you were, you were given. You were saying, thank you, got before you at debate tonight you were appreciate more.

You were pointing up youtube. Beautiful things are not taking them for granted until I found a list of things of, like when I get off track, I try to remind myself you been slacking on some of those and I could pull that off. I've evolved at different ways.

I get away with some now. But you know, i've definitely found consistently, and I think we all have them if we just note them along the way, that they're not by accident, because we sure is how they construct the reasons when we're in the funk and we don't believe thereby accident. We can take ourselves behind the woodshed and show ourselves exactly why we're guilty for every reasoning, condemn ourselves for every dame reason.

We got to that spot. Yeah, well, that's you're gonna do that. I say let's this cheers just have a cheers on the way from the things that are worked for when we have SHE going on, right? Also, knowing that is not forever, that we will have a mount in .

the climate shortly isn't interesting.

So much of .

the content that people like to consume, books, podcast, all the biographer's memos, is deconstructing the success of others, so will happily dissect success in other people, right? And yet only dissect failure in our self, right, on those people.

Well done, and I must find out how to do IT more, even if IT doesn't fit me, even if there a different constitution, different background, different time for me, I focus on the negatives, right? There's a really interesting at start around the likelihood of you ensuring that your dog completes a course of antibiotics is about ninety five percent. The likelihood that you ensure that you will complete cause of many rioters s so about fifty percent. So we're prepared to look after an animal twice as well as ourselves.

I I was a rotten a note the other day.

What does that say on the back of your phone sticker? H choose to shine vocal my .

daughter game that yeah, I wrote the other day. And the most of what I do, I use this no tap right? And I did. I wrote the other day ah whether was on that note, I was like, what what's my best face I need to give myself right .

now is listen to my .

own David vice yeah followed that up with was IT um yeah. Trying to live with less gravity and more backbone is .

a salty task.

What's that mean to kind of live lighter with less gravity? Live lighter, not take certain things so seriously, but still have the principal backbone. Because getting older, we get older in in the black, White, turn to gray.

And then there's a great word compromise we all say, which is such a material thing to do. And then over suddenly, we let things slide and ever we start gone. Well, change or happen.

Hey, change is inevitable. That change out. And i'm not ready out.

That's part of getting old, I think not just getting older. Same with cynical m is the disease of getting too old. And i'm not ready.

I don't want to be ready to give up certain things. I'm going, no, man. The beauty of ignorance, those things that we believed in.

I've got wave so many things because of my ignorance. I be dead fourteen times in this life. I wouldn't be ignorant of the situation I was yet.

Um it's all yeah. I. You know not not knowing or no one what we know. It's A. Anyway, yeah, IT is more backroom to hold on and be principled. What I stand for, what I stand against, when IT becomes easier and easier to just go with the flow and i'm not ready to go, this is go to float.

I just want to I want I don't want to pick the wrong battles and try trying to be discerning and not pick in the wrong bite because I like pig and fight and go after chAllenges. But i'm going to like i'm kind of like now it's tough duty in the fair fights and there's a lot of unfair fights out there and why I want to spend my time. I got twenty five. They pick an unfair fights when i'm going to bus and I ask to win the .

fair went while also picking fight to yourself. You know you hinted just over the difficulty of A A negative invoice. You know, you take things seriously.

You care about what you're doing. You want to achieve things in this world. That means that you need to have high standards.

You need to posit an ideal. But as soon as you posit an ideal, you then begin to compare yourself to that idea. And often you find yourself lacking, because it's a fucking idea here.

I think this is why a lot of relationships don't work. We make her wonder woman, and SHE makes us superman, and neither wanted to live up to IT. And that we've got that bulb, that honeymoon bulb turned up to one hundred watts and honey moon over.

We're trying to deal some real just some real bed stuff and leave at twenty watch where is lit. But we're not just feverous ally, you know, superhuman. And I think a lot of us just report that on someone else and they can't live up to and and not be unfair, red to them and then they do the same to assent who both walk a way, go on. I I underwhelmed.

Do you know the idea of the Michael Angelo effect be heard of this? awesome. So the michelAngelo fect describes a situation in relationship, friendship or intimate partnership, where each partner sees the best in the other and tries to help bring that out.

So the sum of the parts is greater than IT is individually. The reason I love IT is why it's called the michelAngelo effect. So the block of marble that David was called from had been attempted by a number of other a sculptors previously.

Huge, monstrous thing. If you've ever seen David in janome, people can't end when you're looking up as well with that angle on the plant. Even bigger.

Previous sculpture had detected ted unfAiling, but Michael Angelo saw inside of the marble what was David? He just needed to get away all of the things that want. I love that idea.

Yeah yeah. Ah I think in .

life you want to be finding people that believe in you more than you believe in you, that how hold you to highest standards.

I think that's the definition of good friend. I think that's definition of a of a good partner is definitely a good husband, wife. You know that they remind us of the best ourselves to shine that light, remind us because we do.

I know I do IT gets and put put the blind on IT. And I don't see IT a lot of times not be reminded. I this is this is always doing thing for me um.

I on a house correlates, but I ve never been as good my dreams as I am in your life. I never win the day, get the girl aced the test. I can perform in my dreams. I never have, never have as well as I went in real life think i'm the same and i'll .

get in .

all be I guess one says i'll be a pole something off on like, let me see that and my friends like, no shit. Is that suba? What's biggie? You know, I mean, it's kind of what I like about living in awesome texas.

They're not really impressed, pal. Off they were thought, cool. I want to ask where they were like, no shit. You know, I was going like, oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, man, does you and that's what that's what your friends will do in a way loved ones will do that be like, yeah, there you are.

Can IT comes back to that is so much easier to be supportive and gentle of other people yeah, then of ourselves now you will happily, but still this out of gentle, reassuring pat on the shoulder when somebody succeeds or fall short when they tried the best right yet, given the fact that you tried your best, you give yourself a kick in the dick on the way out of the door in a harsh word to follow you.

Yep, what do you think about when you do succeed and a lot of people go. But that's nothing. I prescribe bed at the thing which he takes some time.

We will look at the mere and own that thing that we pulled off and go good job that what you wanted, what you got at the same time, be able to, as we do more often, look in the mayor when we fail and go and bogie. You do not want to do that off. You mean but I I mean, it's it's kind of bigger or the ownership of the fail or the game ownership being really important. And I know i'm a fan of of the eagle.

I wish people, someone said this to me before, but this a coin said this IT came off the of, I don't think about SHE was like to me that yourself follow yourself and I was that they can I was like, who as much as we full of that's a good line and I stopped that was like, that's exactly what I mean I rote I wish more people were more full of themself, not in the arrogant way don't know about a healthy ego to understand and understand ego difference tween eye, me, maze, the objective, but to know the I I wish more people I wish we were more full of ourselves. I wish more people know were more full of themselves. I think part of chAllenge is that I ve a lot of us are running around half as and ourselves, half fooling ourselves, not full of ourselves, not study our self enough, not hold herself to task enough, not patent our own self on the back when we do get what we want enough, not crack in our own whip on our backsides when we do good at line, even though we knew Better. I wish we were more full of ourselves that way.

The guy that was at the yesterday join, I asked him something not to do similar about self team. He took a little while. He said, I like me. I'd buy me a beer. So that's so fucking great.

I'd buy, hey, he he's shake your hands with himself, you know, and suit men. I got plenty of times, as sure is on the last guy when I would bear with i'm actually say I got down on them like I appreciate drinking alone. Well, I mean, I mean, IT yeah IT been nice.

Would that be not worth more than nice? Is a Better word than nice. But if go go try to be today, someone you want have beer with pretty good, easy. Wait a bar .

sticker. Talk to me about the non deserving complex .

ah feel similar so. IT definitely. And I think it's called in their term and pasture syndrome or something like that. When I got famous of the time to kill.

I had more people saying I love you and I only said that like four times in my life four of people how's like, wow, this is they mean IT. You know, the the red carpeting caviare. I started to get that.

You know why me? Why me? There's other people that deserve this warned me, and that's back when I had. I was usually where to deserve, which i'm not the biggest fan of. Now I prefer earn, but I didn't feel like I deserved IT in the big scheme of things. IT was A I think it's we have to what was dangerous about and I think it's caught IT is it's a copy mechanism but it's a past humility.

Yep, yep. I understand it's like .

it's almost arrogant thing that you're you did all that even you know, it's almost like guilt is an arrogant thing I who makes you the judge in jury of you on that you know it's it's like saying been very arrogant to oh no, no, no, not me.

I, I, I shouldn't have that um IT does help you ideal when the stimulus of the world's brand new and come on on IT helps you back up because you can't you want to take any more errors because you're feeling at all as errors. I sure felt that when I first got famous, talk about all the options in yes is brand new. Yes is for me in the world.

I pushed against IT, and I even had colum sy times where I got ugly just to canner IT. Like, I like tribute myself, running down hill. I trip myself because I like men. Things going to well, I need a bloody knows, bam.

I give myself when I feel more okay now I am supposed to be this part of that come with the fact that I grew up in a middle class blue color family and new text. Twelve people from the dad is like you get out there, you earn, you break a probable no no um I I wouldn't so much stuff was coming up and I didn't feel like I would. I'd broken a sweat to get IT.

I have been fun. What I did and I was couldn't give myself enough credit for maybe is going and you're good at what you do. And and I and I was looking for the proverbial sweat.

I was looking for the, where's the exhaustion of a full working day where I actually, I drew blood. Men have did IT. I made IT through.

did the purton work ethics runs strong. I used to struggle. I run night clubs for a long time, and there was a period where I didn't miss single saturday, which was a big event 啊， for two hundred and four saturdays in a row.

And I would go on holiday to holidays I was having, you know, i'm twenty, twenty two, twenty six, something like that, a prime Young y territory. And I ve gone on a holiday from a sunday morning until a thursday evening, and then make sure that I was back in the northeast of the U. K.

Why do you make sure you get back on the sunday night?

Because I couldn't bear to have success without having blood for IT. Okay, because if there was so many hopes I had to jump through in order for things for me to get a pat on the back had to go. Well, if they went badly, I was less. But not only did not have to go well, I had to suffer in service of IT going well, yeah. Because if IT went well, became easily, that was also somehow lesson a like for me.

I felt in almost, yes, not a disease over was like, I didn't pay a pinet cerement. I didn't. I didn't give enough tye.

I didn't not break the verbal switch, draw the blood to earn that thing. Getting all this didn't, whenever look at the eye, didn't feel IT needed things to feel. I also needed, at that time, anonymity, which I lost.

And I think everyone need an anonymous soul. And I had lost mine, and I didn't know what was up, down, left or right. I hate, I got through stuff. If I look back at my interviews, first two years, I got famous.

I bet you there's so dam boring because I was my two rules would be a gentlemen and don't lie, two pretty boring rules if that's only what you're an info and you're creative and you ve got a color for life. But I was just repeat stayed on the line IT wasn't until later on I was like, come in. I trust myself and I believe myself ough to share how feel about things.

Yeah, privacy is one of the privileges that people are born with that they don't realize until i've lost IT, right? This has been a little bit of bit trajectory that i'm starting to dip my toe into over the last few years as well. Of loss of previous loss of privacy must increase scrutiny.

Sense of I bet and even you know it's micro niche to generate version of of proper fame. But still this sort of sense of vigiLance being watched in some way or another. And ah it's one of those odd inverted privileges.

Most people think about privileges, something that is bestows upon you after you have done X, Y in ed. But this is one of those things that as you tend to go on the trajectory, most people want to go on. But it's something that gets derrida's, something that you lose.

sure. And you people have you skipped salutation of high, how you don't watch your name. People have bio on you.

They have an idea, an opinion for you before you ask for IT. Sometimes it's have ability to the awesome to overly all exaggerated awesome. Sometimes it's well below and you walk outside, you know have to talk to the world.

You know, you feel as you'd see how people move towards you or move away from you or what you catch IT all your perfect. You start on day. I know what, I know what, I know what they think. And maybe that's false. Feels like Better when it's baby false but to the oh, they they got Better than than they think even think I did Better than I did.

but still disconcerting either way.

either way, it's our pants because it's not on. It's not on parch. why? I headed out to peru after I got famous to the twenty two backpack trip. I and I remember writing that I said I need. I need to go test my, who I am, my character on, people who know is a stranger.

And when I left the huggs twenty days, the huggs in the tears of the strain, no longer strangers at to twenty two days, but the hugged and the tears were coming from people that only knew me as a guy name, mac, you, that's IT, who showed up and met me from there, no buyer if you, and we had no idea as famous, no ideas in the movies. And two, two, two, twenty two days later, their weeping tears of glitter gladness, it's that is saying, goodby me that gave me trust mag. And I was like, I got IT.

I did this and still, I D still fix a tire. Don't I don't have this. The whole thing is that just triple I going to fix the car? You know, okay, IT was.

IT was that was I needed that? Give me a lot of conference, come back to hollywood and look a lot of the what I was dealing access. Look at the eye angle.

I get IT. I get IT. I know I aren't getting here. I, I, I got the good all of this. I may not have earned that. I had me ask for a lot of this, but I know I got myself here. okay.

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Looking back, I was said, did. I am. Look, add some wonderfully fun and healthy and honest single years. That were.

Became sort of resolutions that became sort of structurally tangier IT was fun, stayed on the surface, purposeful, fully. I kept IT there. They kept IT there. But I would still, you know, have many lonely nights when a man lays his head on the pillow. No matter who was in the bed, I was sleeping to me and.

Felt like many times I was in neutral, didn't have something that I was building towards in chasing relationship wise, even career was at that time, I got through IT fine. I didn't I didn't go over over over indulge and didn't get dangers with my health or anyone else is mainly. Because if I did get to, if I get the blues, i'd be like, open eyes, but look around and you kid me, take your time. And so, you know, I would say, ultimately, I was lonely in that time because I knew, I knew was to stop that a stay. And I knew I wanted more career relationships eta, but I wasn't really .

fully committed. I would .

wouldn't, didn't have that maybe aware with all that is I I dented to go actually chasing and go. I know what I want. I want to, I want to live a way to attract that. I did trying go, did that time I tried to go find IT.

But as to talk about the book, I mean, I had time where I was, every red light who's over there, produce section who's over there, every party who's over you looking forward, the one. And once I was like, that great dream of the eight euro bachelor that I was with all the kids chill. That dream gave me Grace man, because I quit looking for that one. I did be, start acting like someone know I, my target drew the era I was. I started acting like someone who add aware with all in a piece of band with myself not needing someone to fulfill that drew her to me that I didn't have before that dream.

You had a front row seat to some a variety of rythm of marriages. Your parents, yours. What have you learned about choosing a good partner?

and. I'm still learning, but.

friends. First, I mean, the common on, I became friends first. No, we won't become lovers pretty quickly. But I, the things I respected about her and saw that he had, or things that i've valued in a close friend, someone who respected their past, someone who had gres in to humour but was never gonna lie to put themselves to get what they wanted in front of me or take advantage of me, someone who, you know, was impressed with who I was much more than they were impressed with what I did, someone who very quickly saw the best in me, like, I like that a city more that, you know, and and water that side of me.

So we talked about earlier more that, let me, let me put some more fuel on that fires so you can even be more that. Why not be all of that? You know, then if you're gonna get together, I think it's a Susan surrender line when he was married to. It's his name, tim, who is student and area. Two years ago.

an entire room of people shaking their heads.

Great actor, shelling redemption time, Robin, they had a line that said that we have similar moral bottom line. It's always stuck with me. Could you going to part with someone, especially we going to have family, I think make sure you ve got a similar moral bottom mine because in, look, Cameron air going to new changes because we have teenagers are moral bottom line and do and down to what's accepted and what we went accept.

I've been pretty part and parcel up until now. Teams are getting like, well, i'm a little loose over here. Yeah, let him go.

Let me go get that scar, let go get the heart boat, whatever that is. Let go try IT on, fail, succeed. Let him go negotiate free play.

She's little more. And so we're here and I are working on that baLance right now. Um and it's a new baLance to have in teenagers as they're getting their independent but having a similar more bottom line. um. You know connected to bringing up the best in the partners.

Is I having some of you are fan of and that they're fan of you, you call each other on your shit or you don't have to caught because he looks as enough in your 男 的？ Yeah, that was me, pogue, you know, or I got a way out and to get no more cut that out. And then what i'm learning now, trying to learn is that.

Seems we were essentially all all the the person that for me now i'm I think i'm essentially the same person I was. I was nineteen years ago, so the person I was, I was eight, fifty one. But our values systems reorder as we as we grow independently.

And as a couple, you value system changes for every parent when they become apparent for what important in their life. So you read, move in and think different places on the chart in the number one spot, the two spot and three spot. But to understand that IT also happens with, with, with us as individuals and go on that we do change.

And I had a we even by being essentially the same person that we fall in love with, we still need room to change along away and go through things that may seem inconsistent with who the DNA of why we fell in love, that person or what do, what we love, or who someone was. But another still essential. But give room to change.

Give room to change. Also, the the thing is just brings steam line you know you know about sometimes you're run in in the elephants walking. And it's okay to be ahead, but don't don't lose sight.

Don't get so far ahead that you leave your mate lost back there. done. I do know sometimes you know somebody's real healthy. The other one on I R, or still the same team that takes patients about the one who's healthy IT, takes persistence about one who's on I R, but you to weight up to hold that hand to o we're still doing this together even though maybe in this zone right now, my life, i'm flying and you're walking certain things that I won't she's flying and i'm walking, you know.

And so navigating that, how how we change as we grow up and measure that against who we initially fell for in the first place and seeing what they are still that, of course, he changed. I have changed. You want say, you know and lot of times I know we said, I know I said what you change was like heaven yeah, i've changed.

I hope so.

you know. And doing that with a partner um is part of work, I think of of a relationship .

sort of talking about transformations, trajectories, ies, pivots, changes. Let's escape hollywood den, go to south amErica and see what's going there. Let's escape single hood, pick IT into a marriage, pip IT into family. From here I add, to try out to so on. Yes, i'm fascinated by the aggressive pivot that you made between different movie categories and that requires, I think, a lot of .

courage and hope .

and self belief and and faith in order to do to let go of something good at for the chance it's something that you think could be great yeah. I think that's something that a lot of people wish that they had a little bit more fearful.

IT was a big risk. IT was a big chance. And I was no guarantee return ticket. IT was a one way ticket, possibly to, and I had got your high school football .

to this day .

one may take IT to a date end or do something new but even when we take IT to dead in hollywood so act for sure um but gives no coincidence that at that time to have the courage to make that decision. I did have really cool things gone on in my life. I'd found love at cilla SHE just become pregnant.

Whatever child that gave me some significance of, like, that's what i've always want, be the father who we go. I stick with this will give me a home base to feel secure. And even though i'm stepping away from what has made me give me significance for so many years and decade in my life, having her to sit there as much as i've knew was the right decision.

And IT was a three A M decision in my own soul. She's always been very good with me back on. And I say, IT out, lad, and where to do his were going to we're doing this.

She's the one to said you could this could be dry for who knows how long you may not get work ever again. But if we're gonna do this, i'll bear by your side and we're doing IT together. And when IT, there's no going back. There's no we're not gonna get we're not going to get nerves that to go like we don't know if the go line, we're not going to get down the line. And o oh.

a pull pairs IT, even if it's a forty million dollar action.

even if it's fourteen minute option, even if IT doesn't work out, you become a teacher or you go become a lawyer again, whatever this was. So making that a choice that was inevitable, that there was no pull in the paris shoot on sure tail helped the endurance of me be in a way for what was twenty months. I learned a lot of endurance in that year in australia, though, same way that gave me a lot very thick skin for enduring something.

So that twenty months was really hard. And i've said IT before that prevent al bottle on the shop was looking Better and Better earlier in the day as time went on. I mean, any more times could I work in the damn garden, man, and like, i'm not gardener for life like this.

But I got to, I got come on. And but he helped me stay steady. I stay steady. My faith, help me stay steady. I did have a real belief, whether trick myself or not, that there's there's a bigger pot goal for me on the other side of this.

If I just out endure IT, if I all out endure this summer, and I became a little like the year in australia, I, T, I, I started to gain pride and honor with the longer the pints went on, a being without what I want to start to like. And definitely, i'm six. One .

turns .

into a, and I, good. Okay, come on. And at the blue, twenty months later, i've been gone long enough to become a new good idea.

Where's mei plus? He said, note that fourteen point five thousand dollars three month ago, and I guarantee that tells people in hollywood what is so much up to you will say, note a fourteen, five hours after that was way they offer too big to get up and he said, no, now someone does that. You can look more traction to him.

Something he's got some programming he's playing an offence on, something he's not just regressing. And I think that also sign a bit of a signal, is my heart through hollywood and then in the fact that was just honestly, twenty month, almost two years later, where's my hai? We haven't seen him in a welcome.

We have seen him on the beach shares. Where is he? He hadn't shown up in front of faces anywhere I know. Is do everyone always doing?

Do you fear or did you fear not being sufficiently prolific, not being sufficiently so of front of stage, keeping your name out there? What if somebody else takes that place over me? What if I become irrelevant? What if people .

forget I didn't have any fear of anyone taking in the place because my place at that time was wrong, calm king. And I was sure I was like, i'm good. I've done enough of those right now.

I don't need another one of right now. I don't want another one those right now. If some accepts and take a place rather, I was like, say, I took the pon from human ant and then I had my time. I was like.

who do you think you through IT too?

I don't know. The rome comes are not accurate. Not there are definitely not as healthy other genre now as they were in.

We were roling in the rome comes. They were like, can't mr. Span their their medium budget, thirty thirty five male.

So the studio not blown the water on the budget. They come out. They make good money to make good money out. All of them kind of work. Even the ones that didn't work as .

well can't work the potential audience. Everybody can go see IT .

repeats s on valentine's day come on, you know um so I don't I don't know they did really hand IT to I don't know anyone really jumped in that lane or if that lanes even god a help wanted done anymore, you know. Did I feel irrelevance? sure.

I felt the unease of irrelevance. I mean, but then I got, I became irrelevant. I mean, I got to the point, I knew I was irrelevant.

I got to the point where I remember my agent saying, I said you had think as matt you I ve had heard your name and over two months I like and you're my agent, you only have five client he goes, yeah, i've ever heard your name how like that sounds pretty like your event to me but okay, right? But never. I was shaky, but never was.

I gonna go okay about that. I do IT never was like a pull of parachute. and.

You know, what if? What if I didn't what that calls never came? Would I regret that sitting here now, maybe would be in here now, but I bet everything I got, there's no way i'd regret IT whatever i'd be doing in my life right now.

What I said this open up, which start off the conversation with this, the things you don't get, i've give us more, put us more in places where where we are, where we find our own satisfaction. Then the things that we do get many ways. I mean, like say, if you know lives myr gone forward, the science.

So come back. When you look back, we go. We can not connect every single dot.

It's mathematical, scientific. How we got to this table right here. We get plans for this afternoon, but not sure it's going to happen. Let everything looking back, it's all connected if we go back and look at IT and there's a whole lot of I thought that was the end.

Well, that was the end, but I was the beginning of this thing or I caught that red light and therefore made me to sixty seconds later to get to that cafe where I met that movie producer or that woman who became my wife for whatever that is. And IT makes sense of the time. But we're looking back at all of science.

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Slash modern wisdom, using the code, modern wisdom, check out that L I V E M O M E N T O U S dot com. Such a modern wisdom and modern wisdom. But check out. Is that quote about the. Ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward, but only make sense in reverse.

Yeah, ironic tragedy who he said that I mean, what do you think about all the. Life, the ironic tragedy, life is pain and IT just is nothing but pain. But so we, if just so we can endure IT I, I, my mom, I, I, I, I.

Can't help. She's warned me down with her endurance of the her prescription on life. How old did you know? Ninety two. And SHE is the absolute proof of the value of denial. If you really commit to IT absolutely .

committed deny alist.

committed deny alist and it's not an intellectual trick there's no oh all and actually deny IT so then i'll talk myself .

into a nag .

until I make up very coming. Don't didn't happen no, mom, I did not didn't i'm said in IT didn't and she's not you don't catch you in between the line to off by yourself realizing like, oh, well, I did no, it's done, non negotiable done. Your favourite work is, yes, mom, I think you live in so long.

Well, I can't imagine not being here. Jesus man, that's pretty good. Not, I really can. I honestly cannot imagine not being here. So SHE she's beaten ten two types of cancers on aspirin.

Anyone like that are making any sense, and we have to tie up and holler to the doctor the dramatic logic, if you get some our leg, because going to a doctor in her mind recognition is recognition of possible sickness. So you go there, remove a cancer, takes him cancer medicine. You have cancer? No, I don't. When you wink and he does not wait you that I don't and I don't what anyway you're gone.

Have you not you not follow the soup, you don't believe IT next question that as he is and she's bend because she's not playing a trick she's does IT it's a full on commitment to deny and and it's awesome SHE would not prescribe to life is painful and you have to get that he thinks it's a mind she's very anti because SHE shes someone who I guess I think i've touched on the book SHE had a horrible mother, mother and printing growth. SHE did not know how to be a mother, had SHE become a great mother by saying i'm doing the opposite of what that bitch did. There's value to that.

Go on. Or I this sucked. I don't know how to do this, but if I just .

do the opposite, I love this idea. So I grew up in a very working classroom northeast of the U. K, famous only for having the highest team pragyan cy rating in england.

And then IT lost that. So I didn't even have that anymore. And I think there's that idea of food deserts, amErica or its areas in which is difficult to get good food.

And I think that stocked in on his in the nineties was a role model desert, at least for me. So I wasn't around many people like the person that I wanted to be like. And at the time, I think I was desperately looking like a thirsty man parch for water, somebody that would be that.

But in retrospect, again, ironic. There were a lot of people around me, there were people I didn't want to be, and I was able to plant flag poles in the ground that helped me to avoid the catastrophes in the tragedies that would have awaited me. Had i've done that, I don't want his relationship with his family.

yeah. I don't want the way that he drinks in order to build, to deal with his emotions. I don't want the way that he speaks negatively about all situations.

I don't like the way. yeah. I think much of life is avoiding pitfalls, not necessarily expendable successes, that the pitfalls can take you out of the game completely in one former another. And .

yeah.

I don't like dwelling on the negatives in that way. But also that's another version of our coming that we were saying before, hey, here's something that you think is useless, toxic on yeah not valuable and you've managed to turn IT into something benefit you to the same reason why teaching people lessons that you've gone through from tragedies, traumas, whatever in your life. It's kind of like pointing at the thing that was bad and saying you didn't get me i'm going to make sure that you're .

gonna get them either yeah and even look at the things are bad. Go on. Thank you. Preciate that I mean, the the push off, you have established leverage rather than the create. You know, if you're gonna lean into something geology, something push up to push office, what you lean into is that mystery going for, right, that I anxious that you have studied to push off the, well, I don't know what I do want, but I do know I don't want .

that you have leverage.

You know, it's there. So I mean, we can get in a big discussion on on, on victim hood here as well. But I I wrote about a Green light to bad hop.

You know, we always say, well, who are you? You know what? She's figured who you are and we ask, I try to try to ask my kids that now why would you know who you are? A part of that whose help me, bob, billion science that talks about who we are and we are what we create ourselves to be that gives me ah that's relaxing. But the is so much easier for you who you're not then if you start eliminating the who am not by sheer mathematics, you end up moving .

toward who more .

of what feed you and who you are. And I have a lot of your thing to go, how can I get rid of symbols? Shit my life. Then IT is to go, well, how do I go to my true cell?

Do I want to press the accelerator more quickly? Or I want to take my foot off the fucking break.

right? Yeah, yeah. And sit there. And and because i'm i'm being in my head here, i'm going to eliminate some of that stuff when to get some of things out of the way. I didn't had another hangover.

I drink the same amount when I didn't don't use over oh, may be the conversation that was maybe you know, maybe I was the people was hanging out with those just clock in some of those things in eliminate that much easier place to start, you know, and maybe maybe more is IT maybe more valuable? I mean, I don't know who always like to think that though the U. F, C chap or the the boxing heavy champ that believe they are the greatest is more empowering than the one is out for revenge.

But man, the one out for revenge wins. A lot of the types someone is pushing against up now and get back at rage. Nothing is more shit done than that.

Emotion, rage. We like to say no freedom and light is the one that Carries man. I don't know that maybe too of late for us to really grab all the rage in anger and revenge are mighty powerful emotions from a yeah.

I get a lot of .

shit done here.

especially in the beginning, especially for a short period of time. I think when you it's a potent fuel that's toxic in the long term. And I think that it's the sort of thing that you used to overcome activation energy, especially the beginning of a thing. I need something to kick me out the chip on my shoulder from the kids that didn't believe me in school, the fact that I felt like I was mistreated or victimized or IT in some form, there was something some limitations placed on me. A pretty good fuel that'll get you a long way, yes, but you do not want to be using that two, three, four decades down the .

line where in what you call yourself and load because you can't recognize your allies from your end and you start to take that on your allies. We see in relationship you started to taking that on your mate, to take that on your wife, you're husband, your lover. And like, i'm i'm an alien.

We're the same teams. But you're you, you're back to that non deserving. No, i've got a, i've got ta bleed. No, I got I, I, I gotta win. I got to get.

Now you d well, also, you have what the lesson that you've taken is enemies are more functional, motivating sources than allies, right? Therefore, if I can make enemies out of our lies, I will just find lilly padd lilly add, i'll just keep jump, jump, jump, jump, jumping yeah .

but that you like I think good to say is that that that .

trajectory starts to go what the enemy at least. And yeah, you know, as someone who used a chip on his shoulder for a god while to gets some activation energy, I much prefer the version that I am now. I mean, a friend have three versions of ourselves that we think about.

So we have dopamine Chris. We have catatonic Chris. We have caught is all Chris kay and dop increases is leaning, is thinking about plays on the show and and how magnificent big it's gonna in awards and calls the money and stuff like that court is all crises seeing threats, anxiety.

He is looking out that that ambient vigiLance that was saying before he's on edge. Then satanic crisis taken a micro dsc of magic mushrooms. He's playing pick ball with his friends are is lying under a tree.

Look enough at the sky. I want to spend as much time in catti increases cost. Yes, I want to spend as much time in sartori increase as possible.

And I find myself tony matic mushrooms with exactly .

yeah I want to spend as much time in that is possible ah but that wouldn't got me out. That won't be the escape velocity that I needed to be able to leave whatever atmosphere I was in. I needed to use these other way I needed to to run away from a life that I didn't .

want and .

run toward one that I did. Needed to escape something that I feel. And I also needed to go toward something. But the the real blesses when you go, or fog al to both of those, which is.

but let me see this. So when you serotonin, Chris, magic mushrooms with your buddies in the hammer, how long can you lay in that hammer before you get to the imposters to think, hey, I got to go accomplish for me. It's going to accomplish something to have some sort of i've i'm still working on getting Better on vacations.

I'm much my wife knows that i'm much easier to get along with on vacation if I get a couple hours to write in the morning and get to work at IT. I wish I could go two weeks for go on mam, whatever. But I get, I get A Y, I get edge.

I'm not present because I need a little, need little time ago, breakfast, what? Midday, physically. And then I can be then men yesterday.

And gray, I love this topic. I've been thinking about IT so much recently. Taipei people with type b problems, type b people with type a problems, right? So the insecure over achiever needs to learn how to line a hamitic yeah. And the lazy person who's on the virtual bankrupcy needs David gogin shouting in their face, right? yeah.

Now the interesting thing is because of culture and because the way the people are perceived, a person who is overworked, but outward very successful, will always seem to be in a more preferable position than someone who is on the virtual bankrupcy and needs to get off x box, right? So we we gift more sympathy IT seems charitable, right? Seems supportive to the person who you just need to work out.

Think about what you have contributed to the world, which are movies in every movie. The training mortgage of the down underdog is them working hard and learning to get up on time and be disciplined and so and so forth. I don't know of any movies where a guide learns to log out of slacked at six pm and lie on a beach holiday. How how like populate and transaction in dopa gic are you that you need to be taught how to chill out? You not know this people out there that would kill to be in the position that you are.

That's that's that's the dialogue right there. That's interesting. I I about a movie about the a low handcar the movie for the taipei that needs to learn how to get off slack and go hang and a hammer and pulls that off and don't ask permission to tell you, don't ask for, don't ask for bohoo s for the for the character just so no, no one showing that.

I mean, look, what do we do today? What are the things? Don't you probably know Better than I do?

There's a lot is like people got much more of meditation. Successful people got much more meditation. You brought one, a brother, science, and is is now sort of and heart sort of here. I mean.

this is a way back for coal plunge or sound healing.

Now how many of those are we're going? Look at teen years ago, that was a fat. How many those are gonna go?

That was a really cool discovery. But he is the vicious thing about those modalities that a lot of people I call IT productivity pergola, which is the things that you do for fun, you only do in order to be able to service more productivity when you get back to IT.

right? So why do you do your breath work? Not because IT makes me feel good and I like to do breath work, but because I watched an Andrew human podcast episode that said that IT allows me to work fifteen percent harder the next day you go. No, no, no. Like your recovery modalities should be in service of themselves.

Do you think this is a, if we're gona call a senior disease, I want to do that pythia type typical word. You think this is in our disease of the west because prince am in in italy. This wonderful couple, older couple, and they were both like eighty, and they were just have the shit together, man. And the lady was a great, I good, great section was, oh as with the ground that is an island each day and um and he swim there and and and my question was how far do you swim just like, well, I swimming. I don't want to swim in more I like there was a very western idea how far, how much time he was like, I swim until I don't want to a swim anymore.

You wanted .

to .

quantify quantity.

attracted on, fused, my tion. And I was like a the beautiful stereotypical difference in a european thought and a western thought, but is similar to that.

I did very much. I mean, we were playing friends birthday earlier this year in miami, and there was a pick ball court, but we were playing, I like good british blocks. We were playing sort of fut instead.

And I realized that we were playing to win, and I didn't want to play to win. That wasn't the energy when I was in dopamine, is I want to be in sarti chis. So I said, why did we change the rules of the game and work both teams separately, but together, to try to make the most beautiful game that we can?

I wants everyone to be doing trick shot. T, you wanted set up the other side to do trick shot. Some of the guys were a good football free style st. Stuff like that. And the first response from my friend that came up with the Sarah tone in doping court, resulting George, his first response was yet, and we can count them no.

No, that's your ladies .

swimming around. How long? How far.

how many times i'm taking this thought to my i'm going to play tens for two hours. We going to leave here and the girl i'm going to hit with much as I can. I'll see if I could do IT. I bet I that I could do IT for two hours, but i'll see how long I could do IT a little bit, set her up for great shots and see how the rally go.

But even then, within what was that shot Better than the last one, was that more beautiful? It's this infinite fucking regrets of performance metrics and all the rest of as speaking of which, in other news, this episode is brought to you by skin if you've ever wondered how a hey makes everything looks. So wait less.

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ball .

in .

six .

week's time. It's the ten anniversary of .

interStellar.

I think it's being rereleased in theatres in seventy .

mill emo x okay.

how did that movie change? You is my favorite movie all time. So thank you for have .

a lot of people tell me that that that's your favorite movie all time and that's another that a lot of people go had to go watch four times. There's a lot to take in. There's lot to take in. Classic, known yeah, how did IT change me? You are not talking about like to success the movie.

I like I working with Christ learning about, I mean, you know, keep thon fucking the consulting physicists on that show. So much of also .

know in in that sense, IT was similar to when I did move called contact. And I got to sit with call sagan for three hours, hours, and he went through. And then I remember walk away from that.

And oh, gash as a believer, god backyard a whole lot bigger than I thought that was, which is a very humbling and empowering thought. I mean but the main thing was I think on the on the human side of the real. Me personally, I was like, all you don't leave your kids to go do what your dream is.

And then when I change dream, what your dream is to to go do what you remember to do, what you were born to do, that you have an ability to do like nobody else, or maybe do with your kid. That that argument and that leaving, which is that countdown that's remember that's why what is the scene remembering is the Price you pay, the cost, the consequence of chasing down. And I my initial thought .

was .

all Coopers being selfish in the wrong way, you know don't. And then it's a good argument though I cannot think you can easily say that um there is a major consequence with that. But look at what and I D look, I I do that now.

I got three kids do my favorite, my favorite up. But I think I was I really an extreme and in less purpose in in parenting. But i'm dabble in different versions of leadership that have to do with a Better man.

Maybe I hope of more people and but I would become the consequence to be there are being present like I want to be from my three children in my wife is our family. I haven't found anything that I believe is worth that at the sacrifice that this yet. And my argument with myself, there is the best exports we can have if you do IT well as our children. No Better expert, you can put out a Better extinction of yourself, no Better way to ah no a fact create like a world then doing, then hopefully having some helping children that can go be independent enough enough, you know, you tell them and they see the world in the right way and can chase sound things that they love in IT hopefully love the right things.

So are contributing to anything in place of that is a net negative.

Well, that would be my argument at at the sacrifice of fewer that I feel like, oh, that's that's milliners i've really got i've got IT that's i'm helping give in the pilot to pay on and i'm hand in the the right colors to him and let them fall from the right heights to the wrong, the right trees, you know, to wear.

They get bruised but hopeful ly, don't break neck, you know, I mean, so but I have a, but IT a good argument, one that I understand on the other side. And I have friends that go have sacrifice that. I have friends that been very successful even in the career being an an actor in Howard and a successful actor hollywood.

We have spring me back to when we first had kids before. Cilia do a goal to get pregnant. SHE goes one condition.

You go, we go and my first reaction was AAAA i'm long with artist man. I go off my airstream with my dog. I'm a so low, you know, kau, I here, man.

And while i'm saying that, I heard my mother's voice go, you Better not your hand, say she's giving you a gift, say, yes, man, and I did yes, mam. And that we've done that. And sixteen year old and fourteen hundred and eleven year old, no doubt that has a major contribution to how to whatever on street our families.

I think our is very strong and the security that my kids to have in the courage they have that because we've never been away from each other long, they picked up, came with. There's another sad understand. You go about opportunities that can do great things. I could hear art or leadership in the world that I am going to be away. And maybe that this argument that that could be Better for your children later on, or maybe Better for their children.

But this is you know, you're talking about that infinite regress of being mean to yourself for its emotions about emotions and stuff, thinking about the decision that company needs to make and also the decision that you need to make.

Its you can always continue to kid yourself a little bit more, is IT more virtuous to stay at home with your children, to raise your children, despite the fact that the likelihood of them surviving into the future and their kids surviving into the future is lesson by that. okay. But then if you go and do the thing, you leave them, you making that time for what are you doing IT? Because you want to save the world are doing IT.

Because it's to your dream of the fact that you can get something. Virtue is out of something that also your dreams is that fucking pura and work out talking about before, which I the only way that this can be a virtual ous decision is if I suffer more, I IT only suffering not just that it's good for the future, but also that I don't want to do IT. Because if I don't want to do IT, then I know that is really, really troops at a high Price that I pay, because go pull IT off. And this is the, as far as I can see, the cause of the deep thinker.

amy a. amy. A curse and. Gift, because because IT does do one thing that we had brought up at a very base level. And I think this goes long with stress, anxious, very base IT mean in something that we can take for granted, because not anyone, as IT IT means you give IT down, yes, and let's not throw, let's not throw that out like, oh, course no. And like, cause another.

But does that means you give a them about more, about more than just yourself? And that is a it's a high in value and not an old fashioned nostalgic thing to go. So in nineteen fifty, bullshit, it's a real thing.

Well, some people can't care or some people struck to care about things. Ah I entire people to go through their lives. It's odd, especially the U.

K. Loving things being too keen, right? Americans kind of have permanent first line cocaine energy.

Very, I like, excited. I like. However, the U.

K. Doesn't necessary have that quite so much. and. I always think .

how much .

more I would, how much I wish I could gift that back to the U. K. But how much that positive reinforcement we're saying IT before that first seen that you do and the guy next you guys who who's pretty good.

Yeah the right, encouraging world, the right time. Where would that push people to? And O, K, if that's what you want for you in the world, you have the opportunity to beat that for other people. And maybe it's gonna art to come back around and maybe we can begin to change cultural a little bit by doing this.

When will that english, or or does IT does IT have someone though that is constantly like the bullock s that goes in, succeed that the english culture goes? And bravo.

ever really so interesting, start around the U. K, globally, suffer in two thousand and twenty four. The U. K. Has the second highest number of millionaire sets on earth.

What's me interact IT.

Millionaire has left the country and is now living in a difference, a different nation. China, first, fifty thousand. U.

K, second, nine and half thousand. But the U. K. Is three percent of the population of china.

So prata, we have got by far the most millionaires. Ving, by far. We do not have a good culture around supporting success around people doing different things.

Not a great example of this. The UK has got three universities in the two or three universities in the top ten in the world as as america. So it'll be oxford, cambridge.

Maybe kings are done in the U. K. And they'll be ye prince, harvard, something else in the U. S. And couple of others. And we have twenty percent the number of start of founders despite the fact that we have the same number of university graduates going from top flight university.

why? culture? what? Speaking of that, what did you learn? You did the gentleman with guy? Yeah, you spend a little bit of time, presumably, and meshing yourself into british culture. What did you learn while you well.

So there is delay royal dance to play the part and do in that. I found that interesting and quite entertaining. I remember, you know that everything has there's a costume minute in a timing.

And hugos here, win. And here's you sit there. This is how we do this and i've thought that very interesting .

in pump and .

circumstances ah was all there and I and I and I indole and played that part and enjoy IT. But I now when I went out and they saw that I was actually very good shot at, isn't, I ve got a few. I got a few with the .

american over here. Now I good with guns.

And then I remember this one, the where, the, the, the, the determines they were. The posh went overboard, but nobody seemed to notice IT. But me, and we were at this dinner that was one of dinners, web, twenty four people on the side.

Twenty four people on the side. Mrs, is down there, and mrs, down here. mrs.

Has a twenty four foot by eighteen foot oil painting of herself over her chair. And mr, as a eight twenty foot by eighteen foot over his chair. And it's just apps. Everyone had their own waiter time and is absolutely well. The dinner, the Youngsters, the sons and the daughters had come over with their friends, and they were also also plush to smoke the cigarette.

And I remember this one click in the ash there's actually right on the table bomb on the carbon of the do and without even sense economy it's it's what posh it's it's IT i'm postering it's it's cooler to go I can drop my on on your five hundred and fifty thousand dollars tian rug then IT is to put IT in asha. And I was like, like that when I think you went over. I think you were out bounds on that one. But the fact that that was he was a games games but but doing IT .

and consistently and fascinating, the the americans are basically blind to class. You've had to use the word push almost in speech Marks. yeah. There is not a single school child that doesn't use the word push in primary school once a day in england, everybody.

And that means class .

IT means this person is well to do from a well to do background. okay. And you know, I remember there was guy that I played cricket with cricket still working class sport in the U.

K. It's not necessarily up a class. This is very working classroom. I was a kid who got, uh, a classmates says, used uh, for his seventeen th birthday, which is when you can drive in the U. K.

I was like, wow, Dennis, from a posh family.

I never really knew that much, but I knew money. He was a nice kid. OS knew boots to the start of each season.

I like, wow, he got a state in retrospective, maybe at seven grand car. T and grand. He asked something like that.

Ha, is there something now going on with the as as the royal family and the king and the queen are losing power and that's becoming is is these these millionaire? Its is this still a bit of a how dare you become that wealthy in the private sector?

You're not a royal or I I don't think with regards to that, but there is definitely uh skepticism around the monarchy at the moment um and i'm really not sure where I stand in that one of my friends is a very compelling argument that we should do away with IT doesn't like the word you're highness higher than what a but also what was that that you were just saying like what if we got if we don't hold on to the culture in the things that people knows for and I like the pump and circumstances, I graduated uh, from newcastle university. Does this ten minute procession of different myspace is literally wielding medieval weapons, doing their caps to different people in different sequences in order to show who went where and why. And like, this is fucking cool.

Do whatever IT is, is still amErica weird? Whether we know that we're hungry for ritual? Yes, and we don't have .

neis much not established.

but I hope that you don't get water down to wear because you'll have amazing rich al laugh. Good or not, do IT appreciate IT and go. This is a different place and it's been around it's been around a while. Yeah push class.

Okay yeah little bit well to do. okay. He mentioned there about um some of the Prices that people need to pay in order to be who they are. Yeah i'm fascinated by this question. I'm fascinated by the cost of entry Price of doing business to be a person that other people admire because I think that IT helps to humanize other the success and IT helps to mitigate jealousy and envy. Because you you see what someone .

has .

had to go through in order to be in a position you think you want to be. They go, or you you get to see this much, by the way, does this month to hiding right behind, what do you wish more people knew about the Price of success in life?

Well, success has taken on different definitions over time. I used to have to do and some people listen. This will be like, come on, a kind you have used integrity um that actually I think was a word there was in the definition in one thousand nine o one or eleven um and now you know money, fame, that's your definition of success so IT seems to be that and always has been to some extent whoever is more some more successful, more accessible money, you the winner the last for a lot.

That is i'm not saying it's it's it's a race to the red light, but I am saying in the fourth quarter of that being your goal that the through IT had the residuals decline on quality of life. I've met many more very rich men who chase that dollar to be successful and to be relevant for having the most money that the last fifteen, twenty, even Younger years will be wild, lost, had no relationships, didn't have purpose, chasing the doll day of did IT. They are good at IT and made IT happen, but they didn't feel what they were doing.

They could actually say what they were really good at. Good deal makers are made the right calls in certain mathematics. That's but that's definition. Um also why I wasn't surprised when trump got elected and fame and money we sell that every day in the west as this is how you make IT amErica amErica yeah um so I was not surprised because that we will get in fed. What is success I out this let me baby prefers with this.

We all want to be relevant, but I think we all forget to ask yourself relevant for while before we chase our relevance or chase success. I is a differently success in profit mean profit does pay you back, can you do things? And I I love money.

I'm all forward. But there I see a lot, one way tickets that are you can get successful, win, have more money, but not be making a profit in your life. How many times we sacrifice quality for quantity? The two don't have to be separate. Now you may have to make sacrifices of quantive to have more quality, but I think we should give quality more credit than we do.

Well, we not ultimately having more quantity in the hopes of more quality, but that .

not a good pro IT doesn't doesn't equal out to that. We believe IT IT will and he IT can access. I mean, I got a lot of things now for money.

I've made that like, I am right, man. I'm glad I have that that makes my life, life more convenient. I actually like that more.

I like what I can do with my family more with that. I like what communal I can do is a husband, wife. I like what I can do solo and more that IT, and I get IT feeds me.

But would I be any less would I be any less happy if I had. A third, a forty or fifty years of what I have right now. No, I know that there's no, no where being that happy know where I be that happen, don't want to give all that away and say, will make me poor and down.

And like a you need to be more poor or the times like, no, no, no, no, no, don't be. Get the impossible syndrome. Me on this one, you're use that for, you use IT pretty good.

You could use IT even Better. But don't be, don't get mad at you. I mean, I think we do see to ask for self that was revved to what? And also in the pursuit of quantity, which is what the world rewards.

Ask ourself read to watch out distracting the cool and go, what is the quality? What do I want? And again, that's question of what I value the most, what I really value the most, and it's a hard question answer.

But if we can answer that, make sure you you you will make you IT makes us answer the quality question of what we want more of and not just the quality collection. There's a lot of us i've done IT to blind. This could be chased in the quantive to see let me see if I get .

the biggest number of top .

me to open me matter. And i'm pretty good at I want to put on my business that along would be right here, found that i'm pretty good at IT, but I don't want to stay in that. Don't make that you all that on that because I don't get the reward.

I get the reward the the the acquisition, but the acquisition does not equally pay back the dopamine of the getting is the that's the that's the hit you know um read to find everyone can have their own definition of success and ask yourself can have quality with the quality and can have profit with my success. And profit goes into lead into relationships. I think profit ends up to be a spiritual question too.

And how we treat yourselves and others and is a longer game, this chase for just success, if that's money in quality, is is a short side of game. If that all, if that all your actor and understand some people that they can't pay their rent or sick and to make to the next day list list gop easy for you to say. And I say you are correct. I'm speaking from where from my position because you ask me, because you got some people that are going on. I am that this is a this hyperbolic conversation you have and i'm trying to make IT .

to the next day type b person with a type problem thinks what a champagne .

sue that is it's but it's it's it's real one and more apologize and fort but understand the different. But I would just I would say that if more people that are type I and or maybe things are working, that just check your quality as your agent quantities, make sure that whatever you're succeed and that is giving you actual profit and actually pay you.

Matt mcconnell played in. Gentleman, did I really appreciate you? I I love the way that you think.

I love your insights of our life. Congratulations on the new book. Congratulations on the teacher, and thank you. Thank you for coming today. I really, really enjoyed this.

I did too, Chris, very much glad to be here. Man met up top in a barn somewhere some I like IT I .

yeah good until next time until thank you very much for tuning in. In look, we went a lot of effort to get the mcconkey here and convert an old bond that's from eighteen hundreds in texas. So I really hope you enjoy yit. I'll see next time.