Ted Danson
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony,

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. All right. Our guest this week is the one and only Ted Danson.

An American classic. Yep. What a dude. I think most people know him from, well, a lot of things. He's done so many shows. Cheers is the one that sort of that gigantic one, but he's, he's worked consistently on all kinds of different shows for 40 some years. And so,

We had a nice time with Ted. He's very affable, funny, and we went over a movie, Body Heat, if anyone's a fan of that. It's a brilliant film noir, early 80s, where he plays a key part in that. William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. We talk about that. We talk about how he got into show business, his beginnings. Talked a lot about how show business can beat you up and beat up your ego and how you have to be

I don't know what word he used, agreeable, or you have to be willing to take the pain and not flip out, basically. The beating that is show business. That can be show business to your ego. We've talked a lot about Woody Harrelson because he did Cheers to them and they have a spinoff. Not a podcast about that. It's more...

It's not just about Cheers. It's not just about Cheers, but it's Ted Danson and then Woody Harrelson sometimes. But he loves Woody. Woody loves him. They're really good friends. And podcasting allows him to hang out. So he talks about that. He's a really interesting, gracious guest for us and talks about his marriage.

And that's kind of a teaser for anybody interested in Mary Steen. Mary Steenburgen, who I have a crush on. Adorable. And so you'll hear about a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. You're going to hear stuff like you wouldn't believe. You never run out of it. We're going to do things. And a lot of people say we can't do it, but we did it anyway. All right, here you go. There's Ted Danson.

Let's free ball it. Oh, no, we love the technical stuff. We everyone we've been told, you know, because we're we're dancing for our dinner when you're doing your shows and movies and I'm doing whatever.

And then we're told, well, people actually just want to listen to us, hang out and talk. So it's not really a show. And everyone who listened to this podcast is actively doing something else. Gardening. They're at the gym. It's like having sex with your wife, but she's actually writing a grocery list. So it changes the dynamic. Yeah. Also they like to go, what is he, what is he doing to his computer? Yeah.

That I don't do to mine. Like, how do you do that? So it's also a little informative because we never get it right. We've done this so many times. And then sometimes, um, have you, have you banked some Ted, by the way? Yeah, we, uh, we can go, go.

Lingo. Let's see. Premier? Is that the word? Whatever. June 12th. I think we have about 38. Shut up. I know. Oh, that's smart. You get so far ahead that you're going to be able to make your own schedule as you go.

You can go to Greece for a month if you want. Yes. But the poor people who had a book coming out the week after the podcast, what book is probably off the shelves by now. Right. We were told to slow down a little bit. We run into that. We, they say you should get a little ahead, but sometimes like someone's exactly promoting something. Are you guys loving doing this? A podcast?

Not necessarily this one, but in general, this one is, is starting out as my favorite one. So, uh, uh, so that, no, this is let's back. Let's unpack this for a little minute. Like this is surreal.

pre post pandemic that I'm on a laptop in my bedroom. I'm punched and I'm working. I'm being paid. Well, I'm hanging out with friends and riffing that this even exists as an idea. Like I was on vacation with my family in Wyoming and they said, Paul McCartney can do it tomorrow.

So I had to go to the four C's for good Wi-Fi. And I interviewed Paul McCartney on this very laptop wearing this T-shirt for an hour with David in New York and Paul in Liverpool or something, or London probably. So yeah, it's a miracle. It is a miracle. It's very fun. And here...

The other thing you've probably already noticed, I don't know if you're a man about town. I'm kind of an introvert. I'm like Billy Bob Thornton. I'm just inside. So I get to hang out with you now for an hour. So if we ever run into each other again, it'll be even next level Ted, you know? Yes.

I have the exact same story. Really. I am. I, uh, I had to go to church around favorite, uh, famous people. When I meet them at a party, I become reverential. I become, you know, all the things you don't want to be. I'm not, well, I'm not whatever. And I'm a bit of a wallflower. So to be able to sit opposite somebody, we do it in person. Um, and,

and literally talk to them for like an hour and a half or so and figure out who they are and what makes them tick is kind of a privilege. I'm really into it. It's like an on an uninterrupted Oscar party where people aren't pulling you away every second, you know, at those parties you get about a good 15 seconds before someone comes in. And so these are real conversations, real talk. And then,

It's just getting to basically like have dinner with someone and talk for an hour.

Is that a surprise? You went into it, let's see how this goes. Then you decided, I love this because it is enforced intimacy. The small talk is difficult at a giant party. Very tricky. I get nervous depending. If they're friends or people I've worked with, I don't get nervous. But if there's somebody I don't know and especially have a lot of respect for,

Like you guys, I had intimidated for about five minutes until I settled down and, you know, just enjoy the conversation. But, um, yeah, you know, it's hard to decide how far I can poke fun at people because I don't know them that well. And some people we know from the old days and some people I barely know. And sometimes we go too far, but it's ultimately just my fun. That's my nickname. Too far. Ted, too far. Ted is yes.

Okay. How does that, how does that manifest itself? You just saying wildly inappropriate things, trying to be one of you guys who can be cutting edge. And I go too far. Mostly family. It's around family. That's where I go. Okay. Well, we, you know, doing this, I will, after almost every one have some regret.

not like I'm crying in a, but I'll go, Oh, why didn't I follow that through line? And why did I interrupt? And why did I talk over him? Uh, so do you, have you found any of that where you sort of, or are you free? Like Howard Stern gets tortured. Letterman famously wouldn't come out of his dressing room for an hour because of things he didn't think he did. Right. Others can just take it off like a jacket. No, I am really, uh, I don't sleep well the night before. Uh,

I'm full of what do I have to offer? I'm lightweight. All of those things are true. All legitimate. Stop you from being able to do this job. Well, self-deprecating is your new nickname. And I have evidence here. I do research. Yeah, you've done this shit. Of one of the biggest careers in the last 50 crazy years. And we can jump around wherever you want to go. But I have...

things that I'm really excited to talk to you about. Well, we did kind of work together, didn't we? Well, well, Saturday Night Live. Oh yeah. And I remembered you. No, no, I was talking. Hey, come on. Give me a second. I remember you then and you now.

like being, talking to us just on the soundstage and you talked about how, I won't give the number, but it was 89. - I remember this. - You told us how much you were gonna make specifically and you were sheepish about it. You knew so many great actors that were still in regional theater. There was a humility about you and it always stuck with me, but what did you remember? - I remembered how my false humility

which I'm also really good at. Oh, just for the record, I think it was you or John asked me. Yeah. And of course they ask, I'm always fascinated and we probably asked you together, but go ahead. It's not, it's a little bit, if you're in the business kind of together, kind of okay. Yeah. If I'd been making like way less, I probably would have said none of your business.

Yeah, that's true. Well, it's fascinating to me, the transition where first you're going to try show business, then you get a job in show business. Now they're paying me good money, like I have my high school teacher show business. Now they're giving me a lot of money. It's surreal. We're doing the same shit. It is, literally. And the day you got that job that pays you a lot of money,

you're just as good or bad as you were the day before. Yeah. It's all very kind of, I do think there's a degree of, uh, you need a degree of willingness to be successful. And that sounds really weird, but you do have to give up, uh, the shit in your life that, uh, doesn't serve you. You do have to, uh, um, I don't know. They're just things that you need to, to, you have to be willing to, uh,

I don't know. I actually, sorry. No, we love this. I know that willingness is a big part of being successful. A lot of people don't check out how they present in the world or don't realize they have a chip on their shoulder or don't really take a look at themselves in a kind of harsh, real way.

so that you can pave the way to the possibility of success. A lot of people are confused why

Things don't come their way. But then if you really take a look, you're, you're, you have a big fuck you on your shoulder that people don't necessarily want to work with. I mean, there is a degree of self-examination, I think that helps you on your path, you know, in life. Some people are what I call a shoulder looking for a chip. Yes. Like their, their brain, actually, they get an endorphin rush from that feeling of victimhood. It's, it's a disease. And I do think that,

Over the years and people have come through Saturday Night Live and said there's an agreeableness. It's not soft or hard. It's just agreeable in the moment and someone you want to hang out with. So I assume that by the time you, because you got a movie called The Onion and that was your first kind of movie in 79, right? Yeah. The Onion Field. Yeah. Yeah. And James Woods, John Savage.

Yeah. A lot of it. Does it ring a bell? James Woods was brilliant. Yeah. True story about two policemen in the 60s who got pulled over, who pulled over a car because of a license plate infraction or something. And these kind of low level hoods.

decided to pull guns on us, took our guns, kidnapped us, took us out to Bakersfield. And they thought, well, we've kidnapped them, so we might as well kill them. And they did indeed shoot my character. But what was remarkable about it was it was like it was a Joe Wamba novel. And then I think he wrote the script. Harold Becker directed it. And

it um they had relatives and surviving you know of the people uh who were real in the movies so it was like you were really not only was it my first film but you know has a certain degree of all attached to it when you're starting out but it also had the awesomeness of trying to represent people who who had relatives stand

watching you act. That's tougher, yeah. Yeah, but it was really an amazing experience. What was the onion field? Is that where they brought you out? Yeah, there are onion fields out in Bakersfield and

And that's where it's, it's a very riveting film. Kind of disturbing. Yeah. It's like anyone's worst nightmare. Yeah. You know, um, can I, this is just, I want to go to this one right now. Don't skim over three, three minutes. No, no, we're coming to that. There's just a movie that I did. This was Michael Keaton. I'll do it with you. Everyone has a sleeper movie. Um, that maybe it's not,

as big as some of the other movies, but it's a sleeper that no human being could not enjoy. Every time I've recommended this movie that you were in to anybody who's never seen it, I'm always very happy. You haven't seen...

Body heat? Oh, body heat. You're going to love it. And you were, that's on my wife and we watch movies over and over again, like The Godfather every year. That's on our rotation. That's how much we love it. I've seen it at least 10 times. You in that movie is crazy great. Do you hear from people about that? And that dancing character and the whole arc of the whole...

Anyway, do you talk about it? No, it was brilliantly written by Larry Kasdan, who had written a lot of the Star Wars or several of the Star Wars. And this was, I think, his first directorial. First, yeah. And he...

He storyboarded it like two or three times. We rehearsed it for a month because there was a, I think a writer's strike or some strike that happened right as we started our one rehearsal and it turned into a three. So it was so well thought out and planned. You can literally take that script, watch the movie and conduct it like a symphony. Everything on the page is on the screen, which is to the point where he, he,

He'd shoot a half of a close-up and a third of a master because he knew exactly what he wanted. Wow. And the dancing thing was in the script. In the script, yeah. Because of that strike, I had about a month running around L.A. and car lots, jumping off bumpers and trying to be Fred Astaire.

It was just the character in the film, David. I don't know if you've seen it, but watch it tonight. No, I saw early on. Yeah, a little dance flourish just throughout. Such a unique little twist to a character. You did see it when it came out, probably. Well, everyone fell for Kathleen Turner, right? She's in that. Oh, yes. Very much so. And then I fell for William Hurt. William Hurt is just brilliant in that. Yeah, he is. You and he. Yeah.

He was on his way to becoming a heartthrob. I mean, he was amazing. This is how my mother, because there was some sexy nudity, not only her son, but this is how my mother watched Body Heat.

Literally with the hands covering. Of course, just hoping you're not popping up naked, right? Yeah. Star-crossed lovers who plot to kill the husband. Richard Crenna was amazing in that. You know, in great movies, everyone's great. You ever notice that?

Well, I'm going to blank on his name. James Allen Preston was your cohort. The detective, you two together figuring out your good friend, William Hurt, the lawyer is probably guilty. And that whole arc is written so great and acted so brilliantly. But who is the guy that they hire? Mickey Rourke.

Yeah, this was Mickey's first film. And he was just, he popped out of that. Oh my gosh. I don't know what you're doing, but I wouldn't do it. I don't know what you're doing, counselor. Counselor. You know, I am about as, you know, bland, white, uh, boring as you can get. Guilty. Yeah. I was talking to him, you know, uh,

Mickey, before a shot or something, I was watching them shoot his scene in the jail cell. And he was saying, you know, if this hadn't come along, I'd probably be in jail. And he's one of those guys. Some people say that. He is like that. And I kind of went, yeah, I got it. What a stud, though. And then he comes out nine and a half weeks, all that stuff. Yeah, just so fun to watch. I just think the scene...

where you guys really went for it at the very end back in the diner toward the end where you and the William Hurt's character really kind of know the gig is up the game is up and you're having your iced tea I don't have a good way it's just that you both started really laughing together and it always stood out as very real when the tension gets so high you know

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. What was your first movie?

My first movie opened in Uruguay on Tuesday in 1948. First movie I was in, Racing with the Moon, but I was with Nicolas Cage and I had a little part in that. But then the director, Richard Benjamin, called me at home and said, you were fine in the scene, we just can't use you. I did Tough Guys with Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. I was the third. Tough Guys. Their last movie together in 85.

Wow. That was a thrill. Were you excited and thrilled? Beyond, beyond being a baby boomer, Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. I mean, and I'm hanging out with them and they're talking to me and I was just kind of, I thought they would just sort of levitate. But when I saw, when I saw them do their lines, it was so simple and clean.

Which is hard. I don't think we should rob the bank. Cut. Is that it? Well, they would do, Burt would do a lot of takes because his memory was going a little bit. And then I would do one take and then Kirk would always say, I think we've got it.

I think we're good. Let's move on. But I became friends with Kirk after that, doing a lot of cardiac benefits at Cedars-Sinai. And just, what's your, what's your, um, let me ask David real quick. I'm thinking over this podcast, by the way. Yeah. I want to see how you already know you're going to be great. You can practice interviewing us and then we'll, we'll, you can, you can use this audio for this. Go ahead. Uh, first one was, um,

police academy for with steve gutenberg steve gutenberg yeah see look at that that's a tough guy to work with what a prick were you were you blasé were you in awe was it a big i was so beyond doing cartwheels i got it from just being at the improv being new and doing stand-up and

And then I got lucky because I didn't know how to act at all. If you've, let's look at a clip. You can tell. But no, I didn't know how to act. And they said they need a skateboarder. And there was always casting people at the improv. And Dana knows this. There's just, you never know. Yeah. And I looked young and I was 20, maybe 21. And they said, can you skateboard? They want to call you in for this. And they didn't have the sides at the place.

And they apologized and said, can you just act like you're a skateboard, like arguing with the cops because they're hassling you? And I'm like, oh my, this was so much better because I couldn't have read. I wouldn't even, they could tell. I just read it off the paper. I wouldn't even know what I'm doing. And so because that was even in the vicinity, they're like, it's not a huge part. Yeah. Get him.

And it was 10 weeks. And so I got to go and do 10 weeks. I double dated with Gutenberg to Bob Seger when I was there. And my date liked him better in a shocking turn of events. She liked the lead in the movie. And then one time I think he was, I was making 25 grand, which was 2,500 a week.

For 10 weeks. And I loved it. I couldn't fucking believe it. And Steve was making 1.7 million. And I remember it was a rain delay and we were in his trailer. He was nice enough to just bullshit with me. And by lunch, they called lunch and I go, I walked away going, he just made my whole salary. He didn't leave his trailer. In my weird head, I was thinking that's so, it's too much money. It's too, it's too crazy. Yeah.

And so a pleasant experience, got to be a skateboarder. Tony Hawk was in it, got to work with skateboarders. Tony Hawk. Did you meet up with him later? Was Tony Hawk super Tony Hawk by then or? He was a medium Tony Hawk. He was just a skater. I saw in the skate magazines and I was a skater. So he played, I had like a gang of skaters that were bad guys sort of, and it's not even a B story or like a D. And then,

Tony would do my good skating. He's my stunt skater for me. That's pretty cool. He's been on this podcast. Yeah, and he was nice enough that I stayed in touch with him because I love skateboarding. So I knew every guy they used and then we stayed friends. And my big excitement was I took a – at the wrap party, I took a –

Tylenol from Canada, which is a 222, which is Dana. I don't know if you know, when you go there, they sell codeine over the counter. Really? So I took two, basically like full Vicodins. I never taken a pain pill and I was running around like JonBenet. I didn't know how, why I was so amped up and I got too amped and I ran home from the party three miles.

dug a pool, and then just stayed awake for 24 hours. I didn't know what was going on. Jeez, a lot going on. Yeah, a lot going on at that wrap party. Sharon Stone was in it. Wow. It was such a fun Bubba, you know, obviously Bubba Smith. Sharon's been on your show too, right? Sharon's been on and she was lovely. Recently.

was, was lovely on the movie. Do you guys keep in touch? I am just amazed. I'm a lousy friend. I'm a good word. I love, uh,

You seem like a bad friend, like that vibe. Yeah, yeah. Staying in touch, I'm rotten. You know, I like to hunker down with Mary and go nowhere. Well, Mary's good. Eddie Harrelson is the exact opposite. He literally will be on location somewhere and his assistant or whoever will come up and say, these are the people who have called and would like to spend some time with you here in Montreal, you know.

I am the exact opposite. I'm terrible. I'm always apologizing.

I'm exactly like you, Ted, basically. David, you have friends. I can tell. I have a couple of friends, but when I see them out, I am good for a short amount of time at a party, at a Hollywood thing. I can do about an hour. The second I'm in the corner and no one's talking and I feel weird and no one's kind of gotten over it with me, I go, oh, they've seen me once. Because you know, people go, I'm going to go do a lap. And then they come back and see him again. Uh-huh. And then the third time, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I've seen you three times. Yeah.

So, uh, you feel dumb doing that. So I say, hi, hi, hi. Say things that don't matter. Uh, talk about nothing, do jokes that no one understands. And then I leave. Yeah. I want to know about you and Mary. And Mary's very nice. Been married a long, long time hanging out. Of course, everyone loves her. Uh,

And you as a couple. So what do you guys hang? I know you do Wordle. So does my wife in the morning. But do you read in the same room together at night? Do you check out shows? Do you talk amongst yourselves? We check out shows. We found each other late in life and had messed up. I had several times. And we had both gotten to the point where we were convinced that we were incapable of having a relationship. So finding each other.

uh was so miraculous we we celebrate each other and do each other non-stop so yeah we're we're pathetic if you had a cam a hidden camera we would nauseate the entire world we make each other laugh with the stupidest things but you know hearing her laugh is kind of uh

The best thing in the world. Do you have tricks up your sleeve? I mean, do you do a Cary Grant impression or just pick names out of it? It's just, is it physical comedy? Cause you've demonstrated a lot of comedy chops throughout your career. Yeah. Physical comedy. I'm really good for talking for our dog when we had a dog. Improv. That's something. Very stupid stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, but it works. If you get someone that works with, that's all of her that matters. Do you like, like say you're in the kitchen and she just comes in and is walking around. Do you just like watching her walk around still? Yes, I will peek at my wife. Peek at my wife. I have

full cart bunch to look at, but I will sometimes just peek at her and go, oh my God. Yeah. Look at her. She's a stunner. Look at her. Look at her. I love that. That is the sign of a really good marriage. And you're both really simpatico, chill. No one's undercutting. You think of all the negative things that can happen. Someone who's undercutting you, a little bit jealous. I mean, there's a whole list of human frailties. And so I guess with you two, it's just easy. Yeah.

You were the first JLo and Ben. You know, you work at stuff. You, you, your parents, your step parents, your grandparents, uh, you both have careers. You both have, um, he goes and, uh,

sensitivities so you know it's not yeah we we work we work at it and when you're working at some with on things with somebody you're madly in love with it's a lot easier in the middle of a fight you know if i'm which are pretty rare but in the middle of a fight i walk away and one little voice in my head goes ted do you really believe that she's not madly in love with you you know it's like i

Shit. Okay. That's nice. So do you think the J-Lo Affleck rumors are true? That's why we got you on the phone today. Give me the latest. I'm rooting for them. It's sort of the opposite of your situation. The more people that know what your business is, in my theory, it's just harder because the more commentary. So you guys are sort of homebodies. There's less interaction and less...

input of what you should be doing and not doing? I think also the level of fame. If I am surrounded for whatever reason by a lot of adulation, adoration because of a job I'm in the middle of or a crowd or whatever, and I come home, I almost feel... It's tricky because...

There's part of your ego, you know, which you pretend you don't have or you have under control is just roaring. You know, you I think if I were more famous than I am, I would be very hard on relationships. I think, you know, they both are so famous. I think Mary's and my fame is at the level that we are.

can contain and are happy with and do and do your life pretty normally without too much you're not you're not feeding the beast i mean shiny objects it's the crest press core just goes to the shiny object but ted and mary okay still happily married their families um both working you know so yeah be boring there was that guess we had on here was in the tabloid frenzy i said you got to get boring

You just got to get boring. However you can do it. You can't take off your wedding ring one day, then put it on the next day and then hold it up casually to the camera and then starts a frenzy of like, wait, are they together? You know, that's kind of, sometimes they like to feed it, not Ben and JLo for sure, but just there's, there's ways out there that people feel the need to keep it going. And it realized it's just a tough world. Cause if it starts to go away, you feel horrible. They're not checking on you every day. You've you hate it, but you feel dumb if they're not. So.

I mean, we fall into all of those traps. I mean, I don't think you can be in this business and not, you know, step in a pile of poo every other day because we all have egos and we all want to work and we all are aging and we're all different than we used to be. And we're, you know, all those things are true. So it has an impact. But if,

You know, anyway. Well, no, it's interesting because we grew up and had our, like, cheers. That was an analog world. It was the three-channel world. Cable was just starting. It was... One thing I was just sort of interested in about because of...

um you're those two movies i mentioned the onion and and um body heat and then you're presented with this you want to do a sitcom in a bar i mean was that like yes please or was there any sense at that time that you're a movie guy oh no no uh and and it wasn't i didn't even think about i mean it wasn't me being offered something i auditioned with a lot of people i remember

I was doing an episode of taxi. Somebody fell out at the last moment. And I, I think Jimmy Burroughs remembered me for some audition. Jimmy, who was one of the co-creators of an amazing director. Incredible. Yeah. Genius. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I was, uh,

doing Taxi, and they had just gotten in office, Les and Glenn Charles and Jimmy Burrows, and were talking about Cheers, and they were starting to cast. And so they had me come down on a lunch break, and I had about two or three meetings with them during that week. And after the last one, they said, do us a favor, don't take any other job without checking with us.

And I went, so are you saying that I have this part? And they went, no, no, no, no. No, no. Back with us. And I walked out. Their office had two doors, front door and kind of a back door and a long hallway when you got out. And I went out the back door and I looked at the staircase coming up to the front door part of the office. And there was like every actor in town was coming up to audition. Wow.

kind of miraculous. But I auditioned, I think really I got it because of Shelley Long. Shelley was brilliant. She, off the rack was Diane Chamber. And we auditioned well together because they did a lot of mix and matching. They actually had a kind of an audition off in front of all the networks. Three couples came. Ah, terrifying. I remember those things. And I was with Shelley. Well,

Well, yeah, I mean, she, I've done those. I think I've told Dana there was a sickening one where I was new and I needed it so bad. It was 40,000 for a pilot, which was a high quote. I hadn't done it, but they wanted me so badly. And I won't sound cocky in a minute. And the other part, they, they had seven people read for. So we went to CBS and did a, did a, you know, network and,

chemistry read so i'm reading with seven other guys and they're mixing and matching and i want you read their part just to see just the craziness and i walked out of there and my manager said uh all the people that made 40 000 on a pilot take one step forward not so fast spade i

And I go, that's Dana. It's your manager too. And I go, I go, oh my, what do you mean? He's like, I don't know how you did it, but you didn't do it. You didn't get it. And I go, they have to, I'm the only one for the one part. They go, they're starting over. I go, no, they can't. I was freaking out. They started over. They go, they're just going to start over casting. And I go, that's impossible. I couldn't even imagine. I go, all I have to do is go there and I have $40,000 and I'm on a show.

I could, it was so, I couldn't even deal with it. I could. And then, and never, never got off the ground. I didn't know it was feasible to lose it. And, uh, but those, that's why those things are so nerve wracking. There's a possibility. There's a long shot. You're even going to get it. And there's a million to one. It's going to be a monster hit. Yeah.

Did you have a hell one? Sorry, that's an example of willingness, you know, because your ego gets bashed around so much in business that if you're not willing to kind of check your ego at the door, if you're, you know. Jump to the hoops. Yeah, you have to be willing to get banged up and still keep going.

It's an emotionally violent sport for sure. I read for Harry and son, I read for, I go in the room and they paired me with a woman. It was Paul Newman.

Oh, and Joanne Woodward are on the couch. You're like, come on, fuck. And he's got red socks. She's got a little dog. I can barely talk. And they paired us off. I I'm horrible. I can barely move actor, even come up with words. I'm with this pretty good actress. And then he goes, well, and Newman was so nice. Well, we're just looking and this and that he's thinking, get him out. So we went outside and go, wow, that was kind of rough. She goes, yeah, it was rough. You fucked me. Yeah.

And we are married for 40 years. No, but that was... It's an emotionally violent sport. You have to take such blows and such... Because you're not that valuable. Everyone says you're that valuable and you're replaced in one second. You go, oh. And it's hard to remember...

It's an entertainment business. It's really not that crucial. And a lot of people can do what we do and just be happy. It's very tough because you get ego for sure. Don't take it personally. It's like arguing with a Coke machine because it's not giving you quarters. It's never personal. Nothing in show business is personal. You walk through the door and you happen to unfortunately remind them of their second cousin on the left side, you know, who they hate.

And you'll never know why you get something or don't get something. And so to make rules or to damage yourself in some way in your- - Yeah, you'll just get it sometimes and you won't other times. I read with Lynn Stallmaster. - Yes! - A romantic scene alone in a room, just being him, right? It was a man, if I can. And he's reading the woman part. - The casting director?

I don't know. You just auditioning is, is difficult. You do have to have willingness or whatever tenacity, whatever you want to call it. I think certain people, um, I think it was, um,

from breaking bad, the famous actor, sorry. I won your Cranston. He just said he decided at one point, I'm just going to do this, whether it's regional theater or commercials or TV or films. I'm just, this is what I'm going to do. And I think that's the attitude. I agree. I love it. I used to go, uh,

be extras in commercials while I was doing theater, you know, at night. And, you know, I just wanted to be part of this business. I just want to be, I still do. I still get a thrill driving through a studio gate. I just, I am so happy. It's lucky. Right. You know,

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It's like 450 episodes. I mean, the amount of work is unbelievable. And the amount of success you've had is just phenomenal. You know, you'd have to say everything kind of, you know, comes from Cheers, without a doubt. What was that one again? What was that about? The bar one. Did it change a lot from the pilot? Did you think it was like, or you guys had it from the beginning? Like it was kind of set the way it was because some shows sort of turn into something else.

I, you know, I'm the perfect actor who doesn't want to write, direct, or produce. So my point of view is so subjective, full of self. So I don't know that I could really take a bird's eye view. I was devastated when I saw the pilot. I fell.

Pulled Jimmy Burroughs aside and literally burst into tears saying, I'm awful. I'm so horrible in this. And he looked at me for a minute, broke into laughter and walked off. But I do think it took me a while. I think this is true that I, you know, I was playing a...

relief pitcher and the owner of a bar. And there's a certain amount of arrogance, especially with a relief pitcher. And I didn't have any of that in me. And I never was in bars, me Ted. I never, I was never, you know, a woman had to be standing naked opposite me and I'd go, wait, you mean me? You know, I was the opposite of Sam Malone.

So it took me about a year of finally, you know, you realize, oh, people are judging you. You're on the air. Some people like you, some people hate you and you can't please everybody. So they, I kind of developed a, oh, well, fuck it. I'm just going to do it for myself. The hell with everybody else kind of feeling not overly so, but kind of, and that's when I started to get

was able to start tapping into the arrogance of Sam Malone. So I feel like it took me about a year to understand or be able to play him. And the ratings weren't superstar right out of the box, right? Jimmy likes to say we were 70th out of 70. No, we were 70th out of 65. Oh, and they hung in there, which is rare. We really were dead last one time.

Wow, and they didn't cancel you. Why? Just because Jim Burrows? No, because they had nothing to replace us with. Literally. We were told that. Everybody got... We want to, but we can't. Oh, we hate you, but we got nothing. Really? We had critics on our side, and that was about it. That does help. They like that. They do like that. They like a little buzz. We worked our way up to the mid-20s or something like that. And then Bill Cosby, I know everyone...

checks themselves when they talk about Bill Cosby, but Gil, Bill Cosby,

was a juggernaut his show yes and he he was on thursday night at the beginning of the evening and he pulled literally all the rest of us behind 50 million at some point i think like you were top 10 as a result of him i used to send them baskets of muffins or something saying thank you thank you he made hits because if you just followed him but at least got eyes on you and you have a great

You had a good show, so it's not like a mistake, but it's just good that you get the eyes on you. I believe, and there's so many, it's 85 when Woody Harrelson came in. I think I really sucked. I think I read for that part. Really?

Really? Oh, wow. That's some casting. If I recall it directly. Yeah. And I was horrible. And then you see Woody and it's like, well, of course, but he really also was another gusher up when you got him in there too. I don't. Yeah. He was amazing. The chemistry of all of you was gelling, but he's, he's something special. I mean, you know that it's always the writing, even the stuff you do for yourself, have you written it well or whatever? Yeah.

It works. You know, it's really the writing. And we had brilliant writers. And we got, Coach died and Woody came in and Woody was completely embraced because he was outstanding, but also because of the writing. And then we lost, Shelley moved on, Shelley Long, you know, cursed the out. Did you ever talk to Shelley about that when she said, I'm running by you?

No, no. I think it was her desire to go off. She'd made a couple of really good movies, reconcilable differences she was good in. And I think she and her managers wanted her to have a

film career and she had done her five years. She got her five years. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and I think in a way it, uh, probably gave cheers its legs because Kirstie Alley came storming in with a whole different kind of energy and was immediately, you know, right. It might've gotten old. You don't know. You don't know. It might've gotten. Yeah. And then Woody and how long after coach does Woody come in or is it right away?

Right. Coach was very ill the end of the third season. And we they started writing about and talking about him being on a trip or something. And then that summer he passed away and Woody was cast by the time we started the next season.

And then it just, it's, I don't know. You look at Mary Tyler Moore. I'm just picking some out here. And then you guys and Frazier and Seinfeld, it's just a, it's an era of these brilliant half hour shows that all had long runs or as long as a run as they wanted. I mean, you did go 11 seasons.

Right. Right. And you got nominated. Sorry. Don't blush. Every single season. Nine times. Only nine. Oh, Wikipedia fucked me. No, no, no. You were right. Nine times before I won one. Okay. It was, it became like such a joke. I'll wear this. I won't wear cufflinks. I'll, uh, I will write a speech. I won't write a speech. And then the car ride home to your kids.

No, no, didn't win this time, but I'm all right. I'm okay. You know, the last episode, Dana, listen to these facts. 80 million people, seventh most watched show that wasn't sports. And if you include sports, it was beaten by a WNBA game, unfortunately, the LA Sparks.

Caitlin Clark actually was three years old at the last call. WNBA game smoked it. They get 81 million. But no, 80 million seems high. That's a lot. Seems good. When we canceled Just Shoot Me, which is my idea. No, wait, it was the networks. We just got a correction. When I was on a show, Ted, and Ted, you can Google this. It's true. What was the finale? When I was on the show,

I don't, you know what? I think our, maybe we went out with a whimper because we didn't know we were being canceled. I don't think you had a finale. You know that trick? It's like they tell you later and you're like, so that random episode was our big, okay. I don't remember. Maybe we did, but we got a good run. We had 148. That's good. And, uh,

That's real good. Got me that Honda Civic I'm rolling around in. That's not bad. That's not bad. Can I ask you a question, Ted? I like to ask for permission. Please. Getting to know you a little bit even better. By the way, when Woody hosted the show, he mentioned you constantly. It was really kind of cool. I remember him about you mentoring. He didn't say you're his mentor, but Ted said this, and Ted said this. It was kind of sweet.

When was this? Was this early, early 90s when he was on SNL? Yeah, I just it was very sweet. But I was just wondering with your personality, there's a given point in the 80s at some point. Ted, you're just you're swarmed. You're getting so famous. And the swarm. How did you what happened? Did you just roll with it? I mean, we talked to.

Ed O'Neill about it. And he's, he's just very chill and kind of East coast, you know, was it, was it heady? Was it exciting? I mean, you were in the top of that sitcom rocket. Yeah. I, yeah. I mean, yeah, I, I'd be silly not to say it wasn't heavy. Um, but you're also, you know, raising two kids. You're, you know, you there, there were certain balancing things to it. And then I went off and tried to make a couple of movies and they both,

did not do well so three men and a baby did not do that did very well that was during cheers i mean doing yeah the middle of cheers when you'd go out in the summer and make a movie i'm sure you felt this way with saturday night live you had a home to come back to yeah right this huge pressure stress yeah yeah so you finish and what movie do you go do after your drunken final episode

It was a drunken reunion. What was it? Wasn't something where you guys got drunk. What was that? It was, it was Jay Leno. Broadcast live outside the bar in Boston. Right. It was the final episode. And we, as a cast had not seen each other because we'd finished shooting, you know, two months before or three months before.

And they told us to come to the Bull and Finch, which is a bar, and hang out and do interviews until 11 o'clock at night. What the heck did they expect? What? Oh, my God. I think the only sober-ish person was Kelsey Grammer. The rest of us were hammered and stoned. And Jay Leno, this is a great moment, where Jay's doing the lights and we're outside and there's a crowd.

around us and we're sitting on stools surrounding jay and he he's puts his notes down when they're saying five four three he looks it up and sees you know seven or eight of us with our eyes kind of spinning yeah of course you can see him go oh fuck oh he could see it immediately

Yeah. And he had to do, what do you, what was it after the finale, after it aired and then you guys come on and you guys, they think you're like walking out of the finale bar. Like just, yeah. What I remember hearing a lot of shit for it that people weren't tickled, but Oh, well, what, when you, I was just curious, um, what were you drinking? Did, did people drink beer or were they doing shots or where did it evolve to?

Did anyone just... I don't know if I was into tequila back then, but probably tequila and... That'll do it. Cannabis, you know. And the plastic bag weed. Yeah. Where he goes like this...

That one. I love Woody. You know, he has a great... Woody who doesn't like doing the ads for this podcast. I will sell my soul anywhere. Who cares? But he doesn't want to do commercials except...

for his dispensary in, you know, on Panamonica Boulevard. And he gives the address. It's called The Woods, which is kind of perfect. And it's brilliant. I have to say, it's brilliant. Listen, he had one of the memorable monologues last year when he kind of

Oh, yeah. Stepped outside the lines. Outside the box. And that's what that's our Woody. That's a good SNL thing. That's what you should be doing on SNL. He once pulled me aside and said, I think I was getting a divorce or separated or something. But he was saying, why? Why, Tenny? Why are you so fearful? You're always so fearful.

And there's a degree of truth in that. And Woody is the exact opposite, man. He takes big chunks out of life. We were actually rehearsing for a show, you know, if we shot Tuesday, maybe this was a Friday or something. And he was late.

15 minutes late meant you were on time. 30 minutes, you were late. 45 minutes, people were pissed off. And someone came running in and said, Woody called. He's in Berlin. The wall is coming down and he didn't want to miss it. That's Woody. Yeah.

Yeah. It can be maddening, but you just have to admire the big chunks of life that he, you know. Yeah, he seems to have funny surfs. He has a good timing. He's a poet. He's a playwright. The Texas trifecta, I mean, as far as that eccentricity, I think McConaughey is,

Owen Wilson. And of course, Woody, I put Billy Bob Thornton, but he's, I don't know if he's from Texas, but just a real eccentric, but yeah, those guys just are fearful. I live in terror most of the time. I hate flying. I'm a homebody, but I love hearing about people like, let's just go surf in Argentina. Owen Wilson said that one. Do you, we're going down next week. I go,

What are the rules of life? You can do that? Like, can you just do that while I'm doing it? And they ask people, you know, what they regret most later in life. They go, I was just too afraid. David, it sounds like you're a smidge more courageous than Dana and me. Well, not super courageous. I do try to get out of the house a little more, but I'm not that good at it. That's scary, man. We're crazy. Yeah, we're weird. Listen, we're all weirdos, but...

David's touring a lot. Oh, I do stand up. That's hard enough to go on the road. That's courageous. I do not understand that because that's dangerous. That's courageous. You are on your own. No backup. Thank you. I'm so astounded by people who can do stand up.

Yes, it is hard out there. And Dana's very, very good at it. David was good very young. I mean, it took me at least three full years not being a full panic attack all day. This is doing open mics in college. It is horrifying. Terrifying stage fright. The palms of my hands would turn bright red.

And if I waved to the crowd, they go, what's wrong with you? So it took me a long time to beat the hell out of it. You know, I mean, what was your first thought? Oh, I'm going to go stand out in front of a crowd and I'm the one who's going to tell them what's funny or not. You know,

I had a secret desire as a little kid. Five kids in my family put on little talent shows. I would have years. Did you ever have a year that you were kind of confident? Like I was sort of confident in fourth grade. I don't know why. Fifth grade, horribly insecure. Junior highs, a mofo. But I could do little voices. I got a hold of a Craig tape recorder that was featured in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I had that.

And I would record, but then I was incredibly shy, incredibly shy. And then I just saw something in the newspaper. I was 20 years old and it said local comedians. I didn't, I only knew about Don Rickles or, or Richard Pryor. There's like, what do you mean? And so it was in Berkeley and Los Salamandra. It was a little hippie joint in the back, like 20 seater. And I went with a few friends and watched it.

The comedians. Yeah. And they didn't seem that good. And I always say this, but I'll say it to you. And then when this one guy goes up, I'm like, holy shit.

Like he's amazing. I thought, well, if there's a lot of this guy, I just, you know, so I had some notes. I just put them, I threw them, I threw them away. That was Robin Williams. So that, so he was always, but then I just did it and I was terrified and I just kept doing it. I've, I just had enough shows where I weren't bombing. I played delicatessence and church basements. I played to crowds who were facing away from me eating, you know, it's just a torturous, you know,

first few years till you get a foothold did you always do impressions

I did. I was enamored with them. I could do sort of a Beatle-y voice after seeing them on Ed Sullivan a few times. I could do Lyndon Johnson in those days. I love Rich Little, Frank Gorshun. I love those guys. Yeah. Well, what about you? I'm curious about that part of your world. We're going in circles here, David. No.

Oh, we are. Mine is similar to Dana's. But you did get on stage early, right? And it had success. I met you when you were like 21, right? Yeah. It was probably everyone left...

High school to go to college. I stayed to do community college. And then I was looking through one of the things and it said there was a comedy night. I just went. I never knew a comedy club. Never seen anything. Mostly out of boredom. But I like comedy. Everyone likes comedy. So I went and watched. So floored by it. I couldn't believe these guys were coming up with this stuff. And then they had an amateur night. And later it was digging at me. I'm like, what? I wonder if I could just go three minutes. Can anyone do three minutes? Because you walk up.

So I got intrigued by it and then I just tried it. Not good, but just liked it. Once you know you like something, I got bit by the bug and it was like the way people get with acting. I got that later with acting, but right away I was like, this is so fun and so fucking hard that it gave me sort of like a Rubik's Cube to figure out. Looking back, do you think you were already in that kind of... Were you working on that sweet spot of comedy for you? Were you already...

recognizably a young david spade you know uh if you watched yeah even my first hbo special which is obviously down the road a little bit but any early stuff it was a very similar style it was a little more high energy but eventually turned into what it is but you're i think at the beginning dana would agree you're sort of a research paper of your favorite people and just you start to figure out what you like the best and i realize i'm not sam kinnison i'm not going to yell i'm not

I'm not this. I started to whittle it down and then get to more of my favorites. And then you just turn into yourself. And then one day someone says, I saw this comic and they're doing you. And I'm like, Oh my, that's like the ultimate compliment. You go, Oh, it's now there's someone else that's seen me. Oh, okay. So he had props at one point. Everyone. I had a trunk of props that I bring. I carry with me on stage. Yeah.

And I kind of admired Robin Williams so much because he was such a powerhouse and he did voices and characters and ran out. And I was trying to be him for a few years, you know. And we're all just so lucky to get on SNL. That was such a dream because we were watching them in college, Dan Aykroyd, and then meeting Dan Aykroyd. This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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moments. I mean, where you're like, there's a moment where like, I'm going to, I mean, when did you, did you meet people that you admired that like the blew your mind or what, what was your journey on this? Um,

Well, I mean, in high school, did you go, I want to be on television? No, I wanted to play basketball. And I, and I was at a small school and we did well in our league, you know, any decent high school would have kicked our butts, but I just lived, ate, drank.

worship to basketball, went to Stanford. My friend who was actually a good athlete and I decided to go try out for freshman ball. And this is when Kareem was or Lou Alcindor was a freshman at UCLA. And it was just a different game than I could even imagine. So I didn't even step on the court. I stopped at the court line. Yeah.

Wow. Did you ever dunk a basketball? You're like 6'1". Oh, did I? No. Ask me if I could have ever touched the net. How tall are you? 6'2", but you know. You must have touched the rim. Actually, you know what? I broke my nose three times playing basketball. I mean, shattered it. Never in a romantic, you know, interesting, courageous way. You know, a ball would slip through my hands. Yeah.

we'd be running down, we'd be getting back on defense. And I was, uh, we would turn around and run into the back of my teammates head and smack. No, it was pathetic. But as a joke, one of the, uh, the sports writers at our little school put in the Kent school newspaper that Ted Danson broke his nose on the rim once again. And the, uh,

And that's like my father ended up for some reason, I think, believing it and showed it to the basketball coach and Flagstaff, Arizona at the high school. And they were all over me. I couldn't figure out why. Anyway. Yeah. So then you went into theater.

I followed a girl that I was hopefully going to be able to go out with. And I asked her for a coffee at Stanford and she said, sure. And so off we went in about two minutes and she went, Oh, I forgot. I have an audition. And I think, you know, signaling this was not going to work, but I went, Oh, can I, can I come along? And,

And she said, I guess so. Her name was Beth, by the way. Thank you, Beth. Because I went and there was an audition for a Bertolt Brecht play called Man, East Man. And to stay in the room, I had to do something. Oh, really? So I made something up. And I can't believe that I did this. I made something up. And people laughed. And I remember going, oh, wow.

wait a minute this is it yeah i got the smallest part you could get and be in the play i joined an acting class and i literally backed up my station wagon to the back of the theater and didn't leave until somebody finally said if you're serious go back east uh and go to a uh you know an acting school which i did and did you run into somebody at some point somewhere in new york that said hey ted

You're talented. You can have a career. Did anyone say anything like that to you? Or was it a slow build? I didn't need that, actually. I was so madly in love. To answer your question, no. And I'm so madly in love with the process. I started on acting. I went to Carnegie Mellon in three years. And then I went to New York and went back into a class while I was auditioning for stuff.

But I almost didn't care whether or not I was auditioning or being paid to act. I didn't care. I just loved it so much. And almost, I don't think that's true about the money part now, but I feel the same way. You know, I love going to work. Just liked it. Yeah. Well, thank you, Ted. I think we've learned too much. No, no. I have so much more. No, Ted. No.

No. I think you're going to be very successful. You asked us a lot of good questions. You know what you're doing. You followed up. You laughed. TV friendly. I'm just giving you a little critique. TV friendly. Likeable. I wrote it down here. Likeable. Good. Accessible. Vulnerable. Hangs out with crazy people like Woody, you know? Yeah. Got Woody on your team. That's good. Well, Woody and you, I mean...

I, yeah, you guys, I think it'll be successful. It's hard to figure out what this world is so vast of digital content. There's 5 billion pieces of content now, but yes, it's going to be very successful. Whether it's you guys, whether, you know, it's nice. I do. I, of course I have an ego and involved in this. I do want it to work.

But it's not the same kind of ego as acting. I'm just having fun. I can't believe that I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing a putt. It's great. It's a great sort of thing that came up and was invented. And it's better. It's a lot easier than going to New York and doing a talk show for six minutes. It's just less work and you get more out of it.

It's compartmentalized. You can build your other things around it. If you would get a movie or a show, you can expand. I would say one other thing that I noticed about you with all sincerity is you're curious and that's very helpful.

Yeah, you're right. Because you just follow that even if you're interrupting or over talking like I am now. If you're curious and you guys do over talk, right? You can't not over talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To a point. Yeah. You know, no, because I am. I love it when Woody is able to be there because it's fun.

I just love hanging out with him and he's such a different energy than I am. It kind of works well together. Oh yeah, I could see that. Yeah, his draw is... I've never tried to do Woody Harrelson, but very funny voice, unique. Yeah, and it's getting more Woody. Oh, he's going more Woody. Oh, awesome. Yeah, he's...

All right, Ted. Thank you, Ted. Thank you very much for your time. We really enjoyed talking to you guys. Yeah, we enjoyed it too. And we're so glad you came on our show. And good luck with everything. That's all I could say. I wish you all the best. Tell Mary hello. You're inspiring because you're just totally engaged with everything. Thank you, guys. Have a great day. Okay, boss. Take care, brother. Pleasure.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.