Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.
Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,
Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, Hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So, um, you won't regret it. I'm a nibbler Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. Um,
And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...
It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.
Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.
Come and eat some. Come and eat some. You could do that. Spice lovers go nuts. It's time to get spicy with Wonderful Pistachios' newest no-shills flavor, jalapeno lime. With a wide range of flavors, there's a Wonderful Pistachios product for every taste bud and occasion. From enjoying with family and friends to taking them with you on the go, which is what I do. I always have them in the car. Savory, salty, smoky, spicy, or sweet Wonderful Pistachios.
No shells. Flavors are delicious. Snacks that consumers can feel good about. Yeah, next time you're shopping for snacks, you're craving something crunchy, something satisfying, ditch the bag of chips and grab Wonderful Pistachios No Shells. Your body and taste buds will thank us because we told you about them. Visit WonderfulPistachios.com to learn more. Welcome to L.A. Have a nice robbery. Where everyone knows your name. Should I be eating?
Yes. Okay, what else I got for him? Okay, welcome to episode whatever of Superfly. We have a terrific, terrific show.
planned for you. I almost was a talk show host. They offered me a few times, so I just feel like I can do a little bit of what I would. We have a tremendous show planned for you today. There's a lot of older words that those old hosts used to say, like fantastic, terrific. I do like those words. They're just not out there as much as they used to be. I know. Really terrific act we got on tonight. Really fantastic. Well, Arnold took fantastic and made it
his word. Oh, fantastic. Let's do it together. Fantastic. He goes from, well, in the English Oxford Dictionary, we say the pronunciation is fantastic. Years later, Bavarian muscle builder Arnold Sorkin said, fantastic.
It's in here. Fantastic. Watch this. I'm going to do a thumbnail, Dana. This is when they do the YouTube and it's like you click on it. It's so outrageous. It's like crazy. This is my thumbnail. David Spade. David Spade says something outrageous today. And I'm like this. Now to yours. Dana Carvey finds pot of gold in backyard. Now what's your funny face?
that's it i'd be like this that's no one's clicking on yours you got to be like this dana discovers discovers who who discovered the first duck duck face i'm kind of punchy duck face don't make fun of women of a certain age would you click on this one how about this dana carvey dana carvey schools david spade no it's gotta be like
Oh, I see. You're not clicking on mellow things. You got to click on crazy photos. Dana Carvey challenges Mike Tyson to a fight. This is a good one. Okay. So this weekend I did the Evenation with Nikki Glaser. We had a blast. Oh, yeah. She's hot. God.
She's like water. She's everywhere. Yeah, she's doing a lot, and she was a lot of fun. We laughed our asses off. She's always a good laugher. A good comedian to hang out with is one that's a good laugher. They don't be tight on their own jokes and laugh at their own stuff. They laugh at other things. She does that. We went to the pool the next day. Now, it wasn't too boiling yet, but they call up. They're always like, we got a great deal for you if you want to go to the pool. $11,000.
You get free fruit plate. It's always like some scam. So it's not 11 grand. But there are, Heather, there's probably cabanas in the pool for $10,000, $20,000, right? Easily. And if you're at Encore Beach Club, I'm not at the Holiday Inn in 1966 pulling up with the plastic on it. I'm not at Howard Johnson's in 1968. Woo!
My effects don't even relate to the story. So I'm there, a juicy cabana, and then they go, ooh, it comes with a fruit plate. That's all I cared about. I will tell you this. I can't even tell you. It's too embarrassing. But I will tell you, they charge you a food stipend, and then it's minimum what you can get, so you might as well order it.
because you're paying they could sort of split it from here's how much the cabana is here's how much food is and you're never going to spend that much and the guy goes don't be surprised it adds up quickly i go i know it does when it's 84 dollars or some corn nuts so i say where's there's a beverage charge yeah there's everything so i go there's all the added on charges here's what i get mad about all i want is this crummy ass fruit plate
And it's not even that big. It's like, you know, it's this, this isn't enough, but it's as big as it fits in this picture. Let's say, and there's an assortment. Guess what it is. Here's the percentiles. That crummy ass fucking honeydew green melon is 40%. 22% is regular cantaloupe. I like, right?
And then they go real heavy on the dragon fruit, which I didn't know was from Game of Thrones. I don't know where it's from. I don't know what it is. What is that? Dragon fruit. Greg might be able to pull up a picture. Never heard of it. It's fucking, I don't know if it's any good. I was scared of it and no one eats it. That's a big problem. No one's demanding. Where's more dragon fruit? They're like, no, give me things I've heard of.
Grapes I'll take. The basics, but they really jacked me, dude. I'm still mad about... No human being... Oh, here it is. Oh, here's some. Okay. Get that one split open. Look in the middle. It looks like a pomegranate. Yeah, it's a pomegranate. It doesn't look tasty. Pomegranate. It looks like frozen yogurt with sea... You know, I'm out. It looks like a seventh grade school project of like an anthill.
I wouldn't, I would try to fuck me as dragon fruit. That's all.
Okay, that's all. That's the highlights of my weekend. Why would anyone who's headlining Lost Fate... So you got to do 90 minutes on the toes to 2,000 people that night. You're hanging out in a cabana eating fruit all day? Shouldn't you be napping and looking at your notes? Napping and noting. No, I don't do that. I know my act by now. And with Nikki, I don't do a full hour. She does 40. I do 45. So it's easier. We had great crowds. It was really...
Great. We did have a good time, but we'll get into the subjects that we got to get in the headlines. Got a lot to do. Let's start with one thing you were talking about recently, which was student loans. And there's some forgiveness going on. I saw that on two different channels, so it must be real. And this I've mixed feelings about it. Explain it to me a little bit because I don't quite know exactly what it is.
Well, years ago, I'm not even sure when it started, but the federal government decided to guarantee loans, you know, to loan people to kids, young people to go to college.
I got one. And so that's how it started. And then and then the Harvard people and all the other people said, hmm, I think we could raise I think we could raise our tuitions a little bit since it's a loan, you know. So it escalated the whole thing. So then it's like 50, 70 thousand a year and you're taking out these loans. You're supposed to pay them back to the government. But maybe you have 300000 in loans and you have just a bachelor arts degree in civics.
Oh, do they give you that much? Mine was community college. So it was 3000, I think. Well, yeah, there's been inflation and also, you know, crazy baby boomer parents, you know, with the whole Lori Loughlin issue. And I didn't blame her at all. Oh, they want big colleges. If you get for sure. Yeah. If you get your kid, kid in a certain college, his life is perfect forever. And it was just enabling baby boomer parents.
gone wild. But now Biden has its billions of student loans that he's forgiven through a federal order, although the Supreme Court said it was stepping outside the lines. But he's found a way to do it. He just did some yesterday. I don't know how it was at one point seven billion forgiven loans.
7.7 billion I saw on TV yesterday on Channel 5 and local news. But I think there's been some in the past. So that means the people, is it everybody that has one or just a certain amount? Because I paid back my $3,000. It took me forever. I had $2,500. I know. Well, college was cheap then, but you were in community college. I was in San Francisco State, which was like that. I paid mine was corn. It was cheap back then.
Here's the tricky part. There's some man or woman somewhere last week going, well, mom and dad, I want to announce to you that all by myself, I'm now 48 years of age, but I've paid off all my student loans. Whew. It was tough. And I worked triple time, but I paid him back because I borrowed him and promised to pay him back next day. Just as online. What the fuck? Yeah.
They don't have to pay theirs back. And I just paid my back. That's the tricky part. Yeah, I guess it is. It's unfair to someone. It's unfair to half the crowd that paid them off or that said, I can't go to college anymore.
Because I have to work. I can't afford it. And I can't take a loan out and I can't afford to pay it back. I get it. So I see I see both sides. I see. It's a tricky issue. You know, some cynics, a cynical person might think that Biden is doing that to buy votes. And that's insane.
But, yeah, I'm going to get off. I would never think that. He's here. You know, he just showed up. He just showed up. I couldn't stop him. Yeah. He was in the waiting room on Zoom. I let him in.
Okay. Sir, should you really be forgiving 7.0? Are you sure you want to do this with the loan? Yeah. I'm forgiving more loans than anybody's ever given to the loans. Loan shark, a shark loan, a shark tank, a shark tank, a tank, a tank, a tinker toys, tinker toys. I can't believe it's not butter. We got the meat. We got it. We got the meat.
We got the meat. We got the meat from Arby's. Oh, we got the meat. Yeah. We got, we got, we got the meat. But anyway, that's a tricky, a tricky thing. And I have mixed feelings about it. I'm happy for the people. I didn't understand when they were saying, when they were mad at Harvard, mad at these places recently, that there's people that people are saying, I'm going to pull my donations. I donated $1,000.
$10 million to this place. I didn't know they are stockpiling billions. I didn't know it was that high. I thought that $10 million really meant something. You're going to name a building. And I go, oh, they said, well, Harvard has $26 billion. I'm like, huh?
Last I check, it's over 40 billion. They have very, very clever people. The Harvard model, it's timber, it's shopping malls. It's it's this brilliant model. And these the students kept paying more. And then and then, you know, the gym teacher is getting two million a year and everyone got rich and the school got rich. But I think they have 40 billion in the bank. You think that maybe they should guarantee the loans?
Rather than the taxpayers. Yeah. Yeah, just... Enough of like... Come to Harvard. If you can't pay your loan... If you can't pay your loan back, we're going to pay it for you. Yeah, if they have that much money, that's their bar tab. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Take a billion off. They won't even notice it. Take a billion off. Yeah. And Bernie, of course, said...
No one should ever have to pay for college. All colleges should be free. Don't proceed. If you want to do Bernie Sanders for your friends at home, just say the word don't proceed with a lot and keep your abs on when you do it. Don't proceed. Proceed. That's the home kit. I love it.
You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Yeah.
Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,
It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.
Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.
Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.
So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. If you've ever been to the market for a new home, you know how home shopping can be. And that can be a lot. There's so much you don't know and so much you actually do need to know. What are the neighborhoods like? Good question. What are the schools like? Who
Who is the agent who knows the listing or neighborhood best? And why can't all this information just be in one place? Maybe it is. Why can't it? Guess what? It is. Now it is on homes.com.
They've got everything you need to know about the listing itself, but even better, hold on. They've got comprehensive neighborhood guides and detailed reports about local schools and their agent directory helps you see the agent's current listing and sales history. Wow. That sounds good. Homes.com collaboration tools make it easier than ever to share all this information with your family. It's a whole cul-de-sac of home shopping information.
All at your fingertips. Holmes.com. We've done your homework. Why did you hear Terrence Howard on Joe Rogan? I thought he was very interesting. Did you see any of Terrence Howard? Oh, I didn't see him. He's the actor. Oh, he's so smart. Yeah. People say he doesn't know what he's talking about. That's a cynic. Some people say he really does because he talks a lot of science. He knows every element of the element chart. He definitely knows more. He definitely is very articulate about knowing a lot.
It all goes back to beryllium, which I'm telling, I'm always telling everyone at dinners. And he talks about how Saturn moves and how we could make a new Saturn. It sounds so nutty, but it's definitely interesting. I wish you would have heard it. He was just going on and on. I'm like this guy. Hey man, we're here. No one knows what we're doing here. No one knows how we got here. So yeah, we could make another Saturn.
Give us time. Yeah. Give us time. I've thought about that. I thought I'm going to wait till maybe I'm not on tour, but I would maybe try to throw together a little Saturn and maybe just for around here in LA, just for people to look at like something to do, but not like to scale, not like exactly as big. Cause I've heard it's like miles wide. So I would make like one, like a home kit. Do you know if we had no moon, we wouldn't be here. Don't scare me.
Oh, we're going to have Dr. Greer on next week.
He's going to ask you. I'm going to ask about the tides and the moon and the beryllium. UFO? Tides and moon, beryllium, the core of the earth. I can't wait. We have a couple interesting guests for the old Superfly. Don't try to downplay Superfly, everyone. There's fucking, it's a real think tank over here. I will never apologize for this podcast. Never. Do not. It's a killer. Go to the YouTube comments. People like it.
Oh, okay. I got another one. Ready? Oh, here's a boring story just so you can tune out. Maybe play a commercial over this or like a side screen. My buddy went in the hospital with a stomach ache and they said, oh, I thought it was appendicitis. He was in a lot of pain. Seven days though. And they said he has to get his gallbladder out. Now, aside from being totally fucking boring, the gallbladder, what does it do again? It feels like you probably need everything in your body, but they just take things. No one knows.
They get, yeah, you can give up a gallbladder. I will say gallbladder gets no press. It gets no attention. No one cares about it. It's not talked about. They can do it. It used to be a big whoopty do now it's arthroscopic. The incisions like a quarter of an inch takes 10 minutes. No more. And so it up, slurp it out. How big is it? As big as Texas, as big as Delaware.
Is it little? Is it big? Where is it? I don't know. It's as big as my eye. It's kind of like that. That's it? You go like this. This feels like a spit size. Yeah, it's not. And there was a lot of talk of bile, which makes me gross out. Is that what it does? It controls the bile intake. I store my bile in the kitchen. Oh, it absorbs fats.
Well, Danny, like I said, Hey, Hey, do you really need it? Come on. Do you really need it? I don't. To store bile in your liver. Come on. That sounds fucking nuts. Listen, when you see bile, the gallbladder goes like this. Don't proceed. File. Don't proceed. File.
How in the hell is Bernie Sanders going on 84 at that kind of energy? I don't know. He's got more energy than me. His wife's like, honey, here's some oatmeal. Don't proceed. Don't proceed. I'm having grape nuts this morning. He's the last guy eating grape nuts. Grape nuts were not delightful. They needed a lot of milk and a lot of soaking time or else they would just get in your teeth. I know you were a huge Captain Crunch fan. Oh, yeah, and a jackhammer.
No, my mom tried to try to swindle me and switch it for grape nuts once. It was healthy. No chance. I told her, mom, I don't want to sound like someone, you know, but don't proceed because I'm not proceeding with grape nuts. It's eating rocks. It's gravel. And I didn't love it. And I went right back to count. Yeah.
I like sugar smacks and corn pops. The Captain Crunch and the Count Choc. Too much sugar for me. My healthy, when I went to Special K, which was a little fruity back when you were a kid, but Special K was supposed to be the healthy one.
It still had sugar. It was really, they were all pure garbage. Let's be honest. I eat Special K now instead of ice cream. It has just a little bit of sweetness. It's made with rice. It's very light. It's not high in calorie. I mean, come on. This doesn't just happen. Yeah. You can't, you know, these supermodel looks. Oh, speaking of which, listen, they said Barkley, our buddy, Charles Barkley, who we did SNL with once. Love Charles Barkley. Yeah.
He said some story about Caitlin Clark. Oh, he ripped into the petty WNBA players saying that because they said they don't like her because she's white, straight, and pretty. And you know what? I get that a lot. So I related. But Charles, and then they were on The View. They were fighting about it on The View. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible.
Come on, man. That's Charles Barkley. Come on, man. He's jealous. Come on, man. I think he's great. As an announcer, besides an incredible basketball player, one of the best small, maybe the best small forward in the history of the NBA. He's only like 6'5". He'd be down there battling out with the trees.
Oh, yeah. He likes to get into it. Yeah, they have to remember that she's going to lift all boats in the end of the day. I actually, the WNBA is on the radar now. The ratings are going up. Caitlin has, you know, I mean, look, the three-point shot is so rare. And to shoot it like Steph Curry does as a woman was extraordinary to watch because she does it with such authority. I guess she works out.
Gets their legs really hard. And so that was a shiny object in the sports world. And now WNBA, hard to say it. They should change the title to W and then into the NBA. Change it. Not hooky. Chicks with chick ball. Chicks with balls.
I didn't want to go there, but I knew you would. I did. I'll take it right to the top. I'll take it right to the front of the line. But I don't think it's, you know, racial. I don't think it... I think it's just...
She can shoot the ball like we've not seen a woman shoot a ball from distance like that in history. Listen, if you're all getting private jets because of it, kiss her ass. I mean, that's a big deal. Like, who wants to go on Southwest? I don't. You know what? That's a big line in the sand when you think about the NBA and the WNBA is that flying commercial when you're kind of famous and people...
know you and usually you're taller than everybody else. Your whole team gets on the plane. It's just a lot of energy and attention. I don't know if you've ever flown privately, but it's very different experience. You just get on a private, you know, very different day. Dana. I don't know if you've ever flown commercially, Dana King Lear over here. King Tut. I've flown Lear 45s. Those are good. King Lear jet. Yeah.
Well, also Cameron Brink, who is a very tall WNBA. She was the second pick in the WNBA draft, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah. And she said today she wants to be in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. And I'm thinking, of course. Like, this is a no-brainer. I mean, she's obviously cute. She's obviously...
In the WNBA, she could do it. I think the last cover was Gayle King. Absolutely. By the way, the swimsuit issue is a bit all over the place. I'll just say that. So it's not just like the typical what you'd think was a model 10 years ago. They're all over. And this one is actually like a model. And 6'4 is interesting. Throw her in there.
Six four is interesting. Would step ladder be good enough for actual ladder athletes, men and women athletes? And they've done sports illustrated things of them.
kind of naked from the side. They just have a different kind of body, the body issue than regular people. It's very intense, but I do think in the modern digital age, you have to stir your brand. You have to do everything. All this stuff brings money. Um, you know, the, the line between athlete and celebrity, you want to get endorsements, get your name out there, get your likes. And social media is driving half or two thirds of the country into a deep depression. But man, is it,
powerful if you get into the, into the, uh, this, the algo. Do you think this is heavy? This is heavy, Dana. Oh, I'm ready for it. If, do you think that I started crying because so if I, if you start crying, I'm going to pull back on this question that social media obviously is blown up, but the last 10 years, uh,
It's turned into, is that, do you think the combination of COVID and that is more work from home? Cause people feel like they're really, really missing out. They used to feel like they're missing out, but not this bad.
No. And then they got a taste of what I call an asymmetrical life with COVID and work from home and going to the pool and working maybe four days a week and less, more life. And on social media, you do just kind of think that everyone's on a yacht off the coast of Italy. Yeah.
And having this magic life is throwing your face. And I got a couple of dollars in my pocket and I feel like a peon. It's like, what are they doing? I mean, so I do think it makes people question all this. And I think, and I think the baby boomers, you know, I'll get pop quiz. What, what was voted the best year to be born in the history of mankind and location? Ooh,
Is location America or is that one of the America possibilities? America. Okay. America, I would say 19 to be born 1953. Actually, 1949. Really? As long as you were lucky enough to get out of Vietnam, that'd be, you know, the tragic hiccup. But I have a brother born in 49 and he just had more of an
innocent time. The Beatles came on, you went to college, it was inexpensive. You could rent something near central park for $400. And then you get to later in life, a lot of boomers are retiring now and they, you know, they need a lot of money, you know, because you could be John Lennon's roommate at the Dakota for $250 a month.
You could buy Jimi Hendrix guitar for $39. But what was your first rent? First place you lived in? How much? Oh, some fleabag place in Arizona in Scottsdale. When I got out of my mom's, we lived four of us in a two bedroom apartment.
That was 400 and we couldn't make that happen. Then when I got out, I think I stayed with my dad. My DBD, deadbeat dad, came back and said, I'll split a place with you. And if there's a tie on the door, don't come in the bedroom. I'm like, sir, what does that mean? He's like, do the math.
And so I split a one bedroom with two single beds. And that was probably for Hanski. And he goes, I'll split it with you. And I go, aren't I your kid? Have you never paid child support? How about you take this one? How about you take this one off my shoulders? You guys are going out hitting on women together. Is that kind of father-son dynamic? Yeah.
I mean, what was I, 19, 20? I was trying to scrounge into some standup clubs. So I didn't have women on the brain as much. It was just trying to go do sets and he had it on the brain and he was doing great on that. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
No, I didn't like it. I don't like it. My rent was $58 a month. No chance. Under $100? Oh, my God. Near the airport. Near San Francisco airport on a frontage road.
We ate 25 cent tuna pies from Safeway. My brother did the day shift at a bar and stole potatoes. And yeah, we were poor. We didn't have a silver spoon. We lived on runway 18. But go to the younger generation now, 18 to 34. They can't buy a house. No one's having kids. I mean, America is not at replacement rate at this current moment. 1.7 per capita.
woman is not replacement, right? The world's population is shrinking and will be 3 billion less by the end of the century. Good night.
That's why they open the border. They go, we need another 10 mil quickly. And they're like, got it done. Well, that's the thing. We need good immigration people coming in here and want to be Americans and want to help and get jobs. And we need a lot of people to come in here because or we're going to have to have AI do the work for us and be our housemaids and everything. Robot AI is coming. You didn't think about that, did you? Right.
No, because I can't. I don't think AI is going to do any heavy lifting. It's more like we recommend this. We solve problems, but they're not out there, you know, working on my car. You go, yeah, they are. That's funny you said that because they are right now.
They are right now. They're in factories and one robot went rogue and choked a guy. Yeah, they're giant walking robots in car car manufacturing and they are doing all the work, taking all the jobs. Have you seen the ones in L.A. that are like little look like little ice cream carts and they go down the sidewalk and they have big eyes, fake eyes and they go. And then when they get to you, they slow down. I don't know if someone's doing it.
remotely they can see them through a camera but they do slow down they go to a light they slow down and i pull them aside i go don't you try to fucking take over tell your buddies we will annihilate you guys and he's like what a joke we've already won dude what a joke though that was his he didn't even have the robot voice yeah they they are the funniest thing i don't know if people have them across the country but in la there's just these little carts by themselves stopping and stoplights delivering what
Have you ever used one? I think that's like an Uber Eats kind of thing. Isn't it, Heather? They deliver food. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they deliver food. Oh, they have a name. You're supposed to name. You're like, hey. Oh. Yeah. Hey, Roger. Boo. I say, you're my enemy when they go by. I go, you're my enemy. They go, we're the beginning of the end.
I was trying to get you. You've ordered a hoagie. I'm outside your place. Come get your sandwich.
Please open it up. They're also all getting robbed, of course, in L.A. because there's so much crime. So they go, this is my first day on the robot job. Please open it and take off. Oh, why would you kick me? Yeah, homeless guy with a sledgehammer. Hello, my name is Bobby. I bring sandwiches. Not anymore. Beat the shit out of him. Sledgehammer, steal food. Just flatten it. Welcome to L.A.,
Welcome to LA, have a nice robbery. Where everyone knows your name. Should I be eating? Yes. Okay, what else I got for you? You know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program? Oh yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.
I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta Stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,
They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?
They, uh, I know English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation. So you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard. So this is, this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.
There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah. So that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses. Rosetta stone offers for 50% off a steal. And I, and I do think that the off label thing that we're, I'm ad living now going off script is,
Is that when you learn a language and you learn to pronunciate the words in that language, you start to learn about the people who live there and speak that language. Sort of a subtle, intuitive way of integrating with the culture. A little different, yeah. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off.
You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. If you're driving right now, take a look around. See all those cars? You can find them on AutoTrader because they have the largest selection of new cars, used cars, electric cars, even flying cars.
Okay, no flying cars yet, but as soon as those get invented, they're going to be on AutoTrader. Not only can you find the car you just saw, you can find it at a price personalized to you with Kelly Blue Book, my wallet on AutoTrader. From credit scores to down payments to interest rates, we all know that car buying requires a lot of math.
Enter MyWallet on AutoTrader, a tool that shows you exactly how much you'll pay each month for your car based on your unique info. So you never have to do your car math again. So whether you're into timeless classics or the latest trends, did somebody say solar-powered, eco-friendly, self-driving car? Or whether you just want something practical with no surprise costs, if you see a car you like...
Find it on AutoTrader. See it. Find it. AutoTrader. This year, Dell Technologies' back-to-school event is delivering impressive tech with an inspiring purpose. With every qualifying purchase, Dell will donate to ComputerAid, who equips solar community hubs with tech and AI literacy skills to empower remote, displaced, or disconnected communities around the world.
This is your chance to empower people globally through AI access and digital opportunity while upgrading your tech now powered by Snapdragon X series processors for game changing performance and to power efficiency. Help Dell make a difference. Shop AI ready PCs and get free shipping on everything at dell.com slash deals. Purchase any PC or monitor between
7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. Let's play a couple of these things. Yeah, I just have some stupid things on Instagram or whatever.
We'll see if it's OK. And then I've got a Trump Haley thing. Yeah. Yeah. At the first grill for a dog. These are the grills we made. And he's excited about wearing them. I could tell. So the dog's name is Fox and he has a little bit of an underbite. He was never really shy about it, but now he could really flex it. He's got this is why. And he's got his people hate America in gold. Why the world hates us.
Why on God's good earth are we making a dog grill? How much extra money do you have? A dog with a solid gold grill on his lower teeth, right? Is that just for the people listening? Yeah, for the people at home, doggy grill is solid gold bite for the dog on the bottom teeth. The dog's like, I get enough puss. I don't need, what am I doing with a grill? It doesn't help me. I'm not a rapper.
I'm not cool. I don't care about anything. But this hurts the way I eat. So it's not, it's sort of. It is easy to humanize a dog and to take every, to really, really apply a human being to a dog. So he actually must have thought, you know, yeah, come on, fella. Sparky want, Sparky want a grill? Yeah. And the dog's going, ha, ha, ha.
I mean, people go crazy about dogs. So you do want a grill. You do want a grill. You just wagged your tail. Yeah, dogs are great. I don't think I'll put a grill on them. Now, before you play this next one, just freeze frame it, and then I'll say what it is. I had a hamster that got braces. Go ahead. All right. I had a gerbil that got hair plugs.
I had a muskrat that had contacts. Glasses didn't work. Oh, different color to look cool? I had a snake that had headgear because it had crooked teeth. Okay, let me see. Let me see if this is... I don't even remember this one. It says, wait for the girl. Wait for the girl. Okay, this is breaking eggs on kids as a joke, and I hate it. It's child abuse. Hey, what the fuck?
Yeah, it wasn't very nice. And the parents laugh. I can't stand this. It's a trend. God, the betrayal. The betrayal. Oh! Thought back. Look at the faces. They can't. It's so fucking rude. This is crazy. No one can believe it. Look at that look. Look at that look. Yeah. This kid's like, what's going on?
You got fucking nailed. Wow. That is. Whoa. Oh, I got it. Oh, this poor kid. It never ends. That first one needs to go to a chiropractor. She's like snaps her head back going, Mom, I trusted you. Why can't I stand watching that?
Ah, it's just cute child abuse on camera. My dad wants them. Hashtag cute child abuse. Yeah. My dad wants my sister. She's probably five and she didn't like her oatmeal and she was crying. So my dad took the steaming bowl of hot oatmeal and just put it on her head and it just drenched her all the way down.
But they didn't have iPhones then. Yeah. My dad would get up. He put an inch of oil in a pan and start to make pancakes. And the first batch out was just...
just caked and oiled and he called them crispy. And he decided that I like crispy. Oh, Jesus Christ. He wants a crispy. So it was a stack of crispies and add Carol's syrup because it couldn't have, couldn't afford maple syrup. And then I ate it and then I went and I threw up, but no one got that on iPhones, but I'm not bitter. Um, I wondered, are those all legit? I think they are. Cause the kids are like,
It's hard to tell your kid. They do say, we're going to do a little bit for TikTok. And the kid's like, oh, what's this? We're going to make eggs. Deesh. What? Like, your parents doing this to you. And you realize, oh, I'm the butt of this stupid goddamn trend. Like, make me look like an asshole. I don't like when they make their dogs look stupid. And the parents think it's hilarious.
But two of them threw the batter in the parent's face. Oh, yeah. Took the batter and splashed the parent. That's like a discipline problem. That's a problem. You're going to do that to your mom? Not in my house. After she cracked an egg on your head? Then you retaliate with egg batter? Hmm. You know what? People have too much free time on their hands. My dad would stop by and then go, I do something wrong. And he goes,
Extra humiliation. Not only spank me, but go, go get the belt. Don't make me part of it. I have to go get it. So I go pick the easiest belt. He's like, not that one. You know which one. I'm like, God dang it. I gotta, I gotta go get the thing. He's going to whip me with. Spank my ass. Your dad and my dad should have hung out because we always had to go get the belt. Well, it's the old, it's the old days, the old days. Yeah.
The old days, we wanted to, you know. He goes, Dana, not that one, the belt with the spikes on it. And you're like, oh. Well, he would snap it, which would scare you. And then you had to grab your ankles while everyone else, he'd ask all your siblings, how many?
And then I took a vote. Yeah. How many? How many? I don't know. Everyone, everyone was kind of sheepish. Yeah. I'd say, I know how much you should get my brother. I'll just do it on one hand. Bob, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. I'll just say for myself, I was just incredibly well behaved and didn't want conflict and didn't want to challenge my brother.
parents in any way, you know? So to get a beating for nothing was kind of a frustrating. I mean, you were a rabble rouser. You're like the James Dean of five-year-olds. Yeah. I'd walk around smoking five years old. Well, what's going on here? I'd start some shit. All right. Don't show any more videos. Well, let me see one. I'll tell you what it is first. I think I'll remember. Ready? Okay. All right. Oh, this guy does this and I,
I think it's real. Heather's already curious. Watch what he does. Hopefully there's not loud music, but watch what he does. Let's see what happens. Okay. Throw the board. Jumping in is already scary enough. He's pretty high. Okay. I could do that. Yeah. And then get in, throw your rod, but he's got meat on it, which is scary because you're in the ocean.
And you wait. And then you try to surf. And then a shark bites it. Look at that. And pulls him. What? Who would do that? Wow. Is that real? And there's another shark. I caught one, dude. What? I don't know.
Is that an Australian citizenship test? Let me unpack. Okay, real quickly again. A guy on a pier throws meat overboard, throws his board overboard, gets on his board, casts out the meat. A shark gets in its jaws and starts swimming really fast. He skis behind the shark. We're going to have to hear from our fans on this one. That's a long... Yeah, tell us if it's fake or not. We're too old. It looked kind of real. It looked kind of real. Okay.
Didn't it? I mean, look real rough around the edges. It wasn't like a perfect video, so it looked more real. It's just that it was going in a straight line fast. It wasn't just moving its head around, you know, which makes me suspicious. Oh, that's a clue. I think a shark would bite it off and a shark would rear its head up. And pull and tug. Pull and tug. I didn't like it. I thought it was fake when the shark goes like this, bites on it, and then it goes to the guy. Are you ready? Here we go. Okay.
I thought it was fake, and I have these good headphones, but the shark turned and said, Shark go in the water. Cage go in the water. Farewell, Lenny Dune, may we? Sorry, my voice went. That's from Jaws. I was doing Robert Shaw from Jaws. From Jaws. Great movie. You get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
gentlemen pull me over san francisco bar sorry i've memorized the movie love jaws yep i thought it was fake when he got when the shark goes was that good should we do one more
Yeah. It was a little, it's a little too easy. Surfboard, meat, sharks like, oh, I love meat. Fucking don't make me look stupid. Shark did look stupid. No. And then he took the bait. And the sharks were right there by the dock. No, no. I call bullshit on that. Yeah. Fucking bullshit. Tell us in the comments. That's an East Coast thing. Okay. Is there any more? Because I have to let Dana go. Oh,
The only thing of the day was that. Oh, yeah. You have any Trump or anything? Well, here's the let me. Sorry. Nikki Haley famously shot it out, you know, went through the primaries with Trump. She was the last one standing.
And she was getting a pretty good response. She's a former United Nations person and governor. And Trump being Trump has nicknames, you know, so he nicknamed her Birdbrain when she was still staying in the race. Very Trump. So now he calls her Birdbrain. Then she comes out yesterday and she goes, she says, I'm going to be voting for Trump.
Because Biden's a catastrophe, right? So now knowing Trump, he now is going to like her. When Trump, then he's going to be like,
You know, when I said bird brain and I said bird brain, it's really a, it's a compliment. If you think about it, think about birds, people don't know about birds, but think about bird brains. What birds can do is amazing. They come from dinosaur. Not many people know that they don't know that they can migrate from Alaska to Madagascar. Nobody knows how they get there. They can go a thousand, a thousand birds flying around. They take a hard left turn. Nobody knows how they know. So birds are compliment. I love bird brain.
Bird brain Nikki. I love her and I hope she gets on my fucking ticket. They make, yeah, they make nests. They are smart. I mean, I do see what he's saying now because they fly to Capistrano. They fly back. They're always on time.
It was not derogatory to call her Nikki Birdbrain. They can sing. They're good singers. They can sing. If they're a parrot, they say something. They can mimic like no one believes. Swans can just be in a lagoon for hours quietly and then fly away. These things are amazing. So Birdbrain was affection, and I really love her. Yeah. I mean, there's a bird I saw in New York that they taught it to fly out. Well, it's not great, but they steal people's money, and they bring it back to the guy in his window.
I'll show that next week, but that's sort of a smart bird. Truth be told, birds are brilliant. I mean, they have been around for millions of years and I used to watch them swoop around up in Marin County and just in concert, thousands of bird moving. And I don't know how they do it, how they communicate. Maybe they're telepathic. Okay. I guess we can wrap it up. Anything else to do before we let everyone go?
Everyone's parked somewhere going, this can't be over. Okay, here's another thing. At the Cannes Film Festival, there's a big story about how all the billionaires are there and all the Instagram models, they're getting, this was funny to me, 54,000 to have sex with these guys. They'd put them on the boat for a week.
That's an odd number, isn't it? Is that the union thing? So the 54,000, you go on the boat for a week and you have to have sex with these chubby billionaires. I mean, most of them are probably don't have to be in shape. They're not all supermodel guys, but yeah, that's the idea. And, uh, that's, that's a big problem right now. Is it a problem? Is it not a problem, but that's a big thing happening. And I read about, I read all about it and, uh, I thought 54,000.
Deal or no deal? Well, I don't like, you know, when women who needed money had to go out on the street and have a pimp control them and get beat up and stuff. So this super high-end sort of type of... Voluntarily doing it. They like it. Make money. Person-to-person exchange. I don't really have a problem with it. I did have a thought about, and it's a positive thought, about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez because we talked about it.
Recently. Please. So the worst thing a couple, the worst thing a couple can do.
is go on an Instagram, take a picture and say, we're so happy. We're just perfect for each other. The marriage is great. The kids are great. Everything's great. Whenever you see that divorce comes boom. So the fact that JLo and Ben Affleck are more open about their issues or whatever they're doing means they're going to be just fine. So that's my theory. If they were just hugging and kissing every second, this relationship's fantastic.
Then, you know, they break up. Do you have a comment? You look mystified. Well, yeah, sometimes they do the old, oh, I'm wearing my ring. And they go like this. You can see it. Or they put it up or they put the visor like, look, I'm not wearing it. Then that's a story. Then the next day, oh, I am wearing it. If you get it, if you're that deep in the paparazzi, you know what you're doing, these little tricks and everyone bites on them. It's very odd. I think Ben is more of a regular dude, likes to go to commerce, casino and
inland and gamble sometimes and she's more of like a movie star superstar so that could work or it could not work there's there's reasons either way so i don't know yeah and things get things get lost let's let's uh remember ben affleck as an actor done some brilliant performances and then as a director
And then him and Matt Damon produced movies and produced that thing about the Lakers. Argo is a brilliant movie. The Town. So, you know, the tabloids, just you can get lost in them. But these are very talented people, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. And I don't know. In summary, you're pulling. We get along. We're not we're not fighting. You know, we're fucking tabloid fodder. Me and you.
I know. I never liked it. You know, I actually, when they used to, they'd take pictures of you on the sidewalk. This is in New York during my heyday. And then they would change film. It wasn't digital. They would change film. And I would go, okay, go ahead. One time I just said, go ahead, go ahead. They went through like five rolls. The guy goes, I'm out. Like kind of out of bullets. So then I started walking around.
I walked toward, I go, come on more. Can't, don't you have an extra role? I don't know why I did that. Push the guy. Yeah. Don't take a picture of me. I'm like, go ahead. Have all you want. You know, it's like a gun. They go up, up, up, up, up. Then they got to reload. And that's when you run. And plus they already get like with guys. It's not that interesting. I mean, I I've had guys take my picture, but they would rather see me with a date. Yeah. Point blank said,
If you're with a date, we can sell it, make it look like whatever. They want something juicy. Yeah. David Spade out here. David Spade does this. You know, like I said, the only way is just to be incredibly boring, which I am. David Spade out in his shorty shorts again. All right. Well, that's it, Dana. I will talk to you exactly one week. We won't talk before then. I'll just talk to you on the podcast. We baked another pancake. Mm-hmm.
This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.