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This autumn, fall for Moth Stories as we travel across the globe for our mainstages. We're excited to announce our fall lineup of storytelling shows. From New York City to Iowa City, London, Nairobi, and so many more, The Moth will be performing in a city near you, featuring a curation of true stories. The Moth mainstage shows feature five tellers who share beautiful, unbelievable, hilarious, and often powerful true stories on a common theme. Each one told reveals something new about our shared connection.
To buy your tickets or find out more about our calendar, visit themoth.org slash mainstage. We hope to see you soon.
From PRX, this is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host and producer of this show, Jay Allison. This week, stories of that most common of human acts, mistakes. From tiny missteps to epic fails, we at the Moth feel our blunders often make for the best stories because everyone can relate to screwing up.
Our first storyteller is Maxie Jones. He told this at one of our open mic story slam competitions in Detroit, where we partner with public radio station WDET. Here's Maxie, live at the mall. I was 10 years old, and I was in the playground in the middle of the block where I was growing up. And there were like monkey bars. There was like this log. Shut up. This was the 70s. There were these barrels.
These barrels were like these big cylinders like turned on their side. Where like, you know, kids could hide in them. You could play in them. You could pee in them. Whatever. And I was in the playground playing with this kid. And the kid just like ducked behind one of the barrels. And he took out a cigarette. And he lit it. And he looked at me and said, "Want some?" I was like, "No, man. What are you talking about?" First of all, I was like 10. And secondly,
We lived right there on the second floor and my mother could see everything out of the window. She wasn't in the window at that moment, but she could be there at any time. So he was like, "Aw man, what you scared?" Now first of all, at 10 years old I had no desire to smoke a cigarette. But I didn't like this dude talking about me being scared. So I was like, "Yo man." I took a quick look up at the window, snatched a cigarette from him, and took a drag.
Soon as I took a drag, I heard, "Ooh, Maxie, you smoking a cigarette?" And I looked behind me and it was two guys who lived in my building. They were a couple years older than I am. It was Leon and Ronald. They were standing behind me. "Maxie, what you doing smoking that cigarette?" And I was like, "Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh." And the other kid just took off running. Leon snatched the cigarette from me and said, "I'm going to tell your mother and she going to whoop your ass."
And they started walking toward the building to tell my mother. And as they were walking toward the building, I look up and there's my mother standing in the window. I was like, oh man, how long has she been standing there? So I just took off running. I just started running. But I was 10, so I couldn't cross the street. So I ran around the block like five times. Maybe I ran around the block one time, but it felt like five times. And I was just running and running and running. And finally I said, what the hell am I doing here?
I gotta go upstairs eventually, so I might as well just go now. So I start walking toward my building and there's my mother in the window and I can see she is pissed off. And I'm walking upstairs and I'm like, "Damn, she saw me smoking that cigarette." And I got up to my apartment and when I went to reach for the doorknob, the door just snatched open and my mother was standing there with the cigarette in her hand and she said,
Leon and Ronald, they brought this up here to me. And they said, you were smoking it. Were you? And I was like, in my mind, I was like, man, maybe she didn't see me smoking that cigarette. Or maybe she did see me smoking that cigarette. And she's checking to see if I'm going to lie. Well, here goes. No, ma. No, I wasn't smoking that cigarette. They were just trying to get me in trouble. She said, oh, really? Why?
Why would they just be wanting to get you in trouble, huh? I don't know. My mother said, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. She said, I'm going to take you to your word on this one. If I ever see you smoke a cigarette in your life, I'm not talking about when you're a teenager. I'm not talking about when you're in high school or when you're in college. She said, I don't care if you're a grown man with your own children.
If I ever see you smoking a cigarette, I'ma know that they were telling the truth and I'ma whoop your ass. And I was scared because in my mind I'm picturing myself like 40. And I decided to smoke a cigarette and my mother's like, ha! Caught you! Whooping your ass! And I didn't know what to do. She said, so you got one more chance. Were you smoking that cigarette? No. No, Ma. No. I didn't smoke it. She said, all right. Well, we'll see. She said, now go on outside and play. Now let me tell y'all something.
To this day, I don't know if my mother really saw me smoking that cigarette. But I know one thing, she was a fucking genius. Because she took advantage of that opportunity in that moment. Because that shit happened in 1972. And I haven't smoked another cigarette since.
That was Maxie Jones. Fun fact, Maxie is one of our most prolific slammers, having told over 100 slam stories and counting at the time of this recording. Maxie grew up in the James Monroe houses in the Bronx. He says he's grateful to his childhood friends Ronald and Leon for setting him straight, even though they were actually trying to get him in trouble.
Now, Maxie teaches his sons, Malcolm and Matthew, to do the very same thing if they see each other straying down the wrong path. You can hear more of Maxie's stories on YouTube and find that link at themoth.org. Next up is Kate Oliver, who also told her story at an open mic slam, but over in London. From Rich Mix in Shoreditch, here's Kate.
My family don't do leftovers. I was a kid in the 80s, so we were all told that starving children are desperate for your food and were stuck at the table for hours until your plate was totally clean, which is not very healthy, but did help me in training for my greatest physical challenge.
I had been with my partner for a couple of years. He's Malaysian-Australian, so we were traveling to Australia for me to meet his family for the first time. And we stopped off in Hong Kong, where his auntie and uncle live, to meet them. And I was so anxious about this meeting, partly because they were the first of his family I was going to get to meet. I really liked this guy. I really wanted to make a good impression. And partly because being anxious about things is just kind of my go-to emotion.
And this was not helped when we met them. We walked up to this restaurant, which was easily the fanciest restaurant I've seen before or since. My partner's family are culturally Chinese. His uncle is a very, very wealthy businessman. And this was clearly the place that he took clients to impress or very much intimidate. Every surface, I'm not exaggerating, was gold. Just every surface gold. The management welcomed him in by name. Apparently, he's a knight in Hong Kong.
And they took us up to a private dining room where the four of us sat at a 16-seater table with a golden dragon with ruby eyes staring down. So I was internally freaking out, but there was one thing I was confident about. My partner had told me that his family were very impressed if you had a good appetite. And I can put it away. I...
I used to routinely cook a 500 gram bag of pasta and eat that for dinner. And I don't look like I can do that, so I also had the element of surprise going in.
But these guys were serious feeders. Uncle ordered everything. It was all family style, so dishes came out. And because I was the special guest, he filled up my plate first. And as soon as I'd finished it, he would fill it with something else. And this food was amazing. There was tofu with oyster sauce. There was roast pork. There was an entire fish with chili sauce. There was green beans. There was Chinese broccoli. There was a duck. There
There was beef stir-fry, there were dumplings, there was rice and noodles, because why would you choose just one? And I was doing really well, but it kept coming. He kept ordering, and after 13 courses, it showed no sense of slowing down, and I was starting to really panic. I'd surreptitiously undone my belt onto the table, but my dress had nothing to give.
To give you an idea of how panicky I was, one of the dishes was half a roast goose. And uncle, very sweetly again, had given me the drumstick. That's kind of the biggest, the most special part. I, in my anxiety, picked up and attempted to eat this drumstick by holding it with chopsticks. Until auntie very kindly leant over and said, you can use your hands for this. LAUGHTER
So I was getting fuller and fuller in genuine physical pain and worrying that the first impression these guys were going to get from me was vomiting on gold. LAUGHTER
Until finally, finally, dessert came out. And it was those Hong Kong custard buns that are, right, they're amazing. They're delicious. They're also pretty small. But I was so full by that point, I couldn't even look it in the eye. I just put it in my mouth and kind of swilled it from side to side of my cheeks for maybe six or seven minutes, just trying to will it to go down.
Finally, finally, dinner was over. We walked out the restaurant. We put auntie and uncle in a cab. I slammed the door of the taxi. As it began to drive away, I genuinely fell to my knees, ripped off my belt. My partner said, "What? What? Are you okay?"
And I said, what happened? Were they trying to hurt me? What just happened in there? And he explained to me that in his family, if you clear the plate, that means you've not had enough and you're asking for more.
So thanks to my training, my steely politeness that evening had meant I was doing this to myself, and had I left even one bite of leftovers, it would have all been over at any point. We've been together for 13 years now. When we last saw Auntie and Uncle, they were still making fun of me for the goose drumstick thing. So I think that means that we're family now. Thanks very much. CHEERING
That was Kate Oliver. Kate is an educator in environmental charities, museums, and zoos. She married her partner from the story. They celebrated with family in Malaysia with a traditional 10-course meal. Kate told us she learned her lesson and was, quote, comfortably full by the end. Kate and her now spouse live in London with their cat, Schnitzel.
To see a photo of Kate with the family in Malaysia a few years later having, quote, absolutely no problem finishing a dessert bao, visit our website, themoth.org. In a moment, airport mishaps and a conflict over Power Rangers when The Moth Radio Hour continues. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by PRX.
This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm your host, Jay Allison.
This episode is all about blunders from miscommunications to impulsive actions, like in our next story from James Fitzgerald. We met James through our Moth Community Engagement Program, which provides the space, tools, and expertise for people to practice the art and craft of personal storytelling. Here's James Fitzgerald at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Thank you.
So, growing up in a single-parent home, me and my older brother spent a lot of time together. We were close in age and frequently found ourselves going to the same school. And because it was just the two of us, it was continuously reinforced that any time that there were no adults around, that it was my older brother's responsibility to take care of me, to make sure I was okay, to be my protector. In my mind, all those things mean the same thing. It means that you're going to do what I say in order to keep me happy.
Now, after school, me and my older brother had about an hour and a half alone before any adults joined us at our grandmother's house. This time was supposed to be spent doing homework and chores and anything else that needed to get done before my grandmother got off work and made it home.
Today is going to be a change of plans because what needs to happen is I need to watch The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Now, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is about five teenage superheroes who are fighting aliens and monsters protecting the Earth. What more can you ask?
I'll tell you what you can ask for. You can ask for what's going on right now in my life, which is the Green Ranger saga. This is a storyline about an evil Green Ranger that's coming out that has the same powers as the rest of them. They got to figure out how to make it happen. So for me, my life has stopped because I'm at the pinnacle of my childhood.
So when we get to my grandmother's house, I'm trying to convince my brother, hey, what we need to do instead of our chores or homework, we need to watch television. And in my mind, I'm thinking we need to watch Power Rangers. Now, there's only one television at my grandmother's house, and it's in her living room. Let me pause to give you a mental image of my grandmother's living room. Everything is white. The carpet's white. The couch is white. The curtains are white. The walls are white. It's like looking into a blizzard.
The only color coming from this room is coming from the television. But this is sacred ground for my grandmother. There's definitely no kids that are allowed in this room. Definitely no food or drinks. But for me, this is a special occasion because we have the Green Ranger soccer going on. So I definitely convinced my brother not only to go into this sacred place in my grandmother's house to watch television, but
I say, "Hey, we can't do this without some snacks." So we're raiding the refrigerator, we're getting all the chips, we're getting the cherry Kool-Aid, we're getting everything that we need to make this an epic day. So we started to get loaded up in the living room and I'm telling him, I'm like, "Hey listen, we'll make sure all this is cleaned up, we won't leave any evidence, it'll be like we were never here."
So he's gay. We're loaded up in the living room. We turn on the TV, and I'm thinking my brother is on the same page as me. He's going to turn it straight to the Power Rangers. He doesn't. He turns it to a baseball game. No biggie. I tell him his mistake. An argument ensues, and for me, right now, I'm not seeing anything on this television, but what I am seeing is red. And speaking of red, I have this cup of red Kool-Aid in my hand, and instinctively, I throw it at him.
Oh, time stops. And this red blob is floating in the air. And for me, it's like a scene out of The Matrix. He hits bullet time and he easily dodges all this Kool-Aid, which goes all over the carpet, all over the curtains, all over the couch, all over the walls. It looks like a CSI crime scene in here.
And I already know the first officer on the scene is going to be my grandmother. So I am panicking. Now my brother's jumping into his normal position of trying to calm me down so I don't go flying through the roof. He's like, everything's going to be okay. I'm going to take care of you. We are a team just like the Power Rangers. What we're going to do is we're going to find something to fix this mistake. I don't know what he had in mind. Cleaning supplies, some paint, a DeLorean time machine. I didn't know...
what he thought was gonna be able to fix his mistake, but he continues on trying to calm me down. I don't know exactly what he's saying because in my mind, I'm not listening to the words that are coming out of his mouth, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this situation.
As we're trying to figure this out, as we're scouring the house for anything that can help us, the one sound that neither one of us wanted to hear starts to fill the room. And it's the sound of my grandmother driving up her driveway. And I'm beginning to think to myself, "Oh, well, I've lived a good life." And yet again, my brother's saying to me, "No problem. As long as we stick together, everything's going to be fine. You're going to be okay."
Before we know it, our grandmother bursts through the door. And what is happening as she's taking in her once white living room, which is red, which is funny enough because her face is turning the same shade of red as her once white living room was. And I'm freaking out trying to figure out what can I do. Then it hits me. I look over and I was like, it was him. Pause, pause, pause, pause. Now, me and my older brother both know how my grandmother is.
My grandmother's like Judge Dredd. There's no investigation. There's no questioning. You're guilty. So without even saying a word, my brother's eyes are the size of dinner plates, and my grandmother takes them away and punishes them. I'm expecting, oh, I get away with this because my brother didn't say a word.
But overall in our family, that was kind of our tradition. We were all kind of emotional mutes. We never talked about anything meaningful, anything that really needed to be discussed in our family. No one talked about it. So for years, all these kind of events were brushed under the rub. My brother never approached me about it. I thought I got away with it.
Years go by. The relationship between me and my brother kind of changes over the years. I don't need my protector as much. Things happen, including me joining the military. He becomes a nurse. We live our great lives, but we still come back home and spend time with our grandmother and the rest of our family in her blizzard living room.
During the holidays, one of the things that we really like to do is we like to share stories from the past. And everyone goes around and everyone pulls out one from their memory bank and shares it with the family.
This particular holiday, we're all together in our grandmother's living rooms. We're all going around the circle sharing these stories, and it gets around to my grandmother. My grandmother starts telling the story about the red Kool-Aid saga of 1993 and how she came home from work and found her walls blood red and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just flabbergasted that she remembers with such detail this disaster, but the rest of the family is just rolling in laughter.
And my grandmother continues on talking about how my brother was punished and like how she was so disappointed in his behavior for that day. It was so out of character for him. And there I am just sitting in there trying to be quiet. I'm not really considering what's happening in front of me until I lock eyes with my brother. He's sitting there stone-faced.
And I remember that face because that was the same face that he gave me all those years ago when I initially pointed at him for a crime that he no longer, that he did not commit. And the culprit was still in the room. So I'm thinking, okay, I'll remedy this situation. I'll make it better. I'll tell my family it was me.
So I stopped them all. I stopped their laughter. And I was like, hey, I got to confess. It was really me. He didn't do it. That was the best punchline I've ever had in my life because they loved it even more. They were laughing even louder now that they found out it wasn't even his fault. It was mine. And I got away with it. So I really start to examine what can I do to make this right? So I asked my brother, hey, do you mind stepping outside to talk to me? He looks at me with apprehension because we don't do that.
So, you know, I kind of beg him to go outside. And we finally get out there and this is one of our first real heart-to-hearts. Not just as an adult, but ever. So it's feeling really weird.
But I will say during this time period, I was able to communicate to him my appreciation for him taking care of me, making sure I was always okay and being my protector. Because in that very moment, I saw myself in his shoes and I knew that this was my opportunity to take care of him, to make sure that he was okay, to be his protector. So it was the start of a different relationship between me and my brother.
And during that conversation, what I ended up learning was it's never too late to say I'm sorry. And blood is definitely thicker than Kool-Aid. Thank you.
James Fitzgerald is a veteran of the U.S. Army where he served for nine years in the infantry deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan. He received the Purple Heart for his injuries sustained during combat while serving with the 101st Airborne Division. In 2014, he was medically retired and honorably discharged from the military.
James tells us, quote,
To see photos of James and his brother or to find out more about the Moth Community Engagement Program, visit themoth.org. Our next story is from Bo Davis. Told this at a Story Slam in Berkeley, California, where we partner with public radio station KALW. Live at the Moth, here's Bo. Thank you.
I'm originally from a small town in Hazard, Kentucky, or in Kentucky called Hazard, and it's just as bad as it sounds. The name literally means stay away, and you should heed that advice.
It was small, it was poor, there were no airports, and my parents were terrified of flying. I remember they planned one flight for us when I was very young, I was just a kid. They planned it months in advance, and we were supposed to take off on 9/18/2001. 9/18, you might recall what happened the week before, so we didn't take that trip.
So I just never flew until I was 24 and some friends wanted to go traveling and it was my birthday and it was a good excuse and they said, "Where do you want to go?" And I said, "Well, maybe the Bay Area. I think I might like it here." Spoiler alert, I did. So I wanted to come visit and we booked the tickets and I was very excited to get out of here. However, my family and friends, as I talked to them about it, "Have you ever been talking to someone and you realize like, 'Oh, you have a much lower opinion of my ability to do things than I thought you did,' you know?"
They thought I was gonna screw it up, just like getting on the plane and flying over. And a lot of it's 'cause small town hazards, like we don't trust those things, they got wings, you're supposed to stay on the ground, they're up in the air, it's weird.
But also, like, my girlfriend at the time made, like, a manual about how to fly, and not, like, how to fly the plane, like, how to get on one. Like, what to do to get on the plane. And I remember being like, it's going to be fine, because I'm either operating either on, like, unearned confidence or crippling anxiety at all times. And that week, I was feeling froggy. So that day, the day comes for the flight. I get there. I'm kicking off my shoes. I'm going through security. I'm cartwheeling through the little metal detector. I'm making jokes to the TSA lady at one point. She goes, oh, stop. I get to my gate.
An hour and a half early with Starbucks in one hand and breakfast in the other. Like, fuck everyone who doubted me. I made it. I understand. I understand.
I understand why rappers make songs about that feeling. It's the closest I'll ever be to Jay-Z. And I'm there at the gate, basking in my victory. I get on the plane. They tell me there's not enough room for all the carry-on luggage, so they're going to have to check it for me. I'm like, of course. I do this all the time. There you go. And I hand it to them, and I get on the plane. And the flight's great. I have the peanuts. I've seen so much about the peanuts in the movies. I'm like, oh, what am I, a movie star eating the peanuts on the plane? It's fantastic.
We go to Chicago where we're stopping over in our Kinect and they're just kind of laying out all the luggage that was stowed underneath the plane, you know, to tell you people are just grabbing and going and they're grabbing and going and I want to act like I've been there before. So I just grab and I go and I'm walking and the unearned confidence is starting to dissipate a bit and I'm going, this is my bag.
right, because I just bought it the other day and it's not, it's just a black bag, but it's my bag. I know it's my bag, but maybe I should check that it's my bag. So I pull over into like a seat and I unzip the top flap and I open it and I see a shirt that I've never seen before and I lost my shit, both metaphorically and actually, I lost my, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I grabbed the wrong bag. So I tried to remember my training and the manual that I had been given.
And it said, when in doubt, find a desk. So I found the desk. I tried to compose myself. I lifted the bag. And the sound that came out was, this isn't my bag, which was not composed.
I'm the worst criminal of all time, just gloating about it. This isn't my bag. And the person behind the thing, I see her eyes grow as I'm explaining the situation. She goes, oh, no. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And she's like, oh, no. And I was like, what do you do in situations like this? She goes, I'm going to be honest, sir. This has never happened before. Which, like...
A, that's not true. I'm not inventing new ways to be stupid. Someone else has done this. And secondly, that doesn't make me feel any better anyway. So we're both trying to figure out what to do and she goes, why don't you check inside the bag and see if there's anything that would identify whose bag it is. And I was like, Cheryl, that's a great idea because I read her name tag and it said Cheryl. And I get down and I unzip it and I flip it open and I'm looking and okay, okay, this guy has flannel shirts. He's got a lot of flannel shirts and he's got a denim jacket and
And a lot of hats, maybe he's going bald or something. And that one hat looks like a Kentucky hat, but it looks just like my... Oh, oh f*ck, oh no. And she goes, "What's the problem?" And I wish I was the kind of guy who could have gone, "Oh, well, I suck. I don't know how I've done this, but I've wasted your time and I look very dumb in the process. I'm just gonna leave and get out of here." I wish that's what I would have said. What I actually said was, "There's nothing in here to indicate who owns this bag. I have no idea what we're gonna do." Flying by the seat of my pants.
And I didn't intend that pun. So we're... At this point... Oh, I'll hurry. At this point, she's trying to contact help. I'm going, just let me go away with these clothes. I'll start a new life. Maybe they wear my same size. Maybe it all works out. And she goes, no, no, no. We've got to figure this out. And I was like, Cheryl, I have something to tell you. I...
I opened the bag, I knew this is my bag, I knew as soon as I opened it I just was so embarrassed. I'm so sorry, this is so weird. And I thought she would have questions, I thought she might call security because we're in an airport and I'm acting very weird, but she just goes, "Oh good, so you can leave?" And I said, "Yeah, yeah, I can leave." And she goes, "This isn't like a TV prank thing?" And I said, "No, I'm just very dumb."
You would have to sign a waiver. No, it's not. So we both parted ways, both feeling worse for having interacted with each other. And I sit down, and I'm trying to figure out, how did this all happen? So I open the top flap, the thing that the shirt was in. And I look, and there's a note on the shirt. And I pick it up. It's from my girlfriend at the time. And she says, hey, babe, bought you this new shirt, thinking you could wear it on the Golden Gate Bridge. Happy birthday. And don't worry too much about the whole flying thing. I'm sure you'll do great. Thank you all.
Bo Davis is an Oakland, California-based storyteller and comedian. He's currently working on a long-form stage show about growing up in rural Kentucky and would like to apologize to his hometown of Hazard, which he bad-mouthed in this story, but loves dearly.
Bo tells us that despite the rocky start, that trip to San Francisco went so well that he eventually moved out to the Bay Area permanently. He says he flies a lot more often now, but still avoids layovers and O'Hare out of an irrational fear of ever seeing Cheryl again. In a moment, a surprising medical diagnosis and a bunch of small stumbles along the way to success when the Moth Radio Hour continues.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by the public radio exchange PRX.org. You're listening to The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jay Allison, and in this episode, we're revisiting the mistakes of our past.
Our next story comes from Matt Storrs, who told this at a Story Slam at the Bell House in Brooklyn, where WNYC is a media partner of The Moth. Here's Matt. My freshman year of college, I got scurvy. So for those of you wondering if I did a semester at sea in the 1860s, the answer is no.
Basically what happened is there was a diner next to my dorm that sold low-cost chicken fingers that were even lower in vitamin C. So I just ate those for three months. And eventually my partner at the time was really concerned because I was really getting fatigued, I was getting irritable, my gums were bleeding. Which was weird because I'm the type of person that has a reminder in his phone to floss every day. It shouldn't have been happening. And she was worried that I had an STI, so she was like, "Hey, go to the doctor."
And I go to the doctor, they run some tests on me, ask me some questions, and at the end, my doctor's like, "Have you ever had an orange? Matt, you have scurvy." And he wrote me a prescription for orange juice. But to rule anything else out, he said, "Hey, go down the hallway, get your blood drawn by the phlebotomist." And I have a needle fear, so it's like, okay, I can do this. I go down the hallway, I get my blood drawn, and I faint. And when I wake up, my doctor's standing over me, and he's like, "Matt, you fainted."
You're gonna be okay. But from now on, you have to tell any medical providers what happened today. Which I took to mean that I had to tell them that I faint and that I had scurvy. For six years, I told every doctor that I had scurvy. On every medical intake form, it says, "What conditions do you have?" I'm like, "Oh, fainting? Yeah, I can check that." In the other section, I was one of the few people that ever filled out the other section.
I wrote scurvy and my doctors would be like, oh, you have fainting? What's the situation with that? Okay, that's fine. So are you a pirate? And I decide I am going to take care of myself. I decide to do a dental procedure that I had been putting off. And I go to the dentist's office and they lay me down and they have another needle and they're putting this painkiller in my mouth and I faint again.
But when I wake up, the dental hygienist is concerned because my body shook and she thought I had a seizure. So she called the EMTs and they came and they got my medical chart and they're like, "Fainting, that's what this is?" "Hmm, are you still not eating fruits and vegetables?" "You know, scurvy isn't a chronic condition." I'm like, "I didn't know that." And he's like, "Yeah, you don't have to disclose that." And I'm like, "I need to talk to my doctor."
And I actually did. I had to get a medical clearance to get that dental procedure done. So I went back to my doctor's office and I get in and I talk to my doctor and he's like, yeah, you had a vasovagal response. Not a big deal. You can have the procedure. And I'm like, yeah, one other thing. Why didn't you tell me I didn't have to disclose that I had scurvy? He's like, I just thought you were making a joke. It was really funny, man.
I'm like, "I talked to you about how embarrassed I was." And he's like, "That's why I got on anti-anxiety medication." He's like, "That's not why." He's like, "Hey, just to rule anything out, go get your blood drawn. Go down the hall." And I don't know if it's the fact that I have unburdened myself of this anxiety and this embarrassment for all these years or the fact that I had to confront my doctor, but I faint again. And this time my doctor's standing over me and he's like, "Matt, you're gonna be fine.
And I'm like, yeah, I understand. Thank you very much for all of your help. But I think I need to see another doctor. And for those of you wondering, worried, it's going to be okay. I now take a multivitamin. Thank you. Matt Storrs is a comedian and storyteller based out of New York City and originally from Phoenix, Arizona. Matt has written and performed two solo shows.
portly Lutheran know-it-all about his time attending a religious middle school and no bones about it, about his lifelong love, dinosaurs. He hosts a podcast called Matt Splaining where he tells experts what he knows about their area of expertise and then has the experts correct him. ♪
While no one likes making mistakes, they are often the first steps on a path to growth. That's the case in our final story this hour from Diana Thompson. She told it at a London Story Slam. Here she is, live at the Moth. I guess so, yeah.
Hi, this is my first moth ever. It's Thursday evening. I've just arrived from work half an hour ago and I'm standing outside this church hall in southwest London in the suburbs, in Surbiton actually. It's an event that I'm not interested in attending, but my mother was really keen on us going, so I went along to support.
It was the open evening of the Scottish Countryside Dance Society. Does anyone know what Scottish Countryside Dance is? So it's a very complicated form of dancing that has a lot of choreography that's based on different couples, and it's all very symmetrical and very beautifully done. But it also means that if one of the dancers messes up, the entire thing falls apart, kind of. And I've done it very briefly before, but not really. And...
We walk into that church hall, and I don't know if you guys know, but deep southwest of London is not really as diverse as central London is. So the average age in the room was about 65, and I walked in with my mom, and our entrance was very much noticed. My mother is my height. She's wearing jeans and a very colorful top and wearing a white headscarf on her head.
And in the very British polite way, everybody tried not to stare. And everyone was very smiling. A couple of people approached us and they welcomed us into the space and they asked us to join the dances. Every single dance I or my mother took part in completely fell apart. The tea break happened and I was like, yeah, we've got this. It's all right. People are not too staring. It's fine.
And I go and I grab a cup of tea for my mom and as I look back I see people approaching her. She's very nervous because her English is not very good, which made the instructions of the dances not really easy for her either. So I got really worried and I could see her nervous smile on her face and I just paced really quickly to stand by her and be there to help her with the English. And I was just hoping that no one would ask that one specific question.
But of course everybody did. "Where are you from?" As a Syrian who's been living in London for eight years, I do long the days when I would say Syria and people would stare at me very blank and think, "Oh, where was that again?" But it's no longer the case. Now the questions come in three. "Where are you from?" "Syria," I said. Everybody smiled and nodded, eyes getting wider and wider in curiosity. Second default question is, "How long have you been here?"
Well, I've been here eight years. My mom has been here for about five. And third inevitable question is, how long? Sorry, how did you make it here? And I would explain that I was a student before the war happened. And then my brother was here, who was also a student. And we managed to bring my mom over when we were working. And we had to apply for asylum. And it's complicated. But she made it here on a plane. I would always have to reassure everyone.
You see, my mom is an amazing woman. Everybody says that about their moms, probably. But she's been through a lot in her life, before and during the war. One of the many things that happened in her life was losing her job because her architectural practice was blown up by a bomb. She lost family members, and she ended up having to be forcibly displaced in a country where she hardly speaks the language at age of 56.
But here we are at the church hall in Surbiton dancing to the tunes of Scottish countryside dance music.
The music was about to wrap up and the evening was wrapping up and one of the society members came over to check how we enjoyed the evening. And everyone was very sweet because every time we made a mistake, everyone said, "Oh no, it's alright, nobody gets it first, you have to do it for a bit until you get on with it." And the lady was explaining about the society and how to become members and so on and I was translating to mom.
And I said, "Oh, thank you." I picked up the flyer and thought, "You know what? Yeah, that's okay. We'll think about it and come back." And then mom pulls me my hand and goes like, "No, we're signing up now." And I'm like, "What? Weren't you here? Didn't you see the mess we created? What do you mean sign up now?" She's like, "No, no, we'll sign up now." And I'm like, "Okay." Because when mom wants something, mom wants something. So we sign up. And the dances are every Thursday.
And it's been four months now where my mom shows up every Thursday to the dance. I try and do my best to be there for most of the Thursdays. And every time I show up in the dances, I make sure I sit out at least a couple of dances to just watch her. And just look at this woman.
dancing with a wide smile, messing up her steps and not caring, and just enjoying herself, holding her head up high, talking to people in her very broken English, and connecting with everyone, and making friends, and choosing to have the life she wants, no matter what. And I think to myself, if I ever turn 61 with half of her courage, I'll be so lucky.
And then last week it was my mother's birthday. We received this phone call from the head of the college where she learns English. And we're told that my mom was nominated for the best improving student in the class of English. And she is to be awarded in the ceremony at the town hall. And I'm 31 and I don't know if I will ever have kids of my own and become a parent. But you know that pride that people talk about when they have kids?
I am so grateful for my mom because she got me to feel that even without having kids. I'm proud of my mom because my mama does rule. Thank you.
That was Diana Thompson. Diana is a Syrian Londoner and has been living in England for over 12 years now and is involved in several arts and culture projects to support refugees and newcomers. If you have a story you'd like to share about your worst mistakes, if you dare...
or any other amazing episodes from your life, you can pitch us by telling us about your story right on our website, themoth.org, or you can call on the phone, 877-799-MOTH. That's 877-799-MOTH. We listen to each and every pitch we get. Hi, my name is Jeff Carlson. I live in Berwyn, Illinois. A little over 40 years ago, I was working in a restaurant
And it was a couple of years after the Dirty Harry movies first came out. And I walked in to start my shift a few minutes early. And the restaurant manager said, Jeff, I have to show you something. And I came in his office and he reached behind the door and out of his jacket pocket, he pulled out this giant handgun. And he said, this is the Dirty Harry gun, the Smith & Wesson. And he handed it to me and I said, Jeff,
"Is it loaded?" And he pulled a bullet out of his pocket and held it toward me and said, "Yes, with this." And I took that to mean that it wasn't loaded.
And as I was holding the gun that he had handed me, I was thinking to myself, well, when I pull the trigger because it's not loaded, should I point it at him or me or walk down to the fry line and point it at my friend El Femio from Zacatecas? Or what should I do? And I just pointed it at the wall and pulled the trigger and it exploded.
and it went through the wall right across the area where everybody prior to the start of shift would have been sitting getting ready for their shift having a coke or a coffee and somehow there was no one sitting there that day and it went through the wall and through another wall and into the boiler room where it made a big dent in the cinder block
And I think to this day about contingency and what might have been, what turned on that moment for me, for my friends and my colleagues, for one of my coworkers who's now my wife of 37 years, who I love so deeply and might have been sitting there, would have been sitting there, but for some contingency, maybe some miracle. And so,
It comes down to hermeneutics. It comes down to understanding the meaning of words. Is it loaded? Yes, with this. And it comes down to how our lives can change on the dime and what might have been and how thankful I am every day for what wasn't. Thank you.
Remember, you can pitch us at 877-799-MOTH or online at themoth.org, where you can also share these stories or others from the Moth Archive. And buy tickets to Moth storytelling events in your area. There are Moth events year-round. You can find a show near you at the site and come out and tell a story. That's it for this episode. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from the Moth.
This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Meg Bowles. Co-producer is Vicki Merrick. Associate producer, Emily Couch. The stories were directed by Chloe Salmon. Additional coaching by Hannah Campbell and Larry Rosen. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin-Ginesse, Jennifer Hickson, Kate Tellers, Marina Cloutier, Leanne Gulley, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant,
Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Kaza. Support for the Moth Community Engagement Program is provided by the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs, the New York State Council on the Arts, and the Laurie M. Tisch Illumination Fund.
Mall Stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour from The Style Council, Victor Wooten, The Vince Giraldi Trio, The Fearless Flyers, John Batiste, Ross Kennedy, and Archie McAllister, and John Zorn. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.