Kumail Nanjiani
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

I'm going to tell you first about this lady breakfast. I want to hear this. This is what we should be doing. This is more interesting, yeah. Okay. Lady with breakfast. I'm at breakfast, and I sit like this sometimes. I actually turn around like a cat. You're sitting on your haunches. Yeah, like this. Yeah, got it. And then it's... Oh, yeah. Because my neck's bad. Anyway, I order my food, and she's sitting over here. And then...

a whole breakfast goes fine and then when i leave we're leaving at the same time and i almost slipped by the crosswalk so i go i almost wiped out you were supposed to save me because she's just saying i was talking to a total stranger but i slid almost into the street and i thought she might grab me by the scruff and save me she couldn't care less and she goes oh why do you sit like that okay personal question i go oh in there yeah um

Well, my neck gives me trouble, so I don't. And she goes, oh, I'm a massage therapist. I go, yeah, so I just don't sit like that. Anyway, nice to meet you. I didn't bite. She wanted me to go, oh, my God. She said she's a physical therapist. No, massage therapist. Oh, massage therapist. I see. And she wanted me to go, oh, this is Kismet. Like, you know, it's like Reese's Pieces. You put your chocolate in my peanut butter. I go, oh, cool. Anyway, so I just sit. Sometimes I sit normal. Anyway, light screen. And then we get to the car, and I feel guilty.

So when we walk, when I'm getting in my car, she walks by and I go, it's tougher to sit like that in here. She just kept walking. I go.

I went back to the same restaurant the next day. I said, how was yesterday? She goes, I had a haunch sitter. Tried to help him, but he walked away. I had some dope. I had a haunch sitter. You get haunch sitters in here and I know how to help them, but they just don't pay attention. But she said you were a big tipper. If they go, Spade, I saw him the other night. They go, oh, I don't think it was him. They go, does he sit on his knees? They go. But that's actually pretty good you can sit on your knees. It means your knees are in pretty good shape. She did say, does it hurt your knees? And I go, no, the knees are the only thing that works.

What does that mean?

No, my... All right, we don't have to advertise the world. So our guest today is... Nanjani is actually an easy name for me. He's done a lot. Obviously, this Big Sick movie, which was a huge... Not an underground hit. What would you say? It was sort of a big hit. Well, it's kind of an indie hit, but it got a huge splash. He won the Academy Award. He was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay. He gives a lot of kudos to Judd Apatow, his producer, and...

And he's from Pakistan. And I didn't know that he left Pakistan at 18.

And then he moves to America and the story of his journey is remarkable and how he became this huge star in America. He's a brilliant standup, a really smart writer. Yeah, sharp writer. Silicon Valley. Yeah, it was a great one. Talk all about that. Yeah, I'm working with Mike Judge. His standup specials. Specials and then how he got Pump You Up for the movie called...

The Eternals. Eternals. I told you. He just decided to do that. And we talk about that and we get into how it affected his relationship with his wife. It's a very interesting podcast, David. I've never had the experience of having a girl say, oh, do you work out? Nothing like that. Not your muscles are too big. Not anything's too big. It's just like, hey, man, you're what's known as a shoulder shrugger. So let's just get it over with and I can...

Well, sometimes it's hard because, you know, the shirt comes off. And I knew a guy once who's a man about town with a shirt came off. And then the young lady with him kind of said, oh, look, a tummy and kind of wiggled his belly. Oh, I think I've heard that. You don't look fat. You just have a gut. Yeah. You're just soft like me. Yeah. When I look at you, it's like looking in a mirror.

That's what girls say to me. I hope I don't weigh more than you. These are all not compliments. I know. You love it, though, when they pick you up kind of bridled going across the threshold thing. When we walk into Chili's and they go, let me just carry you in. Yeah. I've seen you. Sometimes you're riding on their shoulders and you're running around the parking lot. Mostly at concerts.

Okay, this is it. Craig's going, we can't use this. Say his name. Ready? Here we go. And now you're listening to... Kumail Nanjiani is our guest. David? Okay, here he is. That guy. You know, there's so many negatives that we could go into. Well, I don't want to spread rumors. Oh my God. Guys, this is so awkward. I've been here for the whole time. I've been here for the whole time. Do you remember when we met? Of course I remember when we met. What are you talking about? I know. Check your diary.

Why do you remember? Why do you remember when we met? I was kind of that was a blur for me. Dan Harmon's podcast. Yeah. Yeah. At the comic strip. I didn't even know what I was doing. I was invited to go there and watch. And then they're like, hey, so I met you and a few others. But I was reminded by my son yesterday telling him I was going to.

interview you with David and he goes, podcast with you, conversation. He goes, you've met him. Oh yeah, that's right. I remember meeting your son. Wow. Did, was it a pleasant? He's so much nicer person than you, Dana. Was it a pleasant exchange? It was very pleasant. You were very, very nice. Obviously I've been a fan of yours for a long time and you were very, very funny on the podcast and you were very, very nice.

And I told everyone I know, hey, Dana Carvey is actually very, very nice. Actually. Are we considered nice guys? I mean, David, David is a nice guy, but there's some people that I don't think they think anymore. You're snarky. You know, they for sure do. They still remember that. But he's a nice guy. Go ahead. Let him talk. Let's hear what he has to say about me. Well, I want to say outside of since I'm outside your circles, your guy's reputation as

human beings is that Dana is a nice guy. Okay. Yes. Anyway, we wanted to talk to you today about, I like this slide. I have to say you are known as a nice guy because, well, Dana always was, but no one knows the real Dana. Yeah, but I'm passive aggressive. I have a lot of anger. Don't you? Oh, I do. Yeah, I do. Because we were both

Crazy families and I was not that tall. I'll never say the other word. I was not that tall and I was picked on. They call me shrimp cocktail my whole life.

And so shrimp cocktail. Yeah. Shrimp cocktail. I was vertically challenged. Absolutely. Oh, it just brings back triggering things. Camille, how big were you like when you were 12? I'll tell you, this is great. By the way, I want to say, David, you're also considered a very nice guy. I was just joking. Okay. Thank you. No.

wonderful reputations among people outside your circle. I was, two things to that. One, I'm like five, nine and a half. So Pakistan, where the average height is much shorter, I was one of the tall people. Oh yeah, okay. And then I moved to America and it was like I lost three inches. Okay.

Suddenly, I remember I went to school and I got there early for international student, like college international student orientation. And so it was us and the football team. And I remember standing in line behind the football. Bad scene. Bad scene. The game has changed.

Well, my dad was stationed in Japan and he didn't want to come back. He said he was five, seven and a monster. And that's the way to go. And he said we should all pack up and go back to Japan. He knew I was a fucking pipsqueak. And I would I was lighting up like this. Are you just joking?

Are we going to go somewhere where I'll seem tall? Shrimp cocktail. I don't agree with that shrimp cocktail. It was the worst and it was real. Go ahead. Come on. Well, I'll tell you what mine was. I was very, very small. Like I had very... They called me chicken shoulders. I had...

Weird. Well, what would have been your... Give us a weight. So you're 5'9 in high school. And what would be your lightest weight? Were you like 130 or something or 140? Yeah, probably 130, maybe 120. I was very, very... I wasn't...

I, you know, I had like it was the worst. I had like a pot belly and no meat or else. At 125, nine, you have a pot belly. It's not the way to go. That's low lean mass, man. I was 125, mostly head.

I had a very big head and a very tiny body for most of my adolescence. So where's the energy and drive and sort of maybe normal comedian chip on their shoulder or underdog status that created...

you coming from Pakistan to America and then killing it in America. Oh, that takes drive. Yeah. Yes. So it's a few things. One very, very tough high school experience. Very, very not cool. You know, this was the thing I had sort of my whole life was like, I'm not cool. I'm not good looking. I'm not good at sports. Yeah.

but I'm smart. So I knew I was smart. So all my drive- That's the name of my book, that whole thing. I knew Kamala was smart is the name of my book. No, I was the Pipsqueak Diaries is really my book, but I hear what you're saying. So you were all these things.

And were you picked on at all or was that part of it or was that all of it? What you're saying? I switched schools my last two years of schooling. So up until then, I was fine. I was always a nerd. I kind of got along with everybody. I wasn't popular by any means, but nobody picked on me. Even the bad kids were like kind of cool to me.

And then the last two years, I went to a new high school and suddenly I became the guy that was picked on. Yuck. Because I think because I had a crush on a girl that like a cool guy had a crush on. Oops. And it sort of came out and it just became a nightmare. All I wanted to do was be invisible. And all I was was completely picked on. I had a friend of mine who

was like, you know, when you first transferred to a new school, you're sort of like, oh, nobody here knows that I'm late. Oh, it's terrifying. Who are you going to have lunch with? Yeah, but I was also like, oh, I can be cool at this school. Oh, you got a new start. Oh, a fresh start. They don't know. Exactly. They don't know. They don't know. And so I went in. I sort of had developed a new cool walk. I was like, they're not going to know. Smart.

Was it bouncy on the heels? Can you paint a picture of what a cool walk is? Is it sort of strutting? Yeah, I don't care. Walking into every room, dick first, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, I needed a PR person because when I would have hired one because I, here's my thing and I'll let you talk in a minute, but I. Could you afford five grand a month back in those days? God dang, it's worse than that now. It's so sickening. Don't even let America know what we do. It's so gross and embarrassing. Yeah,

Keep it to yourself. We'll get into money later because I want to know celebrity net worth. I look up people and I want to see what you got. Dana, I was a little skateboarder in Arizona. I was smart like this guy. And I was more pipsqueak, but I had white hair. I had some superpowers. We'll get to the Eternals in a minute. I had some superpowers because I had long white blonde hair.

Not extensions. They were real. And then I had a thick, thick hair, cool shorts. I was tanned back then. Obviously that's gone away, but, and I had two broken arms when I got to school from skateboarding and empty pools. So I had, I would add all this cool stuff. Double cast on. Yeah. Double splints. My dad, my stepdad wouldn't give me a cast because he goes, let's, let's wait and see. I go, they're both broken. What are we waiting for?

He was a little, he was drunk. So he was a doctor also. So I, I went to school when I was a nerd at my school. I was like a math guy and a spelling bee guy and a chess guy. And no one cared about me. I get to my high school. And like he's saying,

new pr campaign because my brother was cool and all his cheerleader friends liked me and then the word spread like wildfire spades cool and everyone's a bicycle's like oh wait no he's not no he's not it was too late it was five schools merged and mine was a minority they couldn't get the word out and was getting stomped on and then i was like i'd walk by and go hey old friends um

How's math going in the flashcards? Nerds anyway, new friends, let's go to the assembly. And so I transitioned to a cool group. You pulled off something that's almost impossible. Almost. And believe me, everyone was baffled. Teachers, principals, nobody, none of my friends had sex. Nobody. We're all, we're on the cross country team and the track team. Nobody had sex. Yeah. Most of mine still haven't.

And they would be in their mid forties. It's like calling Steve Carell. You're like, you're, you're on Facebook with them going, you guys, I'm just lucky. I'm an international star now, or I'd be in your same boat. Yeah, exactly. All you have to do. Yeah. That's one big jump. You got to make that kind of become kind of famous. So you spade, you must've been funny then already. Right.

Well, it was back when the great looks came later. Back when you had to just mumble jokes and just try to sneak things in because no one's really listening and I don't really want to try to tell a joke and I'm not really. So it was a lot of throwaways and things. And then it got, because you have to get some girl's attention. You have to get guys' attention. No one is rushing to hang out.

And so that's just like what, what a lot of us do. You just sort of work on that part because you don't have the ease of just being good looking guy or girl where everything comes to you and you don't need to work on that at all. So, but, but then you started at some point as you became cooler, you were probably known as like the funny guy. At some point people started listening. At some point we did talent shows and I would try old SNL sketches and try to write stuff with my buddies only to get it only because there was, I wasn't on football. I wasn't on track.

I wasn't doing anything cool or fun. And so we had two days of a talent show. You weren't on the football team. I was not on any of the things. I was not, I did try out and I got fucking smeared at, there used to be an old term for that. And, uh,

And then the coach pulled me aside like Lucas, that old movie. And he said, I don't think this is for you, bud. Hey, man, I was on D basketball. You guys are too young for that. There was varsity, junior varsity, soft frosh, and then D. And I'm not kidding. Our center who controlled the paint was 5'3". Not a joke. Controlled the paint. He controlled the paint at 5'3". Controlled the paint. Most of us were 5'3".

How high was the basket? The basket was 10 and it was a Harklian effort to hit the rim. You guys didn't put on like a play school rim? Well, at home, Nerf. At home, we had a nine foot rim and I'd practice in the driveway, thought I was really good, thought I was really cool and then I get to the real thing, it's a foot higher. Shit. I was fucked, man. Um,

What about your experience in high school, Camille? Yeah, we have to talk to him a little bit. A little bit. But I like hearing that, David. I'm sort of co-hosting today. What was your experience? When did you go, I think I'm funny? Well, I want to hear yours, Dana. So all of high school, I was, I really do. All of high school, I was funny.

Basically, it was really bad. There was one. So when I first got there, I thought I could be cool. And my big mistake was right in the beginning, I started talking to some of the cool kids and they thought I was cool. And then at some point, very early on week three, they figured out I wasn't cool. I don't know what happened. I think what data did they get? Just something just because you can't hide it forever. You can't hide it. And I think my previous. Yeah.

APB out or something being like, hey, just so you know, this guy's pretending to be something he's not. It's like a Netflix movie. Hey, you guys are triggering me a little bit. I just want to be honest about the fear I had in high school. And I'm getting a little triggered, just a little warning sign. But yeah, just this idea of being cool and do people like me? Yeah.

- Yeah, and I didn't contact lenses, so I didn't have glasses. So I don't know how they found out, but they found out. So now the problem was they all know my name. - The next problem. - And they know I'm very lame. One of my guy, one of my friends who was sort of a cool friend, he had become cool, you know, because he had become like hot over summer. So he was a nerd, came back after a summer, suddenly he was very handsome. He got cool.

- Wow. - That's very rare. - I would like help him with math homework. And so he knew where I lived. And then one day he took all the other cool kids, brought them over to my house and they threw eggs at my house. - Wait. - Yeah. - I thought he was gonna come over and give you a party. What a turncoat. Oh my God. Ben Arnold. - He used that to gain

permanent membership into the cool crowd. Oh, that, you know, that would do it though. Yeah, I did. That really helped him out. Wow. You know, that big nerd who's with the weird walk. I know where he lives. I got his 20. I probably, David did this. I don't know about you, but I would get an enforcer. His name was Steve Lee. And in fourth grade, I befriended him and he was my guard. And we had a club with one other kid and we call it the great club.

And everyone wanted to be in the great club. And they say, how do we get in the great club? We've got to be great. It was only three of us. Steve Lee would beat up anyone who would attack me. That was my strategy because I was then I was four, four, maybe 68 pounds. How did you manipulate Steve Lee? Well, I don't know. Funniness or whatever. I smoked. I stole cigarettes and smoked. I had fistfights. I shoplifted. I went through all that. You were like actually cool.

You know what? Here I'm going to ask you guys a question because I know our listeners are fascinated. You could have a cool...

Fourth grade. Fifth grade, a little dormant. Cool in sixth, and then seventh and eighth, a little insecure. And then in high school, it was all insecure because I'd never seen... The cheerleaders were like gods. Marianne Silvestri was the most untouchable, stunning teenage girl. And so it was just nervousness at that point. Wow.

Right, right. Suddenly we're like children. We look the best we've ever looked in our life. And the force that has kept our species alive for thousands of years is coursing through us. It's so unfair that probably this biological need to procreate is given to us

when we're like, when we look our worst and feel the worst about it. You're really putting it politely. It was like boner junction at my, I mean, I was in school and I could not, I couldn't, I couldn't focus on literally anything. I'm just like staring. I mean, this is like a standup bit. Did you ever have a thing where the teacher would ask you to go up to the chalkboard and

And you were already full throttle. You're like, we didn't have mixed classes. We had boys and girls classes. So not as many. So that was okay. But you can still daydream. And then it's harder to explain. I was just thinking about girls, dudes, you know, chicks.

while you're sweating draw stick figure porn with your pencil not what if you had porn like today what if you were on your phone on your desk and you're just looking at monster you know i can't mother daughter stepdaughter whatever would have well that would have been like it's too much getting porn at that age was such a quest you had to go on like side missions and stuff to

be able to get it. Worth it. Worth it. Yes. Beagle catalog. My high school was, I was not, I did not think I was funny all through high school. It wasn't until I got to college in the U S and

that everybody was suddenly very nice to me and kind to me. And they were sort of interested in me because I was Pakistani and they were really no, there was one other Pakistani. And you were like ET. Everyone's like, what was your accent? Like when you first came over compared to now, was it, you could, you taught, you could kind of, was it heavier or what? Or did you always speak bilingual? Yeah. I mean, I always was bilingual, but I had a thicker accent, a thicker Pakistani accent. Um,

And so they were really interested. And suddenly I was funny. I don't know what happened, but I remember at one point talking to a friend of mine and some doing some riff about Aladdin sword. I don't remember what it was, but we're laughing so hard. She couldn't speak.

And I was like, oh, wow, maybe this is what I have. And then people started calling me like, you know, I'm this of the group, I'm this of the group, and you're the funny one of the group. - Ooh, that's interesting. You get a little moniker, so it kind of makes you believe it, right? - Yeah, and suddenly I was like, oh, I have a personality. I'm a person and my thing, my only thing is that I'm funny. And so that became the most important thing in the world

was being funny was all like- - Because you know what, Dana? I think I would say you two guys were pretty smart growing up and it is not a panty dropper. Like when you're growing up, funny, that's the, 'cause he was smart. Obviously this dude's smart.

And it wasn't really turning heads to be smart, especially probably people are smarter in Pakistan than over here. So he comes over here. There was always someone smarter. And also, it wasn't social currency. And then you get to dumb America. Hey! You from Pakistan? You talk funny, don't you?

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Did you think when you were over there, like, was anyone doing stand-up? I mean, this has got to be beyond wildest dreams. Go to America, then be a stand-up, and then be funny enough to do it

And then jump to millionaire highest tax bracket. Go. I won't say that I'm where you guys are. Well, can I have an addendum question that's related to David? So you're growing up at eight to 18. You're you've got impressions of America. You're watching America on TV and then you come to America and you do everything David just said. But what was the difference between your impressions of America and

And when you got here, because you saw it through television, right? Stuff like that. Television and movies, big fan of movies and TV. Really, you know, I was a very quiet, shy kid. So I spent most of my time watching movies, watching TV, playing video games. So my impression of America was what you project to the rest of the world, which is for the most part, New York and L.A. When I moved to America, I moved to Iowa, which...

No, that's even funnier. Okay, a whole different America. Yeah, when I landed, I was like, wait, where are all the buildings? What happened? Why are there pigs everywhere? So weird. Iowa's beautiful, by the way, but of all places. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Now, looking back, I'm very happy. I went to a place like Iowa where I was novel and it wasn't so packed. It wasn't overwhelming. I moved to a town of 9000 people in the middle of Iowa. That's a good middle step.

It is. And so it helped me sort of, you know, acclimate to speaking English all the time and shaking hands with girls and all that kind of stuff. And just how to talk to girls. I didn't know how to talk to girls, not just even, you know, I don't mean romantically. I mean, just talking to a girl overriding in the beginning. So, so it was, America was very, very different for me. Um, in Pakistan, to answer your question, Spade, um,

There was not stand-up the way we have it here. Now they do. India actually has a huge stand-up scene in English. There were mostly people, there was one stand-up I really loved and he did impressions and he was very, very good. His name was Moynachter. He has since passed away.

- I follow him on Instagram. - I would not say I was a fan of comedy or standup comedy until I got to college. And that's when I fell in love. - What impressions would that gentleman do? Pakistani impressionist, would he do an American? - No, it would be Pakistani celebrities. - Oh, celebrities, okay. - Yeah, like a Pakistani cricketer and stuff like that. Pakistani- - Cricketer, hilarious, how funny. Did you see that and think,

The way I used to watch like Johnny Carson and see the comedians and you just go, it's so fun, but it seems too far fetched for you to do it, but it's just fun to watch, right? Oh, it was impossible thinking that I could be in the biz. I mean, I honestly still kind of can't believe it because for me, it's been a million tiny little steps to it and your goals changes. True. Get more opportunities. There wasn't a point where I was like,

someday I want to be on a podcast with David Spade and Dana Carvey. You know, I couldn't have, I couldn't have imagined that. Um, and so no being, being in this business was really, really not even a dream. I dared to dream. I think gradual fame is a, is a kind of a gift. It's your only chance of coming out somewhat sane. You guys both didn't have that. You guys became famous overnight. Uh,

No, it took me probably longer than Dana, but... 10 years for me from my first set to getting on SNL, you know, being first show. For me, getting known has been tiny steps, you know? I didn't go from open mics to then suddenly doing something that everybody sees. I had like small parts and things, slightly bigger parts and things, slightly bigger parts and smaller things. So...

my becoming known has been like a lot of tiny steps for you, Dana. I assume when you were doing standup, you weren't really famous. And then suddenly you end up on SNL and now there's a day where you become famous. Yes. Pretty, pretty quickly because I, I, you know, it was a smaller cast and I had a couple of good characters the first year. So yeah, it, uh,

A really bizarre thing that's happened to all of us. When you first, first time someone wants your autograph back then, that wasn't pictures. It's like, wow, you know who I am. I miss those days. Uh, yeah.

I was at a ball with my mom recently and someone asked for a selfie and my mom laughed so hard she couldn't speak. She was like, why do they want your selfie? I mean, a picture of you two together. You're a star or what? It doesn't make any sense to her.

So yeah, Dana, you and Spade, you had a similar thing, I assume, where you went from not being known to being very known overnight. Well, even when I got on SNL, it wasn't the Dana overnight success. Dana hit hard starting in the cold opening. Smaller cast. Yeah, smaller cast. I got stand up and then I was sort of known around town in Arizona and Scottsdale. And that was a sort of fame, you know, that was a something. Of course. And that's probably what you did. And then...

going and getting on like

at the improv in LA that was, I was in LA which counts as being famous in Arizona because someone actually broke out and said, - Oh I know. - It's like saying I'm gonna go to the US. If you actually do do that, you're already way ahead of the game. - If you're called for civilians outside LA and you're a comedy store regular or an improv regular, you are kind of a celebrity back home. - Yeah, I mean, I moved from Chicago, I was in Chicago and my comedian friends would move to LA in my head just by moving to LA they were famous.

Exactly. Just that part, Dana. Forget getting on. They don't know that I'm eating. You know, I go to Ralph's and I try to buy one of those little rotisserie chickens and gnaw on it in the alley. They don't know that it's like The Walking Dead. But I get two spots a week and I make $20 a spot or something and that's it. So I got to figure out a way to live.

And then I got on the improv. Yeah. Then I get, then I do a little bit of road work. Then I got an HBO young comedian special. That was a big jump. Cause it was on HBO. So can I ask you real, when you were doing these spots in LA at the improv, were you like crushing?

No, no. I just, I look back and the lineups were like Leno, Paul Reiser, Kevin Nealon, Seinfeld. They were already really, they were big headliners, but that's the lineup. I mean, I couldn't believe I go, these are the guys I've seen on Johnny Carson and they're all in one spot and they're going, everyone's doing 20. And,

And they said, why don't you, they passed me, comedy store said no, but improv passed me. Just because I was 20, I looked 15 and I had long blonde hair. And they said, looking back, they just didn't have one of me. You know, I didn't look like I'm from New York. I didn't look like I wasn't that tall. I just didn't look like a comedian. So they said, why don't you host or do a set like at midnight?

And that was it. And it's just to get out there and get warmed up and watch people. So gradual fame. Yeah. I mean, I want to get back to you, but I just got, then I got a movie. I had a small part and that was a big deal. Oh, it was a police Academy for, which was as a skateboarding guy, as a skateboarder. And the reason, the reason I got that I did not know how to act and I was blowing auditions was

And then they said, I got there and they said, do you have the script? I said, oh, they didn't send it. And they go, oh, shoot. They were supposed to. We don't have one here. But you're already here. Should he go? And they go, well, do you just...

If you were a skateboard and the cops are coming on, can you just say some stuff? Aren't you a comedian? And I just start making up shit and they go, yeah, let's use him. And if I would have had a script, I wouldn't know how to look at it. They would know right away. I don't know how to cold read. And I got lucky. Actually that feeling. It's like a joy when they're like, there's no script. Can you just improvise? Thank you so much. Right. When that movie came out, was your scene funny in it?

Not particularly, as my dad said. But I was in a movie, you know? And the movie didn't even do that well, but it was a chain of movies or whatever they call a series where the fourth one, a franchise, I guess, back then, and it had been pretty watered down at that point. But Sharon Stone was in it, and she blew up after that. And so it was like a legit kind of movie. I just was just window dressing, did a few lines here and there and skateboarded. Tony Hawk was my...

stunt double um but david you were like 23 or something i was 21 wait wait wait yeah was your stunt double

Yeah, another just super cool dude that I just, I knew from skateboard magazines in Arizona. So all his bones brigade was my little gang I ran around with. So in the movie, so I got to see them and then- I'm gonna watch that now. So like the most legendary skateboarder of all time, the most iconic skateboarder of all time was your stunt double in your first movie. Yeah.

Right. And you're 21. And he wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, we're about the same age. He was probably a little younger. And Chris Miller, another guy, Mike McGill, all the big skaters. So, but he was taller than me and he rode Goofy Foot. No, I rode Goofy. He rode the different way. So we had two stunt doubles for me. Plus I could skate.

And so they would just intercut. Anyway, boring. I was a bus boy at Holiday Inn at 21. But then I got on that HBO thing and then Marcy Klein and everyone at SNL saw that and then I got... But I came on as a writer and I didn't really know I wasn't supposed to be a performer. So I was, as Lauren said the other day...

Spade, I knew what we were doing with you. You were going to be on the bench for a while. Remember when he said that, Dana? I was like... Oh, he'd say, David's behind you. David's always ready if anything happens. He's always... Because David would sit behind me and read through it, SNL. And he was always there. He's ready. With my Dana voodoo doll. He's ready to go whenever... If you falter, he'll take your place. Meanwhile, I do know... He didn't say that. I know, but Dana's like a super...

with impressions and plays every big person and he's looking at me like, this guy doesn't scare me. I'm just like mumbling jokes. You're always funny. It worked out. Back to our guest. Yeah, let's go back to him for a little bit and then we'll come back to you. Honestly, I think that your lives are much more interesting than my lives. No. No.

So, sorry, sorry, Svej. So I want to, how did you get the, I'm curious, unless you guys have already talked about this on the podcast. No, it's boring. If you haven't talked about it, then I want to ask you, how did you get the,

So you got to do like five minutes on one of the young comedian specials? Yeah, with other people. And how did you get that and who was on it with you? Because those are crazy lineups. Rob Schneider was on it with me. We got plucked to audition off of that.

You need some heat like that. We had management that had SNL people. We had, so I'm in the vicinity of it. They had Dana. I live with Dana. I lived in his house. Insert here. Dennis Miller and I were just kind of fledging on SNL. I had done standup with Rob Schneider for years. He was my opener.

And then when I met David, before I got on SNL, so they were in the ether and they came in like frickin' frack. It was Rob Schneider, David Spade. They always were just a notch funnier than their peers at the time. And so they matriculated to SNL. Dennis and I recommended them and then they auditioned well and they ended up

Bean legends. Those two were a big help. And then I got on, but it took me a while to get on, which got me back to the fame thing. It was exciting, but it was infuriating and frustrating. But then it then came movies and stuff. Did you audition with stand-up? Yeah. Did not do that well. But like I was watching your monologue on SNL, which, listen, and that was a tough crowd. No, I'm kidding. You did great. Yeah.

But I know you've gotten so much praise for it. I had to stop for one second. No, that wasn't even your fault. I was jealous of it. I watched it. I've hosted three times. I never had a monologue like that. Yeah, you fucking rocked that. That was that well-formed. What are you saying? What are your negatives you get from people when they try to fake compliment you? Well, for me, it was with stand-up, you know, if you don't do well, you always say, they were weird.

That's so great. Right when you get off, you think you kill and you go, fuck them. Or they say to you, how did you think it went? That's a tell. How did you feel about it? I always could tell if I had a good set or a bad set. If people said that was good, that was a bad set. If they said that was funny, that was a good set. I love it. And if they switch, they're a compliment. A compliment also, Dana, is when you say, if you don't like their act,

but they do good, you go, you killed. You don't say anything. That's a polite way of saying,

Your hacky garbage is working. And I've said this before, when they switch out their compliment the last second, like they're starting to say great and they switch to good. Oh, that was good. Fuck. Just go good. Don't switch. The math in their head is if I say great, he's going to know I'm lying. If I say good, maybe he'll buy it. Well, can I ask you a question? How did you deal? So you come to America, you go to college, you're going to try. How did you deal with the early bombs that we all have?

How resilient were you? Or did you ever bomb? I was very lucky in that the first time I did stand up was on campus my senior year. I did a set my first semester of my finally and then the second semester and

And the first set I ever did in my life, I did 25 minutes. I had no idea that that's what you do. That's crazy. So I got long writing for a few months and I tried all these jokes for 25 minutes in this coffee shop. And it was probably like 100 people crammed into a tiny room. And it was a bunch of my friends. And I to this day, one of the best sets I've ever had.

Um, that's, that's what Dana always says. Dana says your first set sometimes is your bad. Using the very first. Cause you, you psychologically have a free pass. It's like when the quarterback gets hurt and the other guy comes in, well, there's no pressure on me. I hope I do. Okay. So the first set, like, did they announce you as that's my, it's his first time doing standup. Everybody. It was everybody's first time, except for the guy who had done it before. So it was all college kids, just a thing on campus. We all did 20, 25 minutes. Um,

That's too much. Dude, I wish I had a VHS of that. I have a picture from it. I'm wearing this huge sweater. Comedy sweater. We all have hilarious sweater. You got to have a funny sweater. I really, really genuinely objectively crushed. Like I really sort of became right after that kind of a little bit famous on campus. They were like, wow.

You're that guy. Yeah, that means so much. Suddenly, and then I did it again the second semester. And now people were like excited to see me. A bunch of other people had also performed on it, but they were like, oh, Kumail's gonna go up again. And then the second time I killed again, not as hard as the first time, but still very, very good.

And so after that, suddenly a little bit on campus, I was like one of the guys that people knew. And then I moved to Chicago and I just looked up in the Reader, which is a local newspaper, just open mics. And I was very lucky, Dana, in that I did not have a bomb until maybe my 25th or 30th set. I didn't bomb for quite a long time the first few months. How was that? How did it feel?

It felt kind of great. I think I would have needed that confidence because I was so insecure at that time that if I had bombed the first time, I would have never done stand-up again. And if I bombed the fifth time, maybe I never would have done stand-up again, which is what's always impressive to me. You know, when you start doing open mics and you meet comedians and you hang out and they've been doing it for a couple of years and I'm like,

You have never once done well. I am so impressed that you've had it. I know, the tenacity. Yeah, they just- You have never once, like- You're not even funny at all. No, you're not funny. Your inner fortitude is so fucking impressive to me. You should be like a soldier. What are you doing? You should be in the army. Also, your bits aren't working.

And you keep doing the bits. Yeah. You got to call the heard. They're like, there's something there and you want to shake and go, there's nothing there. There's nothing there. But you know, sometimes there are people that you see there's nothing there. And they're like those comedians that other comedians make fun of. That's what happened with Hannibal Burroughs. You guys know Hannibal? Oh yeah. He got funny overnight. He was not funny. He was one of the guys that people would be like, fucking Hannibal here again. Yeah.

I remember a friend of mine calling me and was like, have you seen Hannibal recently? And I was like, no. And they're like, he's not funny now. Like, what do you mean, Hannibal? Hannibal Buress is funny? He cracked the code. He figured it out. Maybe that's what it takes. He didn't like slowly get funny. He was not funny. Jesus, like a Twilight Zone. That's so great. And the first time I would say I bombed, I did a guest set at Zany's. You guys know Zany's in Chicago? Yeah. Yeah.

I was, it was me, John Roy, who's a very funny comedian also from Chicago. I don't know if you guys know him. And then I forget who the headliner was. But that was my first time I didn't do well. And it really felt, it was an awful feeling because

I didn't understand what happened. I was like, these are the same jokes. These jokes do well. And that set, I had like a 10 minute set and I was like, I'm going to start strong and strong. And then you have the bits in the middle that are not quite as strong. Well, my first joke didn't do that well. So

which I'm going to do well. So now I'm out there. I got six minutes still left and all my B jokes. And that's it. Yeah. That's so funny when you scramble like that and you get spooked like a horse and you start going, what is going on here? And you jump ahead and mixing up your jokes. Then you go, wait, did I even do this one? Cause now it's out of order. Chris Rock used to go spade tonight just to shake it up.

open with your clothes or I go shut the fuck up I'm not opening with my clothes that's a Louis CK trick you know you play around and then he goes I tried a bomb yeah and then he goes then where are you what are you gonna do where are you headed I go fuck don't scare me dude I've been doing this too long I don't do that shit this is too risky I don't want to put myself in a position like that why would I do that I know I want to just what I do is I pack it with jokes at work and then put one new one in the middle and then

Fucking baby it after that with stuff. Hopefully they'll get me out of that hole if it doesn't work. Exactly. I mean, that's how I would always like the way I planned my set was always, I really put a lot of thought into it. Some people don't do that. Some people just go up and like, I'll do whatever I feel like doing later. Once I got, I would say, really experienced with standup and started feeling really confident and

When I moved to New York, I really, there were a couple of years in New York where I was like, I was really feeling at the top of my game and,

then the challenge to myself was how long can I be up there without doing a joke at all? So that was the challenge. Just off top of your head. Was it crowd work or just you're making up stuff, making up stuff, sometimes crowd work, whatever it was. I was like, the goal is to go up there. And when I step on stage, have no idea what the first words are to my mouth. Wow. It is terrifying. I liked it. That's my favorite. I've done it, but it's terrifying.

I will go or I'll have like two new things and go, I'm going to, I'm going to open with these two, get a feel for the crowd and then just go into my act. But I just am so sick of my act. I will have to start with a couple of new bits. And sometimes you stumble into a winner. Well, for me, the good thing was if I'm doing well, just riffing, I'm like, wait till they got a load of the shit I've been writing. Yeah.

Yeah. You know? And if it's not going well, no problem. I haven't done any of my jokes yet. For me, I think the fear was, what if I do my first joke and it doesn't do well?

Where do I go? So that for me was what made me comfortable and safe on stage was not doing any jokes for the for as long as I could go without doing any jokes. Yeah, I still don't have any jokes. I can't write a joke. I mean, I just I have like three jokes. I love them, but I just can't come up with jokes.

Like jokes. It's all rhythm and all attitude. But you're such a funny person. You do jokes and then you impression with your, every impression you have is, is woven in with jokes. So it's a combo hit. It's like, it sounds like somebody and you're saying something funny. Man, Megator, Mega T, that's a joke. Oh, okay. Oh, you saw that? Jesus.

Oh yeah, of course they did. That's a pretty good bit about the frustration of parenting in that style of parenting. It was like as if a little kid's like a hundred-year-old man you have to take care of or something like that. You better buy me a toy or I'm going to be sad. Yeah, and how the resell action figures were just a little bit slight change. Slightly different crook and he's saying, that's not the right doll. That's a slightly different figure.

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We're halfway through. And I want to say that Emily and I rewatched that not too long ago because she's such a huge fan of that. I love her. Yeah.

You know, I met a comedy nerd that we that's how we fell in love. She like used to record SNL. She didn't have a VCR, so she would record it on an audio tape and she would just listen to the audio of SNL sketches like, wow, is she a hundred?

When did you get together? 2007 or when did you? 2006. That's right. Okay. So basically you have a pre-fame, pre-money for you wife. Yes. And when we first moved to New York, I mean, she did meet at a comedy show and I was like, you know, Chicago famous at the time, which really famous.

But I was good enough on stage. I was like killing on stage enough that, you know, if I did a show, she was at the show. I was feeling pretty good about my chances.

But no money, lived like, you know, I had a mattress on the floor. And then when we moved to New York. David, solid gold mattress. David had a lot of mattresses. What does that mean? Well, before you made it. Remember the story in New York? You just put the mattress back to L.A. When I lived in New York, Lorne wouldn't pick us up in the summer and he would make us wait. And so you'd have to literally get out of your whole apartment and move back to L.A. And then a month later.

They go, we can't get a hold of him. He's an amaganza. We will, he'll decide in another month. I'm like, they don't have any phones. No one can find him. So when I, if I got picked up. You'd have to move it back. I'd have to move all again. And there wasn't Uber or delivery. So I'd drag a mattress up some stairs. I felt so confident. I had an interior decorator after the first season. God damn you asshole. I'm going to be here for a while. No, I'm kidding. Dana, you were like a hit right from the beginning. Yeah.

Well, the church lady was on the first show. Wow. I can't imagine that. You're like suddenly one day you're just a person and the next day you're like famous in the country. I before I went out there because I'd never done sketch comedy. I was so nervous. Look at this guy. I'd never done sketch comedy, but I was a sketch comedy person by heart, but doing stand up. So I did church ladies part of my stand up.

But I was so fucking nervous the first show that I was just swearing at myself in the mirror. Fuck, fuck, you know. And then afterwards, I was so emotional how well it went that I was just basically tearing up quite a bit. Can I ask you? It was a big ride. You're obviously very nervous. You're doing this thing.

um you go to dress and then and and it it kills a dress church lady was the final sketch at dress as you know that's the graveyard spot like this isn't probably gonna work two hour dresses then it kills and it's moved up to the first sketch and so the air show

I'm sorry. I just want to know every step of how you're like negotiating this. You go out. Are you nervous address? You're very nervous address. This is going to go. Yeah. Yes. And at what point do you get your first laugh and you feel like, okay, wow.

wow, this is something. Or do you not feel that relief? No, there was an exact moment because I'm out there with Victoria Jackson. I'm very scared and I'm doing the interrogating thing. And well, we don't do that. Well, church lady, I did this and we didn't do that. And she goes, yeah, but I did this. And then I said, okay,

Well, isn't that special? Huge laugh. Wow. Already. Wow. Before they even knew it. It's a catchphrase already. But until I landed that, I was just wanting to articulate, just please don't blow it. And then once I landed that, I connected to the 10,000 hours in the clubs. It was like, oh, I'm off the races. Did you know this is the big line I got to land? Or were you surprised that...

At the reaction it got. I had done it in the clubs and it would evolve from an improv. It's the ultimate patronizing put down when someone's being sincere. And it did become a catchphrase. I had it in the clubs and the church lady would work in the clubs. It was me interviewing myself or dealing with hecklers. We don't quite know what to say, do we? You know, that thing. I knew that attitude worked.

but I'd never done it with the dress and never done it. So it was out of body. I don't know if you've had experiences like that, maybe getting nominated for an Academy Award for the screenplay or getting cast on Silicon Valley. Let's go back to when you were shocked and amazed at your success. Was there any moment or was it just gradual? When did you start getting recognized? Was Silicon Valley your first national thing that people...

knew you from? - No, the first thing I would say that I did a sketch on Portlandia, season one of Portlandia. - Love that show, Fred Armisen. - Fred Armisen, Kerry Brownstein, very, very funny people. - Great, yeah. - And the first thing I'd ever done on TV actually was I had two lines on SNL. - I read that.

Do tell. They needed a brown guy and I was doing stuff in New York. Sorry. They did. Casting breakdown. They still do. They still do. They got plenty of this flavor. I was doing one in New York and one of the writers for SNL

emailed me and was like, hey, we need someone to just come in and do three lines for this sketch. And I said, yes, of course. Fuck, yeah. Under five. So I like hang out with the extras all day. You know, we hang out in the theater that Conan was taping in at the time. And I have three lines and address.

it's an episode with James Franco and it's James Franco and Sudeikis are at the, you know, they're like at the dais and we're a bunch of reporters asking questions at the press conference. And Sudeikis messed up his line. Oh no. Threw me so much in dress that I messed up my line. I just didn't know. I just literally just stumbled my words. So then suddenly when I get the script,

for the air. Now I have two lines instead of lines. And I remember it was really cool. We're starting the sketch. I haven't, I don't know Sudeikis at all. He's there while we're about to do the live one. And he looks at me and he says, I'm sorry. He like apologized to me. Oh, that's cool. A lot to me. I remember Will Forte was like really, really cool to me. He, he good. This guy has never been on TV. He's got live,

he's got two lines live so he went out of his way to like be kind to me and i've told him that and he doesn't remember it i was like that's great sounds exactly like him yeah cool hammond was very nice to me very sweet yeah um by the way it's hard to do that when you're in the in the heat of a show and you're a cast member to think enough to go out of the way because you're so in your own head terrified yourself you know

Yeah. And I remember Kristen Wiig, when you were rehearsing, laughed really hard at me and said that was really funny. So I feel like maybe they could tell, oh, this is another performer. This is a very big deal for him. I will just touch that they all went out of their way to make me feel confident and comfortable.

I like this story. He's like, then Lorne came out and they sang for he's a jolly good fellow and they carried me around. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And then Lorne, for some reason, blacklisted me from Hollywood. So basically, why don't we jump to that? Because you go through Silicon Valley, which is like...

but the thing that people really knew me from was Portlandia. I did a sketch with them. So that was your first thing. Yeah, that was my first thing. And that was an improvised sketch. We improvised for like two hours and they cut it down. John Price, the director into a four minute sketch, three minute sketch. And it came out really funny. Fred's really funny. Carrie's really funny. And it just came out really funny. And that show, the first season was kind of like a cool hit. Yeah. Yeah. And that, that,

Every job I've had since then to this day comes from that one sketch. Oh, nice. And so every little thing, every audition, everything comes from that. So then with Silicon Valley and then I was another show on TNT called Franklin and Bash with Breckenmire and Mark Paul. Hilarious reference. Franklin and Bash. I love the name. I know. But Dennis Millius, go. What are you on? Fucking Franklin and Bash this week. What's such a great, great.

Turner and Hooch. Yeah, it's like a Turner and Hooch type of show. That was like a, yeah, Rizzoli. That beats it. The Rizzoli and Isles. We were on the same time as Rizzoli and Isles.

Much worse numbers. This is all true. This is all true. So I was on that show for like two years and it was, you know, it was funny. It was a fun show. I had a fun part, but I was like, I gotta be on a comedy. I didn't have a job. So I went to the creators and I was like, guys, can you like write me out of this show? They're like, did you get another job? I said, no, I just need to bet on myself. And I really want to be on a show that's a comedy. They said, this is a comedy. And you go, Ooh. Yeah.

I just was like, I want to be on a sitcom guys. I want to be on a sitcom. So they said, okay, do one more season for us. But in the meantime, you can go audition, do whatever you want. We'll just do one more season for us. We'll get you out of the contract.

And, and I said, thank you. And the first audition I did after season two was Silicon Valley. Okay. Okay. And I get a call from my agents. They're like, Mike judge has a new show. And, you know, I grew up on Beavis and butthead. I,

I, I, uh, office space is a loved it. Yeah. Mike judge, a quiet genius. Quiet, quiet, brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. And so I go and I audition for Mike and they gave me two different characters to audition for. So I'm just excited. I'm just excited to meet Mike. You know, he's, he's a truly genuinely a hero of mine. Beavis and butthead. I don't mean this in a, uh,

I truly mean this. No, I love those characters. I told them they're much funnier than Wayne and Garth. I don't know if you believe me, but I love Beavis and Butthead. There's a new season on Paramount Plus, Beavis and Butthead. Yes. Just as good as the original stuff. I go in an audition for Mike and I do these two parts. And I had a good audition. You know, I could tell they were laughing and stuff. I was like, OK, that was a that was I feel good about that audition.

I get a call from one of the other creators, not Mike. They say, we really like you. We don't think you're right for either of the parts. And I'm like, fuck, but we're going to write a part for you. Oh, sweet. I said, thank you. But people say that all the time. You know, they're like, you're not right for this. We'll find something. It never happens. And then they're like, okay, we want you to come and do the network test for it.

And I was out of town. I couldn't do it. I was doing a pilot that never went that I didn't like doing. So I couldn't test. I was like, fuck, it's over. Luckily, I'd done a part. Sorry, this is all confusing. I'd done one scene. I'd done one episode of Veep season two that I'd auditioned for with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. That part turned out funny. I ended up having like one funny moment in that episode. So HBO knew me.

And so I flew back from Miami. I was like, fuck, I couldn't test. That's too bad. I landed and I got a call. And you know, when you get those calls where like all your agents and managers are on the phone. Yeah. It's usually good. Yeah. Usually good. They're all calling me. Remember us? Since the signing meeting, you know. Yeah. We're all on it.

I land and I have a voicemail. They're like, hey, this is, you know, John, Molly, Jimmy, Michael, everybody. The 10 percenters. And they're like, you have an offer to be on Silicon Valley. You got an offer with no audition.

I just did the one audition. I didn't. Yeah. Yeah. But the studio and the network. Right. I didn't have to do that because they're so, so lucky. Wow. And just we we did the pilot and I just the entire time was pinching myself because I got to work with all these funny people with Mike Judge. You know, we did the pilot and we didn't find out for a long time, like six or seven months if the show was going to get picked up.

And then it got picked up and we ended up reshooting most of the pilot. - And the style of Portlandia and that, you know, I mean, you have a very, how would you describe your acting style? 'Cause it's very, it's subtle and it's- - Yeah, just describe it and I'll tell you if you're wrong. - It's very natural.

David wanted to know. I said, let's let him describe it. OK, well, I can't describe it, but I will say John Altshuler, who is one of the creators of Silicon Valley, gave me the biggest compliment I think I've ever received. He said, and this is going to sound bad, but it's a compliment. He said, you know, you can do a joke and make it not sound like you're doing a joke. And I was yes, it's hard to do. Wow.

I was like, that is a really wonderful thing to hear, especially with standups. You know, sometimes you see them acting and you can see they're trying to nail a joke. And to me, the key is you got to hide. It's a joke. You got to get the laugh. You have to get the light, but it can't sound like you're like delivering a punchline. But if it's the tone, like you're on shows that are interesting, Veep, the near show,

are great for my sense of humor, for probably yours, Dana. And if you're on a sitcom, you might have to blast it out a little bit. And that's tougher because it might not be your style or what you like at all, but there are different tones of different comedies, but that kind of comedy is obviously my favorite. And, uh, but you're also very good at it. And when you were on just shoot me, you know, you did a really good job of,

um, of bringing that character to yourself. So it really felt like you were yourself the entire time. And the way you were doing jokes was the way you do jokes. It didn't feel like you were like performing outside of, uh, outside of something that felt very natural to you. Right. Like a super character. Yeah. It was more meeting with them ahead of time and talking, this is kind of what I do and this is kind of what they want. And then

tailoring it, letting you add jokes on the last take or say, do whatever you want here. Or, uh, sometimes they would just say, and then Spade says something funny. That's awesome. So yeah, they were great about it. Um,

And you know, it's funny is, is what you said at the very beginning about Dane as a nice guy, George Siegel used to say, the biggest question I get is, is David Spade's as big of a prick as he seems like? Cause you were playing a snarky character. I was. And I was, I, you know, I've tried even toned down even that kind of, I thought it was subtle then. I think it's gotta be subtler now because I did, you know, you're, you're going for laughs and it is sitcom and you have a studio audience, but,

you have to inch it up a little bit, but I did like that kind of humor. And I, and all the shows I gravitate, just watching your monologue, even on SNL. And then you were doing the sketches. They were, they were playing you. They did you justice because you, you are doing a lot of stuff. Super chill, super conversational. And then, and then, and then the subversion comes or the twist. And it's so in rhythm with what you were just saying that,

you know it's very very effective and not easy to do you guys could do a sitcom i would love to do a sitcom with with you guys either yeah just this next couple months are really tough for me though right now so i'm sorry yeah okay yeah yeah me too me too by the way by the way listen we look at dana here's what he said vanity fair which i thought was an interesting quote you said um our guest and by and by the way no we will be doing a sitcom i was kidding um you said i like uh

I like, Oh, you being a comedian makes you a better actor. Being an actor makes you a better writer. And then you're a better comedian than you were. And then you're being a producer, director, all that stuff at all is very entwined. I think that's what you meant. It's great. I think that's, it is really true and it's good. You've got your hands in different things and you see different things and then you go, Oh, I'm on that side. Oh, I'm in this, you know,

Yeah, I remember, you know, shooting a sketch that I wrote on SNL. I wrote on SNL. Oh, you wrote, wow. One week I had, and then they asked me to finish out the season and I realized I was like, sketch is not my strength. I don't, my brain doesn't work like this. It's a different animal for sure, yeah. Yeah, and my brain has never worked like that. I still can't, I still can't write sketch, you know? And it used to like,

I used to be like, you know, I have friends like Nick Kroll. I'm like, wow, this guy can really do sketch. And it would bug me that I couldn't do it. And now I'm like, you know what? I have my strengths. They don't include sketch. So I wrote that for one week and we, you know, being part of shooting a sketch and editing the sketch was very, I understood like, okay, you can do certain riffs. It was a taped sketch pre-tape.

You could do certain riffs that are going to make the crew laugh and the cameraman laugh and everyone's going to laugh. But those riffs are never going to make it into the show. And so doing the editing and being involved with the editing and a lot of the project that makes me realize like, OK, improvising is good. However, if you're just going off the reservation, it's never going to be used. It's just going to make those people laugh. And ultimately, it's kind of a waste of time.

And that's something I learned on the Silicon Valley too. I remember we were doing the scene that was really, really funny. We were all riffing and Alec Berg, one of the showrunners came up to us and said, listen, all of this is really funny. We're having a great time. However, this scene is about these three things. This person finds out this information goes from here to here. The audience hears this.

You can riff, but if they don't advance one of those three things, it's not going to be in the show. And to me, that like really connected everything. I was like, oh, wow. It's not just about being funny. We're just being funny here. Yeah. And it's not helping furthering the point of the scene while being funny.

And so all that, I think everything makes you better at everything else. And that's how you ended up writing The Big Sick and getting an Academy Award nomination. So you took all that experience and then your real life experience for people who don't know, you wrote this incredibly successful, I don't know what you would call it, genre is, romantic comedy, basically. Yeah.

Yeah, Emily and I. With drama. Yeah, your wife. Yeah, we worked this movie together, but I will say that Judd Apatow and Barry Mendel, one of the other producers, really, Judd really taught us how to write. He really carried us through that entire process. You're doing it all wrong. Here, come here. Hi, let me see your laptop. I don't know if this sounds like Judd Apatow, but this is a substitute impression. No, you've actually done pretty well. I'm just going to punch up a couple.

That doesn't sound like Judd Apatow. None of this does. It just sounds funny, though. It sounds like a funny character. That's what I do. I do 10 minutes of this. Both of you have certain different aspects of Judd in them. If you could combine them, I think you'd

No, we've had Judd on this show. Yeah, he's funny. And he is very, very, very smart, very clever about writing, about what makes a hit. He knows what he's doing. And producing. You know, he's the guy you want to call if you want to get something made, you know? I saw your trailer. I have to say, I did not see the movie, and I'll take that part out later. But I did not see the movie. You're making me sick. When I watched the trailer...

It's such a great trailer. Cause I, first of all, I got teared up. Second of all, Ray Romano, who I work with a lot is Sue is great. Just in the trailer. Your first joke is funny. You're with the girl in bed. You know, she says, I, I never have sex twice on the first day. Is that her joke? Yeah. And that was funny. So it's off right away with the, with a winner. By the time Ray comes in and Holly Hunter, um,

You have no skills. That's what broadcast is. You have no schooling. Yeah, so she and Ray, and Ray's doing these dry things to you and it's awkward. I just thought, oh shit, that's a...

very well done. And then that big twist of what happens to the girl you're seeing. I, anyway, it's, it's very, uh, well done. I, my first movie would not be anything that good. I mean, that's to write that shit. Well done because we had Judd really carrying us through. And because of Judd, we were able to get, you know, a really good cast. So like Holly Hunter was Zoe Kazan who plays Emily, uh,

You know, in the movie was the first person we cast and we auditioned a lot of people and a lot of great people. And a lot of like people who are very, very famous and were very, very famous then. And out of everyone, Zoe was just the best. And once we had that, Judd was like, OK, now we now we know who the who she is.

Now we know what her parents can be like. And he was like, you know, I think it should be Holly Hunter. And we were like, good luck. Wow. Yeah. I think she'll do it.

So we had a lot of conversations with Holly. And once we had Holly, Judd was like, that's when Judd sprung Ray Romano. He was like, I think Ray would be really good. And I was a huge fan of his sitcom and his standup. And I just never seen him do anything that wasn't hard comedy, you know? But Ray really brought, what Ray has inherently in everything he does is this like,

sadness at his core. Like he's sort of a kind of he's a sensitive guy. Yeah, sensitive guy. That's what I mean. He's sort of sensitive. There's something like appealingly wounded about him. And he was he's so, so good in this movie. You know, David, if you you know, if you if you find yourself when you watch the movie, you'll see

Ray and Holly really bring so much to it. Holly, it's not, you know, Holly's done so much fantastic work in acting with Ray, the dramatic work he does in the movie. It's more surprising because it's just, I work with Ray and I know a lot of stuff he does and, and he, every, nothing was wrong. Everything was real. Everything was good. Just, I'm just saying the trailer and I'm like, fuck this movie is so interesting. So, and you,

pepper it out so it's you're you're hooked already and and uh holly hunter of course can't go wrong successful movie you you had a sensibility and it you never winked you never stepped outside of it you never were gratuitous that's the key and you just stayed in that world yeah yeah because you know if there's a woman there's a lot of funny jokes you can make but if there's a woman in a coma

there's a ceiling to the type of jokes you can make, you know, you can't go. Cause then if that kills a reality level, the entire time you have to feel like all these people have a loved one. Who's very, very sick right now. Yes. They can make certain kinds of jokes, but if they go past a certain line, it's heartless and it kills the whole movie. Did Judd make you change the name from coma lady?

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Find it on AutoTrader. See it. Find it. AutoTrader. So we did that and that happened, you know, I've been doing, I think that was season three of Silicon Valley in between seasons three and four. I did that.

And that was cool because Silicon Valley was a very successful show. But then Big Sick was getting to do another kind of thing. Next level. I think that's when your name just became just way more familiar to a lot of Americans, when those two things came together. Did it feel like it to you? Yes. You've arrived. I mean...

Well, the weird thing, I'm sure you guys have had this experience. You know, you fight for, for me, it was years of fighting for roles, tiny roles. You know, I had the two years where I had a small one funny scene in a big comedy. I did that for a couple of years, you know, so there's like six, seven movies. You watch them. I pop up for a scene. I deliver food. I'm funny for two minutes and then I walk away.

Big Sick changed the kinds of opportunities, I guess. Sure. Overnight, suddenly I became one of the people who could, I became one of the new comedy actors, you know? So suddenly I, that's, as soon as the Big Sick comes out, I start getting scripts. I start getting more opportunities. People say that, but it's really hard to get to a point where you actually get scripts and get scripts that are like green lit. Like if you do it, we'll do it.

yeah i mean that that's a whole other thing that you know this new show that i have coming out welcome to chippendales um uh on hulu november 22nd it's the first time i've had a real situation you know getting big sick made was a struggle we had to really put a cast together and sure and all that and it was only five million

Welcome to Chippendales was the first time I've had in my career where they were like, if you do this, if you join, if you attach yourself, we're going to make this show. I've never had that. How cool. And it's the guy who started Chippendales, the gentleman who started Chippendales and there's nefarious stuff around him. So it's a pretty, you know,

People don't know this, but Chippendale's male stripping thing, there's obviously a very, very funny, memorable SNL sketch about it with Chris Farley. I didn't even think of that. That's the first time I haven't thought of that when I heard Chippendale. Yeah. I just think of hot guys. Yeah. Patrick Swayze, hot guys. Speaking of hot guys. Stud.

- Crushed it. So with Chippendales, it's like, you're talking about the guy that actually started it. - The guy who started it was this Indian immigrant who was this like sort of fat, nerdy Indian immigrant. He started Chippendales and the story itself is wild. People don't know this. There's murder and stuff involved. The first like few years of Chippendale,

uh it's it's really a lot of nefarious stuff that happens in it it really really crazy intense stuff that happens in it people get multiple people get murdered this dude was setting fire to other like male strip clubs were popping up that were copying chip and nails he started setting fire to them and he got away with this stuff for years and years and years and so this story is a really really i couldn't

believe it so much like 20 crazy things happen in it that are unbelievable is it like a series or a straight movie it's just eight episodes it's a short series eight episodes November 22nd we come out with two episodes of the cast is amazing it's Murray Bartlett who just me for White Lotus Juliette Lewis is in it the Ashford who's really really wonderful what are the Ashford and Simpson yeah

No, that's a different one. So can we touch on, I mean, between these two, you hosted SNL and then The Eternals.

And I know it's probably like a sore spot. People go, hey, he got so muscular. Is that like just a dead horse at this point when you hear that? Well, no, because it is weird to sort of what it helped me do, and it really did. And I think you guys probably relate to some level. Yeah, I mean, I relate, as you can see. I was tired of being known as the most strongest comic. I only, I have...

Beta scrapping. I'll fight because when I fight, all I'm going to think is my dad left me as a kid and all the anger is going to come out. So someone's going to get it all together. You have nothing to lose when you fight. Nothing to lose. Come on. What was that? What was your mental state about that? Right. About that becoming a different physical person. What it helped me do was when you're in this, when you're a comedy actor in this business, it's very easy to be put in a box, you know? So,

all the stuff I did, I was sort of like the funny nerdy guy, you know? And what that allowed me to do was break out of that. I don't mean necessarily become an action star or anything. It just,

had people, had people who give you jobs see me as not just a nerd. So the actual opportunities I started getting from that were not specifically action opportunities. I started getting opportunities to play like normal, non-nerdy. Just different. Yeah. So that makes sense. But the actual biggest jump there was Big Sick and then

So Eternals is such a jump, but once you get an offer like that or someone sees you like that, obviously you probably said, I'm going to do my best and I'm going to make sure they didn't make a mistake. I'm going to work out. I'm going to look the part. But what a huge flattering opportunity to be in a movie like that. Marvel. I'd like to be in one. If they're listening, I'll play a character. I don't know if I could.

jack up. But what I'm interested is, because then you do this and it helps you get out of typecasting. But then you're still walking around as that. Because I went, I lifted weights a little bit, you know. I still, I did push-ups yesterday. I mean, I do do things. But if you get to a low body fat and a high lean mass, then you're going to walk around different. And your libido is going to go way up. Because any kind of little

fat around the middle is not an inert thing in your body. It affects your hormones. So I'm just curious about you as a person that transitioned to that kind of fitness, just walking around that powerful, how are you feeling about it? It's like, it must be fun. It's a very good question. I don't feel any different in terms of how I think of myself. I don't feel that I am a different person at all.

I do feel on a base level stronger, you know, bags are less heavy. If I do gross freeze, not as hard. The libido thing is very real. It's suddenly, it,

It shifts, you know, the way my wife, she's always loved me, but the way she talks about my body now is different. What do you what do you mean? What do you mean? She went from like to love. OK, cool. What do you mean? She finally said, I love you. That's great. Well, Maria Shriver used to say that when she would get in bed, she would get in bed

Arnold would get in bed and then his body was there. It was like a threesome. Yeah. So it's like, you know, it's Kamal, it's you and wife and then washboard abs. I mean, I guess women like touching them. I don't know. I've never had that problem. She said initially, it was so funny. She said when I first got in shape and we would have sex, she was like, it kind of feels like fucking the corner of a building. Yeah.

I've heard that. So I was, you know, like hard. Yeah. But every now and then still, if I like take my shirt off, she'll just be like, Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah. She knows a certain way. And so to see just me just look differently, look different.

It's still surprising to her. It's so interesting because, you know, we're interviewing, we're talking today and you're the exact same person. It's just interesting to be married to someone who does a physical transformation like that. So you physically, you're looking at a different person. Yes. And I guess it's a real turn on. I'm a, you know, I'm a, I'm going to,

I'm not saying I'm going to get like you are, but I'm going to double down. Well, Emily, seeing me and doing this about a year and a half ago, started weight training herself. And it's completely changed everything.

It's completely changed her body and how she feels about her body. Like she's got like muscles now she's got biceps and stuff. It's, it's really interesting. And she sees what I get out of it. I get a lot out of just the working, the process of working out specifically. Yeah. Yeah.

It's helped me with my anxiety. Obviously, you know, we're comics. I assume we all have anxiety. For me, anxiety is something that always requires management. Working out helps with that. Incredible. Yeah. Sleep better? Yeah. So sleeping has always been an issue for me. And now I sleep better. Obviously, it's still hard sometimes. You know, I didn't sleep well last night. Hard to shut your mind off kind of thing? Yeah, you lay in bed. You think about all the things that could have been and all the things you're going to find in the future. Yeah.

All the regrets. Yeah. All right, Dan, I think we have to let him go because... Oh, we have another one coming up. No, he's being very cool. You guys are so great. I'm such a fan of both of you. And this was such a thrill for me to do. Thank you for having me on. It was an absolute pleasure. I just enjoyed it as a conversation. And the way it bounced around was great. Honest, authentic, down-to-earth dude. I think it's very fun talking to you. I don't know you at all. It's great to sit here and...

This is a great hour with you and we really appreciate it. It's going to be, people are going to love to hear from you. They heard from you part of it, right?

It was mostly me and Dana, but it stayed with me. I'm sorry. I'm just a fan, so that was really interesting. Thank you for sharing those stories as well. Well, we love people asking us questions because we're fundamentally flawed. I mean, for interviewers, we both have narcissistic tendencies. So when you started saying, hey, Dana, what about this? My brain lit up. I got an endorphin rush.

It's more like dinner. We all just talk and everyone talks. It's not just a hard interview. It's not 60 minutes. But I think our view, people who don't know you or they know about you, this will be a fun conversation for them to listen to. For sure. Especially ending on the high libido thing. Two people are in their 40s, really fit.

having a lot of sex talking about their wives fucking sides of buildings yeah yeah i want it i want so my wife said you're like i feel like i'm fucking a delicatessen how how i meet section yeah she listens to this podcast she'll be laughing all right sorry guys thank you thank you buddy take care talk to you later awkward leave

Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com. Oh, we have questions. Joseph. Okay.

I like when he calls... My nickname now from Joseph Botino. Botino. Botino. I'm going to think it's Botino. It says Hans and Spudly. So I'm Hans of Hans and Franz and you're Spudly from... From Dennis Miller. Spudly. Spudly. Okay, I heard a rumor that Lorne insisted... This is a good question. Lorne insisted that his movie posters be set against a background of blue...

Sky and white clouds. Never would have thought of that in a million years. Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, both Wayne's World. Coneheads, ladies man, superstar. Huh. All do this. Is it true? I guess it's true if you just said it. And did he explain himself? I would never think that. I never put that together, Joseph. It must be a trick.

Some sort of testing that says that makes you happy. It's a psychological thing for the audience that the box office will go sky high. So you have a sky background. That's all I could think of. I'm still not sure this is true. Joseph, is this a trick question? Let's look at a clip. Let's call Lorne. Hello. Who's this? Guys, we buried the clouds. Dana, you're cutting out.

This better be important. Lauren, yes, it's about Coneheads. What? I'm putting on a show this week. Yeah, but we need to know about the background of Ladies' Man and Superstar. I'm going to hang up now. But I love you both. No, I'm going to put Marcy on. I'll come on the podcast soon again. Marcy, he's got some questions. So,

So are we answering Joseph Patino's question? That he already knows the answer to? He's asking if Lorne ever explained this. No, he didn't. But I like this. I think it's a very interesting observation because it might be true. It seems to have helped.

Because I've heard of all those movies. So that means something worked, right? Yeah. I have no opinion. I don't know if Lauren did it. I don't know if the posters look like that. There's some method to the madness. They have to do that for a reason. You know how the word trick goes with questions? It's a trick question. You know when we're in... This is the last thing. We're in read-through in Schneider. If you go. And a garbage man comes into the scene. Yeah.

Played by Ken Among. And everyone laughs. And Shana goes, trick, trick, laugh. That's not a real laugh. That won't get a laugh on the show. Don't count it.

Well, he has to call it out because it's not a... The audience wouldn't know who Kenny is. It's a read-through trick that we say some inside joke and then it gets a big laugh and he goes, make sure you negate. Like, don't count on that on the show. I won't get a laugh. It's furious. Flips over his pizza. One slice. Flip. All right, that's it. Thank you for the question and keep them coming.

This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.