SUPERFLY #39 - Sickening Banana
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What's the newest DashPass annual plan benefit? Ah, that's what we're here to talk about. We're going to talk about it. Go ahead and start talking about it, David. I am right now. Watch this. Max is now included with your DashPass annual plan. You know what I mean? You can stream Max with ads. That's up to $120 value. Included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details.

Wow. Unlimited zero cost delivery fees on eligible orders. Members only exclusive offers or menu items. Yeah. You get, you get a lot of benefits when you do your DoorDash pass annual plan. Yeah. By the way, what's your dream night in? What would you do? Um, I would say I would probably watch the Gilded Age on Max. It's new season with my wife.

And I would have a soda or a light beer and get a cheese pizza. Yeah. Okay. So I would watch. I was doing this last night watching The Penguin. And that's on Max. And when I order Dash Pass, Door Dash, I get, yeah, pizza's a favorite. And I get some diet drinks, no names.

And I get basically food that to stuff myself, maybe a burrito also. Yeah. Um, it's a guilty pleasure. It's a guilty pleasure. I mean, you could watch, um, the house of dragon and we're dash past order some sauteed dragon. Right. Yeah. That was a joke. Usually when you're in, that is a good time to order in. And so you can pair up stuff with your shows if that's fun. Uh,

There's no penguins out there to eat, but there's birds and chickens. Sign up for Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more terms and conditions apply. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details.

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And who's Whackin' Phoenix? Who the hell is he? Who's Whackin' Phoenix? Yeah. Whackin' Phoenix would have got a big laugh. Yeah. What happened? What's this guy with Whackin' Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little Biden-y thing. That's his name, folks. That's his name. That's his name. First name Whackin'. Second name Phoenix. Come on. I mean, seriously.

We're already going. I think this is it. Well, this is, we're just here to lighten the load, you know? Yeah. To America. For people in these troubled times and with all the contentiousness over the election and all that stuff. We're just trying to lighten the load a little bit. Dude, the election in the air is palpable. It's palpable. How do you spell that? You were a spelling champion. Yeah, that's right. That's a tough one. Palpable. David Spade for the win.

my vietnamese buddy uh shin was his name he and i when we were in uh fourth grade we walked down to sixth grade for reading and math i don't like to talk about it um but uh he was in the spelling bee too and we all got smoked my word my word if it's palpable i'd be like okay heather uh i'd like here's my word palpable that's what you say danny you have to say about this when you're in the bigs

Oh, I had my day in this. Trust me. Okay. Okay, ready? I walk up there in my OP shorts, my OP shirt from Miller's Outpost. My budget for the year was $100. I know that my mom goes, you have $100 to get your school clothes for the year. Could you do that, Kim K? So, huh? Palpable. P-A-P-A-L-P-E. No, no, no. It's P-A-L.

I knew that. Just testing it. Okay, good. It's P-A-L-P-A-B-L-A. Probably pretty easy, right? I'm not sure it's correct, but here's the thing I want to ask you.

- Yes. - I'm doing what drove Jerry crazy. I wanna ask you a question. - Can I ask you a question? - Before I ask you the question, the big word when I was in fourth grade, if you could spell this, you were badass. And it was from a Mary Poppins movie. You're a little younger than me, but it was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. - Xpialidocious, yeah. - Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. - Even though it's hard to say, what's the next line?

The song? Yeah. I don't know. Cut to YouTube shuts us down. You were singing Mary Poppins, our robot's pretty.

picked it up shut down take away money you've got a robot with Tourette's or some kind of speech impediment I couldn't think of what I was trying to say can't it picked up a song pattern algorithm you are shut down until further notice if you try to monetize Dick Van Dyke he's 102 we will come to your house and beat the hell out of you with our AI arms a spoonful of sugar don't finish that sentence

The worst Cockney accent in the history of film. I mean, I love Dick Van Dyke, but it was... What part of Sussex are you from? He couldn't go to London. He'd be mobbed. And they're like, oh, they go, oh my God, is that guy really American? Because I saw the movies. Yeah, look at it.

I can too. I won't do my British accent yet, but I would like to be British. If I could be any British, it wouldn't be concrete. It'd be just someone who subtly talks like an intellectual. You know, the property owners always shut down on the non-property owners in the 17th century. Blow it out your ass, motherfucker. Look, I got a haircut. I don't want to over-talk about it, but check this shit out. I don't know. All we do is obsess about hair, people say in the comments, but I don't give a care.

- Also they said, well, no, it's interesting. - I don't read the comments. - No, I do. Boy, they don't like you, dude. Anyway, I'm-- - All I can say is I don't wanna know 'cause I'm too self-critical and I would curl up into a ball if someone said kind of anything that wasn't perfect and I would start crying. So-- - If they said your performance was a nine out of 10, you'd start crying. - Yeah, I go, what do I gotta do? - What went wrong? - What do I gotta do to get to 10?

Better thumbnails. I happened to get the best review of my life. You can look it up. And I just thought it was funny. It was in the New York Times. You've heard of them, haven't you? Metaphoricals. That commie rag. Yep. So about my Biden. So that was, your kids can check it out online. It was the best. Usually I'm just annihilated as most comedians are. Hack over, you know, mugging, pushing. Why did they give you a break?

I don't know. Because Biden, we were getting a lot of flack for for the last year. They talked about the breakdown of the impression and it put me in the context of the nine other cast members, you know, because Jason Sudeikis was at the party and has had with his sweet little daughter.

And so I leaned down. I'm dressed as Biden. I go, you can touch it. You can feel it. She's very adorable. Kind of touch it. And I go, your daddy used to use you. Good night. Jason, if you're listening, this is a G-rated story. You're dressed as Biden at the cast party, you crazy person.

But the word daddy is intense because boys don't call their dads. I know our dads were a little extra, a little special. But boys don't call their dad's daddy too much, do they? At five, six, seven? I mean, after...

No, I think when they're little. I think girls mostly say daddy. So I said, your daddy used to play this character, President Joe Biden. He was vice president 10 years ago. But he played him as kind of a... She goes, huh? She goes, my daddy was in motion pictures. Well, why do you have a southern accent? No, she goes...

She goes, my daddy was in a soccer show. What have you done? And you go, okay, relax. I know, that was a big hit. Yeah, she was six years old and she said, you ever heard of a show called Ted Lasso? Yeah. Well, if you haven't. Start and they get it. Yeah.

- Are you starting to get it? - Starting to get it. This is nothing like Jason Sudeikis' daughter. I just want to do an exclaimer. - That's funny. - But it was fun to see him. I ran into my buddy, Mikey Keaton, who was on our podcast. - Miguel Keaton, yes. - Mickey Keaton, as we call him. - He's always a fun time, yeah. - Yeah, I ran into my buddy, Alec Baldwin, who's been on this show twice, who was playing Brett Baer.

And he is a funny character. He just leans into your dressing room out of the blue and goes, you know, had the best hair in Hollywood. Long wait. Hugh O'Brien. And then he just walks away. This is Alec. This is Alec. Alec is a movie. He was funny on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. He gets going with Bill Hader apparently. And they get down into the, some Scorsese film and some guy with brown shoes in the corner of the frame. And,

I'm telling you that overhead shot was magnificent. I'm doing Alec Baldwin as a British Lord, but he's a great guy, a conversationalist. He can just go. I'm going to interject your SNL party story because I want to hear more about SNL, especially at the top of the show. That's a good tease. I was out.

Heather could chime in. There's a guy waiting for the hostess at a restaurant. He's with wife, two kids. The son, I remember he had glasses on, son had glasses. He's behind the son. They're waiting for the hostess to give him some more information. So they're just bored. He's behind the son. The son is five, seven. So he could be 13. If he's my size, he's probably 13. So he's got both arms around him like this and he's kissing his cheek like this.

So his dad is facing forward. The five foot seven kicks behind him. He's in front of the dad. No, in front of the dad. And so the dad is grabbing the kid and kissing him. Like it's a date. I'm like, oh, that's not his wife.

And I thought, is it peculiar? Is it palpable? Is it any of these words? It's 2024, my friend. Welcome. That's it. I just explained it. Our dads never gave us a hug. And so we're going to make up. So I'm going to hug every kid I see. If I'm a daddy, I'm going to make up for all that pain. And then the pendulum, you've heard of those. If you can spell it, I'll give you a dollar. Go ahead.

swings back and it's very, maybe it's more Italian and really being that kind of- - It's over-dadding because I said- - New word. - I felt it was my duty to walk up and interrupt this and just put like this between the- The road to getting engaged, this is the story as old as time. It can be long, full of memories, or it can be short and thrilling or somewhere in between, but the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is a straightforward path

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Get your quote today at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Well, well, well, Dana. Well, you're back. I like that the audience stuck with us through that rollercoaster of emotions.

It's nice that they do, through the technical things, someone reaches. If two people are driving, "Let's go to SmartList." Another person grabs their arm and says, "Wait a minute. Give them a chance." Yeah. Mm-hmm. And that was Will Arnett, is the guy in the car. Oh, you wanted to hear us? Thanks, Will. No, we have technical difficulties, but you know what? Stars, they're just like us.

Are we starting? - Well, I love the one-- - In that scenario. - He's giving me a little close-up for you audio-only listeners. But I have cards made based on that. It just says, "Excuse me, you're over-dadding." And so when I see over-dadding, I just hand the guy the card. "Excuse me, you're over-dadding." - The guy that was leaning on the kid and Frenching him, basically? - I have a restaurant bathroom story that's kind of interesting. You know when you're driving on the five-- - Please.

And you go to a bathroom and it's only one bathroom. You're like, okay, hopefully this is just a 30 seconder. It's 20 minutes with multiple, multiple flushes. And you're thinking what kind of creature is going to walk out of this place? I'm talking flush. Oh, you mean when you are going to-

at a gas station for the bathroom. - It's too long. - And it's multiple flush. Again, again, the sink runs back to flushing. What kind of human being or creature is going to emerge? Because I have no options.

You know, when people go in there, like when you're in the airplane and you hear a flush, that's the sign. Like when I flush, which might be one of the three loudest noises in America. Yeah, the flush. It's so loud. I go...

Well, you just feel you could lose a hand. Yeah, you don't want to go. I think in Jotar 2, my nuts got sucked down. I don't want to give the whole movie away, but I think that happened. But it's so loud. And then I go, I have X amount of time to get out of here because everyone's like waiting. Like, okay, what are you doing now? I'm like, now I'm just like, now it's the weird time where you did flush. What are you doing? Get out. Well.

Another flush is scary. Are you then pivoting to the mirror going, do I really look this fucking bad? You're putting water on your face. You're trying to act like you're sobered up and you freshen up and then you come out like, what's up, gang? How's it going? Yeah, I come out and I always go like this. That's an old Farley bit. You walk in and you go like this. Airplane stick. Did your hair. What?

Well, I do a full shaving cream shave in there when I go in there. Jesus. And I come out with half of it on me like some Cool Hand Luke movie or something. How could you look at yourself in that gross mirror for that long? No, everything I do compared to other people is fast. I walk fast. I use the bathroom fast. Everything is expedient and fast.

You're a lollygagger, I heard. No, no, no. When I go in there, if I take too long, I usually in there stretching. I just stretch out. I look at my phone. Sometimes I don't even pee. I just want to get up. And if you stand there by the door, they go, uh-uh, not by the door. Someone told me that once. Step away from the door. I go, you don't even work here. No, there's someone coming out of that door. You think I'm the guy that's going to take us all down. He was like this, sir, sir.

I love it when they put the beverage cart across the way so the pilot can use the restroom and they have like a 40-pound flight attendant or like just this woman. Laying on it. And is making this little cross-arm thing like it's a Bernstein Bears mom, like, don't even try it. They're like, don't. Oh. Yeah, because sometimes the pilots take too long and they're taking a deuce and then the people get a little sleepy on the cart and then they make a vodka tonic.

And then the pilot comes out. I'm like, "Dude, did you fall asleep? Are you okay?" Sorry, you reminded me of the previous week's episode where Jon Lovitz was hanging out during the practice show. He's right next to the camera, was making little fists to me like, "Go, go, go!" And he gave me a line that I just tried for the crew, which is Biden saying, "Come on, I just dropped a deuce!"

This was during the... It didn't play too well, so it got cut. I thought it was funny. Anyway. They take out all the funny ones. You know why they don't like it? Because it's funny. Yeah. Okay, so finish SNL. Let's hear more. Um...

I realize, well, one is they have a pre-taped thing across town. They have a giant, you've got 8H Studio. Over on 66th Street is like a 10-floor pre-tape for, you know. No.

All the different video films they're doing. Please don't destroy guys. Your mouth. Everything. So I go over, they go, well, you come over as Biden and be in this thing. Then I find out every everybody's in it and it's a tick tock thing. And I'm just bouncing around as Biden. Now, that morning, I didn't think I'd be going in. So I did the stairs at my hotel. Four hundred twenty stairs all out. You heard me.

Because I like to feel that. And then so they put me on this vibrating platform and I didn't have to act. My legs were shaking. Oh, your legs get shaky. As Biden, I'm dressed as Biden, so I'm shaking. I saw that. I like that they just have a note on the refrigerator in the break room going, Biden is tech avail for all sketches. You just throw them in there.

Tana just walks around and I go, can you be in ours? You just go, yep. What do you want me to do? Well, I kind of want to do a show where I stay in the get up and then he just appears in the background in sketches or just walks across at the very end. Like, where's Waldo? The Biden is somewhere in every other sketch, but maybe that's it. He's in a sketch for the first half and then someone says,

"Hey, you're not in this sketch." Everyone's waiting for you to talk 'cause you're in it for some reason. And then you go, "Ooh," you just get up and walk out. But I might do this on the live show is sneak up behind Colin Jost and Michael Che. Oh yeah. Like literally on like a combat mission and then just come up into the frame, look at him like that, and then just kind of go back down and they don't even know it. They get a big laugh, they don't know it. And then I crawl back out. And then you go, "Hey, Chevy."

And then you just go back down. Who's the guy? Is that Biden? Yeah. Hey, come on, guys. Hey, Chevy. Hey, Eddie Murphy. Then you leave. Okay, I got you. It's Chevy Chase and Eddie Murphy. No one better. Give him applause. Give him applause. So that Billie Eilish is...

I just want to live in her vibe. That first song she did, it's just so whispery and so her. Was it in like mirrors or something? There was some set I saw. Yeah, they were looking at, they're floating in the sky, her and Phineas looking down in the mirror.

And they just get into these mellow grooves and her singing is so intimate and it's catchy, it's cool. So I'm a fan. What can I say? I mean, she's been around a long time and when she turns 19, I think that she's going to...

When you come out hot and heavy in the world at 14 or 13, it seems like she's been here forever. She's 22. That's like Bieber. He's 26 right now. He's been in this business 200 years. I know. I got on SNL at 51, ladies and gentlemen. 51. So here's an example of things you... So I do the little Biden piece as part of the Brett Baier...

interrogating Maya Kamala. And he's kind of confused. He starts talking about the Joker movie, but they don't know it. And so...

So I thought of later, I went, who's Lady Gaga? You know, whatever. I did that. Didn't land. I thought later I should have said, and who's Whackin' Phoenix? Who the hell is he? Who's Whackin' Phoenix and who's Lady Goo Goo? Whackin' Phoenix would have got a big laugh. Yeah. What happened? Why is this guy with Whackin' Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little Biden-y thing. That's his name, folks. That's his name. That's his name. First name Whackin'. Second name Phoenix. Come on.

I'm being serious here. You could have put corn pop in there. I could have popped. No, his name is Popcorn. No. Corn pop is popcorn? Yeah, I reversed it. He's a real popcorn. He goes, you could have put popcorn in there and still would have ate it.

You didn't need to pay that much money. My current catchphrases are, guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is, let me be real here. I'm being serious, not kidding around. This isn't rocket science, folks. Get real.

That's a good one. That's a good run. I want to put a run in like that. That's all you need. Just come in. They ask a question. You say that and that's your answer. Yes. But a lot of Biden is like when he stops talking, he goes, I'm being serious. I, you know, it needs a beat before the audience knows that he stopped. So yeah, he has something to say, never says it. And then he just stares with big eyes.

So Billy Eilish was amazing. Michael Keaton was always, you know, Michael Keaton has a lot of just personal energy. He's like,

After the dress show, he's like, "I don't know. I don't do this this often. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing out there." And I said, "Nobody does. This is really hard. So all you gotta do is say, 'What the fuck?' and have fun." And then he nails it on air. Hysterical. So there you go. He's a pro. - What was his monologue? Oh, it was a Beetlejuice? - Beetlejuice, which Mikey Day's favorite film is Beetlejuice. He's been obsessed with doing Beetlejuice on the show. Never had a chance.

So that was his idea of the monologue. And it was a dream come true, 'cause I guess he was like eight or something when "Beetlejuice" came out and he got possessed by it. And now you know the rest of the story.

i'm paul harvey that goes back to the 60s well he's like waiting his whole life then here here waltz is in michael keaton right into 8-h you get your beetlejuice bits i know yeah if someone does he not want to do beetlejuice or do you say uh does some you know some hosts as we know when they come in they go i don't want to do anything about this

about this and you're like, "Oh, well." No, I think that he kind of-- I mean, when you do a movie, it hasn't happened to me, but you do-- I did the '80s, and then you go all the way to 2024, and it's a big hit movie. -Sure. -You know, hundreds of millions worldwide. You just gotta feel good about that. And he didn't-- He hasn't lost a step. He was Beetlejuice. It wasn't like, "Here comes old guy Beetlejuice." He's just like on fire.

And Alec Baldwin, funny story from him. Well, I walked in the studio and saw three of his little boys that were so cute. You know, I don't know, four, six, and eight. Hey, dad, hey, dad. It was adorable. And then he said that he showed them Beetlejuice. And he showed them, it was a picture. He showed him, because Alec Baldwin was in Beetlejuice in the 80s. Oh, that's right. And he says, that's daddy. And they said, that's not daddy.

because he was so much- He looks the exact same pretty much. Well, he's got, the hair is crazy. Yeah, he looks the same. But you know how little kids are. That's not daddy. Then they pointed to Beetlejuice and said, that's daddy. I don't know, maybe they're kidding with him. Funny, funny. Funny stuff. Funny shit. Yeah, I forgot how Alec was in Beetlejuice. Was he in the second one? I know.

I don't think so. He was in it as sort of the straight man. Well, that's not why he came to the show, was it? He was doing Bret Baier. No, it was right after when I first saw him. I think it was after one of those submarine movies or something. Oh, yeah. When he came to SNL to host the first time, that was my favorite.

Third show or second show? And he goes, I go, what do you want to do with your life? And he goes, I want to do this. I want to do Broadway. I want to do comedy. You think I'm going to be stuck on a submarine 14 hours a day going, aye, aye, sir. He said that. So it was a hit, huge hit movie. No, it was a franchise. He dropped out of it to do...

Broadway. Streetcar Named Desire. That's it. And wanted to be a New York and loved SNL. Couldn't believe it. He's a great sketch player. I mean, he nailed it as Brett Baer. I take my pills on air. I don't care. Okay. I'll take a vitamin C. Both who? Oh, Geena Davis. Yeah, they played a couple in Beetlejuice. They both are not the second one. Dana just, you know. Oh, should I tell...

Okay. I'll tell you quickly about the banana. I was on the road, but if we can get it, we've never- I love a banana story. So on the road, because I always have to eat because I get like dizzy. So I'm like, anyway, what can you really carry on the road? Protein bars, isn't it? So sometimes out of the hotel, I bring a banana because I'm like, that's the quickest thing if you're in a pinch. Right.

carry it, whatever, like a football. - Good potassium fiber, go ahead. - Right. So I threw it-- I have an old SNL bag. My bag says "Saturday Night Live" 25 on it. So that was a merch gift from the last reunion we did. - 2000. - Did you know that? You didn't know where I got that? Yeah, so it's all faded, so it doesn't look like I'm trying to-- they're like, "Ask me about SNL."

No one knows I was ever on SNL anyway. So I got that, but it's a cool leather bag. It looks like a doctor bag. So anyway, I carry, of course, way too much when I'm on the road, but I throw bananas in there for the road. Anyway, so I finished the road and I picked up my SNL bag. It's leather. Yeah, when I'm down on the road. So it's obviously, I'm...

Oh, it burned a hole through. Right. Something burned a hole through my, and I picked it was sticking to the table. So I'm looking at the wood going, what did I spill here? We find out.

It's the banana. There was a banana in there and it had been there for at least two weeks and they get black and then other things happen. Well, wait a minute. How do they get corrosive? I mean, what is the biochemistry? I don't know. It ate through the bottom of my SNL bag. That ain't no banana. Just play that video, right? Should we play that video? Let's just see what it is. There's Heather. Are we seeing what's happening? No, it's fuzzy. Fuzzy. Fuzzy. What is this? What is this? What is that? What is that? What is that? Oh, there it is.

Oh, that's the banana. Whoa. Okay. So it, that's, I need a raise. That's green and white. All right. Too much house in that. Okay. There you go. See, there's the photo. So that is a banana and it's going like this. Hey.

So it corroded itself, but did it actually get through the leather bag? Did it go through the leather or just became-- - On the bottom. - Or it corroded and then-- - It corroded to where it stuck to the wood and then I couldn't-- I was like . So I look at the wood, then I look at the bag, I go, "Oh my God, it's from the bag." What got on the bottom? Nope, somehow through. Sickening.

I was famous for throwing banana peels over my shoulder when I would drive my Vilt Swing and bug. And people would laugh. I just do it. I would throw everything over my shoulder. You could find anything back. Into the back seat. I'd throw clothes, coins, extra cash, bananas, fruit, shoes, everything. So when anyone was in my car and needed something, I go, it's probably back there. Yeah. When the banana peels would rot. People would come in the car and say, why do you have so much shit in your car? That's what people did to me. And I go, you don't need to worry about what's in my car.

I didn't know I was having company. And if anyone comes to get a ride, forget it. Because my passenger seat is my garage, basically. So I'm like... I know. You've given me a ride and it takes about five minutes to clear the front seat. I go...

Jeez, bro. I'm not that far away, but it's like all this stuff's on there. Transistor radios. I gave you a ride home from Koi. I'm like, it's here. Why do you have a machete? Don't worry about it. This goes here. Why is there blood? I had a hitchhiker. Don't worry about it. I picked it up. Flak jack? Really? Cracker jacks also? Mm-hmm. Cracker jacks and a flak jack.

Yeah, come on. By the way, I guess- Okay, so let's show some stories. Let's show some stories of what's going on in the world. So people can be entertained.

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Worried about letting someone else pick out the perfect avocado for your perfect impress them on the third date guacamole? Well, good thing Instacart shoppers are as picky as you are. They find ripe avocados like it's their guac on the line. They are milk expiration date detectives. They bag eggs like the 12 precious pieces of cargo they are. So let Instacart shoppers overthink your groceries so that you can overthink...

Number one. Astronaut shows how to eat ketchup at zero gravity. Okay. Let's do it. This is sort of... This is how you eat ketchup. You're shaking a bottle of ketchup. We're going to eat ketchup at zero G. Okay. This is risky. Yeah.

Oh my God, it works. Look at how sick it is. Gross. What are you doing? It might be sicker than he eats ketchup. I don't care where you are. Note to self, cancel space station trip. Thank you. Yeah. Hey, the first thing we do when we get into space, by the way, that doesn't remind me they should do a porn in space. It doesn't remind me for no reason. There's nothing that would remind me of that.

No, that wouldn't mean anything. But isn't Tom Cruise going to do a movie in the space station and it's going to be a hard R? I mean... A hard R? I don't know. Dana? But he is going to do one in the space station. Would you go do...

Busboys at the space station? If that-- If I was in-- If Busboys' sequel is in the space station, and the trailer was just me squirting Theo with ketchup like that, that would be-- That's the only trailer. You know anything else, I'd go. People would go, "Busboys in space!" And just that, in slow motion, and then just-- You thought they didn't know what they were doing on Earth. -Yeah. -That's not bad.

Yeah, there you go. Dude, I got some busboy updates for your next show. Next show. Okay, I want to hear it. It's real hush-hush. Everything's really shh. Everything's really shh. That's always a good sign. You know what the good sign is? It's when your agent, manager, publicist all call you together. You're like, they go, we have Jimmy, Stevie, Little Bob, and Gervitz on the phone for you. And you're like, okay. Gervitz is like, let me set the table. Let me set the table.

Spade, I don't know if you'll say yes to this because I know you don't like money. Dana likes money.

Not like you like money. I'm the worst Klein ever. I mean, they used to call Kevin Klein, Kevin D Klein. That's funny. Kevin D Klein. No, no, no. Yeah. So yeah, I tend to want to stay at home and watch movies. Danny, you want to do a casino gig on a Wednesday in Sheboygan? It's three flights and a two hour time difference. It's not that far from the Arctic Circle. You could see a polar bear.

Run up there. You don't like fun or money. Okay. I'm sure I can find some client likes it. Somebody likes money on my roster. Faith's circling the airport right now. Ready to go. Yeah.

I know. Well, we would be like around the world in like a flight that never, you know, we refuel in space. Yeah, if you didn't turn it down, the shit they go, every time you turn around, how about this? I'm like, I don't know. Why don't I just pitch a tent near the airport or something so I can just be ready to get airborne? Did you get into this? Because when I was watching comedians on TV in the 1960s, I didn't think,

Well, I'd like to do this. I'll probably be flying. I'll be airborne for most of my life. And then playing corporate parties to a board ballroom that's drunk and tired as the CEO gets me in a headlock and go, what's up church lady? Yeah, no shit. I thought one of our PVPs is going to come up and kick you in the nuts. Is that cool? Or should we call your agent? I don't know. You can do it.

Disclaimer, usually they're very nice. With what we're paying you, come on. Come on. But yeah, you could live, we're lucky enough, first world problem, to live on the road. If you take all the casinos in North America, comedy clubs, small theaters, big theaters, whatever, we could live in the sky forever.

Plop it down, do our shtick, and get back in the sky. Yeah. Yeah, we have never-ending jet lag. We don't know where we are. I'm born in Michigan, so I'm still feeling that two-hour time difference. It's never gone away.

So now when I fly, that's all. Okay, that's a good joke. I process that. It's not bad. Never quite got adjusted. It's just a thing. It's a biological thing. I also have a heart murmur. It's 2 p.m. for me right now. It's 2 p.m. for me. Oh, I don't know. I'm in New York half the times. I don't know what time it is. Oh, yeah. By the way, you're living in New York. It's crazy. I am. All right, next story. We don't want to get into Dana and get him into a spin. No, into a spin. Okay, this is...

I thought this was interesting. - Read a bio. - I'll read out loud for the people at home. - Is it listening, driving? - A photo of cellmates, there's two guys in jail playing NBA 2K on a flat screen. It's like a 70 inch flat screen, which is four inches from their face, is going viral. - And wearing brand new Converse or Nikes or something. - What is that? - Donut shoe.

Maybe that's a prison shoe. But isn't there a swoosh above it? Yeah. The Nike swoosh. Nike socks. Oh, maybe that's socks. Okay. Well, what this says is that this particular group of gentlemen that are in a prison or a jail of some kind are having a very good time in jail. Right. I remember when I was younger, jail was no fun. That's what I was told. I don't know for sure, but they're like, you shouldn't go to jail. It's no fun. But you get three hots and a cot.

Remember that term? Mm-hmm. Three hot meals. Three hot meals and a cot. And now you get three hots, a cot, and an 80-inch flat screen where you can play NBA video games. Maybe they're just in there. Maybe it's one of those smash and grab things where they're just in there for like 45 minutes until they get a ring. But who's getting a TV? Who gets a TV that big in your cell? I mean, I guess it's...

I didn't picture a cell with TVs, but I figured like in the yard or they have like a cafeteria with a TV and then they all fight over the channel. But that's how it is in movies. But this isn't great. They're too tall. I would have no problem sitting on that bottom bunk.

sitting up straight and watching Dr. Phil or whatever. Oh, you could stand on that bottom bunk. Dana, Dana, no. I could too. We're in the same tribe. But anyway, okay, next one. But that was interesting that jails come a long way. Okay, what's up? Next one. This is when you don't want to get a get out of jail card. There you go. There you go. There's the mic drop.

Okay, this is, okay, don't play yet. Don't play, don't, blah, blah, blah. Okay, this is a prank show, which I fucking hate. By the way, if anyone I see a prank on Instagram and I don't like it, I block them. Sorry. That's how tough I am. I'm fucking tough. I run a tight Instagram. No, no, I'm here to have fun. You're the alpha. Yeah, exactly. You be mean to me, gone.

That's not why I'm here. I'm not here to- - No, I don't like practical jokes. I don't like surprise- - And practical jokes when they look good, like they're in a bush and they scare people and the people wipe out into a pole and hit their head and you're like, "He's dressed like a bush." I go, "All it does is help the practical joker and get him views and he's totally relaxed, having fun. The other person looks like a fucking asshole and it ruins their day." - And the end of the day, it's about humiliating or frightening people. It's a terrific thing. - But this one's funny.

This one's hysterical. Can you start it over or no? Let's get ready to rumble. It's a Japanese one. Laugh it up. Okay. Okay, so volume, let's go. Let's see. Perhaps have to be among the most popular. So she sits... A little loud. Maybe a little less loud. So she falls... A little less loud. And then when the poor victim is given some water to recover... She falls again. It's loud. Um...

Whoa, and so they dug up, it's a trap. The grass is a pit covered by a fake turf. By the way, you're for sure getting hurt. The victim finally gets to go home. One final trap awaits them. Everyone loves it so much. They're like, wah! I mean, the sound of it and everything, it's violent. It's violent.

Dude, you get hurt. You're falling backwards. You're hitting your head on the... Who knows if that's perfectly breakaway, you know? I've hit people with boards in like movies and stuff and they score it till it breaks, but you're still like, sometimes it doesn't break. Yeah.

-It's something about that culture. -That was funny, though. Like, would we-- You and I go in, we pitch it, and we make an Americanized version called "Try Door." Yeah. It's so funny, but god dang, everyone would sue because America, everyone sues over anything. But also,

It would be, you could hurt your neck. You're falling backwards through the floor three times. I know. Unbeknownst to her, she thinks she's free and good and then bada bing, bada boom. Very clever. They put it in a van and they put it in. And then one more there and one more there. One more. We should do a show called America's Got Lawyers where it's just about pranks. It's so true. You'd like to meet my attorney? That's good. America's Got Lawyers. I like that. All right, show something else while I'm preening.

"Young Woman" details how much she spends for one night out at Miami. Out in Miami it lived, this is a nightclub. So she's just reading her bill. I thought this was interesting. We got a bill reader here.

- I spent a one night out in Miami at Live. So starting off strong, we got four bottles of Ace of Spades Rose for $11,000. - She's in a Rolls Royce, I think. - And then we got one big ass bottle of Ace, like a huge bottle, like that bitch came out on a boat. Like that was $13,000. - Yeah, that bitch came out on a boat. - Three bottles of Dom for $3,600. Two bottles of Klaas Azul Repo for $3,600 as well. Two bottles of Ciroc for $1,100.

One bottle of McKellen Rare. I don't know what that is. $1,450. We got five packs of water for $257.45. We got three packs of Red Bull for $144. Tax was $3,645.56. We tipped $8,250.

$44.35. $35 on a tip. And I bought our total to $46,241.36 for one night out in Miami. How much is she drinking? She weighs 88 pounds. I'm kind of processing what I'm seeing. How many? I love when Dana sees this.

How many people go to this place and were they surprised when the bill came to $360,000? Was it like, whoa, or like, you know, not bad. I think people puff up when they're really rich. I've seen it in clubs where, God, it's been a while, but they bring out like sparklers and it shows because there's rich and there's famous. And you definitely want people to know you're rich if you're in there. These guys that are so rich, but no one knows who they are.

So they get a booth. Obviously, that costs a lot. Then they get the sparklers and all the pretty girls come over and they give them a big bottle of Dom or Ace of Spades. Huge. They have like abnormally big ones. And then it's a big show and everyone sees the guy and he goes like, come on, not this again. And then the fanfare goes down. So he orders another. They'll order a case of Dom. I don't even know if they drink it or if they just resell it or what, but.

And then girls come over and sit, chug, bail, chug, bail, sit, sit, chug, bail in that order, mix it up. And then, I don't know, it's just the way it is. So these nightclubs, there's a handful that I haven't made where,

They're just raking it in. And then they go, here's the bill. Here's the tip. If you want an extra tip. And then if you're super cool ball, here's the third tip you can tip me. And then you can also just hand me some cash. Well, by the way, 8,000 on what was it? 360,000 is a low ball tip. At least 10% would have been 36,000. Number one, they didn't really. Well, I thought it was going to be about, I think it was less than that. I think it was under a hundred.

Oh, well, it's fake alcohol, but it's for virtual signaling. If I may pivot to fake art, you know, I once saw I was in a museum. There was just a giant white. It was 50 feet across, just blank canvas and one red dot in the middle. That was it. Six million dollars.

Two red dots, $12 million. Oh, I don't know. Don't even go to three red dots. It happens to us in corporate dates. If you name your price a certain price, let's just blow it out. It's not us. Well, that guy, that guy's a million-dollar comedian. You want that guy.

You got to have a million dollars. Oh, just because it sounds like a huge amount. Well, then you're a million dollar comedian. That painting is a million dollar painting. Then you're a million dollars. And you can brag, yeah. And also people that want to be able to hire people that are rich or buy something like a painting or go to that nightclub get to say, dude, we blew 300 grand or I was with this guy. He spent 300 grand and the guy's like,

It's literally pennies. It's literally nothing. - It's nothing to me, man. It's gum on my shoe. Well, by the way, you got gum on your shoe. So it's virtual signaling, letting people know you're wealthy. You kind of wish, like if I gave you 365,000 and you had Saturday, you had to spend it on a Saturday in say Southern California, what would you buy? You have 10 seconds.

It turns into Brewster's Millions. Remember that movie? All right. We can make it three and a half million, and you have one day to spend it in LA. You have five seconds. Go. I'd buy half a house in Newport. Half a house? And then it's too expensive. All right. You'd buy a townhome. No, I'd probably get a cool car. I like cars, but I don't know which one I'd get. And what can you get for three and a half million?

Oh, three and a half million, I think. Yeah, I just upped it. You have three seconds. Huh? How much is the Tesla bus? The Tesla bus? Is that a new one? Yeah, they've got a Tesla bus. I think they'll be sort of sequestered to like airport runs, to the sea lot. Have you heard that they came out with this new perfume, the same kind of thing with perfumes? Oh, that's a, and it's a million dollar perfume. You know what the name of it is? Elon Musk. Elon Musk.

Don't ever go like that. I'm pointing a lot now. You have three seconds. My giant hands, my giant hands say you got three seconds. I could go. No, there was a movie called Brewster's Millions. Was it Richard Pryor? Yes, it was Dick Pryor. He's a friend of mine. He has 30 days to spend 30 million or he doesn't get any of his inheritance.

And he can't, everything buys something. He buys a shitty team, but then it's worth more. And then he does this. He can't spend his money fast enough. How about you do a remake? Spades Millions. You have 10 seconds to answer. I'm more like Carvey's. Apparently you don't like money. All right. Apparently. Go ahead. Now. We have to do Senator John Kennedy at some point. Hang on.

Okay. Oh, this is a girl. Okay. You're not going to like this. I like the comment. Is this rock bottom for it? This is an influencer, Dana. And the tough life of an influencer is you just need to get seen and get clicks. What is she going to do? She's going to pet some cows. She's going to feed them. Yeah. Let's see. Puts glasses on. Okay.

That's the whole thing? That's all she needed. 38,000 likes. She squeezed the cow's teat, T-A-T, and pointed it at her face, but she had goggles or glasses on, so she got splattered in the face with mother's milk, intended for a baby cow, not a woman with blonde hair in a jumpsuit. I should answer and put Sandler on this FaceTime. I'm not going to. I can't do that to that guy. Tha-ba-th.

Why is he FaceTiming? Wait, is he off? Is Dana gone? I can't see Dana anymore. You can't see me, Greg? Yeah, they're coming over here. No, we'll keep going. I can see you. I didn't click anything. I know, but I just got a FaceTime and I hung up on it, but it... Oh. Oh, here we are. We're back. Okay. Oh, okay.

God, we have a real roller coaster of things happening today. You can't predict this show. A lot going on. Okay. What is this? Let me see. Okay, this is... Let's just play this. I don't even know what it is. Random Instagrams. Car. Guy's out nighttime on the street. Pickup truck. Oh, this is one of those. Guy stole a whole cigarette thing at 7-Eleven. This is when they go and L.A. is like a fun thing for kids.

a bunch of kids i think so we got into the 7-eleven and grabbed the whole trip like yeah they've taken packs of cigarettes they take over self-loving and rob everything in it look at this oh oh they're ransacking they're ransacking 7-eleven i think they get on a chat and say let's go here and just but not a cop in sight i think they there's too many they don't want to

start trouble and look bad. Right, 'cause then with that many, it could get ugly, so they just take the hit. Someone gets shot, someone gets this, and then everyone goes, "Oh my God, they're just kids. What are you doing?"

But it looks like probably high school, college age. I just feel sorry for the owner. Has to call the insurance company. You know, hi, this is Dave over at 7-Eleven over in this neighborhood. I'm getting ransacked a lot. You know, I've got to get full coverage. Getting nailed again. How much do they take? They take every single item. It's about $2 million. Every single item? Yeah, I think that's the thing. They clean me out and I need insurance.

uh sorry sir we can't help you at this time yeah i mean give them a freebie but you can't keep hitting the goddamn 7-eleven and keep stealing it it's just like crazy what am i doing there you go trying to they should open it for seven minutes in the morning and 11 minutes at night that might tell by the way if they start closing all the 7-elevens like they're closing walgreens and all cvs like if there's too many of these then they close it down

That means the insurance excuse of like, oh, they got insurance. They can pay that. They close because insurance doesn't cover you. They don't even cover. I can't cover that to be like fires and everything. No, you can't give insurance for a home in California. You really can't. You really can't. Certainly not fire insurance. Certainly not. Good luck with that. 10 out of the 12 I tried to get for this dump.

uh said no not even we won't even charge you too much just not we're not even trying we're not in the game anymore yeah they said they'd give me fire insurance but it was more than the cost of the house that was the insurance that's not a good deal yeah don't close my 7-elevens is the point i don't want this to happen enough to where they close them down i'm like now we don't have seven

Okay, quick impression of a Japanese-American in an earthquake after just hearing this information. It was a war. It was a war. It was a war. It was a war.

- Oh, there's a rumbling. - I think it's getting worse. - It's giving me a headache. By the way, that one you didn't go as crazy. You didn't yell. I like after. What's wrong, he's happy? You got a buzz? He's happy! - Happy 'cause it little quick, baby quick. - Oh, that was a big one. - I gave you one.

That's what I want. Mm-hmm. Give the fans. By the way, just we're not political on this show, but Kamala is out there doing her thing. And Trump, they put him at a window in McDonald's. So people are just driving. Let's go get a burger. And he did seem incredibly happy handing out those burgers. Do some Trumps. Let's hear it. You got a beautiful family. Here you go, doll face. Listen, darling.

We put an extra cheeseburger in there. You like the ketchup? We'll put the ketchup. Beautiful baby boy, beautiful family. Next, you're tremendous. Look at the thousands. He's always noticing the people. There are thousands of people here. I could do this job. He said, I could do the job. I could do the job. I'd do it any time. Why are you growling so much, Mr. Ex-President? Because I like to growl and I can growl a lot. And I growl every time. Because he's huffed.

22 hours a day. I don't know why he does it. It's just, they do say he's old and senile now. I'm like, I don't know because he can stand and talk for two hours. I can't, my act, I do an hour. I'm like,

♪ Hello darkness, my old friend ♪ Like it's too much and then he runs to McDonald's and he campaign-- I mean, when you're on the campaign trail, that's gotta be a beating. They don't include jet lag. They're not even factoring that in. Yeah, I guess like when I'm driving on a long distance trip, that's the one time I do go to McDonald's. I get a cheeseburger, small fries, and like I guess a small or medium Coke.

And that carb, sugar, salt boost really helps me focus the steering wheel. So I guess Trump has the metabolism that he can perennially chase energy. Just give me a cheeseburger when we get to Toledo. Okay, we're in Florida. I want two Filet-O-Fish before I go on and a large Coke. And so us, we get low blood sugar, but he can keep chasing it with fast food. I want a Filet-O-Fish underneath the podium. I want...

"Extra fries!" Dude, they gave me a double. Everyone is sickened by the fact they get a Filet-O-Fish, but I love 'em. And they gave me a double one accidentally. It was too much of a good thing. I was like, "I just..." I go,

This is a double sick. Something about it was sick. Plus, there's a couple bones. It's the tartar sauce. I saw they catch them off Alaska. And there's millions of these little fish really happen. Is it a real fish? Yeah, a real fish. And then they sweep them up onto the deck of the thing. And they flash freeze them. Like, this fish was just in the water, looking happy. All of a sudden, he's like, blah! And it's like, whoosh!

And then it's in your mouth with tartar sauce on it. An hour later. They smash all these minnows into little squares, smash them together. Freeze! There's a guy with a big tartar sauce. Sounds like Donald Duck. Give it a spade, I'm the bomb. Yeah. I love it. Can't be happier. I've never seen you do the... effect.

to noting and join it. But I do think Trump can chase that carb high. That's his secret energy. He can keep loading it. I'm packing on the pounds. Yeah, he somehow can eat still to this day McDonald's, which everyone says you got to give it up at some point. No, KFC, McDonald's, all that stuff. Yeah, three milkshakes, four filet-o-fishes, and then I'm going to have my dinner. That's an appetizer. I had a sort of heaviest driver the other day.

at one of the gigs and we walked down, you know, some of these small towns, it's like one strip of like 18 fast food places, you know, on the way out of town. And I go, dude, cause I know he's sort of portly-ish and fat, you know? So I go, okay, what would you rather have? I don't even know if he's listening to me. Sometimes I think I'm on the phone. I go, would you rather have Wendy's, Carl's Jr. or Burger King?

And then he doesn't answer, so I forget. And we get to the next light and he goes, "McDonald's." - He's been thinking. - I go, "Are we still talking?" "Oh yeah." One and a half minutes later of dead silence, he's like this. He really gave it some thought and then he goes, "I'm gonna go off the board, Alex. I'm gonna take McDonald's." Wasn't even a choice. - How about this? What would you pick? - We're driving. Hey, David. Dairy Queen?

A&W or Jack in the Box? Jack in the Box would be third. I hate to say it. We don't want to lose our sponsors. I don't think. Do we have any? Dairy Queen, A&W or Foster Freeze. Dairy Queen, A&W or Foster Freeze. I think Dairy Queen because I used to like a Dilly Bar.

and i like when they take the cone and go like this bloop into chocolate and it crunches up

My wife and I are in Montana and this sandwich store was closed, Subway Sandwich. So we went into a Dairy Queen and we looked up and they go, there's the hamburger and the fries and the thing. And then now they go, oh, it's 3,200 calories. Oh, they put that. They put it next to it. 9,500 calories for this dandy burger sandwich.

fries and onion rings. - Cheesecake Factory, same thing. I'm on page 88 toward the end. And I'm like, "Hmm, well, this is healthy salmon." They're like, "That's only 22,000 calories." I go, "How?" The things you don't think are a lot sometimes. How much is a tartar sauce burger? - Well, let me do a little John Kennedy interrogating somebody. I go, "Now,

When you walked in to the Dairy Queen restaurant, were you expecting a low-calorie meal? Your words, not mine. I didn't really think about it. When you got a McWhirl Whirl...

Three double cheeseburgers. Were you expecting not too many calories? Is that your point? Is that what you want to do? I'm sorry. I'm looking at this. Now, this is I'm just reading this out loud. There's nothing now. Just hold on. Let me talk. There's a you ordered a heart attack. What did you think was in that? You got a Sunday stroke and then proceeded. Your words, not mine.

Anyway, I just want to do a little John Kennedy. I know. I miss it. I can't even think of anything to do with him because he's so fucking funny. He's so fucking great. But it is all about the... We would like to read some tweets you tweeted.

on october it's funny you deny that because let's pull up a chart of your tweets they always give them a chance to lie i'm gonna give you a chance here your words not mine that's his catchphrase your words not mine mine i oh he goes this is uh it's right there big as dallas

Yeah. Here's a lot of that stuff. Did I look like I fell off a crawdad truck that was full of crawdads going to a tomato festival? Is that what I used to be a turn up truck, but then they sold it, but now they pack it with crawdads. But then I fell off. Yeah.

Do I look like a swamp creature to you? Do I look like someone that came out of a swamp? Just answer the question, please. Answer the question. Did you see the movie Swamp Thing? Did you think that was me? That I wouldn't know anything? I'd just be carrying a pretty girl? And have you ever been for risk? That was a good one. Your word, not mine. For risk.

Yeah. All right. Should we end on that one? We did good. Yeah, 58 miles. What else? What did you not get to? Magic. Oh, here's some bloopers from Tommy Boy. Oh, okay. People keep sending me this. I like this one because actually, I think this was the take we used in the movie. Uh-huh. But it's funny to hear

Chris Laff. This is just one of them. Tommy Boy bloopers. Dang. This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out in the street, and all you can say is, Hmm, he's in my night night. I can't. Richard, what's happening to us? Look at the coat. It doesn't rip. Kim, that's way too f***ing tight.

They put little lines on the back, they scored it and it's too... This was so big. Dad was the best at telling people what they wanted to hear. Telling people what they needed to hear.

How can a door be ajar? Ma'am, I'm thinking about blowing up the farm. Building.

The only thing I can figure out is whether it gets Chicago style or thin crust. The salesman has left the building. See you tomorrow. The crew put that out there. What are you saying? The bull scared him?

Yeah, the crew just put it up there for... Yeah, yeah. Just to ruin a take, basically. Damn, it looks like a blast. And that was not even digital then. You had to really be precious about, you know, the film. Oh, yeah, the takes, yeah. And you...

You seemed, I guess, like 21 or something. I know you weren't. It's funny because that first one where I go, he seemed like a nice guy. I don't know why. Maybe I just said it like that on that one. And when he laughs at the end, he goes, what a dick. It's so funny. But he has the best laugh also.

Well, that really captured his bursting laugh. You can't describe it to someone. Just-- I mean, it's just like insane. -It's always nice. -And if you make him laugh, it's so fun. It's so fucking fun. It's nice when you can make another comedian laugh. Oh, yeah. We laughed so hard on that movie. And sometimes people go-- 'Cause I did an interview the other day and they go, "So, you and Farley had a fight over a sandwich on the--" I go, "Don't even start-- Don't put it as negative. There's so many fun things. Of course,

when you're doing movies and a tv show together at the same time you argue about stuff but that was more like it that those bloopers because we were just loopy and laughing and the movie still came out funny but those things are so such a crack up you know yeah i mean in wayne's world one um i guess the first time i said yeah she's a babe if she was a president she'd be abraham lincoln

I think that's the line he said, but it was the middle of the night and Mike got the giggles. So he was laughing so hard. And then we just were able to keep it in the movie. Like he was- Oh, is that when you're laying on the car? Laying on the AMC Pacer. There's something I said. Oh, no, I know what I said to him. Have you ever seen Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl?

Do you like that? Or something around Bugs Bunny dressing. But he lost it. But did you not say that before? You guys are just making up shit and just trying to... Something triggered it, and it was him basically breaking. He's not in the movie anymore, but we put it in as Wayne laughing, and it comes off great.

- Oh, that's funny as shit. - The magic of editing, David. - That's the fun though, yeah. Okay, well, that was a good one to end on. Okay, thanks, Dana. It was nice meeting you. - I have a quick idea, just to put this in our listeners. We take over Quentin Tarantino's indie film,

And we show Wayne's World and Tommy Boy back to back, and we have a little chat about the movies. Oh, we talk about it while we play it or something? Or show them and then do a Q&A. Maybe just do Tommy Boy. Oh, out in the real world? Yeah. Oh, we go somewhere? Well, yeah. We'll take this podcast on the road, and basically we'll show movies and we'll do Q&A. We'll show a movie and then we'll do Q&A. Thanks for the ideas. Mm-hmm.

All right. Tell us what you want on the YouTube. Thanks, guys. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.