SUPERFLY #8 - Spade is in the IllUMINATI?!
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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But they went to Cheesecake Factory and people were complaining because...

you know, your buttocks might get on the seat. Buttocks. Right? Yeah. And I don't mean to sound like a scientist, but that's where poop comes from, you know? When we, I will say, to start out, when we do stuff, anything about our President Joe Biden, even if it's a light jab, people go bananas in the comments. And I think it's an age where

As a comic, over time, you realize Saturday Night Live, we were there, whoever the president was, Republican, Democrat, you make fun of the person in charge. It's just anti-establishment, funny, basic, day one comedy, one on one. Yeah.

And we weren't saying anything heavy, dude. That's the funniest part. We're not going after, we're not saying you should vote this way, that way. And people still, man, that comment section, they eat each other. They cannibalize each other. It's cannibal time. It's not even about us anymore. It's just like they're fighting and then it's just like, wait, we're doing bits over here. And they're like, no, we forgot about that. Now we want to kill each other. So it's America. I defend our right to satirize people.

Both presidents, the way we like, you know, because what was that thing? The emperor has new clothes or something. So you're supposed to kind of tug on your authority figures. And then I defend the right of the people in the comment section. Right. Hashing it out. So everybody gets to say, see, no one has to watch. It's like, yeah, it's I think it's called freedom. Maybe I'm just throwing it out there. Freedom is just another word for I don't know what.

For nothing left to lose That's the song Freedom just another one For nothing left to lose Well as we get started here Dana You didn't go to the bathroom earlier But I was singing Dana's got a dump And I thought it was so funny And then I laughed and no one was on the zoom And I started going Damn I use the restroom and that kind of gold That's being mined out here

Yeah, that's what that's what this podcast has come to. That's our big. It's got a down. That's our big clip. I miss the show. That's what they did this week. I love Steven Tyler because he's the one when you get past a certain age, you got to be a pirate or a cowboy.

Yeah, he looks like all that. He's kind of like a pirate, you know? Very cool dude. Yeah. I have a quick story that was popped up in my Instagram that I want to tell you about. Okay. There's a young...

singer named Bad Baby. Not Bad Bunny? Bad Baby. First there was Bad Baby, then there was Bad Bunny. Before you play that, Greg, so Bad Baby was originally to go way back on, was it Dr. Phil? And she's the one that said, Catch Me Outside. How about that? Do you remember that? Catch Me Outside, absolutely. Yeah, so she was only 14 then. Anyway, so she grew up and she was still in the mix. I did Kimmel one night.

And I came home. I was in a suit because I hosted, so I was a little more dapper. I saw her at a restaurant and my buddy goes, oh, that's bad baby. Back then was Catch Me Outside Girl. Until then, she didn't have a rapper name. Wow. She is good for her. So I said, oh, and she has all these followers and she's a big deal. And it's very interesting to see her in real life. So he said, go ask for a picture so I can get a picture with her. So I do. She kind of doesn't know me. Fine.

We take a picture and then I say a snarky comment. Now this is my fault. So you can read the bottom.

Okay. I say. How about dis? That's already funny. We're already going. How about dies? Yeah. Okay. Nice hit. Slightly underwhelmed to meet me. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to keep going. I say, unfortunately. And then you say, unfortunately, she stopped being famous five minutes before this was taken. Because, you know, it's 15 minutes of fame joke. And you're shocked she's upset. Well, she's. First of all, I'm picking on someone younger. It's stupid. It was just like me trying to like.

Be fun. I don't know. Bless my heart. So then she writes back. Uh-oh. We got a war here. It's her four. You have it or I just tell it? Oh, yeah. She writes. Let's see. Look. She goes, no lie. I thought this guy was the waiter.

So funny. Well, I love no lie up front. Well, that's rapper talk, dude. Here's one of my favorite phrases. If I point to the picture and go, I call bullshit on that. Yeah, it's sort of that. It's sort of our new version of that. Sort of no cap. And so I write back again. Someone put a cork in me. I put not bad. I'm bummed it took your team 48 hours to come up with it, though.

because it was two days later so anyway blah blah why am i why am i doing this because i don't know she has fans like beyonce has bees and so they started hammering me and just like ripped me apart right eating me alive so then we eventually my friend nick goose and directs a music video for her she's getting into rap she's obviously makes way more money than you and i put together now no joke

So she's a huge, she's a huge. And then I meet her on the set by now. She's probably what Heather 20. I don't know. She's doing a video. She's a famous rapper. My buddy's directing and he goes, why don't you guys make amends? Cause we had this fake beef and then do a cameo in her video. So I do it. She's perfectly lovely. She's fine. And then about,

And then out of the blue, so we're friendly. I've seen her since she was, she's fine. So out of the blue, she puts a video. People are start hitting me up going, I've heard you in the Illuminati and the Illuminati is this,

I'm like, where do you hear that? And they go, bad baby said it. So let's play this video she put on Instagram. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys a true story on how me and David Spade met. I was at my weekly Illuminati meeting. I was sitting next to Beyonce and Jay-Z. And all of a sudden, my boy Spade walked in right after Drake walked in. I was like, yo, Drake, move your little bitch ass somewhere else. I got to talk to Spade real quick. And then we burned two truckloads of money and did some devil prayers. I said,

I sacrificed three chickens and one sheep. And then we just chopped it up, whatever. We was like, hey, be in this video. We went to catch some lobsters with chicken blood. I still have the T-shirt with the chicken blood on it. I think it's a Drake T-shirt. Okay, so let's unpack that. Yeah, a little bit. First of all, just for me, that's not true, right? You weren't at it. It's not true. It's kind of funny because it's so ridiculous.

To talk about the Illuminati and add all this stuff. And they put, of course, eerie music under it, which makes you immediately think it's real. When I see a TikTok with that music, I go, okay, guys, quiet down. This is real. Yeah. And it's scary. Very well done. And then she says all these funny things about what people would guess the Illuminati is. Jay-Z, Beyonce. First, I don't know if we'd all be at the same party, but fine. So, and I don't think we'd all be at the same restaurant. But she says all this, which I think is funny because she's obviously has a funny bone. She's funny.

And so everyone thinks it's real and, and her fans are younger. So they think it's real for sure. So now they start coming after me. You're in the Illuminati. I know it's a fact. And I'm like, first of all, I don't know what the Illuminati is. You sell yourself, whatever you do. I'm not doing all that just to get a sitcom on Peacock. You know, I'd go, I'd shoot a little higher.

Like if I'm going to do all this stuff and kill things and do all the horrible things, I want everything, everything in this town, all of it. I don't want this, something about Mary hair. I don't want, you know, a couple zip up pullovers. I want solid gold clothing. I want all the cars and jets. So I feel like I'm not in the Illuminati. And if I am,

I'm missing all the meetings. Uh, but, uh, that's just really to set the record straight, Dana. I think you understood I wasn't in it, but there's people. I'm 99% sure you're not in it, but I do have a tiny bit. I'm just being truth to power. I'm just being honest. Is there a kind of a weird thing where you could be in it? I mean, I it's, I had tough time getting in Soho house. So I think that the Illuminati is probably harder and it's probably a tighter door. Yeah.

I'm still working on something about Mary hair. That was Dennis Miller. That was Dennis Miller level reference. Look at it. It's getting bigger. Cause I swear my hair girl was hung over and she goes, I'm going to do your hair and put so much. She lack in it that you're doing the road. Cause I have to go to Austin and new Orleans. So it'll last for like a week. And she goes, you won't have to touch it. And then I'm like,

Now it's even more Cameron Diaz. Look at it. It's higher because I just touched it. Oh, what? God damn it. Everyone stay away from it. Put cones around my head. So they put crazy glue on your head and then you could go tour for a week and you don't even, you just take baths and make sure it's all, the helmet is fine. Exactly. So yours always looks pretty good. Yours looks a little looser than mine, which is better. Well, you put stuff in it and then you kind of loosen it up. We'll talk later. Bye.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. The first headline I want to get to is just the biggest story this week is Kate Gate, which is...

Is Kate Middleton missing? And is this sort of a tired and boring story? But I still like it because if you don't know Dana, they hadn't seen her since Christmas. But she's a real person. They said she had abdominal surgery. She doesn't owe us really any explanation. Except she's a royal. So you have to tell us every goddamn thing about your life. And then...

They said, oh, here she is. And they show some Photoshop that basically could have been Bigfoot. It's all, you know, it's some picture that looks fake. And they're like, that's not really her. They're like, you know what? That's not. We screwed up. Okay, here's really her. And then...

A couple days or weeks later, they show her walking. It's all too perfect, Dana. Who's the human being that started it besides potentially William or Prince Harry? Like who started this rumor? Meghan and Harry? No, I think, I mean, they're obviously all eyes on them. She had surgery and she was recovering. She's missing. Yeah.

Yeah, but they usually give updates because they said the queen had problems and she was on her deathbed. She still would wave to the crowd. So Kate had been seen since December. That's a big chunk. Oh, I got it. Royals aren't allowed to be missing. They at least put them out in the balcony and someone's underneath holding their... I mean, have you ever not seen J-Lo for 24 hours? I mean, come on.

She's out there. It's been 44 hours. Get me Instagram stories, anything. So they said this. So she comes out. Tra la la. Look at me with William. Couldn't be more perfect. I'm smiling. My gut isn't hurting. I'm not bent over. I'm sort of almost skipping. So everyone's like, well, she had surgery. Why is she walking so good? Why is her hair longer than it was? Hmm.

Maybe it's been, is it a slow news month? I mean, this one seems, but I did meet someone at the gym and they go, Hey, are,

Are you looking, are you like me? Are you looking for Kate Middleton? Exactly. I mean, is this, is the Western world gone a little sleepy? It seems like a soft. So, well, here's the thing. Go ahead. What if it's true? What if it's true? That's it's lookalike. Go ahead. Here's my super new angle. Okay. On this fucking tired story that I'm bothering you with. We're breathing life into it right now. That, that,

Prince Charles, who no one seems to give a care about right now, actually has a health problem. And they're taking the focus off of that and making this fake story over here. And then she'll just pop up one day and go, I'm fine. And we're like, oh. And this whole time we didn't say, hey, Prince Charles is actually, or King Charles isn't a problem. Oh yeah, there's a lookalike that they think could be the people's princess. I would want to be in that meeting. Yes, I'm going to have an operation.

William, I'm suggesting that you say Kate has gone missing. I don't know why I talk like this. It's a substitute voice. No, it's a good one because he's also in dire straits, so he's out of breath. King Charles. King Charles, yes. I love everything to do with the royals. They're a great source of entertainment. It shows the Western world has a lot of free time on its hands. It's good that Kate gets some attention because it was all...

By the way, Prince Harry's getting no attention right now. He's like, I have eczema. Everyone's like, well, it's not that big of a story. He'd be like, I've got hair up here, but it's a little sparse in the back, so I don't like to bow anymore. Hope don't be mad. Let's do a story on where my hair went for six months. Yeah. I'm going to wear bowlers. I'm going to wear proper pants that everyone can F off. Very good.

There we go. All right, so case closed. We figured it out. Case, yes, case closed. But we figured out nothing. Okay, what else in the news? We're off to a mesmerizing start. That's all I'm saying. I think it's funny. Uh-oh. Oh, hey-o. Let me pull those up for you, dear. Isn't it funny how Kanye's girlfriend, who is a very attractive, great figure, as my mom would say,

Not too much on the clothes front. And Kanye is head to toe in almost a wetsuit. He always is clothed up. And she... I don't mind this look. I don't see it a lot with her. I don't see this at the Grove every day. But they went to Cheesecake Factory and people were complaining because...

you know, your buttocks might get on the seat. Buttocks. Right? Yeah. And I don't mean to sound like a scientist, but that's where poop comes from, you know? Right. Oh, it's his wife. Do they decide how far down the leotard goes? I feel like that's really cutting it close right where it is right there. That's about as far as I go with mine. Right.

When I'm at the Grove. Yeah. I don't know, but a lot of times she wears pure see-through stuff. She wore nylons with nothing. No underpants. My favorite word in the world. No underpanties? And he's got on tighty-whities.

Yeah. How many views did this get? I mean, what is going on? This is the news, Dana. So then she goes to Cheesecake Factory and now they're ruining that for me. That's my precious Cheesecake Factory. I go there all the time. So you have to put a towel down like at the gym maybe.

Well, if we wore G-strings and went to Malibu Beach and strut around and then came back to our computers and checked Daily Mail, would we trend at all? I mean. I don't know. I hope. I don't think anyone cares. Why can't they care about us? I don't know. All right. We'll move on. It's a cottage industry, you know, to get the clicks in the view. It is a cottage industry. That's funny. All right. I'm sitting back down.

Okay, I would be forced to mortgage. Oh, Trump melts down on Truth Social. His lawyers admit he can't come up with $500 million. So, yeah. Well, that would be tough for me, too. Yeah, on top of the 90, it's getting up there. It's getting pretty high. Trump's going to have to have a yard sale. That's the only... Don't be shy. Everything's for sale, and it's got to go. Frankly, it's got to go. Hey, what's...

How much is that? How much are those shoes? Yeah. Those shoes are a million dollars each. Those are Baron shoes. He's a big boy and those are a million dollar per shoe. We got to raise a lot of money. Hey, how much is that tanning bed? You say it. How much is that? I like the shoes there, but they're like as big as Shaxx. Are they that big?

They're as big as Shaxx. They're bigger than you believe. Many people are saying. These are shoes. You could put a mouse in them and you'd have room for a lot more mice. I'll tell you that. Two cats could crawl in there. You get a small dog in there or a beagle or something like that could make a home in these shoes. Even an ocelot. Rob Schneider and David Spade could set up homes. We could mud wrestle.

Yeah. What else you got here? What else? I got a tanning bed. I got a janny bed. It's a beautiful janny bed. I'm going to throw in the goggles for free. This bed is tremendous. I'll tell you, it's a tremendous tanning bed. This is where you ask me how much, how much is it? It's fine.

It's $450 million. Oh, my God. That's exactly how much you owe. It's a total coincidence. We did it. We valued it. It's made of solid gold. It's a solid gold charity bed, and I throw in the goggles for free. I'm not kidding. You get the goggles for nothing. It's a $450 million charity bed. Maybe I'll just get the crock pot then. That sounds a little high.

Hey, Hunter, Joe Biden, what are you doing here? Come on. You're inflating your assets. Okay. You could do that with a solid goal. The bad, the bad bars is bad. Bad, bad Baker, Baker, Baker, man. It's just a bad, bad thing beyond. Can't believe it's not butter. Yeah.

You, this is where you say, I'm hi, I'm David Spade. Hi, I'm David Spade. This shit ain't ever going to happen. I didn't approve this message. I have no idea what's going on. At least I got to camp live by butter, but yeah, just a coincidence. 454 million. You can have it right now. We'll give it to you. And E.G. Carroll could have it too if she wants it. She could lay down. Hey, do you, do you still, do they still wear goggles and tanning beds? I guess.

I think Trump, I don't know why, because he always has a tan or something. Oh, the white. He's got white around, yeah. And he has a little white around his eyes. Yeah. I think it's kind of cool that Trump just decided, I'm going to have orange hair, and I'm going to be super tan, and I'm going to have white teeth. And we're going to stick with it.

It works for him. So anyway, what's next? That's funny as shit. Bump. Thanks for playing, David. I like a not well put together or stitched up quilt of a trumpet.

Well, yeah, we shoot the rehearsal here. Yeah, they said that people see BTS. That's one just off the top of your head. Tracy Morgan says he gained 40 pounds in a Zempik after learning how to out eat the drug. Well, that's that's its own punchline. That's so funny. I don't need it. That's just Tracy Morgan being hilarious. I'm going to eat out. How do you think weight loss drug?

Yeah. It's so funny. He tried to crack the system. He goes, I can take it and still gain weight. That's like someone taking blood pressure medicine and walking around all day. Trying to raise it. Yeah. You can beat the system if you really try it. He really cracked that code. Oh, yeah. Ozempic didn't have a chance. But how high does he want to go? I don't know. He loves it. He's very proud in that picture. All right. We love Tracy. Okay. Next one. Tracy, call us.

I'll put a baby in that Ozempic. That's Jay Moore does an incredible Tracy Morgan. We'll have him on someday with the real Tracy Morgan. Okay. The state of Washington has just announced that the bar exam will no longer be required for an attorney to become licensed in Washington, according to the state Supreme court. Oh, okay.

The bar exam will no longer be. Oh, well, well, well, what? I don't know what's going to happen. So wait. Oh, Kim Kardashian. I mean, if you're having trouble getting the bar, maybe go there because. But are they then they real lawyers? Then are they real lawyers? The next thing is just a pilot without a pilot's license. I mean, where does this go? I mean, right. It's not a show that, you know.

You know, objection, your honor. I guess if you don't take it, you just might overrule. What what does that mean? I think it'd be hard to be a lawyer. And then I think it's supposed to be hard. It's but if it's doctors that it's troubling. Right. Also, I would say if you watch every episode of Law and Order and you could prove it, then you could skip the bar exam. Yeah. OK, that'll be the new thing. Yeah. All right. Next one. Let's see. Really? Let's really break down all the hot headlines.

Oh. Okay. Can climate cafes help ease the anxiety? Oh, there's a climate cafe like the model cafe in the old days. Or like Planet Hollywood. I mean, it's springing up across the country. God. I feel like this might be the... First of all, I don't think I'm investing in this. Just to be depressed, you walk in there and go, hey, man, it's getting really bad. Yeah.

Well, I heard they have a life-size sort of animatronic Greta Thunberg, and you put a nickel in it, and the thing just moves and goes, how dare you? How dare you? Yeah, when you push the tip and you go under 20%, it goes, how dare you? How dare you? How dare you?

I like this. The pantomime was actually kind of real. And then Al Gore is an animatronic guy greeting you. It's getting hot. Come right in. Let's see. It's getting hot. Come right in. It's getting hot. Come right in. And then they have Nellie go, it's getting hot in here. We are all going to die.

No, but I feel like this is further the pussification of America. That's just my overarch. Okay, next one. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it is climate change out there. I don't know if we need to talk about 24 hours a day and be depressed. Okay, this is what someone sent me on Instagram. Okay. This guy thinks he meets me. This guy thinks he meets me.

And then this guy says he swears he's me. I'm like, is this that close? No. God damn. No, it's Fred Wolf or something. It's the guy on the left is closer. I mean, what the fuck is happening? Yeah, I'm not getting a David E. Spade thing there at all. I don't. It's maybe Billy Mummy circa 1994. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe the bass player for any band from the 80s. I don't know. It feels like not to crap on this dude. It's just more like I don't think it's a perfect match. Have you ever pop quiz taken a picture and they thought this is years ago when we were much younger? Sometimes people go, hey, David Spade, I loved you on Just Shoot Me.

Have you ever taken a picture and they thought you were Dan Agarfo? Oh, people think I'm you. Yeah. I mean, of course. I mean, now most of our comments, some are very clever on YouTube and Instagram, but a lot of them are, you guys look similar. You go cut your hair. By the way, I did cut my hair in scram. So go fuck yourself.

And I think if this guy had his hair shellacked up, it might help. First of all, that mustache, that little tiny mustache, that's a lady killer. That's not... No one wants to lip lock with that little caterpillar sitting there. Oh, this guy's dropping drawers all over the country. I mean, listen. The hair's kind of cool. You could probably... I don't know, but I don't see it. The guy on the left...

Kind of looks like Greg Holtzman. He looks like he's someone from Barstool. Okay, Heather, you're off there. Which one would you, if you had to take one as a lover, left or right? Yeah, Greg Holtzman. I guess we're going to, Greg, put a picture of yourself up at the end. So they know we're kidding. All right, go to the next one. Let's see. We got some good stuff here.

I think it should be. I think it would be frightening. I know how good everyone was making it. I like it. That's inspired. That's pretty funny, right? That is funny. That's funny. Who ever thought of that? I love just simple, silly things like that. Whoever sent that in, congratulations. I will steal it and I will claim it's mine. At least I'm honest. Are we on to impressions or what are we on to?

- Oh, we have, oh, they're just funny Instagram things. - Going for a fart walk. - Oh yeah, okay, I remember this. - Something that's gonna help you age wonderfully. And if you follow me, you know that my husband and I go out for fart walks most nights after dinner. So about 60 minutes after we've eaten, we put on our running shoes and off we go. Now, why do we do this? Well, we eat a lot of fiber, so we have gas. Everybody does.

And yeah, you fart when you walk. So that's why I named it that. But the main reason that we do the fart walks is because by walking for as little as two minutes, we usually walk for about 10, 15, 20, but not really quickly. It's more of a moderate walk. We are helping reduce our chances of developing type 2 diabetes. Oh, that's what the theme of this is? Because walking is helping maintain our blood sugars, keeping them from ricocheting all around.

And as you age, especially after 40, you have a bigger chance of developing type 2 diabetes. So it's these little things you do on a regular basis that can have a really big impact. What is Susan Saran doing in this PSA? Susan Saran is a good one. I just can't believe Bette Midler is doing it. Well, I take these, but they're just called walks.

Yeah, I don't know where that funny nickname came in, but yeah, walking around is good. It's funny to have an attractive woman saying, I put on my fart shoes and take a fart walk. When I hosted the MTV Music Awards, whoops, the famous one in 93, Howard Stern did Fart Man. Oh, that's right. I'm only connecting, and he was coming in on a gurney. Brought down the house. Okay.

This is a snake chiropractor. I feel like this is when you have too much money and too many snakes. The snake just goes, oh, yeah, thanks. Now I can go kill everybody. What is happening? This is what I do to my wiener in the morning. What? Get all the kinks out. The snake's like, who asked for this? What are they trying to do? Does the snake have a spine?

No. What a job to have. Mom, I finally figured out something I'm passionate about. Snakes that have absolutely no pain or no problems. I'm just fixing them. This job bites. Good night. Okay. That's a good ending. Okay. Okay. Birds are named stuff like hot-breasted milf and no one does anything about it. Here's some bird names that are real. The somber tit. Okay. That's a real bird name. Dick sizal.

I went to school with a guy named Bush. Really? The Red Rump to Bush Tyrant. Oh, Bushes are back. This is like a David Letterman. This is like Johnny Carson. The Blue-Footed Booby. These are all drinks you had. Yeah, right. I had a Blue-Footed Booby at the Slippery Iron Officer. The American Bush-it.

Bush tit. Bush tit? Oh. Yeah. And there it is, the American bush tit. Can we say that, Doc? Doc. A wood cock. The Aldean cock of the rock.

Ed, I think I had one of those when I was in Mykonos. The fluffy tit babbler. He's a gentleman. He looks like a... Dude, I'll take him to a party. Look at his wandering eye. He's really got a wandering eye. The tufted tit mouse has my hairstylist. That's not you? Wait, my screen's going a little blurry. Wait, that's not you. Spade. Are you on the left or the right? Hmm.

That should be called the Spadler. That should be called the Spadler. The little Spadoodle-do. Love it. What's next? Okay. Oh, it's impressions. Don't start yet. Okay. Dana, this is a part of the show. Actually, we're going to make a call out right now. We've asked for people to give their impressions, and they've been kind of hit and miss. More hits. And next week, send us a video of advice you have. If you need advice...

or if you're thinking that you're an asshole or something, we will give you our super advice. Yes, we want, we want advice and we got some miles on us. So we have a lot of good advice to give. I don't want to brag, but we know a lot. Okay. This is Harrison Ford buying Halloween candy. I like the setup. I'm a nibbler Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. Yeah.

And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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which isn't us. E harmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that, but the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Um, just someone like if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah, it's not it. Look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, um,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program. Oh, yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.

I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! Oh, my gosh. And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off-script.

Is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.

You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. Ford picking out Halloween candy. Minute 22 sounds long. I like it. I have a list here. It's alphabetical. Harrison Ford's making those beautiful...

Airheads. He's got kind of a face, too. Yeah. Atomic fireball. Yeah, ab-zab is a funny term. I used to use it in my house. Bazooka gum. Going back a ways. Big hunk. Is he getting more fussed? The breathing in the... Yeah, breathing is funny. Biddle honey. These are from 1940. What the fuck? I don't even know what that is. Blow pop.

How many does he have alphabetically? He's already only on B. Bottle cap. Bottle caps I like. Bottle cap. Oh. Candy corn. Oh, I like that. Give me back my vending machine. I'm surprised he didn't at the end say Chewbacca. Let's go, Chewy. Corey Landis, good job. I mean, your face actually at times kind of looked like Harrison Ford. The pausing and the breathing and you took part of

Harrison Ford's acting chops of being just really anxious. Very under. Very like a, it's about to explode thing that he does. And he's got a lot of nose breathing. A lot of nose breathing. Did you know that when George Lucas called up the guy who played Chewbacca that he wasn't going to be in the next movie, all he heard on the phone was,

And he knew he was playing it or he wasn't playing it? He wasn't. I blew the joke. They're letting him go. And that's what he says? That's all he has to say? Yeah, he talks like, how does Chewbacca sound? No, that was it. That was it. Yeah, that's what he said. But that seems like the same thing he'd say if he was happy. That's the joke, ladies and folks. By the way, I hope this next guy's not doing Elmo. Okay, here we go. Oh, Elmo is Joe Pesci. Jeremy Kalina. Okay. Let me understand this. Because maybe it's me.

Maybe I'm a little fucked up. Maybe. A funny how. I mean, funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. I make you laugh. I'm here to fucking amuse you. It's funny. Funny how. How am I funny? Okay. I like it. I liked it. I liked it. I do just the innocent puppet with that speech from Goodfellas is great. I'm like a clown to amuse you.

No, how am I funny? How am I funny? How am I fucking funny? I don't know. You're just funny. Sorry. Trying to do Ray Liotta. Was Ray Liotta saying that or was it Spider? Ray Liotta was the one who was put on the hot seat by Pesci. Oh, yeah. And Spider, he shot in the foot. Yes. And Pesci had an experience like that with gangsters that did that to him. That's why he used it. Oh, that's great. That's a great. Now, before this guy says what he's doing, what do you think he's going to do?

I think he's going to do Adam Driver. Oh, it's a good choice. I'll say Tom Cruise just for fun because he's got the hair. All right. Hey, Dana. Hey, David. My name is Justin. I went a little overboard with my impression, but I hope you still like it. It's called What If Johnny Carson Had a Podcast?

Oh, beep boop. Okay. Production. What's up, guys? Welcome to I Did Not Know That with me, Johnny Carson. My first guest really needs no introduction. He's got the number one podcast for the last 50 years. Please welcome Bob Holtz.

Bob, oh, okay. Now, Bob, I saw you posted a pic on Instagram of you playing a round of golf with President Putin. Is that right? Yeah, ain't that wild? Thank you, Bob. What's that, Fred? Oh, hold on there, Bob.

We need to step away for a moment, but first a word from our new sponsor. Let me tell you about stamps.com. Now you can pay for stamps right at home. Use promo code gangbusters to get 20% off your bank. I don't know why that's funny. I like cat Williams, cat Williams, cat Williams. I wanted to hear cat Williams now. All right. So we liked it. We liked it. I would just say, try to make your, try to get it down here a little deeper.

Just sort of clench your jaw, just even a little bit more like you had your jaw wired shut, and just try to keep it right here. I did not know that. I don't know that. Sorry. I want to educate as much as can be funny. You do. That's good. That's what you gave me. You gave me some tips. Okay, those are good. All right, I guess that's it, Dana. Well, no, I have one. I'm going to do a little ad. Oh, I thought you were going to mow the lawn. A little ad. You can tag it. Okay.

OK, this is Trump and Biden. Folks, come on. Let's get real. The American public wants anyone but us. That's right. My people ate you and your people ate me. That's why we've decided to join forces. Me, Donald Trump and me, Joe Biden. We're going to run together to become the presidents of the United States.

This ad was paid for by the committee to elect Byrump Ticket. Wait a minute, take two. This ad paid for by the committee to elect the Byrump Ticket. I'm David Spade, and I did not approve this shit show. I'm David Spade, and I did not approve this shit show. I'm David Spade, and I don't get it. No. It's funny that everybody hates both of them.

Somebody hates the other one. Everybody hates me. Everybody hates me. We're running together. We're running on the buy rump ticket. Biden and rump, you put them together. You got a buy rump ticket. Vote buy rump. We're going to be presidents of the United States. Yeah, let me say something. You don't talk so good, okay? I think that's not a bad solution because-

Sorry. Paid for by the committee to ruin the country. I think it's a good idea, though, because people, if they secretly join forces, then people would, you know, you'd be half happy. Right. I'm at 42. He's at 36. You put it together. We got an approval rating of 75. I don't know. It's not even 100.

Together, they can't even get to one. What's the undecided in the independents? I like that. All right. All right, good job. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey. Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.