Getting Grown
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This autumn, fall for Moth Stories as we travel across the globe for our mainstages. We're excited to announce our fall lineup of storytelling shows from New York City to Iowa City, London, Nairobi, and so many more. The Moth will be performing in a city near you, featuring a curation of true stories. The Moth mainstage shows feature five tellers who share beautiful, unbelievable, hilarious, and often powerful true stories on a common theme. Each one told reveals something new about our shared connection.

To buy your tickets or find out more about our calendar, visit themoth.org slash mainstage. We hope to see you soon. Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Sarah Austin-Ginness, your host for this episode. We're going to break from our normal format to share something everyone at The Moth is really excited about. It's our first spinoff podcast ever, and it's called Moth.

Grown. Grown is a podcast all about the in-between, the strange liminal space between childhood and adulthood. It's about trying new things, about figuring out who you are, and about what it really means to grow up.

Each episode includes two hand-picked moth stories introduced by our hosts, Aliza and Fonzo, plus interviews, voices from teenagers, and so much more. Whether you're still in those years or you're just looking back on them with a mix of nostalgia and maybe anxiety, we think you'll get a lot out of it. But I think the best way to introduce you to Grown is by playing it. So without any further ado, here's some of Grown's very first episode.

When you're online to give in your ticket for the dance, you can already hear the music coming through the door of the school gym, which smells like Axe body spray, but with like a layer of Febreze over it because they tried to hide it for the dance. You're walking through the door of the gym after handing your ticket and the DJ booth to the right is blasting music, but the acoustics are awful and they're not reaching the other side of the gym.

On one side you have like the snacks table and all of the sixth grade boys are there like shoving chips in their face and like in Minecraft t-shirts. And then you have the other side which is the dance floor and it's mostly girls but some guys too and some guys and girls dancing. Well the kids, some girls and boys dancing a little too close together and the teachers pulling them apart.

And I had this huge crush on this guy. I thought he'd asked me to the dance, and I, like, see him across the way. So Peter's walking up to the prettiest girl in the grade with this big box in his hand, and he opens it up, and real slow, like those Apple iPhone boxes, it slides open.

And in it is this glass rose. And he like says something to her and she starts like jumping up and down and giggling and they hug like for a very long time. And I'm just watching as like the balloon streamers engulf my body. And I realized he did not ask me to the dance or maybe he lied to me, but he had just asked this girl to be his girlfriend. And I was crushed. Wait, what was his dance?

It was like the spring fling dance of seventh grade. You had a dance in spring? Yeah, the spring fling.

It's in the name, Fonzo. Wow. We had like four dances a year. What? And I can remember what I wore to every single one of them. What's four times three? Shit. What's four times three? Four dances. Twelve? Twelve. Thank you. Twelve dresses and I remember every single one. So where did you wear your spring fling? I wore this green dress that had like a little bow and I remember I showed up and I thought I looked really cute and this girl was like, that's what you're wearing. And I wanted to like...

Crawl into a hole. This is even before I get crushed. It's just like one crush after another crush in middle school. Four times a year. You're just getting stomped on, yeah, left and right. Every dance. I wouldn't have came to any of them. Grown. Grown. Grown. Grown. I'm Fonzo. And I'm Aliza. And this is Grown, a podcast from the moth full of stories about what it means to grow up. On

On Grown, we're going to have real people telling real stories from their lives about those in-between moments where they're not really a teen, but they're definitely not fully grown yet. We're also going to be hitting the streets talking to you about what it means to grow up, and we'll be diving deep with teenagers who we all know are really going through it.

And Fonda and I, we're on this journey with you. We're going to be reflecting on how these stories make us think about our lives differently and all the ways that we are kind of not fully grown either. Yes, we're on this journey with you guys. We'll be exploring a lot of different things this season. Themes like secrets, culture, mental health, and a whole bunch more. But for our very first episode, we're doing Crushed.

Stories about young love, expectations, and feeling like the whole world might just explode. First up is David Leppelstadt with a story that shows I wasn't the only one with complicated middle school dances. Here's David. ♪

So throughout my middle school career, I had many different crushes. It was about the time when I started to develop real feelings for my peers, but no one was allowed to hear about any of them. The first reason: rejection. I was scared that I would admit that I liked someone and it would get to them, and then they wouldn't like me back, and that just seemed like a scary position for me to be in. The second reason was acceptance.

I was scared that I was going to admit I like someone, that person finds out about it, and they may like me back, and then where do we go from there? I was like, "Oh, maybe then we'll have to date, and then, oh, what's this? We're broken up, and then all of my friends don't like hers, and all of her friends don't like mine," and it just seemed like a lot of drama at the time.

But then eighth grade came, and along with eighth grade came my biggest crush of all. It was on this girl named Rachel who sat next to me in geography class, and it just seemed like there was this time in my life where I was only going to school just for that class, and just to sit next to her and race her on the geography video game and see who could name more countries. She was just amazing. Like, we had all these inside jokes with each other, and I just had this feeling that I couldn't hold on to this crush any longer.

And lucky for me, our middle school prom was right around the corner. That's right, I went to a small progressive middle school, and we had a prom for the eighth graders. So I was like, "That's a great entrance into this romantic scene in my middle school. I'll ask Rachel out to prom." So I went home, and I looked up on Google how to ask someone out to prom.

And I come across these things called promposals, which are these sort of like proposals for marriage, but this time for the prom. And a lot of them had this musical element, like, you know, someone sings a song or does a dance. So I'm thinking, hey, you know, I'm kind of musical. I can do that. Next thing I know, I'm waiting for Rachel outside of class, ukulele in hand, and I sing her a song asking her to prom. And...

It's a little bit overkill. People are like, "You could have just got flowers," but she's laughing and she seems to really like it and perhaps think it was cute. And she says, "Yes." And I'm like, "Wow, this is so cool."

So next thing you know, we're at prom, and it's this under-the-sea theme. There's inflatable lobsters on the floor. Every table has a seaweed centerpiece. And Rachel and I have this wonderful night. Like, we're just talking the whole night, and we never leave each other's side, and we even have our caricature drawn together by the caricature artist, which feels like a really big move for me. And it's just this magical, nautical night, and at the end of it...

We hug, and we say goodnight, and I walk away, and I'm like, well, that wasn't so bad. That wasn't so scary. This is really cool. The next day, a bunch of us middle school prom couples are hanging out at Emma's house. Emma was sort of like the ringleader of my middle school friend group. And we're all hanging out watching the movie Frozen, as you do. And...

And then there's one point where Rachel gets up and excuses herself to use the bathroom. And at that moment, all the attention in the room turns to me. And Emma stands up and she says, David, have you had your first kiss yet? And I say, no. And she says, oh, well, Rachel hasn't had her first kiss yet. And she leaves for camp tomorrow for the rest of the summer. And she said that she would like her first kiss to be with you. Wow. I mean...

I'm not even thinking about a kiss. This is crazy to me. And then Rachel just comes back in the room and everyone goes back to normal and I'm just really in my head like this is... I mean, I'm thinking, wait, I do want to have my first kiss with Rachel, but this is so soon and an ultimatum on top of it. But then as we're watching the movie, people are sort of motioning like, David, maybe you should, you know, put your arm around her, make a first move on the way to your kiss later today. Um...

And I'm sort of like still and stagnant. But then the song Let It Go comes on, and you know what I do? I let that arm go. And I put it around Rachel, and she smiles and sort of snuggles up next to me, and it seems like a good move. And I'm like, okay, maybe I can do this kiss. But then the movie ends, and Rachel abruptly is like, okay, I have to go home, um...

And I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm going to miss my opportunity." But then I'm like, "Okay, I'll walk you to the train." And I go and follow her to the door, and everyone's just like, "Yes, go." So Rachel and I are walking to the train, and this is me agreeing to kiss her, I feel, in my head.

And everyone at the hangout agrees as well because my phone is ringing off the... It's going crazy. People are texting me, "Make sure you put your hands on your hips when you kiss her. Make sure you lean down because you're much taller than her. And make sure you pick a side. Pick a side to lean on." So I'm just like, "Okay, bend down. You're taller. Hands on hips. Pick a side. Pick a side."

And just like that, all of the lovely banter that Rachel and I had before is kind of gone. She's just kind of walking, and I'm just in my head and not really saying a word. And we get to the train station. We walk down to the subway platform, and I'm just too nervous. And she's waiting there for me to do something, and I can't. And I just say, "'Bye.'"

And she says bye, and she swipes her MetroCard, and the turnstile divides us. And I'm thinking, like, "Oh, why'd you let all those texts get in your head? Like, this is actually something you want to do." And then I look, and I see the train times, and I see I still have one more minute, and something gets a hold of me. So I take out my MetroCard, and I go for a swipe, because love is worth wasting a MetroCard swipe.

And I go and I meet her on the platform and she just starts laughing hysterically. And I ask her, why are you laughing? And she just says, oh, I laugh a lot when I get nervous. And that makes me feel so much better because I'm really nervous as well. And I ask her if she wants to have her first kiss with me. And she says, yes. And so I put my hands on her hips. I lean down because I'm a lot taller than her. I pick a side. I pick the right side.

And as the train is coming, we place a little peck on the side of our lips. And the wind from the train hits us. And it's magical. And I'm really celebrating this moment. But I don't celebrate it with her. After it happens, I run away. Because there's no, like, staring off longingly into our eyes. None of that. No. I just leave the train station. And I walk out from the subway platform.

And I'm just thinking about all the moments I can have in my life that are so exciting if I just put myself out there. I went from someone who couldn't even admit he had a crush on someone to asking a girl out to prom with my ukulele, having my first kiss, and more important than that, establishing a really special connection with someone I like. And there were so many thoughts running through my head, but one of them just kept sticking with me. It was just this amazing thought. I just kept thinking, "I did it. Thank you."

That was David Leppelstadt. We'll be asking every storyteller that appears on Grown how their younger self would describe them now. David said that he's not as good at guitar or basketball as he would have hoped, but he's a nice enough guy. That's really sweet. Also, if you're wondering what happened to David and his crush, well, we asked him. He said that he's still in touch with Rachel and recently went with his current girlfriend to meet with his old middle school friends, and Rachel was there. And they really got along.

And if you want to see a picture of David at his under-the-sea prom, which I know you want to see, we'll have that slightly awkward picture over at themoth.org slash grown. We'll also have a bunch of other cool stuff and ways to get in touch with us and our social medias and all that jazz. Up next, a story about parental expectations. But first, Fonzo, I've just got to say something about crushes. I really love them. Like...

It was, like, the only thing that got me to go to school. That is an interesting way of looking at it. You loved having crushes. I loved having crushes. You must have always gotten your crush then, I guess. You were never crushed. I was always crushed because I always, like, they would change weekly. They would change weekly? Like, that was, like, the running. I mean, I'm talking about when I was, you know, in second and third grade, not, like, last week. That would be weird. No, I know. Weird day. Weird day.

I think we're all talking about in the past tense. Yeah, like the kitty crushes. I mean, yes, we have crushes now. You know what I'm saying? Shout out to Zendaya. But Miss Crushes, I love having crushes. Are these like kitty crushes or like how about like older crushes, like high school crushes? Did you enjoy those as much? No, not even close. Because, you know, when you're a kid, it's so innocent. But as you get older...

It's embarrassing to like someone and you're so awkward and it's like, do they know? Do they not know? I definitely had a lot of crushes in high school. None of them reciprocated. Have you ever been ghosted? Because that, I don't know, I could talk about that. Yeah.

I mean, that's the thing about being crushed. Like you wanted to be the chase, not the chaser. Yeah, yeah. So you know what I mean? I was doing the ghosting, you know what I'm saying? I was Casper the friendly ghost. Are you proud of yourself for that? I'm not. Why?

We're being proud. It is what it is. It was what it was. Yeah. No, it's so normalized, I guess. Tell me, you've been ghosted before? I was ghosted by this guy that I really, really liked and I thought was going great, and he ghosted me. And I spent that entire summer, like, staring at my last message to him, hoping to see the three bubbles pop up. You know, like someone's texting back. Not the bubbles.

Oh, my God. The hurt and the anxiety that that caused me. And then I went to college and it was like life goes on and I stopped waiting for the bubbles. No, to this day, I still – no, just kidding. But also when I was a kid, I couldn't – even though my parents met in high school, I wasn't allowed to date. I had to hide it if I liked a boy, if I kissed a boy. Like I wouldn't tell my mom, you know. Speaking of dates, do you remember your first dinner date? Yeah.

Not your first dinner date, but your first dinner date in the Lower East Side. Yeah, I do remember. I'm just playing. No, no, let's talk about it.

Forgive me for interrupting at such a dramatic moment, but if you want to hear more, you'll have to subscribe to Grown. The first two episodes are already on the Grown feed and ready for you to listen to. And if you're a fan of The Moth, you will love this show. In addition to the great live storytelling you've come to expect, Grown will have on-the-street interviews, audio diaries from young voices, and a lot more.

and in-depth conversations between our hosts, Aliza and Fonzo. Grown is available wherever you get your podcasts. You can visit grownpod.com to learn more, and we also have links in the show notes. We hope you'll take a listen.

Sarah Austin Janess is a director, The Moth's executive producer, and a co-author of the best-selling How to Tell a Story, The Essential Guide to Memorable Storytelling from The Moth, which is available now wherever you get your books.

This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Catherine Burns, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Jennifer Birmingham, Kate Tellers, Marina Cloutier, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Leanne Gulley, Inga Glodowski, and Aldi Caza.

All Moth stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the public radio exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.