Bill Hader
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Hey everybody, I'm Dana and David Spade and up next we got the great Bill Hader.

Yes. I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your, look at, you go get your own place, you get your own pool, you get your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it.

Bill Hader is stud. Let me say this about Bill Hader. If I was having a conversation about who was the greatest SNL cast member, if someone said Bill Hader...

I wouldn't slug him in the face. I wouldn't get mad. I'd really go, huh, hmm, I see. If someone said who was the tallest SNL cast member and they said Bill Hader, I still would go, hmm. I wouldn't get mad. I wouldn't slug him in the face. I wouldn't be pissed off. I wouldn't fight him too hard. I wouldn't fight him. I'd just go, okay. I just don't know. I see him and he is fucking tall. If someone said that Will Ferrell...

Was shorter than me. I wouldn't get mad. I wouldn't slug him in the face. I would because I know the answer. So Bill Hader is brilliant on Saturday Night Live and his show Barry. Barry, yeah. He made the jump. And you know, to go from SNL, no matter how good you are, to jump over and he's on a great show is always tough because there's sections of your life, your career, boom, boom, boom. And-

to still be talked about, still be known is great. It's a very tricky situation. There's a part of being on SNL, I always think everyone, I don't always think everyone, but-- What do you always think about everyone? Here's what I'm trying to point out. You're kind of your best right before you leave, 'cause I was asking Fred Armisen, who's Batman and Robin, I don't know which one was Batman, but they were twinsies on their last year of SNL.

Fred Armisen and Bill Hader. I said, you guys were just so loose. There was no sense of pushing, trying to be funny. And they go, well, we just were having fun. We knew we were leaving. Yeah, there's something to that. You can't be too loose on SNL. And Bill Hader hit some, first of all, he's quirky. You know, his Vincent Price thing is crazy. His impressions are weird. Like that newscaster guy he does who keeps hitting himself in the face. What about the puppet guy? And the Ventriloquist guy? Yeah.

He's got so many funny hooks. And I'll tell you, anecdotally, if we have a minute. Yeah. I was there hosting and my sons were with me and they're just little kids. I remember Fred and Bill being so sweet and gentle. Like they were like if you see them on the show, they're like powerful. Right. And then when you meet them personally, they're kind.

kind of shy and very thoughtful. They're not on all the time. And Bill Hader is such a good audience. He has an incredibly intense laugh. - Yeah. When people meet me, they go, this guy's like a hard-ass athlete.

And then they realize I'm just a tough guy. Like I'm just a run-of-the-mill fucking badass. Oh, yeah. I was terrified the first time I met you. I'd seen you on Update. I went, this guy's a badass. I get up, I do five crunches in the morning. Whether I feel like it or not, I'm just boom, boom, boom. Knock him out. And then I lay down. If someone told me that you could kick my ass in a street fight, I wouldn't slug him in the face. You wouldn't fight him on it? No, because you're scrappy.

Arizona people, anyone grow up in 112 degree heat and come out of that doing standup at 19? I mean, you're scrappy. I'm scrappy and I fight and my dad left me and it all comes out when I do a fight. But listen. He had a really easy childhood. Mine was kind of rough. Is that right? The reason we bonded over our childhood. Mutual roughness. But I will tell you, you probably, you did not know this. What? Willie Hader.

Went to my college. And nobody gives a fuck. But it's true. Me and him do. Billy Hader. Billy Hader went to your college? Not even ASU. The stepping stone Scottsdale community where I went and got a 325, which is kind of shitty for like basically high school still. Yeah.

And I went to- Were you a national chess champ or something? I was, and then I got stupid at the wrong time. So you were phoning it in even then. I was smart from kindergarten to eighth grade and then fucking spiked down freshman year. Right when they started going, okay, are you smart? We're going to start writing it down now, your grades. And I'm like, oh, wow.

Well, now. If only they told us why we were learning math, because that was the best sleep literally I ever got in my life. X plus Y equals snooze. I mean, it would literally hypnotize me. I couldn't even make... They might as well have said... This is how we make rocket ships. I would have been sitting up. Motherfuckers. They said... They basically said, X plus Y equals ZZZ. Later. Later.

But you don't fall asleep when you see the great Bill Hader do his thing. No, he went to my Scottsdale Community College and we were the Artichokes. We're going to ask him about it. And fucking we both somehow... Was the mascot really the Artichokes? That's not a joke? I swear to God. The Arizona Artichokes? Yeah, Scottsdale. Wow. That is awesome. We were the Scots. Six credits in anthropology from there. And I only need 180 more to graduate, so I might pick it up this summer. Anyway...

Here's Bill Hader, folks. Dr. David Spade. Yeah, he's a real genius. Here's Bill Hader, our friend and one of the funniest people in the world. Dana, the road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories. Oh, yeah. Or it can be short and thrilling or somewhere in between. But the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is straightforward path every time. All you got to do is head over to good old BlueNile.com. Good news, David, on BlueNile.com.

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That's $50 off with CodeFly at BlueNile.com. BlueNile.com. David, be in the moment. I am. Don't talk over me. God damn it. That's all we do is talk over each other. We should let Bill talk at some point in this, but not like right away. No, it's okay. I like watching you guys. You've talked enough, right? Yeah.

This is a conversation. Bill Hader. Bill Hader. Hang on. We're not narcissists, but you can ask us questions too. Yeah. This is one of the discussion. Oh, I'm moderating. Oh, that's how your podcast goes. I moderate the discussion between you two about your relationship and your time. Bill Hader. Look at how much I prepared. I know. I was like, Bill Hader. I know the name.

Yeah. And I know his game. I know his game. This fucking dude, he's got some game, Dana. This motherfucker broke all the rules. Yeah. And I love him for it. The rules are every fucking guy holding his dick walking into a bar says, I'd like to direct. And everyone goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's what you do, kid. You put on the makeup. You dance like a clown. They pay you. You dance. You're a clown. He goes, no, I'm not. I'm Martin Scorsese. No, you're a fucking bozo and a fucking clown. Now, get this fucking movie from Paramount. We'll give you 20 large up front. So Bill says, all right, go ahead, Bill. Oh, my God.

Mr. Michaels, I would. Oh, was that, was it Lauren asking you to do a character movie? Yeah, I think Lauren wanted, well, he wanted to do a character movie. Yeah.

Maybe the summer, maybe when you're on break. Maybe. Well, it was just, there was a hard one. It was a hard one to do. He wanted to do a Stefan one. And then I think John Mulaney and I were like, it didn't work as a sketch. That's a good reason. You know what I mean? We're like, it died. It died.

at twice at the table and then we did it you know a couple times a dress and it was terrible you know it just it was low energy weird thing yeah that never worked and so then it was like okay

Well, let's just shoot it and look at the whole movie and see. We can burn it. If it doesn't work, we can burn it. And if you get a little burned or singed, it happens. And we'll take it outside and Marcy will set it on fire. We've done this before. Marcy, get the wizard lighter fluid. Yeah.

On my desk next to the certs. I'm going to fly, Lauren. I fly now. Marcy, you don't fly. Look at the Book of Lauren, page seven, the Stefan movie. The Book of Lauren. Did you guys have things? Yeah. Yeah, we had like, yeah, we can do a movie. And then we were like, well, it doesn't work as a sketch. It kind of just works on update. It went from a sketch to update or update to a sketch?

It went, it did not work as a sketch. And then it was Doug Ables was running update going. I need something. What about that club kid thing? You did give me that thing that bombed. You still have it.

You know what I mean? It's on my desk. Get it in here. No, that's very... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, updates are a little less pressure in a weird way. It's just you doing it directly. And if they buy it, they buy it. You have to rely on a whole thing. It worked better when it was like... I don't know. Do you guys remember? It's just like low energy weird shit just didn't... But just that feeling of like, oh, I got a low energy weird thing.

Right. This isn't going to work. And how do you do that in a 90-minute corporate funny vehicle? Yeah, yeah, you can. We couldn't even take Hans and Franz off their set. We go, we got to get them off their set.

So we put him in a campground scene with Al Franken. Death! Death! Oh, in a sketch? What about the movie? Then we got him on the set and then we're pointing... No, we had the movie written, Hans and Franz the Girly Man Dilemma, but that went... That's for my podcast. That would have been good. I think that would have been good, though. Oh, wait.

Let's get back to Bill Hader. You tried taking them off the set and it didn't work. No, I put Church Lady. You wrote a sketch. You guys do that all. It happens all the time where you go like, oh, let's not do the same thing over and over again. Right. And then you realize like, no, that's what they like is seeing...

Yeah. It's like they go, Dana, they go, Hans and Franz, here you are in the gym for 19 sketches and they put you in like a store and they're like, who the fuck are these two people? Like no one even understands the sketch. Hey, not cool. Yeah, not cool. Put them in the fucking gym. I know the jokes and I will laugh. I know how to do this. But you're at home base. You're screaming at the audience right behind the camera. Yeah, you clearly

And then we're over in the corner in 8-H in a quiet campground scene. Would you like another Venus Mitchell? You like some s'mores? I think it was why. I think Stefan is brilliant, but I think it might have been a wise decision. That would have been a challenge. The sketch did not work. I mean, it just never worked. You know, Bill, you can hear your footfalls on the, you know, it was one of those things where I could hear if I like placed a glass on a table on the sketch, you could hear it. It was loud. Yeah.

It was just dying. It was like... Yeah, just... Oh, that's dying so bad. Well, Bill, your next question to us is, was there a Gap Girls movie, which is a good, fair question. There was not. But...

That would have worked. Did you guys write a gap girl? You got scared. You go, did you do one? Uh-oh, I didn't see it. No, we didn't write it, but... You got scared. We're not getting scared, but I know it didn't happen. No, it didn't happen, but it was sort of when I thought...

movies were very easy to come by because I was delusional because one summer we did Tommy boy, Lauren had a deal with Paramount. It was, it was sort of easy. Like, and the next summer, why don't you guys do black sheep? We're like, great. And then next summer, maybe you guys could do gap girls movie.

And the things that had against it were me writing it, which is probably the first thing. Hey, come on now. And then I was running out of sketch ideas that were four minutes long. So I remember we did one about Jeopardy because Gappardy just sounded like a funny name for a sketch. But there was no sketch. And so I go, if me, Farley, and Adam are the contestants, it'll be funny. And Courtney Cox was the host. And we have to ask her about that because...

that was the first time I wrote something and I was so joyous that it was on. And I was, uh, just your name on it. That's just so, yeah. First for gaps girls. And then, um, and then I do it. And Courtney goes, I don't really, I don't really have a thing to play as the host. And I was like, Oh, I didn't think about any other care. You know, it's so rude. Like I'm, I'm so worried about our shit and trying to get Farley to make sure everything he says is in all caps. Um,

What was your catchphrase for Gap Girls? What was your catchphrase? I don't know if there was one. I mean. The thing everybody remembers was lay off. Oh, lay off me. I'm starving. Starving. That was the. Yeah. Okay. That was my proudest writing moment was that one because. Lay off me. I'm starving. That one worked. Destroyed. Yeah. And also in that one, Bill, there was a, in rehearsal, there was a,

It says, you know, like we're at the mall at the food court and then we see the girls from Donut Hut. Everyone knows this guy. I mean, I don't even know why I'm explaining it. And Schneider comes in with Sarah Gilbert as Donut Hut sluts. And we argue with them, obviously. There's a rivalry. And then at the end of the week, they go, we'll see you guys Friday. And then it goes away to a card. It says three days later of the mall.

And then it comes back and then, uh, and rehearsal, I go, isn't it weird? We're all wearing the same thing we did three days later. And we laugh. So, so I go, Hey Adam, on the live show, I go, when we do that, when we come back, I'm going to say that. And you say, I don't think we are. And I go, trust me, we are because it's only five seconds of real time. And so we added that, which is fun. And then lay off me. I'm starving. Farley fucking nailed. And then, uh, I said, we can't do a movie. I'm out. That's it.

I don't want to work. All right, let's talk about... No, this story has 21 minutes. Hold on, David. What was the one where you said you were the contestant on a thing and you said, oh, that's sweet. Oh, sweet. That was Keith Weber's spaz. Oh, my God. I get in my Scirocco. Scirocco. It's going to be sweet. It's going to be sweet. Yeah.

God dang. Oh, what we do for money. Is that an Arizona? Wait, real quick. Is that an Arizona dude or is that? No, that was just, um, yeah, I had a guy that used to talk, I guess in class. And so when you get assigned a sketch to go, can you be sort of a whatever, whatever. So that one, it sounded funny. Cause I don't really do big characters and that one sounded funny. And my friend had a Scirocco and, and it was, it was all whited out. And, uh,

It was very cool. And white rings and everything. Scirocco, over at SCC. Oh, yeah. I just did a talk at SCC. Oh, you did? We went to the same community college, Dana. Scottsdale. Scottsdale.

I went out of state to go to a community college. This is the funniest story. He's from Oklahoma, right? From Oklahoma to Arizona. And I went to Arizona to the Art Institute of Phoenix because my grades were so bad and they didn't care. And then when I was there, a guy there was like, you know, at Scottsdale Community College, they're shooting stuff on film.

And I went, oh, this is in whatever, 97 or something when shooting a video was lame. And so we went there and yeah. And they were like, you know, David's. I went there because they had tennis. Yeah.

It was a little different. What was the mascot of Scottsdale Community? The artichokes. The artichokes? Okay. The artichokes. That's hysterical. And then I worked on Mill Avenue at a movie theater. I worked at Centerpoint Movie Theater. Oh, I love it. Yeah, down in Tempe. As an usher or running the film or what were you doing? I did the, I was an usher.

And I looked... At the time, I looked like Charles Manson. I had, like, a long beard and long hair with the cummerbund and all the tie-on. Cummerbund. So the idea when... You were the type of us who would then, when there wasn't many people around, just sit in on movies? You'd be that kind of guy? Oh, yeah. I would sit and watch movies. The guy that...

There's a guy I worked with and you had this whole thing about like, you can't bring food into the theater outside of food into the theater. And I became like really obsessed with nailing people. Cause it was just fun. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no. You know, I was just like, and this one dude was, I forget his name, but he was such a, like just kind of a stoner guy. And we were out, I was by the concession stand and this, this guy came in with a wedding cake and,

Your wedding cake. Just to sit. Ticket stub in his mouth. And he's like, hey, can I put this in the back? I was just going to go see a movie. So one, I'm like, who brings a wedding cake to a movie? And two, I was like, went to this stoner guy. I'm like, did you not see the guy with the fucking wedding cake? You tore his tickets and you put the stub in his mouth. Yeah.

He was like, oh, yeah, man. You know, the guy seemed, you know, he had a cake. Yeah. I just saw Spider-Man and the guy goes, the usher goes, you know, they like overhelp. He goes, I'll walk you to the theater. I go, I think I got it. And he goes, three hours, dude. And I go, oh, immediate buzzkill. I go, oh, it is? He goes, yeah. And he goes...

And at the end, all the Spider-Man's going, hey, don't be like spoiler guy. Just let me get in there. Take it down a peg, Geeko. Yeah, fucking guy. Geeko. Come on. What are you, the false ending guy or something? He's going down the river like Kurtz.

Colonel Kurtz is a great dentist One of his go-to Like Colonel Kurtz Up there in the cave Going down the river like Kurtz Getting that sponge on his head In the cave Shooting for the Oscar, right? Like the way the sheen cat Hides in the shallows Okay

I have all these sketches of Bill's I want to go over, but... I want... Well, while we're here in his youth... Yeah. Because we'll kind of... Maybe we can go... Hey, we're just making this up. Yeah, Bill. But we know you're a filmophile. So you go to the theater, you're seeing films. Just do you remember the first film? Because I can say 2001 for me in a theater or on television. The first film or TV show when you went, holy shit, what the fuck is this?

You know, it was like always like I was at a sleepover at this kid's house and his older brother was like we were 12 and like, you know, the 15 year old older brother came in and was like, I'm going to show you this movie Taxi Driver. Whoa. Wow. We all were like, what? You know, that's heavy. Well, you can't be watching this, you know, and it's like this is really intense. But there was a scene in that movie where with all the violence and stuff in it, there's a scene where

Robert De Niro takes civil shepherd to a porno movie. That's still like one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen in a thing ever. It's just impossible to watch and not it's so bad. It's so sad. But then afterwards he calls her and it's him on a pay phone in a hallway, uh,

seen if she got these flowers he sent her and he's like i didn't know you didn't like those kind of movies or whatever it was so embarrassing to watch and then as it was happening the camera just dollied off of him as he's talking and i thought oh wow the movie doesn't want to watch like it was like oh you're allowed to do that like unlock this thing in my head where i was like

So it was weird, this weird night where these dudes, this older brother thought he was kind of like, you know, fucking us up or whatever. And instead I got like really jazzed by that. It was hard after that to be like, let's watch the natural. Yeah. Like whatever movies my friends wanted to watch. It was like, no, I want to, but that's so interesting that you think they just show like when I see movies, they show that guy and then you cut and show that guy talking and, and, and even Dolly shots are weird. And then you fade off them.

And in your head to think, oh, it's because he's boring and it's odd and it's getting extra. And you go, oh, yeah, are you allowed to do that? And then...

Yeah. Yeah. It's like an emotional thing. It was like, it felt intuitive and emotional and it was like, Oh, I don't want to watch this. So let's just, let's give them some space. Could I connect the dots on that a teeny bit with you, Bill was watching the episode where you, you're going to go kill the guy ends up being a martial artist. And then you have a fight with the daughter.

I'm Barry. Well, when you come in and we know he's the mark and come in and you stay on him a long time and we just hear your voice talking about, it's not going to happen. It's going to be okay. But there's no shot of you at that point. I don't know. It just reminds me of what it had some visceral emotional. Yeah. You kind of like, yeah, it was like an instinctive thing of like, Oh God,

you don't know what he's looking at and then yeah the reveal that i'm in this like weird spiderman almost or something yeah yeah that's weird uh like one of the guys you know terrorists at munich games or something like you get this weird look and then but yeah you know but yeah that's what i mean you kind of go like well

It takes a while to get that kind of confidence to do that. The crew looks at you like you're nuts. You're not doing coverage? What? Yeah. We ended up shooting a two shot of us because the DP and other people were like, I don't get this.

And I just went, okay, we'll shoot this. And then I just, and then you get in the edit and say, well, I kind of want it this way. Well, I think, yeah, that's, that's Barry, which we'll, we'll, we'll get to in a little bit. But, um, so as you're going along, just a few more touch stones, uh, what deer hunter, are you like kind of the darker kind of films? Yeah. Those kinds of movies were always, there's a movie last detail, uh,

with Jack Nicholson. That was Hal Ashby and, and, and Judd Apatow talked about that. Yeah. I love that film. Yeah. Judd directed that. Hey, yeah.

Bill, what about it? Jack, Jack, he goes, John, you know, I think my balls hurt. You know, last detail. Yeah, they had a big guy like, yeah, Randy, Randy, before you know, no, no, no, Randy, Randy, look at him and be like, oh, geez, I guess I got my semen all over the place.

Think of your gun as a horse's cock. Your gun is like a horse's cock. Judd does a thing and it doesn't land. There's always a pause and then he goes, you know. Judd said deer hunter could have been a half hour longer.

No, but I... Really? No, I'm kidding. But I saw... I would have... What about in Taxi... He makes fun of that. We make fun of it. Because I showed him my HBO... My new Netflix special. It's an hour six. He goes, I think it could be two hours. Let me see it. I go, well, no. There's not even that many... Not that much material. I'll find it. But what about in Taxi Driver that stood out to me? This is the tiniest thing. But when he's embarrassing going...

The thing that says I've got to get Organized Organized yeah The card and she's like what Oh yeah I got to get Organized it's on his wall That was something My mom had And then he's like I got to get Organized And she's like

and then he buys her a record that she says she already has like that's all thing is just so awkward we were like dude this like stop stop stop it this is so sick yeah and you're you're 12 i'm watching that 12 watching this girls are like a total mystery to me and i'm like okay don't do any of this i thought it was like a lesson in how to do it

Yeah. But I told Dana, I saw Tommy when I was 12. Remember Tommy? And it scared me. And I had a stomach ache. Yeah. I wasn't ready for it. The beans, the, the, the scene in Tommy with all the, um, you remember the scene with the beans where isn't it like Ann Margaret or someone? Yeah. Makes no sense. Scared me. Oh, acid queen. When she threw the guy got a fire and it burned his face at the beginning. Uh,

with Tina Turner. I don't know what the fuck. I just saw Grease before that. I'm like, what's going on here? Let's keep it light, guys. Yeah. Yeah, no, that one was rough. What's going on? I always liked a lot of those, um...

Yeah, but I also like, you know, like Love Jaws. Oh, yeah. Perfect, perfect movie. The Godfather and, you know. Never, never can watch that any day of the week, Godfather. What about Alien? How did you find Alien? Like Once Upon a Time in the West. Oh, yeah, with Henry Fonda. Henry Fonda, he's a bad guy. I'm going to shoot you right now by the last thing I ever do. I'm Henry Fonda. Well, now that you've said my name, he shoots a kid. Oh, he shoots a kid? Yeah.

Yeah, he shoots a kid. Yeah, the old gunslinger, one of those spaghetti westerns. This guy goes, we got them all, right? When he says his name, he goes, well, now that you've said my name, he turns around and shoots a kid. And you're like, Jesus Christ. I was like, geez, let's relax. Sergio. Sergio, yes. Yeah, like all those 70s movies.

And then a big one, you know what a big one I saw in the theater was? And it's a weird one, was I took a girl to go, like my first, like, you're going with somebody. A date, okay. Date. Yeah. And she wanted to go see Father of the Bride with Steve Martin, and I took her to go see Barton Fink. Oh, what? That was... And she was like, okay, thanks, well...

We never really need to speak. Not a panty dropper. Yeah. I was like, damn, that movie was amazing. I was like, that was like, it's still one of my, I love that film. The Coen brothers. Who did it? Totoro was in it. John Goodman. John Goodman are just beautiful. I'm a nibbler, Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are,

are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up. They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. John Goodman. I don't know. He was great when he hosted the show. John Goodman, speaking of Saturday Night Live, which is sort of the theme of our show, kind of. John Goodman could do anything, and he's one of those guys that read through with the 55 scripts. He's one of those incredible cold readers, you know? That's a thing that's so difficult to do.

I don't know how people do that. I remember. And did you guys ever have people who were terrible at the table? Yes. You were like, this is going to be a bloodbath. And then we're just amazing.

Like they came in and they were like, oh, they're just not good cold readers or they kind of save it. Well, something happens when they're up in front of a live audience that it's suddenly. Yeah. And you're like, oh, get out of the way. Yeah. I think there's a gradient scale. I mean, you could go to some mild dyslexia or whatever's going on, but some people can read it like Dennis Miller could read.

and Phil Hartman could look at a cue card and just grab it so fast. And they never would stumble a little bit. But even good readers, it's such a task to not trip up a word, reverse a word. I tripped over stuff constantly. I did my sixth show. I played Vincent Price. Yeah. One of my favorites. Lauren came up to me right before the band's playing.

And I'm, you know, my sixth show and I'm sweating. Yeah. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm Dana. You talked about it. Like I would have a full blown panic attack before every show. I would go into that bathroom. That was the big makeup. Yeah. There was a boys and girls. Yes. Right after the meeting before it was like, and Lauren would be like, you know, this week, you know, we're about to go on break.

And people are going to say it was a good show or a bad show, you know. So it'd be really, really nice if it was like really good. Really, really nice if you could say. I love that about it. So when you panic attack in there just for a second, so you go and you sit down, you're by yourself. Are you just hyperventilating? I go into a stall standing up. Okay. I go into a stall standing up and I would just hyperventilate.

i'll be honest and cry a little bit oh of course shaking yeah oh yeah just have like a full and then the thing was that jenna who was our stage manager when i was there who's one of my favorite human beings on the planet is great but she had i think part of your job when you're

When you're that, you should be a little calm before air. You'd be like, five minutes to air! Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Five minutes to air! Like her voice shaking and I'm going, I'm going to have a panic attack. Yeah. So I was in Vincent Price and it was like the second sketch after monologue. And I'm sitting there and I'm like about to pass out. And Lauren goes, I like this, but why now? Yeah.

Very Lauren. And then we did it. And if you watch the very first one, it's Eva Longoria, I think, was the host. I stumble the first minute. I stumble over every other line. Wow. I'm so...

like discombobulated and wait, what did that mean? And what did I just say? Also new, new cast is hard to get the cards down. It's not so simple. You know, it takes a while how to look at it. Of course you were the host in that, but do you think this is kind of like unhealthy what we did there too? But I mean, I ended up having a botched bypass a couple of years after. I mean, when you're, what was our blood pressure in our first few shows? Yeah,

autoimmune thing that affects the retina of my left eye and i've gone to so many people about it i've lost a vision in this eye like all this stuff and everybody's like really i'm like could stress have caused this and they're like well yeah you weren't on saturday night live were you you're like yes how many stents do you have did you have any sort of post-traumatic

or did you have anything that? It stunted my growth for sure. I'm 5'7". Oh, okay. But I will tell you that before, you were just saying when I was on the eighth floor, I would go by the elevators and take a left and there's a bathroom back there.

And I would just stand there and look at my script in that stall and just go, oh my God. And G would come in and go out and everyone would, he'd come with his full amp and I'm like, not here. He was the coolest. No one knows how loud it is in that room when you're like doing the actual show and the band kicks in. You can't hear anything. It's crazy. So I would get really sick. And I think when I moved to New York, I was this fun kid from Arizona and I was of course smashed down by,

Because I didn't have any nutrients. I didn't know what carbs were back then. So it was pizza. It was pasta. I didn't have a glass of water for six years. I didn't. It was Diet Coke. And then my hair got brown because I didn't know it could get brown, but it was dark all the time. There's no sun. Yeah, there's sun 10 minutes a day when it's like the buildings are straight up and the sun's directly at noon. And so I just, and I got like sort of gray and I felt,

and sickly. I was like powder, you know, the movie powder. So I was, I'm sort of that guy. And then I wasn't really, if I look at it now of how much I, I pay attention to eating and food and what goes in. And I did not at all then. And then add all the stress of like, I don't know if I'm ever going to be in show business. I can't barely make it here. And it's just so much every day. You gotta, that's all you think about.

it had to affect something. I mean, it's sort of my own doing, but it had to affect something. The first church chat, I popped a tooth. Well, isn't that? No, I made that up. I would believe it too. I know, because I'm just thinking it's like... Wasn't the first church chat your first show and it became a cold open? Yeah, it became the first sketch after update. I was in a cold open with Phil and Jan and I didn't even know I was in the cold open in essence. But then the church lady was the first and...

There's church, people care, but her hand came up, his hand, my hand, that character's hand, sorry. I have the dress in the closet. And it was drenched in sweat. It was pure. And yet to be that adrenalized, that blood pressure, heart pounding, and then pretend to be relaxed was such a difficult thing. But I want to go over some of your seminal incredible sketches, but just quickly, I

The acclimation point for me, I believe in a way I was maybe the best I was on the show, like my last two shows. I mean, I think it took me five years to...

To get, to have fun, put it that way. Because I see the panic attacks, but when I saw, and I've said this to you and Fred Armisen, you know, Batman and Robin, you guys, I always connected you too, because all the great stuff you did, is that I said, how do you, you guys seem to be having so much fun that last season. And you said, well, we knew it was our last season. So we kind of-

in a good way didn't give a fuck and then you have fun and then you're great so that process did happen for you right at some point you got calm yeah i mean you would it was still nervous i was still going to the yeah bathroom stall but i wouldn't like have it was more like what david's saying you would have your script and you would just kind of read through your stuff and just have a quiet moment by yourself and then be like all right let me center myself but then yeah fred

uh, was so loose on the show. Um, I never saw him get nervous. And so he, a lot of times, and I'm also a very soft touch. Like I can, I, I break constantly. So I think that was what he was, would bring to it. He loved to break you. Yeah. Well, just also as a way of like his commitment. Yeah. It was just his, so he would, but he would just do little things. It was never big things. Yeah. Like he did a sketch. He wrote, called them.

short-term memory feeder. Oh, I saw that. And the whole thing is...

I'm the doctor who's worked with all these patients and we're going to run a play and you'll see that none of these people forget their lines because they had short-term memory loss. You keep hammering at home that there's absolutely no way they will. I hammer at home. They will not, you mark my word, they will not miss a single, single line. And then the A.D. Bryant comes out and immediately goes up on her lines and I have to cue her. And that's the bit is that I'm cuing everybody. I just watched that. It's so fucking hilarious. And Fred, it's supposed to be in the 40s, like a

you know, like a Arthur Miller play or something. And Fred to fuck with me came in and a present day New York giant. Yeah. I saw that. And then I said, give me the jacket.

And he said, is the play over. Dude, I wrote down something from that because you go, because I just watched it and I was laughing and Vince Vaughn is in it too, right? Vince Vaughn. And you go, it has my keys in it. You go, Jana has everyone's keys. Yes.

Because they're all obviously going to, they can't be without their shit. I thought it was so funny. And then I watched five years in a row that were home runs. And this is a, I kept going, you have to laugh in this one. When you were doing the one where you're fucking screaming as a fireman, I was like, I didn't know where it was going. And you start going crazy. I go, there's no way you kept saying, Oh yeah, that was, uh,

That was a John Solomon and Rob Klein wrote that one. And I don't know where it came from. It was just one of those great things where you come to the table and it's a fucking home run. And they're like, Yeah, we went nuts last night. We you're this like very effeminate firefighter that's mad at your girlfriends there with an Adam Levine. By the way, you know, Jim Downey was there and Jim Downey was laughing really hard for sure when

he was losing his mind during that sketch and then we came into a dress rehearsal and then we came into the meeting before air and they had all the cards up and downey started crying laughing and i was like why is downey laughing that's interesting and he goes he goes the name of that sketch is the firehouse incident yeah that's the funniest part for him and he goes he goes it's so needlessly mysterious

Yeah, Jim does have that capacity to identify exactly why it's funny. He was just needlessly mysterious. And we were just...

That's my memory of doing that show is being in the meeting just crying. Oh, to make Downey laugh is big. Also, I thought it was when everyone plays it straight, Adam Levine, I'll give it to him too. When everyone plays it straight, it's so hilarious. And it's asking a lot of everyone to A, not laugh, and B, just play it straight. And then I think Cicely, someone comes over and goes, out of nowhere, hey, I guess they just canceled the B in apartment C. And you go, what?

The B!

In C? Not the B in C. Oh my God. I think I grab a dog and I want to yell, open the window. And they all say, no. You fit to tax you. And then the dog attacks me. Yeah. Yeah. And we're not. That was one of those ones where it's just like a gift that the writers were like, I don't know what happened, but we've, they wrote another one with me where I was like this guy in a puppet class. Yeah. I was like, oh shit. Yeah.

Anthony Coleman. And that was another one where you go to the table and there's like a sock puppet on your pile of scripts with a little note on it. Like, nice, you know, puppet class. Could you use this please? John and Rob. And you're like figuring it out as you go along. Those guys, my last season, cause Mulaney had left.

And John Solomon and Rob Klein wrote, they really wrote some great stuff for me. I mean, those two right there are like, by the way, I was wondering during puppet class,

how it must be a little hard to get your lines, get the puppet, get them to kiss, get around and try to kiss the, you know, and everything you had to do was like two things going on at once and make sure the camera's on your face and then the puppets, they had to do that. So those can be complicated and then it comes off without a hitch. Yeah, that one, the most difficult thing everybody was like, oh, is it making the puppet smoke? And that was, you know, those things were like, they cut to someone else and then you have,

Was Flanagan there with you guys? The guy who made shit? No. Flanagan was the guy who made the puppet. He would be there and then all the... They're hooking shit up to you real fast. And you're like, Jesus, this is...

you know, and then, yeah, they, what they don't see is the guys are all like on the floor, right. You know, your feet. Right. Yeah. It's complicated. It was one of those things where the smoke came out. You're like, Oh, thank God that fucking works. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't work all during the week. Yeah. I mean, like that's,

You're like, Jesus Christ, please. Yeah, we had barf ones where they put the barf in a tube up your arm. And then I think it was Fred Wolfe wrote one where maybe it was Alec Baldwin. Every cop that walks up to the scene and goes, God damn. And then they go, everyone starts barfing. They would come out before you can get it. Yeah. And it's even funnier. But if it doesn't come out, it sucks.

Yeah. And there's a guy pumping next to him going, give him more gas, Joe. And you're like, we're live. We can't. Give him more gas. Yeah. I had a puppet. It was a different sketch, but I had a puppet that was supposed to throw up on a host. And the host was angry about it. The host didn't like that the

so between dress and air and the meeting they were like oh and hey can we do something about that puppet you know when the host sounds off and everybody's like excuse me oh no well the writer who wrote that I was like you know second year cast member so I was like oh geez yeah sure sorry you know but the guy I wrote it with it was his last show so he was just quiet

Did he go, hey, fuck you, we're doing it. We go over and we're doing the sketch and I see him talking to the special effects guys and the guys are pumping the water thing and it was like, you know, when you have like a pellet gun. The last couple. Just getting hard. So we're doing the sketch and I go to pick this thing up and I pick up the puppet and it's vibrating. It's so full, ready to go. It's exploding. And I was like, oh Jesus.

And on air, this stuff, it was like a fire hose. It just got right in the face. I was like... And he's expecting nothing now, instead of a little bit. He's expecting like a water fountain. Yeah. He actually said, oh, I want like a drinking fountain, like a little... Right. And it just went like... It hit so hard that the puppet flew off. And so it was just the nozzle of the...

On the air show? Yeah. Oh, I have to give you like, speaking of all that kind of stuff, because it's hard sometimes to get all this shit on you when you're during a show. So you got a wig, but you did one with...

like a Hollywood type of show with Scarlett Johansson and Kristen Wiig. And Scarlett Johansson, first of all, is an unsung hero. She's kind of a sleeper because every sketch I see her in, she's great in. Yeah. She's awesome. Yeah. She's really committed. And she kills it. And then that one was just a funny one where you two were acting like idiots and it was just another surprising sketch. Yeah. It's Hollywood dish. Yeah. It was the thing of you guys have done it where people interview you and then while you're

you're talking they can't talk yeah going right and you explain that you can't overlap like yeah so i was and it's like making faces

You know, and they're mouthing words and stuff. And so Kristen and I, I think, had done press for something and we were doing that the whole time. And then it was like, oh, we should probably write that, you know. Right. And you also had some different moves in it, though. So it wasn't like just that. It started to change up. You know what? The one you saw probably, I don't know if it was that one, because we did that one a couple of times. I don't know if you guys have ever had this happen where at dress, there was a thing where I'm drinking. Mm hmm.

a Slurpee and someone says something shocking and I go, and I like throw the Slurpee full giant big gulp right into Wig's face. And she just has tons of Slurpee over it. And then I throw a thing on her head. So we did it at dress. Perfect. Of course. On air.

miss her it goes in front of her doesn't hit her at all oh my god and I can the only sound and doesn't get a laugh because everybody was like oh something went wrong and I can hear Lauren it's so bad when you're at home base and I can hear Lauren under the bleachers going oh shit oh that's terrible

And didn't Kristen break? Did she break on that sketch? No, no. I don't. There's another one maybe. What you see now is dress. Oh, okay. So when I got done, he was like, West Coast, we'll see dress. Oh, good. Well, you did a spit take in her fucking grill too, which was hysterical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You realize those are all the things that work. I get to SNL and I'm like, oh, I'm going to have

have these really cerebral weird things. And it's like, now what works is spitting into someone's face. Funny, funny with the sound off. Never, never fails. Yeah, only funny with the sound off is perfect. Exactly. What about Herb Welch? Oh, that was based on a, that was John Mulaney and I wrote that. That was based on a... A guy we all kind of know in a way. Another Hall of Famer. The guy who retired a long time ago. The, the video, yeah, out in the field. It was like a YouTube video where the guy's

they got an argument on on air and yeah what what'd you say um yeah that one was also from the combination of that and then i was having to play i always got cast as like reporters or games why is it like phil hartman was our guy doing that you know i was always the guy that was like

we need a setup. So they'll put me in going like, I'm here now at this school where, you know, whatever. Yeah. So we were rehearsing with Emma Stone and for that sketch. And I had a microphone and I was just like hitting people in the face. I was hitting her and I was hitting a wig and just fucking around with it. And then again, I'm not, I go, Oh, that's fun. And Malaney was like, we should maybe write that up.

Oh, yeah. Like he was the guy that would go, what if we did that as a sketch? And I was like, oh, oh, is that what we do here? Oh, okay. Yeah. Emma, again, good in that. And everyone was good. And then you go over. But did you only do that once or did you do that a bunch of times? We did it a couple of times. So funny. We did it with Justin Heisenberg, I think. And then when I hosted the first time I did it,

Oh, so you've done it too much, actually. It has an improvisational vibe to it. You know what the funny thing about Herb Welch was? This gave me a really interesting insight into TV critics. There was someone who would write, because when I was there at the after party, everybody's on their phone. Mm-hmm.

People are writing about the show Wow we did not have that Yeah so we would all Everybody is at their table going So and so at this site hates it So and so Oh that fast wow We got a 7 out of 10 on The AV club Couchpotato.com And you're just like oh my god And there was one guy who would do a scorecard Every show And everybody would read the scorecard And

And he, at the end of the season, did his year roundup. And he was like, favorite sketch, least favorite sketch.

and his least favorite character was her no he doesn't know what an idiot this is terrible it's racist and it's racist misogynistic and terrible and i'm like well he's like an ancient i don't think it's pro that yeah the sketch isn't pro him um but grumpy old man the old man but then um then a year later i was doing press for something and they brought a guy in and it was the guy

Oh, this. So I'm talking about another thing with him. And then as he leaves, he goes, Hey, can I tell you what character of yours? I really love, love her. Well, what, what? Wait a minute. Table, man. I gotta be honest. You said he was the worst character ever.

in the you know that year or whatever and he goes yeah yeah a guy i work with read that and was like kind of bummed out and he goes no you should check it out you you know really watch it and i watched it again i was like oh yeah this is good so we're suffering that kind of gave me a whole i was like oh this is how it is with this show you know what i mean like it's like it's

It was like that day, at that moment, the guy hated it. And now a year later, he's like, oh, it was really nice. And then the opposite will happen, where someone, the thing they love, then you run into them. They're like, actually, I watched that again. It doesn't age well, or whatever.

Yeah, well, isn't it fun? I just about because I saw it this morning to just seeing it again, which I love when I saw it. First of all, it's low energy in a way like it's the opposite of the firehouse incident. Yeah, it's getting huge laughs. So then you have the task of, I don't know if you could do it now, but Kristen Wiig is trans or something. And then you go, Herb goes with the mic over her body. Yeah, yeah. Oh, over and over. And so that...

Like, did you was that choreographed? Like, I'll do bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, because the crowd's going crazy. Are you going a little bit more on the air show? Because I think probably a little bit more wise. I started laughing because when I hit her in the crotch wig made a sound.

right so then yeah she did a little sound and i started laughing so you looked away a couple times i looked away because she went yeah and so instead of breaking in front of the crowd you just looked away and came back for a second because she was but yeah you're right we probably yeah you couldn't do that now well a lot of those yeah a lot of those yeah a lot of stuff if i had ching change you know in 1988 down he wrote for us that

Even at the time, I was like, Jesus Christ, I don't know about this. I went down, he goes, there's just something in... I think there's something about... There's something very funny about... It's very precious. It's a little too precious. There's just something very funny about... When you say this line, you want to go up, and then when you go this way, now he's kind of this thing. It's like he'd act it out with you and get... It's that whole thing. It's just more the idea...

Yeah, I know. He was good with rhythms. Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I really liked Downey, but yeah, he would really go, it was, you know. He goes some places. He was always goading me on Hollywood Minute to go harder. He goes, you're a pussy. You're a pussy. You're not doing this. Don't act like you're doing it. And I go, I'll do it. And he goes, no, you won't. Don't even talk about it. And I'd sit there and go, I go, first of all, you're the guy that's going to fire me.

Yeah, exactly. And it's like, you don't have to go out there and do it. He's my boss. And then he wants me to do it, but he'd be like, Hey, bad news. I have to fire you over that joke. I would say Dana, I'm just jumping around. But when you said that you were good the last year, when you were telling him when you were really good on the show the last year earlier, um,

Last two, three, whatever. I'm joking, but you got more relaxed. And I think the idea of that, I wanted to jump in from 10 minutes ago, is that I think you guys are in the same spot. Maybe not as much Dana or Bill, but...

I never knew if I was coming back and every summer he'd say, I don't know if he's right for the show, but you know, we don't know if we're going to bring him back to me about me. And then they would at the last minute. And so you can't relax in that situation. And that's fair. It's a business. He doesn't know. And if he wants to cut me like a baseball team, he doesn't want to have a long-term deal. So I'm, you know, going check to check going, if I don't get on for three shows or don't score, you know,

This is it. It's curtains. And so maybe you were possibly in that same position where it's your last year. You don't really care because there's no high stakes anymore. You're going anyway. Yeah. I mean, I will also say, and you guys had this, I mean, you did Tommy boy and Dana, what you were doing. Wayne's world. Were you still on Wayne's? Yeah, I was on the show. Wayne's world. Yeah. Those are huge. I mean, did that give you guys a bit of confidence? Like,

Oh, yeah. I came out and we were like, because I got caught after my first scene. I was like, well, I was in a movie. Yeah. They won't cut me. Andy Samborg. I feel like there's some stock in me. Even if the movie didn't do well, they put me in a movie, I guess. Yeah. I was really naive, too. Yeah. I know what you're saying. And I sort of did.

I think it was right in the Hollywood, it was probably three years I was on six. After three, when I got to four, I go, I think I'm going to push this through. Now, I was held as a feature player longer than Schneider, Rock, and Farley, and Sandler. So I had an extra year. So I'm like, maybe it's just not for me. I mean, I'm not a big character guy. So I sort of saw what they saw and I go, I can score maybe here and there, but I'm not a full utility player like they need here. Yeah.

That's so funny you say that because I was watching a massive fan during those years and it seemed like you were very much Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox? Oh yeah. Hey Sarge, what are you doing here? You know, here's my new one, Daniel Day-Lewis. I love that so much. From There Will Be Blood. This is my shot on Partner HW.

That's pretty good, Dana. I have a competition problem. I have a competition in me. It's not that others can fail, it's that I should win. You did that. Speaking of that, drink your milkshake. I love that. Daniel Playview as a sketch. Can you give us, you want to go into it for a second? I'm an oil man. I'm an oil man. I'm an oil man. I was like, you know the thing that you need to repeat to get into it? Yeah. Yeah. Like all day I was going, I'm an oil man. I'm an oil man.

that's perfect that was the other thing that drove me nuts it was like it was like nuts it's like this is um down in you know uh milwaukee wisconsin and it's like i'm doing a voice so i'm working on saying milwaukee wisconsin and then for some reason they change it to kenosha oh right before air or something where and i go kenosha change it to kenosha and it was like oh we just liked kenosha

And I was like, I'm doing a voice. I'm locked in. I'm locked in. It's not a thing I can kind of, it's not malleable in a way where I can just start riffing in it. Yeah. I don't know if you ever had shit like that. We were like, of course, it was like all these weird lateral moves.

at the last minute that would throw you. And then they're like, you blew it. Just do one phrase and repeat it. That's, that's the key. I never, that's me in the bathroom before the sketch, you just go in there and you go, have I prepped enough? You're like, it's coming up. Have I been fucking around? Are we at Wally and Joseph's? Are we bullshitting in the writer's room? Like I gotta go lock in and go, okay, I'm going out there. I don't want to go. Sometimes I'm out there even in standup. Sometimes you're in the middle of your show. You go, fuck. I just,

I was in a groove because I've done so many shows this week, but I didn't go over it right before I went on and just think like, okay, what am I going to walk out of it? You just got to, yeah. It's fear of like being on national television going crazy.

Wait, what? Did you? Yeah. Really? Seriously? I don't even know what I'm reading. Did you do cold openings? I mean, cause I had a lot of those right to the camera. I did one cold open. Those are the worst. Pressure wise. I hated the cold open. I did one that Downey wrote where I was a spitzer. Spitzer. Governor Spitzer. And it was me talking for, you know, seven minutes.

Yeah. I just, I just, after that was done, I went and just was like, I don't think I can do that again. That was like, I really was, I was terrified. Is it, they're not that many laugh lines in it or we're just, it was just too much, too much dialogue. It's just, yeah, it's just like, it's, and it's, I love Jim. I love Jim so much, but it's dry. You know, it's a, you're starting off the show doing like this dry thing. It gets laughs. They're ready to laugh.

They are pumped and excited and the band's playing and it's like 10 seconds, five seconds. And then you come out with this thing that you know the first four minutes of it is kind of like set up. And here's a dry bit. Go. Yes, it dries, you know, and I love, but it works. It got, it's by the way, really funny. But for my anxiety, it was like the first four minutes of this is like,

Actually not has no jokes. That's tough. You know, you had to do that shit all the time. Well, first of all, I just want it for SNL listeners. The cold open is when the studio is just getting ready to do the show. Someone screams out.

10 seconds, five seconds. Oh, Joe did so. And then the studio, the rest of the show, there's ambient noise of them moving stuff around while the sketches. It's the only one where the whole studio goes dead quiet. True. If this doesn't go well, the show has to dig out from under it. Yes. So it's the pressure spot. I had a lot of props and I just started waving my arms a lot. Gotta dig in, gotta dig back.

you know, to survive. Well, you have to. You gotta get it going. That has like an energy to it. Yeah, it had high energy. Makes everyone have fun. High energy. Yeah. And then by the time you're doing Bush and stuff, the minute it would come on, we were always like, yeah, but it was like a big character, but it was when it was a thing, like a topical thing.

Yes. And Elliot Spitzer was not as you know, it was only a big story for a week and no one knew what he talked like. It was, you know, I think after that I was in cold opens, but it was like, I'll bring you to Congress hearing. Yeah. There was one time I had to go into the booth because I recorded a.

a thing for the pre-tape, you know, the scroll, like, you know, this week in Alabama, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever current thing happened. And they ran to me and they go, the tape's not working. You got to go do a live. I ran into the

the booth with my headphones on and it's just everyone yelling and screaming. Is he in the booth? Is he in the booth? And I'm like, I'm here right now. It's like, all right, and go. And now we're live. Oh, that Don Pardo booth over there. Yeah. And there's no, uh, scroll. Oh, the script. And I'm reading over black because something went wrong. So I'm reading over black. I'm trying to remember what I did. I did it Thursday. Uh,

Wow. And I'm going, okay, I do the whole thing. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. And I, the sketch starts and I go to sit down. Pardo's in there. Oh, Don Pardo. And Pardo goes, get off of me. Get off of me, Bill Hader. The great Don Pardo.

Get off my foot. The whole time I was doing that, he was just sitting on the thing in that small booth and I didn't see him because I was so freaked out. And then I went, oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, God, I'm sorry. It's like he's on the toilet and you sit on him. That's hysterical. Rob Schneider. Jim Belushi. Jim Belushi. You've heard that, right? No.

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We can't do everything about you, but we should say, should we talk about Barry or your, I think my wife did not realize that you went into Second City and was discovered in a backyard doing improv. So that might be interesting for a second, but your trajectory to SNL was sort of interesting in that way. And then your story on SNL became fascinating because you

Or a Hall of Famer. Yeah, you're a first ballot Hall of Famer. Put it this way, Bill. This is what I say to people. If someone said to me Bill Hader was the greatest of all time sketch player on SNL, I wouldn't slug them in the face.

That's really sweet. I would have to think. That's a lot coming from you guys, yeah. You had a great cast, though, too. You were surrounded by solid shit. Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, Will Forte, Fred Armisen, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Daryl Hammond, Jason Sudeikis are your bandmates. Yeah, Maya Rudolph was there. Maya Rudolph overlapped, yeah. It was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah.

Yeah, I was... Kenan Thompson. Kenan Thompson's actually the guy that I would sit... He would do those what up with that sketches and I was so anxious on air and I would sit and watch him do those because I had no lines in those sketches and I would just sit there and think like, I just need to get to be like that. How can I get that loose and have that much fun on air? Look how much fun he is having. He doesn't seem stressed. I agree. I don't think I ever got there. He has. He's like behind...

his joy is just right behind his eyes and sort of in his mind you just feel it he was the guy that when people talk about i was like keenan thompson was the guy i was always he would do update i would go out on the floor to watch him do update because i was just like he's just such a bill he's such a uh it's keenan do you have to take that keenan going like what are you saying about me uh no but it was just he was just one of those guys that when i would uh

i would just i was always kind of knocked out by how loose he was and how much fun he had and we would be in sketches together yeah i was like god he can just knock this out it was kind of like what you were saying earlier like you throw anything at him he never seemed thrown he was just a pro and lovely all the time he's one of those guys he could be bullshitting with you about something totally innocuous and then you go on live television and he destroys it right and then comes back and he picks the conversation back up

I loved him. I'm like, you know. Yeah, you got to get ready. Did you guys ever hear that you guys weren't that good? Because obviously now you look back and it's always different eyes. Pretty all-star. I want to say the Washington Post or something wrote a review my first season that was like, who the fuck? Like me and Sudeikis and Forte were interchangeable guys.

Who do you think you are? Yeah, this is terrible. And living in New York, too, you didn't, you know, people would just, I remember a guy on a cab driver went, hey, SNL, you fucking suck. Everybody has the cab drivers. Or like, you know, you go into a deli and the guy's like, they don't use you. Why don't they use you? They don't use you anymore.

They haven't even watched for two years. Yeah. Everyone wants to get you bitter. Relatives, everybody. They don't use you. I go, I get a guy's go, Hey, got any movies coming out? It's like the dumbest, easiest question. I go, ah, no, I got it. That wrong. Missy. I didn't see that one. Anything else? I go, well, it takes a year to shoot it. It takes a year to come out. It takes a year to get another one. And I'm like, so you missed this. You're five years behind. He's like, yeah. What else?

He actually said... Yeah, the guy works at a deli. What else you got? Where's Chris Pratt been? You never see him anymore. I go, he was in Jurassic World and the raccoon one. And he goes, oh yeah, I didn't see those. I go, well, why am I going by you? Who the fuck...

You're giving Chris, if he's not doing well, no one is. My God. I didn't see Coda. Tell me about Coda. Is that the deaf one? Is this Chris Pratt in that? See, he's not in shit. Does he play Coda? Yeah.

You know, I saw you on Saturday Night Live. I thought you were a woman. I saw that woman character guy thing you did. I thought you were a woman. Hey, but the one I always got was, why don't they use you? I know. Because when I'm in a wig, you don't know it's me. Oh, yeah. Hey, is that show live? Do you really take that live? When did you guys see that?

And then for a while it was like, what's Kristen Wiig's situation? What's her situation? She a nice person. What's his situation? She's stuck up. Hey, what's up with Dale Hammond? Is he stuck up? You think he'd be my friend? He looks like a friendly guy.

I fancy myself on that show once in a while. You know, I do locate this with my friends. Anyway, what do you want from the deli? Good luck with that. All right. All right. Let's wrap it up with Bill. Let's talk about Barry. Oh, Barry. Real quick. Really quick.

I'm kidding. Barry, everyone loves it. 30 Emmy nominees. It's an unbelievable show. It really is. It's shocking. I mean, you're this sketch player. You're so brilliant at it. You do the voice. You do Cloudy with Meatballs, this and that.

And then I hear you're going to do this. I'm like, huh, what will that be like? I was like one of those guys. What are you going all drama for? You're fucking funny. But then the show is brilliant and you're brilliant in it. And the first show, the first season where your character comes in and watches the acting class.

And you're not saying anything just in that moment. It was like the show just completely hooked me right there. Yeah. You know? And of course, because I like people like your cast, you know, Stefan Root. I mean...

Yeah, yeah. So fucking great. Sarah Goldberg, Anthony Kerrigan is amazing. Anthony Kerrigan is no ho Hank. Yeah, no ho Hank. Really love, yeah. And of course, Henry Winkler is so brilliant. So congratulations. Hank Winker. You just had...

Hank Winkler. I'll say, I haven't, you know, the nicest guy in the world. I'm at the improv in 1981. I do, I think, a mediocre set. I go outside in the bar. I've not been on TV or anything. I just hear a voice behind me going, Stella.

Stella. It was a Stella performance and it's Henry Winkler. Smooth as silk. You landed all your jokes. Oh, he's so fucking nice. And that was Fonzie talking to you. You must have shit your pants, Dana. Yeah, it was Henry Winkler. It was a big, big deal to for him to give me that at that moment in my life. Was Pinky Tuscadero there? Be honest.

Sorry, that's from Happy Days. But Friedman was. Take it outside. No, David, not in the halls. Not in the halls. Not in the hall. Take it outside. So what do you... So this Barry thing, what do you want to say about Barry? Yeah. Season three. Three words or less. Make your publicists happy. I'm just talking like a New York guy now. When is Barry? When is the third season? April 24th.

Okay. April 24th. I think today the trailer...

the the official trailer came out so today this comes out in two years um bill is this the one where you direct all of them no i directed uh five of them and uh yeah so i really love directing that's like i love doing that it's so much fun but it does it's this weird thing where people are like oh how do you act and direct but you kind of

write a character that doesn't talk a lot. So I have to worry about that. And then when I get the lines, I forget them. It's hard to do it all. I can't even fucking act. I can't do it. Actually be on SNL was, you know, who was, was actually Chris Brock was the guy I was talking to. I was like, yeah, I might, I want to direct at some point. And I asked him, cause he directed and he goes, if you could do SNL, you can direct because you have to,

You sort of direct your sketches, right? You saw your sketches. Yeah. So when we did the pilot for Barry, me talking to, you know, you know, heads of departments and props, props and all these things, I kind of knew,

I had confidence in what I wanted and stuff, but that was totally from SNL from doing that. You know, it's hard when they go, what kind of drapes do you want? You're like, these are these. And you go, uh, I'm just worried about the jokes. Yeah. You're good at going that one. This one. You got to make a hundred of those a day. Yeah. All day. And then, and then they go, well, the ones you pick now don't work. And it's like, okay, well, which ones do work? Oh, that's great. Love it. You know, whatever. Yeah. But I think having been, um,

having that confidence. And I think the thing that SNL did, I don't know what you guys feel that, but it took that like romanticism out of like creating, you know, and it was just like, we had to do a show on Saturday. So it was kind of like, yeah.

there was no i have to go look out a window and write in my notebook character yeah i think it's like no we gotta we're like under a table up on the 17th floor eating pizza yeah scribbling yeah real quick you know or you know reading yeah in the bathroom going okay i gotta go do this on national television five minutes you know so everything seems downhill after that exactly it's easy after that yeah

Bill, I have a director question. Sometimes, because I've never directed anything, and I wonder when the director yells action,

there's a times there's some sets I've been on where the first AD yells action. I don't like it. Yeah. I think it to be a director, the only thing you want to do is yell action. That's the whole fun thing. I actually, I totally get that. And I've been on those sets too. I actually have like my first AD, sometimes you have first ADs and they're kind of like, you know, you work well together, but you're not partners. I have this guy, Gavin Klein top who I,

is like my partner in the thing. He's like a, he's amazing. He's also a big film geek. So like that episode you were talking about Dana, where you don't see the guy I can explain to him the karate girl episode and go, this is a coverage. I'm thinking, he goes, I totally get it. You know, I'll figure out how to make that work. So he says it, he does say it, but also I'm in scenes and there is a thing where people and you're in the scene together, um,

I think that I've been doing that all the actors are like, can you please stop doing it? It's because I'm writing this stuff too, is I'm mouthing the word. Yeah.

Can I tell you who else did that? Johnny Carson. Really? When I was first out on his thing, because you do the prep interview, and so I would see his mouth moving along. You know, I'm going, isn't that special? And Johnny's going, yeah, same thing. Wow. How did you, do you get rid of that? Henry was very sweet, like, Bill, you're doing a great job, but it froze me a little bit.

when you're mouthing along with me, especially in some of these more intense scenes. Oh, wow. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Sorry. So yeah, it is like, you know, Conan does that a little bit when I remember being on Conan. Conan, Conan,

Yeah, Conan will do it again. I didn't want to say Conan because he's a good friend. No, no, but I'm saying as someone who does it, you know. But listen, when you look at that old, not to bring it back, that one gap girl's layoff, I'm starving. I'm so scared it won't do well and it won't do as good as dress. I am mouthing along. Really? And I haven't even really heard someone say that before, but now that you're saying it, I go, you can see it in the sketch. Oh, yeah, because you're so in...

I want him to nail it so perfectly. And I'm like, fuck. Please nail this and please make sure this works. You know? And I think everybody kind of thinks like we're just having fun up there, but it's like, there's so much pressure. But I didn't know I was doing it. And probably you didn't know. I had no idea it was doing it. And I've had Steven Root and Henry Winkler both said, you know, please stop mouthing along with us. And I'm like, I am so sorry, but it is, you're just,

so locked in to, you know, what's happening. Do you like, one hallmark of a show that's really working is that every,

There's no weakness. Like every actor on Barry seems like that's the person that had to play that part and they're so good. So you psychologically, with all your experience, do you change your directing style depending on who you're talking to in terms of like that little note right before you go trying to give them confidence? Oh, yeah. I mean, like Stephen Root and Sarah Goldberg are theater people, you know, like very theater trained. Okay.

Okay. They come in pretty prepared, Sarah especially, she is super prepared. So it's gentle, like, "Oh, maybe I have a little private moment in the middle of this, or maybe try this." And then Henry is kind of free-flowing, kind of... Yeah. Emotional. Emotional. And so he's kind of, "Oh, he needs more...

You know, like we did a scene this season where he has to enter it really angry.

And so he was like, I could see him being angry and stuff. And so he was taking a broom and throwing it on the ground. And I was like, oh, good. Can make sure props has a broom there for him. We'll never see it, but he needs something to just kind of go smash something and then enter the scene, you know? Oh, okay. And, you know, stuff like that, you know? Yeah. And then a lot of it is you try to stay out of their way, but then I do in that way of like,

because I'm also acting in it. It's a thing I've had to try to rein in as I can't help but be like, you know, and this is also at SNL. I had no problem. If it was a sketch, I am like, you know, it's more like we were saying about Downey, you know, it's more like the rhythm is this. Yeah. Yeah.

Actors don't like that. That's a fine line. Do you know what I'm saying? At SNL, I didn't have... I don't know about you guys, but I had no problem going to Andy or somebody and going like, you know, it's... Oh, yeah. And people...

People would ask for it. If you were the writer of the sketch, I would ask like, well, what are you thinking here? Yeah. We did the Kaysons, which is one of the hardest. That's John Mulaney's favorite sketch we ever wrote. It died at dress. But the whole thing is rhythm.

The whole thing is rhythm. There's nothing else. There's nothing else to it but rhythm. KCK, some father, son. But then you did it at Largo. Yeah, we did it at Largo with you. Yeah, you were there. And we...

If the audience doesn't hook the premise and sometimes it just gets lost that first 30 seconds, what is going on here? And then it just, you know, but it was a quiet sketch and very dry. But at Largo, we really set it up. We had him on our side. Yeah. But the point, yeah, that thing I'm Barry is like, you can't go, hey, the rhythm is this.

Yeah. People will go, please don't tell me I don't. Some people literally go, give me a line reading. Yeah, sometimes that'll happen.

uh not so much on barry but sometimes henry will be like just tell me how you want me to say it um but yeah everybody's a little different you know and mostly i just know you guys know from acting and things the biggest thing i think is actors just don't they don't want to look like idiots they don't want to look foolish they want to make sure they're right they want confidence like i've never understood that's it i've worked with directors that their whole thing is kind of brow beating you

Yeah. Weird. Right. I never understand it. And so to me, it's just like, but at the same time, smart actors can kind of sniff out if everything's great. That's not good either. Yeah. Where it's like beautiful, beautiful. I love it. I love it. People,

Yeah, Fred Wolfe would always go, oh, that's great. That's really great. Oh, this is incredible. You know, you might want to just try this one thing, which I appreciate that about him. I was never in a movie with him like David, but I think that that is the challenge of being a director. I had a director would give me 10 notes between takes. 10. 10. And it was just like, it turned into nothing. More energy, less energy. Yeah. Yeah. Or people being like,

you know very precious about the words you know I could see sometimes of an actor's like you know struggling with a line you can go just say it and how you would say it but here's the information that we want to get across is this you know right I've been locked into lines they get really mad if you change one word what's that one word

Were you doing, and they, yeah, they change, if you change one word, because it sounds more real and they go, no, we got to do the whole thing over. And you go, what happened? You go, you flip these two and you go, it's the same exact thought. I get, I get it's your writing, but. No, I had that once on a show or movie where the writer was directing and came over and was like, you know, there's a comma there for a reason.

and i was yeah exactly it's not that good yeah trying to spice it up trying to give it but you know as long as the the general thing is there you know i don't i'm not i'm not that stoked on if we can kind of find something better yeah sarah goldberg and anthony kerrigan especially are two people who can come in and make

we'll come up with lines or say, Anthony will just improvise it. The Sarah was like, Hey, I was working on it and I was thinking maybe I could say this, this and this. And I'm like, Oh yeah, try that. You know, that's perfect. So it's not over rehearsed and they could just do it. Yeah. I stuff in a way. And then, but then, yeah, you know, I've done this too though, where you improvise a thing and it's like, now we're getting way off course.

The story is this, you guys are going over here. Can we, you know, so it's like, it's like a nice balance. I think of, of, of that, you know, with people, but I do think when you're acting with people, um,

it's hard because you're, they're seeing partners telling them what to do, you know? So that's always, I'm always very conscious of that, you know, when. Yeah. I wonder, have you done a Woody Allen movie? I guess no one does it anymore, but you know, he's. Sorry about that. Yeah. Because. Andre Previn. Yeah.

John Cusack told me once, he goes, you know, it sounds like you're acting, you know, so you should try to make it seem like you're not like just acting, you know. Oh, that was a note? Yeah, but it's maybe the writer, but it's maybe the writer, which would be me. No, you're a wonderful actor. No, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman. No, you're a beautiful, intelligent boy.

Yeah. You're a beautiful, intelligent boy. But talk about a writer-director. So it looks like, if I had to guess, you'll do whatever seasons of Barry, and then you'll be out on the reservation being a film director, which you dreamed of at age 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, but it's fun. It's a weird, circuitous road to the thing that you always wanted to do, but it's fun.

How fun that you get to do a show and you get to be in it. And what a blast. And it represents your sensibility, what you want. You're working with like-minded people, your partner, Alex. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it's dark. And this season especially is incredibly, you know,

brutal at times, but I don't know. It's nice to kind of have that in it. And it just feels right. Again, it's that instinct to think it's like, we're talking about death and people getting murdered and stuff. Yeah.

I wondered about that watching season one and season two, the darkness and the lightness and the comedy beats, you know, right on the edge. You know, you must have been thinking about that as you go along. How funny can this be before it takes us away from the story? Always threading the needle with that, but doing it beautifully. It's working, you know? Yeah, this season was definitely like, oh, let's push that maybe a little bit when you're trying to be honest with what the

the material is. Just go at that. But sometimes I wonder if it's just getting older. You see friends getting older and people are dying. Yeah, you want to go darker. You got to start to be, you know, life happens and it's like, oh, if I'm going to do this, we should be kind of honest about it. I feel like if I did the show in my 20s,

it'd be a little bit more glib. Right. Yeah. It's an inevitable trajectory as, as life beats you up. Bad shit really happens on this planet and to everybody. Wow. Wow.

Well, anyway, we're finished with part one. We're going to take a short break. Our guest today is Bill Hader. Bill's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Bill, do you have anything more you want to say? Because we loved having you. I had a great time. Oh, man, it was like awesome being here. And yeah, man, it's crazy. I'm being genuine. It's very cool getting to talk to you guys. I'm still, yeah.

It's just awesome. Well, I'm up on the ladder from you. David's a half step down from me and you're the other way down. So thank you. I'm an elder at this point, which is great. But look how fit I am. I mean, it's amazing, my energy. I look startled. It's amazing. Yeah, I know you can't see it. It's like race.

No, I feel good. I'm working on a scripted podcast with my sons, which is so much fun. It's like making a movie. Very difficult, just all voice acting and effects, but I'm having a blast doing that. It's called The Weird Place. David, a little plug before we go. This will be our biggest episode.

Oh yeah. Go on the road and watch me at davidsfade.com. No, I'm kidding. Dana, wait, do you know that your son, your impression of your sons is the Californians? I was flattered that Fred Armisen told me that I, I thought it could, I mean, I feel that voice was in the ether, but it was really pretty much all we're going to do today. Yeah. Yeah. It's you impersonating your son and, and,

And then the first time they did that sketch, he was doing a different voice. Oh, okay. Oh, and then he switched it out. Oh. And then a dress, he came out and went like that. Or like, if you see it, I think it's online, Chris and I are going. Oh, that's funny.

What is he doing? That's what that sketch, when it first hit me that you were all going to do that voice and then talk about how to drive around LA, that has hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so fucking, I'm going to take Fountain and I'm going to go.

Well, that was a bit we did when we would come back from LA and you would be at the table waiting for Lauren to show up on Wednesday. Yeah. And then everybody would go, hey, I just went to LA. And it's like, and then someone would go, how'd you get there? And it's like, well, I took 405. But to do it with those voices, no, I'm going to take 405. No, that's your impression of your son is the voice we're doing. All right, I'll take that.

All right, thanks. All right, Bill. Thanks, Bill. I'll see you at the reunion at SCC. Hopefully we'll run into each other and look forward to the third season of Barry. Yeah, you too, guys. Thanks so much. Take well. Yeah, peace out. See you, buddy. Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com.

Dana, we've got a question from our fans. Yeah. Okay, thanks fans. They get to ask us, they get right to us. Okay. Oleg P. Oleg says, Ola, no, Oleg says hello, Dana and David. Dana first for some reason. And who is the funniest non-comedian you've ever worked with?

Anthony Hopkins. Okay. I did a movie with him and- What movie? It's called Road to Wellville. Oh, did you? Someone else was in that. I was in it, so it's probably not. But he was in it. I know that. Bridget Fonda, John Cusack. Period piece about the invention of cereal. You know what else is a period piece? It's called Red Something. Oh, I blew it. What's that movie out right now?

Red Hour. Angry something. Angry Red Lobster. Angry Guy. It's a Pixar movie. Free Guy. It's about angry. Look it up right the fuck now. Anyway, Dana. Okay, the funniest non-comedian I've ever worked with is Anthony Hopkins because...

He started out as an impressionist. So he would do like on the set, I would do Jimmy Stewart. Yeah, well, what are you doing, Tony? And he would do Cary Grant. Oh, he did. I can't believe it. I can't believe we're making a motion picture together. Okay, that's for the boomers. And then I would do Garth and he would do Hannibal Lecter. And that's where we would kill entertaining the crew and Bridget Fonda and stuff. Oh, kill. Fuck yeah. I can smell it, Garth.

I can smell the licorice. Got it. Get away from me, big scary man. God, that was fucking kill. Party on, David. Have you got one? You should have come out presenting at the Oscars with him. That would have been funny. That year that he won the Oscar, because Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were sitting behind my wife and I at the Oscars.

And so as a joke, I kept standing up to start a fake standing ovation every time. You know, and Cruz got really into it. So we were both doing it the whole time. And then when, you know, Anthony Hopkins wins the Oscar, we did it. And then everyone went up. Ah, it worked out. So we got a standing ovation. I don't know who mine would be. And did you find the name of that movie? Turning Red. Turning Red, Dana, which is a movie, Pixar. And I just found out what it's about. And? Periods.

Really? The whole movie is turning red, meaning it's a girl and she hits like 13 or whatever. Anyway. Well, it's great. Where can we see that? What are the times and dates? Let's go to the Grove and see that. There's a movie also on Hulu called AW. Why not? It's a whole feature film about anal warts.

It says, why not? I'm making this up. I was about to say. Sorry. Greg likes that one. Doggy. I mean, it's a nice topic for a feature film. The first act is a little slow and then it really picks up. You know what's really funny is Brad Pitt is also someone who I'd like to see SNL be a host because he is funny. And he's a funny, you know, I don't think that's the number one people watch.

thing people think of him, but he's very funny and kind of sly with it and he'd be a great host. He'd fucking kill it. Probably, obviously doesn't need to do it, but should do it for the fun of it because I think he would have fun even though it's fucking terrifying.

Well, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which is my favorite movie of the last few years, I've seen it 12 times, he's really funny in that. What they do at the end of the movie is he smokes an LSD joint and he comes back and then all these evil people are attacking him. And he's like, he has this laugh, ha ha ha, I remember you, I remember your little white face. And he talks to a guy who's got a gun on him, evil, and he goes, and you were on a horsey. Ha ha ha.

Brandy yeah listen he's that part's not gonna be as funny without him being funny I mean it's just a cool movie and then he adds something to it that makes it great so that's that's that answer

Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. Production and engineering led by Greg Holtzman, Richard Cook, Serena Regan, and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.