James Austin Johnson (LIVE SHOW)
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Coming up next, James Austin Johnson. But first, a lot of words from our sponsor.

Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah, I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Dana, we did our first live show in beautiful Austin, Texas. You know, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. We actually did our podcast live for an audience? Yeah, it was really fun. You know, when in Texas, I always stop by Jersey Mike's. No, this isn't an ad, but sometimes I go to Jersey Mike's. But if I have a date and it's too casual, they have a new one next door, the nicer version, Jersey Michael's.

Like Lorne Michaels? Yeah, it's like a two-star. It's in case you want to up it a notch. Jersey Mike's is where you get all your good stuff. I've heard about it. I don't eat there. We had James Austin Johnson in Austin. And he was great. He's a present cast member on Saturday Night Live. Does Biden and Trump and other things. And he's in a lot of sketches. And he does a tremendous Trump. Many people... Terrific, I'm telling you. Many people are saying...

Men, excuse me. Excuse me. I wasn't interrupting. A lot of people. So he was awesome. And we break down his impression of Trump very specifically and what he did with it. Right. We talk about SNL going to the after parties, live audiences. The live audiences was actually way more fun than I thought because I thought it would be kind of quiet, but there was such a fucking great crowd.

They got into everything. They were listening to everything. They were really into it. It's amazing. They listened to you a little bit. They listened to me a lot. They were a little quiet, but it's at points. And then he was great. And we did a big Q&A at the end, a big fucking fat Q&A. No net. Yeah. No rules. No rules. Just ad-libbing. I fell asleep twice during it. During my answers? My eyes were open. No, just it was an hour and a half I came in.

I got up at five. I flew a long way. I was kind of low energy. Let me tell you something. You're going to be happy.

Like, I wouldn't believe this is one of the best podcasts we've ever done. It wound up being a great one. It was a great one. He's just a young man. I hate when you get old and you go, this kid, you know, he's like 47. You know, he's like 32. He's in the clubs. He's going along. He did an Instagram thing. And then suddenly he's on SNL and his wife has a baby. Yeah.

I mean, what a life turn, and he's killing it on the show, and he's just a nice... Backstage, we got into, you know, I'm not calling it a brawl, but there was some physicality. Remember you held down James? We had to keep the two camps apart, Dana's camp and James' team. Do you have a team or a camp? I don't have anybody. I don't have a Heather...

Dana just watched John like Biden backstage. Hello? Is this the show? I don't like show business. No, you're at Saddle Ranch. You're way off. Come on. Come on. I never did that. That's much to the Caribbean what they said. You know, people are the pirates. Biden just gave a speech. He's like, did they ever find out about Johnny Depp and the poop? And they're like, sir, can you stay on focus? Just a wife. Poop on the bed and the pirates. Come on.

I can do this. Anyway, James, he's a stand-up. I watch his stand-up. I asked him about his stand-up questions. I asked him about how he came up with them. I read some of his jokes. He's an actor. He's a stand-up. Yeah. We had a great time. We had a great time. And James, if you're seeing this, we love you, man.

James, sorry. Sorry we made you pay for our valet. I don't bring any cash when I go on the road. We were at the Four Seasons. He was at the Lucky Eight. I was at the Five Seasons. Five Seasons? That's more than one. It has Indian Summer. Yeah, they had Cheetos in the bar. I don't drink that flavor. Every time I was home and I go to my mom, do you have Cheetos if I come to your house? Because I'm a little bit of a boozy Susie. And she goes, oh, I don't know if we have Cheetos. I know we have Cheez-Its. That's close. I go,

Where are you getting Cheetos? Oh, from Tito's. And then I said it again at dinner. I go, did you get any Tito's? She goes, we don't have Cheetos. I told you. I go, mom, I'm two feet away. Why are you, are you still getting Cheetos from this? And you know, I already said Tito's. Cheetos and Tito's. One is a flavorful, salty orange snack. Yeah. And the other is, is a. Booze. Mexican booze. I know someone whose mom, they go for a car trip and his mom's like 85 and she always wants a case of Bud Light for the car trip.

She's like 85. She's just on vacation. She's just on Bud Light all the way up. Yeah. But anyway, James. Your mom's adorable. She's so adorable. She loves you. I love her. She likes you more than me. Oh, where's Dana? He's so funny. So those texts were real that I'm getting? Yeah, at midnight. Really?

From Spudly's mom I wish you were my son She just first she starts with you up Oh I always just say hello When I text I text like a rapper I go yo yo yo But it's like Morse code yo yo yo

Yo-yo. Yeah, bro. Bro, bro, bro. Yo, bro. Yo-yo. Do you have a yo-yo? So because it was a live podcast, we decided to do a little stand-up up front. And from my side of it, I hadn't done a lot of stand-up because of the pandemic. You've heard of it.

COVID. And so I just did my Texas bits. So you'll hear three of those because those are three impressions that I did. Texans. And it's a local stand-up trick to kind of do local stuff. They went crazy, David. I did a little bit of a grab bag just to get them settled in, introduce us, and then we went right to the meat and potatoes.

David's standup is really sharp right now. And you have a special coming out, right? 26th, which will be either two weeks from now or three days ago, depending on when this airs. And everyone has an N95 mask in the audience? Yeah. Do you feel like you could have waited six weeks? I'm just saying, bro. I mean, bro. I mean, bro. I mean, yo. It's like six weeks later, you got fresh face. And they weren't clapping either because they had them in straight jackets. No, they were drenched in sweat and asphyxiated. Bronchial spasm. Yeah.

No one can watch a special in an N95. You got to get an N92. I know where to get them. I know how to get it. You're going to be happy. Many people are saying it. But that'll make, it'll be interesting to watch your special. Were there audience shots with people with the N95s? No, we had to borrow some from the Academy Awards five years ago where people are applauding.

On my special, we just had Will Smith's face laughing in the audience. The giggle before the Armageddon. What are you talking about? All right, here he is. James Austin Johnson.

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Yeah, because it's such a nice ring. It's an unmarked thing, but then it says Blue Nile somewhere. Yeah. She goes, oh, you couldn't have. You wouldn't have spent that much. Oh, this has got to be a trick. This is too nice. Yeah, no. Right now, get 30% off. Select Lab Grown Diamonds on BlueNile.com. Plus, use code FLY, very important, to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. What is it?

That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. Well, well, well. Yeah. Nice. They're filing in. I busted out the V-neck special. It's good to see everyone. This place is beautiful. My God.

I haven't been in Austin since the two summers ago for the humidity festival. Yeah! The humidity festival. I'm not going to explain them all, guys. It's going to keep moving like a train. Jesus, Dana. So I was going to, oh, they played Zeppelin. You remember Zeppelin, don't you? Some people do not. It's a tragedy.

I was out with a bunch of young people and that song came on and I go, "Yeah, Zepp!" And they go, "Zepplin?" No. I go, "You don't know who Led Zepplin is?" And she goes, "Dude, I don't know who Maroon 5 is, alright? I'm young and you're old. Is there a problem?" I go, "No, no. Get your head on mommy, whatever." No, it's nice to see people. Thank you whoever made it down. I appreciate it. We want to have a good time.

It's very nice. I know there's a lot to choose from. Actually, I saw Tim Dillon last night. He's great. It's a lot of fun here in Austin. If you could sit the fuck down. And, um, no, I'm so appreciative. And because I was playing, I played parking lot shows for two years. It was very tough. Honestly, I would play drive-in theater and have 500 cars. And it was horrible. First of all, it was dead silent.

I didn't realize that people were inside the car. I didn't think ahead. It was dead silent. And then, you know, and I'm trying to have fun with it going, hey, where my Camry's at? You know, I'm trying to like loosen up. And then about 30 minutes later, I hear, meep, meep. Hey, this Geo Prism knows what I'm talking about. It's embarrassing. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go off. I'm going to bring Dana out and he's going to talk to you and then we're going to both come out. So I'll see you in two minutes. Here you go. Dana Carvey, everybody. Yay!

What's the sound behind me? No, sorry. I'm closer in age to Biden than I am any other president I've ever done. So I know he has tight hip flexors. Yeah, we're chillin'. It's no matter. I don't do this thing. It's not what I want to do. Hi! It's like Pirates of the Caribbean. Come on. My name is still on top. Fuck. Fuck.

Awesome, that means a lot. I haven't done stand-up in 17 years, so this is a little rusty for me. I owe everything to Texas, and I'll explain that. My entire career is based on Texas. And I'm not kidding. George Bush Senior, Texas. Ross Perot, Texas.

George Bush Jr., Texas. George Bush Sr., that was the innocent time of political comedy. Gotta do it, education. Talking like this, going out there.

I didn't know what he thought about my impression. There was no Twitter. He could have, you know, if it was today, he'd be at home going, "Dana Garney doing that impression of me again, waving his arms around like a spastic monkey. Hashtag dick." Could have been. Ross Perot, do you remember him? Anyone over 50?

He was a gift from God. He was so naturally funny. Can I finish one time? Can I finish one time? There was a bit of James Brown to him. Can I finish one time? Can I finish? You're not listening. Can I finish one time? Then we got W, the third Texan. That was a happy frat boy. He was just fun.

He would tell jokes, they were funny. Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. It could happen. He was the only one who could have debated Trump, 'cause he had that light on his feet kind of thing. Hey Trump, who does your hair? Stupid cuts. That joke's so good, I'm going for a little ride.

So before we light the candle, I just wanted to, because people always ask me, we're having fun doing this podcast. We get to see our friends and we get to talk to them about this seminal moment in their lives of being on this crazy, intense show that just won't quit. It goes on and on. And my, I think one of my singular famous moments

and one of my favorite moments. It's very quick. But when you're on Saturday Night Live, these things happen to you. I was at the party after the show. I'm with Neil Young. We're having a few glasses. You know, Neil Young, super fan. We're having a glass of wine. I'm having a beer, and we're talking. And he looks up, and he sees Chris Farley, and he just says like this, That fat kid's funnier than shit. Yeah.

Oh dude, we'll tell him when we get out. Introduce your boy and then we'll tell a stupid story. Okay, here's a kindred spirit, my brother from another mother, the brilliant impressionist and comedian who just came out of nowhere and he's with us tonight. We're going to find out. We're going to get underneath the hood. James Austin Johnson! Oh, there he is.

Y'all started looking that way, so I did a big loop. I was over there. I didn't know what was going on. Hey, this is cool. Let's just have a casual conversation with all these people looking at us. Let's see how it goes. James, we heard backstage you're getting so famous you're going to add a name to your name.

Are you looking for four or five names? Do you get teased about your name? Because I heard you're playing in Florida and you're being introduced as James Fort Lauderdale Johnson. Yeah, the name, a lot of people don't know this, is that the name changes based on the cities that I perform in. You know, last week. Very chameleon. You know, something, what's a hilarious city name? You name it and that's how it's... Winnemucca.

Yeah, James Winamaka Johnson. I was born James Nashville Johnson. I'm from Tennessee. Smart. What's your middle name, David? I don't know. Let's go to the phones. Let's go to the phones, babe. No, it's Wayne, David Wayne. David Wayne? No, your real middle name. That's ridiculous. Okay.

That's ridiculous. Hey, it's a fly. You know, by the way, James, and you know, just forget Dana's here. Yeah, yeah. Talk to me. But what, when I flew here, this is a mildly funny story about a two out of ten. So I was on... Thanks for the warning. I was on Southwest, and what happened was we're on there, and...

halfway through, they're like, 'cause I go, "Do they have any food?" And they're like so offended I would even ask. I go, "Is it steak or chicken?" They're like, "Oh, do you remember when they had food on planes?" I go, "I know, it's stupid." But she goes, "We have five bags of peanuts left "halfway through the flight, we're gonna shoot 'em out "with a T-shirt gun." She goes, "So look alive, heads up." But then, about 10 minutes before we landed,

She goes, we have an announcement. And she came in the middle of the aisle for real. She goes, you guys, we have an announcement. And she goes, no more masks. And threw it. And then everyone cheered. And then she pulled out a garbage bag and everyone went, yeah. And then we go, oh, wait, we need them in the airport.

But we were so excited, I thought it was a joke. - I had a drunk woman next to me on the way out. She goes, "No more masks and no more bras!" - Whoa! - Yeah. I just made that up.

That's a planned cute bit. When's your special come out? 26. Okay. Mine was an ad lib. Here's what I do. It's a 9 a.m. flight. James, we'll talk about it. We both have a terrible fear of flying. Well, you know, I'm working on mine, and I feel like with cognitive behavioral therapy, I've really come a long way, Dana, and

Really? I encourage it for you as well. I think that just exposure could be a boon for both of us. It's never totally... I'm better at it, but it's a 10 a.m. flight. Everyone's having hot coffee, and I'd say, could I have a beer? And they go...

Okay. And then later on they go, would you like another? And I pretend it's their idea. Oh, oh really? Oh, all right. It's only a beer, but I only took, I only had two beers on a two hour flight. I had one wine on my three and a half hour flight. And that's, that's a big deal. Cause normally I have, you know, four or five bottles on the, on the flight.

I don't, I have to fly sober. I mean, I can't, to get completely fearless would take a quart of vodka and I can't afford that. I only drink light beer. But did you have therapy about it? I remember talking to my therapist about the flight anxiety thing. I was like, what if I get, that was like my excuse for not trying hard at comedy was like, what if I get successful, I have to fly all the time, I'm afraid of flying. Yeah.

And the truth was, I just wasn't a very good comic at the time. So no one was going to be hiring me to fly anywhere at the moment. I asked my therapist about flying and she goes, oh, it's the worst. Oh, it's the worst. I hate it. That was my answer. That was her answer.

answer. I'm terrible. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Me too. You can't help me at all. Great. All right. Very good. So let's circle around to James Austin Johnson. Let's get back to him for a minute. Yeah, sure. I don't really know where to start. If you'd like to go through when you first started doing stand-up. Sure. I mean, it's kind of an interesting trajectory that you took. So in like drama classes in middle school, I memorized like eight minutes of this

comic, this clean comic, whose first album was called Rebel Without a Curse. So you know what you're getting. Brad Stein. This guy Brad Stein. And I memorized stuff about airbags. It was 90s stand-up comedy. And I just memorized eight minutes of it and then...

as like a 13 year old or whatever, I would be going to these monologue competitions in empty public schools at 7:00 p.m. at night while a sullen volunteer listens to me do seven minutes of someone else's standup comedy. - Wait a minute, monologue competitions at empty public schools at night?

Yep. Okay. And you would, because I used to memorize Steve Martin. I get that. You'd find Locke in the... I didn't want to be a comedian, but I loved comedy like most kids. Yeah. Memorized Steve Martin. I listened to George Carlin. There was some back then. So it was really... I took pride in knowing that stuff. So I get what you're saying. Well, that's really great source material. I don't know if I can...

The source material I was cribbing from wasn't one of the greats necessarily. Did you have an ear before that? Like when you were seven or eight or nine, did you notice? So was it birds or people or what were you doing? Well, I'm the youngest in my family and I grew up in a very like sort of conservative Christian environment. And all of life was sort of oriented around my very important and powerful family.

like pastor grandfathers. Like my dad's dad was a very important pastor in our church, like in the like global church of the Nazarene. That's like the denomination I came from. And then my mom's dad was a college president of a Nazarene college. So I was just like always competing for attention from people who were like 60 years, 70, 80, 90 years older than me.

Church rock stars. Church rock stars. Interesting. Were you in a church town? Were you in a church... Yeah, Nashville is like very, very, very churchy. Yeah, you even like... A lot of people in Nashville... I was there. It didn't seem like it at first glance. You were at the Hedonist Hut downtown having a cocktail. Hold on. I was at Kid Rock's Country Shit Show Bar and it didn't seem like...

David, are you... Sorry. Hold on for a moment. Are you suggesting there might be a level of hypocrisy among conservative Christian environments? I don't know. Yeah. I just remember learning whether... I remember learning Daryl Hammond's Al Gore, not knowing anything about politics. Oh, wow. And just repeating that for adults at church and then flipping out that a child is doing lockbox or whatever. I have to

I happened to do it tonight because it was just available. You must have a handle on Tennessee. You look a little like Al Gore. Al Gore? Well, a YouTube commenter said Wayne Gretzky the other night, and I didn't feel very good about that. Wayne Gretzky? That's not bad. He's a stud. He's a sexy guy, right? Way sexier. Let me rank who's sexy of the men. No, go ahead. So, but were you always... We're jumping around, but... That's okay. Did you go into stand-up...

mostly to do impressions or were you just a straight stand up and stumbled into it? - No, I mean the impressions were just something fun that I would do sometimes with friends but like soon after doing those monologue competitions and stuff my dad was like hey do you want to fill time at this event at the college and I was just like, I was 14 and I said I'm gonna do my own stuff. And like an hour before the show I wrote

I just wrote it. I had no clue how to do stand-up. And the first two times I did stand-up at 14, I did great. And then every time until I was maybe 23 was an absolute shit show. Yeah, that happened to me. The first one, hey, I got this. And then two years of bombing. Did you go up with anything you knew what you were going to do, Dana? Or what did you do?

I had, you know, these are 70s classics. I had a Captain Kirk bit. Fuck yeah. Right down the middle. Right down the middle. The only thing that saved me, and I'm going to ask you if you had a fail safe, was Jimmy Stewart as a waiter. Even in a bar with Hells Angels throwing beer at me, that would always kill. And it was the only impression I really could do. It was Jimmy Stewart. Should I do it? Of course.

You need me to... You need one of us to guide you in. I'm not proud of it. It's just my love of Jimmy Stewart was so extreme, I wanted to learn to do him. So, no, it's called a tease. My point is this. Yeah, he's ramping up.

I was driving around the peninsula near San Francisco in a Volkswagen Bug with my stoned out friends. I'm like 21, and I'm, all of a sudden, and I don't know if this has happened to you, but all of a sudden it kind of hit me. I mean literally, all of a sudden, I could do Jimmy Storr.

And this is not a bit, there was a jack in the box, I had my friends go in, I went through the drive-through to see if it would work. This is absolute story, real time. "Can we take your order please?" I said, "Yeah, I'll have a jumbo jack and cheese." But then later on it was a bit, he's just a waiter, "Can I take your order?" "Well, we're not ready yet." "Well, I got 10 other tables." "What am I, a dancing monkey?"

Well, we want to know the specials. I told you the specials 10 minutes ago. What? Well, fuck you, too. Oh, no. That...

Well, no, that was the fail-safe in the bars. Did you have a bit that would always work? Oh, yeah. I mean, the thing that I always dig out is I do this long setup, especially if I've already been tanking. I do this a lot at colleges where it's already silent. Can't imagine. Like any time I talk during this podcast. Yeah.

If it's like Ben silent, I will start telling this long story about like, well, I didn't want to be a comedian. I wanted to be a recording engineer. And then I have this line that I say over and over. I know it's not the funniest part of the show. I know it's a little indulgent, but you know what? It's a piece of my life. That's the line. That's the line that I say over and over.

I know it's not the funniest part of the show. I know it's a little self-indulgent, but you know what? It's a piece of my life and I like to share it with you. And I end up saying that like nine times and hopefully the smart people realize that I'm setting up a big dumb bit. But I'm basically, I'm just like, did you guys know that the Eagles are Scottish? The band, the Eagles are Scottish. I used to work in the studio in Scotland and kept seeing the Eagles on the wall all the time. And I was like, Hey, why are the Eagles always recording here? And

You know, my supervisor, I know it's not the funniest part of the show. Maybe it's a little self-indulgent, but you know, it's a piece of my life and I like to share it. This is what this podcast is about. It's all it is. All me and Dana do is talk. My supervisor said, did you know that Eagles are actually Scottish? And I was like, oh, I didn't know that. He's like, yeah, they changed their voices in post-production to make them sound like they're from California. It's a big marketing thing. Yeah.

- Okay. - And before I go, I just tell you what's a famous Eagles song and I'll tell you what it was like to hear the original cut. I got to hear all the original demos. - Hotel California. - Hotel California was really interesting. Hotel California has a really interesting story behind it. Hotel California is kind of like, ♪ Welcome to the Hotel California ♪ ♪ Such a lovely place ♪ ♪ Such a lovely face ♪

So I do like five Eagles songs and then I say, did you know that any song is Scottish? Every song ever recorded, any song was originally Scottish. Did you know that that's true? And I just wait until people start shouting, Party of the USA, Miley Cyrus or something like that. Any song. Give it to us.

Freebird. I was free as a bird! Like, by the end of it, my voice is thrashed and then I can't do my job in New York City anymore. It's impressive because I see you here...

kind of laid back, and then when I see that come out of you, it's like, okay. That's coming from someplace. It's hard to yell that loud, but we'll get to your Trump thing. - Dana, I saw this young gentleman do stand-up at a place called YouTube today.

- But you were on a big show called Hot Tub, I don't know what that is exactly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But they-- - It's in East Hollywood. - You've done a lot of acting. - Oh, is that a club? - Hot Tub is like a show that started in New York, it's hosted by Kurt Braunohler and Kristen Schaal, you probably know Kristen Schaal. - Oh yeah, mm-hmm, okay. - But they host that every Monday at the Virgil in East Hollywood, in Silver Lake. - Okay, so I saw a clip of you on there, and we're gonna go over some of your jokes. - Okay.

This is terrifying. Oh, this is interesting. I hit up Dana today. I said, I think these are pretty funny. You said Stevie Wonder. There's a song about where he talks about how pretty the women are. And you go, why would Stevie Wonder care if they were pretty? And then you say, because he's married. And I thought that was a good misdirect joke. Yeah, I saw that. That's a good joke. Thank you. I didn't see it coming. And then you talk...

No, you don't. Oh, I didn't mean to say that. That's not what I meant. And you said you had some religious jokes. You said, I go to off-season church, which is a funny term. So that means not the big holidays. You have to go in the dead parts in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's real church. The red shirt church, you know, scrimmages. Yeah.

And I like you watch movies with your mom when she talks. She has questions the whole time just for you and wants answers from you during movies. And then you pick Inception, which is funny because it's like the hardest movie to follow. And then all your mom says is, are you gay? Yeah, that's her question. That's her question the whole movie. Yeah.

These are great jokes. It's killing me. Those are great jokes. I'm telling them, and they're working because they're great. You did a great job. And they're just funny thoughts, I think. And you were a bit of a Bible thumper. Was that always your whole life? Because some of your jokes, are any of them R-rated? Are any of your jokes dirty? I mean, yeah. Oh, now they are? But they started not. No, I was only like a teen...

comedian. I was only concerned about the clean Christian comedy until I was maybe 17 or 18. And from then on, I wanted to be accepted by the wider world. And you said, we're going to talk for a few minutes about Poon Tang. Poon Tang. We've changed gears here. I don't get that rough. I don't know. Because you want to appeal to...

As many people as possible, right? Also, you have a look, you have a feel that... I have this too, a little bit, not as much, but they...

They, you sort of cemented your brand of comedy and they buy a certain type from you. And I think I was on TV for a long time and not a lot of people knew I did stand up. So they knew me from PG-13 TV shows and movies. And so if I went too far beyond that, they would quiet down. So I had to feel it out like a boxer where they didn't want it too rough for me. And I think Dana's kind of like that too. Do you not that dirty?

Well, I think on Saturday Night Live you have some parameters. You have a censor guy, and so you're limited, which is kind of nice. You like to have some boundaries of what you can do because then you have to get more clever. I mean, Seinfeld famously had a joke that had an F-bomb

in it and he worked for like three years in a room to like make it just as funny without the F-bomb. Right. But I said fuck a lot tonight because I hadn't done stand-up in a while. If I do a lot of stand-up, those F-bombs go way down because I'm not as jumpy. And sorry about that.

It is funny to be at a table read and watch one line in a sketch be like... There was one thing where Bowen and 80 were doing their pop group thing. This is like...

this glitter revolution. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, they have like a catchphrase at the end of their little like pop group song about Costco or whatever. And their catchphrase for this one was pussies to the sky. And you're like watching Lauren being like reacting of like, they're not going to say that. And then, you know, you get there and you watch it at dress and it's holes to the sky.

So I've been hearing whole a lot on SNL. It's almost grosser. It is grosser. It's more disturbing. Yeah, they do that with censorship. They give you a different word that's more sickening and more offensive. Yeah, it is. Just let them say the gross word because the alternatives are so terrifying. Churchley, which I've talked about before, I couldn't say they said that.

that she can't say penis that much, so I had to swap out penis and then do something like that. And it was kind of like, well, you're naughty, throbbing, engorged loaf is willing and ready. It was way, way more pornographic. - You're baldness red-headed meat missile. - Yeah. Throbbing and willing, you know, it's like so. They go, that's terrific. - Yeah, good, you fixed that problem.

No more penis. Welcome to Throbbing Oregon. I guess we should ask this guy, the SNL, because we want to get to SNL stuff, but when you, all the basic stuff, you're on the road doing stand-up. Are you a middle? Are you a headliner? Oh, featuring for like 10 years straight. I was a middle. That's the act before the headliner. You do about 25 minutes. That's when I got hired too. And you were a full headliner.

Yeah, but I came up early. They were just trying to, can you do 45? I mean, I went to a toy store to get bits. I mean, I had a trunk like Robin Williams' White Idol. I got a guitar because I could fill time. It was a different, they were just building comedy clubs at that time. You know, Dana, I think we have a connection. We've been friends for a long time. And for this episode of Fly on the Wall, we've partnered with eHarmony.

which isn't us. eHarmony is a dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. We are not dating. I want to clarify that. But the connection is what you want in a dating partner. Just someone like, if you found someone that listened to this podcast, that's somewhat of a connection. And then you sort of build on that. You want someone with some common ground. Yeah. It's not, look, if you want to connect romantically over, you know, super fly or fly on the wall, yeah.

It just makes us happy. You don't want to be watching The Godfather and the person next to you goes, this movie sucks. So dumb. Yeah. You want to connect on all issues and harmonize in life. Similar sensibility, similar sense of humor, and similar sense of sense. I don't like when they watch The Godfather and they're like, everyone in this movie is so old. I'm like, they're 40.

Watch 2001 Space Odyssey. Too much of this movie is in outer space. I don't like it. When do they land? When do they land? Why is that stupid red light acting so silly? Who's friends with a robot? We know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with eHarmony because dating is different on eHarmony. They want you to find someone who gets you, someone you can be comfortable with.

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea is you're going to take a compatibility quiz, helps your personality come out in your profile, which makes all the profiles on eHarmony way more interesting and fun to read. So I think this is the goal of dating sites, and I think eHarmony does it great. It's just finding somebody you're compatible with.

So get started today with a compatibility quiz. So you can find some and you can be yourself with. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today. I'm a nibbler, Dana, and I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios...

are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Ooh. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells. Flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Honey roasted.

Sea salt and vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah, look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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But so you're a feature act. So take us back. Like, I know you're married and you just had a child. Yeah. So before your wife got pregnant, how many months? Yeah. How did you get pregnant? You debut on SNL in early October 2021. Yeah. So if you take us back before, you were just married and you were a feature act on the road, right? How many months before you became this person?

Yeah. Superstar. Oh, I mean, I mean, I was, I was featuring pretty regularly, just like flying out to random clubs, like every other, like once every two or three months, like not, not steady work, but whenever like a buddy would be able to throw me a bone and try. I'm off to gut busters. Okay. See you soon.

- Yeah, I'm-- - That's a real one. - Yeah, I mean just some of the-- - Gut busters. - Oh really? Sir laughs a lot. - Honey, I'm off to sleep in a comedy condo with some grown men smoking Camel Blues indoors and playing Metal Gear Solid.

Yeah, it's such a weird lifestyle. And in that period when it started to take off for me, that was the height of my plane anxiety and fear. And that kept me from reaching for the stars. Did fame calm it down a little bit? Did fame calm it down? So when my wife and I got back together, so she was my first girlfriend ever. Then we broke up for like five years. And a lot of my time in L.A., I was single. And then we got back together in 2012.

And that's when I did JFL in Montreal. I was a new face there just for laughs, you know, and, um, you know, my career started to like take shape and I was like, Oh, I could probably actually do this professionally. Can I just ask you what, what, what, so she was your first love and then five years. And then what made you come back around? Do you think if you could share that with us, it's maybe kind of as personal as possible.

Is she? My wife's Irish Catholic to the core. Oh, really? So I like religious people. I mean, my wife and I aren't religious. Our families are, though. Oh, okay. So we're the, like... You have sex? We have sex, yes. She whispered it and said, ask him. Austin is nasty tonight. Filthy, filthy.

Yeah, we, but let's see, we, when we got back together, I saw her on Instagram. I saw that she was in LA for a Dolly Parton show, and I thought maybe we'd hook up or something. Here we go, hashtag Dolly Parton show. Let's see who's there. I thought we'd get beers and like make out a little bit or something. I was like, oh yeah, maybe we'll hook up. That'll be sweet. And then we just like immediately were like engaged, like within...

Very quickly. It was one of those things where it was like, oh, I'm marrying this person. So when she... And she's studying to be a counselor. Her dad is a counselor. Her mom is a counselor. And they sort of helped me adjust to flying. They helped me sort of hook into...

my crippling anxiety with travel and all that stuff. And it just, I'm just good at it now. I enjoy it now. How are you with anxiety on Saturday Night Live? You know, Bill Hader, it was just horrible for him. The crying and sobbing in the bathroom. Yeah.

Panics. You knew the bathroom he's talking about, right? Yeah, I know. I go in there sometimes. The sob chamber. That's a co-ed bathroom, and I will say that I have anxiety shits sometimes. Okay, we're going to go to a quick commercial. We're going to do a deep dive on the onion room. So it's not fun to... Now, what kind of load are we talking about? Are we talking loaves? No, I don't really have anxiety with SNL. What? It is the only thing...

It's like the job that I truly enjoy. Now, am I having fun live? I can't say that I am loose and having fun yet. I am too fearful of not getting the cards right and not getting the camera cut right. I'm still totally stuck on all that. But the job is super fun. Right.

Hearing y'all talk to like Bill about loosening up in your like four or five seasons and playing around, like watching Keenan, how he can like,

grab his card really quick and go back into the scene. I'm just watching the experts do it, and I'm hoping that I'll absorb that soon. - There's nothing like just doing it over and over again, but yeah, you'll get looser. - There's a feel of always wondering if your job is steady and if you're gonna get fired, which is legit, everyone does that. - I didn't really have that, I gotta be honest. I got lucky. - That's true.

- I had the church lady the first night out. - I know, you came out of the box hot and I was more just trickling in over time and it was tougher 'cause they could have cut me and no one would have noticed. That was the hard part. You came out, they would have noticed. - Well, you were my understudy. - Oh yeah, I came in as his understudy so it was like, we have a good one of that. So do we need the other one?

I was literally like... No, Lorne would say to me, David's always ready. David's always ready, Dana. And you'd sit behind me and read through it. And I'd go, don't blow it. Don't blow it, guy.

But did you... You were always funny. Did you... Oh, yeah. When did Lauren call you? No, no. First of all, you auditioned. And do you audition all stand-up or impressions or both? Okay, so I was just like a straight stand-up pretty much all my career. And it was really during the pandemic that I started post... Like when I did New Faces in 2017, I did Louis C.K. I did like a spiritual Louis C.K.,

That was like my closer, was like, "Do you ever just have like a moment with the universe or God or whatever, you define that presence in your life and you go, and it's amazing, you go outside and the sky is blue and that's enough." - Damn! See, that's like a magic trick.

It's a magic trick. I do like it. To me, it's like a magic trick. And my daughter's a dick. Yeah. Um...

And you had Louis, and that was your only one? That was the only, I would just like... Were you doing it on TikTok? Because I swear to God, I thought I saw you. Did you walk around and film yourself doing Trump? Yeah, so like when the pandemic happened and comedy died in LA, I would just, my wife and I were just stuck in our 200-year-old apartment in Glendale in a crumbling, rat-infested building. 22 grand a month. Exactly.

- Mm-hmm. - Have you seen my bills? - I love them. - And I would just go out on those walks by myself and that's really where the Trump started to truly take shape. I would try it on stage and I would say, I would do the thing that a lot of people do with Trump where they just say the crazy things he said. - Yeah. - And half the people were pissed off that I was reminding them that he said crazy shit. - Yeah. - Right. - And the other half of the people were like, "You can't talk about Jesus Christ that way."

There was like, I could never get the room because half the people were like obsessed with them and the other half were like, don't even mention Voldemort. So...

So when I started talking about like wizards and swords and like stuff that makes no sense, that's like, that's when the audience started enjoying the trumpet. Dana, I saw this clown. I was like, maybe it was Instagram, but oh yeah. Instagram and Twitter. It pops up and it was like, uh,

You're walking, but it didn't seem to match your face. Like the voice I thought was really Trump. And you were just mouthing along because you were talking very casually and it was stream of conscious. You were talking about different things and it's very hard to be put on the spot and do an impression. Cause you know, I've done a few of my day, but I see how Dana does it. And there's little hooks you do like any impressionist. And so if you can't go to those hooks, you're,

because you sort of memorize a bit in your act where you get to hit all the good spots. But like if you're on a radio show and they go, hey, what would he think about this? And you're like, oh, shit. Like A, you don't know any jokes about it. And B, you're just trying to talk and match the tones and everything. That's really hard to do and all the shading. And you were doing it. And I was like, this guy's pretty good. I remember sending it to people. And then when you got SNL, I go...

Is that that same dude that was walking around the neighborhood? Yeah, just walking around. But it sounded so good that I wasn't really shocked. I just go, I can't believe they found him. I mean, yeah. I did get lucky. I think it may have been because I had a podcast called What Things Are What Things.

where we would match up what things are what things. Like what jackass cast members are what sandwich ingredients. We'd have a guest on and they'd be like, well I think Johnny Knoxville is probably roast turkey. And then they explain their answer. And I would always come on as a character. So on this podcast, that's how I got used to doing an impression for like 10 minutes straight.

So that's where I worked on Joe Biden. I did Bob Dylan. I would do Bob Dylan a lot. What era, Bob? I would do the Sirius XM theme time radio Bob Dylan. When we got another hit by the Ink Spots.

Five brothers who love to sing incredible music. And here they are singing Java Giant. I would do that kind of thing. And then he would spin off talking about his son Jacob Dillon, like, oh no, Jacob Dillon doesn't want to hang out with his father for a damn. I said, I want to go to Ikea, why can't you bring me to Ikea with you? I like to pick up a little pencil. I like to mark down what couches we found affordable.

Why won't you go to Ikea with your father and Jake and Dylan? I'm waiting for that on SNL. That's awesome. I want to do Bob Dylan impression. I can work it in. You know, that time will come. I just feel like right now. He's not ready yet. Yeah, so Dana, you'll do David. David will do Dana. Oh, yeah. That's Lorne. I was going to say, you have a Lorne. Yeah.

There's a lot of Lorne's that people do, and I think the Lorne that you do is rooted in the era probably that you met him, right? Yeah, he's a little deeper now. He's a little deeper now, and it's like, well, it's summer spring.

It's almost spring and people will be going outside. He's very soft spoken. Maybe a good show this week. Yeah, it would be nice if we did comedy. Any comedy lined up for read-through? We're gonna have a two-week break and it'd be really nice to go home and not have people mad at you. Yeah. People ask you about the show, you'll say you enjoyed the show.

You'll be talking about the show and James will do Dana and David you'll do James. He goes to me, David, everyone's going to tell you you're the best person on this show and you're not. You're not. You're not.

And I go, they do say that. Because all you do is it happens to every cast member that their friends all go, you're the funniest one on the show. And then Lauren regulates and goes, that's what they tell each cast member. And it was kind of a wake-up call, but it was true. It's good to, because I was like, but everyone, and then I think of everyone as friend, mom, family, dad, brother, sister. They fucked you, man. Yeah, you're so good. I'm going

I'm going to break down just for my own amusement. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. James is awesome. Trump. Because I think that the way you do it is like free association jazz. And I know you can. I wanted to say that a podcast clip of mine that I think it caught on with like Seth Meyers and his group of friends. Because it was Trump talking about

2000s New York alt comedy. It was like I had been doing Trump. Do you want to do a little bit? And our guest, Whit Thomas, was like, hey, weren't you a comic back then in the 2000s in New York? And I'd be like, oh yeah, there's, you know what, it was so wonderful to be with comedy. You know what, with comedy, it was never about the shows. It was never about the shows. It was about the diner afterwards. We loved the diner. And I would...

I'd be eating pancakes. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. - Oh, he's a little tamer back there. - Excuse me, can I talk please? She's not giving me any moment to talk.

I'm eating pancakes with Patrice O'Neill and I just can't believe that I get to do this every night. It's so wonderful. Greatest city on earth. You do Gotham and you do Rafifi and you do, maybe you'd get a spot at the Boston or something and a couple dollars in your pocket and you say, oh, this is a pretty good gig. Made 300 bucks tonight, you know, maybe buy a PlayStation or go to Gap.

There's so much detail in that. And you did the little breath thing. You know?

Here, I'll give you a... Thank you very much. I'll read these as myself. Okay. Like, these are just Trump things that you've incorporated with free association. I don't even... I bet you never wrote these down or anything, but I watched your thing. Okay. Frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of it. I can... That I can tell you. Yeah. Yeah, that I can tell you, that I can tell you. Let me tell you, frankly... Frankly...

Okay, let me tell you. You can read it if you can read those. Frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of, excuse me, excuse me. I can tell you that. That I can tell you. I can tell you that. I mean, when you look at, I mean, when you look at, I mean, when you look at, yeah, that connector phrase, like, yeah.

Ask me something that I do. So you're going to be a reporter. You're going to ask the real Trump a question he doesn't have an answer to. So I'm just going to not have an answer to it. Right. So do you think we're going to increase exporting natural gas to Europe? I mean, when you look at what China's doing in terms of e-sports...

I mean really, when you look, I think when you look at all of it, if you look at gas, I mean, gas is one thing, but frankly when you're looking at all the rest of it, I can tell you that, I mean when you look at what they're doing with, and look at what the Democrats have told us. Oh, I love it. The way that he can, let's do it one more time.

He'll just spin it off into his mesmerizing way of talking in some other place. Flip the page. There's more if you want to see. I had to write it. And it didn't work out so great for some of those people. And it didn't work out so great for some of those people. I love that one.

Man, I mean, we were all listening to his voice for four and a half hours every day for like five years. You're the one who put it all together, you know, and then you made it into this supernatural. And look at what they're doing. Let's see. Look at all of it. Frankly, look at all of it. Look at all of it. And people are very disappointed. Yeah.

Like you wouldn't believe. People are very disappointed, like you wouldn't believe. That's a big one. There is a level of disappointment that would make your head spin, frankly. That would make...

There's so much disappointment. And people are angry. What people? What are they angry about? It never matters. He always says anybody. He says someone. And a lot of people are saying very bad things about someone. You're hearing it more and more all the time. It's all very end run. It's vague and it goes into a corner. You know what?

Terrible deal, a really bad, bad deal. You're seeing it all over the place. Many people are saying, okay. - You're seeing it all over the place. Many people-- - And they're saying, we don't want that. We're not people. We're not people who want that. We're not people. We are going to be doing something very soon. We are gonna be doing something about it. Nobody knows. Nobody knows.

Nobody knows. My favorite was when he was at the rallies during the height of COVID. And he was like, and they can't even tell you what the 19 stands for. It's literally 2020. It's 2020. And I'm like, context clues. What do you think the 19 probably stands for?

The 2019 version of the virus. I think that was all I had. He does say words like old-fashioned words like terrific and fantastic. Things like your dad says, your grandmother, that aren't in the vernacular as much anymore, but he keeps throwing them in there. It reminds you that he's

Do you want to do... Oh, yeah. He's 75, and it's the mix of the old-timey language and the old-timey way of thinking and speaking about people, but he's obsessed with something rude that Lady Gaga said about him on a radio show or something. Lady Gaga was very, very rude. Not nice. And she was not nice. It was also the kindergartner thing of just breaking down what would have been a more elegant phrase...

with another presidential candidate and just breaking it down to like the caveman fragment. Like not nice, very big. Stone cold loser. Stone, it's a stone cold loser. I mean, that's the, that's where you get the 80s wrestler thing. Oh, okay. Because there's a little bit of 80s wrestler to it too. Yeah, WWE. Now you do something, a little birdie told me, you do something, well, where someone could give you a famous TV show,

And you could talk about it as Trump. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Well, since they don't think it's... This is not pre-planned. You guys yell out any kind of famous TV show? Okay, there's 200. What did you hear? I can't... The A-Team. The A-Team? The Wonder Years? Anything you've heard of. You know what? With Winnie Cooper, she was very beautiful.

But I don't think that Mr. Savage, you know, Mr. Savage just needed to wait his turn. I think that he needed to wait his turn with Winnie 'cause Winnie wasn't ready for what they were doing with Wendy. And Joe Cocker is such an awful person when you meet him. With Joe Cocker, that is someone who needs a little bit more help from his friends. I think he probably had to, you know what, they said that he got high with the help of his friends.

I said, "What kind of friends are that? "If they're helping you with drugs, "and they're helping you, and you look at China, "you look at what they're doing with Russia, "what they're doing with..." Honestly, what they're doing in Austin, Texas is absolutely awful. I think it's such a terrible thing with the segways and the river and the bats. You know those bats shit everywhere. Those bats are shitting on all of it. And I said, I was looking around, they showed me the bridge, and I said, "We gotta do something about this bat problem."

Gotta do something about the match because, and you know what they call it? Guano. Did you ever hear that? They call it guano. Have you ever heard that? I said, what the hell is guano? And they said, it's what they call the poop and they poop straight down the front of their breast. You know, they poop and you see the poop on their, what does it go in their mouths?

So we've been talking to Dracula, we're talking to Frankenstein, we're gonna do something about the bats because the bats frankly should be sleeping horizontally.

And this whole thing that Joe Biden and Kamala, they want the bats to be hanging upside down. They want you to be eating bats every night. There needs to be a brazen claim about what the Democrats, something the Democrats aren't doing. But there's like a, I mean, come on. That was all from the Wonder Years? Yeah. They were always talking about China on the Wonder Years, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it was Savage. Savage was...

Savage was very involved with everything that was going on with China, in terms of wall and with regard to microchips and supply chain. I mean, it's really awful with Steve Jobs and all of it. I think it's terrible.

I think it's terrible. It's like you don't really need joke jokes. It's just the rhythm and the references are so funny. Yeah, I mean... I just listen to this for hours. I mean, I just love the flow of it. That's how he led us for four years is because it is fun to hear him talk.

It's fun to hear whether you like him or not like him, whatever your politics are, you're right. You will probably be hypnotized by the weird rhythmic way that he speaks. I mean, it works. It does work. Oh, yeah, like how he'll just repeat, you're going to be winning, winning like you wouldn't believe it. It's going to be so good. Like, you just believe it because he said it 20 times in a row. Within one minute. Within one minute. It's going to be so good. You're not going to be so good. It's going to be incredible. Frankly, it's going to be very, very good.

So I understand why my grandpa, who was like hardcore conservative, you know, who would never have voted for a Trump in his life, but the minute that Trump was on TV 24/7, if you just hear, "I'm going to be amazing at this," over and over and over again,

And the people that hated him gave him the most air time. They're like, can you believe that he's saying this? I'm like, you probably... Well, they call it the Trump bump on CNN. They got a billion net per year. I mean, it's just fun to hear him talk and it's mesmerizing and it works. It's good that he... I mean, he has energy and then you go from that and then Biden doesn't seem to have a ton of energy. So it's not... You're more like concerned for Biden that he's okay. Like, I hope someone's near him in case he tips. You know?

So it went from Trump, this guy, and then it's just the exact opposite. So it's just not as fun for comedians to...

There's not as much there, I don't think. It's a very quiet kind of... Yeah, he's quiet, and Biden, threading the needle with Biden is tricky. For one thing, there's just like an exhaustion in the audience. Like, not even just on SNL, but like when I go out and do stand-up. If I'm doing stand-up in Nashville or a blue state or wherever it is, a red state, a blue state, it doesn't matter. Like, people are kind of like tired of...

about who the president is all the time. And it's like, you know, with Joe, we just know that he's going to be over there and he's going to be doing his thing. And it's like, their audiences don't,

It feels like they don't want you to go in on Biden. I always feel like, oh, am I doing him too old? Am I playing up the stutter? Because if I do the stutter a lot, I get people who are like, you shouldn't make fun of people's stutter. And I'm like, have you heard how I make fun of Donald Trump? Because I'm pretty mean to Donald Trump. If Biden was a hardcore Republican, what would SNL do to him?

I don't know. But it's a sensitive one. Alec clearly hates Trump, so it comes through as a mean impression. I think at least your Trump is just a...

funny, goofy one. Like it used to be on SNL, like with Dana, with Bush and Biden, I guess. It's a little softer on him, but maybe because he seems more ginger or something. I don't know. It's weird. It's like with Trump, it's like his body is like melting. He's like afraid of stairs. He doesn't want to walk uphill. There's like all these things where he's like, he's very like a Jacques Tati, like silent film kind of French comedy character. Yeah.

But his brain is super sharp and he's just ready to scream about, you know, like Sarah McLachlan. Like he's ready to scream about a celebrity. It's oxygen to him. And it seems like Joe is not ready to talk. He wants to be silent. And his body, like when you see Joe Biden, he's like always wanting to like jog around and hop on things. I know, I was doing it. He's got tight hip flexors. So yeah, so he's...

So you have the guy whose body is there, but the speech isn't rapid like Trump. He's not like a powerful, bam, bam, bam speaker. And then he does spark up. You'll see when Biden sparks up. On the campaign trail, every once in a while, there'd be a time right in the middle of a speech where he's like, yeah, we're going to be working hard. Better jobs. Better jobs for everybody. Yeah.

"We can get the kids working again. "That'd be great." He said, "Kids can't buy cigarettes. "Kids can buy cigarettes. "Kids used to be able to buy cigarettes. "They could do it whenever they wanted. "It was good. "Kids could do it whenever they wanted, "and the kids loved to smoke cigarettes." And then he'd like coast back down again and was like, "That's what we're working on." Right?

It's not about yesterday. I don't want to be president yesterday. I don't care about him.

Let's get real. It's not about yesterday. Yesterday you said you'll call Sears. I'll call today. You'll call now. Yeah. I'll call now. My father lost his job. No joke. I'm not kidding around here. I'm not kidding around. Yeah. You know, my mom used to have a saying. That's my favorite Joe Biden thing. Yeah. My mom used to have a saying. Yeah. And then you just fill it in with whatever thing you need to say in that one. My mom used to have a saying. Yeah. She said, we need more auto plants in Michigan. Yeah.

He makes the list that's one of his hooks yeah, yeah one number one what the guy said number two You know the drill come on folks. Let's get real I'm talking loud now. Yeah, watch me talk loud

I know how to talk loud. Yeah. I mean, it feels like he's kind of spitting into the wind, wanting that energy, the Corvette 50s guy come out, you know? And he's pretty loud. He sees that prompt and he kicks into a full sentence. He's like celebrating. Oh, yeah. It's like, I got the whole thing. He looks around, waiting for an applause break. They're like, keep going. Come on. I'm on a roll.

It's on the parts of the Caribbean. It is Jimmy Stewart. It is Jimmy Stewart. It's Jimmy Stewart, and I try to mix in a little Owen Wilson into it. Oh, wow. You know, sort of, yeah. You know how Owen Wilson always has that moment in the buddy comedy where he has to psych up the other guy? Like, oh, man, I trusted you. You're so, you're the best skater here. So it is by me. I see you skating, and I think, wow.

I want to do that. So that's, I bring an Owen Wilson into my mind. It's fun to have dinner with Owen Wilson. He's got a great voice. But yeah, it's a bit of that. But,

On SNL, it's kind of a tough little sort of, yeah, it's more delicate. It's tough to thread that needle just because, you know, if you do go too savage on him, you run into a thing of like, don't kick grandpa. That's too far. Yeah. And Trump has just not seen his grandpa. He doesn't get the societal benefit. No, but look at the strength of his voice when you do it. It's like, really? What?

I know, you know, he still thinks it's 1987. He still thinks he's like partying with like at Epstein's house, you know Just like does he get all this beautiful page like he still thinks I know he was not I don't think he was happy with Alec Baldwin was Impression as if you heard anything any feedback

You know, they took him off Twitter. I wonder if he still had Twitter, what he would be saying about the SNL. Other than you're horrible at it? Yeah, oh, he's terrible at it. Terrible. I miss, I do miss him on Twitter. I think it's like, I think it's good to like hear what people have to say in general. That's like my opinion on all that is like...

I would agree with that. Yeah, I hear both sides. Let him talk. Let him talk. Like Bernie Sanders said. What are you afraid of? Woods? I mean...

I mean, yeah, let him talk because, I mean, if you don't like him, he's going to say something that you can latch on to for the next couple of years. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, it is. But I also get why they kicked him off because it's like, dude, shut up. Like, I get both sides of it of just like just being done with it. I can't hear him talk every day.

for 10 more hours. And so now I do that to people. Now I am the person who makes them listen to Donald Trump. You are Trump right now, publicly. Yeah, I think so. You've become Trump. It's weird. You'll see the YouTube comments after a cold open and people are like,

"Why are they still doing Trump stuff? "He's irrelevant." And I'm like, "I don't know, he's kind of the most consequential figure in American politics still, like very important cultural figure." - Well, he's gonna run in 2024. - He's the leader of the Republican party.

He's an important person to hear from. Like, it's not irrelevant. Where does his energy come from? He's 300 pounds. It's Kentucky fried chicken, hot dogs and hamburgers. Filet-O-Fishes. He's almost 80. What the hell? Does he drink Tab? I drink 300 Tabs a day.

300, a lot of times I can tell you that. Well, we're doing wonderful work with RC Cola and with... With the RC Cola? I like wonderful work. Because that's so 80s or 70s. And I love to personify something that is not a real person and brag that I have a relationship with them. RC and I, by the way, Mr. Pepsi and I are very good friends. Yes.

Pepsi, you know, Richard, Pepsi is a very important person to me, and our wives are friends. We play golf sometimes. I'm very good friends with Dr. Pepper. He's been to Mar-a-Lago. Dr. Pepper was at Mar-a-Lago last week. His daughter had the most beautiful wedding dress you've ever seen. And I said, Pepper, you've got to... I mean, 23 flavors. I mean, we could be doing 24, 25. LAUGHTER

So that was like... It's just everything you say as Trump is funny. I've officially believed that that is... I worry that I'm painting myself into a corner. Like, am I going to have another character that's this fun to do? Will any of us ever see another personality like Trump on the political stage? It's hard to fathom. You never will. Yeah. You can be a supporter of Trump. We're fine with that. I don't care. Shh.

All right, anything else? I've got a lot of people there. I just love that thing, too, that you do, that guttural...

Oh yeah, the chisel on like some dead paint on a windowsill. Yeah, because everybody did the soft, sensitive one, but then you went like this. Yeah. She's got great legs. She's a beautiful person. That's 80s, 90s Donald Trump. And then I guess like after, I guess screaming at assistants on the set of The Apprentice is what gave him that Tom Waits bed of ambience. Yeah.

you know hillary you know where did that come from i have one little rhythm that i don't know if you i've only heard it once and you can use it if you want to it's very subtle he's doing a list and then he fades away this is when he's at a rally yeah and he does this slow fade on the last line i'll just try to i'll do my my go for it mediocre trump at this point

Inflation's going very high, it's going six, seven, eight, 10 bucks a gallon, how high can you go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I don't know where that one is. Do you put that in there? Yeah, I think, I mean, the round. How high can you go? How high can you go? Yeah, he drifts off. But he goes, go. It's another tone. That's like the stand-up showman part of it, right? Like where he's doing, that's like mic work. I'm looking at the windmills that we've got, and I'm looking at what they're doing with Volkswagens, and we're not going to be doing that too much.

Yeah. How can he be doing that? It's like, it's so obvious. How high can you go? Because people are like screaming and clapping. He's like looking at the side stands over here and he's doing that and then he loses the mic for a second. Yeah, it's like, it's so obvious. Joe Biden doesn't even know where he is, does he?

Who have I seen do that? Like Bill Ingvall or somebody? That is like a stand-up. It's a stand-up. That's a stand-up-y thing. Yeah, yeah. It's like a Def Jam thing or something. It's like a Bernie Mac thing or something. Bernie Mac. What else you got for him before we got to do a Q&A? I don't know. I think we should do the Q&A. I just enjoyed James Austin Johnson. Yeah, I enjoyed him.

Thanks for having me guys. This is fun. James, thank you very much. We wish you all the best if this is before we're going to do the Q&A. Should I clear out? Yeah, you clear out. Does he stay or is he missing? Whatever you want to do. Why does he stay? Then they can ask him about SNL or anything. Alright you guys, we'll do a little Q&A. Oh, I guess we can sit down for this. Or we could stand up if we have to do something. Oh, we're going to have a microphone and then people walk us. This is going to be a shit show. Okay, you've got a microphone.

Go to him and we'll answer a few. If anyone has any. If they don't, they don't. It's okay. It's okay. It's no problem. Anything about... Really, whatever. Oh, but make a line. If there's anybody that wants to, come down here and then you can ask and it'll be official. Oh, there's the mic. Yeah, that way it'll get picked up on the phone. And then we can hear it. Don't be shy. I like the people on the way, way balcony up there. See you guys. Look at that.

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Here's a man that's brave. This guy's coming right down. Oh, this guy jumped the line. He's right in the front.

Okay, go ahead. What do you got, boss? So obviously you guys are hilarious, right? Thank you. But I'd like to know, who else on the cast did you really find funny? Like just really cracked you up when you guys were preparing? Maybe we'll go down the line. In my years, I lucked out into a chunk where I had Dana, I had Mike Myers, I had

Kevin Nealon, Dennis Miller, Farley Sandler, Chris Rahr. I mean, we really got Schneider, Tim Meadows. I really hit a pocket there that they said was bad at the time, and five years later, they said it was funny.

And, uh, Daniel, what about you? I got to partner up with three different comedians. Like, Kevin Nealon and I did Hans and Franz, the Arnold. And that was so... Still maybe my favorite thing to do, but right before Kevin would be Kevin, and then right before they'd go five seconds, he would... His eyes would just change, and his IQ would go down like 50 points. And then, you know, um... With Phil Hartman doing... Yeah, Phil. Um...

Johnny Carson with Phil, God rest his soul, very good friend and one of the all-time greats. He would do Ed McMahon and just every time he... Yes, you are correct, sir. You are. And then, of course, my brother from another mother, Mike Myers, and us doing Wayne's World. So, really, all...

Everyone who does this show and survives it and on any level has my respect. It's a really hard show to do and to get, and it's so fun to see James thriving there. James, what about you? You working with some good people right now? You know, when I think of things that happened at Table Read that were just so funny and the hardest I've ever laughed, when...

when Chris Redd introduced his Mayor Eric Adams thing. - Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that. - The feeling in the room was just insane with the, "Bitch, I'm from New York!" The way he does that was just incredible. - That is hysterical. - Andrew Dismukes I write with a lot and I think he's really, really funny. - He is. - Yeah, there's a lot of great writers there too. - Yeah, there's 55 people on the cast this year and it's a lot to choose from. - It's a big cast. - It's a big cast. - It's hard. - Yes. - Okay.

We'll keep our answers to 12 minutes. Go ahead. Next one. The other side. I'm sorry. This young man. Can you do another Trump as the apprentice, but you're firing David because he didn't sell Selinsky brake pads. Okay. It's pretty sophisticated. Richard. Okay. All right. Here we go.

You know, the whole thing with Tommy Boy was, you know, and they did Black Sheep too. And I thought with Tommy Boy, where was Aykroyd with Black Sheep? I think it was awful that they didn't have with Dan Aykroyd. Maybe he did that picture. I don't know. But that guy with aliens and all of it, it's so awful what he's doing with vodka and with House of Blues. That's the best I can do. Yeah. All right.

All right. And you're mine. Thank you. That's great. Hi, I just had a question for, I think your guys are all great. David, do you have any other plans for any more books? Any more books? Oh. He's an author. Well, no, I did that one poll right in the Snapchat world and then, uh,

You know, it turned into an audio book and that did well. So that sort of got me thinking about podcasting because it's audio and it's voice. And then it turned into Dana and I are old buddies and we want to do this. This isn't really answering your question, but that any more books. And I don't think I don't know. I don't think any more books because they're too hard. But thank you. And thank you for us. Boss over here with your drink.

I've never done this before. So gentlemen, it's sort of my birthday from Chicago to Sue Black from Vegas four hours ago to see y'all from Austin, Texas. Loved your 14 years. I love your favorite Chris Farley and Norm MacDonald story. Oh, okay. On Saturday Night Live. And you are the smartest, funniest comedians of all time. That's why we're all here. So thank you so much. That's nice. Thank you. It's true. Thank you very much.

Very sweet. Dana, you probably have one. I have a quick Chris one where we would share an office and he was sitting behind me. We had like a 10 by 10 office. I don't know if you know where it is. Well, it's on 17, but it connects to the other one. So Chris and I had this one and then you walked through us to get to, I guess it was Sandler and Rock. So Chris would sit behind me, but he didn't write or read much. And so...

I would be writing on a legal pad. We didn't have computers. I'd write my sketches, but it was so hard. And he'd sit behind me bored because everyone would write 300 sketches for him. So he goes, David, what are you doing? And I go, Chris, get out of here. I've got to write some shit. And he goes, David, turn around. I go, if this is Fat Guy in a Little Coat again, it's not funny anymore. And he goes, no, it's not. It's a new thing. And then I turn around. He's got my Levi jacket on going, Fat Guy.

little coat. Don't you quit on it! And then we put it in the movie because it sounded funny. Dana? He always called me the lady because of the church lady. Chris Rock also even today will say lady and Chris Farley. They called me lady. Norm MacDonald was, I don't know, supernaturally funny. He was...

Like, he saw my stand-up once, and he picked out the worst bit that I did. It was very normal. I loved him, but backstage, he went, yeah, you should do it. That's really good doing that. You should do a lot more of that one. That's really funny, right? Yeah.

And then I would do him back to him and he would laugh. I love both of them. That's cool. Yeah. Did, um, uh, was nurse Teresa there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's still there. And she told me that my dressing room is Chris Farley's old dressing room. Oh, wow. So that's like a weird, cool connection that I have to that era. Yeah. She was very sweet. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Which side? That side.

So I have a shout out and a question. My shout out is to Dana Carvey. The Dana Carvey show was just like this little bit of genius. He did the best. The documentary about it was great. And man, a reunion would be amazing.

But my question for James is the Trump skits are so, they feel like stream of consciousness, but obviously they're written. Like, how do you write those bits? Could have just recorded tonight. Yeah, do you write them alone at SNL, or is there people that are set to write Trump skits? No, it's very collaborative. I mean, they write the cold opens, like, Saturday morning. So, like, a lot of times I can't, I'm busy with blocking or pre-tape or something, and

But what we usually do is now the writers have a pretty good handle on the notes I like to hit and the things I like to do. Last week with Easter...

you know, we, we did the first, we did the first script at run through and then we have a dress rehearsal after that. And then the big show. So I'm getting put into my giant prosthetic piece, um, at 7. P.M. for the 8. P.M. dress rehearsal. And I can't see anything cause they're like, they've got, they're putting the big eye bags on me and the giant jowls and, and,

So the writer, Mike DiCinzo, sort of came up to me with the script, and this is usually how we end up working it out, where he's like, "Hey, do you like all the stuff about Reese's "and things like that?" And I'm just like, "Yeah, read it aloud to me, "and I'll just throw out little lines." So he was reading it line by line, and I'd be like, "Oh, Reese's egg, he should talk about "how he's good friends with Reese."

You know, it'll be that kind of thing. They have the hooks down. So they have like the subject matter and then sort of I'll throw out in, you know, I talked to you like my second week at the show. We did talk on the phone. On the phone. Yeah. I asked for your phone number and I was like, how do you do this cold open and the president thing and injecting yourself into it and you're new there and...

I just didn't know. And you were like, you can throw out little lines when you're rehearsing and stuff like that. And so now I've gotten comfortable with when a writer comes up to me, you know, being brave with like a joke I think would belong in or something like that. And it's very collaborative, but I don't,

I don't write those all by myself. I just throw out little jokes here and there. But you broke the code and you have the language and they hear it and then that's incorporated and that's... And they'll do that with my Biden too. Yeah, yeah. My buddy Mike DiCenzo...

He does my Biden around the office a lot. A good trick in rehearsal is to just throw out shit, even in blocking. And whoever's watching it in the booth can write down stuff. Because when you're blocking, you've got the stuff right there. Sometimes things just come to you that fit in, and then you can peppermint, layer them in during the week. Man, it's...

It's really, it's the weirdest job in the world. - I get nervous thinking about it. - It's an intense job in the world. - Hey guys, hi Dana, David and James. It's a huge honor to just even talk to you guys. Big fan, I remember growing up in Mexico watching your movies with subtitles, didn't even understand, but it was still frickin' hilarious.

Master of the disguise, Tommy boy, come on. So I was just wondering, my question is, do you guys have any stories from being down in like Mexico or South America? And even if there's an impression in there, even better. We better steer clear of that. Dana, do you have any? I don't have any Mexico stories, do you? What? Mexico stories. Oh, yeah. I played a corporate date for Terminex. I did too. And...

And I was, it was all day, so it starts at 7:00 a.m., they put a giant tent on this lawn at this five-star hotel, and it was huge, and then I'd do a little bit of shtick, I'd go back to my room, it's like 500 people, I'd come back, and then it started losing air, the tent started deflating, by the time I went back, almost everyone was gone, it was halfway down, and they paid me a ton of money, I can tell you that, and I had to go back

just bombed terribly, but there was no chance. So that was my Mexico Terminix corporate dig. I did the same gig and I was there covering for Martin Short. He goes, can you do this for me? I go, yeah. I went all the way there. It was Dominican Republic. And then I get there and there's so many mosquitoes. The first night I got in at like two in the morning. So, you know, I did, I took the raid and I just sprayed my whole body with raid and then I just laid there like a trap.

And they'd come and they'd go, and then they'd go, oh, they'd look at me and I'd go, fuck you, and they'd go, oh. And then I went to the hospital also, but I feel like it was worth it. Dana, let's thank everyone for coming down. Thank you for coming down. You guys are awesome. Thank you for taking your time, and we'll see you next time. Good night. Come on, James, this way. Thank you.

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.