Jon Lovitz
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

So Lovitz, John Lovitz is on the show and Lovitz is an old buddy of ours and he's got a dog named Jerry and he's goddamn, Jerry's everywhere. Every time we go somewhere, you know, Jerry. Hello, Jerry. Yeah, he can never leave the house without Jerry. Jerry literally, you know, when I played Vegas, Jerry would, with John, Jerry would just be behind the curtain, just kind of waiting, you know, and then sometimes Jerry would wander out when John was doing standup, crowd would go crazy.

And I hate to say it, not that cute. I hate to say it.

It's not that cute. Sometimes, you know, dogs are so ugly they're cute because they don't know how bizarre looking they are. Yeah, I'll give it that. It's a toothy underbite. Yeah. A tight little dog. But a sweet dog. I saw another dog walk by and goes, gross. And dogs aren't usually judgmental like that. Gross. Do you have any dog routines? Oh, dude, by the way, what about Nick Cannon?

Nick Cannon had another kid. Another kid. And he's shameless. He's out doing a fucking gender reveal. I'm like, I would be like, eh, I got another kid. I like when anybody, Eastwood, anyone gets into that double digit kid thing from a different array of women throughout multiple decades. I'm getting warm. I'm going to start flushing. I know it's boiling fucking hot. This is my new house. Dana's first time in it and he likes it.

He said, if you ever want to take a nice stroll with a girl, just take her down the hallway. Oh, he said, let's go for a long walk. Do we have to leave the interior of the house? No, we're going for a five miler. I got lost three times here in 20 minutes. I was just wandering upstairs and I did rifle walking.

through some personal items. I rifled through your drawers. Is that the only time human beings use the word rifle? I think so. A real rifle, yes. Yeah, but I rifled through your drawers and saw some personal items. Yeah. You know, Dana, we couldn't find you and I turned on your find my phone and that's how we found him. He was over in the East Wing. I like how I bring up my own house. I went by the life-size statue of yourself you made. The loincloth was a nice touch. Is it bronze? Yes.

Anyway, David Spade is a legend. I have a solid gold dishwasher. All right. How many Instagram followers? Just throw it out there. Oh, you know, it's sort of bombing now. I'm more on TikTok. Look me up. TikTok. TikTok. It's so gross, but I'm on it. I'm too old. I don't know nothing about no TikTok. I like when there were three channels. How about my neighbors hate me and they just made a thing where they went to the city and made sure we couldn't, you had to have a parking permit and only in front of my house.

They fucked me. Yeah. Well, I've been a neighbor for six weeks. I'm like, how much do you hate me within seconds to go to the city council? This guy is the worst. She's the one that said, he's giving my dog diarrhea. I'm like, are you sure it's me? How about the dog looks at you every day and goes, that's me.

That's what you get for buying a house on Vendetta Place. Pick a different address, cowboy. Anyway, it doesn't even make sense. That kind of did. Look, John Lovitz. What's your best impression, John Lovitz? Everyone's got one because he's so impressionable. I made him say this word on one of my Instagram stories. Balderdash. But he can say it so much better. He's got such a good voice. Balderdash. Yeah, it's a little Mae West, actually.

Hello, ladies. We hear about John and Dana. We won't say, but we will ask about a movie you guys were both going to do, a well-known movie. Oh, I don't mind saying it. Bad Boys. I'm saying we're not going to say it. I don't, he makes John, why do they keep bringing it up? Why not? It's funny. Dude, I turned down Home Alone because I was 28 and I could read, I could play seven, but Macaulay Culkin got it. I saw him at the final callbacks. I go, oh, they're going way young. Yeah.

I turned down Yoda in the original Star Wars. I said, no, do much, only try. No, because he did it that way. You did it regular, like, oh, not try, do. And then you saw Yoda go in and do that, and you go, oh, we're doing a weird voice? Let me go in again. Let me try it again. First comes fly on the wall. Then comes money. Then comes ladies. Money in the bank. Yes, no? Mm-mm.

Hey, Yoda, could you stop making these cryptic lists? First campaign. It's like Billy Bob Thornton and Sling Blade. Don't know about no Yoda. I would ask Yoda about bitcoins back then and say, Yoda, fucking take care of your pal. What's the story with him?

And then tell me about the Death Star or whatever bullshit. I'm starting a currency. I was going to ask you to join in. It's called cryptic currency. It's very sort of scary. Oh, okay. Cryptic currency. All right, back to Lovitz. Back to Lovitz. Speaking of people. John Lovitz, we'll let him tell you the story of his life because when you have Lovitz on, have a nice listen. He used to say that about having lunch with Lorne Michaels because Lorne's a brilliant talker.

John Lovitz, he hates this, is so naturally funny. I'm not naturally funny. It's the way, it's my acting and my writing. No, he's got a funny bone. Like there's people in comedy just have a funny bone and he is, no matter what we say. No matter what we say. No matter what he says. No matter what anybody says, he's funny.

He's a good actor and all that stuff, but he just has a funny way about him, which is, you know, you can't teach that. Well, John loves to tease. And so if you just go and you're having a conversation with him, he'll start getting you defensive. You don't even know it. What? What do you want? What? You didn't want to come to the lunch? You just came because you felt pressure. He'll just say that out of the blue. So then you go, no, I didn't. Then you start coming back at him. Yeah, last time he saw me, he was a Mustang. He goes, my car's blue. Jealous? Jealous?

I think I can get a blue card. Can you? I know. He was at the Knicks game in New York and he was sitting on the court for the first time on his life. My feet are on the wood. Jealous? Lauren said that to me. He said, someone said I was the most naturally funny person on SNL. I said, you think I'm the funniest person that ever did SNL? He goes, no, naturally funny. John Lovitz, ladies and gentlemen. How do I know you two? Yeah.

I met John at the beach house. Oh, that's right. You guys shared the beach house. No, Gervitz and Lovitz shared a beach house on Malibu. And for people that don't know, that's where we'd go and jump in the water. I'd go with Chris, I think, and Farley. And then Brad Pitt was there sometimes, right? That was exciting. So we're talking the 80s, Malibu,

90s? No, 90s, sorry. 90s Malibu Beach House, which I went to. Yeah, the three of us have been friends for years, for those of you listening.

And are still friends. That's where sweet Chris Farley, like I'm out on the patio and then I'm talking to John. Chris came out totally naked, but with suds all over him, like soap, like all suds. I told you that story. That's a great story. Yeah, I saw it. So.

He must have done it more than once. I know, but it's funny. Hey, John, what about when there was the Malibu fires? Chris was at the beach. Yeah, I remember David, you called him and said, you go, where are you? He goes, I'm at the beach. He goes, it's nice, but it's really cloudy. And David goes, you idiot. Those aren't clouds. It's a fire. It's smoke. He had no idea. It was like Tommy Boy, but in real life. And the hill across the street was on fire. Literally, the hill across the street. Yeah.

And then it ended up happening. I don't even put this in your pockets, but five doors down, a house burnt down and they rebuilt it. And that was the house, David, that you... Oh, that's what I bought. That burned down in that fire. Oh my God. That house burned down in that fire. Wow. They rebuilt it. It was all wood and they rebuilt it the same, but like, I guess...

whatever it was, duck or cement, I was never invited even though I invited you to mine. I just want to - you said something a minute ago John that made me laugh but I don't know if it was just sort of an offhand comment of sincerely calling your friend an idiot kind of like the Three Stooges.

Is it his? No, you idiot. Those are clouds. Does any adult male just go? No, you idiot. No, that's what David said to Farley. But did David really say, no, you idiot? I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, no, because that's how we would talk. And that turned. It just sounds like the three stooges. No, you idiot. Do you really? You would call Chris, say that to Chris. That's funny. That's this. Yeah. Chris. David called me. It's cloudy. It's an idiot.

Well, listen to me. Listen to me, you fool. I will tell you, when I got to SNL, Lovitz was there and I was a fan and, uh,

And I knew Dana a little bit. I knew Kevin a little bit. And then Levinson, I'd just seen on the show. And we talked over, I think, where you have dinner, you know, in that little area. And you were lighting the show. So we got a chance to talk, but you weren't usually lighting the show. Joe was lighting the show. But he never was. But then we talked because I was saying I have to write now.

And no one tells you how to write, you know, you just get a, you know, a yellow pad and a wooden desk and a pen. And so I said, I'll write you something. And you said, yeah, okay. And so I wrote you a sketch about a guy who's this mad scientist that turns into a puffer fish and,

So he, uh, when he gets mad, he turns into a puffer fish and, and I wrote it. And then it was probably 17 pages and five different sets. And then they, I don't, I don't think Shoemaker put it in read through because I have no memory of that. It was, I don't think we, we did it because it was so funny. It sounds funny. I like the premise because I realized, you know, this is your guy's podcast, but the reality is you both look up to me because I was on the show before both of you. True.

That actually is true. I remember seeing John in the 85 season and he immediately stood out to me. Your presence and your voice with Master Disguise, Master Disguise, sorry, Master Freudian Slip. It's on, it's on, it's on live streaming everywhere, kids. John did Master Thespian and The Liar and they were just so potent characters and so different than anything that had been on the show.

Don't you think, John? I mean, they were eccentric. Thank you. Well, you know what happened? I was in the Growlings Theater and I did those characters. And then I never forget, I got Saturday Night Live, which now people go to the Growlings to try to get on SNL. I never thought I'd be on it in a million years. I just wanted to get in the...

in the company and get seen and get work. And on the ninth floor, you know, was the bleacher seats. So I was up there and right at the entrance on the right was a glass case. And it had like John on a, like a mannequin, John Belushi's bee costume. And next to that was Eddie Murphy's

Gumby costume with a life mask of Eddie Murphy. And I remember looking at that and going, oh my God, I go, I can't do what they did. You know, they were huge, you know, icons. I'm like, and I just thought, what am I going to do? And I go, well,

I guess I'll just be funny the way I'm funny and either it'll work or this is the end of the road. And it didn't work. No, it didn't work. No, the puffer fish could have really... But actually, by the time I got... It didn't work. It exceeded anyone's expectations. John, you were huge from... What were the big ones at that point? You already did a liar, right? When you came on, but when I first...

When I got the show, Dinah Minot was a producer and she goes, here's who he thinks going to break out on the show. And you weren't on the list. No. No, really? Yeah.

Danny, you walked away when I got the show. Dynamite, it was the British shows. John, here's what we think is going to break out. Joan Cusack, Robert Downey Jr., Terry Sweeney, Randy. Someone else. So she's telling you my name. I go, you know, I'm on the show, right? No, I was the last guy they expected. They didn't expect me to be the guy that broke out. And Dynamite was one of them. A producer on the show for several years. She's great.

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But I want to go back to the growlings for a second because we've talked about this on other podcasts. You have a way of making your voice incredibly loud. Like really. So no. Who else did? Who else could have done Master Thesmian? Because that seems to be just coming from. I mean, it must have just. I was in college and I had a Shakespeare professor, William Needles.

who was a great, he was like the, the, the member of the movie professor chips where they all loved their professor. He was like that to all the students. And he was great to me. I saw his improv group, pins and needles.

No. Pins and needles. The coconut. Yes. He was in the Stratford Festival in Canada. He was like he mentored people like Maggie Smith, the great actress. Oh, she credits him anyway. So he came to Irvine to teach us. You see, Irvine is a drama major to teach Shakespeare. And he did it the first time I'd never heard it in person.

And really at all. And he said, no, I'm going to do some Shakespeare for you. And then his voice completely changed. Oh, for the music fire that were to send the brightest heaven of invention. And I heard that. What the fuck is that? I never heard it. And I could just somehow imitate him. I liked actors with those booming voices like him and John Barrymore.

and John Carradine, if you see him in the 10 commandments. Oh yeah. You hear his voice booming off the soundstage. It's so loud. And so I was just somehow able to do it. I don't know how, I think also for my father, he would yell a lot and I picked it up from him. It all goes back to all of our dads were a little crazy. Yeah. You got to have a crazy dad to be a comedian basically. Yeah. I think, yeah. And, uh,

but I just love the Lawrence Olivier. Just, I liked that. It was bigger than life, but theatrical. That's what, you know, so like Peter O'Toole's like that, you know, he's real, but he's so dynamic and theatrical that it's, it's thrilling, you know, for me, that's the kind of performance I like. Nicholas Cage would talk about that too. I'll give you an example of a performance like that in modern times that Dana, you love is, uh,

but theatrical and bigger than life and yet real was Al Pacino's Scarface, right? What are you talking about, man?

You don't know why you're talking about. Yeah, no, it was. It was operatic and the whole film was operatic. And so it was very bigger than life. But I believe unless I misheard this, that Al Pacino says that's his favorite role, even though some critics had an issue with it. But I think it's kind of brilliant. I've actually gotten to meet him and I told him that how much you love it and you imitate it.

And he goes, people come up to me with lines that aren't from that movie. There aren't even like the catchphrase lines. And he goes, they repeat them to me. Look at the little Boris. The Boris gonna fly, man. Say goodbye to the bad guy. All of it is musical. To me, it's like the Beatles or something. Yeah. Brilliant. I met Al Pacino and he was talking about all my stuff so much. I never even got around to Scarface. Anyway, go ahead.

I'm looking for a very handsome cowboy man. I've seen it. He was also in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which is another one of my current favorites. Dude, do that line again. Is that what he's talking about? Brad Pitt? Yeah, he's coming to the bar. Gina, Gina, Gina, the woman in the mystic light.

I'm looking for a very handsome cowboy man. I try. Yeah, let's face it, man. I'm a goddamn ham spin. What'd that guy say to you? Says he wants me to go do some Italian westerns. Don't cry in front of the Mexicans. I'm just quoting the movie. Is that Brad? That's a good Brad. Brad Pitt. Oh, yeah. My wife and I quote him all the time. It's a good plan. When he has to fire him, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to let you go. I don't think I can afford to keep you. I think that's a good plan.

I try. It's funny because you mentioned the beach house and all of us were friends and Cynthia Pet, Brad's manager, rented the house next door and Brad was always there and

It's fun to see, like, you know, I remember Brad, Cynthia Pett, his manager, said, hey, I have a client. Can you say hi to you? He's a big fan. What's his name? Brad Pitt. I go, okay. And then I had to look at her. What's his name again? She goes, Brad. I go, okay. Hey, Brad. Hey. I didn't even know I had heard of him. A week later, you had a tattoo of him. I know I did. No.

No, but it's funny. It's fun that you, you know, you guys are known now, but I met with David was, I remember the first time I saw David Dana, you brought me to see him at a club and you said, he's kind of a, he's really, he's really, why don't you say he's funny? No. Yeah. But you know, he's like, he really, he really looks up to Dennis Miller and I.

He kind of looked like that. Yeah, we were kind of his mom and dad. I remember I saw you, David. I was like, oh my God, he's a total mix of that. I don't think he'd found your voice yet. Yeah, that's true. Those guys I really liked. And I think at the beginning,

you are styles of the people you like the most and then it just turns into its own. And then I knew because someone's, Sandler goes, I saw this guy and he reminded me of you. I go, oh, he goes, he's biting a lot of your shit. I go, oh, I'm at the point where someone's doing it like me. I like that. Nice. Yes. No, you guys were great. That's why. And we got, and SNL was, we, oh, I had a question for you. You guys did,

Wait, no, I'll go back. We did Coneheads together. That was one of the first movies, John. What did you do in Coneheads? Because there's a million cameos. In Coneheads? Yeah, were you in Coneheads? Yeah, I was the, oh yeah, I think you said Coneheads. I was the dentist. Oh, that's right, when his mouth opens really big. Yeah, and his open's huge. Oh, that's right, it goes like four feet, yeah. Yeah, and I kind of played it like my dad, like a doctor. And then I made up a thing that the nurse in it

It wasn't in the script. I said, let's just pretend that we're like having a fight, but we're trying to cover it up. That's a good choice. It doesn't matter a lot to the scene where I go. You know, the director they got, I think because he directed the take on me video. And he did that. It's like black and white.

And it looks like, you know, someone sketched it and the guy jumps out of it. That was such a big video. Steve Barron. I think they got him to direct Conan's. I don't know if he's like a huge comedy director, but he had me, you Sandler. Farley was in it. Yeah. Farley, Ellen DeGeneres, Sinbad, Phil, um,

Every, oh, Drew Carey. A friend of mine was in it. Cause he's friends, Dan Eckroyd, Mitchell Bobrow. And Mitchell was like in the, in the sixties, he was the world karate champion. He was one of the best Taekwondo karate guy of the sixties. He was like, he, he was better than Chuck Norris.

And he was very close friends with Bruce Lee, but, and I'm still friends with him. He's a really nice guy. He was in cone heads, but working with Dan Aykroyd was the best. Cause you know, he used to be on the show and I remember, well, Dan, I don't know if you remember David, but, uh,

when Dan Eckwood came to the show and he did Bob Dole. Yes, I remember that. And then he took all of us out to dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe and he gave us these Hard Rock Cafe jackets. And we were all like dead broke. And I was sitting next to Jan Hooks and she goes, who is this guy? Because he was just so nice and he treated us so great. And I love Dan. I got to play a mother in a movie.

My stepmother's nailing years in 88, but yeah, when those guys came to the show, it was just so thrilling. Oh, it was so crazy when Dan Ackerman walked on. How are you? You're doing good stuff here. Yeah, you guys are doing a great job. You know what? Do you guys remember this? Just to paint a scene when you're on Saturday Night Live, just weird things happen. Like one time I just walked into Lauren's office on the ninth floor and Mick Jagger was sitting there. Ooh. You know, it's like, oh, Mick Jagger. Or when there's a host...

The host is down on the what floor, eighth floor, whatever. The host is down there waiting. They're like, Charlton Heston would like to meet you. And you're kind of nervous, like you're walking to meet this celebrity you've known your whole life. It was interesting, right? That happened to me. My first year on the show, Jerry Hall was hosting with Mick Jagger's girlfriend. And she had an idea for a sketch.

And I didn't realize it was her way of getting back at Mick for lying to her. But it was with my liar character. It's about 4.30 on Saturday. Lawrence says, hey, Mick Jagger's in the studio. Can you go downstairs and show him how to do your liar character? I go, okay.

And I go down there and I meet him and I'm saying, well, anyway, I do this character. And in my head, I'm like, oh, my God, this is crazy. I'm explaining Mick Jagger how I do this. Oh, my God, I'm older than him. I took between a friend of mine and I, you know, Lisa. And I know it's surreal. Right now I'm explaining the Mick Jagger.

And he goes, yes, that's the ticket. I mean, could he do it? I mean, was it? Oh, yeah, we did it on the air. And if you saw this now, you'd look at it and go, John, is that you or your son? Anyway, and I was so skinny. And then Jerry Holler, I'm in a bar and I'm hitting on her. And she mentions the Stones. She goes, oh, you know Mick Jagger? And oh, yeah, we were in Vietnam together. Whitney Brown wrote the sketch. Yeah.

And then Mick comes in and he goes, yeah, I know Tommy. And I go, yeah, we were fishing. And I go, big, little, big, you know, and we start lying and end them. About a year later, she called up the show and invited Dennis Miller and I and Nora over to their house out of the blue. And we couldn't find Nora. So Dennis Miller and I went. You mean you didn't look for her? We're in their living room and Mick Jagger goes, oh, I know what that liar thing is now. I didn't then.

And Dennis and I, they had a cross in their living room. There was a mirror above the couch where Mick and Jerry Hollerson and Dennis and I, our eyes caught in the mirror. And afterward, we went outside. I went, Dennis, were you thinking what I was thinking just now? I go, yeah. We both think a year and a half ago, we were like dead broke. And now we're sitting in Mick Jagger's living room in his house in New York, sitting

Stuff like that.

We hung out with them for a while and then Bowie wanted to hang out. You want to go dancing? And we're like, yeah. So we're hanging out with Bowie and he showed us that move where you plant your left foot. They're dancing with David Bowie. And that was, I'd been on the show like four months or something. It was like crazy. Yeah. Oh, just to set the scene for those of you, Dana isn't wearing any. Cause people are. Okay, go ahead. I'm not doing a tubing.

To be tubing. Well, look, I noticed what Howard Stern interviews people. He kind of reorientates things because we get ahead of ourselves. So, David, did you have a favorite celebrity that your first, well, you went on, like, what was your first host? I remember coming on, I think the first, I did four shows before the summer. It was Corbin Bernson, Al Baldwin, Dice Clay, and Candy Bergen.

Oh, so you were there. I remember all them, yeah. I remember Alec Baldwin. Oh, very nice. And Alec Baldwin, that Monday meeting, you hear he's there. They go, everyone's going to meet the host. You really don't really know how it works. And I go cram in that room and he's sitting there in a black turtleneck with black hair combed back and blue eyes. And I'm like, this guy's a fucking stud. Like some people you go and he's like, how's it going?

And then you go, oh, that's a movie star. They screen the movie for you. So I just see Hunt for October. Sure. Walk out, come to work. And then they're all, you know, he's right there. And Sharon Stone was a movie star. Some people, in my head, I thought that's a star. And some people I thought...

It sounds mean, but I go, they got nothing. Like I, after read through, I'd go, I go, it's kind of, you know what I mean? I go, it's kind of, they got the right place, right time, nothing wrong with it, but just, they got nothing. And here's a list of those people. No, I'm kidding. Well, I remember when, when we did the show in the first five years, you had to be

a major, major movie star. And then once in a while they'd have somebody from television, like Ted Danson hosted, but he was the number one show on air. Or yeah, remember we had athletes, but they had to be like superstar with Wayne Gretzky and then Joe Montana and Walter Payton.

Yeah. You know, but you had to be. The show goes in lulls. I mean, one of my years. The host. One of my years, the host went from the first lead of like a TV show to like the second lead. You know what I mean? Sometimes they book people and I'm like, Dana and Mike are bigger stars than the host. Yeah.

You know, you're a Sandler. You know what I mean? You're going, this person coming in here, I think it's, we're missing the mark a little bit now. Because everyone's getting so big on the show, it was hard to be more famous than the cast. Yeah, I mean, it was Dana. I had to keep acting like humble and like, oh, I'm nothing. You're the big thing. I was starstruck. I knew.

But next to me, he was just John, can I can I can I interject a memory? Because I think it was so funny. Back to Alec Baldwin being two things about Alec Baldwin. First time he hosted, he goes, I want to do this. I go, he goes, you think I want to be on a fucking submarine? Go, aye, aye, sir. Like he didn't want to be in those corporate movies. He wanted to be a sketch player. And then Victoria, because of his crazy blue eyes and he was incredibly is incredibly handsome. She goes, I'm not going to do it.

Not this week. I'm not going to do it. I go, what? I'm not going to fall in love with him. Alex, I'm not going to fall. And then by Friday, she'd go, I lost. I fell in love with him again. If she sees the eyes, if he locks eyes with her, she falls in love. If he pays attention to you. One time he was doing a De Niro. I think it was for Update. We were behind the stage, you know, live show. And, you know, people do this sometimes like...

He was getting pumped up and then he dropped and did about 15 push-ups right before they came back because he wanted to get a pump and go out there and look big. I love it. I go, that's the shit I love to see. That's something I would have maybe done. I don't know. And then he became a great sketch player, you know, on that show. So, he did it. He was great. Sharon Stone had like a star thing, beautiful, stunning, comes in. Like basically the ginger music from Gilligan's Island when she walks in. It's like...

We go, oh my God. And I just done Police Academy 4 with her. Do you guys have any, sorry, did I interrupt that? No, it was starting to bomb. This is one of those things that, tell me if you've had an experience like this. So Chris Everett was the host and somehow, I don't remember, but we had a scene where we jump on a bed together and we kind of make out, believe it or not.

And so that happened and she came up and she was blushing and I didn't, we never really talked about it. It was nothing. It was just pretending.

So I'm doing a stand-up date in Hawaii right before the pen two years ago. I come out. It's a big giant. There's like maybe 500 people out there at night. I'm coming out. She's in the front row and she goes, you made out with me on a bed. And it was 30 years later. And you had her kicked out because she's a heckler? And then Victoria Jackson was there again. I'm not going to do it this week. I'm not.

They're there for a week, but it's such an intense experience that they, they never forget. Like they feel close to you years later, you know, forget you it's it's only a week.

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You just visit rosettastone.com slash fly. That's 50% off, unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash fly today. Speaking of kissing, do you remember Alex first? He got up for an Emmy for that first show, but remember Green Hillie, the sketch? I think it was Jack Handy where he's like in a sopra and they look and the music comes up and he starts kissing Jan and

And then he goes over here and the music comes up. He starts kissing the maid. And then he looks over and there's like a puppet in the window. He starts making out with the puppet. It's called Green Hill. Anyway, you guys, thanks for the deep dive. I don't even know if you guys were there. You guys are in the break room. So, John, you get on the show.

And who were the hosts that first season you were on? Oh, boy. That you remember? The very first host was Madonna. Oh, boy. Was Madonna. And she was there for two weeks. Shut up. What do you mean? She came a week early. And so the first thing I ever did on the show was a short film that I think George Meyer wrote it and where I'm...

We're in Central Park and the scene, well, she's supposed to be driving in the country and she keeps hearing a sound in her from the under her, the hood of her car. And when she opens up her hood, I jump out and attack her. And that was the first thing I ever, I did. And I remember doing that. And she was dating Sean Penn at the time when he was watching and I'm like, Oh God, he's not going to like this. Me jumping all over his girlfriend. And, but she was really nice. And, and I ended up that's that, you know, I ended up,

I worked with her again, of course, in a league of their own. And she worked so hard. You know, people go, who's successful? I go, well, two of the most successful people I know are Madonna and Adam Sandler. And they also work hard. That's all they do all day, every day. They just...

You know, they're unbelievable. They just never stop. And she was the host. I remember Danny DeVito. That was fun. No, that was later. My first year. Oh, Paul Simon. I remember having a sketch with him and I met him in the park. He's Lorne's best friend. And so we all got to see Paul at parties and get to know Paul Simon, which was...

Really cool. He was very nice. Hey, Paul. And who I'm trying to think. God, there was. Oh, Terry Gard and Tom Hanks. Mm hmm. And I ended up becoming friends with both of them. Hey, did you did you meet Tom Hanks there or on big? No, I met him on. No, I met him on when he hosted SNL. And he goes, we went we went to lunch and.

And then he goes, you want to go to lunch? Yes, we went. And he goes, when I first met him, he goes, I think you know my girlfriend. I go, who's your girlfriend? He goes, Rita Wilson. I go, oh, Rita. Of course I know Rita. And she was, she was friends with Robin Schiff, who wrote Romy and Michelle's

Yeah. And, and, and, but yeah. And, and Robin was in the ground. I was friends with Robin in the ground. It was, we were in the group together and she was friends with Rita. So I, I'd met Rita before Tom met her, you know? And I remember one time she came by, she's always really nice. And what are you doing? Just, I got this movie with John Candy and Tom Hanks called volunteers. I'm going to go shoot it. They all, that's so great. Is that where they met? Yeah. And, um, Hmm. Is there anything who, uh,

So, but basically, I don't know. It was 1985. Hey, John, to set the scene for our listeners. You're still not wearing pants. Go on. I'm still not wearing pants. John gets on Saturday Night Live in one of a rebuilding year. Let's just put it that way. No, it was. No, it was. It was the first. Yeah, but it was the first year that Lauren had come back after being away for five years. And before you, it was Martin Short, Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest.

year right that was successful and then they brought in uh randy quaid and other people like that that were known movie stars yeah anthony michael hall he was 17 robert downey jr he was 20 very funny guy denetra vance god bless her soul great great john cusack

uh dennis miller and nora dunn and and so tell me what your mind first of all you're on the show did did the show uh was it immediately a little shaky i mean when did they get a sense of like this wasn't gelling no no well what happened was it the cast did gel that's the thing you go how can people that talented not gel well we did but but it was a

after the third like after the second show i did the lie i didn't the liar character my second show there's 20 shows in this season and then robert smigel you know who you all know i was a writer in his first year in the show he said john this does triumph the insult dog to set the scene for those for those who are listening uh robert smigel is a friend of ours hey this electrician

That works at NBC was just in Lauren's office. And he said that liar thing is the funniest thing I've seen in years. So Lauren goes, really? So then Lauren said, we're going to do the liar again. Why don't you write it with a Whitney Brown? And thank God, because I didn't know what to do with the character after that. So I always give Whitney 50% credit after that. We wrote it together and he really helped me expand the character. And I learned a lot about writing jokes from Whitney. It was great. From San Francisco. I did stand up with him for years. Yeah. And so we, we did it, but, uh,

This article came out, I remember, in TV Guide, and it was already our 11th show. And it goes, Saturday Night Dead, it's so good. And the guy who's reviewing the first three shows, he wasn't mentioning the fact that the whole country by this point was imitating my liar character. And there'd been a lot of sketches that were funny. And so it wasn't a total disaster, but it got slammed so much.

So the last show, I didn't know if I was coming back. I didn't know who was there. Well, just tell people about the fire thing. I am. So the last show they decided, well, just like make fun of ourselves. So Angelica Houston was the host. And then we had, it was like special guest star Billy Martin, who was the manager of the Yankees. A really nice man, very soft-spoken, but he was known as a real hothead.

too so anyway the sketch was that billy billy was mad that he wasn't in the show more so he set the studio on fire and so that was the sketch and so lauren is sending everybody into the room where the fire is then i come along goes no no john don't oh all the writers were there and he said put all the all your writers go into that room and then i went in he goes no john john wait downstairs to me in my limo i'm like oh all right and then at the end of the of the um

show, they rolled the credits and it had a question mark after everybody's name and everybody's like in a fire screaming. And I'm watching that live. Yeah. And I remember Terry Sweeney the day before was like, he didn't like the sketch. And I said, Terry, it's not a real fire. It's a sketch. It's not real. And then I thought about it and I go, well, what if I was the one being sent into the fire? You would have cried. Oh, I get why you're upset. But nobody knew who was coming back. And then they said, we want people that

you work well with. And I recommended Phil Hartman, Tim Stack, Lynn Stewart, and Tress McNeil from the Groundlings. And so they- Did you recommend me or David? I didn't know either of you, but I do remember- But still. Our manager, Bernie Brillstein and Brad Gray. And when Phil and I met you, Dana, in the office-

And we didn't know you, but we met you for the first time. And then when you left, Phil and I go, oh, I hope that guy gets the show. He's so nice. You're welcome. Yes. The late great Phil Hartman and you. It was funny because I was, you know, I was in awe of the whole thing. And I'm in New York and I'm just hanging out with you guys. And you guys knew each other very well. So you guys would often do gangster voices back and forth, right?

Hey, how you doing? Yeah, we loved old movies from the 40s. Why, for two cents? I said, yeah, what would you do for a nickel? Just crossed that line. You wish I hadn't.

You can see us doing that in his audition. She said to me, Dana, why do they always talk like that? Do they do other things? I think so. I think so. Maybe I misremembered that. But I remember you coming into my office and going, you go, let's write something together. And I'm like, well, what do you do? He goes, I'm going to hitch my wagon to a winner. Which is a... And I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah.

I think Handy wrote a sketch with Phil and Dana where Dana was a young punk. I could have played it. And then you take a hostage of me and Matt Piedmont, repeated it to this day where he goes, come on, Johnny, relax, Johnny. No one's going to hurt you, Johnny. Ha ha ha!

Yeah, I love it. Anything with Johnny. Don't be scared, Johnny. I got your best. Well, you finally did a sketch in black and white, a spoof at the front page. And I don't remember much about it, but we're all talking like the 40s. But I remember, Dana, your line was, I oughta, why I oughta pout.

I ought to pound you. That was in, Lauren thought that might be the next catchphrase because I used to do it in my standup in the 40s movies. Why I ought to pound you. So I wrote my part. I did it three times and Lauren thought maybe that's the next thing. We should do another pound you sketch. Pound you guy. David, did you have a catchphrase when you came in or you developed catchphrases later? Lauren goes, I got one for you. You're fired.

And I go, oh, is that a catchphrase? No, I meant, I'm sorry to say it funny. You're fired. Well, you add buh-bye, buh-bye later in the- Oh, buh-bye, buh-bye. And then the only first thing I got that caught on was that receptionist going, and you are. And that was the first time I did a sketch that was like an attitude instead of just jokes. Like I would do jokes on update from my actor, jokes about going to a concert and then just jokes about when you're at a concert and how hard it is. Having a younger attitude of like, you know, I go to concerts and I drink. Yeah, yeah.

And then Conan was like, you should try to do a, I always tell him this. I don't know if he remembers. Do more of a concept. I didn't even know what that meant for a script because it doesn't have to be just joke, joke. And then when I was, Patrick Swayze was the host and his handler was waiting by the writer's room on 17 and it was empty and he was in there. And you know, you're supposed to have access to the host. And I walk out and I start to go in and talk to him and she stops me and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.

what can I help you? And I go, Oh, I just want to talk to Patrick. She goes, and you are, and I go, uh, I'm a writer. And this is regarding, and I go, Oh, I just want to write a sketch. She goes, Hmm. It's really crazy right now. Maybe you can come back later. And I go, isn't he just sitting there reading people magazine? And then she goes, yeah, it's just really tricky right now. And so I walked away. And then when I went in LA, uh,

It happened to me again. And I go, you know what? That's, there's something funny about that. I just don't know if it's a sketch or how to formulate. I think I went to Odenkirk or those guys said, how do you help me put this together? And it was a five to one sketch with MC Hammer. And then the next time it was an opening sketch. I remember that because I'd been on a few years and I was really doing well on the show. So I would kind of tease the writers like, cause I had a part in that.

Yeah, and you are. And in front of MC Hammer, I said to Smuggler, somebody go, what do you want? You want a big laugh here? You want an applause break? What do you need? And MC Hammer laughed so hard. He loved the idea of me being that cocky. What do you want? You want a double laugh, a little laugh, then a big laugh, and then another applause break? Anyway, our guest today is John Lovitz. Now, John, can I...

The year before forever, they wouldn't let me do it. I had a sketch. It was my all my characters are arrogant idiots. So it was the richest man in the world. But he's an idiot. And so so he's like, of course, I have. There's like a boardroom of guy in suits. And I go, well, I'm off to safari. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Right. And then Lawrence and I kept trying to get along as you can't do a whole sketch to say goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.

And then I snuck it in and then I snuck it in and tales of revelry at the end. I did. Why everybody goodbye. And the whole room cheered. Then the next year I see David going bye-bye. I'm like, hello. And then I see Conan going, John, he just wanted to say goodbye. Everybody goodbye. There was no character. No, it was Mr. Can be the richest man in the world. And he was, and he goes, it was an, he was an idiot, but he just was lucky. So they go, where are you going? Cause I'm going on safari.

They go, what do we do while you're gone? I go, I don't know. Buy Kit Kat. So I leave the room and then Phil and Whitney are talking about Kit Kat. What a moron. You go, yeah, buy a, buy Kit Kat, you know, and Phil hangs up the phone. No, Whitney goes, yeah, buy a, you know, a hundred shares of Kit Kat or something.

He's such an idiot. And then the phone rings and Phil goes, hello, what? You're kidding. What? Kit Kat just went up 300 million. I remember this sketch. And then I come back in and go, hello, everybody. I forgot my wallet. And they go, Mr. Ken, Kit Kat just went up 300 million. I go, well, you see, buy what you love and you can't go wrong. And Lorne fell out laughing at that. Yeah.

Well, Lauren's a great investor. He wouldn't put it on. He wouldn't do it. And then you got goodbye. Oh, it never got on because I thought it was funny. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye. It's like the thing, the thing, you do these nonsensical rhythms that make me laugh. One thing you do, I've seen you in your standup, you go, hello, something like, what a night, what a town, what a audience, what is this? And then,

And then at the end you go, have you seen the town? What a town, what a crowd. And have you seen the town? Yeah. See, that is so silly and doesn't even make sense, but it makes me laugh so hard. Have you seen the town? It just makes, I like madness, but there, you got buh-bye, you got goodbye, very goodbye. And I had, I got to, got to, got to go with a funny, funny, funny little, uh, Mr. Funny little poopy head. I got to, got to, got to go. That was my, I'm going to say this. What was the point of that sketch anyway?

Well, I thought it might work. Jan, the late great Jan Hooks played Mrs. Funny Little Poopyhead. It was so I could get- I'm going with him. And I'm going with him. I love that Lauren would read the stage direction in our read-throughs. And so what I did in the stage direction, I had Lauren, I made Lauren say Funny Little Poopyhead like 300 times.

Funny little poopy had shits down. No one knew, but I knew. You told me and I couldn't. I was crying laughing. Funny little poopy had gifs up. And it was just making fun of catchphrases on our show. I was making fun of catchphrases and Lauren knew what I was doing, you know, but he's laughing. Yeah, but he didn't know about the funny little poopy. But Lauren has this regal kind of, you know, super smart, funny way of speaking. So to make him say something so stupid. Anyway, so...

John Lovitz. It was one of the funniest things ever. This is a two-parter. This is for Dana and John. Oh, God. This isn't Dana's interview. This is mine, but go ahead.

For those of you who are just joining us. Just to set the scene, Dana's not wearing underwear. David Spade is drunk. No one has combed their hair. I'm having sex with my daughter. I think everyone, I think it was a very interesting story to hear, even if it's a short one, that the movie Bad Boys was for you guys with Will Smith and Martin Luther King.

I don't think that many people know that. I think it's unreal. Is that the year you did the American Express commercial in the Super Bowl? Was that right around then? It was a few years after that. We did that in like 89 or 90. John and I got offered an American Express commercial, and that was the first year they kept track of them. I didn't even think it was that good, but it came out number one on the ad meter for some reason. For the Super Bowl, we were ranked number one.

That was amazing. Yeah. I remember we shot it in Miami. New York was so freezing. When we get to Miami, it was so warm. It was so nice. You're like, there's a movie here. Let's do bad boy. And then the commercial was Amber Smith. She became like a sports illustrated model, but she was like 15 at the time. Oh, she wasn't 15. Forget it.

So wait, so they saw you two were funny together and then Bruckheimer said maybe Well, they offered Dana the movie first and then I don't know, and then I got in Yeah, I don't remember It was Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer

Just wanted to develop something with us. And it was developed. And I was just too busy. I didn't really, you know, there was so much stuff coming at me at that time. But I'm glad that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence did it and had a great hit with it. I love everybody. We had five sequels.

It made Will Smith the giant movie star, but hey. Yeah, that's true. Well, he also had Independence Day and others, and he has a new book out now. That was the first one. Yes. Quit plugging Will Smith. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. Yeah, John Lovitz and Dana. I don't know why they turned it down. Oh,

Oh, God, fellas, let it go. Let it go. 35 years ago. Okay, John, I have a movie question for you. You did A League of Their Own, obviously huge, huge. City Slickers, huge. Trapped in Paradise, you guys did pretty well. It was all right. I want to get back about how in the new SNL, like Kate McKinnon, I don't think has been on the show this year. And I think you're allowed to come and go as you please now. And you weren't allowed to do a movie. I wasn't allowed to leave to do a movie.

No, I was supposed to do a liar movie my first year of the show and then with Lorne and then whatever. It didn't happen. Everyone has a different story why, but it didn't happen and it was very disappointing. So five years later, I was going to do A League of Their Own and this movie, Mom and Dad Save the World over the summer and then back on SNL.

And I was like, perfect. Cause I'll be on the show with movies. You know, you're trying to build a career and it was a double whammy. Amazing thing. So anyway, mom and dad say they didn't shoot that summer. And then mom and dad said the world had to change their schedule. And so they said they couldn't work around me. So I wanted, I would have had to miss the first two shows. And, and Lawrence said, no, you can't miss shows. It's not fair to the others. I go,

The others, I go, they don't care. They'd be thrilled if I'm not here. They'd be like more airtime for me. You know? Yeah. I haven't even met him. And I go, well, it wasn't you guys. It was on the, you know, there's only eight of us. And then Mike came in this last year for four years, basically. And so anyway, I had a decision to make. And then I said, I'm going to leave then. And then Lauren called me. I was no, no, John, I don't want you to leave. You're a very important part of the show. I go, well, Lauren, I don't want to leave. I go, I want, but I,

This is opportunities. Now my contract's up. Start me in two weeks or start me or don't pay me. Add them on to the end of the contract or I'll sign up for five more years. I like that you said you'd sign up for another year or something. Yeah.

No, they offered two more years. Dana and I, you know, they, or, oh, no, Dana had another year, but they, it was the same pay, I think. But, and so it was good, you know, but, you know, in hindsight, I should have said to them, I should have had the producer, Michael Phillips, call Lorne and go, hey, can you, you know, work it? And Lorne goes, well, he goes, look, John Belushi and Dan Eckhart, they would fly back and forth and do movies.

And I said, I'm happy to do that. But they're saying no. And I go, since the other movie didn't happen, can you let me take this opportunity? It's coming around again. And he's like, I don't know. He said no. So I left. And he was mad at me for years that I left. And then the next year, it was Mike Myers was writing Wayne's World. And Dana goes, oh, yeah, he just missed like 10 shows. I go, 10? Did he miss 10 shows? Really? I don't remember that. And then that year,

uh, that I, I left, I would be in New York and Al Frank would call me and go, Hey, you're in town. Can you be in a sketch? I go, okay. So I would do it. And then Dane, of course would tease me. I don't know. I'm crazy. Maybe I just like being in front of 20 million people. I'm nuts like that. And then, and then, and then, and then I'd be on the show. And then, and then one time Lauren says, Oh, you could have missed show. What?

Let me miss shows that have been here because Lauren said you can't miss them this year, but you can miss them the next year. I said, but I have the movie now. Maybe I don't know. What's the difference? But anyway, I understood from his point of view, like, hey, they're hiring you because of this show.

Yeah. Right. So don't forget that. And I didn't think of that, to be honest, as stupid. Well, things have changed. You know, it was the 90s. You weren't even supposed to really do commercials. That was considered a sellout. And I'm glad to see SNL cast members doing a lot of ads while they're on the show. I'm envious. And I also think it's great. No, Dana, we did the Super Bowl commercial. And then the next year they hired Paul.

paul newman from american express he came in third so then they hired us back the next year and we're and we're at the writer's room and jim downey they had he's making fun of me like oh you did that commercial he goes would they pay you like you know a hundred thousand dollars and i just looked at him i go try a house and then that was kind of really quiet

A classy one-off. But we were dead broke when we got the show. You know what I mean? So any amount of money seemed like a ton. I remember my first year in the show, I saved my checks. I went to the bank to deposit $5,000 and I got nauseated because it felt like so much money because the most I ever had in my bank account in my life was $1,000 once in high school and once when I moved back home after college and saved my money. Now, 5,000 seems like 4,600 to me.

All right. Ella, Della, Dana talk. Just to set the scene, I'm funny. David and Dana aren't. Well, let's talk about, I mean, we had stand-up, which is a baseline for your career in a way, financially. Which I'm doing now. You can always go out and do stand-up, which is a great thing to have. But the truth is, you know, I've said to Lauren a million times,

Thank you for giving me the life I've always dreamed of. And I can't believe I was on the show. The whole time I was on Saturday Night Live, I couldn't say Saturday Night Live. I go, yeah, I'm on Saturday Night Live. I couldn't say live. I never got over the fact that I was there and on it.

But I loved it. And just talking about it, it's like I'm right back on and every little detail pops in my head. Very intense experience. I think we're all very thankful that everything really goes back to that. I mean, if you look at the percentages of the, I had a guy come look at my house to like help me do it. And he goes, you have a lot of pictures of yourself.

pictures of yourself and I go well most of those are like old cool ones from SNL like I'm doing promos and I've got the paper and I'm pointing at the camera and it's Phil as Clinton with Mick Jagger

Yeah. I mean, they're not on the outside of the house. They're in my fucking, you know, but shingles, you know, it's like Lauren in the background, Phil Mick Jagger and Luke Perry was a host. And I'm just, it looks like I'm directing because I got handed promos, which they didn't realize was like a crummy job, but you get to, uh,

On Thursdays, go with the host and go with the music. And you get to go down there and deal with them for promos. I'm like, Kurt Cobain, your line is in green. You know, you get to talk to them and interact. And it's kind of fun. And you have to write little dumb promos. But those pictures are around. And I don't really get Saturday Night Live anymore. Like people are like, oh, I saw you on Saturday Night Live. But it's on Peacock now. And they have reruns. So it's a huge part of everything, of course. You get people saying to you, I saw your Peacock?

John. Oh, uh-oh. And time. I just won $5. Just to set the scene. Just to set the scene. Do you guys remember Luke Perry? I remember Luke Perry stood out to me among the 130 shows I did as one of the nicest, most approachable actors.

I just remember really liking him. And very famous at the time, huge. Very, very famous, but he was in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and he passed away, but I just remember him being just very approachable and really nice. Yeah, I'd met him not on the show, but years later. Yeah, very nice guy, really nice. Oh, you know what he did? I just remember this. I'd met him, maybe I'd met him on the show. I wasn't on the show when he hosted, but I met him and I said, um,

you know, he's on, was it Merrill's place? Right. No, no. Beverly Hills, 90210. Beverly Hills, 90210. He was like the biggest teen thing. So my niece was like 12 or 13. So I said, Hey, uh,

do you think I could bring my niece to the set to meet you? He goes, yeah, yeah, we'll set it up. I go, she'd be like, so, and he did. And he did. And when I, she got there, she couldn't believe it. And then they had sex. He goes, well, let's take a picture. And he sat her on his lap, you know? And then right when they took the picture, he kissed her on the cheek and she like turned red, you know, and she came home and she got on the phone. I could hear her screaming to her girlfriend. I can't buy that look, Barry. And you know, it was, it was, it was really great for me.

he knew what it meant. And he was, yeah, I was sad that he passed away. He's a very nice guy. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of fly on the wall, we've partnered with eHarmony, which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that, but the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Um,

just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, it, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, uh,

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. You want to- So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

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find it on auto trader see it find it auto trader well we're talking so much about me let's talk about you guys dana and david what was your the favorite character of mine that you liked i like when you were in benchwarmers i hear a lot about benchwarmers do you john yeah benchwarmers is great benchwarmer is just one of those movies that just made you feel good it was just kind of fun light vibe to it dana what is it about me that you admire the most

And then David, you can go. I don't know if anything comes to mind. I like when you sing opera. Your funniness. We have a puppet? No. Okay. Is that Yoda? So, Lovitz, you have a great singing voice. I think when you're on the show, singing really helps. Dana can sing Chopping Broccoli. You can sing... That was Dana, Chopping Broccoli.

Right. But John has a great singing voice, like a big voice. That's another one of your attributes. Would you like me to sing for you now? Yes. I know it's going to happen right now. Okay.

Jesus, you blew out the Zoom. Oh, my God, the ratings just spiked up. Everybody loves somebody sometimes. What was the Tales of R-R-R-R? Tales of Ribbledry. It was John Bowman and Christine Zander wrote it. That was one of those sketches that was...

What does it mean? It was so well written. You had to raise yourself to the level of the sketch. A lot of sketches weren't funny. And Lauren would yell at me, goes, it's your job to make them funny. I said, well, I can't make a rose smell like shit. I had that line all prepared for him. And he goes, no, I go, I can't. I can't make shit smell like a rose.

He goes, that's your job. You had a great relationship with your boss. It'd be funny. So I said, okay, so fine. So you're telling me, because my first year on the show, I did this sketch.

And Al Franken and Jim Downey, who I love, are giving right before the sketch, you're telling me to do two completely opposite things. Oh, listen to down opposite notes. And I'm like, what do I do? So, you know, fuck the writers. I hired you to be funny. That's your job. I said, OK, so you're telling me if the writers tell me to do something a certain way and I think they're wrong and I don't think it's funny, I don't have to do it. He goes, right. I go, OK, fine.

So many times I'll go do like this. I'm like, nope. Geez. I'm not having Lauren yell at me again. And and then I would do the sketch on air and then I would run up and hug me. That was so great. Wow. That's what I've been talking about all week. Can we just like and that would happen over and over. Do it this way. The Tales of Rivalry. They wrote it so well that I had to really work that you had to like raise yourself to the level of it. And then I did something on air, which I think.

I rarely did, which I know Dana did all the time. When you play George Bush was you just go, I'm going to do it, but I'm going to like riff on it and add little moments. And it's like you're improvising on air. So when they would, I knew they'd be cutting back to me and in my head, I'm like, what am I going to do? So one time they cut back and they're fighting and two women are fighting. And I went, wow, you know. Let me ask you guys a question. Did you do this thing before?

When it's a commercial break and everyone's running around, you're getting ready for a sketch or a cold opening. So the audience is seeing you and your makeup, whatever you're wearing, you're going on the stage. I always try to get them...

to understand that I was loose or try to signal some kind of something funny because a lot of times when the cold opening starts you hear a laugh right before it starts and that's because it's like five seconds Joe disco five seconds and then you if you signal to the audience that you're you're being playful it seems like it gives you a leg up it definitely relaxes me a little bit if you get a laugh before it starts did you do that

Or like they go five seconds, then you go, I'm not ready. Or you go places everyone, then they laugh before they come on to the broadcast. That's it. Yeah, yeah. And then they laugh and they like you already and then they're ready to go. I never did that because I'm professional. Huh. And how? I don't need to get them laughing before the get starts. I know I'll be funny. Save it for the stage. Save it for air. Yeah.

We should explain what this is. This is John and I teasing each other for years where it was just do-do-do-do-do-do. It's a thing that I would do for some reason. Conan does it every time I talk to him. Do-do-do-do-do-do. It's like some... Yeah, Dana, we did a sketch with Robert Wagner when he hosted. Where we did that. Where we did that with him. One of the funniest things in the show is...

An important part of the show was Dana and I, as you know, we would always talk about – in fact, it was Dana who said, we've got to talk. He goes, we've got to talk about how competitive it is, and we're friends, but we're competing against each other. I go, I know. He goes, well, let's talk about it and get it in the open.

Cause make, make it funny friends. And I go, you're right. You know? And I go, well, that's just the way it is, you know? So let's just be careful that it doesn't, you know, harm our, our friendship because we're friends, but we're competing and that's just the way it is. But anyway, but it was funny. So at one time, one of the best hosts, everyone was so excited. It was William Shatner. I remember Dana, Dennis Miller at read through, he'd always be kind of, you know, grumpy and,

You know, because he wasn't in a lot or whatever. And he goes, why aren't I in any sketches? I go, Dennis, you got to hang out all night. You're not here. Like, hang out, participate on Tuesday night. When we write it, you'll get in. But anyway, so, you know, he didn't have a lot to do at read through. So he would just, you know, he'd be a little grumpy. So when William Shatner hosted, I looked around, even Dennis, everybody had the biggest smile on their face and Dennis was beaming.

And we're like, I remember I'm sitting next to, on my left is William Shatner and Dana's on my right. We're like, it's Kirk. You know, it's Star Trek. We were just thrilled. And I learned how to do the show from him. He made it.

He made it look so easy. But also that show, Dana would come up to me, John, what? I'm in three sketches. That's right. Didn't I play three characters in the Star Trek restaurant scene? I did Khan. I played an ensign. I don't remember. I don't know, but you're going. Three. One competitive. I'm in three sketches. And William Shatner hosted the show. He made it look so easy. I go, how do you do that? He goes, just do it.

And so, and one time of the Star Trek sketch, I go, what are you doing? He goes, I'm trying to figure out how to play this, the scene, the part. I go, but you're how to play the part. You aren't you Kirk? You forget. No, he's an actor. But anyway, the next week I thought, all right, well, what are they? Cause they would get you all riled up in tents every week and

And did you do this? Did you do that? Constantly. So I just said, well, what do they ask me to do? I walk in a door and then I stop behind the couch and then I say something. I go, so walk and talk.

I simplified it to that. So I'd come in, walk in. Hey, you guys want to get something to eat? Right. That was it. So I did the show that way without putting any stress on myself. And I thought for sure I wouldn't be funny. And after the show, I thought, well, I wasn't less funny and I wasn't more funny. I was the same.

And I remember thinking, what have I been putting myself through every week? And after that, the show became very relaxed to do. When I had like one line or two. So I remember one time there's 10 of us in a line and Mike Myers is in front of me and he's all tense because they're getting him. And I'm like, you know, as loose as pie. I just couldn't give a shit. And I tap Mike on the shoulder. He's like, what? I go, Mike, what are you looking at me for? Pay attention to the scene. It's like, stop it.

Just teasing him. Everyone we've talked about this is like, it takes time. It's so easy. You just walk away. You know.

Well, I think you get confident, the audience discovers you and then you get playful and then they sense it and it builds on itself. You see it with cast members now. It usually takes a few seasons unless your name is Eddie Murphy or something, you know, had such confidence at 19. That's mysterious to me how brilliant he was at 19. But most people would take two, three, four years of seasons to get really comfortable. Yeah.

You know, anyway, I'm also one. Well, I was nervous, but my first sketch, I was really nervous. Why wouldn't you be watching? And then I went, oh, wait, the West Coast isn't watching that. So you were relaxed. No, now I go, that's 10 million less. But now the whole country watches it at once. But during that show, there was a sketch from Madonna and I were Prince Charles and Diana. Yeah.

So you have cue cards, right? So anyway, we're doing this sketch on air and she accidentally said my lines, you know, off the cue card and said hers. So all of a sudden I just...

I went, oops. And all my experience kicked in from, you know, doing plays in high school and four years. So you took your pants off. I was doing 21 plays in the ground. And I, so I took her line and turned it around and then to my line and, and all of a sudden I went, oh, and then, you know, the focus wasn't on me. It was on the sketch, David. And the rest is history.

And the rest is history. I remember doing Toots is the Cat, where you're in the car and the cat's the driver. It was a Jack Handy sketch. And Victoria and I, again, Victoria, but she was so funny to me.

We have giant cue cards and she's not saying her line. So you have to kind of kick the person. I'm kind of like kicking her and no one can see. Oh, oh, anyway. They're like, oh, am I up? You're like, you have two lines. Get them. But she was incredibly charming and funny when I was on the show. Yeah. By the way, I never told you this, Dana, but I was the, in tune since the cat, I was actually the cat. You were the cat. You were? Mm-hmm.

Geez, the makeup was extraordinary. You thought it was a puppet? All right, boy. God, look at where the time's gone. I just wanted to give you a chance to, John became a stand-up maybe 20 years ago now, 18 years ago. So John Lovitz plays all over the country and he's out there doing stand-up. He's a great stand-up. Very funny, obviously. Yeah.

Yes, I started where I would open host shows by Kevin Nealon and Victoria. We'd do 20 minutes in Norm MacDonald, and then I would open for Norm and then co-headline, and then I started doing it. But I would do that for – remember you, David, and you, Dana, and Dennis Miller did a show once. I hosted that. Yeah. Yeah, I loved doing it. But Dana, I wouldn't –

Dennis Miller is the first one. He goes, you should be a standup. I used to do Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce's routines in my dorm. And he brought me to catch a rising star in like 85. And I just bombed as I didn't know what I was doing, but Dana always said you could do a standup and Dana, you know, I always credit you. You saved me years with your tips on how to be a standup. So I owe you a big part of that standup career. I don't know, David. I don't know. That's very nice. I'm glad. But I, when I meet people around of golf,

It's only a matter of, well, you benchwarmers, you guys should have been starting varsity as far as my book. Benchwarmers is great. I love benchwarmers. Absolutely. Number seven. I like any movie where you talk like that. Quiet, number seven. Quiet. So funny. Quiet is always funny. But you guys are great standups. So it's, it's an honor to be a part of that fraternity, but it's, it's, it's been a lot of a lifesaver. I feel like it's,

I always wanted to do it. I used to do Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce's routines in my dorm. And right after college, I went to a workshop at the comedy store in eight and 79. And they go, they're not hiring standups for sitcoms. And I go, Oh, I guess I'll skip that step. You know?

It's portable and you can do it. You can go away from it for a while, come back to it. I love it. It's a nice thing to have. I love Saturday Night Live writing and performing my own material. That's what I love best about SNL. And you guys, the people, the comedians. Okay, David has a question.

Or a summation. Just to set the scene, this is David and Dana's podcast and David Spade has a question. You're listening to John Lovitz, David Spade, and Dana. I think my mic is barely on, but I will say this. Dana, when I started, I don't know if this is with you, maybe it's still, stand-ups were looked down upon for acting and sitcoms and everything because they were

thought of as selfish and couldn't interact with others. So on SNL, like Groundlings and all those people and Sketch Players, Second City were priority because they had more faith they could do sketches in with us. You've seen comics that get their own show or something. It just doesn't work. And then you hear the low, quiet whisper, they can't act. And that's brutal. So I think when I started there, like, but Kenny, and the first audition I had, they said I can't act. And I couldn't, I didn't know, but I had to go to two years of

Intensive training. With who? I have never heard you say that. Oh, really? You studied acting with who? Why do you think I'm so great at it? You aren't great at it, but who did you study? Sandy Meisner? I was like, it was, I went to Roy London's class, but he was full. I think Brad was in there. Maybe you were in there. And then I went to- I taught Roy.

I went to Ivana Chubbuck and she was late great Roy London teaching for Roy as his understudy. And then I, and then she got huge in her own way because Roy passed away and then she was doing it, but I took it. Schneider took it. I had, I had a, this is quickly, then I got to go. You guys, I can't do this all day, but I, I, I got, you're getting paid.

For Christ's sake, I'm not. I thought we were splitting this. You're getting a gift basket with fresh fruit, chocolates, and white wine. I don't have time for this. I'm doing it for free. You know how you tip the bottle. Anyway, David, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I think you did. But I did. I came out and I thought I was like Eddie Murphy because you feel like you don't need lessons. I thought it was naturally funny. And so I do auditions with...

And then Lee Grant, you wouldn't know this, but she's a famous actress. She was a, she's a director and she was doing a movie and she needed a kid to play 17. And she goes, you're 20. She saw me at the improv. She goes, you could play this in two seconds. It's the lead in a movie. And I'm just going to give it to you. Just come to the house, read a few lines and I'll go in there with you. And we'll, and we got our movie. And I was so excited. And I read this, I read the scene with her and I could see in her eyes, she goes, do it again. Just,

hang on just do it again i do it again and she goes oh i can't use you i was like oh my god why she's you're kind of just performing it you're not really acting you're just trying to get laughs and i'm like i know but and she's like i can't she goes go take some classes because you'll be great but you just got to work and i go but i'm still doing the movie right she's like no i can't it was such a heartbreaker but here's the thing she should have said when when she said i can't use you like why because she was okay you know the way you're talking to me right now

You go, yeah, he goes, read it like that. Don't perform. Read it like you just talked to me right now. That's what she could have said. And then you would have read it like that. She was okay. I know she didn't want to take time. So anyway, that took two seconds doing standup is your, you know, I remember someone said that they said, Jerry Seinfeld said, it's a dialogue. It's not a monologue. Like people are wearing it like a monologue, like an actor in the beginning. And I thought, yeah, isn't that what you do? And he's like, no. And they said, no, he said, it's a dialogue between you and the audience. And,

And I thought, how could it be a dialogue? I'm the only one talking. And then I realized, oh, because it's like I'm talking to you guys now and you're listening. It's that. So I go, instead of you're talking to Hans, you're talking to one guy and whatever you react. It's not that complicated. People do it all the time. This is practice. Anyway, John, you've been a pleasure. I think, David, you're a very good actor. Especially in the wrong Missy.

Oh, yeah. Were you in Wrong Missy or no? No, I was supposed to be, but you cast someone else. Oh. You were supposed to be in Just Shoot Me, remember? Yeah, another thing. Bad boys, Just Shoot Me. Home Alone. We all should have done some. Oh, yeah, Home Alone, too. Shit. Well, maybe. They wanted to meet with me really bad, and I go, oh, it's a kid's movie. I don't want to be second fiddle to some kid. It's the biggest comedy in the history of motion pictures.

So then I said, I'll meet on the second one. And they go, no, the director, Chris Columbus says, no, you wouldn't meet on the first one. So he won't meet you now. I go, did I hurt his movie? Well, Ben fairness, a movie about a 10 year old. You just don't know if it's gonna be funny. You just don't know. The script was funny, but I didn't think I could play the part because it was very reactive and not doofus.

And that was Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci? Yeah, that was the Daniel Stern part. I'm not good at making faces. I have faith you could play it too big. I don't know what to do. I mean, I just did it now. Well, it's a cartoon, basically. Well, there he is. All right. Bye. Coming up next, Jon Hamm. Nice.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.