SUPERFLY #20 - Looping, Pegging, & Amusing
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's... Because they're naked? Well, it's like the 1800th time you say, on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there, I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it? This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose.

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Hey, Sarge. Hey, what are we doing here exactly? You got to give me a minute on this. Hey, is that a dick? Mallory?

Oh, you said something naughty. Hey, Loopy. Oh, you're talking to me? Yeah, because didn't you just come from looping? Oh, yeah, we looped. I looped today. For those of you who don't know and you're not in showbiz, looping, God, you might as well call me a fucking Oompa Loopa.

Look at that fucking hair. Well, I love the little side angles and stuff. I got to get it good. I was going to do a hat. I will in a bit, but I was going to just let you see what's really going on. So I had to loop for a Sierra commercial. So you have to go down there and looping means voiceover. And on a commercial, you just do it for the commercial and put your voice over it.

And on movies, you have to do it to your voice, which is hard. They have a voice. It's too loud in the background. There's a helicopter. There's a plane or there's water running. There could be a million things. Scratch your shirt, your microphone. So you have to just they give you three beeps. You know how to do it. It goes, yeah, boop, boop. And then you go, here's my line. You have to match your lips. It's actually kind of hard.

It's incredibly hard. You could have a line like, well, I don't believe the police because they don't know what the fuck they're doing. Right. So it's like, beep, beep, beep. Well, I don't know about the police because they don't know what the. Sorry, let me do it again. I don't know. And then they play it back and your lips aren't matching and you're there for hours. And then they go, break it up. Let's just do the right.

Let's just do the first part. Then we'll come back and do the beeps for the right. Yeah. And they try to get you to hear it in your ear and match what you did that day. Yeah. Because it's hard to put yourself in that same place, the same energy, whatever you're feeling down, up.

It's terrible. And then they, after that, sometimes they'll do, I think it's called Foley. Just give me these sounds like, Oh, that's right. That's right. Come in. Oh yeah. They go, you're falling on a hill. Oof. Now that I'm just old, they go, you're just getting out of your car. And I go, what noise? They're like, well, that day you're like, God, just to stand up. They're like, yeah, yeah.

I froze again. Yeah. Did I freeze Dana? Yeah. I like, I see Dana's face. I see him going, hello, frozen. My old friend.

Hey, man, you know, people sometimes think being able to see and hear each other on this type of podcast is important, but I say no. I say no. The more you're frozen, magic happens. Listen, Frozen was a big movie. Imagine, right? Did you did you say did you slip in that you're doing a commercial for Sierra Mist?

It's not Sierra Miss. It's just Sierra Outdoor. I did one for Sierra Miss years ago. So you do anything with S and M. You do it. So Sierra Outdoor. Yeah. So you're just doing voiceovers. Voiceover. I do voiceover, but then I did actual commercial. I've done it for a few years and it's pretty fun actually. And you get to see the stores and-

But they're whipping me into shape today on that. Oh, you know what? When I did Black Sheep. Oh, a couple people remember? Applause. With Chris Farley. So I go to do my looping, which they call it. And the worst part, it's harder than the movie because they have chunks of like four to eight hours you do it. Right. You sit in a theater or you sit in a booth and you watch it play back. And everyone's behind you on a Zoom going beep, beep, beep. And you're like.

you know, whatever your line is. So it's hard to do, but you can do it. And so I leave and Farley comes in. Hey, where are you Davey? Are you looping? Did you loop? And I go, yeah, I go, good luck in there. And I can tell he's already disaster. You know, he's like,

got like a big coat on like from young guns it's like a duster he's not ready yeah i don't know what you're doing so he comes in all beat up and that night he goes didn't go great at the old loop sesh i go what happened he goes it's it was hard for me to pick it up i i did i did all right i did pretty good but it's hard you got the beeps i go right so the next day they go

You're done, but Farley has to come in because he didn't get one line. Not one. Even, hey, you. Hello, Washington. No, 35 takes later. Yeah, he couldn't get it. He goes, beep, beep. I go? I go now? Everyone's like...

Yes, go. And they actually use that in the movie, Frozey. Do I go on the third beep or do I wait and it's on four? You know what? There's a meme that sounds like you now that's a monkey and it's from a movie. I think Greg's seen it. And it sounds like my nurse character. Well, they go like this. They show the monkey from a movie, but it's all cutouts. It's just him from a movie. And it goes, when you get to a party and you realize it started at 11, not eight. And he goes,

No. Okay. Have you seen those, Heather? Influence spread. Nick Swartzen sends me one about every fucking day. Okay, wait. I have an impression for you before we get back to all this shit that we have to redo or whatever. This is a micro one. It's a good... It's a reimagining of an old one. Okay? I'm bringing it up to date. Not really. This is Michael J. Fox. Obviously the only one I do. Perfect. And just do another... And this is him...

With a girl. He's been with a girl getting pegged for the first time. You know what that is, Peg? I think so. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Okay, ready? I'll know after you do the impression. Yeah, you will. Okay. Hey, Sarge. Hey, what are we doing here exactly? You got to give me a minute on this. Hey, is that a dick? Mallory?

Oh, you said something naughty. I'm going to have to talk to the MPAA Association. What is that? I was doing Mike J. Fox with my left hand, which I never do, which is hard. I was under the pressure of Riverside, always fucking freezing. And so I'm like.

And I was like, there's a cement truck outside. I had everything going against me, but I still did it. You still got it. And I realized I didn't really know what I was going to say. I was like, wait, how does this go? I did it on the comedy store last night. And as a unit,

It was the one thing in my act that did not work. Well, I'll explain this to you. Okay, go ahead. Tell me. You are not doing exactly Michael J. Fox. You are doing Michael J. Fox from Casualties of War. I mean, he would do that stuff in the sitcom, but that was from that movie in specific. Sarge. Yeah. I could tell you, I don't have to do Sarge. Hey, Sarah. Hey, what are we doing here exactly? Hey.

Hey, come on. You got to give me a minute on this here. That's fucking nine inches. Okay. You know what pegged is? He's getting rammed up the butt with a fucking strap on. Oh, okay. Got it. That's what's happening. She straps it on and pegs him in the behind, and then he's like, he doesn't really know what's happening. The way to make it kind of sweet is,

And I think it's kind of funny. I'm going to work on this with you a little bit. This is what we would do if we weren't on our podcast right now. Here's my thing. So the compliment is, Michael J. Fox, is that

He was such a great actor and he would get a little breathless and he'd get a little intense and he could say anything and it would have an intense gravitas to it. So he could be talking, he could be ordering at McDonald's and it would sound fantastic. Right. And then I go, but I only know how to say the couple of things.

Oh, you can't go. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Hey, doc. Are we doing a McMuffin? What are we doing here exactly? Well, if doc is your keyword to get you in. That's one of them. Yeah. Sorry, doc. Yeah, Mallory. You have to do the prostate exam. It's a girl who wears a strap on and she rams them in the behind.

I know, but you don't even, you just say peg and you expect the audience to understand. I think the comedy store unfortunately did get that part. They just think, I think they're too young for Michael J. Fox. It's very possible. Yeah, probably. This hat's too long in the front. It's going to block me. Yeah. Luckily I have a hat store right here. I'll take this one to get rid of my Oompa Loompa. So I've got my looping.

Nightmare. What do you got, loop guy? Loop me. Nicolas Cage, John Lovitz, and myself do a movie where we're falling down in the snow. It's called Trapped in Paradise. So we spent three months in Canada in the middle of the night, 10 below, falling down in the snow. And they go rolling. So if it wasn't snowing, they would blow snowflakes. So it was always rolling, and all you'd hear is brr.

Yeah, a guy with like a leaf blower. Oh yeah, giant fans all around. So I was still kind of new to the business in a way. I'm doing my lines. I'm kind of doing Mickey Rourke and Brad Gray, my former manager. So I was doing a guy like this. I don't know what you're doing, but you shouldn't do it. You know, that kind of thing. And I had a loop. It was kind of underplayed and quiet.

Very quiet. And it disappears under the fucking barrage of the bandsaw. So I had like three weeks looping every single line, every single, you know. In a movie you already probably didn't like. And then I, no, I mean, it was so much fun working with Nicolas Cage. The guy is absolutely hysterical. And then, so he's in there and he's got to loop his lines.

And then he's in there for hours. So he's crossing me over. And then he just dropped to his knees right outside the looping place and went, why God, why you knew where I was going? Yeah. I like it. I go, why would he? Okay. Why God? Why? No, but I love Nicholas Cage. He was one of the funniest people I've ever worked with. I will move on to tell you that we had, you know, I go on YouTube and look at the feedback, the UFO jet,

gentlemen, Dr. Stephen Greer. He got probably the most that we've had on YouTube because a lot of people are really interested in that kind of stuff. And he had a lot to say. And I just wish we had more time to ask him, like, are aliens living here now? Are they among us? Because I've heard they kind of, you know, kind of can sort of look like us and move around. And I want to know what happened in Vegas. Did they see anything? Were they cloaked?

I want those hard. I mean, we're like 60 minutes now. I know. Well, Dr. Greer, there was a lot of time we had to take to get into his world. So it's kind of like, oh, you did this, you did this, you saw this, you saw this. And there was a lot of information there. But I did at the end go, do these aliens, do they understand anything?

Did they understand the concept of no beginning and no end? Do they understand God? Jesus Christ. I never got an answer from Dr. Greer. Well, those are big ass questions. I was just like, are they made out of metal or tinfoil? I was trying to like get it.

Well, I called him later, and I'm not going to say anything spooky, but I was like, hey, Dr. Garrett, Santa Carver from Superfly. All I heard was, do not go any further. Let it lay. Let it stay. Let it lay and let it stay? Let it lay. Are Bigfoots real? I have a lot. I have a big laundry list I want to ask him. This is so basic for him. He wants to talk about the...

Stuff that's more complicated. Well, the consciousness. And I would say, how big does a foot have to be before you get the nickname Bigfoot? That's what I would have asked him if I had time. Yeah. Stuff like that. Have you ever seen a flying saucer that couldn't fly? Just had wheels and just went on the ground? Do they ever... Does it break down and they stick their legs out the bottom like the Flintstones? What about... Okay. And then the cult...

The woman that came on, was it Sarah? Sarah was great. And people had a lot of questions. I forgot to say, you know what I think is more of a cult these days? Because we were saying, where does it lend itself in real life? Like little micro cults. Bachelor, The Bachelor.

They're on in a mansion. They take their phones for five or six weeks. There's nothing happening except the guy. Yeah. You have to kind of worship the guy and be into the guy because that's the only way you can get out of the house. And that's the only attention. So they all get brainwashed and they're going, oh, then they leave and they go, this is the clown I was into. And then once they get back to the mall, they're like, oh, there's other guys in the world. Oh, I'm on my phone again. Like it's not as interesting. And then they break up.

Yes. I mean, yes. Yes. Well, I'm just going on the idea that you're the bachelor dude and you go in there and there's 20 attractive women that are vying for your attention and you're seeing you're giving attention to some, not others. It's probably one of the most.

attractive things a man could do if he had a crush i'll use 1950s yeah on a woman and she wasn't really coming around is to find another beautiful woman to go into the restaurant you know because everyone wants what they can't have so the attraction meter of the bachelor goes up exponentially and or the bachelorette i don't i equal opportunity sure equal 50 50 uh also when

It would be nice if you could always have 19 other girls to make the girl jealous. But even if you're dating someone, you break up, if you find out they're on a date or you text and they're not answering you all night, drives you crazy. These girls, it just grinds in them. They know they're on a date and they're always making out. They make out with everyone right in front of them. They go in the other room. Oh, sorry. I didn't know you're dry humping them.

I'll take some more Chablis. What does it say about the culture? It's so weird. It's such a rough show. I mean, I joke about it, but it's really tough on the emotions. Okay. Other than that, what is I going to tell you? Oh, I'm doing a bus tour and everyone's buzzing about it. And everyone says, Spade, quote, you're the biggest colossal pussy in America. How are you going to do a bus tour? I'm starting with a one week one.

All right. Give me the logistics. Right. First city. What are they here, Heather? It's Wilmington, North Carolina. From Atlanta? From LA. I got to go all the way. Well, you're going to fly first. Yeah. I fly across, get on a bus. Grinding gears. Isn't there? Oh, yeah. We're almost there. And then. Okay. Bad breaks. And then open it.

Okay, sorry. And then they come on and then they go. He can never find him. He grinds him. You're going to sit behind the driver of the bus and do those effects for seven hours. Now I'll be perfecting. I'll be like, everybody quiet. I've got a real ear for this. But those are buses from when I wrote that joke about sound effects in 19. Okay, so how many hours the first bus ride from where to where? I think it's not as hard as we think.

It goes Wilmington, Asheville, Greensboro, Knoxville, Lexington. You've never heard of these countries because you don't care. I care about the smaller. I've been everywhere, man. I've probably played all those towns. Yeah, I've played those towns. Yeah, yeah, I've played them. Of course, Jay's played them. By the way, they have some 3,000-seaters. They're...

They're not screwing around. Well, then you're the biggest thing in town. You play L.A. It's a little difficult unless you're Taylor Swift or something because there's so many choices. But there it's like, well, we can go down to the movie theater. I think they've got a John Wayne reboot. Or we could go see David Spooner over at the Regal Theater. They got 3,000 seats. Our town is 1,100 seats. So we're going to have to bring in the hillbillies from the hills. Yeah.

Because that's where hillbillies live. As long as it ain't on fishing night. Hey, where you from, boy? You sure got a pretty mouth. This is you. This is not me making fun of him because I'm going there. That's Dana. I can make fun. No, I'm excited. They said your bus, though, you can only, there's a little tiny bathroom in the front.

I'm going to ask Theo and Nate Bergazzi how this works. And then they said there's one in the back. Like there's like a little microscopic bedroom. They say a bedroom. It's literally like a bed with about three inches around it. And then there's a dumper in there and they go, that's the only place you can take a dump. So in the middle of the night, my two openers would be like...

It's time. I'm like, no, no. You're not going to throw down a steamy banana in here. I'm sleeping. Or I come home. Do human beings. Walking out of my bedroom like, oh, sorry. I just said it. Did you drop? Usually people, if they wake up in the middle of the night, they go. No, we lead with this. I had to take the Cleveland Browns to the Super Bowl.

How, I mean, don't most people just do number one in the middle of the night? How many people wake up at 2 a.m. and go, I got to get something out of me. I know. I had a buddy that was a night shitter and it's the worst. We go to dinner and he's like this. There's a name for it. Yeah. He's like this. He takes a bite of his fucking appetizer and he's like, excuse me. He comes back 20 minutes later and I'm like this night shitter, night shitter. He knows how to poo it.

we've got we've got night yeah we got a really high quality podcast no night shitter sounds like a private detective works at night but he always has to go number two on abc this week abc nice shitter i would arrest you but i gotta go fucking dump a cow yeah darren mcgavin is the night shitter

I'll BRB and you better stay here because I just have one creeping up. I got one knocking at the back door, but I'll be back. I got a fucking turtle head. I got to get out of here and I'll come right back. Turtle. Turtle. I got one touching cloth. All right. So sickening. I know Heather just got that one.

You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.

just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz so you can find some and you can be yourself with.

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Yeah, because it's such a nice ring. It's an unmarked thing, but then it says Blue Nile somewhere. Yeah. She goes, oh, you couldn't have. You wouldn't have spent that much. Oh, this has got to be a trick. This is too nice. Yeah, no. Right now, get 30% off. Select Lab Grown Diamonds on BlueNile.com. Plus, use code FLY, very important, to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. What is it?

That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Oh, the SNL documentary we both did. Yes. They're doing a bunch of SNL documentaries to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. And...

Let me hear about your experience first. You did the one that's focused primarily on Lorne Michaels, is the one we both did. Yeah, we also have a podcast, Fly on the Wall, where we talk to a lot of people from SNL. But I went in, you went in before me. And so when I went in, they said, can you do an hour? Now, this is not jury duty, but we talk about SNL a lot on Fly on the Wall. And so we've done it all.

And I only had one critique of it, if I may. First of all, the first thing I said was, don't pull a Dana on me. I did say that to them. I think it's the same crew.

It would be the same crew, probably. What's a Dana? They keep me for three hours. Oh, I had one hour for the other one I'll talk about. And then two hours for Lorne. Yeah, it was three hours. Was there two different ones? Oh, was it different ones? Yeah, they're doing like five of them, but they're doing one documentary for Peacock or something on the cowbell sketch with Will Ferrell. A documentary on one sketch? Yes. Wow. Okay.

And they handed me stuff. They handed me stage direction to read, to read as Lorne, to do Walken, to talk about the sketch. Sketch is brilliant. It's hysterical, but a whole hour. It's not even your sketch is the funniest part.

Well, this is what, this is how people make documentaries. Not just everyone. They don't know what they, they don't know what the theme is. They don't know where they're going. Let's get everybody famous, get every single thing we can. And then, then reverse engineer a theme and so forth, you know?

Because I felt like I was the whole documentary after two hours. Is it just me talking about Lorne? No, I like it because you get everybody famous. You're right. And then they just hodgepodge it. They could make... Honestly, I said it's an hour. I can do 45. Not to be a prick, but how long... I mean, if they interview 400 of us...

For an hour special, we're going to, I go, which 15 seconds are you going to use of me? Which eight second clip? I say something funny. 90 minutes. Yeah. I go, that's the one you're going to use. I said one thing that was kind of funny and I got it. That's right. But I just wish the guy interviewed me was nice enough. Super nice. But when you're in.

Something like that. I wish they had an old cast member be the interviewer because you relax around someone that's been in. They go, how was read through? What was your funnest moment of read through? And you're like, oh, right. But a guy is telling you that you relate to, even if I don't know them because they were on the show. So it was a stranger and the whole crew is strained. I'm just sitting on a couch. I mean, looking adorable. That wasn't the problem, but I'm on a couch. Was the camera basically here? Yeah.

You said it was one fucking inch in front of your face. I thought you did it on Zoom. How close? No, no, I was in person. Oh, gross. Up in the mountains here in a house. Oh, they came to you.

Because I don't play. I don't really feel like doing, oh, you want us to come to you. I'm going to have to talk to the documentarian doctor. I have to talk to the doctor, meaning documentary. Documentary doctor. Yeah, fucking A. They went up there. They hauled their wares up there. Yeah, they were great. But I mean, listen, in the middle, there's a camera on my side. In the middle, I go.

Is this on too? And then I go, this thing's plugged in. I didn't see it. Who wants this shot? It's like this. I go, what do you got a sundial right here? Is there any reason you would use that shot? And there's one behind me. And I go, what's this bullshit? And he goes, oh, cause we're going to be watch a video just like you.

Just like you. I had to bin my phone. They handed me a phone and I watched the sketch and then I laughed at it real time. It's the game is to collect, like I said, data as much data, but it, it can get exhausting. I did Lorne for like an hour. You could, the only cutaway they could have you is watching cowbell and just show everyone laughing at it.

And they're like, wow, they got a lot of stars to come in, get hair and makeup and laugh. And that's all they use. You never know. I know. I know. But I had to watch my they didn't have my audition because I'm too old, I guess. But they did have me. Oh, my my HBO young comedians that I always talk about with Dennis introducing me and they go, watch your set and comment.

So that's kind of what we did here. I did my Johnny Carson. So I watched it kind of made fun of it again, knowing it's going out the window. Um, well, how was that part of the Lauren Michaels documentary? Cause that's how I got on SNL. Mine was only about SNL. Oh, that they saw you on the Dennis Miller thing. Yeah. Got it. Yes. That's how it got in their world of Marcy Klein and, you know, whoever shoemaker that saw it. So, um,

and got on Lorne's desk. So that was great between Dennis and, you know, Bernie Brillstein and Gervitz and everybody. So we did that. And then I did all the questions and I was perfectly pleasant. They said I was the best one, whatever, whatever. And then they even called me last night and said, why couldn't you have been more like David? More pleasant. And I go, who is this?

Oh, I'm not going to tell you my name. Well, guess what? I work here now. I saw the footage. You were really boring. I'm going to tell Lorne. Then I'm going to tell the doctor. Don't tell the doctor on that. Why would you tell him that? Just keep that between us.

They're doing a documentary just on the 1985 to 1986 stanza. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I'm not in that either. Okay, I'm not in that. That's why. They're doing five documentaries. I'm so young and fresh. They're doing a movie about the first episode. Kaia Gerber. I saw Kaia Gerber. She's in this movie playing Chevy Chase's wife. They're doing a whole movie about the first show.

Did you sign a non-disclosure agreement on the way out? Because I did. I guess not. But now we've spilled the beans. I didn't say shit. Well, everyone knows there's a bunch of 50th anniversary shit coming their way. Hey, I didn't say shit about fuck. I didn't say fucking shit. Yeah. Tim Robbins. I didn't do fucking shit, dude. Okay. Also...

Oh, people always say in the comments, we look the same. I've had it. That's getting racist because firstly, are the white people that last people, you can say you look exactly the same. I'm not offended. Really? I'm not offended when people say it about other ethnicities, but it's full on taboo, even though people do look the same.

But you and I don't really look the same, but everyone's like, I have no other comment. Maybe I'll try this one. And then I write bomb or I put like a bomb emoji.

Or five. Deesh, deesh, deesh, deesh, deesh. Shut up, Brian. I'm going to make a comment on Superfly. Just shut up. Chuck it out. I bet he answers. He's a fucking puss. David Spade and Dana Carvey look alike, man. Hey, suck on that. I'm pressing send. Send that shit. I dare you. Yeah. Yeah. And see how they respond. We love our fans. Come on. The fans are great. I like to fight with them.

But they're mostly YouTube. I say it's very good. It's, you know, if it's constructive, like I read it and I go, oh yeah. The problem with me, I don't want to read it because I'm my own worst critic. It'll get in your head. Yeah. A lot of people are saying, and you don't even need to know this, that you come off like a booger eating moron. So I'm like, you know, I'm not going to tell them. You know what? I got, I got that 10 X in my brain. 10 X. If booger eating moron.

Someone said, Spade, you're a real pro. I go, oh, thanks. They go, oh, you admit you're a pregnant, retarded ostrich? I go, I don't know. I really fell for that one. Yeah, you just stepped right into that one late at night. Did you cry yourself to sleep or did you get mad at them? No, I cry at night either way. But okay, let's get to the headlines. Oh, this is right up your alley. You're a basketball guy. It would be irresponsible to put Caitlin Clark on an Olympic team for marketing reasons. Thoughts?

There is the fantasy world and there is the real world. Last I checked basketball, either the professional or the, on the Olympic level is a business. It's a global business. It's a global brand. I would say, uh,

I, my advice would be put Caitlin Clark on the Olympic team. Um, and it's just about the magic of, uh, the three point shot. It's just something you want to see. It's great for the country. So, but she didn't get on. So I don't know any details, but I like to in life have strong opinions with very little information. Yeah. Um, what, what's your hot take? My take is,

I agree with you where she's probably not the best one yet. There's seasoned veterans that are bigger, stronger, faster. She will be the best one. I'm guessing, but she is the pretty much by a long shot, the one people care about. And if you're the Taylor Swift of the team and you want to get exposure,

And you want 90% more press going over there. I mean, even if they win the gold, they've won seven times with her. They're not going to lose the gold. She won't matter. Put her in some garbage time, put her in the beginning. People freak out. They love to see her. They come to watch her. They want to see her get her photo. They were there when she played. They'll probably still win. And by the way, we've never heard of the last six gold medals they won. So this gets it to the forefront. You know what I mean? If you want to hear about them. Yeah.

And if they win another gold, is that more important? I guess. But the Olympics in general, like almost who cares? You got people over here that you can't even put an American flag up. They hate you. So it's like, it's such a weird world now that are the Olympics as big as they were? Do they matter? Is it a huge deal? Right. Okay. Bigger. So I would say that, you know, 20 X, we live in a world where you can monetize, monetize fame.

How you get fame can be for different reasons. Caitlin Clark happened to be just incredibly exciting to watch, along with a lot of other players. The WNBA is not... It needs to grow. It should be a bigger sport. I would say ski in the wake of...

Caitlin Clark's fame and everyone else is going to get commercials and more fame. Right. And, and actually more money over our, you know, Michael Jordan lifted up the tons of players that he played with the whole league. So there was a reason she was playing for the national championship. And so she couldn't be at the sort of camp to kind of pick the team. I would just make an exception because she,

The WNBA can really has a lot of room to really grow. It's a great league. It's really exciting. And it needs, it needs more, more press, more bald face stories. Caitlin Clark is a huge story because she can hit it from 40 feet pretty, pretty often. So, and she, she passes in place. She's exciting to watch. And so are a lot of the other players. I don't know. We'll talk to Greg Holtzman about this after the podcast.

Okay, what's the next one? Oh, this is a guy that does... Okay, hold on. Start it over. Ready? So basically, this guy works at a carnival. And I thought it was funny that when people get on the scariest ride, he acts like the ride, something's wrong with it. Okay, now play. Okay. Okay.

How is this possible? They freak the fuck out, it's so mean. Not the chain! He's got a rotation of three bits.

Shoe straps. They all shit their pants. So awesome. That's funny. I thought it was funny because I was watching it going, oh my god, they all go, they're already scared. Like, oh, those aren't hooked. And you're like, oh my, and then you fall and you're like,

Even you get it. Well, my, here's my question, not to be a cynic and rain on the prey, but how does word not get out around the carnival that there's a wise guy on top making jokes? That's a great question. I know, I know the answer. Okay.

because i'm not a bit ruiner i don't know no it's like walking out of it going hey star wars luke's dad is you know whatever i think these people got fucked and they're like i want the next person i'm not going to say anything i want them to feel the terror that i did let me ask you a question oh okay do you like no i don't want to be scared in any way shape or form have you ever been to magic mountain

Yeah. Real quick, I'll tell you one spoiler. I want to hear it. More mountain than magic. It's not even close. It's all mountain. Little to no magic. Did you at any time go upside down? No. When I took my daughter, it was just... I actually do a whole bit about Magic Mountain. I won't bore you with it here. But I didn't go on that many rides because they were too brutal. Plus my bad neck. A couple of the fact that I'm a colossal puss.

I couldn't do it, and I was glad because I don't need the aggravation. No, I know what you mean, but it's... Have you? I've done upside-down things. I don't need it. I find life pretty exciting as it is. It's not like, man, I'm just sitting around not doing anything. Life's so boring. Maybe I'll go over there and have them throw me upside down. How do you like my character? My neck is tight already.

Did you ever do this one? I did this one with a 12 year old, long story short, you get in a room, you're standing in a circle and the room starts to go round and round and round really fast. And you're kind of stuck against the wall. And then the floor drops round up. Is that what it's called? That's called the roundup that have done that gave me a headache and made me nauseous.

After that, they lead you into the vomitorium, which is a different ride where it's anti-gravity and the vomit is floating and you're swimming in it. I hated the vomitorium. No, that one sounds kind of fun, but I did do the roundup when I lived in Casa Grande, Arizona, which is a

small copper mining town. And it was, it's gotta be illegal at this point. It spins and then goes like this. And then the bottom drops out and you stick to the wall. Yeah. Good God. Get fucked. Never. They had one called the back breaker, you know, and then you're in there and you're going like, you're in some kind of car and it's going like this and your back's basically a car crash. These ones are like, you go a hundred miles an hour into a pole and

And everyone's like, they have to use the jaws of life to get you out. I go, well, why is this? People are calling lawyers, walking around concussion protocol. I go, this is not, this isn't the carnival I used to go to.

I don't try. Well, carnivals are scary because the gypsies come in with two by fours the day before and try to hammer together things, you know, and then you're on the hammer. You're watching the hammer ride where they put you upside down and all you hear is all the chain, the chains. Can you do that? All the pocket change coming out? I can't do that one. I can do the socket rides.

We got to get you some Foley work. Fred Wolf used to say, he goes, I'd start to go off the roller coaster in my town like this. It's all jittery because they just put it together. Then a guy walks out going, is it righty tighty lefty Lucy? It's just torturing children. I went on Space Mountain once and the little car was in froze. It came to a stop.

in the middle of the ride. So the lights come on and it's, "Please stay in the car," right? Next to me is a Fleeny-esque kind of dirty wooden floor, like 40 feet across with old dusty furniture. And this sad, weird drunken guy sitting in the chair and the lights came on and he scurried off with a little booze. - Nothing grosser than scurrying. - That was Space Mountain.

Space caveman. Scurrying. You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program? Oh yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older. I know. And it's not, learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean all the high school Spanish I took, grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is hola.

and hasta luego so it goes out of your head so now you have rosetta stone david tell them about it well dana you know more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages uh i mean my gosh they have spanish french italian german i don't think you can throw them a curveball i think they're gonna know what don't they have the language you want yeah

It immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying? I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Just don't type.

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I know AutoZone. Yeah, yeah, with AutoZone, one of our great sponsors on the other podcast. Oh, just that it got ransacked the other night. People like, you know, a hundred people came in and just trashed it. I think what they have is there's street people that do Brody's. They stop like a bridge or a city or a, and no one's allowed to go. And then they go in circles and do Brody's and donuts. And then they always, always hit each other.

It's so crazy. And they're all like up to no good. It's really hooliganism at its best, but sometimes they move it around like a traveling circus and they go and then they hit an auto zone. This trash took everything out. It just,

We got to do something. We got to stop that. They can't have that normal society. If you were going to do just your comedian peers, like, and we were going to do a flash mob thing for like a CVS or something. Yeah. I mean, I was thinking off the top of my head, you want Tim Dillon there. He's got a good attitude. Yeah. Probably Rogan for the, you know, strength. Yeah. Then you throw in Rich Little because he could impersonate Rich Little. In a wheelchair. Yeah.

He's on fire. He's still funny. I met him recently. He made a great impression. Good night. Is he really? Is he still around? He was at least a year ago playing the Laugh Factory in the Tropicana every Saturday night at the early show. And he would do a whole hour act. I'm not a crook.

I am not a crook. He would do Nixon, all the hits. Carol Channing. Nixon. Yeah, Jimmy Stewart, too. And then he would sing as Wayne Newton. Duncan's man. Yeah, he goes back for our senior. Okay, what's the next story? I'm sad about AutoZone. Go ahead. Too much crime, but whatever. What are we going to do? Oh, come on. Say it again. I didn't know that was a Brody thing. A Brody is when they do a burnout and they spin like that, yeah. Oh, Donna.

Oh, what is this? Oh, this is the end of the Kate and Clark story. This is the joke is the guy from the mascot from what does it say? Oh, State Farm. Is that him? Yeah. Yeah. He's worming his way and everything. Why is he in that? Jake from State Farm. That's our Caitlin Clark again. Is he? I mean, how what was I looking at? Jake from State Farm in a red suit.

I don't know why he was in there. I guess he's just, he's at basketball games. He's really out of the commercials on your TV and out in the real world. Now. I don't know what I would do. Oh, I see. So he's going out as that character. So he becomes a meme. He becomes a collectible pitcher. Yeah. It's not a bad idea because now you see that Caitlin Clark, why ever he's there. And then they go, Oh, that's state farm. So they get a plug. Maybe, maybe this, this is interesting, Dana. Sorry to interrupt. This is,

I sometimes brush past these already looks a little scary. What he's wearing is one of those puffy wing suits. Okay. But I don't know. I'm like, this guy's going to fall. Also it's night. So I'm already out. I don't even want to be in the snow at night. It's too scary. Yeah. Okay. Now watch what up. Good song. Yeah. Little, little less on the music. Probably. Well, I don't know what this is. I'm already out. I'm out. It looks like it's gone wrong. Jumps off a goddamn cliff.

To some sweet Leonard Skinner. Look at how cool that is. He's just, it's working. What? That close to the mountain. At night. At night. And he floats up a little bit. Show off. Damn. Isn't that hot? I might do that. You know when I might do that? Fourth of July.

I'm playing a casino in Oroville next week and they, they have, it's especially tall room. So I'm going to get in touch with that guy. Maybe come out in a flying suit. That's not a bad idea. You can wear, I'll send you one of my Joe dirt merch shirts. It says all the firecracker names. You can wear that with the sleeves cut off. Now we're doing pretty good though. I'm glad people are watching. So, and listening. Thank you for coming on Dana. Thank you for being my guest.

Thank you. I'm thrilled to be on the David Spade show. We had a great time. Keep doing what you're doing, man. You're kicking it. All right. We'll talk soon. Bye, guys. Thanks. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.