Dane Cook
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You know who is hilarious is Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan. He's got, the guy is a machine. He's made 11 specials. I guess this will be number 12 for, and I'll say it, comedy legend, Jim Gaffigan. And he's coming to Hulu.

Just in time for the holidays, Jim Gaffigan, here's the name of the show. Jim Gaffigan, The Skinny, premieres November 22nd. Doesn't that sound cool, David? Good name. Yeah. Listen, it's a hoolerious new stand-up on Hulu. Yeah.

In this all new hour of comedy, you'll see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers and gaslighting family members to weight loss and social media. In Hulu's very first stand-up comedy special. Really? Wow. I did not know that. I did not know that. Is that weird? Is that wild stuff?

Come shed some existential weight and raise a glass with the hilarious event for one of America's most iconic and relatable comics. Whether you're gathered together with family and friends or need a break from them, everyone needs a happy hour. And who better to give it to you than you?

Everybody's favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan. See the hilarious new standup special, Jim Gaffigan, the skinny. And that's premiering November 22nd, streaming on Hulu. It says two people that rely on her voice. You know, this is a job stand up this whatever. Zycam is great because if you feel a cold coming on, you know, I have Zycam in my bag. Like if you're on the road,

give it a couple of squirts because your throat's sore, sniffling. That's when I go for it because it's sort of, if you're already in the throes of it, it will speed it up. It will shorten. It will shorten the cold or reduce the symptoms so that the second you start feeling, because sometimes you go, oh man, am I getting a cold?

And that's when you hit a Zycam. Boom, boom. Yeah, nail it. And it's kind of fun too. They have rapid melts, medicated food drops, a lot of flavors, you know. Nasal swabs. Nasal swabs. Those are fun. Sprays. Yeah. So you can get it in a lot of different ways.

If you feel a cold coming on at the first sign, reach for cold shortening products from Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand. And for best results, use at the first sign of a cold and continue to use until the symptoms completely subside. Pick up Zycam in the cold and flu aisle. Visit Zycam.com to see where to buy online. We have on our show today, Dana, Dane Cook.

A familiar name? Different than my name, D-A-N-E, and I am D-A-N-A for all you fans out there. You put the DNA in D-A-N-A. This one's interesting because his journey, he was the first person to really use social media

to create a fan base with a platform called MySpace from the early noughts. MySpace, I like. And then he had so much to talk about because there's so many things going on. He did a ton of movies. He's still doing movies. He's sort of gotten to the place now where he had ups and downs and he's like,

I'm good with everything and I just want to try to do the stuff I really, really want to do. And he puts his own money into stuff and he's doing, he's really, it was super interesting to talk to. I didn't know a lot of what he was telling us. Yeah, I mean, he really made the leap pretty quickly to,

You know, people are doing a lot now, you know, arena. Yeah. He was, he was one of the first to go. It was dice. I remember it was big and then dice earlier than him. And then he, he came out new and he was just like a, uh, huge. And, uh, he goes, he's a very open, real person. Cause he's had some ups and downs. He had some legal issues and he'll, he'll address in terms of family members. And, uh, it's very, very, uh, interesting interview. And he's very, um, he's,

He's a smart, clever person. I'm just going to say that. It's kind of similar to the Matt Reif where a good-looking dude comes out, blows up in comedy, and has a big career. And so hear his story. Stick around and listen to this. Here he is, Dane Cook. Hey. Hey, guys. The Nutty Professor is our guest today. And he is... Dane is surrounded by incredibly... He's got a stormtrooper...

I'm just painting a picture, man. Mass. You are. Are you a science fiction guy like me or fantasy? Marvel? What do you? When I see this, I look like an intern at Bad Robot.

But at least they have a restaurant in Bad Robot has a full scale restaurant. You've been there, right? You're just walking along. Yeah, I've seen it. And, you know, it wasn't until I looked at your benign background that I look like I'm Mr. Magorium's magical emporium over here. So it's a little too busy. Yeah. Well, look at Dane and I is pretty blank, but you at least are trying to tell I'm in a hotel in New York City.

You guys look like you're in like one of those like off, off the grid doctor's office. Yeah. Dane is in an undisclosed holiday and a green ribbon. Yeah. I'm near a buffet. It's 10 minutes. It's 10 feet away, but you're not going to see it. But, uh,

Let's cook it up. - Dan Cook is our guest. - I wanna have a phrase, I just thought of it. Let's cook it up. - Let's get it cooking. - I'll ask you later, like how do we blow up this podcast? I mean, we're doing really well, but I wanna know, 'cause you're the master of that, the original. We can start there if you want, or your childhood. But the first comedian that I know of that identified social media before broadband, MySpace,

And then decided instead of hanging out after the show would go back and work social media. Yeah. That became the biggest comedian on planet earth. Right. You know, I was a, I was a, I was a dork. Basically. I was a dork that loved comedy.

And I felt like on stage at night, there was this great opportunity to kind of be whoever you wanted to be, right? You could create this persona. You could, you know, have this kind of rambunctious facade. And then I would go home and for 23 hours of the day, through the entire terrible 90s of road work,

I was just miserable. I was really, really languishing, miserable, and like, how can you make this other time of the day work? And how could my geekdom work for me somehow? I love computers. I saw the internet as kind of like

I don't know, like some kind of portal, you know, to college kids that were, you know, online late at night downloading porn or whatever they were looking for. It's like Facebook or something. You start to go, I got to get to these guys. But dial up. The energy of dial up in those days. That's just my wife. Good night. That's all I got. I don't have anything else. That's it. Good night. That's not bad. That's her yelling at you. No, that's her just talking about dinner.

yes dear but anyway so that was uh you're a worker bee then you're a nerd and a and not willing you're willing to put the work in because that is which pre-broadband you got to really work it hey listen by 98 everybody made it pretty clear to me if you didn't have like a saturday night live or an hbo you know young comedian special if you didn't have one of those two things

You know, you weren't going to zeitgeist. You weren't invited to the party. And I it's funny because I had an SNL moment where they wanted me to come in. It was right after Adam had left the show.

Shut the fuck up.

And I didn't go in. I actually called my manager. I said, I can't do it. And he's like, why? They're all waiting for you. They want to see you. They're looking for something to fill that void. And I blew it on the day because I was like too... I also knew from a few friends that had been on the show that it was...

That it was more confrontational. And I was very beta at that time. And I was like, I'm not going to be able to fight for skits. I can barely, you know, get my food order out at a, you know, for a waiter at lunch. I'm not going to be able to survive at SNL. Two men enter, one man leave. That's read through. I just find for who's ever listening, young men or whatever, how do you go from,

From a beta to... At least your stage persona became Alpha Alpha. Yeah. It was interesting because... So my dad was a BC graduate and an all-around athlete. He played every sport. He boxed. He was just a stud. And my mom...

was like uh you know there wasn't an alan on meeting that she didn't want to sit in you know she was just like real super sensitive very like introvert i got a lot of that i was i was kind of like an introvert but inside i was very competitive because my dad's side so it wasn't until i got on stage and started feeling like oh wait what if i what if i took this version of myself and just kind of

brought that into the meek shall inherit the earth 23 hours of the day and see if I can live in the middle. So that's kind of where it all got built up from. Well, it wasn't getting you anywhere. I mean, especially that SNL thing is such an interesting story that I was there. I mean, I was still, I stayed a year after Sandler. So I would have been probably someone you would have seen there of my final year, but

Wow. And how, and don't your people turn their back on you a little after that? Your management agents or no? Yeah, they were not, they were not happy. I definitely felt like I let myself down. Cause you got to realize two years later, I'm, you know, I'm somewhere in, you know, Tampa at a D level gig and I'm watching Fallon who, you know, uh, you know, got this doing what you could have been doing. You were right there with him. You would have been maybe a cast mate with him. Yeah.

I don't know, man. Right? I was just... I was out there going, oh, no. Oh, wow. I think I... I think I missed out that opportunity. And of course, at that point, there was nothing else. There was just...

There was just the next gig where at that point they didn't care that I was coming and they didn't care when I left. It was those gigs. Just a flash in my head. Did you ever play the rib tickler in Minneapolis? That's a real club. It was kind of a fun club, but it's pretty grim out there when you're, I mean, but at that point, at least in your head, you're going to be a professional. You were making a living. You're not leaving. You're just going to find a way, right?

You're not one of those people who quit for a month or something. I'm doing, I'm doing a lot of college gigs. Um, yeah. So at the time I'm out there, I'm, I'm doing a lot of gigs. I remember the, the kind of the gang that was out there at the time was like, Oh, do gigs with Chappelle, uh, Tracy Morgan, uh,

Who else was out there at that time? Just a flock of like, you know, great up and coming comedians that were killing it. But I felt like everybody else sort of had a trajectory and mine was already like, you know, every time I walked by that bench at Rockefeller Plaza, I was like, ah,

I'm an asshole. I can't believe I screwed it. You're like, I had mental problems before it was cool. You were way ahead of the game there with ADD or anxiety. If you were now, you'd Instagram that or you'd live stream it. I'm right outside Rockford Center. My dream's right there. I can't open the door, gang. You're right. A full-blown panic attack. That would have blown up globally. That probably would have gotten a lot of kids. I need a personal day. I blame SNL and I'm going to come in there. They owe me. You would get that day back somehow.

because it is tricky to do that. I mean, it's hard because I'm sorry, I'm going to be answering all your questions for you. What it is, is you do that and now you're going to do rib ticklers and all these gigs, which we've all done. And you're going, where am I? What is my goal now? Because I just kind of missed one goal. So it must be tough. Oh yeah, it definitely was. I mean, it was like,

I never wanted to stop. I always was like, okay, I guess there's some other avenue, but it wasn't until the end of the 90s into MySpace and social media that quite literally, long story short, I was sitting in front of the computer one day. I start posting stuff on MySpace.

And I just was putting up clips and talking to fans and really like just nerding out all that, like eating Froot Loops and just responding to people, you know, that were, you know, in between classes. And then finally, I remember I saw it go from a few hundred people to like 2000 followers in like a matter of days. And I was sitting in my office.

or I say my office, but I was sitting on a futon, which was also in my kitchen, which was also in a basement. We all had a futon at some point. The dreaded futon days. Futon is your kitchen. And then I finally looked and I was like, damn, dude, I just hit 2,000 followers. And I'm serious when I say, I'm like, I think this is it. I was like, I think I could build like a little, you know, army through this. And I just didn't let up. For four years, I answered everything.

everything that anybody sent me i would send them links and you name it i like i was friends with everybody for a while who wrote me and what was how big did that first wave get where did you get to in four years i mean this is early early social media a hundred thousand or it was seven it was seven million followers by the time you know my space would say defunct but

In that time. 7 million? Like 2004, five? Yes. Yeah. And so what was crazy is. That's a billion today. It, right. It really, it's almost like being like, uh, you know, on the Celtics in the eighties and realizing, right. Those guys probably only made $40,000 a year versus like, uh,

But I could click one button and sell out, you know, you name it, that point, like a field house at a college or even a small arena back in 03, 04. I could click one click.

And the algorithm just did its job. You just say tickets for sale going on sale right now. Done. No radio, no good morning Cincinnati, like nothing. Just click. No zoo crew. No zoo crew. I'm going to use the word Oracle, Pioneer. I think young people listening understand that.

The first, maybe the first human being, I don't know who your peers were, but I know in the world of comedy, you started this. So some of the toxicity of social media, I kind of put on you. Let's turn this around a little bit. You're a problem. That's extraordinary. In the meanwhile, I'm just interested in the process of the lane of becoming great, right?

Not just good as a stand up. You know what I mean? Just that work ethic and all that. Those reps. Yeah. Well, if you if you start knowing I can click one button and get everybody's attention, I better be delivering something that's worthy, because if you have that many people walking away from your shitty thing, right, they're going to tell everybody. So, yeah, sure. You have to be good. There's no way you're doing those gigs.

And not having satisfied customers because it wouldn't last a minute. Of course, everything ebbs and flows, but you have a great run like that. A great mindset is I have to kill. And so that means the weaker bits go overboard. I have to kill and they're all coming to see me and they're my friends. So I get the pressure. I would be in the village every night and I would try to book

six to upwards of 10 gigs in a night so I could work, work, work. I'd be going cellar, Boston comedy club, the wah, come up to stand up in New York, come back down to danger fields, back over to the cellar for the midnight show. Just do that, that circle man all night long to try to, you know, figure out what works, what's funny.

Okay. That's a lesson number two for young people listening. It's just work. What's your demographic here, Dana? When we say young people listening, we're talking 40. No, anything under 60 to 90. Yeah. Most, most of the demographic is 83. Yeah.

I don't know why I come from the 80s. All you elderly residents at Mediplex Nursing Home in Lexington, listen up. Any aspiring stand-ups who've been in it 35 years or having trouble in their mid-50s landing a paying gig, you're getting truth to power here right now. We are cooking it. I like when we have Paul McCartney on and be like, get somebody famous. I'm like, he is famous. I know. Get somebody from TikTok. It's like, we try to do both, but you know what I mean.

We're like old school, the people that actually did something. And I think TikTok is something and all that stuff is something, but we sort of are more old school about it. But listen, we'll take whatever. We're trying to bend a little bit on this topic.

So you do that. So you're far from Burger King where you worked once and I fucking still miss Burger King. I love it so much. Did you grow up really just middle class basically? Yeah, we grew up, I say in my act because I thought we were lower middle class and I learned in my teens we were upper poor.

My mom was just cleaning toilets and doing housekeeping and just doing anything she could to keep us in a pretty good spot. Were you in Southie? We were in Allington, which I don't even know how we managed that. But we were in the system. We were food stamps. And Salvation Army used to come over and have to fill our furnace up with

you know, with oil. Yeah. You were lower middle class. I'm just saying it's where you came from, where you went is always startling. Yeah. We, we were like a week to week family, but it was kind of also kind of really, it was really bonkers because, you know, we would, my mom, it took me a lot of years to realize, like my mom just was, you know, full tilt committed to like, even if you're,

desperate and you your ass out you gotta like still go for your dreams so my mom even though here we are we're in the system and we're like trying to figure out week to week she'd come home with like a used corvette and be like look what i bought and i was like how how how can we even do that mom you yeah we can't she's like i know we're gonna have to work harder she was like we gotta all work another job so i can have this this fun car and it was just like she set a precedent which obviously i took into my stand-up which is like

You just got to, you can have what you want, even in the lean years, the tough years, but you got to work triple overtime. You got to, you got to, right. Give it everything you got to pay for. Yeah. We also found out, I just looked up. She did have an only fans. She did. First person in history. She would have been doing like a Jane Fonda workout, but like in a slinky outfit back in my Barbarella outfit tonight. I don't want to go on a tangent. That's funny. I can't get a handle on.

On the money and OnlyFans, this Olympic athlete, I think it's a gymnast from some country. And so she's got 320,000 followers. You had 7 million, but she's monetizing $20 a month. And it's not pornographic, just cute stuff. So it's 6.3 million a year. Loves her new job. So anyway, that's kind of fascinating. But let's go back to you. Let's go back to our grind of comedy.

Dana, when I walk behind you, I notice you have some lats, a couple of back muscles. I don't know all the names, but it feels like you might be able to row. Do you ever row? I've done a lot of rowing in my life. The home rower, the hydro rower is what we're talking about, but it's not a treadmill, elliptical, or a bike. Those don't work out your upper body or core. It literally gets your whole body. It's like you're...

dragging this weight back and forth, back and forth. If you want to give the gift of an immersive full body workout, all from the comfort of your home, you need the hydro rower.

I think it's a great product. I really do. Hydro. First, yeah, don't try to ignore your core. Don't ignore the core. I've caught you sometimes ignoring the core, but you can't because you don't want to be on these machines that don't do that. Hydro is a go-to for the ultimate full body workout. How ultimate? Good question. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, core, only 20 minutes. 20 minutes.

And you'll be ripped. I can tell. You can really blast yourself in 20 minutes. Oh, you'll be drenched. And you'll be huffing and puffing. It's great for you. For sure. That's good, though. No matter what your starting point or goals are, whether you're training for a marathon or training for life, Hydro meets you where you are. Hydro is low impact, David, which means minimal risk of injury. Understand? Hydro also combines strength and cardio.

I mean, you really could get an amazing just all-in workout if you go on that thing for 20 minutes. Listen, the workouts are led by Olympians, world-class athletes, top-tier coaches, hydro workouts. They're filmed all over the world. Outside, not stuck outside.

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So, you know, I you can put it in the living room in our basement. You can put it out on the lawn. It's easy to move around and then you get your workout and it's great. You know, it's built well. It's not one of these flimsy machines that I've bought in the past, you know.

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What was the biggest, I mean, Retaliation was seemed in 2005 was sort of a rocket, a super rocket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was my, that was my second album.

and it was kind of funny because when I put the first album out, Comedy Central, who did my record deal, they were like, the comedy album is dead. So they gave me this great bad deal where they were, cause they were like, it's just a calling card and no one's even, I remember they told me in the meeting, if, if eight, if you move 8,000 units, you know, pre-digital, you know, we'll be, we'll be shocked. And I was telling them, you, I got a lot of

got a lot of fans, man. I got colleges all over the country. So I made a great deal with Comedy Central where I was like, okay, if I sell over 100,000, you'll give me like

$2.50 per album. And they were like, okay, but if you don't, we keep everything. And I was like, deal. And then Retaliation, I think, sold like, I don't know, 102,000 copies in that first week. And that was like a big win for me and my fan because I was like, okay, now I'm putting a little bit of cashola away so I can really live this dream. And they got to listen. That's crazy because when you can play the...

Play that like that where they don't believe in it. You're like have almost a secret weapon going, wait, do you guys not? I'm trying to let you in on this. That's a shrewd business move. And that went platinum, right? Yeah, yeah. Double plat, man. Double plat. But I did it as a double album because I knew I would go gold or maybe, you know, possibly please platinum. If you have two discs in a unit back then, that counted as two sales, right?

So I hit that 500,000. I kind of, it was like my little cheat way in by doing a double comedy album. I could hit that precedent, you know, sooner if I was going to hit it at all.

And was that, I'm sorry to interrupt, was that because you did Premium Blend, which is something I hear in a lot of intros to comics. And I don't, I did half hour comedy hour. And then there's, we've all done Stand Up Spotlight, you know, Evening at the Improv. So it's all that kind of stuff. But those can help you blow up a little bit. So did Premium Blend move the needle? Or what was really the needle mover other than your just doing it on the road? Yeah, it was, it was Premium Blends. It was, yeah.

you know they had like three or four of those kind of like not stand-up stand-up that was like early 90s but you know those things where they would clipify you yeah and then you would end up interstitials or whatever on on their network or shorties watching shorties and all these kinds of things but more than anything it went that i want to be on that more than anything it was it was like it didn't occur to me until you know i was maybe 26 27 i was like i was like oh shit i'm

I'm growing up with a new generation of comedy fans. If I just stay here and expand with these premium blends and stuff, I'm just going to build up that initial squad of familiarity. And I didn't know. I mean, did I know it was going to go to...

you know, Madison Square Gardens and all that? No, I hoped it was a dream, but it was definitely like when it started happening, I was like, oh shit, this is going to be in the never been done before business. Unbelievable. Madison Square Garden is such a benchmark for comedians because it's very rare. I think they said Dice did it before you. Well, it was incredibly rare when Dane did it because just Dice and then you, right? And that was it. Madison Square Garden? Yeah. You were the second?

And you did two shows in one night or two shows back to back? Yeah, I think it was two shows. Yeah, an eight and a 10. Somehow we managed to... Eight and a 10? It's 20,000? It takes five hours to unload them out and in, but... Oh, y'all, did you do TD Gardens? I'm sure Boston you would have probably wanted to do. Oh, yeah, that was it. Dude, that was vicious. So like Spade, it was crazy because Vicious Circle, that was the first arena anything in...

HBO, when they were like, all right, we want to give you your moment, they

What do you want to do? And I was like, I want to see if Marty Cullner, who I was a fan of and I knew had directed Carlin's first special 1978 on location, Carlin in the round. And so I went and pitched HBO. Could I meet with Marty and could we do it in the round? And we could we could do it at Boston Garden because that's my New England affiliate. All my fans from now 15 years, they somehow agreed to pay for that and do it. And that was the first arena that I ever watched.

played was that vicious circle show. That was the first night I ever played an arena in the round like that. Wow. And I watched that. I watched that when it first came out and I was like, damn. Yeah. This guy, who is this guy? I mean, the commitment, there's the bit, is it the one where you do breaking and entering? Yeah. If someone asked me to ask you this question, is that a true story where you just say to your friends, let's break and enter somewhere tonight or was it an embellishment of a true story? Yeah, no, no. It was, it was,

it was cobbled together from two or three different times where what we do is there was always like construction sites and new homes being built around where we were. So we'd sneak through the woods and then we would be any, we'd get into these places and, you know, whatever, just like, you know, literally just like hang out in these abandoned or being built homes. And years later, I remember in like junior high school in my first, you know, notebook of like possible ideas for, for, for sketches. I was like, uh,

I got to do something with the B and E. And so that ended up in there. You have something in common with David in that you don't lean on it another day.

Neither does David, but you both will use sound effects. And you did a lot in that particular bit, sneaking in, opening the door, all that stuff, which is a very effective thing to paint a picture. It's texture. No, it's great. I do it. Everyone does it. It's great. Yeah, you're painting these verbal pictures and you're trying to use as many... Anything. Johnny Carson once said...

you know, you use everything as a comedian. You use everything. Something you did when you were eight, you know, you use every element in standup. And I guess, you know, that's what we try to do. If you don't have singing, I mean, there's, when you go on SNL or standup,

there's singing there's playing instruments all help in stand-up you know what i mean if you can put that into a bit it helps some noise helps some anything also jokes also the verbal it's all combined you're like fuck this is a highly competitive business if i have one thing i can do use it to help a bit yeah that all use it that's is that right when you did snl because you hosted twice is that in two years

I forget what someone told me. It was like the end of one season. And I think I'm either back to back host because I opened the next season. It was like I ended the season. Then maybe it was one. And then I it was like almost like within three episodes, I hosted twice. Shit. Get more famous. My God. I knew it. I mean, that's rare. And this year, I mean, Nate did it last year as a comedian. Nate Bregazzi. Like, I don't know, maybe Marge. I don't know when. But then he came back this year. So.

even under a year is pretty remarkable, I think. 'Cause when I was there,

You know, because you could pick anybody. So it's very hard to get a double invite like that. Just to be able to finally do it, though, after the bench incident years earlier and to finally be asked to, you know, come on there and host, man. It was like... And then to be able to even just share it with you guys. Like, I don't want to geek out too much, but it's very cool because growing up watching you guys and continue to, and then there I was, I missed my moment, but I got a second chance at, like, being a part of

your world in a way. You know, that was the show in seventh grade that really, for me, it was a Martin Short moment. I remember watching Martin Short do Ed Grimley. And I think that night, that episode with, you know, all of you guys and all the shenanigans, I was like, I think I kind of belong around these people.

I think that's where I got to go. How'd you get past the bench? When you came in hosted, did you hit the bench? Did you tell Lorne about the bench incident? Freeze. Did you tell anyone about it? I told him because at the time when they first were...

Looking at me, from what I understood, I was on the radar. I reminded him and said, I probably kept a slot available for you guys that day because I didn't come in when you guys wanted me to, but he didn't care too much about that.

And who were your playmates then? Was Tina Fey still there? Was Fallon? There was sort of a crossover. When you were hosting. Yeah, Andy was there, and Bill Hader was on the come up, and Kristen Wiig, I got to do a Target sketch with her. Yeah, man, it was fun. Don Pardo was still there for the first time I came through, so I got pictures with him in the hall and got to hear him say, Dane Cook! Yeah!

it was it was i got to feel like i i was horrible in a couple of things i remember just coming off a couple of sketches being like whoa that was bad okay i hope the next one's better because that one i you're talking about the air show that not the practice show the air show yeah yeah the air shows i remember something oh something missed the mark and i how can we describe that that feeling in your body when you know you're missing and you just got to keep going yeah

I know with stand-up, you can call an audible mayday, mayday, and go do crowd work or switch up your best bit. But you're locked into a sketch, and everybody's been in sketches that die there. Everybody. How about when you're in a sketch, and you know you're dying, and then you lose the fake voice that you're trying to do? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Right? You can't stay in character. I thought you were Russian. I can't. Fuck this. What happened to this guy? Hey, what am I doing here? Where do we go? Oh, funny. Yeah. Terrifying. It's like, you know, you're closing. I was on the road and you got like a

Six minute closer and you needed to get to your time. You start it, they're not buying it. And you're like, I think I have to do this whole fucking bit because I have nothing left and I've got to do this. And now I'm locked in and you're scrambling for a way out. That's a sketch. And you know, everyone else is relying on you. Eyes are darting. You're like, oh, this is...

Oh, when you have your ender, what you think is your ender to a five minute bit and it gets nothing. So that, that, that, that, that, and just like crickets. Dana, Dana, I remember times I'd be on the road. The opening bit would miss so bad. I'd go to my ender second. Oh, you closed it? I closed it a second. And if that shit the bed, I was like, what am I doing?

for the next 35 minutes. Holy fucking shit. I was thinking the other day, have you ever done this? We always talk about when you're a standup and you're bombing and there's something really rewarding about you slowly get them back. It happens sometimes on corporate gigs. You're not really paying attention, but then you slowly, by the end, you're getting them and it's really fun.

The thing that's worse is you're killing and you're losing them somehow. And you're like, what's going on? I was killing. And that's the sickest feeling is you're like, you miss three bits in a row and you're like, I cannot lose these people. There's no way.

so weird and it happens especially in a big room you know richard what i do famously you want to stop and be like honestly i sincerely what did i do where did you yeah exactly i thought we were a bit wrong or i sometimes go guys you were the ones that laughed at the dog joke

"Where are you?" And they're like, "Ah, that was funny. This stuff sucks." - But Richard Pryor said, "Don't reflect the energy of the audience. If they're going down, then you just get louder. You never sort of start to get into their rhythm." And I don't see Dane doing that, but- - I did a gig with, it was me, Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neill, a few guys. It was like dinner theater gig, 95.

And a guy, you hear the utensils rattling, people are eating. All you hear is like, you know, the, the people getting chewed, right? Glasses being filled with way too much ice. You're like, do you need that much ice in your water? Really? You need Arctic level ice right now. And everything noisy on stage. And,

You know, Bill, whatever. He's trying to wrangle him. And a guy in the very back who wasn't having it threw a buttered biscuit through the air. And the buttered biscuit hit butter side up and just stuck to Burr's head right here. Like a buttered biscuit unicorn, Bill Burr. And it's stuck? It's stuck right here. I'm getting it with a fucking biscuit over here. Twins biscuits. You got a biscuit?

back of my head dude oh my god now going fuck you guys hi bill but it'll never miss it is fun now to talk about the i've been thinking i'd like to do like some kind of well i guess it is podcasting but it'd be fun to do like a documentary with just kind of like worst worst hell gig moment worst

What's the worst thing that ever happened on stage where you left and you were like, why? Why am I doing this? Okay, that was my next question. For you. Was that it for you or was there worse? The most humiliating, worst gig. I had a stage collapse. I used to be like, I was really like...

huge high energy, you know, the first 10 years. So I was like a whirling dervish. I'm like, I'm the Tasmanian devil of comedy. And I'm sweating within four minutes. And it's just, and I'm on a stage at the university of Rhode Island. And it,

And it was one of those makeshift ones that they kind of made for the show that you feel like it's always moving a little underneath you. The legs collapsed and the whole stage went and I slid into the people in the front row, like under the chairs. I ended up under them. And that was pretty humiliating because then I'm like, how do I, where do I go from there? 10 minutes in after I've started whirling again, the, the,

You might find this funny. Trying to fix the stage legs. Anybody have a crescent ring? I said this before, but there was a comedian, Rick Reynolds, who was, he's great. I remember Rick Reynolds. Anyway, and Rick would, he went up one night, and sometimes the audience would razz him. So he went up, he wanted to kill, he was all fluffed and folded. It was at the Improv in San Diego or something. Yeah, for sure. And then within two minutes, I looked out and he was waiting into the audience, fighting them, left, right.

He wanted them to love him. He's a big guy. He wanted them to love him, but within 90 seconds, he was doing roundhouses to the front row. I thought that was one of the greatest turns in life. He wore pants with flames on them. If you won't love me, I'll beat the shit out of you. You didn't like that joke? How about now?

There was a gig in downtown Boston where somebody projectile vomited during the show. Okay. Into the back of the head of the person in front of them. I wasn't on stage, but I was watching the comic. And then the person who had thrown up was the best because they throw up and everybody's like, you just hear, ah! And then that drunk person who threw up just went, keep going, keep going. Like,

like that was impossible. So still really nice about it. Never invite Linda Blair. Let's get the attention off me. It's all good. It's okay. I'm sorry. I love you, Dane.

I did almost pass out live on air at Saturday Night Live, though, during my first appearance. They did a sketch where I was wearing an oversized sweater, holiday sweater, and it had all these, I don't know how they made it, but it had all these real pieces of like, you know, lint, the huge. And during rehearsal, they were like floating around, like you could see them in the air. And what happened during rehearsal was I breathed in and one of these big lint balls went into my throat.

And suddenly, if you ever got like a thing of cotton in your throat, I couldn't fucking read. I was terrified because I was like, and I'm trying to get it out. Then during the live, I see them all floating around me. And I'm so scared that I'm going to breathe one of these things in that if you watch the sketch, I'm just doing this randomly to keep. I'm just like, let me tell you, just to keep lint balls from blocking your mouth.

Trying to do your German accent for the sketch. That is one thing about comedy and Saturday Night Live in particular. Like I was doing a club once and I just bit my tongue and I'm just bleeding. And now Dan and Flarfo, you know, stuff like that. Or you're a Charlie horse or you slam your shit. Eyelash and eye. There's so many things you feel. And then you got to go up there in pain. You have to take a dump right when they're introducing you. They're like. Giant boner. Yeah, I always have a boner.

David, for lunch today. It's almost lunchtime, yeah. Do you have any- What are you going to do? What do you do? You know, sometimes I really just want to have fun. I would get like a really good turkey sandwich with avocado. Or if I really want a guilty- I was going to say the same thing. Really? Actually, turkey. I just had it yesterday. Yeah. And maybe a few baked chips. And then you'd want an ice cold Pepsi, which I don't. What I like to do with Pepsi is I fill the whole glass to the brim with ice.

And then I slowly pour the Pepsi in and I make what I call a super Pepsi. Yeah. Cause the cold is great. It's not that super, but yeah. Well, I think if I say it's super, then it's kind of, it's, it's closer to super. Well, in your head it's super. Cause it's great. It's a super Pepsi. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not a regular situation. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was flying this week and, uh,

Pepsi on the plane, all Pepsi products. The casino I just played, every restaurant and everything. You throw one in with lunch, dinner, and get a little caffeine going. You get the fizzy bubbles, and it's fun. And, you know, you share it with people. An Austrian friend of mine once said to me, quote, and you know what enhances those flavors and really makes them pop? It's an ice cold Pepsi.

I said, thank you, Austrian. So he gives it a pop. Yeah, he gives you a pop with the Pepsi pop. It's better than a regular pop.

Get a fizzy Pepsi in you and a pepperoni piece of pizza. You know, I've done that so many times. Well, yeah, I would say pizza and a Pepsi. They sound alike. They go together. You will lose your mind with pizza and Pepsi every time. Grab a Pepsi zero sugar for your next meal as food deserves Pepsi.

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What about these movies? Tell me if these movies sound familiar. Do you recognize any of these names? Employee of the Month. Good luck, Chuck. My best friend. So you're starting to get a ton of movies. I remember you were getting one almost probably every year they were coming out. Any favorites or any ones? It was kind of cool because that was just...

It was like I came up with these directors, producers that, you know, were just fans, had probably seen me years ago and like whatever shitty gigs. But now they're, you know, fans and they're like on the come up. So they, you know how it is. They kind of like go like, all right, I'm on the come up. I want to.

I want to do something with you. You're a comic that entertained me coming up. So it was really fun. Definitely felt like I had a great era through. It was really Lionsgate, like eight Lionsgate films I think I did in a row. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was a blast, man. I will tell you.

Like when you hit that, you know, when you're hitting your stride and you're the bell of the ball in that moment before, you know, haterade and the spanking machine, you know, has to knock at your door. When you're at that moment and you're getting the adulation and you're not in jeers in TV Guide, you're in cheers in TV Guide. Oh.

I've been in both. It's awesome, man. It was a good run. I had a good run. Cheers and jeers is so fucking funny. Who was your favorite director or favorite co-star? You had favorite Jessica. Kate Hudson. Oh, man.

uh who's hotter kate hudson or jessica alba i got to work with all the jessicas i think that i think uh working with kevin costner on a drama i did called mr yes i saw that movie loved it in that the time of my life i got to work with stud i got to work with diane weiss john mahoney and a great gang of people on dan in real life uh steve carell

Yeah, saw that too. I got to do like comedy stuff that was just like my version of vacation or my version of the comedies or stripes. And then I got to do some stuff that was ancillary, but to me just as rewarding because it was so like different. It was just stuff that was different from comedy. So it was cool.

Yeah, of course. Who has that? I mean, so just pause for a second in your existence. So you're doing these films. You've got all these specials and albums and millions, and you're getting really wealthy and really famous.

Did it go to... I mean, how did you respond to that? Just work harder? Were you kind of numb to it? Or were you sort of... What are you... Yeah, it was like all I ever wanted to do is take what I earned and put it back into creativity. So I didn't have like...

I was just a jeans and T-shirt guy. I wasn't living, you know, I leased my car. I wasn't doing anything that was, you know. Okay. You know what I mean? I wasn't trying to like live this, you know, lavish lifestyle. I just really wanted to go, okay, if I can take this money and make the stuff that I want to make with my, with, with my, you know, gang coming up.

Um, but you know, unfortunately things sometimes get in the way. I'm, I've just finished a two year documentary where I can't talk too much about it, but basically I had to put my own brother in prison in oh nine because pretty much the life savings that I had up until then, he had stolen him and his wife were,

basically like behind the scenes taking everything that i'd earned all those movies all those arena shows and they were they were investing it for me um in in terrible investments but and that threw off my plan a little bit because that went from me being able to self-finance and kind of sustain outside of hollywood oh you're right i'm back on the road

So you literally went back to essentially zero. I mean, I'm saying you didn't have 10 bucks in your pocket, but basically millions and millions of dollars goes missing and you can't get it back. I know you have a documentary, but I mean that... Millions of dollars gone.

The doc will come out next year. And basically what I'm sharing in the doc is not only like what, what that year of court cases was like going up against, you know, my brother, but it was really like, how can I, I'm coming off of the, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm no longer on that trajectory. In fact, I, for that era, it was a pretty, it was a pretty good run. So now I'm coming down the other side, things are cooling and we're just hitting Oh nine. We're going to hit this terrible economy, housing crisis. And, and,

And I now have a decision to make. I could take the little bit of money that I have remaining and I can invest it in renting arenas myself because no promoter in that era wanted to front because of the economy. So I spent a year taking anything I had and renting. I was renting arenas like they were Elks Lodges. I was calling arenas. Can I rent it on a Tuesday? How much? 60 grand? All right. And I would set the ticket price.

And then my goal was at the end of that year, I want to be able to recoup what he took. So when I see him in court, I'm not looking at him like feeling like I'm under his thumb still. So that was a wild couple of years, man, because I went from rags, riches, rags. And then I had to figure out a way to kind of have my own little Rocky two moment.

Did they, I'm sorry, don't answer these questions. I know the documentary is coming up, but I'm just curious, were they incompetent by investing it and losing it? Or were they actually embezzling it and enhancing their life? Or you're just not aware they're doing anything. Yeah, it's like both, Dana. They were like doing some things that enhanced, they were doing some things willy-nilly that were, when you see it, you're going to, let me tell you, this is what I'm proudest about. I will watch it. The doc, if we did our job right, it's like,

It's it's going to be slaughtered in true crime and comedy because there's a lot of funny shit. But also it's it's pretty harrowing. The level of, you know, sociopath and megalomaniac and the guy that I grew up with that I love my best friend, my older brother. Like when you see who this guy was in this doc, you're going to.

You won't believe where this goes. It gets dark, man. Yeah, I didn't even tell you the dark part. That's just what happened to me. Everything that kind of was happening around it. It's already a lot. Well, also, you know, when people get a little more money, they get a little more fame, and you get a tighter circle because it's very hard because everyone's grabbing at you. And so you really only have a handful of people that you trust. And when that happens...

that's mentally that's such a kick in the ass because you're like wait i can't even turn to my family yeah yeah and resentment uh from jealousy to actual resentment david had his own issues with that but it's kind of hit hiding in plain sight and that would besides greed but resentment because now his little brother this is just biblical right

is a superstar. And so he, I don't know, is, well, is he, uh, how's your relationship now? Is he in the documentary or? Um, okay. You'll have to wait and see on that. Okay. That's good. I mean, I don't want you to, I'm going to watch this teaser already. I'm into it. I've stayed close with my nephew, his son. I was always close with him. He was 15 when it happened. I'm still really close with my brother's son today.

the doc gets into kind of where things are at now. But realistically, yes, like in that moment of like whole crush depth level of despair, this is the weird thing. The gigs are still, the fans show up, the gigs are outstanding, even though the economy, like people are trusting me with a couple of their last dollars right now in this time. But like, I remember even though I was so busted up,

I still just loved comedy so much that it I it's this is going to sound like so kind of hokey, but it just saved my life because I loved laughter in that time. And I knew even in that moment, I knew I was like someday. I don't know if it's going to be in 10 or 20 years. This story is awesome.

This story, because it's what happened. It's like a downfall moment. Everybody loves a downfall. It's a comeback moment. Everybody loves a comeback. It's a showbiz moment. It's a how did I do it on my own? I'm self-made, but then this thing happens. My brother's the devil. And I remember sitting in it being like, I don't know when I'm going to talk about it, but someday this will be the best story I ever tell. So I can't wait to talk about this story.

Next year, we've heard stories around this idea, like Doris Day's husband died. She was doing sitcoms. There is no money. It's all gone, but nothing quite like this. So you have two right now. Nobody, no comedian went on MySpace and really kind of hacked the idea of social media and just have a million followers. And now this is your second one.

uh and now i don't know if they're still doing it i saw i saw dane a week ago at the improv so yeah you're still getting to do what you like to do this is a story that happened and you have to just keep moving of course so nothing you can do but just keep moving and keep making money and doing what you like yeah um it's and did you get more popular because i was going to go to this like

this idea of like being handsome and, and alpha, like surrogate boyfriend, David, I'm talking to David now, but you know what? You're, you're Brent, you were, you were, and, and also a great standup and a millionaire, but, and so comedians are,

easily jealous and stuff like that. You know, like I had a health issue in the 90s and I got more compliments and that guy's great. Did people suddenly kind of you're awesome, you know, because

People that get that, these are just, you know, human emotions. You mean when he's a little down, are they finally being cool about, well, you might find people going, this is a brilliant standup and you'll get more stuff. Cause it's, you know, you're no longer, you find out who your friends are so quick, you know, and that, and that well put and that everything lead. Listen, I, I even knew when I was on the come up, cause it wasn't like it was overnight. It was, you know, it was a long kind of trajectory. I,

I already had like my Boston cronies, my friends who are just regular folks away from the industry. I've never felt like I'm really, I'm in it, but I'm not of it. You know, I'm out here because I like the clubs and, but I've never quite felt that let down by it because I knew it's, that's the mechanism. You know, they build you up, knock you down. And then it's up to you to figure out like,

How do I own my own IP? How do I get to my audience? All that other stuff. It didn't really rattle me to the core as much as stuff that happened with my brother. If you can remember that you're not quite as good as they say you are at the point when you're at the zenith and then you're not as bad as they say you are, you're like...

I've always been what I think is pretty good. So if they say I'm great, I'm like, I don't buy into all that shit. I had a friend that wasn't a yes man and he would keep telling me, I'm not some ass kisser. I'm your friend. I'll tell you when you're bad. And I'm always going to tell you you're bad. That's what a good friend I am. You're never good. I go, well, you can be a sometimes maybe man or maybe a yes man. No, no. It's always a no man. You're not good. I'm like, wow, you're such a valuable person in my life.

I think it'd go the other way. I feel bad about saying that. I am that friend he's talking about. I apologize. But I kind of relate to you in that way. I feel I'm outside the thing. I'm not in the party scene and I never really cared. I'm mostly possessed with doing something funny. Truly, it sounds self-congratulatory. I also was an introverted extrovert.

And also had a lane of real competitiveness, but playing fair about it. But yeah, just to see a guy kill, I want to kill like that. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. It's, it's what's so, um, you know, there's no playbook and also to like, then you make it. And I think the hardest part was like, I made it. And then the group of guys that I was around at the time, they, they think you're different. They want to make it. They're not feeling so good about where they're at. And you know, what's so funny is like,

You look at a time when I broke through, I remember talking to Bill Burr outside the law factory. He's like, ah, man, when's my ship going to come in? It's like, look when a ship came in. It came in. It's like he had his moment. He's still in his moment. And you go like, you don't know, man. You got to hang in there. You just got to keep duking it out. And you hope that on the other side of it, you just have great people around you that will give you shit when you have a great moment and will talk you up when you realistically need a little bit of help.

Well, obviously it's the era of the personal career outside of the mainstream Hollywood, Tom Segura and Bill Kreishner and all these guys who are

Nate Borgazzi. They try to get him to do a sitcom. He's like, what's in it for me? Or whatever. Not Nate, but a game show or something. But it's kind of what you've done. You've maintained DaneCook.com or just Inc. Do you think they pitched Borgazzi a game show of Yahtzee? Like Borgazzi Yahtzee? What do you think they brought Borgazzi? I have to get off the podcast and produce that. I'll show you a text. That was exactly what they did.

I'll show you the text. Borgiazzi. I think Nate is doing a game show in a related story. Borgiazzi is not a bad idea. It's funny. I don't remember. They were pitching him something, but he already is Nate Borgiazzi, Inc. You know, he works at... Yeah, you get to be a brand. He's like a clean brand, which is very rare. So I think...

that will keep working for him the game show they pitched great they pitched me you know they tried to get me in the game show uh at the time and it was i think it was called mr mr mr whiz i think it was going to be the name of the game show mr what about dane cooks in a cooking show how about gotta take a pee the great game show cooking show see

Well, obviously they pitch you a cooking show because your name's... They pitch me a car show because car beats, you know, C-A-R. Can you drop the V-A-Y and just be like, can you just be Dana Carr? It'll help the show.

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At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. There's a movie I'm watching right this moment that you have seen that I am really digging. It's called Saturday Night. Now listen, we were both on Saturday Night Live. It's about the first episode. I didn't really know what it would be exactly. And it's really sharp. It shows where everything went wrong. I didn't know 99% of this stuff. I actually recognize people in there that were still working.

Herb Sargent. Is it Audrey Perdickman? Is she in there? Yeah, she was in there in that time. This thing has got quick lines, a lot of funny throwaway lines. Yeah.

And you get to meet every important character that they didn't know it. That was the last night they were not famous. That was very interesting to me. It shows you what a wild ride they took on that first show. It barely gets on the air. The cast is maybe smoking funny cigarettes. It's a looser, weirder environment. It's all done in a set that looks like 8-H.

It gave me goosebumps. It teared me up. It's very emotional. Sure. And when you think about it, good Lord, it's still on now. Critics love it. They say it's wildly entertaining. One of the best movies of the year. Certified fresh to cast, you know, Dylan O'Brien, Willem Dafoe, I love, of course, J.K. Simmons, Lamorne Morris, Gabrielle LaBelle, Finn Wolfhard, Corey Michael Smith, Kaya Gerber, Nicholas Braun.

So, you know, grab some buddies. If people, they know SNL, they don't know it. You can, this is how it all started. And by the way, and by the way, and guess what? They're all playing, you know, Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, you know, Garrett Morris and so forth and so on. And J.K. Simmons does a hilarious cameo as Milton Berle. Yeah.

There's Johnny Carson calls them. It's crazy. Johnny Carson calls them. Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah. I can't believe a kid. Get your shit together. We're always looking for punch up guys when this collapses. It's available to buy or rent on digital now. It's rated R. Saturday night. I do think, um,

you know, just, it's an interesting, emotionally violent ride because I'm doing some visits on SNL right now and seeing the young people with big eyes, you know, trying to break. And they're on Saturday Night Live. You crushed it. That was awesome, man. That was, and allow me to say, I thought you were the best part of that whole opening. I thought everybody was great, but you just like, it's that moment where you feel like somebody just came in and took it to another level. It was awesome to see that. That cold opening when he came in at the end, I was like, this is great because they don't know he's coming. Yeah.

Everywhere they turn, it's another celebrity. They're like, that guy. And they're like, oh, fuck, here comes Dana. And you hit on every, you know, where I think I see, like, where you want to hit. Like, I felt like you hit on every line that you wanted to hit.

That one felt good. First one was a little nerve wracking, but then I, it's become a character. It's Mr. Magoo. It's Tim Conway. It's fanciful. Yeah. There's definitely, you know, Hey, you're not here. I'll come right back. She's standing there. It's great. I'm just coming on to it. I did little YouTube clips on this show.

But nothing, now it's really fun to do full three-dimensional. And you would probably appreciate this, being a host, is that we go out now and we shake Lauren's hands and I'm in the Biden getup. That was for the second show. So I do it, just a giant hop, skipping, is whatever I can get out of my body, sprint across the studio, dressed as Biden. Because it gets my headspace into laughing. They're looking at me as hyperactive Biden. But anyway, so that's...

It's a lot of fun. Thank you. See, when a comedian tells you, gives you a compliment, it really matters. Somebody who's been there knows what... Biden training like Rocky to come back and run again and he just gets stronger and stronger and he's running with a log on his back and just...

Yeah, he's just punching a guy. And guess what? And by the way, punch. And guess what? Because you actually are very active. You could pull all that shit off. I think that what a lot of people don't realize is that comedians in these moments that you guys are sharing on this podcast or even just the backstage at the store or wherever, that is kind of the best part. The show is great. The show is like the frosting on the cake of the day, but

The correspondence with comedians and what, what gets us off and what makes us really laugh about a set or what went wrong and nobody cares, but other comics care. Yeah. That minutia. I'll tell you a quick thing about like Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis was my, I became friends with Jerry Lewis in the last eight years of his life. He was my mentor. He was a really good guy to me. He,

Definitely in that dark moment coming out of my brother, the industry kind of doesn't care about me at that point. My moment's over. I'm coming off of this terrible, and all of a sudden I get a phone call out of the blue inviting me down to see Jerry Lewis' documentary, Method of the Madness, down at Paramount.

I'm miserable. I'm literally in like a rut. But I'm like, I grew up loving Jerry. I never met him. I don't know Jerry Lewis. Brilliant. Absolute genius. Genius. Like, you know, he conquered the world for a decade. It was really, you know, you know, Martin and Lewis. Like Jerry Lewis is like the Bieber of comedy, the Jimmy Carey, you know, Sandler Carey. Yeah, Sandler Carey. All in one. Nutty Professor is one of the greatest comedians.

comedies ever made. So I sit there and I go and after the presentation, I didn't know Jerry Lewis was going to be there. He gets up in front of everybody at Paramount. The first thing he says, I'm sitting in the fourth row with my buddy Richard and we're just watching and he goes, and he's 82 at the time and he gets up there and he goes, where's Dane Cook? First thing he says. And I can't believe it. I can't fathom it.

Because I'm hearing the voice that I grew up loving saying my name. Yeah. And then he goes, I want to know where Dane Cook is. I'm like, I don't even know how to stand. I'm half standing. And I think I said, Jerry, I love you. That's all I could think to say. I go, just Jerry, I love you. And he goes, I want to talk to you, my boy, after. And so I go and I meet Jerry Lewis after. He takes my phone number.

He starts calling me every Sunday. He calls me. Hello. It's the Jew in the desert calling Dane Cook, my boy. And I start this friendship and mentor, you know, Sundays with Jerry basically.

But I would go on the road with him because he's still touring, 85, 86, 87. And I promise I'm getting to a point with this story, which is about like- No, I'm loving every second of this story. So, and I'm seeing just everything about Jerry. I'm seeing him perform. And every night, Jerry would do a thing where at the end of his performance, he'd do the typewriter and he's doing- Oh, yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah, yeah.

He's just doing this for like a fucking hour. The pantomime. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's mental. Yeah. But after that, he would do a Q and a, he'd do a Q and a, and the Q and a was always 40 minutes. He'd sit in his chair. Uh,

and you could go up to the mic, ask Jerry Lewis a question. And on this particular night, two things that like, this is who I think we all are as comedians in our heart. What Jerry, what happened to and from Jerry this on this night. And it gave me permission for the rest of my career to be like, I'm a madman. I'm convoluted. I can be a lot of things all at once. And Jerry just proved that I'll never not be those things. Here's what happened. So he's up there. He finishes all the stuff and,

a woman comes up and she goes, she's so excited to speak to Jerry Lewis. And, you know, he's, he's, you know, he's got all these, you know, spine problems at this point. His hands were doing the typewriter for so many years. They're just like little T-Rex hands, little T-Rex hands. Yeah.

He's always kind of like, you know, surly. And if you know anything, or if you ever had the chance to share space with him, there's something kind of scary king of comedy about Jerry, but also very like, just like boyish and beautiful, but something kind of intimidating. So he's in the chair and his tongue's gone.

And he's kind of spinning, like he's looking for the shark off the back of a boat. Jacked on prednisone. Dane is doing a very interesting, very physical act out. It's like the Hunchback of Notre Dame T-Rex typewriter, Jerry Lewis.

Okay, continue. So the first thing that... This is great. So the woman comes out and she's so heartfelt and she goes, Jerry, I just want to say that in 1972, you did a film called The Beach Cottage. And when I watched The Beach Cottage...

I was so moved. And there's a scene on the beat and I'm watching Jerry. And he's like, he's just going back and forth rocking. I think he's going to like break the wood chair that he, the director's chair he's sitting on. Cause I can hear it creaking. Cause he's going back. He's turning it into a rocking chair, even though it's a static chair. And she finishes her statement.

And Jerry goes like this. She goes, can you speak to anything about that experience in this film that it moved me? It really enhanced my young life. Please, anything you remember about the film? And Jerry goes, I guess he goes, that movie sucked and I sucked in it. Laughter

her dreams are crushed mortified she's literally like backs away from wow oh my god so this this moment happens and and then all of a sudden the liaison who after 40 minutes comes out and we're like 23 minutes in or whatever and says ladies and gentlemen one more time for mr jerry lewis and jerry looks at this person and then jerry is taken off stage

I go backstage and Danielle, his daughter is there. And she's like, he is, he is fit to be tied. And he only wants to talk to you. And he's in the back of a room where everybody wants to meet him. And he's sitting alone at a table, uh,

But nobody's approaching Jerry. Where's Dane? Where's Dane Cook? I grew up with a, you know what it is? I never was intimidated. I grew up with an alcoholic father. And I think I always kind of liked that weird energy. I was never like scared of it. I walk up to Jerry and he's eight now. He's 88, 88 years old. And I'll never forget this man. He just looked at me and he grabbed me really tight by the arm. And he goes, I had 15 more minutes. They lit me early.

And he was so upset that he didn't get to finish his time.

I go, I think your career is going to be fine, Jerry. You've conquered the world. You've done everything. And he just wanted 15 more minutes of Q&A and he was robbed of it. And it was like, wow. Is that a mistake or do they just want him out? I don't know. I don't know. But he was so livid. And it was like, it was a gift because I'm like, when we're talking and we're in these moments and for people listening, like to me, it was just like, oh, we're all such unique people.

creatures, comedians, and we all have permission to spin as much as we want. As long as we get those little nuggets of comedy, you know, gold when we're on stage.

Yeah. Yeah. Getting off early would be also... God, the other night I was... This is not as good as that story. Of course, it sucks. That was great. That's a good one. But I had a corporate gig. I think I told Dana, Migo, we have a countdown clock out there for you. You do 45. And I was like, okay. And that's kind of the typical corporate. It used to be an hour, but 45 is, believe me enough. So...

it's always the end of their day. We had Dean and I always laugh. Oh no, they get up at six and you could be a surprise. And they're like, they're starting to leave. And they're like, oh, this guy. So it's, they're usually pretty good. But anyway, so it's 45 and these things are like, this one was 11,000 people and they got like stopwatches, headsets backstage. All right, they're going to get her off. You're almost on, you have 90 seconds to get up. So they pushed me out there and I'm getting my bearings and I dart down to the clock and it goes 59, 58. I'm like,

wait is an hour and then it's going down and i'm like i thought it was counting up and then i go am i supposed to 45 and you can't ask anyone now i go do they want an hour because it's a different set like i have to change yeah and then i go i'm sticking to my 45

And it's not going one to 45. So now is it like 28? I'm like going to 15. 28 is supposed to be, what would it, because you know, I'm glancing over between my bit about falling out a window and my hilarious, I don't want to give the whole act away, but you know, I love that window bit. So, you know, you're just going, I don't want to do this math. Am I even close to being, I don't know. Anyway. Well, I'll give it my, the best thing you can hear at a corporate date,

The CEO had a little too much to drink and he went over. I'm supposed to do an hour. Could you do 35? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay with that? And then you fake like you're mad. I don't know. Maybe they could sweeten the pot. Sweeten the pot.

It should be a little fee on that one. A couple more carrot sticks in my green room. You don't live in an artist. I'll tell you what, I'll land the plane to 28 minutes. How about that? I'll go even shorter. Yeah, fuck yeah, because you've been great. Do you mind if the CEO meets you for one photo? I'm like, I always hear, a lot of comics won't do this. I go, who the fuck

is saying no. They paid you. You're there. Can you take a picture of this daughter? No, that's not my deal. I'm like, yeah, get her back. Get anyone back. I don't care. Does it cut into your time if we did this raffle? It's 10 minutes. Please, I'll open with a raffle. Yes, let's make a raffle. Four hungry children. Would you mind staying on stage and picking the raffle? It really would help the

No. Do we have to call your agent? Why do people do corporate dates and then just angrily fight the whole process? Don't pick the ticket. But once you are in there, just say yes. Just say yes. Because you say yes to 100 autographs and then you, or pictures, sorry, 1940s.

And you say no to 101, you're an asshole. So always go to the end and say yes. Oh, right. Yeah. You get in there. It's like, I'll put on the Uber Eats shirt, whatever you need. Like, yeah. Yeah, let's go. I'll wear an A-bring. The CEO can get me in a headlock as church lady. We did a contest to see who one of our employees of the month can kick you in the nuts. Is that fine? I'm like, get her up there. You know, anyway, Dane, thank you for talking to us. Anything else, Dane? This guy's got a very interesting...

I'm on tour. The tour is on now. Oh, yeah. Okay. Here we go. Fresh new flavor. Fresh new flavor tour. DaneCook.com. And you're going out for a few months and you're going all over the place. Yeah. Fresh new flavor tour the rest of the year. All beautiful theaters only. So we've been at the Beacon. We did the Chicago Theater. Fox Theater coming up. Beautiful theaters across the country. And then Gritty and Pink is my new special. And that'll be out in the spring. I like that.

gritty and pink what a cool name david's doing a special we'll just end with this what have you picked a name yet or you're waiting no i'm waiting because i realize obviously good at names i love david special you need help i know let's brainstorm because i i have a couple and then i go i'll wait because you know what you don't have to name it the day you shoot it so i'm lucky because it's a week away i can wait till it's getting closer yeah but

Rackham is not going to do it because David loves to say that. Say Rackham the way you do it. Oh, if there's a joke, you do a joke. And someone you go, hey, Dana, I saw you and you with your mom. Ha ha, Rackham. It really puts people like they're in their place. They have nothing to do. It's such a funny observation of the alpha of saying Rackham after you've cleared the desk. Jackie Gleason, Paul Newman, Rackham. Minnesota Fats. Put that eight ball in, Rackham.

before you guys, uh, uh, disconnect me, I got to say this sincerely, because we've always sort of traveled different circles. And I know David, we've been on same stages, but this really, even though I, I approached David, I said, I hope if at some point, if you guys ever, you know, need a guest to fill in, you have a dropout. Uh, it just meant a lot, uh,

for me to be able to come on here and say like, you guys have brought me a lot of entertainment and you guys also, uh, have been cool to work alongside, even though we maybe didn't always end up in the same backstage. So I appreciate you guys.

I was always a fan. And this podcast, your energy, the stories, you made our job really easy. Very entertaining. It was, it was great. You're going to like it. And I just had a great fun hour. So thanks, bud. Yeah, that's awesome. I'll see you backstage. Good luck out there. All right, buddy. Peace out. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.