Side Stories: Vampire Facial
01:05:16 Share

Driving this summer in a new Honda. Act now during Honda's summer event to save thousands with low 1.9% financing. Full inventory is here. Cars, SUVs, trucks, vans, and hybrids. With hybrids, the battery charges as you drive. Don't miss Honda's summer event with big savings on gas or hybrid. Like the 2024 Honda Ridgeline. Now with low 1.9% financing. Search your local Honda dealer. See dealer for financing details for what qualified buyers offer ends 9-3-24.

Hey, Cam, mine's sending me over our new Wi-Fi password. Oh, sorry, Mitch, you can't be trusted. What? It's your phone. It's different than mine. Cam! And I thought I was a judgy one. No, it's just messages between different devices aren't encrypted. Okay. Since when do you know about encryption? I know what encryption is, and it's because I'm the last line of defense against any would-be Wi-Fi thieves. Cam, come on. Okay, fine. I'll send it somewhere more private. Thank you.

Safely send messages between different devices on WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Hold primates listening. It is I, Numator479. According to our studies of your puny mammalian race, we discovered you like very good coffee. And while it is our evolutionary purpose to cause you psychic torment, we want you awake and vivacious to give it. So try our new blend from Spring Hill Jack Coffee. Reptilian in the morning.

Our proprietary blend of lightly roasted cocao husks will have you immediately energized upon emerging from the pain cloaca with all your slippery new eggs. Thanks, honey. Hot, hot, I'm cold-blooded. Eggs to Spring Hill Jack and last podcast on the left. I'm ready to get out there and eat some babies. Get out of the way, Hillary Clinton.

There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. You got it.

You got it. You got it. Anything you need. You got it. You got it. Anything at all. You got it, friend. Baby.

You got it. So the prodigal son has returned. Marcus Parks has deigned to come into the Side Story studio, which is what it is when it is not currently the last podcast on the left studio. I requested. He did. To come on the show. He did. I requested this week. He did. And he was like, where am I? What do I do?

Right. But he was good because he's having difficulty with his dogs are fine. By the way, I want to bring this up. He did go to the vet. We know Julie, his wife had to jump on Instagram after he talked about Rambo eating the entire taxidermy crocodile head. And he was shitting out teeth and everyone was getting upset because they were like, oh, you didn't call a vet. But Julie's father's his wife's father's a vet. They called him. He said, as long as shit's coming out the front and the back of a

Yeah, I'm very happy to be back. And you know what I think we should do? First of all, this is Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Marcus Parks. Yeah, and I actually do think that we should start, not seriously, but...

Our hearts go out to the people in Baltimore. Oh, God. What the hell is going on with this bridge collapse? Jesus Christ. What we know now about this bridge collapse is that there was some form of electronical malfunction on the barge that was coming underneath the bridge. The one thing about the bridge...

which is like, I think something like 20 people are dead. We don't know what the number is yet with the bridge collapse. Last I heard, there were six missing. Yes, and there's a lot of people talking, you know, obviously conspiracy theories immediately jump out. But I honestly think one of the biggest issues with this is explaining how like that bridge was allowed to be at what I believe was called

fracture fail. Like there's like this term that they use where essentially one loud fart would take down this very, very crucial bridge. Yeah. Very busy, very, very busy bridge. And then it all took, it all came down. So this, this barge was coming through from Singapore. There was electronical malfunction on the barge. It crashed into one of the pylons that support the bridge. They call it a partial collapse, which I think is spin, uh,

Like crazy. It was the first. I woke up this morning and I walked out. Carolina was already awake and had the news on my. I'm bleary eyed. And the very first thing I see when I wake up, I turn, look at the TV and I see a bridge collapse. Well, oh, oh, fucking off. Is this this new mushroom coffee?

Like, ooh, yum, fun. No, it's one of my biggest fears is I hate driving over bridges. We all do. Yeah, and yeah, this thing just collapses. It really does collapse. We're watching the video right now. We love Baltimore so much. We do. It's one of our favorite cities in America. That entire bridge went down. The entire bridge went down. This is not a partial collapse. I'm watching the entire bridge collapse into the river. This is not a partial collapse. This was also the only route

for hazmat waste material to leave the city. Jesus Christ. So our hearts go out to Baltimore. We love that city. Can't wait to come back, which we are going to do. And we're not taking the bridge. So we're going to have to get there by helicopter. But you guys, I hope that everybody is okay. Unfortunately, I hate to say this, but at least it happened at

night. Yeah. It happened in the middle of the night around one 30 in the morning, which probably saved a lot of lives, which is also, but still it's extremely tragic. And, uh,

Marcus is actually getting on a train tomorrow to go help. And so he said that because he wants to go by train. He wants to see the country. I want it to take six days. Because I don't think no one's in any hurry to get this thing fixed. No, I'm going to take my time. He's going to his main thing. What Marcus says is he wants to be there to help emotionally after.

to the fact. And he said, mostly he's, it was weirdly said, he's got a hotel room. It's going to be in the downtown area, La Quinta. He's looking to talk with single mothers. Ha ha ha!

Which is really interesting. But honestly, it's nice for somebody to sort of really focus on the single mother. Really focus on the single because there's going to be a lot of people in Baltimore affected by this. I really do. I mean, seriously, though, it may end up killing shipping in Baltimore permanently. It's definitely not going to be back for a minute. I hope that Baltimore is okay. And avoid bridges. That's a good way. Is that a good way to start the day? Avoid all bridges. As many as you can.

We need help. The country needs help. We need to get in there. You know what we need? What?

The Avengers. But I'm not talking about the actual superheroes. Robert Downey Jr. Chris Helmsworth. The other guy. Scarlett. Mark Ruffalo. Joe Hanson. Not him. I actually think that he's not helpful. Too big of a head after poor things. I think he's a great actor. Yeah. I think he's a great actor, but I don't know. He's not my go-to guy. I actually think that Robert Downey Jr. would be very helpful because he's the most not a Scientologist person.

but could be a Scientologist guy in terms of energy and effervescence. He's a chameleon. He can kind of get in anywhere. And it's like his, it's the way he changed the way, because remember he was like sleeping in people's homes. Yeah. Before Iron Man. Yeah. Yeah. Couch surfing. Yeah. It was awesome. Yeah. But he would break into people's houses and shit. Yeah. I'm his old Robert Downey Jr. Oh wait, no, he used to break into people's houses? I didn't know about this. It was when he was like really off the rails with drugs, when he was fun.

That's when he was like a fun guy. Yeah. All right. So you came in here today. Do we want to start with why you're here today? I mean, I texted you at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning. You did. And I woke up. I was like, oh, God, what has happened? Yeah. Yeah. Is this bad news? Yeah. But it wasn't. It wasn't bad news at all. It was a story that Carolina told me about. This story is...

Incredible. It's terrifying. It's strange. It comes out of New Mexico. Health officials say new HIV infections have been linked to a salon that performed so-called vampire facials. Okay. Almost five years after the business closed. And what got me was the term vampire facials. So have you never, see what's funny is that I am with my beautiful one. Yes.

She loves all forms of like she does IVs. She does all this stuff. I'm pretty certain she's mostly still my full organic wife. But at this point, she could have been replaced by chemicals. I don't know what goes in and out of her. Right. But she has done these vampire facials before. These things are insane. I mean, basically what they do is they take blood from your arm. I also believe that my wife would be just as beautiful without them.

I don't think that's even the reason why she's beautiful. How about that? I don't even think that. All right? I think she keeps it tight. She's working hard on it. Yeah. My wife was horrified to find out that her dermatologist does these. Oh, yeah, of course. This is a legit...

that people do. Explain it. But you're supposed to be licensed. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't just be a guy. You can't just be like, yeah, I'll get your blood out and stick it in your mouth. It's okay if I do it with my own mouth, with a straw. So what people do is...

draw blood out of the arm and then they put it in a sort of centrifuge and it separates the platelets from the plasma and then they take those platelets and they put them in a bag I think and they take they're not like plates they're goop they're other goops I'm pretty certain yeah you put it in a bag you put goop in a bag

bag. Yeah, you put goop in the bag. You don't put goop in a cup. You can put goop in a cup. But if you're putting the goop in the body, you gotta put the goop in the bag. Yeah, I mean, I guess so. It would be nice to have a bag. Honestly, it would be nice to have a cup because that's reusable. Yeah, that's true. But you can reuse a bag. Nigga, wash it out. Then just dump the stuff in the goop. Dump the goop in the fucking garbage can. Continue.

So they get these micro needles and they put a bunch of tiny little holes all over the person's face. And then they take this blood, these platelets, your own blood, and they smear it all over your face and let it seep in. It injects in. It goes into your blood. Now, my thing is that how are people getting HIV? Because...

It's supposed to be coming from your blood. I would imagine that people, I would imagine they were using the same equipment over and over again. Is there any research as to why, like how that HIV is being like actually spread around? Because that is what I find interesting. Yeah, I looked it up. I wasn't able to find like an exact,

Either they're mixing up blood. They might just be mixing up blood because I actually don't even know. Sidesoreslpotl at gmail.com. I'd love to know what part of the blood has got the dirt in it. I would imagine that it was just them improperly cleaning the equipment. It must be. The microneedles. Because if you do the microneedles on somebody and then you don't properly clean it, AIDS, I think, or HIV could probably survive quite a bit. And the next person gets the microneedles.

And then they get HIV. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Do you do microneedles? We actually have a lot of, I believe the term is...

estheticians, estheticians in the audience. Like my friend Heather. What's an esthetician? Somebody who works with skin. Dermatologist? Dermatologist is someone who does, I believe, lumps and fucks and cuffs. Like lumps. An esthetician is the one that does all of the stuff that it's like salon stuff. Yes. Ah. Yeah. It's all about like an esthetician is a professional who performs facials, applies makeup. And my friend Heather actually has been working with this one that does what is called

It's like gender affirming esthetician work in Pittsburgh.

And, but, but they talk about this style of like, I would love to know how this could possibly happen because I wonder if number one, do the machines even work if they're gunked up because the needles are so small? I don't know. Like how much material, like literally blood is needed in order to transfer HIV. Like how virulent doesn't have to be. Also, does it come from a, like, I also don't understand how this procedure would work without it being your blood. I mean, at the end of the day,

Can't it just be any blood? You're getting blood smeared all over your face. So, you know, who knows if it works or not? I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to work. Well, that one looks great. Yeah, but as far as this place goes, I don't think this place does not really seem like they're on the level. It's called VIP Spa. That's it. It's just called VIP Spa. Hey, very important people. Very important people are there. What were you going to say, Rob?

Oh, that is what it is. Oh, improperly disposed of in multiple trash cans and stuffed in drawers in the client treatment. So yeah, there's just going to be a lot of cross-contamination in there. It's just cross-contamination. They're not properly disposing of their biohazards. I never want to see this sentence ever again when it comes to a doctor's office. Unlabeled syringes, quote-unquote, loaded with unknown biologics were stored next to coffee creamer and cheese slices...

in a snack refrigerator. Yeah, that's not good. Unlabeled vials of human blood next to the mayonnaise doesn't seem to be the best way to

you want to do this it's not a doctor's office it's just a fucking spa it is just a spa like a place you go it's like a place you go for a facial and a massage and they're also they're doing fucking but i mean this shit used to happen in new york all the time oh yeah so many different stories of like women getting those like brazilian butt lifts and getting like the illegal silicone injected into their butts and then they die because they get an infection

Yeah, dude. You gotta go to a professional when it comes to this shit. You have to go to a person with a license. You just need a license. Somebody that has some kind of license. A piece of paper. What we learned from Anders Breivik is actually you can print that shit up really easily and you actually could be totally fake. But hey, lie to me. Dude.

at least like give me some pomp and circumstance like this might actually be a doctor's office check this shit out just check your people out but i know many people that are in this service like that do are that do esthetician work and op and so it is a highly skilled job like you have to be skilled to do it and it is fuck people up real easily like this you can give people hiv you can give people hiv which is uh that's why it's like but i'm not going to

say against it because I feel like a lot of people love this new, it's a journey, people changing. I think that's what we are definitely going to see in the future in terms of how humanity is going to change. I think trans metropolitan is probably still the most, one of the most accurate views of

like how humanity will progress through the future and the way we identify ourselves and what we do. So I love when people fuck with the way they look. Sure. I'm hoping we get llama people. Like I want llama people. I want cheetah people. I think that's fun as fuck. Oh yeah. Spend a day as a dolphin. I dream about that fucking panel. Oh yeah. I want you. Cause I love that. Cause I think that's kind of what, where we're going to expand our minds and,

I don't know. Again, I don't know if it's going to help the job market, but that's not what it's really about. It's about you. I love the personal exploration, people trying to do stuff like this. This is just stuff I just don't understand. I want to know where the first vampire facial came from. Yeah. Who was the first guy that was like, what if we may harvest their blood and maybe it will make you beautiful or you will become

A demon incarnate. I don't know who does that. Oh, Dr. Barbara Sturm. Did it. Oh, wow. Well, I mean, just do the same thing that you did. Just do it with a German accent. You'll be fine. The blood helps simulate collagen.

production which can reduce fine wrinkles, scarring, acne, scarring, and brown spots. Yeah, if you put it in German, it's the blood helps stimulate the collagen production which can reduce fine wrinkles, scarring, acne, scarring, and brown spots. We have found a finer solution for your old skin.

No, this is a, yes, it is interesting. That's interesting. I don't know why. I don't know how we got here. Well, it's because I, for some reason, got fascinated with this shit at 9 a.m. on a Sunday. Not you. I'm talking about the fucking vampire facials. But hey, whatever makes everybody happy. Yeah.

Whatever you got to do. I'm down for it. Whoever wants to do it. Women love pain. Maybe not just women do this, but people who like beauty like to hurt. Well, you have to. I guess. It all hurts. It all hurts always. I do nothing that hurts and I'm incredible. Look at me. I'm aging like a pecorino. My God, man. I went to a fucking, I went to a store a couple of days ago to get some new like t-shirts. I went to a thrift or a vintage store to get some t-shirts. Okay. Yeah. I'm wearing one right now. It's very nice.

I like this shirt. It's good. Screaming. But I went into the dressing room. I took some shirts in there with me. And one of them was a little youthful, let's say. I was like, I could maybe pull this off. I just showed you in the makeover episode. You can be youthful. I don't know, man. Because that's the thing. I...

Put this shirt on and it was like kind of like a low cut and it had like a bunch of skulls on it. It was like super cool. I was like, man, this is like some I totally fucking wear like in my 20s. Like, let me look. Let me check this out. And I put it on and I looked in the mirror and the for the first time ever, like,

I saw a 40 year old man. Like I saw, like I looked, I don't see it though. Mark. Like I look, I see a young, fresh, I see the boy I met. You see the boy. When I look at you, I just see old Marcus. Yeah. I don't see this. That's really nice of you to say it really is. I don't, but the dressing room mirror said something very different. You're a liar. All right. It has no idea what's going on. Context. What about context?

If I was 25, I would have bought like my favorite shirt ever on Saturday. And I would have wore that for, and I would have wore it for five years. You want to know? But now it's too, you really got, you can age gracefully. And I got to, I'm going to be one of those guys. I'm going to age gracefully. I'm not going to turn into a fucking Johnny Depp type where I'm wearing a weird hat with a bunch of feathers on it. Mark this. Mark it. Mark it, Rob. Can we isolate this? Not wearing a vest and a bunch of necklaces and a lot of rings and hats.

I think the rings and hats are a lot. I think rings and hats are a lot. Yeah, they're really a lot. But I can't be that guy. I got to age gracefully. I'm going to give you a piece of advice. I got to dress gracefully. You are already. And I'm going to give you a piece of advice that I'm learning. All right? And this is specifically to the men out there. Buy something that is way outside of your comfort zone that you would wear, that you're afraid to wear. And you're afraid it's going to make you look like...

An undercover police officer or a groomer, a child. I was going to say a desperate aging man. Yes. Yeah. Yes. We we have many examples. We're in Los Angeles. I know we're in the capital of desperately aging men. I did not want to be one of those. No, of course not. But what I say is you do something slightly outside of your comfort zone. You put it in the closet.

Give it like a year. One day you'll just pop it on. You're wearing it. You're used to it. You've been seeing it in the closet a lot. I've done that so many times. And then you just pop it on. I just keep staring at it.

That's what I do. I just make a choice about something stupid. And then I make a choice. I wear it out and I see how people react. I see how my wife act. And then I mostly what I do is if I like my comedy, I'm shooting for 50 percent approval. Right. That's really all I got to get to. Yeah. As once I'm at truly 51 percent. Sure. Then I'm I'm locked in because then the 50 to 49 percent, they don't get it. Fuck them. Yeah. And go fuck. Yeah.

Because they're fucking stupid and they're wrong. I'm right. With the majority hanging in there. Not a silent majority. Very loud. Speaking to me. Engaging with me. Having others engaging with others. All bringing communities together. Engaging. Thinking about me. True. That's how it is. I'm down. Every day. Not going to buy that shirt. That's fun to do. Fly from your grave.

Driving this summer in a new Honda. Act now during Honda's summer event to save thousands with low 1.9% financing. Full inventory is here. Cars, SUVs, trucks, vans, and hybrids. With hybrids, the battery charges as you drive. Don't miss Honda's summer event with big savings on gas or hybrid. Like the 2024 Honda Ridgeline. Now with low 1.9% financing. Search your local Honda dealer. See dealer for financing details for what qualified buyers offer ends 9-3-24.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Finding work-life balance can be tough, but Squarespace gives you the tools to reach your goals and have time to celebrate.

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layout and styling options to create a personalized website optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. And with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about

choose your tone, enter what you need and get auto generated text. And that helps you save time. I know I'm sitting on about two literal wheelbarrows filled with horse pics. Now, part of the issue has been is a lot of these pictures are getting stopped at customs because some of them do depict various world leaders in horse-like circumstances that seems to be

pinging a lot of these custom agents accounts. Now, so what I've done to do is like, so while I'm trying to work on hand smuggling these horse picks over various country borders, uh,

I then also have time because Squarespace is doing all the other ad work for me to go and work on my killdozer at home. So thank you, Squarespace, for allowing me to diversify in the best way possible for this country. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Go to squarespace.com slash left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

All right. So we got some more stuff. We got... I want to do the story up top because...

Rob, I'm doing this one. We're like 40 minutes into the show. Jesus Christ. How long have I been talking? How long have we been doing this? 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Okay, 20. Now, I specifically chose this story because Rob's from Long Island and he, I feel like this is a good thing. You guys, we all miss New York a little bit. Yeah, I do. I'm feeling a little bit. Been missing it a lot lately. But this is going to remind you, this is a little piece in New York. Now, this story I love.

Woman once charged with selling sex as a hot dog vendor arrested on stalking charges. Now, this lovely lady, Catherine Scalia, 57. I'm being sarcastic. But this lady is really fun. This is before she was bad. So I just sent you a link. Now, I sent you a link, Rob. We're going to play this real quick because I just want the audience to hear what we're dealing with here and who this woman is. Catherine Scalia. She was called the hot dog hooker.

After she attempted to offer lap dances in her front yard on Long Island. This is from 2014. This is the first thing that starts, right? Yeah. Hot Dog Hooker is a very 2014 headline. Love Hot Dog Hooker. From 2016, Fox 5, she got re-arrested again for offering lap dances from her futon in her front yard in Long Island. Now, this is a clip.

from the Fox 5 interview with Catherine Scalia. So you can just understand who this woman is and what her life goals are. A Long Island woman who became known as the hot dog hooker has set up shop once again, but outside of her East Rockaway home. All right, and once again, she's offering more than just hot dogs. Here's Kerry Drew.

Get a wiggle with Joina. You may remember the name Catherine Scalia. We first told you about her nearly four years ago when she became known in the press as the so-called hot dog hooker. Scalia sold hot dogs out of a trailer dressed only in a bikini and was busted for offering sex to an undercover cop. I solicited an undercover officer. I didn't know that was going to happen.

I told this guy to come to my house, I'm going to do a strip, we're going to have fun, and you're going to go home, and that's going to be the end. I didn't know I was going to be in cuffs all over the news again. At the time, she was sentenced to seven days behind bars. When I gave the undercover cop...

The lap dance, I had pants on. And when I did it, all I showed him was this. I didn't even go topless. Now Scalia is at it again. They're real. These are my... Here she is posing outside her East Rockaway home offering lap dances to those who drive by. She says what she's doing is legal. To the younger generation out there, do your lap dances. It's safe.

And it's legal. But those who live nearby have had enough. All right, cut it. Yeah, a lot of people are upset. Well, this time people were mad because she was openly soliciting lap dances on her front yard, which again, I think is fun. Yeah. The strange thing to me, though, is that she has her, she's on her swinging chair offering the lap dances, but the swinging chair is facing the house, not the street. The pillow she wrote lap dances here.

was perpendicular to the street, however. That was more of the bulletin board that was bringing people in. Now, Catherine Scalia is a...

a pip she's a bit of a pip i mean rob does that make you homesick yeah it reminds me of my family but rob our good old-fashioned long island boy that's a nice lady that's a nice lady i think she's one of my aunts she might be now this is an east rockaway so now this was people you should new york favorite people love this person but she has overstayed her welcome so she is a

Accused of repeatedly harassing a 51 year old male employee at the Main Street Business Center. Oh, and at his home. Main Street Business Center. What the fuck is that? It is probably. Have you ever been to a good old fashioned upper New England area?

strip mall cyber cafe. That is exactly what this is. This is a cyber cafe where a man is running a cannoli based God knows what this guy is doing. He's doing cannoli insurance outside of this main street business center. Now, yeah, they do drop offs, but it's like just a FedEx UPA. It's a, yeah, just a man who's living here. Now, this man doesn't want to say anything, but I do believe the man might not be of necessarily American descent, but

This man came out. He came into this woman's come into the store and has now exposed her breasts multiple times to him and then also made many anti-Semitic remarks to him about the business in general. Now, the one thing about the job is the man says,

I have told her multiple times to stop coming to my home and my job because it is stressing me out and it is not good for my mental health. The victim said, I am afraid that her showing up to my job and acting the way she behaves will get me in trouble with my boss. And I fear I could lose my job. So because she keeps showing up saying stuff about like essentially the man that she's stalking is not Jewish, but the people who run the business are.

And she said a bunch of weird shit. And apparently she's coming by 10 to 15 times a day to show him her breasts and then yell at him. Public nuisance. She's becoming a real public nuisance now. I don't know. That sounds like a service I'd pay for. That's...

Show me your tits. Yell at me. That's a fine line from local character to public nuisance. Because usually, that's the thing. Usually from local character to public nuisance, usually it's when the anti-Semitic remarks start coming. That's when it goes, okay, all right, now we got to... It is not a fine line, friend.

she started there's plenty of local characters that aren't anti-Semitic she started public right like that's the thing is that her stuff I'm like wow she's got some good old fashioned Long Island boobies as well I love her I don't mind except now that she's bad I don't like her I liked her then I liked her when she was just a hot dog yeah now I don't like her anymore same thing with David Icke but it was like this woman came she is a she is a flirt

And if you could see this picture of her with the hot dogs, with her bosoms right behind the hot dogs, again, I'm understanding the vibe she is slinging. But her sons were also arrested. So now she's being arrested. She was well on her way becoming a public nuisance. I actually think that she was always trying to be a public nuisance, was actually too charming before to be one. She wanted to be one. Yeah. You think so? You think people set out to become public nuisances? Yes. Ah.

Interesting. I feel like people think that they are the real thing and everyone else is the problem. Basically. Yeah. But that's what's called a public nuisance. Yes. And I was recently watching video because, you know, I like my body cam footage and watching a woman be arrested for streaking at a baseball game. Right. And it's hard because that woman, you see this also in Reddit, they have the subreddit. I'm the main character. I'm a main character. You see these people that are like they woke up today deciding.

I'm going to be on the news for a bad thing. Oh, I got to get up. Oh, I got to be on the news today. And so this woman who was streaking, she's just like, she's like God's gift to men. They're all so, and she was like, minor league game, minor league game. And she was like, talk to the baseball, the police officers offering them to suck their dicks and stuff. And the thing about police officers is that despite some of the duck

documentaries I've seen, not a lot of it results in for some sex. Yeah.

There's some documentaries I've seen where it doesn't go that way, but in other ones I'm watching, it seems to be very professional. And you'd think that streaking would lead to the sex, but usually in the documentaries... Because in a lot of the documentaries, the streaking definitely does. Well, usually in the documentaries that I see, it's for something like, I don't know... Shoplifting. Shoplifting. There's shoplifting, and then there is the one where they... Speeding. Speeding, yes. And then, what's another good one? The one where we're all at January 6th.

And then they all got derailed. There has to be January 6th porn. Yeah. At this point. There has to be. There has to be. Yeah. Well, I would. There's not a lot of Congress themed porn. Do you remember with Lisa? Lisa Ann. Yeah. With Sarah Palin. Nalen Palin. Yeah. But that was gubernatorial porn. Oh, Stephen Miles, who goes by Sergeant Miles in gay porn. He was arrested at January 6th. He's got a while. He's got quite a wiener on him. Does he?

You can see a bulge in there. He's doing that on purpose. He's fluffed that up. That's unnatural. Yeah, he's fluffing. He's like the pit crew on RuPaul's Drag Race. Those guys can't all have penises that massive, can they? There are also guys with like, he's got like obviously super kind of long sucked out nipples because they've been playing with his nipples a lot. Ah, yeah. God bless him. God bless them all. 40 years old, same age as him. What do you think? Me and Sergeant Miles.

Is it that much different? Far better shape than you are. He's in gay pornography. Similar body hair. I'll say that. You have very similar body hair. See, I'm now also watching Drag Race a lot. There's not a lot of bear representation. Every once in a while, a bunch of bears, but then they make a bunch of barking noises at them.

When the bears show up? Yeah. When the scruff boys come. Oh, are you talking about the pit crew? Yeah. No, there's really not. There's not too many bears at all in the pit crew. They're hairless. Yeah. They're quite smooth. You're being very ignorant. I think hair makes a body interesting on a man.

And a woman, I guess. In many ways. And my body is quite interesting because it's hairless. Well, you also, your bottom half isn't. No, it isn't. But that's what makes it interesting. The saturness. It's very interesting. Just explore him. He's like a book. Now, this next story is another one that I got sent a lot. This is one I don't particularly understand, but it's more like, this is one of those sounds like a last podcast in the web story, but it's really not.

But it's interesting to explain. Okay. It's the guy that had, he has this rare disorder that he causes people, he causes to see people's faces as demonic. Yeah. And he sees, he can't see it on the, he only sees it in real life. People have an extended, long, weird mouths, furrowed brows, barely racist eyes. Yeah.

And he sees people as demonic. I guess he apparently had some kind of bacterial infection. He also had a head injury when he was trying to pull on the stuck door of his pickup. He fell back and hit his head on the concrete. So there was a lesion on his brain. By the way, they could tell how he sees people as different as a bunch of demons is that they see he looks at pictures of humans on a computer screen or printed out and he doesn't see the demon faces. But then he looks at people in the

he then describes what he sees to the doctors and they drew it. Well, he says that it really only works for him because it's different for everybody who has this disorder. It really only works if the faces are moving. If the faces are static, he doesn't really see anything. But if they're moving, then yeah. I mean, the way they look, it was described by our editor Ian as oblivion characters. Yes. Yeah, like characters from the video game Oblivion. With a cump.

To Tati. Come, come. To Tati. You look like Apex twin people. Yeah. Or it looks like if, you know, you're fucking around with like the smudge function with, you know, on Photoshop. It looks a lot like that, too. It's kind of cool in a way, but it's called... It's unsettling. Let me see if I can pronounce this. It's called prosopometaphoresia. Let me see if I can do it. Prosopometaphoresia.

Prosopometamorphose... Morphopsia. Morphopsia. Prosop... Prosopometamorphopsia. Prosop... PMO. They put PMO right next to it. PMO or PMO. One more time. Prosopometamorphopsia.

See ya. I think I got it. It's extremely rare. Thank God it's extremely rare. Extremely rare. Because it's the last time we're going to say it. Yeah. It causes a neurological disorder of perception. It causes faces to appear distorted in shape, size, texture, or color. So I would say this to all of our listeners. I think it's important. We have a lot of guys that have experimented in hallucinogens. You know, I have. We know a lot of people that have had extended...

visual hallucinations due to bad medication or like just straight up being cuckoo bananas for a while happens to all of us. Sure. But my main thing is take a picture. Take a picture and then see? If you think you're seeing something, take a picture of it.

Look on the camera and see if you see it on the camera. Do you tell the person that you're looking at what you're doing? No. No. That is my other big caveat. Do not tell them. So you first have to come up with an excuse for taking their picture. Oh, my God. I want to remember where we had this lunch. Take a picture. And that's a free one. And then you take a picture and then you can then look and see if they are transforming. Just give yourself, allow yourself the grace to say,

Maybe it not demon. Maybe it Kelly. Maybe it my friend Julie. Maybe it not demon. I jump to conclusion it demon because yeah, I see long scary smile face. I assume demon face, demon eyes. But then I look upon the picture it not demon. Then you're fine. And then you can get back to your lunch.

Or you better. Or that. But then I do understand then you'd be pretty distracted. Yeah. Because now you're sitting at lunch trying to eat your salad. Every once in a while you look up and you see come to daddy. Come, come to daddy. I don't think it's going to be good for you because this guy too, Victor Shower, who this happening to. This is also I feel for him because when he said for a second that you stayed in demon voice, you know who this happening to? Who this happening to? This man who did. He did not a demon. He.

He is not a demon. He is a man. He is an innocent victim. All right. Now, according to the ears, noses and mouths are straight back up. But this is what he said. My first thought was I woke up in a demon world. God, you can't imagine how scary it was. Yeah, I can. Because I wake up all too obvious knowing for a fact that we do live in a demon world.

But I don't have the excuse of propo-morphomorphos and ambitionic gasoline. I don't have that excuse. Yeah. All right? All I have is the fact that the truth has peeled back my eyeballs permanently. Yeah. I can't even go outside anymore. I'm with you, bro. I'm living in a devil town. Yeah. I didn't know it was a devil town. Oh, Lord, it really gets me down about this devil town. You know what's nice? All my friends are vampires. When I wake up in the devil town and I look in the mirror and I realize...

I too am a devil. Which is very scary. Actually, that's not a good realization either. Because if you wake up in a devil town, go to the devil travel agency and say, I got to go. I got to leave out of here. Demon? I know I'm conversing with a demon, but I do not know. Can a demon add this to my SkyMiles account? Yeah.

But yeah, that's a nothing story. Yeah. Well, it's a guy who had a weird... And he does... He has the name of a man who would have this syndrome. Victor Schirra. Well, it's hard because it's like... It's such a bad luck thing, too. Yeah. It's a bad luck thing to happen to you. Hi, my name is Victor Schirra. I see demons. I see demons everywhere I go, but I cannot see them in pictures. You know, like, that's very frightening. It's a frightening life to lead. Yeah. You know, and it does happen to people. So keep your head out of swivel. No.

New worry alert! I should get a soundboard. No, let's add this. So far, we have three new worries. We have a barge collapsing a bridge. Anytime. We have...

contracting HIV through facial treatments. Through your need for youthfulness and beauty, you get a wasting disease that is a burden for the rest of your life. And then you also suddenly have the ability, or at least the curse, to see demons in every person that you interact with. Could just happen like that. Boom. No idea. Boom. No idea. So that's three for three. Keep your head in a swivel. I from Northland.

♪♪

Ahora que ya sabes, recuerda que no importa qué concierto vayas este verano. Disfrútalo y quédate aquí en Motel 6, donde siempre te esperamos con la luz y la música prendida.

Driving this summer in a new Honda. Act now during Honda's summer event to save thousands with low 1.9% financing. Full inventory is here. Cars, SUVs, trucks, vans, and hybrids. With hybrids, the battery charges as you drive. Don't miss Honda's summer event with big savings on gas or hybrid. Like the 2024 Honda Ridgeline. Now with low 1.9% financing. Search your local Honda dealer. See dealer for financing details for what qualified buyer's offer ends 9-3-24.

Think of your own life. It's only when you look backwards, you see how it was all connected. Lessons in Chemistry is nominated for 10 Emmys, including Outstanding Limited Series. Our greatest discoveries come when you expose yourself to the unknown. Outstanding Lead Actress, Brie Larson. Fantastic. Outstanding Supporting Actor, Lewis Pullman. You can count on it. Outstanding Supporting Actress, Asia Naomi King. You think you can't do it.

Lessons in chemistry is a triumph. That is worthy of applause. Lessons in chemistry, now streaming on Apple TV+. This next one, this is the one we were both excited for. Which is sad. Okay, well, it's just...

It's interesting. It's just, it's interesting. We were both excited. I want to say we were both excited for the story. I do like it. This happened in Bakersfield, California. That was Carmi's from. Yeah. Yeah. And our employee, Kelsey, also from Bakersfield. Aww. Yeah. I sent her this story. She said that Bakersfield is the Florida of California. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Now, this video. Shit like this happens all the time. Cool. Cool.

Now, this video, there's a video that shows a homeless man that he was with a severed body part that he took from a train accident site and was just gnawing on it like it was a turkey leg from the red flag. He was gnawing on it. Did you see the video? He was carrying it around. You did not see the video of him biting it? I saw the video. It looks to me as if he is inspecting it. With his lips and his teeth.

He's not eating anything. I inspected some chicken last night. He's inspecting it. He's inspecting it. He's not eating it. Look at it again. I watched it multiple times. Watch it again. I watched it for the floppiness of the leg. Oh, God. I mean, it absolutely looks like a human body part that this guy's. It's exploded by a train. Yeah. Now, this guy is a man by the name of, unfortunately, we shouldn't even say his name. I feel bad for even saying the dude's name. It's out there. It's from the sheriff's office.

Resendo Talles, who was 27 years old, which is very sad. He removed evidence from the scene. They found him at a... He showed up like... A train blew up a person. Yeah. At Wasco, California. I guess he walked into the mission and he just had human remains. But someone filled him down the street. Now, if you watch the video...

I'm sorry. I'm just hungry. Walking into the mission, how is it different guy in Bakersfield who showed up with a fucking appendage? That guy showed up with the hand. Yeah, yeah. He found a leg. All right. So now if you look in this video, now watch this.

Here, you want to blow this up, Rob? It's just so you can see it. Because I want you to see. So they see this man. He's a little bit frightening. He's looking agitated. He is in disheveled dress. He has, again, what looks like a big sloppy burrito in one hand. But for some reason, it's blurred out. Like, we can't really see the extents of it. It's kind of got stuff hanging on, like strings hanging off it in a way. And then he does... Okay.

He is eating on it. In that video right there, he is literally chewing on it. He's inspecting it because if he was chewing on it, that would be in the story. That would be in the story. You're watching him commit cannibalism. It looks like he's trying to, he's like the owl from the commercial. One, two.

a three it's like no it's not I mean he is I do see him walk it when the cops show up I do see him like walking away with it as if like you're not taking this thing away from me like this is my fucking leg I found this finders keepers it's mine it's mine I got an extra foot dang you're crazy just in case the other foot goes bad you know what happens sometimes when your foot turns into a demon

I got TMO. Tomomorphomorphous. Yeah, I see feet sometimes. They turn into demons. This is the second time this year, this year, and this is a, it's

It's March. It's March. Yeah, it's March. It's March. This is the second time that a body part has been removed from a crash scene. The executive director of a local mission in Bakersfield said that somebody brought a hand to the shelter three weeks ago, just days after a train hit a pedestrian in East Bakersfield. However...

All body parts were accounted for in that train accident. Where do you find that? No one knows where the hand came from. I feel like the story that we're not talking about in this is this train intersection and what the living fuck is happening. A lot of trains go through Bakersfield. Yeah, a lot of trains go through a lot of places. This is the most stories I've seen in one one go in terms of like a three month stretch.

Multiple people. I actually, sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. I'd love to know how many people are hit by trains each year. I think train accidents are more common than we may think. And they may also be suicides.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Well, according to, wow, pedestrian railroad accidents, the leading cause of death on railways. Yeah, I don't think it's murder mystery. More than 7,200 pedestrians have been killed by trains since 1997. Wow, in 2022, 954 people died after being hit by trains. An 11% increase from the year before. But I feel that if you're one intersection,

Right now, that means three people in the last three months, that's one per month, have been hit at this transit. You are assuming that that hand came from a train accident. Where else is it going to come from? Is it going to fall from the sky? Like, at the place where there's been other... I'm just saying there's a lot of bodies in Bakersfield. According to results, right? If you think about the idea of causation, obviously normally in logic, causation is...

technically i believe it's a fallacy idea that it's always like you can't always look at the previous and expend it's human causation is not correlation necessarily right but at the same time or is it correlation isn't causation i don't care but i do find interesting is the fact that if you in my mind if there's been multiple people that have exploded yeah at this drain intersection it would call it would in my mind would say

That that is from a previous human exploding on a train track. Well, you are assuming that it's the same intersection and it's not. I mean, that's the mission that serves that area. It's two different areas in which the train hits. It's not the same intersection? It's not the same intersection, no. What are you saying? I'm saying. It's the same city. Yeah, it's the same city. Bakersfield's very large.

It's not large enough for multiple people to die on this many people. I just feel like it's a high percentage across this, across the country. If 954 people died across the country in 2022, and then three people, I'm just assuming three already have died.

In just this, I mean, I don't know. Bakersfield has half a million, almost 400,000 people. It's got 400,000 people. Less than Fresno. But I'm still saying this still shows that an impressive amount of people are getting hit by trains in Bakersfield. I wonder if Fresno has, I feel like Fresno has a lot of trains going through. 66 people died in accidents at highway railroad grade crossings in Bakersfield. Huh. Wow. And that's out of 66 out of 250.

See, that's a lot, right? I think there's just a lot of trains running through Bakersfield. So you're saying the trains are the problem, that there's too many trains. You put enough trains in a populated area. I think trains are the safest way to go. They're on a track. They're on a track. You know where the train is going. It's super easy to avoid. It's more than you know where the train's coming from. It's super easy to avoid a train. It goes chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga. Really loud. For miles. Yeah. For miles. Ha-ha.

It's not fucking 1893. You got the coal. Moving the coal in there. That's interesting. I wonder. Yeah. Fresno train accidents. Why do so many people get hit by trains? Unprotected crossings. Sure, I could see that. Yeah, I could see unprotected crossings. Just, you know, not paying attention. Oh, dude, you know that the sun might think.

The sun might have a brain, bro. Are you fucking do your thought about the fact that like the sun might have like a fucking like cranium.

Where like shit like fucking happens. No, bro. No, listen to me, dude. And that's why like solar flares fucking... No, dude. Because the fucking... Fucking, bro, they're jealous of Earth because they have so many more fucking people living on fucking Earth, dude. No, listen to this, man. No, it's true. All right, here we go. Let me find this article. Yeah. Some fucking good thing, dude. The sun's got a fucking... Sun's got a fucking boner, dude. Consciousness? Yeah, dude. Sun's got a fucking boner, dude. Like a big boner or like what kind of boner? Like...

What kind of boner is it, guy? It's like a chubby or a halfy. So this is a thing called panpsychism. This is this idea that the concept is 19th century logical positivism. The idea that philosophical questions must have logical answers took a hold of the philosophical world. And we say, well, maybe it doesn't. We have this one guy who's coming out here. His name is Giulio Tononi. Now, this is from 2004.

He's Italian. Now, he has this concept called integrated information theory of consciousness. Right. That maybe consciousness is everywhere. Right. And this thing called pan, a panpsychist, right, believes that every single thing has consciousness. It all has consciousness. Right. So this guy, right, his name, Ben Goertzel.

Right. He's been talking about this fucking shit for a while. And he says that the link between minds and physical systems, physical systems, systems, physical systems, systems. I'm following you on this track, bro. I'm waiting for you to tell me how the fucking sun thinks. All right. These the link between minds and physical systems seems to be through rhythmic electromagnetic fields, which, of course, are present in our brains.

They are also present in and around the sun. And these could be the interface between the solar mind and the solar body of the sun. And it says that's why we've never been hit by the big solar flare because the sun has decided not to.

So, okay. The sun has spared us. So the sun is aware of what's happening. So the sun is aware of like power grids. Yeah. And he's like, it's voting for Jesse Ventura. Weird independent thing. He's doing a write-in. Yeah, he's doing a write-in for the next election. Okay, so the sun is aware of power grids and how dependent we are on electricity and all that. And what it does to menstrual cycles with its buddy, its best friend.

The moon. And the moon, who talks? The moon's in charge of periods. The sun's in charge of fucking dicks. What about all the other moons in the solar system? They don't want to talk. They're fucking introverts. They're introverts. They don't talk. They don't do anything. Yeah, so you need life on the planet in order for the sun to contact your moon? No, it's just that they just don't. Literally, they had a falling out. What?

So they used to be like really good, like all the moons and the sun. Oh, everybody used to hang out. Super close. But then this scene got fucking hardcore, dude. What happened? It's just because shit gets dark. You know what I mean? Shit gets dark. Everybody's hanging out in the same places. Everybody's fucking the same people. So you're saying the solar system is like Party Monster. It's just gotten too much for them. It's like the New York kids club scene. There's a time for a scene and the scenes change. Scenes change. Like the seasons. And Phobos is like Michael Alick. He killed a guy. I think it's more so like it's when they fired Tim Gunn and Heidi Kemp.

gloom from Project Runway and now they're kind of off doing their own thing. It's kind of created a schism. What happened with RuPaul and Lady Bunny? Ah, I understand. It's like a schism. Yeah, or like when Santino came out as anti-vax, like that sort of thing. That's a big reveal. When I showed that to Natalie, she freaked out. Yeah. Because he always rubbed us wrong. Oh yeah, Santino rubs everybody wrong. He's got something going on in there. It's always so, it's very strange what's happening in that man's head. He's been hanging out with P. Diddy.

That's complicated. Isn't that a complicated story? The P. Diddy story. Talk about like, that's to me, it's like when I see the, like the Diddy, like human trafficking things, kind of more so understanding just like how much of a fucking credible, you know, all the stories about second thing that I saw on this morning. But then she's like that story. That's all fucked up. They're going through things. Did he's just hiding outside the Miami airport, hide behind a bush. Yeah.

I'm calling a bunch of people like that's not good. He's fucking, he's doing something. God knows what he's doing means Cat Williams, right? What else Cat Williams correct about? So Cat Williams has been talking about P. Diddy for years. A long time. Everybody has been. And I guess they've all just been on the same thing. And then what if? I'd like to find out if the sun was on Epstein's plane. Because I want to see how far this goes. Because if the sun can think, can the sun molest? Depends. Can the sun molest? Ha!

Can the sun molest? If this is the time to come forward, if you are indeed a victim of the sun, which is the center of our, I want a cold space for you here. Please. Yeah. Let us know. But yeah, no, I think that they're all hanging out. I don't think Diddy, I think Diddy did bad things. Yeah. And then there was the big, there's the shooting in Moscow. Big news. It's incredibly huge. We're not going to talk about it. No. Because I don't know how to do it in a way that's

I mean, that will make everybody upset. Yeah, it's a very upsetting. It's an extraordinarily upsetting story. Yeah, it's like the Bataclan shooting all over again. Yeah, it's not good. Nothing's good. But you know what is good? We're going back on tour. This is a good time for a plug. I think this is a really good time. JK Ultra. See you in North America. That's right. All right. Where are we at? It's time for mail. It's time for some listener fucking emails. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think Lil Wayne's fine. Yeah. He didn't do anything? I don't think so. I think Lil... No, he's... No? There's stuff. Is there stuff? There's stuff on him. Okay. Who can we like? Willie Nelson? Yeah! This is tax evasion and that's as American as...

for the flag, man. Yeah. I would say, well, no, Snoop Dogg killed a guy. Snoop Dogg did kill a guy. Dr. Dre threw... You know who we can like? Eminem? I'm not sure. Ooh, I hear you. Yeah, he's fine. I like him. I said that, you know, I like him. But again, who do you like, though? It's more so, who do you like? I think that we can like...

No. Wow. Dead air. Full on dead air. Trying to figure out a single unproblematic person that we can name off the top of our heads. I would imagine that most of the tribe called Quest is pretty great.

You know who's great, who we can all agree on that's wonderful? Andre 3000. Yes, we can. Andre 3000. Yes, he is a curious man. He serves art wholly. He is a beautific presence on stage. And his generosity as both an intellectual and as a heart forward artist.

is unparalleled. Exactly. As Chuck Klosterman said, hey, I was the last thing, the last thing that all of America agreed on. We never haven't agreed on anything since then. So maybe if Andre 3000, I mean, come back to hip hop. We love the flute, but come back to hip hop. I mean, we love the flute, but yeah, you know, there's,

Yeah. He needs to find himself before he finds us. I won't saddle my needs on him. God, no. No. No, let the man do it because that album is incredible. All right, here we go. So first of all, while Marcus is here, I think this is really appropriate because we finally, this is the nail in the fucking coffin. Yeah. To this conversation about...

birds versus Godzilla. And this is the last time I'm bringing it up because this is literally the last word. And it is what I, I, our, our fucking listeners are the best. Yeah. Now this was, I love this. This, this letter. Yeah. This is from listener Jess. Thank you so much for this. This is absolutely the last word. Like this is the experts, the experts have weighed out and spoken and it is, it's done after this. Now I'm reporting in from Gary con.

the convention that honors the life and work of Gary Gygax, co-creator of the original Dungeons & Dragons game. In attendance is Mike Merles, lead designer of the current and previous edition of D&D. He's got his own Wikipedia page. It's great. I asked him to weigh in on the Godzilla vs. Birds from the Birds as we had just been hotly debating the night prior over drinks. He has given permission for me to report his official ruling on this incredibly important topic.

While the stats given to Godzilla are not official and were fan-created homebrew, Mr. Merles is of the considered opinion that by the rules of D&D 5 5th edition, several thousand birds, such as ravens,

could indeed defeat Godzilla or at least do enough damage to drive him away. The reasoning confirmed. A bird would have to roll a natural 20 attack in order to hit Godzilla due to his high armor class. Approximately one in every 20 attacks would roll the required 20 critically hit and do additional damage. Thus, 2,000 birds would land about 100 critical hits and so on. That's in a probability perfect world though. Right? Right.

The birds are small and nimble, often able to avoid large, clumsy, telegraphed attacks from the kaiju. Making concerted group attack with a goal in mind, the birds would most almost certainly dive bomb into Godzilla's soft, fleshy eyes where they would do the most damage and ultimately, if not kill him, blind him. Though they would perish with each such attack, he reminds us that in D&D, all creatures die

no matter how strong, have a weak spot. Yes. And that would likely be the spot to hit Godzilla as it lacks scaly armor. I believe I may have brought up that point. Yes, and blinded, Godzilla's ability to attack or defend would suffer, and he would likely flee back into the ocean or trip and fall. If he stuck around, eventually enough birds would continue to dive bomb into his eye sockets, into his brain, and over time, kill him. Now, my one thing is,

Can I ask this? I want to ask this guy. If you can get this guy, hold this guy. Right. With this guy's right. What happens? Why do the birds get to choose on what level of the birds conscious in their actions? What is natural? Are you playing? Are we allowed to play the birds? Birds as NPCs? Would they naturally know to attack Godzilla at its scaly eyes? Does it exist as such?

Would these birds being, you know, and then again, if it doesn't roll the critical amount of critical hits, will the birds then be destroyed? You just said that this is the final ruling. And now you're asking a lot more questions, a lot more questions.

It's never done. The digging is never done. However, I will, even though it does say that, this man is saying... It's more for my curiosity. This man is saying, and this is an expert saying that, you know, the birds could take down Godzilla. I will, however, have to stand by my initial ruling because it was...

400 birds versus Godzilla. That's why. Not several thousand. That's why we know. Yeah. That's how we know we were right on our show. But I am just really, really excited this debate has continued on and that we will like this is the magic of this. When I'm thinking of the next year, we've talked a little bit about this, about what we might do for the March Madness next year. Because now we might be doing more. We love doing it yearly. Yeah. But next time, I think we're going to bring it down to Earth.

and make it more regular powers. We've got to get more deep in the, figure it out. Get a little bit more deep and like actually do it with like 20-sided die.

God, that would be cool, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that make everybody think that we're the coolest? I think everybody would think we were the coolest if we did that. Who's the coolest guys ever in the world? Maybe we could also, maybe we could have a DM come in and help us. That could be nice. We can talk about this. Yeah, we do know some very talented DMs. We do. All right, this next letter. This came in response to our David Icke series when I was asking about the, what is the specific mental purpose

problem with people that view conspiracy theories and talk and they can't read something as allegorical. They must take it specifically. You must take it literally. Literally.

I'm a political science PhD student at WSU, currently doing research on the political psychology of conspiracy theories, political violence, and radicalization in America. Loving the David Icke series. Nice. I have not yet listened to the Anders Breivik series, as I'm currently doing a study on radicalization and the Great Replacement, which involves reading his manifesto, but very much looking forward to decompressing with your series after I finish that. What a piece of shit.

Agreed. In response to Henry's question about what is a psychological mechanism that underlies conspiracy believers being unable to interpret information as figurative, he's likely asking about the need for cognitive closure or to define briefly a psychological need for definitive answers in order to avoid feelings of uncertainty. This makes a ton of sense. Like Sina and I talk about this. It's like one of those like the OCD things where you're afraid of the gap in the loop, right? Just like you just always want to fill the gap in the loop.

An experimental study by, I can't pronounce this, Mishnicka, Chichaka, and Koshawashka has demonstrated the connection between need for cognitive closure and conspiracy endorsement in addition to a series of other correlational studies. Interestingly enough,

The need for cognitive closure scale was developed by Ari Kruglansky, a big name in radicalization research, who's also described conspiracy theories as radicalization narratives. I think Henry summarized it well when he said something along the lines of, if you actually believe this is how the world works, then what else are you going to do? However, there are quite a few psychological mechanisms that underlie belief in conspiracies.

In the psychological research, these are broadly classified as epistemic. The need for information, existential, need to avoid anxiety and fear, and social, finding community with the conspiracy believers, which we talked about, the friends that you make along the way.

Some scholars have also suggested these mechanisms create a vicious feedback loop where individuals experiencing existential anxiety seek out information through conspiracy theories, which then prompts more existential anxiety and starts the process of

over and over again. Yeah, I made that point when I said that when people look for conspiracy theories, you know, out of a, you know, kind of a despair in their own lives, they only ever find more despair. It's always more despair. Nothing's going to salt. Nothing's going to make you feel better about it. It is. There is no piece of information that's going to finally be the thing that puts your soul to rest. This then becomes amplified over time while simultaneously constructing an antagonistic

outgroup that grounds in social reality, i.e. the Jews, and leads to a range of dangerous behaviors. That's a very interesting stuff. And I have a bunch of other, like, I got a lot of, like, I'm going to watch this documentary about conspiratorial thinking and misinformation. And it is very interesting because we do want life to be more interesting than it is. And I also... And also simpler than it really is. Both, because it is then both, right? Because then it means that there's a daddy in charge. There's somebody, there's some massive...

conspiratorial octopus that is showing you that life is not chaos, that there is a plan even though you don't understand it. Now, one thing about David Icke that I will still continue to say is that, again, he co-opted reptilians. Reptilians are still free. Yeah.

Reptilians are just alien entities. And do I believe that reality is thin and we live in an interdimensional set of circumstances? Absolutely. I believe in all of this. I believe all of that can be true and also not have it be that the United States government necessarily has like vats where they grow child sex slaves and they ship them out across. I feel like there is a middle ground. Yeah.

Maybe. I think we can safely say that reptilians aren't involved in the government. No, they're hassling the Pleiadians. They're playing a much larger game. It's a bigger game. They're hassling the Pleiadians. They're living underground. They are just, again, what we talked about last time, if they are anything, they are Mormon. If you watch anything about this fucking Ruby Frankie, Jodi Hildebrand stuff, they are fucking Mormon.

I haven't read that. I haven't checked this thing out yet. Divisions of Glory is a book that we'll end up covering on a series because it is the... We will have to do a series. I know that Spun, someplace underneath, has been kind of more dialed in on this subject. They're all obsessed with this one guy. I got to find out the proper name. Natalie told me. It's in the book. I'm going through. That they believe is the rightful prophet that should be in charge of the Mormon church. But this guy is a...

He's not good. Yeah. I would imagine so. I imagine he's fucking awful. Everybody involved in it is bad. And it's written under a pseudonym. Mm-hmm. Do they know who wrote it? Yeah.

Yes. Uh, this guy named John Pontius wrote it, but then he wrote it also as a pseudonym. He wrote it as a pseudonym, but then he quote, basically it's the story of this guy that died and went and had a near death experience. And then he had three separate near death experiences and each one told them a chunk of the future of Mormonism and the world. And, uh, these guys all wanted to happen. And what does it involve? You know, polygamy, child brides, uh,

All the worst shit. Don't look at that stuff. Yeah. Don't look at that stuff. And then the good stuff. Like what? You know what I mean? Like just not the normal stuff. Smiling. They smile a lot. They have that. They have that. I honestly think that that should not be theirs. Smiling. I think they should get smiling. I mean, they can share it. With who? All of us.

Love every day like Mormons owe you a smile. Live walking around. If you see a Mormon being like, where's my fucking smile today? Where is it at? Don't hassle the Mormons. Where's my fucking smile today, Mormon? Don't hassle the Mormons. And then laugh buying them lunch. Because buy a Mormon lunch and flip them back to the other side. Show them a titty. Show a Mormon. We can get the hot dog hooker.

to show breasts her well-formed 50 year old long Island breasts to these Mormons. We could flip them.

Come on. It's a lap dance. I had my pants on. It's not a crime. I had my pants on. Yeah, she's got, you know who's. I only showed her my top half of my boobies. I love that lady. Except for the anti-Semitism. Except for the anti-Semitism. Now she's bad. I like the old version. Now she's like, local character is great. Public nuisance, bad. Bad. Can't encourage it. Cannot encourage it. Can't encourage public nuisance-sensium.

This has been another episode of Side Stories. And what an incredible episode it's been. Hadn't it been? Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to see us do this in person. You'll see other things.

Go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV to see all of our wares or Twitch wares or streams. And a YouTube channel. We're going to be doing a No Dogs in Space livestream this Monday, April 1st. It's actually going to be our anniversary. How cute. Yeah, real cute. But not your marriage. No, dating. Oh, whoa. That doesn't count anymore, buddy. You know what? That's the thing. Not after marriage. It doesn't count anymore. That's the thing. It's not going to count until the end of the... Until our...

marriage anniversary, our wedding anniversary this year because in November would be our five-year wedding anniversary. Then it kicks over. Then it kicks over, but until we hit the five-year wedding anniversary, the dating anniversary still counts as a special day. laughter

I think it's just because for us, it's a very easy date. It's like April Fool's Day will always be the day we went on our first date and we're together from then on. We had to choose to change our dating anniversary because it ended up being the same day her parents got married. Natalie's parents got married and they got divorced. You could say it was 9-11. Yeah, God. You know how horny I am on 9-11. Yeah.

You never know when they're coming for us here. All right. Well, yeah, I guess that's it. Go see us on tour. Last spot guest left dot com. Go get those tickets. Can't wait. It's gonna be fun as fuck. Yeah. Click tour. Click the day. Actually, it's under. I think it's under shows. I'm not tour on the website. You'll figure it out. If you can't figure it out, then I don't know how you're going to get out the door that comes with the show. Hail Satan, everyone. Okay. Goodbye, buddy.

This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.

♪♪

Ahora que ya sabes, recuerda que no importa qué concierto vayas este verano. Disfrútalo y quédate aquí en Motel 6, donde siempre te esperamos con la luz y la música prendida.

Driving this summer in a new Honda. Act now during Honda's summer event to save thousands with low 1.9% financing. Full inventory is here. Cars, SUVs, trucks, vans, and hybrids. With hybrids, the battery charges as you drive. Don't miss Honda's summer event with big savings on gas or hybrid. Like the 2024 Honda Ridgeline. Now with low 1.9% financing. Search your local Honda dealer. See dealer for financing details for what qualified buyers offer ends 9-3-24.