SUPERFLY #26 - Kuzco and Kamala
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah, I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

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At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. We're adding exponentially. That's so cool. As the quality of the show goes down, our numbers go up. As it goes down. Sort of a reverse thing, but I always wanted to say this anyway. Hey, man, if you're enjoying anything, I know this is just two guys talking, but you want to smash that subscribe button. Smash the shit out of it. Break that. That'll really help the podcast. Make sure it clicks, but then break it off. Smash it. Just punch it.

It's called a soft start. This is a soft start. My hair, which I announced recently publicly, I live 100 miles away from the person who cuts my hair. I didn't read about that, that you live 100 miles away from your hair. It was in People Magazine, kind of in the back, just one of those short stories. So it's 200 miles to get a trim.

So if anyone has any problem with this mop top. I think it looks better. Like mine is so bad I put the hat back on. But, you know, the hat is always kind of in the mix. But today it was more of an emergency situation. I got a haircut and things didn't go well. The girl that combs my hair with a blow dryer charges me $90,000 every time. She is on vacay. And so we're going to have to be DEFCON 5 for a while. As long as you can handle it.

No, all you're going to be is the man with the hat. Yeah. The hat looks fine. I need a little extra beat up. I went to Magic Mountain yesterday. Let me tell you something. More mountain than magic, but I will get into that later. Magic Mountain is a theme park where it's boiling out and there's no posters. It's 110. Yeah. Last time I went, it was 107. Yesterday, it was 101. I'm like, good God, why are we going always? It's my daughter's birthday and she wanted to go and

Great guy syndrome, you know? - Oh, here's an alt if this happens again during, if she's here for a while. Hey, maybe instead of Magic Mountain, why don't you and I go to the mall and get you a cute top? - Hey, why don't I push you in the pool? - Hey, hey, listen up. - Throw a cake in there. - This is plan B. - Yeah, yeah. I like that you're nibbling on your little,

rat food i always feel like king henry the eighth or something yeah you're like this anyway superfly we started this was like lauren lauren always had his popcorn um ask kenny if we can is there any way can we lose the elephant ask kenny if we could lose the elephant and maybe have a like a giraffe steve martin is he in town marcy will you check

Maybe we could throw him in there. Might wanna do Hollywood Minute this week with Steve. - David's always game. - So I saw Twister after I baked the goddamn, I mean, I was at the thing, it must've been 20 minutes, Magic Mountain. No, it was about five hours.

And even the people that work there are blacking out. It's all bad. And they have misters, but they don't... They're not on. The saddest part is when you leave, it's all fun and games at the beginning. When you leave, everyone stands about seven feet apart, and it's a two-mile walk in sunny concrete, and no one's having fun anymore. It's just a dead stare, like, must make it. No one talks. Can we... No.

Must car get to... And so we just... The most horrible walk of boiling shame. And then we get to the van. And then... And then it goes... Wait, let me... Hang on, this is funny. That's me starting the van. I've always remembered that one. Oh, and then it's like... So you were a tour guide. Well, everyone's second. Yeah, we had a tour guide.

overcharging us to walk us around. - Oh, you did for $2,000 a day? No, that's-- - It's actually $500 a person. $500 a person. - Okay, so $2,000 a day.

Yeah, so I go and then if you go on one ride like Crazannity or something, you immediately barf. That's almost part of it. They always hose it down. They were hosing down Crazannity. We got there. They go, well, let's go to one more because we got a bit of a hose down. These guys are just hosed down. Yep. It's going to be about 15. So they don't like to hose it down, but they kind of have to when there's barf spray everywhere. They hose the ride down or the occupants? Yeah, they hose down the seats and stuff. And they're boiling hot with...

And then there's so much puking going on. Even my friends that on the way home, they had the Backstreet Boys on. And so many people were sick, it kind of synced up like, ♪ Everybody bleh ♪ ♪ Rock your body freh ♪

- Well, if you buy a ticket for a ride- - Maybe on YouTube we'll hear it's funny. - A ride called the Vomit Comet, then you can't complain if you do. - Oh yeah, the Vomit Comet. - The Upchuck Hut. You get inside this safari hut and they start shaking it up and down to the Upchuck. The Upchuck Hut is great. Let's see, other rides. - Diarrhea River. - Diarrhea River, yeah. That one, they have to clean it out every three hours. But Urine Cave is a great place to go.

had an interesting odor. - Pee pee island. You just go there. - Well, it's a wink and a nod 'cause the bathrooms have lines 20 miles long. So they go, "Urine cave is available now for," and so it's kind of like- - They hook the misters up to the pee pee and it just sprays misty pee on you, which is fine 'cause you're so hot you don't care. Then you get in the car and you're like, "Wait, I smell, who pissed?" And you go, "That's me." Well, at least I lived.

- Well, wait a minute. If someone sprayed urine on you, would you be so hot you didn't care? So the minute the urine started, you tried lighter toward your face. I just got to get so hot that I don't care. I don't think any amount of heat negates urine in your face. - Why aren't any pranksters walking by a perfume store and going, and just just pee. It's like a bottle of pee, and you're like, ah.

Well, this is out tomorrow, so by afternoon tomorrow, it'll be happening at the Grove near the Cheesecake Factory. I went to the Grove last night. I went to the Cheesecake Factory. Okay, here we are. This is our new segment called David at the Movies. All right. This one's a little hyped up because I don't really have anything, but I did go to Cheese Dick Factory, and it was pretty...

Cheesecake was pretty good, and it's right next to the movies. That's part of the review. Well, the throwaway cheese dick factory was cheese dick. I'm still kind of laughing at that, only because it was so low-fired. You snuck that in. Yeah. Yeah. Then we go in. Ballsack Bakery. Go ahead. There's no tickets anymore. It's your phone. Boop. Boop.

Can you hold a little closer? Hold a little closer. Yeah. I take my daughter and her friend and the nanny. I like that. I'm so incompetent. The nanny has to even come to that. I'm incompetent in case anything happens. Choking on popcorn. So anyway, I give her 50 bucks. I go, hey, get some popcorn for you and your friend. I'd like to see 49 back and some receipts. So anyway,

Then they start the two hours of previews. Then every movie is a scary movie preview, which is terrifying. And if it's based on a true story, I'm really, there's no way. I don't like the devil. I don't want any of that stuff. So I get through that. And then Twister, I saw the first one. This is not really like the first one. I have to say, I kind of liked it. No tornadoes. No, I'm kidding. There are tornadoes, but how do you keep it interesting? So,

There's obviously a big corporation that everyone hates, a big conglomeration. You know what I mean? You got to have a bad guy. That's the bad guy. But it was interesting. The lead guy is the tall guy from Top Gun, smiles a lot. And he's the cocky guy with a big truck.

And Daisy, is her name Edgar Jones? Daisy Edgar Jones, who's British, but does a great- British, and you wouldn't believe it, because she's like, hey, man, I'm hornier than a three-peckered billy goat. And you're like, okay, shh, just a regular slight accent. And then cut, because I thought that was a terrific take. Oh, it's perfect. I should be in my trailer. I just came from sensibility.

Yes. This is a Billy and this is a Billy too. Yeah, she wore a corset in most of the scenes. Finish your take on this because I might have to. Did you see it? Oh, yeah. Day one. But the reason I went is because it was 107 where I live. And instead of going to amusement park like some people, I don't know. Like some dipshit. I went to an air conditioned movie theater. But go ahead. What's your takeaway on Twister? Twisters. I thought.

You'll know this, the cocky guy is too cocky. And what they didn't notice is the first- - Can we get Glen Powell, ladies and gentlemen. - Glen Powell. - Who was great. - And this Daisy girl who plays a normal American. It's funny, do you think Americans don't always play English people, right? Never.

- No, we can't. I asked someone this recently. I met an Australian guy. We could all do American accents. He goes, "Cause we watch all your movies." So British actors and Australian actors have been growing up on American movies. So they do perfect American accents. - Oh, there you go. - 'Cause we never go there and steal their parts. There, I said it. So anyway, they come over here. And so she's like, you know, she's,

She's perfectly has a quiet goat roper accent. And, but she's like the prissy girl. They sink from the city, remember?

Yeah, that's a thing. New York City. Yeah. He called his city girl. City girl, huh? City girl got a fancy panel. Hey, look, a city girl likes a big blowing windy wind, huh? I mean, well, I thought they're going to beat her up. It's like, that's how a fight starts with me when I walk through a town. Oh, look at the city boy. So the guy, this is funny, Dana, because Glenn Powell and his buddies, they're the rowdy storm chasers. And they're like, woohoo.

Every time they see him, yippee. But it was literally like them just yelling like that for 15 minutes. No one had any lines yet. And they're like, yeehaw. No matter where the main car was driving, they would come out of nowhere and go, woohoo. You haven't found yet, Sinica.

and there's like a giant you know tornado yeah yeah and it was a lot of yippee-ki-yay and i know that was the funniest part to me i go they should just cut this together as a montage of all the yeehee and because they got to show that he's the cocky brash guy but it was too much anyway she's super cute she's already she already uh i can't give the whole movie but

She chases the storm. I think it'll be okay. Yeah. It's not like the Godfather. By the way, remember when she had a very bad situation in the Twister at the beginning? Yeah. So the first new guy that likes her goes, let's head to the Twister. What's my job? Well, you'll be in front of the Twister.

I'll be in front where it's coming this way. There's three jobs, two behind it and one in front of it. We're in front of it. He doesn't even go, this might be hard for you. This might be triggering. He's like, yee hee. And she's like, like this on the way there. And then he stops in front of it. She's like, let's get the fuck out of here. Cause,

Well, first of all, there's no better scene in films where someone is hanging onto a pipe or an underpass. The other person has them by the hand and then they fly into the sky and you don't see what happens to them. There was like 10 of those. Oh, everyone was fucking shoot, shoot, shoot. The other thing I liked is the rednecks in the truck, more than not scared, just cackling with joy, going right into a stage five tornado. Come on!

let's go in boys and then like a scoopy do mister van they press a button and these screws go down on the earth so they can take there you go yeah and then the other thing i love which i guess the first movie is they have these super sophisticated things shooting stuff in the tornadoes to stop them and they give them like wizard of oz names okay dorothy's off you know let's bring out

the tin man okay scarecrows firing i just like that stuff i like me they got all these buckets of stuff and they're like this is oxyclean or whatever you know i have some some fake chemical name that will defeat the tornado no one's ever thought of bigger they actually made the tornado a boner

I love how you're going for clips. David is sneaking up to the camera and making him. YouTube. That's a good. Hey, by the way, Dana, I don't know if you got the memo. YouTube. Here's me watching the movie. Okay, go ahead. You start down here and you work up.

Yeah, boners are funny. Horny tornadoes. They make the tornadoes hornier. Oh, no, we got the wrong mix. And then there's twins. There's two tornadoes. We got twins! Dang it, they're twins! They're the happiest humans on Earth. We're going to die! All right. By the way, there goes, should we go to the 1 o'clock tornado or the 3 o'clock or the 5? Because every time they turn around, there's a tornado.

And they're always, you know, within a mile of each one. And then they have the British reporter in the backseat. Remember that guy? Yeah, he was a fucking nerd. Yeah. I can't seem to get my buckles on. You sure we shouldn't stop? Hang on! Quit crapping your pants, you fairy!

They don't have to see the movie we've done so much. Yeah, that's it. So that's the movie. We're hurting their box office. We won't give it all away, but I liked it. I actually liked it. I went away going, it wasn't really what I thought. It's not exactly the first one.

Pretty good, right? I judge a movie by what was it trying to do and did it achieve it? A popcorn movie that's fun, easy, no heavy lifting, don't have to think, some cool CGI, two really good leads. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. Okay, so there's that.

Oh, get to your papers. What's on the paper? Well, let's Biden gave a speech. Oh, yeah. This is what's in the news. Wednesday night. And it was kind of easy. So the whole Biden thing, I mean, he it seemed like there were a lot of articles said it seemed like he had a gun to his head. You know, you could tell by his speech last night, you know, because he starts going, by the way.

I'm a transformable president. One of the greatest presidents since he did everything. He's just talking about inflation down. I took care of this. There's no wars. Everything great, but I'll leave if you want me to. Sure. I'm a bad guy now. I'm a bad guy. They loved him a week ago. It was like SpongeBob. He's the greatest Biden train in a minute. Then it goes, a few moments later.

And then he comes. Yeah. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. This guy can't be president. He's meant his mental acuity is shot 30 seconds before. Oh, he lost his softball. Come on, man. Yeah, he's fine. But I believe that Obama was there when they recorded it on Wednesday night.

Stick on the prompt. Stay on the cards. Oh, yeah. Do not stay on the prompter, Joe. Don't ad lib. Stay on the prompter. Because Biden went off, I think, in the first take, which has been leaked online. He's like, oh, great. It's better than Ronald Reagan. Well, this is faster than Wayne Newton is the greatest president in the history of the federal center. Mike, no, still stay on the prompter. Can you do anything?

These guys are rat on her. Yeah, dad. Yeah. Just stay in the prompter, dad. You're good. You know, the very notion, by the way, let's get real. The matter of fact, the matter is, guess what? I beat inflation. Cause I know how to be in place.

What about, is he the president still or not? He is the president of the United States. He wants to finish a job the next six months. Well, he just told us he can't do anything. So is he going to be the president? Well, he doesn't believe that. He said, I had a presidency that I thought merited a second term. I have to fight democracy. So I have to leave. Yeah.

Yeah. But he's not leaving. He's going to be the president of this United States. Just take him now. I mean, all I see is Kamala on TV. It's like if she's the president and stuff her in there, that's fine. If he resigned, made her president, then she would be running as a sitting president. But I don't think he's going to resign. But he still has till January to do. I'll do an executive order. I'm pardoning.

Hunter my yeah, is that a big one on the way out? Why I sue me will most fathers would yeah Yeah, what about her? I've never Meanwhile, I don't even follow politics when I'm a kid like I never knew of this big of an event happening where the president does that no Richard Nixon when I was a kid

They pushed him out, but he went on a speech to say he's going out. Yeah. And Biden did, I think, on Twitter or Instagram or something, which is just an announcement, just like a...

Press release, right? There was a month of him fighting it. Like every time he's going to an airplane, Mr. President, do you think you'll step down? Why would I step down? What are you talking about? I mean, see at the convention, he had all the money and he had 14 million votes in the primary. He had 4,000 delegates for the convention.

So a recent guest we had on go, "He's got all the cards. He's gonna stay." So then they kept pressuring. And then when you get Schumer,

and Nancy coming in, you know, there's that pressure. And then they tell him the donors aren't going to give you any money. They showed him the polling. He still said, yeah, guess what? Fuck you. Yeah. That was on like a, like, like Sunday night. And they asked him something by the helicopter. I couldn't hear it. They might as well ask him in a sawmill. The guy can't hear anyway. And then you're like yelling. And he's like, what are you saying? What am I saying? I think he thought he should have stolen logs. No, no.

I thought Richard Nixon, it would have been different if you're a kid. And Richard Nixon resigns by just putting it on TikTok or something like, looks like I'm out of here. Stay for part two. Smash that like button. Like and subscribe. And while you're here, you know, I got merch. Anyway, hashtag I'm out. Hashtag forced out. Hashtag get fucked.

It was really against his will. He had to speak, though. He had to talk about it. Well, it was all about for some reason he was 40 points ahead in polls, but he had these Watergate burglars go in and try to steal the information of the DNC headquarters. Bunglers who got caught. Now, if he'd come out the very next day, there were men in there that I'd never met.

And I regret very much that members of my team attempted a burglary. We could have gotten out of it, yeah. Well, here is the deal. This is the greatest thing about history of Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon voluntarily sets up a recording device

in the Oval Office to record his entire conversations, private and elsewhere, if he had not done that, he would have got off. Yeah, because he's on tape going, we got to get those motherfuckers.

So different circumstances. Biden was a singularity in the history of the Republic. Someone quitting under those circumstances after the first debate and all the pressure, and they got him out. And now we're on to the next thing. Every week something amazing happens in America. Is Dr. Jill going to have to start going back to the hospital?

Joey. Doing her rounds. She's going to the Paris Olympics. Joe was like, yeah, I feel kind of down. We stick around. Joey, gotta go to the Paris Olympics, Joey. You were sexier when you were president. He did lose some clout.

Well, yeah. So now he's just alone eating his cold soup in the Oval Office. I mean, everybody split. Hunter went back to West Hollywood. You won't hear from Joe Biden for a while. Then he'll pop out and want to challenge Jake Paul to a fight. He's got to get back in the news. He's thirsty. I know. It's kind of, it's a little weird. In a perfect world, he would have done an announcement in February rather than under this duress situation.

- You know, with seconds to count. If he made it another week, they couldn't have got him out probably. - All right, let's look at some headlines and bore people in a different way. - We have all different ways to get you to be bored. - What do we got, headlines? What's the first one? - This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony,

which isn't us. E harmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that, but the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Um, just someone like if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah, it's not it. Look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, um,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. What is this stupid one? Oh, this is funny. You know, Deadpool is a huge movie. So they're drumming up any sort of press. This is the one that jumped out to me.

EP recalls grown men crying over Hugh Jackman's yellow costume when he came on the set. No fucking chance. -No chance. -Wow. Come on, they cry. You have to do that to make people go, "I'm part of history." No. They'd be like, "Okay, Hugh Jackman's on the set. We've got number two on the set. Let's roll. We're gonna walk at once." It needs a little time. I mean, when's the first time he put on the Wolverine suit? -2004 or something? -Yeah.

You don't cry with 16, 17 years. You cry if the Tin Man comes out in the Tin Man outfit. Yeah, by the way, he did Logan maybe eight years ago, 10 years ago, I don't know, which is great. I'm sure this will be great. It's just so funny. You've got enough press. The movie's doing well. You don't need to leak this.

Bull crud. You got to stir the algorithm. You got to feed the beast and the AI. Look how much we're talking about. Dana Carvey came out in The Church Lady and there were grown men sobbing.

I sometimes, because I've gotten more friendly as I've gotten older, if people come up to me, I will do a character back to them. That's nice of you. I liked Hans and Franz. Look at you, you little girl. And it makes them so happy. I'm happy to do it. Oh, it does, for sure. Yeah. They should have Wolverine and Deadpool fight Hans and Franz.

I mean, mix it up. Hans and Franz can't fight anybody, but they can threaten to do a lot of things. Right. They're very cocky. Yeah. We could very easily, listen Wolverine, we could take your little, your cuticles, your little nails, little, you think that's so sharp? Guess what? I have a, I have a,

Yeah. Go ahead. I have a file that'll dull your blades and your fingers. My buttocks are so firm, they're like a diamond drill. They will go right through your soft little marshmallow buttocks. Yeah. You wipe your buttocks with your fingers, you cut your balls off almost. Because he's got those swords on his fingers. Yeah. Sheesh.

Yeah, your sideburns are like little girl sideburns. We could very easily flick your sideburns with our little fingers and they're actually very large. You whack off. There's going to be wiener flying everywhere like a vegematic.

You better look out, Wolverine. There might be a Wolverine coming up from behind and biting your flabby buttocks. Jesus. They're supposed to be terrible. I know. I think they would scare Wolverine and Deadpool for a while, but then if they actually fought. No, their trash talk is awful. I know, but if they fought, then it would get out. Their trash talk is awful. That's what's funny about it. I know. I love it. You could very easily. Okay. All right. Next one. Mm-hmm. Okay.

We covered that. Yeah, we covered that. Okay, this one is called... Oh, this is me. I'm mad about this. Disney blacklist Emperor's New Groove. Film is still banned from streaming on the Disney Channel or something. Yeah, they don't do this at the theme park. There's a big article. This is a movie I did years ago, just a voice. But they don't do this at the theme park. They don't have little stuffed llamas.

They don't do anything. This was actually one that's been living on. It's pretty good. Well, why is it banned? They just don't get behind it like they get behind other ones. People get mad about it and they said they found out that they're legitimately keeping it shadow banned. That's horrible, Dana. This was one of my favorite things I've ever done. That's me on the right in this photo. Can we hear a little bit of the voice? Yeah. What do we got going here?

Let me guess. - Your character. - I'm doing it. Let me guess. Stuck together, raging, over raging river, sharp rocks at the bottom, bring it on. Something like that. 'Cause we fell and we landed like this. - So you didn't do a little goat voice or anything? You just, you did Dave. - No, I said, what do you want? Do you want, what kind of voice? I do, you want kind of this guy? You want, and they're like, no, you're nasally, annoying, sarcastic, flat, humorless voice is fine. I'm like, okay.

With me, I always gotta do a voice. They go, "You're really boring." - You gotta lock into something. - "You have a boring face and a boring voice. Could you give us something? We're paying you a fortune." Meanwhile, the grumpy old man is a dog in "The Secret Life of Pets" at Universal City. - Yeesh. - So you get in the little ride. - Oh, that's got a fucking thing? - Yeah. See? - "Welcome to the Secret Life of Pets ride!" And I'm just yelling at you. - Look at that. Why does a llama get rat fucked?

The ride in Broadway musicals that travel for decades make more than the movie 10X, like Lion King and stuff. And the ride at Universal will make more than the movie. Well, guess what, Disney? I didn't see the Lion King. Take that. There's a couple of big movies I never saw, and that's one of them.

Um, it's okay. It's fine. I like aliens and apocalypse now. I'm not exactly a Lion King cat, okay? Give me Duvall on a boat saying, I love the smell of napalm in the morning, all right? I don't need to see Nathan Lane as a cheetah bellowing out to a canyon. Yeah, give me Chinatown.

Give me Chinatown. We skipped over a couple of things. No, we're still going. Okay, but I have a couple. Oh, you do? Well, I didn't think of anything other than that this was floated out there. Trump being saved. It was a UFO and they have pictures. Yeah, alien intervention, move the bullet.

That's a real story that I read. Oh, oh, oh. The aliens moved it? The aliens moved it. We must save the orange man. That's all I've got. We must keep the conflict alive. Make him head turn just a little bit. We want to take off part of his ear, but not the whole thing. I don't know. Give him weirdest bandage possible. Big one at the convention. Then give him tiny one for later on when he's golfing.

look at my thumbs up i'm getting i reviewed myself i reviewed myself i'm gonna try to get two for my jokes jeez how does it work i have no idea why that let's see if you're doing it we must get orange man we must save him right there okay what's next one next one no rush

Okay. Oh, this is a guy. Who does Nick Chubb play for now? Heather, will you look it up? He was with, I think the Browns forever. Nick Chubb back in the gym eight months after surgery. I think he had a knee surgery. And look at this motherfucker. He's up to where I am now.

Well, aren't you hiding inside one of the things? I saw your hat come out. I think it's the browns. I think. Are those what they call 45s? Those are 45s. The barway is 45. I've never seen that many 45s. Well, the bark is... If the bark could talk, it would be crying. Because it's bent. Yeah.

From the way the bar is like, this isn't really what this was meant for. But I think those kind of bars bend at a certain point, but you don't want them to snap.

- You know what? Don't any human being lift this much weight. If I had a dollar for every old guy I see in the gym bent over. - I lifted too heavy when I was young. I thought I was a muscle man. Now I'm like, I'm a fucking, I look like I'm an extra in Lord of the Rings or something. - Exactly. This guy, he's doing a good job. - It's not healthy. - Yeah, it's not good for you. Do half of that and just get stronger.

You don't need to impress me. But, you know, football's a rough game. They want to... The guy's got to stay out there and be the best. I get it. My quads. My quads are that strong just from running around here and going to the Beverly Center. I'm all... I like the combo of anaerobic exercise with strength training. So, like, if that guy could actually...

do like a hundred real pushups, I'd hand him $100. - Then I'm impressed, then I'm impressed. - Yeah. Do you know if you can do 40 pushups as a grown man, the chance of you living longer than any other group of people, no matter what your habits, it's so indicative of anaerobic fitness, heart, lungs, all that, and muscular fitness, 40 pushups, David.

The challenge has just started. You know, what are your thoughts being super healthy guy about when people say, I like stairs in my house because it gets my heart going. My feeling is it doesn't help your heart to get it going for 10 seconds and then an hour later, 10 seconds. Well, there's a little bit to unpack there. It's a little bit of a push. I'd say that the main thing is like, what are we doing right now?

Physically. Not too much. Sitting. Boring people. When you sit, when you sit so much, not meant to sit so much, so your hamstrings atrophy and get shorter. The glutes, which is

Women always work on the butt blaster. I have a great aesthetics. It happens to be the biggest and most important muscle in your body. When, when, when I had a place where I have a lot of stairs, I have a few different abodes. I try to use it and go every other step. And that's really, really healthy.

I do about a thousand a week. No, no, more than that. Like maybe 3000 stairs a week, just average without thinking about it, just going up and down. How do you know on your step counter it says? Oh, I know it's 22 up and 22 down. I easily do that 10 times a day. Oh, the house in town that I've been to, that was full of stairs.

But if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. That's teeming with stairs. Yeah. You could do some damage in your house with some stairs. They built the stairs in the house around it, I think. You don't take the elevator, do you? I don't want the fans to know you have an elevator. It's not your fault. Don't tell them. You don't take the elevator, do you? I tell you. I'm so healthy.

When I leave on a trip, I put the suitcases in the elevator. Then I walk down the stairs to get my workout. Then I get the suitcases and bring them. All right. I send them down. Hey, let me ask you a question. How's that working for you? I love that expression. How's that working for you? That sounds like something's not working for you. How's that working out for you? How's that working for you? Okay, next one. Okay.

we got stuff we got oh i got a lot more stuff we got tons of stuff i got backups okay is this me no oh this oh this is stupid this is the old muff report this person dresses like a ostrich and it looks pretty real actually yeah cut slender legs and then yeah really skinny legs and a fake head and it's just prancing along and the arm is out like the top of the ostrich but

even the ostriches you can tell they're like what's going on here right well

- Ostriches, yeah, by the way, ostriches, I think they can run like 50 miles an hour. - They can run 51 miles an hour, yeah. - Which is two legs. They're pretty nasty. - Yeah. - They will bite you and run over you. - They gossip, yep. - But as far as a human being looking like an ostrich getting near live ostriches and squatting around and getting all up in their business, I say animal cruelty. - Not a great idea. Yeah, also why?

I guess it's funny, but these ostriches are mining their beeswax and you got this crackpot coming in there and trying to get views, which we added to. - Yeah, why is a really good one. That's what John F. Kennedy said to Bobby Kennedy. - Why? - During the Cuban Missile Crisis, we were on the edge of nuclear war. I think it was Bobby said, "What do we do when the world says why? When the world asks why?" - And what did we do?

Well, we stopped. You didn't blow anything up. Geez, I'm going to get you a callers encyclopedia. No, I like that. I'm just saying. I'm going to get you an encyclopedia. No, I know about all the Cuban cigar box thing. You get into your double king every night, do all your security, open up, start with A and flip through. I'm not reading anything. It's over. That's over.

I've rapped that part of my life. - All your news is on YouTube. It's all visual. - Beep boop bop, TikTok. - Okay, next one. Don't try to fool ostriches. They've done nothing wrong. This is funny. San Francisco Transit Authority. We refuse to release crime surveillance videos because it will make people racist. - Why? What do you mean?

Releasing videos would create a racial bias in the writers. Interesting. I have no comment. I have no comment. Why I have no idea what they're talking about. I don't really get it. I don't understand. Why when they release them, why would that make people racist? I don't know. We'll move on. Let's just... Sorry. Oh, by the way, in YouTube where people leave comments, mostly nice, I have to say. Thank you. And we look at them to say,

if something you don't like about the show or something you like. If we hear something enough, you know, fix it. But we're up to 150 now, Dana. We got that thing back there? Is that 100,000? Right. We're adding exponentially. That's so cool. As the quality of the show goes down, our numbers go up. As it goes down. Sort of a reverse thing. But I always wanted to say this anyway. Hey, man, if you're enjoying anything, I know it's just two guys talking, but you want to smash that subscribe button. Smash the shit out of it.

break that that'll really help the pie make sure it clicks but then break it off smash it just punch it yeah and yell i love super flat okay this is a feel we have a couple feel good stories remarkable cancer trial makes women woman's brain tumor almost disappear in five days so that's the picture of maybe a mock-up wow that's not it okay is there a next one

Okay, oh, I've looked at x-rays. That's a bowling ball. Okay, so I think the shadowy parts are bad on x-rays. That's the cancery part. So look at, I mean, I'm not a doctor. It's just that the technology is moving so fast. If it's going away, that's great.

- The whole world is exponentially getting smarter about gene editing and the cause of things. Who's the person, the whole family's there and you know, well, I couldn't beat the tumor, goodbye everybody. And then someone rushes in, oh, hold up, hold the press, we got a new machine right down the hall. I mean, it's just, it tells people to hang on because- - Yeah, hang on because it might work. You know, they're coming up with stuff. If this is real,

Looks real. It's got 400,000 likes. That's real enough for me. Didn't Bones, I'm going way back now, the original Star Trek, the doctor. Bones from Star Trek. He's dead, Jim. And he had a little plastic thing, but he'd go... And then the person would sit up. Why, thank you. I'm healed. We need that.

Do you think it's still somewhere in the set? Let me give him a bypass, Jim. So he's completely healed. Yeah. I know. And we get this. Why would they throw that away? Comment on this, if you will, David. Why in the fuck we don't have a phaser, equivalent of a phaser on stun? Why do we have to have police shootings?

They would go put it on stun. I mean, we have the stun gun. All that doesn't work. But just actually really a phaser with a stun thing. Just knock you out. Yeah. Start from scratch. Yeah. I agree. That wouldn't be bad. Because, you know, then the bad guys would get them and do it. Well, you neutralize it. Biden came alive. You neutralize the threat. I got a neutralized threat better than it was ever neutralized. I agree. Okay, we'll do that. Okay, next one.

Are you turning into Biden? What are you doing? Oh, okay. Okay. Ooh, I like this one already. I don't even know what this one is. Let's see. Oh, this is another thing. Remember I said Chris Brown does a meet and greet? I don't think this is Chris Brown, but you're going to let the audience member, your girlfriend go on stage and he basically dry umps her and pulls his prong out. I'm sorry. That's my wife. I just proposed to her. Look at, oh my God.

Get in there. Is he a chiropractor? I got to put my glasses on. I can't. You got to see it then. It started over. I saw it, but. He just snapped her C4 of her spine. Thank you. And you're pregnant.

I don't know how in the hell they got that camera in my wife and I's bedroom. Yeah, that one is... I don't know who that is. You know who that is, Heather? It's not Chris Brown. But who's letting their girlfriend go up there for a fun little... Hey, you know, it used to be a magic trick. We need an audience member. We need an audience member to get finger blasted. It's always...

Like if men... Anyone out there on the pill? If men see a sexy woman, they don't scream. They don't go, if they see a burlesque show. Oh, yeah. They don't scream at a woman. So...

Here's the three things. I mean, women, they like a man who's kind, smart with a sense of humor and has access to resources. Money. But we have to ask Heather, is that sexy or is it a little bit like rapid dry humping? It's immediate ick. That's what I thought. It's a no from me, dog. She said not sexy and the woman's hurt and she's also pregnant. Yeah.

Embarrassed, pregnant. It's all about the guy too. And all his running and jumping and positioning. Check out this wang. I'm like, I don't even know what song it is. I don't know what this person is. I'm just watching this.

I don't think it's sexy. I'm going to go out on a limb and agree with Heather. Oh, Dana, that's such a limb. And I'm not going to go out. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not for me. Okay, keep going. That was not for me either. Okay, ready? Oh, this is a wholesome video. Okay, I think this is another nice one. I want something wholesome after that one. This is a cute one, Dana. Watch.

Watch this ready is the opposite today for one channel eight eyewitness news reporter when her longtime boyfriend showed up to propose to her. She thinks she's doing a story. Oh, isn't that nice? Did he close the deal?

Yeah, she said yes. She did? I didn't see that. She said yes, and back to you. Have you ever for one moment thought of doing something like that? Everybody wants to be on the kiss cam or propose. I've had people at my shows going, hey, I want to propose. It's just people that want attention, or they want something different. Here's a question for you, and Heather, she wants to jump in. Do you think most marriages are with like, you know, we're just dating, what are we going to do? And then someone gets down on one knee with the ring and

- Has anyone ever done that except in jumbotrons and stuff? - You mean in real life, do they ever do it? - It seems like by the time there's a ring, there's a consensus, but the idea of... - Oh, how about this question for Heather? If you were gonna get married, Heather, if the average woman out there in this day and age, does the guy have to make sure somebody is filming it? - No, I wanna be the minority. - Okay, wow, I think that's the minority. Let's go to the phones.

Because some people have their friends follow or meet them there and hide in the bushes. They have to be filmed. They have to film it because they can kind of sell that. That gets a lot of clicks. Or do they want, I forgot. Oh, they want to wear something nice for the proposal, right? Well, she was on news, so she was all dressed up. Yeah, that was funny because her reaction is great because she goes, a local TV reporter was surprised by her boyfriend when he proposed her live on the show. Oh, shit. This show? I'm a reporter. Yeah.

"Oh wait, that's my boyfriend. Wait, he has a ring." He starts to put the pieces together. - I think it was kind of clever. I hadn't seen that angle. It was much easier to take than the smash and grab in the van where the terrorists attack. - We got so many comments on the smash and grab proposal. Everyone hated it. It was actually 2% loved it. - I want, you know, if we can get a follow up, if we could get those two people on Superfly. - We should get them on.

If we could get them on. Oh, I don't know if they're English. Heather, get on that. She's like asleep. Heather, get those proposal couples ASAP. Superfly. ASAP. Okay, next one. Toyota's national sales event is happening now, meaning it's a great time for a great deal on a dependable Toyota truck.

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I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off script.

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We've done your homework. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, this is... I just have a question for Dana about SNL. How did you hold your folder when you went to meet Lauren? This guy's going to teach you how. Planet Mike. Here we go. Okay. Because I think I've been doing this wrong. How do you carry an accessory? His hand looks huge, right? Here I am.

grabbing it like an ape and coming to business meeting. Make sure not to use underhand grip when carrying the folder. Making it all about the folder, but not about yourself. Fuck the folder. Approaching the business meeting in this manner. Way better. And then sit and then feed out. Nice.

- See, Tana, you've been doing it wrong. I'm guessing you don't know what you're doing when you have a folder. - Well, look, here's the deal, if I can. I mean, it is all about power.

and not being needy and owning it. Posture is part of it. This is what I would do before I got an SNL. They still had me go read for stuff. So you'd get sides sometimes. You get the script a little bit. So I would come in. I guess I didn't wear socks. I would be disheveled.

And then I would have the sides, I'd have them crumbled up in my back pocket. Oh, I think I got them. I don't know if I saw them. I'm not giving you a job. So it was kind of like, I barely care. And they go, do you have an 8x10? I go, I don't know, maybe. So it's just all about not caring. That's true. When you go to auditions, the more you're professional and don't try to suck, you know what I mean? Don't try to kiss up to everybody. I remember we had Brittany Daniels come in for Joe Dirt.

So lovely, so good, so prepared. And when she was, and she didn't go like the flirty thing a lot. I'm like, hi, you guys. Oh my God, the 405 was so bad. It wasn't that. She's like, hey, you guys ready? We're like, oh yeah. And then she's like, blah, blah. Thanks guys. She just got up and left. You know, she was very polite, but I'm a professional, boom, boom. And then we called her back. Here's another trick she did. We called her back and she wore the same outfit.

And even on the third callback, when she got the movie, I talked to her during the movie about, I said, "Do you remember that?" And she said, "Oh yeah." She said, "If I get it, it's so fleeting why they like someone. I want everything to be the exact way it was the first time they saw me." Something about that stuck with you guys. And I was like, "It's so true." Some people come back, look different, and you're like, "Wait,

You know what I mean? Anything can be off. The way they do the hair. So that's how fickle everyone is. And that's, I don't even know where I was going with this. Well, the worst part is professional comedians, sometimes, you know, I would come in and I'd be a little amped up. And so I would be funny in the beginning. Like we're not reading yet.

really making them laugh with whatever schtick I had. And then Suzanne Plachette is there, I think, and she's like, "It's great when you have somebody come in who's already funny. I can't wait to hear this." - I can't wait to hear this. - And I did. The script was terrible and I was terrible, and then it was that awkwardness afterwards.

of getting out of the room. Just get out of the room. They just hate that you're even sitting there still like, let's disappear. Yeah, just go. I don't want to watch you walk four goddamn steps. They hate you. It turns, I've done that. You walk in with old razzmatazz like, hey, ba-da-ba-do-ba. And you're like funny because I'm like, this is how I get the callback because once I start acting, they're going to be like, what's going on here? Why? It just shifted into unfunniness and unlikeability. Okay.

skyrocket i would follow when i was on the other side of the fence and reading people we'd read 10 people and it was a coin toss and so i would i would go out and find each one who read i go this is completely just flip them up there you're as good as anyone who's ever read today we'll just see where it goes next person you're as good as any because i used to in my mind i thought de niro if it was drama had read but

For me, if as a comedian, I would think, oh, fuck, they just saw David Spade. I don't have a chance. Yeah. I did one, Dana, and it was for my sister, Sam. It was like a sitcom. And it was on my third, I think my third audition. Warner Brothers lot, nervous as shit, cannot act my way out of a paperback. And then I go in there and I'm like, and I'm waiting.

I think I told her this. I'm waiting and the girl's Kathleen Lettery. I think she's some tough ass casting. And I read it and then I go, actually, because it's always so flat and boring. I turn over my papers. I go, actually, I rewrote the scene, which I think would be a little funnier. And she's like, I'm sorry, what? And I go, no, I mean, this is a little unorthodox. She's like, a thousand percent.

And then I go, "If I could just read you the funnier version." She goes, "No, we won't do that. And let me give you a tip. Never do this again in an audition." And I was like, "Very constructive criticism. Thank you." And then I went and I called my agent. I go, "How'd it go?" And they were like, "You didn't happen to rewrite the script." I go, "No, but it wasn't that good. And I was just... Actually, if I could read it to you." He's like, "No one wants you to read it to them.

Please don't make my job this hard. My misfortune between 1980 and 1986 is I actually got some stuff. And it was all a waste of time. And you weren't ready?

No, it was just never going to make it. One of the boys, Nathan Lane. I did Blue Thunder with James Farentino. I did many pilots, one with Michael Richards. I did one with Desi Arnaz Jr. And a lot of times I was just playing kind of the straight, cute guy because that was this me a long time ago. Yeah.

I played the straight man in the Tough Guys movie with Burt Lancaster. So I got these, but I was getting enough work just as being kind of a Ron Howard type or something, just a nice, sweet, benign person. And then I got on SNL. Whoops, I don't want to finish the story, but the story took a turn. Yeah.

Okay, let's try another one. We got a couple more. There's one I want to see. Oh, the dishes. Look at this fucking cat. I do love that. Why do cats make me laugh? This cat already. First of all, he's working. Watch him and he's pretty good. Go ahead. Either he didn't pay his bill or something. He has to do the dishes. Get that fucking shit off. Scrub it. He's got like a little burlap hat. Look at him. This guy's not that good. He's just kind of soaking stuff right now.

It's getting in his face. Watch it. Watch it. Well, I think it's the first guy. It's extremely clever. Yeah. I used to dishwash. It's hard. Uh, I was a dishwasher too. The Hobart Hobart 3000 cuts. So yeah, I know what that is. And I, I can tell those cats what they're going through because it's not what we just saw for our audio fans is people putting rubber boots on cats and

and putting gloves up to their elbows on them. - It's funny already. Looked like cafeteria work. - And then leaning them up against a bucket of sudsy stuff with stuff in it. And the cats are kind of locked into the situation, so they start sort of picking things up. But it's a great effect, whoever thought of it. The cats do that. - They're like, "I can't believe it's spaghetti night." "This shit doesn't come off easy. I need more Dawn."

I want to, you have to do this. You got to do the character sound, sound effect, sound effect. The guy, because if I'm doing it, you should, we should do it together at the comedy store, the sound effects. So anyway, I'm walking across some wet grass. Open my car. The idea is the sound is the same for everything. Oh, it is. Oh, I didn't get. Okay.

I start the car. I put it in drive. Cat comes by and meows. Cats are funny because they got a tail. Cats are funny. You ever work with an active cat? All right. One more. We're getting. Oh, maybe, maybe not. Oh, this is funny. Okay. Don't play it. This is children of Uganda. One day after the assassination. Look at this, Heather.

Donald Trump. The attempt. Take a look at what happened. They recreated exactly perfectly. He's going, fight, fight. Look at them trying to, look at, they got a podium. Isn't that crazy? Uganda. Uganda be kidding me.

Donald Trump. Okay. Again, even if you saw it. So I'm just saying some young kids, 10, 12, 8, 10, 12, reenacted the Trump assassination attempt complete with taking him off. Like wooden guns, a little podium. Wooden guns. They play the audio and then they act it out.

Damn. It's pretty clever. There's like a second city over there in Uganda. This is their main stage. They did a tremendous job. Trump will use it in his rallies. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did everything like it. The kid playing me is tremendous. He's tremendous. He does it.

Is anyone not duped from? No, it's great. Tremendous kids. A bunch of great people. They're doing a tremendous, and he does that more and more. He goes to that guttural thing to emphasize, I know people are thinking the same many things, and they know we got a lot of things to talk about. He kind of does the one line, and the second line is the same line, because it makes him think, I think. He goes, I'm trying this job, these kids.

these kids are doing it tremendously and uh you know what i mean and then he goes to the next one but he sort of just repeats it to think i i yeah i think for emphasis and then many times he'll just keep going if he gets a word you know i wonder how much he goes off cards because he a lot but sometimes he says he likes to go off cards but it's hard to find your way on back on a teleprompter i've done award shows you try to add 11 then you're like go back go back where are you you

It is kind of funny sometimes when he locks back in after about a five-minute diatribe. You know, in any way, I'd rather be electrocuted than eaten by a shark. The shark comes in, I'd rather be electrocuted. He goes on for three minutes and then he turns...

"We're gonna take back the country. We're gonna get rid of the fascists and communists. I'd rather be eaten by a squirrel than a monkey." And then he goes back, "We're gonna take back the country from the communists and the fascists, the neo-fascists, and all the people that are..." - All right, if you want, no, let's... - Look, that's a good ending. - We can end it. That's a good ending, actually. All right, you guys, I think we had a great show. Everyone did a great job in the cast.

The cast was great today. No one was cranky. I'll just say I'll wrap it up as Paul McCartney. You know, it's been quite a couple of weeks for America. You know, the Trump guy got a dinger up on his ears, you know, and he ducked and he loaded him off. You know, he went, look at me. You know, I'm such a protester. Put me fist up. And then the mumbly stumbler president, all of a sudden, everyone goes, you got to go. He says,

I don't want to go. They said, you got to go. And the president called him the other one, Obama, and said, you got to go. I don't do it, Obama. It was Obama. So you got to go. Well, I don't know if it is. Oh, that guy said you got to go. There's rumors. We don't know, but we have to move on now. Now it's Kamala or Kamala. Yeah.

She reminds me of every, a couple moms I knew like in junior high that were very much like Karens, you know? They'd have their elbow in like this, like, excuse me, okay? We're not gonna have every kid go to the party, all right? Right, right, right. You know those people? Yeah. So I think she'll be, I think she'll be good. I think she'll be tough. Colin Quinn, I'll end it with a joke he did that he said. He said, if it's President Kamala,

And then he said, Kamala, he said, that'll be like having a substitute teacher for the last six months. And then we'll be like, Hey, the last president didn't make us pay taxes. She goes, I don't know if that's true.

Don't try to trick me. All right. It's a good sub. All right. Fun fact. Last one. Fun fact. The only time a vice president has become president besides George H.W. Bush following Reagan beating the caucus and becoming president in 86? Yeah.

The last time, 1836, Martin Van Buren. Oh, for real? So it's very tough to be a vice president because you're right. You're in this lane of you're cutting ribbons and they keep you under wraps. We haven't seen a lot of her. But it's going to be an exciting race. It's definitely a nail biter. So we'll see. And we'll see you guys next week. Thanks so much. Thanks for listening. Bye.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.