The Moth Radio Hour: Confidence Game
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This autumn, fall for Moth Stories as we travel across the globe for our mainstages. We're excited to announce our fall lineup of storytelling shows. From New York City to Iowa City, London, Nairobi, and so many more, The Moth will be performing in a city near you, featuring a curation of true stories. The Moth mainstage shows feature five tellers who share beautiful, unbelievable, hilarious, and often powerful true stories on a common theme. Each one told reveals something new about our shared connection.

To buy your tickets or find out more about our calendar, visit themoth.org slash mainstage. We hope to see you soon. From PRX, this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Jay Allison, producer of this show. In this episode, stories of scams, hustles, and deception from the con artists themselves and from their unsuspecting victims. I've been both in my life, mostly running my cons as a teenager, but I've also been

My mother still scolds me for the classified ad I wrote to sell my old junk car, because before the phone number I signed it, the Reverend Jay Allison. Is that a con? I guess so. Sorry. First up, Abigail Ladd, who also started young. Abigail told this at one of our open mic story slams in Denver, where we partner with public radio station KUNC. The theme of the night, appropriately, was Bamboozled. Here's Abigail Ladd.

I can't even remember my first con. I was probably still in diapers, but I remember from a really early age thinking adults were really easy to trick, especially if you were cute, and I was wicked cute. I had blonde curly hair, blue eyes, bubbly personality, and all the lisps you could imagine rolled into one. It's actually very hard for me to say that still. But my best con started in kindergarten and ended three years later.

I peaked very early. But my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Cobb, was great. She was like a seasoned veteran. She taught all of my siblings before me. There were three. And they were smart. This is a key detail. Please remember that. You will need it later. So learning to read in her classroom would look like this. She would call me to her desk. She would set a timer. She'd give me a book. And I would read.

stall for as long as possible. I would ask questions, I'd be really adorable, I'd fill her water cup, which was always empty. And this strategy got me safely to first grade. First grade got a little harder. Mrs. Plunkett, who also taught my smart siblings, was a little more attentive. But thankfully, early readers are incredibly repetitive. So I learned that if I sat right next to the teacher's table,

And my last name is Ladd, so I'm in the middle of a roster. I could memorize the book before all the other kids were, like, while they were reading. So I got kind of, like, a really good ear for early readers. And I just, like, smoked through the book. And then she'd give me one unknown book, and I had to pee or I had a stomachache. And I came from a smart family. So I got to second grade.

Second grade got exponentially harder for a couple of reasons. One, I had tricked my previous teachers so well, I was in the highest reading group.

So the books were longer, less repetitive. I was screwed. And so that one. Second, I had the real-life Mrs. Trunchbull as my teacher. Her name was Mrs. Robidoux. She had jet black hair that went down to her calves, a gray streak that went right across the top like a skunk. She had this malicious yell which she just unleashed on kids all the time. And she was terrifying.

She also didn't teach any of my siblings, so I had no reputation. And she hated me so much. She was always yelling at me and sitting me in the hallway for like nothing.

So I managed to get around reading group because my best friend Ida was in it with me and she was very smart and could read. So I would have her read it to me as much as possible before it was our turn to go so I could have it memorized. If Ida wasn't there, I'd be like, frog and toad don't want to go on an adventure today. And then she'd sit me in the hall and I wouldn't have to read. Problem solved. Problem solved.

When we'd read one-on-one, she just told me to pick a picture book off of the shelf, so I would pick one that I already knew really well. It's actually a book I still know to this day, Silly Sally. Silly Sally went to town walking backwards upside down. On the way, she met a dog, a silly dog. They played leapfrog. Get the point. And it worked. She thought I could read it.

So the whole year, I was writing down titles, taking them home, get my mom to check them out from the library, read them to me over and over again. I would go back into class, pretend read them to my second grade teacher, pretend mess up, because I knew that if I read them too nicely, she would then know I was faking. Surely learning to read would have been a lot easier at this point. But I was like...

I was all in, man. I had made it so long. It was such a time commitment. And so, by the skin of my teeth, I made it to third grade. And third grade, it all came crashing down. And it wasn't even reading that did it. It was writing. Because I couldn't copy paragraphs off the board. It would take me forever because I had to do it letter by letter.

And I would get stuck or I'd lose my place. I mean, heaven forbid there was an E. And so Mrs. True, my third grade teacher, was like, she can't read. But I made it three and a half years in public education without anyone knowing I couldn't read a word. So when I became an elementary school teacher... Yeah. Yeah.

I knew what to look for, and I was like, guys, you can't con a con. Thank you. Abigail Ladd is an elementary school teacher from Denver, Colorado, who grew up in the hills of Vermont. She's always loved listening to stories of all kinds and eventually dared to put her name in the hat at a story slam in New York City. And then she says she was hooked. I teach first grade, and I have for seven years.

It's a really important year for all the fundamentals, but especially reading. Kids are unbelievable problem solvers, especially when they're trying to con teachers. Looking back, Abigail says, I'm glad I was found out. As it turned out, I had a reading disability.

Next up, here's Tanya Camille with another school scam. She told this at a Story Slam in Atlanta where we partnered with public radio station GPB. Here's Tanya live at the mall. Of course, this is my first time, but it's all right. Now, on July 28, 1982, my parents was given a gift, triplets.

Now this gift was unexpected because they were expecting one baby, but God blessed them with three. Now I've asked them many a times, "How did you guys not know that you were having three babies?" My dad said it was because we were hiding on top of each other and technology isn't what it is today. My mother said, "No Alfred, the doctor was a drunk and he left out a few details." Needless to say, we were a gift.

Now, many people think we are identical, but we're actually fraternal. But because of our physical similarities with so much alike, they would give us these names: The Trips, The Three Twins, The Girls, Tiffany, Terry, and Tanya. Not individually calling us Tiffany, Terry, and Tanya, no. They would call one person all three names, hoping it would stick.

Now this would get on our nerves, but it came in handy one day in college. Now Terri, she took her own educational journey, but Tiffany and I, we attended the same junior college. Now while we were attending this school, there was this test that you had to take and pass in order to further your college career. Now I took the test and I passed because I'm smart like that. And Tiffany, I mean she's kind of smart, she failed it twice.

So one day she asked me, she was like, "Tonya, please, can you please take this test for me? This is my last time. If I fail this test, the world is going to end." And I was like, "Nah, I'm good. I'll pray for you." I mean, I have you study, but I can't do it. Because what happens if I fail it? And then we get called, right? So the next day, my mother called. She called and she said, "Hey, Tonya." I'm like, "Hey, Mom." She said, "I need you to do me a favor." And I'm like, "Okay, go. Go girl, what you want?"

She said, "I need you to take the test for your sister." Now, just imagine, like the horror, like your own mother wants you to cheat on a very important college exam. Now, this is not like a lit test. This is not a history exam. This is a very, very, very important college exam.

I agree, because she is my mother. And the test was a few days away. So of course, me and my sister were preparing. I was studying for the exam. But there is one way that you can kind of tell us apart. Tiffany and Terry wear glasses. I don't. Now these glasses are not lightly medicated. No, these bitches were heavily medicated to where you couldn't see past your nose.

So I'm nervous, right? So the day of the test, I'm really, really nervous. I'm like, okay, okay, God, please see me through because if I fail and get called, that's the end and I'll be working at McDonald's. So I got to the testing site.

presented my credentials to prove to them that I am who I said I am, and went to the back of the classroom. Now, the glasses that I had on were giving me a headache. So I took them off, rubbed my eyes, and then I turned to the left, and I see one of my classmates from my theater class taking the same test the same day and the same time.

Now I'm nervous. I'm like, okay, what would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? Now, mind you, I'm Tanya. What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? So I put my glasses on and just kind of shrink to make myself invisible. So I took the test, got through it, thank God. Turned my testing materials in. Now, mind you, like I said, these glasses were blinding, so I'm holding on to the wall, making sure I don't run into anything. And I'm almost getting to the door, and then I hear a loud whisper say, I'll see you next week in class.

I'm like, "Oh shit." She just called me by my real name. So I'm like, "Okay, what would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do?" So I turned around. I don't even think I was looking at her and I said, loudly, so everybody could hear. You must think I'm Tanya. I am Tiffany, her sister. But I will let you know she said, "Hey." I ran out of that bitch so fast. Needless to say, the test was passed. Tiffany is a great therapist. I am who I am.

And the only time I will ever pretend like I'm either of my sisters is if I'm at Walmart picking up their prescription. Thank you. Tanya Camille lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She's a yoga teacher, a poet, and works for a humanitarian aid organization that delivers surplus medical supplies and equipment to communities around the world.

In a moment, in this hour about cons of all kinds, a famous scandal, and an internet ruse, when the Moth Radio Hour continues. ♪♪♪

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by PRX. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets.

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My friends at Brooks sent me a pair of the now better than ever Ghost 16s. They tell me that they have nitrogen infused DNA loft V3 cushioning. I'm not a scientist, but I trust them on that because how else could these shoes be this lightweight and so, so soft? I feel like I have the exact support I need to take one more run around the block before heading home. For over a century, Brooks has been propelled by a never ending curiosity with how humans move.

It drives their every decision and every innovation with gear and experiences specifically designed to take you to that place. Whether it's a headspace, a feeling or a finish line, let's run there. Head to brooksrunning.com to learn more. This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jay Allison. And in this show, we are exploring cons, orchestrating them and recovering from them.

Like a lot of people, I was conned when I first moved to New York City as a non-streetwise young man. First of all, this may be obvious, but do not play the shell games or three-card Monty on the street. You think you'll win, but that's because that's what they want you to think. But you won't, I promise.

Also, if somebody comes up to you and bets you $5, he can tell you where you got your shoes. Just say no thanks, friend, and keep walking. The answer, which I learned the hard way, is you got your shoes on your feet. Those are my con avoidance tips for the day. You owe me $5. Our next story was told by Pete Goldfinger at a Moth Grand Slam in Los Angeles, which was supported by public radio station KCRW.

My grandfather immigrated to this country when he was 11 years old and with nothing more than a fifth grade education, he raised two girls in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.

And when the time came for him to retire in the 60s, he didn't have a lot of money, but his accountant told him that his son-in-law worked at an investment firm and that, you know, it was going pretty well. And my grandfather invested there, and it went pretty well. And in the 1970s, he invested $10,000 in my name.

And over the years, I would always hear about this money that, you know, you just can't spend it, it's just for emergencies, and if you save it, it will grow, and you should put more money into it whenever you can. And so when I reached my 20s, saving money sort of became a religion to me. Well, it actually is a religion, it's called Judaism.

But the best example I can think of to illustrate this was that I lived in an apartment just south of the 101 on Vermont, where I lived in a basement studio apartment, and every time that it rained, feces would come up through the drain. And I would be really happy because it meant that my landlord was only going to charge me for a half a month's rent. And it never dawned on me that, like, when your financial plan involves rooting for shit to come up through the drain...

You might need a better plan. But eventually I met a woman who agreed to marry me. And despite these peculiarities, she was very taught. Well, there was one time where we had this oven that was leaking gas. And she came to me and said, you know, I'd like to get a new oven. Do you think we could use some of that money? And I said, oh, no, no. My grandfather said that was just for emergencies.

But eventually we had a daughter and as sometimes happens in this town, I sold something that I wrote and it provided me with a check for enough money to put down payment on a house in the valley. And my wife convinced me, we didn't have enough money for the mortgage payments, and my wife convinced me, I don't know how, that we could maybe use some of this money to help make the mortgage payments. And it was with great trepidation that we bought a house in October of 2008.

And then on December 15th of 2008, it was a very big day for us. We found out in the morning that my wife was pregnant with our second child, which gave me the better part of the day to sort of figure out how I was going to pay for her college education. But that night, just as we were going to bed, I opened up Yahoo, and the splash page said, little-known financier Bernard Madoff indicted in Ponzi scheme, quote, it's gone. It's all gone.

And that was when my grandfather's golden opportunity became my curse. And I told to my wife, I turned to my wife and I, shaking, I told her, "We have no money. You know, we are completely broke." And my wife said to me, "Honey, I am so sorry to hear that." And she rolled over and slept peacefully for the next nine hours.

where I spent the night pacing the house and just trying to think of things that we could sell. You know, we didn't really need a television set or, you know, an oven. And at one point, I just, to, you know, ground myself, I would go into my daughter's room and look at her sleeping in her crib, and I would think to myself, "Can we sell that crib?" But the next morning, when my wife came out, I'd been up all night, and I had a list of ways that we were gonna save money.

And for the next few months, there were a lot of mornings and a lot of lists. And some of the highlights from those lists were the time I showed her an article that said that you didn't need to use laundry soap to wash your clothes, which is true. And another time I told her that if I gathered all the extra tangerines from the tangerine tree, I could go to the farmer's market and sell them out of a basket.

And my wife was so great during this whole time. She would always just kind of look at me and to be supportive say, you know, okay. You know, she knew I was going through a hard time and she was there for me. The night when at 3:00 a.m. I thought I was having a heart attack and she took me to the emergency room where the doctor diagnosed me with high blood pressure and that along with the rash on my back, he told me that he thought it might be stress-related.

And so this went on for a long time until one day after about eight months, my wife came in and I was working on a spreadsheet that I was now doing every month to try and figure out where we were spending all the money. And she said to me, "You know, Bobby and I are going to walk to the market to get some salmon. Would you like to come?" And I said, "No, no, I'm busy right now. And by the way, I mean, do you have to get salmon? It's very expensive." And this time her okay was very different. This time it came out like this, "Okay."

And she turned and started to walk away and I realized that probably this was an ill-advised thing to say to your wife when she's eight months pregnant. And I went after her and I said, "Honey, I'm just so sorry. Of course you can buy salmon. I don't know what I was thinking and I just really want to apologize to you. I know that I've been very difficult these last eight months." And she said to me before leaving with a sad smile,

She said, "You know, honey, I don't know if this is gonna make you feel any better or any worse, but these last eight months have not been that different than the eight years before we lost all this money." And she left. Yeah.

And as you can probably guess, it was one of those moments where you really hear something that was said to you. And as I watched my daughter and my wife walk down the driveway holding hands, I realized that this was a golden opportunity for me to do something that my grandfather had never been able to do. You know, Albert Einstein said, "Within difficulty lies opportunity."

And what I realized is that happiness does not begin when you have enough money for your next month's mortgage. And happiness does not begin when you have enough money to send your kids to college. And happiness certainly doesn't begin because a bunch of numbers on a page tell you that everything is okay. Happiness begins the instant that you say it does.

And I closed those spreadsheets and I went outside to join my radiant wife and my beautiful daughter. Thank you. That was Pete Goldfinger, a screenwriter currently living in Maui.

In 2008, former Nasdaq chairman and founder of the Wall Street firm Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC admitted that the wealth management side of his business was a multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme that defrauded thousands of investors like Pete. It was the largest Ponzi scheme in history. Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison with a restitution of $170 billion and was

He died in 2021. Pete, meanwhile, has screenwriting credits that include Piranha 3D, Sorority Row, and three movies from the Saw franchise. His latest accomplishment was a rustic jalapeno and manchego sourdough loaf.

Our next story was told by Gaylene O'Mary at a Story Slam in Kentucky where we partner with WFPL, Louisville Public Media Station. From Headliners Music Hall, here's Gaylene. Alright, I'm going to start with a little bit of background. I am a 56-year-old divorced mother of two adult children. I was married for nine years, but I have been divorced for 27 years.

And I built a little wall around my heart using the mantra, "You have to be a damn good husband to be better than no husband at all." So, fast forward through a very happy life and my youngest, my son, is graduating high school, going off to college.

He's now off to college and I am in a funk for about two years. Not really functioning, yet functioning. You know, I had to get myself out of it. So I decided it was time for Mama to partay. I had to get the party bus going though, and it's a little tough because I'm comfortable, yet I'm lonely.

So I fill out an online profile for a dating website, send it off to the ether with a little bit of hope, but very little expectation. This is where the story begins. I'm contacted by Michael and he pretty much immediately asks me for my email address. Now, okay, I know what's going on. I have watched Dr. Phil. I have seen many an episode of him showing women how they are not real and what happened. So I know what to look for.

So I send him or I give him my email address and we email back and forth for about a week. He's a great communicator. And then he asks for my phone number. So I'm like, "Hmm, Dr. Phil." So I give him my Google Voice phone number. Smart, right? Yeah, so we start now a daily routine of texting and phone calls no longer than 20-minute conversations.

And you know what? His words are kind and they're complimentary and my little walls are breaking down. We share music on Spotify and I begin to write poetry about how I'm feeling, how he's making me feel, and I'm sharing it with him. We do this for about a couple of months. And then it's around Christmas time and my children and I are going to Panama for the holidays.

So I tell him, "Okay, we can't talk for like 10 days, but when I come back, we'll talk again." He is insistent that we speak even though while I'm on vacation with my kids. So my kids notice I'm texting. They see me step away to take a phone call, very unusual for me. So I have to tell them what's going on. And after I tell them, I see concern in their face, but I also see hope because they don't want me to be alone.

So they ask questions. Well, why don't you guys FaceTime? And I'm like, you know what? I'm old school. He's old school. I honestly didn't even think about it. And they want to see his Facebook page, his Instagram. He doesn't do social media. So then I announced to my children that in January, because Michael's in Paris, France working, that in January I'm going to go and see him in person, and it's all by myself. This is when they stage an intervention. LAUGHTER

Our last dinner in Panama, they share their concerns. They lovingly, lovingly, they show me on the internet all the statistics of the women getting killed in Europe, visiting, seeing men for the first time. They share a website that has 12 points to let you know if you're being catfished. I met 11 of the 12. I felt so stupid in front of my children. They were the wise ones and I was the fool.

So they suggested, "Okay, let's see if he's for real. Ask him to send you a picture with a newspaper, and that would show me where he's at and a date." So I asked him. He goes absolutely ballistic. How could I not trust him? I took his phone number out of my phone. I deleted all the photos that I had. I put his name up to the website as a fraud.

And I deleted my Michael playlist on my Spotify. But I kept the poetry. Because if nothing else, this experience showed me that I could feel love again. That I could give love. And that this party bus isn't broken. Thank you. Thank you.

That was Gaylene O'Mary. Gaylene is an instructional design consultant, an entrepreneur from Louisville, a proud mother of two adult children. She also cares for her dog, Betty, and three cats. She is launching a venture called OPA Plate Therapy. Located in their barn, this experience allows people to relieve tension by smashing plates against the wall.

Kayleen tells us she's not ventured into the world of electronic dating again, but is putting herself out there at dog parks, hoping she might meet someone. When we return, a woman gets caught up in some monkey business, and a graduate student gets relationship advice from God. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by PRX.

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Must be 21 years or older. Please enjoy responsibly. Terramana Small Batch Tequila, 40% alcohol by volume. Imported by Siete Buck Spirits, White Plains, New York. You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jay Allison.

Our theme in this show is cons. It's a great story theme because it contains the connective tissue of narrative, human frailty, both in our willingness to be conned and in the fundamental character flaw that makes us want to con someone else.

For the latter, a lack of empathy is often required to do the deed. We think only of our advantage and not the consequence to others. They're suckers, after all. Their fault, not mine. A moth story from a con artist requires that they've changed and can see what they did and explain the frailties in themselves and with compassion toward their victims.

If they haven't changed, they can't really tell their own story, convincingly, except perhaps to those who still believe their cons, but they'd be unlikely to fool a moth audience with their bravado and lies and excuses.

As for those who've been duped themselves, we've likely all been there. At the beginning, we want to believe the false narrative, the too-good-to-be-true reality spun by the con artist. It makes us feel we're on the inside, that we're not suckers. And if we fully commit to the con, it's hard to go back. We make it a belief system. Until, finally, it all comes crashing down, as it always does.

And until that crash and the clarity that follows, someone who has been gone cannot tell their moth story either because they don't understand it yet or understand their own frailty. It's human stories of loss that we connect to. Stories of winning with no vulnerability or awareness. Ultimately boring.

We've covered some classic cons so far in this episode. Financial fraud, cheating on tests, catfishing. Now it's time for some slightly less run-of-the-mill deceptions. Maria Corrales told this story at a San Francisco Story Slam where we partnered with public radio station KALW. Here's Maria. So I was living in the South African bush at a baboon rehabilitation center.

We rescued orphaned and injured baboons, formed troops with them, and released them back in the wild. Now, baboons are the largest monkeys. They are greatly misunderstood and underappreciated. They have a reputation for being very aggressive, but the truth is that their personalities are as unique and varied as humans. It's true, some can be assholes.

But most aren't. They can be creative and humorous and tender-hearted, the whole spectrum. So the story I want to share is that of my baboon son Gabriel. Now, Gabriel was found just weeks old, clinging to the body of his dead mother who had been shot. And when Gabriel and I met, we bonded instantly. And I adopted him as his surrogate mother.

So this meant that I carried him around with me all day. Everything I did, he was with me, including showering and sleeping, just as his mother would have done. As he got a little bit older, I would drop him off at what was effectively daycare so that he could play for the day with other orphaned youngsters, and I'd pick him up in the afternoon to bring him home.

When he reached weaning age, for our purposes, this meant that at the end of the day, instead of coming home with me, we would put him in a cage inside with fluffy blankets and toys and a couple of his friends. And eventually, the whole troop would sleep outside in an enclosure as part of the process towards release. Now, Gabriel was my golden child. He was the most beautiful, intelligent, and compassionate baboon I've ever met.

He demonstrated behaviors that even Rita, our director who had worked with baboons for 30 years, had never seen. I realize that I'm biased, but when he was young, I had to take him to the vet for some minor procedure. And when the vet came in the room and he saw him, he called out to the nurse, "Nurse! Nurse! You have to come in here! You have to see how beautiful this baboon is!"

He was verifiably exceptional and I loved him as completely and fully as I could love any being. So Gabriel had reached weaning age and like all children, baboons hate weaning. It's pretty typical that the first few nights in the cage they cry all night until they finally fall asleep from sheer exhaustion and Gabriel's experience was no different.

We were a few days into this process when on the third afternoon a volunteer came to find me with words that terrified me. "Something's wrong with Gabriel. You have to come." I ran to the daycare and I was relieved initially to see that he was all in one piece and he was conscious, but there was something clearly wrong. He was lethargic. He had a limp that would come and go and a strange cough.

I was perplexed by these symptoms. So I brought him in to see the expert, Rita. We laid out a blanket with special toys and treats to try to lift his spirits and watched him closely for two hours. He would start to play and seemed to feel okay, but then he would stop and limp and cough. Rita confirmed that something was definitely wrong, but she also had no idea what was happening. It was too late to take him to the vet.

There was no question I wasn't putting him in the cage that night. He was coming home with me and I would stay up all night watching him closely and we would take him to the vet in the morning. So I took my lugubrious Gabriel and I carried him home where he hadn't been for two nights. I opened the door and before I could close it behind me he suddenly sprung from my arms.

He ran at top speed, jumped on the table, onto the counter, back flipping off, laughing all the way, bursting with self-delight. I stood dumbstruck as the pieces slowly came together and I realized that he had pretended. He had pretended to be sick for hours.

That's why his symptoms made no sense. I walked up to him in a daze and he sheepishly climbed up into my arms awaiting his judgment. I was so impressed that as he had earned his last night in bed with me, and I realized that no matter where we are or what they look like, children are alike.

That was Maria Corrales. Maria spent half her 20s living in the wilderness, studying and rehabilitating monkeys. She lives now in Sonoma County where she rehabilitates another primate species, humans, as a massage therapist.

Some of her earliest massage patients were baboons stricken with tetanus, to whom she gave abdominal massages to provide relief. We asked Maria for the latest on Gabriel, and this is what she told us.

Gabriel grew up to be the most intelligent and compassionate baboon I've ever met by far. In 2014, I returned to South Africa to participate in his troop's release back into the wild as adults. Of the three baboons in the troop that I raised,

One died three weeks into the release from a snake bite. One successfully migrated to a nearby troop, and Gabriel remained in his natal troop, protecting, grooming, and playing with the youngsters more than the average male usually does. ♪

Our final story comes from Chiuoza Bandawe. We met Chiuoza through our Global Community Program, which develops and elevates true personal stories from advocates and activists around the world. He told this story at our annual fundraising gala, which we call the Mothball. Get it? Live from the Mothball, here's Chiuoza Bandawe. In response to the intercom telling me

that I had a phone call, I walked down the passage of the student residence of the University of Cape Town in South Africa, where I was trained to be a clinical psychologist, and I picked up the phone. Now this was 1992, and there were no mobile phones in those days. So I picked up the analog phone, and I said, "Hello." And the voice at the other end said, "Chuoza, hello, this is Berger." And I was surprised.

Because Berger was a student with whom I had shared a residence the previous year. I was in a different residence now, but I hardly interacted with him. He mixed with shady characters, so I tended to avoid interacting with him. So I was really surprised when he then said to me, "I have something very important to tell you. Can I meet you tomorrow?" And I was really curious.

So I said, "Sure." So the next day, we met. I came out of the dining hall of my res, met this slim, tall burger, and we went to my room. When we entered my room, he said to me, "Give me your Bible." And I was surprised, because I'd never known burger to have any spiritual or religious inclination. So I got my brown leather Bible that had been given to me on my 21st birthday and gave it to him.

He said to me, "Sit down." I sat down. And then he started walking up and down my room, pacing, praying, speaking in tongues, praying, praying. And I was very surprised. Then he came to me, stood over me, and then he said, "Chuoza, I have a message for you." And I said, "Oh, okay." And then he said, "It's a message from God."

And I went, wow, okay. And he said, God has told me to tell you that he knows the challenges you are having with your girlfriend. And he wants you to know that he is coming through for you. And I was astounded.

Because it was true. I was having problems and challenges with my girlfriend. I had reached a point where I was thinking of ending the relationship. Not because of anything she had said or done, but I felt no emotional connection anymore. And I knew she still cared for me. I knew that my family and my friends really liked her. But I felt it was time to move on.

And the challenge for me was at that time, I was very much a people pleaser. Hurting people was something I avoided at all costs. And so I had struggled, I had wrestled with it for so long, and here was Berger telling me that God had a solution for me. And I felt a sense of joy. I felt a sense of relief. And I said to Berger, "I feel so relieved."

And he looked relieved that I was relieved. And he said to me, "In a few days time, I'm going to come back to you and tell you the way forward." With that, he left my room. Now, I felt very relieved and joyful over the next couple of days, but there was something that was just niggling in me that was not quite right.

I had grappled with it, I had lots of questions. Okay, so if God is saying to me, "Will God say I should leave her? She'll be alright?" Or, "Will God say I should stay with her? Then will I be alright?" And then, why was God not telling me immediately? Why was God giving me a few days anyway? And also, why was God using Berger, of all people, to speak to me?

So I grappled, I nestled with it. And then I remember one particular day, I went back to my student res, the one I was in the previous year, to check my mail because people still wrote to me. And on this particular day, I entered the reception room, I sat down, I was going through the carton of mail, and Berger was sitting across. He didn't seem to mind what I was doing, so I didn't give him any attention.

And as he sat across, I went through, and then I noticed that somebody who wrote to me regularly had not written to me. And that was my friend Father Lane. He wrote to me from Malawi, where I originally am from. And I began to wonder and began to think, why hadn't I heard from Father Lane? So I decided, you know what, I'm going to phone him. So I phoned him, and I said, "Father Lane, have you written to me recently?"

And he said, "Actually, yes I have." And I said, "Okay, what was the contents of your letter?" And he said to me, "Well, it was about the struggles you're having with your girlfriend, and I was saying that God is going to come through for you." And I said, "Aha! Gotcha, Bega!" And so I knew Berger's game, but I also knew what I had to do.

I struggled with pleasing people or at least displeasing people and I was also aware of the dangers involved because of the company Berger kept. But you know, I didn't want to be under his grip and I knew I had to confront him. And so I went, the next day I picked up the phone to phone him. But before I could say anything,

He said to me, "Ah, it's good that you have called. I now have the way forward from God." And I said, "Okay, so what is it?" And he said, "You have to give an offering. It's an offering of 150 rands, which is about $100 today, and a brand new blanket." And I thought, "A blanket? Why does he want me to give a blanket?"

Then I remembered winter was approaching and so maybe he wants to save on his winter shopping. Anyway, I said to him, "Berger, let's meet tomorrow." So the next day I came out of the dining hall and there was Berger smiling and he said, "I hope you enjoyed your lunch." And I said, "Berger, let's go for a walk." I didn't want to take him to my room. So we went out and we started walking. My heart was really pounding.

And the words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat. And as we were approaching where we had to part, I had to delve into his icy cold stare and speak. And I said to him, Berger, you took one of my letters, you opened it, you read the contents, and you are trying to scam me. And I held my breath. There was this deafening silence. And Berger's response was, me? Never! Never!

That's an insult to my Christianity. God sends me all around the world with these messages. How could you even think that? And that actually annoyed me because he was persistent. And a wave of courage came over me. And I said to him, Berger, don't bother. You're not going to get a penny from me. In fact, I'm going to forget that this even happened. There was silence. We slowed down the pace of our walking.

His hurt face turned into an icy cold stare. And he said to me, "Well, you'd better hope that I too forget about this." And I didn't engage him on that. We came to the part where we were going to part. And as we were parting, he said to me, "Well, thank you for wasting my time, huh?" And I said to him, because I didn't want to give him the last word, "Well, thank you for wasting mine." And we parted. Our paths never crossed again.

But you know what? From that experience, I etched closer to conquering the fear of displeasing people that I had. I broke up with my girlfriend and Berger never got his blanket. Thank you.

Chirosa Bandawe is a full professor at the Kamuzu University of Health Sciences, Malawi. He is a clinical psychologist who has also lectured at the University of Cape Town and runs his own clinic in Blantyre, Malawi. He has published three mental health education books and for the past 27 years has been a regular columnist in the Malawi Weekend Nation newspaper.

Chiuoza says that although it's still a work in progress, over the years he's become more assertive and has been able to see that he is not responsible for making everyone happy, especially if it goes against his own values. To see a photo of Chiuoza at the time of the story, as well as a picture of him in his full moth ball regalia, you can go to our website, themoth.org. That's it for this episode. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from the moth.

This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Meg Bowles. Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. The stories were directed by Larry Rosen. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Sarah Austin-Ginesse, Jennifer Hickson, Kate Tellers, Marina Cloutier, Leanne Gulley, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Caza.

The Moth Global Community Program is generously supported by the Gates Foundation. Most stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour from Stellwagen Symphonette, Robert Palmer, Delvon Lamar Organ Trio, Ramsey Lewis Trio, Victor Wooten, and the Deborah Damo Dining Orchestra. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, which we hope you'll do, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.