Jon Hamm
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Well, I have to tell you, Dana, remember when they had the Puxatawney Phil? Do you know who that is? That's the little rodent that predicts winter. Oh, yeah. And he comes out. But back in winter when that happened, I remember someone leaked that he's a Republican. So now they're shadow banning him.

Really? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's kind of funny. I mean, it's kind of, it's good. Anyway, Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm is a ham. In better news, Jon, speaking, Jon Hamm is, by the way, a great dude. Obviously, he's a stud. Obviously, he's good looking. I'm sure he's tired. I would never be tired of being called good looking. I'm sure he is because it feels like it takes away that he's good.

I would be flattered if anyone had ever written a review about me saying, despite his good looks and then the rest of the review, stunningly attractive does not begin to express. But Jon Hamm, what's great about him, and there's not that many of them, like leading man, brilliant dramatic actor, Mad Men literally was, am possessed by that show.

We just watched the entire last year, all of Mad Men. So that's brilliant. And then he really wants, he's a comedian too. Yeah, he's very funny. He's great on SNL. And he likes comedy and he gets into it. He was also in The Town, which was a fucking, I love The Town.

- Tons of movies. - Kind of a badass movie. - Yeah. - And he loves to be in the comedy world and get in the mix. Sort of got that Tom Hanks vibe where he likes to get in and Alec Baldwin, those guys just get in there and be funny and come to show and do whatever you want. And he's also popping in movies and Bridesmaids, of course.

Some other ones. So I like the guy. I don't know him really well, but I see him out. He's on Curb too. Also, I get a little offended when the other guys are on all these comedy shows and you go, what about the comedy people, the actual comedy people that do nothing else and never been accused of being good looking and in reviews they only get

this chick would never be with this motherfucker and i'm like every single movie yeah we don't even know who the leading lady is but not a chance this perennial virgin david spade tonight on action news i'm tony fanabo and we have we're out and uh he goes this movie in a place where this movie stars fuckface whatever his name is i'm like you can't even look to see what my name is because you forgot it for one second face mcgee is starring once again in some dog shit you know what they said on the wrong missy the

The best review I got was, it's a delightful piece of shit. That's what a guy said. And I go, okay. Damn. You know, I love the way the metrics are different rather than box office. They say, what was it? What was it called? Missy what? World Missy? Wrong Missy. Wrong Missy. Got like 2 billion minutes of views. Wasn't it something like that? But no one will give it up. They're like, I think it was the eighth. No one would give it up. I give it up for 2 billion minutes. Yeah. And they're like, but I mean, I, a lot of the reviews are like,

I watched it all and laughed a lot, but don't worry, it's shitty. And I'm like,

"For a shitty movie, you could do worse." - That third time I saw it, I was like, "It's actually-" - "Hi, I'm Johnny Backhanded Compliment." - Yeah, that's how it was. It's like, because they have to tell their reviewer buddies they do not like it. So they go, "It's funny. I mean, I don't like it. Don't get me wrong." But I did laugh. - "You know what? I found myself," is the other key. "Not very witty, not very charming, sometimes stupid, but I found myself laughing several times. I'm Johnny Backhand."

Passiveaggressivenews.com Listen, speaking of bad reviews, Jon Hamm gets none. He's good. Hang on, I'm so busy. Jon Hamm has, you know, talk about open range with Koster. Jon Hamm has what you call a good old-fashioned range. Yeah. And when he did Mad Men, when I first discovered him...

And then seeing him in later things, he literally changes his face subtly and made his voice deeper. I don't know who you are and I don't know what you think, but the all new Chevy. He also is a great voiceover artist. Yeah. And he can make himself be, I think he can literally make himself super handsome. Then he has a way of the way he cares. Medium handsome. Medium handsome. Lowers the chin, shoulders back, little high-waisted jeans. And then he can go to kind of play the hobo.

Yeah, I've, in the Guinness Book, for playing the same character for 22 years in every different thing I've done. I'm hoping that if we get to season three of Fly on the Wall, that people literally will be going, David, Dana, Dana, David. Who's who? Why is their hair melding into them? And why does Dana have unorganized facial hair and David has like a little mustache and a goatee and that it's all empty in the side? We're all basically the same. I know, I hate this. Believe me, I don't like it. I just do because it looks worse without it.

All right, let's go to Jon Hamm. People are sick of us. Jon Hamm, folks. All right. Here comes the funny. I heard the Regal Beagle flying in. This is it, man. This is not going to be... That should be your nickname, Spader. Eagle Beagle...

You can always test how old people are if they see a shirt that's regal beagle, they either get it or they don't. And no one gets it. You do. I do. I do indeed. John, it's good to see you, bud. John Hamm is, oh, we already introduced him, right? Okay. Did we start? Yeah, right? We've been going for about 20. So when you get up in the morning and you have your list, you're gonna do this, call this person, podcast at 11 with Spade and Carvey.

Does it make you happy or sad? Red letter day. You caught me right before I'm going to, I'm leaving the country too. I leave on a vacation tomorrow. Could we get the airline and flight number just out of total curiosity? I'm an airplane nut. We're going to Kiev. I don't know. It sounded fun. It seemed like a place to go. Kiev me alone. Listen, what is going on over there? Sean Penn's over there. What's he filming? I don't know. You know, Sean Penn, he likes a hot spot.

He goes to the hot spots. He brings a kayak. He brings everything he needs in case. He brings band-aids. His kids and my kids went to high school together. Oh, wow. Up here in Northern California. And during, I think it was Katrina...

All of a sudden he was in a rowboat in New Orleans or something. Yeah. So Sean does get into the muck. He's not afraid. He'll go to New Orleans, wherever you need him. Swiss Army knife on him at all times. A leather man. Southwest to Dallas. I switched your leather man joke and just sort of cleaned it up and said Swiss Army knife sounded like I would understand that. Well, I am going to Switzerland. Are you for real? What are you going to do? Ski? Ski.

Yeah, I've never been skiing in the Alps. I've never really learned how to ski. Well, don't pick the best place. Well, wait a minute. Were you someone who could ski as a kid, as a young man? Here's what my first ski lesson was. It was in St. Louis, Missouri on a frozen golf course. And my friends who all knew how to ski said, just keep your skis pointed and keep your weight on your downhill ski. And then pushed me. And so I...

Wow. Immediately couldn't figure out... They're both pointing downhill for me. So I didn't know which was which and I immediately fell down. The parents at school...

They'd all come in on crutches like around December. You know, they'd go to Lake Tahoe to ski and then they'd all be kind of in a boot for a while. Yeah, we had a big diaspora of rich kids that went to like, you know, Aspen and Breckenridge and like Colorado. That was the move, but I was not wealthy. Let me tell you about my first skiing, Dana. Give me 20 minutes here.

I went to, I ski, I snowplow, I ski like I'm looking for a contact lens, you know? Okay, sure. So I'm not good. My friends go, the best way to learn is go to the top of the hill. But it's really to ditch me, you know? So I have all the green runs. I go, let's go down, pop tart.

And they all go, no, we're going to go down Devil's Ballsack. I go, no, no, that one sounds hard. I go, listen, I worked it out. We're going to go down Santa Claus into Jelly Bean and then into Candy Corn and then Pillowtown. And they go, no, Hitler's Abortion. Here we go. They're like, no. Yeah. Hitler's Abortion. Here we go. And I go, no, no, no. That one, it's not on the map, but that sounds hard. It's not even a thing. It's kind of... And so...

The point is, Dana, some of those sound hard. I'm enjoying this very much. Did that chunk ever find its way into your stand-up act? Fuck yeah, it was in my last special. Okay, got it. Bit alert. I remember it, but I was too kind to bring it up. I dodged a train, not a bit. Cross-country skiing with my brother and his wife. In the woods, lost, noise, and then suddenly a train, and we dove into the embankment.

Not funny, but very interesting. A train? A train. You didn't see the tracks? The tracks were covered. It was really quiet. Maybe we were kind of yelling or whatever. And it probably was coming around a bend and then... Wow. It wasn't like one second we would have been dead, but it was like five seconds. Just proves the old saying, never go cross-country skiing. Yeah. And always dive away from a train that's coming at you. That's what I say.

Now, what's your favorite podcast you've been on so far in the last... Since the pandemic, John? Because we want to try to top it. This is up there. I was very much looking forward to this. Now, I know both of you sort of separately here and there, but it was...

It was a very exciting thing to be asked to be a part of. So, I mean, it's the jury's still out, but I mean, I mean, I guess it's a show business, but yeah, we're thrilled to have you on the show. Thrilled. We did a deep dive. We do our homework. John's from St. Louis, Dana, where my daughter lives. Isn't that real? St. Louis, Missouri. What is she doing in St. Louis?

Well, actually, I'm sorry. Yeah, sure. Well, we'll get to that later. We all do, Woody Allen. I don't mean to be didactic or facetious. No, you're a wonderful guy. No, he's a beautiful, intelligent woman. It's just that the location is sensitive. I fear rock cropping. It's all the age. She lives where it gets a little more good looking towards Springfield where Brad Pitt's from.

Okay. That's a good plan. Fair enough. I like it. Oh, here's Brad Pitt from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Go ahead, David. Yeah. Let's face it, buddy. This is Leo. Let's face it, buddy. I'm a goddamn hispan. What'd that guy say to you? You want me to go to Italy and do Italian movies? Don't cry in front of the Mexicans. Look, I'm your gopher, man. And I kind of like watching your house up in the hills all when you go off and do your things. But where I come from, going to Italy and doing an Italian movie ain't the worst of it.

Did you see the movie, John? I did, yeah. I was like, has John seen it? I was wordlessly enjoying that. Do you watch your movies and television shows?

Yes. I wouldn't say I watch, I wouldn't say I seek them out, but if they happen to be on and I'm in the mood, yeah, for sure. Because John Lovitz on Monday would be down the hall with a VCR watching Saturday Night Live and John knows this and laughing his ass off at his sketches. I always felt I would look at him, but trepidatiously, like feel like I'd be too critical or too self-conscious, you know, that kind of stuff. You know, it's funny, I guess having done, you know, we did 90 some odd episodes of Mad Men.

So I'll put, if one happens to be on and I'll click on it, I'll go like, oh, when was this? Like, what was going on in my life and what was happening? Yeah. Sometimes you go, I remember that day it was cold and we came to the set late. There was a problem with the lights. Or sometimes I have no, I mean, the show debuted over 15 years ago. 2007. I think the debut was 2006 or whatever that is, 16 years ago. Yeah.

And it went off the air in 2015. So that's seven years ago. So it's a very, um,

It's very weird. Well, if I was in a show that good, I think I might look at it. You know, like Burt Lancaster, I did a movie with him once. He goes, how are you going to be in television? You've got no chin. So I don't look great in a profile. Like, I'm going to be fine. But if you have a movie star head, like. Yeah, he does. Movie star heads are different. You know, there's, you know, I don't know, James Brolin from back in the day. Brolin's got a big dome.

And it's just a good cranium and then a chin. It puts you in your place, too, being in the SNL makeup department because you see all of the heads of all of the people over the years. Oh, right. Yeah, it's creepy. Sitting there lined up like little soldiers. And I will say I was probably in the top one percentile of head size in that room. Yeah.

I think only Affleck and Brolin had me. Really? On head size. Affleck has a noggin on him. You know who told me? George Siegel. I did a show with him and he said, I have a movie star head, meaning him. He said, you don't, meaning me.

And he said, you might have trouble in the movies. And I said, well, thanks for that. Is that in? Same thing. What are these fuckers doing? Yeah, fuck him. He's so excited about his big fat head, but. We're comedians. I go, I'm just going check to check here. I don't know what's next.

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Yeah, because it's such a nice ring. It's an unmarked thing, but then it says Blue Nile somewhere. Yeah. She goes, oh, you couldn't have. You wouldn't have spent that much. Oh, this has got to be a trick. This is too nice. Yeah, no. Right now, get 30% off. Select Lab Grown Diamonds on BlueNile.com. Plus, use code FLY, very important, to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. What is it?

That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. But I have a two-part question for John. Okay. I have a three-part. Can I first just insert? Sure. Insert, because we'll get it out of the way. My Don Draper impression. Oh, yes. Don Draper is asked to give someone a ride to the airport. I don't even know you.

Is that it? Wait. That's it. No, that's not bad though. Well, I can't. It's a soft one. I don't even know. Is that your hook, John? Is that that line? Is your hook? I see it in memes. He's on memes a lot. Oh. On Instagram. Yeah. I don't, I've seen some of the memes. I don't, I don't know if that's one of them. I know there's one of me like laughing and drinking that it gets used quite a bit, but. That might be a gif.

It might be a gift. Let's not. It's a blurry line. I don't want to confuse the issue. Yeah. No one in the history of film or television has made a smoking a cigarette cooler.

Maybe McQueen or Bogart. Yeah, it's a pretty rare company, that's for sure. You really got that rhythm down. It makes you cooler for sure. Well, it makes you sicker. Yeah, I mean, tabling that. Is it worth it to smoke? Look, the science isn't in. Table the lung damage. Let's just go with how hip it is.

to the way you did that the science is on its way in but i you know some early reports say it's bad for you but i say it looks cool so it's sort of a coin toss i say yeah do your own research yes all right i have another quick uh a 30 second compliment let's get joe rogan in on it we compliment our our guests here but this is just an observation for me

is that when I watched Daniel Craig doing James Bond, then I met him at the Oscars, name drop. And he's still Daniel Craig, but he does this thing that becomes James Bond. And I felt that you did the exact same thing on Mad Men. You have Jon Hamm and then either your jaw or your shoulders just like,

Yeah, just an interesting connection for me. I really felt that. There is a part of it, you know, that's very, you know, when I'm wearing the suit and the thing and the hair slicked back and all that stuff, it's obviously very different. The way you carry yourself and everything.

There's very much a, you know, I am playing a character on that. It's not just me wandering through my day. Daniel Craig is a character actor. I think you are too. Yeah. I mean, I remember the first time I hosted the show, we had several Mad Men sketches at read through. 27. Yeah, I'm sure they load them up. Hey, because you're going to get one at least. So you might as well throw everything. Yeah. One made it on the air. Yeah, for sure. But it was funny because like,

You know, I had spent the time up to then doing other sketches and reading, you know, various funny parts and this is and that's. And as soon as it got to the Don Draper, I sort of dropped into the Don Draper voice and everybody kind of went.

Oh. It's a character. Every girl slid off her chair. That's what that sounds like. Yeah, and the cadence, the rhythm. I mean, you're married with the writing. Very much that stuff, too. Very cool. David, did you have something before I interrupted your 20-minute question? Yes, thank you, Dana. I'll get back to you. I have too many. One was I was at the Mirage this weekend. Oh, I appear there sometimes. Whoops. But I was with, first I saw on TV, I watched Mr. and Mrs. Jones.

Keeping up with the Joneses, yes. Yep. Is that what the final title was? Yep. Yeah, they went with that. And then, and he's a stud in that, and I go, you work with Zach, and Gal, is that how you say your name? Gal? Gal. Gal, yep. Gal Gadot. Great, Jesus Christ, she's beautiful. And then- It's arresting. Thanks. I mean, I'd be sick. So-

You did a good job in that because it was so funny. I was about to see you and I was about to come dink around and look at your stuff when I got home and I go, ooh, I get to watch this. And what a fun sort of different movie to be in. And then I was with Ray Romano. We do shows together and we golf sometimes and then talk about a quick impression. I think, Dana, he does a Ray Romano. Everybody kind of does a Ray Romano, right? But I never heard one really. And I fucking work with him.

Well, we always, there was a joke that we had going on. I forget who started it. But there was a, it was always like that you could do Brad Garrett and Ray Romano. Very like having a conversation. You know, Ray's back here. Oh, come on. And then, and then Brad Garrett is, oh, Raymond. So, yeah.

He's just back and forth. Come on, Raymond. Come on, Raymond. Yeah, it's really Lenny and Squiggy. It's different versions. That's it. See, I love micro impressions where it's just the essence. You don't need to say anything more. I love Ray. I mean, everybody loves him. It's been established at this point. They need to show after that concept. But yeah, he's awesome. Super sweet. Here's my Barney Five. Ang? So that's only one word. That's all you need.

barney fight oh andy oh here's my uh christopher walkins sees a magic trick quick wow that's it we're done hey dana did i tell you and john you can listen when i um when akroyd said we should do mayberry me and him i should that was back after conads he goes you know maybe we should do uh

Mayberry RFD. I play Andy Griffith. You play Don. You gotta save the money. You know, you gotta save the money. He was always very business. We went off about aliens. But yeah, I love Danny Aykroyd and that we should have done it. Well, let's think for a second of a John Hamm, David Spade. That is too late, I guess.

Can we put you two in a series live streaming? We call Ted at Netflix. You're already on FX, Hulu. You're everywhere. But by the way, on Sequitur, I love the Apple commercial. Oh, thanks. What about Jon Hamm? Yeah, everybody but Jon Hamm. I mean, that is so funny. That was the name of the commercial. Was that the name of the commercial? Yeah, that was the name of the campaign. I love it because they say it on the top in quotes when you get your call sheet.

Everybody but Jon Hamm. The Hammer, the fucking- That's just like a great commercial. Yeah, you did a good job. You ever wrote that and just the way you played it? It was funny too, like my friend, a guy who I've known, who's a buddy of mine, you guys may or may not have met my very tall friend named Tall John, who is the comedy writer. He used to write for Sarah Silverman's show. Oh, he works with Sarah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you've met him at Largo or something. And it's hard to miss. He's 6'10".

But, uh, he, uh, he used to write promos for the WB back in the, back in the day, he and drew Goddard and this guy, Wayne McClammy, who was directing it. And he used to direct the promo. So it was like, we used to all go out and get beers and stuff and hang out in the late nineties in LA when we had no money. And we would go to Largo or we would go see comedy or what have you. And, uh, and now, uh, it was very strange to like, see that dude on a, on a set of a commercial that, that, uh,

I was sort of nominally the star of, which was pretty cool. Well, the tall guy, he would be at Sarah Silverman's roof party. He would actually stand on the sidewalk and we'd be on the roof. But, you know, you would go to Largo. Would you go to Largo a lot? Because I know you like comedy and you go see stuff. I did. Yeah. That was my entree into sort of cheap entertainment because LA even back then was expensive. I did not have much money. And so...

for, you know, whatever, two $5 drinks or whatever it was. And I didn't have to wait in line because I usually knew somebody and I got to know Flanny and the gang. Flanny! Nicest club owner. Yeah, he's great. But it was a pretty hot moment in time, the late 90s. And, you know, it was everyone from, you know, Zach was just starting up. He had had that weird show on VH1. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Odd fit. And then guys like, you know, Bob Odenkirk and Sarah and Tenacious D. Shit.

Paul F and Doug Benson, just all those guys now that are sort of the eminence grease of LA comedy is, that's when they were all going. It was five bucks. It was like. It's great. It's still, I don't think it's that expensive. Largo is still a great place to go run stuff or go just jump on somebody's show or. I think the last time I saw you was at. Oh yeah? Sarah. I think so. There's a photo of you and Sarah. Did we take a picture? Yeah. All right. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Post it, tag me. I bombed at Largo a lot. I tagged the shit out of you in that picture, I think. Anyway, can we for a second talk about just right before Mad Minute and SNL? Because that's really interesting because people or listeners may not know this. So you literally were still, you came to LA, you were still...

not working, making a living as an actor till 29 or 30. So you had years of waitering. I mean, I was just, how long that go on? Well, when I got to LA, I moved out to LA in 95. So, and I didn't stop waiting tables until I was 29. So I had about four years of kind of

Roaming the desert so to speak and weirdly enough I got I got a text from a number that I didn't recognize About a month ago saying hey is this is this Jon Hamm that used to work at this restaurant? I used to work at down in Venice and I said, okay I haven't yes, this is but that's a very weird way to refer to me. But okay. Yes Yeah, and there it used to be owned by Dudley Moore and Tony Bill. It was called 72 Market Street. It's not there anymore but

it was like a really cool Venice restaurant, you know, Sean Penn and Angelica Houston and Robert Graham and all the cool West side folks would, would hang out there. And I was a waiter there. And so, uh,

that was the first time I ever saw paparazzi. Richard gear came in with someone who wasn't Cindy Crawford, who had just broken up with Cindy Crawford and it was like, Oh, it's a big deal. Yeah. So anyway, they're having, they were having a reunion of this thing. So they're trying to get everybody that used to work there. And yeah, fun fact, the guy worked with at that restaurant left the job to go to Juilliard and I didn't see him again until the pilot of mad men where he played the young tobacco executive, like the,

- Oh, how weird. - The younger version. - Oh, wow. Did you wait on famous people that you admired and stuff? Did you wait on famous? - You know, the only time I really waited on anybody famous was Don Henley once. - Ooh. - Oh, okay. - Couldn't have been nicer. - I loved Don Henley. There was a run there when- - Mitch Glazer, who you probably know, Dana, or maybe you do too, David. - Kelly Lynch is- - Ben Kelly. They're neighbors now, and I used to go and run catering at their house.

Which was very weird. Wow. I heard you worked on porn sets as a fluffer. Did I read that right? What does that do? What does that mean? That was my first question. Certainly, there were no genitals touched. I was in the art department, believe it or not. There's an art department? Art department for porn? Yeah. I mean, it was soft core porn. It was like, you know, Skinamax. Was it Emmanuel? Yeah.

late night whatnot we shot in these dismal dingy places down in la downtown i love these stages was it like i like really like skin and max like they'd have they'd be kind of naked but they weren't like some dude in a in a sock and a lady with patches on her whatever's and uh

and it was go time and then you know then they'd have like these ridiculous scenes of like what do you mean you're you're lost i was just walking by and and i happen to have a boner but right here i got an extra one

Oh, shit. What? Yeah, no, I got the job from a girl I went to college with who was like, she was like, I can't do this anymore. It's like soul crushing. And I was like, I'll do it. Oh, soul crushing. I'll do anything. How about entertaining? Yeah. Kevin Nealon and I did a bit on SNL where we sat in chairs like we were porn stars and we were bare, like we were naked. You can't see. And we had people attending to our crotch.

It was like, yeah, yeah, power it up nice. Yeah, trim it down. Yeah, make it nice for the people. Yeah, put a little fence around it. I mean, we went nuts. I remember that one. You remember that? Put a little fence around it. Yeah. John knows SNL. John is... I watched the monologue this morning where you...

We're an ad guy. Of course you knew you're going to have to do an ad one. I thought it was funny in Bill Hader. He kept saying, no ma'am. And then he goes, I'm a, I'm a, I'm not a ma'am. And then you go over here and do something. Then you come back to him. And then Andy Sandberg trips you up.

But I thought that was funny that you can actually think of them on your own. No, that was funny. I've done it. I've hosted three times as well, John. So we should talk to the Lord. If you want to have a three-timer club, we could do it. It's fine. You know, it didn't mean as much. Everyone's got a Lord. Go ahead.

John, which one of the 18 Mad Men sketches were you sort of gravitating towards? John, you can pick one, maybe two. Three is too much. I just feel like maybe one after update, one maybe, maybe a commercial parody.

Yeah, the three-timers, not as much play, the three-timers. Three-timers don't get anything. One thing I'm curious about as we go into your SNL experience is like, so Madden comes out, it's only on like a year or a year and a half. I mean, so you get that, you're starting to feel you're riding this rocket, your whole life's changing. And then you get the call from,

You weren't even on Mad Men that long. That's my curiosity. Before, Lorne, who loved it immediately, told me about it. Now you go, you're going to host SNL. It just seemed like a rocket ship. Yeah. What was that like? I remember when my agent said, they want you to host SNL. It was in New York City. It was back when they had magazine things. It was a magazine cover that I was on a party for it.

And my girlfriend at the time and I were about to leave the country to go to this trip we had planned. I had been working all year. We were like, we have to book this trip and it'll be great. And it was the week that they wanted me to host SNL. So I had to say no.

Um, and I thought like, Oh, you said no to the SNL? Yeah. To go on vacation? Woo! Ballsy! That'll be the end of that. I guess I'll never get asked, but at least I was asked, you know, blah, blah, blah. And immediately came back, it came back, well, how about the following week? And, uh, okay, that, that sounds great. Like, sure. And not having any, any idea of what it entailed at all, other than knowing the show and knowing, you know, kind of the, some of the people at that point, uh,

I knew I had met Amy and, and, um, and that, yeah, that crowd. Um, so there, there were a couple of people that I knew that, that were, that had been there for some time, but, um, yeah, it was, it was a, it was a real fantastic,

It was a real eye-opener the first time, to say the least. And that also happened to be the episode that Amy Poehler was wildly pregnant and then had her baby Saturday afternoon. So we had to completely retool the lineup. And is it true that she found out during rehearsal that her doctor had died and then you calmed her down? I'm sure you've told that story. And then she laughed her ass off. Go ahead, tell that story. I...

I was sitting next to her. We were shooting a thing with Jimmy Signorelli. Yeah. The late, not even late, but the late great, so to speak. Filmmaker. Guy who did all the pre-tapes. Yeah. And we're sitting there. We're in some weird office space in Midtown. And Amy is...

you know, nine months pregnant and I'm sitting there and it's like a, it's a Matt, it's a Don Draper. Here's how to like, here's how to pick up ladies. Be Don Draper. Like, okay. And so it was really funny. Like stop Fred Armisen is playing the guy who's like, Hey, maybe you want to go on a date? And they're like, get lost weirdo. And then I'm like, Hey, how about it? And Polar's line is let's get me out of this skirt. Um,

I wanted to have that career. Can I go back in time? So it was really funny, but we're sitting there in the makeup chairs, you know, they have the kind of temporary thing with the, with the lights and the mirrors set up. And I don't know really anybody, especially the makeup artists or the hair people or anybody. I'm just okay. And I'm kind of going along and then Polar gets a call and hello. Yeah. I can't. What? What? Yeah.

You gotta be kidding me. And then immediately starts to like get emotional and sob and stands up and walks kind of behind a, you know, a thing.

And I'm hearing, now I'm hearing like sobbing. Like, like. Jesus. And I'm like, looking at the hair, the makeup person is like frozen. I'm like, do you, what, what's happening? What do we do? And what do we do? Like, do we go home? Like, what's happening? Do we recast? So it's like, this all takes place in about 35 seconds. And she comes back from around the little fake wall and has clearly been like,

crying and everyone's like amy oh my god what's happening she's like you won't believe this i just found out my my my ob-gyn who's been with me through this this is her first child has been with me for this whole trip he just died god damn like no way like no way did this happen and i was like oh my god amy that's terrible um

but this is like a really big thing for me. So can you pull your shit together? And she immediately was like, like laughed, like cracked up. So I was like, thank God. That could have gone two ways. My question for you about Jim Signorelli is if this, you're shooting something on a Saturday or was this during the week? It was during the week. Okay, good. That's where I started to not check out.

Yeah, okay. Because they got it. I think people at home don't realize when you do SNL, and if you're a host, you for sure probably don't get, like the first night is kind of easy. You meet Lorne. You go to a Monday meeting and everyone kisses your ass. And you're like, this is Jon Hamm. And then everyone politely applauds. And they go, next week, Sharon Stone. Everyone goes, yay. And then you immediately feel like an asshole. It's like the inside joke every week. The inside joke we do every week. And then...

But then you kind of go to dinner or so, or I don't know what you do, or you just leave. And then you go, this isn't too hard. And then Tuesday you come in and it's writing day. Wednesday is the crazy day. Yeah. Tuesday's the writing day. Tuesday's or so dinner night and the host comes back after. But a three hour dinner. Yeah. And then writes and hangs out. And I think that's when, even when I went back to host twice, not three, I

Yes. Which they're really not giving parties for the two timers for sure. So I go and they go, and even knowing the drill, I'm an or so nervous going, I don't, I think I got to get back there. Like I want to get back there and just go over everything because I'm fucking starting to freak out that I'm not,

Because even Tuesday day, no one does anything. And then no one's eating. And you're like, guys, we have all this time we're wasting, but every week the same thing. Ordering Chinese pizza, just hanging out, wasting time. Wasting time. The entire system is based on procrastination coming from ADD. You can't really focus until there's a hard line. We got to go now. So when you walk in there, were you more, okay, you did it three times.

What was your nerve rate coming into that office on Monday, sitting there with all these sketch players?

What were you? Were you at a 10? Or were you sort of naive? Like maybe this will be fun or what were you? Maybe it'll be fun. Fun adventure. It's true. You go, maybe this will be fun and easy. And then he quickly turns, you go, God damn. Well, David's right though. Like there's nothing on Monday that is really, if you haven't done it before, that suggests this is going to be terrifying. Yeah. So they start you out slow. It's a bit back loaded. Everybody's like calm and relaxed and they're pitching ideas that'll never make it. The first time, the first time.

The first time I came in and we had the meeting on Monday, the writers all came in dressed in 60s gear.

Oh, really? That's cool. Yeah, everyone from Paul Appel to John Mulaney to Colin. Everybody was like, Hater was in drag. Just as a salute to Mad Men? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I've never heard him do that. Lutz was dressed up like Joan. Like, it was amazing. Like, they all just raided the costume department and came in like that. So they're in awe of you at this point.

Which is nice. I was like, okay. Well, they would love to be able to, comedians want to be able to do what you do. You do comedy and that. But yeah, we kind of respect actors. So, but it was, you know, there's nothing to suggest like, oh, this is going to be terrifying until Wednesday when you have a packet of, you know, 25 sketches that you have to read every day.

at that table and try to get laughs and you've seen them for exactly you know maybe an hour or two to kind of go through you can't i'm sure you don't even get to all of them there's no way i mean not at all there's no way i mean it's like it's you know it's a phone book size and writers come in just to tell the crowd can you do a thing where you uh redo a voice and it sounds kind of like the okay you get do that

Right. Which one is this? I'm sorry. Right. And then you're kind of Russian in this one, but not Ukrainian. Just play that a little bit. And then you're like, okay. You don't have to sound exactly like an elephant, but just do whatever you can. Your head's spinning going, and then Lauren's like. And it's every five, six seconds for about an hour until you go in that packed room with a low ceiling and everyone waits for Lauren.

And then he comes in and regally starts the read-through. And it's like four hours of cold reading, essentially. Cold reading. Solid BO, like off the charts. Everyone in there is sweating and grossed out and there's no ventilator. Someone goes, crack. Lorne will go, crack the window.

And then someone reaches back. I got it, Lauren. That would be me usually. I got it. Fain, David is a waiter in an Italian restaurant. David goes to the table. David puts down the water. I wrote this stupid one for Farley when we had no ideas. I wrote Goo Goo in the Honey Pot and where he was a...

So stupid. But it was like an eight foot honey pot. And then he gets in there and he's stuck in honey in a diaper and he keeps crawling out and he's covered in honey. And they go, Gugu, were you in the honey pot? He goes, no. I go, I saw you in this area. Perfect for Farley. Yeah. And he goes, David, you think we can do it? I go, it's just stupid enough. It might work. So I hand it in knowing I'm light that week. And then Lauren gets through and he goes, Gugu in the honey pot.

And then he turns the whole sketch over and goes, Wayne's World cold opening. I go, oh, yeah.

He skipped it. I've never heard him skipping it. Unheard of. He didn't skip when I did Funny Little Poopyhead. He should have. I did Funny Little Poopyhead with Jan Hooks. She was Mrs. Funny Little Poopyhead. And I had massive stage direction where Lorne had to say Funny Little Poopyhead over and over again. And with his voice, Funny Little Poopyhead is sad. Funny Little Poopyhead sits down. It's like that thing that Funny Little Poopyhead... But he...

bailed on your sketch because that sounds funny to me with Farley and he never mentioned it I know Farley would have crushed it Farley would have killed I think Sandler later wrote one it's like not even writing that one he isn't even really writing either but I think he put one where

it's a film piece like for Signorelli where he's in a pool and he just puts all this suntan oil on and then he just tries to get on the raft for about four minutes and he can't get on the raft and he's going oh god which you know we've gone to that well before but it seemed to work never not funny with Farley yeah and then I think that one even got like at least red

And then the sketch is like one paragraph. And then Farley struggles and screams for 45 minutes. Farley falls down. Yeah, Dennis used to go, hey, Farley, you got Farley falls down. Anything else in the tank? Anything else?

Anything else for us? Any other moves? Dennis would just lay waste all the junior varsity. Sandler, they're not buying the kooky guy, okay? Spain, wait till Carvey leaves because David would sit behind me and Lauren would go, David's ready at any time when you're not.

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7-15-24 and 9-11-24. And Dell will donate $1.75 for each eligible product within your purchase to ComputerAid, capped at $1.2 million total. For details and restrictions, go to dell.com slash deals. But back to our guest, something that I love, that I love this. Yes. I love Bill Hader.

And love his Vincent Price. And then you came in and did James Mason. And you must have loved that because you did it great. And every line killed with James Mason. First of all, that sketch is so, talk about so weird and specific. And it crushed like a sketch should not kill that hard when it's that eccentric. Especially a sketch about like a relatively obscure 50s, 60s. Totally. Very obscure to the young audience. Horror guy.

Tell me, Dane, I didn't see it. Because clearly nobody knows who Vincent Price is. It's just a funny character. He's got a fake bird and it's all black and white. And he's like, I don't even know if he's really trying to do it really accurate, but it's just a funny, hello, I'm Vincent Price. Yeah, it's just kind of off-putting. And then Fred Armisen as Liberace is... Yeah, it's just...

And Fred could do all that all day. Very musical. And then it's like a TV show and it's going badly and he's getting frustrated. The whole trope of bringing in special guests. I mean, now we have our special guests. Yes, isn't this a great show? Gloria Swanson. Again, no one has any sense of who that is except that she's a weirdo. But it's got a lot of views. I think people just... Those get passed around. I had to...

you know we we did that for dress and it was dean martin at dress and um really so and it kind of fell flat i guess my dean martin wasn't very good but uh also lorne was like well here's the problem it's a drunk playing a drunk and it's a hat on a hat hat on a hat hat on a hat that's very long that's a big one what else can you do

Right then? Really? At like 1030 on Saturday night? The show's on in 45 minutes? Come up with another obscure impression that will make sense. Weird and you can get a 10 out of 10 on it and nearly nail it. And so Hater comes in my dressing room and he's like, hey man, I don't know.

I said, I said, this is going to sound weird. I said, I can kind of do a James Mason. He goes, no way, no way do it. And I was like, perfect. Well, Joe, I don't know. And, and, uh, and we, and he goes, perfect. That's it. That's done. And I think he and Mulaney had written a sketch together. So I can't remember who wrote it with him, but, um,

But then we did that, like, and again, it was, that was at like, yeah, 1045. So, you know, we're all up in Lauren's office. Like, so John's going to do, is it James Mason? Okay. John's going to, that's going to change from Dean Martin to James. So get out on the cards. None of the lines changed. It was very casual. Just don't realize you're on.

He was always an alcoholic, right? He was drunk and lascivious. It was just funny, you know, sexually inappropriate. Yeah, it was just hysterical. But that is, that's impressive. The reason I could do that is because we, me and Paul Rudd, growing up, would, we loved the movie Heaven Can Wait.

Oh, yeah. I saw it three months ago. James Mason plays the angel who kind of shepherds Warren Beatty's journey, whatever it was. Yeah. But his line is, you're dead, Joe. And so that's what we would always say to each other randomly. How are you doing, man? Charles Grodin and Diane Cannon. Diane Cannon. The whole freak in the movie is perfect. Jack Warden. Jack Warden. Oh, yeah. Hey, Max. Yeah.

Jack Morton has one of the best lines in all of cinema, I think, in a little movie called Shampoo. Oh, wait a minute. I saw it a month ago with my wife because we see it every year. The movie's so good. And the line is? The line is, now that's what I call fucking. Yeah.

so he he catches warren baity he doesn't realize it's warren baity fucking his own girlfriend but he's like very impressed with these skills but he sees him through a doorway and he goes that's right jeez you got so you're a warren baity 70s warren baity you know shampoo heaven can wait the parallax view what there's nothing better the parallax view

I've gotten to hang out with him on quite a few occasions. He's a great guy. I mean, the stories are, you cannot have a dinner that's less than three hours with him. I hung out with him once. Yeah, he's very bright. Let's see if I can find it. Oh, there it is. Oh, wow. Oh, shit.

So what year was that? That was probably 2016. He just showed a picture of everybody. Did he reach out to you or how do you guys have dinner or did mutual? He was a fan of the show. Oh, yeah. He would have loved that show. Oh, were you getting cold calls? Kind of, yeah. Sometimes. And then he and Annette.

had some friends that like one of them was a guy named bill pope who was the director of photography for baby driver so i think that was probably around baby driver let's not forget

Baby Driver. I think that, yeah, that makes sense because he was probably 30 or something when 1960 hit and the end of that era of slapping him on the bottom and all that pre-feminism. I mean, you know, his first movie was like Barefoot in the Park maybe or was that Robert Redford? That was Redford. It was 58. But didn't he do the play? He might have. Yeah, he might have. He did Wearing Shoes in the Park. Yeah.

Huge Redford fan I tried to convince my sons who are with me up here Oh he's a fucking stud To watch Three Days of the Condor with me We watched Boot Cassidy and the Sundance Kid And they loved it It doesn't get much better now How about The Sting? The Sting I was about to say Shit All the President's Men Don't get me started The Horse Whisperer Whatever he's amazing The Electric Horseman I think you mean

Is that with Jane Fonda? Oh, he had the Electric Horseman and then the Horse Whisperer later in 98. John, do you have any parts that they came to you and you had to pass up on that you didn't do that you would like to? I couldn't. Other than me and grownups, other than my part of grownups. I'm glad you said that. I've had pretty good luck, honestly, of the things that I've turned down or not been able to do have not come back to kind of haunt me or

or anything like that. I was, I was sort of loosely attached to gone girl at one point there was a, there was meant to be a situation. Uh, and then it was cause Mad Men was shooting. It was like, oh, okay. I can't do it. Like that's that that's the way that goes. But I really liked that book and like the, the guys from St. Louis and they did a good job with it. Yeah. Ben did a great job. Ben's phenomenal. I love Ben's great. Those, uh, you know, but I haven't had very many of those. Those are like a few and far between, which is, which is nice. Like you don't,

I don't have a lot of like... Yeah, you've done fine. But yeah, like you said, grownups. That was... When you said no to grownups... No, but you... Now, when you get involved with something like Curb Your Enthusiasm, is that something because you know Larry or he just likes you and says, hey, do you want to come on? Beep, bop, boop, pop, bop. I had done a weird little movie with Larry that was for HBO, I think, called Clear History, where he invents...

It's a very convoluted setup, like most of his setups. And he invents this car and it goes sideways and he forgets about a lot of these. And I play the guy that owns the car company, like Elon Musk or whatever. Yeah.

And we had a really good time. We shot it in Boston with Greg Mottola and had a great time doing it and made each other laugh so much. We had so many great people in that film too. And Michael Keaton, we had Hayter.

Jimmy Tingle, I mean like all these Boston comics. - Jimmy Tingle, wow. - What a great name, yeah, stand up, yeah. - Yeah, we had all these like Boston comics that were bopping around, coming in and out. - Boston comics. - It was really fun and funny and we got to know each other a little bit and played a little golf in Boston.

and uh ever since then he's kind of kept me in mind for for stuff and and i've been able to do the show a couple times it was always really fun yeah yeah that's cool kind of a genius i guess i don't know he had some frequency you know i've been watching a lot of old seinfelds too like which which hold up so remarkably well like other than kind of the fashion uh yeah which stands out a bit but uh

the, the, the jokes and the, and the stories. And you can, you can so clearly hear Larry's voice, uh,

in George Costanza, not only that, but just in the stories, like the setups and the particular kind of annoyances of, you know, the one that was on last night was the parking garage where they just get stuck in the parking garage for the entirety of the episode. Yeah. It's those little observations, little stand-up observations, but extenuated and just shot well. There's a liveliness to them. I mean, Larry, when I was watching your episode last night, the two Larry David, it feels like he's not breaking, but he's...

he's he's enjoying it so much he's kind of smiling a lot in a lot of his lines even when he had that too on seinfeld you could see yeah yeah he had it and it and and adam in his early films had a little bit it brings a lot of charm to those because like it's very subtle yeah yeah we know it's funny it's funny you know john did you have this experience so i did a curb where where um they i i

I guess this is how they do it. They have a loose script. Yeah. Which this was the fun for me because I don't improv a lot. I mean, in these movies, we do a couple of things, but a whole scene where they go, okay, you're leaving a Lakers game, you run into Larry and they go, you are going to defend yourself with whatever he's going to say to you. And then they go over to him and they talk to him and I go, what's he going to do? They go, you'll find out. Okay.

So that's all we got. And then they come, we meet with a crowd and then he's, we both have a friend with us and then he starts going after me about something and I start defending myself and then we cut and then we go back and they go, now brag about what you're doing. And then they go, and then he's going to do something else. And it was so fun because you got to be on your fucking toes and he's great. And everyone's, everyone in the scene is always good because they're going to hire everyone good.

Is it like that kind of? That's, that's pretty much it. I mean, the last, you know, the last one I did was with Albert Brooks and Laura Keitlinger and, you know, JB and, you know, so many, everybody at that point kind of get knows what they're doing on that, on that set. And you just kind of, it's not unlike SNL. You just want to try to stay out of the way and, and understand that the process is going to be the process and it's going to work and you can contribute where you can. And that, that was my, you know,

I was able to do that and pitch ideas and say like, what if I'm this or what if I'm that? So what kind of ideas would you pitch? And were they... I had that my idea for this last one was that my character, I'm about the least Jewish person in the universe. Like I'm a Roman Catholic from St. Louis, Missouri. Lutheran. But I said like, you know, what if I'm just like...

like I'm trying to like pepper my, my conversation with like Jewish phrases and words and you know, but I get them wrong or I'm almost right with them or, and they thought that was a pretty funny. And they don't, it rubs them wrong a little bit. And kind of like, what are you, that's not what you want to say. Like, yeah. Yeah.

but delivered with like the ultimate confidence like most you know that thing in LA of people that do 100% wrong but saying it out loud and proud that's my whole life I know it's amazing people with no information have yeah fake it till you make it

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What's the one thing other than Mad Men? What are the couple things that people stop you and they know you from? What's the easiest stuff? Oh, the fucking town guy. It's a great movie. I love the town. I get that in Boston and I get that in airports. The TSA loved the town. Yeah. The TSA loved it. Yeah, I see the town and that's one when it comes on unless one of my movies is on. If it comes on, I watch the whole thing unless Benchwarmers is on.

And so, The Town is such a badass movie and I love it's all boss and it's all fucking weird. Not weird, it's just cool. It was a really fun one to make. Cool. Like we were all kind of, everybody was...

you know renner was just coming off of hurt locker and rebecca hall had i think she was in iron man or something like everybody was kind of coming off their own thing and it was ben's second uh directorial effort and his first one was so good gone baby gone yeah so it was really kind of fun and exciting and and warner brothers like left us alone really like this thing and uh it was it was great how it all it was like kind of this weird perfect storm the other guys in the in the crew with

with Ben and Jeremy were these kind of local guys that were just kind of scary enough to be believably, you know, kind of low level criminals. And yeah, sure. It was fun. You know, it was just fun. We got really, really lucky. We got to shoot in Boston in the fall and it didn't snow or rain or any of that stuff. We got to bang around Fenway park, you know? Yeah. It seemed like you had run of the town. Yeah.

How has Ben been as a director? Like, how did he? I mean, he's great. And I fell for him. Obviously, it's like that's the hardest job on the set, especially when you're also the lead of the film. Yeah. Impossible. Yeah.

Yeah. And he's also in Boston, like everywhere he goes, he is remarkable. And he's a big dude. Like he's probably six, four, six, five. He's a tall guy. He's not like, he's not hiding in plain sight. Right. So everywhere he goes, he's Jesus, you know. Hey guy, what's going on guy? Hey, fucking Ben Affleck, get over here. Give me your fucking hug. Too good for us guy. And that's his mother, ladies and gentlemen. I got to tell you. Thank you. Yeah.

god damn it but yeah so it was obviously it was he had a lot on his plate but he he pulled it off and he did the smart thing which i think the lesson to be learned from that is is like he hired amazing department heads like our our director of photography was this guy robert ellsworth who shot there will be blood among other things and you know won his fair share of hardware and

He had really, really talented camera operators and art department people and stunt guys and second unit. And it was, but you guys seem to like block off chunks of the city and get to drive all over and do everything. It was fucking, it's fun on a movie. You're like, you run the whole town. It's great. Yeah. Especially, and especially that guy in that town. That's for sure. Sure.

You know, do a movie with me and Scott still. Let's see what's going on. Yeah, in August. We'll see what's up, yeah. We shoot in the afternoons. You'll enjoy it. We shoot at dusk for one hour. It's called sunburn slash windburn. I always watch movies to see how many nights they shoot, to see how much complaining I would be doing. I'm like, look at all these fucking nights, man. Why do you even say anything?

What if it's vampires? I could never. But they hate the night. They're in the daytime. Yeah. The daytime. They don't drink blood. Ruins the whole movie. I don't care. I'm like, it's easier to shoot.

Do you have a wish list of like, if you got a script across your desk, like, I mean, do you like to do something way, way comedic or, you know, like I've been told by a prosthetic makeup artist that everyone wants rubber on their face ever since Churchill. Oh.

with uh who won the oscar sorry one of my favorites gary oldman gary oldman yeah so now everyone wants some prosthetics because that's how you get at least a nomination like for you to hide john ham yeah you know i mean would be kind of interesting i hate sitting in the

There goes your Oscar. Yeah, there goes my Oscar. How about a bald cap? Let's be honest. It wasn't happening anyway. Did you wear a bald cap on SNL? We're jumping around. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, it sucks. Yeah, they're popping wigs on and off. And they put wigs on you on top of it. So the one of your own hair is always like a little wrong. And you're like, this is me and my own hair in the monologue. And you still got a bald cap on. Everyone's like, it looks like shit. But at least I'm now sweating from my dome of my head all the way down my back. My head is wet.

Yeah. No, any, you know, the fun thing for me would have been to be a part of the star Wars stuff, but that's, I think that ship has sailed. Cause I was such a huge star Wars fan back when I was little. Um, and I, you know, I remember being like in third grade or something and, and, and star Wars coming out and, and it, you know, it starts with the big crawl, right. And it's episode four.

And you're like, episode four? Like, what are you talking about? What did I miss? Like, there must, there were three episodes that just didn't exist before this. It's so weird they started like that. And yeah, A New Hope, episode four. And so, then like the rumor mill started among the third graders of like, well, you know, there's nine of these. There's meant to be nine of them. They read it in like Fangoria magazine or something, you know, and like-

you thought, wow, nine more Star Wars, that's gonna be amazing. And they're not meant to be completed until 2019, which back then was 40 years later. You're like, what? I gotta wait 40 years for these? Like, no way. - They go in, two are gonna be good. So you don't know which two. - Did you literally at your age, you might've had Star Wars

Little figures? Oh, I had figurines. I had a poster. I had sheets. I had the whole deal. It was a big part of my life. So I had the little Darth Vader shaped case that you kept your little guys in. Hot.

Yeah, so anyway, but yeah, I didn't, I never got to call for that one, but I don't know. It's never too late. We just shot Fletch, which we're rebooting. Oh, you did? I knew you were going to do Fletch. Whoa. Oh, I love it. That was pretty exciting. We were going to ask you about Fletch. We got to do that. That was in Boston again. The third book in the series takes place in Boston and we got to do that. Hey, Fletch guy.

How did you, I mean, obviously you've been asked this question, but like, how did you evolve it for, to match, you know, Jon Hamm?

Well, part of it was, you know, obviously I looked at it kind of like, and Greg Mottola who I worked with on this, we both kind of were like, it's kind of like a cover song, right? It's a cover version of a song. We already have Hey Jude. So, why would you do it just like Hey Jude? Like maybe mix it up a little bit. And so, we were very cognizant of not doing Chevy. Yeah.

Yeah. And not doing, you know, teeth and wigs and this is and that's. And we wanted to still make it funny, but we wanted to keep it more in line with the tone of the novel, which is almost more of like a whodunit and

And he's still a wise ass and he still gets himself into trouble and has to talk his way out. And it's still funny. And there's still jokes. It seems really, really fun to play. It was. It was. It was super funny. And John Slattery's in it with me. Oh, your bandmate, former bandmate. You guys have a lot of chemistry. We got the band back together in some way. So...

We had a great time. There's the good news about it is like there's nine more books. So if, if, if we are able to sell it to some streamer, we can probably make some more, but,

It was a blast. That was another character in my youth where we all... Oh, yeah. Huge movie. And Chevy was great in it. Enjoyed that. Did you do characters in it where you're undercover, like with a mustache or something? Did you do any of that? We didn't. We kind of shied away from that. We thought that that was a real good way to get... In trouble. In trouble with...

whoever the comedy police sued by chevy it's fun to be the guy talking your way out of something and although it's lying basically the actor right it's really fun like i was that's hard to do that's not my car that kind of stuff yeah oh no i i just came by to say hello and if you we got it i got we had another part that was really fun for me because i don't really get a chance to do this a lot was like developing the script and then

having like zooms like this, but with comedy writers and having everybody pitching ideas and thoughts. And we had like, we had like murderers row. We had Paula Pell, we had Bill Hader. We had so many great Robert Carlock. We had so many great minds that were kind of throwing out ideas and

One of the best ones was, and I won't ruin it, but it's basically the end of the movie that Bill Hader came up with. He's like, I've never seen this, but what if you do this? And he explained it to me. I was like, that's a great idea. And we immediately stole it and put it in the movie. What was it? He can't tell you. Oh, he can't tell us? Well, let's guess. Okay, I'll be Bill Hader. All right. What if like, all right, at the end of the movie, right? You go, uh...

Hey, you wake up. He's kind of a medium hater right there. You wake up, right? I'm doing, I don't know where I am. You say it's a medium hater? Yeah. It's a medium hater. One thing that's unique about Bill, he's so brilliant.

And a lot of times comedians aren't an audience, but man, does he laugh. He laughs. He's a good laugher. Everybody. Laughers are so important in comedy. People forget. That's a must see. We can look for that in 2022. Hopefully, hopefully by the end of the year, I think, you know, who knows anymore what movies are, uh,

I shot Top Gun 2 two and a half years ago. That's been sitting in a can forever. Although it looks like it's coming out in Memorial Day weekend. Cruise gets released when Cruise is ready to release. Whenever it's possible, they add a year. Tommy wants it out. It comes out.

I love anyone who'll hang from an airplane and go to the space station. It's huge Tom Cruise. He's running out of crazy stunts. He's like, I get sucked into the jet engine and then pieces of me come out and we sell them as NFTs. They're like, well, I don't know if that would... That's not what an NFT is, Tom. It's called Not For Tom. Ha ha ha.

He's swallowed by a whale. No, he's actually going to the space station. So did you get in a jet on that one? Were you riding around? I didn't have to get in on a jet. I play kind of the boss. Like, you know, damn it, Maverick. Exactly. Your ego's writing checks. Your body can't cash. People ask us, like, how do you have a movie career? And one way is just having franchises that just sort of make movies. So, you know, you can't predict it. And he's got, like, four. He's got Reacher, and...

Reacher, Mission Impossible. He'll keep doing Top Guns, the suit fits, the helmet. I mean, he's amazing. So Top Gun, you shot before Corona was invented. Yes, yes.

Before Corona was perfected. Yes, it's getting better. First of all, Corona. I got Omicron right now. I'm feeling good. I know. I like Omicron. It's been gone. Not gone, but it's slowed down a hair. And then the war started the next day. You're like, give us one fucking second. Give us a breath. One second. One good day. Yeah, one good day. We don't have to worry about long COVID. They're going to be like, you have to wear a mask now because the war. I'm like, wait.

Why? They're like, don't ask questions. This is Dr. Fauci. There's a mask and there's a war and you got to wear it. I'll explain later. You know, there's going to be a lot more variants. So don't get cocky. Put your fucking mask in, get in your house and stare at the ceiling. I'm Tony Fauci. Go fuck yourselves.

The good news is there's only 24 letters in the Greek alphabet. So, you know, somehow we've run out. We've got another 18 years. Yeah, we're getting one from Hawaii. It's called the Pineapple Express. It's called the Lulu. Yeah, exactly. Lulu, to serve with love. I have one question. I know we've got to let John go soon, but he's got to go to the airport. A lot of the female fans asked if you would wear sweatpants to the airport. I don't even understand that question.

I tend to dress up for the airport. Thank you very much. My grandmother taught me to wear nice clothing to the airport. It's a big wiener question. I think that's what they're getting at. I have a feeling it was. I like it. We're about to say wham, bam, thank you, ham, to this guy. I was waiting for that one. I stole it from your monologue.

Yeah, Wham Bam Thank You Ham. That was exactly the same one. Yeah, that was in the first show. They called you the Hammer or Hammer Time or something? Spader, what is that skateboard deck behind you? John, finally someone fucking asked me the tough questions. Dana doesn't care. What about what that...

this is no that's how i paint that's that's like what i do go ahead this is uh there's an artist richard prince and this is a skateboard deck because i used to skate i still milk it out i'm not any good but my brother gave me that because he's big into art and uh but i didn't know what to put in the background john's like oh i have louvers i want everyone to know i'm rich i have a skateboard deck that was signed by tony hawk somewhere in here

Oh, Tony Hawk, the best one. Dana, the best skater. So, guy, you're going to Switzerland. We've never had someone on the podcast who was leaving to Switzerland. You skipped the fact that Tony Hawk was my stunt double in Police Academy 4. Was it? Dana? Your skate double? And he was about 6'10". Yeah, he's a little... And he rides Goofy. No, I ride Goofy. He rides regular. I ride Goofy. Yeah, John, we could tear it up. Fucking Melrose going to Belmont.

William Morris drops you and then you become John Hamm. Do you ever run into those guys and you get up in their face a little bit? Oh, hi, William Morris. Remember me? Yeah. Don't you think there should always be one person working for WME whose name is William Morris? So that you could go and be like, you're the guy. You're the guy. You're the origin of this whole thing. It's literally like some schmuck in the mailroom like, what? I just, I, what? I didn't even want to work here. They just made me.

I went over there when they I started with Endeavor when they started that's how old I am and then they merged this is yeah I'm boring the audience again okay you know what people love to talk about yeah agencies well they love to talk about people who doubted you then you made it and then you shit all over them they like that revenge of the hey William Morris you were in a Super Bowl commercial but

Seth Rogen did one with your precious Paul Rudd. Were you jealous that you weren't the other guy and it wasn't you and Paul Rudd? You know, I think that yes, the short answer is yes. Yes, that's the right answer. And knowing probably when the ballpark only got paid for that, I'm really jealous. But yeah, you know, I think that, you know, the fun thing about commercials now is that no one gives a shit.

It doesn't matter. 15, 20 years ago, George Clooney did an ad or Brad Pitt did an ad and everyone thought the world was ending. And they're like, yeah, well, we're allowed to do that now? Like, cool. You could also do them over in Europe and they didn't know about it. But now... Yeah, like Mel Gibson selling Japanese whiskey or something. But now you can do them. You can do commercials. There's no difference in life. And you can be proud of it. Live streaming and movies. Everything is just... When I started on OnlyFans, everyone's... All right.

Well, let's let John go. He's got a flight. Isn't it OnlyFan? OnlyFan. No, mine does pretty well. I do pretty well. Half a million a month. Yeah. Gross, though.

Look at Dana. I'm rich. I have stairs. Oh, people can't see his house. And a dark room under the stairs. I know. Where are you? What if my wife came out of there with handcuffs on? Yeah, that's just... Is that where Harry Potter lives? Is that the lovely bones? This house was built in 1912. And yes, it has ghosts and they visit all the time. Yeah. I've had definite poltergeists. Are you in the San Francisco area? Yeah. Yeah. Northern California. Russian Hill. Redwood trees and stuff. Where the exact...

Yeah. Just my wife grew up here in this town. So...

Just have a house here. It's a lovely town. It is. I got to go to the Lucas Ranch over in the Presidio. Oh, you did. I've been there. That was pretty neat. That was pretty neat. That was as close as I got to being on Star Wars. Well, guess what? I kind of know George Lucas. All the models and stuff. That was really neat. Keep your phone close because you should definitely be in a Star Wars movie if you want to. They're going to keep making them. Oh, no. They had to take a break because they got greedy and did one every three months and everyone needed... We need two or three years to...

Oh, yeah. Did you go to the kennel where they keep the baby Chewbacca's? All right. I'm out of jokes. I got to go. First comes a joke. Then comes no laughter. God damn it. Then comes failure. First try joke. Joke not work. I try do. Then comes unemployment. Is no try. Buh, buh, buh, bitch, buh, bitch. Is no try. Only have... I don't want to get blue. Anyway...

I'm going to sing. We always close off with a song. Thank you. No, we don't. It's Mad Men. I would have gone with it. It's raining Mad Men. Well, we got to thank John for being super cool. And whenever I see you out, you're always nice. It's fun to talk to you. It's always a good laugh. It's a great pleasure. And thank you for having me. Thanks for coming on. We're not smart lists. We're clueless. And listen, they're our nemesis. We admire them. I'm using their microphone to record your podcast.

Is that true? There you go. Ah! We're not smartless, we're clueless. But anyway, this is fun and so fun to meet you. It's a real thrill. Well, we'll see you down the line, as they say, if I make it back from Europe in peace. Good luck. But other than that. Next time, yeah, on SNL, let's go on and do a guest spot at least or something. Be in the cold opening. See you the 50th, as they say. Oh, that's right. Dana, I'll get you a ticket. All right, we got to go.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.