Side Stories: The Suicide Pod
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Hot Tats. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Oh.

Side stories. Yes. Oh, shit! In time of my life.

All right, great. Are we rolling? UFOs in our skies. My God, the proof. It's coming rolling, my friend. I can't believe you don't say the proof is in the pudding more often. I won't. As a good pud cross promo. Because that's what you're talking about right there is taking away from one and giving to another.

Any pudding-related thoughts and pudding-related themes have to stay with the pudding-based show. Oh, okay. Because if I waste that gold here... There's only so much you could say about pudding. What are you talking about? We've literally talked about pudding and around pudding for...

Close to dozens of hours. Yeah. And we're going to continue to go. We're doing another live stream this week. We're going to be eating pudding the entire time. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God you have three therapists. You turn this into a pudding-based intro. I was just trying to help you with your catchphrases. But you don't need to. You don't need to because you have to remember, you've been here a year. Yes. We talked about this. Hot year, baby! It's been a year. And so now you know. That's the second rule.

First rule is, please, if I can shit first, let me. In terms of in the bathroom. There's two bathrooms. I know.

But you know there's a shit in one and there's a piss in one. I poop downstairs. Both of us do. Everyone does. Everybody with our undercarriages do. I will say your wife had the whole bathroom covered in her clothes today and I couldn't poop in there. Welcome to hot girl life. It's called hot girl life. And you can poop around it. I do as well. I know, but it was just, you know, I felt weird pooping around all kinds of weird clothes. That's her choice. And it was also some of your sister's clothes as well. That's her choice. I'm not saying this is directly involved in your fault. Literally, you

shit as long as you're not shitting on them. I love them, but these are your people. I know you love them. You're basically all family. I don't know how we got here.

It's not even how I wanted to begin. But you literally can do that. As long as you don't go to the bathroom on the clothes, that's on them for leaving it around the poop stool. Let's move past poo-poo. You started this! I don't think I started poo-poo. You did. You did. Side stories. Play back the tape. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? It's his one-year anniversary.

Yay! One year. And we're getting better at it, as you can see. One day. One day. But I wanted to talk about one of the single clearest pieces of UFO footage I have ever seen. It is a picture. This guy who is a professional slash amateur photographer who is from China. I believe his name is, I can't read the name. What does it say here? Rob, you go down a little bit. It's Kranranian? Kranranian? Sure. Sure.

I can't read it. But I need my glasses. This is sad. This Chinese pedographer in the city of Chiamen, right? Now, this is on September 16th of this year. He took a bunch of pictures and he put them on Reddit. And I believe, well, they were on his Flickr and then they ended up on Reddit due to the, you know, obviously our constant obsession. Flickr still exists? Serenim. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Serenim. That's the name of the account.

He took a picture of this object in the sky. You didn't know what it looked like. And I swear to God, it's got like racing stripes. This thing is one of the coolest single objects I've ever seen. We got the meta information, all the metadata on the actual pictures. It is not Photoshopped. That is just something that was in the sky that makes no sense. It is a disc. It looks Photoshopped. It does look Photoshopped, but it's not. We got the metadata. How do you do that? I saw it online. Sure. Okay.

They showed it online. I guess this was his, yes, this is his Flickr. Okay. Slash TikTok. He's got this and he takes a bunch of amateur photography and he's got a great camera. And it's, there has been a lot of actually very good footage of UFOs that have popped out recently. Obviously, you're going to see a lot of it on my next mandate when I forced you to do that. Depending on whether or not I'm going to get to the next round of Hall of Goblins on my next mandate. I haven't decided how I felt yet.

But this footage is really inspiring me. This is very, very good. And it's amazing what you can learn. Because I learned not just this from Reddit, but did you know, year 2027, so not much time,

That's when our contract with the aliens is over. Oh, interesting. So it was a 70-year contract. And they respect our laws? Very much so. They're actually, they view themselves as wholly lawful. Oh, okay. Right, and that according to their engagement with us, they're not supposed to, they're not supposed to openly fuck with us. How did they sign the contract? I don't know.

I actually think it was just a click through. It was one of those emails. That's the problem, man. I sign all kinds of shit. Click, click, click, click. No idea what I just said yes to. No idea. So 2027, aliens are going to show up. So we've had 70 years to clean up our act. And because we haven't...

What they are going to do is fake an alien invasion with the help of various world governments. China, us, Russia. They're going to fake an alien invasion with us using our hologram technology. And then they are going to show up in order to be the good aliens. And they're going to save all of society. This is all going to happen. Okay. Set your watch. How come you're just telling me about this now? Because I just learned it today. Oh, okay. Set your watch.

And so they're coming back and then they're going to be the good aliens. Project Bluebeam breaks it wide open. If you just type in Project Bluebeam into Reddit and you just go through every, you can just see every man who's never touched a woman, but they have great ideas. And they really are boiling down what's going on with Project Bluebeam, which is going to be the holographic fake.

alien invasion. The aliens should show up as the good guys and then us with the aliens are going to stop the world war. They're going to stop WW3. The fake world war. No, it's going to be a real world war that's going to be started by the fake alien invasion but then the real aliens are going to show up. They're going to

end the war and then they're going to fix everything but we're going to join them in tandem in a New World Order style government with the aliens in charge. With the aliens in charge of the whole thing. The whole bang, yeah. So we're not going to have to worry about this. And you think Putin's going to say okay to this? I think Putin doesn't have any choice because I think they're going to turn him into like a leech. They're going to turn him into some kind of weird experiment. I don't know what they're going to do with him.

But I know that's bedrock real. All right, Bluebeam. So don't even worry about the election. Well, now that you told everyone, the whole deal's off. No. It's happening no matter what, man, because I learned secretly on Reddit. You learned secretly on Reddit. On YouTube. Now you're telling everyone that listens to this show. So they can be prepared.

But if they're all prepared, then no one's going to believe the whole thing's flawed. They need a new plan. You see, our audience was already credulous. So even they knew. Our audience is wise, red. You didn't know yesterday. But now I do. And I'm as smart as our audience. And I know now that what's going on here is...

It's too big to stop. And it's the real steal. When you say hashtag stop the steal, this is what you should mean. Yeah, I guess. Because the aliens are coming out. Or according to them, they're not even stealing the entire world. It was theirs to begin with. Is Britain involved? I think so, but you know them.

Softies. Yeah. Thank you. He can't handle it. He can't handle it. But I was watching another interview with a hypnotist slash past life regressionist by the name of Dolores Cannon, I believe was her name. I love her films. What she says is she talks to people that, according to, yes, Dolores Cannon, she talks to move on groups sometimes. Every once in a while, she talks to experiencers and she's

And she says, as a hypnotist... She's dead. She's dead now. She died in 2014. Yeah, so I have an interview with her. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. But you're talking about her in present time. I saw it today. Oh, okay. Yeah, all this is brand new to me. Okay, great. So Dolores Cannon, she goes and does past life regressions on people that have experienced abductions before...

because she says that according to the intelligences that have abducted us, right, every once in a while, depending on what various member of the alien race it is, right, whichever type of alien it is, what they don't...

Don't mean us harm, quote unquote. We experience fear of the scenario no matter what. Fear is our strongest emotion. Is it? I don't know. This is according to this woman. Look at her. She looks like she's made out of honey. Right. She looks like she's got a big fun butt and she's got a big curly Barbara Bush head. They barely have any pictures of her butt here. Look right there. She's a wide sitter like me. Oh, yeah. And so Dolores Cannon, she says that because...

She is like an intermediary between the people that have lost time during abductions and the entities themselves. The entities will speak to her as a hypnotist while in the scenario. So they will explain things to her. And she said that mostly the problem with aliens is that they scare us so immediately. We get scared as soon as we are around them that the

memories that we have of the abductions that we're not supposed to have in the first place. We're supposed to have no memory of it. They're way scarier than they would be because of the way our fear of the scenario changes it. And so actually the aliens are saying, hey, we're not like trying to fuck with you. We're just supposed to bag 2,500 of you a year to try to figure out how to make you immortal. Yeah. Don't you want that? Because originally they were supposed to start as immortal. The human apes that were manipulated by the aliens that turned into

Us. We were supposed to never get sick. Okay. But then there was a problem because a meteorite hit us, killed the dinosaurs. That left a series of viruses on the planet Earth that they had already eradicated, but then it rebrought those alien viruses back to Earth, and that's why we get sick now. Oh, oh. I thought we were aliens.

We are aliens, but we've been here so long we're native, like how at 10 years you become an Angeleno. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was wondering, because I've been here for seven. I'm like, I still feel new. It's 10. Although I did have, we had an earthquake recently, and I didn't give a shit. So I kind of felt like I might have skipped three years. You're getting there. Yeah, I totally was like, yeah. The big two things about knowing you're an Angeleno, another two things is that you know about Angelenos when you're not scared. An Angeleno is not scared of...

of the earthquakes ever. And two, they have been featured at some point in one of P. Diddy's many freak-off videos. That's New York. I mean, it's everywhere. It's Miami, it's L.A., it's New York. I thought it was all bad boy entertainment New York style. Oh, it's everywhere. He had four walls and a camera, just like Cecil B. DeMille. He was making art...

So we talked about Diddy last week. Is there an update from what we talked about last week? The main update I have was this extremely interesting police interrogation I saw footage of, of a man by the name of Jonathan Otte that was arrested in 2018 for vandalizing, I believe, I forget which Trump post.

It was during his presidency, and he walked into the, I forgot what it was, like a golf club or a country club, and he fucked it all up. He dumped garbage all over the floors. He put an American flag on it. Love this guy. He shot it up on the inside. Total nut bar, right? But positive for us. Well, you can't shoot up anything and be positive. But no, no one was in there. It was just a building. I know, but why don't you bring in a gun? I know everyone's angry. It's your fault.

But Jonathan Otte, during the middle of his interrogation, this is in 2018. He looks like there's nothing going on behind his eyes. He looks like, or so many things have happened that all of the thoughts have exited. He's got the stare. And so Jonathan Otte, in the middle of this thing where they're trying to ask him questions about, like the Secret Service is trying to ask him stuff about, you know, why is he here? Why is he here to kill Trump? Blah, blah, blah. He goes on this long monologue about how if you want to know something real,

I want to talk to you about the black Illuminati. And he's just, they're all like, oh, okay. And he's like, I was puff daddy sex slave.

And I had to have sex with him and Cassie. And it was all filmed. And they got me addicted to meth. And they got me into stuff. And he brought up this stuff where he brought up this one crew, which is, again, it's all been debunked. All of this has been debunked that I'm about to say. But he brought it up in a weird, curious way, which was he said that P. Diddy was a part of the what they called the boule. Right.

which is the commanding group of the Sigma Pi Phi fraternity, which is an all-black fraternity that created a secret inner group called the Boulay in 1904 that they have just even admitted is around. So they didn't even say that it was there. And so he accused Sean Combs of being one of those guys, which he's not. We know that he is not a part of any of that. But it is one of those interesting things he's talked about, which is it just made hair stick up on the back of my neck because, and you know how easy that is. Yeah, oh yeah.

But I was listening to him talk about this and kind of echo what we were talking about, how the crimes are going to be very, very similar to Epstein. Yes. And what we're going to see is a lot of celebrities are connected to it. And he somehow might, it seems that he might have learned something.

How to do this from some other like cryptic old dudes like Russell Simmons and these other guys that are now we now know that got into a lot of fucking trouble. Simmons got in a lot of trouble, left the country. Yes. Horrible to be around. I met him once. He was a nightmare for human beings. It seemed like they are. None of these guys were particularly very nice. But what it's just wild to hear this guy say what sounds like a man talking at a bus stop.

about how all of these things, and he outlined all this stuff that happened inside of these various freak-off parties to the Secret Service being like, all right, buddy, that's enough. We got to get back to what we were talking about. But somebody found this. They put it on Law and Crime, the Law and Crime Network. They found the interrogation, and he is completely correct about what they are saying.

So he either hid inside information or was, in fact, what he said he was. But now he is named in one of the lawsuits. It seems like he was named in one of these pieces of paperwork that allowed them to search Puff Daddy's house in the first place and find these so-called videotapes that they've been hinting at that they have, which seems to feature Jonathan Otte. So he might actually have straight up proof.

that what happened is real. We're not sure yet. Again, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but it's a lot...

of smoke if there is no fire. You mentioned comparing him to Jeffrey Epstein, and I think a lot of them going after everyone in the Diddy case has a lot to do with how much bungled the fucking Epstein case was. Because the only people arrested were Epstein and Ghislaine, right? Ghislaine, yeah. But the thing that I will say is that I think that that might be a feature and not a bug that

that the reason why they freak out when somebody like Epstein, finally, they finally decided to let Epstein take the heat and take the rap for, which is probably hundreds of people being involved in. Nevermind all of this. It's in order to make it successful. At least two former presidents, uh,

At least, like, all these people were directly involved with Epstein. Royalty. Yeah, so I could see also the, you know, and then the suspicious circumstances of his death, which seems to either be entirely controlled by Epstein, which I totally understand, but it's why they're putting Sean Combs in Suicide Watch. Epstein was in Suicide Watch. But, you know.

It sounds like they were just there. It's like they watched him commit suicide. It seemed like an observatory. You know what I mean? It seemed to be more of a suicide auditorium for them. And we might see the same thing. I don't know because I think that Sean Combs' activities are going to pull in a lot of the entertainment community. I think that...

The thing about Epstein, the why Epstein had to go, if he did indeed had to go, it was because of the politicians and scientists and spies and all of these things that he was completely connected to. And then Diddy is just as connected. I just don't think he's, they're saying now that they think some politicians were at these freak offs, all this type of shit. It sounds like it was this gigantic, super fun, but also secret keeping mechanisms.

that he has been using. Man, I saw this new footage of him and Bieber. Who looks like

When he was 20, he even looks so young. He looks like such a little boy. Yeah. Then he was like, how come you don't call me no more? How come we don't hang out like we used to? And then he was just like, oh, you're supposed to go through my management. Yeah, trying to be sweet or whatever when you realize, like, no, it's because you're a fucking predator, dude, and you're going to hand me around like I'm a basket of Easter eggs. Yeah. All right. And I ain't. I'm a man. Man, fuck. You think Scooter's involved?

He would have to be. Scooter Braun? Actually, I have no idea. I mean, if Bieber's involved and Scooter's involved. There was another guy, too, that just came out. Another... But just also, this is all speculation. Well... Just so anyone knows. Except, I mean, Jonathan Otte being connected to the search warrant, like being connected to the investigation is extremely interesting. Yeah. Because if he was just talking shit... Mm-hmm.

They would not have included him. Yeah. Why do I keep hearing Cuba Goody Jr.'s name? Because it seems like he also might be involved. Yeah. Like he just went to the parties a lot. It was all that Snow Dogs money. Yeah. You know? It's hard. How is his least popular film his most popular? Because we never wanted to let him forget it. Yeah. Because he won an Oscar and he chose to spend that collateral on a Talking Dogs movie. That's right.

That's why. His Oscar winning movie is right next to Snow Dogs. He was in so many other films that are better films that are not on the top. When you just Google his name, the first thing it's, yeah, it's Boys in the Hood, Jerry Maguire, Snow Dogs. That's his life.

it's so crazy and he played oj oh yes he did which is great effect yeah which is also going back to what i'm thinking kind of where my head goes with the epstein thing is because they fucked that up so bad that they want to throw the book at puff daddy just like how when they they fucked up the oj thing they threw the book at him for the second crime absolutely i also think that they know that they have to yeah uh with puff daddy and i also think that he's an entertainer and i think it's

easier to go after that group versus a group of politicians. And plus, you know, I think we'd be silly not to mention the straight up racism in the government. Oh, yeah. Very much. Just straight up. Just being like so excited to bust a bunch of hip hoppers. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to get these hip

hoppers because one thing that Jonathan Addy also talks about which I think is also complete rumor and conspiracy theory but it was interesting where he was like the ultimate goals of the black Illuminati or to return to turn the hip-hop industry into a giant drug trafficking like mechanism just make great music the

Just make the music. Nobody. If the music's good enough, someone else will do the drugs. That's the idea. That's what you'd think. Yeah. But they all say the same thing, which is also what every cop says. It's like, because you know where there's drugs, there's money. And where there's money, there's guns. And where there's guns, there's women. And where there's women, there's makeup. And you're like, what? How else? How far down are we going? But we'll see. Obviously, everything's going to come out in the wash. Yeah. But this is...

It's very concerning. Obviously very concerning. Very concerning. Is this going to end up being bigger than OJ? I mean, it's definitely a bigger series of crimes. I'm sorry. Just in terms of the scope. But he is, yeah, racketeering, human trafficking. And how did Puff Daddy's wife die? Puff Daddy's wife died?

Am I wrong about that? I think you might be right. Didn't she have a mysterious death also? Actually, I don't know about that, actually. I don't know. Kim Porter. Kim Porter died from pneumonia. Oh, okay. Yes, yes, yes. His ex-wife died of pneumonia in 47. Oh, yeah, yeah. Flu-like symptoms for several days after passing away in her Los Angeles home. 2018. You know, I imagine if you...

Have sex for many days. Well, that wasn't her then. I think by then she was out of it. They were saying that all of the freak-offs really started as he went into billionaire, almost billionaire status. Man, there's just so many weird things that don't line up. No, it's not good. No, it's really, really not good. Because no one's wanted to look into this

at all, and now it's all coming out. So we'll see. We really shall see, because even the Epstein stuff never fully came out. Oh, her ex-husband says that he thinks foul play. Oh, of course. Yes, because why not? We know that Puff Daddy's not a nice man. No. And he's had people killed. Now I know for a fact that we talked about when we did our update on Biggie and Tupac.

He was even more closely... He offered a million dollars for Tupac. But we know that he was even more closely involved in that than originally thought. He's probably responsible for both of their deaths. Yeah, the beginning of it. Also, it was my characterization of him, my mind, of imagining it not being extremely serious, just assuming that he's just this out-of-touch millionaire, just being like, somebody handle this for me! But then you're like, oh no!

Oh, wow. He did quite a bit of stuff. Yeah. And after his like reality show, he just seemed like such a chode. Yes. That I would have never thought he'd be capable of doing something like this. This is what I'm starting to understand. He just seems like such a loser. Eddie, you know what I'm really starting to understand is that as much as I want to admit that, you know, like losers sometimes are exactly as they appear.

You know, like some, I, you and I want to give people the benefit of the doubt all the time, especially in Los Angeles. I always just kind of want to imagine somewhere in my head of like, they're just kind of, they're kind of aloof or whatever, but that's just because they're distracted or they're under high pressure. But every once in a while you find one of these people that are acting like a chode. And the reason why is because they are a huge fucking asshole and they think that to act

mean is what gives them power over other people. It says, obviously, Eddie, what they're missing is something inside. Not like me. I wonder if someone made Suge Knight a prison cake this week for him to celebrate. I feel like he's not... I feel like he's not happy. You don't think so? No. I don't think he was at the parties. I think we could say he wasn't there. No, he wasn't there. No. No, no, no. I think he's just like, let me out of jail. Fly from your grave.

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Focus is one of the most important things to have at work. Tell me about it. Right, Rob? Grammarly helps with any writing, from brainstorming to sounding more confident, persuasive at work. That's what I need. Okay? Because for some reason, the employees here don't give me just general respect without me asking for it. Okay? So, yes. Thank you, Grammarly, for finally letting these people, these people, my employees, focus

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Oh, well, I wanted, before we even get started on the show, really, I wanted to give a big shout out. Henry and I saw The Substance last night. Oh, real quick. No spoilers. Don't worry about it. No. Just get your ass to see it. Just go. It's movie of the year, right? Yes. So far? So far. Yeah, I like Kill and I like this. Cuckoo, and I watch Cuckoo and I like Cuckoo a lot, but this is so far my favorite movie. Go and see it. And the only other thing I'm slightly...

I'm not offended. I'm not going to go on to a whole Charlie Hunnam-esque rant about this, but I watched some of The Penguin. I haven't gotten there yet fully. It's great. It's great. I enjoyed it. I'm not done with it yet. It's only one episode. You can't be done with it. Sorry, I was watching whatever came out. I was looking at clips of it. I'm just angry because... What are you angry about? Not really angry. It's just that there's a scene where you see Penguin. He doesn't have his shirt on. Mm-hmm.

And that body that they put on, arguably one of the most handsome men in the world. Yeah. $25,000 bodysuit that was on him. Just to have him look like me. Yeah. And I feel on some level... You could have been his body double.

I feel like I'm so angry. Look at his body and tell me that that's not a dead ringer for my body. Well, remember when they were casting it, I went to Twitter. I said, we gotta get Henry an audition. I'm not worried about it. This is not bitter about not being penguin. But what I'm saying is my culture is not your costume. And me being a fat,

tub of shit Italian Polish man. Yeah. It's not your funny little game. Did you see the... Alright, because I gotta walk around like this. Alright? Me, that guy from, what was the, you saw another man? The guy with the big face? Oh, so good. Me, him? Yes. That's not your fucking culture, bro.

I know. Oh, oh, fun to do. Fun to send up. Fun to walk a mile in my moccasins. But you don't want to go to the store and buy them, do you? Dude, one of the worst things I ever saw was Bradley Cooper playing the elephant man on Broadway. No. It was so stupid. It was like, he's just beautiful Bradley Cooper. And then they start describing him as the elephant man. And he starts putting his fingers together and scrunching his face. And you're like, shit.

Shut up! Yeah, just like, whatever, dude. With his perfect bronze body and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing the Eddie Redmayne thing where he just goes like, okay, I'm going to tell you something. With no prosthetics, he just starts putting his lips weird and we're like, oh, okay, you're the elephant man. You're Bradley Cooper. Unbelievable. Did you see the penguin's feet? Those easily could have been your feet. Again, my culture...

It's not your costume. Sure, yeah. You don't know what the bravery it takes for me to walk around like this all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You understand the bravery? Look at those little hocks. You understand what my life is like, all right? Having to walk around. With your flippers. With crisscrossed toes. Yeah.

All right. Oh, what a horrendous thing. He's got hair all over him. What a monster. He must be a Batman villain. Yeah. Oh, look at his body. Oh, he must belong in Arkham Asylum.

I will say my major complaint. That's a problem for him. That's a club foot for him. Yeah, it's not a big issue, really. Colin Farrell's beautiful, too. He's very handsome. But he does a great job. I met him. Oh, yeah? What's he like? I told him about the show. Did he take a swing? Did he come over? Yeah, he's going to be on the show. Eventually. You're in or you're first. Will you be nice to him? Of course. I'm not anti-him. This is not an anti-him thing. He's not even anti-the-Batman. Who are you mad at? Matt Reeves?

You know what? I think I'm just mad at me not taking care of myself. The Warner Brothers? No, no. I think I'm mad at the fact that...

fact that i yeah you could have been the riddler no yeah i'm just saying just looking at the body and you're just like wow that's somebody's ultimate nightmare huh yeah but that's what i live with every day yeah that's why he's so angry is the feet oh there's bradley cooper it's just yeah i guess it is why he's yeah i was in the like the third row and i honestly couldn't help but like laugh several times that's the movie that he should have been remembered for radio yes jr

in radio. That's when he was fucking most blessed. Yeah, no, radio was great. Radio is the kind of movie, now that's the movie they can't make anymore. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Although, you know, this is more of a documentary now. I saw the, when I saw that he was playing O.J. Simpson, I was like, oh, is that radio too? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

No, though. No. Because it was a very serious set of crimes. But the substance, unbelievable. Go see it. To me, more fucking slays. Margaret Qualley, unbelievable. The director, her other movie was Revenge, which is unbelievable. It's incredible. Great, great, great, great ass movie. It really was truly wonderful. I'm blown away by it. The one thing I will say is someone who's squeamish,

To like blood and guts on screen. We were sitting in the second row. Eddie was twisting. He couldn't hang. He was just going like, Jesus fucking Christ. I almost left like three times. I'm so happy I stuck it out. The end is one of the greatest payoffs I've ever seen in a movie. It's so worth it. If you're watching the movie and you're squealing, it kind of reminded me of Mother.

I found Mother way more annoying than this. The stress of it. Like Mother, I want to go back and see this movie again, but watch the audience. Oh, yes. The audience is the best part. I want a chair facing the audience rather than the actual screen. Because L.A.'s such an uptight country.

like city, especially for that type of reaction and hearing the audience standing ovation, having to deal with it was great, but yeah, go check it out. You have to check it out. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Great.

You don't know if it's a horror movie or not. No, I do. I think it's a horror movie. We talked about it not being a Halloween movie. Oh, okay. And we're going to do a 31 for 31. We are going to be doing... Side Stories is going to be doing an official 31 for 31 that we're going to be announcing next week. Also, we're going to be doing listener pastas on Side Stories. So we will love the... We'll open up the...

Start submitting them. Start submitting them. We will be doing that for Side Stories, and we will be following along the Halloween season, because it's spooky time, Eddie. Halloween, baby. Yeah, dude. You like it. Get ripped up, man. All right. Do your story. Do this one big story. Oh, my God. Okay. So I don't even know where to start on this. The suicide pod. Okay? There is a suicide pod, and somebody was arrested for ... Okay. So in Switzerland ...

They have a suicide pod that they've invented. Yeah. Because they have euthanasia there. Now, isn't the guise of the suicide pod is that you just go to sleep and don't wake up? Yes, pretty much. They basically remove the oxygen and put in nitrogen. Which is supposed to be the best way to go. It's a very peaceful way. It's a very peaceful way to go. Apparently, right before the last words you hear is, if you want to die, press this button. So you can...

You can choose to get out of it at the last second if you want to. So there is like- Oh, they give you a lot of stop signs. There is a lot of stop. They make it. But the thing is, even though euthanasia is legal in Switzerland, this is not an approved device. And a lot of people were arrested because a U.S. woman used the device this week to get a fatal dose of nitrogen gas. And a lot of people were arrested because of it.

I am one of those where obviously it's a controversial set of this controversial topic, but I am pro euthanasia. I mean, obviously Switzerland is too. I looked it up. I think you should be allowed to choose if you want to die or not. In 2023, 1,252 people died.

euthanasia in Switzerland. That's my question. That's a huge number. But what is the approved way? What's the approved... I mean, I think you gotta go through a doctor. And what, he just gives you a hot shot? I guess so. I guess they probably use the Kevorkian thing. See, it's kind of like, you know, I've heard tell about this. I wonder if, you know, sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com if I'm talking out of school, but I've had several people that have worked in various hospices say that a good one, if you're about to go...

We'll give you a shot right at the very, very end. They'll give you a shot. If you, if it's very obvious that you're in a lot of pain, kind of like, I don't know how you find them. I mean, that's murder, but no, no, unless you consider it ultimate care, but it's kind of like, how do you know if your massage place is a rub and dug without just pulling your dick out? Well, one of the things I, one of the things I learned about hospice is that they basically just like stop giving you any care that will prolong your life.

Well, I've also heard that they will, again, you got to slip them, Mickey. Right? If you slip them something. I don't know if it's a straight up money tip. This might be entirely wrong, but as far as I've heard, every once in a while, they'll go like, we'll give them an extra shot. Let me just give grandma one more push. I know no one offered anything to my father.

Maybe it's because... And I'm not blaming your father, but he wasn't being mean in there, was he? I mean, I'm sure he wasn't wonderful. See, I feel like it comes down to it. What I've learned... Who's delightful as they die? I think in this... Oscar Wilde. Oh, yeah. Either those drapes go or I do. Yeah. He was very funny when he died. That was funny. But I think that...

A smile goes a long way. Yes. And I feel like that's the main lesson here. Is that if you do want to get murdered by your nurse at the very, very end, be nice. Yeah. You know what honestly really helps? Peanut butter stuffed pretzels. Yeah. And candy. I've heard that a lot too from flight attendants. No money.

Do you know that they got the almond? I tried to hip Natalie to this because I know she loves her peanut butter pretzels and we're worried about her. But I found some almond butter pretzels at Trader Joe's I was trying to get her on. So hopefully we can change all this. I'm not getting between her and her peanut butter filled pretzels. Yeah, well, I've heard you bring it up several times. I'm just saying. You're worried about it. Well, I just know it's low-grade peanut butter inside the pretzels. It's bad peanut butter in there. But she takes very good care of herself. So that's the one thing she does. She's allowed it.

Yes, I know. I know. That's what I do. That's what I say. But I sent the good pretzels to her and I got no response. Wow. Yeah. Calling you out, Natalie Jean, of someplace underneath. But yeah, so the suicide pod is a real thing. Maybe one day it will be used, but it's just, I didn't realize that assisted suicide is such a big thing in Switzerland. Oh yeah, they're very liberal. John Luke Goddard did it. Yeah.

Whoa! Yeah, in Switzerland. The director. You know, he did it in 2022. I just wish that I could choose so I could do like, okay, you can do the nitrogen chamber, which is peaceful, but then like noose.

You know what I mean? Like, we're going to take out a local orphanage, use my body, attach me to the charges. Yeah, but you know, no one wants to clean up. That's the thing. But if it's all already in there, it gets all, you know, then you do it with the bulldozers. All right. You know, this is a very dark hour. How would you like to do it?

Be dead? Yeah. Oh, heroin overdose. Heroin overdose? Yeah, of course. Really? Yeah, if I was going to go, if I was going to try to be not here anymore in that way, yeah, I'd do it the fun way. Yeah? Yeah.

Really? The old school way. Oh, yeah. H, man. Look out, Joe! We're coming home! The old times are good times. I already had the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the song I was going to die to. Look out, Joe? Yeah, look out, Joe. Well, it's not too late.

I'll remember. Thank you. How would you go? I'd get shot in the space, but that's expensive. That's extremely expensive. Heroin's way cheaper than that. I was reading about how they're trying to figure out... You know that the ISS, the International Space Station, has planned destruction ahead of it next year? Yeah. It's supposed to be destroyed?

Oh, really? ISS? What they're supposed to do to it. There's apparently this option. Hopefully get those people back first. Then we'll find out. But apparently what they're doing is they're just going to run it into the planet Earth. They're essentially just going to put it into the atmosphere so it burns up and then collapses into the South Asia Ocean, quote unquote. If they can somehow control that, I don't know. No. But the other thing they're trying to say is instead...

Attaching new rockets to it. So what I'm finding out about the ISS is that it's... Parts of it are dead. Like, parts keep dying and they just slap shit on the sides of it to live in and stuff. And so what they're... Apparently another way to do it is to put...

to push it up and put it into another part because they view, I guess, they view space in depths like the ocean. So if they push it up another 600 miles, it goes into this other area where there's no debris for 100 years. So this idea of like this one scientist is like, then it can be used as a museum so people can go and see once they're traveling through space. And you're like, I don't think we're there yet, buddy. Yeah. I think we're having issues.

With escalators. I honestly think most escalators I've seen in the last month are out. Why are they all breaking? I don't know. Maybe there was a shelf life when they put them all in. I don't know. That's what they say about the palm trees. Yeah, the palm trees are going out. All right. So how I would go out is I'd paint myself like a dance floor, and I'd lay down, and I'd get stomped on in a corn mosh pit. Kinky. Yes. Okay, gross. Gross.

Single the worst way to die I've heard yet. Maybe I'll dress like a giant rag doll and then they'll think I'm a rag doll. Well, I wouldn't make any noise. Hammabel. Yes. That would be you. You had another big story. I do want to get deeper into this other story too. This fucking judge story. I mean, it's still developing, by the way. So a sheriff in a small town

He shot the judge. Now, again, this is not a three-dog night song. This is a real story. It is. I feel like, again, because of the way that the crime was committed, who did it? Yeah. This shit is. We are just scratching the very surface of whatever the fuck is going on.

What's going on in our small towns? Whitesburg, Kentucky. Very tiny Appalachian town. Struggled Friday to cope with the shooting involving two of its most prominent citizens. This is from the AP. A judge who was gunned down in the courthouse. Now, he was in his office. Yeah, he was in his office. Yeah, in his chambers. And the sheriff of the town went in. Awful.

Off duty, right? Hey, at least we weren't paying for it. Yeah, he went in. Trench coat?

Fucking blew away the judge. He walked up to the secretary, apparently said, me and the judge must talk alone. This was Letcher County Sheriff Sean Mickey Steins. And then he walked into the room. They were old buddies. They've known each other forever. District Judge Kevin Mullins. So they had known each other for a really long time. They had been working together on several long-term projects together. He walks in in a trench coat. You see the CCTV footage. It looks like a fucking...

movie still where he's got a big hat on and he's got the trench coat. He goes in, there's a bit of a, apparently a bit of a loud conversation is heard inside of the room, several gunshots. And then he just walks out and lets himself get arrested with no incident. Yes. Lots of weird things around this story. And we don't know who's involved with who there was a, another, um, deputy of the sheriff who was recently locked up for having, uh,

Unconsensual sex with someone who was on probation and had an ankle monitor on. Yes. So this was, this was, yeah, started with corruption. So the deputy worked under Sheriff Steins. So they had this, this whole, I guess he pleaded guilty to it, this deputy. And apparently he was having sex with a woman in the judge's chambers in order. Yeah. I guess it was like that whole thing to be like, you get to, because I did not know that. That not only you get the ankle bracelet, but they charge you for it.

Oh, they charge you for everything. Yeah, I did not know that, which is like, yeah, that does make sense. So he was going to waive all the fees if you just gave him the deputy tax, right? Which she did, and then he went to jail for it. But...

It seems like the sheriff was getting deposed for further lawsuits attached to this very story. Yeah. That somehow also involves this judge, because it seems like all of this shit was happening inside of his office. And everybody in this small town knows the guy. Loves the judge, loves the sheriff. And he doesn't even seem to be, because at first you're like, oh, what kind of backwoods shit is this? But it's like...

like they did a good job fighting the Oxycontin problems of the area. Apparently the two of them were very invested in trying to like reach out to people. Apparently the sheriff himself would like pay for people to do rehab. Like they were like this kind of like

strangely forward-thinking pair for their area. I mean, I'm certain a lot of stuff's going to come out. Sidestories, LPOTL, thegmail.com. I was reading about it on Reddit. You know Reddit is... That's where I learn all the stuff about the aliens. Yes. So remember that. I do remember that. And there are some...

Allegations about the judge going around on Reddit. Gations from all nations, man. I don't even think I should even repeat them because they're crazy. Yeah, there's a- If you want to go- It's rumors. It's rumors. It's straight up rumors. Yeah, okay. So what was the main rumor? The main rumor is that the judge was sleeping with the sheriff's 18-year-old daughter and he found out about it and killed him.

That's an old-fashioned... That's the main rumor. Sounds like an old-fashioned Appalachian reason to shoot a judge. Yeah, no, and that's the big rumor. And also, a lot of people are saying that the judge is a known poonhound. Hey, ain't nothing wrong with being a healthy man. Oh, well, I think there might be. Except for that one. Well, the thing is that you say known poonhound, and he looks more like a poonbeagle.

I don't mean to victim-blame. You know the reason why we can make fun of him is because he's a judge? Yeah. I feel like that way we can make fun of him. Because he definitely, he's got pussy-eating eyebrows. Because he's got the groucho, like, how am I doing here? How am I doing here? Eyebrows so big that they get pussy juice in them when you eat a woman up. Yes. Thank you, Eddie. Yes, no problem. But I feel like that almost is like a compliment. Yes. But we'll find out what's going on. Obviously- This story's crazy. The man, the sheriff-

wanted to be captured. Yeah. He wanted to kill him where he worked. It's definitely premeditated. Oh, it is. There's no question about it. He showed up with a trench coat covering a fucking rifle. This is first degree murder. Oh, very much so. This was a plan. This was not, he was obviously in, I'm going to say that this was a crime of great rage. Yes. They had lunch together. Before noon. And then at 2.43 is when he killed him. Something.

happened at lunch. Yeah. But there was a lot of people at that lunch. What if he found out that the guy went, like, vegan? He's like, what? Like, he went to go sit down and be like, pork chops as usual, Judge. Judge Mullins. And he's just like, no, I'll have the vegan pork chop. I'm looking at my triglycerides. And he's going like, you goddamn race traitor. Ha ha.

I don't know. I don't know what happened at the restaurant. I don't know if he did one of those things. Maybe he left a 5% tip. Yeah. And then other people were saying that maybe he was sleeping with her, with the daughter before she was 18. But we have no idea. That's just made up right now. We're in made up world. Did you know that the age of consent in Kentucky is 16? No, but these guys did. That is fucking horrifying. These guys definitely did. I literally Googled it. And as I was Googling, I was like, I'm going to prison.

Listen, no, don't worry about it. The last thing I want to Google is age of consent in any state that I go to on a regular basis. 16 ain't even bad, buddy. What are you talking about? There's worse ones than 16 in America? Oh, yeah. Why is it all the places that don't want abortion are letting 16-year-olds fuck? Because, Eddie, it's a way to keep women...

trapped in these situations with men that don't basically get to control them making them little baby factories as early as possible, making sure that they don't get full educations, making sure that they are entirely within the patriarchal system that is an evangelical religion.

Oh, yeah. They got this thing called Romeo and Juliet laws. But the lowest age, all right, is still generally 16. Good work. 16. Good work, guys. 16, yeah. Good work. Okay, yeah. That's what it is. Georgia had the 14. Georgia was 14 for a long time. That was back in the day. Yeah. In 1995. In 2001, Hawaii raised its age of consent from 14 to 16. Oh, man. God. God, that must have been a long afternoon in court. Yeah. Because then you find out.

Oh, Delaware. Were they worst at it? Delaware's age of consent in 1880 was the age of seven. Wow. Oh, God. Things are different, hey. First date. Things are good. Hey, that's not bad. That's not bad. We're better now. That's very bad. No, I'm saying now it shows that we've grown. We have gotten better, but obviously it's still a complete fucking nightmare. Yes. Because today we had to like...

sift through so many stories about sexual assault. We really did. It was just like, what the fuck? We're not even bringing up some of the crazy shit that's happening in France. Honestly, the France story, I just honestly, because it just gets to a point of like, what is our role in this story? That's like one of those. We're like, what do we do when we talk about this story? Death by hammer. That's the only thing you can give that man.

Oh yeah, the horrible story. We're not getting into it at all. Go look it up if you want to. The first time I read about it, I fucking cried. Gisele Pelico. It's horrifying. It's the fucking worst thing I've ever heard of. It's a literal nightmare. No, shit's kind of wobbly out there, buddy. Everyone loves a good deal, right? Yep.

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Do you want to hear the, here we go. We have a, at a Dollar Tree in Indiana. Oh, this is a good story. This is a clean story. Somebody, no, it's not. Someone was peeing in all the candles at the dollar store. And then a nine-year-old girl opened a candle to smell it and spilled piss all over herself. And then they're like, would you like a shirt?

Hey, she got a shirt out of it. The Dollar Tree offered her a shirt. That's more than how many times a man has masturbated to me in the subways in New York City and the mayor never brought me anything. Two times, right? Yeah. But yeah, so the Dollar Tree was saying that this guy, he's been regularly peeing in all the candles. The Dollar Tree said, we're the Dollar Tree. What do you want from us? Yeah, South Bend, Indiana, which is the home of Notre Dame.

And so someone's been peeing in the candles. You know who's doing it? One of them Irish. Because you know what happens when the Irish get a bit of the Guinness in them. Yeah, they turn from the fine Irish to the pissing Irish. Everything looks like a toilet.

But they said it's a small place to pee. They have cameras all over the store, apparently. But they don't have cameras down this aisle. And they've been requesting them. And corporate's like, nah, don't worry about it. Yeah, maybe that's what it sounds like. It's an inside job. I think we've now covered four inside jobs today. Move the candles.

I guess, but it's also like, I just find it strange of all of the things you can piss inside of why the candles. It's probably because that's where there was no cameras. Yeah, but they have no idea who's doing it. And it's been happening for a while. I'm calling inside job. By the way, just want to throw it out there.

Fuck dollar stores. Wow. I hate all dollar stores. I feel like this is going to create a classist war. It's not a classist war. They're fucking taking advantage of people who are underpaid. They do. I do agree. They give you bad products. They sell inferior products. Yes, they do. And they give you misprinted things. They do stuff like that. No, it is extremely bad. They change the sizes of things. Yes. So you're actually paying...

less at Whole Foods than you are at the Dollar Tree because of the sizes of stuff. Yes. And it's like they're driving out grocery stores from small communities. Because of the optics of a dollar store versus a grocery store, people believe that the deals are going to be at the dollar store. Yeah. And when they go there, they're getting shit that they have to do that breaks or is not very good and then it falls apart and they end up spending money repurchasing it. That's right. Or you have to- It's extremely expensive to be poor. Or you have to drive for two hours just to get a fucking bell pepper. Yeah.

That's the whole food desert thing. Yeah, it's crazy. And it's all created by the Dollar Tree and Dollar General. They're all fucking, they're keeping our poor, poor and keeping them fat because they're only serving them canned goods and shit. And they're replacing grocery stores and communities and it's a fucking nightmare. No, this is the real tragedy. Dollar stores need to fucking go. Yes. And that's what these piss-covered candles taught me. Yeah.

That would say something. And then I actually, I now actually kind of wonder if the man that pissed in the candles is, I'm saying man, of course. Yes. I'd be very impressed. I honestly wouldn't even be that upset if it was a woman. I mean, do what you got to do. But honestly, you're allowed. After Ruth Bader Ginsburg, you're allowed. Yes. She's dead. But I feel like the man that's pissing in these candles might almost, in a way, be an activist. Oh, interesting. Showing us...

Our errors and our ways and how we need to go closer to God, closer to his light, his love, his embrace. I also heard I'm not even supposed to be using scented candles because it's fucking making me sick. But I love my scented candles. What do you mean they make you sick? I heard there's like poison in them. And we're breathing in all this shitty poison from scented candles that we shouldn't be breathing in. I feel like we're in amber territory. I don't know whether or not this is full...

real or not. I don't know if candles are poisoning us. I like candles. Oh, I love my candles. That's what makes me sad about it. I specifically bought the candles. Let us know, because if you know about that, please let us know. Please let us know. This is extremely cable news style fear. This is the most cable news fear I've heard from you. I have a lot of candles in my house. I can't believe how afraid of candles Eddie is now. Scented candles can be bad for you in some ways, but the risks may depend on how you use them. Yeah, man, don't huff them.

Yeah. You don't smoke them. Yeah. Yeah. So it can produce smooth. They're too expensive now anyway. It depends, Eddie. Because some are handmade. Some are high quality, like nice candles. I know. I tried to buy one for Julie recently and it says $70 on the bottom of it. And I was like, you ain't getting shit, baby. Wow. So she's not good enough for a $7 candle. $70. That's all I heard. Yeah, that's right. But sometimes what else do you buy? What do you buy for your mother-in-law?

If you don't have a $70 candle, what in the living fuck do I buy for a woman that cannot necessarily know me? She could know me if she wanted to know me. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm a hall of mirrors to her. Yeah. She only sees what I allow her to see, but also she sees in because she's a mother. She's a little boy inside of me.

I started buying my aunt weed lotion. She loves it. She's not a weed person, but you give them the lotion. For some reason, they look at it differently. My mom's coated in CBD cream now. Yeah. That's the best. Slick to the touch. Then we got this one. Let me do one more story. I love stories. I want to see. Let me see which one of these stories. Okay. This is okay. I'm just bringing it. This is not a super serious story, but the discussion itself is. Now, this man-

A gentleman in Iowa. He was accused of exposing himself and then taking off from a come-and-go gas station. He was accused of masturbating at come-and-go. And we know for a fact that that should be legal due to the name of the establishment. Yeah, they put it on the sign. Yes, but this man... That's what he did. This gentleman...

He said that, no, as a matter of fact, I was not masturbating. Thank you very much. I was just scratching his genitals. Now, the police, they say that eventually he showed up at Kelly's home. He went to his house after people said he was people received nine. The cops received nine one one call from customers at a come and go.

The man, he made sexual comments to them and then began to touch himself appropriately. Right now. Okay. I think it's the comments really kind of illustrated what he was, his actions were right. I also think that the reason this is a story is because no one knew that there was in fact,

A gas station called Come and Go, spelled K-U-M. They just didn't know, and now they heard this story, and they're like, oh, wonderful. And then we're like, that's why we're covering the story. Yes. This man, Kenneth Lee Kelly. Now, they went, and after they apparently- Keller. Kenneth Lee Kelly. That's the one I have here. Okay, okay, okay. The police, they finally showed up at his house, I guess, after they located him. They figured out who he was from the footage from the gas station. He had a hat on that was an identical match.

So the one worn. He had some priors. Obviously, he was driving without a license along with possession of narcotics. Again, he did his time. He's innocent.

And he says it's a giant misunderstanding. Yeah. Crazy Larry David-esque. And if you look at him, you could see the foibles. He definitely looks like a guy that is living with his wife in Studio City and just enjoying the foibles of being the former creative Seinfeld. He both looks like someone who would commit this crime and then someone who would be wrongly convicted for this crime at the same time. Yes. Whoa. Do you know that Amaranth, the Twitch streamer, sold, bought a fucking come and go thing?

She bought a gas station for $8 million? Wow. Wow, that's hot. That's fun. But so this is my discussion. Okay. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. This is for all of us. I'm shaped like an egg, right? Yeah. I'm fat. So when I walked down the street,

My pants naturally slide down. I actually had this recently. I was walking down the street and just so happened to be a fan of stupid, like, you know, almond family, like the mom that had like no bra on, but she was wearing sort of like, like kind of under rue style. And then she had three kids named Grayson and they were all drinking green tea or whatever. And they were coming down the street. And I, I,

Have an issue where I walk, but if I walk above a shuffle, yeah, my pants begin to fall down I've known you for 23 24 years. You know this about your pants fall down anytime you even get like happy You know this about me. Yeah, I'm walking down the street. I'm struggling with my pants I see this woman named like Gerber or whatever with her four identical toe-headed Aryan children. Yeah, and I

She pulls them. My pants start to fall down as I'm walking. Yes, as they do. As they do. I turn away. I watch her look at me. I'm turning away. And unfortunately, and I will do a little bit of an act out here. You can sort of hear it. But unfortunately, it sounds a lot like this. Like it's going...

Come on, buddy. Get and pull my pants back up, right? No, this is when I'm waiting to talk to you about something. Come on, buddy. All right. All right. Let's get that poopa back in there. And then I look, and this woman dares to give me a dirty look. Like I'm some kind of fucking pervert. Right? Like I'm the pervert. But they're looking at me, right?

So this is my question is, what living fuck am I supposed to do? Well, if your pants would have fell, you would have been a pervert. Right? You know. I'm fucking, I'm log jammed no matter what the fuck I do. I'm like Biden with Israel. All right. First of all, no penis, no foul.

By the way, if we don't see a penis... Do you believe that, though? Do you not believe that even if they see my penis lump, they won't be upset? It doesn't matter. You still got something over it. They didn't actually see your penis. But I just don't know whether or not the goon squad's going to come and roll me down the street with a baton. Also, no cum in you in the pants. I think that kind of helps you. If there's a bunch of cum in your pants...

I think you're fucked. But yeah, but like, how do you know it's common? I mean, honestly, honestly, Eddie, this is me being my own lawyer. How do you know if it's common on piss? And I think that piss should not be... I think you can tell the difference. Do you think that piss would be as bad? Yes, it's a different color.

No, pee's fine. So if I just... As long as you don't... So if I piss my pants in front of a family... Oh, but we've been down this road. Yes, yes, we have. We've been down this road. It is illegal. Yes, yes. All right, so definition of private parts. Yes, you can be charged with indecent exposure without exposing your penis, Eddie. What?!

As the legal definition typically includes exposing any private part in public, which include the buttocks, female breasts, or other areas depending on the jurisdiction as long... What do you mean, depending on the jurisdiction? What does it even mean? That means some places give more of a taint. So what, do they have to bring out a fucking ruler and decide how much pube counts as private part? You have to say, like, because to me, if you ain't seeing the stem...

It ain't dick. Yeah, no, you should see at least the shaft or the tip. I'm just saying, how do I protect myself from these families, from these litigious families? Well, maybe you just start wearing a hat that says, sometimes my pants fall down. I'm just going to shirt a sign on my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes my pants fall down. Sorry about your children. Sometimes my pants fall down. Sometimes my pants fall down. Do not help me lift my pants.

Do not help me lift my pants. The exposure has to be intentional. That is funny. But technically it is intentional because my pants are falling down. It's not intentional. If your pants are falling down, it's not intentional. You're right. I just need you with me, man. I'm with you. No, I'm saying when this happens. I'm sure I will be there. I might need you to...

Pretend to be a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I mean, I'd love to pretend to be a lawyer. Can you do that? Can you just give me a run real quick of like, all right, you're talking, this family has seen some of my tuft. They are gathering up and the father is like a very angry looking graphic designer with the braces. You know what I mean? Like that style, like braces and the thick glasses. Sir!

Sir, do not look at my friend. Do not look at my client. I mean... Do not look at him. His pants are down. It is not his fault. Don't yell at me. I have ADHD. Here is a written excuse from his doctor that he is abnormally shaped. Dude, you are pressuring me to read. I cannot read on pressure. That's right. Sir, I am going to have to ask you to read this or stop looking at my friend. Do not take his picture. I'm a victim. He is a victim. I'm a victim.

His mother drank when she was pregnant. Yeah, she did. Now look at him. Do you want

You want this? You want his plight? And who are you? I should have been dead when I was born. Who are you? He's deformed. You sick bastard. Look at my back. Look at who you're- Look at my body. Children, look who your father has become. Look. Picking on poor, deformed Henry Zebrowski. They put Colin Farrell's head in makeup on top of my body for HBO's The Page. You're going to indict yourself. Oh yeah, I forgot. I'm sorry. I can't. I forgot. I forgot. I'm going to bust the NDA. Okay.

Well, what a great act out. Yes, it was fun. Well, this is great. I'm going to get into some letters. Yeah, yeah. We did a lot of good stories today. Yeah, I think people will be upset about some stuff. Yeah, good. I mean, what else are we doing here? Are we doing comedy or not? Yeah, that's right. That's right, man. Oh, by the way, come and go is redundant because if you're going to come, some people will say, I'm going to go. Yes, but also it's like you come and go. To be honest, I just find it kind of rude. Yeah.

Do we want to talk about the Korean woman found in a suitcase covered in cement? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I love her. Yeah. Now, this took place in Gyeonggi, in Korea, South Korea. North Korea...

Apparently they do that for one of the Olympic sports in town. But what they did was a man who was in his 50s, he told local police he hit the woman with a blunt object. It was his girlfriend. Yeah. And then they found her 16 years after she was reported missing. Yeah. He had cemented her into a block onto one of the balconies of his apartment. He put her in a suitcase first. Yes. And then cemented her into his balcony. And this is how polite the people of South Korea are. Can you imagine being in a Los Angeles apartment? Yeah.

and being able to quietly or peacefully cement an entire balcony up. Well, cement is not a loud thing. No, but you don't think no one's going to know it's like...

I think it'll sound like normal maintenance. They're going to see you coming and bringing in piles and piles of concrete. Well, the reason this guy got away with it, it's just bags. Yeah. It's just bags. I guess so. The reason he got away with it for so long is because no one moved into the apartment and they were just using it for storage. Yes. They just let it go.

He's very lucky in a way. He got 16 years and then they arrested him and he admitted it. Yeah, of course. But it is wild. Like she is deep in the cement. That is, you're not getting your security deposit back. No. I don't care what anybody fucking, whatever you say, even with you as my lawyer. I don't think I could get this, the security deposit back for this. I just feel like there's such a polite, it's such a polite area that people would not like be like, Hey, what are you doing?

Like, hey, why are you making a sidewalk inside the apartment? You're going to be like, why are you doing that? Why are you building a tomb?

You know, like no one's saying anything. We're very busy. We're busy bodies in America. Yeah. So we ask all sorts of questions and we get all inside to everybody's fucking business. But apparently the concrete preserved her body and they were able to fingerprint her to find out who she was. That's incredible. Isn't that crazy? Do you think you could stop aging in a 40 year old man? And if we cover you with concrete? Do you think this is the new Korean skincare? I think that if we put concrete in your pants, they'll fall down a lot easier. And then I have more of an excuse.

His pants. They slip with the fishes. But yeah, it's very interesting. What also is like, it's sad because then it's one of those things where you got a big block of concrete in your apartment and the only thing it ends up being is a table for dirty clothes. Yeah.

That's the saddest thing of all. That and my Peloton. Oh my God. I bet that thing. That thing has got no mileage. Because Rob thought of buying it, but then Rob got another one. Yeah. And then I do need to get it off my hands. Yeah? I need to get it off my hands. I need to sell this Peloton. Sidestories, L-P-O-T-O, at gmail.com. If you want to buy Henry's Peloton. If you want to buy my Peloton. He'll autograph it. Wow, yeah. Yeah, he'll autograph it. Actually, this might actually help me. This might help me.

You know, yeah. How much do you want to sell it for? Half.

Half of what it originally cost. Without the autograph. With the autograph full price. No. Yes. No. Are you kidding me? You don't even have any offers yet. The autograph is worth nothing. Shut up. The autograph is worth a word. It's not worth anything. You are fired as my client. Have you ever seen my autograph on eBay? No. Does it exist? I want to say it's like $1.95. It was from Heroes Reborn. Really? Yeah. They're bringing Heroes back. Oh. I don't hear my phone yet ringing. No. Tim Kring. Why are you not ringing it yet?

Look up Henry Zebrowski. Look at Henry Zebrowski on eBay. Yeah, it's got somebody. See if it's on there still, because I've seen it before. Yeah. Oh, someone's selling our book, our autograph book on there. $60 for a print of you as the devil? No! Wait, no, that's not $60 for just the print. Yeah, signed. Signed. When did I sign? Is that your autograph? Can we see it? We'll see if this is real or not.

Yeah, that's you. Wow, they took that from the Raleigh Galaxy Con. Oh, yeah? Yep, I know exactly where that came from. Oh, nice. Yep. Wow. Wow, yeah. And the other one. And it seems like when you autograph the book, the book actually drops in price. It does. It does. Because you defaced it. Yes. Yeah, because the book is $24.99 without an autograph. That was a fan that just went and took those. But it's $11 with an autograph. Can someone just go buy these, please? I think you should just buy them to make it look like people want them. That's so sad. I could see $100. $100?

Oh, for Merlot. I did not sign that. That's Dana Snyder and me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that guy cheated. That guy fucking cheated. What do you mean he cheated? He fucking stole. They got those signed for free. Because I also remember those were all the ones I signed for free because no one was buying them. Oh. Well, I don't think anyone's buying them now either.

Zach Zabrowski? The 2024 Leaf Pro... Oh, is that Canadian football? Yeah. $10. $15 for Zach Zabrowski. Canadian football. What is this? Yeah, I know. What are we trying to do? A sole plumber there for sale for $12? I'm thoroughly insulted. Yeah. You did it to yourself. Let's go to some letters. Why? Just being bad at auditioning? No, I mean bringing it up. I would have never known. Yep.

Actually, I'm surprised at how expensive they were, but he does seem to be pricing himself out. Yeah. All right. I got some SobSit stories. Now, honestly, the reason why I talked about SobCitizens last week is that I'm obsessed with them. But I just really think that I don't know if I illustrated just really like how thick SobCitizens

of a nuisance they are to American society and about how more and more dangerous shit is coming out of the group. That's kind of why I'm obsessed with them. They are a stripe in the conspiracy flag of America, right? They are one of those major stripes, and they are extremely irresponsible, annoying, and truly potentially very dangerous. Okay.

So this is, I love shit like this. I just love, I fucking love sovereign citizens. I love their fucking, their fake worlds. I want to hear about it. There we go. I work at a city court in central New York. County is a few small cities, mostly rural besides that. And even if you don't read this on air, I thought you, Henry, might enjoy my experiences with sovereign citizens. Let me tell you, when you say they're a pain in the ass, understatement.

I work the window, so I get the pleasure of talking to these people. And as they are often repeat customers, I form semi-relationships with them. I've encountered many, maybe ten-ish. Let me tell you about two. Hylales are my favorite. One is a male, divorced, of course. We know, you said sovereign citizen. Yes, used to be a white-collar successful worker who fell on hard times and lost his mind.

Every parcel of mail he sent had the return address of the local post office, so we couldn't track him. Address from the, quote, royal house of his last name. Okay. His charges were forging checks to pay off taxes of multiple people within our city. Oh, that's nice in a way, but it doesn't work. Yeah. Not even his own. He stood nothing to gain but to be a pain in the ass. He's been silent for a bit. He still has active warrants for his felony charges for failure to appear.

Okay. The second is my favorite. It's a woman who only gets misdemeanor charges or traffic violations. Okay. Takes every single one to trial. Yes, exactly. Okay.

Comes to every court date. Files numerous nonsense motions saying the court and police owe her various sums of money for different acts. $50,000 for every 15 minutes he's in court or pulled over. Stuff like that. You hear that a lot. You hear stuff like, oh, if you want my ID, pay my $500 ID fee. They learn nonsense things that just make police angry with you. Yes. The lady's always super nice to me at the window.

then raises hell in court until she's escorted out, smiling on her way out. Complete menace. But it works.

She's such a pain in the ass and files so many motions, the DAs often dismiss her charges because they refuse to review or respond to them. She's only pled guilty to traffic tickets thus far, despite numerous arrests. One time she tried to name one of the judges as the executor of her estate with the IRS, seemingly so she could bankrupt him by attaching him to her finances. She's a bond villain. Wow. Yeah, like these guys are just, and they never fucking stop. And one of the big things I learned too is that

Our poor librarians are on the front lines with these guys. Free internet. Oh, yes. I work at a library and oversee a collection of old government records. Things like old state constitutions, that kind of thing. We regularly get sovereign citizens stopping by wanting to see our stuff. They're usually polite, and I've learned to get them what they're looking for and to not ask questions.

One night, I had a particularly strange individual come in and ask for the oldest state constitution we had. He introduced himself as my state representative and even handed me a card that said as such. He was clearly not, but it seemed better to play along. It's hard to describe him, but he was short...

and let's call it rotund with large dark glasses. And his mannerisms were so fucking weird. It's like he had never interacted with another human before. If he wasn't a sovereign citizen, I would have mistaken him for a man in black. Yes.

Anyway, I get in the info he wants, and without me asking, he launches into a long story about how post-Civil War, that America is no longer legitimate, and how him and his group had formed their own government that was the true, legitimate United States. Afterwards, I looked him up online, and it was true. He was my state representative for his own version of the U.S. government. They had elected officials in every state and even a president in their own make-believe government. He eventually stopped coming into the library, which I was thankful for. But,

But fast forward six months. I'm shopping with my wife at the grocery store and we run into him in the fruit section.

He gave me a nod like he was going to say something. But before he could interact, we grabbed our blueberries, got the hell out of there. I never saw him again. But y'all are right. These folks are out there, and I don't recommend interacting with one unless you are paid to do so. Yes. Oh, yes. And again, it just sounds silly. It's all silly, and it's all fun and games until they declare war on the local government and start killing people. I mean, there's only like 10 of them.

You'd be surprised. Yeah? I think that they're connected into... They're not healthy enough to fight. A little bit of what we talked about last week is that I think that there are shallow layers...

that lead to sort of sillier layers that lead to the actual bad, bad, bad shit that is all at the very, very bottom, which is the stuff like that where Elohim City came from or things like that, you know, the Montana Freeman were going to become a terrorist group. They were very, very close to being a terrorist group. And so I just think that that's kind of what we're seeing. I think it goes all the way up to the Project 2025. Yeah.

You know, it's like the same. It's just Project 2025 is the big scary version of it. Yeah. And sovereign citizens are the super silly version of it. You say about 300,000 people identify as sovereign citizens. Because probably just you look at the arrests. You're going to look at how many have been arrested. Yeah, they're not sending in their census forms. No, they are not, friend. But they tell you.

Because they live every day like I do. Live every day like a private citizen. Don't let people tell you what to do just because they've got some so-called badge attached to them with a gun and a hat and a cop car. Love the fact that you can tell any cop what to do because you can always say that one piece of advice, free advice, if you want to have a police engagement go well.

Tell them that you pay their salary. Yeah, they love it. That's the key. You pay their salary. That's number one. And two, laugh at them when they say you arrested and say, I'm not arrested. I don't consent to my arrest. And guess what? They just let you go. Yeah, they do. That's something no one tells you. No one tells you, but I have the guts. I have the guts to tell you, which is cops are a corporate entity.

Technically they don't exist. They're ones and zeros. They're NPCs. OCP, man. OCP, NBC, yeah, you know me. All right? And that's what you have to do. Just remember that. Just remember that. Next time you get arrested. And get arrested! Oh, please. That's the big thing, too, is get fucking arrested. It's the only way they know you're serious. Push it all the way to the very, very top so no one talks to you anymore.

But then all you have is us. Last podcast on the left. So you'll have all the time in the world to listen to us and subscribe to all the other incredible shows on LPN. Go check out Brighter Side. Page 7. Whiz Brew. No dogs in space, especially if you've got nowhere to go but home arrest. That's right. This is the perfect focus.

Go to patreon.com slash podcast on the left. Get a taste of the outside by watching us do things outside of your home. Also, Henry, I have to say you were very good on HGX2. Thank you. Thank you for coming by. Please watch the Amber one. Yes.

Please watch the replay on YouTube. It was so much fun. We had Cara Clank on from Who's the Bitch? Who's the Bitch, which will also be starting very, very soon. Yeah, September 30th. But yeah, it was unbelievable, man. I had such a good time. Go watch the replay. The next one is going to be live on Twitch October 3rd at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern. And then I believe we're doing another one on Halloween, but we're going to try and do that one a little earlier so I can go

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'll find out more about that. We'll figure that out. Yes, but that sounds incredible. Yeah. I can't wait.

Best new show on the network. That was so much fun. Good work. TikTok. LPN on the left. Instagram's on that too. Yes. The last podcast on the left.com. What I need you to do is that they've just released more tickets to our almost sold out show in New York. Oh, yes. So go and get some of those tickets. We've got a pile of tickets they've just released. So go buy those. Also, second thing I need you to do is go and buy tickets. Iceland. Oh, Iceland. Iceland, you need to buy tickets. Yes.

Yeah, I don't know what you guys are doing over there. They are waiting. They're very cool. They're very cold. You know, yes. Man, I wanted to go on a helicopter tour over a volcano, and then Julie told me no. I think that she's right. I want to do it. No more. I want to fly over a volcano in a helicopter. Helicopters are out. Lots of things. She went fucking hiked in the goddamn Yosemite on the side of mountains. I can't ride a helicopter. She's not on the show. I want to ride a helicopter. What?

If you want a helicopter in Iceland, hit me up. Sidestorieslpotlgmail.com. If you can help him. Yes. Hail say. Hail Octomom. She's a grandma now. Wow. Isn't that nice? Isn't that great? Did she also come out of her pussy? How big is her? How? God. Yeah. Is she just a tent? A baby. They probably sewed her up by now. If her kids are already having kids, baby's having babies. Yeah. Tell me about it. Yes. Well, goodbye. Bye.

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