Amanza Smith: Hardships, Defying the Odds, and Selling Sunset | E137
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- I always wanted to be a dealer, no deal girl. That was like the thing. Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders of modeling or something. So I took this hosting class and there was this girl in my class, southern accent, she was really cute.

I was like looking at her notes one day and she wrote at the top of her note, get headshot to Egypt for deal or no deal for casting. So I totally like went to my friend who was a manager. I didn't even have a manager at the time. Can you find out if they're casting for deal or no deal? And they weren't, but they saw me because they were going to be casting in like six months or something. And so the lady was like, she liked me and she put me at the top of the list. And she said, I'd be like, have a call back when they started casting, like go straight to call back. And there were thousands of girls that would audition for that.

And I got it. And it was the most fun job I'd ever had. On my latest episode of In Search of Excellence, I interviewed Amanda Smith, one of the stars of the hit TV reality show on Netflix, Selling Sunset. This is one of the most profound emotional interviews on the show I've ever done. And I want to warn everybody on the show that we get into some very deep topics, including physical and sexual abuse as a young child. And I hope a lot of good comes out of it. We both do.

that people who are suffering from sexual or physical abuse will go out and seek help. And that's one of the reasons she came on the show is to inspire and motivate other people to do so. Now, without further ado, my incredible interview with Amanza.

Welcome to In Search of Excellence, where we meet entrepreneurs, CEOs, entertainers, athletes, motivational speakers, and trailblazers of excellence with incredible stories from all walks of life. My name is Randall Kaplan. I'm a serial entrepreneur, venture capitalist, and the host of In Search of Excellence, which I started to motivate and inspire us to achieve excellence in all

areas of our lives. My guest today is Amanda Smith. Amanda is an interior decorator, real estate agent, model and actress is best known as one of the stars on the hit Netflix reality TV show Selling Sunset. Years before Selling Sunset, she was a model for many of the world's top luxury brands and

also for the hit TV show, "Deal or No Deal," whose host was Howie Mandel, a former awesome guest on my show. Amanda was also a cheerleader for the Indianapolis Colts. She's had an incredible and motivational life about overcoming some really significant obstacles on her path to famous success, which I'm incredibly excited to talk about today. Amanda, thank you for being here. Welcome to "In Search of Excellence." - I've done a lot, that felt cool.

- His little walk down memory lane. - So let's start at the beginning with your parents. Your dad was Nigerian and Asian, and your mom was white. - Yeah. - Talk to us about your biological dad and your mom and what it was like growing up in a rural town in Southern Indiana. - Well, I didn't know my biological dad until I was 36. After my divorce, I sought out my biological father and my sisters, and I found them all on Facebook.

But I was raised by my mom, white, German, Irish, English, and my stepdad, who's white. So my Nigerian, Asian, and a bunch of other things. Father, I didn't know until I was way older. Your parents were hippies and listened to Pink Floyd? They listened to Pink Floyd. My favorite song was Brick in the Wall when I was three.

I could roll you a joint when I was three. Very cool. Proud of that. Not. Yeah, I had a weird childhood. My parents were hippies and they they had this van with like, you know, mural on the side and they had all their hippie friends. They have like volleyball parties and

Listened to crazy music. And I was the only little black kid in the whole community, my big afro, running around with white stepdad and white mom in a very rural community. There were 30,000 people? Mm-hmm. And that's including the junior college. Okay. And I think there's like maybe 4,000 in that.

So what age did you realize everyone else is white and I'm black and there's actually a difference for how people treat you? Well, I think I always knew my hair was different. You know, my mom had beautiful long blonde hair. My stepdad had long hair. My brother's had, my brother, my older brother, he had like curly hair, but it wasn't a fro. I had a big afro and my skin was brown and

I there was a story once my brother he was he's five years older than me and he was riding the bus and every day when he would come home I'd be playing in the front yard like we lived in an apartment and I've been playing in the front yard with all the other kids from the apartment and

And there were kids on the bus and they were like, Jodi, who's, who's the little black girl in the, in the front yard? He's like, who, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? And then one day they're like right there at that. Who is that? And he goes, Mandy, that's my sister. She ain't black. Like he didn't even know. He didn't realize that I was different. And then he came and he told me like, are you? I said, yeah, it's,

I don't know. I was always aware. At some point, you experienced a lot of racism. Students wore Confederate flags on their T-shirts and shirts. Yeah. Nothing happened back then. Today, you get expelled, I think, from most schools. But at what point did you first experience racism? And how did that affect you growing up? I think the first time, I mean, on the school bus in kindergarten, I would get called blackie, brownie, Oreo, whatever.

the N word wasn't used when they were young, but then in middle school, high school, that word was used. It wasn't always towards me, but I would hear people telling racist jokes and, you know, the, the t-shirts, the Confederate flags that said, you wear your ex, I'll wear mine. It was like in reference to Malcolm X and the Confederate flag, or it's a white thing you wouldn't understand. These were actual shirts that they got to wear to school. And then

In the handbook, though, it said if you wore your pants below your waistline, that was a no-no because it promoted gang violence. I don't know who was going to start a riot. I was the only black kid. So, yeah, it was interesting. The first time I remember really feeling it, I think I was in second grade and I was on a field trip and I

It was me, my best friend, Jamie, who is like white as snow. And then our friend, Danielle, who has red hair. And we went to McDonald's after like the circus or whatever we'd done for the field trip. We all ordered milkshakes and I ordered chocolate. Ironically, Jamie ordered vanilla and Danielle ordered strawberry. And I thought that was really, I thought it was funny because she had red hair and I was black and Jamie was white. And I called it out and Danielle, the redhead was really offended. And for the rest of the day,

I was blackie, brownie, or like all day. And I just remember thinking, oh my gosh, that was a joke. It was supposed to be like funny. I wasn't making fun of anyone. And it really bothered me. It really hurt. And then for her birthday in November, my mom, this might be one of the cooler things that she ever did. Maybe the only cool thing that she ever did. I got invited to her birthday party because, you know, you make up at that age. You like

break up and make up every other week. And my mom made me take her a black Barbie doll as a present. So that was- Made you do what? Take a black Barbie doll as her present for the birthday party, like teaching her that, you know, she needed a little culture, I guess, in her life. How old were you at the time? Second grade. Second or third? We moved to Birmingham, Michigan when I was, I think, in sixth or seventh grade. And I was one of only three Jewish kids in a

more of a non-Jewish neighborhood. I remember hearing Jewish racist prejudice jokes. I think the biggest one was we were going on a field trip when we passed a cemetery, and I remember being in the car, and a mom was saying, Jewish people are buried upside down.

in their caskets vertically. And I remember thinking, gosh, I never learned that in Hebrew school. I felt maybe I didn't know. And I came back and I asked my mom and she just went

apeshit crazy, you know, who's the parent, et cetera, et cetera. But it's just ignorance is amazing. And some people are just flat out mean. I don't get it, though. I don't understand what that means. I mean, it's ridiculous. It's just something to say. It's just absurdly ridiculous. Yeah. It's just something that's demeaning. Yeah. It's...

Crazy, I mean honestly where I grew up I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't I mean there's still a lot of that You know it's a very small town And yeah ignorance. It's it's just it's sad

But it's a good place to be from. Yeah, I think the adversity at a young age helps make you stronger at a later age, and it did for me. I mean, obviously, I'm very sensitive about anti-Semitism. There's a lot of that going on right now, and it just gives you a different perspective on the world. Yeah. Let's talk about your mom. You said it's the only thing good she's ever done, but talk to us. We'll get into your stepdad in a minute, but

At what point did you not like your mom or see that there were traits in her that really weren't to your liking as a daughter? Oh, she's going to see this. And my brother's getting married soon. I'm going to see her. So this is going to be fun. You know, she I'm sure she did a couple other cool things. I'm trying to be forgiving in my older age and like let it go. But at age five,

Four, five, I think was the first time I remember getting like, you know, smacked across the face. I think she was brushing my hair and it hurt. I was probably squirming and I had a fro, like, you know, it was tingly. And just a smack. And she was always mad. She was always, she just had this like hateful, angry tone always. It's like she was just angry at me specifically, it seemed like.

And I remember that from age three or four. And I don't remember it ever not being like that. She physically abused you? Yeah. For your entire childhood? I mean, yeah. She liked to smack me in the face. Leaving marks on your face? Yeah. I remember in kindergarten, I remember getting on the school bus with a handprint, like a welt across my face. Did you lie when someone asked you what it was? A teacher asked you? Nobody asked.

Nobody asked. I got on the bus. I don't know. I can't remember if I was crying, but I remember I had a swollen handprint across my face. Nobody asked. I mean, today I'd be taken away. Maybe not in Vincent's. I don't know. But yeah, nobody even, the bus driver didn't say anything. Your friends didn't say anything either? Hey, what's that about? I don't remember really. Yeah.

And did you ever confront your mom, hey, don't do that? Of course. And think sometime, hey, I'm going to be old enough where I'm going to smack you back if you smack me? You know what? I never, ever threatened to hit my mom back. And I never laid a hand on her. I just always knew you don't hit your mom.

I mean, you don't hit your kid either, but I don't know. I just never, I came really close one time. I think I was like 17 or 18 and it was like, she grabbed me. And I think I like, I didn't swing or anything, but I, you know, jolted. And I remember yelling and I was like the most angry that I had gotten and the closest that I'd gotten. And I left, I wasn't even living there at the time. I was like living with my best friend's parents, but, um,

No, I would never hit my mom. I don't hit anybody. It's just not my thing. So your mom, when you're younger, gets married to another man. And at some point, he starts doing very bad things to you, as does his dad.

Tell us about your stepdad, who you said in many ways was a better parent than your mom was, which when I learned that, I was absolutely shocked to hear that. So can you walk us through kind of how that started and how old you were? I think you were three years old. Honestly, yeah, it sounds crazy to say, but I'll put it like this. My mom was angry and hostile and mad at me every single day.

And this wasn't happening every day. So that's sort of how I gauged, like, who was the better parent. It sounds sick, but...

When you are dealing with something like that all around you, you just have to pretend like it's okay. So I had made myself believe that it wasn't happening, it was all good, like nobody... I wasn't telling anybody. You're talking now about the sexual abuse. About the sexual abuse, yeah. Because you were physically abused at the same time you were being sexually abused. Physically abused by my mom. Okay. And that wasn't every day either, but she was just always mad at me. Like, she was just angry. I felt like she hated me, and I don't know why. Yeah.

But she was never like that to my brothers. Like she, she was lovely sometimes. She actually, her job was to babysit. She babysat for other people's kids, like in our home. And she was amazing to other people's kids. She's so great with kids. Like she's really, it sounds so messed up, but she was really, really good with everybody else's kids and my brothers. It was just me. I mean, I have like, you know, my thoughts about why maybe now, but

So, yeah, I was, she married my stepdad when I was, I think, four, three or four. And my step grandpa molested me every time I went to my grandma's house from the time I was three until, I don't know the age, but he died when I was in seventh grade, I think. And it was like up until, you know, I was maybe 10. My stepdad, it started a little bit later, um,

And honestly, I blocked so much. I don't remember like I don't remember third grade, fourth grade, fifth grade. I really don't remember much about any of those years. So I can't say exactly how old I was, like when it started with my stepdad, but it started at a later age and he didn't know about my grandpa at

So, and then also my grandma was, she had a daycare. She rented a daycare out of our house. So every time my parents left, they would leave me with my grandparents. So every time I was at my grandma and grandpa's house, I was being molested by my step-grandpa. And then I would go home, I'd be molested by my stepdad. And my mom was always angry and like hostile. So it was a really dysfunctional, unsafe lifestyle.

Childhood. And we don't have to get into the details if you're not comfortable, but when you say molested, they were physically touching your body. Yeah, physically touching her body. When I was three years old, I started gymnastics at the YMCA, and I would wear a leotard, like a little red short-sleeved leotard, and my grandpa would pull me onto his lap and touch me inside of my leotard like this.

with his fingers inside of my leotard at three years old. It was disgusting. - I mean, it's just hard to hear. Did it progress worse than that as you got older? - That was the thing. That was it. - And you never said anything to your mom? - Not until I did eventually. I think I was in, I think I was 11. Are you seventh grade when you were 11? I think I was in seventh grade.

Again, it's hard. I'm 47 now. This was a long time ago. My mom asked me because it was happening. Well, it happened to other people too. And we had at one point got together and talked about it. Me and the other people, I won't say who. Happened to friends of yours, your step-grandfather molested friends of yours. Yes. So, well, yes, friends. Yeah.

But somehow the moms had kind of caught wind. I didn't tell. I think maybe one of the other girls did. And my mom asked me, but my grandpa at the time was like on his deathbed. He was in the hospital about to die. And she asked me, and I told her that, yes, he had. And she asked me at that time if my stepdad had done anything to me. And I lied and I said no. And she never asked again. And I lied because I thought she would kill him.

and then I would be stuck with her. Sounds so messed up. Yeah, so, ah, I never said anything again until I think I was 19. - I mean, it's just hard to,

Listen to I can't I can't imagine what it was what it was like at back then Oprah Winfrey was a big deal back then the television show and there would be these episodes where a Woman would be in jail because she killed the person who like raped her daughter or molested her daughter or something like that And my mom would always say like yeah, that's right. I killed those on the bridge - or like she's saying our angry voice and

And I just remember thinking like, oh my God, like if she killed him, I would be stuck with just her and I wouldn't have a dad. It sounds so messed up, but like, yeah, I just, I wanted a dad so bad. I just pretended like nothing, that it wasn't happening. I mean, I think this is a lot more prevalent than people think about. I have a friend, I'm not going to name, when she was younger, she had a stepdad that molested her as well. And she had a lot of

issues physically. She would urinate in her bed until her, I think, 30s, until she got help. She didn't tell her mom about this until I think she graduated college. So what's your advice out there to all people who are afraid to come forward for a lot of different reasons? Either parents going to jail, someone's going to murder them, but they need help. Yeah. Well, the reason why I'm so

I guess I'm not totally comfortable because I'm obviously emotional, but the reason why I put it out there and I use my platform and I take any opportunity that I can to talk about it is because I want people to get help sooner. I want people to speak up sooner if they can. I waited a long time, and it is very common. And not only are people afraid that maybe they're –

molester i guess he's gonna get murdered or something which is weird because you would think maybe you'd want that to happen but it's it's it's just different i don't know how to explain it but um also a lot of people do tell and they're not believed right i've been to you know like trauma camp where i've been put in groups with people with severe ptsd and we've all had like similar or some people's stories make mine look like a cakewalk and it's really really sad i'm

grateful that it wasn't worse than it was, but, um, you know, still traumatic, but a lot of times people will tell and they don't, the parents don't believe them or they somehow just ignore it. And so people don't speak up for a lot of reasons, but I didn't start getting therapy for this until I was 35, 36. Um,

And I just, it's, you know, it's set me back and I want people to be able to get ahead of it and get therapy sooner. So they, you know, they realize like they're not crazy anymore.

anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, like all the whole alphabet, like all of the things that you don't realize you have and you don't understand what they are until you've gotten some help or talk to somebody. I know I didn't. And it's just helped so much. And I just, if somebody can have relief sooner and like not lose years of their life being

you know, maybe addicted or just held up in their house, depressed or whatever, suicidal, anything. I just want people to, you know, speak up and know that they can get help and it'll just help them feel so much better.

We'll provide some phone numbers at the end of the show for people to call. It'll be on their show notes as well. I think an interesting thing, too, is I know people want retribution, and I can't imagine that I wouldn't feel that way, God forbid, if that were my kid. But child molesters get treated very, very poorly in prison.

Right, among all the murderers and all the bad things, I think from what I've heard and what I've read and talked to police officers, I know someone that run the Los Angeles County Jail, that's the group who have the toughest time in prison. So it's not only are they in prison, but however unpleasant prison is for most people, it's a lot more unpleasant for them very, very quickly.

We all have escape mechanisms for things that we are traumatized. I was bullied as a kid. I started, I'd come home, I'd pretend like it didn't bother me. I didn't have any friends. I pretended like when I'd sit alone in the corner, that would be just my thing. I'm fine, I'm fine. And I really wasn't fine at all. I mean, I felt horrible every time it would happen. And it was tough at some point and a lot of times to go to school.

You talked to us about dancing and how that was an escape for you. And then what's your advice to all the other people suffering, getting abused today? Because it's not just like you said, it's not just kids. There's a group of 18 to 30 year old people watching the show, a large segment who are still getting abused by girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, parents.

I have to say, well, two things. So my escape mechanism was gymnastics. I was lucky enough to

We didn't have a lot of money. Like there's no way that my family would have been able to afford all the gymnastics training that I had. But back then at the YMCA, if you were sponsored by a family every year, all you had to do was write like a thank you note to the family and they paid for my entire gymnastics, like for the whole year. And so I was on the team, the gymnastics team, the YMCA gymnastics team from age three all the way up until I was in high school.

And every year I just wrote in a thank you letter and we had practice five days a week and we had meets every weekend. And so I was, I was always working out, always in the gym doing gymnastics and I was really good at it and I loved it. What was the, I forgot where I was going. I think, so that was my escape mechanism. As far as advice for people that are going through it or have gone through it, just keep

You talk to somebody like get it out of you, you know, tell somebody and don't. It took me a long time for this one. So it's I'm going to give the advice, but I have to say it even took me a long time to out my stepdad to my whole family. And it took a therapist telling me like you're holding on. It's like I was still protecting him for some crazy reason. It's like, why was I still protecting him?

I didn't want other people in the town or whatever to do what maybe they would do to him in prison or however they would treat him. And I don't know why. I just didn't want that. But I got to a point where I felt like I had to protect other little girls that he may be around. He's still alive and kicking in my hometown. And I have never been to jail. Never been to jail. Never been prosecuted.

Have you ever thought about going to the authorities there? I mean, you see all these rape cases in New York. I think they passed a new law. You can go back. The statute of limitations goes back a long time. I don't even know the rules. Honestly, I feel like, I don't know. This is something I haven't really thought about for a while. I mean, I didn't know that you could still press charges or do anything like that. But I do know at a point I told my entire family, this was only like eight years ago.

Because my cousins are starting to have kids and he would maybe be around their kids. And like that's, you know, I thought of my grandpa and I needed to protect everybody else's kids. And so I wrote an email to like 12 of my family members that didn't know. And I sent it and I literally ran to the bathroom and threw up. But he was one of five kids.

one of four, no, one of five kids. And he had four sisters. He was the youngest of five kids. His four sisters. And he was living with one of them at the time. I honestly don't even know like the story. I don't know what happened. I know that they kicked him out and that's pretty much it. I don't know what he does. I don't know how many, I know that I had one family member. There was one sister that still stayed in contact with him. She was the only one. And she passed away a couple of years ago.

But all of his other family members, you know, everybody just like disowned him. My little brother, he got on drugs and he just like lost it because I was his dad. I don't know. I did an article, I think in People magazine or no, some magazine like a couple of years ago. And they had to get, they had to like try to contact him before they could publish it.

to see if he acknowledged like anything they had to give him a heads up and they called his work I didn't even have his phone number I couldn't be I couldn't even think to like get it um so they found out where he worked and they called his phone and they asked if he was they asked his name and they said are you you know I mean it's a stepdad yes and they said there's going to be an article coming out she's you know claiming that you because they have to say allegedly right

sexually molested her at age and he hung up and that's all they needed like they had like enough acknowledgement they could run the story but they talked to him directly but they talked to multiple people who all made the same allegations or they were just verifying your story verifying it and um i don't know they just they called his work it creeped me out just like thinking of somebody talking to him because i haven't talked to him since i and you know i didn't

I only disowned him at age 34. He walked me down the aisle at my wedding. - What would you say to him if he walked in the room right now and you had a couple sentences to look him in the eye? - I don't think I could. I'm a mom now. Oof. That changed everything because suddenly I can't even imagine, ugh, if anything like that happened to my kids.

I don't know. I mean, I would, I don't know what I would do. I would probably go to prison. So it's weird because it was like, it was okay that it just happened to me. The thing, God gave me a daughter. And one day thinking of that happening to her, I had a panic attack for the first time. I felt everything that I should have felt all the anger and

all the just absolute disgust. And I, I literally like wrote an email and did it right back. I was actually, yeah, I was 34. I was pregnant with my son and I just, I don't know. Something came over me and I just imagined if anything like that happened to my daughter. So yeah, I, I, I wrote him off. I told him about his dad. He didn't know. Um,

Oh, and I that was the last time that I, you know, had any contact with them. He said, you won't meet. The head breaker was in my tummy. He wrote back. There's nothing. It wouldn't matter what he said. It wouldn't have been enough or right. I don't really remember exactly what it was, but it seemed like even less than what I would have expected. Yeah.

- He acknowledged what he did? - Mm-hmm. - You have written evidence that he acknowledged being molesting you that a police officer today could see and take to him that-- - I honestly, I deleted the email. I think I sent it to a friend, my friend Marie, she keeps everything. I think I sent it to her, she probably has it. - Yeah. - I deleted it. I didn't want it, at some point I deleted both of the emails. - Police can still get in, don't worry. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - They have the secret, secret way.

I mean, that's horrible. So if he walked in the door. Yeah, if he walked in the door. I don't know. Honestly, I feel like I could throw up, I could cry, or I could rip his head. I don't know. I wouldn't want to touch him. I'm not a violent person. Right. I feel like, you know, karma is a thing, and I believe in God, and I believe that, you know, people, I don't wish bad. Like, I don't wish he gets hit by a semi. I don't sit around and think about that.

But when he had a really, really bad ATV accident several years ago, like it didn't, I didn't flinch. I heard that he broke every bone in his body. He was in a coma, like all of this. And it didn't make me feel anything. I was just like, well, like, what did you expect? I don't know. It just, it didn't make me happy. It didn't make me sad. It just felt like, well, that's, I mean, I can see that that happened, you know?

And when my mom told me about it, she asked if I had heard about it. And I said, yes. And she said, it's really upsetting your brother. It's really hard for him to like see. And I said, well, he's lived, didn't he? And she said, yeah. And I said, well, karma's a bitch. And she got really upset with me. She said, well, maybe if you would have told somebody what was happening to you when you were 11, everybody's lives would have been easier. So that was interesting. Yeah.

We all have coping mechanisms for bad things that happen to us. You were a jokester when you were younger. Still am. Still am. So how did joking around help you cope? I don't know. I guess I just deflect everything with humor. Deflected everything with humor. When I was, I don't know, about three, yeah, I was always goofy. I was always goofing off. I guess just laughing felt good. But I know when I got into middle school and high school, the joking was I had to learn the

like the punchline to the racist jokes. So I would like go up and finish the joke. And I heard somebody, you know, telling the joke, which, yeah, I don't know. I guess I was just naturally, actually funny. You became a cheerleader in high school.

At some point. Yeah, I was a cheerleader before high school. I was a cheerleader since fifth grade. Okay, you were a cheerleader before fifth grade. And you said at some point you felt like you were ugly. And they were just kind of along for the ride as one of the cool kids. I think people look at you today and you're very beautiful. And people are probably wondering how could you have been ugly at a young age. So talk to us about you feeling ugly. And is it the kind of thing where you look back at today and say, I wasn't really ugly. I was just feeling ugly.

I wasn't the kind of pretty that the people in my hometown, you know, glorified. So I felt ugly because nobody was, I wasn't the girl at school that the boys were asking to go with, with the notes at recess or anything. I was the girl that they would hand the note to and say, Hey, will you ask so-and-so? We asked Callie to be my, you know, girlfriend or whatever. Yeah. I just didn't feel pretty. My hair was different. We didn't have money.

So I would wear like hand-me-down clothes that belonged to my brother. I got mistaken as a boy all the time. People would come to my mom and say, oh, he's so cute. Is he adopted? Like in the supermarket. And I'm sitting there with my ears pierced, like, come on, my girl. So I'd never, I didn't feel pretty, but yeah, I look back and I was so cute.

I was just, I did look a little bit like a boy because I wore boy clothes a lot. And I had an afro. There was no, like, piggie tails or anything until at a certain age I did. But, yeah, I just didn't feel pretty because nobody told me that I was pretty. And I guess that's what, you know, that's what I had to go by. You look different because...

Everyone in your world, too, got their collars white. Yeah, they had blonde hair or brown hair that swung on. Like my ponytail today. They had straight hair that flung back and forth, and mine didn't move. Nobody knew how to do my hair. There wasn't a relaxer. Nobody was making it hot and straightening it out in Indiana.

there were no black hair salons. My mom wasn't doing cornrows or any type of weaves. It wasn't that type of thing. So she would just buzz it. Like she gave me like a fade at one point and I like a rat tail. I think in the fifth grade, I had like a fade and a rat tail. And so I told her to put stripes in the side and because I wanted it to be different. So I was like, I'm going to have a

boy haircut and might as well make it edgy or you know unique and so we put stripes on the side and I had like a freaking I don't have a picture of that one but yeah I didn't feel pretty you started doing photo shoots so at some point in your teenage years so when you was it because you liked doing the photo shoots you liked being in front of the camera made you feel good it was fun and when you looked at the photos didn't you say okay I do look pretty good because if you don't look pretty good they wouldn't be doing photo shoots

I mean, I think it was probably like a friend of my granny's that took the photos and she probably just asked them. Cause I always, I wanted to be a model. Cause to me, model and like models are pretty. I wanted to be pretty. And Whitney Houston was beautiful. And I had like a record of souls, a record album. And I used to look at this picture of Whitney Houston. I'd be like, Oh my gosh, she's so pretty. Like, I wonder what I'm going to look like when I'm 16. I remember like, well,

looking in the mirror my fro was like this and it ended like here and I would put my shoulders up to where you couldn't see the end of it so it felt like I had long hair and I'd be like what do I look like when I'm 16 I just wanted to look like Whitney Houston I don't she was so pretty um yeah so I wanted to be a model and my granny um I'm a mess I'm like snotty and crying I'm

You look great. I feel like I don't. I think she had somebody set up a photo shoot and I had like a nice dress. I think I curled my bangs. There were two pictures that I do remember thinking like, wow, I could be a model. Look at them now. They're not that great. But yeah, I don't know. Those were the only two for a very long time. And then I got a little chubby. I know my senior pictures weren't cute. I went through a

Weird hair stage. You graduated high school. You went to junior college. Then Indiana State, you majored in interior design. Yeah. So talk to us about what you perceive the value of going to college was at that point in time. And then tell us about the experience, what the black men were saying to you and the black women were saying to you, because this is the first time that you had been around.

black individuals for really the first time in your life. - Oh yeah. So junior college, yeah, junior college. - Where? - In Vincennes, Vincennes University. - Which is in? - In Vincennes, my hometown. So I went there first.

That was my first experience with black, a lot of black people, black guys. There was one, this guy, he actually went to the NBA, Sean Marion? Yeah. Marion? Marion. Sean Marion was his name. I think he played for the Suns eventually. He was like... Excellent. Excellent player. Yeah. He was the captain of the basketball team. I was the captain of the dance team. He would always like...

say things like, oh, you probably only mess with white dudes. And I'm like, I've never met a black guy. Like, I don't know. But he was always giving me like crap. And then the girls though were like, somebody needs to tell her that she's black and she ain't white. And I was so confused. Like the black girls didn't want to hang out with me

Because they thought I was too whitewashed. The black guys didn't think that I wanted to go out with them because I'd only dated white guys because I had never been around black people before. Boy, did that change. But yeah, it was interesting. I just didn't really fit in. So I was kind of whitewashed because...

I was hanging out with white people. They were the ones that were so nice to me, you know? And then when I went to Indiana State, it got a little bit worse. Like the basketball team, I remember at one point, like walking through the cafeteria and they would say things and I was just like, like, what? I don't, you know, how do I become more black? Like, what do I have to do? It was interesting. I didn't really feel like totally out of place or anything. It was just like kind of annoying, you know?

Did you date some of the basketball players? No, I didn't. I'm wondering, did they say that because they were jealous maybe that they asked you out and you said no? I think, no, I think there was a lot of that. The black girls were like, didn't like it that the black guys liked me. And then I would hang out with white people. So I wasn't, I didn't really fit in. Like now I can kick it with anybody, but I, it took me a long time to like even feel comfortable around a lot of black people, to be honest, because I just didn't,

feel like I fit in. I felt like I was like faking it, like faking the funk or something, you know? Felt really awkward. And I felt like people judged me because I was too light skinned or I talked too white or whatever, like corny thing they would say. Yeah. So I just had to date a bunch of black guys and have a couple. No, it took me, you know, really just being around more culture and

to figure out that like, I can do both. I have both and I'm perfectly fine with that. - Were your goals back then to go into interior design? 'Cause that was your major. Was that one day thinking where you are today, I'm gonna be designing $20 million homes. - Well, I never, oh my gosh, in Vincennes, Indiana, I grew up in a trailer. I don't even think I knew a $20 million home existed. That sounds like something crazy. But I did have this vision always. I pictured myself

And I'm a manifester, apparently, because now I'm doing exactly what I envisioned. I'm going to say this and then you guys are going to, if my outfit's like not that great today, it's not the best. But I envisioned myself wearing like super cool outfits and being like this cool, fun mom and coming home from the job site, like wherever that was with like my blueprints or my, you know.

My, it's called briefcase, which is like funky outfits. And I had this one interior design teacher. Can't remember her name. I don't think she liked me very much, but she always had the coolest outfits. And she had like this really cool engagement ring that like spun. And she was just so hip. And I was like, wow, she's a cool mom. She just has the coolest clothes. And her house was, we did a tour of our house once, like during class for like a project.

I was like, this is the coolest house that Vincent's Indiana has ever seen. Like she just had it. It was really unique. And I wanted to be like her, like a cooler. And I think, I think I am. I think I made it. Yeah. She wasn't very nice to me. I don't know why she didn't like me, but I'm nice.

What's your advice to everybody living in a trailer park or in some home? Oh, not a trailer park, but we had a land. Okay. So what's your advice to everybody? Well, I mean, let's go back to a trailer park. What's your advice to someone living in a trailer park, a trailer, one-bedroom house with eight people in the home who have dreams to make it big in Hollywood or in real estate or whatever else they do?

I think go for it. You're going to do it. I think the people that live in the trailers and the people that live eight people in a house and they dream big, I have met, they appreciate it more. They, I have met more people that have come from that and, and made it in the opposite. Just because you come from, you know, nothing doesn't mean that you can't be,

It's a great place to be from. I love my humble roots. Like I love that I didn't have much growing up because it's really cool to be able to, you know, give things to my kids that I didn't have, but also have the, the knowledge that I have and letting them know like how great, how, how gifted, gifted, how gifted they are. That's not what I meant to say. How privileged they are and how blessed they are. Like,

never to take it for granted. It can go away, you know, very quickly. And I'm not Daddy Warbucks or anything, but we do okay. And I think it's, I'm glad that I have that. I wouldn't change one single thing. Honestly, I've said this, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, to be the mom that I am, I'd go through all of it again, every bit. Negative, challenging experiences make you a better parent. All of that, because...

I know that I have two parents sitting somewhere just regretting, you know. I'm going to see my mom in October. My brother's getting married. She's still angry, and she can't, she just can't, like, be nice. She can't be warm. She doesn't know my kids. She's had a chance to sort of make up for what she did, but she's just not doing it, and I know that she must be

So inside she's missing out. - Are you bringing your kids to the wedding? - Yeah. - She's never met your kids before? - She's met them twice. I think the last time was like, I don't even know how many years ago, seven years ago. So yeah, my kids will never have this conversation about me. I am a really good mom. I love them so much. We have great relationship, so.

If I had to go through it again, I would, to be able to have this relationship with my kids. That's amazing. That's amazing. So you graduated college. And then what was your first job as a... You didn't graduate college. Didn't graduate college. Didn't graduate college. Yeah. And then first, why not? And then what was your first job designing homes? And how did you end up being a cheerleader for the Indianapolis Colts? Okay, so...

Get a dick of water. I didn't graduate college because at a point, so I had outed my stepdad to enough people that we weren't talking. My mom had found out. That was a whole thing when I was 19. I had lived with my best friend's parents off and on.

From the time I was like in seventh grade at this point. So your best friend is Shirley? My best friend, Jamie. Shirley is our mom. Okay, Shirley is our mom. Yeah, Shirley was our mom. And so my closest support system was my granny, who I was named after, Amanza, my grandpa, Carl, and then Jamie's parents, Shirley and P.R. Sweeney. So Shirley, Amanza, and Carl. My granny, my grandpa, and my best friend's mom.

And I when I went to Indiana State, I actually was only there for two semesters because everybody died. My grandma passed away, had a heart attack out of the blue, unexpected. Three weeks later, my grandpa died. And two weeks after that, Charlie died. And my grades went to shit. I was on financial aid.

I was going home to their funerals. Like, you know, it was a month and a half, I think, span. I lost my entire, like the three closest people to me. So my grades went to crap and I lost my financial aid. And I wrote a letter. They said, if you've had any extenuating circumstances. And I was like, I've got this. Yeah.

And they denied it. And so I just, I wasn't able to afford it. And so I dropped out and I went, I actually went back to Vincent's University and took some classes, some more interior design classes at the junior college before I totally just quit. So I have like a lot of schooling, but no degree. What was your first job when you graduated? Yeah.

I moved to Indianapolis and it wasn't designing homes. I worked at Sprint PCS. I was a customer service rep. I didn't start doing my design work until I moved to California after my divorce. What about the Indianapolis Colts? How did that come about? So I was living in Indianapolis and I just, I don't know, was I living in, yeah, I was living in Indianapolis.

I always thought it would be cool, you know, I thought it'd be cool to be a Colts cheerleader. I didn't realize how little they got paid. They got paid nothing, right? They got paid 50 bucks a game by then. And we practiced three days a week. We had games every, you know, every other Sunday. It'd be there at five o'clock in the morning. It was brutal. We got 50 bucks. Couldn't date the players. Yeah.

Yeah, but did you? I did, yeah. I did one. I did one. Chad Plummer. I loved him so much. Shout out to Chad. He's married now. Shout out to his wife. Yeah. But that was it. That was the only one that I dated. But other people dated players. They wouldn't get in trouble. We would have gotten kicked off. We would have gotten busted. Yeah.

I moved to LA after that. I got like a taste of like the spotlight and I liked it. And I was like, I want to do commercials or modeling stuff.

And I don't know why when I say modeling, I didn't move to New York, but I had never moved to California. Okay. And eventually you got a job on Deal or No Deal. Deal or No Deal. Which, Howard Mandel was on my show, as we talked about. He just had three shows canceled in a row. Really? He was depressed. Oh, before Deal or No Deal. Before, he was depressed. His agent, Michael Rotenberg, called him and said, I got this opportunity for you.

flipping cards around suitcase people opening suitcases and he thought it was stupid. He said this insulting he hung up on him. I think he said fuck no and hung up on him. Oh, I don't know this story. And he eventually persuaded him to do it. It became a very hit show. I think they filmed the week. He went to Turks and Caicos with his wife and then the manager called him and said that show had 100 million views last week. Wow. So it ran for eight seasons. Wow.

Tell us how you got that opportunity and what it was like on the show. That's big time, right? I mean, you're turning the suitcases and everybody's seeing you. Tens of millions of people are seeing you every week. I wanted to be a dealer. I joined the final season, so I only got to do it. Well, and then I did it again when it came back, just like not so many years ago. But I always wanted to be a dealer, no deal girl. That was like the thing. It was like the

Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders of modeling or something. I thought they were so cool. I'd always see them out at the clubs. I was like, oh my gosh, she's so pretty. It seemed like a cool gig. And I was taking hosting classes because I wanted to do like Brookwork. Remember Wild on E? I thought she was so cool. I thought that would be a really fun job. I didn't know that I'd be a really good actress, but I knew I could be myself. So I thought hosting was like the way to go. So I took this hosting class with Marky Costello. She's like the GOAT.

And there was this girl in my class and she was really good. I was intimidated by her. She had a Southern accent. She was really cute. I was like looking at her notes one day and she wrote at the top of her note, get headshot to Egypt for deal or no deal. And I was like, they're casting. So I totally like went to my friend who was a manager. I didn't even have a manager at the time. I said, can you find out if they're casting for deal or no deal? I like read it on my friend's paper and all my friend, I read it on this girl's paper.

And they weren't, but they saw me because they were going to be casting in like six months or something. And so the lady was like, she liked me and she put me at the top of the list. And she said, if you like have a callback when they started casting, like go straight to callback. Well, she didn't work there anymore in six months. And I was like, oh my gosh. So I had to go like through the whole process. And there was thousands of girls that would audition for that. And I got it. And it was the most fun job I'd ever had. It was like 26 or 28 girls auditioning.

You just played dress up and you literally opened a suitcase. At the time it was a good deal of money, I felt. Can you say what you were getting paid per show? I don't even remember, to be honest. At the time it felt like a million dollars. It was probably like $1,500 a show or something. I don't know. I can't remember, honestly. But it was more money than I'd made doing modeling. Yeah, and then it went away.

And I found out I was pregnant. And when it didn't come back, I was like, okay. Now I got to be on TV and now I'm going to be a mom. I thought that was it. I was never going to be on TV again. I was going to be a mom. What did you have to do to get that job? It was just like a basic casting. But mostly interview. It was a lot of personality. An interview. So they sit there and they interview you and it's...

Had to open a suitcase? Yeah. No, I don't think we actually had to open a suitcase. That was later. But yeah, it was more of an interview, like a walk and then, you know, talk about yourself, your life. I don't. Yeah. This was so long ago. My memory is like.

Not that great. You're raising something that I forgot about, and I've never told this story before. But on Wheel of Fortune, at some point they did a new host, right? Because Bob, was it Bob Barker? No, Bob Barker was The Price is Right. Who did? Who did? Dana White and... Right. But no, who did the... Wheel of Fortune. I can't remember who this was. Pat Sajak? No, it wasn't Pat Sajak. It was...

Yeah, was it Bob Parker who resigned, who did the wheel of, you know, you pull the wheel and you get all these. Oh, yeah, you spin the wheel. That's the Price is Right. Yeah, Price is Right and Drew Carey came in. Yeah, yeah. And he did it. But at some point, I've never, I've not thought about this in years, but I was out when I had a place called the Shore Bar. And it was just this bar on the west side of Los Angeles. You start talking to people and there was a casting agent.

And the casting agent come up to me, are you an actor? I said, no, I'm a business guy. She said, well, I'm casting for the new host of The Price is Right. And I want you to go on this audition. And I said, and my grandmother at the time was, I think, 85, 80. No, she was probably 95 years old.

I said, first I said, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to be the host of a game show. I've got a busy business career. And so then I talked to my grandmother about it and said, oh, no, you should, you know, you should do it. It's my favorite show. And so I remember going and I remember sitting there. I go to Universal Studios. There was a line of 150 people.

And these were actors mostly. And people had resumes and then they would go in and just, it took forever. And I keep thinking, man, I got to get back to work. I've got a real job. These are people who...

Most of them didn't have a real job. You know, they moved here to be an actor. Yeah. Which is great, by the way. I mean, that's the dream, right? You come in and you make it in Los Angeles. You want to be a star or whatever. And that job, I'm sure, paid a ton of money. And so I remember waiting my turn there for like three hours. And then just like you said, it's an interview. And I remember there being five or six people there and they're firing questions at me. So why do you want to do this?

And I think I said something really stupid. Like I have a, or first they said, I'm just remembering this. Well, what's your background? I said, I'm a business guy. What have you done? I said, I'm a founder of a technology company. I was going to just kind of keep it kind of low key. And they said, what company?

Akamai Technologies, what do they do? We revolutionized the way that we serve web content. At the time, we served around 25% of the world's web content. And I don't know what the market cap of our company was. It was maybe $10 billion. What are you doing? All five judges are looking at me like,

Like, what are you doing here? Why do you want to be here? And I said, well, number one, it's my grandmother's favorite show. And number two, I think it'd be cool. And they said, number three, I was just minding my own business at a bar, having a beer with my buddies. And the casting agent come up to me and said, we really want you to audition for the show.

But I think it's really interesting. So I've never told that story before, even to my team. And now I will be part of our summer intern regimen. And I'm sure we'll shoot some social media clip around this as well. Well, I'll tell you something.

I'll add to that. I wanted to be a Barker's Beauty before I wanted to be a Deal or No Deal girl because my granny loved the show also. Yeah. And I loved the show and I thought, you know, oh, they did this and it was like, the price is right. And I auditioned and I didn't get it.

And I ugly cried. Like I, or I called my best friend, Jamie. And I was like, I did it again. I was so mortified. I was so upset. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to be a Barker's beauty. And then probably two months later, I got the opportunity to audition for dealer and ordeal. So, and I was better. That was like a, the bigger, better deal. I think, sorry, no offense to any of the Barker's beauties, but they were like the new age Barker's, you know, beauty. So I too have my, my, what is it?

Price is right moment, almost. I remember as a kid being in love with Diane Parkinson, who was one of the models. I thought, oh my gosh, she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. I was just infatuated with her. So I think Bob Barker was too. I think they did get together. I think so.

Yeah, she was on it forever. And Dana White, I think she's still flipping those letters. I swear, she's like, she was on it for 100 years. She was on it for 100 years. So what's the message to all people out there who are going, I mean, you beat, you beat. I think what you did is very industrious. You saw somebody else. You saw something and said, hey, hey, that's, that's interesting. And then you said, and then you did something about it. And then you said, I'm not going to worry about the other thousand people.

So what's your message to everyone out there who is thinking about things and, you know, oh, should I go do that? They see something and then get in line with a thousand people. Yeah, go for it. Where the odds are less than 1% of 1%. Go for it. If you want it bad enough and if it's meant for you, I mean, it's going to be. I really believe like, I don't know. It was interesting how that all came about, but I wanted it.

And I manifested it. I think if you just envision yourself, if you really, really, truly believe it's for you and you want it that bad, just like picture yourself as it and make it happen. Or try again. If it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant for you. Move on to something else. Or try again next time. I don't know. Everything was, um, but I did deal or no deal twice. Like it came back around. Like 11 years later, I did it. I was the oldest one on the, on the podium. Um,

Let's talk about athletes and talk about, let's talk about, let's talk about a guy named Ralph Brown, who was a star football player at University of Nebraska. They had a cornerback. He had a 10-year career, kind of bounced around to a whole bunch of teams, Vikings, Browns, Giants. I think his salary range was $585,000 through $785,000.

Talk to us about when you met him. Talk about when you met him and where you were in your life. And then we can go into all the crazy things that happened after that. I was a waitress at the Spanish kitchen and Ralph was a customer. I remember he came in, he had a white shirt on. I thought he was super handsome.

I was telling all the girls, oh my gosh, she ran some guy in the white shirt. At the end of the night, when my shift was over, she was like, hot guy in the white shirt's still here. And everybody's doing shots. Come over and have a shot with us. And I went over and started drinking with him. He was with a friend. I can't remember who he was with. And we all just hung out and drank and talked and told me he was a real estate agent.

Like, okay. He lied. He lied. I mean, I see football players out. I was at, well, the other day out in Thousand Oak, I had a doctor I went to see and there were some big dudes sitting at the table and they were clearly football players, either for Rams or the Chargers. I didn't recognize any of them, but, you know, they had all the gear on and they were, you know, massive and cut. He wasn't, he wasn't huge. He was like 5'10". He was quick. Yeah.

But he wasn't huge. So, I mean, I don't know. I just thought he was hot. And so I believed him. We went out a few times and then I went to his house for the first time. And I was like, this dude really likes football. It was like framed Jersey. Like, I'm like, wait, is that you? They all say Brown. I'm like, ding, ding, ding. He said it wasn't the, to give him like props. Now it's just almost, I have to roll my eyes. It would be nice. Um,

He didn't like to use that, like, as a, you know, like, as a pickup line. Or he didn't want people to just go for him because he was, like, an NFL player or whatever. Right. So, yeah, that was that. I think they're called on. I think we can say it on the show. Starfuckers. Yeah. I mean...

I'm not. Kudos to him, though, by the way. I'm like, I'm not. Yeah. No, I'm just saying kudos to him. I mean, we'll talk about some terrible things that he did, but I think that's kind of cool. Yeah, I thought it was cool, too. I thought it was cool. I don't know how smart I feel like I was because he never, like, he wasn't ever doing real estate. He went to camp at one point, and I was like, oh, I didn't even ask questions. It was like he was at football camp. But, yeah.

Yeah, the jersey. So you started dating him. At some point, you were pregnant. And then you got married. And then a year and a half, you got divorced. So talk to us about that. It was two years, I think. It was a year and a half? It was two years. We were together for two years, and then you got divorced. Yeah, married for two years. Right, you were married for two years, and then you got divorced. You've been a single mom since. But let's talk about...

all of the crazy stuff that happened. And we'll start with a lot of football players don't manage their money wisely. Yeah. And he didn't manage his wisely. So did he have money when you met him or he had spent it by then? And...

- When we met, he was still playing. So, I mean, we had money. We had, I mean... - Not tons, I mean... - Yeah, we were fine. We weren't struggling. The whole time we were dating, the whole time we were married. He was fine for a little bit after our divorce.

He blamed me. He said that he got depressed when we divorced and he blew through all of his money. I mean, a forensic accountant will tell you exactly how much he blew through like in a year and a half, like after our divorce, it was crazy amounts. But yeah, he said he was depressed and he just felt like mad. You know, that happens sometimes.

People aren't taught how to manage their money. A lot of these guys come from the hood. They think they have to take care of everybody in their family. People crawl out of the woodwork when you make a little bit of money for the only one in your family. And they just give and give and give. It's really sad. So he stopped paying child support after a year and a half. Yeah. And at that point, you went into financial...

- Disarray for like, I mean, you worked at BCBG, you were a dog walker. - Well, kind of, not in that order. So we got a divorce. He paid child support for a year and a half, but it wasn't, I mean, it wasn't like a ton of money. Yeah, I walked dogs. I tried to be a nanny.

Nobody would hire me. I was like, I wouldn't hire me either. I wanted an old, fat nanny. Like, I was not hiring a homily. No one wants a gorgeous nanny living in the house. I was like, maybe I'll find a single dad or a lesbian couple or something. I wanted to be a nanny. I love kids so much. Not a good ingredient. Yeah, I wasn't getting any nanny gigs. But I worked at BCBG. I was walking dogs. I cleaned houses. Talk about humbling. Like, I hadn't cleaned my own house in probably nine years. I'm scrubbing toilets.

to make money. And yeah, he paid child support for a year and a half. And then when he stopped, I had started dating somebody that was taking care of me. So I didn't feel like I, I didn't ask for it for four years. Yeah. He, you know, we all, we lived together at a point, like we both moved in together with our families at a point. And

I didn't feel like it was fair to ask Ralph for, I didn't know how much money he had left or how much that would hurt him to give me like whatever little it was a month. So I didn't ask for it for four years. But when Tay and I broke up, I was like, hey, you know, I need you to pick up where, not back support, but like pick up where you left off. And he wasn't having it. He wasn't happy.

Um, so I ended up just dropping the, the case. I closed it. I didn't go after it because it was more important to keep the peace. I would rather like hustle and struggle. So yeah, I was on food stamps. What was I doing? I was, I worked at the Oppenheim group like a couple of days a week. Um, I had started staging a little bit for them. I was doing little side gigs here and there, modeling a little bit here and there. I did deal or no deal again. Um, but

Yeah, I was on food stamps and I lived in a two-bedroom apartment with my kids and I slept on the couch and I gave them their own rooms at a point because they got a little bit too old to share a room. And so, yeah, we were doing great. And then he bounced. Yeah.

Let's talk about the real estate company, your friend Brett and Jason. And then we'll talk about him bouncing the first week of the show, basically. So you have two best friends. They have a real estate company. You're working there a few days a week. And then how...

How does it happen that you ended up there full time? And then how does it happen that there happens to be a show? I think they shot a first season by then already. Yeah, they shot the first season. So I was, I wasn't even, actually, I wasn't even working at the Oppenheim group. I was just there all the time. Hanging out. Hanging out. Because you had nothing to do. I had nothing to do. I would do design jobs. So I would take my computer and I would go and I'd lay on the couch and I would, everybody would be at their computers. I'd go around lunchtime because Jason would take everybody to lunch. Yeah.

So I would hang out all the time. And eventually Jason was like, you just need to, well, no, he didn't say get your real estate license yet. That came later. I was doing Deal or No Deal when they shot the first season. So I was like, you guys go ahead and we see how it goes. You never know how a reality show is going to go, right? So I was like, they can shoot the first season. And if it goes well, then, you know, maybe I'll get my real estate license.

and try to join the cast or something, but it couldn't, you know, it might not go so well. You just never know. And so it did pretty good. And when Deal or No Deal was over, it shot in Florida. And so when I came back, I started working in the office, I think like once or twice a week, staging shows.

And then Jason's like, you're here all the time. I don't know why you don't just get your license. Staging means for people that don't know, there's a home for sale. Yeah. And then you go in and you make it look beautiful because you're renting furniture to make it look as good as possible. So you get the best price. Right, right, right. Yeah. Okay. So you're staging. They're selling homes. It may look like shit or be empty because people move out. You want to make them look as good as possible. Yeah. Or people have like a ton of really...

not so aesthetically pleasing furnishings and accessories.

You try to talk them into getting rid of it all and putting in stuff that, you know, is more appealing to the general public. And it helps sell the home. It really does. So that's what I would do. And then, yeah, I just I ended up getting my license and then they got picked up for another season. And so it just made sense that I was a new girl. But do you interview for that job as well? Or do they just say, hey, she's working here because she's working here. She's not part of the show.

Oh, well, I didn't have to interview to be at the Oppenheim group. Right. I was just, I was Jason and Brett's friend, but, and it was good what I did. But yeah, I had to interview for, sorry, for Selling Sunset with the production company, with Netflix. It was a whole thing. I mean, they had, you know, put like, this is our friend of 20 some years, but you had to still go through the whole like process. And now you're getting paid again. Yeah.

Yeah. You're off the couch? Not yet. I filmed the entire first season on the couch. Is the pay okay? It was decent, yeah. Okay. Now you're getting paid more. I mean, now it's good, yeah. The first season was... First season, I don't know if she's going to make it or not. It was still... I mean, it was good. It was better than what I was...

It was better than what I was getting, a lot better than what I was making before. But it wasn't quite enough to get off the couch just yet because I still had two kids. Right. So a month into the show, Ralph disappears. Disappears. Talk to us about that and then talk to us about the efforts that you made with the family, what he wrote to the court, and your feelings and the efforts you made to...

find him? Yeah, a month and a half into filming, I go to pick the kids up from school and they told me that they had slept in the car the night before, which is not something that's normal. They lived in like a nice apartment. You guys are the boy and shared 50-50 custody. Yeah, 50-50 for seven years, like clockwork.

They went to daddy half the time and me half the time. And at this point, the kids were a little bit older. So it was a week with mommy, a week with daddy. Just like that. Right. And he was a really good dad. Like gymnastics meets soccer matches, homework. He was very structured and punctual and attentive. They were well-fed. They dressed nice. They were doing activities. He was a good dad. Yeah.

It was insane. So, yeah, I picked him up from school. They said they had slept in the car the night before. And they were both, like, really disheveled and hot. And I'm holding their hands as I'm walking them out of school. They're telling me this, and I'm, like, trying to text him, and it's going green. It's like. His iPhone. It's not working. It's not working. I call. The number's disconnected. So I text his mom. It's disconnected. It's like the number's no. There's no number.

So I text the mom and I'm like, hey, do you know if Ralph is okay? Is everything okay? I mean, I can show you the text. Like there's been no response. Is everything okay? The kid said that they slept in the car last night. I'm really worried. His phone's off. Is everything okay? Nothing. Literally, that was August 26th, 2019. And there's been zero, nothing, zip. Not a word.

From anyone in his family since. His mom never responded. I mean, I called and called. I text a lot. I WhatsAppped because on WhatsApp you can see if somebody checks it. At one point, this was maybe like a month later, I got that bright idea. She checked it, never responded. He wrote an email. Okay, so when I picked him up from school and they said that, I was like, whoa.

I don't, I can't give them back to him next Monday. Like if I drop them off at school and he picks them up, but they don't have a home, like, I don't know what to do. So I called like TPS child protective services and asked them like, what do I do in this situation? They said, if a parent falls upon hardship, that's, that's no reason to like take the kid. So I was like, well, I guess I, I just wasn't going to take them to school on Monday, you know? Cause they had to sleep in the car. That made no sense to me. Like, why didn't he call me? I could have

giving him a room to stay in, anything. But he was still, you know, nothing, nothing, nothing. I got an email and it was entitled, no, no roof for kids. And it was very short. And it said something about his financial hardship that they had slept in the car for the Sunday before. This was on Sunday night, the following Sunday. And that the kids would have to stay with me until his situation changed. And that was it.

And so, yeah, they've been with me since that was the last that I heard from him until the paper that was filed with the court. I think it was two years later, I discovered it. And he had filed it like four months after he disappeared, but nobody knew about it because there was COVID, the lockdown, the family courts were shut. And he didn't do it through an attorney. He just filed it with the court. So my attorney didn't have it. Mind you, I had to

I had to get my attorney and fight, not fight. There was no way to fight with, but get legal full custody of my kids because I had 50, 50 and I couldn't get them a therapist. I couldn't change their school. I wasn't supposed to move. None of that stuff without his signature because we were 50, 50. So I had to get an attorney to get custody of my kids because their dad left. In that process, my attorney discovered this letter at one point, like after COVID, this was like a couple of years after COVID.

I'd been sort of looking for him, filed a missing persons report, all kinds of speculation, all types of thoughts and worries and ideas and everything imaginable, only to discover that he had filed a paper four months after he left relinquishing all rights. And I didn't know about it. One of the things on the paper said that... You're just making me cry all day today. One of the things on the paper said that he'd be a harm to his kids.

- Yeah. - If he saw his kids. So at that point, obviously you want them in their lives. You wanna know what's happening, but what did you feel when you read that? - Honestly, the declaration was like 198, it was some crazy amount of pages. - His declaration that he filed was a full one. - Yeah, I felt like a lot of it was bullshit and,

Because I saw him weeks before. We saw him at gymnastics meets. My kids, they, none of the, you know, I can't say none. I know his body was hurt. And I know that he did have a lot of damage to his body from football. I don't believe that it was as severe. I don't believe that it was CT. And I don't believe that that was fully true. I think that it was, I don't know what happened. But I don't believe that everything in that.

Do you think he's alive today? I know he's alive. I was told by the North Hollywood Police Department about three days before I went to the hospital last summer that they had proof that he was alive and he was alive and okay. I think that's what they said. So he's no longer deemed a missing person and the case is closed. I was like, oh, thank you. There'd only be one way to know that.

He would have had some involvement with the police and they would have identified him as Ralph Brown, either arrested, traffic violation, something. Well, he wasn't arrested. Okay, so you know what happened? Yeah, well, I think there was an ID, what's it called? A request to change ID, like change location. I see, DMV. Yeah, yeah. So have you tried to find him since?

No. Okay. I went in the hospital about four days after that. And to be honest, if he doesn't want to be found, why do I want to find him? We have had to move on. I don't know why he is wherever he is. I don't know. I have so many ideas and thoughts in my head. I mean, I've thought...

Everything from like, you know, he had to go away because he got into some trouble or maybe he just, I just can't, it's hard for me to believe that he would just leave his kids. - If he walked into the studio right now, what would you say to him? - Not today. - We're not gonna go there today. - Not today. - Okay. - Yeah, I don't have time for this today. Nope, and don't even think about following me home because we are doing good right now. We've got homeschool.

um i would again i don't know if i'm just fucking nice i mean i'd have a lot of questions um but he would not be allowed to go anywhere near my children would the kids want to see him without a long process of rehabilitate whatever it would look like and i don't mean like just drugs or something like that i mean like

Court supervision. I would need to know like every single thing and I would need to know exactly. I don't know. The kids, Noah, my daughter, I don't think she would. I think my son would. Everything happens for a reason, right? Yeah. You said at some point that if you knew this was going to happen in the first month and a half on the show, you wouldn't have accepted the role on the show. Right. But you look back now and you've got a great career going, right? You're making good money.

And you have a very bright future when then things look very bleak. Yeah. So why... To be honest with you. There's kind of a give and take there. They don't make sense together. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense to me. I think that even Ralph disappearing had to happen in order for me to reach my full potential. I think that I would have allowed myself to sort of

Just, you know, stay kind of in the middle. And I have no choice now except for to completely bust my ass and make it. And I think that that's why he went away. I think not like he was thinking that, but I think that that is the reason. I think that God saw that maybe he'd peaked and I wasn't going to go as far as I could if I still had this like ability to just be like a half-wit.

single mom. And I wasn't, I just wasn't like really going for it. And I didn't have a choice anymore because of all they have. So I have to like bust my ass every day as much as I can. So great things have happened. Thanks, Ralph. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm excited for your success and your future as well. Let's talk about reality TV. Can we laugh a little? Yeah, we're going to laugh. I mean, your story is so motivational, and that's why I wanted you on the show. That's what my show is about, is to see successful people.

overcome incredible challenges on their path to success. I mean, I've had people abused sexually, physically, parents in jail, living in their car. I mean, Sammy Hagar, Orange Grove with four kids and their mom to get away from the town drunk. Those were his words, who abuses kids.

I mean, one of the greatest rock and rollers ever. Right. And it's like, I'm not quite there yet, but I'm saying like your story is going to help people and it's going to motivate people. So that's, um, that's why I wanted you on the show. And then we talk about success, right. And you've had a lot of success, but I want to talk about reality TV because before we came on the show, we talked a little bit beforehand, uh,

casting agents. So we know a couple of people who have been stars on two different shows. We talked about one, we're not going to mention her name. And we have another very, very good friend who was, I think I'll say it, on WAGS, which is about wives or girlfriends of famous athletes. And so my wife and I live a very nice life. I've had a lot of success in the business world. She's

was a successful model. We have a nice family and we live in a nice home. So they recommended that we try out for Housewives of Beverly Hills.

I said, no chance, not my thing. And she has a clothing brand called Madtown Collection. She was doing really well with it. And we've all heard the story about people promoting their brands on the show. And it's like, I mean, Bethany Frankel, I think sold her. She's the GOAT. She's the GOAT, right? Right. $90 million or whatever she got. And it's helped people be on the show. So I said, okay, I will agree to the interview.

They came to the house, right? They're shooting, they're shooting the, and we're on camera and they got people there and the producer of the show is there. I said, okay, you know, we, we think, you know, you'd be great.

And then my wife and I had a conversation. I said, no, you know, it's not my thing. I talked to friends of mine who were successful business people who wanted to have been on the show. And they said it was the worst thing they've ever done. Right. For the invasion of privacy and a whole bunch of other things, you know, disrespect and business community. So it was not good for my career. So I put the kibosh on it.

Then we were going to go on below deck. And again, the same casting agent came to the house. We said, okay, that's a cool thing. Is this the same casting agent that was at the Shore Bar? Yeah. No, no. So I forgot about the Shore Bar thing with Wheel of Fortune. This is years later. It was probably eight years ago, nine years ago maybe. And...

We said, okay, that's interesting. We did our research on Glodeck and what we found, and we talked about this before the show. I think the show is very respectful of

Very popular show, by the way. I love this show. I'm not criticizing the show right now. But what we found in doing due diligence, I mean, you never go on a show like that without talking to people who have been on the show and producers. And we know a lot of people in the business, successful producers, reality TV people. And so the due diligence on Blow Deck was amazing.

Half of the people, guests on it, were treated very respectfully and half were not. They were basically made fun of. The other crew talked about them behind their back. And so I'm a business guy and I have a business. I thought, all right, my beach is business Sandy. We were creating a Yelp for beaches. We cataloged over 100 categories of data for more than 100,000 beaches in 212 countries. S-A-N-D-E-E, sandy.com. I thought, okay, this could be good for the show.

So we asked three different couples. We were in charge. We were the captains of the group. So we asked people, a lot of them. What's that? The madam of the boat. Well, it's, I mean, you know, it's both like a 220 foot yacht. Yeah. And it's got all these activities. It was fun. It didn't, we had successful friends who were going to do the show as well and they have to approve them, but they did because they're all people who,

somewhat similarly situated people from different industries. And we didn't do it at the end of the day because logistics did not work out. But what I've heard from reality TV is, is it real? It is. It is real. A hundred percent? I'll tell you what doesn't, that it isn't natural. For example, if you and I are in the office and we have like an interaction and it doesn't go so well,

We're going to text about it on the way home or maybe the next day. We're going to make up. I'm never going to talk to you about it again. Like, we're all cool. It doesn't go well that, like, we've had an interaction. Yeah, like, maybe not. A man's like, you know. Whatever, like, you took my commission or you, I don't know, whatever you would fight about in the office. I'm not really in a lot of the drama, but.

You make up afterwards like, hey, girl, sorry, you know, yeah, whatever, whatever. Maybe you have a drink on a day that you're not filming. Maybe you hang out. Maybe you talk. In TV land, they don't see that. So the next time there's like a broker's open or an open house or somebody has a baby shower, you have to talk about it and you have to re-talk about it. So that's, you know, you're redoing it when you've already maybe made up, but you have to let the people see kind of where you are.

So that is fake, I guess, but it's to keep everybody on the same page. And so that it heightens the drama because you're reiterating or rehashing, you know, something that I'm never going to pull somebody over at a baby shower and be like, girl, we need to talk.

Or at somebody's funeral or like somebody, I know how to be appropriate. Like this year there was a dog funeral, a dog, one of the dogs, a castmate's dog passed away and they had a funeral for the dog. A funeral at a grave site or in someone's backyard? In someone's backyard. Okay. And it was really traumatic. It was Jason and Mary's dog. She had had the dog for 18 years. It was like, and then the girls are talking at the funeral and they have this like big blowout, you know,

Well, you wouldn't really do that in real life. Like I wouldn't, I would hope not like bad manners, but they had to talk about it. So producers are like, you know, talk to so-and-so and they kind of ease you into that. But, um, I mean, unfortunately there's a lot of drama when a camera's following you around all the time, you have more because you might talk shit about somebody in your real life.

But nobody knows it because you don't have a camera in your face. Right. But aren't you watching every single word that you're saying knowing, I mean, self-conscious? I mean... I would be really careful about everything. I'm just not an asshole, so I don't really have to watch much. I'm just like, I'm just myself. But yeah, you got to be, I mean, you can't be an asshole and expect to not look like an asshole. Like television, like I'm just myself.

I think that if you see me on the show and you meet me in real life, I'm really exactly the same. I think some people have a hard time doing that. They want to put on or they like get into the drama. I don't know.

I think it's just different for each person, but everybody, you know, to each their own. But it wouldn't work for me to be like all in the drama. When does it start and when does it end? I mean, we talked about this before the show again. You drive home, you're off camera. Yeah. So you're told on Sunday, hey, you're coming to the office on Tuesday. Yeah.

And we're going to mic you up on Tuesday. Did I follow you around the whole day? Are you in the office? You're doing open house? It depends on what the day is. Like, everything is... Every day is different or every scene is different. I mean, there's a lot of times we're just in the office doing, like, team meetings or just... A lot of times I'll just be sitting at my desk. Half the time I forget my computer and I'm just sitting there doing nothing. But, like...

Yeah, some of y'all have a baby shower. I had my birthday party last season, so everybody's wiped up and they're just watching the party. It's usually like four or five hours. Like the one scene that you see, like in the office, they'll be there for like four or five hours. And yeah, they're just standing there silent.

staring at you and you're always mic'd up. That's the thing. Like you might not always be on camera, but you're always mic'd up. So they hear everything you say. So if you go to the bathroom and you want to talk about somebody just because you're not on camera, they can hear you. They hear everything. You're mic'd up when you go to the bathroom. Yeah. I mean, they might turn it off if you're like actually going to the bathroom, but I hope so. Or like, if you're like talking under your breath, like, you know, to the person next to you, they can hear you.

And if the camera's not on you, they'll just put subtitles. That happened to me last year. I said something about somebody's dress, just being a smart aleck. And they put the subtitles of what I said to the girl next to me. And I was like, what?

You said something as well about people walk around naked. Do they walk around naked on the show? I thought you said something about pasties. Oh, we just are out like our outfits on Selling Sunset are pretty. Some of them are pretty risque. I got it. Not really office attire. Yeah. Chelsea wears like I think at one point she had like a bikini top on like trousers and

In the office. People are showing up to their real estate jobs dressed like Selling Sunset and it's not going over too well. Has the show helped your career? Are you selling more homes? Do people call you up and say, hey, I want you to sell my house for me even though they don't know you? Not me, really. No.

Um, I mean, yes, I, I have only sold homes because of the show. I'm not passionate about real estate sales and everybody knows that I like to do the decor. I like to do the art. Um, it's really, I really don't enjoy it. I don't feel like, I feel like I'm a lot better at other things. So, but it has helped the brokerage. Um, but I, I don't know that it's hurt it, but they're,

Like, I don't think they've lost sales, but there have been some things that, you know, have been said about it that wouldn't have been said otherwise. Like if you have two girls going at it, like cat fighting over some BS, you're not probably maybe want to go spend $20 million with that person on a house. And so there's been a couple, you know, some backlash, but not for the most part. It's been amazing.

It's given you a platform. It's been amazing for me. So what has it done for you? It's given me a platform. You're exactly right. And now we make pretty decent money. But the platform is key. I have a voice. People actually will listen to what I have to say. My story isn't just, you know, getting told to Joe Schmo or like somebody at a party. It's getting told to millions of people. And I hope to, you know, inspire and hopefully inspire

Those people that maybe want to speak up. I actually, I'll read DMs in my Instagram. Last year, there was a person that actually, he wrote me and he said he had just watched the episode where I told Chelsea about my childhood and went downstairs and told his family what had been happening to him. So that's the kind of stuff that's like, yeah. I mean, that's the reason why...

We went through the emotion at the beginning of the show exactly for that. I'm sure there's 10,000 more people who had that same experience. Yeah, it feels good. And I want to continue to do that. I want to stand on stages and do it. I want to just keep preaching the word to keep going and, you know, use your voice. Yeah.

Let's talk about... Let me up here. I'm doing okay. Let's go back in time a little bit to June of 2023. You have a terrible stomach ache. You can't... Backache. You have a terrible backache. You can't get out of bed. You go to the hospital and they send you home. Yeah. Sometimes doctors have no idea what they're doing. Talk to us about what happened. Yeah. I went to the hospital. My back was hurting so badly, I could barely walk.

I mean, I was like, I was like practically army crawling. I've never had pain like this in my life. I've had two babies. It was just something I couldn't even explain. Went to the hospital, they did an MRI. I was there for 12 hours. They gave me more pain medicine than my friend that took me was like, I have never seen anything like this. Like she was telling her husband, she's like, I can't believe it. And I was still just alert and in pain. It was terrible. They sent me home after the MRI and said I was having a back spasm.

They gave me ibuprofen, muscle relaxers, and steroids. So for a month, another month, I sat at home thinking I was having a back spasm. And on June 3rd, one of my best friends was like, I have to take you to the hospital. Like, I'm calling the ambulance if you don't get in the car. I've never seen anything like this. And they admitted me on June 3rd. And I got out on July, no, June 2nd. And I got out on July 3rd.

I had a severe blood infection, a bacterial infection going through my body. And it had turned into what's called osteomyelitis, where it attacks the bone and it was eating my vertebrae. So it was sitting on my spine and it was deteriorating my spine for a month. And I almost died, but I didn't. So yeah, I was admitted. They thought at first I had a tumor because they did the MRI and there was a very large tumor.

like what looked like a tumor at the base of my spine. But then after like, you know, further review, it was infection and it was everywhere. It was close to my heart. It was close to my spinal cord. Um, I had two spine surgeries, had a couple of blood transfusions. Um, I have a titanium spine in one place now and I'm, and I'm good, but it was a, it was quite a

Quite an infection. And I had no idea. I thought I was having a back spasm. You had two young kids as a single mom. Had to be ridiculously scary. Not just for your own health, but you think about your kids. You're a great mom. Yeah. I mean, when I went into the hospital, I thought I was going to get a CAT scan. I was just going to come right back home.

And I didn't. And so, you know, and every day for the first like couple weeks was like, oh, they thought I was maybe going to go home because they would test the blood and like the bacteria was out. But then my spine was like, it was like crazy. It was just, yeah, I never, it was like my kids never knew if I was coming home if I wasn't because they would kind of say no.

They had to stop telling them anything. They were just, she's going to be in there for a while. They didn't say, oh, she's coming home in two days. Because at first it was going to be five days. And then if I was there for seven days and the blood was clear, then I could go home. But eventually they saw how bad it was or how bad it continued to get the doctors. And so I was there. And I wasn't scared until...

I don't know, they keep you really at bay. And they don't tell you like how serious it is until, you know, until you're all good. But I didn't get scared until like there was one night that I had an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics that was going through my blood. And by the way, I was so high on pain medicine. I mean, it was going in my veins every four hours, along with antibiotics, along with whatever else.

So I really wasn't aware of like how severe things were sometimes. But I had a really bad reaction and my temperature went to 105 and my heart rate skyrocketed and my blood pressure dropped and I was like convulsing, like convulsing. But I was awake and it felt like somebody was just pouring water over my head. I mean, it was just profusely sweating, like drenching sweat.

And like they came in and they were like doing all this stuff. And I was like, I don't think I'm going to go home. And that was, yeah, that was, that was the first and the only time the whole time that I was there, even after the spine surgeries that I got scared because I'd never experienced anything like that. And it was like the beeping and like, it was crazy. And I was just like, fuck my kids. I'm like, I'm all they have.

I had a fever of 104 the next day. It was two days, 105, 104, and then 103. And finally, and I was okay. But yeah, I'm supposed to be here. It's always so emotional when I talk about that. And it's, I'm just grateful. I gotta get busy. I gotta go. I have work to do. I'm like a crying mess. Yeah, I'm just, I'm grateful.

I don't like so many tears, but it's all, it all, I mean, I'm smiling on the other side of it. I'm really, I can't say I'm grateful that I went through that experience. It was definitely interesting. It's, I'm not, I'm grateful that I survived, but I would like to have my regular spine back. All right. But let's talk about something good that does come out of it, because I know a lot of people had a near death experience. I had when I had myocarditis, I was in the ICU. I

I almost died and I came out, you have a chance to reevaluate your life. You have a second lease on life. So you had one. What did you come out of the hospital and health wise different than before you went in? It took me like, I mean, I have to, I'm every time I talk about it, I still kind of wrapping my head around it. It's only, it's been a year, a little over a year health wise, like I,

What was your question? Well, you almost died. And when you're looking at your deathbed, and I had this, I'm looking, am I going to make it? Am I not going to make it? And I had three young kids at the time, too. When I recovered, I thought about things differently. My priorities shifted. So you had a second lease on life. What did you learn and what have you changed since that experience? Oh, goodness. I just feel like even more than ever, yeah.

just going for it. Like I don't really, I'm not scared to, to ask. I'm not scared to try things. I'm not scared to like, you know, if it's a business or if it seems like a weird idea or whatever, I'm just like a more kind of like effort, like YOLO, actually not YOLO, maybe more than once, but I feel like I really just want to push and it just motivated me. I don't really think that, um,

I would like to say that I'm like working out more and I'm eating healthier and all that, but I don't think, I think I actually maybe eat worse. I eat like a child now because my stomach got really messed up from all the antibiotics that I was on. And it's really hard for me to like enjoy food the way that I used to. So I eat like a lot of popsicles and I like baby food and stuff, but I just feel like I'm not afraid of anything.

I'm not afraid of failure. I just feel like I'm supposed to be here. Like, I really feel like lightning could come and, like, strike right through here right now. And it wouldn't get me and I wouldn't go anywhere because I'm supposed to be here. So I just feel like I need to try every single thing that I've ever thought in my head that I wanted to do. And I don't know. Michael B. Jordan is going to be my husband, I feel like. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I feel just even more grateful. And just it solidified like I'm here to be a voice and I'm here to make a change and to inspire. And I think I'm so grateful for Selling Sunset and I'm so grateful for the platform, but I feel like I'm just getting started. I feel like this is my lollipad and I feel like I'm going to go do really great things. And my kids are too. Well, Noah. I'm not sure about my son yet. Yeah.

I'm just kidding, Brigger. I love you. Another challenge you had in your 20s, you had addiction problems that you talked about only a little bit. So do you want to talk about what you were addicted to and what happened and how you came out of that? Because again, I think a lot of people suffer from an addiction issue. And I'm not just talking about people who are not working. I have friends who are lawyers in the top law firms.

investment bankers making $5 million a year who are addicted to cocaine and all kinds of other drugs. I know. I was doing it right along with them. Yeah. So what happened? When did you start doing drugs and then how did it end? It happened pretty much right when I moved to LA. I had never done anything. I'd never even smoked weed really. People didn't do that in my hometown. I remember

When I was a senior in high school, I found out that a couple of girls from the dance team smoked weed and I was mortified. I couldn't even believe it. And which is weird because my parents smoked weed their whole my whole like upbringing. But I just I hated it. Hated the way it smelled. And I moved to L.A. and I tried cocaine and it was like, oh, wow, I'm skinny now.

Oh, the skinnier I get, the more modeling jobs I can get. And then the more modeling jobs I get, the more money I make. The more money I make, the more drugs I can buy. And it was just a whole cycle of like party, party, party, like every weekend for a long time. And I kept it hidden very well. Well, I thought. And it got a point. I wasn't, you know, as good at hiding as I thought. But I had a friend actually pull me to the side sometimes.

I won't say who. And this, I'm telling a lot right now. I haven't even told my kids like all of this. And this isn't interesting. But I had a friend pull me to the side at one point and say, what are you doing? Like, I've seen you like fuck off auditions and like you came out here to do so much. And you're like a loser right now. Like you're partying every weekend and like get your head out of your ass basically. And shamed me so much that I just didn't.

walked like I went and I checked into a hotel room and I literally dropped to my knees and I sobbed and prayed out loud for like I mean it could have been five minutes probably 30 minutes and just was like please help me not go back help me to just move forward and that was it and I had a really good um it was a kind of on again off again boyfriend at the time

I came clean to him and was like, this is what I've been doing because I hid it from him. He was like, I always knew there was something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. And I was like, I was partying like every weekend. And it got to the point where I was like partying every day. And he co-signed for an apartment for me so that I didn't move, you know, back in with the people that I had been living with because they were still partying. He bought me a computer so that I could get online and look for like a regular job.

Took me to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought me like cups, plates, knives for like the whole like everything. I think I went to Ikea and got like furniture and set me up to where I was. I didn't go back. Like I got a job in an eye doctor's office and I just changed everything. And I'm so grateful for him. I'm not going to say his name. His girlfriend. But yeah, I think that if.

Everybody needs just one person to believe in them and help them out a little bit. And my friend that pushed me to the side and basically called me a loser a year later was like, I'm so sorry I had to do that because I couldn't watch you throw your life away. To this day, so one of my closest male friends. It's hard to do. Yeah. Very hard to do. Yeah. I've had to go to friends before and say,

Dude, you had a serious problem. I couldn't believe it. I was like, you're weird. And, you know, most of the time they deny having a serious problem, right? And you say it again, a lot of them go to rehab, AA meetings, they come back. But I think until you admit it and have your low point. Yeah, nobody's going to quit until they're ready. Nobody's going to, like, that's why rehab is so, like, the success rate is like, what, nothing? Yeah.

I don't think anyone can be forced into, I don't think, I mean, I don't know the statistics, but I know that nobody was gonna tell me like what to do with my life. I had a shitty upbringing and you don't know my life and you don't know. And I was fine, I was fine. I didn't think I was running for anything. I was self-medicating for years. And a lot of my closest friends didn't even know. But here you are again, successful. Let's talk about what it takes to be successful. You're working in the real estate industry in LA. Yeah.

where the average price of a home in Los Angeles County is $1.7 million. So it's expensive to live here and the county here is massive. It's bigger. The GDP of Los Angeles is bigger than something 50 countries in the world. They live in a huge city. It's sprawling. You work in a high-end real estate market, Sunset, WeHo, West Hollywood. Yeah. So how do you stand out among the competition when everybody wants to sell a home? And by the way, the average...

Sales price in the area where your real estate group covers is $3.8 million, which means that a 6% commission results in $212,000. You split it. Jason Oppenheim is the broker. Well, right. So the seller, the agents each split that. That's $114,000. And then depending what your commission structure is,

you could be making, should be making $50,000 to $70,000 to $80,000 on one home. Yeah. So everyone wants that. How do you stand out? How do you be successful? The Oppenheim Group, Jason, he's really just made the Oppenheim Group amazing. The marketing, the staff, I mean, the office is beautiful. He really caters to the clients. And I think that he's just...

I don't know, he set us all up really nicely. I have to say, I'm not going to promote and act like I'm the greatest, greatest real estate agent because I really don't actively pursue real estate. I am the artist and the decorator. But for the other people that do, he has just really, you know, he's sold some of the biggest homes in West Hollywood.

If you look at our marketing, you look at our websites and you look at it, there's nothing like it. And I think that that's, that's really one of the biggest things. You really don't, you really don't get service like you do at Thoughtful Night Group or other agencies. I think it's just so welcoming. We have such a big staff in the office that helps do everything from,

you know, set up showing like you really don't even have to see your agent until you are ready to sign the deal if you want to, because they have so many people that can help. They're selling very high end homes. And I think a lot of people don't really understand. I mean, I mentioned that the average price of a home in Los Angeles is $1.2 million, $1.3 million. But

We're talking about homes in West Hollywood on the Sunset Strip. I'm not talking about Beverly Hills or Bel Air or Brentwood where I live. And there are some incredibly expensive homes there, but some of these homes are $80 million. Yeah.

You can think about the commission on that. I think at that point, there's a fixed price in terms of selling a house. No one's going to pay 6% commission on an $80 million house. Right. When I first moved out here, I mean, coming from the trailer in Indiana, I would just drive through the hills and just like look at these houses. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

But then you also look at real estate in Indiana and you see like some of the, you know, the price per square foot is very different here. Yeah, there are some of the most beautiful homes. I would have never gotten an opportunity to see the inside of some of these homes if I didn't work at the Off and On Group. It's really fun for me. It gives me a lot of inspiration.

When I came to LA, had $3,000 in the bank, was going to start my legal career. And I was living next to the Jack in the Box, San Monica Boulevard, decent apartment. I was always very motivated. I wanted an incredible house one day. I used to, on the weekends, drive through Bel Air. I'd say, oh my God, one day I'm going to have a house like this. You're manifesting it. You manifested it. I was lucky enough.

a lot of hard work you do create your own law but very lucky enough and i was able to buy and build a house like that there isn't a day that goes by in my life where i don't drive up the driveway that i don't say to myself i'm grateful i'm lucky and i fulfill my dreams of having a home like this that's so good so i think everybody out there should have dreams and what you did i think is

The same thing, right? You drove around and say, wow, look at all these homes. Look what I want to do one day. Yeah. I want to build one and live in one now one day. My house is beautiful, but it's small. I'm going to have a bigger, better, more beautiful home soon. I can see it. It's going to be funky. Yeah.

In terms of being successful, one of the things that's led to a lot of my success is something called extreme preparation. That means someone prepares one hour for a meeting, I may do five. We had a meeting for Marriott where we did 80 for one meeting with Marriott for Sandy. It had an unsuccessful outcome. 80 hours. 80 hours for a meeting. And that's my whole team. We revised a PowerPoint maybe 30, 35 times.

We went over, we had a presentation to the senior management team. We wanted the deal. We didn't get it. We weren't disappointed we didn't get it for more than a day. And we said, we learned something about the presentation, about our presentation. At the end of the day, we're glad we didn't get it. You look back now, I'm glad we didn't get that deal. Today, we'd get a much better deal. But talk to us about his extreme preparation, preparing more than anybody else, been a component of your success?

I don't think so. No. Let me not be a jokester. I guess, yeah, a little bit, but it's a different type of preparation. I think that my preparation has come from life. I've been preparing for this my whole life and maybe didn't realize it, just in a different way. It's not a PowerPoint presentation, but...

It's just with different experiences in different ways, I guess. Now, present day and moving forward, I think extreme preparation could come into play with some of the things that I have on the horizon that I want to do if I want them to be really successful. But...

I definitely need a team because I'm not the most self-motivated when it comes to certain things. Art, design, speaking, all of that stuff comes really naturally. And now this new business side of me, it's like a muscle that I'm learning. You say PowerPoint presentation, and I'm like, uh, it's like boring to me. But, you know, I have people that are helping me. So you have goals. You mentioned now a few times in the show. What are your goals? How is extreme preparation going to be? Oh.

help you achieve the goals and what are the goals? - I have so many. So I've always wanted to host my own show about design, but like a feel good type of inspiring show, maybe like Extreme Home Makeover or something like that was a good message. Like everybody feels good at the end. You know, it's not Chelsea and Reed fighting in the office.

So still using my creative side, but also like inspiring and like helping changing lives. Um, I want to have a furniture line, home goods line, everything. I will one day curtains, wallpaper, like everything, you know, the Magnolia, what are the people's names from HGTV? They killed it. They have everything now. They have a magazine, they have a network. Um,

I used to want to do a talk show, but I don't really think they have talk shows anymore. It's more, well, podcasts are basically talk shows, I guess. I want to win an Emmy for the show that I have one day. And I want to adopt a baby, maybe two. I want to adopt a 17-year-old at some point. My dad was adopted at 17 and it changed his life. He was given a family. I don't know that I want to be married again one day, but I do want to be with somebody like...

somebody, eventually one person, but right now it's fun to date. What else? I don't know. I just, I want to be remembered like as somebody who was a big deal, but in a really nice way, a cool, nice way. I want to wear cool outfits. I want to come home to my kids from the job site, just be happy. And I have other businesses too, but I'm not going to mention them because somebody else told my ideas. Yeah.

Let's talk about dating in L.A. And I have some celebrity friends, including the two on the reality shows. But I have actor friends, actors friends. Any good single men? We can talk about it after the show. I'll think about that.

How is it dating in Los Angeles as a well-known person? From what I understand from my friends, they get DMs. You know, people slide into the DMs, I guess. That's the language. I'm sliding into your DMs. Sliding into your DMs. I mean, to be honest, it's... Well, I dated somebody. I was dating somebody for two and a half years, like, during the show. We just kept it really, like, we didn't publicize it. So...

I've been dating for like the past, like over a year. And it's, I don't know. I'm super picky, I think. Or maybe I'm not picky enough sometimes. Or I'm like extremely picky. I don't really get a lot of people sliding in my DMs for dates, to be honest. Wherever I met people, mutual friends, there's dating apps, Raya. Raya, I was just gonna ask about Raya. That's the only one I'm on. But it's like the people that I've met on Raya,

I've already had met like before yeah it's super awkward I think that um I'm older I'm 47 so like dating apps were weird to me anyway I feel like I'm being stalked if there's like five people like messaging me it feels kind of creepy I have to it's hard for me to like look at somebody's picture and read like two lines about her and know if I want to go on a date that's a lot of work um

Yeah, I don't know. It's weird to date in LA. People think I'm a lot younger than I am. So I have like 25-year-olds hitting on me and then I'm like, okay. You wouldn't date a 25-year-old? No, I wouldn't date a 25-year-old. How young would you go on the dating front? I think I... This is a big platform. We have...

Oh my God. Tons of people watching my show right now. I broke my rule. Oh, I'm going to get some orders. They're saying, oh my God, I'd love to take her on a date. Okay, so I'm dating right now. It's just super like, it's the first time in my life that I have been like totally cool with like not having a boyfriend. I'm always like the relationship girl because I like to be with one person. I'm from Indiana. Like this roster thing wasn't a thing. We don't date a bunch of people.

But I broke my rule recently and I went out with somebody who was a lot younger than me. And I was okay with it. But my daughter was mortified. She was like so just bothered. He's 27. You dated someone who's 27? Yeah. That's 20 years younger than me. My wife is 17 years younger than me. Yeah, but there's always the guys. People look at guys differently when they do it.

You think there's a difference? I don't think there's a difference. You don't think there's a difference? But people, but the general population thinks there's a difference. Do you care what people think at this point in your life? Sometimes I do. Would it hurt your career? I think about my daughter. I care about my daughter. Okay, so your daughter or son may care, right? If you're dating someone that much younger, you're closer in age. My daughter.

to them as you are to the person that you would date. So that'd be awkward. It's flattering to me. I feel like I'm 47 if somebody that's 27 wants to date me. I'm going to take it as a compliment. You know what? Age honestly really just is a number. I mean, I'm not going to date somebody that's like 19, 20, 22, 25. Probably my cutoff is 27. What's the cap?

Oh, I'm so bad. I'm just not attracted to a lot of people that are like older. I don't know. So 47 is a cap? I don't know. So 48 year old is a cap? It depends on what you look like. It's really hard for me. I don't know if you, I mean, if you're 58 and you look great, but there's, I was molested by a grandpa. Like I can't be looking at somebody that's old. It gives me the creeps. I don't even know if I can grow old with somebody because I might get the creeps.

I get the cruise with my own husband. How old was the oldest? They did like 56, I think, but they didn't look old. So you talk about perception. So we're getting towards the end of the show. I know, I feel like I just zoned out. I'm like, stop watching now. Oh, no, they're going to keep watching. This is good. This is great, actually. I like tall. Should we go through the categories? Tall. Tall.

- I do. - 25 through 60, I'll push it a few years, as long as they look good. There are some 60 year olds. - How old is Denzel Washington? He looked good in that Gladiator ad. He's old, right? - I don't know, is he married? - I'm not saying I wanna date Denzel Washington. - Well, you kinda said that, I think. - No, I'm just saying he looks good for his age. Like, how old is that? Look, Tay was older than me. Tay Diggs, he's 50 something.

Black don't crack. He's 69. Okay. He looks good for 69. Let me think of somebody else. And I don't just like black guys. I like everything. Who's hot? I don't even know. I don't think. I always say Michael B. Jordan. I don't even really think he's that big of a deal. It's just like the thing that comes out of my mouth. Let's go back to caring what people think about you.

And you have a million followers on Instagram. Let's talk about the haters. There's always haters on social media, right? People taking swipes at you. Does it bother you? No. Hold on. Let me think about that. Let me not just say no. Not really. I kind of get a kick out of it. I don't get a lot of hate. So I like to read the comments. And then I like to be a smart aleck. Like if somebody comments hateful...

It's usually if I have like a sexy bikini pic or something, somebody will be like, I don't want to do your kids. You know, you're a mother. I'm like, oh, my daughter took the photo. That kind of stuff doesn't bother me. What bothered me? I was bothered a little bit on one of the seasons where I was like labeled something that I wasn't. I have this is the one thing in my life that this will really trigger me. If I feel a certain way or like I'm telling you like, no, I don't.

I feel this way and this is what I mean. And I mean it from my heart. And somebody tells me like, no, you mean this. I know that. And they like tell me that I'm thinking something that I'm not, or I'm doing something that I'm not feeling something that I'm not, especially if it seems like malicious. So I'm not a malicious person. It really bothers me. So it'll really bother me if somebody feels that I've been like malicious and I'm like, no, I haven't.

Do you feel responsible being a successful black woman on a very popular reality show to be a role model for young black women? I mean, you've commented on this before, who made you the spokesperson for all this? But a lot of people think you are. I wish that I got more credit for being a black woman, to be honest with you. I don't really get that a lot. People don't. It's like I'm not black enough to be

a black woman. Like I just get labeled kind of other, and I really would like to be, um,

I mean, I don't want to be more responsible, more responsibilities, but I would like to get more recognition for being black. I think that because your skin isn't dark enough. That's why they're saying that. Yeah. Maybe I was like, I was the first black female in selling sunset. And then when Chelsea joined the cast, because she's darker, they were like, how does it feel to be the first black? And she was like, you know, a man. So is black. And so not like I'm,

I'm going to throw a fit about it, but I don't really feel like I'm responsible because I don't really feel like I get that role. I would like to have it a little bit more. I want to be blacker. So we're at the end of our show right now, which I conclude every show with a game called fill in the blank to excellence. Are you ready to play? I don't know. I'm not going to cry. All right.

If you cry, you cry. I can't cry anymore. I literally can't breathe. The show is meant to be authentic and you've given your authentic self today. And I appreciate that. I know the viewers and listeners will as well. The listeners can't really hear it, but the viewers will see it. And again, I think the goal of my show is to inspire and motivate people. You've had so many challenges. You've overcome all of them. And that's one of the reasons I wanted you to come on the show.

And again, I think you're doing a tremendous service to all the listeners and viewers. And just like you said, that one person who commented on your social media that you helped me because I was abused or sexually abused. Again, I'm sure there's

thousands of people more listening to that show, listening to this show who are suffering and are going to do something about it. So I appreciate you coming on. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me and knowing so much about me and my story to invite me. That feels good. I'm grateful. You're welcome. Here we go with the game. Okay. Why is everybody laughing? What's coming? The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is

Oh, see, I'm really bad at this. I'm bad at like quick answers. The biggest lesson I learned in my life is be nice. So lame. But yeah, be nice. It's not lame. I think being nice and be grateful.

Be nice and be grateful. My number one personal goal is? Number one personal goal? I don't know. To continue to be as dedicated to my children as possible and always remain on their ass and never far from their side so that they will trust me and love me and depend on me for the rest of their lives. My number one professional goal is? To be a multi-multi-millionaire by the age of 52.

The best moment of my career has been? The best moment of my career. Shit, I don't know. I haven't had it yet. I don't know. My biggest regret in life has been? Oh, I only have one regret. And actually, I changed it last year. It's not a regret anymore. But not speaking everything that was going through my head when I was...

when Shirley was passing and I was sitting by her bedside and I was thinking and thinking and thinking all of these amazing things to say to her and it wouldn't come out of my mouth. And all I could do was sob. But I had a psychic tell me last year and she knew nothing about my, Shirley, nothing. And she said, I'm sitting with, and she described this woman and she goes, and she said, stop reliving that moment. She heard everything you said.

And just to be clear to all the people who don't know, you were 19 years old at the time. Yeah, I was 19. The craziest thing that's happened in my career is... Craziest thing that's happened in my career? Crazy. Crazy as in, like, good? We won a Critics' Choice Award. That was pretty dope. My biggest fear in life is... I won't say it out loud. The one thing I've dreamed about but haven't done in a long time is...

Dreamed about cooking dinner for my children. No, I'm just kidding. Dreamed about having a baby in a long time. I don't even know. Something probably with the baby. About having a baby. Dreamed about, but haven't done. Yeah, I've dreamed about it, but haven't done it. Haven't had a baby in a long time. - If you could go back and give your 21 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be? - Don't give away all of your clothes and shoes.

I don't have any regrets. I don't know. I would do everything the same, but I would keep more things. I'd give them all away. What's the number one thing you tell your kids? I love you. The one question you wish I had asked you but didn't is? This is so hard. The one question is...

You didn't ask me my type so that I could give you the rundown. Okay, well, let's go through the checklist. So I think we have the age down. Okay. I have to be taller than me. Okay, so you're 5'7 1⁄2". Yeah, but they need to be like... So with heels, you're 5'10 max? Yeah, I don't want to say they have to be, but it just feels better to me. Very, very strong preference. Yeah, because I like to feel like I'm small, not like big. Okay. Okay.

Okay, so we've got height. And they have to laugh at my jokes. Okay, so funny. So we've got humor, height. No, they have to laugh at my jokes. Okay, okay. Yeah. Okay. But if they're funny, that's... Okay, funny. Humor, good sense of humor. Yeah, but they have to get my jokes, not just laugh at them. Race doesn't matter. Race doesn't matter. 27 to 60. 27 to 60. Physically in good shape. Good teeth.

But if they don't have good teeth, I can get them some teeth. Right. Invisalign is out there and they can do other things. Not dentures though. No. Not dentures. Okay. Probably no dentures. All right. Anything else? Interests? They must. I love my kids, obviously. Do they have to watch your show? No. They don't have to watch my show. They have to love my kids. And if they have kids, their kids have to be cool. I don't want somebody else's weird kids because my kids are really cool. That's it. Okay. Okay.

This has been awesome. I really appreciate you being here. And as I said, this has been inspirational, motivational, authentic. You're amazing. You have an amazing background. Congrats on all your immense success. And I know we're expecting great things from you in the future. Thank you. Thanks for having me.