378. I’m DONE With Transactional Relationships w/ Natalie Ellis
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Welcome back to the Boss Babe Podcast. This one's a mini one with something that has been on my mind. You come here for the real, I'm going to give you the real. A big reason that I left LA. Yes, I wanted a different kind of lifestyle that I was going to get in Austin. I loved that. I knew I wanted to start a family in Austin. So many of those kinds of reasons. And I

Another reason, which I know is a big reason other people that I know left too, is I was really sick of having so many transactional relationships.

Now, granted, I did have a really close knit circle of best friends who I do miss. And I had a wider circle where it felt like there were a lot of transactional relationships. Right. Let's talk about what a transactional relationship is. So essentially, it's like interactions that feel like they're based purely on exchange, whether it's service, favors, all that stuff, especially in business. These are really common.

And I've ended a big transactional relationship over the last couple of years. And it has been incredibly freeing. And really, I don't feel like I'm open to have many transactional relationships, to be quite honest. Like in that kind of relationship, it feels like each person is looking out for what they can gain and gain.

Often sidelining that emotional or deeper bond that could potentially develop because, you know, it's not necessarily that's the intention. But when you are networking with a lot of people, when you're just kind of in and out, especially in a place like LA, it's always about what this what can this person do for me? And that was a very new kind of culture for me to step into coming from where I came from. So it's very much like I'll do this for you if you do that for me.

But what happens when we strip away the transaction? Often, there is not much left. And if you only have transactional relationships, it can leave people feeling really unfulfilled and disconnected. And I noticed that myself, and I would notice...

you know, there were certain invitations that I felt like I couldn't say no to. And when I really dug into it, it was because I felt like there was some kind of transaction there. Like I had to show up for them because they came to my thing or, you know, everyone was doing something for someone else. They share this, you share that kind of thing. And I just feel like I don't have a lot of space for that. And I will say too,

you know, a lot of you that do have a kind of following online, you'll notice people hit you up almost every single day asking you to promote that thing to your audience, to be an affiliate for them, all of that stuff. And if it is a real close personal friend and I'm in a position where I can help, I will, but I do not love if that's expected of me just because I have a big audience. In my friendships, I don't have expectations of my friends needing to support my business. I have expectations, of course. I want to be in friendships that

are really safe psychologically and are my friends that I can lean on personally but I learned the hard way that mixing personal relationships with business doesn't always end well and so I really try and keep that disconnect and I don't really want relationships with people that will get upset with me if I'm not their affiliate or promoting their thing and

And I really just want to share this because I get hit every single day. There's this. And it's really interesting. I've started to notice that when it's people that only reach out when they want something, that's nothing bad about them. But it's just making me feel like I...

I want deeper relationships, like the deep relationships, the ones that like really enrich and add value to our lives. These connections that are rooted in mutual respect, genuine emotional investment and a true desire to see that person thrive and

whether or not it benefits you or you're being offered something. To be in a relationship where you feel like you're maybe investing emotionally and that person only wants you to be happy or succeed if it benefits them is really challenging and I just don't want those in my life. Like I want the deep relationships that are built on principles of empathy, understanding, shared experience and

where you really wish the best for someone. It requires vulnerability, it requires time, and it requires commitment. And they are about giving without the expectation of receiving, which I think just fosters such a beautiful relationship. We all have this limited amount of time. I would really rather pour my time and energy into fewer relationships,

and have real deep meaningful relationships than just pour little bits of energy into a ton of different transactional relationships. Like is that a recipe for business success? Probably. But is it a recipe for a happy life? Is it a recipe for real deep connection? I don't know. I don't think so. I think as human beings we deeply desire real connection. We deeply desire connection.

having those friends that have our back no questions asked and we do the same for them and I just don't think that you get that from transactional relationships and like I said transactional relationships they're definitely not just personal they very much extend into the business world I think it's really common

among entrepreneurs and influencers. And I see why some people are like great networkers and they see the potential of that for hitting their short-term goals. But I just don't think they lay the foundation for long-term success, happiness, loyalty, all about it. Like even think about it with team members, right? When your team members or business partners feel genuinely valued beyond the work that they do for you,

they are more likely to really invest themselves fully like

It not only boosts morale and will of course drive growth in your business, but it is a much nicer place to work. And at Boss Babe, I really, really try and pour into my employees from that personal level. I don't want them feeling like this is just a transactional relationship. I want them to feel like being part of our team is like being part of a family and we want to support them as human beings. You know, I often cheerlead my team when they're going and getting all these different qualifications that have nothing to

directly correlate to the business it's not going to benefit me of any in any way but to see them grow and be happy is something that I love and I want more relationships like that and so I just want to share this because I feel like when I was in the earlier stages of my business I

I felt like I needed to have all of these transactional relationships in the name of networking. You know, I had to be in every single room at every single event, had to have everyone's number. You know, I had to keep up with everyone and it felt really transactional. It didn't feel fulfilling. It didn't light me up. Whereas I've gotten to a place now where actually I realize, okay,

Listen, the business stuff is the business stuff and networking is great. But what's really going to fuel you is having those deep, meaningful connections and friendships in your life. I was at a mastermind a couple of years ago and I think it was Tom Bilyeu said this. He said what he has realized is the people that take the biggest swings in work and in their professional lives are the people that have the strongest foundations at home.

And this resonated so deeply with me because that's what I feel like I've really invested in with Stephen is having such a solid foundation that he's truly my teammate beyond, you know, beyond all of it. He's my teammate. He's my person for life. And I feel so secure in taking these big risks because I have him.

or you know with my girlfriends I feel like I have now a really tight-knit group of girlfriends who were all ride or die and there's no business expectation or anything like that and it's so much more fulfilling and I think that results in the success I do know people that majority of their relationships are transactional relationships and they are wildly successful in business but it just makes me question is this is this really the point of all of this

And I just wanted to come on and share as I got yet another text asking to be an affiliate and promote someone's something. And it just made me realize that

I don't want to feel guilty for saying no to transactional relationships. And I don't want to feel like my worth as a friend is tied up in my ability to promote. Right. And I think whether this is something else for you, you don't want to feel like your value as a friend is tied up in your ability to whatever. Maybe you're the one that's always there and you're always holding everything together. I'm, I'm,

sure you'll this will translate for you in a different way so I wanted to share it because I am in a season of really reflecting on how far I've came in my relationships and my friendships and how much it has given me the depth and fulfillment that I was looking for like transactional relationships can can very much serve immediate needs but the richness of life and

I really think comes from connections that are really deep and meaningful. But in order to have these kind of relationships, I've had to be really willing to put the people pleasing aside and say no to the invitations where I'm going to build more transactional relationships and say yes to investing time in the relationships that are really going to deeply fulfill me.

and that means I have to have fewer relationships because I don't have the time to go deep with every single person so I have fewer relationships but the ROI in terms of my happiness, peace, fulfillment, connection, all of that is so much higher than if I had tons and tons and tons of transactional relationships.

So I wanted to share that because maybe it resonates with something you're going through in friendship. Whenever I get these kind of hits, these downloads, I always feel like, you know what, as you process this, turn the mic on because there's always another woman out there that needs to hear it.

and maybe you need to hear that you are worthy of having friendships where things aren't expected of you and you're not expected to perform and help everyone else win just to have those friendships so if you feel like that maybe it is time to reassess your friendships so I wanted to share that I wanted to cheer you on and just drop in with a little little 10 miniter today I hope you're having an amazing amazing day and I hope that this will be a little bit of food for thought okay I'll see you in the next episode

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