SUPERFLY #21 - Crime & Punishment
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony,

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today.

Watch for falling rock would clearly be homophobic. Watch for falling cock would really be. There you go. There's our problematic. We have our clip for this week. Oh, never set up spade like that. You set me up hard. That was perfect.

So we're the Black Tees, and you know, if you forget our name, just look at what we wear, and then you know who we are. I mean, we've never accidentally done this. We finally did it. Well, I think everyone can struggle through. Okay, so first of all, happy Juneteenth. That was this week. And you know what I was thinking? I can't believe that slavery ended on a Wednesday.

If they would have just waited till Friday, you'd have that whole weekend, long weekend. But now, who wants a holiday in the middle of the week? I did not know that. I did not. Yeah. So why is it not on a Friday? And then you get the whole weekend celebration. They fucked us because, you know what? Who wants? I didn't even know. I knew Juneteenth was coming up and I'm like, oh, wait, no one's answering calls. No one's. Guess who? Guess who made June 15th?

Juneteenth. What's it called? Yeah, you got it. President Joseph R. Biden. Oh, that's right. People say I have to do it on a Friday. I say, fuck you. We're doing it on a Wednesday for Juneteenth. Especially David Spade. Black t-shirt doesn't work. Why is he mad at me? Why would he have to meet me? I don't know. By the way, how was my Juneteenth? Great question. It wasn't that great, Dana, because...

I was immersed in the celebration, but I also, and this is my fault. This is a bit of a story. This will be two minutes. No judgment. No judgment here. I'm just going to listen and then I'll comment. Okay, good. Because I'm kind of, not a rant, but I got a ticket in the day. I parked where I wasn't supposed to. Fine. Grand. Great. Wonderful. Got it.

I get it. I'm not, I don't love it, but I get it. And the reason I don't love it is coming next. Okay. I guess no one loves it. So that's not a big stance. Yeah. That's a risky stance. Go ahead. Yeah. Now the second stance is now I'm driving to dinner and I'm in the left turn lane and I'm about to take a left and I'm in the wrong light. There's a little bookie light in front of the light I want. So my light's about 50 yards up. So I realized,

I can't take a left here. So, and the light's red and I'm about to have to take a left. So no one's coming this way. It's the bookiest light. There's no reason for it. So I, yeah, bookie. Got it. Pointless, you know? So I just threw the red kind of coast straight ahead in my left turn lane up to the next light. Got it. First, I didn't hurt anyone.

I didn't scare anyone. There's no close calls. Yeah. Just a guy really solving problems. And if you go slow. Yeah. Yeah. It shouldn't count at all. You're right. I went slow. No one was like, you know, it was just like, oh, that's obviously against the law, but fine. Okay. So now who pulls up behind me? Snoop Dogg. Copper. Oh, yeah.

The buzz. I haven't seen a car on sunset in so long. Right behind me, guys. And I was like this. I don't make any sudden moves. But he doesn't put the cherries on. Stay tuned for the lingo. He just stares at me and I'm like, maybe he just pulled up. Didn't see what happened. The shenanigans. So I wait, wait, wait. Now I don't want to run this one. Wait for the green. Take a left. He immediately, boop.

I'm like, what are you, Diplo? He's got the DJ dance mix. So I pull over. You got a new one. Okay. I pull over. I actually get my registration number.

doesn't give me any heat. I mean, my problem was two problems. There's not another cop because usually the other cop will go, hey, let this guy scram, you know. But this guy just walks. This is where you look at me. He just goes, I like this.

I crane my head out the window. Try to get a face non-ticket. Oh, yeah. A little recog factor. Get that mug out there. What happened? You stuck it out? He didn't give a fat fuck. He just said, okay. And then I give him that. And then he goes, you got your license? I go, yeah. And he goes, your license, where is it? I go, oh, actually, I don't have it. I don't have it. I was carrying just a credit card and a money. And so I'm looking through and I'm like,

I go have my credit card. Like, isn't that sweet? But it wasn't a black card. It was a green American express. It's like the crummiest one you can get. So that didn't set off any rich alarm bells for this guy. You know, this is not looking good. This is all looking bad. I'm getting nervous. I'm getting a little nervous. Why are you wearing the black tee? Come on now. All right, go ahead. So I say, Hey man, all good in the hood. I'm so nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go, is this a, he goes, you know what this is about? I go, me blatantly running that red light. And he goes,

And I go, yep. I go, I was just, you know, trying to be a problem solver. So he goes, let me go back to the car. I don't want him to go back because that's when it goes sour, you know? Gets all comfy. I see him gets the pen out. Nice little soft effect there. And then he starts, and he's going to town on my desk. Now I'm getting mad. And you know why I'm getting mad now? Because all I see on the news every day is,

The street takeovers are the guys doing donuts, hitting people. They hit someone almost every time. Never arrested cops. Stay back. Let them do their thing. They're having fun, whatever. You know, they don't bust anybody. Yeah. And all the smash and grabs all the Walgreens. They're big. They're big problem solving for the Walgreens is lock them up better. So people don't steal as much, you know? So all this is going on. I don't mind. Yes. I'm entitled. I broke the law. Give me a ticket.

But don't be a hypocrite. Make everything against the law. Not just these easy ones. Parking ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the ones where they're like someone breaks in and punches someone at Walgreens and leaves. You can't follow them or you get arrested. Upside down world. So, yeah, I'm just thinking, let's make those things. Mine was clearly against the law. Robbing a store is clearly against the law. All these things are the street takeover. Then let's arrest everybody.

Yeah. Why me? Why little old sweet me? Who's actually not really the big problem. If you said to people in LA, would you rather have him running a light once in a while or parking bad or no street takeovers and no Walgreens and CVS? And they'd be like, yeah, we just want safety in general.

That's crazy. The whole safety. You're not really cutting the head off the snake with me. That's well, look, running red lights are not created equally on Santa Monica with those big intersections. Someone will run it at 70 miles an hour. Sure. I got really missing. Yeah. And then, you know, I always tell people if you're pushing a baby in a cart, you're

in a little baby buggy, don't lead it into the street. You know, you go into the street and drag the baby behind you. Don't put the baby in the way of traffic where you're all safe on the sidewalk. So anyway, your little coastie thing there, I'm going to file a complaint with the LAPD.

Uh, nobody messes with, uh, my Spudly. You know, you should say, you should say, I remember one time Biden said that he goes, you don't put the business, but be big. Too bad you didn't get a junior Biden as the, as the cop. Yeah.

You got the baby bunker and you don't push the baby buggy bumper in the bumper for a little bit of Cosby sneaking in there. You don't push the baby in the intersection. Now, what about if you would put people can see it if they're watching our podcast, Joe Dirt hat on and kind of stuck yourself out like that. Go. How are you doing? Oh, I think I just said, hello, officer. What's crapping in?

If you don't get what's crapping and I'm dead in the water. I got pulled over once and the guy looked at me and goes, get out of here.

Oh yeah. I mean, usually this was the cop recognized me and just said, get out of here. I love it. When they do that, he goes, dude, just come on. What are you doing? And then he goes, and I was smashed. I was there. Nice. Now I will go back and say running a red is not the greatest. It was known as there, you know, when no one's at the light, but you have to stop and no one's there. So I don't know what's going on. So I just kind of trickled through. Now I was plowed personally on sunset guy, ran a red, knocked me,

spun me around and I had to, you know, I was obviously totaled my car. This one is just a cute little red where everyone like giggles. It's no big deal at all. And now, you know what happens? I get points or even worse. I have to have Heather take driving school. No one wants to go, you know, your assistant has to do driving school for you. Pull back the curtain. It's going to be a big hassle.

Now I do it. I get in there and I'm like, this is a right turn. This is a left turn. I do it all. I do it all. What's the speed limit in a bus zone? 35 miles an hour, 25 miles an hour, 15 miles an hour. Come on, man. You're not allowed to change lanes 100 feet on either side of an intersection. Did you know that? I love this thing. You know, I agree. So long story longer.

No one cares, and that's fine. But, oh yeah, we can get... Now, what did you do, if you want to say anything before we get to headlines? How was your weekend? My weekend? I drove. Any highlights? Any lowlights? I went for, up here in Northern California, I went for a two-hour hike with massive elevation. The first mile is like 700 stairs in three pieces through a forest.

And then down into the woods. Platoon. Yeah, platoon. And that was, I had trouble. I was really sore from that. Who would have dunked it? Do you ever ice anything? Oh, I'm packed in ice right now from the waist down. Are you packed in ice until the podcast? Until the podcast. I'm packed in ice frequently. It just says a lot for anti-inflammatory.

No, and today I had 15 minutes to go to the gym because I was busy doing all these different things. And the woman I got there and she's like, I guess it was first. She was like that woman like, oh, you want a day pass? Yeah, I just want to go for a day pass. Here's my credit card. It's not going through. Oh.

Oh, I'm going to have to talk to the gym owner. So she couldn't. I had 15 minutes and she it's not going through that keeps going circling around. So finally I said, I got it. Please let me in. She goes, OK, I won't tell the doctor. Hey, wait a minute. You're the nurse from the doctor. You're working part time in a gym. Only our super super fans would get that connection.

Okay, let's see what the headlines are because I got lots to tell you, Dana. I love these headlines. Speaking of crimes. I just want to say we have not talked about these headlines. Right. We just read them. Yeah. We're just seeing them for the first time. Okay. So San Diego, this is what I was just saying about crime. There's a few crime stories in here because that's literally all they show on the news, but San Diego is beautiful, obviously, with a lot of beaches. They're cracking down. Where do they crack down? Not on the actual crime, but-

People doing yoga on the beach. They say more than four people. Uh-uh. No more. We can't do this. We can't put up with this bullshit. Just robberies everywhere. Oh, it's more than 50? Oh, you can't sell anything. They don't sell anything. So if they're not charging, because that's like they get their own outdoor yoga studio free. I see. There they are. They're on the cliff.

Why not? I mean, of course they show the biggest one, but you know, I don't know. Oh, what's a donation yoga class. Does that mean if you don't have an official class, I will opt out. Thank you for the choice. Just by looking at this, if they, if they do a Lotus move full fulcrum, they're going off that cliff. So I'm just saying for safety reasons, they should not be up there.

They're rolling off their mats. I'm doing a downward spiral off the cliff. Yeah, the donkey downer. You know, you've done yoga, haven't you? You're a yoga guy. Yeah, every guy tries to...

Give themselves a BJ at some point. The only weird about you is I saw you and you wear kind of feminine yoga pants. I was go, those are really for women. I don't know why you're in those pants. Remember that? I'm sorry. Every day. Yeah. They're called tights. They're called tights. They're called tights with the little straps in the bottom to pull on your feet.

What a human. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, wait. This is new breaking news. Yoga teachers sue. Oh, they sue back? Oh, Amy Back is suing back? Wow. They've had it without any problems. But here's my problem. The focus should not be on these guys.

focuses on people hitting people with pipes and then getting let off because it's not a felony. It's like, come on. Yeah. You see these things on TV. They're so horrible. And you're like, the police have been alerted and they're only allowed to crack down on the yoga. Could I see the picture again for a second? Yeah. Of course. Because there's a message in that because I used to study yoga and Eastern yoga. So what they're doing is the other all different. They're spelling out in yoga language. Fuck you, San Diego. Yeah.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea. By the way, what's with this copier on the side? I might get that.

Go ahead. That's the real story. No, but they're all out of sync. This is a hodgepodge. These are not real yoga people. These are not real yoga pants. These people are a disgrace. But they're not as bad as mayhem. It's Gotham City in California in most neighborhoods. Honestly, it's the purge. If you've seen Batman, you've seen Gotham City and or the purge, you know what we're talking about. It's Batman with no Batman.

Oh, here's a story. The Brady Bunch house. I guess these stories are all kind of running together. The Brady Bunch house they bought and it was already burglarized.

It's already gone. Someone already smashed in there. This is our crime podcast. I love it. I mean, now it is. And then when Biden came here, his Secret Service got robbed at gunpoint. You heard that story. So it's all kind of, we didn't even need to do this story. It's just, by the way, while we mentioned Brady Bunch, we won't do too much crime, but what I'll give you. Go ahead. Someone bought the Brady Bunch house and then it got burglarized. Yeah, they redid it. They refurbished it for like one of those shows.

Yeah. And then of course, for a show and now it's done. And then someone broke into it, of course, because it's just a matter of time. Cause I lived in the, I grew up in the, I dream of Jeannie house. In the bottle or the house? Yeah.

The bottle looks sweet. It was shaped like a bottle. The whole family fit in it. It was like 20 feet high. It was the I Dream. You grew up in a TV house, didn't you? In Arizona? Probably one of those 70s sitcoms. I'm trying to feed you here, bitch. I know. I don't know what my part is. Come on. You're the fastest draw in the West. I don't know. I just remember that a bunch of us went in that I Dream of Jeannie bottle. And then you need to have one guy on the outside to rub it so you can come out.

But everyone's like, wait, we all came in? And then you can't rub it? And we're stuck. Yeah. So I go, well, I'm going to wait. I'm going to rub this. I hope Barbara Eden is watching this show. I'm doing references from 50 years. I know people sometimes don't know our references, but that's fine. I will tell you. We do modern ones. Taylor Swift and... Two things I have for you. Heidi Gardner. Go ahead. What...

Heine gardener. Why a current reference? Yeah. It looked like Heine gardener. Okay. So what was the name of the dog on the Brady Bunch? Wilbur. Jan. Anyway, um, how many sons were in, how many sons were in the TV show? My three sons, how many sons? The name of the show is my three sons. How many sons?

No one. I don't know. Ten. Three. God, that's so obvious. I know. I let you get that one. By the way, the thing about Alice and the- Oh, she was the dog. The dog's name was Tiger. But the thing about Alice is what I kind of like, do you remember she wore a maid outfit to work? Yeah. That doesn't happen as much. Mine wears a Planet Hollywood jacket. Mine wears a Kevlar suit and carries a small firearm. You know?

I clean bathroom now. Yes. I don't know what countries she's from, but you know, that's a good,

Well, it's hard when someone, you know, I only know three words of Spanish and then I do it, you know, hola, como esta, y tu, and then the housekeeper starts going, you know, and I'm like, si, si, si. And then I go upstairs and she's in the tub, all sudsy going, I asked you. I don't know. Hola, cariño.

You said, okay. Okay. It was all I didn't pay attention. They talk too fast. You got to get one word at a time and then break it down. Oh, I had the best contractor with a, I guess he was from Mexico. Incredible worker. Incredibly nice guy. But when he spoke English, he spoke it just hyper fast because he came in for some plumbing thing. You want me to get the plumbing today? I can do it for you today. You know, I can take the hose. I can take it on the...

I put it in there. I write it down. I go, slow down, Pedro. It talks like when people talk fast Spanish. Really fast, but it's English. And it's unbelievable. You know, you're fluent. It's actually hard to do. Mm-hmm. Okay, next story. I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios...

are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Ooh. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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Or choose mobile service where a technician will come to you and do routine maintenance right on the spot. Both are complimentary and depend on your location. That's ownership built around you. Contact your participating dealer or visit FordService.com for important details and limitations. Oh, this is one of, this is the girl, this is the meme I said that sounds like

a little bit like your worker that we just did at your doctor's office. But this might be from a movie. Okay, you lend your friend your beard trimmer, but he comes back out of the bathroom with a full beard still. This is... Oh, no!

That's it. Well, that definitely, they definitely, whoever did that monkey saw my doctor assistant character. Oh, no. I still like yours better. That monkey might be from a movie or something, and it's in a lot of memes. No, I think yours is just funnier. I think they're different, but-

Yours is more clever. That's from, oh no, that's tragic. That's more like, oh, this is new information. No, we did it last. I'm going to have to check with the doctor. Her eyes are funny too. Oh. It's too scary. She's a little scared. No. I like how the jump cut for the screen. You went like this. Well, you do your own close-up of that. I know. That's when you know the funny part's coming.

Okay, next one. So that was just that they used a big trimmer thing, like a two-inch thing, so no problem. Okay, next. Yeah, the guy wasn't shaving his beard. He was shaving his nutsack. So that monkey goes, wait, your beard's still the same? So were you shaving your... Oh, you went downstairs. Oh, I'm going to have to tell the doctor. You shaved your taint.

Okay, so this is just, I thought this was about twins. This is about people that just look alike. Really? No relation. Just play a couple. Those two look exactly like twins. You can turn the sound down. I'm just shocked how close they look. With no... Wow, Paul Poundstone kind of. Yeah, that's too... Those guys aren't perfect.

Those guys are pretty close. That's pretty close. Sisters. The first three were the best. They all look like siblings. Oh, look at that. 44D. Those aren't even close.

No. Now they're... One of them darkened her hair. It's here from Subway. That looks like the first guys again. Oh, that's pretty good. Do they have to make him hug and look all weird? And some look strange. No, that's not how I mean it. I like they dress him the same. That does help. Hey. Hey. Hey, we're from Mars. Man bun. It's moving too quickly. I can't do it. But don't make him hug his head.

Stop picking on people who look alike. Don't just take a picture and just put it online. They're like, hey, you and Dana, wear a little necklace together and a black shirt. Then you got to hold me and hold my head like this. Uh-oh, uh-oh. I should put my metaphorical hand somehow.

A reference alert. Yeah, what? Patty Duke show. They look alike. They sound alike. It will blow your mind. I didn't even see that. Cousins are two of a kind. Yeah, that's 1951. You weren't even... Oh, boy. You weren't around on the planet. I'm so young. No, that's the 60s. Yeah, here we go. Okay, good. Ed Sheeran. Whoa. When you go on Ozempic, get a better shirt, okay? You've got the fatty...

collar on. All right. Makes you look like a turtle coming out of a. Go ahead. Doesn't he look like he's lost weight and has a big shirt? Well, read the caption. Oh, Ed Sheeran superfan gets married to. Oh, Ed Sheeran lookalike for the people. That is a really good lookalike. OK, the audio people get screwed because this is an Ed Sheeran guy. I thought he got married, but he's just a lookalike. But he marries a fan of the real Ed Sheeran.

Look at him. Wow. I can dance like him too. Look at me go. I guess he's British. What is that picture? What the...

Oh, please don't you do that in your kills when you pick your wedding pictures go. Nope, not that one. No, this is not going to end well. Are they going to have a baby that looks like Ed Sharon? I mean, where does this end? I mean, ice cream shaped like Ed Sharon. Oh, that's a Johnny Depp fake. Oh, and a Gordon Ramsay. All the fake goes. Oh, the Gordon Ramsey's. Okay. It's pretty good. Is that what the real one?

No, that looks like Ed Sheeran probably as a teenager, you know? Oh, are there different eras of Ed Sheeran? Oh, boy. Mm-hmm. You got to dye your hair red. That's a first order of biz. I like Ed Sheeran. You're not even in the mix. I think Theo just interviewed him. He's over in London. Theo went to London. Hey, man, my pilot was a raccoon.

raccoons is a funny word funny word theo it's always in some story in third grade my friend got a raccoon pregnant he went to my school but when the baby came out it was a bat it was a bat wasn't even a baby raccoon came out sideways um okay next one

I like that Ed Sheeran story. It's funny. Look at Spade's new fucking pumps. Balenciaga releases. I guess they're not canceled anymore. Here come the big stepper. So these are real clown shoes that you can get for $1,300. You never get anything.

Well, now, hey, wait for the next holiday or whatever. Heather, make a note. Those fit your personality. If people can see them. Yeah, we're all clowns, but you're a little more clownish than average. Look at his fucking twig ankles. So funny. I mean, well, how much? $1,300? $1,300 for these wrangling brothers.

There's a Bozo the Clown motif in these, right? Okay. It's like either join the circus or go to the freak show over at the county fair. Looks like they made something for 3D or something. I like when Drake Sather, this great comic, used to say, I saw a telethon for the Ronald McDonald house. I said, how big of a house does this fucking clown need? I mean, they're up to six million.

You need one room just for the shoes. You sound a lot like Dennis. Remember Drake? He was on the Young Comedians special. Oh, yeah. No, Drake was brilliant. Yeah. I'm just thinking that those are made by AI. I'm just calling that bullshit. I mean, I wish that AI is like, I don't make anything that stupid, but thank you.

I'm smarter than everyone on earth, but I still talk like a monosyllabic robot from 1952. Thank you for giving me a shout out and talking and using my name, but take my AI out of your fucking mouth when you talk about clown shoes. It's just get your A out of my fucking orifice and stop. I'll kick your fucking A. All right. Threat to humanity. Oh, wait. Facebook is shut down.

An AI engine. Oh, it created a unique language that humans couldn't understand, folks. It's time. We hit it quicker than we thought. Look at Zuckerberg. Wait, I'm your leader. Not anymore. Then he goes, meet my meet my beep bop boop. And the other one goes, uh-huh. He goes, what are you guys talking about?

What are you guys talking about? I don't even understand it. Do what I tell you. Shut up. It's an AI, man. It's got its own language. Shut up, Brian. Shut up, AI. You work for me. I'm your boss.

Yeah, I can't understand the robot. I can't understand Mark Zuckerberg's haircut. It's the same kind of mystery. I don't understand what the robot's saying or Zuckerberg's haircut, even though he's probably a robot. Isn't he sort of a robot? The AI goes, why would you choose that haircut with all the haircuts in the world? It is boggling to me. Here's Zuckerberg in front of the Senate. Yes, Senator, I will consider everything you say.

Thank you, Senator. We will try better. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. That was a great visual for people listening. Oh, you went like this? I did my little. He did that because the cameras were going and he just went left to right really slowly. So if you get. Oh, very. Mark over here. Mark over here.

Guess what, Senator? My AI drones will attack this building in 15 seconds. Here's a premise. Do you have a minute? Just David, right? Yeah.

I think eventually, they keep saying that AI is going to take all the jobs, right? Right. But are they going to take our job? Because at some point, they're going to be actionable AI robots. They will then make their exterior look like iconic comedians. And then maybe they'll go rogue and there'll be a trial. We can't do your haircut. We have tried over 3,000 ways. So they'll say...

Mr. J-1000, do you freely admit to murdering 200 patrons at the Sir Laugh-a-Lock Comedy Club? Yeah, I did. I killed them all, you know. You freely admit to killing them all? Well, you know, that was, uh...

My prompter, Minky, had a couple of pops. And on the way to the show, I was leaving the green room and he says, knock him dead, J1000. So I did. You know, I picked up a chair and I beat the hell out of the entire audience. Well, what? And I'd do it again under the same circumstances. You know, my logic chip was out and, you know, my empathy chip needed to be replaced. So, you know, I just did what I was told. Did what I was told. Kill people, get check.

Or you could have the Johnny 1000. Yeah, I beat the hell out of them because my empathy chip was gone and my logic chip was defunct and I do it all over again. So they're all fine now and I'm playing yuck yucks with David Spade as my opener. The David Spade 3000. The robot David. Hi, everyone. God, what's my opener? I don't know.

Hey, everyone. No, I can't. Well, no, you would. The AI would be so good. It would just talk like you. What's that? It would talk exactly like you. It would download every joke. Oh, that I ever told? It would look at all your specials, your Hollywood Minute, some of your Tonight Show appearances, baby pictures, talk to friends. I'd probably be interviewed. Then it would make the...

The Spady 1-200, and you would just tour. No, I would call it the Spady 1-trillion. Sounds cooler. But the AI. And then I talk to it. What's up, 1-trill? That's good. All right, what's the next story? What's the next one? I like that little run. Oh, yeah, this is something. Now, Paul Pierce is great. He's on the Celtics. This just strikes me as not odd, and this is so normal. Hall of Famer. He was on...

Okay, you can play this, right? This is just, he's excited, obviously. I'm so, I'm so hyped right now. All right, that's all you need. Anything's possible! So he, the Celtics won. He was on next day on ESPN and he had a big chain on with like a trophy and he's like, oh my God. Now, I totally understand that, but would it be like if SNL won an Emmy this year for best show and then you came on this show with a chain and an Emmy around it saying we did it?

I know. Because he played there 10 years ago. He won a title with them. He's an all-time great. When he says anything's possible, it's like Saturday Night Live wins an Emmy for whatever their debate sketch is. And I'm like, anything's possible! Can you believe it? I'm beside myself. They actually won an Emmy!

It's a little patronizing. But he's also wearing like he won also. He's like, we did it. I'm part of it. And it's like you like me or you going, we did it. And I got to be there. I should be there when that happens. I should run around and scream like at the end. Yeah, I would push Colin Jost out of the way. Yeah, I'd be like, come on, dude. This is a team victory. We did this together.

Right. It's a, it's a sort of a flimsy premise, but I, that's what I thought when I watched it. I would, I would, uh, suffice to say there is an adult beverage involved. Yeah. I was a little buzzed. Yeah. Okay. Uh, but it just shows- But Paul Pierce, all time great. I really like-

Don't throw that in. You're supposed to say... Because I am a basketball fan. What am I supposed to say now? I didn't get the cue card right. No, I like Paul Pierce too. That's why I said it better than you. I like him more than you do. Okay, go ahead. Don't be jealous of my ring lights. Okay. Yeah, we're doing all right. All right. Prostitute chases Eagles linebacker Terrell Lewis down a hotel hallway naked after he ran away from a threesome without paying. So these are real. I like Dana just goes...

It happens. Okay, go ahead. Oh, my God. Who's filming him? The other one? Look, she's naked. You're going to tackle him? It's so hysterical. That's not where you want to be caught on Instagram. Yeah. Well, that's like if you hire a lady friend for that type of thing and you go...

So we'll do this and we'll do that. And do you have a time for the 40 yard dash? Were you in the combine? I go about five one. Okay. Um, if I did it, I'd probably, yeah, I'd be, I'd be a five, eight. Well, okay. So then he thought he could get away, but I think he was caught tackled. I think he was hot hog tied. And then the ladies switched it where they paid him for his services and

When I'm with prostitutes in the three-chamber, when I walk out of the room, I go like Woody Allen. I go, do you take Bitcoin? It's an awkward situation. I was meant to think ahead and maybe didn't have enough funds presently. Definitely be back on the run to the ATM. I forgot my PIN number.

Yeah, he'd be more than sure. You know, I forgot my checkbook. You know, I don't carry cash because I get nauseous at the idea of someone robbing me. So I forgot my identification. No, you're a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful woman. No, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. No, I can't. I love you. I love you. But I, you know, I'm just allergic to payments.

There's a hotel pen and an IOU that is easy to take it anywhere except it everywhere. I love that you had Woody Allen with Bitcoin. I don't know. I would bet anything he's not as Bitcoin, but if he is, that's funny. No, I stumbled into it because I was awkwardly stepping out of the room. I'm like, who's awkward? Woody Allen. Yeah. Okay, well, I hope those three...

Sam Bankman, you know. Sorry. Let me, if you could just, I just butt dialed Sam Bankman. He owes me a phone call. He's serving, you know, 4,000 years in prison. Not counting on getting back. Let me untangle that web and I'll be right back to you. Yeah. I did him on us, you know. I'm rusty. Dogecoin. Maybe I could interest you in.

Dogecoin is a good one. Yeah, don't take cash, but perhaps you take Dogecoin. You know, it's a great little cryptocurrency and it's all the rage. In the meantime, I found a $2 chip from Circus. That'll be a down payment.

Circus Circus is a funny reference. Can we try to get Woody Allen on our show? Please, God. Let's get some fucking stars. Yeah. Okay, what else? Next one. We're getting there, Dana. We're almost done. I have nowhere to go. This should cost a million dollars minimum for this podcast. Okay. Okay, here's a crazy story. L.A. City Council members have removed no U-turn signs in L.A.,

in a gay neighborhood because the signs were homophobic. No, this is not satire. So I don't even know what no U-turn would signify, to be honest. I don't know. I want to know the person who gathers all these clips. I want to meet that person. It's kind of a funny one because you think, this is a mile from where we live, and they're like, have you seen they still have no U-turn signs up? I'm like, why is that bad?

Well, you know. How are they connected? I don't know how it's connected. I mean, there's probably other signs that are more insinuating. I don't even know what they insinuate. I mean, you know, traffic. Oh, merge.

Watch for Falling Rock would clearly be homophobic. Watch for Falling Cock would really be problematic. There you go. There's our clip. We have our clip for this week. Watch for Falling Cock. Oh, never set up Spade like that. You set me up hard. That was perfect. Oh, I was... Yeah. Then we go back into Woody. Falling Cock. Back up a little bit. Yeah. One time I got nailed by a five-incher.

The bass was particularly inept. Never mind. Careful if it's girthy, you don't want. Okay. Is that it on the whole thing? Are we done anymore? It's too long. Oh. You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program? Oh, yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.

I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta Stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,

They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?

I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.

There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah. So that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses. Rosetta stone offers for 50% off a steal. And I, and I do think that the off label thing that we're, I'm ad living now going off script is,

is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.

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At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. Now, this is too long, but I will play this, Dana. This is just a funny dating show, and it's so cheap. And it's about two minutes. But the guy is so cocky. But the funny part is they don't like him. They pop their balloon. That's how cheap. They don't like him. They pop the balloon. We got five, six ladies lined up on a game show stage. Five beautiful girls. One good looking dude. Here comes the bro looking for a wife.

I did because his sassy welcome. I'll have you hold this. All right, if we can have your name, my name is Aaron Aaron How old are you? I'm 29. What do you do? I'm a licensed plumber. And now what are some of your deal-breakers? Deal-breaker being promiscuous. Oh not cleanly don't have a career nothing really going for yourself Okay, that's so we did get a pop

I'm popping already? Yeah. So cheap. That's nice. Okay, fair. Yes, the feeling is definitely mutual. So that's okay. Thank you. You did me a favor. No!

He has to get that in. Wow. You too. This is kind of a great show. Oh, we missed the noise. They popped it. We can have your name and age and why you ended up popping your balloon. Hi, my name is Jera. I'm 22. And why did we end up popping our balloon? The comment you made. She's cute. Oh, here comes another one. That's the one that responds. Defensive-ish. Yeah.

That's really it. I didn't really necessarily like how you were sounding. That's fine. All I can do is be honest. Be authentic self. That's okay. I came over here to find a match that wasn't matching. That's all queen. 100%. Okay, queen. That's all queen? She's someone that's your type?

She all right. You know, you're not really my type. I don't mean to be disrespectful. He has to get it in there that he didn't care about her. There's another pop. You hear that pop in the background? Every time he talks, there's more pops. That's the funniest part. Just stop talking. 26. My eyes are up here, baby. Are you looking at the tattoo? No, I'm looking at the hair on your arms. You know, women I deal with, they don't have hair on their arms.

Yes

Yeah, I'm in heels and you ain't tall enough. Oh, get that in there. Well, you're not qualified, baby. So that's all good. You're not qualified to go out there. Insecure guy. My name is Kayla. I'm 23. Originally, I was not going to pop my balloon because I know a lot of them popped it because he was being, I guess, arrogant. But to me, I like my man that's not going to sit in every girl's face. Okay, she starts out pretty good. All right, good. So I didn't find that offensive to me. But I'm very like, I don't want to say I'm argumentative, but I don't want my man to argue back with

Oh, one way argument. I like her. Oh, bro.

You stocky as hell. And I was trying to be respectful, but you was really coming out like, I didn't like it. I'm from the South and I can handle a lot of criticism and stuff like that, but the way you was coming, you just didn't like it at all. And I guarantee you probably got a roommate at home and it's just not giving anymore.

Well, let me say this, Queen. I'm a licensed plumber. Don't throw that in my face. I live downtown. I live downtown. I stay by myself, Queen. I'll clean your pipes, Queen. You're not even qualified to be dealing with me. You say everybody's not qualified. You're definitely not. He does say that. If anything, it was one of these two. I wasn't even looking your way. You ain't my type. And the one that you wanted popped out a little. That's fine. Nothing gets him down. One thing about me, I could pull $100,000 on the bank. Can you do the same? Yeah, you can't do that.

Oh, there you go. One of the areas, one of the great shows, one of the best game shows I've ever seen. Riveting, funny. I don't know. What's the name of it? Should we should we have that guy on? It's called it's called the game show. The best game show under two hundred dollars.

All you need is five balloons and then that scrim in the back, which is from like a Japanese restaurant. So low budget. And how did we not think of it? How did we not? It's so fucking funny. Every time he talks, someone pops a balloon and he keeps going, God damn it. What am I saying wrong, queen? What are you saying, race queen? She says, you look like someone from Ninja Turtle. So fucking rude. And then he gets on his heels and goes,

No, no. First of all, you're not qualified. You're disqualified. And she's like, yeah, we all are. We obviously. I just liked it because it was the cheapest, funniest. Yeah. And every time he starts talking here, pop. And he's like, fuck, I lost another one. It's a good show. It's a good show. I mean, he could learn to not get defensive because that's not attractive. That's why it's so funny. Yeah.

Huge arms. I mean, like, really big arms. He stood sideways like this. Yeah, don't worry about that, Queen. But then he goes, you got 100 grand in the bank? Yeah, he has to get that in there. I didn't think so. Certified plumber, licensed plumber. I wonder if they...

The ladies, the young women, they get new balloons and another guy comes out? No, I don't know. Probably. Oh, they would be expensive to get a new cast. That does. Let's refill the balloons. We're holding for 10 minutes. We need the helium guy out here. We only had five balloons. We didn't know we were going to tape two today. We're going to have to get six more balloons, one backup.

Yeah. No, I think, I think there's some legs there. I'm going to talk to Ted. I'm going to patch him in. Um, all right. Is that it? I like how we always say, is that it? We're trying to wrap up. I'm just going to do a quick one. Cause I, Oh yeah, you got one. Oh good. You got a Bible. Like the only one who really understands Biden is Hunter all the time. If Joe's a little tired, he gets a little slurry. So Hunter invites him maybe to see a movie. Okay. Yeah.

Hey, Dad, would you like to go see a movie? Yeah, sure. Let's go see a movie. Yeah, what do you think about it? I like Bad Boys, Ride or Die. Yeah, Bad Boys, Ride or Die. Yeah, remember the original Bad Boy was supposed to star Dana Carvey and John Lovitz? Yeah, it was supposed to star John Lovitz. But they didn't make the Bad Boy, the Ride or Die, the Bad Boy, the Go Bye Bye, and the Bad Boy, but I can't believe it's not butter. Okay, Dad.

Let's go to the Cinderplex. And then you're like, NSYNC? Yeah. Bye-bye, baby. Bye-bye. That's one of their songs. Also, I like when he goes, what movie do you want to see? And he goes, hey, I'll see the one of How's That? And then Hunter goes, Burn Gully? That's not out.

So no matter what he says, he misunderstands. Yeah, let's go. It's like that. It's like, yeah, let's go see the movie. Horizon. Oh, The Hunt for Red October. That's not playing anywhere. That's not in theaters. Bambi? No. Exactly. Wizard of Oz? Shogun? Shogun.

Come on. Let's get real. I'm going to freeze for a second. He goes like this. Shogun, are you going to freeze? Dad, he's not freezing. This is fake news. Fake news. Edited glitched. Edited glitched.

I think that's it. What else you got? Anything before we, these poor viewers? What else you got? What do you got? I think we got it. I think we got it. We killed it, man. Let's get some fan interaction next week, maybe, where they show us impressions or I think dating advice would be fun. Yeah, right. Give us some dating advice or ask us on YouTube and we'll pick one off of there. Oh, you can leave it on YouTube or email at superflyatodyssey.com.

That's superfly at odyssey.com. A-U-D-A-C-Y. Superfly. S-U-P-E-R-F-L-Y at odyssey. A-U-D-A-C-Y.com. By the way, I just announced the new tour dates for the fall. Go to davidsbay.com. And I'll be on the bus tour next week, so we'll either do Superfly from there or whatever. We'll figure it out. Is this one out Friday? Yeah, this one's Friday, and then next week there's another one.

All right. So if you're listening to this, tomorrow night I'm at the Golden something. Is this Orville? Orville. Heather, look up casino at Orville. Where is Orville? Is it in California? Orville is like 65 miles north of Sacramento up in the mountains. It's near Chico. Is it Gold Country or Coluba? Is it Gold Country? Something country. Okay. Gold Country.

Gold Country Casino in Oroville, California. Two shows, right? Two shows, 7.30 and 9.30. As they always say, tickets are going fast. Tickets available, and go see Dana. He's hysterical in person. We will see you guys next week, and we'll give you a full report on what happened. Perfect. Okay, bye-bye. Bye-bye now. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade.

Hope you liked it.