SUPERFLY #9 - Scandals and Madness
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

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As my dad used to say, gripes my ass. What burns your onion? They say, oh, yeah, well, if you're staying at someone's house, they have a guest room. Yeah, there's a nice warm bed for you back there.

First of all, the bed has no capability of making warmth. It is a cold, inert bed, lifeless, until my buddy that is warm gets in the bed and warms it up. So stop giving all this cred to a bed. Well, someone's in there, maybe. We'll push Grandma out.

Oh, you mean, oh, yeah, but she's 107. Her mean body temperature is 65. Because, you know, lack of circulation. So we're noticing that your bed is not in your background. So that's why this story. Well, yeah, this would be, if I do a little tease, I made it. Oh, it's made. I know. I made it. But the thing about me and beds is like the sheet,

Is a warfare situation. The sheet, because you get the sheet up and the blankets on top, and then the sheet can go underneath and start to travel down to your legs. So the sheet usually gets kicked off and then I'm just sweating into these comforters.

Let me finish if I can. No, the sheet's not your friend. It's a bunch of bullshit. And then the pillowcase comes off, too. I sweat and I grind into it. I have nightmares and the pillowcase comes off. So fuck my pillowcase has seen it all. If it could talk. I mean, just because when I wake up in the morning, I'm so thrashed. And the pillowcase is like, what the fuck? If you even knew what you did all night.

Yeah, you usually, at least as far as I understand, you wake up in a cold sweat several times a night. I mix it with hot sweat. Actually, I miss Kevin Nealon's joke where he says, I wake up, the sheets are in the kitchen, my pillow's in the garage. I don't know what happened.

That's funny. Have you ever done this where you woke up and you didn't realize that you'd orientated your head to the bottom of the bed and then you get up and you're running into things? I haven't done a full spin like that. Oh, I have. I wake up and everything is disorientated. It's kind of like we talked about on the road, how you just bang your shin like you're in an MMA fight.

on furniture. You wake up in the road, you don't know you're in Little Rock, you're walking through a room you think is your house because you're in such a fog and then you crack your shin bone into something.

Yeah. It's so hard, folks. Guys, Dana, I did the road. I did five days. I just got home last night. Five nights of stand up five or five. I didn't do that many. I did two shows that I was in. I went back to Austin to kill Tony, which is a podcast, which is a lot of fun. And, you know, when you stay in Austin, Austin has a lake around it.

It's like a five mile lake. Anyway, my first big joke on stage was, hey, I've been here a while. I see you guys added a lake and then no one left. And then I go, oh yeah, what's it called? And they all said Lady Bird Lake. And I go, oh yeah, Murder Lake. There's been like eight murders there, Dana. And so I think it's an active serial killer, they call it. And so I stayed right on the lake.

And it's not in the pamphlet for the hotel, I'll tell you that much. So I go down and I'm walking around and I got scared because I said, what is it with this? What is the serial killer looking for? I mean, what is the they said? Well, it's mostly 30s.

gay males that are very athletic and i'm like i can't leave the hotel i mean there you go this is did you do that on stage no well that's the winner i saved the funny ones for you okay oh okay only on superfly ladies and gentlemen but dana how funny if something happened to me and then my obituary is like

Gay David Spade was founded. I'm like, no, no, no. That guy might have thought I was. And then that's on my resume. You know what I mean? Totally. For thousands of years. Let me ask you a question about this. Please.

Does the serial killer, how does Lake involve? He dumps the bodies in the lake? Is that what you're saying? I used to be a defense attorney. I didn't know you'd grill me this hard about it. I think it's a path around it, like how running up here in LA. But it's a path, and it's very busy. A lot of electric bikes giving you rug burn. They drive on your left. And I'm like, uh-oh. Yeah, meow, meow, meow, meow.

So they're going very fast and there's dogs and there's kids. And so I think you can just sit there and scout. No one knows who's scouting who. Well, are there docks and boats with the houses on the lake, right? Oh, Heather said there's some accidental drownings. Oh, accidental in quotes. Yeah, I see. It was in two feet of water. He was an Olympic swimmer.

They found him on the beach. Yeah. I call foul play. 10 bodies. So, but they said, uh, anyway, I was worried because in my obituary, what if they asked the coroner and he's like, I went through the whole body and, uh,

It's too close to call. I don't know if he's straight. I'm like, well, don't say that. Say a straight guy, but obviously someone, you know, that's not the way to go. Like from the Wizard of Oz. As I do declare that David Spade is very gay. Truly, truly gay. That's not the song I want to hear on the news. No, it's more of a vibrato, isn't it? It's Catherine Harper. I don't know.

I haven't done that in a long time. Other than that, we can get into headlines, but that was my big exciting weekend. Um, TikToker tells illegal immigrants. This is for people listening in their car. TikToker tells illegal immigrants how to invade American homes and invoke squatters rights. First of all, first of all, I,

I don't even know why we invented squatters rights. It doesn't seem like something we need. Like if you can get in, I don't really know all the rules, but if you can get into someone's house when they're gone and maybe call and say, I'm the new owner and I want to change the gas or water. I think if you can get those in your name,

There's something that determines it. I don't really understand it. And the guy who gave the talk, which I saw, was very cocky about it. It wasn't like, if you need a house or if you're endangered or you're out in Wyoming, maybe you stay for a little bit. It was like, this is mine. But by the way, who we had on our...

sister podcast, Flying the Wall. Jay Leno was technically a squatter when he was really poor and struggling in LA. Oh, that's right. He'd go to an open house and then he'd hide

And then they would leave and he would stay there for like a week. You just laid out. Look at this joke. I saw new squat B and B like Airbnb service helps squatters find a perfect home to take over. That is funny because, because it is legal. Now it's turning into a whole little biz. And I,

Well, the guy that did it, first of all, he comes here and then he tells people how to do it and how to, it's just all, it's chaos. It's upside down. Let me ask you a question. This is just off the top of my head. Why do you, what is the word squatter? How does it apply? So gross. Like, look at this. Squatter became LeBron James's neighbor. That's a real story. Heather, see if that one's real. I was going to grab a house. It sounds like the onion.

Yeah, it does. It's, I think that I think in some Western States, if your life is in danger, like you're lost in the woods, you see a cabin, you can quote squat. That's what that's by. But I guess in California, anything could have, you know, we're a little, a little nutty out here, folks. Well,

Well, it's not like they leave it spic and span. It's always like, oh, and there was a crackdown and there was, you know, they trashed it. Excuse me, officer. I went to Whole Foods and there's someone living in my house. Yes. And what do you want me to do about it? Yeah. And you're arrested. Yeah. Those are his rights. Thank you, officer. Oh, it's on the Daily Mail. It's real. Oh, they've been having raucous parties. They're never just there to be cool.

No, they make a ruckus. Oh, they charge people to go in to go to the, hey, come to the house next to LeBron's party. I'd go to that, actually. That sounds fun. Okay. What else we got that's very cheerful? Oh, here we go. Oh, boy. You want to read the headline for our driving? For our drivers? Federal agents raid homes.

tied to Sean Daddy. Sean Combs in L.A. and Miami. I drove by this yesterday. I hit you up. I drove by. Yeah. Didn't know that's what it was, but that's what it was. OK, I'll just say it. Innocent till proven guilty. You will. The other one, if it looks like a dog that walks like a duck. Hey, you got a duck. Yeah. I just ran out of. I feel like there was one funny thing because it's true. Now he I like when the judge is going to say

It says here on your resume, you're a bad boy for life. He's like, well, that's not, that's just my company and my lifestyle, but that looks bad. And then also there was something I saw that said, uh, there was some joke about, but puff daddy judge confronts him on all the, all the,

things that he says over and over he does in his rap songs he's been accused of well that would be the thing it'd be like uh when you uh by the prosecutor attorney mr mr combs this lyric you'll get all the bitches you want and the bitches will do as you say uh what what did you mean by where are said bitches are they with us today are they on zoom

I don't know. It might be innocent, but it's maybe another case of just a lot of money making people become their authentic selves. Good night. Yeah. What if they send them as a punishment into rap battle? That's a dumb joke. Sounds like war. No, but here we have part two. There's a former Syracuse, I mean, a really good basketball player, accused of being, I love this speech, a drug mule for rapper Diddy.

What if the judge says, Raper Diddy? And he goes, It's rapper. You're going to tilt the jury. Quit reading it wrong. Yeah, drug mule. So what does he do? He hides in his basketball up his b-hole. Yeah.

Well, it's kind of like, you know, he's a star player. He's got a college degree, could have worked for a law firm. And then this is real. Yeah. And I guess it's because he looks so unassuming and it probably does hide the drugs in the basketball. That's that's fantastic.

How does he get involved with Pop Dead? It's so fun. Oh, everyone's involved. He's like Kevin Bacon. Everyone has some connection. Do you remember when Robert Smigel did a cartoon about P. Diddy and it was all about no one knew what he did? He's a producer. He's a producer. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony.

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

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This new one is Obama fearing Biden lost to Trump is on the phone to strategize. Of course, they're talking. What would they be talking about? Hey, how would I do this? Joe, Joe, Joe, Barack Obama.

Yeah, it's Obama. Joe, I can't understand what you just said. Yeah. Come on. I can do it. Joe, you got to pound the ground game. Michigan and Pennsylvania. Close race. Got to pound it. Going to pound down the ground game. It's just a pound down the ground. Can't believe it's not butter.

Joe. Take her down to pound town. Pound town, pound town, ground town. Sir's clown. Get around. I get around. Can't believe it's not butter. Joe. Hold on. Hold on. When you say you can't believe it's not butter, I don't understand what you're talking about. That's just a margarine product. It's manufactured to, in fact, taste like butter. Obama, don't try to figure it out. It's just saying crazy things. Hunter, are you there? Yeah, I'm here.

Why does he say can't believe it's not butter when it's clearly just a margarine product? Margarine product. Designed to be like butter. I don't know. He says all the time. Not a problem. Hey, I'm going to China next week. Hang out with some friends. Want to come? Hunter, let it go. Never going to happen. Boba will go. He won't go. He's too smart for that. I make money my own way. Come on now. You remember the butter commercial? He goes, mmm, butter. Mmm, butter. And then he goes, parquet.

Well, that may have that sex next time. Remember that? No, my main, my, my first thought was the only one who could understand Joe Biden was Hunter. Hey, buddy. So what'd they say? Uh, yeah, I'm doing good, dad. No, I already ate. Yeah, I could do it tomorrow. Eight o'clock. So what? Who'd you see at Whole Foods? I just, yeah.

Whole Foods, you know, why do they say Whole Foods? Come time, they have a half a carrot. That's not whole. That's a lot. All right, here we go. Blood soaked. You told me about this. Blood soaked Tom Cruise. When I saw this story, it said blood soaked, and it said fake blood. No shit. Tom Cruise runs through London for Mission Posse flight. By the way, Tom Cruise has got it made.

Any movie he's about to do, he's running. And that's usually the poster, the trailer, the everything. He's always in the running. And he runs really fast. I don't know if he does it every take. I would not. But every take, he fucking sprints. It's mysterious to me. And I would like to know what he does to make this happen. Because to be honest, I'll go to track meets and watch men in their 60s.

run a hundred meter dash and they go get set. They're in the blocks and they yell, the gun goes off. They look like they're having a fist fight with their body. I mean, every single part of their body is rebelling. They're trying to go fast.

And they're just like mummies going down. So then I see Tom Cruise. Well, the best part about that story, Dana, is that you go to track meets for 60-year-olds and watch. Well, they have a division sometimes. And now the 60 to 64-year-olds will try to, especially in indoor track meets, 60-meter down. On your mark, get set. And then they just... It's like... They're so tight. The hip mobility...

That he has to have his Achilles tendons and calves have to withstand what he's doing. And he's sprinting 40 to 50 yards all day long. So I don't know if we can show a video of it, but maybe put it in later, Greg, but it's pretty impressive. It's more impressive than hanging from airplanes, holding his breath for seven minutes. This is the most impressive thing Tom Cruise does ever.

Props for me is being able to sprint at his age like he does. Good night. When I did the wrong Missy, there was a scene where me and Swartz didn't have to run across the whole hotel. And I go, I don't think at this point because of my neck, I can really just run. I used to be pretty fast. So I go, let's fast walk. And Nick's like, what are you talking about? It's more like we're trying to be not suspicious. We fast walk, which looks, it kind of looked funnier.

So definitely it sold it a little bit, but I was like, I don't think I could do this. And I, when I'm in Pilates, they go, can you touch your toes? I go, I can't touch my waist. They're like, Ooh, I can't, but my top button, what are you trying to get? I can't look at my belly button. They're like, yeah, all I'm saying is I'm tight, but yeah, the, the hip mobility do that. That's a big thing. And I know you've been on top of that through, through your time on planet earth. Yes. I'm on top of making myself looser. It's like,

Okay. Okay. This guy's got a lot of heat on him. He can't make a bad move here. He does. Jeremy Allen White. He is a great actor. I mean, but if you look at these two, you don't look at Jeremy Allen White and go, Springsteen, right? But he's such a good actor. He'll find an angle. But I heard they, Springsteen approved this biopic. And then they were asking, you know, who's going to play me? Who's going to play me on the biopic about myself?

And they said, it's going to be by, it's going to be Jeremy Allen White. Jeremy Allen who? Well, he's the guy, he's the guy from the bear. Oh, I like that. You're going to have a bear play the boss, an actual bear. That's avant-garde. I like that. So a bear's going to play the boss. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I thought about that 20 minutes ago. Jeremy Allen White should play a bear. That should be the real one. But what about Springsteen going, it's not going to be that.

Timothy Shalamanga is doing a Bob Dylan biopic. So I thought this would be fun to talk about and to tell Dylan that, you know, hey, who's playing me in my biopic?

And they go, oh, it's Timothy Chalamet. Oh, Chalamet. I once had a Ford Chalamet. Sounds like a Ford. It was a nice car. Ford Chalamet. Well, it's actually Timothy Chalamet. Chalamet. Emperor Chalamet destroyed the Ottoman Empire in 1442. He goes, I

I haven't seen a movie in 28 years, but is it the guy from Dune 2? I enjoy Dune 2 better than Dune 1, but 2 is always more than 1. I like sequels. Hey, see if you can pull up the new picture of Bruce Springsteen, because I know who should be playing him. It should be Megan Therese.

megan what's happening scroll down there we go no come on that's not real all this way for that fucking megan rapone joke that's megan rapone no that's springsteen no it's not look at him dressed in a half button well it's not it's not the same drummer no that's a phoenix to do a gig

Well, that blows my mind. You folks are watching this on YouTube or driving. He's got his shirt open. He looks...

Well, his hair is white. Like an angel. And he looks like an angel. No, I love the boss, but, you know, hey, I thought I'd just mix it up a little bit, you know, and have four buttons down. And I've been working on my pecs. Like, you know how fast Tom Cruise can run? Well, I can make my pecs dance like Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1993. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

The tell, okay, now I know it's Springsteen. Know why? Why? Because the other thing about aging, don't want to make the whole podcast about this, is that that one on his left wrist is for arthritis, I'll bet, because playing the guitar like the way he does. And he's got a little glove on his right hand that kind of helping his fingers not cramp up. Yeah. Yeah, there he is. I love Springsteen. I just didn't recognize him. You can tell his face, it's at him. Yeah. That's him. I think his hair just went gray and he didn't dye it. I mean, listen.

Well, he should have went salt and pepper. It's just a little jarring to people. You go, you go pure. Let me start. You go pure pepper and then you go salt and pepper and then you go more salt than pepper and then you go pure salt. You don't go pure pepper to pure salt. Good night. He went, he goes, he goes, give me the ghost.

I want to look pale with titties and short white hair. I mean, it's just one of those things. He's gone his whole life without a bad picture. Yeah. He's got a million pictures. Fucking club. Jesus. And then right before he went on, he looked at someone, some young person goes, Hey, you think I look like Jeremy Allen white? There you go. No, we're getting Tilda Swanson. That's who they said.

He looked like that. Okay. I got the Tilda Swanson. That's funny. I'm laughing inside right now. That's good. It's very smooth. He shaved his body. He shaved his chest. He shaved his face. And he's got little wedges behind his ears. She thinks they look like boobs or something. But I think it's just that's a lighting problem. He's leaning back.

yeah uh yeah pictures do not tell the truth so we're gonna just punt on this and say that's just an awkward picture of the boss okay next one but that was a good we stumbled into that one that's good yeah it took 30 minutes but we got there we have editing capability oh because it's final four time march madness yeah this was on the internet i don't even remember him doing this so um

Let's take a look at Farley as Christian Layton, the old bit. Playing a basketball player. Okay. I'm Christian Layton. 1992, Duke, Kentucky. Kentucky's up by one. Christian's got the ball. Two seconds left. He shoots a beautiful turnaround jumper. Oh! Gets his own rebound. Oh! There's Ball-Layton. He goes straight for the ball. Oh! There. The wins game of the century. And that's the way it happened. Well, that's good.

Well, Chris is always great, but it wasn't, they didn't play into Chris's strength. I mean, they should have had him playing the guys and missing shots by a mile and then screaming and riding in pain or something. He was all kind of smooth and they were frozen and he made the shot. So he didn't have anything to play against. He's good at basketball. So he was probably arguing them. What if I'm good in this? And they're like,

They probably met him in the middle and then it was nowhere. Yeah. Chris is a natural athlete, but it's like if he got fouled and they said, no, it wasn't a foul, then he'd flip out. They asked me to do a promo like this. Sounds like a joke set up. I did do one of these. If we have it, if we don't, it's okay.

but I did do a couple with Amari Stoudemire. I was teaching him how to play. All right, great. Here we go. This dude is ripped, by the way. When he came to me, I sat on him right away and I said, listen, man, I'm going to coach you. I'm not your daddy. I'm not your mommy. I'm not your little sister. I'm going to give you a few pointers, just some basic stuff. What?

I got a stinger. That's good.

I'm here to whip your ass into shape and get you to the next level. I walked off. He hit me too hard. What year was this? Oh, there's another one. Hey, man. I did four of those. They were pretty funny. I told him how to wear goggles.

They were funny. You don't have to give it so it's an unenthused one. I was just thinking about you just had started to do a little bit of the Peninsula, the little goatee patch. Gross, yeah. And you just sort of, so you were just off SNL kind of maybe? Yeah, the Suns, some of the work with the Suns.

Had me come do it. It sounded like fun. And Mari was cool. And we just, no script. Just that's the thing. Come in. Oh, do five promos that are each minute and just make up some funny shit. I'm like, so we made up some funny ones. It was all right. And he was very cool. He said, do whatever. Just tell me what to do. And I liked him a lot. And, uh,

I don't even know where they aired. They might have aired at the gas pump at Circle K on Indian School. I don't know. Okay. Hey, man, it's a paycheck unless it was volunteer. I don't know if it was a paycheck. Oh, okay. Oh, this is the one I always get sent. And people say explain things. This is... Okay, so William Morris has four...

floor seats at the games i was really morris they gave me two seats i took chris and back in those days i don't know if it's still this way but if you get out of the four you get the two good ones one of you gets to sit next to the bench and so the first half i did in the second half we flipped and he did and sometimes you got to sit next to kobe because he would sit at the end of the bench but i know you think of kobe as like a freewheeling lazy player but he was usually focused i

I do, and I don't know why. You think he always half-asses it. He doesn't care about basketball. So this was remarkably caught on camera, the way they shot it. And just play it first, then I'll explain it. But everyone sends me this all the time. What you gotta do is play a post down. He's just being funny. Telling jokes, and take a look at Kobe Bryant.

Isn't that funny? God, they pull back. Wow. Talk about a zone. I was at a hotel once in the Sacramento Kings were there and they were playing the Lakers in the playoffs when the Lakers had Shaq.

And it got on with me a tough game. And I actually said to the coach, the only way you can win is to try to tire out Shaq. And they said that the coach. Yeah. The only way you can win is run Shaq ragged and try to get him tired. I think they won that game, but I'm not saying I could give advice to the you coach.

But you coached against the Lakers is what you really did. Well, I was working out with the Kings at the time, just at a hotel place. They were stretching. Yeah, and that's before Sandler did it. You did it. Sandler goes to cities and he goes, and they go, all right, come down. Before you play this, you know about Shohei Otani. Does everyone know we have a new...

Asian baseball player. And what he did was he deferred his income. He's going to get $700 million in 10 years, but for the next 10 years, he's going to get $1,800 a year. He's living at the Motel 6 in New York. He's at the Oakwoods. He's at the Oakwoods, but he'll be worth $700. Okay, what's this? Pete Rose. So Shohei, his interpreter got busted for gambling.

So Shohei, they found out his interpreter blew $4.5 million in gambling, which is interesting. And a big problem in baseball, I'm sure, is that they got to make sure no one's gambling in all sports. You're not allowed to. So they said, Shohei, wait. He said, yes, I covered his $4.5 million gambling problem. And they said, wait, was it you gambling? And then they waited. And then they had another interpreter go, oh, no.

No, he was just saying, no, he doesn't know anything about it. So Pete Rose comes out and says this, which is funny. Well, back in the 70s and 80s, I wish I'd had an interpreter. I'd be scot-free. Isn't that kind of a good point? Well, it's, yeah. They're saying, Shohei might, you know, they go, well. You know, then they have gamblers, of course, get on TikTok within minutes and be like, hey.

This guy's got a big, you know, Shohei allegedly gambles. Now, I'm sure a lot of them do. You're not allowed to bet on your own team. Of course, that's the worst thing you can do. But basketball, baseball, all of it is so vague because DraftKings and FanDuel, they're teamed up with the NFL and the NBA. They're in the stadium. They're all over the place. They're on their jerseys. And then they're like, but you guys don't do it. It's like it's getting a little blurry.

a little murky. And so I just thought it was funny. Like Pete Rose is sitting here banned from the hall of fame because he bet a little bit in the old days. And now betting is the like greatest thing in the world. Well, my question is this, how does the interpreter without Shauna Hayes, Shohei Shohei's help,

even get four and a half million in debt. You know, what's he getting paid? If it's not, maybe we should do that. That's the big story. How much do you get paid as an interpreter? I mean, either that, it's just like a friend thing, you know, like, Hey, I know I was interpreting for you, but I kind of get your bank account numbers. Yeah.

I mean, maybe because he has to do everything for him. Maybe it was the account. Usually the business manager, sorry, Warren grant or care. The accountant steals the money, but the interpreter getting access to all the stuff. Hey man, what's your pin for your ATM? Well, maybe because he says, Hey, show, Hey, you just got a big fat check for 1800. You want me to go pop it in the bank for you? Uh, I'll go tell him what do you want them to do? And he says, put it in my account. And then the interpreter goes, put it in my account. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Because Shohei doesn't know what he's saying in English. Well, yeah. Well, just so for we have some baseball fans. Shohei is his nickname, right? The the athlete that we're talking about has never been seen in the modern era. I think Babe Ruth maybe was the last guy to be an incredible pitcher ever.

And the best hitter. So Shohei is a double threat. He's like one of the best pitchers. He has an elbow injury right now. One of the best pitchers in Major League Baseball. In history. In history. And the best... That's why you get $700 million. You get close to a billion when you're that good at two positions. Could I just do... Dana, he should be talked about way more for how good he is. But... Yeah. Rather than the money he's making. We're talking about it for the wrong reasons now. You don't...

you don't get 700 million without being pretty good. Okay, go ahead. And I do, I was going to do, cause by popular demand, I noticed people liked when I had, um, the Japanese man in an earthquake. Come on. Okay. You want to do it again? Part two, part two, part two. Okay. Yeah. This is just a very polite, uh, friendly, uh, Japanese man with a friend. And then, uh, there's a little bit of a tremor. Mm.

Here we go. Okay, here we go. Jesus! That's a 10.8! Oh!

And scene. Everyone's okay? Yeah. No. Hey, man. Tokyo is, you could put a 10.0 in there and all the villains just shake. They don't go down for nobody. Now, the title is another story. Also, you came out with a sequel in less than a year. That's very rare.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. All right, let's go to advice column. We're going to have people ask us advice. Let's see what. Advice. Okay. Oh, look, we got a girl. Okay. I'm back. Here we go. Look at the bottom. It says advice. I could use your advice. Yes. I recently started OnlyFans. I've done it before. Previous seasons. Always springtime. Seasons. Seasons.

What? Oh my god. Solo artist.

Okay, well. All right, well, I get asked this question a lot. I get it all the time. Oh, yeah. But then I say to my wife, come on. David, I'll let you tackle this. You don't have to. You can go. I would say this. Okay. In all sincerity, do the minimal amount you have to do in terms of being pornographic and get the money. OnlyFans is not all... You know, you can just...

There's a lot of lonely men. All you need is about 5 million lonely men globally because the digital audience is 5 billion. So you need 5 million and just be their surrogate girlfriend. Maybe sometimes you wear a blouse. Say like, do the minimal you can. See what you're making. See how I'm giving actual real advice. And then if you have to up the ante and you actually need the money, it's better than an 1890 walk in the streets of London. Yeah.

Is that a prostitute? Yeah. Okay. Cause you're never, you're virtual, but I'd say do the minimal and get the most money with the minimal. It seems like a new version. It's better than being a stripper in the old days or a peeler, as they say in Canada, because in the strip club, the guys are right there. They get to know you. They know your car. They can wait for you when you leave. It seems like a bad risky. If you're going to do something like that, that was the really risky way to do it.

But today you're in your house, you do it, you do it for a half hour. I see the easiness of it, of why it's appealing and the money. I don't know if they all make money. I don't know if you need a big audience already. Like if you're a big influencer, then it's more risky that everyone finds out. I think the worst case is you don't have a lot of people. You do it and really only your friends and family find out. And then you don't really make a lot of money.

That's true. Here's a way to test yourself. Like if you took the content, the video from it and you're getting married and then when there's the reception, it's played on a big screen. Would you be OK with your husband and all your family and friends? Yeah, that's a test. You have to. That's a test. If you can show it to them and they'll be like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Well, I would say... My question is to you, would you do OnlyFans? Do men do OnlyFans? I think they do and they make money. I think Tyga, I saw on a chart on Yahoo News, was saying that he makes a lot. I don't know what he does.

I hope it's not. Wait a minute. You seem to know a lot about only fans. I'm just an observation. Well, that girl, bad baby that I did that video with, she makes 20 million a year. So you start to go, Oh, only fans people make more than Tom Cruise now. So I see the allure, but hang on before this next question, I would say, try to go into the guys that like feet or something specific and

I think you can make it doing the weirdest stuff and it doesn't have to be the most actually having sex on camera. Foot fetish. That's a great handle. Thank you for the question. Okay, what's the next one? What's this guy's OnlyFans question? Hi, David and Dana. This is Rick Tittle. I'm on the Quartz Trail just in Scottsdale. I'm sure Spade is familiar with this. My advice I need is at what age...

Should I stop playing video games because I'm the same age as Spade? All right. Love the pod. Thanks, guys. Rick Tittle. Should have gone into being a weatherman. Rick Tittle or like a guy who comes off the bench. Rick Tittle is actually playing some time now for Los Angeles. And Tittle goes inside. We'll be back with Rick Tittle in your five day. Okay. So, okay. Oh, yeah. Let me see.

Oh, yeah. By the way, you can always ask for video advice by writing superfly at odyssey.com. A-U-D-A-C-Y. But okay, so Rick, Scottsdale, I don't know that trail. Video games is something I never got into. But it's such a good time killer, I've heard. I should do it. I mean, other than Angry Birds, there's not much really high quality. But I never got into Super Mario. I never got into...

Call of Duty and all the ones I'm not a tweaker or a twitcher I was in the 90s it was Donkey Kong it was like little gorillas throwing barrels at you it was very cute

I would say just keep going because now AI, AI is going to start making video games and pretty soon you'll be in a room. It'll be three dimensional. It'll be water spraying at you. So, or try to get a job as an AI engineer because NIN NVIDIA, who makes all the micro chips in is a trillion dollar, $2 trillion company started, started with video games. So,

So maybe you can parlay that because the world's becoming virtual, David. Yeah. Everything is virtual. Yeah. You might want to know something about video games that might be good for Rick Tittle. Also, like OnlyFans, there's video gamers that make a killing. And I'm sure every kid in the world is saying, but mom, if you let me play video games all day, I might get to the Game Olympics or one of these big conventions and get sponsored. Like skateboarding, like all that.

So I don't know. I would say do it just for your own mental health for fun. But if it takes over your life, that's great. I would say just do it, but don't have it. Don't have the tableau look like this. Dark basement, potato chip wrappers all around, beer cans. And then the game's getting you anxious and angry. You want to be light about it. It can get people a little crazy. Yeah.

All right. That might be it for the advice. Unless you want to do one more. Oh, you want me to explain this picture real quick? Yes. I love someone wrote me and said, explain. So some people just explain the haircut. Well, all I'm seeing is you on my screen. I loved that fucking purple shirt I had. And it was silk. I remember that shirt. You wore that. I wore that fucking shit on it. So during SNL, I was doing that receptionist sketch where I go and you are, and you are. Yeah. And,

It got a little bit of attention. So the guy running the MTV award said, why don't you come here and do it? An interstitial bit, but you have access to our performers. They would come do it. You have to have someone famous that you act like you don't recognize them. And you're talking down to them as the bit. So I said, Oh, how fun. So I got Ringo star and pinhead and someone else. Oh, dice. I think so. We took a picture. Luckily,

And it's the most random picture. Why Ringo Starr is wearing that, I don't know, but I love him. You love him. And I forgot I got to meet him there. Peace and love, brothers. Peace and love. They were me brothers. They were me brothers. Look at Dana's balloons he just put up. Did I? What is that on my screen? I don't know. Yeah, that was funny. My screen's going wacky. Peace and love. Peace and love. Now I just see you. It's been a rotation. Look at your balloons.

Is Greg doing that? I don't think he can do it. I don't even know. Are we going to wrap up the show with this? I'm not doing it. My screen's gone. This is Riverside. It is an AI. I only saw you. Do you think he can do a peace sign that could trigger it? Or a waving thing to something? Something's weird on my... Oh, my God. Well, I only see you now, David. And I don't want to press any buttons. I only see you. Well, we should end it on that sort of...

I like it. Yeah. So those are actually, I like advice. So we'll do it again. So do it next week. Yeah. We have great vague advice that won't help anyone. Let us know. Really help, but we didn't shit on them. We were pretty respectful, you know? So, and, uh, thanks for watching. Thanks for listening and come see me in the road. And that's about it. Dan, anything for you? Um, go warriors.

Go over to Fly on the Wall if you're really bored and watch that one on audio. All right. Thanks, guys. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey. Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.