Tom Hanks
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

So I heard you bought a house. Hey, Dana. I did buy a house and it's always good when the house is on Google within 15 seconds. People say, I've already seen your house. I never need to come over. I saw it online. All humans know where all other humans live, you know, because we bought a place in the mountains.

And the business manager that we both have said, oh, you know, no reason to put it under a trust or try to hide the name. Everybody knows you're there. Isn't it creepy? Yeah, mine was under his name, my big fake, you know, house. And then...

They just figured out. So, he's like, we don't even need that anymore. I don't know if I should say this, but my wife and I, you know, after you bought the house, but you haven't moved in, we actually camped out one night in your yard. Oh, you went to my house? Yeah, we knew where it was like everyone else. There was a lot of people there. Get out of the way. I know the guy. You know, it's funny that there was a transient in there that the real estate guy just mentioned one day. He goes, oh, there was a guy. And then I go, a guy in my house? He goes, yeah, it was...

Had furniture in it. He was just sleeping in one of the beds. Told him to get lost. It's fine. It's like three little bears or something. That feels weird. Yeah, it was like Goldilocks. People always worry about the homeless, but I always say, what are we going to do with the clueless? Yeah. No one has an answer for the second part. Does Biden? There's no funding. My Biden is now down to a side. Biden doesn't make sense. Come on, let's get real. I'm not kidding around. No joke. No joke. That really should be...

That should be our alternate title for this. No joke. It's no joke. Not kidding around. I'm not kidding around. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So, Tom Hanks. Oh, Tom Hanks. Yeah. He's good to hang out with. He was in, what are your favorite Tom Hanks movies? Well, I have, I just think he had a run like Redford did in the 70s. He starts out with, well, you could put Big in there, kind of like,

Crazy hit Jesus Then in Philadelphia's story Drops a couple LBs Gets the statue That's right Comes back with Forrest Gump Like eight months later Like the Beatles drop And Magical Mystery Tour After the Pemper album Then he comes back With Forrest Gump Another Oscar Not since Spencer Tracy But he's

then he comes back with Apollo 13, which I think is a perfect movie. It's like a left and a right. Then it's Saving Private Ryan, Hello, Reinvented, World War II, Spielberg Genius. Then he loses 100 pounds, does Cast Away. No one's ever done that. That's like a mic drop of show business. The worst part is, I'm not going to say which three, but I turned down three of those.

And I see him and I go, I could have done that. I heard you were the stunt body double after the weight loss on Castaway in the wide shot. And they go, we don't want him skinny fat. And I go, oh, is that what I am? Remember when you had to be Perot in the wide shot? I was playing two characters in a sketch on SNL. President Perot.

Bush and Ross Perot but in the wide shot they used you as Ross Perot do I remember or do I think about it I want to apologize right now for okaying that yeah the answer is I think about it all the time and it makes me sick to my stomach that I had to get full hair and makeup bald cap to go for a wide shot

I know. And then right when I came, I didn't even, and the worst part, I didn't know it. And so when they went for me to talk, they go, hold. Thanks, David. Back to extras holding. Dana getting her makeup to play pro. Well, it's because you kind of look like my little brother. I mean, for a long time, I didn't even know your name. So I just called you understudy. I remember that. Hey, understudy.

Come over here, because yeah, you were like laying in wait. You actually put the dress on for Church Lane once, right? They fitted it. You were like, why is the pizza delivery guy still here and trying to write on sketches? All right, let's get Tom Hanks. Yeah, Tom Hanks, please enjoy. Remember, it wasn't that long ago to create content. You actually had to type a blog, you know? Now, this just removes all effort from it. All effort. Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah, welcome to my job. Let me get this straight. The three of us don't sit around all day anyway and crack wise. This is what we do all day long. Talk about stuff, sort of. Yeah. Dodge issues. That's when you're creative, when you're just hanging out, not trying to do anything. Why prepare when we can just make it up mentality? Is it now providing us a, well, providing you guys.

With a healthy living. People love behind the scenes more than ever.

Is that what we're doing behind the scenes? We having a talk about behind the scenes? Well, kind of. Because I got some lingering questions from Don't Shoot Me that I want to fire at. Yeah, I have a bone to pick about that. I worked with your former boss on that. Who, Levitan? The actor. Oh, she's Seagull? Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. Who played the photographer with a beard. He was in, I'm having a cranial plate shift here. He was in the Mr. Rogers movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. Rico. Rico. Yes, Rico. How can you forget a name like Rico? You did. He was one of the most delightful human beings I'd ever come across. He's a sweetheart. He was a blast. We thought he looked like Cookie Monster or something from Sesame Street.

How many years did you do that show for? That's a great question. Dana in all his years has never asked me anything about me. I want to know what your back end was. No, that's the real question. I'm a numbers guy. That was old TV, man. You could have come in third place on that night and you would have numbers now that would be heralded as... I got...

with 24 million viewers, the Mickey Rooney show, 1981. We had 24 million on a Saturday night. They said, get your stupid show and get off the lot. What numbers did they use to justify letting you go? I don't know. Maybe it was Mickey's handgun that he had at the ready at all times. His .38 revolver. I think that plays now. They showed Dana's numbers on an abacus. They're like, each bead equals a million viewers.

Mickey, Mickey Rooney. Dana, you worked with Mickey Rooney. You worked with Burt Lancaster. You worked with Kirk Douglas. Tell me you made out with Sophia Loren on some movie at some point. Meg Ryan played my girlfriend on the Mickey Rooney show for a few episodes before you got your.

claws on her and those mailman movies i can't remember the names but yeah the mailman those mailman movies here comes mailman i think that was the name of both of the both of the films okay i have a real question go yeah i do play you dodge my question david you dodge my question how many seasons of just shoot me did you do we did six and six seasons that's huge 148 high qual

but what I did, Dana's real question is after the first year, I was added on after the pilot. So I wasn't on the show. I watched it and we'll get to you, Tom, in about 40 minutes. I, I was added and then they wrote me in and then, uh,

We reshot the pilot. Anyway, after one season, they go, I try to sniff around for some more money. Yeah. And they go, hey, easy guy. We've had one lucky season. You're on against friends and ER and like sort of a heyday of all these things. And by the way, if you were a substitute teacher, you'd love the pay that they were giving you. Yeah, I was good. But then I thought it's not enough. Meanwhile, when I got it, I was ecstatic.

So I was coming off about 600 a week on SNL. So I go, all right. Overpaid. So I go, I want more demand. And they go, well, we would rather give you a piece of the show gambling. If you don't want more money right now, gambling that it won't go five years. We're betting against you. And I said, okay. And then, and then later, a couple of years later, I go, can I get some more money too? Yeah.

And they were like, good God. You know, my interest was actually the quality of the writing and the performance on the show. But you went right to the bitterness of your deal. I was answering Dana. You went right to the amount of money. Oh, you were answering Dana. Tom, you and I are actors and we understand a different mindset.

Let me ask you guys a question. You're watching television. You with Rita, me with Paula. Do you ever find yourself seeing an old movie or TV show? You look up the guy's age or the woman's age, and then you look up their net worth. You ever done that? I must say I've never done. Thank you, Tom. You're a decent person. You've never looked up how old is Kelsey Grammer? We can.

we can make an estimation because we've been watching him since he had a couple of lines on every cheers episode. Right. But that was a while back. So I know he's, you know, I'm going to put him around our area. He's over, he's over 40 because that's how many years we've been watching him on TV. All right. I have a, I have a real question for Tom. I have a real question. I have a real question for Dana. So we'll just go around. We'll just go around. I have a real question. You played a mailman.

And you've got Mailman. Twice. And you play one, a FedEx guy. Do you feel like you're typecast? Yes, I do. I'm looking for that perfect DHL project.

And I have an entire closet full of brown shorts, brown shirts, brown socks, and brown shoes. So when it comes time to play Mr. UPS, they come to me before they go to anyone. I think an Amazon worker who wins the company lottery and goes on Blue Origin. And goes up into space. How about that? Everything ends with space. Wow. Everything.

Which when I think of you, okay, here's a statement. You can respond any way you want. Because I see you as a quintessential baby boomer along with myself. I was born in 1956. 55, beat you. I just Googled it. But anyway, first of all, when I think of you, I think of World War II. Yeah, yeah. The Beatles, because of that thing you do. And outer space. Yeah, yeah. Basically. World War II, Band of Brothers. Incredible. Yeah.

So here's a question for you as a 50s, 60s kids. If you had a choice, would you rather have a Super Bowl or Silly Putty?

Silly Putty. Don't answer. Oh, right on. I'm right there on Silly Putty, and I'll tell you why. You roll up Silly Putty into a ball, and it is a Super Bowl. Wow. And yet, it bounced really high, and yet you could, like, stretch it out and put it on a newspaper and then pull it off and see the comic right there on the newspaper. Yeah. Yeah. You could shape it like buck teeth and put it in your mouth. Right. You could tear it in half and put it behind your ears and make your ears stick out.

Silly Putty, which should have been called Super Putty. Miracle Putty. Miracle Putty. It was developed at NASA, I believe. Who did not lose a Super Bowl after about two days? First one. Right. Boing, later. Boing up on the roof, boing down into the culvert, off into the wash. Overrated or underrated Baby Boomer toy. Slinky.

Overrated. Agreed. Rock'em Sock'em Robots. Oh, underrated. Cool. Underrated. Underrated. That was the gold standard. You could never live up to the commercial on most toys I got, like Evel Knievel with the Zip SSP. What are they called? And it would go for it. Super Sonic Power. You know, you'd pull the string in it or the- Yeah. Yeah. And it would haul ass.

It's hard to make it jump the Snake River, but it was cool. That was- You could get over a pile of books with the right kind of ramp. That was honestly, I became a very, maybe because I'm older and wiser, I became a very discerning connoisseur of toy commercials that I knew were lies. Yeah. It's not that great. It took me too long. Hasbro were always lying. Hasbro.

Okay, here, and I know, and I'm going to tell you why, because I could tell that on a slinky commercial when it walked the stairs without a care,

Those were not real stairs. The treads on those stairs were only like four inches wide. So you take them home and say, oh, I'm going to make this walk down the stairs from, you know, upstairs down in the living room. Like a fool. Well, those treads are 11 inches wide. It would go down one, but then it would stop. I'm adding Sherlock Holmes to the World War II beetle outer space guy.

I'm adding Sherlock Holmes to you. And as soon as you got that improper knot in the middle of the slinky, you know, where it twisted the wrong way, it never came back. It was over. Let me give another baby boomer quick conversational piece because my, the formative years, David's a little younger than us, but you know, kind of from four. Does he look it? You fucking assholes. Don't even. It's the years of abuse, my friend. I blame the ring light.

You got to face the window. I spent a half hour on this. I have ring light poisoning.

Even though this isn't going anywhere, only Tom will see it. You fair-haired boys don't age well, man. You just don't. We don't. My ancestors were in the caves in Scotland and Scandinavia. My skin was not prepared for growing up in California. But this mic really works for me because the neck just left me a while back. It's your hair.

The neck went nuts. I know. That's why you see a lot of guys wearing ascots and kerchiefs around them. Yeah, like Nora Ephron, the great Nora Ephron. Oh, yeah. I hate my neck. I hate my neck. Yeah. Okay. These are just fun for me to think about and think of which ones you would like. Movies and all. You could add TV shows, too, in your formative years that stuck with you. I got to put Wizard of Oz because I saw it when I was three or four, scared the shit out of me.

Oh, the flying monkeys, man. Scare the fuck out of me. And the witch. Why is that a kid's movie? It's so scary. It is so scary. Luckily, there was no Twitter back then.

They would have colorized the early black and white portion of the movie because the network would have been afraid that it's in black and white. People will turn it off and colorize the first part. That's what they're thinking. All right. So in 59 or 60, I don't know when these movies went on TV. I assume fairly quick after their theatrical release. The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Didn't see it for years. Didn't see it for years. All right. Pass. Jason and the Argonauts. Oh, huge. We got a winner. I know. If you look at that, pound for pound, moment by moment, and you can talk about who was the guy that did the animation, world famous. His name will come up. Ray Harryhausen. Ray Harryhausen. Whoa.

Stop animation. Stop motion. Between the Valley of the Titans with those huge statues that come to life. Oh, yeah. And the battle against the Skeleton Army. If you take that and just say, okay, never mind how cheesy it looks, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It is pound for pound the most action-packed science fiction fantasy movie ever. Oh, yeah. Why not? It's unreal. The stop motion still holds up and still has a creepy quality to it. The giant man where they took the Achilles heel and all the...

Yeah, you know, the sand came out or that that that the maidenhead figure that was the goddess Hera or whatever. Yes. Jason, you must go to that. No, that was great. Oh, and how about the harpies that they capture on the net? Yeah, with the blind guy. Oh, man. And the gods playing games. So I showed that was a biggie.

And I show that to my sons, you know, at an appropriate age where it blew their minds, you know, six, seven. I think also you'll say, so you and I are watching this. Jason and the Argonauts would have been on TV. It would have been on something like the CBS Sunday night movie, the NBC Saturday night movie. And because it had those commercials in it, we could pause our excitement just long enough to one develop essentially all the ADHD that we now carry with us.

Right. Because our attention span needed a commercial break every 12 minutes or so. Yes. But it ended up elongating the night. So, you know, an hour and a half movie would really be stretched out into two hours. And that was a full night of rock and sock entertainment. Yeah. And it's great to have the commercials. I like the commercials. So not long after.

I'm going to say 66 maybe. The ABC Sunday Night movie first started showing James Bond movies. I have Goldfinger on here as seminal. This was unbelievable.

That was insane. It was so great. But Bridge Over the River Kwai. Bridge Over the River Kwai is shown in two parts on Sunday night and on Monday night. On Monday, every guy at school is walking around whistling the Colonel Bogey March. Can you do it? Do it. I can't.

Yeah. So we're doing that. Well, no, it's actually a very famous musical march. But here's the thing. David Leeds shot that thing in the widest screen possible.

And, but we watched it and essentially 350 lines of bad video scans, analog, analog, and with a feature called pan and scan. So that is seen that on, on the screen would have three people in it talking in the jungle pan and scan would be on William Holden and then slowly

automatically move over to some other guy. But you could not have convinced me based on two nights with commercials and pan and scan, the bridge over the river was not the greatest motion picture ever made for, you know, for a couple of weeks until I saw something. Oh yeah. I knew I'd floor you with these. I knew.

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which isn't us. E harmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that, but the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Um, just someone like if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah, it's not it. Look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, um,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. You have an SNL question? David, do I have an SNL question? Well, I had one. Well, you guys did the comedians. Were you in that one together where you played comedians?

Oh, I remember that. Smigel wrote that. That was one of the first things Smigel got on the air. The standup guys. I would just say, yeah, when Tom came to SNL, he was, I just made notes. No shit. He was the most like a cast member to me. Like he felt like a cast member. That's cool. The first time I did it, I was wickedly excited. The second time I did it, I wasn't very good at all. But the third time I did it, which is when you were on.

By that time, I knew what not to do and how to save your energy and how to participate. Oh, yeah. It's a it's an incredibly difficult thing to hope. It's much easier. Yeah. So. So Smigel, Robert Smigel. Yes. Talk to him all the time. Genius. Absolute genius. He came and said, listen, I wrote this thing about, you know, comedians who always say, I mean, come on. I mean, hey, you know, they're. Why would they do?

this and he wrote in a joke that was a, Hey, what's the deal with socks, you know? And, uh, Dennis Miller, uh, the comedian par excellence is, Hey man, that's, that's Jerry Seinfeld's material. You can't take that. Yeah.

No, he was adamant. He said, you cannot take a comics, a great bit and blow it out on TV. He'll never be able to use it again. And somebody goes, oh, it's old, man. He won't miss it. He said, no, man, you can't do this. So we called.

Jerry Seinfeld. To find out. And I never met him, but you know, we're in the famous people's club. Hey, you're famous. I'm famous. So we can talk to each other like we know each other. It's all a lie. Right. Yeah. And I said, listen, I'm on SNL. We're doing this thing about comedians. I mean, I'm like, hey, I mean, what's the deal with the socks? But if you're still doing the sock bit, we'll come up with some other jokes. So rude way to put it. What's up?

I said, oh, you know, I really appreciate the call. Quite frankly, that's been retired from my act. If you guys want to do it, you can go ahead and do it. I don't care. Very gracious. Hey, what's the deal with a date on milk? You know, it was that guy. I mean, hey. And then later when Jerry came...

When he was hosting, we did some kind of game show with him where we did jokes. Is it called I Mean Hey? And I had a joke that actually worked. It was like Gilligan's Island. What's up with Gilligan's Island? If the professor can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in the damn boat? Fucking true. So it was actually a good joke. Yeah, a good joke. That's a good joke. What is the deal? I don't know. Oh, my God. Ha, ha, ha.

It was brilliant. And I do believe it was one of the first things Smigel got on the air. You can ask him yourself. I remember, and I was doing this, somehow this came up with someone the other day. We were playing, you guys, Smigel wrote it probably, but you were playing a guy who worked at an electronics store from the Middle East. Yes. And the idea that inside these gadgets, they were like kick-a-day generic gadgets, but inside they had Sony electronics. Sony guts. Yeah, Sony guts.

Which was something I was told at an electronics store owned by Middle Eastern guys who were trying, you know, who really wanted to take cash, not a credit card. It sounded like real, something real. And what he was telling me was, he says, no, no, no, you don't understand. All of the electronics come from one single place. And everybody makes their electronics out of, from this place. So this is actually Sony Gods. He said that to me.

He said it 300 times in that sketch. Was it Sabra? It was Sabra Shop, yeah. He's got Sony guts. He's got Sony guts. He's got Sony guts. Look, look, look. That's what he said. No, no, no. And what I loved is Michael did it so that it looked huge on the screen. It looked like it was a really big piece of electronics. But when his finger came into the

into the frame to push the button. You realize it was the size of a wallet. It was a very funny bit. Oh, I was smiling. But you also, go ahead, David. Oh, I was going to say. I want to talk about when we were, the naked sketch, the penis sketch. Oh, yeah. I'll do a quickie of when, on my end, when I was just writer, performer, and Tom came in,

One thing was funny was we... Tom let me write a sketch with him, which was... It didn't make it to fucking air. Subway surfing. Oh, God, yeah. But it was a good idea that I got to write with the host. And I think in the middle address...

We were giving it everything and we were looking at each other going, it's not happening. It's the worst feeling. You're like, fuck, goddamn. Did it have a theme song? It was a full song. It was a full song. It was like we were ruffians who we were essentially a surf gang that rode the subways. Some of the lines were...

Don't be afraid of a youth gang turf war. Just stand up and balance and make it a surf war. You don't need a wetsuit, a border, an ocean. The transit authority provides you the motion. Holy shit. The bridge was I N T O.

And here's the thing. Lauren hated it. He just said, I don't get it. Do you live in the subway? Why? I don't. He put the whammy on it because we gave it fucking everything. And, you know, sometimes when you do a sketch, it's,

if you just get off, I don't even know if it was that one, but sometimes you get off on the wrong foot. If you just had two takes, it would be great. You just start and you go, can I start again? But instead you're in it and you're like, God damn it. It's going. Not happening. The audience doesn't know where you're going. You miss that. You just. It didn't work. Oh, I'll tell you. Okay. So we're in a pitch meeting, Dana. All right. And you know, the Monday meeting, uh, where we all cram in Lauren's office. Incredibly fun. Can I just, can I just say from the guy, from the host perspective, yeah.

It is the most exciting gig and show business. It's less than a week. You show up on Monday, you're exhausted, and yet you're spent by the end of the show Sunday morning. But you do wish you could do it again. You do wish you could just come right back on Monday. Right, because now you get it. Now you're like, I got it. I got it. I would say as a cast member and sometimes host, experientially, first of all, you're in New York City. Yeah. Second of all, you're in Rockefeller Center. Mm-hmm.

There can be animals on the show. It's a three-ring circus. Everything's going live. You're never ready.

And then there's the crazy party. I've never stayed up that late in my life. Actually, the last time I was out there doing this live, I said, I'm going to go to the end. I'm not going to bail out at 4 a.m. I'm going to stay. I was at Lorne's table, and I'm going to see what this guy can do. So he's going on. He's saying all this brilliant stuff. See what you think of this one. We were raised in the wilderness, and then we got civilized.

Our kids are raised civilized and we expect them to go out into the wilderness. So stuff like that for hours is kind of brilliant, right? Finally, the lights come up. The lights come up at 6 a.m. I guess we should be going now. But yeah, it goes 6 a.m. Let's go to 88. Amazing. What about... Okay, so we're doing this pitch meeting and Tom might have been the Bruce Springsteen. Tom won maybe... You did one with Bruce? I did, yeah. Okay. I did...

I did. Those people alone are a reason to mark, you know, the hang that you get. Oh, my God. I mean, and we're excited because we just finished with Alec Baldwin or something. And then it's like, you just get wake up hungover. You're doing an honor and like Tom Hanks this week. So you go in and I think this is with you. Maybe it wasn't. But, you know, we go in that meeting and by now Tom is caught on by his eighth hosting is that some of the ideas are bullshit. So because we're everyone just getting their bearings on.

And so you got to have an idea. Yeah. You got to have an idea. And Lauren is like, David, there's a, there's some water treading at that Monday. Yeah. Cause everyone just finished about a guy who, you know, you want to, you want to surprise them at read through. So you don't want to blow your wad at the thing. Ah, it's funny. You want to surprise. There's a guy with a catchphrase. Yeah. It's all a game of like psychologically tricking the other writers and make sure. Cause you know, by the time the show's there,

Like Tom said, it goes so fast that you're like getting your UPS costume ripped off in Velcro and they're putting a new one on. They're like, and the writer runs with you out and goes, by the way, you're not Russian, you're Polish now. And the middle's different. And you're like, wait, three, two. And you're like, hello?

and yet there it is yeah that's funny so we're in the meeting and they go and they go uh what's your ideas and i see farley sitting on the ground pulling on the carpet and pulling on his hair and he's just so fucking nervous and he never has any ideas and uh and lauren sometimes skips him out of just mercy and you know and then schneider or someone's giving a fake idea tom you're uh you

You know, a caveman afraid of caves. And Tom's like, okay, okay. And then, oh, sounds like an idea. And then he goes, Chris. And then Chris goes...

Then he goes, pull hair, pull hair. And he goes, then he goes, his fingers are snapping with each other. He's touching everything. And he goes, Hey, Tom Hanks. Um, and then I'm next to him going, are we saying his whole name, Tom Hanks? Why not? Why not? Out of nerves. He goes, Tom Hanks. And then he goes like this. I was thinking maybe, uh, this is the real one. And I thought it was for you. He goes, you know, that movie, um,

Uh, Marty. And, uh, Lauren goes with, uh, Ernest Borgnine. And, uh, Chris goes, yeah. Uh, something about that. And, uh, and then everything's dead silent. And Lauren goes, uh,

this is the week everyone's going to be looking for that Marty sketch and then I go are you out of your fucking mind shut the fuck up I see it written like with a crayon Marty I'm like and he goes I saw it the other night I go what does that have to do with Tom Hanks he goes shut the you don't know fucking anything dude

And then we leave and I go, hey, I don't know if they're, are you going to write up Marty? And then the rest of the week, everyone's like, what's the status of Marty? Is Tom going to gain weight for it? Brutal, brutal, brutal, brutal atmosphere. So funny. Nothing like it anywhere else in show business. This is the other thing. There is no gig. There is no hosting thing. There is no cameo that you do.

that is like being on Saturday Night Live. And I think that's still, that's the reason why people still come out and say, I can't believe, here I am on stage on Saturday Night Live. And the audience always whoops. That's the beginning of the rollercoaster, the monologue. You're like,

Do you guys think that it was unintentionally a bit of a reality show because you're putting Michael Jordan on a live sketch show and I'm behind the slat with Michael Jordan. I can see he's a little tense. So I'm going, Michael, just if you have to just look at the cards or you're with sting, we're going to go into the scene and he looks at me and goes, how's my hair? How,

How is it? So there's these, you know, the high wire act of Wayne Gretzky. I love the, the one where he was essentially a hockey player in Hawaii. Yes. And he was so good. And he flipped a burger off a grill and Phil Hart said, how did you do that? Yeah.

And then he sang a song, didn't he? He was surprisingly charismatic. You know, oddly, a lot of times this stuff is not hilariously funny when it's on. It's still worthy of, of repeat viewings and examinations. Cause there was one where, when will, um, was Janet Reno. Hey. Yeah. And, uh,

And, you know, he was in a dress and he had that little bit of lip gloss. And, you know, he was threatening everybody and punching everybody. And then you guys got the actual Janet Reno.

the attorney general of the United States of America to bust through a fake brick wall and yell, it's clobbering time. Janet Reno busts through and says, it's clobbering time. How did they pull that off? That's a brilliant gift. That is part of the fun that you don't know who's coming, who might come. And there's really almost no one too big to just do a cameo or something. It's

Well, everybody, everybody. Okay. So here's a question for the two of you guys. You're on the show for a long time and you in a lot, look, you guys kind of like became seven years. You became David Spade and you know, you had the Hollywood minute that was, you know,

I don't know if that was your immediate, you know, every time, every time you were on, you got a nickel. And then Dana, you started with a church lady. You know, I don't, I don't want to. Okay. So you're how long you were on seven years, Dana, David, how many years you were on?

All right. What is the day like after, you know, or I've been told that you're not not on SNL anymore? This is a this is a great paradox of show business that I'm fascinated with because you can talk about the highlights. It can all be this is your life. And then, Dana, you you you played drums for Wayne World, you know, but that's the end.

The yang is your aces. You're at the top of your game. You have established yourself. You've taken the beachhead. You've landed on the moon. You've done all those things that you never quite believed would actually happen. And yet you had faith in yourself to make it happen. And then it did. And 12 hours ago or 24 hours ago, you knew you were going to be on SNL. And at noon on a day, you know that, okay, I'm now going to move on to the next chapter of

being funny and what I do for a living. How long does that last? And how do you get through? Well, I can only say for myself, like when I got on, you know, the idea when people were going to leave and be movie stars. I mean, I think Eddie Murphy did three years. Other people did four. When I left at seven, John Lovitz left after five and Dennis and

I stayed till seven and it was sort of all the forces at play. I got almost too big because of Bush, Wayne's World and Perot. So there was so much coming at me, but I feel like I really was just catching my stride. Yeah.

I mean, I think it was at year seven. Yeah, six and seven. I think at least 80 shows just to get used to tape and everything. Having fun with very little fear. And that's when I was doing Carson, which was the only sketch I had on there where I didn't, I wasn't cognizant of it. Is it getting laughs? Because internally it just felt so funny and real to me. Those you watched on slow motion. Because no one

in the history of show business, had nailed Carson. No one had been able to do him. No one had imitated him on TV. Not Rich Little, not nobody. And the combo with Phil was perfect. Yeah. The weird, wild stuff, I did not know that. Skewed. I'll throw one thing in for you right now, Tom. You probably have stuff you do just for friends. Not really a bit. So for friends, I do, I don't know why,

Johnny Carson getting pulled over on the PCH in 1972. Okay. By the highway patrol. Yeah. Oh, sorry, officer. I didn't know I was swerving. I had two slippery monkeys at the hook and cook. So it's the cocktail and the establishment. Go on YouTube and see one of his Carnac, the magnificent bits. Fucking love Carnac. He holds up, he opens an envelope.

uh to his forehead and he says sis boom and and and uh i know that says sis boom body opens it you know blows on it pulls it out this is um what does your sheep say just before it explodes

I saw that with friends over the holidays and I swear to God, we laughed for 17 minutes uncontrollably. What's the sis? Sis boom bah. Sis boom bah. Johnny Carson was untouchable. I did Peter Jennings moderating one of the presidential debates before you nailed it, not got that. You just had glasses and a wig on. It said, stay the course. Ha!

That was it. And you were Jennings. Thousand points of light. Thousand points of light. Stay the course. It took me a year to make that character funny. It took me a year to really get it. Well, because they're so basic, you got to find a hook.

I come on it a year later and I haven't done the show. And by that time, you are now, you're doing it. And I got, I saw the script. I wasn't in the sketch. I saw the script pages for you as Bush. And I honestly said, this is written in gibberish. I don't know what it said. It said, na, ga, ba, ba. Because it just said, na, ga, ba, ba. And it is a na, da.

Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot? What does this mean? I don't know. Got to do it. The thing about that sketch is that I was in a lockdown shot. Uh-huh. So, and it was the cold opening. Home base. So it was the only time I could extend rhythms. I could improvise a bit, take things further. And many a time I thought, okay, I'm in trouble when it was over. Because they go, it went 19 minutes.

That and what was the guy, the McLaughlin group. Version number one. Version number one. Morton, teeny tiny tabletop. I think you're swelling off. I'm literally talking about something I saw once. Wrong. Special K with banana. What did you have for breakfast? I had special K's and sliced bananas. Yeah, that's what I remember.

I just, I had the show taped. So I saw one of the compilations reruns and there was some, some sketch that was in a restaurant and everybody was saying, Oh, Oh yeah.

You like the taste? You want to taste the sauce? Oh, you like the sauce. You like it in juice. And I just came in the tail end and David Spade came on looking like he was 13 years old and saying, yeah, is there any way you guys could end this sketch? Oh, you'd like us to end this sketch, huh?

You like it if there was no more catchphrase. Honestly, you looked like a Mormon missionary who was knocking on the door, collecting. I saw that. And I was shocked that they let me do that at the end of the sketch because we never really did that fourth wall shit, but it was a good way to get out of that. Boy, that's, that was always the trouble ending those sketches. Yeah. You get it, Norman. You got to get out of them.

Uh, what about good, uh, waiter sketches? Yes. I like the horny waiter. I like presentational stuff. And I think one of the early ones that Tom was in that has resonated, people are aware of it. So the song is Mr. Short term memory. So the premise is completely upfront, uh,

Everyone knows what's going on. And then that was one where I just thought maybe you were kind of the perfect cast like to play that guy. All right. So here's what I remember. Yeah. A perfect, a perfect sketch provided you did it with the lacquer and, and didn't put a bump in it. Yeah. The dress rehearsal performance of it was so perfect. Yeah.

that it did not live up to the actual air show. I hate that. And that was, and that when we, when we come off, I think somebody did an invitation. Don't worry. It'll be perfect in the rerun. You know, meaning that they take the dress rehearsal and, and slide the dress, the dress rehearsal thing. That's nice. As I got more used to doing SNL, I was sometimes I would peek and,

at read-through. Like I was going so all out. And I never got back to it. And that last year, I was pacing myself the whole time and really, even the dress show, make sure you're not doing it the best. That happens on movie. That happens on movie read-throughs. So I said, let's not do read-throughs anymore, guys, because they're fake. It happened on Bosom Buddies. They're just killed at the table. They're never...

never quite got there when you get out there it's not quite exactly sometimes I remember at Michael J. Fox show I was doing Michael J. Fox to him and he started laughing and it made the sketch so crazy fun and then we did on air and he didn't and you just lost something I'm like I went and begged Shoemaker I go put the fucking rerun on will you put it in the goddamn dress and at

That's a tough one to get dressed on. But you got, you get, like you said earlier, Dana, you go to this incredible place, 30 rock and you're in the, you're, you know, you're up on 17 for all the writing. And then, and then the big thing happens in the whole show transfers down to historic age, you know, where Toscanini had his own elevator and they did the, they did the Colgate comedy. I don't know. I don't,

one of the most famous Jerry Lewis would cut the tie off. And then, and then you're, you know, and then you're not playing major league ball, you know, the season, you know, at the eighth year after the show, I just look, I have moments, not every movie, but I have moments when, um,

the shoot comes to an end and I really, I got to go through a physiological process of grieving because we'll never come back to this place anymore. Like if you do a play on Broadway, man, that thing is gone in the wink of an eye and you've been there for six months. Your whole, your whole experience was about pacing yourself in order to peak at the right time. And if it happened, it was by magic. And if it wasn't, you were frustrated by it. I've, I've had cast members, uh,

Fred Armisen called me or emailed me about this very thing. What do I do? When can I watch the show again and not think, they're doing my show! And sometimes doing it maybe better than I did. I have trouble watching it when I'm flush with memories of being on, you know, being hosting. Yeah. Sometimes I just, how about me?

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I wish I'd stayed a few years longer, but in those days, you can't. I mean, there is this or I mean, it's like, you know, Stan Musial, Sandy Koufax walks away from the walked away from the game. I don't want to keep using sports analogies, but it's I love them. You got to go. You know, I could do it, but there's there's an aspect of it here that isn't good going to be good for the Tom. I when I left and Dana, you can listen when I left. Thank you. You can hear what I tell Tom.

that it was starting with writing on yellow pads. You know, we didn't have computers or anything and learning how to write a sketch and going through that whole process of getting to where I could kind of write a sketch pretty well. I was never like a super SNL guy, but at least I got to the end where I kind of had my moments. And then when I left, the hard part was almost anything I did, first of all, was never as hard. And it was hard to find...

People that were as good per capita as everyone around me, because I had the writing of Jack Handy and Downey and Smigel and Conan and Bob Odenkirk and Greg Daniels. And then I got these guys, you know, we came in, forget, you know, me and Brock and Farley and Sandler and Timmy, but we've got Dennis and

And Dana there and love it. And they're fucking great. Phil and Jan. Mike Myers. Yeah, Mike Myers. Every season is some form of a murderer's row that you cannot create that atmosphere. And when you come close, I mean, that's about the highest thing I could say. I felt that way about doing Broadway on Lucky Guy. We had 14 people in the cast and I just said, this is as good a hang as SNL. This is the same kind of like group of people.

people who are both merciless and filled with nothing but a brand of love and respect you kind of know it too because you go i gotta if i can even because at first at read through i was like i just can't have my sketch be so shitty that everyone goes what the fuck i just want to blend in i don't even want to get on i just want them not to go jesus christ hey stand up who was this because

Because I was new and my first sketch had 18 sets. No one even tells you. I'm just like, don't do that. And then they go, whose sketch is 27 pages? I'm like. For the audition process, did you have to go and like hang out for like that afternoon with everybody in order to see if you could handle kind of like the environment? Dana lived with Lauren for a while. When you were still auditioning for it?

I auditioned in L.A. I auditioned twice before I followed Kenison at the comedy store and bombed for SNL lieutenants. And then it came around again in 86. I thought, I'll give it a shot. But I played a little club on the west side that Rosie O'Donnell was headlining. And then I'm going on. I knew Lorne was going to come see me. Never met him before. And then in comes Brandon Tartikoff, the head of the network. Woo!

And Cher of Sonny and Cher. Get out. So they sat down and then they go, now Dana Flarfo. So that was kind of. Now ding-bang-bong. All right. So you're talking about critics. Here's my question for you, Dana Carter. Sure. I can't remember when you told me this story.

But we were comparing notes on San Francisco and I had not lived there for a long time. But it really did become this kind of like hotbed of a type of stand up comedy because what was the main venue there? Was it the boarding house? Was that what it was called?

call? Well, early it was the Boring House, and then the Punchline was the first comedy club that came in, and then we had the Intersection. Depends what era, but in the 70s, when I was at San Francisco State, it was mostly the Holy City Zoo on Tuesday nights. Holy City Zoo, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a few of them, yeah. Okay, so, but...

Now you are Dana Carvey and you're playing the main room, whatever that thing was. Maybe it had been the Golden Gate Theater or the Kern or something like that. Great American Music Hall. Great American, might have been that. And here's what you said. I said, oh, are you still going to, you know, you'll go back and do that often in San Francisco? And he said, you know, I used to, but I'm not going to do it anymore. And I said, oh, why? And you told me this story. You performed in front of an absolute huge sellout crowd.

Yes. You killed. You left to like 17 standing ovations screaming more, more, more. They wouldn't let you off the stage. You said, I could not have had a better reaction from an audience at a standup comedy. It's one of the best shows I've ever done. I feel that inside, deep inside my soul. Right. And the critic said,

the next day wrote Dana Carvey rehashes old material in pedestrian or bombs or whatever. Yeah. Gerald Nachman. I didn't want this of the San Francisco Chronicle. I'm guessing. Right. And there, and there you have it there. You have this other thing that goes into it. There was undeniably a huge, fabulous show that you just put on. And someone said, yeah, I,

I, you know, I didn't know until recently that I was really always a sketch player, not a pure standup. And so it's a delicate environment for me. And when I play small clubs around LA, sometimes it's a different sport and I was in a big room and the better I, the more famous I got on Saturday night live over time. That was the first year of my standup got shittier and shittier. I get that. Cause I would. And then I was getting, could you come out and say, well, and everybody screams. Yeah.

because it sounds like he's going to do the church life. I remember the first time I could do a college for a lot of money, it was like a year's salary from before SNL. But I hadn't done stand-up in six months, and you're looking at your notes, so you're getting so much money, but your act is getting worse and worse. Yeah.

It's like they just cross over. We're in that day of Shakespeare that we did. It's like you come in, we read it through, we stage it, then we perform it that night. Oh, my God. Jackson Brown, Julia Roberts. You were a man on fire. We did Twelfth Night or something like that. I was with you out there.

But no, it was like these moments where it was like, well, this is a fun thing. But wait a minute. Here's Elvis Presley entertaining us somehow. You just drove every scene of yours so deep. I think I might have ad-libbed something like, you should work more often or something like that.

But it was a fun, it's a fun premise, this idea we're doing Shakespeare, but we can also take these flights of fancy, change our voice. So it's not going to be work. You don't want people to sit there for an evening. Oh yeah, no, it's still, if you're still doing that, I'm around. So David, you're done with SNL and you, I remember you sort of like automatically being part of the zeitgeist, automatically showing up and working and being in things. Well, Tommy boy, right off, right off.

the heels of that. Oh, the skinny and fatty movie. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy Boy was, yeah, a couple years in and then written. Lauren said to some writers, write the way these two are around the office. Spade's always poking him and making fun of him and he's falling down and performing for him. Oh, it really worked. And that was exactly what the movie was because I don't think we could pitch a movie saying two guys in Ohio sell brake pads. Yeah.

I mean, it's really the dumbest movie in the world. That is the secret of any pitch. Never tell them what it's about. People go, what was that about? So I think you were getting to the thing where I finished and what was I doing next? And that was very hard because you don't know. And it was timely. I left a year late. I left after Adam and Chris.

and chris rock was already gone and and will ferrell came in who was perfectly pleasant and he was fucking great and i'm like i feel like now i'm college and they're high school guys coming in i gotta go to college and i yeah i got i didn't really want to leave i didn't really fit in and i thought dana fit in more because we were all like buds and i kind of just left and then they said i

It was sort of, you could probably do your own show after SNL because they will give you one shot. You'll get, you'll get a shot. You'll get a shot. But you don't even realize if that shot doesn't work, it's almost over. Like if you prove to them, it doesn't work when you do your own show, then they, everyone scatters. You don't really think that yet, but I know after SNL, a lot of people go away. And so they go, do you want to be the fifth lead on this other show? But people like it and NBC likes it.

And Brandon Tartarsauce likes it. And so they go, if it gets, if that works, I'm already 90% there because they already like it. There's a good writer from Larry Sanders and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And you had a persona. You developed a persona. And if I did my own show, I'd have to hire a spade guy to run in and do jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just was a good fit. The safety of a quality ensemble. But you mentioned Chris Rock. This was a guy that...

I mean, he just remained Chris Rock and ended up changing the art form in so many ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without getting that kind of, here's the Chris Rock show, here's the thing, here's the movies. He just kept, you know, being that kind of like poet laureate of stand-up. But I remember...

him as Nat X, the talk show host. Yeah. The week that Andrew Dice Clay was on the show. Yeah. He says, Andrew Dice Clay, I got a limit for you. There once was a dude named Dice who looked like Don Johnson on steroids. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Big black put in your ass. Yeah. When Rock left, he went to the back door of a standup special to come back and he came back huge. We talked to him the other day and he was at the lowest, but he left SNL not feeling good about it. And then he went to In Living Color and then they got canceled and

And he was like, I was nowhere. And he goes, I just. Hard to imagine in living color getting canceled, but I guess. He said when he went on Damon and, or Keenan wasn't there and it was just a ragtag crew. And so it was, it had its great, great greatness. And everyone just kind of jumped ship. So. Did you see his documentary about hair? No, I heard it was great. Because he's got daughters and stuff like guys, it's mind bending. It's literally a window, a portal into a world that we don't know anything about.

Yeah. Yeah. His, his resume, because we, we interviewed him and is massive what he's accomplished and the chances he's taken and the specials he's done. It's really, it's exhausting. There's only one other resume that I read that made me have to take a nap. And that was yours. That's just because I'm just, just because I've been around, man. You're like, but wait,

There's more. That's what I just said. My wife and I watch Bridge of Spies. That's in our rotation. Oh, my Lord. That's, you know... That's like a perfect movie. I'm in the thing now. I'm able just to say now...

Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, that'd be a blast. Let me do that. I'm lucky in that way. And that was one of them. It was just played into every one of. Look, I read that stuff for pleasure anyway, that type of that type of. Yeah. And I got to go back to Berlin. What was great about that movie is, you know, we're talking. The whole thing is about the Bridge of Spies, which was this very specific bridge.

that in the day had a white line down the middle of it that said, communist on this side, free world on this side. And that's where we shot it. I mean, we were literally right there where all this stuff went down. You can do that. That was crazy great.

Crazy great. Greyhound. Sorry, because it's so recent. Loved it. Oh, Greyhound. See, you must hear from people who just love we don't get old fashioned World War Two movies enough. Well, you know, the thing I've heard that has been really very, very, very rewarding for both me and Aaron Schneider, who directed it, is we hear a lot of.

from Navy guys. I'll bet. Who all say, no one bothers with the particulars of the Navy. The North Atlantic. But you guys did. That's the Navy right there. And you captured the rudimentary technology and you as the captain trying to decide do we go left or right.

the tension of that and the cold. We had, we had this, we had this problem where we started shooting it. We shot it in Baton Rouge and it's like some, some form of, you know, studio or whatever it says. Listen, what is the dog watch again? And what is mid watch? Well, that's the, that's the name of the, of the replacing shifts. Cause everybody, everybody comes and stands their watch for four hours. Do we really need four watches? Yeah.

Can we just have the same guys there all the time? And I said, well, you can, but then look what we lose. We lose the sense that Kraus has been on the bridge that entire time. And then we only have the same faces over and we don't have a sense of the passing of the days. He said, yeah, it's just really expensive to hire all those guys.

That's what it boiled down to. Who's that guy? That's just AD guy. Hey, I'm a production unit manager. I don't think people realize how hard it is to get a movie right beginning, middle, end. You can read it. It's good. And then in the editing or in the casting or in some way it falls apart. And I think like even myself, I probably have only 30 movies that are great top to bottom.

And I think I've got, I got four. I'll say I got four. So I have 26 more. I think four is pretty good. Four are pretty good. Four. I can think of four. Yeah. 40 early nineties. That is always something. Ah, look at that. Oh, fucking bachelor party. Don't sleep on that. Guys, guys,

I am driving with my wife. We've been married for a year and we're in a car and we're driving through the wilds of France and Italy. We stop at an auto route place to eat, you know, the auto strada, you know, the main highways in Italy. And it's like a Howard Johnson's. It's like this big place, except the...

the cafeteria, it's the greatest Italian food you'll ever have. Because in Italy, they cannot serve bad food. They don't live that way. So we're having this fabulous feast of self-serve Italian delicacies. And there was a big bus outside that was, believe it or not,

that Puerto Rican national baseball team that was going around playing exhibitions of American baseball by way of Puerto Rican players in Italy. And we're sitting there eating, I'm putting oil and vinegar. And one of the guys just, ah, bachelor party. And they said, we were just watching it in the bus. Yeah, right.

They're driving around Italy playing baseball, watching bachelor party. All my movies were for buses of athletes. They would all say, we watch on the plane and watch on the bus. We watch when they were VHS. Okay. So let me, let me tell you this story about one of the, here comes the mailman. Okay. Okay. Movies. Okay. Yeah. This is absolutely 100% true. This happened. All of our kids were little. And so Rob and Michelle Reiner,

And Rita and I say, hey, let's take the kids to Disneyland for a day. They're young enough to really enjoy. So that would be great. So we work it out. We're all going down in the same car. The kids are so small they can fit in the way back.

So there's Rob and me and Michelle and Rita and the kids. We spend the day at Disneyland and then we're coming back up to 405 and we get stuck in, you know, heavy traffic and we're just slowly going along from here to there. Now, Rob and I appeared in

Sleepless in Seattle. We had a bunch of scenes together. And, you know, we remember this is fine. And we've been friends more or less ever since. And as we're inching our way through traffic, here is one of those. It's the airport flyaway bus. You know, you land at the airport and you can get on one of these buses and it'll take you to a terminal somewhere else or vice versa. So there's a bunch of commuters on a bus.

stuck in traffic, going to or from the airport. And it's one of these brand new major buses that is showing a movie on screens up, you know, for everybody just to blow time. And, you know, you kind of edge up to the bus, then fall behind and go ahead of it. And the bus, we're just doing a do-si-do right next to each other in the same lanes.

And Rob says, hey, they're showing Sleepless in Seattle on that bus. So we said, this is hilarious. You know, maybe when let's try to be next to this bus when our scene comes up so we can watch it on the thing. So lo and behold, there's a scene where Rob and I are sitting in a coffee shop having a discussion about how to date.

And there we are on the screen in the commuter bus and some guys watching it. So I leaned on the horn, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, until this guy hears something and he looks down and

And he sees Rob Reiner in the shotgun seat and me drive it. And we're pointing at ourselves and then pointing to the screen on his bus. He doesn't quite get it for a while. And I guess he recognizes Rob and he goes, and then he, then he's whipped pants to the screen and then back down to us and then back up. And I just think, how did that guy tell his wife about what happened in the bus? Yeah. I'm watching this movie. Then all of a sudden the guy's in the movie. Yeah.

That's one of those surreal moments in a show business career that is equal to any other. Meg Ryan in a Jetta next to him. Yeah, she wasn't there. Sandler, when he was doing his movie with Jack Nicholson, I think Anger Management, he'd be driving and Jack would be in the passenger seat. They'd go to a stoplight and people would look at Jack and Jack would just put his face quickly up against the window apparently and just go, ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Just like a scary. What a star. I don't want you staring at me. You ever come up to those open air tour buses that drive up and down Sunset Boulevard? We've been at a stoplight a couple of times, you know, honk the horn and say, hey, have you seen anybody great? You know, and then they all, oh my God, you know. One time I got this, Tom. I'd have to dress as Garth to get my dress. They go next to him and they go, and they're on there. And I'm like this.

And they go, the guy goes like this. David made a face. Then he goes, uh.

That's it. That's all I got. He just gave the thumb. That's it. This guy. Well, who knows? They probably just saw Matt Damon down at Doheny and Sunset. That's true. I'm on Sunset a lot. So yeah. He's fabulous. All right. Okay. Let's let Tom go. I mean, I know we got fucking 50 more things, but Tom. Guys, we could do this constantly. I know. I love it. I love it. You know, never. Let me just say one other thing about the SNL days. This is about the cradle of creativity that it is. The first couple of seasons...

first couple appearances that I was in, there were these three writers that shared a room in the back that was too hot. But between the three of them, they just, they came out with four or five really, really great sketches. And

And I called them the boiler room boys. Let's see what the boiler room boys come up with in the back. They're like the junior executives, you know, in charge of sales or something. And one was Conan O'Brien. Yeah. One was Bob Odenkirk. The other one was Smigel. Yeah. So these guys were out there cranking out stuff that was, and that's the, that's why the experience is unlike any other in show business. You come across those kinds of talents at both the moments when you're

The place where they're just proving themselves. And then the other place where they had proven themselves so much that it's like on Monday, he said, yes, is there any way I could do the being a liar schedule? You know what's good? 2021 is the first year that John Lovitz only drops your name once a day now.

What do you mean? We were when we did we did the first season. And I and I knew he was from L.A. and I knew he had been a messenger before, you know, he got the gig through the groundlings. And I said, want to go have lunch? So he and I just walked down to the Yoshimura Noob.

noodle bowl restaurant i've been there so two of us are just sitting there you know eating our noodles and john's you know john's already saying yeah that's the ticket you know and i i'm i'm i've got uh enough cred that i've been invited to host for the first time you know wow and yet it was just you know kind of like down there saying and hey is this a pickle or what can you believe this kooky thing that's going on were you doing league of their own yet or not

Oh, no, that was long before League of Legends. I think I had just done, I would say, Nothing in Common, maybe? Is that with Gleason? Yeah, I think the musical guest was Sade. Here's the musical guest I was on. Sade, Randy Travis, huge. Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. Aerosmith. Wow. Springsteen. Tom Petty.

And the last time I did it was a lady Gaga who rocked the house with the first, with the first, Oh, red hot chili peppers. I did it with a red hot chili. How many times you do it? You know, I lost count. I looked it up. Well, between the reunion shows, I don't know if those things count. No, I say that if you, if you are tasked with being in the monologue, you have hosted the show.

And a couple of those. Five-timer club. Yeah. Oh, that was a big one. Probably 10 and then maybe five other answers. And change. And change. I think it's a big deal when you get up into double digits. Yeah.

I think only you are second only to Steve Martin, maybe. Well, no, I think Baldwin is ahead of me. And also John Goodman. I think he's done quite a few. Goodman, he was on a lot. My second show was Baldwin's first show. The read-through, when hosts come in,

and are gonna cold read 55 sketches for four hours. - It's so ridiculous. - The most exciting, exciting six hours in show business. - And people like you, John Goodman, Danny DeVito, I could mention a lot more, where you're listening to them cold read and watching their choices

on the fly. Yeah. Being just great. It's like school. So it's, it's a real skill to be able to read that well, you know, and cold read, you know, the writers going, Tom, at this, as you go to the read through, you got to play it. So,

Slow down at the end on the waiter. You know, you come in later. Or you're reading it wrong and you see the writer like this over there. Well, as you've hosted now, you then have been in Lauren's office immediately after the read-through. And all 55 sketches are up. Their titles are on cards. And just go through each one. Dana, Church Lady 6, would you like to put that on again? 6. Shall we put it on? Church Lady 6.

Could we do that? Tom, Ant Commander, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack likes it. Oh yeah, put it up there. Can you send Jack Handy in? I want to see if he can tighten this sketch.

Okay, so one of the times I'm doing it, I'm working with Jack Handy. And I know that he's one of the legends. You know, he'd been around SNL a long time. And he told me about, I also put out this kind of like goofy little magazine called Army Man. I said, oh, I'd love to read that. And so he hands me this essentially five Xeroxed pages that have been stapled together. Here's my magazine. It's called Army Man.

It was like a funnier than a bad mag. It was like mad magazine condensed down to just lethal heroin style quality hilarity. He's a silent killer. Really? I said, I said, how do you, is there a way to subscribe to this? Is it? Yeah, I can mail you a few. Hey,

Pulling it up, send it to you in the mail. What a mind. Hey, guys, this has been great. I've enjoyed the stroll down your lives, Spade and Carvey Avenue, right here at the intersection. I'm going to say, with the risk of sounding show business sincere, this was a complete pleasure. Thanks, gang. Next week's guest is Daryl Hammond.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.