435: CEO Mama: Vices, "Numbing Out", and How to Lighten the Mental Load of Motherhood
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Hello friends, this is Lindsay. Welcome back to the show. Today is a CEO Mama episode and this is actually me recording the whole episode live today and not using an older episode of Motherload because I feel like we have had so many good conversations with my older episodes for Motherload and Natalie and I have talked through all kinds of new things to be talking about. And one of the things we wanted to talk about and then I said I would cover today in this episode is

how to lighten the mental load. And I talked about this a lot through mother load. And you've probably, if you've been listening to the CEO mama episodes, you've heard me mention the calculation around capacity and load and how we are as mothers and entrepreneurial mothers, ambitious mothers, we have such high capacity in that we tend to pride ourselves on that, you know, that we can run a business and be great moms. And we want that. And

And our capacity is really elastic and it expands with our desire to do both things well. But that sometimes the load we carry exceeds that capacity. And that's when we start to feel burned out or that's where we head to a coping mechanism or that's where things start to feel icky inside of our relationship or our business. And we get to these points where we want to burn things down, you know, and of course, that's not where we want to end up. And so I want to do a little primer on that.

how to lighten the load. And if you have listened to Motherload episodes, you know that one of the ways that I like to think about the mental load of motherhood is breaking it into these seven buckets. So I'm going to start with

how I think about the mental load of motherhood. And then we can have this conversation around how do we lighten the load? And what are some of the things to be looking for that might be signs that you are over capacity, that you are overloaded, um, and that you might need to use some of these tools to lighten the load. And, you know, and I, a lot of this conversation with Natalie and I wanting to do this episode and talking you through this episode strategy was, you know, we saw this real, I'm sure you've seen it. It's going around. Um,

um, or it goes around regularly and it's like mom's at 9 PM at night. And it's like a red light mask on reading my fairy fiction book, drinking my water with all my vitamins. And I have my, I'm on my treadmill getting my steps in and I'm doing my bright light, you know, viewing my Huberman, you know, I was supposed to get light at night and all these different things are light in the morning. I don't know, you know, and it's like, mom's getting in

Their entire self care ritual in the 30 minutes between kids going to bed and their bedtime, you know, and it's like, it's funny and it's meant to be funny but it really speaks to what a lot of us feel which is like there's only this little sliver of time left for us at the end of the day, between all the other things that are on our plate that we want to get done and do well. And

You know how it's it's funny, but it's also kind of sad and like it shouldn't be that way. Right. Like, how do we have enough time in the day to take care of ourselves? And is there a way to lighten our load so that there is space for us to feel like we can also change?

take care of ourselves. And, you know, and I think some of the things like mommy wine culture and, you know, this idea that mom needs an escape from her day or that like, you know, I think it reflects this belief in our society that what mom needs is like a way out when what we really need is enough time and space to tune in and actually be able to care for ourselves. And so all of this is to say, like, I have lots of opinions on mommy wine culture and this whole idea that like

We need to have a vice in order to be able to survive motherhood. I just don't think that that's true, but I do think we get to a point where we're so tapped out and we're so touched out and we're so tired that the glass of wine feels good, that the scrolling or the binging on Netflix feels good. And these kind of numbing habits are all we can muster as quote unquote self-care,

And, you know, to me, I think a lot of that comes back to this idea that we need to learn the tools to manage and lighten the load. And then

apply them, you know, and ask for help in applying them. And, you know, it's not to say that a glass of wine here and there or a binge on Netflix isn't medicine to the soul sometimes or scrolling, you know, and watching reels. God, I mean, I do that stuff. But it's bringing awareness to what is truly your self-care and where are you finding time for yourself in the day? And, you

is the load. How are you managing your mental load so that you can prioritize yourself, at least as one of the things on the mental load? So, um, the, the other thing that just made me think of is I love this quote. I don't remember the creator's name, but I saw this on a reel a while ago. And to this exact point, before I get into the seven buckets is one last thing here that I think is really funny. And it's this idea of stealing the night.

And everything I was just saying reminds me of this concept of stealing the night and how for a lot of us moms, I think this is so relatable. Like it's not just it's not like the vice or the numbing. That's really the thing you're wanting. It's like the alone time.

And a lot of times we end up stealing the night meeting, stay up really late so that we can drink our glass of wine in peace, or we can watch our show in peace, or we can read our, our fiction book, you know, in peace till late at night. And, and a lot of times the only time for us to do that is late at night when everyone else is sleeping. And so it's like, I'm stealing the night. Like I'm, this is my alone time. And I'm so guilty of doing this, you guys. And, and I think it bears on, on this conversation and what I'm going to share next around,

the buckets and the enlightening the load, because I think,

If we're having to sacrifice our own well-being in order to take care of ourselves, like I'm sacrificing sleep, which I desperately need in order to get the alone time that I desperately need in order to have do something for myself, like read my books or watch my show that I desperately need because it's soul filling. And it's like the escape stuff that we need for our brain to get lost in creativity and be able to go into these other fictional worlds. And, you know, there's so much science around why

shows and books are so good for our brains when they're about storytelling and all that. Anyway, I'm just saying here, I want us to be really aware as mamas and I want us to be able to have this conversation that if the time that we're finding for ourselves is only late at night after everyone has gone to bed or it's only in that 30 minute sliver of time before kids' bedtimes between kids' bedtimes and our bedtime where we're trying to squeeze everything in

Um, or we're not getting any of that time and we're just resorting to the vice of the numbing because we can't take care of ourselves. So we go to the numbing activity, like the, the wine or the scrolling or the Netflix, you know, where, where there's not intention behind it. And it's totally just a zone out numbing, uh, habit. I think all of these things are meant to bring our awareness to what do we need to lighten the load?

And what is weighing so heavily on us and, and giving some framework to this and, and being able to articulate it to the people in our lives that could help us. I mean, that's one of the biggest things for me has been being able to say what I truly mean about what I need help with and not just be like, I'm overwhelmed or I'm stressed about this or the kids, you know, this has to get done. It's like being able to truly say, here is what I need help with. Here's what I'm thinking about. That's weighing on me, whether that's urgent or not, you know, here's this

house thing or this kid thing or this, you know, thing I need to do three months from now that is on my mental load for some reason? And is there a way to specifically clear that so that it's not one of these nagging things that you're trying to get done in the slivers of the night or that just weighs on your load over and over and over day by day by day? Okay. So all that being said, if that's resonating, if you're like, yes, Lindsay,

I have these nights where I steal the night where I stay up late because it's my only alone time or yeah, I do notice myself going to these numbing vices as a way to just kind of quiet the mental noise around the mental load.

Or like, I know I have mental load. I am aware of that because Lindsay, I've been listening to you talk about this for months. Help me make it easier to lighten the load. Good. Well, then you're in the right place because that's what we're going to talk about. Okay. So here's the seven buckets. And if you've listened to Motherload or, you know, I've talked about these with Natalie on a lot of our episodes too. So the seven buckets as I think of them, of the Motherload are work, money,

Fun, which includes like your home and your hobbies, health, love and relationships. And then, so that's five kids and parenting six and purpose and meaning seven. I'm going to say them again, work, which is your business. If you work for somebody else, like everything work related is in the work bucket money. And I separate money from work because I think a lot of us, I know a lot of us have money that,

mental load that is not related to work. There is other pressures around money in our lives that aren't directly tied to how much money we make from our work. And so money is its own bucket. And I have talked to lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of ambitious mama women. And I can say without fail, every single one of them has a mental load around work and a separate mental load around money. Okay. So work, money, fun,

Fun gets to be whatever it is to you. For me, fun includes our home and making our home a beautiful place to live and all the things that are on my mental load around home. It's my hobbies, even though I don't have very many of them in this season of life, but I would love to have more. But it's hobbies, it's friendships, it's like travel and...

The things that you do for fun and planning things and taking care of things that you care about that are hobby things that aren't work, you don't make money on, but that you enjoy. So that's fun. Health is everything having to do with your health and really mostly around your own health because your children's health will come into the other bucket, but your health. And then love is the fifth one, love and relationship. So this mental load we have around

the people that we love in our life. Most for most of us, the biggest mental load as mothers is usually our primary partnership with our spouse. It can be your parents. It could be siblings. It could be anybody else.

in your life who factors really heavily into your mental load around your relationship with them. And as we become mothers, I think a lot of, most of the time that the primary load comes from your intimate personal, you know, relationship with your spouse. And then if, you know, if you're not in an intimate relationship with your spouse, it's, it's also inclusive of your relationship with your co-parent and how that, that relationship feels. And then the sixth bucket is,

is kids and parenting. And that's everything related, again, everything related to being a parent and your kids' well-being. Seventh is purpose and meaning. And that one I added when I started doing the Motherlode podcast because there was so much on my mental load at the time. And still, honestly, it's election season here in America, you know, and we've just gone through a big election. And with

things that weigh on my load around purpose and meaning. It's this idea that I'm raising children in a world that feels a little chaotic, you know? And I'm sure our parents felt this way just in different contexts, but I think modern parenting with the state of the world and how much is out there at all times for us to know about, like the threats that we now know about as parents,

versus what like our grandparents knew of as threats. It's just astronomically different, right? And I think social media constantly reminds us of those threats all the time. And so purpose and meaning is this bucket around like, why am I doing what I do? What do I care most about? What is most important to me in being a mother and being a parent and in being an individual in this world? Like what contribution do I want to make? What is my legacy?

And some of that is tied into your parenting and your kids and, you know, leaving a legacy. And some of that is also, I think, really, really importantly tied to identity. And this piece that we talk about a lot with CEO Mama and in Motherload around, you know, becoming a mother changes your identity. But it doesn't mean that you as the individual woman no longer have your own identity.

individual goals and things that you want to do because you're passionate about them that have nothing to do with your children. And so the purpose and meaning bucket is here to give you a place for all of those type of thoughts. The, the like state of the world thoughts, the what is life? What is the meaning of life thoughts? The what am I doing? What do I want thoughts? And also the personal legacy and what am I going to be remembered for thoughts? So all of that lands in the seventh bucket, the purpose and meaning bucket. Okay. So that's the seven buckets.

I've gone through them twice, so hopefully they landed. We'll have them in the show notes too. So if you want to do this exercise on your own, you'll be able to go back and read through the show notes. So with these seven buckets in this conversation around lightening the load and being really cognizant of this cultural kind of rhetoric that mom needs an escape.

And being able to say, no, you know, I don't need an escape. I need to, I need help lightening the load. I want to be in my life. I want to be present in my life. I don't want to escape my life. I don't want to go numb out. I would love to not have to do that or want to do that. I want to be here and I want to have space and time for myself. And in order to do those things, I need help with this immense mental load that I'm carrying. And so, um,

you know, here's some, some ways that you can support me person who cares about me. So when, when I'm looking at the buckets, what I do is I look at these seven buckets to understand what my capacity is and what my load is. I make a list of these seven buckets and then I just start writing down everything that's currently on my mental load in each bucket. And it doesn't have to be an exhaustive list and it doesn't have to be a detailed list. It can just be notes like real quick little bullet points of like, what are the main things

things that are coming up for you in each of these buckets, work, money, fun, health, love, kids and parenting and purpose and meaning what's coming up for you. And as you do this exercise, what I find is, is I've gotten into the practice of doing this quickly and regularly to the point where when I'm coming up into the evening and I'm starting to feel that kind of like, Oh, you know, I'm drained. I just want to zone out. I want to just binge a show. I just want to scroll on Instagram for 30 minutes or, um,

you know, the, the mommy wine culture, like, Oh, I just need a drink. Like that kind of feeling of exasperation. What I, what I have learned to do is be able to kind of adapt this longer exercise that I'm describing where you, you write down under each bucket, what, what is on your mental load? And then you really look at, is that, do you have the capacity to do all those things? I, I have taken this exercise and made it a quick little like body scan in those moments where I'm feeling like,

Um, that, that exasperated feeling. And I go, man, what, what part of my mental load feels heavy right now? Like, what am I not acknowledging? What have I not gotten to, or what is weighing so heavily on me that I feel like I'm, I'm over capacity and I'm needing to numb out or I'm needing to escape. What's the thing that's putting me over capacity.

And then I can run through that little inventory work money fun health love parenting and purpose, and I go, Oh gosh, you know it's, it's this thing. And it's usually, you know, it's usually pretty quick. And I think this is the key for a lot of us and enlightening the load is we usually know what the thing is or the few things are that are weighing them the heaviest on us.

And if we have a way of communicating those things or acknowledging them, the weight becomes lighter almost immediately. And so, you know, this isn't going to be a long episode about how to delegate or how to hire help or how to routinize your life to change how the load of all these things feel, because I think that's so unique to each of us. And, you know, we'll have other episodes where we talk about child care and delegation and relationships and all these other things. You know, we have tons of different

episodes on all these topics. But what I think is important in this one today is really this acknowledgement around, you know, giving yourself, having awareness within yourself and giving yourself credit when you are feeling those moments of

I want to numb out. I want to escape. I want to be able to take care of myself. But at the end of the day, all I have left is just this, I'm depleted. And so I don't have, I can't muster the energy to take care of myself. So I'm going to default to more of these vice habits versus the self-care habits I want to be doing. And all of that is because I'm overloaded because my mental load

is too heavy because I don't have the tools to lighten it. And so here's, I do want to go through just a couple tools because I think these are good segues or good steps into how to make it feel a little bit less heavy. So the first thing is understanding capacity. And when I think of moms and myself, ambitious moms who are working and who have businesses,

And I think about capacity. And as I said earlier, you know, I think by and large, we have immense capacity as mothers. I think like biologically, once you become a mother, your capacity is just massively expanded. That's not to say that that means that that capacity should be at full, you know, full bore, you know, all engines on max energy for the rest of your life, because that's not a recipe for success either.

But I think one of the things that isn't talked a lot about in this journey into motherhood is where your capacity set point changes to and how you manage increased capacity without it becoming so burdensome that you lose yourself in it, right? That you just become kind of the dumping ground for everything that has to get done.

And so looking at capacity for me, what I like to do is I like to evaluate what season I'm currently in.

what season my kids are currently in and what I've agreed to like what is what what external things have I already agreed to that are important to me what what season of life are my kids in like how demanding of my time and like ability to be nimble like when I had toddlers and people and kids could get sick like within a couple hours like they'd be fine in the morning and they're sick in the afternoon you're like what the heck you know it's not so much that way anymore now I have a five and seven year old so this season of life my

My kids don't feel as demanding of my capacity as they did a few years ago. Right? So, so I'm looking at external things I've agreed to that are going to demand my capacity, kids demanding my capacity and like what season of life are they in? And then what season of life am I in? You know, am I feeling good?

healthy and fit and, and excited and like positive? Am I going through something hard personally where I know that like, I'm, I'm a little distracted. I'm a little down. Am I still healing from childbirth? You know, if I'm early motherhood and my body is still healing, I know that my capacity is not as high as it's going to be two years from now when my body's healed and I'm feeling better. Right. So in, in understanding capacity and really feeling, um,

clear on your capacity so that you can then evaluate capacity versus load. These are the factors I look for. And I think when you become like, when you do this work and you break down these things, you really look at yourself and you're, and you fairly evaluate all of these factors. It's like, Oh, okay. I have way committed my capacity. Like I have all these things that I've committed capacity to and I'm carrying a

a heavy load. Like I, there's a lot of stuff that I've agreed to do. And my capacity is already limited because I'm in a season where I've got young kids that aren't sleeping and my body is still healing. And I, you know, we're going through a launch in the business. And so my capacity is already kind of lowered by these external factors where I, you know, the tank is already full. So how, how,

How do I then balance all this additional stuff that's also weighing on me? And so when you give yourself a chance to look at what is affecting capacity, that's the foundational conversation around all of this.

And, and I will say like where I'm at now with older kids five a five and a seven year old. I work from home, my house is quiet most of the day while they're at school, you know my capacity now feel so much bigger than it did a few years ago because I, my kids are not home during the day even with a nanny that when they're home, they eat away at your capacity a little bit.

I'm not so worried about them as I was when they were babies and they could get sick at any time or I might have two or three days in a row where nobody slept. That stuff just doesn't happen anymore really or very rarely. And so I am in a season now where my capacity is much larger. And that's the point I want you to look at in your life.

How big is your capacity right now relative to your mental load? For me, I still have a big mental load, but my capacity is much higher these days. I have a secret announcement. We are working on something absolutely phenomenal for Black Friday. And here's the thing. You're only going to find out what this offer is if you're signed up to the Black Friday list.

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Now is the perfect time to do so because they are offering Boss Babe listeners a 30-day free trial. Go to Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe to claim your 30-day free trial. That's Kajabi.com slash Boss Babe. Comparative to when I had toddlers or babies and I had just as big of a mental load, if not bigger than I have now, but my capacity was much smaller because of these environmental factors, right?

So that's the first thing I want you to do is give yourself a really fair assessment of your capacity and the drains on your capacity currently before you even look at your mental load. It's just like, what are limiting factors on your day-to-day capacity? Okay. Then the next thing I want you to do is what we've already talked about, which is looking at this list that you made of everything that's in your mental load. And I want you to look at each bucket and I want you to understand what

Just quickly looking at all seven of those buckets in the list you made, I want you to see if any one of the buckets is overly weighted. Meaning if all seven of those buckets were filled with water, you know, is one overflowing and one is barely filled up. And I like doing that exercise. I like to look at it like that because to me, that tells me what, where I need support.

And so that's the next step in understanding how to lighten the load is now that you have determined your capacity and the external environmental factors limiting your capacity. Now we're going to look at everything that's on your mental load and we're going to go, where am I overloaded? Which buckets are overflowing and why?

And it may be that you're in a season where work is growing and it needs a lot of you. And that is coming at the expense of fun or love. And that's okay. You know, like there are going to be seasons like that. But for a lot of us, when we look at our mental load buckets and you're like, man, I have way over committed on one of these.

Or I have way under, under committed on, on something or under, you know, I'm, I'm under thinking about something and that is causing me stress because of the kind of the follow on effects of not paying attention to my health or to money or whatever it is. And so the second step in this process of lightening load is, is looking at the seven buckets and everything you wrote down there and going is, are any of these improperly weighted?

meaning there's not enough in them or there's too much in them. And why? What does that mean about my mental load? And what does that mean about the type of support that I need or what steps I need to take in order to lighten my load? There's not a magical secret sauce that I can tell you about. You know, if in your case, that bucket is overly loaded, here's the solution. It doesn't work that way. I think we all

in our sovereignty and in our centers, we know why certain things feel heavier than others. And we know why certain buckets are more full or less full than others. And those are usually our unique circumstances that have led to that. And so I don't want to give you an answer for how the buckets should be weighted. There's no perfect formula. I think this is an exercise where you get to really look at your life and go, man,

this does feel really heavy in this category and this is what I'm avoiding or this is what makes me feel like at the end of the day I need to numb out or you know this is where I really need support that I don't know how to ask for I don't know what type it would be

And I want you to have those realizations in the second step of the process. And then the third part of lightening the load, then once you've kind of assessed your capacity and you understand the capacity rating for where you're at in your life and those external circumstances that might affect your capacity,

You've looked at all your buckets and you've understood which buckets are fuller or more full than others and why and what that means about you and your life and just being really honest with yourself. And this is all in your journal. No one else has to see this.

The third step is to go, okay, here's what I need to shift in order to lighten my load. And the reason that this is important, because I also want to say there are seasons where lightening the mental load feels harder than just doing the work, just going with it. And I've been there and I am not going to discourage you from, or I'm not gonna make you feel wrong for that. There have been many, many seasons where I've looked at everything in this exact formula that I'm laying out and gone, there isn't anything I can change right now.

I just have to get, I just have to get through this. And that may be the case for you. And that's okay. For those of us for whom we've looked at the buckets, we're like, oh man, yeah, okay. I need to delegate this or I need to just say, admit to myself that this thing is going to have to wait until I'm in a different season. Or I need to have this really hard conversation with somebody that I love because this is really weighing on me.

Um, or, you know, this thing in the world is really stressing me out and I just need to voice to my partner that I'm really existentially stressed about this thing that I'm, you know, around purpose and meaning that like may not make sense, but I just need to say it and have a conversation. Maybe just expressing it will make me feel better. So whatever it is, this third step in the process of lightening the load is going, okay, what, what action can I take?

Because ultimately, I think a lot of what drives us to these coping mechanisms and the vices and the numbing out and this cultural kind of rhetoric around moms need an escape is that we get all the way down to this moment of understanding what we need. And then we don't say anything. And we sit on it, we bury it. And we just keep going.

Right. And so what I encourage and I think a big part of Motherload and CEO Mama and the reason behind these movements and, you know, and like everything we're creating with CEO Mama is Natalie and I want you to be able to get to this point of looking at everything that's on your plate and going, you know what?

Something has to change here because I want to do both things well. I want to be an incredible entrepreneur. I want to work. I want my identity and my life to be expressed through my work and my creativity. And I want to be an incredibly devoted mother. And I want to break generational patterns. And I want to be the kind of mother that I've always imagined being. And I want to be able to do that at the same time that I make money and that I show up in the world as myself through my work.

And so, and that's what we want for you too. And that's the whole purpose behind everything I, you know, I created with Motherload and have brought now into CEO Mama and everything that we create with CEO Mama is that we want to support you in getting down to this third step of lightening the load and going, I need help with these things. I know these are the things that need to change. How do I do it?

And being able to find resources and templates and community and conversations and support so that you can go delegate the things that need delegated. You can accept that some things your ego and your ambition are telling you you need to do right now are things that can happen later.

you know, things, resources that can help you have hard conversations, like I mentioned, that can help you build routines into your life, um, that give you more space and more time for your fun and for your activities, things that help you with your health so that you feel good in your body and your energy levels are good. So that every day that you come into the, the capacity and load conversation, you're at your best for where you are currently in your life. So

All of that is to say, y'all, y'all, the mommy wine culture references, the zoning out and scrolling, the binging things till midnight on Netflix because of the mindlessness. I want that to be something we're really aware of. And I, you know, I still do those things sometimes. And there's no shame. I think we just all have those days where it's like, you know what, I'm tapped out.

And when I see that stuff get like made fun of on social media, or that becomes this rhetoric that people believe about motherhood, it makes me angry. Cause I'm just like, I, that's not true. I don't think moms need escape. Like they don't want to, they don't want to want to escape. Right. Like I didn't, I don't enjoy feeling like I need to run away or numb out from a normal day. Right. What I want is I want to feel like I can get through a normal day and

have space for myself during that day to take care of when I feel dysregulated to take care of myself when I feel like I need to a rest break to take care of myself when I'm undernourished or I'm feeling depleted and and to know that the my capacity and load are Elastic enough that I can take some time for myself and the whole entire thing isn't going to fall apart and I think that's where we all want to get to and and

And unless we have these tools, it's really hard to do that. And our, you know, and there's so many pressures external and internal on us that tell us that we just have to suck it up and do everything. And that the mental load is just part of us of just part of being a mother and that you thinking about it is your own problem, you know, and it weighing on you so much is your own thing to bear and nobody else can help you with it. And

I just challenge all of those beliefs. So again, I want you to, I just always bring these conversations up because I want you to have awareness. It's not because anything's wrong and, or any approach is wrong. And I don't want to make it wrong to like have a glass of wine. I mean, these days, as an aside, when we were talking about this episode, I was like, you guys, like, I don't even drink anymore. Like I, I don't know about our generation, but I feel like we're kind of waking up to the science that,

that, you know, alcohol is not very good for you. I mean, it's like an obvious statement and I know I sound like an idiot saying that, but I've gotten to a point where even like one glass of wine, I do not feel good the next day. And so it's funny because I just, it's such a marvel how culture moves and, you know, even five or seven years ago, you know, talking about not drinking, it was always like,

oh, do you have a problem and that's why you're not drinking? And it's like, no, I just...

I'm just choosing not to consume alcohol. And now I think we're getting to this point where we can say, Hey, yeah, I don't, I don't drink. And people aren't like, Oh, do you have a problem? Like an alcohol problem? It's like, no, I just choose not to drink, you know? So it's, it's a whole other conversation, but I do think it's interesting in this, this cultural conversation around like mommy wine culture and drinking as an outlet. And it's like this funny thing that we all joke about that, like, Oh, I just need a drink to cope with motherhood. And it's like, well,

I actually don't feel that way. Like very honestly, I never feel that way because I don't, when I drink, I don't feel good. Um,

Now that doesn't mean I don't have other vices. I love to scroll. I love to scroll and I can, I can do a good hour long scroll and totally numb out. I love to zone out on Netflix and watch five or six episodes till 1am. Sure. I love it. So like other unhealthy things, right. But I'm just saying, um, as an aside, I just think it's interesting this conversation around alcohol and how it's evolving in our culture. And, um, if you ever, if you want to like nerd out on non-alcoholic, uh,

I've like tried every non-alcoholic beer and some of the non-alcoholic spirits that are out there because I'm just curious, like, are we really moving in the direction of alcoholism?

you know, non-alcoholic being the solution or is it, is it, is it just that alcohol as a cultural phenomenon is becoming less and less popular because of the health side of everything and people becoming much more aware of like wanting to really feel good in their bodies. So anyway, not an expert on that, but it's just an interesting thing that I thought about as we prepped this episode around, man, you know, I think that the joke about alcohol is,

is really changing in the conversation in our culture. Now, give me a mushroom microdose, you know, it's a whole other story. But that's, that's a conversation for another day. So anyway, to wrap it up, I ultimately I want people to feel like when they approach the conversation of the mental load,

That they have tools and that your mental, you are seen and understood in your mental load. Cause I think for mothers, a lot of what makes it feel really hard and really overwhelming. And, and for me, when I became a mother, you know, I had no idea about any of this stuff. And so I didn't have the words and the vocabulary and these tools for it, which is why I'm so passionate about talking about it now.

But, you know, I think being able to have understanding of capacity and awareness of what's going on in your life that influences your capacity and and changes your capacity and then taking that in this moment today's capacity and going, OK, what's on my mental load?

And how is that weighing out in comparison to my capacity? Oh, well, no wonder. No wonder I feel overwhelmed. No wonder I want to avoid. And, you know, I feel depleted at the end of the day and there's no time for me left. No wonder because I'm way over capacity. Okay. I'm way over capacity and I'm over capacity in these ways, in these buckets. Okay. Here's the actions I'm going to take to shift this load

By either asking for help or putting some of it off or saying no or having a hard conversation or whatever it takes to clear or shift the load around so that you can look at this equation again and go, okay, for the capacity I currently have, my load feels manageable.

And I feel supported and equipped and energized to manage it day to day. And ultimately that's at the end, at the end of the day, that's what makes it feel like we can do both things. Well, I could keep going. You know, I love this stuff and I would love, love, love for you to send me a DM about how your capacity and mental load weighs out. And if this bucket analogy is helpful and this exercise is helpful. I live for this stuff. This is,

my life's work. Natalie and I are super passionate about it. In fact, we might even little winky wink across the podcast airwaves here. We've, we're working on a new offering inside of CEO Mama.

that will address a lot of this and speak to exactly what I said around, you know, the tools that you may need across each of those buckets in order to organize and address and take action on the things that feel overwhelming on the mental load and to be able to delegate more and systematize more. So

Some interesting and exciting things coming there in the new year. But in the meantime, I think this exercise, it's changed my life. And I do run this quick little analysis in my mind any day that I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling that urge to kind of numb out. And I go, what is out of balance here? What's going on with my capacity? What's going on with my mental load? What's going on in each bucket? Ah, okay, that's the problem. Let's take action there.

So, okay. Thank you for listening. Send me your thoughts. As always, we love hearing from you. I always so appreciate reviews. You guys' reviews and the paragraphs you write us about how much the pod has impacted your life and, you know, what we talk about here, really changing your perspective on motherhood, especially motherhood and ambition and doing both things well. It means the world to me. So thank you for listening and I'll see you on a future episode.

Okay, I have some really exciting news about CEO Mama. So those of you that have followed along for a while know that we have a CEO Mama Mastermind, which is for ambitious mamas in the seven or eight or even some nine figure range in their businesses. And we love this program and we'll continue to run this program. But we have also heard the feedback that it would be amazing to have something from CEO Mama that was at a lower price point and accessible to anybody at any stage of business and brought the community and the resources and the tools.

that we have at the higher level in CEO Mama to a bigger community. So we've heard you and we are so excited to announce the CEO Mama membership. It is launching early 2025, but we have founding member applications open right now. So you can go to bossbabe.com slash CEO Mama. That's bossbabe.com slash CEO Mama.

and fill out your founding member application. And we will be in touch shortly with more details. And I really, really hope to see you in there. We're so excited about this program. This is one of my biggest passions inside of Boss Babe is the CEO Mama brand and the community of ambitious mamas in here who are trying to do both things well, who really want to find that harmony between their devotion to motherhood

and their ambition and their businesses. So if that sounds interesting to you, make sure you go fill out your founding member application at bossbabe.com slash CEO mama. Can't wait to see you in there.