Zach Galifianakis (LIVE SHOW)
01:16:16 Share

Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Hey, David, no offense or nothing. I love when people start like, no offense or nothing. Here comes the offense. No offense or nothing, but you're wearing, FYI, another one I love, you're wearing the same hat you wore when we were interviewing live Zach Galifianakis. Oh, yeah. Is that a theme with you? No, I just, I like this hat. To be close to Zach or what? I like this hat and...

God damn, we had a blast, Zach. It was fun. Don't have to swear. No, gosh dang. That's what I meant. Oh, darn it. But I got a little zippy. What's it called? A three quarter inch? Three quarter sweater? Yeah.

You got the dime. You can get a loan. 12 grand. What did you ask me? I don't know. Who are you? What? I don't like talking about it. 100 grand? What? That's a million dollars. Who cares about numbers? That's not Zach Gafaglanas. That's Joe Biden trying to pronounce that. Zach Rekoglases. That's a hard can. Zach Gafaglanas. Come on. You know. Come on, man. I'll kick your ass.

He's going to just, by the end, he'll just be threatening rapport. He has to fight a lot of people because he always threatens the guy. Tough guy. He's the old guy on the porch. The ball came in my yard. This is my ball now. Dude, I wouldn't even trust him. Old man Willikers. A ball.

Okay, so Zach. This is great. Should we talk about Zach too? People always ask us, are we cold in here? Are we hot? Is it bright? Why do we have sunglasses? Why do we not? All we know is we look cool. Yeah. It's all that. It doesn't matter. It's about 91 degrees in here right now. But we never sweat. And then they go, the scary part is they think they look cool. Look how we phone in the podcast. Of course we stay cool, even if it's hot. We got one foot out the door half the time. Dude, I phone that suck green. I love phoning. Last night I fell asleep twice. Zach, what? What?

Zach was so funny. He's so – quirks ahoy is really the theme. He's a very interesting actor, hilarious comedian. Yep. You never know what you're going to get. We were lucky to sit with him because we all think he's such a high up there on the – I said to him at one point, you only do cool things. It's true. He turns down – I think we didn't get to the point last night because people go, oh, Hangover, Between Two Ferns is a home run obviously. Yeah.

And they don't see him a lot, but he turns down so much and that's not really usually the custom. He breaks that. Yes. So it was fun to talk to him and we laughed our ass off. Yeah.

He has an incredible sense of humor. He's one of those comedians who will laugh incredibly hard. - Yeah, it's very nice when comedians give it up and laugh. - Yeah, charming, family man, has a lot of integrity organically without wearing on his sleeve about his work. Like, talks about how he just doesn't wanna do things 'cause that wouldn't work out or wouldn't be very good. So he was such a fun guy to hang out with, David. - Unlike me,

I do things that are horrible on purpose. No, I don't. Well, I've got subsidies. And like I said, the church lady is for sale. If anyone's listening to this intro, she will walk out there. I think one of these shows, you got to dress like a church lady and we'll just do a whole thing. Yeah. I think we should. We should have a special guest appearance church lady. I got the full gear on.

And you could maybe interview one of the people, one of our guests. Jeez, you got me busy. How about you dress up as Joe Dirt? Dana, I'm not a clown. You're not a clown. You're Joe Dirt. I am so similar to Joe Dirt. It's not even that much different. There's not. I'd have to get out of the cobwebs, go to the Smithsonian, get the codes. My wife says, how was Joe Dirt today? I said, you mean David? She goes, oh, you're right. Is that a different guy? That's his alter ego. It's like Santa Claus.

Well, let's go. Let's wrap it up. So why you should watch this. Zach is one of our favorite guests. I do believe he's one of the seminal comedians of his generation. There's only one Zach, and he has a very finely tuned sense of humor and is a hell of a nice guy. So enjoy the show, David. I agree. Hey. Yeah, you go there. Let's start it. Yeah.

It's already almost over. Okay. That was a great song. I thought it was good, you know. I did an impression within the first 20 seconds. Damn, this chair, look at our chair differential. The fuck? I'm like a Muppet. You're like 6'2 in that thing. I'm going to get up front and be like this. What's up, Zach? What? Sorry. Is Zach here yet? I got up at 6'.

That's it. We're warning them it's going to be bad. I'm punchy. I'm over tired. I'm like a baby. I'm over tired. Let's bring Zach out. Let's bring him out. Yeah, that's the beginning. All right, Zach. Welcome Zach Galifianakis. Zach Galifianakis. It was a little louder for Zach if anyone's counting. All right. Okay, Zach Galifianakis. Zach Galifianakis.

Zach's Zach Alpha nauseous. Yeah. I'm just going to say it. You're something else, man. Yeah, something else. You're something else. You look like Wolverine right now with that hair. Oh, really? I'm sorry. No, it's cool. I actually have cool hair. Plugs are coming in nice. Yeah, a lot of plug work. A lot of plug work. Real nice new crops coming in. So how you doing? Is that it? I feel like I'm a half mile away from you. I'm doing well. David, why is that chair that way?

This one? I don't know. It's for orthopedic issues. Oh, okay. He likes to be erect. No, I don't know. This is good. Anyway, we don't have to talk about it. No, it's all right. Zach, enough of this bullshit. So, Zach, can we butter you up a little bit? Yeah, let's butter him up. Okay. How the fuck did you come up with the two ferns thing? Because that's too crazy.

Some of you remember. Coming hot right out of the box. Because that thing is, I saw every episode today. Oh. Today? Well, I've seen them before. I'm almost 80. I have to refresh my memory. This is an illusion. It's a lot of blood and gut and sweats and tape. So when did you come up with that? It was part of a piloting.

that they were doing and this guy Scott Aukerman was producing it and he asked me to do... Come on up, Scott. But he just said, would you do something? And I just said, for some reason I had this thought, I just said, can you get me two ferns and some kind of celebrity?

And I had worked at a cable access show or station. I interned one in college. And so I kind of like that world, that kind of low-end, desperate way to communicate. I actually taped a class at a cable access show about how to waltz. And I got my two friends...

You know, back when you could do this stuff. You can't do it anymore. And we just put him in gowns. And it was a very straight video and dance lessons on cable access on how to waltz with not trying to be funny. So that kind of weird world I knew, Scott Ackerman asked Michael Cera to be in the first one. And we just kind of made it weird and creepy. And I always had thought celebrity interviews are weird.

What do you mean? Ridiculous. No, they are. He's talking like Axis Hollywood. Oh, okay. I got it. It's a little, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's just such a bizarre thing to me about this. But let me ask you a question. So the guest comes in, and I understand from my research today that you didn't really prep it with them. Did they have cue cards, or they don't even know what's coming, and then you guys just go right at it, or do they kind of know where you're going?

No, nobody really knows what's going on. I mean, even us. I mean, we have written things down and I think the idea is they don't need to be funny. They just need to kind of answer questions. And I think the...

the awkwardness kind of fills in the rest of it and then often part of it is improv and we just kind of or I'll give them a something to say back at me that's very mean. So it's kind of a very give and take. It's not a prank. I don't want to prank people. Because I'm sure people because you know the publicists in this world are very hawkish and they don't want you to do anything where you're going to look stupid so

You take the Michael Cera one maybe and they either see that because that probably goes up on Funny or Die maybe back then pretty quickly. And then that catches on. So they go, someone might even call you and say, hey, I'd like to be on this because it's my type of humor. And the people you have on obviously are funny and they're huge stars. And when they go along with it, it makes them look better. It's all good. It's sort of when you're on SNL and you go with it. If you let them make fun of you and goof around, it seems to be funnier.

Yeah, I mean, that is all true. I mean, but there's been some times when I've... Go sideways a little bit? That's what I was going to ask you. I don't know if I've even spoke about it, but... Oh, good. I don't even know if I have, but there's been a couple of instances, and I don't mean to bring people up, but...

The name of this show is Name Names. The reason I bring it up, because I was just talking about it to somebody today at lunch for some reason. So I interviewed, they brought it up at lunch today, and they interviewed, I mean, I interviewed Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, from Smart Water. Jennifer, if you're listening, we love you. I only know her because of Smart Water. Right. What about her shampoo commercials? She's got wonderful hair. We want you to be on, Jennifer. I mean, I don't... I guess she... I mean, I don't know. So did you say something to her you thought had crossed the line? No. No. In the wings, I had a Brad Pitt lookalike. Of course. Oh, boy.

And so I wanted to tell her about it before we started filming. So I kind of asked her if I could have a word with her, you know, like a vice principal. Someone who looks like Brad Pitt might be expensive. Well, no, I wasn't. How many people look like? Yeah, but. That's how I met David. On scale minus 10. So you pull her aside and you say, is it okay if we try this? And I said, I have a Brad Pitt lookalike here.

And as soon as I said it, I read her face. Yeah. And it was her. I felt so bad. And I don't even know anything about that thing. I mean, I know that was in the things, but the papers. But so I don't know much about it. But so, of course, I called it off. So I went up to the Brad Pitt lookalike to tell him we don't need him. He's wrapped. Yes. And I as a joke, I kind of went.

Well, I said, listen, we don't need you. Thanks for coming. And as a joke, I said, do you happen to look like anyone else? And without pausing, he goes, Colin Farrell. So, yeah, there's those little...

Don't get rid of me yet. I'm a chameleon. Oh, it's a boogie. And Jennifer is very funny. She's a very funny girl. I think that might be, you know, they come on there to be fun. He says he's reading the papers. You're calling her a girl? It's 2023, guys. Is she funny? I mean, is she a girl? Yeah, she's great. She should be a woman. I guess you call her my boy. I'm sorry. I say girl a lot. But she is a very fun person. I think when they go on, they kind of know what they're getting into and then...

it probably goes a hair farther than they think. Yeah, I mean, I think the idea is to try to... Rattle them a little bit. As much as you can read people and push it, there's been a couple of times that... Yeah, I was going to ask you about that. What? Well, has there been times where... Like, would you do one with Mike Tyson? I...

Well, I don't really do them anymore. Okay, all right. So... Sean Penn's scary enough. But you're a fan of Don Rickles, right? Yes. Because you did that show. So Don Rickles, to me, as a kid growing up, was the funniest guy on television. Yeah.

Is he here? The reason is because everyone loved him. He'd put you down and then he'd go, the show's started. Put Ed in the corner. Give him a cookie. He doesn't know. It was so dry and so bizarre. There were no jokes. Do you feel like that was an influence for the character, the Fern guy character, to ride that line? Because it's funny because you're going right at some sort of truth about them. And if they have a sense of humor about it or a perception of them, they laugh really hard. Right.

I mean, part of it, I mean, if you were to really break it down, I guess, is that they are public figures that people kind of want to unfortunately jab at anyway. There's some of that to it. And I think at the end of the day, I think it's the media and all the thing. People are human. We're all, you know, obviously. And I think people that are willing to make fun of themselves, you know,

I think that's a real nice attribute to someone, even if it's staged a bit. I think being able to laugh at yourself in that kind of way is a nice thing. Now, I've been asked to do them with other people, presidents of companies, and, you know, big Pepsi has asked to sponsor it, you know, to get blown out of proportion. And I've always just wanted to keep it free.

and keep it clear of those other things that get in the way sometimes. Yeah, the monetization people would come in and go, this is a- We've monetized it a bit, but only in a way that we see fit. I mean, we've been asked to, I got asked to do a Super Bowl commercial using it. And? It's coming out next week. I can't remember- They got a really good deal.

I did a puppy bowl commercial earlier. I'm for sale. Church lady is locked and loaded for a super... Go deep! By the way, first of all...

I'm ready. I'm going to sell out in a second. I've done, Dana and I both, obviously, sellout kings here. We've done... Well, we all are. We do corporate gigs, and when you do them, they go, our CEO, say something about... By the way, I don't even know if the guy works there. He's like, when you get up there, say he's got three balls, he beats his wife, do something about that. Just throw it in there. Mix it up. Throw it in the middle. And then you go, and then you do it, and everyone goes, what? And you go, does this guy work with you? He just told me...

So they try to do that, and that's kind of what they want to do to a CEO, like roast them or something. And you go, it's not even funny. Sometimes they're drunk, and I was playing. Earth, Wind, and Fire were supposed to, I was opening for them. The CEO got drunk. I was. The CEO got drunk. It went on for like two hours. So I was getting paid a lot of money. They go, you can only do 15 minutes. But I went over a little bit, and I guess Earth and Wind came out, but Fire wouldn't.

That was a long way for that joke. That's a good joke. I don't mind it. Did you really open for them? I did open for them. I opened for a lot of people. Tower of Power, Todd Rundgren, you know. I opened for Palmer. Really? I bombed every fucking time. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Your hero will be on in a second. Before, first, Dana Glarfo. They must have ruined your name when you first started doing stand-up. Oh my God, everybody. I mean, jeez. How would they say it?

Well, they just tried to make it sound somewhat ethnic. And they're like, give it up for Baklava Rodriguez. But in high school, I was Zach Galifagos. That hurts. I was dating a car keys. Now, Zach, Zach, by the way, I'm going to come back to that.

As a Ford owner, there are lots of choices of where you get your vehicle serviced. You can choose to go to their place, the local dealership, your place, home, apartment, condo, your workplace, even your happy place, like your cottage on the lake. Go to your Ford dealer and choose Ford pickup and delivery to have your vehicle picked up, serviced, and brought right back.

or choose mobile service where a technician will come to you and do routine maintenance right on the spot. Both are complimentary and depend on your location. That's ownership built around you. Contact your participating dealer or visit Ford service.com for important details and limitations. The first ferns I saw, uh,

These ferns are like tall pine trees by now. When I saw the first one, I didn't know what it was. Someone just sent it to me and said, look at this. And so I thought it was a real interview. And then it was Natalie Portman, who I love. And so I was, of course, in a jealous rage immediately. And then you were saying some of your great jokes. Now, I won't repeat them because I'm not good at that. But you said so many jokes. And for her to play along, and I thought it was real for a while. And then I go...

Jesus, this is so weird. And then it took me a while to figure it out too long. And then then so I started going, oh, this is great. And then when you would do them, you obviously didn't overdo it. You didn't do too many. They weren't super long. It was just a great, great bit that lives out there on the Internet, which everyone should see. I don't know where I'm going with this. Dana, jump in.

Would you like to say anything in your defense, Zach? Well, I mean, speaking of that one, we shot it, that one we shot in a garage in, I think we shot that one in a garage, right around here, right in Hollywood somewhere. And the thing about that one is there's a line in it, not to be vulgar, but it's a

- Something about, did you shave your, okay. - You said, she was in V for Vendetta. - Yeah, and then there's a punchline, did you shave your V for vagina or something.

That one caught me off guard. To Natalie Portman in a garage. Yes. In a garage. In a garage with loose tools about. By the way, I barely understand that joke. I know. I think I saw that movie. I don't know. There's something off. It sounds funny. I think it's the fact that I'm asking it. Yes. So anyway, if I remember correctly, she was quite good with the whole thing. And then...

And we sent it to her just to, you know, show it to her. And I had asked that joke to be left out of it. I said, can you edit that out? We'll send it to her. And her note was, where's that vagina joke? Oh, I love it. I don't know if that was the exact note.

Where is the vagina joke? Something like that. Put something along those lines. By the way, there's a dog in that, Dana. She just went up on the hip meter. Yeah, she's unreal. But there's a dog that you keep cutting to, which is even funnier. Yeah, I think that was a real dog. The dog rolls over his back, and then when something dies or just sits there, then they cut over the dog. Just...

It all works. And then I Sean Penn won. Sean looked very cool in that one. Yeah, I'd be scared of that one. And then Sean Penn can. Yeah, I had a fight with him. I was in a dress at the time, but he said hit me harder. He said you can hit me harder. Yeah, no problem. I hit him. I would like to one day talk to him about the one we did. They bring it up because it was an interesting. It was an interesting day.

Was he truly upset or was he a great actor? He was very quiet. He's a good actor or he's a good actor. And I think he may have been ready to deck me in real life. I don't know. Maybe he was doing a method thing and I don't... So he held it so serious that you weren't sure if he was serious. He might have been kidding. Yeah, and...

I have worked with him. I mean, not that I know him, but, you know, he has a good sense of humor. He really does. Really funny. Yes. Huge laugher. And he loves to go see stand-up. But in that moment...

I remember watching it. Was it a line that you gave him? You said something. Weren't you playing your brother or something? I was playing this overly... Well, it's not really overtop. There are people like this in the South. Really into him for the wrong reasons type person. Okay, and how does that guy talk? Well, it's based on a character I used to do in high school called the... I think his name was...

of the effeminate racist. And, uh... I remember that Skittles, yeah. So it's just a guy that talks like this. And so friends of mine that were black in high school would bump me in the hallway so I would, this character would be released. And I would say to them, my mom told me not to talk to black people. And they...

Go crazy. Would die laughing because they understood at the time that I was mocking it all. So that's where that came from. It was as simple as that. Well, there was something, Dana, where he goes, Sean, and he's doing this, and he's sort of prodding. He goes, I'd get into Hollywood just so you could go to all the parties and all the wrong reasons that Sean wouldn't want. Sean is very funny, unlike his persona out there. And so I like that he's going along with it. But he was so serious. Then he goes,

I could walk over there and knock you the fuck out right now. And even I was like, God damn, he gave that a good reading. I think he knew it was funny and interesting. I think he was playing. It was good. I don't think he was offended. I'd like to ask him. We haven't spoken since. His kids and my kids went to school together, or at least played sports together up in Northern California. So I'll talk to Sean. Yeah, ask him. Ask him. I'm curious. Can you fix it? Hey, man. Sorry.

I want to smoke. If you could smoke and not get diseases, I would definitely be smoking right now. There's nothing cooler, right? Tell us some more, Zach. Anyway, can we go back to you as a young person then? You strike me as an introverted extrovert. You're shy in a way. I think we are maybe. Well, I think I am. Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter. Anyway...

But then you have this powerhouse thing that comes out, like in high school. Did you go to the theater group or are you just funny with friends? Or what were you like in grade school, high school, just walking around? Just walking around. Just walking around. This is the Beverly side. I mean, you know, I think I was somewhat quiet, but I think, I mean, humor in my family was seen in very high regard.

So my cousins and my brother, my family is funny. I kind of watched them even as the quiet person I thought I was or I think I was. So I was kind of this more kind of observant kid that thought maybe one day I could, through my observations, maybe make a thing out of it. And you were thinking that like at age 8, 10, 12? I mean...

But young, young, you got the idea. Maybe you would do this for a living. This is going to sound weird, but it was at my parents' conception of me. Doesn't sound weird at all. It doesn't sound weird, right? My ultrasound, I was killing. My brother Brad, I've got three older brothers. He swears he remembers being born, and he's serious. Really? Yeah, he has a photographic memory. He just remembers being born. Yeah.

I'm not kidding. Brad, the guy I based Garth on. But being funny younger really pays off. And I think that's for all of us. Like at dinner or at school, like I was at a school that was, I was a little bit of a pipsqueak, hard to believe. And,

Always bullied and pushed around, but if you could, I would quietly say jokes to my friends or under my breath. But that kind of, if you get a little something, that's all I had. I wasn't super athletic. So if you have some little hook like that, you go, ooh, my dad thought it was funny. You know, people think it's funny, and then you go, oh. And then you try to, maybe that's kind of like that for a lot of comedians. Well, the tall guys didn't have to do anything to get the girls. On a bio-evolutionary level, we had to be funny. Yeah.

Zach, you're not that short. I'm around 6'2". Okay. That's a gigantic chair. It's an optical illusion. Same with me. I look like I'm a foot shorter than you. Look at this. Do you want to switch places? No. Okay. I like it up here. So, Zach, did you take theater? Did you go into that kind of stuff? Or were you just like... No, I just was not...

I never did. I did public speaking competitions. I did that once. How's that competition? You say a lot. It sounds good. Well, my mom wrote the speech and it was called You and I and Tomorrow. Seriously? Yeah, that was the name of it. Really? Yeah. Was it a public service? It was. I don't remember. You and I and Tomorrow. We should do a remake. Yeah, there was a speech contest in North Carolina locally and then you could go to the state.

finals and my brother and I were kind of into it, but never really, no theater, none of that. My mom tried to get me to go to the School of the Arts in...

In North Carolina. She did urge me to go there. She knew that I had, I mean, she knew that I was eager to figure it out. What's this? School year? School of the Arts in North Carolina. It's a really, really good school in Winston-Salem. She was your champ. At least she bought into it. My mom would be like, he's quiet, but I swear he's funny.

Like I would hear her say that to my aunts and stuff. Did she want you to play piano? When did you learn to play piano? Oh, right. So I learned piano. I don't know how to play piano. I don't know how to read music. So I don't know why I was getting ready to tell you. Well, I learned piano.

I don't know piano. You seem pretty good to me. Well, I can fake it, but for some reason, only sad music comes out of me, and it goes well with the jokes. You know, didn't you do a VH1 show, and I think you... Why do I think there's a piano at the beginning of that? I did. I had a...

I had a talk show on VH1 years ago, and there was the piano was involved during the monologue. And I think that's why I had the show, because I was like a musical act at the time. Was it sort of variety where you could... Because you're not... You didn't want to just interview like Johnny Carson, like normal straight interviews, I'm sure, right? I was just trying to figure out... The format had been beaten to death, and I just was trying to figure out, like, how can I do something...

different but interesting and sometimes funny. Funny was kind of last, but we on that show we would have we would have it make it look like no one wanted to come to the show so we would have one person in the studio audience. But we would have a laugh track of a six year old. So it was very bizarre. It was really a weird show. Can we find this somewhere? I know most of those episodes are in my attic.

Can we find the six-year-old? I don't think they're online. I don't know if they are. I remember. What was it called? Do you remember? It was called 60 Minutes. Nope. It was called Late World. Late World? Yeah. How old are you when you do Late World? 30, 30, 30, 30. You don't think...

So how long have you been? I don't know how old I was. I was 35, maybe. I need numbers. How long did you do stand-up in clubs before you got that show? Oh, I was still doing stand-up. And then that show failed, and I went back to doing open mics.

So I had a talk show on VH1, and as soon as it ended, I was like, well, back to the old... So I just went back to the coffee houses in Culver City. And you weren't really making a living then at stand-up, or just a little bit? There was a time where I could go on the road and, you know, make a living. And I was making a living for a while on the road, yeah. And you had an hour? I had an hour of...

Sometimes the material was a little bit too bizarre sometimes. There was some alienation. I mean, it was funny when you were telling me about... I opened for the Sugar Hill Gang once. I said a hip, hop, hippie. And I remember getting kicked off stage because I made fun of the Bible. And I didn't realize I was performing at a Bible school. And this is how they kicked me off. The woman just came up to the stage and goes...

So, yeah, those, I mean, yeah, all those shows, all those terrible shows. Did you have a southern accent when you were, and you got rid of it? Or did you actually have a little bit of a southern accent? No, I mean, I'm going home in a couple days and I don't just go back. It just, it turns back on. It's just as a...

It's an easier way to... It's North Carolinian? I mean, what is it? Well... It's not Mississippi. It's not Texas. No, it's like Appalachia, North Carolina, Appalachia. And a lot of people speak through their nose there. And it's like... Hey, how are you? But if you go east in North Carolina, it's very breathy. And it's really beautiful. And it sounds nice. But so there's all kinds of different accents that I... You must pay attention to all the time. What did you think of Daniel Craig's accent in Knives Out?

Why the other...

I thought it was kind of cool. I always find Hollywood always does the gone with the wind. I declare I have never seen such a, you know. I think we have a case of murder. I think we got a murder case. It's a little foghorn. Yeah. But I thought it was great. I mean, he's pretty, he's a cool. It just has to be funny or sound weird. Yeah, yeah. It's entertaining, but you can go through all the Southern accents. I'm,

I'm pretty good with knowing where in the South someone might be from. I'm pretty good at it. Okay. I did a movie. I talk like this. Where am I from? You don't seem to know where I'm from. He doesn't know. You don't know where I'm from, boy. All right.

I had a friend, I have a friend from Mississippi. He kind of talks like this. I'm from Columbia Falls, Mississippi. Sound just like Gomer Powell. That's right. Grew up and he was a real sincere fella. These snaky fellas trying to get your money, Dana. These are direct quotes. He'll be thrilled he got laughs. Dana, I did a movie where I was playing. They go, you're going to play a New Hampshire accent. So first of all. That's a tough one. I feel, I smell an Oscar immediately.

So I say, I'll go, they go, go to a dialect coach. So I go to a dialect coach, I'm like doing it, and they go, that's a little more Boston. I took two lessons, right? For the whole movie. And I'm like, listen, guy, and they're like, that's more, and I go, I pulled her aside, I go, here's the deal.

my audience is four to eight year olds. All right? I just have to sound funny. All right? They're not going to go in there with a microscope. They go, oh, he sounds... If I just don't sound like Joe Dirt in one movie, they'll be happy. All right? They'll go, oh, that one's different. So it was a kid's movie and they're trying to get you to do New Hampshire? Well, they're not supposed to be kids' movies. They turn into it because that's... Because you're the star of it. Yeah. Because all my movies are on TBS because it's the grown-ups channel. And...

It's just a rotation of every movie. I could have helped you. Do you remember those Petridge Farm commercials? Petridge Farm. Petridge Farm. Flaky and delicious. That's the only way I could do New Hampshire. Is that New Hampshire? Is it in or kind of? Didn't recognize it. Petridge Farm coming different blueberry, strawberry flavors. That's the expert over here. I don't know. Let's take a tour of the South again. Exactly.

Miami. What do they sound like? I'm playing Durham. Durham. Is that a city? That's a city. That's where Duke University is. And I'm excited to playing that, but any trouble? Should I worry about it? That's where my dad's from. That's where he's... I don't have any comps left, but...

Normally it would be easy. I get it. Now I'm excited to go there. It's a good city. I never played out. I love the South. Yeah, I do too. I miss it. I was going to ask Zach something else. How far did you get in the Scouts? I heard you were in the Scouts. I was an Eagle Scout. Is that the complimentary molestation? Where's my notes? Where do my notes go?

Oh, here they are. I'm kidding, Zach. We're taking that out. No, no, that's fine. We're taking that out. Or we're putting on a loop for promotion. Zach's like, if that was actually written down, I'm walking out of here. If you're driving right now, take a look around. See all those cars? You can find them on AutoTrader because they have the largest selection of new cars, used cars, electric cars, even flying cars.

Okay, no flying cars yet, but as soon as those get invented, they're going to be on AutoTrader. Not only can you find the car you just saw, you can find it at a price personalized to you with Kelly Blue Book, my wallet on AutoTrader. From credit scores to down payments to interest rates, we all know that car buying requires a lot of math.

Enter MyWallet on AutoTrader, a tool that shows you exactly how much you'll pay each month for your car based on your unique info. So you never have to do your car math again. So whether you're into timeless classics or the latest trends, did somebody say solar-powered, eco-friendly, self-driving car? Or whether you just want something practical with no surprise costs, if you see a car you like...

Find it on AutoTrader. See it. Find it. AutoTrader. Dana, the road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories. Oh, yeah. Or it can be short and thrilling or somewhere in between. But the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is straightforward path every time. All you got to do is head over to good old BlueNile.com. Good news, David, on BlueNile.com.

You can create a bigger, more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you won't find at a traditional jeweler. The original online jeweler since 1999, they've committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases they can meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond.

Every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, can be delivered overnight. You got 100% satisfaction guarantee. Guaranteed free shipping and returns. So you can make sure your ring is the one, the one you want.

And because you want that love to last forever, you get guaranteed service and repair on it for life. These are great deals. I got to say, you know, I mean, you just want to have that loved one pick up that box and go, honey, I don't know what this is. And then you say, well, maybe you should open it. Okay. And then you hear, oh my goodness. I love you. I love you. Blue Nile. She says, I love you to blue Nile.

Yeah, because it's such a nice ring. It's an unmarked thing, but then it says Blue Nile somewhere. Yeah. She goes, oh, you couldn't have. You wouldn't have spent that much. Oh, this has got to be a trick. This is too nice. Yeah, no. Right now, get 30% off. Select Lab Grown Diamonds on BlueNile.com. Plus, use code FLY, very important, to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. What is it?

That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com.

Oh, well, let's ask him about... What do you want to ask him? I want to... Well, we can talk about The Hangover for a bit. You were in The Hangover. This is like the theater show. Well, Hangover was like a... You were in The Hangover, and then everyone applauds. That calls... Applaud! Goddamn. They don't know. Hangover, of the last 20 years, the two that got me the hardest as comedies, because I don't really... I see all the strings. Hangover and Tropic Thunder.

Those are two that caught me flat-footed. And you were in which one? I was in... Sorry. I was in the... So you go from comedian's comedian, people know you, you're going along, you've done a special, live Purple Onion stand-up special, and then Todd Phillips calls, and you go on, what happens next? Are you the first choice for that, or do you know? Do you remember? It's a real question. I mean...

Listen, I've been a fallout on every movie I've ever done. Oh my God. I don't know. That's not a mean question. That's just like, sometimes the movies come together and they go, this one would be a good accent. Obviously, Zach's great. It's a funny part to play and they let you do

It seems like Todd, who seems like a really funny, cool guy, let you do what you do. Well, I think he was going to stand-up clubs. I think that's what he had told me, and then that's where he knew me from because I don't know if I'd done much otherwise to be seen on screen. So he asked me to audition. I think I was living in Canada, and I just...

I'm terrible. I just don't like to audition. I've always been bad at it. You're horrible. I usually make... I usually get... I mean, I was just... I have so many stories about... We all do, but... Could you tell us one of a really... Well, people might want to hear it because you're a superstar. But there's just so many... I just was so not into the process of it. I mean, the first time I ever got a laugh...

in an audition was when I first auditioned for a drama.

and they were laughing at me well sometimes the problem is uh if you're a comedian you read things and it feels sort of stiff because you're a bit uh quirky or charactery and so when you're reading super flat lines that are just written for a generic comedy they'll tweak them later if it's him or somebody but as is it's it's sometimes for your personality maybe it doesn't

It's not hilarious when you do it because it's so basic. But if you brought your stuff to it, then it's funny. So maybe he saw if you could bring your weirdness to it, then it's great. Well, I think also at that time I was a bit older and I think I was kind of not to be cavalier about it, but I think my attitude was, well, this is probably going to end soon, meaning this pursuit of whatever this is. Oh, I see. I don't really care.

care as much because I'll just kind of try to exit without caring if that makes any sense. Well, wait a minute. So you were that, you get the hangover thing and this is pretty much a mic drop. I'm out of here. No, meaning I'm not going to get this. I'm not going to get this job. I will just, I think my mindset then was, you know, I tried doing show business, you know, at that time. I mean, you know, you kind of beat yourself up sometimes and,

I didn't really know what I was doing and I mean who does but anyway I flew down from Canada and auditioned and I think I remember leaving getting into my stretch Hummer. So you were doing well. And telling Sugar Ray to scoot over. Oh god I laugh but I did a pilot with him 20 years ago.

But then I got the job and then you show up for work and you start acting in it. I remember going to dinner with the other actors, with Bradley and I forget the other names. Ed Helms? No, it's only Bradley. Who gives a shit about the other guys? Bradley Cooper? Bradley and Ed and I think Ken and we were all at dinner and I said to them,

this movie seems good. I've never had this feeling before. So I felt there was a real kind of energy on set there that was, you know, sometimes that happens and it's not,

It doesn't translate to the screen. There's great energy on set. Everybody's like, well, this is... But that one, Todd is a very good editor and a really good director that knows how to steer that stuff. Sure, you sort of need all the components and you can lose it anywhere along the way. But if you do it and you're doing like, maybe you're doing extra takes where you're just trying different jokes and screwing around,

Plus, we all remember The Hangover wasn't a huge movie and it was probably not a big budget and no one... You're not going into it going, oh, I just got The Avengers. It's like, oh, I just got a comedy. It could go away. It could be nothing. But it turns... It blows up, obviously, into a huge thing. So it would be probably even scarier to audition for something if you know it's that big. Like, people that are auditioning for the sequel are like, holy shit, this is a huge movie. Yeah, I had to audition for the sequel. You did? That's...

I don't see Hollywood. That's shameful. You're going to read with Brad Cooper in this. You were so good in the first one. Oh, that's great. I had this guy come up to me once and he goes, hey, are you an actor? I go, yeah. He goes, are you the guy from Hangover 2? I don't even know how I answer. I think I just walked away. I didn't know what to say. Where's the baby now? Do you still stay in touch? They didn't like Todd. They had a baby.

That sounds like Brody. Brody! Oh, my God. Brody Stevens is a great comedian. Zach was very good friends. I was friends with him. He toured with me for a while at the very end and passed away. And, God, I was just thinking today because, you know, I knew you were close with Brody. And so I was clicking from your stuff because, honestly, I don't know who you are. And I was clicking from you and then I'm jumping over to Brody's trying to remember all his jokes. And I just saw a clip of him

classic Brody not bombing but getting so mad at the crowd and the crowd's like we didn't do anything they're just not laughing that much and he's going arms crossed negative and he was doing all his jokes I'm dating a girl from Greece the movie she's 75 you know

You know how many, I was trying to think of all these jokes he has, Dana. I don't know if you knew him. And everyone, we'd stand in the back and laugh. That talk show at VH1 I was talking about earlier, he was the warm-up guy. And I would like peek behind the curtain to see what was going on. And Brody just would be going, Whopper or Big Mac, you make the call.

That's actually probably pretty good. I mean, for a warm-up guy, just energy, right? You know what? He did it on our Lights Out show, and I'd peek my head at the same thing, and they'd go, hey, something's going on up there, and he goes, you're negative, you're negative. You don't deserve David Spade. He was in Police Academy 4. He's from Michigan, and he's not coming out until I give the green light.

And I'm going, what? Why is he yelling at the crowd? The crowd is like nine people, you know. But he had so many goddamn fucking great jokes. One of my favorite moments with him, God, it's early on and we were hanging out. We were at my apartment in Santa Monica and Margaret Troe was on television and we were just watching in silence. I don't mean it like that, but we're just watching it. And...

After a couple minutes, Brody just yells at the TV, not trying to be funny. She had a sitcom. Why come me don't have one? Why come me? Why come me don't have one? He answered his own question. He goes, I'm doing pretty well in show business. I'm finally able to take my mom out to lunch and pay for half.

Is that it? I'm a professional mangler. One more. I am not a member of the Mile High Club, but I did masturbate on the Ferris wheel at the Pomona County Fair. So many jokes. He was so funny. But I'm saying him because he was in, I think you put him in one or two things, because he goes,

You know me, I'm the guy from Hangover, Hangover 2, Due Date, cut out of Funny People. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He, yeah, I think, well, Todd, Todd saw Brody, Todd Phillips saw Brody while I was doing shows at the old Largo. So that's why Brody's in those movies. I didn't have anything to do with it. Oh, okay.

if i had something to do with it he wouldn't have been in any of them todd's got a good eye though yeah but i miss him so much i was missing him so much um david i may have told you this the other day but um there wasn't a podcast so i'll say it again um but i was missing this this guy we're talking about brody and he was known for alienating audiences that was one of the

reason I think comics like him. One of his charms, yeah. Perversely is we would all rush out to see him turn audiences away. We had a few of those in San Francisco. And he's bombing in Montreal who used to have this baseball team and blah, blah, blah. And Brody just looks out at the audience while he's bombing and he yells out, no wonder the Expos left! laughter

He was a pitcher at ASU, I think, and he goes, I threw 88 with movement. He would say that in the middle of his act, too. A very funny guy. I don't want to read all his jokes. So Hangover worked out for you? Is that the end of that story? Yeah. So this is the first time you're getting actual extra, extra money. Did you buy a Rolls Royce or anything? Overpaid, something like that. Did you do anything? What was that like when you first had extra, extra money? Yeah. I bought four elephants.

Smart. No, I mean, I bought a place in North Carolina, a farm. Not a farm, but a place to try to be a farmer. For a nickel. But I don't live there anymore. But yeah, I got that, and then I... You went home and bought them all? Just to show off. I don't remember. I got a lot of fur coats for all my aunts. Everybody gets a fur coat! Everybody!

You like to farm, right? Oh, I mean, my fantasy is to be a farmer one day. But I, look, that's hard work. For some entertainment guy to say that is kind of, but that's what I feel like. Not farm. It's more gardening, to be honest. Okay. But I have a tractor. It sounds bigger, yeah. I have a tractor. Do you drive it around?

No, Dana. It's for my Insta. I like to work with my hands. I masturbate. Ladies and gentlemen, you got it. It's Brody again. Oh, yeah, he goes, I've been doing porno. I do a one-man scene on a yoga mat in Chatsworth. I don't know. Let's talk about Baskets. Baskets was a great show. Baskets.

I don't have to tell this crowd. You don't have to tell this crowd, Jack. They know. Baskets. That's it. You only do cool stuff, it seems to me. I've done a lot of shit. You do a lot of cool stuff. You do cool stuff. It seems like you do it on your own terms. Like they let you do your thing, which isn't always the case with everyone, and it's sort of the dream for any...

like, let me just do my own thing. Like, Curb is always an example of, like, that would be fun to do something like that where you could just do your own thing. And it's very, very hard to do those things. I mean, people look at it and go, that's such a great show, or Baskets. But to write it, cast it well, make it make sense, all that stuff is exhausting. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of thought that goes into it, and sometimes you get lucky, and most of the time you get unlucky. But sometimes you get lucky with...

Things kind of come to place. I mean, I think that show, if I could bore you with it a bit, is we were just trying to be. I had not seen regular people on television portrayed without. I just wanted to ground a comedy. So it's a scene of Hollywood on him with not this. I wanted it to be dusty and I wanted it to be more real than I have seen, especially the comedy world.

And I asked John Kreisel, the director of it, can you can you figure out this this this dusty world I'm trying to tell you about in this rodeo clown world? So, you know, we did our research a little bit and started casting and writing it. And yeah, it's a show I'm it was so fun to work on and.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun and a lot of work. I was just thinking about Louis Anderson when I was talking about it, and I just heard he died today. He would have fucking laughed. Yes. Oh, he would have loved that. Every comedian laughs at any joke by that. Oh, my God. He was the... Louis was... When did that strike you? When did you figure that out? I'm going to have Louis play my mom. Louis C.K. and I were talking...

All the Louis. Well, there were two Louis in this conversation. Louis C.K. and I were talking about the mother, to cast the mother, and he was asking me what I was thinking about, and I said, well, oh, I'd already called this British actress named Brenda Blethen, who I really, really like, but for some reason that didn't work out, or she didn't get the email. That's what I think. She didn't get the email. Okay.

So I was telling Louie, I was kind of imitating the voice. This is a story I've told many times, but, and I was doing the voice and he looked at me and he goes, like Louie Anderson's voice? And I said, yeah. And Louie goes, should we call him? And I went, yeah. And that was it. And that was, that was, there was this weird, Louie had, and I didn't know this, but he had been channeling his mom voice.

on stage for a long time. And that was kind of a luck, that was the lucky part about it. But I had always loved him. I loved his vulnerability, even in his stand up. If you can observe these kind of things, it's fun to kind of try to figure out. And I thought, he can do it, but I don't want it drag. Right, it has to be real. The first day they put a lot of makeup on him, and I was like, can we get some of that off? He's the part.

So just, you know, we put some wonderful costumes on him and the makeup was wonderful. And Louie is, you know, I think when you come from such a background like he did, I think his tenderness came from pain on cue. Jesus. I told my managers, like, if I say something cool, make sure you beep something. If I get choked up talking about Louie...

Beep it so it breaks up the ice. This is a good audience. But no, I think Louis had this thing in him that was...

Really could throw it out heartbreaking pathos in his stand-up and a brilliant stand-up and storyteller But on set I would die laugh at work with you. It's funny every second. Oh my god. Yeah God, he just made he just was so great. Mm-hmm You know, I don't you probably knew Louie. I when I first got to town I was 20 I was 20 this is at least eight years ago. I was so

I don't know where I saw Louie somewhere and I didn't know him. I mean, I was in the hallway at the improv, but he was nice. And I was trying to audition at the improv or the comedy store. Those are the big ones to get in. And I was 20 and an OK act at about, you know, eight minutes. And so he says, why don't you audition for Mitzi? And I go, oh, I don't even know.

how to do that and he said I'll bring you down so I went down there met him he went and told Mitzi on like their audition night and I went in the comedy store right here did my set did okay came out on the sidewalk on Sunset and just stood there and he kind of goes she didn't like you I go oh

It's tough, man. I auditioned there once, and then you have to go see Mitzi. Did you go over to her table? No, he was the middleman. He just ushered you out? He spared me watching her go. I'm sure she would have been rougher about it. He was like, yeah. I auditioned, and she said to me, get some puppets. It's not bad advice. I auditioned for her, and nothing happened. Nothing happened. You're in the main room next night.

Robert Half Research indicates 9 out of 10 hiring managers are having difficulty hiring. If you have open roles, chances are you're feeling this too. That's why you need Robert Half. Our specialized recruiting professionals engage their skills with our award-winning AI to connect businesses of all sizes with highly skilled talent in finance and accounting, technology, marketing and creative, legal and administrative, and customer support.

At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up.

They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is Pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

Come and eat some. Come and eat some. You could do that. Spice lovers go nuts. It's time to get spicy with Wonderful Pistachios' newest no-shells flavor, jalapeno lime, with a wide range of flavors. There's a Wonderful Pistachios product for every taste bud and occasion, from enjoying with family and friends to taking them with you on the go, which is what I do. I always have them in the car. Savory, salty, smoky, spicy, or sweet Wonderful Pistachios.

No shells. Flavors are delicious. Snacks that consumers can feel good about. Yeah. Next time you're shopping for snacks, you're craving something crunchy, something satisfying, ditch the bag of chips and grab Wonderful Pistachios. No shells. Your body and taste buds will thank us because we told you about them. Visit WonderfulPistachios.com to learn more. There's nothing else. Nothing else to ask.

Knows Fiona Apple. Check. Do you want to do some... Oh, wait, SNL. We had to ask about SNL, remember? Okay. Goddamn, Danny, you forgot what we were doing. I watched both your monologues today. Ah. I'd seen them before. Dana had a big day. I'm telling you, I've been researching for 11 hours. No, I... Saturday Night Live, 2010, 2011. Hosting both times. Yeah. And someone today...

you and Kenan Thompson's What's Up With That? What's Up With That? And you came out, this guy with this long flute in this weird jumpsuit. Yep. And it's a very potent Was that the double-sided flute? Yeah. Do you guys remember that? The dexterous flute? Yeah. You just came, it had no lines, you just came out, played and pranced. I didn't even know that was you, I saw.

Yeah. But it was something very indelible about that. Yeah, I remember that. I still have the jumpsuit. It's in my closet. I usually don't keep any of that stuff, but I have. It's comfortable. I wear it a lot in Canada while I'm chopping wood. But...

Yeah, that was a flute. I remember they had like a double thing guitar. And I was like, I don't know, that seems like... Can you build a flute where the guy does this? And yeah, they did. That's the great thing about that show. It's like, can you maybe get a prop like this? Yeah, sure. They can do anything within 24 hours. And you did... I read one. Maybe you...

Were brought in as a guest writer some of the days that there was a Britney Spears sketch that you pitched an idea with you and Will Ferrell? Ten years before you were brought in as a guest writer or something like that? Well, I thought I was brought in as a cast member. They never tell you what you're brought in as. No, I couldn't figure it out. There was a weekend. I was like, oh, I guess I'm writing. So I wrote...

Looking back, I feel really bad about it, but not that it was a... There were two sketches that I pitched to her, and it was just she and I in this office alone. And... Britney Spears. The first sketch was Will Ferrell. We were going to shrink him down to be the bodyguard to her belly button.

Love it. Love it. Right? That sounds great. That sounds funny. So that was basically what I said to her. I remember a tumbleweed going through the conversation. On my back. I mean, it's not her fault. And then I thought at the time, because she was so kind of pop sugary, I said, look, I think it would be funny if you were to do a straight interview with something like Entertainment Tonight.

And you're just answering these banal questions. And you happen to be bleeding from the mouth. I like that. I like it, too. This sounds like a Monday. I just remember she looked at me. And then I remember looking at the ground. And the ground. And I remember looking back up. But we made eye contact. And she goes, yeah, that's funny.

She was nice about it She seems very sweet She was very nice about it That's a funny That's a great thing for her Because of blood coming down And trying to I don't know I thought maybe it would be Kind of a fun thing But you know It didn't work

It didn't work for her. Zach, pop stars shouldn't really bleed on air. Rule number 540. So your monologue, I mean, the second one where you stripped your clothes off, you had a little red jumpsuit on, and then you had a board with letters on it. Like,

Do you want to talk? No, no, it's fine. It's something I had been doing in my stand-up. I mean, in my late 30s, I was going around the country. With the board. With the board and a little Orphan Annie dress. And glitter. The dress, too? Oh, yeah. That was in your club act? Oh, well, at this time, I was kind of doing bigger. Your club act. Your club act, kid. You got your club act and your regular act. I was doing Uncle Tampon's Comedy Cave in Tampa.

I was doing shows, and so I had that one under a thing. It was something I liked doing, and I was trying to be absurdist and somewhat political at the same time back then.

And sometimes, you know, the only way I felt like I could pull that off or at least to have a message or two was to do something very weird. And there were a couple of political jokes buried in that that and then I would change it from time to time. And I actually got

Someone tried to sue me because of what was on those flip charts years ago. Really? Yeah. So I would perform as Little Orphan Annie and close out shows. And by the time I was ready to do Saturday Night Live, I was, I mean, I think it was...

dressed as Little Orphan Annie around the country. But this bit is polished. Dancing in a very much too old to be doing that. They're like, Jon Hamm did this last week. You're like, what? I've been sitting on this. I don't even know you. Yeah, I remember that bit. God, Jesus, it haunts me. Do you remember the first time you met Lorne Michaels?

It doesn't have to. Any thoughts about him? No, I don't remember the first time. I mean, no, I do remember in his office. Yeah, in his office. You know, when you host, you go into that awkward meeting thing that is very... It's a very fun week. You're excited. You're coming off that hangover heat. Everyone loves you. The minute you're hot, you feel yourself getting less hot. Lauren has a lot of... When you know you're hot, you're cold. Anyway, let's bring everyone in.

They bring everyone in and then they pitch all the ideas. He eats popcorn, right? Yeah. He has popcorn all day long. Unsalted. It's unsalted, isn't it? Butter? Butter. I've always liked butter. He's an interesting person. Jiffy Pop. Jiffy Pop. Orville Redmond.

I don't know. He never talks about it? I don't think he knows I'm doing one. It's so bad. Dana's is good. He asked me once on an airplane. I've been doing it for years behind the scenes, but it was too embarrassing to do it in front of him. So he asked me, he said, like, you know, when you do me, like, what do you do?

And I balked at that moment. But years later, I was at a restaurant with Lorne and his two assistants and Rob Lowe in Santa Monica. And he said, you know, do it for me. So I started to do it. And I said it was just him at the board on the Wednesday night picking the show. And he would get mad. He'd go, I still have no fucking first act. Right.

And then you go into the bathroom. And coincidentally, this is a true story. So he's doing that. And then he tells me to tell the Paul McCartney story when I met him at Lorne Michaels' house. So I'm doing Paul like this and going on and on like that. Lorne's looking up and going, could be, yes, yes. And I did an impressionist tap out. And it's Paul. And I'm going, do-ba-do-ba-do-ba-do-ba-do. And he's like...

Oh, Paul was behind you and he knew he was coming in. I get tapped out. Once I had John Travolta, I was on stage in Denver and I'm, you know, these guys are going crazy like that. And then tap out, it's John Travolta. Yeah, it's an impressionist tap out. But anyway...

Lauren, I think at this point gets it. Everyone does it. I think he's kind of likes it. I believe. Don't you think so? It's compliment. It's funny. It's silly. We all love him. I mean, he's he's brilliant that Lauren, his isms, his his life little things. Marriage is a prison. Everyone's trying to escape into.

That's a great one. No, that's good. I mean, who, and he's got tons of those. He talked about funny people. Where are you going to live? Are you going to be around funny people? Because there's like only 900 of us on the planet in any given time. And 900 was like the perfect number. Like, really? Is that about it? Like 20 in Poland and like 18 in, you know. There's only 900 funny people on the planet. Feels a little heavy for Poland. But Lauren, he's a little heavy. Yeah.

Maybe low teens. So you do the hangover. You're very successful. You do baskets. You do Saturday Night Live. This is a big summary. Big summary. I have some basic questions for you. Yeah, let's drill them. These are basic questions. When you give to charity, is it for ego fulfillment or to help people? That's a good one.

I think if people don't know that you've given, then you haven't given. Yeah. Finally. Or at least that's the motto of this fucking town. When I do The Wire, I call the press people at the exact same time. I go, this wire's not going out without Yahoo News knowing. Let's put us all on one email. The best thing about being famous is...

Good table at Soup Plantation. My best feature is? Hangover. Hangover? Did you say hangover? Feature film? No. No, my best feature. Oh, I thought it was like looks. That's how I... Yeah, I took it as looks. Okay. Yes.

Okay, I have good legs. Would you describe yourself as an empath or a narcissist? There's no middle ground at all. I don't know. I just got these out of a book today. You know what an empath is? Not really. Empath is somebody you feel feelings. Okay, I'm that one. You are so totally that one. I am. Can I tell you, David said that I was driving here tonight and David, a few years ago, a bunch of people were in the...

Green room. Green room. Yeah. And we were all just talking about stand-up and where we used to do it, the old days. And David just goes...

When I first started doing stand-up, as everybody leaves the room... I saw people start to go... It makes me laugh all the time. I think about it all the time. Dude, he was here two weeks ago, and I talked to him for three minutes, and I laughed so hard, I go, I can't even talk to you anymore because I knew we were doing this, and I go, God, he makes me laugh so fucking hard. And then I came over here, because you're one of my favorites, and I start to watch his stand-up, and I go, oh, no. And then I had to go after you, and everyone's like, ugh. That's not true.

That's weird because that's a different interpretation of how I felt after that show. Oh, really? You handed me my hat like that was a tough set. Well, I do that to get in your head. No, his... He left his hat on stage so I grabbed it and he was leaving and I went back and some Davy Crocker... And I gave it to him and I was like, hey, fuck that crowd, man.

That's a good one. Then they go, huh? That's the worst thing you can hear when you get off. Oh, fuck that crowd. That shows you bummed. They don't get you. That's the worst.

Oh, my God. God damn it. Okay, well, let's let him wrap up. He's been good. He put in his hours. Put in his hours. How, what, so this is a podcast? I don't know. We'll edit it. This will be six minutes. Yeah, I mean, how, like, how, what? You sit through it and you edit it? No, we don't edit anything. How long are they usually? Seven hours. No, they're usually about an hour-ish. Okay. Hour, hour, ten. Okay.

Are you angling for more money? Yeah. Are you amazed how disorganized and amateurish we are? Well, I thought they were. No, I actually, the fact that you guys, and I saw you guys get these chairs out of your cars. We're on a budget. Flanny is tight. So I was impressed with that. Very impressed.

I like it. I'm a little nervous talking to Zach. It's fun. It's great to see you. I don't see you much. Always fun to see you on stuff. And it's great. No bullshit. We think you're... We butter our people up, but we're sincere. You know, you're one of the Mount Rushmore all-time comedians of our generation. I really mean that. Yeah, very...

Interesting, dude. Always interesting. I draw a line between you and Will Ferrell only in the sense of the commitment because Will said no one will ever out-commit me. But you commit. No one can out-commit you. Well, Will is one of those guys that, Jesus, the way he goes in and even does side bits when you're at work that...

I can't. That man is... I remember when we were working together at the time, it was the terrible... Yeah, and the news was the terrible Penn State. Yeah, and Will's a big sports fan, and he was following that stuff. And at that time, I was working on getting the statue of... Who's Penn State's coach? Paterno. Paterno. I wanted to put that in Will's yard. LAUGHTER

I'm a big molester fan. I was following that case, too. This is going to be a very interesting podcast. You're revealing yourself. That's good. It's supposed to be authentic. I know. These are all just, I don't know. We're at Largo. It doesn't matter. It's Largo, but thanks, Zach. Thanks, David. Zach, thank you very much. Thanks to the audience. Thank you. Appreciate it. Have a great night.

This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.