American Impotence
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Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well-trained, well-equipped, and battle-hardened. There is not a liberal America, any conservative America, of America. Good night and good luck. The elephant in the room today is that none of that shit is working. None of it. Donald Trump is a naturally destructive creature. He always has been. He destroyed the business his father gave him. Father gave me a small loan of a million dollars. He's destroyed several of his marriages.

He's destroyed casinos, a business mathematically given a degree of certitude to succeed because people cannot do math. He's bankrupted two casinos. He's terrible at accomplishing actual things. He's great at destruction. So Elon and the incel teen wonder force destroying, you know, hundreds of thousands of central government service jobs. They're great at that. Donald Trump.

destroying the ability of air traffic controllers and weather forecasters and wildland firefighters to do their jobs. Phenomenal. A plus, bro. But the rest of it isn't working. He promised with this insane trade war from the beginning, we will have a new golden age. We'll be so rich you won't know what to do with all the money you're making. He promised all of this amazing prosperity from the trade wars. And what has it delivered so far? Nothing but destruction here at home.

Even if you believe that Donald Trump was going to use trade and tariffs to change the behavior of other nations, it hasn't happened. What has happened is that other nations have unified against the United States. What has happened is that other nations, as they were always going to be able to do, could take countervailing actions against Trump's policies. Who gets hurt? American consumers, American taxpayers, American businesses, American industries.

So the trade and tariff stuff is a great example of it not working, because it is not working. Trump's not working. You know, this is unsurprising to people who've studied Trump over time, but shocking to the MAGA audience. I get it. It's shocking to the MAGA audience. They rend their hair. They tear their garments. They can't believe what's going on, because Donald Trump's a business genius, right?

He knows the economy. He's a businessman. He knows the economy better than anybody, right? He's going to promise that new golden age and he's going to deliver. Well, has he? The answer is no. We had an indifferent jobs report. And it's not totally Trump's jobs report. It's not totally on him. That's an end of the year, beginning of the year thing. I'm going to even give him a little pass on that. But it was an indifferent jobs report. And

The only things that were sort of upbeat in that jobs report were that people had pre-purchased a lot of inventory because they were afraid the tariffs were going to wreck their businesses. And now they are.

The next quarter and the quarter after that, those jobs reports are going to start showing a gigantic blowout, a hole underneath the waterline in the American economy where you're firing hundreds of thousands of people in government. And we can argue that point all day. I believe government should be smaller, smarter, and better. But I don't believe that the way you make it that way is by throwing people into a woodchipper. Although there are people I would like to throw in a woodchipper. I have a woodchipper here on the property. If you would like to visit it and you are one of my trolls, I would be happy to introduce you to it at some point.

But all these folks, all these people who believe that Donald Trump on Wall Street was going to deliver one big thing, prosperity. And the Wall Street guys believe, oh, we're going to get a big tax cut again. Yeah, like 2017. It's going to be so big. If we are so desperate to cut the budget in this country that we're going to make granny go out and eat cat food and sleep in a fucking tent in our now abandoned national parks, that's

How is it you folks think you're going to afford a $10 trillion tax cut? Because it's five up front and five in the next three years after that. Don't mistake the math that goes on here so that Donald Trump can make sure that Steve Schwartzman and Jamie Dimon and Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg never pay taxes again. How are you going to afford that?

Because I was told that the budget deficit is so desperate that we have to fire veteran suicide counselors. I was told the budget was so desperate that we have to shut down the Social Security phone service so that seniors have to go online. You know, seniors are notoriously great at navigating things on the computer. It's going to work out beautifully. But if it's so desperate and so terrible, I want to watch for the flip when suddenly Trump is saying,

The economy is so good, so very strong, we can now afford to give our struggling, hardworking mom and pop billionaires the tax break they desperately need to keep creating jobs in the maids, masseuses, and yacht attendant sector. I know my Trump imitation sucks. I know it does. I'm going to do it anyway. Okay? I got my editors are both like, uh-huh, with that look. I see that look. I see y'all. But it doesn't work.

Trump's economic ideas are based in the 19th century or earlier. They are primitive. They are dumb. They are proven to fail over and over again. Terrorists are proven to fail.

over and over again. We do not live in an era where we can do some mercantilist, raise the barriers to foreign trade and protectionism without it having incredibly bad other consequences. Now, the other thing that's not working is this tough guy, you owe me act. Goes to Canada, goes to Mexico, goes to the Prime Minister of Ireland yesterday. You owe me, you're ripping me off, you're ripping us off. The fuck are you talking about, bro?

Mexico and Canada in particular are so deeply integrated as trading and economic partners that there's a real argument we comprise a loose confederation, the United States of North America.

They are separate countries. We are a separate country. But our trading relationships are so intimate and so intertwined that this idea that Donald Trump's getting into a shoot and war over trade with Canada and then wants to annex them as a state, which is also idiotic. And as my former boss, Rudy Giuliani, used to say fondly, it's jerky and idiotic. That idea is another thing that is not working. Canada is never going to be the 51st state.

If it's trolling, it's now reached the point of dumb and tiresome trolling. It's like posting a meme from 2015 at this point. It's like, it's like, it's like KTEL's greatest hits of the early Trump era. Stop it. It's not working because it can't work. This idea we're going to blow up these unbelievably important trading and economic relationships with our two closest neighbors is

is the dumbest conceivable tactic in foreign affairs that I've ever heard of. People who have laid their lives on the line to fight and die next to American soldiers in the war on terror from Canada and from Mexico and from NATO are not our enemies. They're not ripping us off. We engage in global trade. We make choices and trade-offs about things. Do we want to manufacture $4 screwdrivers here in this country? No, we really don't.

Do we want to make a towel bar for the bathroom here in America? If you want to make one, great. But there's competition around the world to make towel bars. And some guy stamping them out in a Chinese slave factory for 99 cents a month is going to overcome the market forces. We'll be right back. Eczema isn't always obvious, but it's real. And so is the relief from Ebbgliss.

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And now, back to the show. We should do things we're better at in trade and policy like that. Now, I want to say the other thing that isn't working, and this is the biggest elephant in the room, but nobody's paying attention to it. Well, some people are. Donald Trump in Saudi Arabia this week, Marco Rubio and the rest of Trump's little pro-Putin minions met with the Ukrainian government officials, and they said, OK, we'll do a ceasefire if Russia will.

And guess what Russia's response to Donald Trump's ceasefire demand has been? "Fuck you, Donald!" That's what their demand has been. "Yabtovul mat!" "Fuck your mother!" is what they're saying to him. They are saying no. They're saying, "Fuck you." So Trump has embarrassed America, embarrassed himself, humiliated the United States, divided NATO, caused irreparable harm to our reputation in the world as a reliable ally and a good partner.

For nothing. For nothing. Vladimir Putin said, give me your lunch money. Trump gave him his lunch money and Vladimir Putin beat his ass anyway. Okay? This shit isn't working. You know why it's not working? It's not working because it can't work. Trump is not smart. He is old. He is weird. He is broken mentally. He's got worse brain worms than RFK Jr. does.

And he has reached a point where everything Trump touches, what's that phrase somebody came up with one time? Oh, everything Trump touches dies. Why, yes, that would have been me. It can't work and it won't work because it will never work.

There is no better version of Trump. There is no secret sauce version of Trump where the door of the Oval Office closes and he drops the trolling mask and says, let's sit down and have a serious discussion about our options and policies. It never happens because there's nothing there. There's nothing there except Trump.

except chaos and craven bullshit and avarice and every one of the seven deadlies rolled up into a greasy orange lump of lard shoved into an 87 stone bag. This guy is not a good president because he cannot be. It's not working.

The only thing that's working is fucking over Americans. The only thing that's working is the chaos. The only thing that's working is the abuse of power. The only thing that's working is breaking constitutional government. The only thing that's working is taking a robust economy and driving it into a ditch faster than Don Jr. dives headfirst into a snowbank full of Bolivian marching powder. This doesn't work because it can't work. Okay?

OK, it doesn't work because these people are not sending their best. They are they are crafty. Some of them, they are evil, all of them. But they're not good at this. We'll be right back. It's the Smuckers Uncrustables podcast with your host Uncrustables.

Okay, today's guest is rough around the edges. Please welcome Crust. Thanks for having me. Today's topic, he's round with soft pillowy bread. Hey. Filled with delicious PB&J. Are you talking about yourself? And you can take him anywhere. Why'd you invite him? And we are out of time. Are you really cutting me off? Uncrustables are the best part of the sandwich. Sorry, Crust. And now, back to the show.

I want Democrats to remember they're not good at this. They're trying to hang the government shutdown on you. The correct response is fuck you. They're trying to say, how dare you go to our town hall meetings? The correct response is fuck you. These people are wrecking the country and they're bad at even that. Don't let them give you the impression that they somehow have magical superpowers that can never be overcome.

They have one superpower, fear of Trump. The worse he does, the less that hits. The worse he does, the fewer people wake up in the middle of the night and whisper to their spouse, Donald Trump, to see if they can make him have a heart attack. Okay? It doesn't, and believe me, most of the spouses of many of these members of Congress would love to see them die in their sleep. It's a long story, but it's true. These guys are terrible at this because they are terrible. That's not recursive. They're terrible at this because they're terrible at

They don't understand public service. They don't understand leadership, loyalty, honesty, integrity, sensibility, intellectual processes, human cognition. These people mostly have a staggering lack of intellectual curiosity about the world around them, which is actually one of the things that has attracted our greatest presidents.

They wanted to be in and of the world. They wanted to make a difference. They wanted to make America a leader in the world instead of making America into a cowardly, mewling, simpering, craven, shrewd,

shitty, like every terrible cliche about the most low betrayers you can imagine. Donald Trump has turned that into America's image in the world because that's what he's good at, breaking things, destroying things, breaking oaths, breaking promises, breaking contracts, breaking commitments, and breaking America apart. That's why it's not working, because it can't. And that, my friends, is this week's Elephant in the Room.

The Lincoln Project Podcast is a Lincoln Project production. Executive produced by Whitney Hayes, Ben Howe, and Joey Wartner Cheney. Produced by Whitney Hayes. Edited by Riley Mayne. Hey folks, if you want to support the Lincoln Project's work against Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and this MAGA craziness...

Go to action.linkinproject.us slash help LP. If you'd like to get in touch or have suggestions for a guest or a show topic, or just want to say hi, our email is podcast at linkinproject.us. For our MAGA friends, please, no more nudes. Thanks so much, and we'll talk to you again next time. Good night, and good luck.