400. The Happiest People I Know Are Slowing Down, Not Speeding Up with Natalie Ellis
17:49 Share

Welcome back to the Boss of A podcast. Okay, I'm coming to you. Cup of tea in hand, cosied up. I am in the English countryside and it is bliss. My nervous system is really thanking me right now.

And I wanted to come on here and talk about something. So I posted a quote a couple of weeks ago. And this quote has went so crazy viral, it's blowing my mind. A lot of people say you need to be doing reels these days to go viral. Well, clearly that's not true. So I posted this and it has already just in a couple of weeks reached 7 million people and counting, right? It is spreading like crazy.

crazy. Now it's a quote by someone called Justin Welsh who is awesome, I love his body of work and the quote is, the happiest people I know are slowing down not speeding up and I wanted to bring that here because I know, because I know you guys, this is something a lot of us are thinking about.

And I posted it because it's actually true for me. A lot of the happiest people I know are slowing down. They're not speeding up. They're slowing down and they're reassessing. And I wanted to talk about it because this has been one of the biggest game changers in my journey to feeling content, peaceful, happy, abundant, playful, feminine,

All of it. This one thing. This idea, or not even idea, this concept of slowing down. So funny that it's a concept these days because we all grew up believing that busy and productive were badges of honours. Like most of us listening grew up being told we can do anything so we decided we'd do everything.

And we grew up very much pushing to the next achievement and the next achievement and the next achievement. And we bounced from opportunity to opportunity to opportunity without really slowing down to assess. It was this hamster wheel of busyness.

And I only realized that I was even on this hamster wheel a couple of years ago. And reassessing and making the decision to slow down was one of the best decisions I have ever made. But it wasn't just a case of making a decision and slowing down. That's not how it went. My nervous system, my cortisol, everything in me was built to be speeding up. To be going, going, going.

And I'm still actually on this journey of retraining myself, of not constantly seeking the next dopamine hit, not constantly picking up my phone, not going on to the next project, learning to sit in the discomfort of slowness. And I was just voice noting with a friend this morning,

I did a process. It was a deep somatic healing process. It was February of 2020. So just over four years ago.

And it's a week-long process. I won't go into the details of what it was just in case anyone is going to go. I don't want to ruin any of the elements for you. I've done a few of these. So one of these is it's all about your inner child and really repairing with your inner child and giving that inner child what they didn't necessarily have.

And quite a few things came up, but I was just voice noting a friend this morning with one thing in particular that came up. I mean, that process was just really hard, like really, really hard. My nervous system, I'd grown up with it being on high alert, always looking for the danger, always looking to make peace, walking into a room and being very hypervigilant, always looking for what's coming. And I grew up like that.

And going and doing this process was one of the first times that I realized this is what my nervous system was doing, right? And there were tons of different processes in this retreat. But this one in particular, which most people there found the easiest, was play.

and it wasn't just you know go in there and play do your own thing for like half an hour it was many many hours of completely uninstructed play where you know you were I think you were like setting up for a party or something and you were meant to just be like fully in your inner child and just very playful and you know collaborating with everyone in the room and all of this and you

Of all the things we did, this one was one of the hardest for me. And I sat in that room with so much discomfort. And what's interesting at these retreats is,

They put you in every situation for a reason, but they get you into these states where you truly are in your inner child. And I was truly in my inner child. Like there was no higher self or adult inside me that was like, okay, come on, this is just an activity. You can do it. Like I was fully in my inner child and I sat there in the hoof, so moody. I was like, I don't want to do this.

And I was sitting there with the discomfort and I could feel all of this emotion coming up in my body. And I burst into tears and just ran out the room. And, you know, one of the therapists, let's call them, was like, you can't leave. You have to stay in the room. This is part of the process. You have to go play. And I was like, I don't want to. They're like, well, you have to. So I went back in. And yeah, as I was voice noting a friend this morning,

I since that I mean obviously I realized why I had that I didn't grow I mean I grew up as the one of the oldest of eight in a pretty dysfunctional household really and I had a lot of responsibility from a young age and I don't think I learned all of that play I just don't think that was part of my makeup uh nature or nurture I don't know it just wasn't necessarily part of my makeup

And when I had Noemi, I was telling myself a story constantly that I'm just not good at play. I'm not very playful. I'm not good at this. And I would try and play with her and I would not have ideas. And I also think this is quite common for new parents too.

I would get bored. I wouldn't know what to do. I would feel really uncomfortable. I'd want to be distracted by another dopamine hit. I'd want to be, you know, having something on in the background. Like I found it very hard to just sit and play. And what this was really was just being, it was hard to just fully slow down, like slow all the way down to baby's pace.

And do something that, you know, on paper is completely not productive. You know, that's a different argument, but completely not productive. There's no stimulation coming from anywhere and being okay with it.

And so my journey over the past couple of years has actually been being able to find the play that I really love and be able to be in that. And like I said, on this voice note, I was sharing, I've had such a big breakthrough, I would say, in the last three months.

you know, we've had no childcare for quite a long time now. So work hasn't been able to be a priority for me. If any of you got toddlers with no childcare, you'll know like work is one of those things that happens when you have spare time, when it's nap, like it's a nap time right now that I'm recording this. I had to pause it because I thought she was waking up. She wasn't, she's given us a little bit longer. This is my reality, right? I'm not trying to sugar coat this and fake this. This is just my reality. And yeah,

And so I've really had this breakthrough in the last three months of being able to fully play. And it has felt like such a nervous system unlock for me. You know, all of those months, years of discomfort and now being able to tap into that feels so freeing.

And it's all part of this. When any of us want to slow down, it's not a case of, okay, I need to work through the FOMO. Okay, I need to work through what's going to happen if I do lose momentum. What's going to happen if my success does slow down? Yes, all of that is very present and we get to work through it. But it's also on a somatic level in our bodies. How do we make it okay to slow down?

because we can kind of logic ourselves through the other stuff in that you know we're young or we have all this time you know momentum's not going to slow down because we are the momentum we can get all of that coaching like you can listen to this podcast I'm going to share all of that coaching and tell you why slowing down is actually one of the most productive things you can do and could potentially lead to your most profitable business you can listen to that podcast for this you can get that from a

is making it feel okay and comfortable in your body. And that's not an overnight thing. I cannot say I made that decision and overnight I was okay slowing down. I was okay, you know, turning my phone off, putting it in a drawer and not touching it till noon.

But I've had to work with that because I noticed that was an edge for me. And I was so curious, what's on the other side of that? You know, is there an unlock on the other side of that? And for me, there has been. There's been just this feeling of fully peaceful, fully in my body, fully in my authentic self, relaxed, joyful, happy, playful, relaxed.

It feels completely different to a version of me three years ago who, you know, was constantly stuck scrolling, listening to podcasts, watching videos, watching TV, you know, writing something. Like always switching to the next, always on to something, going for a workout, going here, meeting that friend for brunch. It was just go, go, go. And there was dopamine coming from every angle.

And today, for example, you know, it's 2 p.m. I didn't touch my phone until noon. I played with Noemi all morning. We went out, went to the park. We came back. We had lunch. I grabbed my phone at noon just to check if anyone had messaged me. I put her down for a nap, did a couple of things myself, and then I'm starting to record this podcast. And that is so different to what my life has looked like. But I felt so present and joyful in that.

So yeah, I just want to share this because I do feel like knowing how viral that post went, it has hit a nerve with a lot of people. And a lot of people know that there is a level of happiness and peace and joy on the other side of this. But getting to that other side feels so unknown and so uncomfortable. And maybe some of you are listening like, I've tried, it's not working. Or, you know, I can't slow down, I'm going to get left behind.

I can't slow down and prioritize myself in this season because I'll be behind. And my invitation is behind where? My invitation is to ask yourself, what will you be behind on? What's the destination you're trying to get to? Asking yourself these questions allows you to be so intentional about what you're doing out of sheer necessity because it's required of you and what you are doing out of conditioning.

And programming. And how can you just bring awareness to both of those things. To find a new version of you. A new reality where maybe you do feel relaxed. Maybe you do feel...

calm and peaceful and you don't feel the need to scroll on Instagram and check your emails and go into Slack and, you know, text the friend, listen to a podcast, watch the video. You know, you don't feel the need to do all of those things because you feel at home and at peace in your body and you are just present where your feet are.

So again, I wanted to share it because that has been such a big, big journey for me. And I kind of wish someone would have told me in the beginning, hey, this is not going to be overnight and it's not a decision. You're going to need to logic your way to this decision first, but then you're really going to need to get in your body. And that's where the true lasting change is made. And it's going to take time.

Because I feel like in my head, I kept saying to myself, you know, I've cut down my hours. Why don't I feel any different? You know, I'm doing more self-care. Why don't I feel any different? I said no to that opportunity. Why don't I feel any different?

Because yes, I was saying no, or I was acting like I was potentially slowing down, but my mind hadn't slowed down. My nervous system hadn't slowed down. Nothing in my chemistry had changed. And that's where the real feeling of a change will come from.

So hopefully if you needed to find this episode today, it has landed with you and has you thinking about what would you do differently if you weren't worried about falling behind? What would you do differently if you weren't worried about losing momentum? What would you do differently if you didn't have this fear of missing out? And how do you want your body to feel? How do you want to feel? And how is that different to how you currently feel?

That's my invitation to you. And I know this was a bit of a deep one and you might be listening on a drive like Natalie didn't need you to fuck me up like that this morning. Just making sure you're awake. Yeah, I just really I want to come on here and I want to share the realness. I want to share that this stuff isn't easy. This work isn't easy or we'd all be doing it. There's no finish line. None of us have made it to any kind of destination yet.

We're all learning as we go. And this has been, and this is, and this continues to be part of my journey. And as always, I'll share anything that I find helpful with it. But yeah, hopefully this landed with you on the day that you needed to hear it. So with that, I will see you in the next episode. Wait, wait, wait, before you go, I would love to send you my seven figure CEO operating system completely free as a gift.

All you've got to do is leave us a review on this podcast because it really supports the growth of this show. This is my digital masterclass where I'll show you what my freedom-based daily, weekly, and monthly schedule looks like as an eight-figure CEO, mama, and high performer. And I'll walk you through step-by-step how to create this for yourself. It includes a full video training from me,

and a plug and play spreadsheet to literally create your own operating system. It's one of our best trainings and it's worth $1,997, but I will unlock access for you for free when you leave us a review. I know, wild, right?

All you have to do is leave your review on the podcast, take a screenshot of it, and then head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload it. And then you'll get instant access to the seven-figure CEO operating system. Again, head over to bossbabe.com slash review to upload your screenshot and get access. We are so, so grateful for all of your support and can't wait to hear how the podcast has supported you.