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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.
Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,
Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.
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Let me tell you. Cat Williams. Love it. Oh, fantastic. The first thing I said is I go, I hope we're good because last time they made me play for the tips, which is the farthest ones. And he goes, people don't make you do anything. You do what you want. And I go, oh boy. So it's going to be like this. So it was actually, it's like a slow down Chris Rock on 33. Wisdom, wisdom alert.
Hi, everybody. Welcome to Superfly. What I hear from people is, I just want to eavesdrop or Superfly on the wall. You guys talking regular. So here we are. We don't have to entertain. We're talking regular. Some people don't know. There is Superfly, which is the video component. And then we have the regular Fly on the Wall. But Dana, I'll get right to it. I just got in from a...
Netflix is a joke has been going on in LA. So there's a lot of comedians in town. Crazy shows. It's crazy. And so it's fucking bananas. Fucking nuts. And we'll talk about the roast in a second. But the first thing I did a golf tournament just for shits and giggles. And I said, team me up with a comedian. Cause I don't know if you've done charity golf things. I do it. I'm not really a great golfer, but they're like, Oh, for sure. When I do regular ones, it's for charity. And then you get there.
And you're teamed up with four contest winners, you know, for charity people that donated. And the guy's like, hi, I'm Bob Squankmeyer and I'll be with you for the next five and a half hours. And it's not even a meet and greet. It is in your car with you.
So now you make up jokes or you just go out there and just wing it. So, you know, Bob squank Meyer has seven Netflix specials. I just looked it up on my phone. He's a real guy. Oh, Bob's killing it. Oh, Bobby's crushing revolutionary. That's on my regular. Just do you want to do a charity golf term, which are all very good and well, and I've done a lot of them, but sometimes it's hard because then they get wasted. So, um,
Right. The 19th hole starts early. Why does it always have to be golf for charity? Why couldn't it be checkers in an air-conditioned bar? It's just a checkers tournament. You would be good at like Sudoku or something tournament. Chess. I get my kings going. I'll get my kings fucking riled up. I get my kings going, man. Get my pawns marching forward. No, that's chess. Chess.
That's too sophisticated. But today's was easier because I said, there's comedians involved. And they said, oh, I go, I don't want to do it. And they go, it's all comedians, a couple of athletes. So it wasn't really pair you up with four total strangers, which is fun for a while. But it's more like, because one's always shit-faced. So they go, oh, and I said, oh, how about I could do it with Bill Burr or put me with, I think, Andrew Santino was there.
Nate Bergazzi. So I said, there's a bunch that golf. So, and they're doing it. So they said, okay, great. Tina was golfing. Tina Fey. No, she wasn't there. Oh, okay. It was just a, well, you knew most of the guys. So I get there and I go, where's my squad? Oh, I also said Rob Lowe. So I see Rob Lowe. Are we together? No, I don't do this to me.
So they pair me up, but it still is fun because I wound up being with Keenan Allen, who's a wide receiver for the chargers who I know way out of my fantasy football team. Great grand, wonderful, good, good athlete. And it's a scramble not to lose you with the lingo, but it means everybody hits and then you take the best ball. And I'm like,
Oh, so I can drive. And then these football players will drive it farther. And then we take their ball. And I look good. Maybe you should be the de facto putter with your neck. I was. I was chip putter. Yeah. You're lethal with a putter in your hands. I'm actually good. Sometimes I come alive. And it was a really nice course. So I get there. I see Nate. I see all the guys. And then I go, oh, I'm here waiting for Keenan Allen. No show.
No show. Doesn't come. Oh. So we're in a foursome, but the foursome is, let me tell you, Cat Williams. Love it. Oh, fantastic. And Blake Griffin. And so-
Cat goes, Hey man, I can hear your voice all day. I'm listening to your comedy all my life. He was so fucking funny and he was great. And he's all, and he's getting so in the news lately with all these things. And he, the first thing I said is I go, I hope we're good because last time they made me play for the tips, which is the farthest ones. And he goes,
People don't make you do anything. You do what you want in life. I go, oh boy. So it's going to be like this. So it was actually, it's like a slow down Chris Rock on 33. Wisdom, wisdom alert. Yeah. He gave me some, I go, keep it coming, dude. Cause this is what I want. If you can't keep your head down, nothing's going to go right today. Yeah. That was my best cat. It was good. Cat is a tough one. He's got a very unique voice.
And he was a lot of fun. And we did pretty good, actually. You know, we were talking to our friend Jerry Seinfeld recently about goats. And every once in a while, someone kind of owns the space of stand-up. Chris Rock has had multiple times doing that, late 90s. And we talked about Chappelle and Louis and Sebastian. But there was a time...
Where I, well, I didn't know who Cat Williams was and it was his first special on Netflix. And I said, he reinvented the form with his physicality, his rhythm, everything. So I would put him right up there with anybody. Yeah. I asked Chris Rock, cause I said, did you see him on this? Whatever. And he goes, this is a couple of weeks ago. And he goes, he, that first special came out and it really, you know, a lot of people, their first special is the one because it introduces you to such a wide audience and
And then you do specials after that. But the first one people. Well, there's a little bit of a story behind that because I was getting ready to do a special when that came out. And I like to keep things kind of not super locked up, like just a head moving across a giant 60 inch Panavision. So I love the way his first one was shot because he's very physical. He's running around. He's wide. He's using the mic and tying up like a horse with the chair and all this, you know,
And I go, and I said to the Netflix guy, man, I love the way Cat Williams special. He goes, well, we didn't do it. We weren't too happy with it, but we put it on anyway. He did it off label, maybe paid for it himself. Oh yeah. But yeah, a lot of comics do it themselves and they sell it. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably the way to go though. If he did it right. Yeah. That's inside baseball right there. Well, then they all don't look the same. That's good. You know, you like that idea too. I think, um, well, I don't like too much cuts. I don't want to be in a, uh,
an imaginary chair in a theater that flies. So you're watching a guy like waist up all of a sudden he's tiny. Then you're coming in the chair right into his face, you know, like all these cuts every second. I like to hold for a little minute. Yeah. I'll direct your next special.
I think I'm doing one this year. Yeah. I think you're directing. I'm going to direct it. Also. They also, I like in movies like Tarantino, they just hold on a two shot with people talking and never cut in. Just let's, let's listen to them talk.
I get it. Woody Allen, kind of, they call it the moving master where the camera is just moving. It's a three shot. It's a two shot. And so you're not editorializing for drama. You go smash cut. The monster just came. But for a comedian, if you go smash cut to their face, here comes the funny. You know, there's a reason the cowboy shot. David, explain the audience with the cowboy shot. I think the cowboy shot is waist up. Is if you had pistols on, they'd be sort of mid upper thigh. So,
So that's what Johnny Carson, you know, Jack Parr started with this. Jimmy Fallon does it now. It's basically the one person who had it better than most was Letterman.
Do you want to know why? Yeah. Because Letterman had the, the camera was actually on the stage with him and he could walk into a closeup. So Letterman could be back. He needed it. And people do it. I think Fallon does it, but that's very effective that he's moving closer to you going, that's what I'm thinking. Then he moves back for people watching this on YouTube. It's like, Hey, you know what I mean? And then back here. Yeah. I like that. I like that. I like to teach.
Thank you. Also, the roast was recently. Yes, within the last few days. It's reverberating all over the world. Yeah, I think I was, I think Kat did a live interview.
on Netflix the night before the roast, which is interesting. I saw some of that. And then they're moving into more live. There are things going on that I got to tell you all about. You don't want to know about. I was just, when I was watching him, what Chappelle always said, if you can't be funny, make sure your topics are really interesting. So Cat always goes into some global whatever motif. So you're just going, what is he going to say? Yeah.
things are happening that you don't know about on planet earth you know it's really you know what's funny is you know my neck my neck gives me trouble we're golfing so i'm starting to puss out toward the end but i don't quit i just say i don't think i'm going to drive since we got powerhouse blake cracking i'm you're not a quitter i'll just say not a quitter because he goes we need you so i said okay so we get up there and uh i don't take a drive i don't take a drive then the next one
uh it's a par three and he goes i think you can hit the green for me so i crack one about two feet from the green and he goes and i go oh yeah and he goes this guy was in a hostile asshole and now he's jumping around like he's king cock it's so true i was in a hostel because my neck hurt and i was like
I don't know. Have you ever golfed with Bill Burkus? His persona on stage would be like, you know, why do we have golf team? Yeah. You brought your head up. You brought your head up.
Every time. You got to keep your head down. I will tell you, I saw Bill. He comes in late. What's going on? Are we going? What are we doing? We all go at the same time? And he's got his shirt untucked, and he's got like drawstring sweats slash pajamas. And I go, oh, I think because it's Riviera, you got to tuck in. He goes, tuck in what? I go, tuck in your shirt. I don't care if you do. Ah, fuck, do we? What is this shit?
There is a movement. And it's got his drawstring out. I go, I don't think they want that either. I go, I got called in. I had to go buy shorts one time or pants because-
I had black sweats. I was cheating. And they go, don't try to pull sweats on us. It's with a cart. It's $1,200 for nine holes to play there. And you got a guy in jawstring pants and a tank top holding a Bud Light with just one club. Let's do this. You know, it's like happy. Madison cannot play. Exactly. People live on the course. And I always go, you don't want to live on that first hole.
because 6 a.m you're getting your coffee and you hear some guy shank it and go cunt you're like oh i know i once had an apartment and uh i looked over the first uh hall where they would tee off and i'd open the screen door it was in hancock park and i could look out and in the morning i'm having coffee i just hear fuck god damn it that's all i heard over and over again shank bitch yeah um
Okay, we'll talk about the roast quickly, and then we'll get into topics, you know. But the roast was very good. You liked it, didn't you? Well, just to get into it from a different angle, like they've been having these for about 60, 70 years. I assume they had them in vaudeville. It's a very interesting psychosocial... It really is interesting. When you would watch the Dean Martin roast for you people over 70, it was cute compared to this. Love them. Now, it is...
You can't help, but it's a reality show that's so intense. I mean, it was, there were moments that were amazing and you always wonder, the only question I'd have for Tom Brady, it's been a few days later, are you glad you did it or wish you hadn't done it or have no opinion? Right. My question, Tom, is it's not, it can't be the money.
someone's going to say they threw a lot of money at him. It can't be the money because he's got too much. He'll never spend it. He'll never get to the end of it. So I think Tom Brady... I have a theory, but I want to hear your theory. Oh, my theory is, first of all, it's fun. It's like authentic. You get to see behind the scenes. You never see Tom Brady say, fuck. You never get to see him with his helmet off for more than 10 minutes. That was fun for me. Great looking, chiseled, handsome.
And sitting there and taking a fucking beating. And from some people he didn't know. And that's the hard part for me. If I wouldn't do that part, I wouldn't get roasted. And even if I did, even if it was people I knew, you don't want to get if people go too deep, they can't help it. Well, yeah, you know, it's all it's it's it's one or two things. Either you're getting roasted and you don't have kids that are young teens.
Or you're getting roasted and you have kids that are young teens. So they might as well be sitting next to you on stage because it's just going to blast out. So, you know, marriage and all that. The only thing I can think if Tom Brady at night ever checks comments from freaks,
That would be a version of that show going at him at all these angles because he's really good looking. He's worth a billion dollars and he's the greatest athlete of all time. So he invites jealous hatred. These comedians just want to come up with the best joke.
You can tell that no one, they all love him, but like the game of like what Kevin Hart came out with laying the ground rules, Nikki Glaser came in strong. I mean, there were a lot of, a lot of great jokes and hard to land in that audience. So, and you want it to be concise. You want to do something no one else is doing. You don't want to overlap. We'll get into that. Cause we have Nikki on fly on the wall, but yeah,
You know, the fact that you, I've done a roast and I've actually done one. And when you're, I was the host sort of like Kevin. Yeah. They've, they've gotten rougher over the years. You thought they were rough, but it wasn't just me, right? It's getting, no, no. One of the overarching points is I thought a theme was non PC is back. I mean that, that crowd was a lot of people and it was a great crowd, which is very hard to get. Almost everyone did well.
And you can't sweeten it. It's live. In a long show. Cause you're following people that have, have destroyed, just killed. And then you're coming out and a lot of, there has to be some overlap. It's going to be about the jujitsu guy with the wife and it's going to be, uh, that he, maybe he's gay or whatever it is. It's, it's no holds barred, but that was, uh, completely. Unwoke. Unwoke for sure. It was crazy. And everyone was going along with it. And there was some jokes that were crazy. Um,
I thought Tony Hinchcliffe, who does Kill Tony, the thing I told you I did about a couple of weeks ago was he did a really good job because, you know, no pressure. He comes out of the audience. You notice that they don't really know who he is. He isn't a household name. He does something with Dana. Then he just walks up with a mic and he starts talking and you're like, what is he doing? And then he says something about Jeff. Then there are people like, oh, this is kind of funny.
Then wham, wham, wham. Then he's like Rodney King, liver King. Remember that run? Yeah. Great one. That was a great one. Great, great, great, great jokes. And you're right. It does soften it a little bit. And you're coming out of the audience who is this guy rather than, you know, just expectations or they're sitting up there. I mean, I think I saw Nick. She, she kind of did a big sigh on one of the wide shots before she came out.
Because, you know, it's all these celebrities. You've seen Kevin Hart kill, and it's going on and on, and Jeff Ross. And then, you know, it's a little nerve-wracking. Dude, honestly, I think when I did the roast, you're supposed to do seven minutes or six minutes, and everyone last night did 15. I mean, it went forever. We'll get into that with Nikki, so you have to switch over. By the way, I ran into Drew Blood, so today...
And I was like, you must be... I said he did a good job because for someone who they don't really know, for a casual viewer, Drew Bledsoe goes integral in the story of Tom Brady. And I think it got explained. But definitely, you're going there to be like, I don't know, to show up there is hard. But you're mixing...
professional athletes with professional comedians it's not a fair fight just like comedians get their ass kicked on the football field yeah but he said he even said we he goes the athletes i think did better than the comedians would do playing football and i said okay there you go yeah so i thought he handled himself great he did i thought he's cool it probably he's 10 feet tall i walked up with it he goes how are you drew blood so i go oh shit you were just on the roast dude
Oh, he's not one of those pipsqueak quarterbacks. He's an actual 6'4". Some of them are a little smaller. Yeah, 5'9 1⁄2", 160, running it out of the pocket. Yeah, Kyler Murray plays for my Cardinals, and he's 4'1". Anyway, you know Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program? Oh, yeah. If you want to learn a new language, which no time like the present, it's always fun to learn when you get older.
I know. And it's not learning a language when you're older, you know, over the age of 20 is difficult. You know, I mean, all the high school Spanish I took a grade school Spanish, you know, all I can say is Ola and hasta luego. So it goes out of your head. So now you have Rosetta stone, David, tell them about it. Well, Dana, you know, more than anyone trusted expert for 30 years with millions of users in 25 languages. Uh, I mean, my gosh, uh,
They have Spanish, French, Italian, German. I don't think you can throw them a curveball. I think they're going to know. What don't they have? The language you want. Yeah. And immerses you in many ways. There's no English translations. You know what I'm saying?
I know no English. You need a Rosetta Stone for English. No English translation, so you really learn to speak and listen and think in that language. That's the whole idea of Rosetta Stone is that it sticks to your head. It sticks to your brain. I learned German out of a book. It just doesn't stick as hard, so this is the way to do it. Designed for long-term retention.
There's a true accent feature. It gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Yes. And of course, there's desktop app options. There's an audio companion and ability to download lessons offline. Yeah, so that's great. Lifetime access to all 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for 50% off. A steal! And I do think that the off-label thing that... I'm ad-libbing now, going off script.
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are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Ooh. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...
It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.
Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.
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Oh, I just noticed today that Bernie Sanders announced at 82 that he's running for the United States Senate again. No, he's not, is he? Yeah. What is he right now? Anything? He's a senator. He's just running for re-election. Oh, he's running again. From Vermont. But it shows you the difference because when I do Biden, I go a little more softer. Yeah, Joe Biden, what's he ever doing? He's fading out. Well, when I do Bernie-
I'm the billionaire's and the millionaire's are taking all the money. So you can see how well he's aging that he still screams. I think he's learning to sound like you're not old. So he leans into it and goes louder. Biden fades out. Biden kind of fades out. I was thinking of flight of fancy because Obama and Clinton are running around doing things and just, just the idea of how do they talk about Biden amongst themselves when they're alone? You know,
Yeah, Joe's, you know, Joe's good. I mean, Joe's good. Joe's good. Yeah, of course he's good. Why would you even bring that up? Joe, I'm just saying he's good. That's all. I'm just saying he's good. Well, of course he is. Everyone knows he's good, right? I mean, he is good, right? I just said he's good. He's very, very good. I mean, it's not a problem, okay? All right. All right. Whatever. We're in agreement. Okay. He's good. And cut. No, nobody cracks. So they go.
But I mean, with the border, exactly. They jump in. One guy gives a little bit and he goes, well, yeah, the border, we should talk. Well, I mean, sometimes, I mean, sometimes when, you know, he's maybe not the most articulate, you know, kind of, I mean, he's not quite sure what he's saying sometimes. So that's all right. That's all right. I know. I know. He sits down.
And he just sits down and he looks off and he itches his nose. And I tell him it's not a good look. And he goes very slow. Sometimes I got to yell at the TV. Oh, here comes Bernie. Don't proceed. Don't proceed. I'm ready on day one to be president of the United States. That's a good Bernie. Well, it's a lot of power. All right. Well, doesn't that make you tired? I'd be I'd be tired if I was Bernie.
uh i'm never tired because the millionaires you know the funny thing this is now frank had told me this he would do the millionaires and the billionaires we gotta tax him and then his accountant told him because his book sold well he's actually a millionaire so he dropped millionaires it's the billionaires it's like a witch hunt they're the ones we gotta get yeah it's also we don't need any cops and they all have security it's like well if you have 24 security sure you don't need anything but
Normal people might need cops. They're all guarded by a small army. We should defund the police. Excuse me. Get that Uzi out of my face, but keep it nearby. Yeah. Anyway. But don't defund security because I have a security team. Yes. And so, you know, there's all that political stuff going on. We'd like to stir the pot a little bit. Yeah, we're fucking edgy. We are edgy.
She doing the stuff that going places where other people are our mayor in L.A., you know, because there's crime here and everyone running scared. But then she got robbed. They broke into her house and robbed. And so now she's like, fuck this noise. And sometimes it takes that. I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone. But sometimes it's like, oh, it even happens.
So then they get a wake-up call and go, oh, boy. Well, the mayor of San Francisco, I said, who knew that defund the police wouldn't work? So they're funding it again.
Oh, they said that. Yeah. I'm all for just peace and harmony in neighborhoods. I like my goal for my government, you know, the United States government, is to protect me from foreign adversaries, protect the country, and then protect me in my neighborhood. Those are my one and two values. Yours is to dodge taxes, I think you said the other night. Yeah. I said, why are you hassling Wesley Snipes? Because he didn't pay $7 million in taxes.
That's a little bit of an accountant, right? Or someone.
I know. Some people, I don't know if anyone thinks they get away with it, but it's a tough one. You can fudge and do your best within the laws, but man, you do not want to get caught and go to jail for that. If you talk to a tax guy and you just go, well, is that a write-off? They go, could be. Well, is it or isn't it? Don't know. It depends. Why don't we just take it, see what they say? We'll find out when you get audited. It's like interpreting the Bible or something. Like, yeah, I think so. And then you get audited and they go, you're on your own. You go, wait.
They audit Bernie. You're liars and you're cheats. I pay more than my fair share. I'm Bernie Sanders. That's him talking to his wife. Also, someone write in the comments on YouTube whether IRS agents can carry a gun. I heard that someone told me the other day and I said they cannot.
Okay, Dana, I'm not going to tell you that Golden Bachelor broke up with his wife after three months because I don't think you're ready for that news. And you had such high hopes for them. I did. But when all the dust settles and all the cameras go down and every night isn't a helicopter date and they have to go to Chili's and it's the grind, he's like, fuck, I'm out. It was that fast. Like, come on, dude. It's not all going to be confetti in the air, but.
He's like Vegas dealer tapping. Yeah. I'm just sad. That's my statement on that. Right. Your statement is? They were a cute couple, and I'm sorry that they broke up because I think they could have started a family. Yeah, and I hope he doesn't date again immediately because he apparently isn't ready. Okay. I didn't want to tell you this news. Everyone said do not tell Dana. Everyone said it.
Okay, this first little clip. Look at this. If Wayne and Garth conceived a child, it would be Skrillex, who's a DJ. That's kind of funny. That's not bad. It's not a video, but it was like, shah. Shah, it's frighteningly. Okay, wait a minute. It's frighteningly accurate. He does look a lot like us, Wayne. Wayne.
It does, Garth. Chill. I'm looking at the Garth while you talk. It's pretty funny. This is very strange. I feel funny like when I used to climb the rope in gym class. And it rubbed your wiener? Yeah. You never say what it does. Oh, you just leave it open. You just say that. Yeah, right.
Yeah, he looks kind of like me, but he's better looking. Because I'm Garth and I'm humble. Wayne and Garth had a kid. What does that guy do? Is he a singer? He's a DJ, dude. Wake up. I'm an old guy. I don't know all the young people reference. A DJ? Like Casey Kasem? A DJ? We all had a little record player. Did that make us a DJ? Look, I dropped a needle. Now give me a million dollars.
Take me to Ibiza. Don't like it. Bluetooth. We had blue teeth. All right, go ahead. No edits. All right, don't hit it yet. Wait, wait, wait. I don't know what this is about. Oh, yeah, this is kind of funny. This is just watch it play out. This is the mom giving the guy be safe driving. We all do this. All right, play it out. I'm sure it'll stop. All right, here we go. Love you. We'll talk more.
Drive safe. Yep. Watch out for idiots. Parents are always worried if you ride because there's a lot of dumb drivers out there. And, well, she definitely wasn't wrong. Yeah. Look it. After she just told him. And here's the surprise ending. Oh, my God. It's his mom. Oh, it's his mom? His mom hit him accidentally. God damn it, mom. I didn't even get out of the way. Oh, my God. Oh. Isn't that funny? Oh, man.
That happened too many times in my childhood to laugh at. Your mom would run you over? Mom, no. My mom was too nervous to drive on the freeway. Oh, when you were a kid? Or call long distance. She just had anxiety. Why? You know, people are people. They didn't have antidepressants. They said, here's a glass of water and do some push-up and get out of my face. Rough it.
My dad used to say, I go, dad, I got a headache. I've been working for eight hours. I just want to lay down before dinner for a second. Rough day, Davey. You're going to make it. Why don't you lay down and take a little powder? Yeah. You got tough, don't you? I go, yeah, I do. So he goes, hey.
Oh, yeah. Always thinking I was like a puss. I'm like, I am a puss, but. Well, it was a different time. You know, parents were laissez faire. You didn't really see your parents much. You didn't hang out with your parents. You didn't have a phone to call your parents every second. That's true. I had a phone. I know he didn't give us his phone number. I never knew that growing up. Like that was his scam. He would, we'd wait for incoming calls, even though he lived a mile away. We didn't know where it was.
We need to do a whole Superfly just on that, David. I'll start crying. Okay, the next dumb joke. Oh, this is funny. I thought you'd laugh at this. This is Arnold as a... I think it's a motorcycle. Here we go. This is the race. Go. Go.
I like this. Someone's doing that. I say so this time. I say so this time.
When they go over the whoopty-doos. Yeah, I got it.
There's different ones doing it. Okay, there's two or three guys. Fucking idiots. And they're like, I think we got it on that one. I think we got it. Now we have a viral video. Yeah. And they'll never know it's me. And the thing about hearing that and the people and I go over the thing and I go. I think the angle we did work that it's going to go worldwide.
Worldwide. Let me tell you something. One thing I love about Arnold, he still always says, let me tell you something before he tells you something. Let me tell you something. You've got to do push-ups if you want to get stronger. Let me tell you something. You've got to eat protein if you want to build the muscles. Let me tell you something. Why do you have to say, let me... Just say it. What about when you said, hey, Seinfeld, let me ask you a question. He goes...
Quit saying, can I ask you a question? I know. I know. That was great. I wanted to frame it so I wasn't interrupting. Don't say you're going to ask me a question. Then he said he had a bit about it. He was working on a bit. One thing I have to say that really made me laugh, I don't know if he, that every review...
Which you got some good ones, and any comedy gets people getting... Of unfrosted. Shitting on every comedy. Every review had just sort of pastry references. This Pop-Tart could be a bit sweeter, but then this cake doesn't get baked. I mean, every single review was referring to dessert treats from the 1960s. This cereal got soggy.
This, these corn flakes need a little more milk and this unfrosted could have used more frosting. Hi, I'm Bill fleek flock for time magazine. Tony, the tiger got hit with a tranquilizer gun.
I wish this tart was sweeter. But in the end of the day, it leaves you wanting to eat something else. Hi. I write for Newsweek. I went to Harvard. Yeah, I went to Harvard and I'm reviewing this piece of shit. They go, hi. I asked Tony the Tiger what he thought of this movie and he said, it's okay. It's spotty. It's choppy. It starts out of the gate. A lot of jokes. And you're like, Tony the Tiger's talking more than he used to. I know. He used to just say it's great. That's funny.
That was an old Hollywood Minute joke. I said, I asked Tony the Tiger what he thought of this movie, and he said, it's good at times, but it's a teensy bit long. But I'd still go. I'd go again. It's good at times. No, he's going. It's pretty good at times.
It's so-so. I thought Don Foster was good, and I was glad that we- It is. It's a really funny movie. If you haven't heard us with Seinfeld, we did a interview with him, and it's over on- Fly on the Wall. Check your local listing. You can find it. Really fun. But he said, which is very Jerry, and he'll say in the thing, I can't wait to read bad reviews. It's very Jerry. Yeah.
Like he was looking forward to it, which is the best way to, cause it's a silly comedy. You know? I mean, what are you going to say? Either like it or you don't. I mean, it's only, they used to review Sandler movies like Adam Sandler tried to make apocalypse now, but he ended up with grownups, you know, what would they think his goal was?
Unfrosted is not, there's not one serious line in the movie. Unfrosted is no Godfather, Associated Press. AP wire. It's no aliens. Mine were like, if they had a good review, it'd be like, this movie really is a surprise. Like it wasn't even really that great a review. And then at the bottom it would say like, Gern Blanston from the Daily Squeep Squad. Yeah.
You're like, the penny saver? What is it? Anything we've heard of? No. I want to do a short film. So some movie actor is just being driven crazy by these reviews he's getting by this guy. So he meets him in a restaurant. He's just super angry at him. He sits down. He goes, yeah, I just don't like your reviews are mean, man. The guy goes, well, I don't know. I just like to write them the way I write them. Yeah.
So then the guy goes, that's okay. I'm going to leave now. And I understand. Yeah. That's kind of what it is. Yeah.
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We've done your homework. All right, load them up. Hang on, don't play. Don't do it yet. Let me see if I can set it up. Okay, set this up because I have no idea what this is. I don't even know what this is. I sent them. Okay, let's just play it.
This is scary. This is very interesting.
The principal started getting doxxed, was receiving death threats, and was put on leave, losing his job. The principal denied it all, but there's audio evidence, so it's pretty hard to deny, right? Well, it turns out this was all AI generated by the athletic director who just needed a few seconds of the principal's real voice to have artificial intelligence clone it and generate a fake racist rant. That's it. Wow. Oh, man. The future is here. AI.
I'm going to go grab the real Dana because I feel bad about this. Hold on. I'll be right back. It's more like AI auto. Hey, what happened? Did we start? Did we start yet? Oh, hi, Dana. Is that the real one? No, I just got in. I had technical issues. What happened? We were just talking to someone that we thought we knew. There was a Dana guy. It's scary. I'm still doing it.
There was a dating. No. Did you hear when I said more like a, I oughta. Do you know that I had a catchphrase on? So I tried to make a catchphrase. The first season was like a gangster guy. And it was like kind of a gangster guy. And it was like, well, I oughta pound you.
Well, I ought to pound you. That sounds familiar. Maybe you were saying it because I didn't hear it. I maybe did it twice. I did it on the Steve Guttenberg show. Oh, you did it? And Lauren was into it. It was a sketch. I think it could be a national catchphrase. Why I ought to pound you. I like you kind of come down. I ought to pound you. I ought to pound you. I must have seen it in some 1948 movie starring John Lovitz when he was a fetus. You know what's funny is seeing Chloe...
Uh, fine. Feynman. Uh, Oh, she's hers. Hasn't aired yet. We just interviewed Chloe and she's on flying along from Saturday night live. Chloe. Yeah. And then she said, do a leap was coming on. And so we were talking about what the promos were going to be. She had to think of an impression. And then like the next day I saw her with do a leap, but they were doing the promo and she had to do an impression of her.
Well, all you do is just say, if you can't do the impression, I've said this before, always say the name of the person you're doing. I'm Dua Lipa. Hi. I'm Dua Lipa. And then you're halfway there. But just say the name. Funny wig. You'll be free. No, the AI thing, the future's arriving and...
It's kind of scary. Although if they get the digital down, we can make a brand new Wayne's World 3 that looks exactly like Mike and I in our get-ups circa 1948.
Turns out it looks like claymation. You're like, that's not good enough. AI. Looks like the California raisins. AI fucked us. Okay, yeah. Fuck AI. I'm pissed at it. That's my stance. Okay, this one is... Jeez Louise. We got a lot of... I don't even know what I'm showing. Is this funny? That's good. Can I send this? Yeah.
Oh, you can stop it. I think I was saying how bad music is. Well, first of all, it was compelling. Second, it had a good beat. Was there something else going on there? It drew me in. I don't even know what I was thinking when I sent that one. I think I thought it was so stupid, but there's worse. And we all agree. There are worse dumb songs.
But don't pull it up. It's too hard. We'll do it next week. So we'll pull up a dumber one. We're looking at way too much stuff. I know. Do you remember your phone scold you? You were down last week. You only spent seven hours a day on the phone looking at things. I know. When I see that, I go. Shame on you. It says, oh, you've been on the phone 23 hours a day. I'm like, we got to pump them numbers up.
Well, I've got an exercise ring. Well, you didn't do so good today, but there's always tomorrow. What the fuck? Just because I don't have my phone in my pocket, I walked nine miles, bitch. People always say, I put my phone down, then I ran for like two hours. Yeah, I left my phone in the car, and then I get scolded at night, right, as I'm trying to fall into magnificent REM slumber, and I got some voice scolding me. Slumber.
Yeah. And then I get you. We still got a grill. And then I leave you voice text. Yeah. Did you work out today? Oh, yeah. What are these two beauties? I don't know if this is even anything. We'll cut it. Dana. David. Hey, we are your biggest fans. My name is James. It's my dad, Troy. Oh, it's a question. I got a question for you. Absolutely. Take it away. What is your favorite pickup line? What's your favorite line? We'd like to know. We need to know. Thank you. Love you guys.
Danny, you haven't done these for a while. I'll steal Nicolas Cage because when I did the movie Trapped in Paradise with him and he saw an attractive young woman they liked, he'd say, if I were to send you flowers, where would I send them? That's not bad. That was a pretty good one. Yeah. Yeah. My buddy in high school used to say, this face is leaving in five minutes. Be on it. I would say. Be on it.
It's more than one line. Most comedians. If you can make a woman laugh, like, you know, I think that's the key. So what would be your opening line? Well, I'm David Spade. I'm rich and famous and really, really smart. No, you say, hi, I'm Dana Carvey. Uh, no, you go like this. I'm sorry. Are you in, are you in a 31 movies and five TV shows? Oh wait, that's me. How are you? I'm Dana.
I would say the most attractive line you can say, which happened to me back in the day in the clubs. So I'm waiting to go on stage. It's packed, 250 people. And then a young woman would come up and start talking to me. And my pickup line was, I got to go. And I got to go on stage, stand on a platform and pretend to be confident for an hour.
No, that's a good trick. But seriously, greatest pickup line. Well, first of all, what's a bad one? No, here's a funny one that my friend said that he was standing with Kevin Nealon at this hotel checking in. Nealon's got some great lines. And he said, and these two girls walk by and Kevin goes, oh my God, we were just talking about you two. Isn't that funny? Just two strangers. Kevin has so many dry one-liners. I'd say it's like, do you find me attractive?
No, that's me with my wife. What's yours? Oh, no. Ask Heather what's her favorite line from a guy. Oh, yeah. Heather, have you had a good one from a guy before we wrap this thing up? No, most of her DMs just go, hey. You got to give something else. Give a curveball. Even if you throw like, you know, a goddamn ferret. You could do anything.
Put a mirror. Maybe self-deprecating. Hey, I'm really bad at pickup lines. So what I'm saying right now is my pickup line that I'm not good at pickup lines. No, I think if it's a DM, if you literally put anything, they know you're hitting on them. So it's not like you need a whole soliloquy. So no one sidles up in a bar anymore. Our beautiful fire emoji, fire emoji. Okay.
Can I buy you a cocktail? How about a glass of Chardonnay? No, I know girls that say guys just do not know them. Just go, you want to go to Paris this weekend? And then I'm like, oh, that's good. Well, you were actually gone last weekend. They're like, yeah, I went to Paris. I go, stranger? Yeah. I just don't want men to be judged by the size of their wallet. Oh, yeah. What is that from? That's from...
That was Martin Sheen to Charlie Sheen. Oh, yeah, Wall Street. And the Michael Douglas Wall Street. And he hit Wallet so hard, I think we built a whole sketch on it. That's funny. People just hit him one word, really. Listen, I'm sorry, but I don't have any pickup lines. There you go. That's pretty good. You did that pretty good. Don't proceed. Don't proceed. Okay, we learned a lot today. We learned about the roast. We learned about my golfing experience today.
And we went over some stuff. I think we really hit a home run. Yes. I traded from the sunglasses to the regular readers 13 times throughout the podcast. That was a record. And we appreciate everyone tuning in. We love you watching the YouTube and leaving comments. And we read them.
We hear you and we feel you. Come see me on the road, davidspade.com. Coming to the city. What's the next town? Give me a date. I think I'm coming to Las Vegas at the old Venetian with Nikki Glaser. And then that's it. Say it again. Oh, yeah. Atlanta and Savannah and a couple others back east. So.
How many times can you go back to a city and play it? I keep going. I keep going. Is this your ninth Atlanta visit? North Carolina. I'm doing Asheville. I'm doing all these there. One in Kentucky. It's going to be really like beep, boop, bop, boop, beep, bop, beep. One question. I want you to do this on your next gig out there just because it'll make you laugh. It'll make me laugh knowing you're going to do it. You come out and you go, if it's Atlanta, what's up, Atlanta?
That's it. That's your first line. I do it anyway. You do it. Every city I say, what's up, Atlanta? But like that, proclaiming it, like, what's up, Atlanta? What's up, Atlanta? Then I go like this. All right, then, dude, are you ready to party? Yeah. Are you ready to party? No, I talk about the eclipse for a half hour for some reason. But I had good shows this weekend. It was a blast in Florida. So big theaters. I like when it's a really nice theater.
and they've got this buffoon in there you know they did it for like some tchaikovsky or something meanwhile i'm like this well sometimes you know the sound can be bad good or really good if you get out there with a mic and it's the right balance between the monitors and you and you know you can do this and then hit a line like what's up and go back and you know that it's filling the theater perfectly it really helps i played a casino last year and it just i
I thought, well, but I went out and the sound was just fantastic. You know, you get there and it's four card tables taped together and you're like, oh, this is this is going to be a rough one. But we do it. We love it. Yeah. We want some more of it. All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Dana. Thanks. Thanks for joining me, David. Hold on just a second. What is he doing? Hi, I'm Dana's digital copy. Oh, you're going to say bye. I'm saying goodbye on behalf of Dana.
Okay. Bye-bye, Dana. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Mm-hmm.