For Kids or Anyone Who’s Ever Been a Kid [VIDEO]
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Who do you think cries more? Kids or adults? Adults. Let's have a vote. Okay, Kena, you say? Adults. Adults. Charlie? Kids. Kids. Babies. Babies. Ooh, Juniper the contrarian. Okay, throwing in babies. Mateo?

Um, it would have to be both. Because like, um, parents cry when somebody dies. Yeah. And then kids cry when they lose something. Ah, okay. So I would have to say both. Okay, I see. I would say babies. Babies. Babies. Damn, babies. We started off going after adults. My mom said I couldn't say that. Your mom said you couldn't say what? Um, D-A-M-E.

Oh, damn. D-A-M-N. Oh, D-A-M-N. Okay, I won't say it either then. Yeah. So when I'm saying it, I'm talking about the thing they build in a river to stop water from going somewhere. That's a dam. That's a dam. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah.

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Subject to credit approval, Savings is available to Apple Card owners subject to eligibility. Apple Card and Savings by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch. Member FDIC. Terms and more at applecard.com. This episode is brought to you by Brooklinen. All right, people, let's talk about bedrooms for a second. Do you ever wake up, look around and think, hmm...

This room is not what I hoped it would be. And no, I'm not talking about the person next to you. I'm talking about the personality of your linen. Yeah, that's the thought I had. Well, that was the thought I had until I discovered Brooklinen.

I discovered their King Lux core sheet set and the beautiful quilt in that tea leaf color. And now my bed looks so good, it's practically judging me for wearing sweatpants all day. But honestly, these sheets have made me question how I've lived my life up until this point. Over 200,000 five-star reviewers say that you've been missing out. And I'll be honest with you, I think they're right. Even the fancy experts at good housekeeping are on board.

So refresh your space today with Brooklinen's award-winning textures, layers, and home essentials. Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Get 15% off your first order and save extra when you bundle. This episode is brought to you by SurveyMonkey.

The world is always changing and totally unpredictable, which is fun unless you're trying to run a business. So if you want to build products people actually love, keep your customers happy, and stop your team from setting their status to emotionally unavailable, well, you've got to understand what people are really thinking. And to do that, you need to dare to ask the questions that really matter.

Luckily, SurveyMonkey makes it super easy to ask the right questions that'll drive your business forward. In fact, SurveyMonkey answers 20 million questions every single day for over 300,000 organizations around the globe. Get answers to your questions. Go to surveymonkey.com slash dare. And so for today's episode, I wanted to have a conversation with you about...

Children, but not like children through the lens of an expert and not children through the lens of an adult. No, this is one of, this is a topic that I love because I don't think anybody's truly an expert in it, even though some people say they are. And it's like kids, parents, and how we perceive their realities. And the reason I say nobody's really an expert is because people often talk about parenting. I mean, you know this better than anyone as a parent, Christiana.

Like everyone's like, this is a good parent. This is how you should parent. This is what you should parent, parent, parent, parent, parent. But I always think to myself, we don't often think about like kid, like kid up. Does that make sense? Being a kid is really weird because in your world, you have a life, you have priorities, you have like your own like schedule even. And then there's this other human being who just happens to be bigger than you.

who basically tells you that your shit is nothing. Have you, like, my favorite thing, have you ever seen, like, a little, small child doing something with, like, a box, right? Like, just like a box, a cardboard box. And they're folding it, then they unfold it, then they squash it, then they unsquash it, and they move it around, then they put things in it, then they take things out of it, then they drag it around the room, and then you come and you're like, yo, we gotta go, you know, we gotta go somewhere. And the kid is like, I'm working. Right?

Have you ever seen the kid's face? The kid always has a look like, yo, I'm in the middle. And it's funny how, I always think to myself, it's funny how as adults, we think the kid's doing nothing. But I often think, what if we were in like the office, typing up emails, dear sirs and ma'ams, to whom it may concern, please revert ASAP. Imagine if while you were doing that,

a giant came into your office and then like lifted you up from your chair and was just like, time to go. And you'd be like, no, time to go. And that's how it must feel for them. Yeah, definitely. Do you know what I mean? But it's time to go. Yeah. You see, I see that. You're a mom. It's time to go. When do you think you became a mom? Like, like became a mom, mom? Uh,

I was always someone's mother. I have three little sisters. No, but there's like a different shift. I'm sure there is. Okay, because I know you. Remember this? Yeah. I knew you before you were a mom. Okay. You've always been caring, responsible, all of that stuff. And I want to know when you became a mom. Oh, definitely...

When I took Obi home from the hospital and I exclusively, exclusively breastfed, as you all know, because I always talk about breastfeeding. And then I was like, I'm this child's life source. I was like, like his nutrition depends on me. And that was like, no one has ever depended on me to be fed. It was just so stressful. But I just remember just thinking,

waking up and I'm like, I need to feed him. Because he liked to sleep. He's never been a big eater. And that was, I was just like, I need to, I was thinking just more about nourishing his body than like his spirit. It was very primordial. I felt like a woman in a cave. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was like the shift. And now my headspace is so much of my kids all the time. I've never, you know what I never considered though, in a difference between men and women, yet you're like,

in a weird way with a man, obviously your presence is still important, but I'm saying to your, you are actually the irreplaceable part of your child's. Yeah. Yeah. Like if I had a, like a bad,

cheeseburger it doesn't affect you know what I mean it's like if you start eating poorly that affects your child in a way it's like as a dad you could do crack you can't do crack as long as you blow the crack smoke out the window the child may not even they could have a fully normal childhood because how many people think that their dad is like normal

Do you know what I mean? Because you think everything is normal because your frame of reference for everything is so small and it gets wider as you get older. But like my dad would get excited to do like a dad thing, like a milestone thing. Because I think sometimes as men, that's the only time that we're like, yes, I'm important right now. Right now is when I'm dad and like we need this moment. And so I went up to my dad and my tooth was loose.

And he hops up. He's like so excited. He hops up and he goes and he leaves the room, runs out of the room, grabs some string, right? And then grabs some string and ties one side of the string to my tooth and ties one side of the string to my door. But he's not talking to me. So he's not saying anything. He's not explaining anything. He's like, be still. And then runs in the door and everything. And then he looks at me and he nods as if we've had a conversation. Yeah.

This man nods at me like, and it's time, right? And so then he nods, slams the door, but he didn't measure. So it's just too much string. So we just watched the door slam. And I was like, string hanging out of my mouth. I was like, was something supposed to happen? He was like, ah, ooh.

Oof. Okay. Let me... Uh-oh. And then he went to the bathroom because then he knew he couldn't surprise me now because now I know what the thing would be. But you still didn't know what the thing was. I didn't know what the thing was supposed to be, but I put it together when he was like...

Oh, damn. So then he's like, I walked to the bathroom and then he helped me get my tooth out. But I was just like, in my mind, my dad has a plan and he knows what he's doing and that he does it. And then I just trust it. And then he slams the door and I'm like, maybe he doesn't have plans. That's one of the weirdest moments, I think, for a child is when you, for the first time,

think that your parent doesn't have their shit together. It's the falling out of the boat. You figured that out as a child? Oh, definitely. Oh my God, that's very early. You did as well. You didn't? No, I didn't. I saw my parents as people very late in my life. I think I really deified them. I was like, oh, they're so wonderful. They weren't perfect parents. They were always like, mom and dad, and

And then as I came into adulthood, I was like, oh, they're people. And maybe therapy wouldn't be a bad thing. Wait, so how old do you think you were when you first were like, oh, these are people who make mistakes and things? They just always had it together. No, but I'm saying how old do you think you were? Were you in your teens? Were you in your...

Oh, it was in my early 20s. In your 20s? Yeah, my early 20s. Oh, man. Let me tell you something. I remember the, not even the first time. This is one of the many times I was driving with my mom. This wasn't her fault, by the way, but still, I was driving with my mom and we're in the car. We're coming back from a church service late at night and we're almost home, like 10 minutes from the house, but it's like been an hour drive.

And I'll never forget, I can like close my eyes and imagine the road. You know, it's a long, dark road and there's one traffic light. So we're crossing over, right? So normally you'd wait for oncoming traffic, but it's like midnight. There's nothing. We see a car in the distance. We're approaching the intersection. We see a car in the distance. I'm looking out the passenger window of the car. I see the other car.

It has its indicator on its blinker. So it's going to turn into the slip road. So it won't come to us, essentially. It means it's going to go in the direction we're also going to go, right? But I see that it's coming straight. My mom clearly is like looking at the blinker. I see it's coming straight. She's looking at the blinker. I see it's coming straight. And I'm sitting there in the passenger seat. And I was like, I think that car's coming straight for us. And I just sat there quietly. And I was like, I don't think she sees it.

And then I sat there and then I literally just sat there and I braced myself and the car came straight and we turned and then it just wham and took off the whole front of our car. And like in an accident, you don't really know what's happened. Like your car's spinning around and you know, it's a whole thing. And then we came to a stop and she checks on me and we're fine. Really, we were really lucky. And then when we were all like calm and everything, I said to my mom, I was like, oh, I saw that. And she's like, you saw what? I was like, I saw that car was going to hit us.

And she said, why? She's like, why didn't you say anything? I was like, because you know how to drive. I don't know how to drive. And she's like, but you know how to see. She's like, don't you know how to see? I was like, yeah, I know how to see. She's like, you must say something. And I was like, okay. But that was like the final one. Cause this was now just in driving territory. I had seen my mom forget things. I had seen my mom like, so from, I would say from like the age of maybe like five or six, I was like, okay, this is a human being who's in charge of,

But they don't always like have that, like they don't have the superpower thing. I even saw it with teachers. I remember once. I always thought teachers were idiots. Oh, okay. You thought teachers were idiots. Oh, yeah. Because I thought, I was like, I'm smarter than you. And that's probably why they didn't like me. But I was like, no, I'm, you know more stuff just because you're older. But I was like, I have more brain power.

I figured that out. I think my parents were just very competent. So they did disappoint me, obviously. But they were just very, they were very competent. But then, you know, when you look at your childhood in retrospect, you have those moments. You're like, oh, maybe that wasn't the best decision. Yeah. I was talking to Esther Perel about this one day. We're talking about like traumas and childhoods and, you know, the psychology issues.

And it's really amazing how no matter how you raise your kid, there will always be the lack that was created. And as a kid, there will always be. So there are some people who are in therapy because their parents gave them too much freedom. They could do whatever they wanted. And so they never felt protected or they never felt like there was structure or they never felt. But then there are some people in therapy because they're like, my parents, like they gave me a rigid schedule and I couldn't do what I wanted. And I had to be home at a certain time. And

And it made me wonder, I was like, is there a single kid out there who's just like, yeah, this is going well? And if your kid thinks it's going well, are you still a good parent? I don't know. I feel like it's so much like gambling. It's like a...

You have the kid and you are taking a gamble that you can raise a good person. So not a killer. Right. And then you're playing craps. So you just throw the dice down and the dice are going to bounce and they're going to bounce. They're going to bounce. And you could call some of the bouncing trauma. But the bounce is also how you get your end result. You get the end numbers. And then when you look at the thing, that's when everybody's like, ah, good parent. Or like, ah, crap. But sometimes I'm like, have you ever met?

Some parents... Because, you know, like, I think the kid is the kid. Like, you just... This thing arrives in your life. This is how I found... And they are the way they are. Born this way, as Lady Gaga says. This blows my mind. I don't mean it like...

I hear every parent say this. Is it the hardware? Yeah, the hardware. No, you're right, the hardware. And you're like, oh, you just like this. Like, I can try and pull you away from it. And this is good and the bad, like there's strengths and weaknesses. There's just stuff encoded in you. And like, so you have that element of it. And there's some parents who like actually do an amazing job, but the kid just turns out

And then there's people who don't do that much. And the kid turns out pretty well. And so I don't get... I think you can love them, give them a good education, make sure there's no hunger. But then after that, you just don't know. Yeah, but I'm saying, okay, so this is fascinating because you're a parent...

We're speaking as former kids. Which I think childhood is the most important experience. I don't just take advice from parents. Yes. Because everyone has had the experience of being a child. Yes, yes, yes. And I think that it's valuable. I hate parents that are like, oh, I only care about... You can't tell me anything. You're not a mum. So I'm like, so you don't think someone having once being a child is valuable? That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. So this is a different episode. Every now and again, I like to get up to some mischief in the world.

Cristiano always accuses me of doing something. And in this case, yes, I was doing something. I wrote a children's book. It's something I've always wanted to do because I love children's books and I loved them. And I still read them by the way. I think they're like the best books. The other ones have too many words and too few pictures. I wrote a children's book and I thought for this episode, let's talk about kids, but not just talk about them. Let's talk to them. So

I sat down with a group of kids who are experts at being children, by the way. I don't know if people know this. They're the real experts at being children. We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break. This episode is brought to you by Brooklinen. All right, people, let's talk about bedrooms for a second. Do you ever wake up, look around and think, hmm, this room is not what I hoped it would be? And no, I'm not talking about the person next to you. I'm talking about the personality of your linen. Yeah.

That's the thought I had. Well, that was the thought I had until I discovered Brooklinen.

I discovered their King Lux core sheet set and the beautiful quilt in that tea leaf color. And now my bed looks so good, it's practically judging me for wearing sweatpants all day. But honestly, these sheets have made me question how I've lived my life up until this point. Over 200,000 five-star reviewers say that you've been missing out. And I'll be honest with you, I think they're right. Even the fancy experts at good housekeeping are on board.

So refresh your space today with Brooklinen's award-winning textures, layers, and home essentials. Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Get 15% off your first order and save extra when you bundle. When are we starting the podcast? Right now! Hi, Daddy!

Welcome to the podcast. Welcome, Nola. Welcome, Eden. Welcome, Mateo. Welcome, Juniper. Welcome, Charlie. And welcome, Kena. Let's start with you, Eden. How long have you been a child for?

- Seven years. - Seven years? Wow. That's like a real professional. How long do you plan to be like a child? Do you have like a long-term goal? - 100 years. - 100 years. I like that. I like that.

So like, so I started writing this kid's book. My first instinct was talk to like adults and talk to, you know, experts and more because like the book is really about like how a child sees their relationship with their parents and vice versa and the internal monologues they have. Because that's what I had as a kid. And I think every child does. But then I was like, no, I'm just going to talk to kids. Like I got a full panel of children to have conversations with. And can I tell you, these little things are pretty genius. Yeah.

They came in with some insights. They came in with some ideas. And Josh and Christiana, I know you got to watch us hanging out together. And I was shocked at how much like information we don't give children. Does this make sense? Yeah. Like you'll be shocked at how many kids are sort of just like left in the dark about everything. So I'll talk to kids. I go, hey, do you know what your parents do for a living?

And they're like, what does a living mean? Actually, let's talk about jobs. Let's talk about jobs. So I would love to know. Wait, wait. So let's go down the line. So, Charlie, do you know? Wow, what's happening here, Nola? She's being a cuckoo head. No, you just got hot. And then you were like, all right. So wait, wait, Nola. So pay attention. I want to know about jobs. So we're going to go down the line. So let's go, Nola.

Do you know what parents do at jobs? Do you know what adults do? This? What's this? What we're doing now? Yeah. So you think they like hang out on a couch and then talk about life? Yeah. Huh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Eden, what do you think people do at a job?

I'm just saying scientists. Because my mom is a scientist. Like, what does she teach? She teaches it. So she stands at the front of the classroom. Oh, so you guys know teachers, so you know what she does. Yes. Okay, Mateo, what do you think adults do at their jobs? I know my dad. You know those people that are on the computers at the airport? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what my dad does. Oh, dope. He's one of those guys. Oh, I've seen those people at airports.

You would see like the kids, like for instance, if I say like, what do your parents do for a living? The majority of them put their fingers up to their faces and then mimed typing, but like depressed typing. Okay, so let me ask you, what do you think adults do at work? Oh, what is that? Doing boring stuff and typing. They drink coffee and type it like, yeah. None of them were like smiling and being like, oh my, you know what I mean? This is like everyone had like a...

Yeah. You know, it's like, you would think like their parents were like in a chicken coop for humans pecking away at keys. Severance. Yeah. And I was like, wow. Like, I don't know, like Josh, like when you were a kid, what did you think of your parents that you now, like, cause we get to an age where it starts to sort of consolidate like this information. Yeah. What did you think of your parents? Like you're like, I've met your mom, but like, what did you think of your mom?

I mean, it's tough because the things I thought about my mom when I was little, I still think about my mom in a really sincere way. Like I see how she isn't always the most patient in life, but she's very patient with people. She's very loving and generous. So then I look at my mom as this, when I was a kid, this infallible version of generosity and like,

understanding and now as an adult I look at her as this very fallible version of generosity and understanding so it's like none of the I feel like I saw my mom for who she was and all the qualities that she possesses but I just didn't have the right interpretation of them because I didn't have enough like world experience to understand what was happening so like I remember there was somebody my mom gave someone a ride one time or something like that and all I could think was

In my head was like, why was this weird person in our car? Because you tell me not to talk strangers and then you pick the weirdest stranger off the street to give a ride somewhere. And still to this day, my mom is very like, be careful when you go here, watch your stuff, all this stuff like that. But then there'll be these moments that are just these like.

I don't know, I guess moments of inspiration where that thing supersedes almost every lesson that I'm taught to a certain degree. I don't think anyone will dispute that being a parent is a hard job. But it's weird that if something is a hard job,

Wouldn't it mean that like most people wouldn't be good at it? Yeah. Oh, so then. But then we see the defensiveness of parents or people around parents or what my parenting or what you tell my child, what that means about me that as a stranger reprimand my child. And so then we end up in this place that I think we've been in for a while where you're

entire childhood is the extent of your of your parents awareness and experiences yeah and if no one else is allowed in because it's supposed to take a village but the village isn't welcome if all of a sudden the village is don't tell my child about literally when your child's wrong too i've watched it in stores where kids tearing something up and somebody that works at the store is like hey hey put that down it's like no talk to me don't talk to my child it's like

Well, you don't have the presence of mind to tell your child to stop terror. So why don't I just go to the source? And so I think that that that is what's shaping all of my I'm like almost recontextualizing a lot of what growing up was because I was I was from a family and I had a mom.

That would let another adult tell me what I was doing wrong. You know what I mean? Because my mom would, let's say there's some random lady and like just some old woman at the mall is like, hey,

don't run with your shoes untied, blah, blah, blah. She would look at that woman and say, thank you. You know what I mean? As opposed to like, I got this, you know what I mean? And I think that I got this is like, it's a small thing, but I think it's messing a lot of people up. I think going from being like community driven, because I remember I had a big community growing up and I was actually thinking about it today before I was coming here. Like,

There used to be these grandmas in church that would look after me. Sister Barbara, Sister Kathy, Mummy Ige. Like they would, these women looked after me when I was a kid, me and my sisters. So I was surrounded by what like aunties and uncles who actually weren't genetically related to me, who could also like discipline me. Yes. But felt they had a stake in my life.

And my son has less of that for different reasons. Like my husband's family's in New York. A lot of my family's in London. We live in LA. But this isn't just specific to people who live...

apart from their families like that village thing has diminished like Josh you talk about your aunt a lot you know what I mean it's like that's rare with millennials raising kids and because now it's just become the nuclear family you your spouse or maybe you're a single parent maybe a nanny like it's very nanny's very privileged or it's the daycare worker or

you become really defensive of your choices because if your child fails, it's an indictment on you, on your little system. Whereas like I grew up in a culture where if a child was doing badly, it was a community shame. Do you know? Oh, okay. Yeah.

My dad was like, you bear the name of Mbakwe when you leave the town. It wasn't just like Mbakwe, it was just like, you're part of a thing. The collective has failed. It was a church community. It was an ethnic community. But it was like, yeah. And if there was a celebration, that's why weddings were so big.

If someone's getting married, everyone shows up because our child is getting married. But that doesn't exist in the same way. And I think a lot of that defensiveness comes from like, but I'm the only one doing this thing. Yes, exactly. And if when my child misbehaves, I feel like I have failed. It doesn't feel like we have failed. And there's something to...

collective failure or collective success that kind of takes the pressure off even if it's raising children. Yeah. I've been trying to figure this out but I need your help for this. Trying to understand why grown-ups don't seem to understand kids. Okay? I need your... Like, what do you think it is? Okay, Nola, yes. Because grown-ups are boring and kids are fun. So kids are fun and the grown-ups are boring. You think that's why they can't figure kids out?

Yeah. It's just sitting around. If you want to get chocolate, just say no. And then boring. That is boring. And chocolate is fun. Chocolate is fun. Kena, like what do you think or what do you wish adults understood more about the life of a child or a younger person? I feel like especially parents do a really good job. I feel like there's two types of adults. There's like parents and then

people without kids. And in parents, I feel like sometimes they like need to live their dreams through their kids. So they don't like live in the moment and they like go see like the future. So like everything right now in your life has to be like perfect. Like you can't be out late. You have to, there's so many rules to like protect you for the future. So they don't live in the moment. And I feel like adults without kids who hang out with kids are like way more chill because they're

I guess they're not like your responsibility, but I wish like adults in general could just like take a breath and just be like, let kids go because what happens happens. And like,

They figured it out and they turned out fine. Well, I mean, some adults did turn out the best. But mostly adults turned out fine. So I wish they could just understand to take a step back and let me be responsible for myself because I have all the key factors to do it. So when I was sitting down with the kids for this episode, every child...

felt like they were being held back by their parents and their parents' ability or inability to cater to their play needs or their, you know, what was illuminating for me.

was watching young people process the world through a very logical lens by the way yeah they were like oh man my parents the people are tired yeah these people are like they're tired like they're always like thinking about the future and like they don't like chill and they don't hang out and they're not fun and unanimously kids were like these people don't understand us just

Just all the kids, all the kids were, all the kids felt taken care of. All the kids, like none of the kids there was like, ah, I think my parents is like, you know, really a terrible parent. They're not doing a good job of it. But they all were like, man, this person doesn't understand me. But I wonder like when you were a kid, did you feel like your parent understood you? Did your parents get you or what was the thing that they got of you? That's a really interesting question. Yeah.

So the first thing I will say is that my dad is very, very intelligent, very astute man. And he would always debate with me. Oh, yeah. We're like intellectual sparring partners. Like my mom is always like, stop, I can't take it anymore. But I would be I always remember like, and it would be my also my my uncle Moses is someone else. But

I would speak to, obviously they're men, but I was a child and I would, and they would go at it with me. And I was a real like contrarian and kind of polemicist and they would just go at it with me. And I think my dad saw I had something and he valued what I had to say, even though he always came in on the other side. I think he, so his whole thing, if I say it's black, he says it's white. And then we like debate from there and he's still like, you're wrong. And then, but it's like-

And in hindsight, that was a really valuable thing. I think especially... It was actually a radical thing. My dad has four daughters. But, like, in my culture, I think girl children are valued less. But, like, he never saw me as less than because I was a girl. In fact, probably the problem was he probably raised me like a man and that's why I'm like this way. But it was just like he... That sparring meant when I went out into the world, I was like, I know my ideas have value. But, like, I just...

I felt very misunderstood. But my mum told me a story recently. She said that, and my dad never told me this, but it's through the perspective of my dad. I play piano. I used to do exams.

And I think I was like six years old. I had a piano exam and my dad was watching me through a window and he went home and told my mom, he was like, the girl puts too much pressure on herself. And he said he saw it and it scared him because he was like, she's only six. Why is this piano exam have so much stakes? Mind you, I think it had stakes because of how they were raising me.

By the way, but like she, he came home and he was like, I just saw something in her that it kind of scared me because like you can't carry that intensity through life. Did he correct it? No. He was just like, go be intense. So sometimes you hear stories in your adulthood that you're like, oh, you did see me. You did understand me. But maybe, you know, in that context,

time you don't have the language you know like it was just like oh that's that's who they are and sometime now I'm thinking oh it's not that they didn't understand me it's just that they didn't have the tools and they were in a time they were in a time that were like how do we digest this trait of my child that is probably a little abnormal maybe we should get her some help and that's actually just back to what you said because I actually as a mother I know I'm not enough and I've

come to i'm at peace with that like i do not contain all the things that these children need but i may be able to push them in towards the person oh i mean that's part of why i wouldn't be a stay-at-home mother because i know i'd be doing them a disservice from my where i stand you're compensating for the village essentially yeah and i'm like i don't have enough i i can't yes yeah that would be like the village elders

Yeah, exactly. And so now I'm like, so, and I think if more parents were like, I'm actually not enough. How do I connect?

connect with people because Trevor you give me parenting advice Josh you give me parenting it's like you guys don't have kids but it's always like remember the other day when you were like oh no Obi needs to be um driving oh yeah yeah I was like oh and I went back to Lewis I was like Trevor says he should be driving you was like what yeah and then I spoke through your logic behind it and I he was Lewis was like oh that's a good idea you know I mean but it takes a humility to be like actually my friend who has no kids

has more insight into my kid in this area than I have because I'm so close to it. And I think if more parents were able to just say, I'm not enough. What do you think, Josh? What do you think, Trevor? It'd be good for our kids. But we just don't do that now. It's also got to be very difficult. I know that I am not a parent, so I have not felt this like, at least as what has been described to me as this like life altering,

of like having the kid and then the kid being a part of you and you seeing parts of yourself in the kid and everything. So I understand that when there's a little bit of a whatever, whether you want to call it problem or deficiency within the child, whether it's a behavior thing or just like anything, even in the body and stuff like that, I understand the denial that some parents even go into. But I think that like to what you're saying, it's like a really great example is a lot of the fighters that I follow are,

basically got into trouble in school for fighting, but not fighting in a malicious way. They just want to fight. Hey, let's fight. And so, you know, they would get into trouble in this way that could have so easily been solved by the parent instead of being like, no, my son's not going to be a fighter. Like you might say, you got a lot of extra energy and you clearly like wrestling with your friends. Yeah. Why don't we get you in wrestling? Mm-hmm.

And now all of a sudden there's like not only not a problem, it's like this person does better. So here's one thing I'll say to that that I've realized. And I know this is a lot of people will hear this and go, you can say that because you don't have kids. But I do believe my imagination allows me to think of what isn't and therefore it could be. I don't think.

And I know this is a very broad statement. I don't think there is anything that a child is doing that is wrong. It's just we have not created the space for it in their lives. Do you know what I mean?

Like anything, like to your point of like wrestling. Think of it. You go, your kid is like always like fighting with other kids at school. And to your point, not malicious fighting. We're not talking about teenagers with like issues now. Take that child, put them in a fighting thing. And all of a sudden you've given them structure. Now they are a quote unquote fighter. And it's correct. They're doing the exact same thing. But now you have given them a, do you know what I mean? Or like when I was young, I used to like dismantling things. Mm-hmm.

Which a parent I can understand goes like, this kid unscrewed the TV. It is terrible. Yeah. Unless you put me in an electronics class. Yeah. And now I'm like, you know, assembling circuit boards and I'm working. All of a sudden your purpose is to assemble and dismantle. And now you're looking at parts and you're putting things together and you're experimenting. And I know it's a broad statement because I'm going to be like, oh, well, what if they do this? I think most things genuinely, most, most, most things.

can be catered to if you get to the roots of what the child is trying to do. And that's what I mean by, you know, to borrow the phrase, like, you know, parents just don't understand. It's like, yeah, the kid is not, nine times out of 10, kids are not trying to do a malicious thing to anyone in the family. They're not trying to dismantle your house. They're just like, they're curious and they're trying to do some shit. Don't go anywhere because we got more What Now? after this.

Can I sit down now? Yeah, sit on the floor. It's going to make you comfortable. You can sit on the floor. You can sit anywhere. No, no. No, right? Life has been ruined. No, I mean, this is what happens in society, Mateo. You do something crazy and then like things... Okay, okay. But then we can't see you. You can't see me. No, I mean, but the people can't see you. So now you're like just gone. They can't. This can't. This can't. I guess if you sort of like... Okay, we'll imagine you...

When they were asked about how do you, if you could change one thing about the world, what would you do? I don't know. You expect them to be like more popcorn or like you can have dessert for breakfast. And then they had very adult responses. So I have like a really important question to ask all of you. And this is about the world. If you could change anything about the world,

What would you change? So, Kena, what would you change? World hunger. Oh, wow. Okay. Because I feel like that's the biggest problem. Like, obviously, there's like war and stuff. But like, I feel like everyone needs a good meal. And then they'll be happy because if everyone's hangry, then like nothing's gonna work. You know, you say that and it's probably true. You find a lot of wars are fought because people are hangry. And like, I don't know about you, but if I don't eat...

I could start a war. So end world hunger. Okay, Charlie, what would you change about the world? I think I would like change, make it so that everyone's full, but also like some people don't have a home and we wouldn't necessarily give them a home, but just like a place to stay where they would be safe from. Oh, I love this. Okay, okay. So end world hunger and then give everyone a place to stay. Juniper, what would you do?

I think that, like, you know in, like, Monopoly or, like, Life or something, you know how, like, you start with enough money to survive? Yes. I think that everybody should be able to, like, at least they can choose how they spend their money, they can choose how it is, but there's so many people who, like, work super hard and they don't, like...

They just don't... It's, like, hard. It's too hard. So I think that everybody should at least start with enough money to live that way. And they can choose how they want to earn their money. Like, but at least they should be able to have money, like...

Like, I know I'm just talking a lot about money, but I feel like that's how the world is like based off of right now. It is. It is. You're not wrong. So like in life, we should give everyone a little money so they can start playing the game and it gives them a chance. Okay. Life is a game and there's no way to win it, but you can survive in it. Oh, damn. That's deep. Wow. Not damn. River. That's deep. Wow. River. That's deep. I'm so glad you brought that up.

Because I was proud, even though I didn't know these kids that way, I was proud of what they were saying, but I was sad. I was really, really sad. Because I was hoping for just crazy. You know what I mean? I was hoping for...

You know, what could you do? And we did get like one like later on, like after. But it's almost like we had to solve the world's problems and then we could get to, all right, the world is made of candy and let's have free cheese. And then last but definitely not least, what would you change about the world? More cheese. More cheese. What kind of cheese? Hard cheese? Soft cheese? Soft cheese. Cheddar cheese. Cheddar. Just more cheese. Yeah. But what would you do with the extra cheese? Eat it.

All of it. Yeah. Do you think that there's not enough cheese in the world? Yeah. Huh. You know, when Nola was like, I had free cheese. But it's only because I said to Nola, you can't repeat anything. But I was just like, do we pause and think to ourselves what it says about our society that children, we're talking about like, you know, six years old to like eight, nine years old and all these things.

their number, when you say, what would you change about the world? They say, oh man, I think I would give people a place to live because too many people sleep on the street and I would give people food because they're hungry and I would give people, and I'm like, wow, you are, you are not spared. You know, you're not living in like a, just like a child's world, if that makes sense. Yeah. And it's also, I don't know, I'm,

Don't know how this will sound out loud, but like a firm belief I've always had is that there are no such things as grownups. It's just that like kids get more responsibilities and like have a harsher. I can actually buy into that idea. And I and I think that only a kid would be like, why are we even grownups?

doing this thing. Yeah. And sometimes we look at that and just like with the jobs thing. Yeah. And then the money thing, you can be like, oh, they just don't get it. But every once in a while, it's a very good question. And it's a question that like sometimes finally ends up in like the halls of Congress. Yes. Why are we even doing this thing? And so it's like people put so much innocence on being a child. But I think there's a real

amount of perspective you get from not being glued down yet. Yeah, definitely. You're just not, you're not, you're almost like, I mean, I told you. It's like an honest perspective. Yeah, I told you, like, even into my late teens, I think that was when I had my most, like,

Maybe even my most astute perspectives, even without having been well read or anything yet. I was just like, oh, but this doesn't like make sense. You now have this thing of like, I'm going to stay imagining and I'm also going to stay a little bit freer. I think that that's interesting.

Like that's kind of what I saw in some of those kids with their answers being like very worldly and astute that I'm like, oh, if you could stay in a way, if you could stay the way that you are now, then I know we always put on the next generation. But it's like that's actually the sort of like mindset and attitudes that change the world. Yeah, because because eventually you get so like bogged down and like stuck in the mud in a way that now somebody brings up, OK, let's let's open up this housing in L.A. and you're like, I don't know.

Ah, I just got this house. Josh, you sound like me. I've joined a neighborhood watch group. Oh, wow. Oh, Christiana. Oh, no. On WhatsApp. Oh, no. Yeah. Life comes at you fast. You become a nimby. Oh, man. And now it's time for a new segment, Creativity Over Coffee, brought to you by Starbucks.

Christiana, you probably drink more coffee than anybody I know. You love coffee. I couldn't live without it, honestly. As a mother. It's funny, I like coffee for the communal side. It's like the standing around, you know, thinking of ideas, chatting together. I feel you. What are some of the ideas for the show? Like, I mean, look, on the show, the idea of having kids on

I mean, should have terrified us, by the way, because you know better than anyone, like six kids sitting together on a couch is a terrible idea. But it was actually great. Like a fun idea, chatting to kids, learning about their points of view. And I don't know, I think ideas like that, you can only come up with when you're sort of in like a flow state. Do you know what I mean? Coffee puts me in the flow. Oh, really? Yeah, I start my day with cold brew. I love cold brew. Black and strong, just like me. LAUGHTER

Oh, I love that. I absolutely love that. You know, that's how I met my husband. No ways. Yes. I'm not even joking. He DM'd me on Twitter and was like, oh, I see you're in LA too. We should meet for coffee. And I was like, what's this weird guy wanting to ask me out for coffee? But I'll do it because it was coffee and he seemed interested. And here we are. Here we are. He brought you in with the coffee. Now I have his children. Yeah.

I'm not even joking. Well, that's the end of our coffee break. But hopefully you're inspired, you know, to connect and come up with some creative ideas or a marriage. It's a great day for coffee. It's a great day for Starbucks. That wasn't how it was like in the 1700s. It wasn't like that. I was there and it wasn't like that.

You were there? I was there, yeah. You weren't in a time machine? I am old enough. Wait, everybody, is this true? Is this true? It is true. Yeah. I was there in the 1700s. Yeah. My dad was there. But a lot of us were there. I don't know if this is as much of an African thing as it is a Southern thing, so I just wanted to... Which, by the way, is the same thing. It is very much the same thing. It's so close. Can I tell you, sorry to cut you off. No, you're good. That's one of my favorite things is...

is how much I, when I meet people from the South, I feel like we had the exact same childhood. I feel like, and I mean, we don't want to go to the dark reason why. - Sure, sure, sure. - So we're not going to go there. But like literally when you talk about your mom, I'm like, ah, that's my mom. When you talk about your parents, I'm like, yeah, that's my parents. Like, yeah, but carry on. - Well, basically there's a thing that a lot of Southern people have

that I wonder who the person is for y'all because I've been told by a lot of people, I have a grandfather I never met, right? Passed away before I was born. And so it's not as if I could have been nurtured by him or grown up around him, but so many people in my life have told me I remind them of him and it's almost like his spirit a little bit. Yeah, we completely have that. And I'm wondering who you get told is like your spirit person.

So my parents are hyper-Christian. Okay. So they've moved away from the re-income, which is a big thing in like Igbo culture, like, you know, and Yoruba culture. There's like names that signify, like the name, one of my closest friends, her name is Yuande, which means the mother has returned and is normally a name you give to somebody when they died, a grandmother died and then the child that was born is a girl. You know, so there's names like that. I think Iyabo is the other name that's like that.

So I do like the law of the culture is that people believe in reincarnation. But my parents never said that about me. However, Obi is so much like my father. There's things he does that scares me. Like the other day he was walking through the supermarket and he had his hands behind his back. Doing the old man walk. And I was like, I was like, oh my God, it scared the shit out of me. And I had to take a picture. Yeah.

I was like, what? And then he, there's a way he sits sometimes and the way he places his hand. And like, of course he's around my dad. They speak on FaceTime all the time, but like the actual mannerisms and I was like, oh, I gave birth to my father. Yeah.

Yeah, especially if there's something you couldn't have taught. Couldn't have, couldn't have, like, there's no, but he just was like walking around and he was looking around like in the way that my dad does and looking down. And I, I took a picture and I like, my dad was like, he said something, in Igbo blood is Obara. Yeah. And he was just, we're just talking about like the power of blood in that way. Cause, so I just say my son very much. I look at him and I see my father, but myself, I don't have, I don't know.

No, I had that. So I was always told, like people would say that to me about my grandfather.

They would say, like, they'd literally say, you guys do the same thing and, you know, and you, like, walk in a room. And this terrified me because we found out my grandfather was bipolar at the end of his life. So now I was like, oh. You don't understand how many, like, psychologists I've seen where I'm like, are you sure? Are you sure, sure? They're like, no, you're not. I was like, all right, we're going to keep checking. But, yeah.

But yeah, I had that where people would say, it's the same. They go like, you just seem like a flash from the past. They go, you know, like the walk. And I didn't spend a lot of time with him. But they go, the walk is like his. And, you know, the way you love telling people jokes and the way you love causing chaos in a conversation and all. It's like we're watching it happen again.

And what mesmerized people was the fact that we didn't spend time together. Like I spent all my time with my grandmother. Her and I are completely different. You know, we were like completely different people, vibes, everything. It's just, you know, I have a lot of personality traits from my dad, which my mom has told me about. And ironically, again, I spent very little time with him. And these are like personality things.

that adults would have with each other. It's not like a child would pick up from a parent. Mom's just like, oh man, that's your dad. So it is fascinating to see that and to see like a pass down slash a, you know? Yeah. Which I like, I don't know. So before we go, there's two important things that I really need your help figuring out. What do you think adults struggle with

understanding about kids like what do you wish they understood okay yes Juniper okay so I think that like adults sometimes don't understand like kids feelings and like the way that like popularity at school and like

When something happened, my mom was just like, read. And I was like, no. And in other things too, I found out that I didn't get into something that I really worked for. And then they were like, go read a book. And I was like, it's kind of more than that. But parents can be very understanding. But other times, even as early as the next morning, you can go to sleep. And then the next morning, it feels like they don't understand you at all.

Okay, so if I'm hearing what you're saying, you would love to live in a world where parents spend a little more time trying to understand what their kids are going through. Because maybe for them, they make it seem like it's a small thing and they sort of get over it quickly. But then kids might still be dealing with it. Exactly. Yeah, I think that was probably my favorite thing about hanging out with these kids was it made me realize that

That kids are a lot more perceptive than we think. And if we use that as a resource, genuinely, I don't even mean this in like a meh-meh world. You could like build a better world. Like even as a parent, kids can tell you things about yourself that you need to work on. It's amazing how they will, in the same way, funny enough, animal trainers, like dog trainers will tell you there's no such thing as a bad dog. There's only a bad owner. I think kids tell you who you are. Yeah.

whether you like it or not. They'll just tell you. I wonder how many parents ask their kids, hey, what do you think I could work on? What do you think I could spend a little more time? Where do you see my failings? Because you're a parent, right? Your job is to raise this child. And yet you never ask the child who you are raising how they think you're doing, which to me sounds like a crazy-

We should. Like end of year, just be like to your kids. So what did I do well this year? What do you think I do well? What didn't you like about me? It's hard. I don't even want to know what my kids would say. And I think they would surprise you. Yeah. I think you'd be surprised at how lenient children are in a way that parents aren't. Yeah.

I think parents take for granted that kids see in them things that they don't even see in themselves and kids see in the world things that we don't see in the world. And if you ask them when they're still like all up under you, like I know until I was like maybe 10, I was like all up under my mom, wanted to be with my mom all the time. It's like you ask a question like that, there's no agenda behind it.

It's like it's literally like I wanted the best for my mom. But the way that like a child wants what's best for you in such earnest is like that's very true. It's like earth shattering, like shaking to your soul. Just even kids that aren't my kids, but my friend's kids will be like, how have you been? And like, I've missed you so much. And like the way a child says they miss you is like.

What? Yes. You were thinking about. Yes. You don't even know what week it is. Yeah. Like this is just the summer and you're like, I've missed you so much. It's like if we gave them a chance, like genuinely, I would encourage everyone who's a parent. Just try it. Just like try it. Just go sit with your kid and be like, hey, how do you think we could improve this household? And don't get me wrong. One of their suggestions is going to be more ice cream. Of course. There's always going to be ice cream. So I think asking questions like that is like.

Yeah, that could be world-changing. Yeah, we should do it. Well, this was fun. This was fun. Um...

Let's go make kids, Josh. I'm good, because this is the thing. No, no, no, let's go do it. We're going to go make kids. We're going to go make kids, and we're going to have a lot of fun, because it seems easy to me. It seems easy raising them. It seems easy understanding them. I didn't say any of this. We're going to do it. I think we need the wives first. We're going to do it. People listening, I didn't say it. We're going to do it. You heard it here first. Josh and Trevor are going to go out and make some kids. I don't know why you put my name first. And raise them.

This is my name. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No offense. All right. Well, thank you so much. Kena, thank you for coming. Nola, thank you for coming. Charlie, thank you for coming. Juniper, thank you for coming. Mateo, thank you for coming. Eden, thank you so much for coming. I will make sure to tell the adults everything you've said. And let's try to change the world. Thank you, everybody. Jenny. Nice job, everyone. Spark. Bobby. Hey.

What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin and Jody Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music, mixing and mastering by Hannes Braun.

Special thanks to all of our kid experts and their parents for helping to make this episode such a fun one. My new book, Into the Uncut Grass, is available now wherever you get your books and audiobooks. Thank you so much for listening. Join us next Thursday for another episode of What Now? What Now?