Bill Burr
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Yes, I have actually stayed at Airbnbs from time to time. And truth be told, I do really like them. I'm being totally honest right now that I've had great experiences with them. Yeah. I mean, you can have your look at you go get your own place, get your own pool, your own living room. You're not going to walk in an elevator. You're not going to see people when you're walking around in your undergarments. Yeah.

Yes. And if you don't understand what we're talking about, you should go online. What we're saying is you have a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and it's just for you, tailored for you. You liked your Airbnb over a hotel. Yes. And I do think I've had relatives stay nearby and sometimes it's very nice for them to do an Airbnb and have a little house and they're not underfoot. The last thing you want is your house guest to say, excuse me, um,

Where would I find a towel? That's a toughie when it's because they're naked. Well, it's like the 1800 time you say on the towel rack. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to look there. People don't even think hotels sometimes just go, hey, I'll go there. I'll get an Airbnb. So you won't regret it. All right. Let's tell him about Bill Burr. Bill Burr. Great guy to have on. We got to chat with him for a while.

really funny comic, super cool dude, a guy, my personal experience with him, didn't know him well, but we started, uh, voice texting each other during the pandemic. And it was a lot of fun because he goes, you know what? Well, you do it better, but you know, he was just, we were just bitching about stuff. And it was really funny for a guy who I wasn't great friends with, but I always thought he was funny. And he always says ballsier shit than I do on stage, uh, which is, you know, that's, I always admire when people can do that. And he's sort of uncanceled. Well, we talked about that. And, uh,

We just have a lot of laughs. So when we see him one night, we did a show together. I have a picture of us, me, you, him. That's right. And Norm, maybe? That was the night where, yeah, it was us. And he followed me and crushed, of course. And he was kind of humble about it. He goes, I was just riding the wave you made, you know? So he's, you know, he has...

There's a definite alpha power to him on stage, but he's kind of cuddly and he busts himself all the time. I'm a fucking moron. What do I know? I mean, but he is probably one of the top five standups of the last decade. He fills some big rooms, you know. Yeah, he's a brilliant standup. And he does ride that line where he can really comment deeply on things, but never cross it. Anyway, it's fun to hang out with. Very just a cool guy. Yeah.

He does ballsy shit. Even his SNL monologue, we talked about that. There's stuff where I see him clips on Instagram or whatever and I'm like, wow. Like stuff that obviously isn't

the general opinion and he goes the other way with it and that's harder because it can stop the crowd in its tracks and then he digs out of it he gets him to get what he's talking about get on his side and he keeps going it's like shit it's there is that expectation i mean when they see you come out are they thinking your movies are they think you know there's they don't know much about they don't want to get really the stand-up no they don't i've learned they don't like it too dirty when i'm on the road they know me from

PG-13 movies and sitcoms, and that's mostly it. They don't know stand-up, and that's how I got started. So they don't know what to expect, and if it goes too rough, they don't like it, I found. And also, I'm not political, so if I got into that out of the blue, I think that would throw people off. So I just kind of do it, but I do like the stuff I'm doing. I just...

I don't really want to be there to have tons of walkouts. Yeah, I like all flavors. Would I love to say what I want? But it's also just fun to try to make them laugh really hard. But for me, it's the whole weight of SNL on it and a few specials. But I can feel the whole audience kind of go like that when I go into a voice, an impression or something. So I can't complain. What are you going to do? It's nice. Yeah.

What are you going to do? I wish I, you know, I always, when I was a kid, I, which I think we tell Bill that I always thought the East Coast could beat up the West Coast. Like if there was a fight, the East Coast and the West Coast are meeting in Minnesota to fight. But I always wanted to be one of these guys. Like if I could talk like this is normal, it already has an aggression alpha male to it. How are you doing? Give me a fucking cup of water. I asked you two times, what are you going to do?

I need a fucking cup of water. I'm not going to ask you again, Paulie. You know, when do you want to be that guy? I like it. Yeah. Cause that's always those pushy guys that when I moved SNL, I didn't know, uh, women have accents too. I'm not like super smart, but it just never happened. It was always the guys like, you know, it was like, I mean them doing that. And so when I see girls talk, I go, how you doing? Pretty good guy. I'm like,

Is this a, what? Well, it sounds aggressive. It's not sexual when you're with a woman like that. Take down your fucking pants and see what you got. Where's the boner I heard about? Come on. Hey, Barbara, come on. I said bravo, Barbara.

That's the best part. No, I was really taken aback. I'm like, oh. Because I'm from AZ in California. Everyone has just the most blando. I know. Hello. How are you? I don't have a voice and I don't have a face. I've said it before. I'm not even a human being. Actually, turn off the camera.

We look like shit. This is ridiculous. Go wider, Evan. How much we got to pay? Wider or turn it off. Evan Fuditz is on Fudzit. Evan Fudzit is on camera today. He's a world-renowned cinematographer, and he goes nice and wide on us. All right, let's get to Bill Burr. I'm almost 80. Let's get to Bill Burr. Yeah, here he is. Bill Burr. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please, no.

Bill, you just go out there and you say your truth and you go with it. They know who you are in the comedy clubs. Nobody knows who you are here. Is that what he told you? That sounds like him. Yeah, it was just, no, but it's great advice. Say hello. Say you're happy to be here. Be nice. Right. Don't go right into the bits. Got it. You're a gruff, no-nonsense comedian.

They have no idea who you are. So have a good show. That's sort of it, right? I'm selling out all over the world. No, I came on as a host, not a cast member. So I didn't. Whatever happened to you guys didn't happen to me. He was great. No, you actually came on at the very end as a host, as the winner. So, Bill.

Dana, what is it about you that makes you so great? Yeah, what's it about you that makes you great, Dana? Because I'm curious. That's a great question, Bill. I have no fucking clue. I'm just trying to survive on the planet. What's on your mind today? Because you're a man of a lot of thoughts. Yeah. That's kind of a myth.

What is on my mind today? I would love a cappuccino. Oh, yeah. And just sit there and watch everybody else driving around going nuts. You know, like yesterday, I actually had time. We can get you one. Where are you? I actually had time yesterday with a buddy of mine. We went to this cigar shop on Larchmont.

And it was everything I loved about cigars. It was just a bunch of knucklehead old guys sitting out in front of this thing, breaking each other's balls, just laughing. And one point where I'm listening to all their stories and, you know, about their families and sports and shit. I'm just watching all these people driving by traffic. And I don't know. That was just one of those moments like, yeah, this this is actually living.

Yeah, that's like real life as opposed to I got to write a new joke. I got to go here. I got to call this guy. I got to do this. I got to go on two famous guys' podcasts.

So they can show off the background of their multi-layered mansions. I see what you guys are doing. You're building a brand. I'm at a Ramada Inn. I hope you can tell. Oh, is that what it is? That looks like a mansion to me. How you landed that stand up on SNL. Because I watched it again today. Because I like to do homework. I saw his monologue. Yep.

That was like threading the needle. What would you call that? I mean, you'd vetted that in the clubs. You knew where all the laughs were or was how did that feel going out there with the crowd that maybe didn't know you that well with the that whole white women and all that? I just always look at it like I'm not trying to be I'm not being malicious. So and then I just because somebody.

heard it maliciously that doesn't mean just because you hear it doesn't mean that's like that's how i meant it and if i tell you that's not how i meant it like you don't get to overrule my own thoughts like it gets to the point of like yeah i know what i'm thinking yeah and then also what is going on on social media in you know in cities like la and new york is not not even all of la it's not real it's just sort of this small group of people running around like chicken little

Like somebody asked me recently, so what's the biggest thing threatening comedy? I was like, there's nothing threatening comedy. Well, that's good. Like there's some asteroid coming here with some, you know, comedy, hairy legged feminist, feminist on it. It's just like, I'm always astounded with how not funny people, the people that are telling people what's funny and isn't like,

It goes back to like the when I watch sports, the amount of just out of shape, fat fucks questioning. Like, what were you doing on that play? You should have read. It's like, when was the last time you ever ran other than to a fucking buffet? So, yeah, I mean, I think that just.

That's just part of anything that you do. Presidents have to listen to comedians making fun of them over simplifying world events. I do that all the time. Like, hey, why don't you just do this? You go to Saudi Arabia, you tell the guy you need oil.

And you get the oil. And tell everybody to chill out. You smack them around. If you got to smack them around, you smack them around. I'll be selling my Me for President t-shirts after my set.

Yeah. Everybody, every president goes in when they win the first day and they get in a room and someone goes, forget your whole campaign. Forget everything. We're starting from scratch right now. This is how it really works. And he's like, oh, okay. There was a kind of a sensitivity to Biden just from someone who does impressions initially, right? The first three months you start to go into it, depending where you were in the audience, get quiet. They wouldn't boo. They just get quiet.

Because I think it was sort of he was supposed to be the grandfather of the country and calm us all down. You know, this was like in April of 2021. I don't think that's who he was. I think people wanted anybody but Trump. So they picked a warmonger with dementia. Right. And if you ding the demented war guy, if you ding him, you're making the orange Hitler happy.

So you don't want to make the orange Hitler happy. So you can't ding the demented guy. It's a vice. I think we can both. I think both sides can agree. Our latest two representations have been the worst. Can a brother get a JFK? Can we get a 45 year old horny guy who can really speak? Talk back to the horny guys. Well, I mean, just somebody with some, you know,

Did David really just apply chapstick during this podcast? Did that just happen? No, Bill. It's called Viagra, and I put it on my lips, and it travels down to my rock-hard boner. Sorry. Well, that's...

Do you ever hang out with someone and they're telling a story and they compliment their dick? They go, so I'm with this girl, right? And I've got this huge hard-on. That's what I was trying to do. Too much information. I don't want to know about it. I will say, though, I always thought a rager was funny.

You know, I got a raging, just a rager. Yeah. I got a rager. And you're just at a restaurant with a guy. I got a rager on your. Yeah, it's just comes funny to me because, you know, no logical, no logical decision is going to make once it's a rager. Yeah. Yeah. It's driving the ship.

It's kind of angry. Yeah. Yeah, when I was a kid, I had a raging rod like 24-7 and I remember just staring at girls in class just going, I can't think of school. I can't think of anything. Like, it's too, it's wrong. I shouldn't have this. It's not, it's unfair. Because the girls couldn't give a fat fuck about me. So they're just like studying and like, I'm like, how are you looking at literature? That was one of my classes. And what was your nickname again, David, in high school? There was a couple. There was Shrimp Cocktail.

Shrimp cocktail. There was Sprout, which was horrible because it was based on the Jolly Green Giant and his little green sprout. Remember that? That was the name of him? Okay. Remember that? That was brutal. Were you big in high school, Bill? I mean, were you a small guy or were you average? I was a face in the crowd. I wasn't cool. I wasn't a nerd. I was just there. Okay.

A face in the crowd. Did you do any athletics at all? I got a D in math in fifth grade, and my dad pulled everybody out of sports because I think he just didn't want to go because he was antisocial. And then I remember after high school, he said to me, he goes, how come you never played football? I was like, I thought you didn't want me to. He goes, no, which is complete horseshit because I didn't play football.

I did play football and all he talked, he screamed and yelled about how I was knocking what little brains I had out of my head. He kind of saw CTE before anybody else, I guess. So there was that, but I played like baseball. I played like pond hockey and stuff. I played a lot of, I played a lot of sports, but not organized. So like we used to have this great game every Friday, um, of, of tech, just a tackle football game in the outfield or some, um, uh,

little baseball field, minor league baseball field there for the kids. And we would just tell the stories and make everybody laugh on Monday, I remember. And then...

Word kind of got out about the game. And then the more popular athletes started playing. And then like all of my regular friends just like tapped out and they stopped going because the competition got too high, I think. And it was only like me and like two other guys stuck around to get our asses kicked. But it was more like that. But I was definitely a, you know, I wasn't a nerd, but I wasn't part of the cool kids. I was, you know, I was right in the middle. Nerd is at least some...

You know, moniker of just being a face in the crowd is almost worse. Just you're part of nothing. Oh, yeah. If I didn't do what I did for a living, everyone would have forgot about me. By now, they would have forgot long ago. Yeah. What was that? Orange kid's name. You know, I Patrick. Total. I have a poster of me and I have this picture of me, Bill Burr.

Dana and Norm. Do you remember that night? I have that right on my wall. Oh, I said that to you, right? I have one too. I said that to you guys. Yeah. I've got it here somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. And Dana's is in the garage, but mine's up. And that was a fun night. I think it was my night where I got to pick people to go on at the comedy store, just like a stupid night. Like, do you want to have your own night? You pay your friends nothing and then you keep a little scratch from the door. I'm like, that sounds fun.

So, uh, we went and nor, I can't even remember anything about that night with Norm. Do you remember anything? That was fun show though. I do. I remember that was like a make a wish for me. Cause it was like three of my most favorite comedians and, and, and guys from SNL on that show. And, uh, I was just sitting there going, I can't believe these guys even know who I am and would want me to come down there. And I, I remember no, Norm was as always holding court. Yeah. Yes. And, and the most quiet, slowly, like,

Usually if somebody's holding court, they're loud and boisterous. And he just is sort of like really still. Us. And he would just get that look on his face. And you're like, oh, I hope this isn't aimed at me. No, he took up a lot of space. He was sneakily a pretty big guy. And he was laying back on the couch, like laying way back backstage. He was kind of big. The comedy store. And you're right. It's so laissez-faire. And I can't.

Hey, there's this guy, you know, shot his wife, right? And you just lean in because usually it's something kind of brilliant or bizarre. I mean, he had an irresistible rhythm, sweet Norm. We do Norm because we miss Norm. We don't feel it's... No, everyone knows that. We think Norm's hysterical. Even if we say something he did that's crazy, it's still out of good thoughts. I like when you guys do those other stories because it humanizes them.

Cause it's like, Oh, he could, he could be a, he could be a dick. Everybody at some point is a dick to their friends. Sure. Sure. Well, I was mad at him during COVID because he kept saying, David, let's go to dinner. And then I go, all right, how about Friday? He goes, what? I go, how about Friday? He goes, what about COVID? I go, well, Norm, just come to my house. Then you sit 20 feet away from me. No, we can't. And then he doesn't drive. Everything about him was a total fucking norm. Was a rack and tear. He was, um,

He was a flim flam man. You know, he would just but I would just start laughing every time he would say something that was a couch message toward me like he would.

point out the worst part of my act the most Klein helpless kind of begging for a laugh stupid impression and you go yeah you should do more of that guy you know that's really funny but I knew he was fucking with me so but I it just uh he was a charming uh actually a lot of gold in there yeah it's really good when you do Richard Nixon right a lot of people remember him right yeah more of Richard Nixon that'll make your act

I did Dennis Miller's show in the old days, Bill. You were just a little toddler. Dennis is another brilliant guy. And I was, Dennis Miller had a few iterations of his show and it was like a talk show. So I don't even remember, me and Norm were on there and I see this clip a lot. So Norm's on, I'm the second guest. So I guess I was already on or we were on together. And he's telling Dennis this long story about

I guess I thought it was boner pills or something that can't get boners. And he goes, and then they always have these commercials like, Hey, do you need a rod? You have to get your dick hard. And I'm like, why are they sending it to me? This, this commercial is for guys like spade over here.

But actually it was, it was, it was, and I was gay in the, in the story. So at the end he says that and Dennis goes, we're both like, you went all that way just to end with fucking ripping me. And then it got a huge laugh when he ripped me and then they went to a commercial. I go, God damn Norm. Yeah. But it's kind of fun to be a part of that. It was just Norm. Yeah. Yeah. I saw that. I saw that clip.

I'm a nibbler, Dana. And I think you are too, but you always know me that I just have to keep the energy going. And I think because I learned from my dad, pistachios are a good source of just, you know, nibble, wake you up.

They're always delicious. I actually named a character in a movie I did called Master of Disguise. The lead character's name is pistachio. That's how much I love pistachios. Yeah. Well, wonderful pistachios have literally come out of their shells. It's the same taste. It's delicious, but...

It's a lot less work. As you know, cracking them open can be a little bit of a job. Less cracking, more snacking is what I say. That's what I say. That's what you say. And I'm going to use that when my wife goes to the store. Wonderful pistachios. No shells flavors come in a variety of award-winning flavors, including chili roasted. Honey roasted. Mm-hmm.

Salt, sea salt, vinegar, smoky barbecue. Sea salt and pepper is one I like the most. And I'm going to try this jalapeno lime. They don't have a red, red necky flavor just yet. Yeah. Look at him there. Red, red necky loves pistachios. I like to crack things open and put them in my mouth.

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I think, first of all, I might have introduced Dana to Bill backstage at the store once. I think Dana and I came in. Yeah. And I said, oh, Bill Burr's here. You want to meet him? And we went back and said hi to you, and you and Bill were great. And then Bill and I used to also leave each other, which I kind of miss, those text voice messages.

And when you're going to do that with Bill, you know, they're the fucking funniest. No matter what he's saying, it's funny to me. So we would rag on different people. We won't say who, but we'd rag on people and it was hysterical.

so then you know that was our our covid that was yeah that's right covid we just left each other voicemail and then in the end we'd always say we got to go get dinner sometime because we never did and then we weren't allowed but i could handle dinner with you and we could drag dana if we want i'm a homebody but i will i will come out i we had all had dinner together who else was there was kyle dunnigan and nikki

And Clayzer and at Coy. Bill. Yeah. I wasn't at that one. Oh, you were at the one. There's three of us later. Did you go to any bill that we go to dinner? Yeah. Back in the back room. We had a back room like Lovett's or somebody else was there. I can't. Yeah. We were technically breaking the law or I think it was like a speakeasy back there. It was a special covid room. We had our masks off. Yeah. Yeah.

I had dinner with Lovitz the other night. Oh, you did? Yeah. Did you just run into him or was it planned? No. No, it was totally planned. And yeah, he just shit on me the entire time we were hanging out. It was awesome. So Bill, how are you? Are you making like a billion dollars? Yeah. Stuff like that. Here's something that could help your act. Oh, yeah. He's always got a lot of act ideas. Yeah.

No, it's not ideas. He's just trashing me. Oh, he's just trashing you. He tells me, you know what you should do, and this would help everything, and then he gives me a horrible idea. I'm looking at this, by the way. Dana, you know the Wilbur Theater in Boston, which I think I've played, you've played. I played it. I shot a goofy special there. Oh, you did? Yeah. Now, Bill, do you know what I'm about to say? I don't want to give Bill any compliments. I promised myself I wouldn't. It's a compliment alert, Bill.

Yeah, he has done 19 shows in a row there. 19 in a row. John Mulaney did 20. Oh, he did? Just to fuck you? I'm a has-been. Oh, what a joke you are. Mulaney, oh, wow. So that throwdown, that's the gauntlet. 21's the new standard. It's like being the world champion. Yeah, and here's the thing. I'm from Massachusetts. Mulaney's from Chicago. So what he did was not only one more, it was also more impressive.

So you can take that compliment, Danny. You can send it right over to John Mulaney. John Mulaney is so big now that he played Nebraska. They set up a stage in the corner of the state.

And they just, the whole state stood up and they had loudspeakers. He's doing 50 city, 50 states, one state each. But who's the guy, who's the motherfucker who sold out Fenway Park? Who the fuck was that? That's 35,000 seats. How do you even do it? What do you do when you go there? Do you have any local bits? Like I was over here on Apollo Boulevard and everyone's like, fuck yeah, guy. Yeah.

Yeah, there was a lot of that talking about a lot. Yeah. So that was just a drive in two months ago. Right. Yeah. You sold out Fenway Park. Yeah, I was. Was it during a game and you came out at half time? What happened? Or was it just was it a bucket? It was it was it was kind of perfect. It was like a perfect night for baseball. And it turned out to be for comedy, too. And everybody came out.

for the comedy. And it was like playing a giant comedy club. I can't explain it. It was, I can't imagine. I didn't have to speed up or slow down or adjust. It just was me telling jokes and them laughing. And, uh,

Every once in a while, I would just sort of look in the crowd and just at the back of it, I just, you know, above home plate, it said Fenway Park. I still can't believe. Where were you? Where was the stage? Second base or pitcher's mound? Where was that little stage they had you in? It was out in the center field. Center field. OK. Yeah. Center field. So how they seat is everybody sits on the outfield. They keep the infield.

Yeah. That makes you feel better, Dana. Oh, it's not 35,000. Oh yeah. That's probably about eight. I just got to get a pin. I want to cross that out. And then that, yeah. And then the, all this, this, this stands were filled up. There was a few scattered singles left or whatever. That's just a product of the internet, how that ended up happening because the internet destroyed the music industry. And I just feel like it created a vacuum of,

And something else had to fill it. And I think the way, uh, Oh, interesting. Well, just the way comedians are where, because once people hear our jokes, we have to come up with something new again. You can't tell the same joke again. Everybody on the internet's just like, Oh my God, it's for that clip a week ago, but blah, blah, blah. So like the way that we have to keep going and the way people on the internet just want to keep seeing something new, what's the new latest thing. It just sort of meshed because it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense. It wasn't like this. It was Steve Martin was playing big arenas when I grew up and maybe the Blues Brothers did a couple. And I can't even think of just comics that were maybe George Carlin. It was Carlin, Cosby. Yeah, Steve for a while.

Robin was really big. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if Robin played stadiums, but... But I'm thinking like 3,000. Dice Clay was a guy. Yeah, Dice got really big. Dice was the first guy to do the arenas before Steve Martin. And then Dane Cook started the new thing where...

He kind of showed people how to brand themselves on social media and be directly linked with your fans and build a fan base. I still think you have to be

You got to be at some level compelling. You can't just go on the internet and just be like, Hey, you know, I want, I want some fans. But we talked to a lot of people on this podcast who have leaped to Madison square garden, like John Mulaney and Bert Kreisner is doing 10,000 seaters. He could, he's huge in Germany and Australia. It's just this new, uh,

this new thing of podcasting and Netflix specials. It seems like so many people not doing like 3000 seat theaters, like you'd think they'd be doing there or 6,000 seat theaters, but up to sheds and mini arenas. So anyway, it's fascinating. You're one of them. Uh,

Oh, yeah. You're one of only like 100 that do it. I know. I'm saving the money, too, because I know this is a real estate bubble. We'll see what. Yeah. But I don't see people getting tired of laughing. That's another thing, too. It's not like, you know, I think the thing that probably takes you out is if you stop going to the comedy clubs as as a performer, because then then you start aging in dog years.

And there's something about going down there, not like you have to pretend like you're young, you still act your age, but just being around young, you just sort of absorb

How to how to still be a 54 year old guy like me, but be relevant where I remember, you know, when I was coming up with the Holy Grail was not anybody going to Madison Square Garden. It was getting a sitcom that made it to syndication. Yeah. And I remember seeing. No, I saw a good three or four of those guys come out of those eight year, nine year.

seven year runs on a show and go back to a comedy club with their act from seven years ago and just, I feel attacked. Eat a dick. That was me. One of them was definitely David Spade. Dana, did I ever tell you how disappointed I was the first time I ever saw David Spade? No, let's hear that story. Oh, it was just all attitude. There was no punchlines. No jokes. Yeah. I'm on TV. He had a seashell necklace. Yeah.

I just, you know, it was just terrible. Actually, the first time I saw Dana, he was on a pay phone.

outside of this how long goes payphone outside the uh the improv on melrose and he had a hat on you know because he was on snl at the time or maybe he was yeah i think he was doing the movie just shoot me or something yeah yeah and i just remember thinking like holy shit that's fucking david spade yeah the big moment then i got to know him i was like oh this fucking idiot he has been part of the comedy landscape david has for 40 years it's unbelievable

Let's not round it up. For six, for 62 years. Late 80s was that young comedians special with. Yeah. Did you see that? I loved it. Oh, you Schneider. Jan Karam. Drake Sather. Drake was great. Fred Stoller. Fred Stoller. Oh, you bastards. I'll take you all down with me. Yeah. Oh, Freddie. Was it Warren Hutchinson? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Passed away soon after, you know, I will tell you that special. What I remember is,

I wasn't supposed to be on it. No more. No more. Oh yeah. That's too bad. Oh yeah. I remember all that shit. I don't know what you're saying, dude. I don't even know which one of you guys is singing. I'm supposed to read your lips. Those were, I, you know, I stumbled into some good jokes starting out cause I didn't have a lot to compare it to when I was in Arizona. And so I, I couldn't really copy everyone cause I wasn't, I didn't know what was going on. When I first went on the,

This sounds crazy, but it was just a comedy club and I decided to be fun to go do comedy. And I was telling the guy before me some stuff from a Billy Crystal album I was going to do. And he goes, yeah, I wouldn't do that. And I go, why? And he goes, they go, they want you to just make up your own stuff. I go, oh.

Well, that's fucking, who does that? Like that's way harder. I just thought I was such a performer. I go, I could do this cause I memorized it. It was so dumb, but I didn't know anything. I was 19. And then, uh, so I did Billy Crystal's act for the first four years. And then, uh, no, I didn't, but I did get stopped luckily because I would have done, it wouldn't have killed me cause it's like a dumb club, but I didn't know anything. So then you get older and you try to do better, but.

I don't know where this is heading. I have no idea. I think you're more experimental and then you kind of learn how to do it and you get more, you know, sounding like a comedian. Then you try to get away from that. That's special. Did you ever audition for those? Cause they had them for a while on HBO and that was sort of the only game in town in LA we would do it. And then every year it would come around and you try to get, if you had an agent or a showcase, the improv to get,

your young comedian special. And then, uh, I, they said next year will probably be your year. I did it three times. Didn't get on. And that one, they picked five and they said, shit, you were sick. Sorry.

And I was like, Oh my God. And luckily my management was somehow producing that year only. And then Dennis Miller was the host and they both said, squeeze one more asshole in there. Who cares? Just Dennis Miller championed David. Yeah. Dennis, Dennis helped me get on that. And then we did it. And then Warren, I remember I thought it was so ballsy because he was a crowd work guy and he was doing crowd work on the special. Uh,

And they couldn't use all of it because it's like, this guy, where'd you eat tonight? You know, some nights that's really hit or miss. Some night it kills. And that night it wasn't killing. And in my head, I was just going over my six minutes every night going, how would you do just the gamble of getting on this thing and doing crowd work? He did pretty good. But overall, it came on and Rob and I got SNL off of that for sure. I've always hated crowd work.

forced crowd work like if you go up there and something happens and you interact that's cool but to just go up there and do that like i just feel like the crowd always like no matter what you say to them they like lose their mind like oh my god how did he just come off the top of his head to tell me to go fuck myself that's right i always just thought it was you know i felt that way and then i also thought like uh

doing jokes about sex, unless you had a really specific story because I, you know, cause I did both of those things. I played with the crowd and I also had like sex stories and it was just like, yeah, I remember being on stage, like as the crowd was laughing, it's like, it's not that funny. Yeah. You even tell them the crowd. It's not that funny. They settled down, settled down. It's like everybody, everybody laughs at a joke. So, um, and then I also noticed, you know, when I was on the road, a lot of the, uh, the road dogs, uh,

Like when you were wondering when they were going to wrap up this set was when they started talking about sex. It's like, all right, he's working towards his closer. And once they started talking about sex, they never went anywhere else because nothing could follow it. Yeah. You know, have you ever seen the guy at the store or you're at the improv and they do, uh, to the audience at home, when you get the light as a comic, let's say you're doing 20 minutes to give you the light at

17 or 18 minutes, meaning if you don't know where you are, you only got three minutes left. So you see comics do that. And then they do another chunk, then another chunk, and you're waiting to go on. And then they have the balls to go. So what else is going on?

You have to be off five minutes ago. Yeah. What else is going on? As the fucking light came on. Yeah. Yeah. Or do it at the beginning and don't milk it. You're supposed to walk up. You're trying to stay on now. Uh, Bill and your early, early days and stuff. Did you have auditions either for a manager, an agent TV show or stand up where, where it didn't go so well? Uh,

Oh, yeah. All right. Look, we hear one of those because you're so confident on stage in these last 15 years of my career. I remember I remember I finally killed on one of them. One of those awful showcases. And the lady was in some big woman agent.

my manager at the time asked what you think. She's like, he's funny, but he has a weird look. And I knew what that meant. It meant he's a, he's a redhead. He's a ginger. It was like a rule. Like, it's like, wow, he's like the friend. What am I going to do with this? He's not getting the girl. He doesn't get the gun. You know, it was like, uh, all right, well, if we need another Ralph mouth, I guess I found the guy. So there was a lot of, uh,

A lot of that. There was, uh, well, I don't remember. It was so long ago, but Jesus Christ. I mean, I was a terrible actor and I would go in, I would make these big, dumb choices and I would bring props in and all, like just desperate, just desperation. I did props. Yeah. What turned it? When did you like get your style and start to kick ass? I mean, how many years in did you become Bill Burr? Like, like 15 years? Uh, yeah, 17, 18.

And then all of a sudden 17 year overnight success. No, I think I did that half hour for HBO and that got me a little momentum. And then, uh, yeah, I just had to keep doing specials with each special. I got a little more credibility and it was, um, you know, I, I kind of had to go the long way around, but I was happy. Like I didn't,

really start making good money until my 40s but like i feel like that's a better route to take than to be like david spade and be like you know like the leaf garrett of comedy 20 21 he was in a movie yeah 21 i'd be being on being on the cover of dynamite magazine remember that if i wish yeah i want to be on the cover of somebody just knock

Oh, get the fuck out. Cappuccino. Yes. It's fucking here. What's with cappuccino? Can you just drink coffee? Deal with cappuccino. Thank you so much. You got to have a fucking foam on your coffee. What the fuck is that about? Just drink coffee. What is this guy? Got a little sugar in his tank.

Jesus. Now we're going to get full Bill Burr now at the cafe. Now that people now realize that being a homophobic is, is a, uh, is a stupid thing to do. Like, I don't think they'll ever understand that.

Just the littlest of behavior that would just get you gay bashed, even as a straight person. Anything. Anything. If you picked up a coffee cup and your pinky was out a little bit. Oh, yeah. Whoa. The size of what David was just drinking out of. I'll kill you. Forget about it. Over. They would even make fun that I'm putting lipstick on. Oh, yeah. You couldn't possibly do that. You couldn't possibly. I just like how you're doing that while having the audacity to have a nice Burt Reynolds mustache. Yeah.

I got a cool beard. God, it's great. It's so sickening. I like it. It's see-through, dude. I don't know what to do. It's very Dwayne Allman. Greg Allman, I'd say. I know. I get compared to people that are horrendous. And that's, you know, it's fine. But I like Skinner. No, I ain't no angel.

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Not a compliment. I'm going to ask him a question. Okay. When you were on sick of complimenting him. We can give him a compliment. No. He's done. Yeah, but maybe not yet. It's gone too far. Yeah. When you go to SNL, because again, you skipped our brutal like crybaby shit about how we were there and we were ignored.

by Lauren, but you just went in as a host. So you're the jolly good fellow. Do you, because you're a great writer, do you write sketches or do you just say, I've got to, do you start the week and go, I'll do my own monologue. I'll worry about that. But you guys write me sketches or do you say, I want to help write a sketch or anything like that? Well, I've only done the show once. So I came in there and whatever they wanted to do, I was cool with. And fortunately, uh,

They had really funny ideas and I love the ones that they picked. And it was just like, you know, writing standup comedy and then writing sketchers to completely, completely different things. I learned that the hard way. I found out too. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's the, yeah, it's two completely different things. So I just was, you know,

I got some good advice from people like they would come in. All you got to do. You know what? Chris Rock hosted the week before. And I, when I was in town early enough that I got to watch him do his show. And he told me afterwards, he goes, it's just, just go out and kill the monologue. That's what you have to do. Kill the monologue. And then you're going to be working with these, these sketch actors and they're going to, they're going to,

As long as you're Pete Davidson, help me out to you. As long as you're cool, as long as you're a cool guy, everyone's going to help you out. If you're being a dick, then that's the treatment you're going to get. So I pretended I was nice, David. Yeah. That's what I did. That's tough for six days or however long it was. You had to bluff them. But yeah, you're right. When you got, when everybody's good there and everybody, you realize that it wants you to do good. It makes them do good, look good. So you put your trust in some, some comics would come in and say,

Like even dice. But, you know, I understand back then they go, I got my own writers and, uh, I know what you guys are going to try to make me do, but we want to do funny stuff. And already it's like antagonistic. And I was going to say, that's a, that's a fun way to enter. Yeah. That's. And that doesn't go well because, you know, I got hired as a writer mostly. And you're hiring a guy because I've got a decent standup act, basically 25 minutes, but I'm supposed to write sketches, which is a whole one 80. I mean,

I did think I had some funny bones to me, but it took so long to figure out how to write a sketch. It's just a whole different...

ballgame. And then I like the one, I was just thinking, I saw one where you were a sports guy and you and the Bears beat the, to explain it at home, two sports guys, Keenan is one, African-American female is the host. You're the guy saying, my team beat the shit out of your team. And then

what happened was an African-American kid was shot the night before and no one saw the game except you because you're white and you didn't see. And I'm thinking, well, I guess Taylor Swift isn't doing this sketch, but I was thinking this is the one bill would say, give me that one. Or they would write for you and say, someone will come along and do this. And it's interesting that they give you stuff like that. Cause it probably is more exciting. Well, what's funny is,

is the people that you're going to are going to get offended by that are actually white people who get offended for black people. It's just like, you're nuts. And I don't, I don't, it's, I feel like the white people that are like that it's because they have such little interaction, you know, with anybody else. So they don't understand like where or what is funny or what, as long as you're not being malicious. Sure. And the, and then the fact that there's, there's,

two black people in the sketch. You got to think that what you're doing, they're cool with. They've never heard the sketch until you're doing it. They're like, wait, what are we doing? They'll come out. Oh my God. My heart breaks for Keenan in this sketch, you know, and they'll have their BLM sign in their window, which is my favorite, like laziest white. I'm helping you out. Thank you. I got you. Right. BLM on a piece of copier paper and you put it in your window.

And you're like, and back to my life. And that's fixed. Yes. I am a warrior. I'm an ally. Yeah, because some of those sketches, I mean, obviously it's great. You know, everyone there, you got good writing. And sketches are...

uh, good writing. And when you do a good writing, you'd hope it's harder to be offended. And especially everyone's in on it. Um, and your standup, I do stand up and I, you know, every comics like, or people ask me, Oh, we think you're going to get canceled. You were talking about this or in your special, you talked about pedophiles and this and that. And I go, it's all where it's coming from.

If you are angry at another race and yelling and screaming, that is racism. If you're doing jokes or about this, that everything's coming from a funny place, or I think this is funny. There's no hate here. Whatever I'm doing about any subject, I'm coming to make you laugh. It's so weird when they get so mad about it. I kind of hear what you're saying. It's not a lot of people. It's just that this business is,

acted like 2% was 98% because they listened to their corporate lawyers. Because, you know, I have empathy for people that are...

are in the industry because if we do stuff and it flops, we got our stand up, we got our podcast, whatever. I just talked to somebody about this. If they do something and it flops, then they lose their job. And they're like, I don't have health insurance. I got this nut I got to pay and my kids in school and shit. So they have to be way more conservative. And I think it's a lot easier for us to be like, hey man, why don't you fucking let me create here? Put your career in

And the trajectory with someone's offensive or starts to get canceled. For me, I just wait.

And I go, OK, what are the corporations going to do? You have the mob on Twitter. But OK, that's a corporate dropping, dropping. Then it's the agency drops them. And that's that's how it goes. And then you are sort of on the outs for a while. But it's really up to the agency manager and the corporations. And they don't need the headache at a certain point. They don't want to be, you know. Well, you don't get you don't get canceled as much. Like it's like you can't go book a gig. You get sort of sent back in time.

in your career. Yeah. You have to go back in line and have a time where you can get back. Yeah. Yeah. So, but I've just, I've just sort of acted like none of that was happening. It's been my formula on how to get through this perceived difficult time. It's just, you know, there was a lot of bad shit happening that needed to be addressed. And like most of the time, you know, when the cork flies off the bottle, there's an over a correction or whatever. And I think it's starting to go back.

A little bit. We'll see. I don't buy into certain people that they should never work again. It's like, all right, if you do some Weinstein shit, I understand that. But other stuff, it's just like there's people getting paroled out of jail every day and are allowed to put their fucking lives back together.

So, yeah, especially when there's no court case, there's no due process. There's no hearing that you can't cancel. You're part of the problem, Dana. I know I judge everyone that I see and they should be canceled. I mean, I don't I don't even think that it doesn't. I think they've ran out of people.

I think when you're one person on Twitter in the middle of the country and you, it's sort of a power move. You go, I could say this and let's see if I can get some shit started about somebody. Cause I personally didn't like this and I'm going to make it a point. I'm going to write every company and I'm going to write in because that stuff does get noticed. 99% of the time, every day it's not happening. I think it, it, in the beginning it happened a lot and then they kind of, you know,

got rid of the people that had like the button under their desk that locked the door, all of those fucking lunatics. I mean, yeah, you get rid of those big, get the big fish out. And then now it's like, it's,

It's sort of like, okay, you have to sort of really screw up. I used to do a bit about where did all the cancel people go? Are they on an island? And I call it Predator Island. And Arnold was the host. Welcome to Predator Island where we hunt, you know, this Harvey Weinstein over there. And we go to Racist Lagoon. That's Rosanne Bar. Racist Lagoon. Woody Allen, what are you doing here? Run for the brambles or lay down ground fire. So it was a long thing, but I started to run out of people. You're right.

What they also should do is they should do it almost like Survivor. And you can win a challenge to get back into mainstream Hollywood. Oh, that's a good idea. Charlie Rose and Tom Brokaw have formed a team. This is an alliance. Anything with Arnold's accent is allowed. Dog to bounty hunter. Here comes Dog.

He's in racist lagoon. Racist lagoon. And Jesse Smollett on there too. I mean, he's put everyone in there. You know what I love about that joke is the word lagoon because I know you picked that word because it's just funny to hear Arnold say it. Lagoon. Racist lagoon. Racist lagoon. That's right. Yes.

I like that. And Holtz Mountain, Holtz Mountain, Jussie Smollett on Holtz Mountain. So it's just like it's like Disneyland. Escape from Holtz Mountain. Yeah, that that case was so bizarre that that was one of the ones I never did a joke about it because I felt like to be already on TV.

Already making that money, already getting that level of attention. And then you had to have you had like this this victim fantasy that you paid people acted up like there was like it's like this guy's like mentally ill, like that you that you're going to be like he's a TV star. He thinks he's going to do that. I mean, that's like when you watch those first 48 and somebody's never committed a crime in their life and then they try to get away with murder and they go like to the local pub. Yeah. Why? Who wants to kill my wife?

Yeah. Within two seconds, they get two seconds. They're talking to an undercover cop. Yeah, they're always Chevy Cavalier and they're just arrested and their whole life is over. I'm learning, Bill. I'm learning that on Craigslist, there's no real hitman anymore. It's all undercover cops. Every time I look for a real hitman, it's just the undercover guy.

And I'm like, is there any real ones left? I have a friend of mine that is a district attorney and he was telling me how funny it was. He said, he goes, the amount of times in my, my law career, someone would come in and say, somebody broke into my house or the cops would come with the case. That's right. They would talk to the cops. And then before he was prosecuting, they would come in and they would talk to the cops, say, I think my neighbors took my stuff. And they would be like,

all right, what's his name? And they would say his name and then they would type it into Facebook. And the guy, the idiot would be on Facebook with all the stolen shit behind him and like cash. Yeah. Totally convict himself. Yeah. And I said like, what percentage of people would do that? He said like 15. Like, like, like that was such a ridiculously high number. Too high. Yeah. That like, dude, it's your neighbor. He knows your name and you're going to put his stolen TV behind you.

Bill, do you ever play this game with your wife? Like if you like say to your wife, you need if you were going to kill me, what would you do? And if I was going to kill you, this was what I do, because I told my wife how I how I would do it. Well, see, I want to hear what you. But mine was that we would go for a hike and there would be a steep cliff and I'd just be like.

Boom! Just push her really fast, and then that's it. Now, would you say boom when you pushed her? Is that part of it, too? That was me as a stand-up trying to kill in the room here. Boom! But it's just a little inside joke. I'm seeing you as more just a fantasy. If you had to kill someone, say you wanted to get rid of Spade because he stole some of your bits, slow poisoning is my prediction for you. Well, I learned talking to a cop one time

I was doing a podcast and me and the co-host, we tried to come up with the perfect murder. We had an ex-cop on there and he goes, okay, let's hear yours. I go, all right. I love it. He's going to troubleshoot it. So I go, all right. I go, okay, so me and a buddy of mine get in the car and he goes, that's it. He goes, you're caught. Ha ha ha.

And I go, what? He goes, you can't involve somebody else. The second you involve somebody else, somebody's going to get nervous. Somebody's going to go to the cops. Somebody's going to talk to try to plea their thing down. I didn't even get out of the gate. So I don't know. I don't think of it. You know what it is? I will tell you this. This is something I don't think I've ever talked about. It's like, I think vengeance.

is one of the darkest emotions that human beings have. Oh, yeah. And I just... It scares me. I think about it sometimes. Like, you know, somebody ripped me off this fucking year and I thought about doing shit, you know? And it's just like... It's just at the end of the day, it's just...

I don't know. So if I was going to kill David Spade, there's something about there's something so puppyish about David Spade that like, I think I would I think I would put him in like a bag like kittens, you know, and then hit me with like, no, with rocks in it. Oh, yeah.

And I would just throw him over and listen to him as he went over the bridge. I didn't mean this literally, but the perfect murder is a good subject. Did the cop ever really say what he did? Yeah. Give me a good one. He told me a gun made of ice cubes or what? What did he say? A gun made of ice cubes. He told the cop that would melt. The weapon would melt. You know, it's kind of irresponsible.

You guys want it? Cause I can tell you, he told us, Oh, it's irresponsible. Cause people will hear it and no one hears this. I don't know. He said, basically, if you have no priors, all right, if you have no prior convictions and you kill somebody just that you're completely, are you writing this down? Oh yeah. You say you're insane. You, if you,

Kill somebody you have no connection to whatsoever and nobody sees you do it. Hard to get caught. I mean, what is it? There's nothing. Yeah, there's nothing. But it's the forensic stuff, though, right? The evidence, the hairs and the blood. No, it's so many times your film, Bill. Like I see these shows sometimes and everyone's filmed everywhere. They're walking out. They're doing like true. There was a guy. There was a guy in the fucking valley. There was a you know, that that that music venue, the baked potato.

Yeah. Famous place where all these like arena level, like crazy jazz and studio musicians jam at. And right next to it, a few blocks up is a recording studio for music. And this guy thought that they ripped them off. So he went down there on a Sunday and he lit the place on fire, not knowing there was people in there and people died from the smoke because they were in the soundproof room. They had the whole crime on film. He pulled up to the mobile station.

took out the gas can, filled it up. Wow. Yeah. Everything. And they had they had the city cameras of him walking across the street with the gas can. And then every business up the block had him going by. Yeah. And it was like Keystone Cops. That's the problem. It's so much harder that he killed people. Like, that's the thing. Like, I think when you become like a parent,

Yeah. Like it stops just being like a cartoon. It's like that was somebody's brother. That was somebody's sister or parent. It was just some dumb shit and they didn't even do it. But like that fucking idiot. And that and it was just like the level with which that they didn't think that out. They just were like, oh, it's closed on Sundays. I'm just going to do that. I could not even think.

Well, I'm going to go on record and say I'm anti-murder. No, we're against it. But I am fascinated by the subject of crime and also all the cameras. Bill, wait, let me ask Bill. Why are so many...

I don't want to say women, but there's a lot of people that watch just these crime shows and they're so into it. And it's the biggest podcast genre podcast. But it's like, you know, the decapitation diaries is beating you this week. I'm like, what? That's a whole podcast. My wife says that she watches them because she tries to think like what she would do in that situation, which I kind of go with. But like,

I just can't like, I don't know. I don't like going to bed watching shit like that. But like, I remember I used to do this bit

when that Michael Jackson documentary came out and this guy was going, do you see that Michael Jackson documentary? And I was like, no. And he's like, oh, he's like, you got to see it. And it's just like, I really don't want to have my entertainment for the evening to be alleged pedophilia testimony. Like I'm sitting here eating popcorn. Yeah. And then, and then did he touch you a little ding-a-ling? And I'm sitting there with like, you know, eating a hot pocket and like you getting molested as a child.

Is my entertainment. Like, what can I watch tonight? I could watch Yellowstone, Breaking Bad, or you talking about getting molested as a child. Or describe Mr. Jackson's penis. Which, by the way, I got to get...

I got to get into Yellowstone because everybody is telling me it's just it's fucking amazing. And I love Kevin Costner. So I got to get into Costner's great. It's pretty simple, but it's it's kind of it's, you know, what I call brain candy. You're out. The scenery is amazing. It's it's cowboys fighting each other. It's just like so easy to watch. I mean, I do sports a lot, especially now. NBA is.

on every night. What's your brain candy? It'd be sports, right? What are you going to watch to calm yourself down from your daily noise in your brain? Yeah, I like watching sports and I like music. And I have my garage, I soundproofed it and I bought this beautiful set of Gretsch broadcaster drums and I just go down there and... Oh, you play? Yeah, I just fucking wail on them.

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Hi, everybody. This is Dana. By the way, right now, we're going to go on a long tangent, probably 20 minutes, Bill and I and David, about his love of drumming. And he's so excited and so happy. And I loved it, but it's a little bit technical. But I hope you enjoy it, or you can click off. Goodbye.

Do you jam to music or just by yourself? Or does it have a drum track or music you play along with? If I'm having a good day, like I sit down and there's actually ideas for the first time ever. I've been playing like on and off for 30 years. And all I did my first like 27 years of playing, all I would do was listen to a drum track and then learn how to play it.

And it was someday I just finally woke up and I was thinking like, you know, if I did this same approach to stand up comedy, I'd be a joke thief. Like I haven't I'm not playing drums. I'm doing drums. Right. And along the way, I met this great drum teacher, Dave Elitch. And so I like when I have time, I go I go play drums with him and we do this and just trading force. And it's really interesting.

um embarrassing at first and really exposes you when you actually have to come up with like your own ideas and you feel stupid it was like a lot of like almost took me back to beginning to learning comedy and one of my favorite memories ever of playing drums was in the netflix um comedy festival i was fortunate enough i got to do a show at the forum and before the forum

I did a drum lesson with my teacher in the empty forum in the round. Wow. With, with, uh, uh, I played a Vista light and he had the, the, the, the bottom, the, uh, the steel kit that he had, the last kid he had before he unfortunately passed away. And we just jammed in the middle trading fours. And what I loved about it,

was Dave has gone on tour with all these big people. So he's played drums at like, you know, the Cowboys stadium and everything. But just to do that and just have fun, dude, he had the biggest grin on his face. Like both of us were just sitting there cheesing in the middle of it. And in a lot of ways, it was more fun than the show. Cause the show it's like, I'm at work, I'm doing a job. And I, this is pressure of like, people have spent money. They got a sitter. I have to deliver where that was like total freedom of like,

Make it ask yourself, fall on your face and all of that stuff. So, um, are you, is that, is that like a heavy metals set? You've got, I mean, a lot of symbols, a lot of Tom's cause no, no, I always been into like Steve Jordan. Uh, um, I always just loved all the, all the music that he could get out of like a little, like four piece kit, five piece kit. And, uh, when I, you know, at first when I would listen to all the metal and all of that shit,

Um, I was into, you know, wanting a double bass kit and having all these drums and all of these. Well, Bonham played a small kit. Like I just wanted to play like one of those big. Yeah. Massive. Yeah. Yeah. So spinal tap kit. Right. And then guns and roses came out and Steven Adler came up and, and had a four piece kit. And if you really go back and listen to appetite for destruction, um, um,

And just the amount of music and like, it's very rare that there's a drummer that if you took out all the other instruments and you just played the drum track, then a non-musician would know what song it was. Yeah. Because, because it's a weird thing where like a guitarist has to play a different riff every time, but you can be a drummer and kind of play the same beat as long as you keep in time. But the creativity that he had,

with that little kit, he actually influenced everybody. If you watch, once he came out and Guns N' Roses hit, all of those guys stripped down their kits. Even the guys with the double bass, two double basses, they went to like the double pedal, except for the thrash guys. Now the thrash guys

Like, that's like, you know, they're like, I always looked at them like, uh, you're talking about Pantera and Slayer, that kind of shit. Yeah. They're like the outlaw bikers where it's like, you got to ride a fucking road King. So they got the, they got the big ass, you know, the 24 inch kits, three up, two down or four up or whatever. But, um, yeah, you have the big four of them. And then like Vinnie Paul, rest his soul, man. Like that guy, um, like just the groove that he played. Cause I, I felt like,

I think once you've got like double bass and all that stuff, it's really hard not to overplay. I felt like a lot of guys, you know, and it's like you're supposed to be saying something. You're not supposed to be talking to me like an auctioneer going like a zillion miles an hour. Less choices. Let me ask you a question about, you know, materialism.

Metallica. They're in their mid-50s and they have all that heavy metal. You watch Lars and stuff and they're doing it. But at some point, there's a fitness aspect to that. To be able to do that for like an hour. They wail on them. And you're mid-50s.

It just seems like it's an athletic thing. They must do a lot to keep their calves in shape, you know, for the drumming. No, it's your technique. If your technique. You do it without trying that hard in a way, right? You're so light. Well, if you watch like Buddy Rich, Joe Morello. I watched him last night. I watch his solos all the time.

Yeah, he plays. And I know he plays. He's a great drummer. Joe Morello. Yeah, guys, the way they they play Dave Brubeck is I'm going to classic guys. And so like, but their technique was flawless. So the sticks are going a million miles an hour, but their forearms, nothing's tight. Everything's loose.

Steven Adler plays loose. Like if you play like loose and you understand breathing and all of that, that Davey Lachess is to be his agent, man. He's got this whole great thing on about like when I started playing drums with him, it was nothing about drumming. It was all about how it was sitting, the way I was breathing. If I was holding tension in my jaw or anything like he's like all of that affects breathing.

what you're, what you're playing. So like those guys that play super, super fast, those like some of those guys, like the guy, uh, uh, uh, Tomas Hockey, I think is how you say his name. The guy from, um, from, um, a sugar, they got a song called bleed. That's sort of like, I think, uh,

for this century is sort of like the, uh, the, the, the, the sort of like, I would think like back in the day, remember there was always a guy like who played guitars, like, dude, there's a guy two towns over that can play eruption. You know what I mean? This is like, yeah, there's two towns over. Oh yeah. It's always this guy that, you know, nobody could produce. Yeah. Dude, he sounds just like him. Um, he has a thing, um,

This song called bleed. And it's, it's, it's, it's just one, it's, it's a polyrhythmic thing. Danny, you got to listen to it. Like, uh, what's his name? I'll, I'll YouTube it tonight. So, uh, my sugar and it's called bleed. And I, if you ever get a fucking chance to see that band live, like the level of musicianship that is going on,

is like, I don't even know. And it still grooves though, because it's not one of those difficult for difficult sake. There's a purpose behind what they're doing. So it's like, it's rooted in the ground. And even the first time you see them, like, you know that they're special. And even if you, because my ears took me years to catch up to what they were doing, just as far as like what I was listening to.

And I think they recently just came around, but I got tinnitus in this ear and it was really acting up and I just couldn't,

go see anything loud. I had to kind of like lay off it for a minute. Well, I love hearing you talk about this. It's so cool. I know. I get just, you know, cause we know you as a comedian, but your passion around this is like, you know, it's like, well, it's fun to have something else. And I love it too. I, I've, I did some jamming in high school in my twenties and thirties with a little band and stuff. It's so much fun, much better than comedy. It is. You know what I like about it? I like to like, I always wish I had that experience of like a band, uh,

having to win over a crowd. Like I've done that as a comedian and it makes you feel good. It makes you feel strong, but it's a, it's a solitary thing. Yeah. Like I would just think if you got up there and the crowd was like booing you or whatever, and the guitarist just gave you a look almost like, like a quarterback just kind of gives a wide receiver look. And the guy knows that whatever I said in the huddle, fuck that, just take off. I'm going to throw you one, like to have a guitarist look at you like that.

And then, and you know that you guys are locked in, like, fuck these guys. And you win them over. Like, that's sort of like, you know, almost like a band of brothers, like a military thing. I just think, like, that experience. I remember seeing that, like...

one of ACDC's drummers. It wasn't Phil Rudd. I think it was Simon Wright. They were asking, what's it like playing those songs every night? He goes, you know, sometimes you get tired, but you know, he goes, Angus just gives you a look. And it's just like, all right, man, Angus gave me the look. Like, I'm not going to like, I just, I get like, uh,

Can't explain it, man. When I read stories like that, I think it might be the sports background. Yeah, I get like amped up. Like I want to have a good show or something like that. I was in New York doing a benefit. Long story. But I ended up playing with it was Lou Reed and it was take a walk on the wild side. It was all comedy band, but I was the drummer and I didn't have a monitor and I was just trying to get the groove. I didn't have a monitor. And then after the rehearsal, Lou Reed looks at me. He's kind of an intimidating guy. He goes, he goes, don't do that. Whatever you're doing, don't do that.

I go, Lou, I can't hear myself. But they did get a little monitor for me and I wrote... It's not a hard beat, but if you can't hear it, you want to be right in. What did he think you were doing, trying to throw it? I think I was slightly off time because I couldn't hear. That's the worst. Then what I do is I just look at whoever's out in front of me. I just look where they're tapping their foot. It's like you're underwater. You can't even hear what they're doing and then you're just kind of like

Once I lock into like, I'm just usually the base player is who I'll end up looking at. And hopefully they're out front enough where I can see their leg

And hopefully somebody turns around. You're like, dude, I can't hear you guys. Wow. You can't hear behind Ringo said he would just watch Paul McCartney's ass because Paul would kind of wiggle it. He said, and that was his way of keeping time. Yeah. He couldn't hear anything. They had no monitors. And anyway, wow. That's so cool. I love, I love that. Hey, let's do this thing where we say we're going to get together and have dinner and then it won't happen. Why don't we get together in jam? You play like every instrument, don't you, Dana?

Very rudimentarily. I mean, I don't have a drum set down here. It's up in the garage in Marin County. So I drum on my laptop all the time and I play acoustic guitar and I'm drumming with my right hand, basically. And I have a keyboard. I'm very rudimentary, but I do love it. I have a good, a fun...

triplet workout to do that. It helps your bass drum speed and also helps you to kind of go around the kit and get more comfortable with that. Well, you kept going. I mean, you seem like you're great, but you could probably use just a good blues bass player just to kind of

Just someone to play with you. No, listen, I'm good for a father of two. That's about as good as I am. But dad's playing the drums in the garage. It's pretty hip for a kid. But you like Zeppelin. You like ACD. I saw ACDC at your precious Foxborough. It's great. Ramstein. Ramstein's very entertaining. The German heavy metal band.

I haven't seen them. I like... Oh, Dana. I always forget his name, but the drummer, James Gadsden, is that his name? Who's the guy, the drummer for Bill Withers is another guy that I love. That swing. Yeah, I feel like I have like, it goes like

And then, you know, I've been going to the gym and if this one guy is is at the front desk because whoever's at the front desk controls the music. He's been playing a lot of like Cardi B and hip hop and stuff. And like the yeah, the drum the drum tracks are so much fun to like I was I just listen to like I wish I had that on a loop and I could just play fills over it and just sort of do those on like a loop or something like that.

Um, I basically do comedy so I can afford to buy drums. Yeah. Wow. That's a huge statement. It's so fun to have something to like, look forward to and think, and then you get money and you, when you meet bands, you love, um,

maybe to talk to their drummer or maybe just talk to the band and then you also they might know you now which isn't you know has a you know has a killer fucking drummer and i'm gonna space on his name because i'm old there's a band uh uh uh russian circles that's an absolute beast

of a drummer and he uh this is some i somebody sent me a clip of him and it was what i loved was his uh his use of dynamics which i feel like in all facets of life with how loud you have to be to get attention now yeah um i just feel like dynamics is like a lost art and it was another thing where he had this little kit and the amount of music he was getting out of this thing was insane

Um, John Theodore is another guy that I love all the way back with Mars Volta right through, um, all the stuff that he's doing. Well, at the end of the day, I tell people it's kind of the kick drum, the snare and the high hat. I mean, there's a lot more to it, but if you can master that and all the machinations of that cozy pal was a big one from the seventies and he was Mr. High hat, you know, doing all this high hat work. I gotta, I gotta give the, where the fuck is my phone? There's, there's these kids, these kids that I listened to.

on the Instagram there. I don't have my damn phone. Where the hell is it? Oh, well. Oh, I'm on my phone. Idiot. Old dad. Old dad right here. Too many inputs. Yeah. Yeah, there's these guys that I listen to. So Ringo or Charlie Watts? That would be a question for me and Bobby Slate would hash that one out.

Oh, for me, that's not it's not a question. I go Ringo. OK, OK. Me too. Ringo or Bonham?

Two different animals. Two different worlds, the best in one world and the best in the other world. Yeah, that's like zebra or mongoose. Mongoose. I think Ringo, because we had Paul on our podcast, and we talked about just car stereos and remastering some of the Beatles stuff. So you really heard the bass and you heard Ringo's kick drum.

And you heard how they syncopated together. And it's really fun. And that was not around in the 60s on a transistor radio. And the way they had to mix them in mono, they couldn't have that heavy bottom in there. I think Bonham is one of the more misunderstood drummers out there. How is he misunderstood? Because he's kind of number one with most people. Because his sound was so big, your eyes lie to you when you watch him.

When you watch him play, it's so big. Your brain tells you he's doing this. And he isn't. He's all like wrists and fingers. He just knew how to hit a drum and get out of the way. And then on top of that, had this gift of

for dynamics and sound and all of that stuff but like oh yeah well that was when i was when i was growing up like like the the all the dramas are saying like yeah dude bonamuse's stick was like tree trunks they were like two bees you know it's just let's which is like basically like i don't know like those giant ones right they thought it was all just strength yeah yeah and then you watched it

And now I'm looking at it going, I think he plays with like a 5A, which is like a number two pencil. A light little stick. Well, the value of his drum. Who set up those drums? Because his kick drum and snare, that relationship is like nothing I've ever heard anyone get. And it's so potent. And you're right. I think there's a lot of muscularity just built into that that you don't have to pound it. There's that Oakle Tree guy. He does a whole thing on how he used to tune up his drums. But Bonham had a big...

uh, part in that. Like he wasn't just one of those, Hey, tune up my drums and I'll sit down and play him. Like he had, he had that 26 inch kit,

kick and he all he would have he had nothing in it and there was just like a piece of felt either on the batter side or or or the or the uh what the resonance side yeah um and and he just knew how to hit it and push all that air but um that was another thing too was everybody thought you had to get all these big drums to sound big but like they didn't know how to mic drums when he came up and the amps just kept getting bigger and bigger so the drums got bigger so you could be heard

And then, you know, by the end of it, like, like I, I kind of, you know, what's funny is I actually bought the green sparkle, John Bonham drum kit at one point. I actually owned one of those with the big 26 and kit. And it was really difficult for me to play like going from the rack to the floor, Tom, it was like, like skipping the subway stuff. And then I finally dawned on me. I was just like, this kit worked for him. I'm not him.

So I sold the whole thing. And that's when I got the Gretsch Broadcaster. I got a little 22-inch kit.

And I absolutely love. I like low drums close to each other and tilted in a way that it's all right there rather than reaching all the time. That's a whole other skill set when you're out there all the time. But Bill, when you see guys, like a lot of guys put their hair into it so you don't know how hard they're hitting, like Grohl or Taylor Hawkins. It was like wham. And it looks so hard, but you don't know. Is it more head movement or is it more really wailing on the drums? Dave Grohl, I'll tell you, underrated.

It is his work with Killing Joke. And there's a song called The Death and Resurrection Show where he plays and he's playing 16th on the hi-hat, which is really fast. It's two hands. But like I had a buddy of mine, you know, better ears than mine. He goes, no, dude, that's one hand. I'm like, what the fuck? And it is just the perfect, sickest song.

beat and i'm killing myself that i i never when he was playing with uh he took a break from foo fighters and he went on tour with queens of the stone age there's a great um they just of course they're never on the fucking drummer when he's playing even when he's playing a goddamn solo they're still fucking going out to the crowd so they had they have a song called the song for the death and um growl plays like this just perfect perfect solo in the beginning of it and it's just

that, you know, there's space, there's power. It just like, if you watch that solo and you don't want to learn how to play drums, this, you're not alive. So, um, there's this great clip of him playing that. And, um, I got to see him play when they were in, um, I saw him at the Wiltern when they were in, um, them crooked vultures, which was John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin, Dave Bro and Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age. And then they had this hired gun

to sort of do the Malcolm rhythm guitar when they went out on tour. And, oh my God, that, that was one of the, I remember after the first song, my wife looked over at me and she's like, she was like, that guy's really good on drums. I'm like, yeah, I think that guy might have a future. Yeah. Just the stuff he did with Nirvana just beginning there was so perfect, you know?

He's music. And I also thought when, when I was a fan of his, but when I really became a fan was when they did unplugged and he had to bring that all down, but still drive the song. And he did it so effortlessly when I watched it, I was just like, Oh wow, this guy is a, so I gotta be honest with you as much as I like the Foo Fighters, I actually don't like them. It took one of my favorite drummers,

I love the Foo Fighters and I have like you know fucking 10 of their albums but like there's a part of me like going like fuck I wish this band was a little less successful so I could watch them play drums a little bit more well Bill let's let's let Bill go he's been a fucking stud thank you buddy so much fun really fascinating alright well look at that who would have thought we went from comedy to like

Being an old dad's a guitar center. I'll talk about music anytime. We have a lot of, I love it. All right, well, let's do the obligatory. We're all going to get dinner. Let's do it. And then it'll be just me and Bill, but I will tell Dana after that we went. And let's do the awkward sign off where it's a little kind of, oh. We all lean in and look for how to. It says leave and you see the other person's still on and it's all awkward. Or I hear the YouTube guys start to talk and I'm like, did I just hang up on you? Yeah, do that. Yeah.

Let's do that. Well, I miss you, Bill. And I like you more than Dana does. Anyway, I got to go. Okay, I'll talk to you. All right, fellow drummer. I felt I connected more with Dana. I'm sorry, Dave. It's over between you and me. Bye. Hey, what's up, flies? What's up, fleas? What's up, people that listen? We want to hear from you and your dumb questions. Questions, ask us anything. Anything you want. You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com.

Okay, so we have a question from Tina Palmer. Thank you for the question, Tina. Let's read it. I absolutely love your podcast. It's the only one I listen to on a regular basis. Thank you. It's so fun and always makes me smile. I like when they put more over stuff, more compliments at the beginning. It's a good way to get a pick, though. I have to say that we don't see these ahead of time. This is our producer, Greg Holtzman.

who picks them, but it does seem a little self-congratulatory. Hey, David, I just found a letter from one of our fans asking a question. I absolutely love your podcast. I don't know why I like this one. I only listen to it on, I'm the, it's the only one I listen to on a regular basis. It's so fun and always makes me smile. Okay. You know, we need a compliments hotline.

Yeah, because I'm down a lot. Okay, go ahead. All right, so here's the question for you. SNL has had so many amazing commercial parodies over the years. Which ones were your favorites? My all-time favorite, Schmitz Gay. Adam and Chris were hilarious. I remember that one. I remember that one. That was great. That's their— Couldn't do it today. First of all, a quick story. Schmitz Gay, I think I was in for about a couple days, and then they switched it. I was looking through some commercial parodies this morning. You were in a lot of them.

I did, I think Smigel wrote Schmitz Gay and I think he switched it for me and Farley to Adam and Farley. And I was like, oh, because I knew it was so funny and they put that Van Halen music in. That was such a funny commercial. There's so many good ones. Colon Blow. Colon Blow. Phil Hartman. Phil Hartman. I think Al Franken wrote that. It was just something that stood out in people's minds. People talked about that for a while. Yeah.

The Bad Idea Jeans was one that I still hear about. I didn't write it. You were in that one, right? Yeah, I was in that one. Yeah, that was funny. I saw that. Mom Jeans. Mom Jeans are always funny. Mom Jeans, was it Tina Fey? Yeah, it was Tina, Maya, Amy, Rachel. Just Mom Jeans, sort of high-waisted and puffy. Kind of like giving off the vibe of business is closed here.

Yeah. We, you know, there's three legged jeans, leg and a leg, leg three at last. By the way, the songs they come up with are so funny. Everything about the, what about the car that looks crappy? So you could, a luxury car you could drive into a bad neighborhood. The outside looks shitty. There's so many. What about the car you can fuck? Remember that one? And, uh,

It's so beautiful. And God, I can't think of, there's so many. There's, Lovitz did one with Phil and others where it was a trap door in Neyland. Just a business guy who had a malfunctioning trap door. So sometimes you'd go in it and you had to climb out or it would launch you, you know. Well, two, because I was, you know, early on you write a lot of commercial parodies because it's a good way to get on the show. It's sort of a backdoor. The two I wrote I liked were, there was Salon, the Vidal Sassoon shampoo.

Did that get made? That got made. That was on Hibernol. What was the premise of Salon? Salon Finish, Salon Shine. It was the guy in the commercial saying, Salon, if you say it right, it makes your hair better. Salon. Salon. Okay. And then there was Hibernol. Yeah, it was like a NyQuil commercial with Farley where he, if you want to sleep through all of cold and flu season, you sleep for four months.

And Farley wakes up, who won the Super Bowl? But he's got a beard now and nails. And he was mad because I was on the set. He's like, do I have to put all these fucking nails? I'm like, oh, relax. You're going to be here eight hours anyway. So they put a wig on him. Julia Sweeney was in it. And then, oh, Chia Head, I wrote. That was one of the first things I wrote. Oh, yeah? I remember that one. And that was one of the ones that turned into a real product about 10 years later. They made Chia Head.

And I was like, exact same box, everything. But it was like you put President Obama and you put the seeds on and then. And then she had. Yeah. Oh, so they took that idea? I mean, I don't know, I guess. But yeah, I think those, they used to do specials. You know, they'd have a commercial parody special on primetime. The driest one that Jim Downey wrote was called Change Bank. It's so droll and so dry. It's just them saying how they could.

All they do is make change for you. Yeah. One of these days we'll put clips up. I mean, you can look them up. All these ones are saying, but we got to get some clips in here because it's hysterical. Thank you for that question. Thank you. And thank you for the compliments because we really need them. We're hanging by a thread here. We don't know if we're going to get canceled.

This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13. Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes. Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts. No joke, folks. Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.